After acquiring Doctorate degree in International Affairs from Lucknow University (India) settled down for thirty three years of stint with a PSU Bank in senior supervisory role. Superannuated in Jan 2019 and since then been pursuing my passion of gathering,creating and sharing intense issues of common interest.
If you’re thinking of ham and hush puppies, you’re way off the track! Your classic plate of down-home food may have been made over with heart in mind but has it ever occurred to you that from brunch to dessert, from your favorite chicken and waffles to best tasting sweet potato pie, all rank fairly high in fat and salt, low in fruits, vegetables and whole grains- and may not be your best option for a hearty, filling and guilt free way to eat!
Even if nothing is more satisfying for you than a plate of home spun food!
Mouthwatering and easy-to-make home spun soul foods surely have the zing to fill and warm your soul but also have some major influences over your health and wellness… and a piece of history as well!
A bizarre fusion of cuisines from across the globe had begun to take shape as early as 1960, more because people had begun to resent the food of late 50’s and thought of it only as fill belly-sustain energy staple…no more. Casting aside these borderline bland and undesirable foods; soul foods began to delight the gourmet senses more as a pursuit of savoriness and creativity than an attempt at healthy lifestyle or wellness. This culinary heritage of foods and traditions however couldn’t become common until the early 1960s. Dreamed up by the civil rights activist Amiri Baraka as early as 1962, soul foods found their first space on a foodie’s platter only when Sylvia Woods “the queen of soul food” opened her first Harlem restaurant the same year. Delightfully savory and scrumptious, soul foods then began to freely storm the kitchens and cookbooks and would continue to stay popular all through the 70’s.
Today fresh and healthful revisions have been reworked over and over again into some very intense, well prep guilt free eats, all meant to warm your heart without adding a hairbreadth to your belly or annoying your health sensibilities!
Don’t miss! Eight surprising reasons for not losing out
Soul food is essentially a basic down-home cooking of staples like beans, greens, cornmeal, fried chicken, macaroni and cheese, slow cooked collard greens and rice etc. Sweet cold drinks are always a favorite side. Today a more subtle version of this cuisine no longer favors capsicum pepper heat, a heavier hand with salt and pepper or a greater use of offal protein! Healthy soul food classics like Okra-Tomato stew, creamy potato salad, roasted chicken, sautéed kale -sweet potato, maple glazed salmon, banana pudding are regaling the diners now. From lazy weekend dinners to crazy everyday rush hour eats, baked or fried chicken, greens, corn bread slathered with macaroni and cheese grain-based sides such as black-eyed peas, rice and stewed cabbage…well, you have so much on call to pick! But I guess… choices have traded winds to a healthier genre and now have become a great way to tap into the power of Soul Foods.
Here are a few luscious mouthwatering healthier delights all built upon family favorites that might tempt you enough to give them a try;
Smoky kale sauté
Image source: ‘Smoky Braised Kale With Tomato’ by Sam Sifton in cooking.nytimes.com
A quick vegan version of traditional soul food that uses kale instead of collards, this wholesome food makes for a great side of your main protein source- roasted chicken or grilled tofu. Steamed and then shocked with cold water, kale retains its lustrous inviting green color. Add a pinch of smoked paprika and you wouldn’t miss the smoky taste of the your usual ham hock!
Maple glazed salmon
Image source: ‘Orange Maple Glazed Salmon’ by Liz Rueven in myjewishlearning.com on Jan. 05, 2015.
Low in fat and high in protein, this incredibly simple and healthy food is a perfect choice for one of those nights when you don’t have much time to get dinner on the table. Deliciously sweet and savory, the salmon combines wonderfully with fresh garlic, ground ginger and a touch of soy sauce as marinade. Giving a perfect balance to an easy flavorful dish, the sweet maple syrup adds a unique complexity that cannot be replicated. Also a good source of omega-3 fatty acids, this lean protein comes packed with healthy fats that have anti-inflammatory effects and help improve heart health.
Chicken meatloaf
Made with lean meat, this easy to prep soul food is fantastically cheesy and healthy! Low in carbs this guilt free food is definitely not boring, bland or traditional. Moist and loaded with tons of flavors, it will change the way you feel about meatloaf! Honestly experiencing the burst of flavors in each bite from the melted parmesan cheese, deliciously tender onions and all the seasonings in between is simply divine!
BBQ chicken sandwich with broccoli slaw
Low in calories and fat and having a high nutritional value, BBQ chicken is a great source of protein. Enough of this nutrient helps to maintain muscle mass and support a healthy metabolism. No wonder why chicken follows us from infancy to adulthood!
Tangy barbecue sauce, shredded chicken, and toasty bun piled high and all crunchy with veggie seasoning, these sandwiches carry a nice tang and unforgettable flavors. Pair this good source of niacin, vitamin B6 and phosphorus with your favorite pickle slaw and you might spin-off a family dinner win!
Curried green beans
Image source:’Fine beans and potato curry; by Alfred Prasad in greatbritishchefs.com
Simple, delicious and filling, this green bean curry served on its own or over steamed rice or coconut roti or warm naan bread, tastes divine and goes very well as a vegetarian entrée or alone as a side dish. Using green beans, peas, carrots and potatoes and sautéed with a precooked curry paste, this faintly spiced, roasted cashew garnished dish is one happy healthy food that you just cannot have enough of to satisfy your soul.
Corn bread
Image source: ‘Triple Cornbread Loaf’ by Charlotte Rutledge in kindarrthurbaking.com
Easy, crispy, tender and moist with added flavor of buttermilk and brown sugar, this dough-based corn bread boasts of tight crumb grains, golden crumb color and a unique aroma and sweetness that remind me of the texture and flavors of a muffin. Free of preservatives and synthetic stabilizers this flexible and delightful food comes packed with 20 amino acids; nine of them-histidine, isoleucine, leucine, lysine, methionine, phenylalanine, threonine, tryptophan, and valine being the most essential ones, those which the body cannot synthesize and must be obtained from food. Essentially looked upon as ‘quick bread’ it can be made into pancakes, casseroles and much more!
Vegan Cheese Grits
Image source:’Vegan cheesy grits breakfast bowl with crispy chickpeas” by Liz in zardyplants.com
Vegan cheese grits with creamy beans and collards make for a perfect comforting hardy meal to fill you up. Grits are super versatile, vegan and there are so many unique ways you can have them. Eat them on their own, make polenta cakes and chips and casseroles or into mini pancakes, faintly resembling tacos! You could try serving with BBQ tofu and greens for an amazing food experience. Apart from adding protein and healthy vegan goodness to your food, what is even greater about this eat is that you can spice it up by adding pico, avocado and fresh cabbage slaw for a Mexican twist. What with succulent sautéed greens enriched with garlic and smoky flavors, lying atop a bed of thick, creamy grits…well the possibilities are endless, so get creative!
Banana pudding
Image source: ‘The Best Banana Pudding’ by Kenneth Strother in allrecipes.com
If you’re looking for a dessert that tastes delicious and delivers brain-nourishing vitamins, this one is just the right choice for you.
With tantalizing layers of pudding, ripe bananas, whipped cream, wafer cookies and of course-a dollop of whipped cream that never hurts much, this food makes for a classic dessert that you can never get enough of. Making for a perfect dessert it makes even the most die-hard fitness freaks going back for more. With easy to get ingredients, you can whip up nutritionally a ‘lot-to-offer’ treat that literally helps your nerves function properly, regulate water levels in your body and offset the effects of sodium.
In case you didn’t know bananas are bursting with B vitamins and electrolytes like potassium and a single serve of this pudding carries about 122 mg of potassium!
The one great thing about these healthier options that always amuses me is that nobody ever walks away from their plate unsatisfied. From braised collard greens to stewed black-eyed peas and other protein sources all generally involve healthier cooking techniques like braising, steaming, grilling, and boiling and are considered healthful. So the next time you host Sunday dinner, try creating a menu around more nutrient dense soul food dishes or maybe you could attempt getting creative with some healthy swaps.
All in all, a run for a ‘go-to’ healthy soul food meal; all extremely tender, flavorful and without a ton of work on your part, could just be the right kind of inspiration for a healthy lifestyle and wellbeing. Best part is that you can still honor tradition by pitching-in ingredients for most of them shelve our kitchens even today. All you’d need to do is swap butter for heart-healthy oils like olive, peanut, or canola oils; replace high sodium, high-fat meats with smoked, skinless ones or even expand your food by trading meat for legumes, nuts or seeds as your protein source. Believe me, creating healthy soul foods would be a lot easier than it seems.
Just be mindful of intake of things for at the heart of a soul food lie rich flavors, nutrition and piece of legacy!
Tea as they say isn’t just a beverage. It’s the stuff that sets the ball rolling for celebrations across the world. It’s a morning habit of countless people to kick start their day. It’s an excuse to get out of the Office, hang around with friends and let go for a while. It’s an after-dinner warm succor to help unwind after a long day. It’s the brew that blends companionship, calmness and ceremony, all in equal measures.
Depending on what kind of tea you drink, when and with whom, there are very few things in this World to beat the comfort of a piping hot cup of tea, especially when the freshly brewed, hot, mildly sweet cuppa chai accompanies a plateful of freshly baked toasts slathered with peanut butter and honey or come with delectable toast toppings!
I adore toast. I love it hot and brown and crisp with butter or topped with a slice of cheese melted to perfection. My knees weaken at the thought of a toast spattered with peanut butter and honey and if it’s doable …brown sugar!
Image source: ‘Toast & Milk Tea’ in foodnetworks.org
Toast and tea at five-o’clock teatime has an old hand tradition and dates back to as early as 1840s. Anna, the seventh Duchess of Bedford, and her coterie of ladies of the court would sit together for an afternoon treat of tea, sandwiches, scones, and cakes. What began as a preferred pick-me-up tea time by the duchess then, was fated to set the stage for a ‘big time –great guns’ experience for every tea enthusiast in years to come.
It’s hard to tell whether it’s a fascination for things that carried a hint of nobility or people looking for an out-of-the-ordinary-way to entertain or just an undying love for dainty sandwiches and scrumptious muffins. But one thing is unmistakably true. There is something very homey about the smell of freshly brewed tea and bread baking. The faint whiff is so inviting and equally hard to ignore!
As always, a perfect toast made from whole grain bread is a big time temptation and tastes delish with tea…pub tea or your grand hotel tea, it doesn’t matter.
Image source: stock.adobe.com
All the while, the skill of preparing a perfect toast was developing greatly and had been quickly changing hands till today it is a commonplace item of interest in every kitchen. Maybe the ease of preparing this simple treat for tea time is another reason why it has gathered so much favor. Bread on the other hand, contains carbohydrates and gives you a quick energy shot without too much of a rush. A little butter or margarine on crispy brown toast is a visual delight that supplies you with some fat content in moderation and leaves you feeling satisfied. Some jams, preserves or marmalades on that toast perhaps! … and you could add a fruity touch to your tea time. Kitchen geeks could get creative with the toast by using different types of breads. Rye, whole-wheat, sourdough…sliced and toasted are great alternatives to plain while one. Diverse tastes abound. You can even try those really long french loaves that when sliced thin, yield enough for tea belters to munch on with their cuppa.
Speaking of tea, there are few kinds of this magical leaf that could bless you with a heavenly flavor reminiscent of a toast!
“This story is one of empires and espionage, smuggling and addiction, rampage and passion and the protagonist of this remarkable tryst with history is none other than the humble leaf of tea”;Actor Virginia Wood was perhaps reminiscing her little dalliance with tea time frolics when she had remarked this. With origin shrouded in mystery it is said that the tea leaves made their way into the boiling water by sheer accident. What followed next may not interest many but to me it’s hearty befitting in one way; so long as the sight of a buttery, sweet piece of cinnamon toast paired with a steaming mug of freshly brewed tea could make my heart jump a beat and bring smile to my face, I’m fine with it!
Still not thrilled or tickled? Honestly!…a cup of tea holds a million possibilities. It calms your nerves. It invigorates and perhaps is the best recipe for instant comfort. The reassuring sound of a kettle coming to a boil and hot water being poured onto the tea is no less exciting than a freaking dream job landing at your door step unannounced! The aroma escaping the pot is simply distinctive, tempting and nostalgic. When it’s winter, calls for a hot cup of tea any time anywhere would sound gratifying ; lazy monsoon evenings beckon a celebratory cup and a cuppa tea in hot summer days earnestly cool you down. Come brief autumn spell, a steaming cup provides you with few quiet wistful moments.
So, next time when you sip or slurp your favorite brew, think of all that has gone into its making…countless moments of history, untold efforts spent on coming up with some divine flavors, meticulous blending… just about everything that somehow blooms life on your tongue every time you savor it. Besides everything seems easy and doable once you pick up your cuppa chai. The miracle of the tea is that it knows how to create a storm in your cup every time you reach out for one!
Image source: ‘London Pottery Farmhouse’ in fishpond.com.au
And don’t forget that all pervasive warm whiff drifting down the hallway from the bread basket full of crispy brown toasts all hot and fresh and splattered to edges with butter and jam.
Could there be a better trimming to accompany your nice yellow pot of freshly steeped tea?
“I know when I compliment her, she won’t believe me / And it’s so, it’s so sad to think that she doesn’t see what I see / But every time she asks me do I look okay? I say / When I see your face there’s not a thing that I would change / ‘Cause you’re amazing just the way you are.”
Bruno Mars in ‘Just the way you are’. Isn’t he trying hard to make someone feel better about her imperfect attraction?
When we sometimes underrate our own attractiveness even whilst people around would find us perfect and amazing, is it that somehow we have underestimated our appeal? Or do we rate ourselves more engaging only when viewed from a third-person perspective?
Surprisingly there’s no absolute and true numbers when it comes to checking out one’s desirability. There are no real threes, fives or eights. Just because there is so much confusion and inaccuracy about the magic of appeal and attraction, doesn’t mean that this embarrassment is meant to happen to everybody. Understanding what darlingness is about, calls for some explicit insight about people’s psyche. So, by some chance even if you happen to be the one who can act, sing and dance well, just so wouldn’t make you any more attractive than the person standing next to you!
Oddly, whenever you go wrong in realistically assessing your physical appearance and attraction, you underestimate your self-worth and appeal. You rate yourself dimly and so differently from those around you and keep wondering what others might think of you. This can be maddening till you figure out everything dismissive and cruel and psyche yourself out.
Here are a few signs that would let you see your true beauty and be sure that; ‘You’re not unpretty and actually are more attractive than you think!’
Image source: ‘How to know if you are attractive: 18 signs to look for’ in aconciousrethink.com
Everybody moves around you confused and awkward? –It’s a sign you’re most entrancing.
It’s a subtle sign that you are good looking, attractive and standing out from the crowd! Be it sharing a bench in the park, stranger asking directions, or a new intern looking up for tips, people feel comfortable approaching somebody who’s alluring. Strangers would find you ‘easy on the eyes’ and would readily assume that you’d be polite and they could be themselves when around you.
When somebody reaches out to you, it usually cuts through all the unease and none of you would realize why you’ve picked each other. Could it be anything but an irresistible attraction in you that has drawn a stranger irresistibly?
Signs that you are gorgeous and charming are sometimes so faint to notice that they are usually ignored and get buried quickly. Queerly when others find you attractive, a lot many of them might become jumpy and feel anxious to be around you even when there’s little opportunity for it. As it happens, you can expect to be stalked on social media or followed discreetly around places where you tend to hang around and all this is for a slim possibility of winning your acquaintance!
Attraction is by far very intimidating. It’s almost impossible not to get flustered when someone fancies you. So, if you notice people acting strange around you it’s very likely that they find you attractive despite not knowing how to tell you that or what to say!
Hot or cold, people feel strongly for you- It’s a sign you’re winsomeand a delight to engage.
What somebody having feelings for you really means to you? Doesn’t everything sound promising in the beginning? It though is unlikely that everything would really end up the way you’d think it should?
When you’re attractive, those around you may tend to flaunt extreme feelings towards you. Malice or warmth, it could be anything from overtly friendly to heartlessly cold and harsh. Whichever… it’s most likely that when people find you attractive they’d really want to get to know you. Some may act petty towards you as well. They feel gross and may find you intimidating or are simply jealous of your looks and appearance. Others might try to come up to you on any excuse just to have a way to talk to you and be around you.
More often than not, when someone seems drawn to you and want to say, “You’re gorgeous!” or “I have feelings for you” but can’t; it is only because they don’t know how to voice their feelings or the thoughts. And all the while without you knowing, for them you’re mesmerizing and irresistible!
Image source: ‘7 little signs that you’re more attractive than you believe’ in relrules.com
You don’t get complimented often- It’s a sign you’re a stunner!
Has it ever happened to you; you’re all dressed-up to kill for a party but nobody has complimented you? Ok, that’s rough. It could actually make you feel disappointed and withdrawn. You have prided yourself as hot or hypnotic yet somehow couldn’t find an admiring eye. Even that prized Charlotte Tilbury lipstick or Ralph Lauren tie, couldn’t help much to let others take notice of you on a party night!
You may not believe this but it works otherwise. It actually is a definite sign that you are extremely attractive and arresting. It’s just that you look so good all the time even when you haven’t tried at all to be that, that it really doesn’t make much of a difference to those around you.
When people don’t compliment you it’s only because you’re amazing as always and not noticing you is very normal. It sounds twisted but not getting enough cheers even when you’re looking and feeling your best is actually one of the best signs that you’re ‘darlingly‘ attractive.
You are annoyed by the attention that keeps coming back–It’s a sign you’re obsessively attractive!
Are you uncomfortable with people’s attention that so often seems to zero-in on you? Do people answer with a pleasant; “Oh, I know who you are” whenever you decide to make yourself known? Are you thrilled to know that they remembered something about you that you had so casually talked about earlier? If your answer is ‘yes’ then …you’ve absolutely smashed it! It’s not simply a piece of luck or trick of the moment; people do take notice of you and pay attention to every little thing about you when they find you attractive and exciting.
Attraction is a catchy word that is obsessive, engrossing and alwayssets in motion the expected; itsurefiredrawsattention in an infallible way!
There is yet another side to this. It’s pretty hard to believe that all this admiration about physical appearance is after all momentary. People we admire could be just as insecure as we are. It’s only because how amazing they look, that we readily give in to thinking that they have nothing to worry about. Truth is that we all have our moments of low self-worth. Many would be surprised if you dare say; “I’m not happy with myself and wish I could change the way I look!”
By far you can safely sell this to yourself. Any flaw that you spot in yourself in the mirror is unimportant most of the time and people adore you the way you are.
Double takes are unnerving – But they are a sign that you’re ravishing!
You might be tempted to glower back but this is not about an angry staring contest. You’re not going to throttle someone! Gawking in fact is fair and agreeable if it’s only about your attractiveness? Aren’t you thrilled when people subtly try to catch your gaze? Doesn’t it excites you when they look away, embarrassed at having been caught staring at you?
On days when you feel uneasy on becoming aware that strange eyes are boring down your person, it’s natural to get intimidated. The happy part though is that it’s a sure sign that you’re a lot more attractive than you realize! Your presence has created attention and if heads turn easily with all eyes on you, it might just be that you tempting and inviting!
Whatever…don’t let all that attention and curiosity make you self-conscious. When people around you stare, it’s one of the most obvious signs in public that you are definitely a stunner even when you’ve rated yourself six out of ten in terms of attractiveness. You’re probably more alluring than you think you are!
Image source: ‘The science of confidence and attraction’ in cmp.smu.edu.sg
I guess popular emphasis on beauty is a revered obsession for most. And understandably so since being physically attractive is more pivotal and valuable to people’s perception than meets the eye. Besides there is no point in killing the joy of being appreciated!
It’s like meeting your heartthrob all pumped up, even if it’s for a little while!
“It’s back again!””Monster day is here!””Bless me, it’s Friday only!” “Let’s get this 9-5 out of the way!” or “Still stuck with your 24/7 passion at work?”
How often we hear telling this insanity to ourselves or to others. Sometimes we say with conviction, at others with little wit or a meme but most often with restrained disdain. “Monday blues” are in fact best described as the barb that many people experience at the beginning of the workweek, largely because they are not happy at work. Depression, tiredness, hopelessness and an inkling that work is unpleasant but unavoidable is what triggers pangs of anxiety, sadness and stress as you grudgingly move towards your desk after a restful weekend.
But why Mondays are such a drag? Why do you have to put up with a terribly freakish downhearted choice that has no escape?
Many would easily laugh it off as “just the way things are!”, but this is more than just a passing weariness; a warning sign that not everything is right at work.
So, do you start your workweek all overwhelmed and bored, stressed and unhappy? Are you sluggish, drag your feet and not fired up? If you’re unwilling to get down to business or don’t want to but have to keep smiling then you sure have lost out to ‘Lunaediesophobia’ or simply put ‘The Monday bug‘!
Let’s put it the other way; if you love your job and are passionate about it, Monday morning ought to be reckoned as an opportunity to do what you love most. On the contrary, if the idea of starting yet another seemingly endless workweek cracks you up and gets you all worked up, it’s only because you’re feeling down and not hungry anymore to be productive.
Monday blues! Mundane Mondays! Scary Monday! It’s isn’t only about sadness in your head. Your dislike for 9-5 job isn’t a pop psychology invention, but hints of a more serious condition characterized by feelings of helplessness and crash. We’ve all been there and like everybody else I too have sensed that clammy dread as the weekend draws near leaving us with a sinking sense of downturn.
Often finding myself sluggish and tense and overwhelmed on a new week start, I desperately dug around and found these six incredibly powerful yet easy ways to offload my wicked feelings letting me stay 2 steps ahead of my oddity.
Give it a shot if you do not wish to unhinge, have set your heart to fix the jinx and would love some good times to roll in once again!
Unplug for now- It’s fun time!
Image source: Pixabay.com.
Give your mail box a miss, if possible over the weekend especially since you’re not going to respond till Monday anyways. Handing out yourself something to feel unsettled and scattered, only adds to your exhaustion. True, it’s tempting to know what’s waiting for you, but drawing line between personal and work times does keep things in check. When you leave Office on Friday eve, cast aside your work issues for a while. Don’t let anything creep into your off-time. It’s time to have fun and rejuvenate!
Don’t let the candle burn at both ends
You have slogged all through the work week just to be free for weekend partying. In truth you have actually earned yourself some space and time to relax. But don’t forget that coming Monday can be extra stressful from work that has potentially piled up from the week gone by and for many it could challenging to jump right back in!
To ride over the Monday morning anxiety, get rid of uncomfortable and awful tasks as far as possible by Friday afternoon itself. By taking care of things you least want to handle at the end of one workweek, you simply make the start of next one much easier.
Come Monday morning and get all unpleasant assignments done as early as possible so that you don’t spend rest of the day feeling as if a black cloud is hanging over your head! Clean up the mess fast and you’ll feel a lot better once it’s over. No reason why you should axe your off-time or peace even on as dreadful a day as Monday.
‘Forty winks’ will make you fine and full of beans!
Image source: Pixabay.com.
It’s probable that you have spent the entire weekend and Sunday eve partying around, but overdoing that could be overwhelming! If you’re running only a couple of hours sleep, it’s highly likely that you’re not going to feel good on next daybreak. Jittery and all scattered you won’t feel good about going anywhere when the alarm goes off on Monday morning.
To make things work out smoothly, it’s good to go to bed a little early on Sunday night and get enough of sleep. You’ll wake up well rested on Monday morning, all revved up to face the World with a zing. An extra 15-30 minutes early rise could make your Monday morning actually a lot easier. Having a little more of “me time” makes the shift from crazy clubbing and wild bashes to work place setting a bit more comfortable. Simply stay unstrapped of ‘time crunch’. This way you could spare yourself some time to enjoy breakfast, do exercise or even take your dog for a short walk. In fact, you’ll feel more centered for the rest of the day.
If that’s not enough at least sell this idea to yourself; “I’m not a robot that just sleeps and works. I’ll do nicer things to me for I deserve a better deal”. You’ll be amazed to see how things fall into place all by themselves.
Bring smile to someone
Getting smile on someone’s face or doing something nice for somebody actually helps lift your spirits. Remind yourself to do some good as soon as you get to work on Monday. This will also work around to shift the overall mood around you at work!
See… the best way to cheer yourself up is to make someone else go happy. Compliment a colleague, be nice to your client, help out a stranger on the street or find a way to make someone else’s day a little better and see how miraculously you ride through your work day all free and easy and lively!
Have heart for fun at work place
Things and actions as small as bringing donuts to your colleague, taking a quick break to catch up with a friend in the Office, sharing weekend escapades with co workers, are great fun and a big way to strengthen connects within the four walls where nothing is a reason good enough to cut loose and doodle. A weekly Monday coffee break or lunch time with friends would be just as great. Unknowingly in turn you create an event that you love most. You’ll look forward to all the Mondays as a way to break up the day with moments of good times. At least you’ll have a chance to take a deep breath, hang around and talk, pull-up and gather your wits again for the rest of the day.
Line up post-work bustle
Once you start your work week with an “attitude of gratitude”, you will begin to appreciate things that you enjoy most about work. Surprisingly without you realizing, it kicks off even before you get to work! You use Monday as the day to wear your favorite outfit to look good, feel good and be complimented. Half the battle for Monday morning is already won when you begin to feel good about yourself. It makes you all jazzed up to face work with confidence than be deflated by it.
But is that all you’ve planned for the day? Shouldn’t you be looking forward to something after you’ve slogged through the day desperately trying to get over with the pile of things?
The day doesn’t have to be all about getting up to the go to the Office and trudging deep. Make your Monday a special day where you go out with friends post-work, fix-up your favorite dinner or catch up on your favorite Netflix soap you’ve missed so dearly with a bowl of popcorn, bucking up the rest of your evening.
It’s always good to take a little more of downtime. Things will always perk up like never before!
Image source:’How to deal with Monday blues for your employees’ in fibe.in.
On Sunday afternoons or early Sunday evenings, the thought of waking up on Monday morning and the slog lying ahead all through the work week, would zap the joy out of my rest of the day. As the weekend would near it’s end, my mood also would plummet. The dread of a monstrous upcoming workweek would take the wind out of my sails.
This is when I clearly began to see the warning signs of a downturn and resolved for a turn around that I had endured so far. Things changed quickly thereafter and became encouraging. I was getting excited and energized even on monstrous Monday mornings, not just tired and depressed any longer.
If you’ve heard this; “You can’t please all of the people all of the time”then you’d know that there will always be people in life who don’t like you. This hurts, but on the flip side it feels wonderful when someone does like you. It’s exciting and perks up your confidence. Besides appreciation is one powerful way to build up strong relations and success at work.
Image source: istockphoto.com.
It’s an uncomfortable truth but don’t we all want to be likeable? Who wouldn’t want to charm his or her way into someone’s life at the blink of an eye?
Being hyper-likable is one easy way to make life significantly spicy and intoxicating but it come easier to some than others. Fortunately this is one trait that nobody is innately born with. True, charismatic people are born charming, but likability is something that can be learned and sharpened just like the way you learn at the bourses.
I was not born lucky with natural charisma; one of the likes who’re the masters of the working room with mere handshakes and wide grins. I couldn’t manage to be one in my late teens and early twenties. Unlucky for me it didn’t happen till well into my late thirties!
I’ve always been a shy introvert but I did know what it was like to connect with others. May be because of this reason I’d always admire people who would make people like me feel at ease in their presence and would readily connect to virtually anyone like myself. These were the people whom I could hardly forget. I observed them and appreciated them for understanding my vulnerable side. It was like the more someone opened to me, the closer I felt drawn to them. It made things easier for me and I felt something good happening around me. I was finally being myself.
Like I said earlier instant likeability doesn’t come easy for everyone. For those more on the introverted side, things do get raw at times. Yet I felt drawn to the ways these people made me feel. Surprisingly it never hit me as awkward. All I wanted was to learn the secrets of likeability; behavior, traits and everything and then accept them as my own.
Image source: ‘Why being likable can be a remarkable life skill’ by LaRay Quy in theladders.com on Oct. 05,2018.
Starting in 1992, somethingpositive began panning out for me. I was all piped up to learn to be a super likable person that everyone feels comfortable around and wants to get to know better. I was getting to understand how I could endear myself from the get-go. I was beginning to know the importance of presenting myself as a genuine person who is willing to connect.
It felt like being on cloud nine!
Here’s four most compelling ideas that then helped me make people finally see me as someone they would want to have a conversation and hang out with!
Pick up a lively, lighthearted friendly demeanor
Over the time I have seen people losing their likability because of their fake optimism and dumb likeness. May be it’s all because they don’t mean to sound negative and distant but are uncomfortable in crowd or perhaps they’re get more self contained in masses.
Intriguing as it was, all the while I kept in mind that before opening up people do try to get a read on you. Nothing turns off them more than trying to communicate with somebody closed-off and uncommunicative. Nobody gets excited about getting to know you when that happens.
So, I decided to let my guard down and asked myself not to be afraid to be me. I became aware of how I was expected to present myself to others. I did my best to stay open and send friendly vibes around. Incredibly, my personality began to shine through as I kept unplugging. I learned to smile true; no plastic ones. I also picked up how to make genuine eye contacts and nods to show that I was listening. I got the hang of what leaning when listening to someone can do to your acceptability.
For once I was beginning to feel comfortable in my own skin! My body language was finally doing works for me drawing others naturally to me.
Getting past the small talk is winsome
A boring nerd to start with, I was looking for positives in every situation. I knew that pessimist talk doesn’t win friends and neither does the small talk. It’s Ok to talk about weather or your local sports team but these conversations don’t win long term favors. Besides it’s a sure way to alienate togetherness and bring the entire mood to dumps.
To make things brighten up and make a great impression, I moved past it. I took to discussing genuine, down to earth issues whenever I had the opportunity to chat. I asked about other person’s family, their hobbies and passions.
