After acquiring Doctorate degree in International Affairs from Lucknow University (India) settled down for thirty three years of stint with a PSU Bank in senior supervisory role. Superannuated in Jan 2019 and since then been pursuing my passion of gathering,creating and sharing intense issues of common interest.
Why making a Life is more important than making a living!
Are you someone who absolutely loves heading to the Office every day? Or even if you don’t maybe you’re connected enough that you simply cannot resist showing up. You keep giving your all unceasingly; sometimes murdering yourself, all the time hoping that this turns out to be your best bet at acing everybody’s attention and getting taller professionally.
I guess, people who fit in this category are unwittingly married to their jobs and often are set out as ‘living to work’.
If you’re a Zoomer, you know what it’s like; the excitement of being resourceful, independent and liberal is overwhelming, way better than the dudes from Gen-X might have experienced. You’re the perfect portrayal of a deep seated personal connection to the work that you do for a fat pay-check. Perhaps you believe that success happens only to those who have an all–round desire and true commitment to work. You’re not unaware as well that this runs the risk of compromising health and quality of life outside work place.
Yet on the flip side, many choose to separate the idea of ‘doing what I love’ from “I’ll do what I must to make a living”. For them it like ‘discovering a long lost passion’; so foreign and yet entirely removed from reality where work is what you do and not who you are!
Speaking of which, do you take on more work than you must? Are you putting in more hours than you ought to? When is the time to quietly start doing less to the extent that it appears not quitting after all?
How bad is too much of a good thing?
Living to work for most of us is like crossing the fine line between being occupied and being eaten-up by work. Your work life balance is at risk when you let disproportionate amount of your time and energy spent on your career.
People, who live to work count heavily on work for thrills and kicks and shut out other sources of joy and happiness. What’s worse, addicted to the adrenaline that comes from solving a crisis or tying self-worth to work, these people would often find themselves on the fast track to burnout.
See…over engagement is never free of its perils. With time, distraught work-life balance takes its toll. Your ability to handle stress is impaired and your overall well being gets affected. And more often than not, you won’t be to see it because you’re moving so fast, completely absorbed in the reality that you’ve created — knowingly or not.
So what’s the point?
When you fail to find the ‘just right’ level of engagement, you live your life on one extreme or the other always struggling to find the right kind of work-life balance.
But the grass is not greener for those either who consider doing little less at work, re prioritize work versus life or refuse to take a bigger chew than the one’s mandated or must.
Hell yes of course!…When you work to live, you miss out on that rich sense of fulfillment that only a meaningful pursuit brings forth.
Did I miss something?
The 10 hour work day -like so many people I braced for 30 long years, -never ever for once went out of fashion. It stood firm then and it’s as stoic today except that nowadays it’s your call how to balance everything in the new age. The strings were as tight then as they are now.
Jinxed and marred with bad breaks, I spent an entire lifetime slogging to build a career and in the process woefully destroyed part of me. I kept judging whether it was of any worth at all, despite knowing all the while that in reality I couldn’t ‘undo’ or ‘reboot’ anything. I had no widget, no push button…none other than a blue sky above and some wishful thinking. I yearned for one. So many things I would’ve loved to rescript for a better tomorrow! Of course, there was always another tactical choice at hand; “Do it the new way. Thiscertainly was a flattering option and like everybody else my age, I was gullible. I fell for it and chose to use it.
The thought of shaping a better life and a taller me never felt fictional then.
I know I’ve never been great at work and I have struggled long enough trying to figure out why I wasn’t fine and famous at it. I would usually end up comparing myself to friends and rivals who have been fervently neck deep in work and have made some great careers and good living out of it.
It’s only after so many years of imperfections and wanting, I could discover that I was in fact truly happy, living my life doing what I wanted to do- endeavoring, indulging and battling! Sometimes winning at others loosing, yet never letting myself forget the battles that I survived.
I had chosen to work what I “could do” and not what I “wanted to do”.
If only I had known then what I know now, maybe I could have had both of them a lot sooner- ‘living a great life and making a living the way I love most’.
I would let the life happen!
Life is short and full of shifts and ebbs and flows. You just can’t exist to make a living. It’s more than about living decently… ordinarily! We all deserve more and entitled to a life full of joy and happiness.
And who said it’s too late to flatter yourself?
I know how important is to earn for a good living. But you can make a living and still make a life! It’s all about perspective; about whom you love most; you as a person or as a pen pusher. With pliable mindset and a bit of allowance for wise adjustments you could let the real troubleshooter in you make life deep and smiling.
Of course, ‘working to live ‘or ‘living to work’ aren’t the only choices available. It’s absolutely possible to put the two shoes together and yet walk on sunshine. Breaking away from either of the two could though actually help you find a breezy life-work balance in a hurry.
Seriously, sometimes taking a few steps back — or a few steps forward — breaks the barrier standing between you and the life you have painted for yourself!
True to its name ‘The small plate’ seemed quite literally tucked away with a signage that was so easy to miss behind a thicket of trees in my residential neighborhood. Truly foolish of me but I had grown a silly fondness for this charming tuck away café. At a stone’s throwaway distance, this quaint little bistro offered a mini range of sandwiches and loads of savory delights adorned the shelves to partner the evening chai.
But like any typical teenybopper, I was all eyes only for that delicious spicy potato stir fry roast, sizzling hot scrumptious samosas and delightful warm pesto chili cheese oozing of a racy and peppery sweetness. Some yummy great tasting that was! Cooling off the after-zing with a scoop of a hazelnut ice cream or a sip of a freshly made warm brew of cappuccino…well! Who could ever think up of anything to outdo this crunch of an evening straight out of an ASMR video? No! I certainly wouldn’t have missed that for anything.
Geez! That place was my Xanadu; one exotic luxury I‘d set my heart on.
Twenty years later I dearly miss my post-card perfect moments of rainy afternoons and sultry evenings, hanging around and spending most of the time straddling my favorite creaky four legged wooden barstool in the café; that tingling aftertaste of chili cheese, the warm balmy smell of crumbly croissants straight out of wood fired oven, the gushing flavors of hot heavenly samosas dripping of mint tamarind chutney, the tantalizing smell of turmeric sourdough toast with a generous dollop of butter and the towering glass of hot chocolate all whipped up thick with pure Belgian chocolate; every memory is a torment!
It’s so hard to forget those bang-up times!
But then like everything else, there is always a good time to ditch frizzles and fries and move on to healthy yummy snacks, especially when craving for munchies hits mid day or when you think you’ve run out of choices to side with your evening cuppa chai!
Like everybody else, the moment clock strikes 5 in the evening my gut starts groaning and makes grumpy noises. Despite knowing the ill effects of fried snacks, I am tempted and fantasize of warm fried rice and chili potato platter; far from what anybody would wish for health goals. But unlike what you may think, I always choose to suffer. A heavy sigh and all thoughts of a finger licking luxury of sumptuous brownies or that self-destroying flash fried crackling high food are set aside.
Yet, I do not put the shutter down on my evening snacks and still enjoy them with a hot cup of tea!
So, if not the fried cutlets or chili potatoes, then, what’s there for me to eat?
Well, here’re five healthy low cal yummy snacks, laden with a number of nutrients and health benefits that like me you can add to your ‘eve-nosh’ without worrying about upsetting your waist line.
Luscious, mouth-watering! Dig in and you’ll thank me for the heads up.
Sautéed Sprouts, Corn and Peas Chaat
A rainbow bowl filled with fresh chopped veggies and paired with sautéed sprouts, corn and peas seasoned with that funky, salty, spicy sour blend of chaat masala, invites you to an umami like intensity, inexplicable depth and complexity. Adding overnight soaked chickpeas gives the dish a heavily nutritious punch! Throw in the veggies you love most; chopped cucumber, tomatoes, onions, olives and jalapeño, just about anything from your crisper is all you need to transform this catchy bite into a perfect tea time snack.
The heart of this delight though, I must say lies with the otherworldly blend of spices. Mysterious and forceful, it may smell somewhat alarmingly like rotten eggs to some, but the effect it has on your bowl or even a sandwich, a piece of fruit, a salad dressing and a million other things, is simply divine.
Fire-toasted masala Papadam
Simply super tasty and super quick, this is one guilt free anytime snack that would leave your mouth zinging with aft-flavors. Made with pulses and flour, the low cal Papad is high in fiber and protein and works similar to a probiotic, promoting growth of good bacteria and improving digestion by whipping up digestive juices and enzymes which are essential for metabolism.
Finely chopped veggies like tomatoes and onions adorning it, have high water content and carry Vitamin C, Vitamin K, folate, potassium. Antioxidant properties of tomatoes reduces the risk of cancer and several heart diseases. Onions help control blood sugar levels, boost up bone density and have antibacterial properties.
Seasonings like asafetida, cinnamon, black pepper and allspice are a great help in abdominal pain, bloating, gastric problems and digestion and reduces chances of stomach infections.
If you’re the one with a bent for a bit of wet and wintry weather, well…then let’s say cravings for fried food is bound to torment you every so often. And if you could ride out the elements wouldn’t you love to nosh on hot samosas or flaming fritters?
Often looked-upon as one of the best-loved snacks to side a cup of hot tea, this baked delight on the other side, is a perfect lip smacking body bloom choice when gently pattering rains have sneaked in or when a foggy dank wintery evening finds you in a sullen mood.
Baked kachori is guilt free healthy twist to otherwise gettable deep fried bites that beckon so invitingly. Beans, peas, lentils, nuts, seeds and whole grains; just about every one of them bring the right fiber-rich luxuriance to your platter to help you win over your belly fat quickly.
Made with whole wheat flour and stuffed with coarsely grinded skinless black gram lentil and spices like chili, coriander, fennel and much more, baked kachori is unmistakably a super delectable combination of both health and taste.
Pair it up with your dip and savor the difference!
If you think healthy food can’t be tasty then this crispy beetroot kebab will change your mind. Crunchy, smoky and made with kidney beans and beets pairing velvety yellow mustard dip, beetroot kebabs are meant to leave you strung out. A perfect appetizer and powerhouse of energy, these kebabs are a definite showstopper at the tea table! Brimming with antioxidants, kebabs hardly have any calories and not only they look gorgeously inviting; they super quick to make! Some food processor action, a bit of stop top roasting and you’ve served yourself a veggie fare that’s loaded with spicy, tangy and savory flavors!
Put together with a creamy yellow-brown silk smooth mustard dip and there’s just no better match!
Puffed Rice Bhel
Tangy and spice, this yum low calorie snack is a super addictive phenomena of papadis, puffed rice, sev, onions, potatoes, raw mango and chutneys packing a mélange of unparallel flavors and textures.
Typically made with dry cereal, fresh chopped vegetables, lemon juice and peanuts; simple but sensational chutneys beef up the zing of this mouthwatering crunchy ‘beach snack’ that would also happen to bring a wholesome evening delight straight to your table. More often you’ll find bhel puri with two chutneys-a sweet tamarind one and spicy green chutney. But actually it’s the red pungent garlic paste that reconstructs the whole pot-pourri to an irresistible medley of flavors!
You could build on an extra crunch to this light snack by adding some roasted walnuts or sesame seeds!
Seriously… be it a racy morning or a lazy tea and crumpets evening, don’t we all just love a cup of chai as aft-brew for that instant gratification? Chai is not just a beverage; it’s an emotion that sets everything right away. Pair it with one of the most loved lip smacking healthy light crunchy snack and you’re spoilt for options.
And…you don’t wreak havoc on your wellness, if you know how to stick to a healthy and clean eating.
Now that you’ve learned a bit of everything…go ahead; flatter yourself!
Ever since Tom Peters lured his way into the workspace of millions of career workers and professionals by reimagining the way ‘personal branding’ works; business speaks, love to hate pep talks at lunch breaks and crazy hashtags swarming the inter-web; all have buckled to ‘personal image’ as something to be reckoned with. It’s no longer about the lettering or labeling alone; it’s our own sense of worth that has come to matter. ‘The Brand Called you in 1997’, ‘The Start-Up of You’; why else would bookshelves today brandish neatly stacked up advices on how to maximize your personal branding, become an influencer and above all stand tall in the crowd? However, they need not perplex you if you are mindful enough of gulf between an advice and a warning …
So…are you really your own self at work? Have you been good at balancing your different Worlds? Are you the one for whom there is always a sharp divide between work and home lives? …and interestingly, don’t you want to keep it that way knowing well that you’d never ever be free of hiatuses?
It’ Ok to be yourself. Each one of us is way different in how we cope with our experiences. Some of us manage well and grow; others struggle and often sink. But either way there are moments of downside in between for all of us and it’s not impossible to become too risk-averse about the same time. It’s as difficult to hide a part of you and hesitate to rub shoulders freely. Because doing so would mean masking a part of you all the time and …that can be gross and very tiring. Cloak yourself at work, and you prevent others to reach out to you fully!
My understanding of this ball game is rather plain sailing; it’s a simple confection of three infamous anomies- frequent gut wrenching feeling of being overworked, underpaid and usually underrated! And, if you couldn’t belt-tighten forever, it sure is a tough call for you to constantly climb uphill.
This is when, I guess you fall prey to the harsh side of plutocracy and obviously won’t do well at achieving high value ‘ends’. And when that happens…
Nothing beats that creepy cold dislike for everything around you and awful urge to bite the hand that feedsyou; especially when you know that you’ve been good at work and yourself all the time. The ambush doesn’t stop here! You get tired and sick of being asked to do extra tasks outside your normal position because you’re eyed as the ‘expert’ or ‘best’ but have little or no heart for it?
Seriously….it’s time to put an end to this everyday insanity and do something to feel highly valued than taken advantage of. Nothing earth shattering of course! But if you wish to try your hand at something worthwhile to bring in a positive change in your life, check out with these three life altering choices. Heaven knows, you might ease your way into the castle without being loud or messy and without being hung out to dry!
The habit of acceptance unclogs
If you are a stickler to rules with a bent to fight the things you can’t change, then I guess you’re to blame for all your sorrows that keep hurting you all the time. It’s simple…the more time you spend trying to change uncontrollable situations in your life, the more you get scammed by anger and stress and you’re never future ready.
It sucks! but this is how it works. Stay trussed up with a fiery mix of emotions, everything anywhere would feel schmuck. Nothing would seem to happen quick and easy.
All screwed up? Not to worry…there’s always a way to fit-in! Just remind yourself that the world never backs off whenever things go south for you. And at the end of the day, it’s your share of scares that brings you cold feet!
Yet, I think it’s Ok to be mindful …you taking all the responsibility for everything happening around you. Awesome!… you might be an instant hit in a population minority. Still, if you feel gutted and dismay tugs at your heart, then in all probability you’ve missed out one final chapter in your work book; acceptance.
Rancid and unsavory sometimes, one good thing about it is that it really changes your life. And one bad thing is its works differently for each one of us. But one thing about it is conclusive. If you could figure out how to weigh-in your choices, it would get you one step closer to being warm and alive again!
Simply learn to unlearn the habit of non-acceptance. Stop identifying with the things you aren’t accepting. Stay close to reality. It would bail you out of most uncertainties. Your willingness to experience things as they are, instead of insisting that they be as you want them to be, is what will bring the change. And knowing that “everything is or can be temporary” would help in becoming special.
No need to die a thousand deaths
Sometimes when you’re wading through tough times, you get so distracted and lost that you can’t see straight. Emotions overwhelm and perspectives cloud. You get vulnerable all the more when the fight between ‘old school style brass’ and your attempts at building ‘personal branding’ turns intense. It hurts…literally everybody!
This is when you need to step back and look deeper at your situation subtly from outside; somewhat more like a “a fly on the wall” or “a lone passerby on the street“. You will get the much needed objectivity to overcome your negative thoughts. A long list of problems might have left you jittery, but few moments of emotional distancing will make you feel better and outshine the crowd in the right way at the right time.
Just be willing to let go of all that once was!
Genuine connections are comforting
No matter what we’re doing, we always feel better when we do it with others. Our brains are wired like that. Social bonding is irrefutably the most crucial shot in the arm for determining our happiness. It helps in taking care of ourselves and builds trust.
In work life, it happens rather differently. The din, the outcry, the backlash just about everything becomes a natural barrier to trusting each other. It simply wouldn’t let you connect with others.
When that happens it becomes difficult to forge a meaningful association with a person who is in fact someone different than the personality you’re seeing? And to rake up some trust over that? Well! that’s some raw asking!
Incredibly! …legit or otherwise, bosses and managers think differently and are cold eyed about how to lead and manage without being vulnerable or revealing their more authentic self. Maybe this is what Robert Reich’s ‘harsh form of capitalism’ is all about.
All the same, if you feel trapped, vilified and find yourself struggling with too many things at the same time, you might be injuring yourself thinking ill all the time. Bail yourself out by creating your own brand; one that is truly personal. Of course you’re in charge of how much you reveal, but let people around you have enough of a glimpse to let them truly connect, understand and engage with the real you. Surely we grow by building for scale and not by aggregating it to someone else’s advantage.
Honestly, it’s your turn now to bone up your take on a struggle that in fact is not real.
Consider everything else non-negotiable when it comes to taking care of yourself.
Are you someone who feels like having denied enough fun? That for some reason you never have had a happier more fulfilling successful life? Even a boat load of playfulness wouldn’t help to shake off a pretty boring life and you’re always looking for fun outside of you!
If that’s you, then in all probability fun is like the exact opposite of work to you; the party is no longer living within you and you couldn’t have fun anywhere.
Simply put you’re not a fun person anymore!
Fun isn’t frivolous but it can actually help you to be not only happier but more successful at work as well. In short it isn’t just a pleasant distraction from the serious business of living. In an uncertain world where stress rides piggy back all the time, holding on to a sense of playfulness can be hard.
Keeping on top of all serious responsibilities of adulthood and still hoping to make room for fun moments in life?…well, not everyone has the “fun mindset” or the ability to negotiate conflict, build empathy and let off a crazy LOL. With no fun around to motivate, you might never outlive a poker faced person! But if you could manage it the Einstein way… I mean learn faster, work furiously and be successful like never before, may be you could manage few more moments of it.
And yet, we think having fun isn’t an option and let years of not having it reinforce this belief.
So, if you’re wondering where to begin and how to become a fun person to bring out all the mirth and gaiety that has lived inside you holed up, but hasn’t seen the light of the day for a while, here’re a few tips to beat the blues off.
I begin my day by remembering what I’m grateful for
Being thankful and appreciative is perhaps the easiest way to change tracks from despair and hopelessness to cheerfulness and some great expectations. Each morning I set aside a few wakeful moments to feel obligated for all the goodness that has happened to me. It reminds me of all that is exciting in life and encourages me to build on them.
Believe me, it’s a phenomenal way to start the day!
Instead of scrolling on Insta or surfing the net mindlessly while having my morning cup of tea, I pull out my old crinky journal and write down 10 good things that have happened to me and make me feel thankful for; being precise or detailed…it doesn’t matter.
It works as a reminder of what happy times I’ve experienced. Everything else fades into background. Best…I keep a spitting image of this note at the back of my mind throughout the day.
And trust me, it works!…it helps to relieve stress. It helps to forget the struggles that I lost. But it also helps to relive the ones that I won!
Being easy with fun is exciting!
How many times have you felt like you life has run out of control? Despair and gloom overshadows everything else.
Mastering it though is what would let you back in control of yourself and make the most of every opportunity!
But …how to go about it?
I think we all are open to making changes in our lives if that could make us happier and more successful. A few of us follow the humor route though. The easiest way to have more of it … I think is not to try to be funny but look for good moments to laugh.
Laughter comes at a price but has more a benefit unto itself. The more open you are to laughter the more attractive you’ll be both to other people and to yourself.
Sometimes saying “yes” works- best!
You may have heard of this … it could make a fun magnet out of you and turn you into a charming, fanciful and amusing person. All it amounts to is greeting new ideas with enthusiasm and building a few of your own.
You don’t need to be a slapstick jester to be good at this. Instead begin by choosing not to shoot down other people’s ideas but to build on them and make them feel inclusive.
Being adaptive and open would mean you’ve become less of a wet blanket.
Nothing betters loving yourself
If you want to a happier fun filled life, don’t chase anything- not even happiness. It doesn’t come nearly as easily to those either who constantly pursue it!
There is another more simple easier way to unlock true happiness…
Making time each day to do things just for you, has an euphoric effect on the way you feel about yourself and the world happening around you. Morning or night…doing things dear to you will make you more relaxed and will leave you with something to look forward to. These things don’t have to be over the top or grand or glorious; anything as simple as taking half an hour each morning to read your favorite story book or going for a stroll or a short nimble walk…can you think of anything to better this shot at self care!
Allowing yourself to experience your best emotions-whatever they may be-is your best bet to enhance your happiness.
Gestures speak better than badass words!
You do know how a dog when it wants to play raises its butt, prances around and wags its tail. No words uttered and yet it lets you know what it wants!
I think we should all master the human equivalent of this amazing canine act. A brief eye contact, a wry smile or perhaps an unintentional comment never intended to strike a conversation, might lit the spark. Not much I’d say when it comes to sending out play signals but even a sarcasm sometimes works. “Nice weather here!” even when you’re experiencing one of the worst snowstorm in recent times, might just be the right shot to make a hit.
See… finding a way to look up from your phone and making a point, howsoever irrelevant, is surely a wonderful way to invite perky conversations –and finally more fun in your life! Even if you’re shy, introverted or a person with more on serious side, discovering the secret to having more fun is never any less exciting!
Nobody is perfect at this and life’s not always rainbows and ice creams for everybody, but whatever we choose to think and how we decide to view them…the stories we tell ourselves; just about everything becomes a part of our longing to build up a more joyous and happier life.
And it’s never been about just sitting back and letting life happen to you…
Julian Danielly of Aladan Corp. never over rated the bourses swings or market pulse. The upbeat outlook later was to make him emerge as a global leader in latex gloves and durex manufacturing.
And it didn’t happen accidentally.
One in a million lucky breaks!
Well…the only piece of luck, if you may call it, happened when he got fired by his previous employer Ansell Corp in August 1986! He had a harrowing time finding buyers for the ugly duckling of items coming out of his own stable in early years of struggle but eventually could strike a good deal with Aussies who wanted to enter the U.S. market in a hurry.
Does this mean that luck smiled or hurt him by chance alone? Has it got nothing to do with his choices or efforts? If luck is that real in deciding our everyday fate, what about the truth that everything fell his way more out of grind than luck happening as an accident?
Speaking of it, don’t we incorrectly use the word luck to avoid taking responsibilities for our choices? We consider ourselves lucky; if we are born healthy and able bodied; if we have a perfect weather on our day off; if a stranger buys us a coffee and compliments with a “have a nice day.”; if we put a dime in a slot machine and win a jackpot bonus; all such things happening truly benefit us and yet are completely out of our control.
On the contrary, what we consider bad luck is what harms us by chance. We feel unlucky, when we get a flat on our way to work; when our flight gets cancelled and we sit for six long hours at airport hoping to get a seat in the next one, worse still may be at the back of the plane next to a hollering baby. In fact, the upshot of completely out-of-control event makes us feel unlucky, dejected and perhaps angry!
What when it comes to money?
If Randy Schutt’s- a long-time progressive activist and researcher- unforgiving illustration of unequal luck is to be believed then when it comes to money, fate does matter quite a bit!. The idea that hard work is all that’s needed for health, wealth and happiness, is all a blind caper! “The Chancy Islands: A Land of Equally Capable People But With Unequal Luck” explains just how much of dumb luck, bit of a chance and slice of encouraging circumstances can play monkey in ‘who becomes wealthy and who stays poor’!
Beaten down by the everyday dismal science of bread and butter, most of us consider ourselves lucky if we could manage enough to get by; very lucky if we’re doing well and extremely lucky if we‘re super rich.
But to ride the circumstances and become wealthy!…well, that’s usually not true. Some people amass huge wealth even in face of random shocks of accidents, disasters and windfall fortunes. Others continue to wallow into shortages and sleep rough without having done anything to deserve deprivation.
Tax the wealthy in popular ways and hope for eliminating long term equality! Well…economic mobility does help those born in the bottom fifth of the wellness ladder to sweat their way up; but rebalancing the chances with choices is a lost dream for most people.
It’s quirky and gets corrupted each time we try to rejig it!
Feeling lucky? Start counting your blessings
Ever wondered why so many gamblers risk a loss knowing well the odds of a win are against them? Is the belief that dice is ‘hot’ in a winning streak good enough for them to keep going? Why do we all expect heads on a coin toss next, after several flips have turned up tails each time? Is luck got something to do with it or is it simply a fickled mind’s illusion?
For most of us luck still matters-profoundly! As entertaining and informative as it is, our belief in it and the decrepit mindset of winning or losing an opportunity, never fails to sell us a million dollar bet on luck, each time we get the chance to ace it. Somebody’s struck with catastrophic illness, another’s winning a jackpot; without a healthy dose of good luck, nothing meets success. We all know that but prefer to believe that we are more in control of our lives than we actually are.
That doesn’t mean that we give up or stop trying in the hope that luck would influence the random events that come our way; good or bad, one way or another! There‘s a lot we can do to ensure that only the good one keeps flowing your way.
Everything is impossible until it isn’t!
For years altogether, I have taught myself to listen to the very first half awake thoughts in the morning. It’s amazing! I always end up with list of things that I am grateful today. I am alive; I am happy and there’s plenty of comforting things around me. People love me, mates respect me and friends admire me….so many good things are happening around me and there is so much to do in life.
Then there’s of course a list of bad things that could have happened but didn’t. For that I thank my…good luck for buying me yet another safe day.
Trust nobody but yourself; nothing would better your day than to start it by getting on the ‘field of life’ and every time taking a swingfor the fences. I begin mine by giving it my best to stay alive and improve.
I believe, fortune never fails those who choose to give it their all.
Bad luck is real and so are bad choices!
I’m so often struck by the way people talk of luckin everyday gossip as something that only hurts or benefits by chance; nobody talks much of choices. The truth is that most of us keep lying to ourselves by blaming luck for our misfortunes. And we do this frequently in situations or around people who would remind us of truth about ourselves without restraint.
So, to keep the good fortunes flowing your way; try hanging out with this naked truth; ‘Luck doesn’t get us to bourses- making money and thrive is a choice that nobody would ever let go’.
Life is full of randomness and is not obliged to give you what you expect. Pulling up each day and buckling down, to get more tailwinds than headwinds will make you covet your choices more than surreal luck.
When you want to spot a lie, listen for the word luck and when you get that, ask yourself; “Isn’t this only about avoiding taking responsibilities?”
Clichés aside, once you’ve braced yourself enough to own the truth and wouldn’t pause for luck; you surely will get your chance at change.
Besides it’s never any good to bet on some crapshooter illusion!
Life is chaotic and sometimes awful things happen out of blue. And when that occurs, it feels like we’ve been thrown for a loop. Pushing to edge, it infects all our waking hours with endless worries and mellows our happiness.
Yet, instinctively we keep driving through, often surviving on adrenaline. We over schedule ourselves; we drink umpteen cups of coffee; we respond to one more e-mail; we stay amped all day believing that we’ll eventually be able to set things straight and done. And in the way, we let ourselves burn recklessly.
It’s rude and shocking…for all that burning doesn’t do any good. Except that it overwhelms us and drowns all our happiness amidst the entire struggle. Misplaced trust, broken promises, blatant lies; just about everything stokes our sufferings.
In this frantic world, happiness is like a friend you rarely have the chance to catch up with. But finding a moment of reassurance is never impossible. You may presume that you can find happiness when you’re finally completely free of troubles; but that’s not how it works.
In fact it runs the other way around and isn’t as challenging as it seems.
Terrible things do happen to each one us at some point in life. When you are caught in the thick of things-whether it’s about a snappy senior or a brassy relative who don’t believe in boundaries or yet another viral video of a violent racist incident– you’re left stranded with mounting fears and have no clue how to handle it. Worse, rather than hoping for a better end, you come up with a snappy retort and a quick fix to quell your unease.
But would an irrational assumption and aggression be of any good? Like climate change wouldn’t that mean hurtling down a worm hole of offensive ends and no-win arguments?
So, if you feel you have no space for peace left with you, are terribly hurt or perhaps angry and looking for a smarter way-a calmer way to bring to you greater attention and ingenuity without shedding one bit of happiness…these three simple ways might just let you find your Zen in a world that seems anything but peaceful.
Forgiveness is good
Feeling hurt, even angry is a forgivable response when you are wronged or treated unfairly. But holding on to slights doesn’t help in reclaiming happiness. They take up so much of your emotional energy and push your emotional wellness to the wall.
Forgiveness on the other hand, isn’t something that helps the person alone you forgive. It does even more for you in the end. Of course, it’s a long demanding emotion and goes beyond a simple, “I forgive you”. Worse, sans compassion, it misses acceptance and would leave you mired in self blame and regret.
Regretting and trying to clean up the wrong on the other hand, is one good amend to begin with. Over the time, real good changes will happen to your behavior and I’m sure you won’t have to lie to your worrisome waking hours any more.
Find time for yourself
I find loneliness a mere normal state of mind that builds around relationships but desperately yens for sociability when abandoned.
While spending just the right amount of time with yourself is good for your emotional well being, excess of solitude can badly hurt your happiness over the time. Let it turn intense and it will become all consuming and wreck your everyday life. Your creative side will erode; you won’t be able to re-evaluate your boundaries and above all you wouldn’t be able to connect with your needs.
When something terrible happens and stress overwhelms, we speculate about what wrong we’ve done to cause bad luck. “I must have been wrong in standing up to myself. I created this mess for someone else and now it has double backed to me.” It’s natural for you to think and regress then.
Correct this distortion if that’s what is hurting you. Don’t wait to use your supports. They might help you see the problem differently, but deserting your nemesis and rebooting your mind to do away with ill thoughts is your personal need.
Catch them young and you could reclaim your happiness even while busy in your daily grind.
Get back to nature
Don’t we all head back to the trees (or the seas) when stress goes for a spin and begin to take its toll? Doesn’t the feel of the breeze, the smell of the grass, the sound of water running, feel at home in the outdoors?
Setting better boundaries starts here!…
Getting back to nature is one step to ease your emotional distress. It’s amazing how you could find great friends in elements around you whenever disquiet turns exhausting. As extravagant or as simple as you want it to be, there is no need for a footslog far away to some mountain top. Start with few smaller hauls and as you get closer and closer to nature, you’ll find you’re rid of your excessive worries and your innate self is back in gear. You’re no longer bedeviled! Trust me, your best bet to escape from 100 or 1000 worries lies right beyond your garden fence.
