Tag Archives: #Joy

It hurts nobody to be reminded that being sassy is more about fun than bold faced or insulting. This is how you could make your presence felt when the whole package is so rocking in style!

Fat and Sassy! Five things you need to know to live a plus size spicy & satisfying life!!

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“Fat and Sassy!”…….

That’s what I’d hear every time I asked my mother how she was doing. Cringing eyes, creaking knees and despairingly loosening skin, all were a painful reminder of her advancing age. Yet I could never see any shame in her eyes in growing old or struggling with her body. At 70 you wouldn’t hope to be the same adorable pig tailed raunchy gal who would climb the trees, jump the wall or beat up all the boys.

For years I couldn’t understand why she would react like that when she could only walk gingerly and mostly not without support. She must’ve been weighing just 40 kg soaking wet at that time!

It was only long after she was gone that I could understand what she meant by saying fat and sassy! She lived and proved it in the way she carried herself, the way she spoke, the way she did everything. Hard to guess if she ever knew that she was my first truly trusted cheeky mentor. And I’m sure she never meant that being sassy a lot of time would mean being rude to people or having a nasty attitude for no reason. Of course it implied that I could do whatever I wanted but it’s not cute if I did hurt somebody.

So, instead of blending in with the crowd, I so badly wanted to stand out, much  like my Maa and instead of going with the flow, I wanted to create one and be that spicy unstoppable person in any situation.

Here are five things that have helped me shape out a long-craved oomph life for myself!

Charming and saucy! It’s a good start

There’s an abundance of info doing the rounds in blogs, podcasts, books and websites and Ted talks… still you want to be confident not cocky; honest but not hurtful and certainly cheeky but not rude. You’re always upbeat about yourself, yet know very well that you couldn’t squeeze the most out of your life in one go.

Here’s what you could do for a start!

Audacity is not disrespectful when you say something a little brash but with a smile and don’t actually mean anything by it. It’s kinda spice of attitude thrown in the mix! So next time your friend texts you, “Hey, can I come over to your place so that we could just hang around?” be wise about the man thing before responding and ask your heart, mind and soul before you reply. To say ‘No’ if that’s how it’s meant to be, need not sound impolite or rude.

It’s time to start living your best

If there is one thing that’s true for all sassy people, it’s that they come packed with exuberance, wisdom for handling real-life situations and are full of insights about living life to the fullest.

Look…It does take some confidence and gusto to do your things the way you like them, to love yourself and to speak up your mind. Because you’re freaking cool, being confident isn’t much of a challenge to you. However, if you couldn’t handle and allow your inner sass out, make it easy by starting from the outside in. True, confidence comes from within, but a little can seep in from the outside as well.

So, get dressed up, start feeling good on the outside and behave and act like a confident you would. Shoulders back, head held high as you walk, a little flirt, an eye roll, a small touch perhaps or a faint smile and you’ll find your body language channeling your sass in no time. But keep it to a minimum since that stuff gets negative pretty easily. There will always be people who are easily offended and will think of you as rude.

Fun doesn’t hurt anybody

If being brassy, bold and adorable is a lot about having fun, why shouldn’t you have some? Once your confidence turns high and races heavenwards it’s highly unlikely that you would slink out of the fun and romp that comes your way. Simply try being the person who loves being bouncy and peppy. If you’re listless, uninterested in people around you or hard to enthuse, your charming cockiness could easily be mistaken for cynicism.

Seriously, be the person who can have fun with anything, anywhere. A pep in your step would keep your sassiness (with a smile of course) upright and would make others find you funny and enviable.

So stop slouching over the phone and no more day dreaming or glazed-over cold looks. Get in the moment. Look around you. Respond with a smile or a nod when people talk to you. Ask, inquire, crack jokes or flirt a little for all I care.  But live the moment for every time it’s a show time!

Your X-factor will help you smile!

Living fat and sassy never cheats you of following your passions and loving your family. Being alive purposefully and genuinely instead earns you some kindness and urges you to stay connected.

Do you know of people who mystically stay ‘invisible’? They would walk into the room and nobody would notice, hang around and will barely make a sound. And that’s that. Nobody checks out on them; nobody sits up for them. In fact, there is something about their unwillingness to try that makes them cower or cringe among people who are dynamic and metallic. Instead of challenging their fears, they find comfort in shutting out than shine brighter.

Believe me, slinking would never let you speak up your mind or zero-in and build up on your confidence.

Image source: ‘Feelings, emotions and moods: How to say what you are experiencing’ by Jody Michael in jodymichael.com

But that’s not you. You’d die doing anything to live large. Won’t you? You love to crack jokes, tell stories and wouldn’t hesitate to showcase that spilled coffee stained shirt, modeling it and thumping around; ‘stains are the rocking rage’! For you being sassy is something about making everybody take notice.