You’ll be surprised how much close you could get to people learning about them and they’ll like you better for having learned it.
Image source: istockphoto.com.
Assume everybody has something better for you
One great way to pitch for your likability is to assume that every single person has something of importance that you don’t. Everything that’s happening around you is born out of mind of another person and you’ve missed it.
When hanging around with friends or in some serious company, I was making sure that focus was not only on me, my problems, my life and my opinions. In fact, I approached every conversation thinking that it’s not an opportunity for me to unload myself on another person, but rather a chance for me to get to know someone better, learn something different and extra and to connect in a way I haven’t before!
I realized I didn’t need to make others envy and awe over who I am and what I’ve achieved. Instead I learned to share with them what I care about and what I hope for. This one time I was not trying to impress; I was being honest with my needs and boundaries.
Pep talk and shared interests always lit the spark
Likable people are approachable and personable because they’re good at listening and equally willing to talk; no preconceived notions or passing judgment on others. This is how I found them to be setting up a common ground of mutual interest. A little bit of homework and I was surprised to know that all the diverse interests and backgrounds usually did the rest!
At some point I was viewing each person I met as an opportunity to learn something. Of course I did meet people whom I disagreed with but kept myself in check. The idea was to allow others to have their say and make them feel heard. A bit of pep talk was meant to be a sweetener and pushed for deeper conversation. Was I being open minded? Perhaps! … when someone smiled I felt inclined to smile back. May be social sync was doing favors at last. Unwittingly I was mimicking other person’s body postures and speech patterns to get connected easily!
Believe me it felt good to go to Old school and spend some time having small pep talk with those around me. At long last I had begun to rake up some real good relationships by sharing thoughts and having fun together.
Feature credits:’Kindness and Joy” by Inspiration Quest in Youtube.com.
Likability is something that is virtually within everybody’s reach. All you need to do is to make others feel good around you. I did just that by avoiding being judgmental, letting others open up, giving my undivided attention, enthusing others, putting my phone away and memorizing names.
Strangely, contrary to what I thought earlier most of the times it’s something that was under my control and I couldn’t see that before.
Gee!…This time I could open the door from the inside!!
That’s what I’d hear every time I asked my mother how she was doing. Cringing eyes, creaking knees and despairingly loosening skin, all were a painful reminder of her advancing age. Yet I could never see any shame in her eyes in growing old or struggling with her body. At 70 you wouldn’t hope to be the same adorable pig tailed raunchy gal who would climb the trees, jump the wall or beat up all the boys.
For years I couldn’t understand why she would react like that when she could only walk gingerly and mostly not without support. She must’ve been weighing just 40 kg soaking wet at that time!
It was only long after she was gone that I could understand what she meant by saying fat and sassy! She lived and proved it in the way she carried herself, the way she spoke, the way she did everything. Hard to guess if she ever knew that she was my first truly trusted cheeky mentor. And I’m sure she never meant that being sassy a lot of time would mean being rude to people or having a nasty attitude for no reason. Of course it implied that I could do whatever I wanted but it’s not cute if I did hurt somebody.
So, instead of blending in with the crowd, I so badly wanted to stand out, much like my Maa and instead of going with the flow, I wanted to create one and be that spicy unstoppable person in any situation.
Here are five things that have helped me shape out a long-craved oomph life for myself!
Charming and saucy! It’s a good start
There’s an abundance of info doing the rounds in blogs, podcasts, books and websites and Ted talks… still you want to be confident not cocky; honest but not hurtful and certainly cheeky but not rude. You’re always upbeat about yourself, yet know very well that you couldn’t squeeze the most out of your life in one go.
Here’s what you could do for a start!
Audacity is not disrespectful when you say something a little brash but with a smile and don’t actually mean anything by it. It’s kinda spice of attitude thrown in the mix! So next time your friend texts you, “Hey, can I come over to your place so that we could just hang around?” be wise about the man thing before responding and ask your heart, mind and soul before you reply. To say ‘No’ if that’s how it’s meant to be, need not sound impolite or rude.
It’s time to start living your best
If there is one thing that’s true for all sassy people, it’s that they come packed with exuberance, wisdom for handling real-life situations and are full of insights about living life to the fullest.
Look…It does take some confidence and gusto to do your things the way you like them, to love yourself and to speak up your mind. Because you’re freaking cool, being confident isn’t much of a challenge to you. However, if you couldn’t handle and allow your inner sass out, make it easy by starting from the outside in. True, confidence comes from within, but a little can seep in from the outside as well.
So, get dressed up, start feeling good on the outside and behave and act like a confident you would. Shoulders back, head held high as you walk, a little flirt, an eye roll, a small touch perhaps or a faint smile and you’ll find your body language channeling your sass in no time. But keep it to a minimum since that stuff gets negative pretty easily. There will always be people who are easily offended and will think of you as rude.
Fun doesn’t hurt anybody
If being brassy, bold and adorable is a lot about having fun, why shouldn’t you have some? Once your confidence turns high and races heavenwards it’s highly unlikely that you would slink out of the fun and romp that comes your way. Simply try being the person who loves being bouncy and peppy. If you’re listless, uninterested in people around you or hard to enthuse, your charming cockiness could easily be mistaken for cynicism.
Seriously, be the person who can have fun with anything, anywhere. A pep in your step would keep your sassiness (with a smile of course) upright and would make others find you funny and enviable.
So stop slouching over the phone and no more day dreaming or glazed-over cold looks. Get in the moment. Look around you. Respond with a smile or a nod when people talk to you. Ask, inquire, crack jokes or flirt a little for all I care. But live the moment for every time it’s a show time!
Your X-factor will help you smile!
Living fat and sassy never cheats you of following your passions and loving your family. Being alive purposefully and genuinely instead earns you some kindness and urges you to stay connected.
Do you know of people who mystically stay ‘invisible’? They would walk into the room and nobody would notice, hang around and will barely make a sound. And that’s that. Nobody checks out on them; nobody sits up for them. In fact, there is something about their unwillingness to try that makes them cower or cringe among people who are dynamic and metallic. Instead of challenging their fears, they find comfort in shutting out than shine brighter.
Believe me, slinking would never let you speak up your mind or zero-in and build up on your confidence.
Image source: ‘Feelings, emotions and moods: How to say what you are experiencing’ by Jody Michael in jodymichael.com
But that’s not you. You’d die doing anything to live large. Won’t you? You love to crack jokes, tell stories and wouldn’t hesitate to showcase that spilled coffee stained shirt, modeling it and thumping around; ‘stains are the rocking rage’! For you being sassy is something about making everybody take notice.
And that’s Ok! No need to shy away if all eyes are on you. The best part is that your bouncy breeziness will keep the party going. See…not everybody can do that. Just be the person that can have fun with anyone, anything… anywhere.
You could be a surprise trendsetter
Don’t be surprised if everybody around you starts doing Muay Thai or sashay around like BoyWithUke– that smashing net influencer. Sassies are effervescent and would find humor in just about anything. There’s nothing they are unwilling to try.
So let your personality run riot. Public speaking, heights or slugs, even challenging yourself will be just as fine in surprising others as your kinky yoga postures! Simply tame your hardwired wits to listen to you. It’s the willingness to jump outside the box and do what others are often afraid to do, will make you bolder and shine brighter.
Besides, can you imagine of yourself as wise and sassy in a walrus outfit?
Image source: istockphoto.com
Interestingly, aware or not most people experience sweeping range of emotions each day and unfortunately most of these are unpleasant and sometimes awfully harsh. Irksome as they are, each one of us easily gets tired of sulking in a bad mood all day long and want the physical sensation to be exciting and stirring. Besides what’s the fun in being nice and shy all the time? Saucy, vivacious and bold wouldn’t we all want to have these enviable qualities and not just tow the lamb’s tail?
And just for the record, don’t worry what others would think. Living life your way comes free!!
If the sense of happiness is all about being satisfied with what you have, what’d make you happy? A bigger house or better car perhaps, a more understanding mate, wealth and fame surely? Or maybe just finishing everything on your to-do list would do the wonders!
Well!… you may stop fooling yourself if you believe that any one of these would increase your happiness remarkably. It’s a myth that anyone would feel happiness all the time. Buy that unreality and you’ve got it all wrong. This is because we grow up with the belief that life is meant to make us feel good when this optimism is exactly what stops us in our tracks. We lose the capacity to see what we do have and what is going right for us! Our pursuit ends with anything but joy and wellness.
Most of us get happiness all wrong or don’t understand it at all. We crumble at the first signs of stress because we begin to feel bitter and turn hostile; something what we are not meant to. The fear of change makes misery more frightening. Negative emotions overshadow everything and this is when we begin to misinterpret happiness. In fact we go about it in reverse unwittingly. The good news is that while the roadblocks to happiness do exist, they are largely within our control!
So, does happiness seem to get out of your reach every time no matter how hard you try? Are you the only person you know who isn’t peaceful and happy at will? Count on yourself to corner these common thieves of happiness and change them so you could be as happy as a sand boy again!
When you live in the past
It saddens me to see people being stuck in an endless replay of their good old days. And it’s hurtful. Regretting what you did or couldn’t do is in vain because you were a different person then and there is nothing you could do to change the unsavory parts of your past now.
What’s the antidote then?
Healthy boundaries are the key to happiness. Without a blue print of whom and what you want to be in life, you cannot muster enough emotional courage for your well being. Like everything else we humans evolve constantly and are just as fallible as the next person. So, you cannot allow your past to screw up your life on account of some wretched person who turned your life upside down for you and made you go nuts try cleaning up the mess!
It’s true that fires from the past hurt our intrinsic self worth and would hang on with us lifelong. But flawed or fine you shouldn’t let that ’our lives are pretty good’ idea be taken away just because you didn’t get the chance to do things your way!
Image source: ‘Fun winter activities for fostering teens’ in orchardfostering.ieon Nov. 04, 2022.
Cynicism is bitter
When you’re in limbo and couldn’t resist reevaluating yourself, isn’t this what crosses your mind so often; ‘‘Here we go again…someone telling me I’m crazy, and I need to get fixed!” You just couldn’t get rid of undying unpleasant thoughts of your pushy stubborn connections and would react to the same people and situations in an irresponsible manner. Your thoughts are jaded and would block your way.
But there’s a way out!
It is our thoughts that always manifest our emotions and for that reason we can’t help and stay stuck with our feelings. Yet that’s not entirely true! Since we are hard wired with a penchant for negative thoughts, anything flawed instinctively makes us look for the darker side.
One way to combat this incredulity is to uncover your thoughts instead of living them. Deal with your blunted rationale and pull down the cynicism. It’s always a great help since it’s the quality of our thoughts that means everything to experience happiness.
So …stop sneering and smile your blues away!
Every feat is a fresh start
As a quite unsmiling kid, I always looked forward to crossing over the milestones. Passing the college, finding a job, independent living, marriage, parenthood, travel; I just about weighed everything as a milestone. Then one day in my 30’s I woke up and asked myself, “Am I not living the future”? Nothing would quell my quest then but later I was to realize that there are barriers in everybody’s life and I was just overcoming one challenge after another only to find next one knocking on my door.
This is an imperfect reality. ’Here-and-now’ is as difficult to others as it is to me. I was all caught up in the ‘tomorrow game’; something that I was to choreograph my future life upon. And all the whiletoday’sprecious moments kept passing me by.
There is nothing like ‘perfect time’ in life. If you wait for future for something good to happen, an anxious world will slip you by. You cannot afford to postpone your happiness until the time ripens in future when everything is ‘just right’. Only that time never comes for anybody.
Imperfect happiness is what must be earned today for a shining tomorrow. So stop being defensive and do not take emotional wellness for granted. The pursuit of happiness drives much of what we do, but accomplishing it always appears out of reach.
After all, happiness is not mystic or faded and worrying for it will only be a waste of time.
Image source: ‘How to let go of expectations and find what makes you happy’ by Justine Carino in carinocounseling.com
Comparison would hurt
Do you ever wonder while scrolling through Instagram or surfing Meta, “I’d be really happy if only my life was like so-and-so”? forgetting that our best is waiting in the wings to happen. “What if I could never become part of this edited reality”?
Being unhappy 24/7 doesn’t mean that you’re flawed; it’s only something inside you that needs dealing with- something that’s there right with you all the time. Unfortunately, if it tows you incessantly, you unknowingly would begin focusing on what isn’t working for you all the time. This is when the slump strikes. Your bad chemistry wriggles out free and drives you to make some awful choices that could worsen your life. So stop struggling with your comparison mania and check on your jinxed self- awareness. Trust me you’d get busier mapping and cloning the happiness quotient of your peers in no time and will be all smiles and value to your life.
See…it’s only this sneaky disparity that burgles all attempts to be in paradise!
Being grateful for the good, solid relationships, positive experiences and loving memories rescues us from disappointments. Chasing more likes, more hearts and more approvalis an unproductive way to be happy; it’s more of a recipe for misery and discontentment. Feel-good emotions and meaning wouldn’t betray you if you stayed good with your personal set-point of contentment!
Image source: ‘The key to lasting happiness’ in theohmstore.co on Jan.15, 2019.
Happiness for all we know is an inside job. Sure buying a shiny new car, sleek digs and a leisurely vacation are exciting. But these are temporary fixes and sometimes influence how we feel in the short run. Even a most cynical person could experience a sudden spike in happiness on winning a lottery.
This reminds me of my grandpa. He never missed to quip when in high spirits; “See… happiness doesn’t always roar. Sometimes it is the little voice in your head at the end of the day that says I’ll be around with you for a while!”
Like everything else happiness too is as elusive, messy, chaotic but pleasant possibility. Understanding the intrinsic ways you could work to win it over will definitely earn you ever-lasting moments of true happiness.
Yes…People around you are great but so is self –help. Just break free for once and I’m sure you’ll start loving yourself!!
I still remember what my grand pa used to say when chiding,”You bet your sweet bip”.Back at home, a boring remake of Pinch kitchen would mock me daily. Food here necessarily carried a strict mandate; it should be healthy, delicious, and family friendly. Everything cooked was meant to be eaten in each category or it simply wouldn’t get made again!
An average cook in those days did muster some sort of taste mandate. True, food tasted great but it always took a while to reach the platter and needlessly paraded unhealthy fats, excessive calories with occasionally a pinch more of sugar or salt! Losing weight was not much of a challenge then.
Fast forward; fad food like everything else too changed hands. Health and healthy life styles gained priorities. And by the end of late 80’s, food was on an arduous journey of satisfying different menu, umami unmistakably among them. Plus, some irresistible vegetarian fare loaded with saturated fats was beginning to run wild as a fantasy cuisine.
Concerns that fat, luxury gourmet food was adding inches to the girth of every second person’s sweet bippy had begun surfacing. Not much in the beginning…but no sooner it was to become a common feel that “I’m not losing weight fast enough, despite following a healthy lifestyle”. Something was preventing people from seeing the changes everybody was looking for. The advices were perhaps misguiding or outdated!
From sizzlers to fries and from hearty brunch to luxurious spread, the food tasted great everywhere. But the battle for being deliciously healthy had just begun everywhere.
So much so for yesteryears….what began as an unsettling worry, today is every person’s anxiety over serious consequences of cheating food!
Image source: ’25 Delicious Apple Recipes That are Perfect for Fall’ by Perri O. Blumberg in eatthis.com on Sep.03, 2020.
Losing weight is challenging at times. Even Harvey Diamond’s “Fit for life: Not fat for life” theory of food indulgence linked to weight loss doesn’t carry enough sway despite being uncomplicated. You might feel you’ve doing enough but still not get the results you want. In reality however, it’s not all that simple since you can’t eat fruits with other foods and dare not combine protein and starches. Whatever…if not much at least you can just follow one simple rule; “Eat more living food than dead food”.
So, if healthful living is not helping you shed inches fast enough, perhaps you should try going beyond what cookbooks tell you. Maybe you can cheat on what you eat and still lose weight!
Is your food healthy?
Not always really. Contrary to popular belief food sounds good so long it’s about eating fruits and vegetables. Yet it’s way too loose when it comes to choosing the starches and proteins, for it’s possible that either you’d shortchange yourself or overeat. Besides no dairy means you’re not getting enough of calcium especially when nobody knows for sure which veggies are calcium rich and which are not. Then there is one more nagging concern! ‘Dead foods’ (meats and starches) audaciously bulldoze the digestion system and zap energy leaving you feeling enervated. Unless you follow certain ‘food combining’ rules seriously, improper food pairing –supposedly harmful- would make you fat.
Don’t lose your mind, Lose weight instead!
Weight loss for many means forsaking the fattening food we all love. No creams, no chips, no wine, no burger, no sweets…no fun! But this kind of annoying melt-off regimen could actually end up with more cravings for forbidden foods and goals get abandoned long before their time. ”101 Foods That Can Save Your Life” couldn’t salvage much and doesn’t pitch for serious deprivations either! ‘Taking away a person’s favorite food can be a death knell to a weight loss plan’. Splurging on favorite foods should be an open option since anyone can follow severe diet plan for a short time only.
Sloughing 60 lbs in 60 days!
Everyone slips up when it comes to calorie counting and that’s fine so long as you don’t return back to it. When that happens you’d take note of it and would get right back into your food plan. What better way to avoid throwing in the towel! Besides in any case it’s almost impossible to size yourself A+ when it comes to weight-loss attempt.
Since you’re craving for delectable food isn’t going anywhere soon and you’d want to indulge even more when somebody tells you ‘not to’, these tips could save you from falling out of grace and help you with that irresistible urge to gorge.
Image source: ‘Easy 15 days diet plan’ by Manju Malik in foodfitnessnfun.com on jan 09,2022.
Eat more of heavy foods
Lean protein and fiber are the food that is known to go for long distance. Eggs, whole grains, fruits, vegetables, soups, salads, lean meats, seafood and low fat dairy, all could fill up your insides fast and help tame your appetite. Always look for healthy snacks since you cannot afford to go for long periods without eating.
Say ‘Yeah” to flavor hits
Eating whatever you love in its most intense and tasty form is perhaps the best way to have less of it. This way you can have not much of it and yet get the flavor you’d die for. For instance if you’re crazy about crackling, crispy salty snacks, simply splurge on gourmet sea salt or kitchen salt and sprinkle it over a ripe, red tomato. You’ll not only have more brilliant bright flavor to relish but a better salty hit. Believe me, you’ll use less and less of it over the time and wouldn’t miss anything.
Eat only what you love most
Truly, nobody wants to talk bad about their body and would be hawkish when it comes to weight-watching. If the food that you love is bad for your diet, then it had better be good. But you can still have it guilt free. All you need to do is watch and budget your calories. Instead of gulping down a trio of donuts each morning with coffee wouldn’t it be better to splurge on something as savory as a small wedge of creamy cheesecake?
Moreover if you are a dessert lover and wouldn’t want to miss anything to eat out, it’s a great deal important to go through the menu first. This way you’ll know for sure where you are really headed and that will make it easier for you to skip creamy clam chowder or deep fried cheese sticks and settle for something more subtle like a slice of pecan pie perhaps!
Small bite makes big changes
Of course you can have it all, but not all in just one day. No food is off limits so long as you eat it sensibly. A couple of bites of dark chocolate is as good to satisfy your cravings without belting in too many calories as a small portion of cheesecake with a dusting of cookie crumbs instead of having a crust soaked in 6 tablespoons of melted butter! You can further prune down reduced- fat ingredients like light cream cheese and try a little less sugar. Lemon and lime zest add extra tang and while heightening the flavors make a dessert lighter so you can have more of it.
Image source: ‘The Best Jalapeño Poppers’ by Meggan Hill in culinaryhill.com on Dec.08, 2021.
Small steps add big results
Whenever you indulge in diet splurge with a plateful of colorfully garnished food, don’t forget to top it off with a walk around the office building afterwards. Savor a pizza slice and a cola for your daily lunch, but…four times a week instead of five. These small actions can help you with big results. Find out changes that work best for you.
Our natural in-built hard wired resistance to anything uncomfortable and upsetting is what makes us fail on diets most of the times. That’s what makes it so important to be wary of our food experiences! Being more aware of what’s on your plate, is always a mindful meal experience so long as we know what we are splurging on.
Image source: ‘Image source: ‘Can intermittent fasting help you lose weight?’in indianexpress.com on May 03, 2019.
Incredibly, there’s always been a way to eat your cake and lose weight! Knowing well that you cannot forsake your favorite temptations for long and you’ll break down sooner or later and overindulge, isn’t it easy to ‘eat it with full consciousness…lick your lips and then move on with your life’? So, why not try a more sensible way to love your cheese cake and manage your food splurge and calorie count? You bet you can cheat on your favorite food anytime and still beat the scales.
Your chances of weight-loss success are far more decent in the long run ‘cos ‘the more you know the more you can eat’!
“A half truth is always a whole lie’ but it’s also “the fastest way to prevent a mistake from turning into a failure.”
We believe we would find happiness in marriage and love would flourish of its own love, but it’s not quite as simple. What at times seems soft spot could actually be turn out to be no more than an unpleasant familiarity. There is no such thing as “the right person”. The most important thing is to be in love with someone before letting it happen.
If you are one of those people who know who they are, what they want and won’t compromise with their beliefs or happiness, then you‘re in for a surprise! People around you might find you wildly attractive. You’d stand tall, speak clearly and calmly refuse to do anything that will offend your sweet will. Everything buys you some crazy cutting edge every time you make a choice.
Yet… you may face a few straight ups too; “Nobody Should Marry That Person!!”
If liberal’s point of view is any good then wedlock must arise out of love alone. Still it’s a hardcore romanticism that never fails to rally and always comes with a pinch of idealism. Then there are disparagers who wouldn’t bite this. For them love perseveres and flourishes over time when two people decide to be together.
This double bind is perhaps crazy! But perhaps holds the key to getting what you might want in the first place-choices that earlier were never with you.
Shucks! What would you do now? Would you pretend your love so that you don’t appear disappointing? Would you confess that all love is lost between the two of you; you feel uninvolved yet would rather stay together? If you ask me I think each one of these would be more out of guilt and fear of backlash from people around you. On one hand your expectations of marriage are that it should be born out of love, on the other you can’t imagine being with someone you don’t love!
Too many questions but no straight answers! This of course is not an easy situation to work through. You’re trapped with no way out but to ride through.
Interestingly, it is still widely believed that men are more likely to marry someone they feel might not be quite right for them. If this is true then the myth that women would do anything for a ring and that men would do anything to shun commitment, is all sham and of course has few takers. By the way, which lady hasn’t sympathized with Bridget Jones or chuckled at 27 Dresses?
Then there is yet more cynical version which would urge you to just marry and settle down because it’s hard for good people to come by and this one might be exactly that. “Even if you don’t love that person,” some would say; “at least both of you are there to take care of each other. You can work on digging love after marriage over the time”; few would rather prefer a straight one; “Yes you should marry that person” or dismiss the whole thing with a “No you shouldn’t!”.
Image source: getty images.in
If you fancy spending the rest of your life with someone who’ll always by your side and take care of you when you’re old with white hair — then of course it’s easy to find someone who’d fit the bill. But this leaves something unanswered, “What marriage means to you?” assuming nothing changes after marriage. Wouldn’t you be just a keeper and she simply a reliable, caring and perceptive partner with none of you sharing the same closeness for each other!
Even so, the idea of being alone is overwhelming, sometimes soul crushing. You may get a fateful urge to try and make nice things permanent without mincing anything.
Getting married is a blissful recourse but not without hang-ups; anybody we marry might not always be the right choice for us. Besides, bliss doesn’t happen every day every time! You should also know that something else has walked in your life if dislike for each other is no longer short lived and hostility endures beyond the normal choleric fights and scratchiness.
If that’s happening- you have married the wrong person!
Image source: ‘What the Quaker tradition taught me about ‘Mr’ and ‘Ms’ in hellogiggles.com o May. 02, 2015.
Given that, it is about the single costliest mistake any of us can make, it’s all the more reason why we often tend to make the wrong choices consciously. Seriously, we ruin our lives on excuses that would sometimes sound crazy in particular ways. Maybe Just–enough couldn’t hold to be Good-enough. And we also quite miss the consequences of a harmless looking willful accommodation between two people!
Want to freeze happiness?
It’s not uncommon to wish for good things happening in life to last forever. Much like our car or our homes, don’t we all want to spend our lives with the people we’re having a terrific time with?
Still…
Dreaming of marriage as harbinger of an everlasting happiness would fall flat if we couldn’t bottle our love for each other. Unfortunately there is hardly any connection between marriage and emotions that usually grow byVenice, a time of day, a lack of work, an excitement at dinner or a short acquaintance with someone…outside love none of this guarantees happiness.
Not freezing anything marriage nonetheless is more of a peaceful, uneventful, sometimes nicely boring, comfortable, reliable and a decisive breather in life. It has the power to keep a relationship at a beautiful stage all through! A suburban house, long commute, small family; marriage has every ingredient of a lasting happiness. However, it’s a very different experience if you attempt to quick-freeze wrong ingredients. There will be as much doubt, hope, fear, rejection and betrayal in your marriage as there’s in your single life.
Don’t break free! Your future is yet to happen
It’s great if you’re here; nothing has happened yet and you’re free. There is still a chance and time to think over everything carefully and make a conscious decision. Of course, you will get chased by the feelings that you may well never meet someone that would come close. “What would I do then?” you may wonder.
What the heck!…
Truly nobody can tell if and when you’ll get to meet your perfect match one day, but when you do at least you’d be able to tell yourself; “When I agree to marry someone, I’m doing it because I genuinely want to marry this person and because this is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with”. You shouldn’t be looking for a partner merely because you’re fearful of the alternative– being left alone, not being able to find your perfect ‘One’ and not having someone to take care of you for the rest of your life.
Image source: istockphoto.com
Marriage indeed is a serious business and it deeply impacts lives. It’s never a wise move to look for hopes or expectations, that something else will happen of its own and that worries would leave you when love eventually happens out of a lifelong commitment.
So…stop, breathe and look around for your beau monde. Sure, trying to meet new people and finding the right match could be draining at times but in the end nothing would be more comforting than to know that you’ve eventually evaded being run down by that terrifying, heart numbing and draining unhappiness of being stuck in a marriage with someone you don’t love!
Did somebody ever tell you to cheer up and smile?… that you look so forlorn and miserable and are unhappy most of the time. It’s probably not the most welcome advice especially when you are feeling sick, tired or down in dumps. It sounds pretty backward… kinda corny if somebody asks you to turn that frown upside down.
But there is actually a good reason behind it!
Happiness is what makes us smile and all kind of things start to fall in place when we feel positive and cheerful. But our brain refuses to believe that we’re happy till it gets to see humor actually happening. It’s crazy; the brain is a sucker for a grin. It doesn’t bother to sort out whether you’re smiling because you’re happy or just pretending. For it, happiness is an elusive experience and is influenced by positive actions, relationships and change in attitude.
This is where all it takes is a small step to let happiness in and dupe it.
So, if you find yourself wading through rut of “different day, same story” bored to bones and utterly unhappy; then this is the time to start changing your story. Your sufferings need to be eased and wrongs to be righted to make your world a wee bit brighter and happier to live tomorrow!
Fortunately, there are quick, simple and no-cost ways to get just that. But if you read the daily headlines and wish somebody would step in and make things better for, you sorely mistaken and all wet. Unmistakably it’s your call.
Inside all of us there is always a mighty ‘Malcolm Little’ raring to act. You can be a force for good whether it’s about helping your neighbor, raising your voice to be heard or calling attention to a problem in need of a solution. Only you can help yourself repair your world.
Jeez!…This is not about more work. It’s about changing your mindset, seeing things in a new way, making new habit or adding an action every week for the next year.
Here are a few that might just about do the trick for you.
Breathe fresh
I know what you’re thinking, “That sounds a lot of work! Aren’t you the one who’s always telling others to stop being so busy?”– Calm down! I definitely don’t mean that you cram thousand and one things in your day. Who wants more work? All I insist that if a thirty minutes walk could help restore your nervous system, reduce anger and quell some of your hostile attitude; heck!…why not? Still if it sounds too much, simply take small actions to increase your steps. Parking your car at the farthest spot in the parking lot or reaching out to water fountain more frequently will have a million benefits in and of itself.
So… stop, breathe some fresh air and look around. You’ll be amazed how easy it becomes to get your steps in!
Tune out of social media for a while
My grand dad used to say, “Don’t soak and sour, boy. Get up”. Of course those were not the days of interactive platforms; and what he probably meant was, “I don’t care what you do so long as you find something that you love but don’t run too much with it”.
It’s easy to stay hooked to Instagram and Snapchat for long hours, but trust me, social media overkill could seriously put a damper on your mental health. Simply said it switches off all levels of comprehension not only for the time you’re engaged but your brain gets miffed with all the strange inputs and might stay cold for a while.
Instead, use at least 15 minutes of that inane insanity in reading the news, playing a brain-boosting game or listening to a fun or some thought-provoking podcast. You’ll get true joy from this new pursuit and may find a better version of yourself without changing a thing.
Count the best in others
Did you know that a four-leaf clover is mere mutation of sorts and never perfect? Yet when we get across one, we believe we have found something special. Is there a better way to notice the perfect even in the imperfect!
Look…One way to be happier in life is to assume that people around you are no less good, well intentioned and usually set sail to their conversations to the best of their ability. Whether they hit the road or block, they mean no harm to you or anybody. It’s just that that’s the way they are. So, when we err on the side of assuming others have good motives, we shelter ourselves from reality and live with a negative mindset.
If Jim Rohn was any good in his assertions then each one of us is the average of top five percent of the people with whom we spend the most time. And if you could somehow find the most positive happy and engaging people with whom to interact, you would easily find your level of happiness and sense of achievement soaring.
When we intentionally choose to spend some sweet time with those who are not critical, are supportive, positive and encouraging, we ‘can’t miss’ to win a positive mindset and more of happiness.