And don’t forget to leave your phone at home. A constant stream of notifications and e-mails or the urge to refresh your social media frequently can quickly chip away at your newly found zing!
Most meltdowns, I think are rarely catastrophic. They are fixable and never meant to be a 24/7 experience. Yet being constantly surrounded by them feels more like being hunted in a savanna by some wild animal where your stress response is all spooked up to save your life. Your attention is mobilized and riveted, your muscles are strained for a quick sprint and your immune system is racy enough to get you quickly out of danger.
This edginess though is usually short lived. In fact you’re stressed in real sense only for five minutes….more like before you die! But even in those few anxious moments it burns into your body, slams your emotional well being and crashes your decision making. It is then that you get tightly wound up and are more likely to react harshly than to respond with reason.
No matter what you choose to purge your guilt or how you decide to go about it, repossessing happiness never happens overnight. It’s only your patience that would make all the difference between a beaten sod and a wishful Pollyanna.
Next whenever you hit a bad trip and are clueless about how to cope with it, find a ray of hope in my playbook; without pre judging anything try your hand for once… something might just work right for you!
Warren Buffett certainly knows a thing a two about wealth management but his best one is straight out of pure common sense and is a polite reminder to always stay in your lane.
‘Success depends largely on knowing your strengths and weaknesses’.
But what happens when your anger begins to showcase your negative side? What then is there to make you truly happy?
Often we spend our entire lives looking for things that bring us happiness. While what brings joy to one person might be different from what brings happiness to another, there are few basic things that we all need to be happy. Amongst them, anger like regret and worries is an influencing emotion and the only key to our happiness in some way.
Look…we all do certain things to survive and a few more to be happy. But we do know that there is no shortcut in between. Sometimes it’s the good positive habit of accepting others unconditionally that does someone’s heart good. At others it’s the emotions involved in taking care of ourselves that lit the spark of joy somewhere in our lives. Incredibly, loving the things we do is what makes for some genuine happiness.
Imagine what would happen if in your sullenness you do things that are not natural of you, only to distract you from everyday challenges? What if you never have had any heart for any of them and yet slog on? Binge-watching, eating mindlessly, going on buying spree even though you don’t truly need things, would only worsen your mood. Pushing ahead without truly enjoying anything would make you feel roasted and bad tempered. And like it or not your dense behavior would flame out your pie-in-the-sky thoughts, if any, in a flash.
One way to get out of this rut truly, is to seize the day and live in the moment. Doing so helps to elude the most nightmarish of emotions; regret anger and worry; the three brassy devils that are at the dead center of our lives and determine our happiness. But is it enough… to stop focusing much on regrets and anger about the past or worries about the future? Is this all we need to build a truly happy peaceful life?
See…our brains are hardwired to live in the past and future at the same time. You just can’t learn your present without living in the past and you can’t plan your tomorrow without living in the future.
Frayed tempers, we all know could tear apart a relationship if go unchecked for long. Minus one little bit of humility and your affinity would go for a toss; everything gets ruined for good! Above all you’re stricken with cold feet, never ready for a difficult task ahead and would remonstrate easily.
Does this mean the end of everything shining bright? Is there a way to make sure that fears of failure never reach you? If only there could be a way to ignore the sob stories surrounding expectations!
The upsides of defensive pessimism are heartening and might just be the right game plan for you to follow. Dismayed! Don’t be… it earns you a chance at managing your future events and lets you ride out the obstacles. I won’t say it’s epic but it allows you to set for yourself reasonably low expectations of success and encourages not going overboard over any potential failure.
Believe me; it doesn’t get any better than this. You’d overcome your fears and obstacles more calmly even if you’re unsure of everything and not feeling good about it. It’s easy to deceive and sell to ourselves that we have full control over our happiness. But bluffing always ends at cross purposes.
Adversity, stress, unfairness, everything shapes how we feel. To believe that you can think yourself better simply by focusing on positive emotions, is at the very least naïve.
Here’s how to stay hopeful and give your best even when you’re uneasy, disquieted and feeling prickly;
Stick to the things that you’re good at, not what’s cool
Remember Alex cross in 2001 thriller ‘Along Came a Spider’!…
“You do what you are. You’re born with a gift. If not that, then you get good at something along the way. And what you’re good at, you don’t take for granted”.
Many of us waste a lot of time chasing pipe dreams to learn few new things that we think are cool and reckon worthy of learning. It could be anything; from a programming language to new framework or even some difficult topic in deep learning. But before that!…everyone of us want to be good at things we’re passionate about. Not many of us, of course even know what exactly that is.
Trying to figure out it out is hard enough on its own. And it gets even trickier when you’re banging your head on a wall to make sense of what being good at something is all about.
For a start, think of Alex Cross whenever you’re in a cranky mood and feeling miserable. You might be helping yourself to figure out your strengths and what you’re naturally good at. Yet even when in one of your most peevish moods, don’t ever think of chasing waterfalls.
You’re already the greatest of what you could be.
Do what you love, not what you like
Knowing your strengths, doing exactly what you’re good at and putting all your heart into it, rewards you with all the fun and happiness you desire- otherwise what’s the point of getting rid of that ratty mood? What Tim Cook meant when he said “Do what you love, and put your whole heart into it, and then just have fun” isn’t hard to guess.
I had spent a lot of time thinking over how to evolve a pursuit that I love most when my work and career means something that I can’t help but keep going. The thoughts often left me grumpy and fuming. Deep down I knew that somehow I needed to optimize my life… but how? Wasn’t that something that I always want to do in the first place?
And then I decided to do more of the things I loved and less of the things I liked. It felt cleaner, fulfilling and helped me get in better shape.
So, before you decide to shock yourself to shake off that low mood, take a deep breath and tell yourself that this is a question that everyone asks themselves at some point in their lives. Everyone wants to be good at things they’re passionate about. It’s just as you must cut back on things you like, to make room for what you love, you should also cut back on the your shoulds.
Still all fret and fumes trying to figure out if this is the answer to what you want to do for the rest of your life?
As I said, figuring out what it is that you’re good at, is a great place to begin with!
In an ideal World, Roe vs Wade would endure, people would unite and stand up to fight Covid and Law makers everywhere would have acted long ago to prevent gun tragedies!
But rather than wishing, shouldn’t we be prepared for a change first?
Guns get all the blame for mass killing every time it happens. An intense life–and-death debate rages for a while and then dies down. Memories and moods remain surreal and short lived. And it’s not long before everybody finds recluse in more earthy issues and moves on. Scores of 4th graders, grocery shoppers and church goers killed in mindless homicides, continue to get reduced to framed memories.
Meanwhile, the Apex court everywhere conveniently locks horns with law makers over contentious gun reforms and abortion bills and none of the arguments coming out of them makes any sense. Political, constitutional or safety of public interests, everything just pales into some super sad pointless ghost story that has no takers.
See…the buzz is so deafening that nobody took notice when the new strain of corona virus crept in quietly!
I use common sense when deciding who should lead and govern and be responsible for my safety and well being. I am also reminded and not forgotten the Boston bombings, mass killings of 9/11, 26/11 and 15/9 (London’sParson Green metro bombings). And yet I don’t see any reason for anyone owning an assault rifle or a rapid fire weapon. Background checks or pesky formalities for owning a weapon, make life seem so cheap by selling cheap. The only argument in defense…every non-felon ought to be armed against the menace!
If you buy this, owning a fire arm for you, is not only logical but prudent. But to me, it’s more like living in flood plains and buying flood insurance.
So, should you be doing it? Only if you uphold that every one of us has descended from slime and there is no eternal consequence for anything atrocious that is done. But once you buy the idea- ‘that your personal arsenal is your best bet against an unknown threat’ no amount of tragedy can persuade you to ditch it. It’s intoxicating, it’s horrendous…it’s ghastly! Not even the slaughter of innocent children and teachers or unsuspecting shoppers or tired workers returning home could persuade you to forget this abhorrent solution.
Then there’s something more to this…
Even if you find gun massacres like the one at Robb elementary school, Uvalde Texas that left 19 children and 2 adults dead, atrociously horrifying, I bet you’d still prefer to see everything distantly; dispassionate and unconnected from the entire tragedy. You have kept your guns safe and secure, possibly under lock and key and consider yourself a responsible gun owner. So, some lunatic did the killings. Right…? It’s a shame that the pain and loss never reaches you.
If you carry this logic, all you’d do is offer moments of silence and prayers but resist reforms. The same asinine perception makes you a different person; one who counters bad guys with guns and believes that more good guys are needed with more guns!
If you ask me it’s more like reliving an old-school Western fantasy again- ‘gunmen square off and the ranger always kills the desperado’.
Of course yes! Gun laws everywhere do need changes, but would that mean arming even the teachers and school going kids? I’m sure you wouldn’t want them to. Besides it’s not what a teacher signs up for! Personally, I can’t imagine of an elementary school teacher hopping around with a gun in the classroom, all trigger happy to ward off a threat.
Every life is as dear as it could ever be. And we need to do something to show that. Ricocheting from one tragedy to another is not normal. What are needed are stringent gun reforms with proven track of reduced violence and fire arm homicides. There were armed guards at both the Buffalo and Uvalde massacres, yet the slaying didn’t fell short. Protests and incensed emotions won’t do much except rip apart the existing gun laws.
Till necessary amendments begin to rebuild trust, everything shall remain where it is. It’s a sad inconvenience but loss of lives will be around us for some more time to come.
Whatever…the solution is not more guns! Critics inevitably may have some more to argue over mental health, but till the arbitrage strikes balance….
Innocents will continue being slaughtered!
Every life is valuable
Every thought that weighs abortions with gun homicides is narrow at best. The decision whether or not to go ahead with abortion is deeply personal and sometimes a difficult choice to make. Carnage on the other hand is barbaric, inhumane and shameless violation of ‘right to live’. Any argument that it’s the people that kill people and not the guns is a pathetic replay of one of the worst dissenting woes; that restriction on lawful possession of a firearm will endanger lives of those who don’t possess one. Excuses like this are frustrating only and wouldn’t do anything to deter the absurdly easy availability of a weapon.
Meanwhile, empaths are rattled by another tormenting downslide in abortion rights. Unable to stall the insane gun culture, the pro-gun activists-especially in America, want guns to proliferate and wouldn’t wish for anything else to change till feticide laws are considered and done with!... ridiculously evil, inappropriate and more like side stepping the issue.
This insanity however has few takers. Fair enough! If the law makers are truly concerned about saving lives, why a gun shopper couldn’t be held to same standards as meant for those contemplating abortion? If everything about MTP is put right, would that mean declining trends in gun violence? Is that the only answer to deterring another kill like 16 Dec 2014 Peshawar attack that left 132 kids dead or 58 Las Vegas concert-goers from dying at the hands of a gunman? Why nobody demands to protect the lives we all seek to save?
And as we wait;
#More than 500 people continue to die every day. This adds up to 1.4 million firearm related deaths globally every year!
#About 2000 people get wounded by gunshots everyday and about 2 million are living with fire arm injuries around the globe.
#8 million small arms and 15 billion rounds of ammo find shelves with arms dealers each year.
#An estimated 40-50 million abortions happen around the world every year; roughly 125000 each day.
#Around 73 million induced abortions take place worldwide each year.
Yet everybody just loves to hang around… the political werewolves quietly mull over electoral incentives that would affect policy choices on issues of national interest. And people continue to get killed for nothing every day.
It’s a strange messy world out there and the happiest people aren’t the ones who have faced fewer difficulties in life, but those who have learned to enjoy the moment they live in.
Life sucks whenever it gets stuck with adversity. Spiteful, smarting… just everything about it makes you feel hapless and jinxed.
When you‘re anxious about something or your mind is busy browsing past events, it’s easy to relive your fears, worries and every negative thought you had, over and over in your mind. Next, it’s not long before they start shaping your reality.
That’s awful! But you could still stop your brain from looking back; from horror stories to toxic relationships to those grumpy days, it rehashes every bad sore that still make you resentful, angry and disappointed even though it may have happened long time back!
Bad experiences and worries never let go easy.
There are plenty of DIY columns and scores of self-help books claiming to have found the key to an everlasting happiness. I’ve been through a few of them and yet couldn’t convince myself. Even Mo Gadwat’s Solve for Happy: Engineer Your Path to Joy and Adjust the Code That Runs Your Brain seem like just two more to add to the stack. Not much of a relief here. Stories of burn outs and the great resignation paranoia still continue to rage prime time screen. Not far behind are a cheeky few that sizzle as screamers in unprincipled journals. The din as usual is raucous and always in vain.
Happiness, I think lies somewhere in between the events of life and our expectations of how it should respond. This is fairly obvious. If we expect much more from life than the reality, heartaches and regrets happen and nothing thereafter would let us be happy.
Look…unlike our everyday coffee spills and parking tickets, we constantly see the rose tinted version of everybody’s ‘best life’. We prefer to ignore the half eaten bitter part of it. And it’s when our brain begins to bump off. More receptive to negative emotions, it begins to discard anything and everything ‘good’.
Does this mean we should pare down our expectations? Isn’t this opposite of what we normally get to hear for self-empowerment?
Much like AI, sometimes our brain also gets afflicted with spams and bugs and trojans. And when that happens, everything sucks! From dismay to chagrin, every life changing decision leads to a narrow downward spiral. Nothing seems to reflect reality. Every dreadful thought would only worsen your fears over what future may bring.
Fortunately, this is not without a caveat. We aren’t meant to doom despite our brain’s natural disposition to upsetting events. The wretched part though is that in the middle of this you couldn’t hit the snooze.
So, is there a way to combat this bias? What if we could somehow reprogram our brain to scan only for good things in life, parse the possibilities before moving ahead and at the end of it- eventually be happier?
If lately your brain’s been busy accumulating suspicions and worries, flagging them a big red “This Is Important!!” it’s time for a cool 30 sec. ‘beard stroking’.
Maybe you too could patch up your brain and go breezy!
Slow things down
When you’re feeling frazzled, stressed or distracted, taking a conscious approach to your thinking helps. Tip!… spend a moment to calm your mind, take few deep breaths to fill your lungs with fresh air and let go of every thought that troubles you. Let life happen of its own. Don’t drag yourself into it.
Give yourself 10 secs and you’ll be ready for a positive reboot in no time!
Good things matter
One simple way to retailor your brain to respond to positive patterns only, is to look towards worthwhile things happening around you. Rake up a list of most appealing ones and muse ‘what caused them to happen’? You would carry the day every time you discover something positive. And every small win each day will reward you with a choice to empower and motivate yourself.
Small favors create circle of joy
When we are nice to others or somehow make others feel good, we get goosebump moments of happiness. Every small act that makes people smile, brings joy to us too. All it needs is a moment of favor; buy someone a cup of coffee, help a stranger, walk an old person across the street or even feed a stray animal; every act of generosity will get you a little rush at happiness. Your usual pattern of worrying and fretting will be lost in flashes of mirth and joy.
Your present shapes your tomorrow
No tomorrow, no next week …It’s right this moment! It’s not hard to exercise. It’s only about practicing mindfulness. Not a big deal if you’d recognize your emotions. Put in a dry run, if you’re not convinced enough. Switch your thoughts to positive ones for a change and let everything around you happen without judging them. Once this gets under your skin, good things begin to happen.
Now that you have tamed your subconscious you won’t let it drive your decisions. You have taught your brain to sense, when it’s slipping and when it should defrag for a more balanced and positive outlook.
The skeptic in me though, never fails to line up sweet accusations as alibi to screen my often offensive behavior. “If it worked even for one of them why wouldn’t it for me? Why not give it a try?”
Not that, it’s impossible to get success when you have resigned yourself to wickedness in you. But tagging mistrust and uncertainty to your life is always a bad idea. Simply put, it influences your life and would worsen your decision making.
IMHO!… get into the habit of continually checking with yourself and consciously steer your thoughts clear of negativity; it’s not long before it will become your second skin.
And it’s important to remember that it can happen. Better still, you can do it.
Maybe…someday you’ll live a moment when it won’t feel like every day is a Monday!
Serious and extremely driven, it’s hard to argue with how good these ‘half goat-half fish’ Capricorns are at heart.
Here’s all the brutal truth and secrets about loving the hardest zodiac sign.
Only if you are born between December 22 and January 20, you’d agree that people of this theatrical zodiac sign, are usually spoiled for choices and love to scoff at astrology. They are generally so deeply rooted in this deafening world that they wouldn’t understand one damn thing about the mystique surrounding the stars.
What amuses me all the more is people’s ability to label you as a zodiac sign, which probably you’re not. I’ve so often been tagged as a Virgo, Taurus, and Leo etc. If you should know my true sign is Capricorn and I don’t believe any of those signs are any far from one another or completely different.
I‘ve come up with an alternate theory though. Call me a zodiac skeptic but the goat in me sometimes feels so misrepresented, and maligned that she’s no fun to be living with! Who wouldn’t like to zero in on parts that resonate most and conveniently ignore the rest?
It’s kinda groping around for some comfort. What am I? Who I want to be and who I’m afraid I might be. Aren’t you frequently mistaken simply because people read into you as “who they want you to be”.
No wonder countless people flaunt their sign as a point of pride, but never forget to evade the stereotypical geeks like Patrick Bateman from American Psycho, unless they are really into some freak who’s boring, enraging, workaholic. Worse even Jeff Bezos – a Capricorn couldn’t manage to get rid of this sick cosmic joke. Somehow the entire world seems to be on the anti Cap and the tale that follows, is all too powerful to be snubbed easily.
When I was young and first learned about zodiac signs, I felt it was all creepy and uncomfortable. I had begun to have my doubts.
Like everybody’s my family too had several birth dates. My dad was born in the sixth sign of zodiac Virgo which meant balance everywhere; social justice, friendships, family; industrious, everything felt so gentle, unflustered and above the board! You couldn’t have witnessed a more distinctive person; high energy, authoritative and sometimes incredibly entertaining! He had a commanding presence that you’d either love or hate; nowhere in between.
Growing up in the shadow of someone like him made me wish our signs could somehow switch. Yet I knew I wouldn’t fit in if miraculously that were to happen somehow. I was shy, uncomfortable in social situations and felt awkward for most of the time. I cared too much about other’s opinions. My dad’s confidence to “not care” what others’ thought could do little to pull me up. I couldn’t help fear everybody’s judgment. I couldn’t get myself being involved and upright. I could never thrive at being the center of attention the way he did.
I was introverted, sensitive and feeble for the shock and awe that went with it. I loved roosting in my shell and was Ok for not being the live wire that my dad was in every situation. I preferred to stay intimate to myself and a small group of people that I knew closely.
It’s funny how we perceive things and are so myopic on just a few parts of people around us. We get fixated on part of the statement and miss the rest of the paragraph so conveniently.
Nobody could ever imagine that the shy, awkward geeky person that I was, could transform into someone who would dwarf everything else in a way so contrary to a Capricornian. Maybe I was underestimated; misunderstood rather, but I loved it. I was probably picking up on the prized bling of this zodiac sign by now. Alternating between silly, sweet, and serious, I was now natural allies to finer flings of life.
This meant that if I could get to be anything close to what a firebrand my dad was then his zodiac sign was entirely wrong. Maybe the stars had taken a day off, the year he was born. He was a Virgo born with a million ideas per second and a clean freak in its truest form.
Sure I was peevish and insecure on many issues. For a diehard introvert that I was, stars did count and conspired against me in the astrological world. Yet I loved to be the top bill, like everybody else. I longed to be admired and would feel gutted if I couldn’t get to steal the show. Plus , God knows…how much I would have loved to wow the people around me.
It’s only now that I could imagine well why I couldn’t stand tall in that 96 sheet space; I was probably falsely selling myself short. “Darn!” why it took me so long to realize that no story gets any better without an interesting villain?
I am still not sure if there is enough to say that there is a strong possibility that my personality matched my zodiac sign or came any close to my dad’s.
“You walk and talk just like your dad”;
One of dad’s old pal who would later become one of my true inspiration and a good educator told me once.
I had to laugh. He was right!
It’s not that Caps are truly as cold as the season in which they enter this world; it’s just that that for them the World is a big messy affair where only everything relevant stays and thrives.
Today not feeling disconnected or as evil and dangerous as vilified, I see life as a treasure and not a sob story. All it needs is some unique rebranding before you’d sell it to yourself. Not everybody approves of that, ofcourse. Wisecrack and gigs that follow, are pitiful but plentiful;
“They always say that we’re assholes, or we’re emotionless. So savage. And that’s the complete opposite of who I am,” Sara Tan, Refinery29’s beauty director rues.
Perhaps Caps do need to take a step back and fix the conflicts surrounding their image. Most of them would jump at that. But beware! If Laura Dern’s character in Big Little Lies wasn’t only about ball busting or money spinning then not all Caps are cold and crazily reserved. It’s just that pop astrology blankets them as ‘success fiends’.
Remember …Caps are ruled by Saturn! Oh yes! I almost forgot. Saturn is more of an old man now. So if you still choose to give them this rigid label-‘stop’. You could be busting their fiddle foot growth over some ill conceived generational conflict.
Actually this sounds pretty weird but I think caps are more about “moving ahead with uprightness.”
‘Everything has attraction but not everyone sees it’.
I wonder how good is that when people’s preference for faces changes remarkably every time they run into one?
For most part we could do little to change how we look but isn’t smelling good, being funny or not talking about your ex strongly influences your uniqueness?
I’m no Dale Carnegie or a big thumping philanthrop like Oprah. But I’ve learned a thing or two about how to draw the world around me; how to work with it than around it.
Having wrinkles or two is not a sign of horror; it’s a sign of experience, of weariness and above all your love for life. It means you’re trying to be the best person you can be; you’re trying to keep the twinkle in your eyes because you want to be happy. And you smile brightly because you know that makes you overwhelmingly attractive!!
Still, if you think that attraction is just a word and couldn’t define who you are; here’re some ways to make people love the freckleson your face.
Smile to win over!
Smile is one big way stir up things. It’s one damn good way to make others find you appealing and attractive. It hints at friendliness and receptivity. Smiling and laughing is cool; it not only makes you more attractive but it makes you feel more attractive. And doing so you, lets you experience joy and happiness even when things don’t seem to be going well.
A smile speaks of its own and works like some rustic aphrodisiac that could pull even the ever-serious counterparts towards you. Sad wry faces feel dismissive and cruel.
Imagine if you could pair a face with something positive and beautiful; that face would then begin to look more attractive. A beaming mug is way different from sad sullen ones that crowd around you every day and is the obvious choice to be judged as more attractive!
Who you find attractive is less about where you grew up or where you ran around in life. Your choice is more influenced by experiencing the pull that is so unique when you look at a simple, coy and pleasantly bright face.
Air of excitement around you!
Let it happen! Sometimes it helps build ridiculous amount of attraction!!
People generally love being accepted and feel comfortable when that happens but not unless you make their interests important to you just as much you want them to as well. If you want others to like you, let your gestures build up some comfort.
Your friends may know who you are but others judge you only by your looks and how you connect with them. More than anything your body stance, attitude and the eagerness to open up when you bump into some stranger; that’s what make people find you attractive.
I am flattered when somebody I happen to meet first time, gets curious about my life or my hobbies. I’m sure, that someone also expects to be enquired. And that’s Ok…I think that if you could find the right stuff to make a heart flutter, the allure will rake up a warm companionship all by itself.
Truth is that every one of us on this planet believes that we know something that the other doesn’t. And we would rather die trying to learn something new. If you believe that everything happens for a reason; create your own style and share the excitement of togetherness. No matter what, how you feel is more important than how you look! Heads will turn, once you begin to get comfortable in your skin.
It’s not long before people will recognize you as an attractive and fantastic person.
Monday blues are bad!
Negative side of everything is unpleasant. People with a peppy attitude, on the other hand bring encouraging changes in everybody’s lives, help avoid worries, see the brighter side of everything and expect the best to happen. Just living their lives and doing things they love most is what makes them attractive.
Could you think of the times when someone has been unexpectedly friendly and nice to you? Is it the person who smiled at you while you went strolling in the park? Maybe it’s only a cheerful ‘good morning’; nothing was said at first. Maybe it’s the person who picked up a conversation with you first time and bowled you over with an unexpected compliment. Believe me, these are the kind of thoughts that never leave us. Whenever roused, they make our day feel a little better.
These small positive actions get people innately attracted to and want that someone to be around when everything goes gross.
Geez…do we need to be happy all the times? Surely that’s not possible. We all have our moments of sadness, loss, anger and hardships. And yet we know how to combat loneliness and stay snug in life.
So, just stay cool, keep telling yourself that you can do whatever it takes to be happy and let the life happen. You’ll wake up each morning knowing that you deserve the awesome life you’re living.
People get attracted to you, feel connected to and remember you as a fair deal only when you don’t act silly goose, are unassuming and not always cooked up to look unmistakably attractive.
Learning is wonderful
Going back to University, sweating out over some online course or catching up a seminar? If you are looking to fit into at least one of them, then learning is your one way ticket to stay relevant everywhere you go. It helps you understand how the world works. It helps you to realize your passion, boost creativity and live a better life. The benefits are simply enormous.
Sometimes we find ourselves troubled in an intense impassioned life circles where perceptions keep changing. And so do our imperfections. The painful truth is that knowing backwards sometimes feels far less important and we usually junk the very idea of learning something new!
This is where the pit gets deeper… Feeling gutted makes it worse.
For people whom we find attractive, learning is something that’s endless. They take the time to be savvy and admit when they don’t have an answer, but work around to find one. Wary and unsure, not many of us have the heart to rise and take the same first step.
For times when you couldn’t see the whole staircase and burn yourself too much over ‘I think I can or think I can’t’; it’s best to take a step back and sell yourself this story…
“Attraction is a funny thing. It never resists change. And it never lets you go dark either.”
Learning and knowing better would nudge more and more people towards you.
You’re never too good!
It’s a mean old world where life follows one single rule. If you want to succeed and be a happy attraction to others, don’t take yourself too seriously. Stop believing that everything revolves around you. In fact, there’s a good chance that when you’re gone, you’ll be completely forgotten in no time. There’s always somebody to take your place.
I find perfectionism as the enemy of change. It never lets us rest or to have fun and be happy wanting to do everything our way. We fear that one single mistake would ruin everything we’ve build for so long. It’s a delusion that wouldn’t let us be a messy imperfect and perhaps a happy person!
Sometimes I also get comfortable being uncomfortable. I love my perfectly imperfect moments. But that’s my burden and I’ve learned to take it seriously, not myself. I think being attractive is just a matter of being confident in your skin and loving the way you look like.
So, stop being a perfect student, perfect employee, perfect son, perfect sister, perfect…??.
Do your stuff with an abandon and people with a sense of light heartedness will find you attractive for sure!!
Pursuing an old dream or chasing a new passion and yet disappointed in you for feeling left out? If you believe in tweaks that could change your life, go after every second chance that comes your way. Someday it will reward you with a pearl beyond price !!
And a reason to smile!
Life yields a second chance to every one of us. It’s called tomorrow. And it doesn’t happen by chance. We begin to live our second life the moment we realize that we’ve got only one and fancy a new morning with a fresh chance to make of it whatever we want!
I think that’s great!! Life is just too short to leave things at odds.
The only creepy thing about it though is that these breaks rarely happen by chance and for the most part are scary. What if everything ends with the same outcome? How’d I know that I ain’t cloning the same mistakes and nothing is actually going to change?
That’s funny! While we anxiously hope and look forward for some kind of rescue, fear of unlikely payoffs is hurting!
Angst aside, I believe everyone deserves a new start even when we cannot control how it is going to end. Making bad choices is normal but regretting them is what makes us free to choose again.
Like Qusay Hussein, a wounded Iraqi teen who met a new life in the US, when I think of my childhood, I think of colors; the dull brick red walls and the deep rich greens of the lush front gardens on either side of our beautiful home. More like him, I gave myself a second chance to learn and grow along others after an early exit of my dad left behind shattered dreams and hard times. I didn’t do anything real until I was 25. Not only after a few impromptu accomplishments in post grad and doctor’s, that I could gather enough courage to test the unknown! And all the time I was sharply aware that it was really a shot at becoming who I wanted. It all had stretched out like one long dazzling promise to break out and shine! Sure I wasn’t hungry for a huge career but something that I’d enjoy.
I held on to all the chances that came my way…
I’m not sure when the wakeup call tipped off but it did saw me a lot wiser … I’d come to realize that it’s never too late to do what you love most!
Just a few years ago, I thought everything was over, and now …I’ve discovered my happy self!
Everybody has a story to tell
I don’t think that happiness is big or infinite or that you’d meet it only when you get your second break. People make mistakes all the time. No one’s perfect but you cannot rewind the movie of your life to the point you thought was Ok and play it again. I gave myself chances upon chances until I realized that I can only change the movie from this point forward.
Giving yourself a second chance doesn’t make you stupid; it means that you believe that you can change for the better. It’s an opportunity for you to learn and grow and be a finer person.
Look… I’m not the first or the only person who’s made bad choices in life. And neither are you. So why stay pissed off over something that can be won back!
People often make bad ones only to regret later. Everybody does, but that doesn’t mean that they have to pay for them for the rest of their lives. Sometimes even good people make bad choices; it doesn’t make them any more severe! Like everybody else they too get hurt but they learn and they move on.
Life is short lived to hold on to the past. Can you imagine yourself not giving someone a second chance? I can’t. Things never go the way we all want most of the time, but that doesn’t mean you’d hang on to hard feelings and not allow yourself a free happy life! If you don’t forgive someone and give him or her another shot, you too will be drawn into a dirty ‘negative edge pool’. Worse, you’ll drain yourself emotionally completely.
Not only that if it weren’t for the second chances, we all would have lost good friends, warm relations and perhaps missed a snug hug back home. Trust me, it’s human to make choices we think were right but so often turn up wrong and end hurting others.
We’re not perfect and we would never be. So forgive, forget and buzz off.
Giving somebody another try is your one more chance to thrive and be happy.
May be on that day, you could finally let go and move on.
For Colin Thackery, the Chelsea pensioner who won BGT at the age of 89 or for Jan Jacob, who at the age 50 realized she was a gay- it wasn’t the first time that future had looked uncertain or the life felt painfully strung to a distant North Pole. But both were certain about one thing, giving themselves as many chances as came their way; second, third, fourth; they seized each one never knowing when they’ll get one again. They knew that someday they would find a way through to smile again.
Today their phones are all filled up with texts and calls and I’m sure they have umpteen exciting stories to tell.