And that’s Ok! No need to shy away if all eyes are on you. The best part is that your bouncy breeziness will keep the party going. See…not everybody can do that. Just be the person that can have fun with anyone, anything… anywhere.

You could be a surprise trendsetter

Don’t be surprised if everybody around you starts doing Muay Thai or sashay around like BoyWithUke– that smashing net influencer. Sassies are effervescent and would find humor in just about anything. There’s nothing they are unwilling to try.

So let your personality run riot. Public speaking, heights or slugs, even challenging yourself will be just as fine in surprising others as your kinky yoga postures! Simply tame your hardwired wits to listen to you. It’s the willingness to jump outside the box and do what others are often afraid to do, will make you bolder and shine brighter.

Besides, can you imagine of yourself as wise and sassy in a walrus outfit?

Image source: istockphoto.com

Interestingly, aware or not most people experience sweeping range of emotions each day and unfortunately most of these are unpleasant and sometimes awfully harsh. Irksome as they are, each one of us easily gets tired of sulking in a bad mood all day long and want the physical sensation to be exciting and stirring. Besides what’s the fun in being nice and shy all the time?  Saucy, vivacious and bold wouldn’t we all want to have these enviable qualities and not just tow the lamb’s tail?

And just for the record, don’t worry what others would think. Living life your way comes free!!

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“A half truth is always a whole lie’ but it’s also “the fastest way to prevent a mistake from turning into a failure.”

We believe we would find happiness in marriage and love would flourish of its own love, but it’s not quite as simple.  What at times seems soft spot could actually be turn out to be no more than an unpleasant familiarity. There is no such thing as “the right person”. The most important thing is to be in love with someone before letting it happen.

If you are one of those people who know who they are, what they want and won’t compromise with their beliefs or happiness, then you‘re in for a surprise!  People around you might find you wildly attractive. You’d stand tall, speak clearly and calmly refuse to do anything that will offend your sweet will. Everything buys you some crazy cutting edge every time you make a choice.

Yet… you may face a few straight ups too; “Nobody Should Marry That Person!!”

If liberal’s point of view is any good then wedlock must arise out of love alone. Still it’s a hardcore romanticism that never fails to rally and always comes with a pinch of idealism. Then there are disparagers who wouldn’t bite this. For them love perseveres and flourishes over time when two people decide to be together.

This double bind is perhaps crazy! But perhaps holds the key to getting what you might want in the first place-choices that earlier were never with you.

Shucks! What would you do now? Would you pretend your love so that you don’t appear disappointing? Would you confess that all love is lost between the two of you; you feel uninvolved yet would rather stay together? If you ask me I think each one of these would be more out of guilt and fear of backlash from people around you. On one hand your expectations of marriage are that it should be born out of love, on the other you can’t imagine being with someone you don’t love!

Too many questions but no straight answers! This of course is not an easy situation to work through. You’re trapped with no way out but to ride through.

Interestingly, it is still widely believed that men are more likely to marry someone they feel might not be quite right for them. If this is true then the myth that women would do anything for a ring and that men would do anything to shun commitment, is all sham and of course has few takers. By the way, which lady hasn’t sympathized with Bridget Jones or chuckled at 27 Dresses?

Then there is yet more cynical version which would urge you to just marry and settle down because it’s hard for good people to come by and this one might be exactly that. “Even if you don’t love that person,” some would say; “at least both of you are there to take care of each other. You can work on digging love after marriage over the time”; few would rather prefer a straight one; “Yes you should marry that person” or dismiss the whole thing with a “No you shouldn’t!”.

Image source: getty images.in

If you fancy spending the rest of your life with someone who’ll always by your side and take care of you when you’re old with white hair — then of course it’s easy to find someone who’d fit the bill. But this leaves something unanswered, “What marriage means to you?” assuming nothing changes after marriage. Wouldn’t you be just a keeper and she simply a reliable, caring and perceptive partner with none of you sharing the same closeness for each other!

Even so, the idea of being alone is overwhelming, sometimes soul crushing. You may get a fateful urge to try and make nice things permanent without mincing anything.

Getting married is a blissful recourse but not without hang-ups; anybody we marry might not always be the right choice for us. Besides, bliss doesn’t happen every day every time! You should also know that something else has walked in your life if dislike for each other is no longer short lived and hostility endures beyond the normal choleric fights and scratchiness.

If that’s happening- you have married the wrong person!

Image source: ‘What the Quaker tradition taught me about ‘Mr’ and ‘Ms’ in hellogiggles.com o May. 02, 2015.