After all, world is a happier place when we connect with those around us and eyeing the perfect even in the imperfect is the key to celebrating the good things in our lives.
Image source: getty images.ie
Spend more time with your loved one
When was the last time you told somebody that you loved them? Have you ever thought how’d you feel if you could grab even a hasty lunch with an old friend, have a home cooked meal with your partner or go hiking with your kids?
Whatever your answer, do it. It’s never late to make a beginning. Your tendency to self sabotage gets laid to rest and celebrations begins to happen when you let happy surprises fill your day.
I know that for many of us, it’s kinda emotional black hole. Expressing feelings to somebody has never been easy, But then it’s your call. You need to overcome those barriers. Start by hanging out with your family or treasured friends. Talk to them. Listen to them. Understand them. Spending a little time with someone shows that you care and how important enough they are in your life that you’ve chosen to be by their side.
Joy of a being truly connected says even more. Your actions not your words spell out what your heart feels. Whatever…probably Emma Watson was right in bringing ‘nesting’ back to fashion. Today clubbing is no longer an overwhelming idea, when you’re looking for real happiness.
So… go ahead. Tell jokes, crack each other up, do something funny and spontaneous. Having a blast of a time instantly and easily connects you with people. Your life would slow down a little but would give you a chance to come into your own.
The contentment won’t be an excited kind of happiness. It’ll be more like being satisfied with what you have, whatever that is.
Let your belief drive your choices
There have been times through the years when I had cracked different assessments and was offered to be hired. But I simply couldn’t make peace with what was being offered or the services I was being asked to sell. Yes, the money was great, but money alone doesn’t make one happy. Saying no at that time felt like the best choice for my own personal happiness.
I couldn’t say much for everybody but making a choice that does not align to your core values will always leave you frustrated. At one point of time I was even thinking of getting healthier; pretty soon I was also filled with ideas to grow my own veggies in the backyard, hunt around for non GMP wheat and bake my own pizza bread! Of course I had to reel myself back in and focus on one single choice that brought about an actual change for me. I resolved never to trade anything on whims but weigh in my beliefs before picking.
Living life in a way that lined up with my values and beliefs was my choice to happiness. Today I feel more accomplished and more excited to set and reach other purposes.
Image source: ‘Watch and Pray’ by Tyrone Yarde in lifehopeandtruth.com
Too often we are not focused on our surroundings and unwittingly miss all the fun and joy which is right there. We wish the week away in anticipation of weekend partying, only to spend it preoccupied with thoughts of Monday blues not knowing that happiness is to be found here and now, not yesterday, not tomorrow!
When we wish our real life to be perfectly planned, propped and prepared like Pinterest images, we let our happiness slip our hands. Don’t let that happen to you and remember real life is awesome.
Make your move and trust me in New Year you’ll be happier and enjoy life more!
If you think that life is meant to make us feel good all the time then you’ve got happiness all wrong.
Sure we have been raised to avoid emotions that make us uncomfortable and fight shy of feelings that are painful and meant not to be felt. But don’t we crumble at the first signs of stress only because we have learnt to be pain averse all the time?
Why is it so hard to be happy when it is what we all want?
Sometimes we think of happiness as something that happens to us naturally. Yet it’s often jinxed! There is always something to be disappointed about our past that would make us struggle. Unable to shrug off, we let our worst fears overtake our will to be happy. This is when we jump at blaming the situation we’re in. “If only things were different, then I’d be happy.”
Only that’s not how happiness really works! Worse! if you’re born with a grumpy side and bad temper, it’s highly likely that you will never get past living frayed tempers, some bad blood and frequent blow ups.
I wasn’t born an upbeat person either!
I never took myself to be a sprightly bouncy person; I never was and nothing helped me either to tell myself; ”Ain’t I borne happy”? As I grew up, gloom darkened. “Where does most of the happiness that everybody is talking about come from?” I’d often go nuts. “If I’d ever want to be happier, is it possible to get there?”
For me happiness meant more than a yellow smiley mocking weirdly. I wanted it to be my ‘secret sauce’ to help me to be and do my best. It meant living and enjoying the goose bump moments; it meant luxuriating and indulging life to the very best. It meant letting positive vibes do good things to me and perk up my brain and body.
Like most of us, I too was struck with the idea of being happy. I had so many different ideas about what it is and how to get it, though none seemed hands-on then. Naive and unmindful and left with little choices, I looked for ways to a more positive outlook before everything grew stale and miserable and unhappy!
Here are five of the best ones I found helpful.
Image source: ’10 best inspirational videos’ by Joe Mechlinski in shiftthework.com on Mar.01, 2021.
Faking smile worsen everything-let go of it!
When everything was going downhill and nothing seemed doing well for me, strangely I felt little or no pity for myself for the rut I was in. Nothing would seem right to take the edge off my despair. Since I couldn’t do much, I simply endured self doubts and slogged.
It took me some time to figure out that a smile that happens all because of positive thoughts, has the ability to rekindle moods and would make me withdraw less.
I gave it a try!…
A bright cheerful one actually made me feel good. It lifted my spirits, raised my attentional flexibility and I would no longer worry much in upsetting situations.
Suddenly I was seeing the whole forest rather than just the trees.
Image source: getty images
Today, forcing a smile even when I don’t want to is enough to lift my mood and that surprisingly feels fine!
Go outside – Fresh air would brighten your day!
I guess Shawn Achor in ‘Happiness advantage‘ did share some pretty good news for those of us who worry so much about fitting new habits into already-busy schedules to make their lives easier and happier. Betting on better life experiences, his recommendation of 20 minutes is never short enough time to spend outside; something that you could fit into your commute or even lunch break!
I make time to go outside every day and spend 20 odd minutes in good weather. It elevates my mood, broadens thinking and cheers up my working memory. I am substantially happier when outdoors in all natural environments than when slugging around in urban territory.
And there’s more to it!
Did you know that ‘Happiness maximizes outdoors at 13.9 Celsius‘? That’s awesome! But then you simply have to live it to believe that. It’s fascinating what a small change in temperature and 20 minutes of fresh air can do to our well being.
For now I‘ve stopped living my fears. I flatter myself with brief pep moments when I go outside with crisp fresh air gently hugging me. I always find it happier outside. Early summer morning or a warm sunny wintry afternoon works just as fine for me.
Hang around with friends and family & fix your woes!
Togetherness and reaching out to family and friends is perhaps one of the top five regrets that most people take to their deathbeds. I never wanted to perish with a wish so gross. So I looked around for a lifeline and oddly was awestruck by the way Daniel Gilberts-a happiness expert– had spelled it out.
” We are happy when we have family, we are happy when we have friends and almost all the other things we think make us happy are actually just ways of getting more family and friends”.
Like love affinity means something different every time we say it. It’s what a acquaintance isn’t. You may find good mature ones but they don’t really last long or get you good deep rooted connections.
The cue worked darn well for me! I’m no whizz person but opening up to family and friends was enough to light up a smile in my life.
See… spending time in social circles becomes highly valuable when it comes to improving our happiness! It makes a big difference to how we perceive happiness. Nothing else could actually buy us those pearly moments of happiness.
Plan trips but don’t take one!
This sounds crazy but as opposed to actually taking a holiday, planning for one or just a small break from work, tweaks our happiness. In fact the latter spikes during the planning stage of a vacation as the sense of anticipation simply turns exhilarating.
Not many of us may have the luxury of long holidays. Worse, scuttled weekends are grumpier. So, if you cannot take the time for a vacation or even a night out with friends, put something on calendar- even if it’s a month or a year down the road.
Then … whenever you’re feeling miserable and lost and need a boost of happiness to get over your woes, remind yourself of all the good things that are going to happen to you in a short while.
Even a small push that could light up your mood is worth a try! I’m sure you’ll feel stoked and happier afterwards.
Rewire your brain to stir up a lasting sense of happiness
When Ani Tenzin Palmo-an English woman who spent 12 years in a cave in Tibet quipped; “We do not know what a thought is, yet we’re thinking them all the time”;perhaps she had not fully understood the neural bases of states like happiness, gratitude, resilience, love, compassion and so forth. Donald Hebb- a Canadian scientist, put this in a better way; “Neurons that fire together, wire together”. What this literally means that with proper practice we can trick our neural machinery to build up a positive state of mind!
The fact that we can actually alter the way our brain works through meditation was a big surprise to me. It somewhat reassured me of what I already knew but could hold on to; “We feel and think today isn’t permanent”. Every thought of attempting to raise levels of happiness thereafter would be just as overwhelming.
Image source: Getty images.
Geez…today, in the minutes following meditation, what I experience is epic. Calmness and heightened awareness is what comes after this dazzling cytokine storm of positivity.
I certainly love to be happier, as I’m sure most of you too. But much as it is interesting, it is no surprise that different people have different ideas about how to get it. The truth is that happiness doesn’t occur by chance; it’s a constant choice, we have to make every second of every day.
I’m sure someday you too will just as well find peace and happiness at will and celebrate life as you ever wanted to.
In 1975 Eric Carmen had given us that beautiful immortal number,“All by myself, don’t want to be all by myself.” It sounded distant and obscure then but it cut through the isolating thoughts that had ruffled my mind for long and upset my nerves. It was perhaps much later I could realize I had found a way to stay connected to myself. Life felt faring much better when I decided to get surrounded by truly good people.
Interestingly it is only now decades later, I could fully understand that togetherness is an optimistic joyous emotion which helps us to shrug off the confining thoughts that would otherwise always keep tormenting us. It calms our nerves and gives room to see more options than we normally would. The only dew eyed part is that once connected to somebody, it’s harder to think of the times bereft of each other.
No matter how eagerly we may wish otherwise and try to avoid this, we could never escape our share of heartbreaks.I guess so long as our heart beats, it’s vulnerable to crushing teary blues invariably. It’s only a matter of time before it gets wounded.
Still the idea of being alone, broken hearted and in anguish is not always seen as a good thing. Too often when emotionally devastated, instead of confronting the shattering awkwardness of loneliness, despair would silently lead us further into the sink hole. Does this means that none of two experiences are mutually exclusive? Should being broken hearted necessarily mean a stormy screwed up life ahead?
Getting to the point where you enjoy being alone and I dare say happy too- is one powerful choice that is very rewarding once you’re comfortable in it. A boat load of science also shows that keeping the head above water is one remarkable way to rough out the tough times. It leaves us much happier, healthier and more successful.
In that sense, growing to know yourself in grief and bitterness, is the first step to learn how to win over your misery and smile again.
Here are three simple ways to just get that!
Image source: ‘6 things you need to know to succeed with Instagram collaborations’ in blog.inzpireme.com on Ap.21, 2021.
Fix what’s failed
Many of us think we already know ourselves perhaps more than we want to, but most of what we know is probably who we really are and not who we should be or shouldn’t be. Few would argue that not every intervention could solve logjams in life each time they happen. Heartbreaks are inevitable and they’d continue to remind us of our limits.
Many a times, you’d go up to the roof top, cry and look up at the stars, argue bitterly with the silence around you about the unfairness of everything; but in time we all surrender to our grieves.
This is when you’ve given in to sadness; a faint urge to reclaim and get back to life frenetically urges you to react. This is the moment when you begin to recover and tell yourself “I must move on”. But there is no happiness if you choose to remain wrapped up in yourself. You are one among countless of those whose heart gets wounded in some way each day.
Going down into the company of genuinely fine people and indulging in the comforting warmth of a companion- who makes it easy for you to believe in yourself- is a sure sign that you’ve found a way to blow-off your steam. Finally you’re among those who’d truly stand up for you and embolden you to go on living…more enriched and warm and loving.
Have no doubts, you’ll find happiness right under your nose!
Forget quiet quitting? You’ll draw a blank.
What Warren Buffet meant when he said that your overall happiness in life comes down to four simple words; ’Do what you love ’ if you want to start it all over again; it might have sounded like a battle cry to many. But when you do what you love, an alignment occurs between your heart and head and your values and the things that bring you purpose. Just as you cannot have purpose without passion, the desire for change becomes inevitable. With ‘your bad’ caving in, the wounded heart heals quickly.
Speaking of it, sometimes doing what you do, fails you. It sucks but there is not much you can do about it. Take stress to turn things your way and it would make you go limp again. This is when an escape to creative pursuits is your deliverance. Doing simple things like music, dance writing, drawing or even drama lends an emotional vent to a distraught mind. If you can’t think of anything right away, a tutorial to acquire newer skills and knowledge or an on-line course of interest will revive you within to reach better ends.
Look…when you do what you love most, there’s a high likelihood that you’ll be distracted from turmoil within and nothing would hurt the same any more. You’ll wake up each morning knowing lots of stuff is broken and more is about to break but nothing would tear through you any longer. Everything under the sun would look just fine.
So, take a step back and let the life happen!
Want to live your best? Stop being dragged down!
Relationships that do not begin or end well often make us underestimate how much life’s turns and twists could take out of our control. But the inexorable truth is that we all are blessed with an incredible ability to bounce back from even the hardest splits and each time give a wonderful flip to it.
“I wish I could go back in the past and make things turn out differently”; “I don’t know how to cope up with when everything’s falling apart”. Thoughts like these might do a million runs a day in your head with no clarity in sight and the shame of screwed-up situation would keep returning as rage.This is when collapse needs to be counteracted.
Begin the unhinging and find ways to hold the self together.
Building a relationship with yourself is a good start. It involves getting to know yourself, as much you’d want of anybody else. When we spend time focusing on ourselves, we acknowledge and could assess the loss up to this point only. So, all you’d need to do is to keep reminding yourself; ‘putting myself first is after all a healthy move!
Small flames always burn strong and bright. Hiking or walk out in the woods or chronicling your day, is a good start of your personal journey to love yourself. The emotional release that follows will be a completely authentic moment when you can listen to your broken heart, nurse it and mend everything quickly and find a more meaningful pursuit in life.
Image source: ‘The realisation that changed my life’ by TNN/Spardha Pandey in timesofindia.indiatimes.com on Oct.26, 2018.
Next time when a sense of loneliness threatens you; your heart begins to pound with anxiety and thunders of hopelessness begin to rush through veins clouding your judgment; pause and take notice of all that that’s happening around you. Never let go of the thought that your bad too will pass. Resist the need to judge everything happening to you; instead simply being curious or compassionate would reset your course to be happy again!
Maybe it’s a while before you’d grow a real connection with your new Wheelhouse, but quite truthfully pay-offs will be huge!
And someday you’ll count yourself lucky to be whoever you are!
Why making a Life is more important than making a living!
Are you someone who absolutely loves heading to the Office every day? Or even if you don’t maybe you’re connected enough that you simply cannot resist showing up. You keep giving your all unceasingly; sometimes murdering yourself, all the time hoping that this turns out to be your best bet at acing everybody’s attention and getting taller professionally.
I guess, people who fit in this category are unwittingly married to their jobs and often are set out as ‘living to work’.
If you’re a Zoomer, you know what it’s like; the excitement of being resourceful, independent and liberal is overwhelming, way better than the dudes from Gen-X might have experienced. You’re the perfect portrayal of a deep seated personal connection to the work that you do for a fat pay-check. Perhaps you believe that success happens only to those who have an all–round desire and true commitment to work. You’re not unaware as well that this runs the risk of compromising health and quality of life outside work place.
Yet on the flip side, many choose to separate the idea of ‘doing what I love’ from “I’ll do what I must to make a living”. For them it like ‘discovering a long lost passion’; so foreign and yet entirely removed from reality where work is what you do and not who you are!
Speaking of which, do you take on more work than you must? Are you putting in more hours than you ought to? When is the time to quietly start doing less to the extent that it appears not quitting after all?
How bad is too much of a good thing?
Living to work for most of us is like crossing the fine line between being occupied and being eaten-up by work. Your work life balance is at risk when you let disproportionate amount of your time and energy spent on your career.
People, who live to work count heavily on work for thrills and kicks and shut out other sources of joy and happiness. What’s worse, addicted to the adrenaline that comes from solving a crisis or tying self-worth to work, these people would often find themselves on the fast track to burnout.
See…over engagement is never free of its perils. With time, distraught work-life balance takes its toll. Your ability to handle stress is impaired and your overall well being gets affected. And more often than not, you won’t be to see it because you’re moving so fast, completely absorbed in the reality that you’ve created — knowingly or not.
So what’s the point?
Image source: ‘7 ways to reduce work-related stress’ by Neil Spooner in resetmindbodysoul.co.uk on Oct. 08, 2020.
When you fail to find the ‘just right’ level of engagement, you live your life on one extreme or the other always struggling to find the right kind of work-life balance.
But the grass is not greener for those either who consider doing little less at work, re prioritize work versus life or refuse to take a bigger chew than the one’s mandated or must.
Hell yes of course!…When you work to live, you miss out on that rich sense of fulfillment that only a meaningful pursuit brings forth.
Did I miss something?
The 10 hour work day -like so many people I braced for 30 long years, -never ever for once went out of fashion. It stood firm then and it’s as stoic today except that nowadays it’s your call how to balance everything in the new age. The strings were as tight then as they are now.
Jinxed and marred with bad breaks, I spent an entire lifetime slogging to build a career and in the process woefully destroyed part of me. I kept judging whether it was of any worth at all, despite knowing all the while that in reality I couldn’t ‘undo’ or ‘reboot’ anything. I had no widget, no push button…none other than a blue sky above and some wishful thinking. I yearned for one. So many things I would’ve loved to rescript for a better tomorrow! Of course, there was always another tactical choice at hand; “Do it the new way. Thiscertainly was a flattering option and like everybody else my age, I was gullible. I fell for it and chose to use it.
The thought of shaping a better life and a taller me never felt fictional then.
I know I’ve never been great at work and I have struggled long enough trying to figure out why I wasn’t fine and famous at it. I would usually end up comparing myself to friends and rivals who have been fervently neck deep in work and have made some great careers and good living out of it.
It’s only after so many years of imperfections and wanting, I could discover that I was in fact truly happy, living my life doing what I wanted to do- endeavoring, indulging and battling! Sometimes winning at others loosing, yet never letting myself forget the battles that I survived.
I had chosen to work what I “could do” and not what I “wanted to do”.
If only I had known then what I know now, maybe I could have had both of them a lot sooner- ‘living a great life and making a living the way I love most’.
I would let the life happen!
Life is short and full of shifts and ebbs and flows. You just can’t exist to make a living. It’s more than about living decently… ordinarily! We all deserve more and entitled to a life full of joy and happiness.
And who said it’s too late to flatter yourself?
I know how important is to earn for a good living. But you can make a living and still make a life! It’s all about perspective; about whom you love most; you as a person or as a pen pusher. With pliable mindset and a bit of allowance for wise adjustments you could let the real troubleshooter in you make life deep and smiling.
Image source: ‘Live to work or work to live? 72 per cent of Brits go to work just to get by’ by Owen Gough in smallbusiness.co.uk on Dec.08, 2017.
Of course, ‘working to live ‘or ‘living to work’ aren’t the only choices available. It’s absolutely possible to put the two shoes together and yet walk on sunshine. Breaking away from either of the two could though actually help you find a breezy life-work balance in a hurry.
Seriously, sometimes taking a few steps back — or a few steps forward — breaks the barrier standing between you and the life you have painted for yourself!
True to its name ‘The small plate’ seemed quite literally tucked away with a signage that was so easy to miss behind a thicket of trees in my residential neighborhood. Truly foolish of me but I had grown a silly fondness for this charming tuck away café. At a stone’s throwaway distance, this quaint little bistro offered a mini range of sandwiches and loads of savory delights adorned the shelves to partner the evening chai.
But like any typical teenybopper, I was all eyes only for that delicious spicy potato stir fry roast, sizzling hot scrumptious samosas and delightful warm pesto chili cheese oozing of a racy and peppery sweetness. Some yummy great tasting that was! Cooling off the after-zing with a scoop of a hazelnut ice cream or a sip of a freshly made warm brew of cappuccino…well! Who could ever think up of anything to outdo this crunch of an evening straight out of an ASMR video? No! I certainly wouldn’t have missed that for anything.
Geez! That place was my Xanadu; one exotic luxury I‘d set my heart on.
Fast forward…
Twenty years later I dearly miss my post-card perfect moments of rainy afternoons and sultry evenings, hanging around and spending most of the time straddling my favorite creaky four legged wooden barstool in the café; that tingling aftertaste of chili cheese, the warm balmy smell of crumbly croissants straight out of wood fired oven, the gushing flavors of hot heavenly samosas dripping of mint tamarind chutney, the tantalizing smell of turmeric sourdough toast with a generous dollop of butter and the towering glass of hot chocolate all whipped up thick with pure Belgian chocolate; every memory is a torment!
It’s so hard to forget those bang-up times!
But then like everything else, there is always a good time to ditch frizzles and fries and move on to healthy yummy snacks, especially when craving for munchies hits mid day or when you think you’ve run out of choices to side with your evening cuppa chai!
Like everybody else, the moment clock strikes 5 in the evening my gut starts groaning and makes grumpy noises. Despite knowing the ill effects of fried snacks, I am tempted and fantasize of warm fried rice and chili potato platter; far from what anybody would wish for health goals. But unlike what you may think, I always choose to suffer. A heavy sigh and all thoughts of a finger licking luxury of sumptuous brownies or that self-destroying flash fried crackling high food are set aside.
Yet, I do not put the shutter down on my evening snacks and still enjoy them with a hot cup of tea!
So, if not the fried cutlets or chili potatoes, then, what’s there for me to eat?
Well, here’re five healthy low cal yummy snacks, laden with a number of nutrients and health benefits that like me you can add to your ‘eve-nosh’ without worrying about upsetting your waist line.
Luscious, mouth-watering! Dig in and you’ll thank me for the heads up.
Sautéed Sprouts, Corn and Peas Chaat
A rainbow bowl filled with fresh chopped veggies and paired with sautéed sprouts, corn and peas seasoned with that funky, salty, spicy sour blend of chaat masala, invites you to an umami like intensity, inexplicable depth and complexity. Adding overnight soaked chickpeas gives the dish a heavily nutritious punch! Throw in the veggies you love most; chopped cucumber, tomatoes, onions, olives and jalapeño, just about anything from your crisper is all you need to transform this catchy bite into a perfect tea time snack.
The heart of this delight though, I must say lies with the otherworldly blend of spices. Mysterious and forceful, it may smell somewhat alarmingly like rotten eggs to some, but the effect it has on your bowl or even a sandwich, a piece of fruit, a salad dressing and a million other things, is simply divine.
Fire-toasted masala Papadam
Simply super tasty and super quick, this is one guilt free anytime snack that would leave your mouth zinging with aft-flavors. Made with pulses and flour, the low cal Papad is high in fiber and protein and works similar to a probiotic, promoting growth of good bacteria and improving digestion by whipping up digestive juices and enzymes which are essential for metabolism.
Finely chopped veggies like tomatoes and onions adorning it, have high water content and carry Vitamin C, Vitamin K, folate, potassium. Antioxidant properties of tomatoes reduces the risk of cancer and several heart diseases. Onions help control blood sugar levels, boost up bone density and have antibacterial properties.
Seasonings like asafetida, cinnamon, black pepper and allspice are a great help in abdominal pain, bloating, gastric problems and digestion and reduces chances of stomach infections.
Baked Kachori
If you’re the one with a bent for a bit of wet and wintry weather, well…then let’s say cravings for fried food is bound to torment you every so often. And if you could ride out the elements wouldn’t you love to nosh on hot samosas or flaming fritters?
Often looked-upon as one of the best-loved snacks to side a cup of hot tea, this baked delight on the other side, is a perfect lip smacking body bloom choice when gently pattering rains have sneaked in or when a foggy dank wintery evening finds you in a sullen mood.
Baked kachori is guilt free healthy twist to otherwise gettable deep fried bites that beckon so invitingly. Beans, peas, lentils, nuts, seeds and whole grains; just about every one of them bring the right fiber-rich luxuriance to your platter to help you win over your belly fat quickly.
Made with whole wheat flour and stuffed with coarsely grinded skinless black gram lentil and spices like chili, coriander, fennel and much more, baked kachori is unmistakably a super delectable combination of both health and taste.
Pair it up with your dip and savor the difference!
Beetroot Kebab
Image source: ‘Beetroot Kebabs’ by Neha in mymasalabox.in on Feb.06, 2021.
If you think healthy food can’t be tasty then this crispy beetroot kebab will change your mind. Crunchy, smoky and made with kidney beans and beets pairing velvety yellow mustard dip, beetroot kebabs are meant to leave you strung out. A perfect appetizer and powerhouse of energy, these kebabs are a definite showstopper at the tea table! Brimming with antioxidants, kebabs hardly have any calories and not only they look gorgeously inviting; they super quick to make! Some food processor action, a bit of stop top roasting and you’ve served yourself a veggie fare that’s loaded with spicy, tangy and savory flavors!
Put together with a creamy yellow-brown silk smooth mustard dip and there’s just no better match!
Puffed Rice Bhel
Image source: ‘Bhel Puri – An Indian street food and tea time snack; by Archana Doshi in archanaskitchen.com on Nov.28, 2007.
Tangy and spice, this yum low calorie snack is a super addictive phenomena of papadis, puffed rice, sev, onions, potatoes, raw mango and chutneys packing a mélange of unparallel flavors and textures.
Typically made with dry cereal, fresh chopped vegetables, lemon juice and peanuts; simple but sensational chutneys beef up the zing of this mouthwatering crunchy ‘beach snack’ that would also happen to bring a wholesome evening delight straight to your table. More often you’ll find bhel puri with two chutneys-a sweet tamarind one and spicy green chutney. But actually it’s the red pungent garlic paste that reconstructs the whole pot-pourri to an irresistible medley of flavors!
You could build on an extra crunch to this light snack by adding some roasted walnuts or sesame seeds!
Seriously… be it a racy morning or a lazy tea and crumpets evening, don’t we all just love a cup of chai as aft-brew for that instant gratification? Chai is not just a beverage; it’s an emotion that sets everything right away. Pair it with one of the most loved lip smacking healthy light crunchy snack and you’re spoilt for options.
And…you don’t wreak havoc on your wellness, if you know how to stick to a healthy and clean eating.
Now that you’ve learned a bit of everything…go ahead; flatter yourself!
Ever since Tom Peters lured his way into the workspace of millions of career workers and professionals by reimagining the way ‘personal branding’ works; business speaks, love to hate pep talks at lunch breaks and crazy hashtags swarming the inter-web; all have buckled to ‘personal image’ as something to be reckoned with. It’s no longer about the lettering or labeling alone; it’s our own sense of worth that has come to matter. ‘The Brand Called you in 1997’, ‘The Start-Up of You’; why else would bookshelves today brandish neatly stacked up advices on how to maximize your personal branding, become an influencer and above all stand tall in the crowd? However, they need not perplex you if you are mindful enough of gulf between an advice and a warning …
So…are you really your own self at work? Have you been good at balancing your different Worlds? Are you the one for whom there is always a sharp divide between work and home lives? …and interestingly, don’t you want to keep it that way knowing well that you’d never ever be free of hiatuses?
It’ Ok to be yourself. Each one of us is way different in how we cope with our experiences. Some of us manage well and grow; others struggle and often sink. But either way there are moments of downside in between for all of us and it’s not impossible to become too risk-averse about the same time. It’s as difficult to hide a part of you and hesitate to rub shoulders freely. Because doing so would mean masking a part of you all the time and …that can be gross and very tiring. Cloak yourself at work, and you prevent others to reach out to you fully!
My understanding of this ball game is rather plain sailing; it’s a simple confection of three infamous anomies- frequent gut wrenching feeling of being overworked, underpaid and usually underrated! And, if you couldn’t belt-tighten forever, it sure is a tough call for you to constantly climb uphill.
This is when, I guess you fall prey to the harsh side of plutocracy and obviously won’t do well at achieving high value ‘ends’. And when that happens…
Nothing beats that creepy cold dislike for everything around you and awful urge to bite the hand that feedsyou; especially when you know that you’ve been good at work and yourself all the time. The ambush doesn’t stop here! You get tired and sick of being asked to do extra tasks outside your normal position because you’re eyed as the ‘expert’ or ‘best’ but have little or no heart for it?
Seriously….it’s time to put an end to this everyday insanity and do something to feel highly valued than taken advantage of. Nothing earth shattering of course! But if you wish to try your hand at something worthwhile to bring in a positive change in your life, check out with these three life altering choices. Heaven knows, you might ease your way into the castle without being loud or messy and without being hung out to dry!
The habit of acceptance unclogs
Image source: ’10 side gigs you can do from home’ by Alison Doyle in thebalancecareers.com on Aug.10, 2022.
If you are a stickler to rules with a bent to fight the things you can’t change, then I guess you’re to blame for all your sorrows that keep hurting you all the time. It’s simple…the more time you spend trying to change uncontrollable situations in your life, the more you get scammed by anger and stress and you’re never future ready.
It sucks! but this is how it works. Stay trussed up with a fiery mix of emotions, everything anywhere would feel schmuck. Nothing would seem to happen quick and easy.
All screwed up? Not to worry…there’s always a way to fit-in! Just remind yourself that the world never backs off whenever things go south for you. And at the end of the day, it’s your share of scares that brings you cold feet!
Yet, I think it’s Ok to be mindful …you taking all the responsibility for everything happening around you. Awesome!… you might be an instant hit in a population minority. Still, if you feel gutted and dismay tugs at your heart, then in all probability you’ve missed out one final chapter in your work book; acceptance.
Rancid and unsavory sometimes, one good thing about it is that it really changes your life. And one bad thing is its works differently for each one of us. But one thing about it is conclusive. If you could figure out how to weigh-in your choices, it would get you one step closer to being warm and alive again!
Simply learn to unlearn the habit of non-acceptance. Stop identifying with the things you aren’t accepting. Stay close to reality. It would bail you out of most uncertainties. Your willingness to experience things as they are, instead of insisting that they be as you want them to be, is what will bring the change. And knowing that “everything is or can be temporary” would help in becoming special.