Whatever…I’m glad their lives could help show others how to live their best lives too.
Curiously, their tales remind me of a somewhat sweet and noble virtue…
“It’s never too late to become everything you want to become. It’s never too late to try again”.
Eighteen years ago, Morgan Spurlock in his 2004 award winning documentary “Super Size Me” set out to put things straight about what regular fast food consumption at massive levels could do to a human body. Clearly Spurlock’s glut had “supersized” his meals nine times along the way. As calorie and fat counts failed to add up, disappointing results pushed McDonald’s to remove its “super size” menu options.
What followed next was even more bizarre!
McDonald’s signature hamburger ‘Big Mac’ blew off the knockers in the years to come and became one definitive Dollar Menu item that defied all Burgernomics. Five hundred and fifty million plus each year, it’s clearly impossible for any sandwich with that much involved to be sold for $3!
How and why is all history now. The frenzy is here to stay. People throng to outlets, ignore the fitness goals if only for a while and throw to winds anything and everything else ‘decadent’.
But what would you say of eating junk food regularly? What if you ate say, Big Mac everyday for next 20 years? How good would that do to you? Two 1.6 ounce all beef patties, secret sauce, shredded iceberg lettuce, cheese, re-hydrated dehydrated onions, two pickle chips, sesame seed buns; even if you’ve never eaten one, it’s hard to miss. McDonald’s Big Mac sandwich; the iconic hamburger that famed as $1 Poor Man’s Big Mac back in 1967 gradually turned significantly taller.
Today, served in a ‘clamshell’ box, this ‘two all beef patty’ burger has overwhelmed the hoi polloi everywhere.
Filling, inexpensive and quick, if you find yourself left with only a couple of bucks in your pocket, would you have anywhere else to go but the McDonald’s? I guess you’d stick to this 540 calorie 29 gram fat 29 grams protein, bundled bite of pure joy!
As a child, I loved the Phantom Sweet Cigarettes and Orange candies that somehow made me feel tall and rebellious! Golden Arches in 60’s! it meant little or nothing to me. It’s only in the year 1996 that I got introduced to a piquant racy Mcveggie Happy Meals. I loved the cardboard box, the hamburger, the fries and of course the delightful apple slices inside. My tune changed thereafter. I grew an appetite for the food that a kid’s stuff could no longer whet. I graduated to bigger Big Mac fast; I could find little or no time for cooked meals. On Sundays, I and my mates would gorge on Big Mac, often two or three at a time!
Fast forward twenty-six years.
It’s May 17th 2022; something peculiar in the daily tabloid has caught my eye.
It’s about a man who’s been eating at least one Big Mac per day, since 1972. Dan Gorske has made it big! He has broken his own world record of eating at least one Big Mac daily for over the last half century consuming more than thirty two thousand of them.
And he gushes on;
“I’ll probably be eating Big Macs everyday for the rest of my life.”
Truly, everything else has paled to his favorite hamburger. He might continue the run so long as he sees no reason to jump to other options; he has found one that gives him so much delight.
And I’m so curious for many things about him, particularly about the man’s health!
I googled him on online and easily found a picture of a man who appears to be relatively healthy. For all that crass indulgence, he appears to be blessed with some extraordinary guts and seems not weighed down with obesity or broken build.
For the kind of poster boy he’s become, does “I am lovin’ it“ come any close to describing his burger obsession? Most of us love fast foods as indulgence, but is the poor man’s Big Mac worth it in the end?
Certainly there’s more to it than just a $3 much evolved sandwich! Although tasty and inexpensive, is the Big Mac really a healthy option?
The savory trail of Big Mac doesn’t end here!
A a day to keep your worries at bay?
Dorothy Nedd turned 106 this January 2022 and she shared the secret of her incredibly long life; she went to Church every Sunday and ate a Big Mac on the way home.
All that for her love for Jesus and Big Macs!
Born in 1914, she’s lived through both the World Wars, the moon landing and now counts herself to be one of the oldest persons alive today.
Hard to reason, but is this the fluoride that has done the trick for her?
Is the Big Mac so crippling and nasty as the nutritionists sound?
Gorske has eaten more than 33000 of them since 1972 and if you’re wondering how he could put up with all this eat-up, it’s some relief to know that his eating and exercising habits are pretty rock hard. 10 mile or more walks, plenty of veggies and generally no fries; Gorske also does something that he loves- the never dying practice of moderation.
But what would you say of Dorothy’s trick. 106 and still living her best life!
Morgan Spurlock’s infamous 2004 documentary with all those extra 24 pounds, skyrocketing cholesterol and sustained liver damage hullabaloo, might scare you to a spin, but even this one laments.
It reminds me only as a cautionary tale; results aren’t the same for everyone.
The dirty secret that that Spurlock didn’t reveal and escaped everybody is that what was staged at McDonald’s over a month, back in 2004 could have just as easily been replicated with many supposedly healthier alternatives then ! Pret a Manger (an international sandwich shop franchise chain from UK), Chop’t (an all American creative Salad fast food chain) and Au Bon Pain (a fast casual restaurant, bakery, and café chain from Texas)– all raunchy and wholesome, could have added inches to your belly just as well for being far more generous with calories than the Big Mac!
Then everybody was so conveniently forgetting the other wellness offenders; sugar and sodium; two good enough reasons for the beginning and end of everything.
So, what’s there to eat if not this?
Health foods, natural foods and even vegan foods do not always mean they are the best healthilicious option for you. Where ever you are, there is always a better choice and always a worst choice. And you know what?…there’s a whole lot of terrifying foods out there that could tip the scales in wrong direction for you. Nobody not even Ronald McDonald himself could have recommended something to keep you in good shape; what with the Big Mac being the original offender here!
Moderation might be the key to everything fine and happy and smiling. Even Gorske claims it has kept him in good shape since. But if you fancy a certain food, it’s not long before you would turn forgiving for anything ‘self restraining’!
Don’t take my word for it. If you have a weak stomach for anything limiting then it’s just an everyday life kind of thing for you. Even Dorothy Nedd’s trick to a long life with one savory burger each day might fail you of your big story.
Gorske’s streak meanwhile stays strong and if that guy is any inspiration then ‘You won’t be dead before you reach 50 years of eating Big Mac like him!’
Christ! If that is any truth– no “Face Time” as you grow old and a little more of “sweet living” for you!
It’s 8 in the morning and you’re all flustered and rushed to make it to your workplace on time. Loads of little things are hurting your head and you don’t have time to live a few clever moments of sweet happiness!
Life sucks and nothing seems like a cakewalk. Your WFH siesta has ended leaving you all keyed up with crazy jaded ideas about how you are going to begin offline. You don’t feel any heart left for your desk after a long break and don’t know how and if you can you keep pace with life now. The vacuum is all eating you up. You wish you could go back in time; not to change anything but to feel couple of things twice and possibly change hands with something more exciting.
The phantom in you whines and pines for more.
Let’s face it; Life isn’t easy and glee and all that, but you know what? If you endure your daily grind and drain yourself out without knowing why, it’s possible that your personality and your place of work might run into odds with each other. You are aware that ripping the band-aid off could get you the sun shine you were looking for so long than enduring an unfitting, ill suited work space; but a switch over is always a difficult choice.
You’re not sure if that would be the right thing to do…!
If you’re facing the headwinds- right from Covid to quality and performance concerns and feel low and trapped – the list of crises hitting businesses keeps getting longer–bad breaks aren’t going to leave you any time sooner.
Here are three way to know if your hard time is simply some short living raw deal or your work place is particularly draining for your personality.
It feels like entering a pit hole!
Your Office pyramid works infamously with a twisted bottom line mentality. It’s 3Ps-Productivity, performance and profits and that’s that. No room for anything else! Your wellness and personal relations have no takers here. The demon of highbrowism is raging in every corner. It’s problematic and unhealthy–especially if you’re obsessively passionate about your work and often land yourself right in the middle of the rut!
If you are someone who is passionately preoccupied with the job and unwittingly ignores his personal wellness, then a damaging crisis awaits you with no near term exit in sight; one that can pile tremendous pressure on your happiness.
So, should this mean you’re stranded at cross roads?
Gosh-darn!…it’s intense. From sob story to small choices…you’d always figure out something and find the balance.
If you are hooked to a “spongy” mentality and dire the struggle, there is nothing much for you to do than to try and keep your obsessive passion for work at bay. Pursue the whole nine yards with a sense of balance and flexibility and you may survive the crisis.
Indeed, there is no saying where it all ends but any emotional distance between you and your work might just work.
The waters here are choppy and bruising!
The relief here always comes too little, too late! The workstead that lacks autonomy but typically has dogsbody driven high turnover, is unhealthy for most passionate people.
So, if you get butterflies in your gut, get tizzy and flustered easily and jim jams make you jumpy whenever work stress spikes; you’re in for some troubled times. Even the micromanagement would fail you completely and the unstoppable domino effect would skewer your anxiety to unhealthy levels. Again, in a job that is highly stressful and tags little or no job security; increase in bitterness, anger and sulkiness is inevitable.
When things get so screwed up and it gets harder to get out of the mess, is there anything helpful besides a non-micro managing boss to move your happiness needle, leewards?
Nothing much…if you cannot rid yourself of work slave mentality or empower yourself enough to bring changes in your work environment; then it’s time to move on. Should you get to stay; you’d continue to burn slow and so would your happiness.
If you begin your day at your workstation with a sense of belonging, have a clear sense of purpose and at the end of the day feel like you’ve achieved what you had set out for in the morning; then probably you are working in an inclusive and respectful workplace. Experiencing appreciation, freedom, leaning while earning well and feeling supported by a helpful boss! Christ!… that’s a paradise no nine-to-fiver ever stops dreaming of! No need to move quickly to act. This place is no goof up!!
WFH exclusivity continues!
Virus has waned but work from home is a dreamy reality that is yet to end. For many this is a desire come true; for others though it works better in theory than practice. Bad habits, gross indiscipline and over sedentary days spew out of remote connectivity. Boozing, watching Netflix or surfing e-commerce sites during work hours have driven people low on conscientiousness. Discipline has taken some punishing and frowned upon behaviors have upped the ante.
You don’t find anything wrong in that…do you? After all it’s rest, respite and work at will…no boundaries, no godforsaken tantrums, no frayed tempers! It feels like you’ve got everything under the sun!
But if you find yourself struggling with the pivot to work-from-home especially when you are completely disconnected from work at the end of the day, then in all probability you’d feel all screwed up. What if your workstead has chosen a hybrid employment model where you spend part of your time working from home and part in Office. Better work-life balance, less commute stress, location independence improved inclusivity, minimized distraction; there are 20 different reasons that your boss could rattle off to advocate the benefits of remote working. You try fitting in like always but wouldn’t find the foothold.
Are you the one to give up on team building events and could endure endless unmotivated sessions? Unmonitored performance, increased likelihood of overworking, distractions at home, lesser perks, increased isolation; everything makes it tough to turn off. The laptop at your kitchen table beckons and you may not feel enough separation between your work and life. This all would contribute to feeling of being overwhelmed or even burnout. And, above all….
People don’t believe you’re actually working!!
Let’s be real, no matter where you’re working from, you’re still doing just that; Working. Honestly it all comes down to the environment you’re most effective in. But if your workstead promotes WFH it is not for the sake of some classic benefits of telecommuting. It’s more about a great opportunity to dig deep in to the market. Remote work is the new cool for it saves your boss from 6 different costs, gets the work done round the clock, enhances branding, parks pre-trained employees for no extra strings and a lot more. Biggest surprise!!… He could be saving up to 50% on operational costs, 15-25% on assets and up to 31% reduction in health insurance spends. Another big-wig here… smart savings is done on energy-printers, laptops, cooling systems, lighting etc. as well. So don’t fool yourself with narratives surrounding remote work.
Besides your work place at home would never sport a garden view!!
Being stranded with an ill suited job always has some serious fallout. Your personality becomes a twisted image of you. It’s no place for you to return if it incites a bottom line mentality in you. Say no to pressure cooker environment. Even if you are somewhat less conscientious and not so passionately obsessive about work; WFH settings would still harm you.
Feeling at sea and don’t know how to let go your jammed session with this new project? and what with the Netflix hollering all the time; “You still have 3 episodes of ‘Ice piercer’ to watch”!
Return to a place that spares you a high degree of independence, choice, self direction and belonging. Stop being chased.
On a brighter note!…
In bargain you’ll find yourself some small doses of happiness that you didn’t know you needed until now.
If you’re reading this with some indifference and don’t feel inclined to hear what’s about to come next, then odds are that your life has lost sparkle and you don’t think of yourself as good enough to thrive or at least start from timidly flat to something more exciting!!
Does this mean no “sweet spots “for you ?
Yup! You certainly are stuck somewhere in life or at work.
That’s nothing strange; to find asking yourself if this is how you’d imagined your life; if this was the kinda job you really wanted. You are feeling low, restless with nothing to wink at; all sad and alone in your world. But then it’s Ok to be like that! This is your moment to gather your wits and push forward. Besides it’s nearly an universal experience . We all get our share of anguish of being alone and glued to the past once in a while. Career, relationship or even what’s coming next! – most people do get frozen at some point or the other!
So, what being stuck looks like! How’d you know life‘s been mugging you? Wouldn’t something new – a new job, relationship or tweaked health for instance, put you in the stride and shine up your life?
For me being stuck and feeling peevish means really wanting something and then losing the motivation to get it! It’s like you put your finger onto something that looks exciting and then you talk yourself out of it. It would also mean endlessly thinking about what could be better or different; if it could be done in a more gainful way .
If you’re mired in any of these; it seems indecision, worry and over thinking has robbed you of everything terrific and likable in life. In fact life has lost all sheen for you.
The truth about being stuck
Being stuck is like quicksand. The more you try to get out, the deeper you sink. Your insecurity is on overdrive and asking your mind to push, control and manipulate. You just want to feel secure, loved, appear remarkable and admired everywhere. You think that if you could control everything, all would be swell. But it’s not until the reality hits you right in the face that misadventure happens for you. You get stuck because you think you should be something you are not and when you think life ought to be different than it is.
What of me! At times when I feel truly stuck, I write.
As I write this, I find myself in a stuck period as well since the last few months. But I don’t cry foul! I struggle less because I’ve learned to let it be. I try not to do something silly when words like “should,” ”have to,” or ”must” fluster me. When I relax and surrender to the quietness of life, things seem okay. Restless!…I see I can’t control life. I can only notice things what life brings to me.
Being stuck sometimes is all about growing naturally. It’s the time when not much happens when you think it should. These are the moments when you begin to grind yourself to come up with ideas to make things happen.
And when you couldn’t get anywhere, I call it being stuck!
Let’s find you a happy place
Remembering good ol’ days is harmless but becoming stuck there completely? That’s an entirely different story. This means you don’t feel inspired and find it difficult to get excited about things that used to earlier!
Maybe you’re ghosting a failed relationship; maybe you haven’t forgiven yourself for something awful of your past. You’re continually going over that and wondering if you could have done things differently. Maybe you’re holding onto something terrible from your childhood that doesn’t serve you.
Or maybe something else….
Regardless of how you are stuck, you at least earn yourself the agony of not enjoying your present! And that’s awful and sad!
So, why does this happens in the first place?
Missing amour proper, sinking self worth, clueless and FOMO; all are the core reasons why people feel stuck. Unhappy with present life, nerves raw and taught over some issue or perhaps fearful of future…any or all may stand in your way to be more comfortable, safe and predictable!
If you suspect that you’ve cronied your past long enough to be anything but comfortable, these five mindful tips could help you to climb out of the slump and start moving forward again!
Dismiss the noise
You can hardly miss this one. It’s silent; its impact powerful and it’s savage enough to keep you stuck in the same place. I often see people who have surrendered to this dear emotion willingly; the voices that they allow in and let them collide with their judgment. It could be your mom’s who loves you dearly but won’t want you to risk anything for something; it might be a dear friend who with all good intents steers you away from a great opportunity because he doesn’t want to see you fail.
Sometimes we let the voices of the people we love and care about, impact our choices. And it’s Ok!…so long as you can decide which one matters most in the situation before you let it sink in; what voices are going to help you get unstuck and which one would make you go bust. Ignoring those who love you most and could help you get you unstuck fast, though is the worst mistake you could ever make.
It’s a weird world out there and they are your best options to ride through safely.
So, simply choose carefully how much you should weigh their thoughts and opinion. Filter out what doesn’t serve right away and hang on to the voice that does!
Change your mind about anything and everything
Standing at the base of the mountain you’re about to climb and looking upwards…that looks formidable but only until you’re half way up. Looking down then doesn’t seem that disastrous. Your perspective changes and suddenly you’re excited about having won half the battle.
When feeling stuck, something close to this happens; your perspective gets stuck. You may be assessing and trying to salvage something from your past experiences, but sometimes you just couldn’t do much to give it a new look; the fear of failing the heights is frightening! You’re easily scared to hell to experiment!
But what if you chose to dig in instead of being a dead meat and try to learn of something new? The moment you begin to think differently, the stuck feeling begins to fade. It doesn’t melt altogether, but it starts to feel soft and yielding.
And now you can figure out what to do next!
Those nightmares are dreadful!
Unease and the shakes are all part of growing up normally. But being buried in them for long, isn’t. So when you’re uncertain and fear the unknown- take a moment off, breathe in long and sift through the snag. Search, what’s causing the sulk? Is it real or some phantom playing in your head? Is it actually trying to tell you something?
Fear, for most of us works like a catalyst. It startles our intuition awake when it’s time to take action; when we need to do something we haven’t done before or in a long time and we sense that something better lies out there. All we need is to go to the other side and find it.
So, what if instead of stepping back from fear, you walk towards it and push through? Take control of your worst nightmares for they are the one who have held you back. Once you do that all those moments of screwed up craziness –so dismissive or cruel– wouldn’t dare mock you. Suddenly you won’t be feeling valley low any longer!
And when that happens; you are all prepped to define yourself once again.
Isn’t that what you were looking for in the first place?
Talking to someone you love, helps
At one time or the other, we all get stuck and it doesn’t help either to know that this will not be the last time. So whenever your present freezes in your past and everything sucks…try talking to someone who loves you; not just anyone, but someone who’s close to heart. No one else would give an earful or could provide a safe space for you.
Being seen, heard and understood is something we all would die for; only an adoring admirer could remind you of your strengths and dreams.
We are tempted to change tracks in our stuck today when someone we love, looks us in the eye and shares and celebrates our dreams. It’s then the haze lifts and the picture of what lies ahead begins to take shape.
Hold tight and think easy
That will give you some more room to grow!
We all want good times, sunny successes and happy relationships to come easy even when we all know that that’s not entirely true. Dismay and chagrin usually fluster our attempts to be happy all the times. So, instead of wondering why things happen with difficulty, learning how to overcome them, matters! Nothing worthwhile comes without a struggle and you can gain so much wisdom in trying times than in ease!
See…It is the edge of our discomfort zone that lets us find our greatness.
And don’t forget… every failure is a lesson and every mistake a moment to learn!!
Like I said, we look to others to help us get unstuck, but search yourself!…isn’t that a complete waste of time? The only person who can liberate you –is you. Even when the empathy and generosity of others feels like a gift, the action for the win – all starts with us. No one else but you have to do the works to light up your life.
So, sit back, take a hard look at what’s making you feel grounded and promise to push yourself no matter what!
Believe me –stuck is a good place to be in, for it gets you to know that there is something better on the other side!!
This is freakin’ crazy!…Am I more microbe than human and never alone? Is it really freak’n true? Sounds nuts!…. but I think I did read somewhat on these lines in my graduation; like human cells make up only 43 percent of body’s total cell count and the rest are microscopic colonists; our cells are outnumbered by 10 to one…blah-blah-blah whatever. It’s creepy, but understanding the other half of our selves might be the key to even stranger mysteries!
“Why, our body isn’t just us and never alone? Why genetically we are more outgunned than believed? What it means to be “human” if we are only half of what we really are?
From simple allergies to spooky Parkinson’s, every nook and cranny of our lives is hostage to these teeny-weeny nano-sized creatures. And we just couldn’t get rid of them, no matter how well we wash ourselves. Every crevice, every fissure and every chink on our bodies is swarming with these intrepid life forms.
We live by and stay surrounded by these tiny suckers even when we cannot see them with naked eyes. And….they are everywhere; on our keyboard, on our pillows on our favorite chair,stuff and above all, inside us!
The smallest living organisms ever known, some live on us and some within us. And know what, it’s considered Ok! So long as these critters are inclined and obliging, we could stay healthy, but once tables turn and a microbiome shift happens, our bodies become a battleground of sorts.
Do you have any idea why these bugs live in our body? Are there any hostile micro biomes too? What are those 20 odd million microbial genes doing in our body? In fact who lives most on our bodies?
A ghost safari to the battleground!
Our body is an enormous ecosystem hosting different biomes swarming with microbes and helps them flourish. Many of these invisible warriors are good for our health. Not only that; this army from microbial mecca abets droves of viruses, fungi and archaea (a kind of single cell organism) living within us as well. Together, they uphold the key to a longer flourishing life for us!
So if you thought you were some kind of epitome of sterility, think again. Your gut is home to some of the smuttiest of pathogens and your skin, mouth, lungs and even genitals shelter their diverse communities. The biggest of these rhyme zones lies deep in murky depths of your colon where trillions inhabit in union with their surroundings. Here they break down dietary fiber, produce crucial nutrients like butyrate and keep your gut up, clean and healthy 24/7.
Always in a curiously creepy relationship, these teeming pathogens have peacefully evolved over the time and have been our most lovable companion ever since, executing all important role in rallying digestion and shoring up our immune system.
Living with an attitude!
There are lots of places on our body for them to live. It’s like a jungle to them. Right from skin and tooth, nostrils and tongue, tonsils and lungs and belly button to dark corners of your gut and genitalia; it’s a home to every one of them!
Many species live in harmony live with us and within us and promote health. For instance our gastrointestinal health is right in their hands. Any dysbiosis or slightest shift in the gut microbiome and all hell breaks loose.
And guess what? …this is true for other areas of your body as well.
This is where it gets confusing…
An over indulgence into burgers and chocolates in all likelihood affects your risk of obesity and the type of microbes that grow in your gut. So how would you know if it is a bad mix of bugs breaking down and soaking up your food and wouldn’t add inches to your belly?
Seriously; nobody has the right answers to this. “Bugs for Drugs” might take some time to happen. Till then if you’re really interested in finding out what haunts your belly and bowels, a microbiome test (Ohmygut®) test might get an overview of who you’re living with. If you could follow personalized food recommendations, this might of some help in enhancing your microbial well being!
But then there are lots of places in you for bugs to live and thrive in….
And I thought I was pristine and clean!
The bugs on my skin
Good ol’ skin or the integument is home to some meaningful bugs that protect us from invaders and marauders amongst them and support our immune system. Some produce molecules to drive off potentially harmful microbes from colonizing the skin making it a physical barrier. A few others like Staphylococcus epidermisproduce anti microbial compounds to stave off something serious like skin cancer. Acne linked bacteria however don’t help much.
My eyes don’t shine alone
Like skin, eyes do not fare any better when it comes trading benefits. An ideal habitat, microbes find comfort in my cornea and the tissue on the inside of the eyelid. Relatively small, any imbalance in this microbiome results in dry eye disease and endophthalmitis or bacterial conjunctivitis.
I could smell them!
Dark warm and damp,my nose is just the perfect place for microbes and is very sensitive to faltering microbial homestead. Shaped by different factors just like gut bugs, nose microbiome is re-engineered by changing environment of the host and is affected by medical conditions. Dysbiosis here could be the reason why asthma, chronic rhinosinusitis, influenza, and bronchiolitis happen headlong and yet are curable with certitude.
Keepers to my tonsils
Tonsils, when invaded by stray bugs-fight infection by trapping assaulting microbes that enter through mouth or nasal passage and producing antibodies to kill them. A diverse ecosystem of microbes at their disposal helps them do this job. Adenotonsilla microbiome may have different contagions for children and adults; but why it couldn’t ward off bacterial tonsillitis, is yet to be discovered.
Wax, bugs and infections- my ear is home to each one of them
The middle ear is a safe haven to a diverse community of thriving microbes which when out of buggy could wreak havoc in ear; infections, inflammations and other hard pushed complaints. Both genetics and microbiome could add considerably to the risk of middle ear infections and consequential painful days.
But what happens inside me is more bewildering!…
Lots happening here!
Right from my school days, I’ve been stuck up with some good dental hygiene regimen. I brush twice a day…no smells, not hooked to any addictions and I check scrupulously if it smells bad in my mouth before going to bed! Yet at times my belly too groans, sharp pain pangs from toothache would send me into an overdrive and sometimes I get laid with fever from tonsillitis! I’m not spared…And I thought I knew everything about sterility.
But certainly not this!
My mouth is a den to plenty of microbes, some good, some not so good and could explain things like inflammation and tooth decay.
The oral cavity or the muzzle- as geeks call it, is a perfect territory for microbes to thrive; all warm, moist with an endless source of nutrients pouring in, plus plenty of structures and hiding places to stick to; the tongue, pockets between the gums and teeth and of course the teeth themselves. Let them have fun and Streptococcus mutanswould run amok and devastate your ivory while Porphyromonasgingivalis could have your gums bleeding and crying foul!
Sometimes these bugs travel down elsewhere in the body like gut and lungs and when that happens dysbiosis strikes hard.
When it comes to bugs, my breath is no different
Once thought of as a sterile environment, lungs are now known to have their own small microbiome; much smaller than the one that the gut holds because the lungs do not have the same kind of hem or sheathing to adhere to. Rather they ease oxygenation through a surfactant that is designed to facilitate the transfer.
Red flags! It’s time to see an urologist
Like the lungs, bladder too is not as sterile and bacteria-free as I believed it to be. While little is known about the mysteries surrounding microbiome here in urine pouch, there is still no evidence if bugs here could rig out a protective barrier for my health. Visible haematuria, spinal cord compression or progressive neurologic dysfunction, well… these are of particular concern since I wouldn’t know what I’m fighting with; rampaging bugs or some cross purpose therapeutic condition!
So, next time you get anxious about your well being and have an urge to inspect yourself, start with your belly button; the soft spot. Though there a number of places you could begin with,the center of your stomach could reveal much offhand.
Remember…! “The Incas believed that Cuzco was the navel of the universe”.
For instance, if it smells a bit ripe, it’s the umbilical microbiome –passed on to you with your first breath, that has found itself a cozy homestead and is likely to stay with you till you live. Weirdly, it could be any or many of the 2368 different species that inhabit your navel, reacting and interacting with your body and not always in battle with it.
It’s incredible to think that the DNA of these superbugs carries more information than it would take literally a ton of DVDs to store for medical accomplishments.
See… didn’t I say, you are never alone in an eerie world of microbes!!...
Are you a fitness freak working for a rawbone or losing sleep over a lean sylphlike waist and seeing no results? What about those crash diets; still no gains?
You’ll probably hit the most success when you junk sin foods from your routine and start your day with healthy foods that do not cut out anything important. What kind of benefits you’re looking at here? Well…these slimming super foods are good at melting away that last inch of belly bloat like whoa…
Some days, you’re a kale smoothie-guzzling, bok choy-chopping freak, while on others you’re drooling over a candy bowl. But adding these incredible foods to your diet, don’t help much in getting toned and tight!
Interestingly…the way our body works is bit confusing. Hunger is what decides for it to holler for energy, but by the time it tells you that, it’s already deficient and gone wild. That emptiness and growing pangs are in fact it’s last ditch attempt to convince you to eat.
Many of us consume the bulk of our food in two or three large meals a day and go long hours with nothing in between. This reduced–calorie- three- meal plan sounds good but you can’t make your body burn fat any more efficiently than it does of its own! Every core exercise you try isn’t always a do-gooder. Your abs may refuse to grow and your potbelly may just decide not to give up!
So, does this mean that you should stay ahead of the curve and eat even before your belly starts growling? What kinda food would work best? And what if you running short on time? Is a four-ounce chicken breast, a small baked potato and a jumpy salad good enough to craft you a winsome body?
Hard to tell…Huh!
Sometimes my gut also screams, “feed me nice and good!”; especially on holidays and weekends. Honestly I love vegan food more than anything else but I balance my love for eating plants with need to keep my body equally supplemented, so that something wholesome and nutritious always finds its way into my belly.
If you too are looking for some healthy food without giving up on your winning routine; check out on these eight simple super eats that can thaw away that last bit of your beer belly in 2022!
Here’s the sticky widget though;
While spot-reducing belly fat is not exactly possible, eating fewer calories than you burn might earn you an overall weight loss—and that includes your belly.
But what the heck!… consider this as your go-to list for good health; at least.
Roasted mushroom and bean soup.
This white bean and roasted mushroom soup- an ageless classic- has ruled the charts on She Wears Many Hats ever since originally published in October 2011. The magical partying of pureed white beans and broth base instead of cream and roasted onions, garlic and herbs, is a guilt free gratification for those chasing a simple wholesome stuff!
I don’t think anything else could warm you more than this savory, drool-inducing tang of this consommé.
And it’s so very worth it. Served alongside a simple salad with crusty bread, it makes for a perfect day. Looking for a vegetarian version? Simply swap veggies broth with chicken one. Bonus here!…You also get to substitute one part to three of dried herbs as you head into colder months when seasonings are hard to get by.
Black Bean Omelet
Coffee sure does perk you up in the morning. But if you pair it with sugary cereal, bagels, or donuts, you’re very likely to stay starry eyed and listless for the rest of the day. These empty carbs taste good on the tongue, but do little for your body. Instead fill your morning meal with some healthy complex alternative that would leave you feeling energized!
Simply put, it’s all about picking a high protein fiber packed food that would promise good nutrients to your body.
I begin my day with a wholesome breakfast; be it the one that’s on-the-go list for rush days or a more relaxed oversized gut bomb for weekend brunch. Which would you prefer; a pricey spinach omelet, packing nearly 1000 cals or a simple affordable 330 cals high protein, fiber packed omelet sandwiching black beans and cheese?
A black bean omelet is sure to make you feel satisfied and keep you full for hours. The soluble fiber helps lower your cholesterol, keep you regular and set your taste buds a –jingling! Refried black beans set off by chunks of ripe fried tomatoes, savory onions and cilantro, leave one smacking good after-taste that would have you wanting more of it.
Try it! Your palate will thank you.
Grilled Chicken Pineapple Sandwich
This grilled chicken and pineapple sandwich is your best bet if you are a health freak. Not even the healthy genre of grilled sandwiches that beckon you invitingly each time you pass by the neighborhood rotisserie, are a close match to it.