Given that, it is about the single costliest mistake any of us can make, it’s all the more reason why we often tend to make the wrong choices consciously. Seriously, we ruin our lives on excuses that would sometimes sound crazy in particular ways. Maybe Just–enough couldn’t hold to be Good-enough. And we also quite miss the consequences of a harmless looking willful accommodation between two people!

Want to freeze happiness?

It’s not uncommon to wish for good things happening in life to last forever. Much like our car or our homes, don’t we all want to spend our lives with the people we’re having a terrific time with?

Still…

Dreaming of marriage as harbinger of an everlasting happiness would fall flat if we couldn’t bottle our love for each other. Unfortunately there is hardly any connection between marriage and emotions that usually grow by Venice, a time of day, a lack of work, an excitement at dinner or a short acquaintance with someone…outside love none of this  guarantees happiness.

Not freezing anything marriage nonetheless is more of a peaceful, uneventful, sometimes nicely boring, comfortable, reliable and a decisive breather in life. It has the power to keep a relationship at a beautiful stage all through! A suburban house, long commute, small family; marriage has every ingredient of a lasting happiness. However, it’s a very different experience if you attempt to quick-freeze wrong ingredients. There will be as much doubt, hope, fear, rejection and betrayal in your marriage as there’s in your single life.

Don’t break free! Your future is yet to happen

It’s great if you’re here; nothing has happened yet and you’re free. There is still a chance and time to think over everything carefully and make a conscious decision. Of course, you will get chased by the feelings that you may well never meet someone that would come close. “What would I do then?” you may wonder.

What the heck!…

Truly nobody can tell if and when you’ll get to meet your perfect match one day, but when you do at least you’d be able to tell yourself; “When I agree to marry someone, I’m doing it because I genuinely want to marry this person and because this is the one I want to spend the rest of my life with”. You shouldn’t be looking for a partner merely because you’re fearful of the alternative– being left alone, not being able to find your perfect ‘One’ and not having someone to take care of you for the rest of your life.

Image source: istockphoto.com

Marriage indeed is a serious business and it deeply impacts lives. It’s never a wise move to look for hopes or expectations, that something else will happen of its own and that worries would leave you when love eventually happens out of a lifelong commitment.

So…stop, breathe and look around for your beau monde. Sure, trying to meet new people and finding the right match could be draining at times but in the end nothing would be more comforting than to know that you’ve eventually evaded being run down by that terrifying, heart numbing and draining unhappiness of being stuck in a marriage with someone you don’t love!

Simple actions bring great happiness. So, clear the clutter, reconnect and today do something special to bring joy to your tomorrow. You decide; the important thing is to do it!

Five simple things that you can do today for a happier tomorrow !

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Did somebody ever tell you to cheer up and smile?… that you look so forlorn and miserable and are unhappy most of the time. It’s probably not the most welcome advice especially when you are feeling sick, tired or down in dumps. It sounds pretty backward… kinda corny if somebody asks you to turn that frown upside down.

But there is actually a good reason behind it!

Happiness is what makes us smile and all kind of things start to fall in place when we feel positive and cheerful. But our brain refuses to believe that we’re happy till it gets to see humor actually happening. It’s crazy; the brain is a sucker for a grin. It doesn’t bother to sort out whether you’re smiling because you’re happy or just pretending. For it, happiness is an elusive experience and is influenced by positive actions, relationships and change in attitude.

This is where all it takes is a small step to let happiness in and dupe it.

So, if you find yourself wading through rut of “different day, same story” bored to bones and utterly unhappy; then this is the time to start changing your story. Your sufferings need to be eased and wrongs to be righted to make your world a wee bit brighter and happier to live tomorrow!

Fortunately, there are quick, simple and no-cost ways to get just that.  But if you read the daily headlines and wish somebody would step in and make things better for, you sorely mistaken and all wet.  Unmistakably it’s your call.

Inside all of us there is always a mighty ‘Malcolm Little’ raring to act. You can be a force for good whether it’s about helping your neighbor, raising your voice to be heard or calling attention to a problem in need of a solution. Only you can help yourself repair your world.

Jeez!…This is not about more work. It’s about changing your mindset, seeing things in a new way, making new habit or adding an action every week for the next year.

Here are a few that might just about do the trick for you.

Breathe fresh

I know what you’re thinking, “That sounds a lot of work! Aren’t you the one who’s always telling others to stop being so busy?”– Calm down! I definitely don’t mean that you cram thousand and one things in your day. Who wants more work? All I insist that if a thirty minutes walk could help restore your nervous system, reduce anger and quell some of your hostile attitude; heck!…why not? Still if it sounds too much, simply take small actions to increase your steps. Parking your car at the farthest spot in the parking lot or reaching out to water fountain more frequently will have a million benefits in and of itself.