No need to die a thousand deaths
Image source: ‘Prioritise yourself, set boundaries: Effective ways to deal with burnout at work’in economictimes.indiatimes.com on Jul.18, 2022.
Sometimes when you’re wading through tough times, you get so distracted and lost that you can’t see straight. Emotions overwhelm and perspectives cloud. You get vulnerable all the more when the fight between ‘old school style brass’ and your attempts at building ‘personal branding’ turns intense. It hurts…literally everybody!
This is when you need to step back and look deeper at your situation subtly from outside; somewhat more like a “a fly on the wall” or “a lone passerby on the street“. You will get the much needed objectivity to overcome your negative thoughts. A long list of problems might have left you jittery, but few moments of emotional distancing will make you feel better and outshine the crowd in the right way at the right time.
Just be willing to let go of all that once was!
Genuine connections are comforting
Image source: ‘ What does it mean to “be yourself” at work?’ by Tim Eisenhauer in axerosolutions.com
No matter what we’re doing, we always feel better when we do it with others. Our brains are wired like that. Social bonding is irrefutably the most crucial shot in the arm for determining our happiness. It helps in taking care of ourselves and builds trust.
In work life, it happens rather differently. The din, the outcry, the backlash just about everything becomes a natural barrier to trusting each other. It simply wouldn’t let you connect with others.
When that happens it becomes difficult to forge a meaningful association with a person who is in fact someone different than the personality you’re seeing? And to rake up some trust over that? Well! that’s some raw asking!
Feature credits: ‘’How to succeed’ by Mr Monk in YouTube.com on Dec.20, 2013.
Incredibly! …legit or otherwise, bosses and managers think differently and are cold eyed about how to lead and manage without being vulnerable or revealing their more authentic self. Maybe this is what Robert Reich’s ‘harsh form of capitalism’ is all about.
All the same, if you feel trapped, vilified and find yourself struggling with too many things at the same time, you might be injuring yourself thinking ill all the time. Bail yourself out by creating your own brand; one that is truly personal. Of course you’re in charge of how much you reveal, but let people around you have enough of a glimpse to let them truly connect, understand and engage with the real you. Surely we grow by building for scale and not by aggregating it to someone else’s advantage.
Honestly, it’s your turn now to bone up your take on a struggle that in fact is not real.
Consider everything else non-negotiable when it comes to taking care of yourself.
Are you someone who feels like having denied enough fun? That for some reason you never have had a happier more fulfilling successful life? Even a boat load of playfulness wouldn’t help to shake off a pretty boring life and you’re always looking for fun outside of you!
Image source: ’10 simple habits for a successful and happy life’ by Jeff Bell in moneyinc.com on Sep.27, 2018.
If that’s you, then in all probability fun is like the exact opposite of work to you; the party is no longer living within you and you couldn’t have fun anywhere.
Simply put you’re not a fun person anymore!
Fun isn’t frivolous but it can actually help you to be not only happier but more successful at work as well. In short it isn’t just a pleasant distraction from the serious business of living. In an uncertain world where stress rides piggy back all the time, holding on to a sense of playfulness can be hard.
Keeping on top of all serious responsibilities of adulthood and still hoping to make room for fun moments in life?…well, not everyone has the “fun mindset” or the ability to negotiate conflict, build empathy and let off a crazy LOL. With no fun around to motivate, you might never outlive a poker faced person! But if you could manage it the Einstein way… I mean learn faster, work furiously and be successful like never before, may be you could manage few more moments of it.
And yet, we think having fun isn’t an option and let years of not having it reinforce this belief.
So, if you’re wondering where to begin and how to become a fun person to bring out all the mirth and gaiety that has lived inside you holed up, but hasn’t seen the light of the day for a while, here’re a few tips to beat the blues off.
I begin my day by remembering what I’m grateful for
Being thankful and appreciative is perhaps the easiest way to change tracks from despair and hopelessness to cheerfulness and some great expectations. Each morning I set aside a few wakeful moments to feel obligated for all the goodness that has happened to me. It reminds me of all that is exciting in life and encourages me to build on them.
Believe me, it’s a phenomenal way to start the day!
Instead of scrolling on Insta or surfing the net mindlessly while having my morning cup of tea, I pull out my old crinky journal and write down 10 good things that have happened to me and make me feel thankful for; being precise or detailed…it doesn’t matter.
It works as a reminder of what happy times I’ve experienced. Everything else fades into background. Best…I keep a spitting image of this note at the back of my mind throughout the day.
And trust me, it works!…it helps to relieve stress. It helps to forget the struggles that I lost. But it also helps to relive the ones that I won!
Image source: ‘How to be happy: 27 habits to add to your routine’ in healthline.com.
Being easy with fun is exciting!
How many times have you felt like you life has run out of control? Despair and gloom overshadows everything else.
Mastering it though is what would let you back in control of yourself and make the most of every opportunity!
But …how to go about it?
I think we all are open to making changes in our lives if that could make us happier and more successful. A few of us follow the humor route though. The easiest way to have more of it … I think is not to try to be funny but look for good moments to laugh.
Laughter comes at a price but has more a benefit unto itself. The more open you are to laughter the more attractive you’ll be both to other people and to yourself.
Sometimes saying “yes” works- best!
You may have heard of this … it could make a fun magnet out of you and turn you into a charming, fanciful and amusing person. All it amounts to is greeting new ideas with enthusiasm and building a few of your own.
You don’t need to be a slapstick jester to be good at this. Instead begin by choosing not to shoot down other people’s ideas but to build on them and make them feel inclusive.
Being adaptive and open would mean you’ve become less of a wet blanket.
Image source: ‘This One Thing Can Help You Live A Longer And Happier Life, Science Says’ by Alexa Mellardo in eatthis.com on Jan.20, 2022.
Nothing betters loving yourself
If you want to a happier fun filled life, don’t chase anything- not even happiness. It doesn’t come nearly as easily to those either who constantly pursue it!
There is another more simple easier way to unlock true happiness…
Making time each day to do things just for you, has an euphoric effect on the way you feel about yourself and the world happening around you. Morning or night…doing things dear to you will make you more relaxed and will leave you with something to look forward to. These things don’t have to be over the top or grand or glorious; anything as simple as taking half an hour each morning to read your favorite story book or going for a stroll or a short nimble walk…can you think of anything to better this shot at self care!
Allowing yourself to experience your best emotions-whatever they may be-is your best bet to enhance your happiness.
Gestures speak better than badass words!
You do know how a dog when it wants to play raises its butt, prances around and wags its tail. No words uttered and yet it lets you know what it wants!
I think we should all master the human equivalent of this amazing canine act. A brief eye contact, a wry smile or perhaps an unintentional comment never intended to strike a conversation, might lit the spark. Not much I’d say when it comes to sending out play signals but even a sarcasm sometimes works. “Nice weather here!” even when you’re experiencing one of the worst snowstorm in recent times, might just be the right shot to make a hit.
See… finding a way to look up from your phone and making a point, howsoever irrelevant, is surely a wonderful way to invite perky conversations –and finally more fun in your life! Even if you’re shy, introverted or a person with more on serious side, discovering the secret to having more fun is never any less exciting!
Feature credits: ‘When Nobody’s Watching’ by Klick in YouTube.com on Dec.08, 2020.
Nobody is perfect at this and life’s not always rainbows and ice creams for everybody, but whatever we choose to think and how we decide to view them…the stories we tell ourselves; just about everything becomes a part of our longing to build up a more joyous and happier life.
And it’s never been about just sitting back and letting life happen to you…
Julian Danielly of Aladan Corp. never over rated the bourses swings or market pulse. The upbeat outlook later was to make him emerge as a global leader in latex gloves and durex manufacturing.
Image source: ‘Lucky Numbers and Science’ by Heiko Dudzus in assertnotmagic.com
And it didn’t happen accidentally.
One in a million lucky breaks!
Well…the only piece of luck, if you may call it, happened when he got fired by his previous employer Ansell Corp in August 1986! He had a harrowing time finding buyers for the ugly duckling of items coming out of his own stable in early years of struggle but eventually could strike a good deal with Aussies who wanted to enter the U.S. market in a hurry.
Does this mean that luck smiled or hurt him by chance alone? Has it got nothing to do with his choices or efforts? If luck is that real in deciding our everyday fate, what about the truth that everything fell his way more out of grind than luck happening as an accident?
Speaking of it, don’t we incorrectly use the word luck to avoid taking responsibilities for our choices? We consider ourselves lucky; if we are born healthy and able bodied; if we have a perfect weather on our day off; if a stranger buys us a coffee and compliments with a “have a nice day.”; if we put a dime in a slot machine and win a jackpot bonus; all such things happening truly benefit us and yet are completely out of our control.
On the contrary, what we consider bad luck is what harms us by chance. We feel unlucky, when we get a flat on our way to work; when our flight gets cancelled and we sit for six long hours at airport hoping to get a seat in the next one, worse still may be at the back of the plane next to a hollering baby. In fact, the upshot of completely out-of-control event makes us feel unlucky, dejected and perhaps angry!
What when it comes to money?
If Randy Schutt’s- a long-time progressive activist and researcher- unforgiving illustration of unequal luck is to be believed then when it comes to money, fate does matter quite a bit!. The idea that hard work is all that’s needed for health, wealth and happiness, is all a blind caper! “The Chancy Islands: A Land of Equally Capable People But With Unequal Luck” explains just how much of dumb luck, bit of a chance and slice of encouraging circumstances can play monkey in ‘who becomes wealthy and who stays poor’!
Beaten down by the everyday dismal science of bread and butter, most of us consider ourselves lucky if we could manage enough to get by; very lucky if we’re doing well and extremely lucky if we‘re super rich.
But to ride the circumstances and become wealthy!…well, that’s usually not true. Some people amass huge wealth even in face of random shocks of accidents, disasters and windfall fortunes. Others continue to wallow into shortages and sleep rough without having done anything to deserve deprivation.
Tax the wealthy in popular ways and hope for eliminating long term equality! Well…economic mobility does help those born in the bottom fifth of the wellness ladder to sweat their way up; but rebalancing the chances with choices is a lost dream for most people.
It’s quirky and gets corrupted each time we try to rejig it!
Image source: pexels.com
Feeling lucky? Start counting your blessings
Ever wondered why so many gamblers risk a loss knowing well the odds of a win are against them? Is the belief that dice is ‘hot’ in a winning streak good enough for them to keep going? Why do we all expect heads on a coin toss next, after several flips have turned up tails each time? Is luck got something to do with it or is it simply a fickled mind’s illusion?
For most of us luck still matters-profoundly! As entertaining and informative as it is, our belief in it and the decrepit mindset of winning or losing an opportunity, never fails to sell us a million dollar bet on luck, each time we get the chance to ace it. Somebody’s struck with catastrophic illness, another’s winning a jackpot; without a healthy dose of good luck, nothing meets success. We all know that but prefer to believe that we are more in control of our lives than we actually are.
That doesn’t mean that we give up or stop trying in the hope that luck would influence the random events that come our way; good or bad, one way or another! There‘s a lot we can do to ensure that only the good one keeps flowing your way.
Everything is impossible until it isn’t!
For years altogether, I have taught myself to listen to the very first half awake thoughts in the morning. It’s amazing! I always end up with list of things that I am grateful today. I am alive; I am happy and there’s plenty of comforting things around me. People love me, mates respect me and friends admire me….so many good things are happening around me and there is so much to do in life.
Then there’s of course a list of bad things that could have happened but didn’t. For that I thank my…good luck for buying me yet another safe day.
Trust nobody but yourself; nothing would better your day than to start it by getting on the ‘field of life’ and every time taking a swingfor the fences. I begin mine by giving it my best to stay alive and improve.
Image source: pexels.com
I believe, fortune never fails those who choose to give it their all.
Bad luck is real and so are bad choices!
I’m so often struck by the way people talk of luckin everyday gossip as something that only hurts or benefits by chance; nobody talks much of choices. The truth is that most of us keep lying to ourselves by blaming luck for our misfortunes. And we do this frequently in situations or around people who would remind us of truth about ourselves without restraint.
So, to keep the good fortunes flowing your way; try hanging out with this naked truth; ‘Luck doesn’t get us to bourses- making money and thrive is a choice that nobody would ever let go’.
Feature credits:’‘Luck /Apple TV+’ in youtube.com on May13, 2022.
Life is full of randomness and is not obliged to give you what you expect. Pulling up each day and buckling down, to get more tailwinds than headwinds will make you covet your choices more than surreal luck.
When you want to spot a lie, listen for the word luck and when you get that, ask yourself; “Isn’t this only about avoiding taking responsibilities?”
Clichés aside, once you’ve braced yourself enough to own the truth and wouldn’t pause for luck; you surely will get your chance at change.
Besides it’s never any good to bet on some crapshooter illusion!
Life is chaotic and sometimes awful things happen out of blue. And when that occurs, it feels like we’ve been thrown for a loop. Pushing to edge, it infects all our waking hours with endless worries and mellows our happiness.
Image source: ‘7 Steps to Embracing Mind-Body Wholeness in the New Year’ by Deepak Chopra in chopra.com on Dec.19,2018.
Yet, instinctively we keep driving through, often surviving on adrenaline. We over schedule ourselves; we drink umpteen cups of coffee; we respond to one more e-mail; we stay amped all day believing that we’ll eventually be able to set things straight and done. And in the way, we let ourselves burn recklessly.
It’s rude and shocking…for all that burning doesn’t do any good. Except that it overwhelms us and drowns all our happiness amidst the entire struggle. Misplaced trust, broken promises, blatant lies; just about everything stokes our sufferings.
Looking forward!
In this frantic world, happiness is like a friend you rarely have the chance to catch up with. But finding a moment of reassurance is never impossible. You may presume that you can find happiness when you’re finally completely free of troubles; but that’s not how it works.
In fact it runs the other way around and isn’t as challenging as it seems.
Terrible things do happen to each one us at some point in life. When you are caught in the thick of things-whether it’s about a snappy senior or a brassy relative who don’t believe in boundaries or yet another viral video of a violent racist incident– you’re left stranded with mounting fears and have no clue how to handle it. Worse, rather than hoping for a better end, you come up with a snappy retort and a quick fix to quell your unease.
But would an irrational assumption and aggression be of any good? Like climate change wouldn’t that mean hurtling down a worm hole of offensive ends and no-win arguments?
So, if you feel you have no space for peace left with you, are terribly hurt or perhaps angry and looking for a smarter way-a calmer way to bring to you greater attention and ingenuity without shedding one bit of happiness…these three simple ways might just let you find your Zen in a world that seems anything but peaceful.
Image source: ‘Seven ways to rest’ by Sherryl Garratt in the creativelife.net on Dec.06, 2021.
Forgiveness is good
Feeling hurt, even angry is a forgivable response when you are wronged or treated unfairly. But holding on to slights doesn’t help in reclaiming happiness. They take up so much of your emotional energy and push your emotional wellness to the wall.
Forgiveness on the other hand, isn’t something that helps the person alone you forgive. It does even more for you in the end. Of course, it’s a long demanding emotion and goes beyond a simple, “I forgive you”. Worse, sans compassion, it misses acceptance and would leave you mired in self blame and regret.
Regretting and trying to clean up the wrong on the other hand, is one good amend to begin with. Over the time, real good changes will happen to your behavior and I’m sure you won’t have to lie to your worrisome waking hours any more.
Find time for yourself
I find loneliness a mere normal state of mind that builds around relationships but desperately yens for sociability when abandoned.
While spending just the right amount of time with yourself is good for your emotional well being, excess of solitude can badly hurt your happiness over the time. Let it turn intense and it will become all consuming and wreck your everyday life. Your creative side will erode; you won’t be able to re-evaluate your boundaries and above all you wouldn’t be able to connect with your needs.
When something terrible happens and stress overwhelms, we speculate about what wrong we’ve done to cause bad luck. “I must have been wrong in standing up to myself. I created this mess for someone else and now it has double backed to me.” It’s natural for you to think and regress then.
Correct this distortion if that’s what is hurting you. Don’t wait to use your supports. They might help you see the problem differently, but deserting your nemesis and rebooting your mind to do away with ill thoughts is your personal need.
Catch them young and you could reclaim your happiness even while busy in your daily grind.
Get back to nature
Don’t we all head back to the trees (or the seas) when stress goes for a spin and begin to take its toll? Doesn’t the feel of the breeze, the smell of the grass, the sound of water running, feel at home in the outdoors?
Setting better boundaries starts here!…
Getting back to nature is one step to ease your emotional distress. It’s amazing how you could find great friends in elements around you whenever disquiet turns exhausting. As extravagant or as simple as you want it to be, there is no need for a footslog far away to some mountain top. Start with few smaller hauls and as you get closer and closer to nature, you’ll find you’re rid of your excessive worries and your innate self is back in gear. You’re no longer bedeviled! Trust me, your best bet to escape from 100 or 1000 worries lies right beyond your garden fence.
And don’t forget to leave your phone at home. A constant stream of notifications and e-mails or the urge to refresh your social media frequently can quickly chip away at your newly found zing!
Image source: pexels.com.
Most meltdowns, I think are rarely catastrophic. They are fixable and never meant to be a 24/7 experience. Yet being constantly surrounded by them feels more like being hunted in a savanna by some wild animal where your stress response is all spooked up to save your life. Your attention is mobilized and riveted, your muscles are strained for a quick sprint and your immune system is racy enough to get you quickly out of danger.
This edginess though is usually short lived. In fact you’re stressed in real sense only for five minutes….more like before you die! But even in those few anxious moments it burns into your body, slams your emotional well being and crashes your decision making. It is then that you get tightly wound up and are more likely to react harshly than to respond with reason.
No matter what you choose to purge your guilt or how you decide to go about it, repossessing happiness never happens overnight. It’s only your patience that would make all the difference between a beaten sod and a wishful Pollyanna.
Your takeaway!…
Next whenever you hit a bad trip and are clueless about how to cope with it, find a ray of hope in my playbook; without pre judging anything try your hand for once… something might just work right for you!
Warren Buffett certainly knows a thing a two about wealth management but his best one is straight out of pure common sense and is a polite reminder to always stay in your lane.
‘Success depends largely on knowing your strengths and weaknesses’.
But what happens when your anger begins to showcase your negative side? What then is there to make you truly happy?
Image source: ‘Five Reasons Being Moody Is Actually Good for You’ by Joseph Paul Forgas in vice.com on May 11, 2018.
Often we spend our entire lives looking for things that bring us happiness. While what brings joy to one person might be different from what brings happiness to another, there are few basic things that we all need to be happy. Amongst them, anger like regret and worries is an influencing emotion and the only key to our happiness in some way.
Look…we all do certain things to survive and a few more to be happy. But we do know that there is no shortcut in between. Sometimes it’s the good positive habit of accepting others unconditionally that does someone’s heart good. At others it’s the emotions involved in taking care of ourselves that lit the spark of joy somewhere in our lives. Incredibly, loving the things we do is what makes for some genuine happiness.
Imagine what would happen if in your sullenness you do things that are not natural of you, only to distract you from everyday challenges? What if you never have had any heart for any of them and yet slog on? Binge-watching, eating mindlessly, going on buying spree even though you don’t truly need things, would only worsen your mood. Pushing ahead without truly enjoying anything would make you feel roasted and bad tempered. And like it or not your dense behavior would flame out your pie-in-the-sky thoughts, if any, in a flash.
One way to get out of this rut truly, is to seize the day and live in the moment. Doing so helps to elude the most nightmarish of emotions; regret anger and worry; the three brassy devils that are at the dead center of our lives and determine our happiness. But is it enough… to stop focusing much on regrets and anger about the past or worries about the future? Is this all we need to build a truly happy peaceful life?
See…our brains are hardwired to live in the past and future at the same time. You just can’t learn your present without living in the past and you can’t plan your tomorrow without living in the future.
Frayed tempers, we all know could tear apart a relationship if go unchecked for long. Minus one little bit of humility and your affinity would go for a toss; everything gets ruined for good! Above all you’re stricken with cold feet, never ready for a difficult task ahead and would remonstrate easily.
Does this mean the end of everything shining bright? Is there a way to make sure that fears of failure never reach you? If only there could be a way to ignore the sob stories surrounding expectations!
The upsides of defensive pessimism are heartening and might just be the right game plan for you to follow. Dismayed! Don’t be… it earns you a chance at managing your future events and lets you ride out the obstacles. I won’t say it’s epic but it allows you to set for yourself reasonably low expectations of success and encourages not going overboard over any potential failure.
Believe me; it doesn’t get any better than this. You’d overcome your fears and obstacles more calmly even if you’re unsure of everything and not feeling good about it. It’s easy to deceive and sell to ourselves that we have full control over our happiness. But bluffing always ends at cross purposes.
Adversity, stress, unfairness, everything shapes how we feel. To believe that you can think yourself better simply by focusing on positive emotions, is at the very least naïve.
Here’s how to stay hopeful and give your best even when you’re uneasy, disquieted and feeling prickly;
Image source: pexels.com
Stick to the things that you’re good at, not what’s cool
Remember Alex cross in 2001 thriller ‘Along Came a Spider’!…
“You do what you are. You’re born with a gift. If not that, then you get good at something along the way. And what you’re good at, you don’t take for granted”.
Many of us waste a lot of time chasing pipe dreams to learn few new things that we think are cool and reckon worthy of learning. It could be anything; from a programming language to new framework or even some difficult topic in deep learning. But before that!…everyone of us want to be good at things we’re passionate about. Not many of us, of course even know what exactly that is.
Trying to figure out it out is hard enough on its own. And it gets even trickier when you’re banging your head on a wall to make sense of what being good at something is all about.
For a start, think of Alex Cross whenever you’re in a cranky mood and feeling miserable. You might be helping yourself to figure out your strengths and what you’re naturally good at. Yet even when in one of your most peevish moods, don’t ever think of chasing waterfalls.
You’re already the greatest of what you could be.
Do what you love, not what you like
Knowing your strengths, doing exactly what you’re good at and putting all your heart into it, rewards you with all the fun and happiness you desire- otherwise what’s the point of getting rid of that ratty mood? What Tim Cook meant when he said “Do what you love, and put your whole heart into it, and then just have fun” isn’t hard to guess.
I had spent a lot of time thinking over how to evolve a pursuit that I love most when my work and career means something that I can’t help but keep going. The thoughts often left me grumpy and fuming. Deep down I knew that somehow I needed to optimize my life… but how? Wasn’t that something that I always want to do in the first place?
And then I decided to do more of the things I loved and less of the things I liked. It felt cleaner, fulfilling and helped me get in better shape.
Image source: istockphoto.com.
So, before you decide to shock yourself to shake off that low mood, take a deep breath and tell yourself that this is a question that everyone asks themselves at some point in their lives. Everyone wants to be good at things they’re passionate about. It’s just as you must cut back on things you like, to make room for what you love, you should also cut back on the your shoulds.
Still all fret and fumes trying to figure out if this is the answer to what you want to do for the rest of your life?
As I said, figuring out what it is that you’re good at, is a great place to begin with!
In an ideal World, Roe vs Wade would endure, people would unite and stand up to fight Covid and Law makers everywhere would have acted long ago to prevent gun tragedies!
But rather than wishing, shouldn’t we be prepared for a change first?
Image source: ‘From Parkland to Sunrise: A Year of Extraordinary Youth Activism’ by Emily Witt in newyorker.com on Feb.13, 2019.
Guns get all the blame for mass killing every time it happens. An intense life–and-death debate rages for a while and then dies down. Memories and moods remain surreal and short lived. And it’s not long before everybody finds recluse in more earthy issues and moves on. Scores of 4th graders, grocery shoppers and church goers killed in mindless homicides, continue to get reduced to framed memories.
Meanwhile, the Apex court everywhere conveniently locks horns with law makers over contentious gun reforms and abortion bills and none of the arguments coming out of them makes any sense. Political, constitutional or safety of public interests, everything just pales into some super sad pointless ghost story that has no takers.
See…the buzz is so deafening that nobody took notice when the new strain of corona virus crept in quietly!
I use common sense when deciding who should lead and govern and be responsible for my safety and well being. I am also reminded and not forgotten the Boston bombings, mass killings of 9/11, 26/11 and 15/9 (London’sParson Green metro bombings). And yet I don’t see any reason for anyone owning an assault rifle or a rapid fire weapon. Background checks or pesky formalities for owning a weapon, make life seem so cheap by selling cheap. The only argument in defense…every non-felon ought to be armed against the menace!
If you buy this, owning a fire arm for you, is not only logical but prudent. But to me, it’s more like living in flood plains and buying flood insurance.
So, should you be doing it? Only if you uphold that every one of us has descended from slime and there is no eternal consequence for anything atrocious that is done. But once you buy the idea- ‘that your personal arsenal is your best bet against an unknown threat’ no amount of tragedy can persuade you to ditch it. It’s intoxicating, it’s horrendous…it’s ghastly! Not even the slaughter of innocent children and teachers or unsuspecting shoppers or tired workers returning home could persuade you to forget this abhorrent solution.
Then there’s something more to this…
Even if you find gun massacres like the one at Robb elementary school, Uvalde Texas that left 19 children and 2 adults dead, atrociously horrifying, I bet you’d still prefer to see everything distantly; dispassionate and unconnected from the entire tragedy. You have kept your guns safe and secure, possibly under lock and key and consider yourself a responsible gun owner. So, some lunatic did the killings. Right…? It’s a shame that the pain and loss never reaches you.
Image source: ‘Florida school shooting: 19-year-old accused of killing 17 is a ‘broken child,’ lawyer says’ by Karma Allen & Emily Shapiro in abcnews.go.com on Feb.16, 2018.
If you carry this logic, all you’d do is offer moments of silence and prayers but resist reforms. The same asinine perception makes you a different person; one who counters bad guys with guns and believes that more good guys are needed with more guns!
If you ask me it’s more like reliving an old-school Western fantasy again- ‘gunmen square off and the ranger always kills the desperado’.
Of course yes! Gun laws everywhere do need changes, but would that mean arming even the teachers and school going kids? I’m sure you wouldn’t want them to. Besides it’s not what a teacher signs up for! Personally, I can’t imagine of an elementary school teacher hopping around with a gun in the classroom, all trigger happy to ward off a threat.
Every life is as dear as it could ever be. And we need to do something to show that. Ricocheting from one tragedy to another is not normal. What are needed are stringent gun reforms with proven track of reduced violence and fire arm homicides. There were armed guards at both the Buffalo and Uvalde massacres, yet the slaying didn’t fell short. Protests and incensed emotions won’t do much except rip apart the existing gun laws.
Till necessary amendments begin to rebuild trust, everything shall remain where it is. It’s a sad inconvenience but loss of lives will be around us for some more time to come.
Whatever…the solution is not more guns! Critics inevitably may have some more to argue over mental health, but till the arbitrage strikes balance….
Innocents will continue being slaughtered!
Image source: ‘Let gun safety be your target!’: protest signs from the US school walkouts’ by Dale Berning Sawa & Mee-Lai Stone in guardian.com on Mar.15, 2018.
Every life is valuable
Every thought that weighs abortions with gun homicides is narrow at best. The decision whether or not to go ahead with abortion is deeply personal and sometimes a difficult choice to make. Carnage on the other hand is barbaric, inhumane and shameless violation of ‘right to live’. Any argument that it’s the people that kill people and not the guns is a pathetic replay of one of the worst dissenting woes; that restriction on lawful possession of a firearm will endanger lives of those who don’t possess one. Excuses like this are frustrating only and wouldn’t do anything to deter the absurdly easy availability of a weapon.
Meanwhile, empaths are rattled by another tormenting downslide in abortion rights. Unable to stall the insane gun culture, the pro-gun activists-especially in America, want guns to proliferate and wouldn’t wish for anything else to change till feticide laws are considered and done with!... ridiculously evil, inappropriate and more like side stepping the issue.
This insanity however has few takers. Fair enough! If the law makers are truly concerned about saving lives, why a gun shopper couldn’t be held to same standards as meant for those contemplating abortion? If everything about MTP is put right, would that mean declining trends in gun violence? Is that the only answer to deterring another kill like 16 Dec 2014 Peshawar attack that left 132 kids dead or 58 Las Vegas concert-goers from dying at the hands of a gunman? Why nobody demands to protect the lives we all seek to save?
And as we wait;
#More than 500 people continue to die every day. This adds up to 1.4 million firearm related deaths globally every year!
#About 2000 people get wounded by gunshots everyday and about 2 million are living with fire arm injuries around the globe.
#8 million small arms and 15 billion rounds of ammo find shelves with arms dealers each year.
#An estimated 40-50 million abortions happen around the world every year; roughly 125000 each day.
#Around 73 million induced abortions take place worldwide each year.
Yet everybody just loves to hang around… the political werewolves quietly mull over electoral incentives that would affect policy choices on issues of national interest. And people continue to get killed for nothing every day.
It’s a strange messy world out there and the happiest people aren’t the ones who have faced fewer difficulties in life, but those who have learned to enjoy the moment they live in.
Image source: Ira in pexels.com.
Life sucks whenever it gets stuck with adversity. Spiteful, smarting… just everything about it makes you feel hapless and jinxed.
When you‘re anxious about something or your mind is busy browsing past events, it’s easy to relive your fears, worries and every negative thought you had, over and over in your mind. Next, it’s not long before they start shaping your reality.
That’s awful! But you could still stop your brain from looking back; from horror stories to toxic relationships to those grumpy days, it rehashes every bad sore that still make you resentful, angry and disappointed even though it may have happened long time back!
Bad experiences and worries never let go easy.