Packing a mouth watering punch in every bite, this sandwich is a sweet-spicy combination of teriyaki glazed chicken, juicy grilled pineapple, fiery jalapenos and is a great reduction in your days’ saturated fat and sodium intake. An end to all flattering chicken sandwiches, this one with 400 cals and 640 mg of sodium gets you the best of both the worlds; a little sweet here a little spicy there! The sandwich with a whole wheat bun comes to you super balanced with lean proteins and high fiber carbs.
Trust me; take a shot and surely you won’t miss the fried version at all once you sink your teeth into this blast of flavors.
Chicken Tikka Masala
Traditionally cooked in clay tandoor and then served in a subtly spiced tomato cream sauce with a dash of dried herbs, coconut milk, ginger and lemon and greek yogurt; this marinated boneless chicken dish is an absolute belter and is a popular fare in curry houses from right across the East End bistros of “Curry Lane” in London to “Cumins” in Chicago,“Indigo”in Budapest to “Le Palaise de Raja Maharaja” at rue d’Ouessant Paris. This all time fan-favorite is a must dig for diners all across South and South East Asia.
The creamy spicy sauce made with Greek yogurt instead of full fat cream, is insanely good and the soft marinated chicken tastes just divine! The meal gets complete with some turmeric rice and fresh naan.
It’s simply… cozy , fabulous and finger lickin’ good!
Grilled Caesar Salad
This perhaps is the most misleading food; it’s kinda dish that you order when you want to go easy with your food, only to find out that you have ended up eating almost half of your day’s calories in one serve!
A classic eat, this salad boasts of a savory combination of crisp romaine (a variety of lettuce), rich and garlicky dressing, crunchy croutons and an enticing pungent tang of Parmesan cheese. High calorie dressing however,transforms into lighter vinaigrette packing an awesome substance, flavor and nutrition of sun dried tomatoes and olives in it. Char- grilled lettuce brings some happy change and perk up everything.
The salad preps quickly and easily with simple ingredients like boneless and skinless chicken thighs that stay juicy all through and cook quickly.
To think of this as volte-face nutrition! 410 calories, 29 gms fat and 610 mg sodium per serve! What more could you ask for?…
Try it and surely you won’t be digging into anything else anymore!
If actionable tips and cook videos from ‘The Spruce Eats-NY’ are any cue then this high and hearty red kidney beans curry with a mesmerizing blend of spicy masala, ginger, garlic, chilies and tomatoes is a rustic vegetarian dish that comes cheap, is nutritious, comforting and one satisfying comfort food that could easily humble any menu item any time. A delightful vegetarian curry dish, it savors great over rice and pickled vegetables.
If you’re looking for some indulgent healthilicious dish that could come together in less than half an hour, this one-pan cook makes for an excellent choice. Served with kachumbar salad and pickle as sides, this 232 calories unsophisticated eat has managed some space in Stock Images and Shutter stock collections too.
Another hot favorite among foodies! This mildly flavored super food is super healthy and tastes great when served with a side of basmati rice. The star of the dish is the creamy sauce, which is made out of blanched spinach blended with an amazing medley of spices. Complimenting the sauce are shallow fried cubes of paneer (Indian cottage cheese). The healthy spinach gravy is sautéed with finely balanced curry spices in aromatic ghee to up the ante!
Simple but irresistible, this dish has the punch to satisfy absolutely all taste buds! If cheese is not on hand or you’re looking for a dairy free option, tofu or veggies like cauliflower or potato will taste just as good. You may even ask for whole yogurt in place of heavy cream for the sauce to make it lighter.
This food may not be totally main stream yet, but there’s one good reason to incorporate this extremely nutrient rich leafy gem into your regular diet. Packed with high levels of carotenoids, Vitamin-C, Vitamin-K, Folic acid, Iron and Calcium, it’s a warehouse to some amazing compounds like lutein ( improves eye health), kaempferol( reduces risk of cancer and chronic diseases) nitrates( promotes heart health), quercetin (wards off infection and inflammations) and zeaxanthin( helpful in impaired vision).
So, next time you get hungry and crave for a scrumptious healthy meal, dig into a warm comforting bowl of spinach paneer curry with equally delicious garlic naan or jeera rice or plain basmati rice. Side of a red onion salad adds zing to a super delicious hearty happy fill.
Italian Stuffed Artichokes
There is really nothing quite like an artichoke. Whether you’re eating the hearts as part of an antipasto platter or in a spinach artichoke dip, their flavor is quite unlike any other food.
Tender, herby with perfect amount of zest, stuffed artichoke is one prebiotic food that helps keep things moving through your gut. Trimmed and stuffed with garlicky breadcrumbs and baked in a buttery lemon and white wine sauce until tender, this super eat is an all time favorite and admired as an interactive food that has a distinct start, middle and an end! Like onions and leeks, artichokes also carry acetate that spurs the fat-burning activity in the body.
Need more of greens and taste? Roast artichoke hearts and asparagus with olive oil, Parmesan cheese, breadcrumbs, and a spritz of lemon. And if you’re any good at experimenting, try stuffing your ‘choke with quinoa, tomatoes and herbs and see some fascinating taste unfold on your platter.
Considering people at all phases of life are under-consuming iron and fiber and proteins and other lesser known serious nutrients, the benefits of cruising through your day with all-natural version eats, goes beyond these eight delightful melt-off foods. There are hundreds of sin food recommendations to cut back on your calorie consumption heavily. But there is no super eat that could increase your lifespan, help you feel full, clear up your complexion, control your cholesterol and reduce your risk for cancer, diabetes and heart disease?
All you could do is to mix and match foods to meet your daily quota without going easy on your weight loss plan.
And you’ll definitely have to let go of that Achilles heel; the one food that you can’t seem to help yourself digging into!
On that hot sultry summer afternoon in Kolkata, I found myself running through the ever crowded Howrah railway station, convinced I was about to miss my train this one time.
My anxiety surged at the sight of a long baggage security line. I was about to give up entirely, when luckily a colleague’s brother- he’s some bigwig in there- saw me and ushered me to the front. At that moment I didn’t care how the waiting passengers felt about this privileged treatment. I don’t even remember much about the people I encountered during that nerve wracking afternoon. I was thinking only about catching that damn train and getting home, a thousand miles away.
In short my empathy graph had plummeted as my anxiety feared its worst hit.
Many would explain this episode by linking my jitters to narcissism, but I consider it differently. I find it a clash between apprehensions and sensitivity. Or maybe it’s the fear and shame of failure that overshadowed the disappointment of missing the ride!
Like everybody I too hate to fail, but then I‘ve another skill to call it shots… I have a natural capacity for empathy and I swear it’s not like some fixed trait. My genes might have played some role in here. I think I inherited it through some great combinations of experiences and relationships… childhood care-givers matter most!!
But it isn’t wrong to say that just as the fear of failure mars the motivation to succeed; your compassion also takes a beating when you are burdened with emotions and anxiety. It unconsciously sabotages your chances of success in a variety of ways. If you have a compassionate bend, you might find yourself deluged with emotions of those around you. When they are happy, you are caught up in their joy; when they are sad; you carry their emotional burden too.
But there is something else besides this that might surprise you! High empathy and anxiety have some unforgiving analogy in between. And you cannot trust either of them entirely for your emotional well being.
Here’s to share something about that strange connection between them and few bonus tips to keep an eye on your emotional health;
Want to share but don’t know if you’re ready for it!
When you hear the word-empathy, what strikes your mind? Understanding one’s pain? Feeling bad for another person or perhaps giving a shoulder to lean on?
Yup…those are the things that help in times of distress. But what about empathizing with one’s joy? It sounds alien or perhaps absurd; but believe me caring for yourself is about happiness too.
If it’s any comfort to know; our neural responses are more accustomed to feeling one’s pain more than being happy for someone. This is rather more intense when we empathize distress. We cry feeling more about other’s pain than laugh and love feeling happy for someone. We all have this wonderful ability to respond to difficult challenges of others, but react faintly to other’s joy.
So, can we somehow tutor ourselves to be happy for others as well? Would that make this world any better place to live in?
I tried it cautiously hesitant of the outcome, but it did help. I think this might be the choice you should make a head start with!
When someone brings me some news about something good happening in their lives, I hug that person or at least touch his or her arm in an appropriate way. I look the person in the eye and ask everything about the happy event. I share the joy of goodness happening in someone’s life and don’t hold back anything in expressing it. I share the vibes and could almost feel mirth tingle down my neck! I feel happy to see them stoked…
Reaching out to someone in happy times and partaking, helps in conquering your fears. And…it shores up your aplomb as well!
Try me and witness anger, anxiety and disgust giving way to surprise and pride.
Being real about how you feel helps!
If I were to judge compassion, I’d say it’s a higher state of awareness. In an empathetic state of mind, I could fully experience the anger and wrath of someone who has been wronged. I could even go beyond feeling sorry for what someone else feels. I simply couldn’t keep my head and heart closed for trouble, indignation and nightmares and prefer to see through the present situation with understanding and love.
When we are in a conflict with someone or face something challenging, owning our fears and insecurity is one great way to move past our defensiveness and take a call on deeper issues of the situation; I’d say, more buckled up.
You may not know, but doing this lets you empathize yourself no less. The more you are willing to imagine what it’s like for them, the more of it you’d be able to experience yourself.
Shell shocked and stewed? Brainstorm your way out of chronic stress
Failure makes us feel both fear and shame. On the brighter side, it preps us to find people whom we can trust and with whom we can share our emotions. Once you will yourself to brainstorm your way out of the heat; relabel and play down your stress and save yourself from vandalizing your sunny side. Besides, reassurance and empathy from others would reinforce your feeling of self-worthwhile.
Getting peevish and judgmental already?… Take a break and for a moment imagine a possible scenario as creepy as this! …
You have lost your job in pandemic and desperately searching for a new one. Yet you ain’t getting it and keep failing in finding it just because you don’t know “the right people,. “ You are at your wits end and reeling with hard time stress.
If you think you failing to make some ground and are clueless how to go about it; start with some small but powerful choices to hit the frame. Begin by setting up for yourself the goal of expanding your social network. Reach out to everyone you know who might help. Even if they are not in your field and couldn’t do much, they might know someone who could.
See… the cliché’ works well when instead of mourning you put your foot down!
Empathy is all about the ability to feel and reaching out to another person’s emotions and thoughts. It gives meaning to our lives and our relationships. It works well to thaw our emotions out of limbo.
#It might also mean getting a job offer from somebody hitherto stranger to you!
Besides, who would say ‘Nah’ to a decent break from some nerve wracking ‘Fight-or-flight’ episode every time each day?
That day in Kolkata, I caught my train. I also learned something. No one wants to live life in a hurry as if they’re always late for a train, too stressed to look around or connect with others. We’re much better off cultivating compassion, rubbing shoulders and accepting that what will be, will be -missing the train journey and all that…
If you were to ask me to explain empathy as I see it; I’d say, ” I know exactly how you feel” Another more jaded one would of course be, ” I know exactly where your shoe pinches most”.
I guess I have learned when to ease off the emotional overwhelm and steer clear of becoming a damaged empath.
Like Drake, sometimes I wish if I could go back in times, not to change anything but to feel couple of things twice! I would want more of this dangerous, jazz-shaped immortality for myself!
Life sucks and it definitely is not a cakewalk. If it were, wouldn’t we all be rich, sipping a classic mimosa on our ocean front property? But even when it’s true that I don’t or ever will own a beach house, doesn’t mean that my some 50-ish years have been hard-only. Loads of little things have inundated my life- improving everyday of it without totally breaking the barriers. From miniature vacuums to bedside night lights to heated lunchboxes, shower liners with handy pockets, and even a shampoo brush to massage my scalp, these endless options haven’t failed me few clever moments of sweet happiness. But the phantom in me, pines for more. There’s this stain remover that works so well on red wine, that I forgot; I think I can hear it calling my name.
Let’s face it; Life isn’t easy and glee and all that; but you know what is?
It’s almost a year since I started to catalogue list of things that I wished I had lots of them in life. I called it ;“Things I wish I had more of them”. I initially came up with some boring things about life, career and relationships; things that I’d learned over the years and gathered from mentors, books, friends and people close to my heart. But later some better stuff filtered in; good choices like love, happiness, contentment trumped everything else.
I created it to remind myself of useful things that mattered; probably more so because it kept my hope alive to relive them someday.
A year later I still read it a few times each day and wait for crazy things to happen!!
What do I wish I haven’t had enough? What could I offer myself back again with what I have learned over the past years? Of course, this is an idea that people play around with in their minds; and quite often realize that an upbeat past has the genius to turn things around for some good in present as well. So, why not wish for it?
Unable to warp back in time? Fear not! You’re not scammed…
If you are someone like me, let me recommend a few out of my own list that I wish for more. It’s Ok if I couldn’t wake up to a wish fulfilled each morning. I know desires have a cranky way to keep you thinking for the rest of your life about an even stranger scenario; you returning back and reliving them.
Wish I could do exciting things once again
Funnily; it’s not about success or even remotely about happiness! It’s about doing things that are exciting. In my declining year, I still want to be a 25yr old jaunty good looking beau, gleefully chasing some haute’ damsel from neighborhood. I want us to climb the trees, jump the wall and beat up all the bully boys when feeling pissed off! I want to live my share of one heartbreak, one true love, one success and one moment of despair again. I don’t want the creaking knees or cringing eyes falter me or the loosening skin shame me. I want to be reminded of all the battles that I survived and the ones that I won.
I want me to be excited. I want to be nubile and mercurial. I want to be foxy, short, sweet and crisp; all at the same time!
Could there be anything more desirable than this?
Wish I had saved more
Like any young boisterous nerd, when young I was quite mindless about money. I did save and invested but I couldn’t manage to hoard it. Not that I was letting the thought pass by me but I had more exciting things crowding my days. I was getting carried away by the whims of the moment. A few simpler things could have made my present more bullish and upbeat. I could have done so much but didn’t pick up; I simply whizzed past in the fast lane!
See…when you are young you ride the wave of youth. You feel you’re gonna stay young forever. Behaving like a teenybopper I too was equally less impressive and less receptive or perhaps more distracted by less meaningful things! I thought the opportunity to save more will keep on endlessly coming and kept on spending the dime on utterly trivial things.
Why don’t we ever listen to a good advice when we are young? Somehow I feel though that I wouldn’t have listened even to my older 50-ish self then.
Today I wish I could travel back in time and save myself the pain, effort and trouble that I was going to earn for myself later.
If you’re in your mid-20’s and reading this, do yourself a favor; don’t burns the candle at both ends; heed when some good advice heads your way.
Wish I had worried less about changing jobs that I didn’t like!
This surely applies to everyone but is more prevalent when you’re a young rookie and Waterloo moment stares you in the face every day of your nine-to-five life. You’re easily intimidated and influenced by peer pressure, authority and roles models expecting you to behave or not behave in a certain way!
Many of my decisions including the one of staying stuck with one job-it hurt most; was influenced largely by the presumption of how it’d look like to others if I did jump the fence and whether everybody would approve of it.
Today, it all reeks of nonsense…
If I couldn’t get out of my fears or shake off influences then, did I miss something important? Have I lose out on living a happy authentic life? Hell no!… but I could have saved myself from endless hours in a dead-end job that failed my purpose and skills.
For the same reason, I admit that being present in the moment with unfulfilled desires is more difficult than when you are in your 20s. You just can’t fathom the value of being present at that age.
#I wish if I were more present then, so many things would have cut fine today!
Wish I’d read Wayne Dyer earlier or perhaps get to watch Lady Gaga in concert
Years later, I could begin to understand the power of simple intentions only now. I wish I could size myself with Wayne Dyer…Umm! for no particular reason; but living a life of unlimited abundance and getting into your life the right people at the right time; Well…I’ll be damned if I couldn’t pick up the idea; something that I needed so much when I was young. So much time, energy and money I wasted on things that only clutter and complicate our lives. I wish I had learned to co create my World my way when young.
Gee whiz!!…I could have done more with so much less.
Okay! Perhaps Wayne had not hit the stands then yet and I’m not sure about the latter; maybe she took to stage sometimes in late 1980s or what… I never got the opportunity to read him on the SoNet and neither could I get the chance to see her perform live.
Imagine my 20s!! I couldn’t fathom that they were going to change my life so much later on…
Amid all uncertainties, I wish I ought to have read all the enlightening things being taught in the books then or perhaps seen her perform on screen at least!
Today I watch Lady Gaga getting love from fans for sweet moments with Liza Minnelli at Oscars 2022 on flickering screens. I wish someday I’d get the opportunity to watch her perform live at Dolby’s.
But for now I guess, she‘ll have to stay in my list of ‘should haves.’
Life is all about what’s happening in the present moment. While we wish, want and dream, our real lives are already happening. For me there has never been anything more terrifying than the prospect of dying out and missing out on all of it, because I have been way too busy wishing what more I wanted instead of appreciating what I have.
Someday, if I could ever get to meet my younger self face-to-face, the first thing I’d want to say; “Hey, stop worrying. It’s useless. Life will turn out just fine. But you can make it better by following your heart. And know what… everything you hope to feel when you get what you wish for, is with you right here, right now”
If you think that one day you might find yourself saying; “I wish, I had” then by all means do that thing right now! Hopefully you’ll never have to look back for things you wish you had accomplished more.
Trust me; it will pay off so long as you consider your wishes as no more than a little vacuumto clean up your everyday mess!!
From moments of pure bliss to “badass togetherness”, relationships sometimes flinch. Between valleys and peaks, you are never certain whether or not it’s meant to be what it is. Sure you could work around to fix the rough patch somehow. But will that hold? Will everything be the same as before? At what point should you draw the line between rough times and simply giving up?
Or is it time to say enough is enough?
Like everybody else, I could realize the spoil only when it was too late. But I spared myself the anguish, for I knew it’s never too easy to see it from the inside. Sometimes it’s blindingly true, yet we couldn’t see the red flag or smell the rot.
And surprisingly you couldn’t get to start over again…
Bad things do happen in relationships and the rot might ruin the romance, friendship or just about anything familial. Sometimes it hurts and in your anger or inconsolable grief you feel like lashing out, cursing or yelling to let the world know how bad the hurt is. You may even get to the state where you want everybody to be hurt no less; to make everybody feel the misery no less.
The edge happens only when you find there’s no time left to reveal your love; to let others know that over the last few months they made your days a bit brighter and helped you heal better from the hurt that others left behind; that they sank into your heart and stayed put. In the midst of impossible, somehow they became your favorite.
But like good and bad times, there are moments when things begin to get out of control. You are clueless; not sure whether to go with it or away from it. You just can’t hug harder any longer.
If any of these signs are persistently a part of your relationship, you have a serious problem to consider. It might have reached a dead-end and this could be the time to let it go peacefully.
Remember though, every tragic of something is the beginning to a fresh start.
When enough is enough
Criticism is good; it gives you an opportunity to find your misplaced positives. But even that has a quota. Negative comments feel cruel and so does one nasty word that can silence a million applause. See…even the SoNet community works the same way; your fans may have cheered you a thousand times but you’d only remember one single message that tried to run you down.
However, if someone in your life always jumps in to say something about your wins all the time, you have a red flag there too!
I say… life sucks! but that’s how it is.
If criticism and negative comments begin to corner your attention… you need a deeper look into what’s happening around. Is getting out of a messy relationship worth the anguish of parting ways? Sometimes it gets dismissive but severing ties peacefully is more impactful than inflicting emotional damage on yourself.
See…there is a pattern of narcissismspecific to each one of us. But even that doesn’t work right all the time. If somebody keeps pushing you constantly and tells you that it’s for your own good so that you may improve; don’t jump for it. If you fall for it you’ll always be looking for doses of approval from others which will never come even if you gave your 100%. Some may even pin for your attention and time!
Criticism and negative comments lower your energy and distract your attention. If you do not want to turn yourself into a junkie looking only for approval and adoration, allow yourself a course correction. Simply let go of a relationship that has constrained you all these years.
And remind yourself…you deserve to live free! So, just let go of the decay.
No crooning or cocktails!
There is never any dearth of time to change your ideas about the future. It’s Ok if you are not where you thought you’d be today- you have many tomorrows ahead of you. But the journey is never straight; you’d sometimes outgrow what you once wanted in your connections. It’d feel good if you could realize the extent of your responsibility in the context of relationship, today.
This is your journey and yours alone. So, be wary of the people close to you who would not hesitate to throw in your face the things they did for you. They may have lend you a thousand bucks and say that they saved you from penury; more to make you feel wretched than to value kinship.
I know it’s a profound statement and maybe incorrect for some of you; but that’s the truth. If the other person needs to hang the medals for having helped you, it’s time to start over afresh. You can’t turn back the clock or delete memories, but you can choose to live quietly in present.
So, it’s time you bid adieu!
In the hustle and bustle, trust walks off
When the bad outweighs the good, it usually means hard times have arrived and are likely to stay for a while. If you can’t remember the last time you were happy…surely the problem is deeper than meets the eye!
Arguments in a relationship come with a territory. You are sad and neglected and could sense that something is seriously off, yet couldn’t pin point why. You find a pair of hoop earrings that definitely don’t belong to your mate or wake up each morning staring vacantly at the ceiling fan and think, “How the hell did I get here?” He’s off to another business trip or you come home to an eerie silence everyday; your phone used to ring off the hook and now all you hear is crickets! You hang in there hoping things to turn around somehow. But with explosive fights, mascara running down the cheeks duels, you know something terrible is waiting to happen.
Essentially, you both have morphed into nasty dinosaurs for each other. You may try to convince yourself that what matters is to live in here and now; but the truth is more savage- you just cannot hide from it.
So, when at the end of the day as you lie down and pat yourself, “Wow! We made it a day without fighting,”, it’s time to get out of the fracas.
Don’t be blind to the obvious and wait to get your heart pummeled. It’s time to dump those dingy rose colored glasses and get yourself a terrific new pair.
Believe me…if you can’t stay civil on vacation in a gorgeous hotel with gorgeous spreads and cocktails and room service…it’s time to say quits.
Many times you’d be tempted to make excuses and stay put in a relationship that has reached its expiration. You keep on hitting the reboot button, frantically hoping that everything will be Ok again. This continues to happen until the next time when the not so funny emotional roller coaster starts all over again. Eventually it’s a Joe No-Show and you could feel the cold feet. This means that both of you have flaked out and lost each other for good.
You may not be ready to face it…but that’s fear talking. Don’t let it rule your life. So listen to your instincts, trust your guts and stop working for a relationship that has jumped the fence. It’s time to admit that your future with the other person isn’t on the radar.
Should this happen, start taking care of you and break into a happier life. Value your needs, wants, and most importantly, yourself. Without depleting yourself, step out into a life that you truly deserve. Think of yourself twenty or thirty years from now and merit yourself by doing the right thing.
Above all stay away from people who will sooner or later leave you stranded.
Overworked and worn yourself to a shadow, you’re struggling to jazz up! You’ve even tried to fix fatigue by hitting the sack more often— only to wake up more exhausted. If that’s you, here’s the secret: Sleep and rest are not the same thing, as many incorrectly confuse the two; ; yet one won’t come without the other either!
It’s 7.00 am and dogs and diaries are all lined up for the day. But more than feeling energized, everything is pissing me off. In no less the same way brothers would hurl nuclear weapons at each other and get out unscathed, I snap at nobody in particular;
“Why the hell do we get to face another day uninvited?”but her around, then in a more resigned tome;
“Suppose I’ll have to make do with what I get”.
She ignores me and tersely retorts; “What this Putin is doing? Have you been following the news?You know what; I can’t get him, Zelenski or the war out of my head”.
I remembered; we were talking about the war in East Europe last evening.
“Oh really!… I’m sure he’s very concerned about your opinion”, I chide softly.
“Shut up”, she admonishes. “Wouldn’t he know how to stand up to his credo?After all he’s no comedian actor turned President like Zelenski”.
True; the world we live in, it’s the jesters and jerks making big, who hit the headlines more often trying to make the most sense these days.
I sigh and decide not to snap back. I feel tired and worn out.
Yesterday, it was a holiday and I’ve had a late afternoon slump; went to bed early. Yet, this morning I don’t feel rested; the surge of well being is simply not there.
I grumble and whimper… Guess, I am yet to give in to the frustrating truth about R&R.
Why else would you want a proper break if you’re not feeling tired, gutted and need it?
Uh-Oh!! Who am I kidding?
You already know it! Take regular breaks throughout the work day; sitting long hours at desk is worse than jabbing yourself with an Ebola-infected syringe; eating lunch at your work station is a sin…blah blah. You are aware and so you should get up frequently, yoga poses would help, nip of fresh air in the park- perhaps even a power nap…
All this aims to make you happier, more productive. Who knows. some day you may even decide to leave for Office earlier with enough gusto to spare.
But actually you don’t do any of these…do you?
Instead you surf face book; read blogs, watch extensively crazy youtube video and all the while munch peanuts for no reason; all the while miles away!
In the meantime all this atrocity builds up a frustrating irony about sleep and rest that very few acknowledge!
When we are drearily tired and burnt out, we miss the basic connection between fatigue and poor decision making. Our willpower gets besieged and we pick up random threads to believe that some ‘cognitive’ break like stretching, chatting, or drifting through social media, is enough to deliver.
If you are the one who has set his heart on this belief…well you couldn’t be more wrong!!
These aren’t really the breaks that I’d look forward to. Given the kinda load they put on our brain, I might as well have continued working with no rest.
For most of us this hoodwinking is similar to ‘bedtime hesitation’ or failing to go to bed at the intended time even when nothing stops us from hitting the sack.
You know the drill;
You are worn out drained and ought to sleep, yet the walk from the sofa to bed via bathroom seems too much of an effort. Surfing absentmindedly through Netflix menus though feels relaxing. Not surprisingly, frustrated sleep means you’re less likely to have the energy to haul yourself to bed the following night!
So, is there any way out of it?
Begin by taking breaks early in the day, before you even feel you need to. This keeps replenishing your energy levels. Move outside frequently, not because of fresh air or some audacious attraction, but because there will be fewer screens to rivet your attention.
Wrong turns right tricks
Whenever I feel extremely tired and have an intense urge to lie down, I know something is not working for me. Each one of us has days when we feel exhausted and run down. It’s Ok, but constantly being tired and spent isn’t.
And who else but you is there to sense the alarm when something goes off the hook.
Web Quickreads and biohackers usually prank different sleep and rest techniques –from physical and mental to emotional and social, all bragging to kick start you.
But do they really work? Are they any better than some cooked up web story to refresh your senses and fill you with some fresh excitement fast?And are you clever enough to know what is pushing you into sleep dysfunction snare?
In most cases, weariness is weeded out by reworking your lifestyle but correcting or improving your fatigue index is taxing. You need to get to the bottom of it to know what’s causing it before you rid yourself of sleep syndrome.
Here are six possible reasons why you’re always tired and how to get sleep impairment back on rails.
Your caffeine fix needs trim
Feeling tired and morning all screwed up!!…
You have gulp down enough of black coffee and in the bargain you’ve earned yourself some spoofed up sleep cycle. You’ll be tired and confused day long and will be tempted for more of caffeine to stay perked up.
But the cycle of poor sleep won’t let you.
And it’s not swell, alright!
Caffeinated beverages are infamous for a temporary energy burst but over-indulgence is criminal. It might roughen up your next day.
If you are a caffeine buff and are currently experiencing sleep issues, try snipping it back. How many cups? That’s difficult…but a cup half-filled each time will do the trick. Your consumption would halve and might improve your sleep and energy levels.
Stimulants like caffeine uncannily exaggerate the effect of adrenaline rush, make your heart pump faster, you respiration fires up… all so much for a kick! The spark however doesn’t last even two hours.
The slump returns afterwards.
Eat and beat the woe
The food that you eat and how much you eat, makes one helluva difference to your sleep pattern. It steps up or diminishes your energy levels. If you are eating healthy and are still tired, try changing how many times you eat. Some people get the rush with several small meals throughout the day while others could do with three square ones.
There is no wrong or right; your energy needs may be different from others.
But watch out! What and how much you consume, does matter. Allowing yourself a free run on the table is spooky!
See…it works like a snow ball rolling downhill. The more you gain in weight, the less inclined you’d be towards work. And then you won’t exercise, burn the kals or feel swell!
Poor hydration devastates
Eight, 8-ounce (240-mL) glasses of water daily; this is what we all hear about proper hydration but it all depends your weight, age, sex, and activity levels.
Are you drinking enough of it? Thirst, fatigue, dizziness, and headaches don’t hurt, if you do. But if you feel bulldozed then maybe you’ve strayed off the course!
Staying well hydrated is unique since many biochemical reactions take place in our body every day and need water loss to be replaced. Lower hydration levels means waning energy and ebbing ability to concentrate. In fact, it could affect your entire body, including your sleep cycles.
So, you don’t have much of a choice; you just couldn’t do without it. If you’re not well hydrated, your body will put itself off to maintain water balance instead of giving you energy. All you need to do is to adjust your intake with how much water you’re losing daily.
A simple thing like stopping at a water faucet or a bubbler when you walk by one could just be one good idea.
Some extra won’t burn or spoil anything!
Bad wrap comes with bad rap
Not entirely undeserved, fat issue are plucky and a bad deal when it comes to overall health. Not only obesity is significantly linked to many chronic illnesses, it could just be the reason for your chronic fatigue. Your risk of obstructive sleep apnea might spin-off out of control, cause daytime fatigue and directly affect your sleep cycle. Needless to say you also run higher risk of depression and type-2 diabetes.
Poor sleep quality and sleep dysfunctions spawn weight gain too as you are less inclined to work. Lethargy, drowsiness and exhaustion are your helpmates now and won’t let you free!
Maintaining a healthy body weight preps you for some good sleep and tweaked energy levels. Experiencing some high quality sleep also prevents weight gain and reduces fatigue.
To begin with, settle for polyunsaturated fats for oils and seafood and monounsaturated fats such as olive oil, nuts, and seeds for the right balance. The unsaturated variety may help lower “bad” LDL cholesterol.
If this helps you any bit; quality sleep would rid you of that creepy hung over feeling caused by the same biological function that gives you a jet lag.
You need a break from SoNet !
Yup! we all want to be emotionally charged all the time. But the glam and splash trashes our physical health at whatever cost. Chatting with close friends or family does the trick for most part. Bright lights, computer screens, background noise and multiple conversations — whether in an office or on Zoom calls — overwhelms our senses.
