Here’s how…

It all began with what I saw in the bathroom mirror one dull summer morning. I had gently padded into the bathroom of my small apartment and casually checked my reflection in the mirror. The ‘three-ring-circus’ in my head was all chaos as I intuitively kept repeating the list of things to be done in the day over and over.

What I saw froze me in my steps. A chill swept through me.

Huh? What?

I couldn’t recognize myself.

I peered saucer-eyed at my image. My blood ran cold. “Oh, is this what I look like? No, that’s not me. Who’s that in the mirror?”

It was early August 2018. I was going to turn 60 in five months time. I would often remind myself; ‘it’s time to get familiar with retirement‘. For quite some time I’d been experiencing a weird sensation of clouds coming over me, mantling thoughts. There have been a few hiccups at the job. But that’s OK. It’s life. Good times do not prevail all the time. What mattered most was that I had climbed the rungs of success the hard way.

It’s been a long haul but a good one.

I had known all along what was coming but wasn’t ready to give up so soon. My mind had begun  to stall like an engine that was becoming increasingly hard to turn over.

I had no issues with mirrors, but there was no ignoring that something important had happened.

But to not recognize my own face!  To me this was the “drop-dead moment”; I had to accept the terrible truth. I wasn’t just seeing the twitches of aging but the early fumes of fraying at the edges. Clearly I was losing my mojo.

Fortunately, I was still my boss. I told myself, “Enough of that; you’re nuts if you’re seriously thinking of quitting. Tell me what you’re up to.”

So far I was persisting, in control of my life. The silent attack on my spirit had not yet hit in full force. But what about next week ? Next month? Next year? The dread of missing out on euphoria would always be there. And the year after. And forever. There weren’t any easy parts. The unease was nicking away, its progress messy and unpredictable.

“This beginning is purgatory,” I said to myself one day. “It’s kind of a grace period. I need not wait for something to happen. Something I don’t want to. It’ll be like a before-hell purgatory if I let it continue”.

It was at that moment I realized that it’s time to ditch quick fixes I had been relying on. Getting started seemed daunting at first. However, the thought that soon I’ll be energized enough to keep going was encouraging. “It’s time to recap and look for a happier, healthier and more productive lifestyle”.

Clearly,I was being stern to myself.

So I did what felt right then. I listened to my heart and pursued…

To do something meaningful each day.

“What was that I was passionate about? Do I have something special in me that need to be practiced more often or shared with others? Is there something that I enjoy doing every day, even if it’s something as simple as cooking a meal or listening to my favorite song?“ I’d often search myself.

Soon enough I realized that it’s way easy to complicate life despite your best intentions. So why not de-clutter it and reduce to essentials only. I needed to simplify my life to thrive.

Not before long it began to make sense. Everything had started falling into place.

All   questions answered I finally figured it out.

Putting effort into the things that matter most will make it easier to use and reserve my energy in ways that will bring out the best in me. I needed to keep and practice a compassionate mindset –something that’s often referred to as ‘kind attention’. Till now I’ve been knocking myself around trying to make eye contact with a stranger and smile, while secretly thinking “I wish you well”. I would choke whenever I tried coming out loud. Unintentionally I was keeping away from judging people and in the process fleeing from placing judgment on myself. Luckily I was saved from the kind of deflating self talk that usually saps away your spirit and weighs you down heavily. 

Once having tweaked self inflicting complacency I began to feel better with each step I took towards a reinvented thoughtfulness. Next I also learned to tend only good thoughts for others. For once I felt unburdened to learn all the things and master everything.

To evolve gently and turn slowly

Rhythms and routines light me up. I always had a penchant for charting my own course and everything else that comes with it. But I’m a messy person in many ways. Emotional, deeply sensitive, with a tendency to be reactive I simply love to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders.

Still, sloppiness is generally untidy and doesn’t blend well with simplicity. Sometimes I would want to run away, hide or ignore everything. It troubled me that I was only contributing to the noise. I felt scattered and unmotivated. Worst of all, I had this feeling that I was trying to walk in a pair of shoes two sizes too big.

Once aware of what was crippling my energy and obstructing my resolve, I chose to follow the lane that felt important and sensible rather than tackling everything at once.

For instance, since my home in disarray was a big source of daily stress, I chose to pick one cabinet, closet or drawer to clear out each week instead of overwhelming myself with doing it all at once. I’d then move on to my next goal when I felt ready.

I was finally taking advantage of my moments by prioritizing important tasks. I was already feeling fresh and jazzed up.

To do something If I Didn’t like What I See

Arguably often systemic barriers make it difficult to make radical change in a person’s lifestyle. Work place regulations, an aggressive litigation environment or social convention –all can create hurdles to a shift. All that and more …even when we see people taking to streets to rubbish them. But being very few and isolated, nothing changes easily. In fact to solve the problem requires another level of effort.

To get out of complacency, you need to be motivated enough to rally in the action. I’m not suggesting anything more except a more reasoned response to injustice around you.

More important Don’t Give Up. Your level of “stick-to-itiveness” is the only yardstick to assess your success, For a long time I also held on to this value doing nothing much about it. But lately I’ve begun using it to dig my heels and stay put where it wins the most for me.

It makes sense to sit on the couch and keep doing what you are doing today. But what does that brings tomorrow? Often I ask myself. Too many years have gone by and too many opportunities have passed. Why did I never spend time traveling the world? Why haven’t I ever read the most celebrated works of all time? Why did I not pursue my passions with fervor? Why did I not stay connected with old relationships?

Was I afraid or did I dare not get out of the bubble?

It’s easy to get cozy and watch Netflix on a weekend instead of going outside and exploring new things. With apps that deliver food, groceries, laundry, entertainment, and everything in between, nobody would take trouble of leaving the house. But by doing so, you miss new experiences, opinions, and interactions that would help shape your perspectives.

So ask yourself what you want.

Plan your unspent life. What you want from it and push yourself to make it happen. Build toward the future you want. Hitches and hurdles will get in the way but set your intentions straight and you will not be the one to miss out on 100% of the opportunities that you never took.

Besides don’t hold back in searching yourself for what you need to stay sparkling and sunny. The worst that can happen is a “No” which is any case better than regret of the unknown.

Above all never think of slowing down to near stop.

Make future happen your way.