There are plenty of DIY columns and scores of self-help books claiming to have found the key to an everlasting happiness. I’ve been through a few of them and yet couldn’t convince myself. Even Mo Gadwat’s Solve for Happy: Engineer Your Path to Joy and Adjust the Code That Runs Your Brain seem like just two more to add to the stack. Not much of a relief here. Stories of burn outs and the great resignation paranoia still continue to rage prime time screen. Not far behind are a cheeky few that sizzle as screamers in unprincipled journals. The din as usual is raucous and always in vain.
Happiness, I think lies somewhere in between the events of life and our expectations of how it should respond. This is fairly obvious. If we expect much more from life than the reality, heartaches and regrets happen and nothing thereafter would let us be happy.
Look…unlike our everyday coffee spills and parking tickets, we constantly see the rose tinted version of everybody’s ‘best life’. We prefer to ignore the half eaten bitter part of it. And it’s when our brain begins to bump off. More receptive to negative emotions, it begins to discard anything and everything ‘good’.
Does this mean we should pare down our expectations? Isn’t this opposite of what we normally get to hear for self-empowerment?
Much like AI, sometimes our brain also gets afflicted with spams and bugs and trojans. And when that happens, everything sucks! From dismay to chagrin, every life changing decision leads to a narrow downward spiral. Nothing seems to reflect reality. Every dreadful thought would only worsen your fears over what future may bring.
Fortunately, this is not without a caveat. We aren’t meant to doom despite our brain’s natural disposition to upsetting events. The wretched part though is that in the middle of this you couldn’t hit the snooze.
So, is there a way to combat this bias? What if we could somehow reprogram our brain to scan only for good things in life, parse the possibilities before moving ahead and at the end of it- eventually be happier?
If lately your brain’s been busy accumulating suspicions and worries, flagging them a big red “This Is Important!!” it’s time for a cool 30 sec. ‘beard stroking’.
Maybe you too could patch up your brain and go breezy!
Image source:’ 6 Simple Ways to Train Your Brain for Happiness’ by Minda Zetlin in http://www.inc.com
Slow things down
When you’re feeling frazzled, stressed or distracted, taking a conscious approach to your thinking helps. Tip!… spend a moment to calm your mind, take few deep breaths to fill your lungs with fresh air and let go of every thought that troubles you. Let life happen of its own. Don’t drag yourself into it.
Give yourself 10 secs and you’ll be ready for a positive reboot in no time!
Good things matter
One simple way to retailor your brain to respond to positive patterns only, is to look towards worthwhile things happening around you. Rake up a list of most appealing ones and muse ‘what caused them to happen’? You would carry the day every time you discover something positive. And every small win each day will reward you with a choice to empower and motivate yourself.
Small favors create circle of joy
When we are nice to others or somehow make others feel good, we get goosebump moments of happiness. Every small act that makes people smile, brings joy to us too. All it needs is a moment of favor; buy someone a cup of coffee, help a stranger, walk an old person across the street or even feed a stray animal; every act of generosity will get you a little rush at happiness. Your usual pattern of worrying and fretting will be lost in flashes of mirth and joy.
Your present shapes your tomorrow
No tomorrow, no next week …It’s right this moment! It’s not hard to exercise. It’s only about practicing mindfulness. Not a big deal if you’d recognize your emotions. Put in a dry run, if you’re not convinced enough. Switch your thoughts to positive ones for a change and let everything around you happen without judging them. Once this gets under your skin, good things begin to happen.
Image source: ‘How to rewire your brain for peak performance and happiness’ by Amy Crawford in theholisticingredient.com
Now that you have tamed your subconscious you won’t let it drive your decisions. You have taught your brain to sense, when it’s slipping and when it should defrag for a more balanced and positive outlook.
The skeptic in me though, never fails to line up sweet accusations as alibi to screen my often offensive behavior. “If it worked even for one of them why wouldn’t it for me? Why not give it a try?”
Not that, it’s impossible to get success when you have resigned yourself to wickedness in you. But tagging mistrust and uncertainty to your life is always a bad idea. Simply put, it influences your life and would worsen your decision making.
IMHO!… get into the habit of continually checking with yourself and consciously steer your thoughts clear of negativity; it’s not long before it will become your second skin.
And it’s important to remember that it can happen. Better still, you can do it.
Maybe…someday you’ll live a moment when it won’t feel like every day is a Monday!
Serious and extremely driven, it’s hard to argue with how good these ‘half goat-half fish’ Capricorns are at heart.
Here’s all the brutal truth and secrets about loving the hardest zodiac sign.
Image source: aliexpress.com.
Only if you are born between December 22 and January 20, you’d agree that people of this theatrical zodiac sign, are usually spoiled for choices and love to scoff at astrology. They are generally so deeply rooted in this deafening world that they wouldn’t understand one damn thing about the mystique surrounding the stars.
What amuses me all the more is people’s ability to label you as a zodiac sign, which probably you’re not. I’ve so often been tagged as a Virgo, Taurus, and Leo etc. If you should know my true sign is Capricorn and I don’t believe any of those signs are any far from one another or completely different.
I‘ve come up with an alternate theory though. Call me a zodiac skeptic but the goat in me sometimes feels so misrepresented, and maligned that she’s no fun to be living with! Who wouldn’t like to zero in on parts that resonate most and conveniently ignore the rest?
It’s kinda groping around for some comfort. What am I? Who I want to be and who I’m afraid I might be. Aren’t you frequently mistaken simply because people read into you as “who they want you to be”.
No wonder countless people flaunt their sign as a point of pride, but never forget to evade the stereotypical geeks like Patrick Bateman from American Psycho, unless they are really into some freak who’s boring, enraging, workaholic. Worse even Jeff Bezos – a Capricorn couldn’t manage to get rid of this sick cosmic joke. Somehow the entire world seems to be on the anti Cap and the tale that follows, is all too powerful to be snubbed easily.
When I was young and first learned about zodiac signs, I felt it was all creepy and uncomfortable. I had begun to have my doubts.
Like everybody’s my family too had several birth dates. My dad was born in the sixth sign of zodiac Virgo which meant balance everywhere; social justice, friendships, family; industrious, everything felt so gentle, unflustered and above the board! You couldn’t have witnessed a more distinctive person; high energy, authoritative and sometimes incredibly entertaining! He had a commanding presence that you’d either love or hate; nowhere in between.
Growing up in the shadow of someone like him made me wish our signs could somehow switch. Yet I knew I wouldn’t fit in if miraculously that were to happen somehow. I was shy, uncomfortable in social situations and felt awkward for most of the time. I cared too much about other’s opinions. My dad’s confidence to “not care” what others’ thought could do little to pull me up. I couldn’t help fear everybody’s judgment. I couldn’t get myself being involved and upright. I could never thrive at being the center of attention the way he did.
I was introverted, sensitive and feeble for the shock and awe that went with it. I loved roosting in my shell and was Ok for not being the live wire that my dad was in every situation. I preferred to stay intimate to myself and a small group of people that I knew closely.
It’s funny how we perceive things and are so myopic on just a few parts of people around us. We get fixated on part of the statement and miss the rest of the paragraph so conveniently.
Nobody could ever imagine that the shy, awkward geeky person that I was, could transform into someone who would dwarf everything else in a way so contrary to a Capricornian. Maybe I was underestimated; misunderstood rather, but I loved it. I was probably picking up on the prized bling of this zodiac sign by now. Alternating between silly, sweet, and serious, I was now natural allies to finer flings of life.
This meant that if I could get to be anything close to what a firebrand my dad was then his zodiac sign was entirely wrong. Maybe the stars had taken a day off, the year he was born. He was a Virgo born with a million ideas per second and a clean freak in its truest form.
Sure I was peevish and insecure on many issues. For a diehard introvert that I was, stars did count and conspired against me in the astrological world. Yet I loved to be the top bill, like everybody else. I longed to be admired and would feel gutted if I couldn’t get to steal the show. Plus , God knows…how much I would have loved to wow the people around me.
It’s only now that I could imagine well why I couldn’t stand tall in that 96 sheet space; I was probably falsely selling myself short. “Darn!” why it took me so long to realize that no story gets any better without an interesting villain?
I am still not sure if there is enough to say that there is a strong possibility that my personality matched my zodiac sign or came any close to my dad’s.
“You walk and talk just like your dad”;
One of dad’s old pal who would later become one of my true inspiration and a good educator told me once.
Aw shucks.!..
I had to laugh. He was right!
Image source: Volker Meyer in pexels.com.
It’s not that Caps are truly as cold as the season in which they enter this world; it’s just that that for them the World is a big messy affair where only everything relevant stays and thrives.
Today not feeling disconnected or as evil and dangerous as vilified, I see life as a treasure and not a sob story. All it needs is some unique rebranding before you’d sell it to yourself. Not everybody approves of that, ofcourse. Wisecrack and gigs that follow, are pitiful but plentiful;
“They always say that we’re assholes, or we’re emotionless. So savage. And that’s the complete opposite of who I am,” Sara Tan, Refinery29’s beauty director rues.
Perhaps Caps do need to take a step back and fix the conflicts surrounding their image. Most of them would jump at that. But beware! If Laura Dern’s character in Big Little Lies wasn’t only about ball busting or money spinning then not all Caps are cold and crazily reserved. It’s just that pop astrology blankets them as ‘success fiends’.
Remember …Caps are ruled by Saturn! Oh yes! I almost forgot. Saturn is more of an old man now. So if you still choose to give them this rigid label-‘stop’. You could be busting their fiddle foot growth over some ill conceived generational conflict.
Image source: Snow white in pexels.com.
Actually this sounds pretty weird but I think caps are more about “moving ahead with uprightness.”
‘Everything has attraction but not everyone sees it’.
Image source: ‘What makes someone naturally beautiful?’ in naturaluniversalsecrets.com
I wonder how good is that when people’s preference for faces changes remarkably every time they run into one?
For most part we could do little to change how we look but isn’t smelling good, being funny or not talking about your ex strongly influences your uniqueness?
I’m no Dale Carnegie or a big thumping philanthrop like Oprah. But I’ve learned a thing or two about how to draw the world around me; how to work with it than around it.
Having wrinkles or two is not a sign of horror; it’s a sign of experience, of weariness and above all your love for life. It means you’re trying to be the best person you can be; you’re trying to keep the twinkle in your eyes because you want to be happy. And you smile brightly because you know that makes you overwhelmingly attractive!!
Still, if you think that attraction is just a word and couldn’t define who you are; here’re some ways to make people love the freckleson your face.
Smile to win over!
Smile is one big way stir up things. It’s one damn good way to make others find you appealing and attractive. It hints at friendliness and receptivity. Smiling and laughing is cool; it not only makes you more attractive but it makes you feel more attractive. And doing so you, lets you experience joy and happiness even when things don’t seem to be going well.
A smile speaks of its own and works like some rustic aphrodisiac that could pull even the ever-serious counterparts towards you. Sad wry faces feel dismissive and cruel.
Imagine if you could pair a face with something positive and beautiful; that face would then begin to look more attractive. A beaming mug is way different from sad sullen ones that crowd around you every day and is the obvious choice to be judged as more attractive!
Look…
Who you find attractive is less about where you grew up or where you ran around in life. Your choice is more influenced by experiencing the pull that is so unique when you look at a simple, coy and pleasantly bright face.
Image source: ‘freepick.com’.
Air of excitement around you!
Let it happen! Sometimes it helps build ridiculous amount of attraction!!
People generally love being accepted and feel comfortable when that happens but not unless you make their interests important to you just as much you want them to as well. If you want others to like you, let your gestures build up some comfort.
Your friends may know who you are but others judge you only by your looks and how you connect with them. More than anything your body stance, attitude and the eagerness to open up when you bump into some stranger; that’s what make people find you attractive.
I am flattered when somebody I happen to meet first time, gets curious about my life or my hobbies. I’m sure, that someone also expects to be enquired. And that’s Ok…I think that if you could find the right stuff to make a heart flutter, the allure will rake up a warm companionship all by itself.
Truth is that every one of us on this planet believes that we know something that the other doesn’t. And we would rather die trying to learn something new. If you believe that everything happens for a reason; create your own style and share the excitement of togetherness. No matter what, how you feel is more important than how you look! Heads will turn, once you begin to get comfortable in your skin.
It’s not long before people will recognize you as an attractive and fantastic person.
Monday blues are bad!
Negative side of everything is unpleasant. People with a peppy attitude, on the other hand bring encouraging changes in everybody’s lives, help avoid worries, see the brighter side of everything and expect the best to happen. Just living their lives and doing things they love most is what makes them attractive.
Could you think of the times when someone has been unexpectedly friendly and nice to you? Is it the person who smiled at you while you went strolling in the park? Maybe it’s only a cheerful ‘good morning’; nothing was said at first. Maybe it’s the person who picked up a conversation with you first time and bowled you over with an unexpected compliment. Believe me, these are the kind of thoughts that never leave us. Whenever roused, they make our day feel a little better.
These small positive actions get people innately attracted to and want that someone to be around when everything goes gross.
Geez…do we need to be happy all the times? Surely that’s not possible. We all have our moments of sadness, loss, anger and hardships. And yet we know how to combat loneliness and stay snug in life.
So, just stay cool, keep telling yourself that you can do whatever it takes to be happy and let the life happen. You’ll wake up each morning knowing that you deserve the awesome life you’re living.
Trust me…
People get attracted to you, feel connected to and remember you as a fair deal only when you don’t act silly goose, are unassuming and not always cooked up to look unmistakably attractive.
Image source: pexels.com.
Learning is wonderful
Going back to University, sweating out over some online course or catching up a seminar? If you are looking to fit into at least one of them, then learning is your one way ticket to stay relevant everywhere you go. It helps you understand how the world works. It helps you to realize your passion, boost creativity and live a better life. The benefits are simply enormous.
Sometimes we find ourselves troubled in an intense impassioned life circles where perceptions keep changing. And so do our imperfections. The painful truth is that knowing backwards sometimes feels far less important and we usually junk the very idea of learning something new!
This is where the pit gets deeper… Feeling gutted makes it worse.
For people whom we find attractive, learning is something that’s endless. They take the time to be savvy and admit when they don’t have an answer, but work around to find one. Wary and unsure, not many of us have the heart to rise and take the same first step.
For times when you couldn’t see the whole staircase and burn yourself too much over ‘I think I can or think I can’t’; it’s best to take a step back and sell yourself this story…
“Attraction is a funny thing. It never resists change. And it never lets you go dark either.”
Learning and knowing better would nudge more and more people towards you.
You’re never too good!
It’s a mean old world where life follows one single rule. If you want to succeed and be a happy attraction to others, don’t take yourself too seriously. Stop believing that everything revolves around you. In fact, there’s a good chance that when you’re gone, you’ll be completely forgotten in no time. There’s always somebody to take your place.
I find perfectionism as the enemy of change. It never lets us rest or to have fun and be happy wanting to do everything our way. We fear that one single mistake would ruin everything we’ve build for so long. It’s a delusion that wouldn’t let us be a messy imperfect and perhaps a happy person!
Image source: ‘freepik.com‘.
Sometimes I also get comfortable being uncomfortable. I love my perfectly imperfect moments. But that’s my burden and I’ve learned to take it seriously, not myself. I think being attractive is just a matter of being confident in your skin and loving the way you look like.
So, stop being a perfect student, perfect employee, perfect son, perfect sister, perfect…??.
Do your stuff with an abandon and people with a sense of light heartedness will find you attractive for sure!!
Pursuing an old dream or chasing a new passion and yet disappointed in you for feeling left out? If you believe in tweaks that could change your life, go after every second chance that comes your way. Someday it will reward you with a pearl beyond price !!
And a reason to smile!
Image source: pexels.com.
Life yields a second chance to every one of us. It’s called tomorrow. And it doesn’t happen by chance. We begin to live our second life the moment we realize that we’ve got only one and fancy a new morning with a fresh chance to make of it whatever we want!
I think that’s great!! Life is just too short to leave things at odds.
The only creepy thing about it though is that these breaks rarely happen by chance and for the most part are scary. What if everything ends with the same outcome? How’d I know that I ain’t cloning the same mistakes and nothing is actually going to change?
That’s funny! While we anxiously hope and look forward for some kind of rescue, fear of unlikely payoffs is hurting!
Angst aside, I believe everyone deserves a new start even when we cannot control how it is going to end. Making bad choices is normal but regretting them is what makes us free to choose again.
Like Qusay Hussein, a wounded Iraqi teen who met a new life in the US, when I think of my childhood, I think of colors; the dull brick red walls and the deep rich greens of the lush front gardens on either side of our beautiful home. More like him, I gave myself a second chance to learn and grow along others after an early exit of my dad left behind shattered dreams and hard times. I didn’t do anything real until I was 25. Not only after a few impromptu accomplishments in post grad and doctor’s, that I could gather enough courage to test the unknown! And all the time I was sharply aware that it was really a shot at becoming who I wanted. It all had stretched out like one long dazzling promise to break out and shine! Sure I wasn’t hungry for a huge career but something that I’d enjoy.
I held on to all the chances that came my way…
I’m not sure when the wakeup call tipped off but it did saw me a lot wiser … I’d come to realize that it’s never too late to do what you love most!
Just a few years ago, I thought everything was over, and now …I’ve discovered my happy self!
Image source: pexels.com.
Everybody has a story to tell
I don’t think that happiness is big or infinite or that you’d meet it only when you get your second break. People make mistakes all the time. No one’s perfect but you cannot rewind the movie of your life to the point you thought was Ok and play it again. I gave myself chances upon chances until I realized that I can only change the movie from this point forward.
Giving yourself a second chance doesn’t make you stupid; it means that you believe that you can change for the better. It’s an opportunity for you to learn and grow and be a finer person.
Look… I’m not the first or the only person who’s made bad choices in life. And neither are you. So why stay pissed off over something that can be won back!
People often make bad ones only to regret later. Everybody does, but that doesn’t mean that they have to pay for them for the rest of their lives. Sometimes even good people make bad choices; it doesn’t make them any more severe! Like everybody else they too get hurt but they learn and they move on.
Life is short lived to hold on to the past. Can you imagine yourself not giving someone a second chance? I can’t. Things never go the way we all want most of the time, but that doesn’t mean you’d hang on to hard feelings and not allow yourself a free happy life! If you don’t forgive someone and give him or her another shot, you too will be drawn into a dirty ‘negative edge pool’. Worse, you’ll drain yourself emotionally completely.
Not only that if it weren’t for the second chances, we all would have lost good friends, warm relations and perhaps missed a snug hug back home. Trust me, it’s human to make choices we think were right but so often turn up wrong and end hurting others.
We’re not perfect and we would never be. So forgive, forget and buzz off.
Giving somebody another try is your one more chance to thrive and be happy.
May be on that day, you could finally let go and move on.
Feature credits: ‘Piper- A story of true happiness.’ by Movie Mania 3000 on Mar.15, 2019.
For Colin Thackery, the Chelsea pensioner who won BGT at the age of 89 or for Jan Jacob, who at the age 50 realized she was a gay- it wasn’t the first time that future had looked uncertain or the life felt painfully strung to a distant North Pole. But both were certain about one thing, giving themselves as many chances as came their way; second, third, fourth; they seized each one never knowing when they’ll get one again. They knew that someday they would find a way through to smile again.
Today their phones are all filled up with texts and calls and I’m sure they have umpteen exciting stories to tell.
Whatever…I’m glad their lives could help show others how to live their best lives too.
Curiously, their tales remind me of a somewhat sweet and noble virtue…
“It’s never too late to become everything you want to become. It’s never too late to try again”.
Eighteen years ago, Morgan Spurlock in his 2004 award winning documentary “Super Size Me” set out to put things straight about what regular fast food consumption at massive levels could do to a human body. Clearly Spurlock’s glut had “supersized” his meals nine times along the way. As calorie and fat counts failed to add up, disappointing results pushed McDonald’s to remove its “super size” menu options.
Image source: ‘FAO: meat burger, better protein quality’ in carnisostenibili.it on May,12, 2022.
What followed next was even more bizarre!
McDonald’s signature hamburger ‘Big Mac’ blew off the knockers in the years to come and became one definitive Dollar Menu item that defied all Burgernomics. Five hundred and fifty million plus each year, it’s clearly impossible for any sandwich with that much involved to be sold for $3!
How and why is all history now. The frenzy is here to stay. People throng to outlets, ignore the fitness goals if only for a while and throw to winds anything and everything else ‘decadent’.
But what would you say of eating junk food regularly? What if you ate say, Big Mac everyday for next 20 years? How good would that do to you? Two 1.6 ounce all beef patties, secret sauce, shredded iceberg lettuce, cheese, re-hydrated dehydrated onions, two pickle chips, sesame seed buns; even if you’ve never eaten one, it’s hard to miss. McDonald’s Big Mac sandwich; the iconic hamburger that famed as $1 Poor Man’s Big Mac back in 1967 gradually turned significantly taller.
Today, served in a ‘clamshell’ box, this ‘two all beef patty’ burger has overwhelmed the hoi polloi everywhere.
Filling, inexpensive and quick, if you find yourself left with only a couple of bucks in your pocket, would you have anywhere else to go but the McDonald’s? I guess you’d stick to this 540 calorie 29 gram fat 29 grams protein, bundled bite of pure joy!
As a child, I loved the Phantom Sweet Cigarettes and Orange candies that somehow made me feel tall and rebellious! Golden Arches in 60’s! it meant little or nothing to me. It’s only in the year 1996 that I got introduced to a piquant racy Mcveggie Happy Meals. I loved the cardboard box, the hamburger, the fries and of course the delightful apple slices inside. My tune changed thereafter. I grew an appetite for the food that a kid’s stuff could no longer whet. I graduated to bigger Big Mac fast; I could find little or no time for cooked meals. On Sundays, I and my mates would gorge on Big Mac, often two or three at a time!
Image source: ’50 years on, McDonald’s isn’t messing with its Big Mac’ in economictimes.indiatimes.com on Jul.30, 2018.
Fast forward twenty-six years.
It’s May 17th 2022; something peculiar in the daily tabloid has caught my eye.
It’s about a man who’s been eating at least one Big Mac per day, since 1972. Dan Gorske has made it big! He has broken his own world record of eating at least one Big Mac daily for over the last half century consuming more than thirty two thousand of them.
And he gushes on;
“I’ll probably be eating Big Macs everyday for the rest of my life.”
Truly, everything else has paled to his favorite hamburger. He might continue the run so long as he sees no reason to jump to other options; he has found one that gives him so much delight.
And I’m so curious for many things about him, particularly about the man’s health!
I googled him on online and easily found a picture of a man who appears to be relatively healthy. For all that crass indulgence, he appears to be blessed with some extraordinary guts and seems not weighed down with obesity or broken build.
For the kind of poster boy he’s become, does “I am lovin’ it“ come any close to describing his burger obsession? Most of us love fast foods as indulgence, but is the poor man’s Big Mac worth it in the end?
Certainly there’s more to it than just a $3 much evolved sandwich! Although tasty and inexpensive, is the Big Mac really a healthy option?
The savory trail of Big Mac doesn’t end here!
Image source: pexels.com
A a day to keep your worries at bay?
Dorothy Nedd turned 106 this January 2022 and she shared the secret of her incredibly long life; she went to Church every Sunday and ate a Big Mac on the way home.
All that for her love for Jesus and Big Macs!
Born in 1914, she’s lived through both the World Wars, the moon landing and now counts herself to be one of the oldest persons alive today.
Hard to reason, but is this the fluoride that has done the trick for her?
Is the Big Mac so crippling and nasty as the nutritionists sound?
Gorske has eaten more than 33000 of them since 1972 and if you’re wondering how he could put up with all this eat-up, it’s some relief to know that his eating and exercising habits are pretty rock hard. 10 mile or more walks, plenty of veggies and generally no fries; Gorske also does something that he loves- the never dying practice of moderation.
But what would you say of Dorothy’s trick. 106 and still living her best life!
Morgan Spurlock’s infamous 2004 documentary with all those extra 24 pounds, skyrocketing cholesterol and sustained liver damage hullabaloo, might scare you to a spin, but even this one laments.
It reminds me only as a cautionary tale; results aren’t the same for everyone.
The dirty secret that that Spurlock didn’t reveal and escaped everybody is that what was staged at McDonald’s over a month, back in 2004 could have just as easily been replicated with many supposedly healthier alternatives then ! Pret a Manger (an international sandwich shop franchise chain from UK), Chop’t (an all American creative Salad fast food chain) and Au Bon Pain (a fast casual restaurant, bakery, and café chain from Texas)– all raunchy and wholesome, could have added inches to your belly just as well for being far more generous with calories than the Big Mac!
Then everybody was so conveniently forgetting the other wellness offenders; sugar and sodium; two good enough reasons for the beginning and end of everything.
Image source: pexels.com.
So, what’s there to eat if not this?
Health foods, natural foods and even vegan foods do not always mean they are the best healthilicious option for you. Where ever you are, there is always a better choice and always a worst choice. And you know what?…there’s a whole lot of terrifying foods out there that could tip the scales in wrong direction for you. Nobody not even Ronald McDonald himself could have recommended something to keep you in good shape; what with the Big Mac being the original offender here!
Feature credits: ‘ MacDonald’s ‘ in facebook.com.
Moderation might be the key to everything fine and happy and smiling. Even Gorske claims it has kept him in good shape since. But if you fancy a certain food, it’s not long before you would turn forgiving for anything ‘self restraining’!
Don’t take my word for it. If you have a weak stomach for anything limiting then it’s just an everyday life kind of thing for you. Even Dorothy Nedd’s trick to a long life with one savory burger each day might fail you of your big story.
Gorske’s streak meanwhile stays strong and if that guy is any inspiration then ‘You won’t be dead before you reach 50 years of eating Big Mac like him!’
Christ! If that is any truth– no “Face Time” as you grow old and a little more of “sweet living” for you!
It’s 8 in the morning and you’re all flustered and rushed to make it to your workplace on time. Loads of little things are hurting your head and you don’t have time to live a few clever moments of sweet happiness!
Life sucks and nothing seems like a cakewalk. Your WFH siesta has ended leaving you all keyed up with crazy jaded ideas about how you are going to begin offline. You don’t feel any heart left for your desk after a long break and don’t know how and if you can you keep pace with life now. The vacuum is all eating you up. You wish you could go back in time; not to change anything but to feel couple of things twice and possibly change hands with something more exciting.
The phantom in you whines and pines for more.
Let’s face it; Life isn’t easy and glee and all that, but you know what? If you endure your daily grind and drain yourself out without knowing why, it’s possible that your personality and your place of work might run into odds with each other. You are aware that ripping the band-aid off could get you the sun shine you were looking for so long than enduring an unfitting, ill suited work space; but a switch over is always a difficult choice.
You’re not sure if that would be the right thing to do…!
If you’re facing the headwinds- right from Covid to quality and performance concerns and feel low and trapped – the list of crises hitting businesses keeps getting longer–bad breaks aren’t going to leave you any time sooner.
Here are three way to know if your hard time is simply some short living raw deal or your work place is particularly draining for your personality.
It feels like entering a pit hole!
Your Office pyramid works infamously with a twisted bottom line mentality. It’s 3Ps-Productivity, performance and profits and that’s that. No room for anything else! Your wellness and personal relations have no takers here. The demon of highbrowism is raging in every corner. It’s problematic and unhealthy–especially if you’re obsessively passionate about your work and often land yourself right in the middle of the rut!
If you are someone who is passionately preoccupied with the job and unwittingly ignores his personal wellness, then a damaging crisis awaits you with no near term exit in sight; one that can pile tremendous pressure on your happiness.
So, should this mean you’re stranded at cross roads?
Gosh-darn!…it’s intense. From sob story to small choices…you’d always figure out something and find the balance.
If you are hooked to a “spongy” mentality and dire the struggle, there is nothing much for you to do than to try and keep your obsessive passion for work at bay. Pursue the whole nine yards with a sense of balance and flexibility and you may survive the crisis.
Indeed, there is no saying where it all ends but any emotional distance between you and your work might just work.
The waters here are choppy and bruising!
The relief here always comes too little, too late! The workstead that lacks autonomy but typically has dogsbody driven high turnover, is unhealthy for most passionate people.
So, if you get butterflies in your gut, get tizzy and flustered easily and jim jams make you jumpy whenever work stress spikes; you’re in for some troubled times. Even the micromanagement would fail you completely and the unstoppable domino effect would skewer your anxiety to unhealthy levels. Again, in a job that is highly stressful and tags little or no job security; increase in bitterness, anger and sulkiness is inevitable.
When things get so screwed up and it gets harder to get out of the mess, is there anything helpful besides a non-micro managing boss to move your happiness needle, leewards?
Nothing much…if you cannot rid yourself of work slave mentality or empower yourself enough to bring changes in your work environment; then it’s time to move on. Should you get to stay; you’d continue to burn slow and so would your happiness.
However,…
If you begin your day at your workstation with a sense of belonging, have a clear sense of purpose and at the end of the day feel like you’ve achieved what you had set out for in the morning; then probably you are working in an inclusive and respectful workplace. Experiencing appreciation, freedom, leaning while earning well and feeling supported by a helpful boss! Christ!… that’s a paradise no nine-to-fiver ever stops dreaming of! No need to move quickly to act. This place is no goof up!!
WFH exclusivity continues!
Image source: ‘Should I be working from home now?’ in bbc.com,
Virus has waned but work from home is a dreamy reality that is yet to end. For many this is a desire come true; for others though it works better in theory than practice. Bad habits, gross indiscipline and over sedentary days spew out of remote connectivity. Boozing, watching Netflix or surfing e-commerce sites during work hours have driven people low on conscientiousness. Discipline has taken some punishing and frowned upon behaviors have upped the ante.
You don’t find anything wrong in that…do you? After all it’s rest, respite and work at will…no boundaries, no godforsaken tantrums, no frayed tempers! It feels like you’ve got everything under the sun!