Worse…if you’re an introvert and your work demands you to be in company of lot many people every day, you definitely would run short on some ‘me time’ to rest and recharge. You can’t spend 40 hrs a week staring blankly at screens or jumbled messy surroundings at work and end up the day surfing social media; yet remain passionate about everything. Innovations?…Not a chance. This mindless disarray will have you mired in sleepless tossing nights in a hurry.
So, simply lay off and lie low. Take a break from your cellphone, screen and other gadgets. Do something as simple as closing eyes for a minute in the middle of the day, unplug everything (mobile and laptop and every other thing) at the end of the day, go for a solo walk, read a book or enjoy a nice tea!
Intentional moments of sensory deprivations will begin to undo the damage inflicted by an over-stimulating world around you.
And the trap will spring open anytime sooner!
Don’t be shocked if it feels thick and naked at first; you’re all keyed up and coming to a grinding halt is more painful than continuing.
Yes, you do need a break but don’t expect yourself to want one.
Are you in despair and unhappy? It’s possible that your past mistakes may have caught up with your thoughts and somehow messed with your happiness. The key to understanding why you’re upset in the first place and couldn’t be happier- lies with you!
Don’t we all spend one helluva time thinking about what we need to be happy? Do we ever think what holds us back when we believe we have done enough for some life changing tomorrow?
Honestly…changing life for some good is not that easy. We learn every day and take each day with a grain of salt to make space for a brighter tomorrow.
This isn’t about that though, is it? Clearly not…I’d wager it doesn’t end up nicely all the time.
An irrational hunt for happiness has been waging for decades in true sense and the rage is yet to die down. Even Roger Hargreaves in his 1971 rhetoric ‘Mr Happy’ with all his hippy dippy wellbeing ideascouldn’t get any close to being relief to more modern ideas about mid-life burnout and the gut wrenching resignation syndrome!!
When young, I had learned an easy way to guard myself; I pretended –I don’t care and because I wouldn’t, nothing would hurt me. To me, it was simple game plan and it worked so well; sadly if only for a short period of time. In exchange, I gave up all hope of building some meaningful relationships, warmth and few fine moments of euphoria.
In college I wasn’t any close to camaraderie either; almost no friends. I never went to parties or would hustle to catch up for coffees with campus buddies.
Of course that hurt. Deep within I desperately longed for the college life that you’d see splashed across billboards or experience in some smug misty-eyed soap channel. But the thought of putting out and possible snub was just overwhelming.
So, I convinced myself- I have no time for friends.
I was bitter, angry and sometimes resented everyone and everything; but at least I spared myself any rebuff.
Fortunately, as I grew up I learned to open up and face myself. Yup! it did hurt sometimes. It’s never fun to judge yourself.
But you know what? Today, it feels better than the other alternative; settling for a life half lived!
If you have read me this far, it’s possible that your moonlight happiness story has got lost somehow. You’re caught in a web of your past mistakes or maybe you’ve been giving more brains than brawl to your past and have wrecked your present as a consequence.
Isn’t it time to stop living adrift? How else could you ever hope to be happy again, if you can’t let go of what’s already happened?
If you ask me, life is both beautiful and ugly and we all get to choose how we want to spend it. Many of us make things way more complicated and usually crash out than live it in a simple way. Yet there are those too who endure each day with a happy sunshine view on life.
And so could you; only if you know how to look forward to improve your life!
Here are a few simple-yet powerful things; not judgment, toxicity, perfection, gossip, grudges or excuses; the usual trivia- that you need to let go right away, if you want to reward yourself;
Create some free space for joy and happiness
Happiness comes from living true to yourself. Sure, we all make mistakes and stumble and fumble, but then life is far from perfect. It’s comforting if you play it by your own rules and not the one pieced together by others.
When we spend too much time wondering and thinking about other’s lives, we lose sight of all that that matters to us. Instead of living for our hopes and dreams, we start following someone else’s play book. This slowly becomes a plucky gamble; one that you can never hope to win.
So, look around, let others inspire you but when you feel that you are beginning to lose yourself, it’s time to let go…that clammy endless collating.
Renew and get rid of the rascal in you
Not that it deliberately blocks happiness from entering our lives when you want it …but it tends to make-believe that everything in life hovers between black and white, right and wrong, good and bad.
I’ve struggled with this wretch and it has earned me only a lot of unnecessary stress and conflict in my life.
#She comes to date tonight, or she doesn’t love me.
#I either succeed today, or I’m a complete jerk.
#You will either support me totally on this, or you don’t trust me.
Do these sound any familiar? I had burrowed myself in cheat stories like these in my ‘I’m hype’ age and it’s something that I lock horns with even today.
But I have learned to respect the duality of life. I make space for it. Today, someone cancels plans and I still love that person unconditionally. I’d fail over and over again in some weird project and yet I’d know I have made progress. I believe in her though I know sometimes I’d get to face some raised eyebrows.
Of course, certain things in life are not there to question but you need to stop jumping to conclusions.
Begin by accepting that every life holds many shades of grey.
Love it or hate it but ditch perfection
There is hardly anything wrong with self improvement only if you could keep in mind that chase to perfection never ends. In fact, it may even keep you away from happiness and stall you from taking risks. You may miss living life to the fullest.
Perfection to me is nothing short of a huge problem. You set for yourself high banners and grails but you merely rollick between better and the best.
And it reeks of sickness and twisted psyche…. You’ll always feel as if haven’t done enough or maybe you’re not good enough to deliver. This may even stop you from trying anything at all.
We perceive this as something negative…something that destroys our flair and clouds our judgement.
However, I see it differently . I consider this to be my USP for I’ve tried hardest to reach the best. Giving your 100% is kinda celebrating your uniqueness that made you so different.
Once you accept that moving forward is more important than being flawless, you’ll never again be afraid to make mistakes.
Everybody sometimes fail and so would you. So, simply endure. It’s more important that you embrace these mistakes and learn from them than let these mistakes keep you away from trying something at all!
It’s tough to keep everybody happy
It’s natural for us to want people to like us for making them happy. But sometimes it hurts. It prevents us from being happy ourselves. This has a lot to do with our insight about what makes others happy.
You’d say that if people are pleased, they’ll be happy. But it doesn’t work that way always.
Happiness finds way in our life only if and when we want it to. True…we feel it when we succeed in making others happy. But it’s unlikely that the end result is true happiness. It’s tough to keep everybody happy for people have different needs. You might end up making somebody unhappy because of what you did to make someone else happy!
See!…It’s exhausting and stressful when we neglect our own happiness and rank pleasing others above ours.
Not that you should drop caring about others and getting along with them. Making someone smile feels fantastic and could greatly affect your own joy. But incessantly trying to please others usually backfires. So stop gagman theatrics and be your friend first.
Bliss will follow…
Piano man with hard habits!
It’s human to believe that one’s always right. That’s even true when it might not be the case. Different values and beliefs is what decide between right and wrong. So when you say you’re right, it might mean that opinion differs.
Of course, it’s hard not to assume that we’re right unless proven otherwise. And to believe that you’re right 100% of the time, sometimes has negative portends. Endless arguments and pointless conflicts don’t prove a thing because there are two sides to every argument. “I don’t know”, say this and you acknowledge that you don’t know everything.
Conflicts would wane when you take this simple huge step in the right direction.
And that’s something, Yup…that will make you feel happier.
It’s never been easy and I’m still learning every day; but for now I can yell a lungful; I’m happier than ever before. I have laid off things that used to make my space crappier and buried the hatchet for good. In return I have earned me a brighter tomorrow.
And I have touched the piano man with a golden heart …
Everybody loves a happy ending, especially when it’s the story of their own life. I have begun writing that ending today. After roughly couple of months in it, lots of scratchy notes and 2000 odd words later I have finally researched my way to be happy forever!!
If you are someone who believes that one doesn’t always need to stay happy and hopeful through difficult times and seriously think that recluse in vulnerable spaces is enough to ease off your discomfort, then it’s time you come out of your therapeutic feel good irrationality!
Imagine yourself 10 years ago. Were you happier or less happy than you are today? It’s not inappropriate if you think that you were happier. But 10 years hence, things are likely to be a lot less rosy. And it’s no fun to rake your brains over it now.
Happiness tends to decline as we walk through our lives and bottoms out at around 50. Then something strange happens; it races uphill again till people get split into two groups; those who get a lot happier and those who couldn’t be any less unhappy.
Right around the“I’m so hype!”age, most of us would rush to make few good financial decisions, plan ahead and are more likely to be able to support themselves in comfort and be alive always; rest who wouldn’t, just couldn’t.
Something similar happens with happiness. As we grow old, we begin to see things differently. The excitement and fun of adolescence gives way to brutally negative jibes of adulthood. By now most of us have experienced bittersweet pleasures of life; but little do we realize that these tiny time specks can make us appreciate more and encourage us to be on cloud nine, when the going gets tough.
Tough!!… is it a bad word? It certainly sounds dismissive and cruel. We all have had our fair share of moments when wits got thrown to wilds. It hurt… but prepped us for some plucky life moments ahead!
If you ask me good things happen more often than the bad ones, but often we miss opportunity to stay connected to happiness. We easily forget that age is like some fabled sycophancy that allows us to fly high in the real World. At 50 you could still be the same adorable pig tailed gal or some jaunty good looking knock-out beau. Both of you could still climb the trees, jump the wall and beat up all the boys. Young and raunchy, fiercely ambitious you both have had your share of one heart break, one breakdown, one true love, one success, one moment of despair and gloom – you have had mountains of them.
Cringing eyes, creaking knees and despairingly loosening skin, need not make you falter now. There is no shame in growing old and struggling a bit; it’s a reminder of all the battles that you have survived and the ones you won!
Once you have learned how to love your lines and folds and aches and pains, begin looking for some honest happy moments, few of which you could save for grey years.
Here’s what I did to make my life stay as full and happy as possible when I reach my later years;
Does age equals happiness?
Like everybody else I too will grow old. But I don’t see myself climbing mountains every day to be happy or live in a landscape where that’s an option. I would rather go for a walk or sit in a stretch of green watching the birds feeding. Doing so would give me something to look forward to each day.
For me the ‘sweetness of doing little or nothing’ is all about savoring the moment , having joy in the present and saving a bit for declining years.
When I was young, the happy–well person in me learned well to accumulate resources and habits in pursuit of happiness. Few of these, like generational wealth–so difficult to control, happy childhood-that descended from long lived ancestors and sometimes spots of depression-again a formidable enemy; all have been there to teach me about late-life happiness.
Elders would mock, “Only handfuls heed; rest count on being lucky!”
I picked that up rather seriously!
I thought that being passionate about something that I could pride later on, won’t hurt anybody. So, I chose the best way of maximizing my chances of being happy in my autumn years.
I have made some big investments in my disposition-smoking, drinking, body weight, exercise, emotional resilience, education, and relationships ranked high in my judgment. I have dug deep, chosen the hackneyed lane and I believe that I’ve done the right thing! To some varying degrees, I have kept all of them under my fold since then.
Surprisingly simple, it’s perhaps the most reliable way to see yourself smiling forever!!
Love doing what makes you happiest
It didn’t take me long to realize that the best way I could tweak my chances of happiness, is to pursue that one thing that could make my heart race in high octane. Not that I would let any of dopamine, adrenaline or norepinephrine run out of control.
So, I chose…
One small deed; one overwhelming gesture that when I lock my eyes onto, would make me feel all pumped up; one simple action that would make me smile every time I looked back.
I strongly willed to improve upon my ability to weather stressful and unexpected turn of events in life. And I chose to pour my heart into it, letting it to be the last!
Ever since, I have realized that one single most important thing for wellness in life is to raise and foster warm relationships; one that would make you quit small sins; one that you’d have to hold on to if things go south; one that would let you fit the bar pretty well even in a squeaky wrinkled frame.
I’m no die hard biophile. It’s a mean old world and we all have scars but for me happiness is no longer a matter of the heart. I know that I won’t necessarily be doomed to misery if I could work my way to few good, warm relationships.
I just want to be happy and successful. To look back on my life when I’m all old and grey, and think to myself;
“See! I totally nailed it. I have zero regrets.”
Life is surprisingly simple
We hear about success and happiness everywhere we look. We get all sorts of tips and advices about life and about things we should and shouldn’t do.
But it never really works that way every time!
Like most of us, I wasn’t sure what these words actually meant or how to get there. I might already be there and wouldn’t know it yet!
So, I looked around… What could I do to make sure I’m not getting waylaid in my pursuit of happiness? How would I know for sure that I am working towards joy and happiness that right now doesn’t feel tangible?
It’s hard to reconcile everything. Wish for an everlasting happiness and it would usually contradict ways to a successful life. The hard part is that there is no clear answer to this and all those wisdom bombs are only part truth, part value.
I needed to find the right balance for myself.
I took an inventory of all my habits and behavior and judged myself where I needed to invest a little more time, a little more energy and a little more silver to start moving in the right direction. I worked ‘smarter not harder’ so I’d still have some fun left to myself and not be exhausted or miserable when I turn 70s.
I’m no goofball; I’m hopeful and see opportunities differently. I’m sure I’ll find my perfect grin soon.
As I sit quietly, I reminisce one premier episode of Grey’s Anatomy; normally a few laughs, sometimes some tears; one dialogue in particular that really hit home for me. Somewhere a patient had said something along the lines of;
“Well of course you are happy, but is there really a cap on happiness?
Lately I think I’ve been very happy; maybe I’ve maxed out. But then I remind myself; there is always room for more of happiness… there’s so many miles to go.
I also know that not everyone feels the same way. I see people battling with misery and anxiety every day and this touches me to appreciate my happiness all the more.
All this has drawn an empath in me and I know that everyone deserves to be as happy as I am.
I wish, if only you’d do just one small close to your heart thing, to bring a difference in your World and empower yourself to be happy always.
It’s unlikely that you’ll follow everything that matters and that’s Ok. Just pick and choose the one that sounds easy and worthwhile and take your first step slowly!!
Someday you’ll find yourself lucky… blessed if you may!!
Anger is a nightmare and not without consequences. Many a times we reach out for stuff that does nothing to relieve our hideous mood while we endure. But one thing is certain… anger is something that few of us can control and the rest can count on having major issues dealing with it. To calm down all you’d do is either count till 100 –this does not work for me- or sip on some green tea to save yourself from going back to those peevish emotions.
But yup! … There’s another way out too.
If you are in a snappy mood, yelling and overreacting to anything and everything, then you definitely need to work on your cranky attitude. It’s hard to rationalize but you really aren’t yourself if you are angry and without realizing it neither are your well controlled self.
Hopping mad and hormones in you upping the ante! Between snapping at everyone in sight and angry at the entire world, your stomach rumbles and you get more irritable. Maybe you are hit by Hanger- the ugly-romantic expression for mash up of anger and hunger. Shaking, feeling weak and fatigued, you continue to boil while the fight-and-flight hormone (adrenaline) continues to race through your veins, pushing your mood to limits and making you behave ugly.
This is when even small things feel like the end of the world!
If there is nothing happening outside your body for your irrational behavior, then probably you are not getting enough glucose to your brain and it’s struggling with energy intensive tasks. Your blood sugar has dropped and you are fighting yourself not to flambé your surroundings.
But you are not alone…
As much I hate to admit, I love to think of myself as calm, level headed fellow but deny me food for a few hours and the going gets tough for just about everything! I have had my fair share of anger management but crying for food? ….everything would fly off the handle. And I ain’t sorry for what I say or do.
This I believe, is the point when extra snacking helps even if the next eat was a while away.
There is a lot in the world that could make you angry, stressed or worried all the time. So, when times get tough and moods tougher, navigate yourself to some squeaky clean food to calm yourself down. A box of donuts or a bag of chips is what you’d jump for, but be wary…they will also quickly push you back into throes of anger.
So, here are a few eats that may not exactly relieve you of incendiary emotions but would help you channel that fuming energy into something blessedly trivial. Besides no matter how cross you are, you still have to eat! Why not something that would ease off your thumping pulse?
Chickpea and pomegranate Greek salad
Fifteen minute prep time and this salad is a go-for meal after a ‘not-so-healthy’ day, when you’re looking for few good things that you couldn’t find in 4 champagne cocktails, cheesy dip or a late night pizza.
There are many smart ways to a pomegranate only if you knew how. Help yourself to a quick, simple almost vegetarian stuff. Of course you’d have preferred something more elaborate, but now with a nasty busy day staring you in the face, you’d better settle for something inane.
This salad is straightforward enough but the appeal lies in texture. Chickpeas as always are dense and mushy but meaty crunchy cucumbers and pomegranate seeds, creamy salty feta cheese and bright herbs, all woven together in a simple tangy dressing of olive oil and tart red wine vinegar, come to your rescue in fighting off your misery.
Smacked cucumber salad
Wake up your therapeutic feelings by smacking a cucumber into bite-size treat. It’s a delightful salad, right down to its salty, slightly spicy sauce and a perfect food for short outbursts or when you suddenly find yourself about to explode right in the middle of something important.
Lentil and macaroni soup
Isn’t it exciting and euphoric to clench something tightly in your fists and crush it into tiny bits? One perfect fix for your pent up irritability and you let off some steam in a jiffy! Crushed canned whole tomato soup with tantalizing fresh macaroni pasta with a dash of olive oil is your best spin of the day. Believe me; nothing would better a bowl of this refreshing nourishment. Leftovers would keep well for a few days. Leave out the pasta and you can freeze dry it for quite some time.
Is your boss giving you some tempers off late? Somebody close getting onto your nerves? Slurp down some of the hostility on the go with a banana-almond-flax smoothie that works great both to your mental health and your taste buds. Ward off anger and depression with nuts and flax seeds that are good sources of omega-3s.
Greek yogurt with honey and granola
Packing-in a few happy ingredients, this positivity parfait is one easy way to curl up your spooky madness on the go. Friendly probiotics slackening your depression and easing off those buzzing sounds in your head make full fat Greek yogurt a tasty way to fight the blues. Add a spoonful of honeyed sweetness and you get a punch-up to fight off irritability; in part by reducing inflammation in your brain. Pitch in some berries to score one extra health point!
Quinoa, spinach, and shiitake salad
This super-food-packed salad’s has all the awesome goodness of vegan protein. A complex carbohydrate, it reins in depression and anger by pushing up levels of neuro transmitter serotonin in your brain. Besides the mood-boosting spinach comes loaded with B vitamins. Pair it with mushrooms- a good source of selenium and give a tough fight to anger and depression.
Poached eggs and asparagus
These stellar protein orbs are any time epic food even for jaded gourmands. A good source of vitamin D, eggs provide mood-boosting vitamin B. Paired with asparagus that contains tryptophan, the combination is an ultimate bite on a cold wintry morning. Frayed tempers, godforsaken tantrums!… increased levels of feel-good serotonin in your brain would do the trick and sizzling arguments would never get past your plate.
Brown rice and black beans
Eating when you’re angry or riding low is usually not recommended. But certain foods have the power to ease anxiety and fight anger. Beans aren’t just good enough for your heart— they work wonders to your brain too. Selenium in them picks you back up when you’re feeling low. Plus, brown rice helps to lift your mood by regulating serotonin levels.
If you feel like a raging bull, all seething, stormy and blustering; this food is your best bet to keep your frenzy in check. Everything about this dish yells health, happiness and moreish. The whole wheat pasta is a complex carb to nurse your serotonin levels while walnuts come with the punch of Omega-3s to help grapple with your anger and grouchiness.
Whole-wheat pasta with cauliflower and collards
If you are reeling with anger and frustration, chances are your brain is not getting enough fuel to manage normal cognitive functions. Don’t beat yourself up over some stale cracker or lint covered protein bar. You may have come across touted versions of this dish elsewhere but the one with cauliflower and collard greens is your best cinch.
Generous portions of cauliflower not only make it taste gorgeous but also provide vitamin B-6 and folate.
Chocolate Chia seed pudding
If you notice people around you are slowly backing up and turning indignant to your mood, it’s likely that your hanger’s ugly head has turned menacing. Not only you are frightening to people around you but also you are vulnerable to mistakes you wouldn’t otherwise!
So, cool off a little with classic scoops of Chia and Chocolate pudding! A more sustaining alternative to standard tapioca, this one is a double whammy food to fix your mood swings.
Chia seeds have all the goodness of depression and anger fighting omega-3s, and dark cocoa powder helps keep bad moods in check.
Coffee with cinnamon
No Red Bull for you if you have the urge for a war cry in the thick of a long afternoon. Coffee is a natural stimulant, boosts your energy and perks up the metabolism so you can face the day without berating much. A hot one kicks you alive by raising levels of neurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin. And a sprinkle of cinnamon is all it takes to pep up your slurp.
Green tea and honey
Angry and hungry!… you’re more likely to pick up an argument with your sweetheart for no particular reason. Since you may in all likelihood act awkward or be aggressive towards the people you’re closest to, it’s not uncommon that both of you will share the ignominy together.
Green tea is one great source of L-thiamine to relax your mind and sharpen your wits. Sip through a cup of the green stuff at breakfast, before bedtime or… during a brawl break.
Does this all mean that food is the cheeky stuff that could alter your mood and probably back-off your pyromaniac blues? Is it something that we should depend on for our mood swings and anger control? Aren’t we happy enough when we go for pizza or head straight to ice cream buckets and cakes and cheese induced snacks?
Not to place judgment, I just wish more people would see how detrimental it is to their well being to be hamstrung by anger and not doing enough to let it go.
It’s a mean old world and we all have our share of scars. Yet we all talk about how great things will happen in future. But happiness isn’t something that we wait to happen later. It is something that we strive for each moment every single day; work deadlines pushed up, coffee spilled over new shoes or failing that midterm, annoyances and hard habits pulled under the rug; everything and everybody works to be just happy. Even the most pessimistic could do with a little bit of sweetness in life.
Unfortunately not everyone has fewer problems or lesser troubles in life. Things do sometimes turn topsy-turvy. And you could be in trouble if nagging emotions like guilt and shame overshadow your resolve even for something as simple as losing weight or cutting back on booze. You are absolutely the kinda person who succumbs to his worst habits pretty fast.
But it doesn’t have to be this way all the time.
What if we could somehow influence our worst traits enough to serve us better? Skeptical! … It’s not my kinda stuff either but if you ask me, things don’t turn south every time you push for redemption. By being intelligently and purposely lazy, less mindful, messy, slow, cluttered and bad tempered, you could actually get rid of years of craziness and be more successful and happier on your own terms.
Building a good relationship with yourself is always a worthy investment…isn’t it? After all, we all spend quite a bit of time with ourselves; so might as well learn to enjoy it!
Here are a few life hacks that made even the lazy and wrathful person in me a little bit more happier.
Love your anger
Do you get to explode at a work meeting? Or do you think, ‘What that person says, is upsetting. I’m going to address it, but not now.
Whatever, you simply can’t wish anger to go away. It’s strong – it’s high energy, it’s not comfortable and it takes some time to ease off. There are times when you are in-the-moment but don’t know how to handle it to your advantage. But what if you could plan using that anger at some other time?
Everybody gets angry when a situation changes disruptively but very few realize that we can use that intense energy only if and when we know what we’re angry about.
I learned to draw on that anger- not to match the intensity or reactionary blow-ups – but to harness it for good. Rather than wading in or stepping up the conflict, I found it helpful in managing overwhelming situations. All I pushed for was not to let it get out of hand.
After all anger is not rage. It’s not the hardest thing to handle; but if you could, it would sharpen your focus, ping you with lots of emotional information and get you some surprising outcomes.
It’s neither good nor bad-it’s what you do with it that matters.
Stop being ‘ busy’
I guess I love being lazy now!…. but I do not let my mind be occupied with squeaky distractions. I am talking of proper idleness- choosing to do nothing!
For most part of the day we stay focused on checking things off our to-do-list which is otherwise Ok. It helps in developing a productive mindset but en route it turns our personal lives into kinda running checklist, rather than something enjoyable.
Allowing myself to be lazy was just the perfect antidote I was looking for. For once I could stop checking G-news and Face book and WhatsApp every 10 minutes or hang on to some freaky e-mail that ought to have left me worried some three weeks ago.
Stuck with laziness! …maybe a little but for once I could waylay those scary to-do-lists at home and embrace slower healthier activities like taking a walk or reading a good book. Wonder, why I couldn’t guess earlier; I was so close to being happier, simply by being brilliantly lazy!
Of course, the tricky part isn’t finding the way but having the reason to fulfill it.
Negative emotions sometimes do fix things
I never like the idea to settle things in part because being with difficult emotions leaves me feeling wasted. Maybe my understanding of ‘toxic positivity’ touches the darker side of psyche each time I land in a limbo. It’s like ‘I am tryingto cheer up someone who actually just wants to be heard’.
The positivity falls flat.
Haven’t we all have experienced it; when as a parent or as a partner all we wanted was our problem solved instead of simply talking about it?
But I find million good things about negative emotions. Fear, rejection, jealousy, guilt, sadness; all help me to navigate well in the social world. Like everybody else, I don’t spend much time tolerating negative emotions. I turn on Netflix or would grab a good book, sip through a cuppa good coffee or rush out to the porch to do some good to myself. I prefer to stay out of touch with intolerance.
I am no longer parenting misery or sadness!
Try to be less mindful: It works!
Mindfulness isn’t something that creates a moment of calm if you are in the middle of a crisis. Anxiety, panic attacks or physical dissociation – these disruptive emotions with generally negative results and potential side effects leave you with nothing to fall back if things go awry. I won’t say mindfulness is bad but it doesn’t make life any better. I realized that being mindful made me feel unlovable, unworthy and if I allowed-it would consume me. I wouldn’t feel cared for and insecure with no sense of belonging.
Contrarily, I got better at recognizing that worrying less- helps, for there is no cure for it. It simply arouses feeling of fear and anxiety and gloom.
Besides who wouldn’t love to feel safe, secure and free of any fear?
Things have since gotten nicer and better as I dwell on it and gently guide myself back to everything that matters.
So, you too could make this personal for whatever your needs are and see things brighten up!
I jumped making resolutions
I despise getting bogged down by those silly New Year’s vows. I am not the kind who put his feet down firmly and stays put. I get shy fast and would quit in no time.
So, this year I decided to stay clear of resolutions. I tried approaching myself with as much kindness and love as possible. And…it felt good!
Think of it like this;
“If you hate your guts enough to lose 20 pounds, do you really think you would end up 20 pound lighter?
Hmm!… maybe, maybe not. But what you will certainly have practiced is hating your guts.
As far as I can see, self dislike is what drives most of us to resolutions. Dreams to dazzle push you to make epic promises that usually never get past the idea.
It would sound infamy to say this, but to be at large has been a brilliant win for me. It’s also the most loving, beautiful and exciting fun to keep all those barren promises out of my hair.
I feel free and I tell myself… life’s not so bad!
I think I now love myself deeply, no matter what!!
This year I forgot to make New Year resolutions in time and in turn decided to stop striving to be someone I could never be. I felt it’s time to embrace my messy, imperfect, soft bellied self and put my worst fears to good use.
This is how I made some real peace with myself and learned to love negative emotions.
To me, penning thoughts and phrasing them is a messy affair. I wonder, if you are here only because you don’t know how to come up with your next story idea and have scant respect for my writing skills. Maybe you just want something apropos, some inspiring thought for your next storyline. I wouldn’t know if my choice of words convince you enough to appreciate that I too am a borne writer.
Either way, let’s get it right!
If you are reading this, I know one thing for sure;
You are a ‘curious’ person! And in that my success is certain. Oddly, curiosity makes one smart enough to want to know more and understand better. It makes you dig around for answers to “Why?” and pushes you to keep hunting until you are satisfied!
We all have our share of bad days and like everything else; I think I too have had some poor articles, or essays or blogs!! For me writing never meant to be rude or shocking or like some spilled beans on paper. I have felt and always acted on the desire- to purge myself of what’s inside me so that someone like you will understand what I feel at this moment.
If only wishes were horses!
It’s hard to remember the last day, the last week or the last month when I laughed and found things intensely funny and rib tickling. When were those few hours that I wasn’t worried about something and enjoyed watching sunset or lying snug in warm quilt with a good book when it was raining outside on a wintry afternoon?
It’s kinda hard whenever it crossed me; “Like everything else, this too will end in a while”!
Perhaps, I ought to glue something more inviting on my PC; something that would say;
“I am more smart, strong and brave than I think I am. I am my hero with a golden heart”!!
See, it’s hard to learn about yourself from a distance, but maybe I have.
I wake up each morning and wonder what better could be there to write about. I read articles every day. I nose through pointless stories and try to make some sense out of them. I even look around for everything that would fit me into the bar.
Aw-shucks! Who am I kidding?
I like it when my stories are read but I absolutely love it when you subscribe! I get goose bumps each time an eye finds my page. I stand witness to your curiosity, your humor and your intellect every time I get reviewed.
Did I get it right? Maybe I am brave enough to hold on to a faltering confidence!!
My writing caper has not done anything to fill my wallet so far. Like you I too want to prance around to a success with words. I am though, yet to establish myself as someone with something up his sleeves every time he dares to shine. I know I cannot survive on catchy phrases and snappy headlines only.
But then there is this terrible voice endlessly growling inside my brain…
I must write…I must write…!
Last night I dreamed… of that nasty hand again; reaching out for me and a muffled voice breezily saying; “Never mind, you will get a new cat,”!
Wishes communicating!… Hell no! I have no pet and so couldn’t make much of it. I though remember feeling untouched and used.
Is that 1628 Scottish proverb nothing more a nursery rhyme? Wouldn’t wishing something dearly from your heart, could make it happen? Wouldn’t some falling star come to my rescue?
Yet I couldn’t resist writing and wishing …
I wish you to read what I have to say and give me the chance to shine and impress. I wish like everybody else you wouldn’t shut the window and run away. I wish to stand out with my content to an extent where people would hunt for my name and not for the headlines alone.
Everyone has vampires in their lives and like every relationship, marriage too is a ridiculously complicated one. It’s simple and easy to believe… that if only both individuals could get to know each other, understand each other’s needs and get comfortable with their surroundings, living a life with all its dark pleasures and experiences- healthy or unhealthy; would work epic.
Like sweet lies before the bed it would get under your skin and drive you nuts like some lemon bae!…all tangy and exciting.
It’s equally simple to say that people marry for love, but I believe it’s more about the joy of sharing things and experiences that makes for the most suitable material for wedding vows. When two individuals decide to live together, life is fated to turn upside down. Sometimes it’s not an easy one. An uncomfortable, bumpy road faces you. Understanding, likes and dislikes, need to know…challenges weigh heavy!
