Post-work dinners, ringing laughter and upbeat colleagues; this is not the kind of work place that you’d think of as toxic. In fact you’d be disappointed if some cold jerk were to tell you how they party in the Office without getting beached! Dreaming of working there! No way…there would be no excitement or joy for you.

But honestly it’s still way better than the ‘forced fun’ that’s on offer for some jobs. From yearly bash- where drunken seniors swagger around with pesky conversations and raucously push the shaky juniors to twirl a leg, to deadwood birthday celebrations around some sleazy old cake and canned juice, to a nerve-wracking night out of ‘mandatory fun’ where instead of bringing levity, you feel dumped. Your uncaring “Drop it. That doesn’t bother me. I would rather not get involved” unmindful attitude won’t be of  much help either. The mundane horrors are many!  

I’m not saying that all Office fun sucks. It’s just that most HRs wouldn’t know how not to put together some crappy, wasted ‘accidental drill’ that no one wants to go to.

Meant to be popular as an inspiration to beleaguered drop dead work mule, it loses steam the moment it’s the boss who gets to decide what and when to share. Should you begin to feel like you’re being punished, you can safely assume that it’s your employer’s prerogative! Yeah…it’s perfectly legal and there’s nothing terrible about it.

Think of it like this; you’re to take part in a team building trip to say, an amusement park or an overnight leisure retreat, for neither of which you have any heart and have decided to decline to go. Don’t expect to get those days off!  You’ll be looked upon to continue to show up at work. You may find that punishing but isn’t that pretty reasonable? You being asked to carry on with the work if you’ve decided to miss the ‘fun’. Totally normal I’d say; no one is going to let you an extra three days of vacation out of kindness of their heart. You won’t get to bail on that; fears rage others too might join the chorus. “Yeah, I’d rather be snowboarding in some slinky ski town or watching Paul Feig movies at home or hopping around Cafés and glitzy plazas”; many would count on baring their hearts out than pitch for some eerie partying.

Sometimes the ‘fun’ part isn’t quite so organized and stays messy all throughout. Gone are the days when annual bash was the only breather in the calendars. Today, you may find yourself climbing ropes or running a three legged race, all the time cursing and damning your ‘forced’ choice. Post work holiday partying, drinks, pepping up, work place mixers and retreats; in fact just about everything is a cinematic parody stuff now. You’re meant to behave like a kid rollicking away at a summer camp.

Of course vacations and days-off are a time for fun, but getting ‘in the spirit’ works differently for everyone. Beyond the general insensibility of such activities, the attempt to revitalize mutual ties often stalls, all because of failed respect for work-life boundaries!

Now that I think about it, isn’t it strange that person like Linda Yaccarino would pick up the wildest job in tech, aware that she was pitted against one of the toughest jobs and a dyspathetic employer ? Gutted workforce, dwindling advertising, Twitter was an utter chaos and on the edge of collapse with little to fence off copy cat alternatives. Guess…what she was contemplating was a ‘measured pushback’ to put an end to all the woes. But hard firing the people is cold with no explanation that would make sense. “I’m going to get fired for this.  I work at Twitter right now, but … is just better. Here’s to a new World”; every farewell would end on a teary note each time an employee was shown the doors. Twitter was acting like a product and not a service.

Disgruntled and ‘at odds’ employee is like buying a Rolls Royce stripped of half the bodywork with a lift kit put on it. My guess is, Twitters reaction to a pretty harmless esprit de corps was intense and at best unnecessary and unprofessional. Making work a little light, less serious and with even lesser ‘mandatory strings’ stirs up people enough to take a second look before turning away from work.

Still there is always a time when you simply want to finish work and go home. You have little or no interest to go for an offsite thing. There’ve been parties that you didn’t attend because of that reason only. You’d always find a graceful way to stay away from the ‘group picture’. But isn’t it also worth asking why you are so opposed to posing? Is it the cruel kindness of a jumpy jittery HR that you despise or have you lost interest in ‘old news’ and ‘organized chaos‘? Ask around…and nobody will have the answer.

What’s wrong anyways in being humorously contradictory at times?

Don’t get me wrong. It’s totally Ok if you’re happy at your workplace; you’d tend to work harder than those who are fed up with the grind. But ‘managed’ joy isn’t always a perfect hit. What’s important is not a beady-eyed push to mend loose ties; that’s at best noble but dismissive act. It puts people behind on work and denies what they really want. Besides forced fun is often seen as an attempt to stave off likability for better pay, better benefits, parental leave and better work/life balance or work flexibility. In fact, it only worsens everything, making burn-out levels rise fast while separating work from identities. What’s more influencing is that you’d rather finish work ASAP and head home to your actual life where it’s reassuring and satisfying and takes the edge-off uninterrupted.

It though is complicated in what it means to your HR now that he’s doing what he can to hold onto you before you run amok and decide to quit. He’s always busy trying balancing what he thinks is right for everyone. What then is the fix? …if only somehow it can be managed without actually being enforced.

Put your money where the mouth is

Small time ingenuity might just do the trick. Building actionable perceptions ranging from ‘smart’ library to virtual book clubs, movie clubs and ‘little freedoms‘ similar to slack channels for fandom, make for a good start. Without the pressure of a formal workplace event, affinity becomes intense and more flexible. Petty props like suggestion box or anonymous online questionnaire are the best way to sass out what people are really interested in and why they often feel nervous about voicing their concerns.  Sometimes gifts and vouchers work even better instead of a deliberate slinging physical soiree.

Of course small changes make a heap of difference but when wrapped up in work, nobody wants to leave the desk for a pickle ball match only to come back to a heapful of work load. Social events or fun activities after hours are equally restrictive and not many would attend. Even when everything is optional, it doesn’t feel great to miss out or to be singled out as one who never joins in.

On the contrary bated enthusiasm lets off the steam when the buzz happens within the Office hours. It’s a win-win for everybody; generally speaking you’d exploit and enjoy and stand in good stead while the HR would sigh in relief and be alive again looking for dips in productivity.

At the end of the day, I guess there is hardly anything wrong in seeing work as what you do for a living. It’s nice to get a pat on the back when the work is taxing and you deliver, but would you take ‘flattery’ over clean passable work conditions? Nah… nobody would. You’re worth more than some feeble voice in a karaoke duette.

So, if your company offers you random groovy pizza parties, free Friday beer over reasonable hours, flexible work and a sassy compensation…

I’d say you better look a little closer.