But if you find yourself struggling with the pivot to work-from-home especially when you are completely disconnected from work at the end of the day, then in all probability you’d feel all screwed up. What if your workstead has chosen a hybrid employment model where you spend part of your time working from home and part in Office. Better work-life balance, less commute stress, location independence improved inclusivity, minimized distraction; there are 20 different reasons that your boss could rattle off to advocate the benefits of remote working. You try fitting in like always but wouldn’t find the foothold.
Are you the one to give up on team building events and could endure endless unmotivated sessions? Unmonitored performance, increased likelihood of overworking, distractions at home, lesser perks, increased isolation; everything makes it tough to turn off. The laptop at your kitchen table beckons and you may not feel enough separation between your work and life. This all would contribute to feeling of being overwhelmed or even burnout. And, above all….
People don’t believe you’re actually working!!
Image source: ‘Working from home: The good, the bad, and the ugly’ in humanresourceonline.net on Jun.22, 2020.
Let’s be real, no matter where you’re working from, you’re still doing just that; Working. Honestly it all comes down to the environment you’re most effective in. But if your workstead promotes WFH it is not for the sake of some classic benefits of telecommuting. It’s more about a great opportunity to dig deep in to the market. Remote work is the new cool for it saves your boss from 6 different costs, gets the work done round the clock, enhances branding, parks pre-trained employees for no extra strings and a lot more. Biggest surprise!!… He could be saving up to 50% on operational costs, 15-25% on assets and up to 31% reduction in health insurance spends. Another big-wig here… smart savings is done on energy-printers, laptops, cooling systems, lighting etc. as well. So don’t fool yourself with narratives surrounding remote work.
Besides your work place at home would never sport a garden view!!
Being stranded with an ill suited job always has some serious fallout. Your personality becomes a twisted image of you. It’s no place for you to return if it incites a bottom line mentality in you. Say no to pressure cooker environment. Even if you are somewhat less conscientious and not so passionately obsessive about work; WFH settings would still harm you.
Feeling at sea and don’t know how to let go your jammed session with this new project? and what with the Netflix hollering all the time; “You still have 3 episodes of ‘Ice piercer’ to watch”!
My word!
Return to a place that spares you a high degree of independence, choice, self direction and belonging. Stop being chased.
Feature credits:’Welcome back to the Office” by The Executive Centre in youtube.com on Oct.19, 2020.
On a brighter note!…
In bargain you’ll find yourself some small doses of happiness that you didn’t know you needed until now.
If you’re reading this with some indifference and don’t feel inclined to hear what’s about to come next, then odds are that your life has lost sparkle and you don’t think of yourself as good enough to thrive or at least start from timidly flat to something more exciting!!
Does this mean no “sweet spots “for you ?
Yup! You certainly are stuck somewhere in life or at work.
That’s nothing strange; to find asking yourself if this is how you’d imagined your life; if this was the kinda job you really wanted. You are feeling low, restless with nothing to wink at; all sad and alone in your world. But then it’s Ok to be like that! This is your moment to gather your wits and push forward. Besides it’s nearly an universal experience . We all get our share of anguish of being alone and glued to the past once in a while. Career, relationship or even what’s coming next! – most people do get frozen at some point or the other!
Image source: Getty images.
So, what being stuck looks like! How’d you know life‘s been mugging you? Wouldn’t something new – a new job, relationship or tweaked health for instance, put you in the stride and shine up your life?
For me being stuck and feeling peevish means really wanting something and then losing the motivation to get it! It’s like you put your finger onto something that looks exciting and then you talk yourself out of it. It would also mean endlessly thinking about what could be better or different; if it could be done in a more gainful way .
If you’re mired in any of these; it seems indecision, worry and over thinking has robbed you of everything terrific and likable in life. In fact life has lost all sheen for you.
The truth about being stuck
Being stuck is like quicksand. The more you try to get out, the deeper you sink. Your insecurity is on overdrive and asking your mind to push, control and manipulate. You just want to feel secure, loved, appear remarkable and admired everywhere. You think that if you could control everything, all would be swell. But it’s not until the reality hits you right in the face that misadventure happens for you. You get stuck because you think you should be something you are not and when you think life ought to be different than it is.
What of me! At times when I feel truly stuck, I write.
As I write this, I find myself in a stuck period as well since the last few months. But I don’t cry foul! I struggle less because I’ve learned to let it be. I try not to do something silly when words like “should,” ”have to,” or ”must” fluster me. When I relax and surrender to the quietness of life, things seem okay. Restless!…I see I can’t control life. I can only notice things what life brings to me.
Feature credits: ‘ 10 Things To Remember When You’re Feeling Stuck In Life’ by The Law Of Attraction in youtube,com on Jul.28, 2016.
Being stuck sometimes is all about growing naturally. It’s the time when not much happens when you think it should. These are the moments when you begin to grind yourself to come up with ideas to make things happen.
And when you couldn’t get anywhere, I call it being stuck!
Let’s find you a happy place
Remembering good ol’ days is harmless but becoming stuck there completely? That’s an entirely different story. This means you don’t feel inspired and find it difficult to get excited about things that used to earlier!
Maybe you’re ghosting a failed relationship; maybe you haven’t forgiven yourself for something awful of your past. You’re continually going over that and wondering if you could have done things differently. Maybe you’re holding onto something terrible from your childhood that doesn’t serve you.
Or maybe something else….
Regardless of how you are stuck, you at least earn yourself the agony of not enjoying your present! And that’s awful and sad!
So, why does this happens in the first place?
Missing amour proper, sinking self worth, clueless and FOMO; all are the core reasons why people feel stuck. Unhappy with present life, nerves raw and taught over some issue or perhaps fearful of future…any or all may stand in your way to be more comfortable, safe and predictable!
If you suspect that you’ve cronied your past long enough to be anything but comfortable, these five mindful tips could help you to climb out of the slump and start moving forward again!
Image source: Getty images.
Dismiss the noise
You can hardly miss this one. It’s silent; its impact powerful and it’s savage enough to keep you stuck in the same place. I often see people who have surrendered to this dear emotion willingly; the voices that they allow in and let them collide with their judgment. It could be your mom’s who loves you dearly but won’t want you to risk anything for something; it might be a dear friend who with all good intents steers you away from a great opportunity because he doesn’t want to see you fail.
Sometimes we let the voices of the people we love and care about, impact our choices. And it’s Ok!…so long as you can decide which one matters most in the situation before you let it sink in; what voices are going to help you get unstuck and which one would make you go bust. Ignoring those who love you most and could help you get you unstuck fast, though is the worst mistake you could ever make.
It’s a weird world out there and they are your best options to ride through safely.
So, simply choose carefully how much you should weigh their thoughts and opinion. Filter out what doesn’t serve right away and hang on to the voice that does!
Change your mind about anything and everything
Standing at the base of the mountain you’re about to climb and looking upwards…that looks formidable but only until you’re half way up. Looking down then doesn’t seem that disastrous. Your perspective changes and suddenly you’re excited about having won half the battle.
When feeling stuck, something close to this happens; your perspective gets stuck. You may be assessing and trying to salvage something from your past experiences, but sometimes you just couldn’t do much to give it a new look; the fear of failing the heights is frightening! You’re easily scared to hell to experiment!
But what if you chose to dig in instead of being a dead meat and try to learn of something new? The moment you begin to think differently, the stuck feeling begins to fade. It doesn’t melt altogether, but it starts to feel soft and yielding.
And now you can figure out what to do next!
Those nightmares are dreadful!
Unease and the shakes are all part of growing up normally. But being buried in them for long, isn’t. So when you’re uncertain and fear the unknown- take a moment off, breathe in long and sift through the snag. Search, what’s causing the sulk? Is it real or some phantom playing in your head? Is it actually trying to tell you something?
Fear, for most of us works like a catalyst. It startles our intuition awake when it’s time to take action; when we need to do something we haven’t done before or in a long time and we sense that something better lies out there. All we need is to go to the other side and find it.
So, what if instead of stepping back from fear, you walk towards it and push through? Take control of your worst nightmares for they are the one who have held you back. Once you do that all those moments of screwed up craziness –so dismissive or cruel– wouldn’t dare mock you. Suddenly you won’t be feeling valley low any longer!
And when that happens; you are all prepped to define yourself once again.
Isn’t that what you were looking for in the first place?
Talking to someone you love, helps
At one time or the other, we all get stuck and it doesn’t help either to know that this will not be the last time. So whenever your present freezes in your past and everything sucks…try talking to someone who loves you; not just anyone, but someone who’s close to heart. No one else would give an earful or could provide a safe space for you.
Being seen, heard and understood is something we all would die for; only an adoring admirer could remind you of your strengths and dreams.
We are tempted to change tracks in our stuck today when someone we love, looks us in the eye and shares and celebrates our dreams. It’s then the haze lifts and the picture of what lies ahead begins to take shape.
Hold tight and think easy
That will give you some more room to grow!
We all want good times, sunny successes and happy relationships to come easy even when we all know that that’s not entirely true. Dismay and chagrin usually fluster our attempts to be happy all the times. So, instead of wondering why things happen with difficulty, learning how to overcome them, matters! Nothing worthwhile comes without a struggle and you can gain so much wisdom in trying times than in ease!
See…It is the edge of our discomfort zone that lets us find our greatness.
And don’t forget… every failure is a lesson and every mistake a moment to learn!!
Image source: Getty images.
Like I said, we look to others to help us get unstuck, but search yourself!…isn’t that a complete waste of time? The only person who can liberate you –is you. Even when the empathy and generosity of others feels like a gift, the action for the win – all starts with us. No one else but you have to do the works to light up your life.
So, sit back, take a hard look at what’s making you feel grounded and promise to push yourself no matter what!
Believe me –stuck is a good place to be in, for it gets you to know that there is something better on the other side!!
Image source: ‘Bacteria: The miracle microbes that could fix planet’ by Collin Barras in sciencefocus.com on Sep.02,2020,
This is freakin’ crazy!…Am I more microbe than human and never alone? Is it really freak’n true? Sounds nuts!…. but I think I did read somewhat on these lines in my graduation; like human cells make up only 43 percent of body’s total cell count and the rest are microscopic colonists; our cells are outnumbered by 10 to one…blah-blah-blah whatever. It’s creepy, but understanding the other half of our selves might be the key to even stranger mysteries!
“Why, our body isn’t just us and never alone? Why genetically we are more outgunned than believed? What it means to be “human” if we are only half of what we really are?
From simple allergies to spooky Parkinson’s, every nook and cranny of our lives is hostage to these teeny-weeny nano-sized creatures. And we just couldn’t get rid of them, no matter how well we wash ourselves. Every crevice, every fissure and every chink on our bodies is swarming with these intrepid life forms.
We live by and stay surrounded by these tiny suckers even when we cannot see them with naked eyes. And….they are everywhere; on our keyboard, on our pillows on our favorite chair,stuff and above all, inside us!
The smallest living organisms ever known, some live on us and some within us. And know what, it’s considered Ok! So long as these critters are inclined and obliging, we could stay healthy, but once tables turn and a microbiome shift happens, our bodies become a battleground of sorts.
Do you have any idea why these bugs live in our body? Are there any hostile micro biomes too? What are those 20 odd million microbial genes doing in our body? In fact who lives most on our bodies?
A ghost safari to the battleground!
Our body is an enormous ecosystem hosting different biomes swarming with microbes and helps them flourish. Many of these invisible warriors are good for our health. Not only that; this army from microbial mecca abets droves of viruses, fungi and archaea (a kind of single cell organism) living within us as well. Together, they uphold the key to a longer flourishing life for us!
So if you thought you were some kind of epitome of sterility, think again. Your gut is home to some of the smuttiest of pathogens and your skin, mouth, lungs and even genitals shelter their diverse communities. The biggest of these rhyme zones lies deep in murky depths of your colon where trillions inhabit in union with their surroundings. Here they break down dietary fiber, produce crucial nutrients like butyrate and keep your gut up, clean and healthy 24/7.
Always in a curiously creepy relationship, these teeming pathogens have peacefully evolved over the time and have been our most lovable companion ever since, executing all important role in rallying digestion and shoring up our immune system.
Feature credits: ‘ Nearly half of you is not human, it’s made of microbes’ by Hashim Al-Ghaili in youtube.com on Jul.04, 2020.
Living with an attitude!
There are lots of places on our body for them to live. It’s like a jungle to them. Right from skin and tooth, nostrils and tongue, tonsils and lungs and belly button to dark corners of your gut and genitalia; it’s a home to every one of them!
Many species live in harmony live with us and within us and promote health. For instance our gastrointestinal health is right in their hands. Any dysbiosis or slightest shift in the gut microbiome and all hell breaks loose.
And guess what? …this is true for other areas of your body as well.
This is where it gets confusing…
An over indulgence into burgers and chocolates in all likelihood affects your risk of obesity and the type of microbes that grow in your gut. So how would you know if it is a bad mix of bugs breaking down and soaking up your food and wouldn’t add inches to your belly?
Seriously; nobody has the right answers to this. “Bugs for Drugs” might take some time to happen. Till then if you’re really interested in finding out what haunts your belly and bowels, a microbiome test (Ohmygut®) test might get an overview of who you’re living with. If you could follow personalized food recommendations, this might of some help in enhancing your microbial well being!
But then there are lots of places in you for bugs to live and thrive in….
Image source: ‘Bacteria on green background. Prokaryotic microorganisms. Bacillus. Illustration’ in unsplash.com.
And I thought I was pristine and clean!
The bugs on my skin
Good ol’ skin or the integument is home to some meaningful bugs that protect us from invaders and marauders amongst them and support our immune system. Some produce molecules to drive off potentially harmful microbes from colonizing the skin making it a physical barrier. A few others like Staphylococcus epidermisproduce anti microbial compounds to stave off something serious like skin cancer. Acne linked bacteria however don’t help much.
My eyes don’t shine alone
Like skin, eyes do not fare any better when it comes trading benefits. An ideal habitat, microbes find comfort in my cornea and the tissue on the inside of the eyelid. Relatively small, any imbalance in this microbiome results in dry eye disease and endophthalmitis or bacterial conjunctivitis.
I could smell them!
Dark warm and damp,my nose is just the perfect place for microbes and is very sensitive to faltering microbial homestead. Shaped by different factors just like gut bugs, nose microbiome is re-engineered by changing environment of the host and is affected by medical conditions. Dysbiosis here could be the reason why asthma, chronic rhinosinusitis, influenza, and bronchiolitis happen headlong and yet are curable with certitude.
Keepers to my tonsils
Tonsils, when invaded by stray bugs-fight infection by trapping assaulting microbes that enter through mouth or nasal passage and producing antibodies to kill them. A diverse ecosystem of microbes at their disposal helps them do this job. Adenotonsilla microbiome may have different contagions for children and adults; but why it couldn’t ward off bacterial tonsillitis, is yet to be discovered.
Wax, bugs and infections- my ear is home to each one of them
The middle ear is a safe haven to a diverse community of thriving microbes which when out of buggy could wreak havoc in ear; infections, inflammations and other hard pushed complaints. Both genetics and microbiome could add considerably to the risk of middle ear infections and consequential painful days.
But what happens inside me is more bewildering!…
Lots happening here!
Right from my school days, I’ve been stuck up with some good dental hygiene regimen. I brush twice a day…no smells, not hooked to any addictions and I check scrupulously if it smells bad in my mouth before going to bed! Yet at times my belly too groans, sharp pain pangs from toothache would send me into an overdrive and sometimes I get laid with fever from tonsillitis! I’m not spared…And I thought I knew everything about sterility.
But certainly not this!
My mouth is a den to plenty of microbes, some good, some not so good and could explain things like inflammation and tooth decay.
The oral cavity or the muzzle- as geeks call it, is a perfect territory for microbes to thrive; all warm, moist with an endless source of nutrients pouring in, plus plenty of structures and hiding places to stick to; the tongue, pockets between the gums and teeth and of course the teeth themselves. Let them have fun and Streptococcus mutanswould run amok and devastate your ivory while Porphyromonasgingivalis could have your gums bleeding and crying foul!
Sometimes these bugs travel down elsewhere in the body like gut and lungs and when that happens dysbiosis strikes hard.
When it comes to bugs, my breath is no different
Once thought of as a sterile environment, lungs are now known to have their own small microbiome; much smaller than the one that the gut holds because the lungs do not have the same kind of hem or sheathing to adhere to. Rather they ease oxygenation through a surfactant that is designed to facilitate the transfer.
Red flags! It’s time to see an urologist
Like the lungs, bladder too is not as sterile and bacteria-free as I believed it to be. While little is known about the mysteries surrounding microbiome here in urine pouch, there is still no evidence if bugs here could rig out a protective barrier for my health. Visible haematuria, spinal cord compression or progressive neurologic dysfunction, well… these are of particular concern since I wouldn’t know what I’m fighting with; rampaging bugs or some cross purpose therapeutic condition!
Image source: ‘Your body is mostly microbes’ by Tina Hesman Saey in sciencenews.org on Dec.20,2013.
So, next time you get anxious about your well being and have an urge to inspect yourself, start with your belly button; the soft spot. Though there a number of places you could begin with,the center of your stomach could reveal much offhand.
Remember…! “The Incas believed that Cuzco was the navel of the universe”.
For instance, if it smells a bit ripe, it’s the umbilical microbiome –passed on to you with your first breath, that has found itself a cozy homestead and is likely to stay with you till you live. Weirdly, it could be any or many of the 2368 different species that inhabit your navel, reacting and interacting with your body and not always in battle with it.
It’s incredible to think that the DNA of these superbugs carries more information than it would take literally a ton of DVDs to store for medical accomplishments.
See… didn’t I say, you are never alone in an eerie world of microbes!!...
Are you a fitness freak working for a rawbone or losing sleep over a lean sylphlike waist and seeing no results? What about those crash diets; still no gains?
You’ll probably hit the most success when you junk sin foods from your routine and start your day with healthy foods that do not cut out anything important. What kind of benefits you’re looking at here? Well…these slimming super foods are good at melting away that last inch of belly bloat like whoa…
Image source: Roman Odintsov in pexels.com.
Some days, you’re a kale smoothie-guzzling, bok choy-chopping freak, while on others you’re drooling over a candy bowl. But adding these incredible foods to your diet, don’t help much in getting toned and tight!
Interestingly…the way our body works is bit confusing. Hunger is what decides for it to holler for energy, but by the time it tells you that, it’s already deficient and gone wild. That emptiness and growing pangs are in fact it’s last ditch attempt to convince you to eat.
Many of us consume the bulk of our food in two or three large meals a day and go long hours with nothing in between. This reduced–calorie- three- meal plan sounds good but you can’t make your body burn fat any more efficiently than it does of its own! Every core exercise you try isn’t always a do-gooder. Your abs may refuse to grow and your potbelly may just decide not to give up!
So, does this mean that you should stay ahead of the curve and eat even before your belly starts growling? What kinda food would work best? And what if you running short on time? Is a four-ounce chicken breast, a small baked potato and a jumpy salad good enough to craft you a winsome body?
Hard to tell…Huh!
Sometimes my gut also screams, “feed me nice and good!”; especially on holidays and weekends. Honestly I love vegan food more than anything else but I balance my love for eating plants with need to keep my body equally supplemented, so that something wholesome and nutritious always finds its way into my belly.
If you too are looking for some healthy food without giving up on your winning routine; check out on these eight simple super eats that can thaw away that last bit of your beer belly in 2022!
Here’s the sticky widget though;
While spot-reducing belly fat is not exactly possible, eating fewer calories than you burn might earn you an overall weight loss—and that includes your belly.
But what the heck!… consider this as your go-to list for good health; at least.
Roasted mushroom and bean soup.
Image source: ‘White bean and roasted mushroom soup recipe’ by Amy Johnson in shewearsmanyhats.com.
This white bean and roasted mushroom soup- an ageless classic- has ruled the charts on She Wears Many Hats ever since originally published in October 2011. The magical partying of pureed white beans and broth base instead of cream and roasted onions, garlic and herbs, is a guilt free gratification for those chasing a simple wholesome stuff!
I don’t think anything else could warm you more than this savory, drool-inducing tang of this consommé.
And it’s so very worth it. Served alongside a simple salad with crusty bread, it makes for a perfect day. Looking for a vegetarian version? Simply swap veggies broth with chicken one. Bonus here!…You also get to substitute one part to three of dried herbs as you head into colder months when seasonings are hard to get by.
Black Bean Omelet
Image source: ‘Black Bean Omelets with Salsa Verde’ in goya.com.
Coffee sure does perk you up in the morning. But if you pair it with sugary cereal, bagels, or donuts, you’re very likely to stay starry eyed and listless for the rest of the day. These empty carbs taste good on the tongue, but do little for your body. Instead fill your morning meal with some healthy complex alternative that would leave you feeling energized!
Simply put, it’s all about picking a high protein fiber packed food that would promise good nutrients to your body.
I begin my day with a wholesome breakfast; be it the one that’s on-the-go list for rush days or a more relaxed oversized gut bomb for weekend brunch. Which would you prefer; a pricey spinach omelet, packing nearly 1000 cals or a simple affordable 330 cals high protein, fiber packed omelet sandwiching black beans and cheese?
A black bean omelet is sure to make you feel satisfied and keep you full for hours. The soluble fiber helps lower your cholesterol, keep you regular and set your taste buds a –jingling! Refried black beans set off by chunks of ripe fried tomatoes, savory onions and cilantro, leave one smacking good after-taste that would have you wanting more of it.
Try it! Your palate will thank you.
Grilled Chicken Pineapple Sandwich
Image source: ‘Teriyaki Chicken Sandwich’ by Shelly in frugalfamilyhome.com.
This grilled chicken and pineapple sandwich is your best bet if you are a health freak. Not even the healthy genre of grilled sandwiches that beckon you invitingly each time you pass by the neighborhood rotisserie, are a close match to it.
Packing a mouth watering punch in every bite, this sandwich is a sweet-spicy combination of teriyaki glazed chicken, juicy grilled pineapple, fiery jalapenos and is a great reduction in your days’ saturated fat and sodium intake. An end to all flattering chicken sandwiches, this one with 400 cals and 640 mg of sodium gets you the best of both the worlds; a little sweet here a little spicy there! The sandwich with a whole wheat bun comes to you super balanced with lean proteins and high fiber carbs.
Trust me; take a shot and surely you won’t miss the fried version at all once you sink your teeth into this blast of flavors.
Chicken Tikka Masala
Image source: ‘Authentic chicken tikka masala recipe’ in nishkitchen.com.
Traditionally cooked in clay tandoor and then served in a subtly spiced tomato cream sauce with a dash of dried herbs, coconut milk, ginger and lemon and greek yogurt; this marinated boneless chicken dish is an absolute belter and is a popular fare in curry houses from right across the East End bistros of “Curry Lane” in London to “Cumins” in Chicago,“Indigo”in Budapest to “Le Palaise de Raja Maharaja” at rue d’Ouessant Paris. This all time fan-favorite is a must dig for diners all across South and South East Asia.
The creamy spicy sauce made with Greek yogurt instead of full fat cream, is insanely good and the soft marinated chicken tastes just divine! The meal gets complete with some turmeric rice and fresh naan.
It’s simply… cozy , fabulous and finger lickin’ good!
Grilled Caesar Salad
This perhaps is the most misleading food; it’s kinda dish that you order when you want to go easy with your food, only to find out that you have ended up eating almost half of your day’s calories in one serve!
Feature credits: Kitchenstories.com
A classic eat, this salad boasts of a savory combination of crisp romaine (a variety of lettuce), rich and garlicky dressing, crunchy croutons and an enticing pungent tang of Parmesan cheese. High calorie dressing however,transforms into lighter vinaigrette packing an awesome substance, flavor and nutrition of sun dried tomatoes and olives in it. Char- grilled lettuce brings some happy change and perk up everything.
The salad preps quickly and easily with simple ingredients like boneless and skinless chicken thighs that stay juicy all through and cook quickly.
To think of this as volte-face nutrition! 410 calories, 29 gms fat and 610 mg sodium per serve! What more could you ask for?…
Try it and surely you won’t be digging into anything else anymore!
Rajma Dal
Image source: ‘Rajma masala’ by Kiran Afzal in curiouscuisiniere.com on Dec.12, 2020,
If actionable tips and cook videos from ‘The Spruce Eats-NY’ are any cue then this high and hearty red kidney beans curry with a mesmerizing blend of spicy masala, ginger, garlic, chilies and tomatoes is a rustic vegetarian dish that comes cheap, is nutritious, comforting and one satisfying comfort food that could easily humble any menu item any time. A delightful vegetarian curry dish, it savors great over rice and pickled vegetables.
If you’re looking for some indulgent healthilicious dish that could come together in less than half an hour, this one-pan cook makes for an excellent choice. Served with kachumbar salad and pickle as sides, this 232 calories unsophisticated eat has managed some space in Stock Images and Shutter stock collections too.
Palak Paneer
Another hot favorite among foodies! This mildly flavored super food is super healthy and tastes great when served with a side of basmati rice. The star of the dish is the creamy sauce, which is made out of blanched spinach blended with an amazing medley of spices. Complimenting the sauce are shallow fried cubes of paneer (Indian cottage cheese). The healthy spinach gravy is sautéed with finely balanced curry spices in aromatic ghee to up the ante!
Image source: ‘Palak Paneer’ in awesomecuisine.com.
Simple but irresistible, this dish has the punch to satisfy absolutely all taste buds! If cheese is not on hand or you’re looking for a dairy free option, tofu or veggies like cauliflower or potato will taste just as good. You may even ask for whole yogurt in place of heavy cream for the sauce to make it lighter.
This food may not be totally main stream yet, but there’s one good reason to incorporate this extremely nutrient rich leafy gem into your regular diet. Packed with high levels of carotenoids, Vitamin-C, Vitamin-K, Folic acid, Iron and Calcium, it’s a warehouse to some amazing compounds like lutein ( improves eye health), kaempferol( reduces risk of cancer and chronic diseases) nitrates( promotes heart health), quercetin (wards off infection and inflammations) and zeaxanthin( helpful in impaired vision).
So, next time you get hungry and crave for a scrumptious healthy meal, dig into a warm comforting bowl of spinach paneer curry with equally delicious garlic naan or jeera rice or plain basmati rice. Side of a red onion salad adds zing to a super delicious hearty happy fill.
Italian Stuffed Artichokes
There is really nothing quite like an artichoke. Whether you’re eating the hearts as part of an antipasto platter or in a spinach artichoke dip, their flavor is quite unlike any other food.
Image source: ‘italian stuffed artichokes’ in garlicandzest.com.
Tender, herby with perfect amount of zest, stuffed artichoke is one prebiotic food that helps keep things moving through your gut. Trimmed and stuffed with garlicky breadcrumbs and baked in a buttery lemon and white wine sauce until tender, this super eat is an all time favorite and admired as an interactive food that has a distinct start, middle and an end! Like onions and leeks, artichokes also carry acetate that spurs the fat-burning activity in the body.
Need more of greens and taste? Roast artichoke hearts and asparagus with olive oil, Parmesan cheese, breadcrumbs, and a spritz of lemon. And if you’re any good at experimenting, try stuffing your ‘choke with quinoa, tomatoes and herbs and see some fascinating taste unfold on your platter.
Considering people at all phases of life are under-consuming iron and fiber and proteins and other lesser known serious nutrients, the benefits of cruising through your day with all-natural version eats, goes beyond these eight delightful melt-off foods. There are hundreds of sin food recommendations to cut back on your calorie consumption heavily. But there is no super eat that could increase your lifespan, help you feel full, clear up your complexion, control your cholesterol and reduce your risk for cancer, diabetes and heart disease?
All you could do is to mix and match foods to meet your daily quota without going easy on your weight loss plan.
And you’ll definitely have to let go of that Achilles heel; the one food that you can’t seem to help yourself digging into!
Image source: ‘People often avoid feeling compassion for others, feel it’s a lot of effort’in keralakaumudi.com on Sep.01, 2021.
On that hot sultry summer afternoon in Kolkata, I found myself running through the ever crowded Howrah railway station, convinced I was about to miss my train this one time.
My anxiety surged at the sight of a long baggage security line. I was about to give up entirely, when luckily a colleague’s brother- he’s some bigwig in there- saw me and ushered me to the front. At that moment I didn’t care how the waiting passengers felt about this privileged treatment. I don’t even remember much about the people I encountered during that nerve wracking afternoon. I was thinking only about catching that damn train and getting home, a thousand miles away.
In short my empathy graph had plummeted as my anxiety feared its worst hit.
Many would explain this episode by linking my jitters to narcissism, but I consider it differently. I find it a clash between apprehensions and sensitivity. Or maybe it’s the fear and shame of failure that overshadowed the disappointment of missing the ride!
Like everybody I too hate to fail, but then I‘ve another skill to call it shots… I have a natural capacity for empathy and I swear it’s not like some fixed trait. My genes might have played some role in here. I think I inherited it through some great combinations of experiences and relationships… childhood care-givers matter most!!
But it isn’t wrong to say that just as the fear of failure mars the motivation to succeed; your compassion also takes a beating when you are burdened with emotions and anxiety. It unconsciously sabotages your chances of success in a variety of ways. If you have a compassionate bend, you might find yourself deluged with emotions of those around you. When they are happy, you are caught up in their joy; when they are sad; you carry their emotional burden too.
But there is something else besides this that might surprise you! High empathy and anxiety have some unforgiving analogy in between. And you cannot trust either of them entirely for your emotional well being.
Here’s to share something about that strange connection between them and few bonus tips to keep an eye on your emotional health;
Feature credits: ‘Offer Empathy’ by Genevieve Chesney in Youtube.com on Jan.30, 2016.
Want to share but don’t know if you’re ready for it!
When you hear the word-empathy, what strikes your mind? Understanding one’s pain? Feeling bad for another person or perhaps giving a shoulder to lean on?