And it’s gets stormy and uncomfortable for those who couldn’t manage to keep moods high. Loss is inevitable if you don’t know how to cross stitch the canvas of life, needles going in and out, adhering to a pattern you cannot foresee or comprehend.
If you ask me, loss works just fine for weights and investments, but when it comes to living with a companion, you wouldn’t know a thing till countless panic attacks and anguish ransack you. Worry swallows you whole!
Over the past, the soreness of losses has grown. Some of us fume against the God, others find comfort in imagining multiple lives. Very few would look for solace elsewhere…
Haven’t we heard infinite times that a successful and everlasting marriage is forged with peace, love, and trust as primary choices. But what if it starts to lose it’s sheen? What if those snaky pencil scrawls, coffee chats, salty fried crumbly banana chips and clover leaves dried between the pages, begin to lose their craziness. What if all that pep talk about love and aftermath falls flat?
With just about everything else happening under the sun, wouldn’t it be fine to ignore the trite and build an elegant restraint for a successful loving relationship?
Here’s few simple ways to help you keep your togetherness blissfully alive and stoked!!
Choose to be attractive
Attraction is a decision that you need to make through out your marriage. You get to decide if your partner is hot and sultry!..if you are saucy enough to be exciting to your mate; if you are tasteful and zesty enough to be the zippy sparkling person she always wanted you to be! Who wouldn’t want to feel the excitement of being with a flirtatious, incredibly sexy and attractive partner?
Evolution has wired us to be drawn to anything and everything that appeals to senses. ‘Attraction thoughts’ likewise push you to focus on attributes that are exciting and drawing most. Like your beau’s great legs or the way she dresses or parents your kids? If this is freaking awkward; to you , it’s good news indeed!.… none of you have to be a cover model to feel attractive!!
Your happiness is only about feeling connected to each other. After all physical attraction runs far deeper than looks!
Giggle, chuckle, cackle or guffaw together
Life at times hurts, so if you can find some mirth even when you are in the thick of it, it helps. A laugh is what decides if you are being perspective. Finding hilarity in both good and bad times make partners find ease around each other. Be it some little inside joke, a silly irrelevant text or even watching a boring comedy together, connecting with your mate strengthens your bond even better.
Celebrate every small good moment for there will be none like it
Tough is a bad word, It’s dismissive and cruel. We all get our fair share of moments when our wits get thrown to wilds. It hurts, but to have someone in the weeds together, helps you shake off the despair easily.
And it’s just as important to acknowledge good times as well…together!
If you ask me, good things happen more often than the bad ones, but we miss those opportune moments to connect.
So, next time your mate shares anything positive like some admiration from office colleagues or compliment from the boss, drop everything you are doing and lend an earful! Help each other savor the moment by sharing and celebrating. Promise yourself to open doors to your heart. Your fleeting moments together with few precious grains of happiness will never fail to outweigh darkness.
Don’t let the thought of a probable breakup haunt you
‘I was hanging around with my friends, I just couldn’t get to call back’. ‘I am over my ex’. ‘You’re just overreacting, there’s nothing to hide’.
Any such thought, big or small, is a big ‘No’ for a healthy and trustworthy relationship. So, if you find this tormenting and hurting, it’s not mere reflection of your anxiety but a red flag of a non-serious relationship.
Justified or not, chances are that you might be thinking of moving out!
But who wouldn’t prefer a few joyous moments over all that gloom and darkness?
And it’s easy too!!
Simply, don’t hold grudges for too long in your heart. Forget the mistakes of the past and reach out for some happy moments of the future. No jumbo patience… and be forgetful of the past bitterness for the real joy comes by chance. Feel it in the peals of laughter at a passing joke that leaves you gasping for breath; when you cross your legs so you don’t pee on yourself for you couldn’t make it to loo. It’s snuggled in the movement of hands painting, knitting, cooking or even rhythm of your legs on long rambling walks. It’s both the feeling of rapids thundering inside you and in the soft humming overwhelming your heart.
Funnily, happiness collides with you only when you are looking the other way.
Even happy couples argue
With all that dancing and laughter and revelry- marriages are fun but being married isn’t always a piece of cake. There’s actually a lot that goes into living “happily ever after,” Not every marriage is happiness all the time. Like other relationships, sometimes marriages too hit a rough patch. But when in fight; happy marriages do listen to every view point, recognize them and if it threatens to go off the rail; try to mend them together!
Hinges crusted with past scabs, all that the door to your heart needs is a hard push. Ignore the screeching hinges and push firmly. Loving with all your heart, generously and fearlessly, will come back to you in dollops not dribs.
Accepting the inadequate rewards you with ever lasting bliss. In fact, being in argument means you’re normal and mad and hopelessly in love with each other!!
Age doesn’t matter
Been in wedlock for more than three decades and I have never considered age anything more than a numerical inaccuracy; some numbers that needs to be tackled all the time. The only thing that worries me is that it works more as a multiplier than as a division sum. We all get reduced to a fraction of what we once were!
But what the heck…!
At 40 you could still be the pig tailed gal or some jaunty good looking knock-out beau! Both of you could still climb the trees, jump the wall and beat up all the boys. Young and raunchy, fiercely ambitious with disdain for conventions, you both have had your share of one heartbreak, one breakdown, one true love, one success, one moment of despair and gloom – you have had mountains of them.
Yet looking into each other’s cringing eyes, creaking knees and despairingly loosening skin, things are not so crest fallen. Now that you have learned to love your lines and folds, aches and pains lose ground.
Besides there is no shame in growing old and struggling a bit. It never felt better for me to have equivalent of a general’s medal, pinned to my frame; and a reminder of all the battles I have survived and the ones I won!
Reality check? Well… “You do complete each other”. Age is a fabled minion that’s romantic and lets you flies high in the real world.
Seeing the glass as half empty might inspire you to fill it up!
Happiness for me is an elusive virtue and for the most part ‘think positive’ belief fails me as a miracle fizz for mental wellness; one that you could pop in and instantly make half empty glass turn half full and everything around is suddenly bright and sunny. But just because I generally don’t eye the world from behind those rose tinted glasses, doesn’t mean that something’s wrong with me!
Sounds weird…doesn’t it? if this rings freaking odd to you, then you could actually be the one who is ecstatic and all pumped up about happiness, but is more miserable within!
How many times have you been told that great things happen so long as you believe them possible to happen and think positive? From pop psychology to improv classes to self improvement blogs; hype surrounding the advantages of positive thinking never leaves the din.
Sure, it’s good to be positive. It reduces stress and probably tweaks health. And it makes me vote for one profound statement that usually proves naysayers wrong; optimism bags you rewards most of the times including your well being!
But what about those who tend to see glass as half empty rather than half full? Does that mean that they cannot keep your sunny side up all the time? Is being a pessimist that bad?
I would say that only a handful recognize that our unhappiness lies in overly high expectations and too little struggle to overcome snags early on. Damned!…the millennials always get shamed as a ‘burnout generation’ that’s left with few choices to make.
Because we couldn’t make time for happiness; we are busy, confused and sad.
Fortunately a grim outlook doesn’t need to be a permanent one. You may get scattered from mildly pessimistic to relentlessly optimistic. But if you get hunkered down at the perilous end, you could still reap some benefits of being downbeat without burning yourself out.
And it takes only a few changes. Small and gradual; they are nothing like what you’d expect;
To begin with here’s a few of them;
You’ve been pushing yourself too hard to be happy.
Negativity sometimes works as a great defense ammo. You don’t get always crushed when things don’t work out your way. It never distracts you from a pessimist’s favorite past time; brainstorming.
But it’s not always good to beat a dead horse! When you are ruminating; it’s not just another bad day, it’s always a bad day in a bad life of a bad person!
Besides, pessimism loves to blow even a minor problem to a billboard size one.
I couldn’t easily overcome that valley low feeling whenever I get stormed loud and messy. It’s overwhelming. I get screwed up fast because I couldn’t burn the bridges behind my back! Maybe my octopus teachings are not profound as it goes.
Do you think you would be left with any room to focus, if it soaks up so much of bandwidth? It’s no surprise why dreamers never fail to outsmart the pessimist in you on happiness index.
So, find yourself some quick distraction you can use whenever you realize that you’ve been stuck up with same negative thought for long. Pitch yourself into activities that ask for your full attention. Yoga, aerobics, calling a friend or even absorb some music. It might help you to avoid falling flat on your face.
And don’t be some eternal jaded jerk; it never feels epic. It’s perfectly alright to get depressed. Just stop trying to be happy. Stay in your lane and you may end up making more money and win over a happier marriage!!
It feels so good to blame someone else for your woes
“I’m lousy at tennis”; “My opponent has a killer serve.”
If you are the one whose way of interpreting life’s ups and down is dismissive and begins as an inane story with petty perspectives, then you could be failing in giving some basis respect to your self. When good things happen to you, you dismiss it as a fluke; when bad things happen you jump to blame yourself and brace yourself for a long spell of silent sufferings!
But you are not like some textbook dingbat who would wake up each morning wondering which and what went wrong. Are you?…
Bad events are like one time problems and disappear quickly. And optimists too get their dark afternoons. Cancer patients among them are just as badly depressed as their pessimistic counterparts.
So, when you catch yourself being dark, glum and all that, re-frame the problem so that it doesn’t sound like yours alone. Instead of standing all by yourself and thinking “No one is interested in me — I am pathetic!”, try something more bright; “Where’s the hostess? How could she let a newcomer fend for herself without making introductions? I most certainly wouldn’t allow that to happen”!
No scapegoats of course! But it helps to recognize that you’re not the problem, even if your behavior could use some pinch.
Besides, it feels good to keep practicing your tennis serve even if you’re not sure how would you rally against someone at your level. It’s always promising and worthwhile to throw a bad serve than drop the racket.
If only you’d imagine the world is coming to end.
Another thing that darkens your prospects to be happy is your penchant to make a mountains out of a molehill. You are always hyperlinked to yourself, rewriting grim possibilities until they blow off and turn into something of a doomsday screenplay. A simple cough turns into pneumonia; not the kind that would let you recover from ever! One missed deadline and it’s fast forward into permanent unemployment!
“Am I really to live beneath an underpass in a freeze box because I’m a day late on a project?”
Worst case scenarios are usually absurd but rewinding and playing them over and over again, makes illogical appear inevitable!
And it sucks!
So… just think of the outcomes that’s most likely. Chances are you are gonna miss the executive suit, but it won’t be under the freeway either!
The stunner of all this messing around is, that you do get to feel a bit of power over your thoughts and situation. The sense of nursing pessimism each morning works fine, for the world is not going to get shrunk in one day.
Keep trying and you’ll get what’s coming to you!
Do you know why your opponent at tennis court ends up with so much to feel good about at the end of the day? Long after you have given up and gone home still thinking suckers!… he keeps trying to unscramble impossible- to-solve mind benders!
There’s a lot of payoffs in this. Persistence is the cutting edge and it means what !…success at school,fatter paychecks at work and wider social acceptability. Who wouldn’t want to make some brilliant win sometimes?
If you are looking for the quickest way to get yourself in the loop, then act like the person you want to be; It’s only about changing the way you feel and the way you think that would define you.
When recognition is the only inspiration, act like you have triumphed some crazy big match battling it out with confidence and hard work. ‘Fake it till you make it’ for this can have surprisingly strong and immediate impact on your emotions. But then, it works only when you correctly identify something within yourself that’s holding you back.
Get surrounded with upbeat people
Yawns like smile are contagious. Positive vibes work the same way. Hanging around with people who aren’t so grouchy about anything and everything, could be your one-way ticket out of an unrelenting pessimism. And if you are not feeling particular chatty, you don’t have to talk about what’s troubling you or put around the word that your mind is in a negative tizz. No need for anybody to know exactly what’s bothering you.
But simply being surrounded with positive minded people is usually enough to trigger a grin all around and shift your mood.
So, keep your frown right where it is, for some form of pessimism actually heals when not taken too far. Ignored and unforgiving;it in fact is protective and sometimes rewarding!
Someone’s telling you ‘no’, is always a problem.
Small choices! Yup…but encourage yourself to smile, smile…and smile for this world is only about solutions; not problems.
And happiness is a journey where so many things make you happier, #guaranteed.
And it doesn’t mean that a downright naked-in–a-crowd nightmare is waiting to happen!
Here’s what happens after you nod off.
Did you have a dream last night that has left you bonkers? Is it the one that drops in on you day after day?
Spooky!…Maybe it’s trying to tell you something.
Or perhaps it’s our brain’s way of communicating while we sleep. It’s wired like that but…
Oddly our mind isn’t. It’s as recklessly restless as ever. In fact it stays as active as it is while we are awake. Of course it doesn’t work like a neon sign, flash momentarily and do away with the dreaming business. But while awake it gushes around analyzing things happening around us…feel, touch, emotions, events; just about anything that we bump into.
Strangely enough, all of this can turn into dreams, though it’s not always obvious what dreams try to tell us. Sometimes we get freaky ones that stick out. At others, these could be downright frightening.
What does it mean when you dream you can’t find your shoes? What if you go blind in dreams? What if you dreamed of getting divorced? Right from abysmal fall to a frightening abduction by ETs, every moment of your dream has something to speak of about yourself that you wouldn’t realize otherwise.
So…read on for some startling revelations! Here’s to few common dreams and what they might be trying to tell you!
You are running like hell
You definitely are mobbed by some insecurities. You worry too much about what people at work think of you; how’d they react to anything new happening in your life. Just about anything and everything disquiets you.
I wouldn’t wait for anything steroidal happening, if I were you. I would let go anything and everything crazy and creepy.
You can’t find your shoes
You couldn’t make up your mind over some important decision you have to make or some cracking position you have been asked to assume.
If you find you have misplaced something of value in dreams; it’s just that you don’t think much of yourself and value yourself a little less in real life. You could be steaming low on self esteem in waking life.
You are falling into an abysmal depth
It’s a huge red flag for you! It’s a sign that you have some major issues in life; work, relationship, just about anywhere. You would feel as if things are running out of control and there is very little you could do about it. You are rather hanging too tightly to something particular in waking life. So simply relax and let go of it.
You dream of your loved ones suffering
Would there be anything worse than to wake up from a dream where you watched your loved one suffer. It feels valley low. Guilt pangs have hit you hard for having done something wrong in your relationship with this person. Atone it and feel wonderful.
You dream of death
If you die or feel like dying, it might be that something in your life is coming to an end. It doesn’t necessarily mean foreboding death or you having some terminal illness you didn’t realize you had. In your waking life this signifies that a part of you is changing. How you react to the event in dreams is the only way to know if the change is a welcome one or has been forced upon you.
You are late
…And you couldn’t find ways to make a rush for some very important date! You are not a White rabbit yet you have panicked for being late! This simply means that you are overwhelmed and inundated with work stress. Being late makes you feel as if you’re making promises that you can’t keep. Don’t leapfrog but strap your boots tight!
You have become stinking rich
You have struck gold! You have won the lottery and you are feeling at the top of the world. This sudden richness in dream reveals your deepest desires- from being rich to traveling the world and mean that you have become more wiser in waking life. Not so much material as spiritual wealth, it would also mean elevation of your worth to others. No pep talk this one! It’s the beginning of a new you.
This is great! Now that you know of it; chase them.
You’re in love
This is serious! If you bump into a passionate date in dreams and feel as if you are about to fall in love, then kick yourself!! You lack this kind of intimacy and passion in your waking life. Your love life, if any is all flattening and your uniqueness is being ignored.
You have missed the ride
You find yourself stranded on a platform or tarmac for having missed your flight or the train has departed. It’s a sign that you are weighed down by too many commitments. Maybe you are pushing yourself too much in waking life and fallen from grace one time too often. It hurts. But you can get to redeem yourself once you become intensely aware of your deep seated priorities. Just leave unnecessary baggage behind and be friends to your internal vibes. Remember; you cannot beat the clock!
You have done horrible things
You dream of having committed some satanic crime and trying desperately to cover it up. This could mean that there’s a problem inside you and you need to address it fast before you get a meltdown. Besides a whole host of other wild dream-crimes might leave you feeling evil.
You’re unable to speak
If your voice fails you in your dream, this could mean you are bedeviled with some unresolved tension in your waking life. You really want to be out with what’s in your mind and to speak and be heard. Begin with addressing issues in waking life if you feel ignored and have found no way to make your opinions heard.
There’s always a better way to shoot the breeze!
Flying in a dream is extremely freeing. It encourages you to let go of things you couldn’t handle and let things happen the way they should. It’s a sign that you have freed yourself from something frustrating and difficult to overcome. Good times or mere coincidence?… may be; but even this feels only when you have managed some weighty decision or whacked through some serious responsibility.
That’s a dream I wouldn’t miss to get onboard with!
You are being intimate with a coworker
Strangely enough, intimate brush in dreams isn’t as straightforward as it sounds. If you dream of being physical with a coworker, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you have a crush on them. You could actually be looking for an inner connect with that someone having ‘positive traits you admire’ and would ‘welcome in your own life’.
You showed up for an exam but weren’t prepared
You have showed up for an exam and suddenly your heart sinks! you realize you are totally unprepared for it! You feel weird. Bile is swelling in your throat and a sour taste fills your mouth. You fear, maybe you have prep for the wrong subject or just can’t make anything of pages before you.
This dream is a sign of something positive in you; you are a high performer, hard worker and believe in doing things right. So, no heavy hearts! Simply put, it’s your fear of being unprepared that keeps you stoked to be totally ready to perform.
You need to pee, but couldn’t find the wash room
You need it badly, you’re trying but couldn’t find a toilet! If you get bogged down with this dream, may be you’re not addressing your own needs rightly in your waking life .
You literally want to let the crap out of your life. You want to declutter and let go of something or someone you couldn’t hold onto any longer. But you just couldn’t!
Of course!… you might actually do need to go to wash room because your subconscious is tipping-off with dreams of you looking for bathroom in vain.
Search yourself and get rid of dark afternoons!!
You’re getting married to a stranger
A sense of unawareness about your partner to whom you are getting married, is a manifestation of untold fears. You are not totally sure of yourself, what is expected of you and that you might be committing to something that you are uncertain of. You doubt if you will have enough time for yourself if you commit.
You’re getting divorced
You are crass enough to have filled your schedule with too many things and are overwhelmed if you dream of this. Should you despair?
No! this one is trying to tell you that you have failed to balance your commitments and keep up the promises you made to someone close to your heart. You are succumbing to perils of your obligations and everything feels going murderously berserk.
You’re standing stark naked in public
Have you ever woken up in a dream to find yourself completely naked? If you feel at ease being buck naked, you probably couldn’t be more comfortable in your own skin. However, if you are scrambling for cover, it could just be that you feel vulnerable and not happy with who you are right now.
It’s a relief that it’s a dream only, but it might be time for you to find ways to get comfortable opening up to others. An improv class might just be the right choice to begin with.
People from waking life keep showing up
It’s perfectly normal to find friends and family in your dreams, but it’s confusing when you stumble upon an acquaintance. This may mean that someone has left impression on you and might turn important to you in the future. If you dream of someone you like (or love) with someone else, it would mean that you’ve lost the fire and aren’t so passionate about them as the other people around you are!
You’re in an empty room feeling trapped and scared
You’ve got untapped talents for sure. But if you are in an empty room with closed doors or barred windows and feeling spooky and all, it could be about something old that you haven’t look at before; anything related to your life—your job, a relationship—that you’ve shut the door on.
But…no need to be eternally skeptic. It’s only about trying to open that door, even if you’re scared. Take your gloves off and do your bit. If you can’t switch up something major, it wouldn’t hurt to go on holiday for a bit.
You’ve gone blind
If you suffer blindness in dream it could just be that you’re overlooking something in life or worry that you aren’t able to see something. You are in a situation in life or your personality where you have hit a blind spot. You debility in dreams may be expressing areas in your life that you have been dismissive and cruel to.
In waking life you need to go beyond what the eyes see and find out ways to respond in a legit way.
You’re searching for someone
If you dream you’re searching for someone, it would mean that you are trying to reconnect with your own identity that you haven’t touched for so long. Dear me!…nothing to do with that particular person.
You’re lost in sea and drowning
These ones are pretty scary!! You are lost somewhere mid-ocean and you’re boat is sinking fast. This tells you that you’re feeling overwhelmed or unsupported somewhere in your life –either by your loved ones, friends, or at work.
You have found heaps of yummy food
Did you went to bed hungry? If not, this could be something deeper. Food symbolizes energy, knowledge, or nourishment. So, when you dream of it it could mean that you long for more knowledge or somebody or insights about something.
Demons have scared you to death
Whether or not you’re the one of them, if you dream of running around in their midst, it tells that you are secretly feeling as though you should change your behavior. You’re worried stiff about it lately.
It’s time you get rid of that garbage ways and earn some basic respect for yourself!
This is the scariest thing that can happen to somebody in dreams. Dreaming of paralysis indicates that you have a lack of control in your waking life. Sleep paralysis though can occur at the moment between REM sleep and the waking stage of sleep.
Your teeth are falling out
Events in your life are in upheaval. You’ve probably lost something of value in life; maybe a job and with it, your feeling of being in control. Your teeth are the symbol of your confidence and how powerful you feel. So if you dream like this; something is definitely causing your confidence to crumble in waking life.
You’re accused of a crime
If dreams where you find yourself an accused or actually having committed a crime, torment you then probably you’re hiding something from yourself in your waking life—and it isn’t always have to be negative.
The hate dreams where we commit or stand accused some crime usually mimes a conscious choice that we make in waking life to gain wider social acceptance.
Worrying for a lifeline! Ignore some of your personal needs; purge yourself of any guilt and try fitting in. It’s perfectly alright to stay in your lane and redefine yourself.
So, does this all mean that you should worry! Are your teeth actually going to fall out?
Don’t psyche yourself out!
If you are all worked up and fear losing sleep over what your dreams might be trying to sell you, you need not dwell over it for long for one simple reason…
You are not alone!!
We all share more or less the same fantasies and nightmares and rummage for the meaning behind those strange way of messaging. It’s only the way we interpret them that matters.
What dreams speak of is not always as undisguised as you would want to; but you would sleep a little more soundly tonight if only you knew what your mind’s trying to tell.
It’s seven in the morning and you have just slammed shut your bedside alarm clock##@@**
It goes off again; you press snooze but it wouldn’t mind.
With the next shrill buzz, you hop out of the bed and hustle to get ready. A quick head -out- of -the- front -door is what’s uppermost in your mind.
And then you realize that you haven’t thought of anything for breakfast.
Yup!…You do need a good one to ride you through supper.
Again thinking of skipping it? Running short of time, rushed morning or simply not hungry!! If you are missing out, then you definitely are one of those 37% of young working people, who would rather hop breakfast than be put off by Boss’s disapproving glare, for the rest of the day
Pity…if it happens daily!
Morning cuppa java is fine to ease out of your sleep, but to kick starts your body, you need enough of breakfast to break” the overnight “fast” quickly.
So, are you doing enough to outsmart the ‘four pillar’ challenge everybody is talking so much about these days? Are you good with nutrients? Do you savor your first tuck of the day and get enough of it without going overboard? Have you ever tried new food combinations to expand your palate or checked on some new healthy delicious choice?
Search for answers and I’m pretty sure, you wouldn’t fare any good on those healthcare indices when it comes to taking a delicious, sporty healthy breakfast to fuel you and get you moving in the morning-quick!… if you couldn’t manage some.
It sucks!!… you need to dig deep.
After all, it’s nutrition that you require each day, is what we are talking about.
So, how about swapping your egg benedict with something more exotic? Cereal and toast; bagel and cream-cheese; bacon, eggs and hash browns; you have had enough of these old timers. It’s time you re-imagined what your platter should look like, if a jump-to breakfast is your only option.
From warm noodle soup to fluffy steamed bao, from cottage cheese to black beans to flavorful veggies; some savory, some bold and pungent, some mellow and natura fare; look up for some delicate heart-matter inspiring new-to-you alternatives to your standard breakfast that would lit you up enough to become a breakfast believer!
If you know how to weigh-in your food choices and get yourself some good taste to experience without rushing into a diet disaster, upgrade your morning meal with some healthy, inspiring favorites.
Here’s to what to eat when your day begins all rushed-up…
“What is this mysterious pancake clutching my eggs and toast?” you ask yourself as you struggle with your senses over breakfast.
Flaunting a fiery mix of sambols (mix of freshly grated coconut, chili pepper and red onion ), some coconut gravy and a spoonful of creamy dhal (dried, split pulses), it wouldn’t be long before you fall in love with your first Egg Hopper Sri Lankan style for breakfast.
A simple affair of fresh chilli, onion relish and pol sambol mix, this delicious satisfying oomph dish has the punch to make you come alive in no time. Yeast raised coconut and rice flour pancakes sporting luscious yellow of egg yoke in the center and cooked in a small wok with lid, are a spicy delight and exciting to tuck. Lacy, crisp with slightly steamed texture, it takes less than five minutes to cook from start to finish. When served with exotic add-ons like fried mushroom, bacon, sausage and fresh fruits. it sets out a profound rendition of English breakfast.
Greek-Style Scrambled Egg
You’ve heard it before; your first meal of the day is the most important! But you wouldn’t care if it doesn’t come with a caveat; something with short cook time and no major meal prepping.
See…you have hands full mornings!
Easy to make and low in saturated fat, salt and sugar, this one is yet another great way to jump start your day. Heaps of protein will keep your energy up without spiking blood sugar.
Throw in some spring onions, shallots, dried thyme or herbs for a little extra punch of flavor. Swap ½ cup of tofu for the eggs and use any combination of vegetables, cheese, and spices. Stir in some feta cheese before serve; better do that in a whole grain pita pocket and with some fresh cut fruit, to perk up this energy boosting food to help you get a heap of extra fiber and load of antioxidants.
Oatmeal with spinach and poached egg
When you need something in a snap for breakfast, oatmeal is one easy way to go. No refined flour or unnecessary fats, it’s an excellent source of fiber and carbs, and would give you the energy push you need first thing in the morning!
But it’s not uncommon of you to turn shy of it. It would slip into your failed menu item list in no time, if it stays bedeviled for long!
Try combining it with spinach and poached eggs with a dash of hot sauce and fresh grounded pepper. A heaping full bowl of this comfort food will just be the right choice to begin a perfect week day.
If the idea of quick sugar fixes like cereal isn’t your thing, then a good portion of this nourishing recipe is your answer for an easy, warming and incredibly hearty morning meal.
For all that; not sure what to have for breakfast today? Since egg breakfast ideas are the name of the game, a simple Quesadilla is my pick for a grab ‘n go breakfast for busy mornings.
Stuffed with scrambled eggs, green peppers, freshly grated cheddar or Monterrey Jack cheese and veggies, all enveloped between two crispy tortilla shells; this food is sure to leave you smiling on busy mornings.
Wise fillings only please; no watery veggies like tomatoes, cucumber! Check out for preheated meat only since the cooking time may not be enough to render it soft. The addition of toppings like guacamole, salsa, and sour cream would simply spin this food to perfection!
If I were you and looking for ways for some easy tasty breakfasts, I would whip up a few of these in no time for sure.
Weekday breakfast or weeknight dinner, quesadillas definitely do the trick!
You have worked late and have slept fitfully. Now you’re standing in the kitchen, eyes still halfway open, sipping on coffee like a living-dead! And then the aromas of sizzling tomatoes, onions, red pepper, greens and spices waft into the air. You wake up wide and good to a hot ‘n’ spicy tomatillo-spiked brekkie, that is ideal to dig in with some crusty bread.
A flawless, versatile and a delicious hearty cache of protein, eggs can be poached, fried, hard-boiled, whisked into a frittata, and served with anything sitting in your freezer; somehow, they always work.
Cloud-Egg Croque Madame
Have you ever given cloud eggs a try?
When the sink is already full of dirty dishes and morning rush is on you,go ahead and prep yourself an epic breakfast sandwich out of some creamy lemony eggs!
This egg-cellent croque dish is a mash-up of vintage French croque madame and a classic rally of cloud egg. At heart, with a toasted cheese and ham sandwich topped off by a simple fried egg, this dish is actually easier to make than it looks. The fluffy texture makes it even feel like you are devouring a cloud. With a runny yolk oozing and cascading down the sides of a crispy cheesy-peasey sandwich and an insanely fluffy egg white sitting atop, this lip smacking spin-off is an insane invitation to polish it off straightaway!
Look!… I love pancakes and waffles for breakfast as much as you do, but honestly; both are more of a dessert than a sumptuous healthy food.
And when you start rubbing “red velvet,” or “Brownie” waffles, it’s like;“OK”. But “I won’t”.
Indulgent, lot more traditional and…no kidding! I too live for some great sun-up breakfast ideas but not as wild as those blinking calorie pushers or sugar scammers.
Morning rushes or not, I am not the one to skip breakfast!.
“How could anyone ever think of missing it out or settle for some lame one!”
If you are the one who hustles each AM between putting last minute touches to today’s presentation; to finding where you took off your shoes the day before; to figuring out some good explanation for being late, it’s easy that you will miss a good brekkie before you rush out of the door.
But it doesn’t have to be!
Mornings are hectic but you don’t need to flip omelets or bake fresh granola for a not-so-quick breakfast every morning.
Build up a breakfast menu from the likes of these easy yummy ideas. You’d find them good enough to fall back to each day of the week. And I wouldn’t worry much for a whole new menu each week either, if I were you!
Next time you wake up feeling peckish, try one of these scrumptious deals to take your first bite of the day to next level.
If Paul Simon or David Crosby had their way and ruled the world forever; all we’d need is to make a call and a BFF would show up right on our doorsteps!
Reality however, is like some dark afternoon and friendship is the stormiest of all the ties. As hard it is to find ethereal love, arguably it is even more difficult to pick up a new pal whom we can really connect to.
Free time is scarce- For everybody! And so are friends.
Making one, particularly in this day and age, isn’t easy either!
They just don’t appear. You have to intentionally reach out to someone who doesn’t bore you, is not a hypocrite and never stalls to share.
And I was running scarce on friends!!
So, I set up certain tricky standards before I could touch elbows. I looked around for adjacent friends; the types you sometimes get to see at the Gung-ho parties that usually share mutual friends, but never get to have one-to-one conversations.
Still I didn’t know how to get past that awkward small talk and double time the “Hi! would you care to be friends” business. I had always thought of making friends but dreaded going to the drawing board.
I tried to fit in with the people I already knew…well it just didn’t happen…maybe it was way deeper than I thought it ought to!