Yup…those are the things that help in times of distress. But what about empathizing with one’s joy? It sounds alien or perhaps absurd; but believe me caring for yourself is about happiness too.
If it’s any comfort to know; our neural responses are more accustomed to feeling one’s pain more than being happy for someone. This is rather more intense when we empathize distress. We cry feeling more about other’s pain than laugh and love feeling happy for someone. We all have this wonderful ability to respond to difficult challenges of others, but react faintly to other’s joy.
So, can we somehow tutor ourselves to be happy for others as well? Would that make this world any better place to live in?
I tried it cautiously hesitant of the outcome, but it did help. I think this might be the choice you should make a head start with!
When someone brings me some news about something good happening in their lives, I hug that person or at least touch his or her arm in an appropriate way. I look the person in the eye and ask everything about the happy event. I share the joy of goodness happening in someone’s life and don’t hold back anything in expressing it. I share the vibes and could almost feel mirth tingle down my neck! I feel happy to see them stoked…
Reaching out to someone in happy times and partaking, helps in conquering your fears. And…it shores up your aplomb as well!
Try me and witness anger, anxiety and disgust giving way to surprise and pride.
Image source: ‘How the Highly Empathetic Can Avoid Absorbing Others’ Stress’ by Jessica Stillman in inc.com.
Being real about how you feel helps!
If I were to judge compassion, I’d say it’s a higher state of awareness. In an empathetic state of mind, I could fully experience the anger and wrath of someone who has been wronged. I could even go beyond feeling sorry for what someone else feels. I simply couldn’t keep my head and heart closed for trouble, indignation and nightmares and prefer to see through the present situation with understanding and love.
When we are in a conflict with someone or face something challenging, owning our fears and insecurity is one great way to move past our defensiveness and take a call on deeper issues of the situation; I’d say, more buckled up.
You may not know, but doing this lets you empathize yourself no less. The more you are willing to imagine what it’s like for them, the more of it you’d be able to experience yourself.
Shell shocked and stewed? Brainstorm your way out of chronic stress
Failure makes us feel both fear and shame. On the brighter side, it preps us to find people whom we can trust and with whom we can share our emotions. Once you will yourself to brainstorm your way out of the heat; relabel and play down your stress and save yourself from vandalizing your sunny side. Besides, reassurance and empathy from others would reinforce your feeling of self-worthwhile.
Getting peevish and judgmental already?… Take a break and for a moment imagine a possible scenario as creepy as this! …
You have lost your job in pandemic and desperately searching for a new one. Yet you ain’t getting it and keep failing in finding it just because you don’t know “the right people,. “ You are at your wits end and reeling with hard time stress.
If you think you failing to make some ground and are clueless how to go about it; start with some small but powerful choices to hit the frame. Begin by setting up for yourself the goal of expanding your social network. Reach out to everyone you know who might help. Even if they are not in your field and couldn’t do much, they might know someone who could.
See… the cliché’ works well when instead of mourning you put your foot down!
Empathy is all about the ability to feel and reaching out to another person’s emotions and thoughts. It gives meaning to our lives and our relationships. It works well to thaw our emotions out of limbo.
#It might also mean getting a job offer from somebody hitherto stranger to you!
Besides, who would say ‘Nah’ to a decent break from some nerve wracking ‘Fight-or-flight’ episode every time each day?
Feature credits: ‘’ Someone else’s shoes’ by Blythewood SBO in youtube.com on Nov. 11, 2016.
That day in Kolkata, I caught my train. I also learned something. No one wants to live life in a hurry as if they’re always late for a train, too stressed to look around or connect with others. We’re much better off cultivating compassion, rubbing shoulders and accepting that what will be, will be -missing the train journey and all that…
If you were to ask me to explain empathy as I see it; I’d say, ” I know exactly how you feel” Another more jaded one would of course be, ” I know exactly where your shoe pinches most”.
I guess I have learned when to ease off the emotional overwhelm and steer clear of becoming a damaged empath.
Like Drake, sometimes I wish if I could go back in times, not to change anything but to feel couple of things twice! I would want more of this dangerous, jazz-shaped immortality for myself!
Life sucks and it definitely is not a cakewalk. If it were, wouldn’t we all be rich, sipping a classic mimosa on our ocean front property? But even when it’s true that I don’t or ever will own a beach house, doesn’t mean that my some 50-ish years have been hard-only. Loads of little things have inundated my life- improving everyday of it without totally breaking the barriers. From miniature vacuums to bedside night lights to heated lunchboxes, shower liners with handy pockets, and even a shampoo brush to massage my scalp, these endless options haven’t failed me few clever moments of sweet happiness. But the phantom in me, pines for more. There’s this stain remover that works so well on red wine, that I forgot; I think I can hear it calling my name.
Let’s face it; Life isn’t easy and glee and all that; but you know what is?
It’s almost a year since I started to catalogue list of things that I wished I had lots of them in life. I called it ;“Things I wish I had more of them”. I initially came up with some boring things about life, career and relationships; things that I’d learned over the years and gathered from mentors, books, friends and people close to my heart. But later some better stuff filtered in; good choices like love, happiness, contentment trumped everything else.
I created it to remind myself of useful things that mattered; probably more so because it kept my hope alive to relive them someday.
A year later I still read it a few times each day and wait for crazy things to happen!!
What do I wish I haven’t had enough? What could I offer myself back again with what I have learned over the past years? Of course, this is an idea that people play around with in their minds; and quite often realize that an upbeat past has the genius to turn things around for some good in present as well. So, why not wish for it?
Unable to warp back in time? Fear not! You’re not scammed…
If you are someone like me, let me recommend a few out of my own list that I wish for more. It’s Ok if I couldn’t wake up to a wish fulfilled each morning. I know desires have a cranky way to keep you thinking for the rest of your life about an even stranger scenario; you returning back and reliving them.
Image source: ‘Woman leaning on her table’ by Marcus Aurelius in pexels.com
Wish I could do exciting things once again
Funnily; it’s not about success or even remotely about happiness! It’s about doing things that are exciting. In my declining year, I still want to be a 25yr old jaunty good looking beau, gleefully chasing some haute’ damsel from neighborhood. I want us to climb the trees, jump the wall and beat up all the bully boys when feeling pissed off! I want to live my share of one heartbreak, one true love, one success and one moment of despair again. I don’t want the creaking knees or cringing eyes falter me or the loosening skin shame me. I want to be reminded of all the battles that I survived and the ones that I won.
I want me to be excited. I want to be nubile and mercurial. I want to be foxy, short, sweet and crisp; all at the same time!
Could there be anything more desirable than this?
Image source: ‘Old dirty sneakers on tree’ by Chris F. in pexels.com
Wish I had saved more
Like any young boisterous nerd, when young I was quite mindless about money. I did save and invested but I couldn’t manage to hoard it. Not that I was letting the thought pass by me but I had more exciting things crowding my days. I was getting carried away by the whims of the moment. A few simpler things could have made my present more bullish and upbeat. I could have done so much but didn’t pick up; I simply whizzed past in the fast lane!
See…when you are young you ride the wave of youth. You feel you’re gonna stay young forever. Behaving like a teenybopper I too was equally less impressive and less receptive or perhaps more distracted by less meaningful things! I thought the opportunity to save more will keep on endlessly coming and kept on spending the dime on utterly trivial things.
Why don’t we ever listen to a good advice when we are young? Somehow I feel though that I wouldn’t have listened even to my older 50-ish self then.
Today I wish I could travel back in time and save myself the pain, effort and trouble that I was going to earn for myself later.
If you’re in your mid-20’s and reading this, do yourself a favor; don’t burns the candle at both ends; heed when some good advice heads your way.
Image source: ‘Signboard’ by Monstera in pexels.com.
Wish I had worried less about changing jobs that I didn’t like!
This surely applies to everyone but is more prevalent when you’re a young rookie and Waterloo moment stares you in the face every day of your nine-to-five life. You’re easily intimidated and influenced by peer pressure, authority and roles models expecting you to behave or not behave in a certain way!
Many of my decisions including the one of staying stuck with one job-it hurt most; was influenced largely by the presumption of how it’d look like to others if I did jump the fence and whether everybody would approve of it.
Today, it all reeks of nonsense…
If I couldn’t get out of my fears or shake off influences then, did I miss something important? Have I lose out on living a happy authentic life? Hell no!… but I could have saved myself from endless hours in a dead-end job that failed my purpose and skills.
For the same reason, I admit that being present in the moment with unfulfilled desires is more difficult than when you are in your 20s. You just can’t fathom the value of being present at that age.
#I wish if I were more present then, so many things would have cut fine today!
Image source: ‘Travel items’ by Nataliya Vaitkevich in pexels.com.
Wish I’d read Wayne Dyer earlier or perhaps get to watch Lady Gaga in concert
Years later, I could begin to understand the power of simple intentions only now. I wish I could size myself with Wayne Dyer…Umm! for no particular reason; but living a life of unlimited abundance and getting into your life the right people at the right time; Well…I’ll be damned if I couldn’t pick up the idea; something that I needed so much when I was young. So much time, energy and money I wasted on things that only clutter and complicate our lives. I wish I had learned to co create my World my way when young.
Gee whiz!!…I could have done more with so much less.
Okay! Perhaps Wayne had not hit the stands then yet and I’m not sure about the latter; maybe she took to stage sometimes in late 1980s or what… I never got the opportunity to read him on the SoNet and neither could I get the chance to see her perform live.
Imagine my 20s!! I couldn’t fathom that they were going to change my life so much later on…
Amid all uncertainties, I wish I ought to have read all the enlightening things being taught in the books then or perhaps seen her perform on screen at least!
Today I watch Lady Gaga getting love from fans for sweet moments with Liza Minnelli at Oscars 2022 on flickering screens. I wish someday I’d get the opportunity to watch her perform live at Dolby’s.
But for now I guess, she‘ll have to stay in my list of ‘should haves.’
Feature credits: ‘ Run!’ by Proper films in Youtube.com on Sep. 02, 2019.
Life is all about what’s happening in the present moment. While we wish, want and dream, our real lives are already happening. For me there has never been anything more terrifying than the prospect of dying out and missing out on all of it, because I have been way too busy wishing what more I wanted instead of appreciating what I have.
I wish…
Someday, if I could ever get to meet my younger self face-to-face, the first thing I’d want to say; “Hey, stop worrying. It’s useless. Life will turn out just fine. But you can make it better by following your heart. And know what… everything you hope to feel when you get what you wish for, is with you right here, right now”
If you think that one day you might find yourself saying; “I wish, I had” then by all means do that thing right now! Hopefully you’ll never have to look back for things you wish you had accomplished more.
Trust me; it will pay off so long as you consider your wishes as no more than a little vacuumto clean up your everyday mess!!
From moments of pure bliss to “badass togetherness”, relationships sometimes flinch. Between valleys and peaks, you are never certain whether or not it’s meant to be what it is. Sure you could work around to fix the rough patch somehow. But will that hold? Will everything be the same as before? At what point should you draw the line between rough times and simply giving up?
Or is it time to say enough is enough?
Like everybody else, I could realize the spoil only when it was too late. But I spared myself the anguish, for I knew it’s never too easy to see it from the inside. Sometimes it’s blindingly true, yet we couldn’t see the red flag or smell the rot.
And surprisingly you couldn’t get to start over again…
Bad things do happen in relationships and the rot might ruin the romance, friendship or just about anything familial. Sometimes it hurts and in your anger or inconsolable grief you feel like lashing out, cursing or yelling to let the world know how bad the hurt is. You may even get to the state where you want everybody to be hurt no less; to make everybody feel the misery no less.
The edge happens only when you find there’s no time left to reveal your love; to let others know that over the last few months they made your days a bit brighter and helped you heal better from the hurt that others left behind; that they sank into your heart and stayed put. In the midst of impossible, somehow they became your favorite.
But like good and bad times, there are moments when things begin to get out of control. You are clueless; not sure whether to go with it or away from it. You just can’t hug harder any longer.
If any of these signs are persistently a part of your relationship, you have a serious problem to consider. It might have reached a dead-end and this could be the time to let it go peacefully.
Remember though, every tragic of something is the beginning to a fresh start.
Image source: ‘Sad in railway stock photos and images’in 123rf.com.
When enough is enough
Criticism is good; it gives you an opportunity to find your misplaced positives. But even that has a quota. Negative comments feel cruel and so does one nasty word that can silence a million applause. See…even the SoNet community works the same way; your fans may have cheered you a thousand times but you’d only remember one single message that tried to run you down.
However, if someone in your life always jumps in to say something about your wins all the time, you have a red flag there too!
I say… life sucks! but that’s how it is.
If criticism and negative comments begin to corner your attention… you need a deeper look into what’s happening around. Is getting out of a messy relationship worth the anguish of parting ways? Sometimes it gets dismissive but severing ties peacefully is more impactful than inflicting emotional damage on yourself.
See…there is a pattern of narcissismspecific to each one of us. But even that doesn’t work right all the time. If somebody keeps pushing you constantly and tells you that it’s for your own good so that you may improve; don’t jump for it. If you fall for it you’ll always be looking for doses of approval from others which will never come even if you gave your 100%. Some may even pin for your attention and time!
Criticism and negative comments lower your energy and distract your attention. If you do not want to turn yourself into a junkie looking only for approval and adoration, allow yourself a course correction. Simply let go of a relationship that has constrained you all these years.
And remind yourself…you deserve to live free! So, just let go of the decay.
Feature credits: ‘Letter to a Friend’ by Eddie Pinero in youtube.com on Jul.02, 2019.
No crooning or cocktails!
There is never any dearth of time to change your ideas about the future. It’s Ok if you are not where you thought you’d be today- you have many tomorrows ahead of you. But the journey is never straight; you’d sometimes outgrow what you once wanted in your connections. It’d feel good if you could realize the extent of your responsibility in the context of relationship, today.
This is your journey and yours alone. So, be wary of the people close to you who would not hesitate to throw in your face the things they did for you. They may have lend you a thousand bucks and say that they saved you from penury; more to make you feel wretched than to value kinship.
I know it’s a profound statement and maybe incorrect for some of you; but that’s the truth. If the other person needs to hang the medals for having helped you, it’s time to start over afresh. You can’t turn back the clock or delete memories, but you can choose to live quietly in present.
So, it’s time you bid adieu!
Image source: ‘Here Is How You Say Goodbye To Your Forever Person’ by Ariel Quinn in herway.net on Mar.01, 2022.
In the hustle and bustle, trust walks off
When the bad outweighs the good, it usually means hard times have arrived and are likely to stay for a while. If you can’t remember the last time you were happy…surely the problem is deeper than meets the eye!
Arguments in a relationship come with a territory. You are sad and neglected and could sense that something is seriously off, yet couldn’t pin point why. You find a pair of hoop earrings that definitely don’t belong to your mate or wake up each morning staring vacantly at the ceiling fan and think, “How the hell did I get here?” He’s off to another business trip or you come home to an eerie silence everyday; your phone used to ring off the hook and now all you hear is crickets! You hang in there hoping things to turn around somehow. But with explosive fights, mascara running down the cheeks duels, you know something terrible is waiting to happen.
Essentially, you both have morphed into nasty dinosaurs for each other. You may try to convince yourself that what matters is to live in here and now; but the truth is more savage- you just cannot hide from it.
So, when at the end of the day as you lie down and pat yourself, “Wow! We made it a day without fighting,”, it’s time to get out of the fracas.
Don’t be blind to the obvious and wait to get your heart pummeled. It’s time to dump those dingy rose colored glasses and get yourself a terrific new pair.
Believe me…if you can’t stay civil on vacation in a gorgeous hotel with gorgeous spreads and cocktails and room service…it’s time to say quits.
Image source: ‘Why is it so hard to say goodbye?’ by Richard in richardcollison.net on Oct.22, 2017.
Many times you’d be tempted to make excuses and stay put in a relationship that has reached its expiration. You keep on hitting the reboot button, frantically hoping that everything will be Ok again. This continues to happen until the next time when the not so funny emotional roller coaster starts all over again. Eventually it’s a Joe No-Show and you could feel the cold feet. This means that both of you have flaked out and lost each other for good.
You may not be ready to face it…but that’s fear talking. Don’t let it rule your life. So listen to your instincts, trust your guts and stop working for a relationship that has jumped the fence. It’s time to admit that your future with the other person isn’t on the radar.
Should this happen, start taking care of you and break into a happier life. Value your needs, wants, and most importantly, yourself. Without depleting yourself, step out into a life that you truly deserve. Think of yourself twenty or thirty years from now and merit yourself by doing the right thing.
Above all stay away from people who will sooner or later leave you stranded.
Overworked and worn yourself to a shadow, you’re struggling to jazz up! You’ve even tried to fix fatigue by hitting the sack more often— only to wake up more exhausted. If that’s you, here’s the secret: Sleep and rest are not the same thing, as many incorrectly confuse the two; ; yet one won’t come without the other either!
Image source: ‘Weary housewife with mop resting on rug at home’ by SHVETS productions in pexels.com.
It’s 7.00 am and dogs and diaries are all lined up for the day. But more than feeling energized, everything is pissing me off. In no less the same way brothers would hurl nuclear weapons at each other and get out unscathed, I snap at nobody in particular;
“Why the hell do we get to face another day uninvited?”but her around, then in a more resigned tome;
“Suppose I’ll have to make do with what I get”.
She ignores me and tersely retorts; “What this Putin is doing? Have you been following the news?You know what; I can’t get him, Zelenski or the war out of my head”.
I remembered; we were talking about the war in East Europe last evening.
“Oh really!… I’m sure he’s very concerned about your opinion”, I chide softly.
“Shut up”, she admonishes. “Wouldn’t he know how to stand up to his credo?After all he’s no comedian actor turned President like Zelenski”.
True; the world we live in, it’s the jesters and jerks making big, who hit the headlines more often trying to make the most sense these days.
I sigh and decide not to snap back. I feel tired and worn out.
Yesterday, it was a holiday and I’ve had a late afternoon slump; went to bed early. Yet, this morning I don’t feel rested; the surge of well being is simply not there.
I grumble and whimper… Guess, I am yet to give in to the frustrating truth about R&R.
Why else would you want a proper break if you’re not feeling tired, gutted and need it?
Uh-Oh!! Who am I kidding?
You already know it! Take regular breaks throughout the work day; sitting long hours at desk is worse than jabbing yourself with an Ebola-infected syringe; eating lunch at your work station is a sin…blah blah. You are aware and so you should get up frequently, yoga poses would help, nip of fresh air in the park- perhaps even a power nap…
All this aims to make you happier, more productive. Who knows. some day you may even decide to leave for Office earlier with enough gusto to spare.
But actually you don’t do any of these…do you?
Instead you surf face book; read blogs, watch extensively crazy youtube video and all the while munch peanuts for no reason; all the while miles away!
In the meantime all this atrocity builds up a frustrating irony about sleep and rest that very few acknowledge!
When we are drearily tired and burnt out, we miss the basic connection between fatigue and poor decision making. Our willpower gets besieged and we pick up random threads to believe that some ‘cognitive’ break like stretching, chatting, or drifting through social media, is enough to deliver.
If you are the one who has set his heart on this belief…well you couldn’t be more wrong!!
These aren’t really the breaks that I’d look forward to. Given the kinda load they put on our brain, I might as well have continued working with no rest.
For most of us this hoodwinking is similar to ‘bedtime hesitation’ or failing to go to bed at the intended time even when nothing stops us from hitting the sack.
You know the drill;
You are worn out drained and ought to sleep, yet the walk from the sofa to bed via bathroom seems too much of an effort. Surfing absentmindedly through Netflix menus though feels relaxing. Not surprisingly, frustrated sleep means you’re less likely to have the energy to haul yourself to bed the following night!
So, is there any way out of it?
Yup!…
Begin by taking breaks early in the day, before you even feel you need to. This keeps replenishing your energy levels. Move outside frequently, not because of fresh air or some audacious attraction, but because there will be fewer screens to rivet your attention.
Image source: ‘woman sitting on chair while leaning on laptop’ by Andrea Piacquadio in pexels.com
Wrong turns right tricks
Whenever I feel extremely tired and have an intense urge to lie down, I know something is not working for me. Each one of us has days when we feel exhausted and run down. It’s Ok, but constantly being tired and spent isn’t.
And who else but you is there to sense the alarm when something goes off the hook.
Web Quickreads and biohackers usually prank different sleep and rest techniques –from physical and mental to emotional and social, all bragging to kick start you.
But do they really work? Are they any better than some cooked up web story to refresh your senses and fill you with some fresh excitement fast?And are you clever enough to know what is pushing you into sleep dysfunction snare?
In most cases, weariness is weeded out by reworking your lifestyle but correcting or improving your fatigue index is taxing. You need to get to the bottom of it to know what’s causing it before you rid yourself of sleep syndrome.
Here are six possible reasons why you’re always tired and how to get sleep impairment back on rails.
Image source: ‘7 Reasons You Feel Tired’ by Krista M in ba-bamail.com.
Your caffeine fix needs trim
Feeling tired and morning all screwed up!!…
You have gulp down enough of black coffee and in the bargain you’ve earned yourself some spoofed up sleep cycle. You’ll be tired and confused day long and will be tempted for more of caffeine to stay perked up.
But the cycle of poor sleep won’t let you.
And it’s not swell, alright!
Caffeinated beverages are infamous for a temporary energy burst but over-indulgence is criminal. It might roughen up your next day.
If you are a caffeine buff and are currently experiencing sleep issues, try snipping it back. How many cups? That’s difficult…but a cup half-filled each time will do the trick. Your consumption would halve and might improve your sleep and energy levels.
Stimulants like caffeine uncannily exaggerate the effect of adrenaline rush, make your heart pump faster, you respiration fires up… all so much for a kick! The spark however doesn’t last even two hours.
The slump returns afterwards.
Image source: ‘woman leaning on her table’ by Marcus Aurelius in pexels.com.
Eat and beat the woe
The food that you eat and how much you eat, makes one helluva difference to your sleep pattern. It steps up or diminishes your energy levels. If you are eating healthy and are still tired, try changing how many times you eat. Some people get the rush with several small meals throughout the day while others could do with three square ones.
There is no wrong or right; your energy needs may be different from others.
But watch out! What and how much you consume, does matter. Allowing yourself a free run on the table is spooky!
See…it works like a snow ball rolling downhill. The more you gain in weight, the less inclined you’d be towards work. And then you won’t exercise, burn the kals or feel swell!
Poor hydration devastates
Eight, 8-ounce (240-mL) glasses of water daily; this is what we all hear about proper hydration but it all depends your weight, age, sex, and activity levels.
Are you drinking enough of it? Thirst, fatigue, dizziness, and headaches don’t hurt, if you do. But if you feel bulldozed then maybe you’ve strayed off the course!
Staying well hydrated is unique since many biochemical reactions take place in our body every day and need water loss to be replaced. Lower hydration levels means waning energy and ebbing ability to concentrate. In fact, it could affect your entire body, including your sleep cycles.
So, you don’t have much of a choice; you just couldn’t do without it. If you’re not well hydrated, your body will put itself off to maintain water balance instead of giving you energy. All you need to do is to adjust your intake with how much water you’re losing daily.
A simple thing like stopping at a water faucet or a bubbler when you walk by one could just be one good idea.
Some extra won’t burn or spoil anything!
Bad wrap comes with bad rap
Not entirely undeserved, fat issue are plucky and a bad deal when it comes to overall health. Not only obesity is significantly linked to many chronic illnesses, it could just be the reason for your chronic fatigue. Your risk of obstructive sleep apnea might spin-off out of control, cause daytime fatigue and directly affect your sleep cycle. Needless to say you also run higher risk of depression and type-2 diabetes.
Poor sleep quality and sleep dysfunctions spawn weight gain too as you are less inclined to work. Lethargy, drowsiness and exhaustion are your helpmates now and won’t let you free!
Maintaining a healthy body weight preps you for some good sleep and tweaked energy levels. Experiencing some high quality sleep also prevents weight gain and reduces fatigue.
To begin with, settle for polyunsaturated fats for oils and seafood and monounsaturated fats such as olive oil, nuts, and seeds for the right balance. The unsaturated variety may help lower “bad” LDL cholesterol.
If this helps you any bit; quality sleep would rid you of that creepy hung over feeling caused by the same biological function that gives you a jet lag.
You need a break from SoNet !
Yup! we all want to be emotionally charged all the time. But the glam and splash trashes our physical health at whatever cost. Chatting with close friends or family does the trick for most part. Bright lights, computer screens, background noise and multiple conversations — whether in an office or on Zoom calls — overwhelms our senses.
Worse…if you’re an introvert and your work demands you to be in company of lot many people every day, you definitely would run short on some ‘me time’ to rest and recharge. You can’t spend 40 hrs a week staring blankly at screens or jumbled messy surroundings at work and end up the day surfing social media; yet remain passionate about everything. Innovations?…Not a chance. This mindless disarray will have you mired in sleepless tossing nights in a hurry.
So, simply lay off and lie low. Take a break from your cellphone, screen and other gadgets. Do something as simple as closing eyes for a minute in the middle of the day, unplug everything (mobile and laptop and every other thing) at the end of the day, go for a solo walk, read a book or enjoy a nice tea!
Intentional moments of sensory deprivations will begin to undo the damage inflicted by an over-stimulating world around you.
And the trap will spring open anytime sooner!
Feature credits: ‘Happiness’ by Gordon wjs in youtube.com on Mar.05, 2014.
Don’t be shocked if it feels thick and naked at first; you’re all keyed up and coming to a grinding halt is more painful than continuing.
Yes, you do need a break but don’t expect yourself to want one.
Are you in despair and unhappy? It’s possible that your past mistakes may have caught up with your thoughts and somehow messed with your happiness. The key to understanding why you’re upset in the first place and couldn’t be happier- lies with you!
Image source: ‘Happiness’ by Justina Daugelaite in reachingout.eu.
Don’t we all spend one helluva time thinking about what we need to be happy? Do we ever think what holds us back when we believe we have done enough for some life changing tomorrow?
Honestly…changing life for some good is not that easy. We learn every day and take each day with a grain of salt to make space for a brighter tomorrow.
This isn’t about that though, is it? Clearly not…I’d wager it doesn’t end up nicely all the time.
An irrational hunt for happiness has been waging for decades in true sense and the rage is yet to die down. Even Roger Hargreaves in his 1971 rhetoric ‘Mr Happy’ with all his hippy dippy wellbeing ideascouldn’t get any close to being relief to more modern ideas about mid-life burnout and the gut wrenching resignation syndrome!!
When young, I had learned an easy way to guard myself; I pretended –I don’t care and because I wouldn’t, nothing would hurt me. To me, it was simple game plan and it worked so well; sadly if only for a short period of time. In exchange, I gave up all hope of building some meaningful relationships, warmth and few fine moments of euphoria.
In college I wasn’t any close to camaraderie either; almost no friends. I never went to parties or would hustle to catch up for coffees with campus buddies.
Of course that hurt. Deep within I desperately longed for the college life that you’d see splashed across billboards or experience in some smug misty-eyed soap channel. But the thought of putting out and possible snub was just overwhelming.
So, I convinced myself- I have no time for friends.
I was bitter, angry and sometimes resented everyone and everything; but at least I spared myself any rebuff.
Fortunately, as I grew up I learned to open up and face myself. Yup! it did hurt sometimes. It’s never fun to judge yourself.
But you know what? Today, it feels better than the other alternative; settling for a life half lived!
If you have read me this far, it’s possible that your moonlight happiness story has got lost somehow. You’re caught in a web of your past mistakes or maybe you’ve been giving more brains than brawl to your past and have wrecked your present as a consequence.
Whatever…
Isn’t it time to stop living adrift? How else could you ever hope to be happy again, if you can’t let go of what’s already happened?
If you ask me, life is both beautiful and ugly and we all get to choose how we want to spend it. Many of us make things way more complicated and usually crash out than live it in a simple way. Yet there are those too who endure each day with a happy sunshine view on life.
And so could you; only if you know how to look forward to improve your life!
Here are a few simple-yet powerful things; not judgment, toxicity, perfection, gossip, grudges or excuses; the usual trivia- that you need to let go right away, if you want to reward yourself;
Create some free space for joy and happiness
Image source: ‘Woman with open arms’ by Emma Peneder in unsplash.com.
Happiness comes from living true to yourself. Sure, we all make mistakes and stumble and fumble, but then life is far from perfect. It’s comforting if you play it by your own rules and not the one pieced together by others.
When we spend too much time wondering and thinking about other’s lives, we lose sight of all that that matters to us. Instead of living for our hopes and dreams, we start following someone else’s play book. This slowly becomes a plucky gamble; one that you can never hope to win.
So, look around, let others inspire you but when you feel that you are beginning to lose yourself, it’s time to let go…that clammy endless collating.
Renew and get rid of the rascal in you
Image source: ‘Floating green leaf plant’ by Ravi Roshan in unsplash.com.
Not that it deliberately blocks happiness from entering our lives when you want it …but it tends to make-believe that everything in life hovers between black and white, right and wrong, good and bad.
I’ve struggled with this wretch and it has earned me only a lot of unnecessary stress and conflict in my life.
#She comes to date tonight, or she doesn’t love me.
#I either succeed today, or I’m a complete jerk.
#You will either support me totally on this, or you don’t trust me.
Do these sound any familiar? I had burrowed myself in cheat stories like these in my ‘I’m hype’ age and it’s something that I lock horns with even today.
But I have learned to respect the duality of life. I make space for it. Today, someone cancels plans and I still love that person unconditionally. I’d fail over and over again in some weird project and yet I’d know I have made progress. I believe in her though I know sometimes I’d get to face some raised eyebrows.
Of course, certain things in life are not there to question but you need to stop jumping to conclusions.
Begin by accepting that every life holds many shades of grey.
Love it or hate it but ditch perfection
Image source : ‘Girl with paint’ by Senjuti Kundu in unsplash.com.