The year I turned fifty was the year I realized I didn’t have friends. I was moving into a new decade of my life and felt strongly about my career, accomplishments and relationships.
Yet when somebody would ask me whom I will send a ‘red heart’ on friendship day; my mouth will open, I would gulp and nothing would come out but a long trail of “ummms”…
Like everybody else I loved to hang around with friends. I was wary and timid but would always manage to survive the cutting edge. I would often step out of the box and was friends to many. I was spending very few hours of any day alone!
When I moved out to my job after University, I could still manage to get people to hang around with and never fell short of full social calendar. Real or not…those guys never left me off the hook. I was a footloose and always raring to fight fire with fire at the drop of a hat!
But then something changed!
A lot many of them got married and drifted off; a few shifted to bigger cities and I felt flat. For once I was robbed-off togetherness.
Crank calls grew stale and scarce. We would rarely see each other and whenever that happened, it felt empty. It were as if everybody had burnt the bridges behind their backs! No hang outs, no pep talks…no happy hours to attend; it sensed like I was laid-off from my full time job.
As if this was not enough of a complete shocker, an old timer buddy also left behind, declared abruptly that he no longer wanted to be friends anymore and wouldn’t care less if I felt the same way!
The last straw was blown to winds…. Everybody had hung me out to dry.
I felt sad and lonely. I was nearing retreat and struggling to be mates!
For the mess, I placed a lot of blame on myself. I was canceling weekend plans. I was forgetting to respond to text messages for days. It felt like I hadn’t invested time in fueling friendship. It was like I usurped everything to run it dry. I could have shown more interest in my friends and their families. Instead I chose to spend a lot of my free time sulking and arguing myself.
Why I couldn’t have someone to call a best friend ?
Why wouldn’t I have a guest list nice and long enough to reserve more than a table for two on my Anniv blast?
With so many screaming lives running at full speed and in different directions, it’s hard to slow down long enough to find and develop new friends. People are hooked more than ever onto devices; so finding someone who would care more for a real life connect is a challenge.
Did I get to make new friends?…
I realized that I needed a few things before I could rake up quick rapport with someone. Little did I know then that I was prepping myself for a new decade; both in age and life!
And this is how I saved myself hours of tepid, dead-end banter…
It was my call…so;
I hustled to bore people!
Aren’t we all aware of the things to talk about when we meet somebody for the first time? Sports, weather, work… trivia only; and we worry that anything close to our heart might scare people away. This drift of playing safe, stonewalls everything we build to know about a person- if he or she is the right one to be a friend in the making!
Daring outcomes, I decided to let go of the slipshod gossip and went straight for what moved me.
“What do you think is the best television finale of all time?” “Have you heard about the Pentagon’s recent UFO report?”
I would find these to be a great starter so long as they could stir up some interest for me. I would back away if it worked otherwise and that would save me some rancid moments!
Whatever…I thought either way I would end up happy all the same.
If I could strike a chord; I have won, If I didn’t…
Well! I never liked the idea of going public and make myself speak out to strangers in the first place.
Besides I abhorred the idea of putting down my phone whenever I went public!
I pushed myself to get curious about people
“What’s a belief you have that has changed over the course of your life?”“What has been challenging for you the last year?”
Asking something like this helps to strengthen the fetters, or so I thought. Knowing each other’s opinion over things trivial without judging them might just about crush the challenge.
It felt good;I thought I have finally found a way to make the kill!
But It didn’t work out that way for me …
May be I was asking them to reveal so early about who they were or trying to be. I realized that there is no substitute for time when we think of bonding strongly to somebody.
So I pulled off those superficial stunts to avoid rejection and…
I didn’t have to wait for long to feel connected.
My take on this?...
Next time you’re partying, or hanging around with some one you might want to befriend, ask yourself what’s worth sharing and what’s worth knowing.
Get right to it only thereafter.
I decided to give it a try and said “cheese!”
Seriously! I tagged in ‘smile‘ on my list, for I think it is a powerful way to pickup connections. For one thing, smile takes you out of your head and defines you as profound as it goes. For another, you are no longer being dismissive or cruel.
Besides, who would want to be friends to some grumpy, irritable or crestfallen face?
So, I thought if I could connect to someone by showing off those pearly whites; why not?
I could afford to burn a little, if that helps!
I stepped out of the box
Am I limiting myself? I could easily hit it off with people some 10 years older than me. The only glitch was that I wasn’t sure if I would find somebody brave enough, to hero a dingbat like me…
And it felt like a half baked whiz kid idea fated to end miserably.
A fabled friend to many in the past, I couldn’t dare to stick my neck out and get along with 25-something people either!
I find no shame in struggling a bit; yet I couldn’t find that one soul, I was looking for.
I know this happen sometimes; but to me it happened one time too many. I did come across people who would share mutual respect for Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings and Jumanji. Next thing we know, we would be meeting for weekly brunches and all that pep talk!
But like always…it’s harder. I would end all screwed up. I can’t get past the feeling that I was the only person in the party without a partner in crime.
It just wouldn’t work for me.
Whatever the reason, I decided to stay put and not get discouraged. I knew that with enough self confidence, flexibility and patience, some day I will find friends – and get to keep them for life.
I wouldn’t queue up though!
Today, down the line with 10 years of craziness behind me, it doesn’t feel valley low. I remember to laugh, listen and be kind. I wouldn’t ever let no one who comes to me, leave without feeling better and happier.
I did though find someone freaking awesome with a beautiful mind!!
Life has since taken a coin flip for good. I hum with joy and stay stoked all day long. I wake up each morning wondering if my Octopus teachings did score a point!
“What are you saying”? she would quip; “Friends are a choice to make and don’t come with a tag”; if I were to tell her what it all means to me.
“Why would you say that you get lonely when both of us know that we are not desperate to find each other every day of our lives? “
“Isn’t being together and sharing, the same thing as friendship?”
And she would lit up the world for me.
Both of us would agree and smile but she would still chide softly.
For all that I know about it, it sounds picklish! It’s kinda box full of darkness.. You imagine being so close to your beau and you wouldn’t know if saying it would change your life for any good. You feel you mean to talk about love. But before saying things cliche’ about the moon!…think about what it really means. Isn’t it any better if said it in your own way!!
# “The sun rises, and a bear and cub begin their day together. They splash in the water, climb mountains, and watch the shimmering sky. They show their love by touching noses, playing chase, and of course, hugging“…
‘I Love You to the Moon and Back’ is a sweet heart-tugging emotional gentle tale of a bear and her cub; an adorable read by Amelia Hepworth; a sweet gentle rhyme…
And it never fails to touch the strings…
Today, I am miles away from the person I was at fourteen; far away from those bittersweet mushy feelings that were a torment sometimes. I couldn’t win myself over to tell others what love is all about.
It always ended drearily;
Like everybody else, I too wanted to party on special days especially if it was a birthday or prom party!
Is it really not any easy thing to measure? I would wonder.
It’s always been a meh for me. “Will you be my friend? And it will end abruptly.
Guess I couldn’t ever fake things over!
Love- I hear everybody say, is a beautiful feeling and finds many ways to manifest itself. So, saying to someone ‘I Love You to the Moon and Back’; Is it a perfect way to treat somebody perfect? I have heard this countless times from those in serious relationships. It sounds just like a mother who loves her baby and tries to make her sleep.
It even sounds hoarse some times.
Perhaps they find it the best way to moonshine their love for someone more than anything or anyone else.
Maybe I toy with half baked ideas for long. May be I wasn’t a whiz kid after all.
I just didn’t know why! But I did figure out how.
It is the easiest thing to say I love you. Yet you are in for a rough time if you couldn’t voice your passion. Because love sets out for utter loyalty and you can’t fathom it; the best you can do is feel it and make your partner feel that he or she is the whole world for you.
I read it somewhere that our heart draws energy enough to drive a truck some 20 miles each day! Whoa!…reckon it’s equivalent to driving to moon and back in an average lifetime! So when you are as happy as a clam in your relationship and fired up enough to belter out ‘I Love You to the Moon and Back’, you are essentially saying that you love them with all the blood your heart will pump in your entire life time.
That’s sweet… and great… and equally meaningful!
I however, find it gross and extremely cliché. Just too many people on too many occasions air their emotions the same way. It’s kinda wising off love to stay connected.
And why the moon? Why not the sun? Why not some other planets like Mars or Pluto? Have we unseated them because of the distance or that they are now considered dwarf planets?
The moon is about 238855 miles away. So when we blurt out our love this way, do we mean to say that we guarantee love only for 477710 miles only?
That’ some mathematics… Your guarantee to stay in love expires by the time you turn 60 assuming you are twenty now. Even a car could get you to travel approx 12000 kms every year.
So, that doesn’t tag you to a very strong way to promise love to eternity…
My take on this? Well…. It’s tad different than what you might think!
I believe that if I was twenty years old and have posted on Instagram “I love you to the moon and back,” to someone I assume I would be expected not to love that person when I got 60.
That’s real Cool! A simple’ I love you’ doesn’t work these days. People need that extra frill to express themselves. An extra pizza that everyone else has- would do just fine.
But if this is what everybody is hollering for, should it mean the same to everybody?
#‘What is Real?’ asked the rabbit.” “Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. ‘It’s a thing that happens to you.” Margery Williamsin The Velveteen Rabbit.
I have been in blissful wedlock for over thirty years with a coy, broad vision gal who never heard of this quote anytime earlier in her life and finds it rather amusing.
“What are you saying”?she would quip; “You can say it better in your own words”, if I were to tell her what it all means to everybody else.
“Why would you say that when both of us know that we are not desperate to find each other every time each day of our lives? “Isn’t being together and sharing and caring is same thing as love?”
Both of us know that but still she would admonish.
I assume you are wondering if I have gotten into something too philosophical. What’ s all this musing is about, if revelation is not worth it?
That’ some food for everyone of us to think about.
Besides she might take more than a minute to figure out what this phrase is really all about?
But that is the point…!
Over the moon?… not yet, but I’m Ok with that. Together we have won over many of those cytokine kinda storm of chemicals that leaves us blinded with screaming rage for a while. There are moments of frayed tempers, bad arguments, and godforsaken sizzlers tearing us apart! We might as well be driving each other crazy.
But we manage to get that mess out of our hairs – each time. There is no shame in struggling a bit.
Oh shoot…! Ask no questions and hear no lies!! No..click bait story that I know you wouldn’t buy.
It’s just that finding happiness in your life begins with not wanting to be happy all the time. It’s fine to have bad days. Even when everything in our lives is going well, still there are days when one of us is in bad mood. Life sucks.. everything feels and works awful sometimes.
When it gets this bad, we slow down for three minutes… no more and let our thoughts simmer down. We use those moments to let what is happening around us, sink in.
After those three minutes are up, that seething anger runs out of steam and simmers down to a slower pace.
Crisis staved off, I smile and in turn… she smiles!!
We truly take it in with all our senses. After all a joyful life is the best existence we can hope to achieve. To have someone to love and to be able to accept that love in return feels wonderful!
So, hiccups and hookups aside, who would want to ride to the moon to be happy?
It’s epic anyways!!
Next time, if you plan to take your partner for a ride to moon and back fearing that you might just fall shy of the trust and promises you have made and the whole episode will get trumped, if you didn’t…
Think twice about what it really means. You could do just about everything under the sun and be over the moon without riding up to it. You will come up with a brilliant win…always, all the times!!
So, stay stoked and be a gift to your partner and yourself !
Just like wine and whisky the world of coffee is intense and complex. With endless versions and infinite ways, learning every trick, every brew method and every mix sounds like a serious cliche’ but you’re never late to stoke your passion for those easy peasy beans.
Tune in to coffee making -the complex Indian way for a start. A stellar coffee experience, it will turn you a connoisseur — in less time than you may think.
If you’re creative, shy and introvert kinda morning person, then odds are you prefer coffee over tea.Rather I would say, you are a typical coffee loving person who looks for it’s zing first thing in the morning!
And, what if it gets you to make more money and more pay raises? People in Britain and elsewhere now rally behind the notion that your fondness and choice for morning cup could actually uptick your personality. It pushes you more as a productive, significant and an affordable hand at work!
…in turn your pockets get deeper alright!
More than the ‘tea people’ who are usually pensive and look for tea’s relaxing qualities…. coffee fans are easily likely to say they’re “always” on time.
Latte, Mocha, Italian or American…Like most ‘Coffee persons’ do you also fancy morning cuppa to be black, plain and simple?
Myself a coffee aficionado? No!
I am not a coffee buff nor I eagerly look forward to it. I would rather have tea over coffee. No particular reason… don’t get me wrong! I do like coffee and espresso, including lattes and cappuccinos, but my morning go-to favorite is a steamy cup of sweet fragrant tea.
I have been a caffeine skeptic for quite some time but it doesn’t mean that I have no nose for it. It’s just that becoming a coffee weirdo takes time. It’s equal to becoming a wine or a whiskey sommelier. I think that it takes passion, love for the beverage and the desire to know everything there is to know about it.
And with so much happening in the atlas of coffee making, it’s no easy feat!
I know I have the rush to appreciate the magic of beans and might some day start working my way forward. Still, I respect those who take me for a ‘coffee snob’. And… I understandthat there is absolutely nothing wrong with being a coffee geek at heart!
The point as I see it, is that till you get to explore the world of coffee making and learn the ways to brew it the correct way, people will frown and the cup you think you love might not be even cutting it close.
Hand beaten or frothy- I wasn’t too fond of it until…!
Like everybody else you know much about coffee. You are aware of the different roasts. You know of the different types of beans, where they come from. You know various flavor profiles and you know of all the fêted ‘decoctions’. In fact you are on top of every new coffee trend that comes your way!
But if you know the beans, flavors, and brew styles so well, are you aware that there are more than one ways to beef up your brew’s flavors and aroma?
No!.. I am not talking about some plain simple morning pick-me-up kinda drink any more, but a hand crafted brew of tropical roasted grounded beans that has enough richness, flavor and complexity to shame even the Starbucks’ favorite.
An overall caffeine sceptic, for long, I was confident of my health when the people talked about anti oxidants and balanced diets. No.. I am no health quirk but it never occurred to me that I was missing anything nutrition wise. Good healthy food, stimulating beverages…just about everything! Tea was also doing fine, till I fell seriously ill in the fall of 2017.
I was diagnosed with acute pancreatitis!
And nobody could actually determine the cause for this mortal condition! Everything changed thereafter. The recovery was slow and painstaking. The attending surgeon was fussy and stern…and warned me to go easy with tea.
So I started looking around for shortcuts to improve my gut health. Like many things that I loved to eat and drink but had to let go, I decided to go blind with tea as well. I had realized that it was merely worsening my infirmity.
To cut it short, eventually it all ended up with me becoming a black coffee drinker! Of course I get to add a teaspoon of sweetener (usually white sugar) to my coffee.
It was while I was convalescing and looking ways to less complicate my caffeine intake, that the story that went into coffee making caught my attention.
Search me… it’s interesting!
Legend has it that the 9th-century Ethiopian goatherd Kaldi was the first to discover the stimulating effect of coffee when he noticed how excited his goats became after eating the beans from a certain bush. Curious, he too chewed on the bright red berries himself. Roused and exhilarated, he brought the berries to a nearby monastery. But the monk disapproved of their use and threw them into the fire. A seductive enticing aroma billowed out that drew others to come and investigate. The roasted beans were quickly raked out from the embers, grounded and dissolved in hot water thus yielding what was World’s first cup of coffee!!
The story is largely believed to be apocryphal; probably because it surfaced some 800 years from the time when it supposedly took place.
Okay, so maybe you already prefer a dark roast brew…
That’s good, but if you were to ask me, you ought to experience every type of blend that exist before you get to decide which one you love most..and which ones a tad less! Once you learn to savor your drink, you’ll have a newfound respect for your local java shop.
Spoon into your perfect coffee bliss: It’s not blah anymore!
While the beans you grind are essential for the flavor profile of your cup, how you brew it is just as important. To call yourself a coffee barista, you need to know all that there is to different brewing methods from different parts of the World and how they affect the taste.
So, here’s to some lip smacking ways to whip yourself a cuppa good coffee.
Pour-over, hand made and without machines, try it the way they do in India! Smooth frothy and beaten up, the Indian cappucino is a powerful espresso that comes topped with a sweet foam laced with some fresh cream and a sprinkle of bitter cocoa.
My pick however is a more trendy go-to-spice one. I tried the spice-laced one once and got hooked up instantly; flavors aside I thought-the benefits are worth it. Now I almost always add cinnamon to my coffee. The zing of this piquant candidate perks up my mood in no time, whenever I don’t feel like using cocoa powder straight.
High on antioxidants and anti-fungal properties, even cayenne pepper, ginger, cardamom, nutmeg, lavender, star anise, clove, pumpkin spice and gingerbread spice mix-all in small quantities- are inching out that square of dark chocolate from coffee these days!
Am I asking you to take a blind shot at this unusual blend? Is this an easy way to stomach those beneficial spices and fiber right through your coffee cup without having to open multiple containers?
Probably ‘ Yes’.
Spices work just great when added to grounded coffee or to dark beans and have significant health benefits.
And it doesn’t taste gross either!
The ways of Beaten coffee
I think this whole coffee craze is a bettered version of a new beverage trend that has coffee recipes popping all over social media.
The Indian filter coffee-southern style is one bodacious rage that is getting heads turned and attentions arrested!. Simply put, it is an easy and absolute fad among the coffee lovers who have chanced upon it.
This decadent Indian style coffee is somewhat similar to cappuccino in that it uses both espresso and steamed milk. The name ”beaten” comes from the process of whipping up the silky smooth and thick mixture that sits atop the brew. By hand beating instant coffee, sugar and water you always end up with the delicious brief.
Making it is simple and takes little to prepare. Brewed coffee using standard drip maker or French press is topped off with the mix of steamed milk (no scorching hot one please!), instant coffee, sugar and warm water, all beaten earlier till the mix turns golden brown and thickens into a smooth frothy mixture.
The aroma and flavors are simply a coffee connoisseurs’ delight and absolutely irresistible!!
South Indian filter Kappi: What an utter delight!
Filter kappi, filter coffee, South Indian filter coffee; call it by whatever name, it is easily every coffee lover’s sigh of contentment.
Do you know why?…
It has one single characteristic that caffeine fanatics love to lust over; the unmatched blend of taste, flavor and the aroma. Even if you are not a coffee addict, nothing would better your mood than to wake up to a cup of freaking good, steamy, aromatic coffee- filtered and made traditionally the South Indian way!
Am I getting ahead of myself?
No… you wouldn’t dare rip through me, once you get to taste a pour of freshly roasted, grinded and filtered punch. Every cup’s a delight and the proper way to awaken your senses first thing in the morning! You’ll love the aroma as you sip away the traditional Madras belter.
For not long ago, I wouldn’t know anything of how to brew a good cuppa! I wasn’t eager enough to rush for it either. Not until I figured out how to make a humble brew into something so atrociously good and overbearing.
I got to travel down South last year on vacation. And there the curiosity trumped me.
I somehow got hooked to filter coffee!
Till then whenever I had attempted to do something with those dark beans, the brew would always end up being too watery. Every time I attempted, it turned out dreary; so much so that I could easily pour half a cup of brewed coffee into half cup of milk and still wouldn’t get it to be as ‘strong’ as I’d like it to be.
It’s only from the by lanes and streets of Chennai (erstwhile Madras) that I learned the trick to make some really good stuff. It was some serious technique that led to some seriously good coffee in the end!
South Indian coffee requires only an indigenous coffee filter to make it right. You might think that plenty of them are lying around or one could be fashioned out; but this one is different; nothing like the regular ones! To taste authentic South Indian coffee it needs to be brewed through this unique stainless steel contraption; believe me; filtering effects are nearly impossible to replicate.
Consisting of two nested cups sitting atop each other; the one at the top holds the grounded coffee and has pores to allow the coffee to pass through while the other one is meant to store it.
Filter kaapi when served in a traditional tumbler-davaraa, all swished a couple of times between the two to produce delicious foam on the top, smells and tastes heavenly. A davaraa is a small cup shaped like a jug with a curved lip. (In some Udupi joints it is fondly called Meter-Kappi and is poured into the glass from a meter’s height to perk up maximum foam).
But you really don’t need one for a genuine Indian filter coffee. Any pair of mugs or cups would do. I wouldn’t approve of swishing though, for those who love it steaming hot. The disadvantage of swishing is that your coffee gets cold easily.
Heads-up! A storm of #coffee stories might be coming your way.
If you are with me just for the coffee and earnestly care about how your cuppa coffee should taste, then jump for a traditional Indian percolator with a clean filter, put 2 heaped tbsp of coffee powder and press it down with a spoon. Gently pour fresh water brought to a rolling boil and get an even concentration of decoction in the end. Mix a little bit of chicory and fill milk to 3/4th of the glass. Stir constantly and you have just made yourself a unique filter style complex and aromatic smooth cup of coffee.
Mild or strong- you get to enjoy the aroma and flavors with every sip. Add sugar if you wish and enjoy!
If I were you I would figure out ways to hold back things for tomorrow and start fishing around for a percolator ASAP -just the right one and get my coffee fix each morning-the Indian way!! Believe me, every cup is a delightful and legit way to awaken your senses first thing in the morning with an intense sensual kick.
Still unsure if that would be anything close to a third wave coffee shop?
Make no mistake- you are no pinhead; you’re right there. Just remember, ‘You can never bea wine connoisseur without ever being to a vineyard.
So, reach out, grab a perfect cup of that bold Indian filter coffee and feel a huge uptick happening right away!
Time is embedded in everything we do. It towers large over how we perceive the Universe. Traveling through it and zipping-off into the sci-fi future is usually considered the stuff of science fiction. But walking through twists and turns of time travel or meeting your digital clone is no longer a tricky or impossible fantasy. Only that we are still messing with it and searching for a workaround.
It’s then no surprise that the freedom to move through time just as we move through space, drags on as a stupendous barrier and overrides everything else.
Would something close to time-travelling DeLorean or a custom-built wormhole allow us to travel from one event in present to another in future any time soon? Would Universe care if we moved an atom from position A to position B? Are there impossible answers or is it simply impossible to happen?
Let’s figure out how much more is to be done before we get to get a glimpse of future!!
Imagine you have hopped onto a time machine, pressed a button, and have journeyed back to 2019, before the corona-virus jumped the species -from animals to humans and you have found and isolated patient zero!
Well…theoretically, the pandemic wouldn’t have happened, right? Not quite, because then future-you wouldn’t have decided to time travel in the first place.
Things rather don’t not work the way we want them to. Events readjust around anything that might cause an inconsistency and don’t let it happen.
Simply said, you could travel back into the time but couldn’t change anything.
This sounds tragic for those who wish they could rewind the clock. And that’s not without a reason. Who wouldn’t want to blitz through time and space at the speed of light to reach out into the past and undo those bad decisions and vile events that are a torment today and might hurt someone?
Let’s assume for a moment that it could actually be done and you get to travel back into time of your liking; but…
What if you can’t fix the past? Wouldn’t it be rather you looked forward into the future than backwards. Besides regretting or trying to fix things done absolute in the past won’t help nobody! Maybe you could salvage some of your broken present in future!
And you don’t need a wormhole or a decked up DeLorean to do it!!
Not many of us may know but time is not a constant and tends to slow down as you move faster through space. If theory of relativity is any good then real-life time travel to the future is possible through time dilation.
Do you know what this unheard of time dilation really about? Simply put, it is the difference in elapsed time as measured by two clocks. This could happen either due to difference in gravitational pull at their locations or relative velocity between them. If dilation happens not because of either of these events, then it is the ‘Velocity’ that runs the show!
You think it’s all screwed up? May be ‘yes’ and ‘no’; Yes because the dynamics on which our Universe works are baffling; No because the euphoria of time travel is formidable yet stirring.
So, let’s dig a little deeper into the ‘space-time’ theory that fuses the three dimensions of space and one dimension of time into one.
If you think that the space is something flat and rigid that holds the entire Universe, then it’s time you corrected yourself. Re-imagine it as a curved and maleable trampoline-a piece of taut, strong fabric stretched between a steel frame using many coiled springs, the one used in trapeze, gymnastics and acrobatic exercises. Place a bowling ball in the center and it would cause smaller objects placed on it to slide towards the center.
The gravitational dips around masses in a curved space work the same way! pulling other objects in; and the closer they gets to the center, the faster they accelerate. For us, the center of this gravitational dip is centered right in the Earth’s core and it is here the acceleration is the highest. The stronger the gravity, the more space time curves, and the slower time itself proceeds.
In other words, time moves more slowly as you go faster through space, the closer you are to a center of gravity-pulled up by a black hole, warm hole or even a star on the verge of collapse, the slower the time would move for the object.
Let’s put it this way!
Look above to heavens. Some hundreds of GPS satellites are stationed about 20200 kms above us. This effect is most visible there. The highly precise onboard clocks gain an average of 38 microseconds per day and adjusts for time dilation. Run them 38 microseconds faster and positioning error of some 10 kms happens every 24 hours!! This would increase exponentially if the time lag goes uncorrected.
Still couldn’t get hold of what this time dilation is all about!? Try and get a feel of it in a more electrifying manner on Netflix. Watch Interstellar that critically acclaimed flick from 2014. Matthew McConaughey as ex-NASA pilot Joseph Cooper, is tasked to pilot a spacecraft along with a team of researchers to discover a new planet for humans as the Earth is slowly dying. The crew travel to outer space and land on a planet with extreme gravitational forces due to a nearby black hole. The intense gravitational pull slows down the time for those on the planet measuring one hour on it’s surface equal to seven years of Earth.
The revelation of time travel is massive and dumbfounding! It’s devastating for Cooper as he returns to a space habitat orbiting Saturn after traveling through a black hole (inside the boundaries of the Event Horizon). The 5d beings had safely transported Cooper to the edge of the wormhole near Saturn where he gets picked up and finds way home, only to discover that his daughter has turned an old woman while he had aged almost none and appeared the same as when he had left.
Check this out; Murph, Cooper’s daughter was 10 years old when he had left. Cooper traveled for 2 years to the wormhole and subsequently lost 23 years in gravitational time dilation on Miller’s planet.
So if we are so good at finding answers to ‘whys’, why couldn’t we just leap forward into future!
Dear me!! this is mind-bending. It’s the Velocity that holds the key to trans-temporal travel!
For us to travel into the future, only two things could make that happen; either we take advantage of the gravitational acceleration caused by black holes or we jump into the space at the speed of light (1 billion kms/hr). Today, we could manage only a few microseconds into the future, given the current technology at hand.
But like everything else, technology too is ever evolving!
Should this happen sometime soon, would it be possible for us to get back to reality from future using time dilation and share findings with everybody?
The answer is a big “Yes”; only if we could manage interstellar travels at the speed of light!
There is a catch here though!
The voyage will be one way ticket- into the future and not back to the past because we can’t use time dilation for passage back and forth.
Does this mean that past is forever inaccessible?
Perhaps no. only if we could put to use a wormhole–the areas of space time that is warped and connects two distant points in space. This bridge in space, if it stays stable, happily consummates other physical laws and lives long enough for us to make a dash; may be we could catch sight of our past lives.
Few though dismiss ‘wormholes’ as science fiction and argue that both particles and states of matter have ‘exotic’ physical stuff that would violate all known laws of physics. For them a trek back to the past is more inviting than a peek into the future.
And why shouldn’t it be? Who wouldn’t want to see the Dinosaurs or meet Albert Einstein?
But if I were you, I’ll be wary of this hustle! While it’s fascinating enough to brave a travel into the past, it might tempt you to attempt a change that could destroy future for so many.
Remember that blockbuster movie ‘ Back to the Future’ that had smashed all box office collections for a sci-fi hit! Marty McFly traveled back into the time and prevented his parents from seeing each other, nearly cheating his own existence!
It sucks! If he had undone his own existence, how could he have doubled back in time in the first place?
Marty’s escapade if nothing else, is close to a variation of ‘grandfatherparadox’that none of us would wish to ever happen. What if you were to go back into the time and kill your grandfather for him being a monster or something before your father is conceived? If you were to succeed, how could it be possible that you are alive to kill your grandpa in the first place?
Creepy? Well…you ought to be amped up by now!
When we say that the Universe has the ability to self-correct to avoid inconsistencies, does this makes an anomaly-free time travel easy to happen?
Hypothetically yes, theoretically no!
So what’s the upshot?
Although time dilation could allow us to get a glimpse of the future, we will never be able to visit the past let alone alter events to create a different future. If Stephen Hawkins in his book Black Holes and Baby Universes could weigh the future of time travel into the past as mysterious and as abysmal as black hole, then it’s cooler if we rather skip it altogether and went forward in time.
It’s completely different mathematics that sits behind the ‘string theory’. In fact, all the dimensions of time and space work uniquely for all possible future and all possible pasts including realities with a physics totally different from what we know of today.
I looked around but couldn’t find a McDee!
Like everybody else. I too got stuck at home in pandemic. Everything stayed shut and I just rared to jet off to some fun-filled destination. Of course, this was not gonna happen any time sooner.
But I did manage to get my hands full! I deep dived and looked for answers…
What of traveling through time into the future, if the planetary science and intergalactic travel limitations deny us a glimpse of the past? And not just in a boring way; like the one where we wait for it to arrive one sec at a time. What if I could zip through time to future back and forth as easily as pushing buttons and actually live a fantasy that’s been on the cards for at least 125 years!
No way! H.G. Wells wouldn’t have imagined that his 1895 epic “The Time Machine” would kick start some serious investigations into my mind.
Am I only a curious creep or seeing ghosts!# If we can move freely through space why not time?
I wish somebody from ##SpaceX is listening!!
Sometimes curiosity overwhelms… well almost everybody. At least I get bowled over more often than once. When this happens. I look around for cues that might have some answers to this intriguing unexplored journey.
If general relativity refers to gravity as bending or warping of space-time, maybe everything that we do with space, we can do with time also. It is this warp that paves us the way to go forward but unfortunately not backwards and that too at a rate that we can control!
Well.. that’s almost everything but not exactly everything!
Excited to know more…scroll google for famous” twin paradox” and you will get to know why if you travel at the speed of light and your twin remains at Earth, you will uncover something insane. A bizarre windfall has happened while you were away. You’ll find yourself much younger than your twin! If the voyage draws out a bit longer, you might look just a few years older than when you left, while your twin is probably a grandpa now.
Time appears to have passed just as it always does for both of you twins; it’s only when you two reunite that the enormity of madness reveals itself.