There is hardly anything wrong with self improvement only if you could keep in mind that chase to perfection never ends. In fact, it may even keep you away from happiness and stall you from taking risks. You may miss living life to the fullest.
Perfection to me is nothing short of a huge problem. You set for yourself high banners and grails but you merely rollick between better and the best.
And it reeks of sickness and twisted psyche…. You’ll always feel as if haven’t done enough or maybe you’re not good enough to deliver. This may even stop you from trying anything at all.
We perceive this as something negative…something that destroys our flair and clouds our judgement.
However, I see it differently . I consider this to be my USP for I’ve tried hardest to reach the best. Giving your 100% is kinda celebrating your uniqueness that made you so different.
Once you accept that moving forward is more important than being flawless, you’ll never again be afraid to make mistakes.
Everybody sometimes fail and so would you. So, simply endure. It’s more important that you embrace these mistakes and learn from them than let these mistakes keep you away from trying something at all!
It’s tough to keep everybody happy
Image source: ‘Silhouette of person jumping’ by Mohamed Nohassi in unsplash.com.
It’s natural for us to want people to like us for making them happy. But sometimes it hurts. It prevents us from being happy ourselves. This has a lot to do with our insight about what makes others happy.
You’d say that if people are pleased, they’ll be happy. But it doesn’t work that way always.
Happiness finds way in our life only if and when we want it to. True…we feel it when we succeed in making others happy. But it’s unlikely that the end result is true happiness. It’s tough to keep everybody happy for people have different needs. You might end up making somebody unhappy because of what you did to make someone else happy!
See!…It’s exhausting and stressful when we neglect our own happiness and rank pleasing others above ours.
Not that you should drop caring about others and getting along with them. Making someone smile feels fantastic and could greatly affect your own joy. But incessantly trying to please others usually backfires. So stop gagman theatrics and be your friend first.
Bliss will follow…
Feature credits: ‘Live Your Own Life’ by Eddie Pinero in youtube.com on Nov. 17, 2020.
Piano man with hard habits!
It’s human to believe that one’s always right. That’s even true when it might not be the case. Different values and beliefs is what decide between right and wrong. So when you say you’re right, it might mean that opinion differs.
Of course, it’s hard not to assume that we’re right unless proven otherwise. And to believe that you’re right 100% of the time, sometimes has negative portends. Endless arguments and pointless conflicts don’t prove a thing because there are two sides to every argument. “I don’t know”, say this and you acknowledge that you don’t know everything.
Conflicts would wane when you take this simple huge step in the right direction.
And that’s something, Yup…that will make you feel happier.
It’s never been easy and I’m still learning every day; but for now I can yell a lungful; I’m happier than ever before. I have laid off things that used to make my space crappier and buried the hatchet for good. In return I have earned me a brighter tomorrow.
And I have touched the piano man with a golden heart …
Everybody loves a happy ending, especially when it’s the story of their own life. I have begun writing that ending today. After roughly couple of months in it, lots of scratchy notes and 2000 odd words later I have finally researched my way to be happy forever!!
Image source: ‘7 Simple Ways To Be Happier’ by Seth Symondin lifehack.org.
If you are someone who believes that one doesn’t always need to stay happy and hopeful through difficult times and seriously think that recluse in vulnerable spaces is enough to ease off your discomfort, then it’s time you come out of your therapeutic feel good irrationality!
Imagine yourself 10 years ago. Were you happier or less happy than you are today? It’s not inappropriate if you think that you were happier. But 10 years hence, things are likely to be a lot less rosy. And it’s no fun to rake your brains over it now.
Happiness tends to decline as we walk through our lives and bottoms out at around 50. Then something strange happens; it races uphill again till people get split into two groups; those who get a lot happier and those who couldn’t be any less unhappy.
Right around the“I’m so hype!”age, most of us would rush to make few good financial decisions, plan ahead and are more likely to be able to support themselves in comfort and be alive always; rest who wouldn’t, just couldn’t.
Something similar happens with happiness. As we grow old, we begin to see things differently. The excitement and fun of adolescence gives way to brutally negative jibes of adulthood. By now most of us have experienced bittersweet pleasures of life; but little do we realize that these tiny time specks can make us appreciate more and encourage us to be on cloud nine, when the going gets tough.
Tough!!… is it a bad word? It certainly sounds dismissive and cruel. We all have had our fair share of moments when wits got thrown to wilds. It hurt… but prepped us for some plucky life moments ahead!
If you ask me good things happen more often than the bad ones, but often we miss opportunity to stay connected to happiness. We easily forget that age is like some fabled sycophancy that allows us to fly high in the real World. At 50 you could still be the same adorable pig tailed gal or some jaunty good looking knock-out beau. Both of you could still climb the trees, jump the wall and beat up all the boys. Young and raunchy, fiercely ambitious you both have had your share of one heart break, one breakdown, one true love, one success, one moment of despair and gloom – you have had mountains of them.
Cringing eyes, creaking knees and despairingly loosening skin, need not make you falter now. There is no shame in growing old and struggling a bit; it’s a reminder of all the battles that you have survived and the ones you won!
Once you have learned how to love your lines and folds and aches and pains, begin looking for some honest happy moments, few of which you could save for grey years.
Here’s what I did to make my life stay as full and happy as possible when I reach my later years;
Does age equals happiness?
Image source: ‘This is how to find joy: 4 simple secrets to the good life’ by Eric Barker in theladders.com on Mar.17, 2018.
Like everybody else I too will grow old. But I don’t see myself climbing mountains every day to be happy or live in a landscape where that’s an option. I would rather go for a walk or sit in a stretch of green watching the birds feeding. Doing so would give me something to look forward to each day.
For me the ‘sweetness of doing little or nothing’ is all about savoring the moment , having joy in the present and saving a bit for declining years.
When I was young, the happy–well person in me learned well to accumulate resources and habits in pursuit of happiness. Few of these, like generational wealth–so difficult to control, happy childhood-that descended from long lived ancestors and sometimes spots of depression-again a formidable enemy; all have been there to teach me about late-life happiness.
Elders would mock, “Only handfuls heed; rest count on being lucky!”
I picked that up rather seriously!
I thought that being passionate about something that I could pride later on, won’t hurt anybody. So, I chose the best way of maximizing my chances of being happy in my autumn years.
I have made some big investments in my disposition-smoking, drinking, body weight, exercise, emotional resilience, education, and relationships ranked high in my judgment. I have dug deep, chosen the hackneyed lane and I believe that I’ve done the right thing! To some varying degrees, I have kept all of them under my fold since then.
Surprisingly simple, it’s perhaps the most reliable way to see yourself smiling forever!!
Love doing what makes you happiest
Image source: ‘Being Creative Can Make Your Golden Years More Enjoyable’ by Jim Pietrangelo in healthline.com on Oct. 19, 2017.
It didn’t take me long to realize that the best way I could tweak my chances of happiness, is to pursue that one thing that could make my heart race in high octane. Not that I would let any of dopamine, adrenaline or norepinephrine run out of control.
So, I chose…
One small deed; one overwhelming gesture that when I lock my eyes onto, would make me feel all pumped up; one simple action that would make me smile every time I looked back.
I strongly willed to improve upon my ability to weather stressful and unexpected turn of events in life. And I chose to pour my heart into it, letting it to be the last!
Ever since, I have realized that one single most important thing for wellness in life is to raise and foster warm relationships; one that would make you quit small sins; one that you’d have to hold on to if things go south; one that would let you fit the bar pretty well even in a squeaky wrinkled frame.
I’m no die hard biophile. It’s a mean old world and we all have scars but for me happiness is no longer a matter of the heart. I know that I won’t necessarily be doomed to misery if I could work my way to few good, warm relationships.
I just want to be happy and successful. To look back on my life when I’m all old and grey, and think to myself;
“See! I totally nailed it. I have zero regrets.”
Life is surprisingly simple
We hear about success and happiness everywhere we look. We get all sorts of tips and advices about life and about things we should and shouldn’t do.
But it never really works that way every time!
Like most of us, I wasn’t sure what these words actually meant or how to get there. I might already be there and wouldn’t know it yet!
So, I looked around… What could I do to make sure I’m not getting waylaid in my pursuit of happiness? How would I know for sure that I am working towards joy and happiness that right now doesn’t feel tangible?
It’s hard to reconcile everything. Wish for an everlasting happiness and it would usually contradict ways to a successful life. The hard part is that there is no clear answer to this and all those wisdom bombs are only part truth, part value.
I needed to find the right balance for myself.
I took an inventory of all my habits and behavior and judged myself where I needed to invest a little more time, a little more energy and a little more silver to start moving in the right direction. I worked ‘smarter not harder’ so I’d still have some fun left to myself and not be exhausted or miserable when I turn 70s.
I’m no goofball; I’m hopeful and see opportunities differently. I’m sure I’ll find my perfect grin soon.
Feature credits: ‘The Seed’ by Andy Matthews in youtube.com on Aug. 24, 2017.
As I sit quietly, I reminisce one premier episode of Grey’s Anatomy; normally a few laughs, sometimes some tears; one dialogue in particular that really hit home for me. Somewhere a patient had said something along the lines of;
“Well of course you are happy, but is there really a cap on happiness?
Lately I think I’ve been very happy; maybe I’ve maxed out. But then I remind myself; there is always room for more of happiness… there’s so many miles to go.
I also know that not everyone feels the same way. I see people battling with misery and anxiety every day and this touches me to appreciate my happiness all the more.
All this has drawn an empath in me and I know that everyone deserves to be as happy as I am.
I wish, if only you’d do just one small close to your heart thing, to bring a difference in your World and empower yourself to be happy always.
It’s unlikely that you’ll follow everything that matters and that’s Ok. Just pick and choose the one that sounds easy and worthwhile and take your first step slowly!!
Someday you’ll find yourself lucky… blessed if you may!!
Anger is a nightmare and not without consequences. Many a times we reach out for stuff that does nothing to relieve our hideous mood while we endure. But one thing is certain… anger is something that few of us can control and the rest can count on having major issues dealing with it. To calm down all you’d do is either count till 100 –this does not work for me- or sip on some green tea to save yourself from going back to those peevish emotions.
But yup! … There’s another way out too.
If you are in a snappy mood, yelling and overreacting to anything and everything, then you definitely need to work on your cranky attitude. It’s hard to rationalize but you really aren’t yourself if you are angry and without realizing it neither are your well controlled self.
Hopping mad and hormones in you upping the ante! Between snapping at everyone in sight and angry at the entire world, your stomach rumbles and you get more irritable. Maybe you are hit by Hanger- the ugly-romantic expression for mash up of anger and hunger. Shaking, feeling weak and fatigued, you continue to boil while the fight-and-flight hormone (adrenaline) continues to race through your veins, pushing your mood to limits and making you behave ugly.
This is when even small things feel like the end of the world!
If there is nothing happening outside your body for your irrational behavior, then probably you are not getting enough glucose to your brain and it’s struggling with energy intensive tasks. Your blood sugar has dropped and you are fighting yourself not to flambé your surroundings.
But you are not alone…
As much I hate to admit, I love to think of myself as calm, level headed fellow but deny me food for a few hours and the going gets tough for just about everything! I have had my fair share of anger management but crying for food? ….everything would fly off the handle. And I ain’t sorry for what I say or do.
This I believe, is the point when extra snacking helps even if the next eat was a while away.
There is a lot in the world that could make you angry, stressed or worried all the time. So, when times get tough and moods tougher, navigate yourself to some squeaky clean food to calm yourself down. A box of donuts or a bag of chips is what you’d jump for, but be wary…they will also quickly push you back into throes of anger.
So, here are a few eats that may not exactly relieve you of incendiary emotions but would help you channel that fuming energy into something blessedly trivial. Besides no matter how cross you are, you still have to eat! Why not something that would ease off your thumping pulse?
Chickpea and pomegranate Greek salad
Fifteen minute prep time and this salad is a go-for meal after a ‘not-so-healthy’ day, when you’re looking for few good things that you couldn’t find in 4 champagne cocktails, cheesy dip or a late night pizza.
There are many smart ways to a pomegranate only if you knew how. Help yourself to a quick, simple almost vegetarian stuff. Of course you’d have preferred something more elaborate, but now with a nasty busy day staring you in the face, you’d better settle for something inane.
Feature credits: ‘Greek Marinated Chickpea Salad’ by Recipe Tin Eats in You tube .com on Jun.03, 2020.
This salad is straightforward enough but the appeal lies in texture. Chickpeas as always are dense and mushy but meaty crunchy cucumbers and pomegranate seeds, creamy salty feta cheese and bright herbs, all woven together in a simple tangy dressing of olive oil and tart red wine vinegar, come to your rescue in fighting off your misery.
Smacked cucumber salad
Image source: ‘Smacked Cucumber in Garlicky Sauce (Suan Mi Pau Huang Gua)’ in blog,seasonwithspice.com.
Wake up your therapeutic feelings by smacking a cucumber into bite-size treat. It’s a delightful salad, right down to its salty, slightly spicy sauce and a perfect food for short outbursts or when you suddenly find yourself about to explode right in the middle of something important.
Lentil and macaroni soup
Image source:’Lentil Soup with Macaroni’ in eatsmarter.com.
Isn’t it exciting and euphoric to clench something tightly in your fists and crush it into tiny bits? One perfect fix for your pent up irritability and you let off some steam in a jiffy! Crushed canned whole tomato soup with tantalizing fresh macaroni pasta with a dash of olive oil is your best spin of the day. Believe me; nothing would better a bowl of this refreshing nourishment. Leftovers would keep well for a few days. Leave out the pasta and you can freeze dry it for quite some time.
Banana-almond-flax smoothie
Image source: ‘Banana almond flaxseed smoothie’ in footprintstofitness.com on Aug.7, 2016.
Is your boss giving you some tempers off late? Somebody close getting onto your nerves? Slurp down some of the hostility on the go with a banana-almond-flax smoothie that works great both to your mental health and your taste buds. Ward off anger and depression with nuts and flax seeds that are good sources of omega-3s.
Greek yogurt with honey and granola
Image source: ‘Greek Yogurt With Honey, Fruit And Granola’ in recipebook.io.
Packing-in a few happy ingredients, this positivity parfait is one easy way to curl up your spooky madness on the go. Friendly probiotics slackening your depression and easing off those buzzing sounds in your head make full fat Greek yogurt a tasty way to fight the blues. Add a spoonful of honeyed sweetness and you get a punch-up to fight off irritability; in part by reducing inflammation in your brain. Pitch in some berries to score one extra health point!
Quinoa, spinach, and shiitake salad
Image source:’Shiitake Quinoa Salad Recipe’ by Stephanie in iamafoodbog.com.
This super-food-packed salad’s has all the awesome goodness of vegan protein. A complex carbohydrate, it reins in depression and anger by pushing up levels of neuro transmitter serotonin in your brain. Besides the mood-boosting spinach comes loaded with B vitamins. Pair it with mushrooms- a good source of selenium and give a tough fight to anger and depression.
Poached eggs and asparagus
Image source: ‘Poached Eggs With Asparagus And Tomatoes’ in incredibleegg.org.
These stellar protein orbs are any time epic food even for jaded gourmands. A good source of vitamin D, eggs provide mood-boosting vitamin B. Paired with asparagus that contains tryptophan, the combination is an ultimate bite on a cold wintry morning. Frayed tempers, godforsaken tantrums!… increased levels of feel-good serotonin in your brain would do the trick and sizzling arguments would never get past your plate.
Brown rice and black beans
Image source: ‘Black Beans with Brown Rice’ in tasteofhome.com.
Eating when you’re angry or riding low is usually not recommended. But certain foods have the power to ease anxiety and fight anger. Beans aren’t just good enough for your heart— they work wonders to your brain too. Selenium in them picks you back up when you’re feeling low. Plus, brown rice helps to lift your mood by regulating serotonin levels.
Walnut-miso noodles
Image source : ‘Walnut Miso Noodles Recipe’ by Heidi in 101cookbooks.com.
If you feel like a raging bull, all seething, stormy and blustering; this food is your best bet to keep your frenzy in check. Everything about this dish yells health, happiness and moreish. The whole wheat pasta is a complex carb to nurse your serotonin levels while walnuts come with the punch of Omega-3s to help grapple with your anger and grouchiness.
Whole-wheat pasta with cauliflower and collards
Image source: ‘Sicilian-Style Cauliflower with Whole Wheat Pasta’ in foodnetwork.com.
If you are reeling with anger and frustration, chances are your brain is not getting enough fuel to manage normal cognitive functions. Don’t beat yourself up over some stale cracker or lint covered protein bar. You may have come across touted versions of this dish elsewhere but the one with cauliflower and collard greens is your best cinch.
Generous portions of cauliflower not only make it taste gorgeous but also provide vitamin B-6 and folate.
Chocolate Chia seed pudding
Image source: ‘Chocolate chia pudding’ by Lisa Bryan in downshiftology.com on May 09, 2019.
If you notice people around you are slowly backing up and turning indignant to your mood, it’s likely that your hanger’s ugly head has turned menacing. Not only you are frightening to people around you but also you are vulnerable to mistakes you wouldn’t otherwise!
So, cool off a little with classic scoops of Chia and Chocolate pudding! A more sustaining alternative to standard tapioca, this one is a double whammy food to fix your mood swings.
Chia seeds have all the goodness of depression and anger fighting omega-3s, and dark cocoa powder helps keep bad moods in check.
Coffee with cinnamon
Image source: ’10 reasons you need to add cinnamon to your coffee’ by Heather Fishel in food-hacks.wonderhowto.com on 14 Mar.2016.
No Red Bull for you if you have the urge for a war cry in the thick of a long afternoon. Coffee is a natural stimulant, boosts your energy and perks up the metabolism so you can face the day without berating much. A hot one kicks you alive by raising levels of neurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin. And a sprinkle of cinnamon is all it takes to pep up your slurp.
Green tea and honey
Image source: ‘Lemon Honey Green Tea’ in godrej.com.
Angry and hungry!… you’re more likely to pick up an argument with your sweetheart for no particular reason. Since you may in all likelihood act awkward or be aggressive towards the people you’re closest to, it’s not uncommon that both of you will share the ignominy together.
Green tea is one great source of L-thiamine to relax your mind and sharpen your wits. Sip through a cup of the green stuff at breakfast, before bedtime or… during a brawl break.
Does this all mean that food is the cheeky stuff that could alter your mood and probably back-off your pyromaniac blues? Is it something that we should depend on for our mood swings and anger control? Aren’t we happy enough when we go for pizza or head straight to ice cream buckets and cakes and cheese induced snacks?
Not to place judgment, I just wish more people would see how detrimental it is to their well being to be hamstrung by anger and not doing enough to let it go.
Image source:’ Woman sitting on black chair’ by Anthony Tran in Unsplash.com.
It’s a mean old world and we all have our share of scars. Yet we all talk about how great things will happen in future. But happiness isn’t something that we wait to happen later. It is something that we strive for each moment every single day; work deadlines pushed up, coffee spilled over new shoes or failing that midterm, annoyances and hard habits pulled under the rug; everything and everybody works to be just happy. Even the most pessimistic could do with a little bit of sweetness in life.
Unfortunately not everyone has fewer problems or lesser troubles in life. Things do sometimes turn topsy-turvy. And you could be in trouble if nagging emotions like guilt and shame overshadow your resolve even for something as simple as losing weight or cutting back on booze. You are absolutely the kinda person who succumbs to his worst habits pretty fast.
But it doesn’t have to be this way all the time.
What if we could somehow influence our worst traits enough to serve us better? Skeptical! … It’s not my kinda stuff either but if you ask me, things don’t turn south every time you push for redemption. By being intelligently and purposely lazy, less mindful, messy, slow, cluttered and bad tempered, you could actually get rid of years of craziness and be more successful and happier on your own terms.
Building a good relationship with yourself is always a worthy investment…isn’t it? After all, we all spend quite a bit of time with ourselves; so might as well learn to enjoy it!
Here are a few life hacks that made even the lazy and wrathful person in me a little bit more happier.
Love your anger
Do you get to explode at a work meeting? Or do you think, ‘What that person says, is upsetting. I’m going to address it, but not now.
Whatever, you simply can’t wish anger to go away. It’s strong – it’s high energy, it’s not comfortable and it takes some time to ease off. There are times when you are in-the-moment but don’t know how to handle it to your advantage. But what if you could plan using that anger at some other time?
Everybody gets angry when a situation changes disruptively but very few realize that we can use that intense energy only if and when we know what we’re angry about.
Image source: ‘ Smiling Asian woman in apron’ by Amina filkins in pexels.com.
I learned to draw on that anger- not to match the intensity or reactionary blow-ups – but to harness it for good. Rather than wading in or stepping up the conflict, I found it helpful in managing overwhelming situations. All I pushed for was not to let it get out of hand.
After all anger is not rage. It’s not the hardest thing to handle; but if you could, it would sharpen your focus, ping you with lots of emotional information and get you some surprising outcomes.
It’s neither good nor bad-it’s what you do with it that matters.
Stop being ‘ busy’
I guess I love being lazy now!…. but I do not let my mind be occupied with squeaky distractions. I am talking of proper idleness- choosing to do nothing!
For most part of the day we stay focused on checking things off our to-do-list which is otherwise Ok. It helps in developing a productive mindset but en route it turns our personal lives into kinda running checklist, rather than something enjoyable.
Allowing myself to be lazy was just the perfect antidote I was looking for. For once I could stop checking G-news and Face book and WhatsApp every 10 minutes or hang on to some freaky e-mail that ought to have left me worried some three weeks ago.
Stuck with laziness! …maybe a little but for once I could waylay those scary to-do-lists at home and embrace slower healthier activities like taking a walk or reading a good book. Wonder, why I couldn’t guess earlier; I was so close to being happier, simply by being brilliantly lazy!
Of course, the tricky part isn’t finding the way but having the reason to fulfill it.
Negative emotions sometimes do fix things
I never like the idea to settle things in part because being with difficult emotions leaves me feeling wasted. Maybe my understanding of ‘toxic positivity’ touches the darker side of psyche each time I land in a limbo. It’s like ‘I am tryingto cheer up someone who actually just wants to be heard’.
The positivity falls flat.
Haven’t we all have experienced it; when as a parent or as a partner all we wanted was our problem solved instead of simply talking about it?
But I find million good things about negative emotions. Fear, rejection, jealousy, guilt, sadness; all help me to navigate well in the social world. Like everybody else, I don’t spend much time tolerating negative emotions. I turn on Netflix or would grab a good book, sip through a cuppa good coffee or rush out to the porch to do some good to myself. I prefer to stay out of touch with intolerance.
I am no longer parenting misery or sadness!
Feature credits: ‘8 Ways to Overcome Anger’ by Mind Tools Videos in YouTube.com on Aug.06, 2018.
Try to be less mindful: It works!
Mindfulness isn’t something that creates a moment of calm if you are in the middle of a crisis. Anxiety, panic attacks or physical dissociation – these disruptive emotions with generally negative results and potential side effects leave you with nothing to fall back if things go awry. I won’t say mindfulness is bad but it doesn’t make life any better. I realized that being mindful made me feel unlovable, unworthy and if I allowed-it would consume me. I wouldn’t feel cared for and insecure with no sense of belonging.
Contrarily, I got better at recognizing that worrying less- helps, for there is no cure for it. It simply arouses feeling of fear and anxiety and gloom.
Besides who wouldn’t love to feel safe, secure and free of any fear?
Things have since gotten nicer and better as I dwell on it and gently guide myself back to everything that matters.
So, you too could make this personal for whatever your needs are and see things brighten up!
I jumped making resolutions
I despise getting bogged down by those silly New Year’s vows. I am not the kind who put his feet down firmly and stays put. I get shy fast and would quit in no time.
So, this year I decided to stay clear of resolutions. I tried approaching myself with as much kindness and love as possible. And…it felt good!
Think of it like this;
“If you hate your guts enough to lose 20 pounds, do you really think you would end up 20 pound lighter?
Hmm!… maybe, maybe not. But what you will certainly have practiced is hating your guts.
Image source: ‘Happy young woman in apron’ by Tim Douglas in pexels.com.
As far as I can see, self dislike is what drives most of us to resolutions. Dreams to dazzle push you to make epic promises that usually never get past the idea.
It would sound infamy to say this, but to be at large has been a brilliant win for me. It’s also the most loving, beautiful and exciting fun to keep all those barren promises out of my hair.
I feel free and I tell myself… life’s not so bad!
I think I now love myself deeply, no matter what!!
This year I forgot to make New Year resolutions in time and in turn decided to stop striving to be someone I could never be. I felt it’s time to embrace my messy, imperfect, soft bellied self and put my worst fears to good use.
This is how I made some real peace with myself and learned to love negative emotions.
Image source: ‘Hearing voices is more common than you might think‘ by John Read in theconversation.com on Oct. 21, 2016.
To me, penning thoughts and phrasing them is a messy affair. I wonder, if you are here only because you don’t know how to come up with your next story idea and have scant respect for my writing skills. Maybe you just want something apropos, some inspiring thought for your next storyline. I wouldn’t know if my choice of words convince you enough to appreciate that I too am a borne writer.
Either way, let’s get it right!
If you are reading this, I know one thing for sure;
You are a ‘curious’ person! And in that my success is certain. Oddly, curiosity makes one smart enough to want to know more and understand better. It makes you dig around for answers to “Why?” and pushes you to keep hunting until you are satisfied!
We all have our share of bad days and like everything else; I think I too have had some poor articles, or essays or blogs!! For me writing never meant to be rude or shocking or like some spilled beans on paper. I have felt and always acted on the desire- to purge myself of what’s inside me so that someone like you will understand what I feel at this moment.
Image source: ‘14 Hope Quotes Ideas’ by quote.cc in pinterest.com.
If only wishes were horses!
It’s hard to remember the last day, the last week or the last month when I laughed and found things intensely funny and rib tickling. When were those few hours that I wasn’t worried about something and enjoyed watching sunset or lying snug in warm quilt with a good book when it was raining outside on a wintry afternoon?
It’s kinda hard whenever it crossed me; “Like everything else, this too will end in a while”!
Perhaps, I ought to glue something more inviting on my PC; something that would say;
“I am more smart, strong and brave than I think I am. I am my hero with a golden heart”!!
See, it’s hard to learn about yourself from a distance, but maybe I have.
I wake up each morning and wonder what better could be there to write about. I read articles every day. I nose through pointless stories and try to make some sense out of them. I even look around for everything that would fit me into the bar.
Aw-shucks! Who am I kidding?
I like it when my stories are read but I absolutely love it when you subscribe! I get goose bumps each time an eye finds my page. I stand witness to your curiosity, your humor and your intellect every time I get reviewed.
Did I get it right? Maybe I am brave enough to hold on to a faltering confidence!!
My writing caper has not done anything to fill my wallet so far. Like you I too want to prance around to a success with words. I am though, yet to establish myself as someone with something up his sleeves every time he dares to shine. I know I cannot survive on catchy phrases and snappy headlines only.
But then there is this terrible voice endlessly growling inside my brain…
I must write…I must write…!
Feature credits: ‘How to be happy in 2 minutes The strongest motivation for happiness’ by My Inspiration in You Tube.com on Dec, 12, 2021
Last night I dreamed… of that nasty hand again; reaching out for me and a muffled voice breezily saying; “Never mind, you will get a new cat,”!
Wishes communicating!… Hell no! I have no pet and so couldn’t make much of it. I though remember feeling untouched and used.
Is that 1628 Scottish proverb nothing more a nursery rhyme? Wouldn’t wishing something dearly from your heart, could make it happen? Wouldn’t some falling star come to my rescue?
Yet I couldn’t resist writing and wishing …
I wish you to read what I have to say and give me the chance to shine and impress. I wish like everybody else you wouldn’t shut the window and run away. I wish to stand out with my content to an extent where people would hunt for my name and not for the headlines alone.
Image source: ‘Couples all over Instagram are “doing life together.” Here’s where it came from.’ by Laura Turner in vox.com on Aug. 02, 2019.
Everyone has vampires in their lives and like every relationship, marriage too is a ridiculously complicated one. It’s simple and easy to believe… that if only both individuals could get to know each other, understand each other’s needs and get comfortable with their surroundings, living a life with all its dark pleasures and experiences- healthy or unhealthy; would work epic.
Like sweet lies before the bed it would get under your skin and drive you nuts like some lemon bae!…all tangy and exciting.
It’s equally simple to say that people marry for love, but I believe it’s more about the joy of sharing things and experiences that makes for the most suitable material for wedding vows. When two individuals decide to live together, life is fated to turn upside down. Sometimes it’s not an easy one. An uncomfortable, bumpy road faces you. Understanding, likes and dislikes, need to know…challenges weigh heavy!
And it’s gets stormy and uncomfortable for those who couldn’t manage to keep moods high. Loss is inevitable if you don’t know how to cross stitch the canvas of life, needles going in and out, adhering to a pattern you cannot foresee or comprehend.
If you ask me, loss works just fine for weights and investments, but when it comes to living with a companion, you wouldn’t know a thing till countless panic attacks and anguish ransack you. Worry swallows you whole!
Over the past, the soreness of losses has grown. Some of us fume against the God, others find comfort in imagining multiple lives. Very few would look for solace elsewhere…
Haven’t we heard infinite times that a successful and everlasting marriage is forged with peace, love, and trust as primary choices. But what if it starts to lose it’s sheen? What if those snaky pencil scrawls, coffee chats, salty fried crumbly banana chips and clover leaves dried between the pages, begin to lose their craziness. What if all that pep talk about love and aftermath falls flat?
With just about everything else happening under the sun, wouldn’t it be fine to ignore the trite and build an elegant restraint for a successful loving relationship?
Here’s few simple ways to help you keep your togetherness blissfully alive and stoked!!
a day to keep your worries at bay?