It is a bit disappointing for Star trek enthusiasts too; for all I know, you have to get very close to the velocity of light to be any close to warp speed. No!…I don’t think we have even cracked a tenth of a percent of the speed of light as yet; max.
But there is one true revelation that saves the day for me; We know for sure that…
If we could somehow spend a good deal of time hugging close to that ultimate speed in the Universe, our clocks will run slower. We will get to travel through time into the future. Nothing will change except that for a couple of years in voyage, time on Earth must have advanced by centuries even ten of thousands of years.
Rest is just surreal!!
Maybe someday I get to crack this pesky paradox and get to visit a McDee take-awayon some distant planet millions of light years away, one like scores of it’s franchises spread across galaxies and time zones, all warmly swarmed and inundated with hungry time travelers!! The standard menu has changed faces but no faking…the unmistakable flavors of ‘McNasty’ stays tantalizing and lip smacking as ever.
Maybe you could buy for a cup of coffee if the rush is crushing… after all it’s 2150! and people have turned fond of intergalactic sojourns. No worries…we will pick up the grub in some other galaxy some other time or on way back to reality! Who’s gonna wait when stars zip by?
Today, my take remains unshaken though. Till such day I get to wade through time, my experience of it’s passage is absolutely normal. My clock doesn’t race or behaves dopey. It ticks normal as ever. I age normally and…
I am no further into my future than normal. But I wait…
Maybe someday I get to travel into my twin’s future!
Maybe someday I get to choose how quickly I reach it!!
“I choose a lazy person to do a hard job. Because a lazy person will find an easy way to do it.”Frank B. Gilbreth Sr.
When getting out of bed feels awful, when going to the gym seems utterly disgusting and when you just can’t face the idea of siting down at the Office desk, I could figure out what has happened to you. You have crossed into the dangerous territory of laziness! The thief of happiness and poacher of ambition, it will end you up doing nothing with your days, if you let it get hold of you. Quite simply you are ‘dumped but not down’ for you have missed seeing the error of your ways.
Want some help to get out of the funk? Check-out on me on how to trump the struggle and fight blues the lazy way. Sometimes the best way to make stuff happen and relive happiness is by doing nothing at all!
I live in a messy chaotic world. Yet I am perfectly content doing nothing at all. I no longer punish myself and do not let reluctant party animals, chronic slow pokers and clutter of messy desk wizards to hurt me for being a slow pusher any more. Not that I have been like this always. It’s just that one fine morning I discovered that it was not the laziness but my giant intellect that’s to blame for my misadventures. So, I reworked myself out. I lied to my enormous brain down to a nap with pride. And look!! The hard work of being lazy has paid off.
I have finally found happiness!
Funny; I wonder why it feels so good to be lazy in the first place. Why things do not turn turtle for work-shy people; rather everything would start falling into place more intensely? Why all this shade against doing nothing? Why an unenterprising soul is underrated when being lazy might turn him a‘King’ someday. What’s more shocking is that whenever I reached out to romanticize laziness, I ended up get around ways to overcome it.
So, I decided not to waste time on unnecessary motions; instead I looked around for clues to trick it into my fold and #find the balance between work and weariness.
And see, this is what I learned;
The Hard Work of Being ‘Lazy’
Laziness is something we all experience from time to time, but some people simply love to stay in that refuge forever, once out of that everyday slavery. And there’s a pretty good reason why they adore it so much! They allow their minds to wander into creative territory for free…by being lazy!!
I guess we all are hardwired to fill time. We easily get overwhelmed by things that are on our to-do list and plunge headlong each day, trying as hard as possible to burn ourselves out.
I find this distracting. Do overs or not; for me unrewarded geniuses are not geniuses but clichés.
Interestingly, one study claims that the more the intelligent among us socialize or work heads-down the less happy and sullen they become. The more you mingle, the more intent you get on spilling your guts around telling everybody how happy you are, without being so; the more half-witted jerk you turn yourself into. This sniffs less savory to the more intelligent ones. And the nerd in you stays outclassed as ever.
It’s not so difficult to figure it all out yourselves! Besides who says the world needs Type A personalities only? The ‘L’ types are not like some failed menu item and will eventually land in some rut. Amid misplaced sense of FOMO, a ‘knightly’ life beckons them.
If you are anything close to me, take a sec off and stop being busy. Check yourself out.; what tempts you more, an hour-long walk with your dog, or a snug spell with your pet cat on your favorite couch; all lazed-up?
Well, this might surprise you. If you think that being snug and comfortable in your space and doing nothing, slurs you as a remiss; you are mistaken! This could actually be a sign of intelligence, and not an inclination to remain sedentary or desk bound.
If we are to trust the ethereal revelations of a wispy study made some eight years ago; then cat lovers score higher on intelligence than dog lovers. And why not? It makes some good sense too. A dog person is livelier because he goes out there walking and talking even to strangers with a tethered canine in tow. Contrary to this, if you are more introverted and sensitive, you would probably prefer to stay back at home, read a book, sip a cuppa tea…and your cat doesn’t need to go outside for a walk.
You may not believe this but your pet type influences your choice between different environments. Dog- you take a walk, Cat- you covet the cozy comfort of a couch with your cheesy Ginger snuggled in your lap.
Get the hang of it! Even a brief interruption derails our train of thoughts. Walk your dog and you are distracted by sight of every passerby. It’s like you went too close to another browser tab and got distracted by a cat video. Hang around your home with your cat and you do not let yourself be beaten by those fast-track requests that your quick witted brain lines up fast for you!
At some time or the other all of us get miffed in this mad mad world for one reason or the other. At times bitterness and despair is overwhelming. We are put off partly because we are worried that we have not done enough and largely because we believe that allowing ourselves to be lazy might not be the perfect antidote for that garden variety stress.
Uh oh! Search your soul…No do overs but I guess you know there are ways to be a heartthrob to yourself. Perhaps you’re not lazy after all, or maybe it’s just that your good old brain is playing tricks!
My idea of a perfect laziness however means snacking on a couch, watching telly or solving cross puzzles. This might shock you but I discovered that laziness is what got me interested in being productive at the end; getting more done in less time and getting more time to relax.
Today taking a break feels rewarding to me. I find it ok to allow myself to be lazy occasionally; not because I am a big fan of being lazy, but because I want to be happy. Take a break and be a little lazy yourself if you cherish the same. Next time if someone accuses you of being a sloth, just tell yourself, “I believe he meant to say highly efficient”.
Shortcuts will cut you short
Most of us are usually bad at being ‘lazy’. And by that I mean not only the mindless distractions that occupies our space and attention; I’m talking about choosing to do nothing; rather prefer being idle. Much of the day we spend checking things off from our to-do list believing it to be of little consequence.
Hell no; this does help!
Our brains are hard wired to focus on things that we find both novel and threatening. Why else would you check news or social media every 10 minutes or worry over some stupid prickly e-mail that you received a week ago? If you are the one who would skip after-work drinks for some other night on the settee and stretch your evenings for a zero-guilt day, you probably are n every hawk’s live checklist every time you enter your Office.
But there is a downside to laziness too!
Getting stuck indoors could make things uncanny; even worse. You tend to get slave to running checklists, always worried about being productive, cramming more things-to-do in a day’s time and in bargain give up things that make you happy. Taking a walk or reading a book or hanging around with friends- you miss all. Unable to perk up your surroundings, no sweet talks with your flame! The squeeze is too hard to stay pumped up all day long. Sure, you are neck deep in weeds and all set to get a miserable heartache and a grumpy evening!
So, if a lazing mindset isn’t always the right choice why Danes and Finns are the happiest persons in the World? Why the chase of getting things done the right way, is no longer an infernal experience for them? Dare find them work shy! No…rather it’s the brilliance of a drifting mindset that makes you more creative and better at problem solving. This is when your focus rests and your brain puts pedal to the metal.
It’s massive! But your brain worries about the future 14 times more during spells of idleness or laziness, compared to being attentive to just one thing when you are kicking around. It literally occupies 48 percent of your bootless time mostly weighing your long term goals and intentions! Try remembering the last time you cooked up some creative idea or worthy solution! Chances are that it didn’t happen when you were hell-bent to finish things before upheaval happened. Instead genius in you may have touched the nerve softly when you have been taking a long shower or sitting on a park enjoying the surroundings.
When you laze and allow your brain to rest, you actually save on your mental pluck and get to expend it on more and more of right things. Hardly anything runs dry your mental strength than an anxious mind and the fear of missing out.
Best way to waylay it?
Just stop running wild, catch your breath, close doors to your mind and let it do nothing; no logic, no reasoning, no judgment- just plain Zero. Cool your heels till it tells you what it needs rather than what it cries for.
To begin with you could stop being obsessing over news; Go take a walk; watch some Netflix, listen Mozart or just soak yourself in a nice leisurely warm bath. It might just be the right thing for you to do. Be crazy to be lazy for once and you get to turn into more productive person than you would ever imagine.
Not long ago, like everybody else I too believed that success stems from hard work alone; but today I find myself rescued. I have reclaimed myself. It didn’t come to me from hard work. It’s rather the lazy way of doing things that have done sheer good to me.
The only difficult part is to see myself a sloth bear. From a rewarding guy to a disinclined and forgettable creep! To work with it instead of against it; sounds weird doesn’t it?
Yet I have triumphed! I have taken to the lazy way of doing things and I have prevailed!
How good will it work for you? Maybe a little; maybe not at all. May be you will get success working long hours and pummeling your nose in the grindstone. But would you prefer not to take the bite if you haven’t tried being lazy? How would you know that it doesn’t work even better? Take a shot, you might like it; even hit the bulls’ eye.
I get plenty of “me” time outside sleeping and dreaming
For the last few days, I kinda feel strange; weird perhaps. I don’t feel like doing anything;
Leave aside work and laze-off? Yes; Screw-around? Maybe.
It is the guilt of doing nothing that has set me up. I get mad at myself and mess with happiness. Easily it is the end of creativity after a day of laziness.
But not all is at it seems! Laziness tend to lie to us and if you think that that’s a problem, then you are bending it and being untruthful to yourself.
Laziness is irksome only because it slows down the time for us. It’s upsetting but it leads to a new insight. For me it works like an early warning system. It’s a sign that I am about to burn out for being overly worked.
The thought itself is horrific and isn’t really an accident!
This is when the need to endure kicks in. It tells me that I am a jerk if I don’t get my lazy bum into action, I might be destroying myself for good. Do I need to be on my knees any longer?
The other day I sat quietly and mused. I found myself comparing my present workdays to the ones at my last job. At first, it seemed like I was working a lot less with no 9-5 job.
I deep dived and realized that I had panicked for no reason. I had posted twice as many weblog stories, picked up couple of on-line courses, read three times as many books, network with 5x more people and presently writing a new story. Am I suffering from self-doubt! Am I scattered and seeing Ghosts! Bumbled or fumbled but in the end…I felt relieved.
It’s so weird how we suddenly dig up the advice we need at the exact moment we need it.! Interestingly, my brain’s anatomical connectivity no longer sympathizes with anything that leads to the idea of –”I’m lazy”! It is riveted to the belief that‘I am working when I am not working‘!
If I were you, I would rather fancy these vibes not as something cold and crippling but a queer sign of revolt from a worn-out body crying for a break.
When you notice the truth behind your laziness, it’s possible to take a lesson or two to your advantage. It took me years altogether to learn that we are at work when we are doing the dishes, having a shower or tidying up the garden. These idle chores help to connect our hardwired brain to rewarding tasks that are on our to-do list. In fact, when we laze, our body betters all inputs while everything else is on hold.
Laziness is perhaps one sin you need most to make a better sense of the world. Trust me, if your lack of laziness causes your impending meltdown, Gods are not coming to save you.
At first sight it may seem to banish us from living successfully or from thinking in any way well of ourselves. But at close quarters things look brighter and shining. If the point of ‘doing nothing’ is to clean up our heart of hearts wouldn’t it be right to get down to the business of lolling?
After all, the threat to our happiness lies not in our failure to be busy, but in our inabilityto be “lazy” enough. A heroically hardworking person isn’t necessarily the one, who sits in the business lounge of an International airport; it might be the person who gazes out of the window and occasionally writes down an idea or two on a piece of paper.
Do what you have to do for laziness is not a lie
If you have a smartphone, which obviously like everybody else you do, it’s most likely that you have often struggled with the idea of “shutting down” after work. As you sit idle or perhaps watch a movie or listen to a podcast; a voice at the back of your mind keeps telling you that instead of being lazy, you ought to be on your phone cleaning out the inbox or readying yourself for tomorrow’s meeting.
Believe me, your inability to stop working, or even the inability to do so without guilt, harms your enterprise more than your resolve to stay upbeat. If you truly are a sworn work horse, then you need to learn how to be lazy for this is all about efficiency and none of us is inherently lazy.
In fact, the challenge to this frailty lies with the guilt that overrides it. There is so much happening around us every day, so many excitements, regrets, suggestions and emotions. Are we not letting the marrow of life escape us? Is there nothing smart enough to reign it in?
You need not dig deep to find the answer!
Whenever you get lazy and desire for an intensely-felt life clean of all ruckus, sit back and imagine that a deep part of you is hustling to cook-up a big thought. Make no haste; though you run the risk of being accused of gross laziness! Plan your laze interlude in advance. When you schedule it you would know the duration of your subconscious shame for having done nothing. Complete your errands beforehand and it will inwardly feel good.
Consider making a day of your indolence and get cracking instead of freaking out. Get lazy on a regular basis and you will find out why not falling shy of it makes a heap of difference. Your mind is all stoked and will help you get out of the weeds; fix the broken ideas and mend your missing control.
For a productivity guy, you’ve become a sloth bear. But what the heck… don’t fret. Simply prioritize, no overtime and you will get the most done in shortest possible time!
Laziness is your free wellness tool with zero guilt
Haven’t you heard less is more?
There is a creative side to all of us. When we are lazy we get plenty of time to toy and tinker within us. Getting cheered for being a busy-bee is a burden now. People do not want to hear about how busy your life is. Besides, you miss out on your friends. You are never in a mood to head out on a Saturday night or burn yourself a little on a weekend run.
Not that you are not left with enough time to rouse the clever and gifted person that you always were.
Simply side step for a moment and choose to be different for a while. You have just aced the art of living life the right way! And remember, if you howl and cry for long, are unable to keep the desk tidy, fail the assignments any other time than the night before the deadline or lament for having ruined so much time doing nothing; you could be the one with a giant IQ!
In fact being lazy is another way of being efficient.
I think lazy persons are onto something all the time! Go ahead, take that nap and shake off all the fears of going overboard. It’s better rather you chill with a cat than walk a dog.
You will always end up beaming!
And someday, your mind and body will thank you for it!!
If you think that you are done with friends in life, it’s time you tell yourself a different story.
Like love, friendship is a thick soupy word and a messy business. It’s hard to be friends with someone who couldn’t hold your hands, or cut loose your heart strings. It’s harder to look for companionship if it comes with the shroud of secrecy surrounding it. Friendship is rather a stretchy word. It’s more of a life choice that you hesitate to fully buy into, fearing darker truth may come out later.
Friendship means something different every time we say it. It’s what a relationship isn’t. You may find good mature acquaintances but they don’t really get you good lasting friendship. At times hopelessly vague; ‘calling them a friend’ doesn’t help.“Let’s just be friends” is a no less confusing either because it could mean anything. From bosom friend to pink of a crush, all it does is communicate what you never meant in the first place.
In fact, there is not one single great word for the kind of relationship that you have with the ones you love or loved. Give the requited attention a miss and the other person won’t find you awesome enough to hit it off.
Yet you shrug and say, “Sure.” And try again. But it’s weird and gets murkier.
When you think about it, you have no idea what it means to be with real friends.
Think about them and you will still touch yourself.
Perhaps ‘friend’ is a catch-all high sign that helps in ignoring bittersweet emotions.
Get into the Act
I grew up a shy introvert with terrible socializing barriers and was often shelled with embarrassing suggestions by those around me. Honestly, I did muster enough courage to try them all and overcome my fears. But soon I realized that it’s lot easier and more effective to be kind than to try to act confident.
I never tried to compete with the extroverts. I let them win at their game. Instead, I decided to invent my own circle—went all-in on being as thoughtful as possible and this is what I found out.
Everyone loves to hang out one time or the other, with the person who won’t say or do anything to hurt your feelings. But not wanting to hurt someone’s beliefs and opinions isn’t friendship. Real friends never coddle egos. They always tell the truth, love spending time together and never get awkward in each other’s company. Good news, bad news and secrets, they share everything. Gossip and late night wakes; it’s all part of lives in bonhomie.
Like everybody else, I too wanted to be friends with every single person on this planet. Probably more so, but not with someone who wants kinda attention that I’d prefer not to give. I had learned that coming out with the truth was way better off than using words that are so vulnerable to misinterpretation. When you tell somebody you want to be friends, but you really don’t, you are not letting them down gently. Mocking hits like a harsh acquittal. It hurts no matter how gently you have hurled the bomb.
Perhaps sometimes we get to learn about friends the hard way.
Are true friends hard to get by!
In university one of my buddies fell hard for a gal who wasn’t into him. She had a crush for a guy Robin who looked smarter and was perhaps wealthier. Of course, Robin wasn’t into her.
It confused and hurt everybody, especially my mate.
But it was kinda different too. Both heand the girl were doing fine and everything a couple would, except touch. Dates, long walks, deep conversations, partying ; it seemed fascination was blossoming. One day he asked her if she thought friendship could turn into romance. He would muse how his mom couldn’t stand his dad before they got married. A day later she uninvited him to a party.(Robin was going to be there.). What followed was enough to shake up things badly. Sullen moods and peppery behaviour crept in slowly. Finally he couldn’t take it anymore, and stopped returning her calls.
A year went by, and then one day both ran into each other. She came up and regretted. “Can we be friends?”
“What do you mean…?” he asked.
“If I see you, I’d like to come up and say hi.” It sounded more like she wanted him to acquit her of all guilt. Both agreed to smile and wave if their paths ever crossed. Fears of misplaced trust, broken promises and brazen lies, all fell apart in that one moment of regret.
Fortunately, he never saw her again.
That story tells what lot many people mean when they say they want to be friends, yet prefer kind of stealth friendship where deeper feelings never grow. If you are honest you usually wouldn’t want to be “just friends”. It’s hard but being “real friends” means you don’t hold onto your emotions and actually make yourself available to someone who might requite your feelings.
Real life stories like this one grow on trees but payoffs are important!
Contemplating a relationship as a sack of rotten tomatoes when things turn sour, is like eyeing everything with serious skepticism. Crush aside, you should expect no one to be your real friend until you stop wanting romance to creep in your emotions. Before then, being around them will only rip your heart apart.
Funny! There is a simple fix for this
Nobody is hard wired to spend time crying out for someone who cheats under the cloak of stealth friendship, forever. And you need not hate somebody to realize that they are not good for you either. It’s nobody ‘s fault. The chemistry simply hasn’t struck. The slyness has prevailed!
So, gift yourself the truth! Firstly to be friends you need to ease off being sheep eyed. And in the second place, if you think of someone as your friend each time you look for favors; then honestly you are not ready for friendship.
Ease off till you could show some respect to your affinity. Pull up your head, put aside your phones and the world around you will no longer be clueless. Smiling, holding doors and saying hello to strangers; those powerful gestures will make you stand out. Seeing people, acknowledging them, showing some respect might mean you are charming and perhaps charismatic too. Trust me, the frenzy of warm hands reaching out to you, in turn, would leave you overwhelmed.
But is it enough to get you good friends; the real ones?
Countless times I have met people who didn’t click right away, only to be heard of later with a friendly gesture of sorts; sometimes through a mutual friend on social networking, at others maybe for a book exchange or casual film recommendation. These interactions spoke little but emotionally measured high. I guess, it’s kinda hard for me now to dislike someone who was thoughtful enough to have gone to lengths and make an effort to reach out!
Some people couldn’t make easy initial connections. If you are one of them, give yourself some time to dazzle. Once you think you have made the right choice and want to make a connect, reach out with whatever little beans you could muster to make their lives a bit brighter, even if in a small way.
Today, I gather I was right about my insights in the first place. Aches and pains not withstanding, I had aced the key to finding a soul buddy!! You may find my suggestions a tad basic, but that’s the point! If I have learned anything during my journey from a shy, floundering kid to a quiet thoughtful, self inventing, all smiles person who takes stock of the world in HD, I believe I did my basics well enough to have led myself so well.
If you are an introvert, don’t curse yourself for this innate skill. Hang on to it, for the one who listens, is rare and precious. Only a handful of us actually has this gift that sets us apart. Don’t chide yourself either, if you couldn’t hold onto to your lead. “You only get one chance to make a first impression”; every Tom, Dick and Sally would love to tear into you. Sure! But a lot has changed and this cliche’ is your buried past now. Chance to strike a conversation is just a click away!
How would you feel if you open your phone and a message is waiting from someone you just met, wishing you well for your upcoming interview? Or how about you sending a one-of-a-kind get-well-soon message to your ailing elderly neighbor?
Uh oh! No this isn’t about copywriting beauty and the beast. Privy characteristics such as kindness turn emotions toasty, takes the chill off and outwits brains and air when it comes to accepting connections! So do a little jig, get yourself out of the weeds. You will have fun and find joy reaching out to real friends.
Happiness needs a warm hand
A real friendship never sucks! It stems from mutual understanding and respect. It’s not meant to serve pleasure or purpose all the times. Rather a good friend is for friendship sake; the gold equivalent of human relationship. A lucky few of us might get a handful of real friends in our lives and it shouldn’t matter if they are relatively new. It’s their uniqueness that makes them amazing and priceless.
I have always found the intriguing connection between friends, happiness and longevity a bit weird but promising. The cutting edge made me feel zesty. I found myself surrounded by good people- people who never failed to remind me if I needed a haircut; people who complimented me and hauled me over in crises. Life never fell short of league of gentle folks. Listen, watch, notice and praise…these were small actions, but they helped me feel good for everything about me, admire myself and have strong ties with others.
If you are anything like me, rub some dirt on your fears, sell yourself a lot of quality friendship and trust me, you will ripe through a ‘golden-over-the-hill’ life. Try not to forget that real friends are meant to share concerns and confidences, build trust and not always be a sham listener or a crazy admirer.
Sometimes you cannot push a special connection between friends. It just happens. Two people come together, who find ease between them instantly and are comfortable in their skins. Laughing away at silly jokes for hours or talking the night away; a lasting relationship begins to fall into place between two people who understood each other well by simply being themselves. The spark wouldn’t douse even if the two “thieve” enormous pint or two of bourbon and celebrate!
So! where would you find the kindred-spirit that accommodates your mood, occasionally mimics intimacy and excites you in ways different than those you would otherwise face when spending time alone; quietly. Could you think up of an egghead who has all the signs of a true friend? Where should you look for one and know if that somebody is the big Daddy you were hunting for?
Taverns, bars, coffee shops, clubs, and even rec rooms are the usual joints that foster inner circles among people. Yeah! This is the tribe of savvy thinkers who will get you to realize that all that sweating, lifting and walking is not absolutely necessary for finding happiness. It is here that sharp contrast of unselfish indulgences change hands. It is here that your voice could finally get to grow some teeth. And, it is here that a good Johnny-on-the-spot could hammer some sense out of your successes, failures, opportunities and help you choose differently.
Someday you will make the naysayers jealous
I never realized that rushing lifestyles could reduce relationships into commodities so fast. It has left every relationship hanging by thread and every affinity slain of excitement. In all our complexities, we have shrunk to titles and net worth and eye each other as a means to an end. It is difficult to know who is legit and who pretends.
It all feels so punishing and fiendishly difficult…isn’t so?
Putting on a smiley face or saying right things and turning their back when the going gets tough, makes a difficult choice between deceit and uprightness. Props in hard times alone do not matter. A friend is someone who genuinely wants to see you succeed and is happy to see things go well for you in life; each time, every time. A true mate loves the person you are, with all the flaws and quirks and imperfections.
That doesn’t mean friends agree all the times. Rattling opinions help expand horizons! If your choice has been the right one, you will find yourself surrounded with people who share your values but warn you the moment you start falling off the track.
Worse luck! if your buddy wouldn’t help you to make the right choice even if that means saying something that you never wanted to hear in the first place.
“Don’t walk behind me, I may not lead. Don’t walk in front of me, I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.” ~ Albert Camus.
Close affinities like good friends just don’t pop out of nowhere and mature fast. So, if you happen to have more than a handful of real good ones, you are indeed blessed. Making and keeping real friends smells of a rare experience. Each lasting friendship represents a world within us, a world that is not born until they arrive. And it is only when we bump into each other, a new world is born for us.
So, get busy being an amazing human being. Be a good one and knight hearted. If you haven’t reached out in a while to the people in your life who love and support you; learn to do so. The awe of discovering a BFF will smitten you for good. Perhaps then you could make out what Mary Tilley (94) of two children, four grandchildren and two great-grandchildren, meant of Evelyn Hodge as friend- they had lived next door to each other for over 72 years in Britain– when she mused;“Evelyn is great company”.
Someday you too might as well get to get a real good friend who celebrates life with you.
Indulging your sweet tooth with a smart choice could sometimes save you from gorging hastily onto leftover chocolate chip cookies in the rec room. Watch out for those boring low-cal foods; stick to them or you could cool off with a scoopful of delightful tuck-away choices. Munch on delicious fudgy brownies or slurp on the gooey goodness of warm chocolate lava cake, just keep an eye for the size and you will never need to miss the fun!!
From a twice cooked, crisp, light and creamypȃte à chouxfilled with vanilla ganache and grounded hazelnut paste, to a garlicky Korean Cream Cheese Bun or a chocolate chip cookie- crunchy at the edges and fudgey in the center; each has the remarkable pluck to hit the sweet spot every time and leave you surprised. Michelin perfect and raving over the spice n’ nice flavors, these good-for-youtreats can seriously partner your sweet tooth.
“It sucks”? Not convinced either! You wonder if there is a reason why banana bread is such a rage after all ? What so good is there that could outclass traditional recipes and bowl you over with a single bite?
At some point or the other, if you crave for something sweet and find yourself looking for flavors on your table that are right from the get-go, you are not alone. Strong cravings usually get mushy in emotionally charged moments; Or is it only a nutritionist nightmare!
There is always a good chance that dusting off your mixer to whip up something sweet or sauntering off to nearestPatisseriemight work as a good getaway for your sagging spirits. Sounds good, only if you could find a simple but delicious food with spin off flavors that could help and skyrocket your mood! If you were to ask me; for a best possible experience, try a coconut sponge cupcake with a swirl of buttercream on top and a jammy surprise of mango compote in the middle for a start. Swipe right and the exploding flavors will smitten you into love!
So, what roasts and bakes should you reach out and accept? And—most importantly, without compromising your nutritional needs? Should you dig into foods that are simple and satisfying but come with a blast of sugars? Choosing treats comes with its own set of problems!
Sugar isn’t something to eat freely.
Remember back when single-crusted, whipped-cream-topped, custard-based wonder -the cream pie was considered healthy? It existed simply as an unearthly way to use up surplus eggs and milk dying in the freezer, but lately thrived into ubiquity.
Speaking of cream pies, do you recall that classic French fruit tart, one that was essentially a single-crusted custard pie topped with sugar-glazed fresh fruit? Slender, colorful and mildly-flavored, this sweet was a staple of dessert carts and somehow managed to pass as a brunch selection at some of the fancy dines; no more! Heathilicious! “Uh-oh! Take cover!” Your teeth do not need to hurt or fall off just because you have decided to indulge in something sweet? For many years, I didn’t either, but now I know; you can eat sweet, keep your teeth and have a good beat!
If you have just finished a scrumptious healthy dinner and look for something sweet to quell your craving-light on calories, sugar and carbs but big on flavors– reach out to ones that are balanced and on a healthier track! Honestly who wouldn’t want to eat plenty of calories and then binge on easy treats that taste sweet and decadent but won’t leave you with a sugar crash!
For many of us, everyday dinner is like a light-oneverything else, but joy. It feels more like a lackluster vinaigrette that would want you to skip the salad altogether. So, there is nothing wrong if you feel like you need a cleanse, as you did after all those Christmas cookies! Not like a juice cleanse butjust don’t feel like eating cookies for sweets everydaykind of cleanse. If you are like me, eating dessert isn’t optional; I simply am not satisfied till I dig into something sweet. And just because you have a knack for eating healthy; doesn’t mean you ought to let go of a decadent taste and fiery flavors.
If you are hankering for something sweet but on the opposite side of the Cheesecake Factoryhorizon, look no further beyond these 12 incredibly addictive, healthy and guilt free foods, that run high on flavors but are light on everything else.
Turmeric sourdough toast
This honey glazed toast, topped with a generous dollop of fat free butter and nigella seeds, is quintessentially a simple but skilled brunch plate to turn to. Few love to experiment it with Chia and poppy seeds. Delivering on each count of bright yellow color and beautiful aroma of honey, yeast and spices, the toast pairs nicely with a towering glass of hot chocolate, whipped up thick withCallebaut (a Belgian chocolate brand) on a rainy afternoon. Come summer and it is the perfect time to begin working with your favorite jam and jelly toppings. Could you ask for anything more of a perfect brunch? And to think you could drive right past your ‘tuck-away’ spot!
Uniquely organic the sourdough loaf has spicy, warming notes of turmeric and black pepper all holed-up in an airy chewy bread that is perfectly balanced with the natural tang of sourdough. Great for making some lively sandwiches or unconventional bruschetta, this loaf is an absolute must for avocado toast! True to its name this is one singular bread experience you just couldn’t miss!
Almond Chocolate Mug Cake
On a keto diet? No worries! If there is one food that could up your protein count and is a heart-healthy choice, it is a cozy warm mug filled with a sweet, simple, gooey and moist cake! Unlike other mug cakes that run aground because of the taste of prep-made mixes, this one comes packed with goodness of almond meal, maple syrup, cacao powder and extra virgin olive oil and is one smart choice that will perk up your nutrients with 5 grams of fiber,13 grams of protein and 3 mgs. of iron. After all, you’re definitely need not eat empty calories with a comfort food!
Convenient and gluten free, a single serve of this mug cake packs extra punch of chips, stirred-in after it is baked. Try it and you will find yourself taking a shot at it again and again. Just who wouldn’t spare 10 minutes for a meltingly heathilicious chocolate cake?
Almond Coconut Macaroon
Feeling stressed or bowled over! you are getting nostalgic for your favorite classic treats but also dread