So… stop, breathe some fresh air and look around. You’ll be amazed how easy it becomes to get your steps in!

Tune out of social media for a while

My grand dad used to say, “Don’t soak and sour, boy. Get up”. Of course those were not the days of interactive platforms; and what he probably meant was, “I don’t care what you do so long as you find something that you love but don’t run too much with it”.

It’s easy to stay hooked to Instagram and Snapchat for long hours, but trust me, social media overkill could seriously put a damper on your mental health. Simply said it switches off all levels of comprehension not only for the time you’re engaged but your brain gets miffed with all the strange inputs and might stay cold for a while.

Instead, use at least 15 minutes of that inane insanity in reading the news, playing a brain-boosting game or listening to a fun or some thought-provoking podcast. You’ll get true joy from this new pursuit and may find a better version of yourself without changing a thing.

Count the best in others

Did you know that a four-leaf clover is mere mutation of sorts and never perfect? Yet when we get across one, we believe we have found something special. Is there a better way to notice the perfect even in the imperfect!

Look…One way to be happier in life is to assume that people around you are no less good, well intentioned and usually set sail to their conversations to the best of their ability. Whether they hit the road or block, they mean no harm to you or anybody. It’s just that that’s the way they are. So, when we err on the side of assuming others have good motives, we shelter ourselves from reality and live with a negative mindset.

If Jim Rohn was any good in his assertions then each one of us is the average of top five percent of the people with whom we spend the most time. And if you could somehow find the most positive happy and engaging people with whom to interact, you would easily find your level of happiness and sense of achievement soaring.

When we intentionally choose to spend some sweet time with those who are not critical, are supportive, positive and encouraging, we ‘can’t miss’ to win a positive mindset and more of happiness.

After all, world is a happier place when we connect with those around us and eyeing the perfect even in the imperfect is the key to celebrating the good things in our lives.

Image source: getty images.ie

Spend more time with your loved one  

When was the last time you told somebody that you loved them? Have you ever thought how’d you feel if you could grab even a hasty lunch with an old friend, have a home cooked meal with your partner or go hiking with your kids?

Whatever your answer, do it.  It’s never late to make a beginning. Your tendency to self sabotage gets laid to rest and celebrations begins to happen when you let happy surprises fill your day.  

I know that for many of us, it’s kinda emotional black hole. Expressing feelings to somebody has never been easy, But then it’s your call. You need to overcome those barriers. Start by hanging out with your family or treasured friends. Talk to them. Listen to them. Understand them. Spending a little time with someone shows that you care and how important enough they are in your life that you’ve chosen to be by their side.

Joy of a being truly connected says even more. Your actions not your words spell out what your heart feels. Whatever…probably Emma Watson was right in bringing ‘nesting’ back to fashion. Today clubbing is no longer an overwhelming idea, when you’re looking for real happiness.

So… go ahead. Tell jokes, crack each other up, do something funny and spontaneous. Having a blast of a time instantly and easily connects you with people. Your life would slow down a little but would give you a chance to come into your own.

The contentment won’t be an excited kind of happiness. It’ll be more like being satisfied with what you have, whatever that is.

Let your belief drive your choices

There have been times through the years when I had cracked different assessments and was offered to be hired. But I simply couldn’t make peace with what was being offered or the services I was being asked to sell. Yes, the money was great, but money alone doesn’t make one happy. Saying no at that time felt like the best choice for my own personal happiness.

I couldn’t say much for everybody but making a choice that does not align to your core values will always leave you frustrated. At one point of time I was even thinking of getting healthier; pretty soon I was also filled with ideas to grow my own veggies in the backyard, hunt around for non GMP wheat and bake my own pizza bread! Of course I had to reel myself back in and focus on one single choice that brought about an actual change for me. I resolved never to trade anything on whims but weigh in my beliefs before picking.

Living life in a way that lined up with my values and beliefs was my choice to happiness. Today I feel more accomplished and more excited to set and reach other purposes.

Image source: ‘Watch and Pray’ by Tyrone Yarde in lifehopeandtruth.com

Too often we are not focused on our surroundings and unwittingly miss all the fun and joy which is right there. We wish the week away in anticipation of weekend partying, only to spend it preoccupied with thoughts of Monday blues not knowing that happiness is to be found here and now, not yesterday, not tomorrow!

When we wish our real life to be perfectly planned, propped and prepared like Pinterest images, we let our happiness slip our hands. Don’t let that happen to you and remember real life is awesome.

Make your move and trust me in New Year you’ll be happier and enjoy life more!  

Asking a miffed person to be happy is no different than asking him not to think of a pink elephant- in either case mind drifts off backwards and frustration pours in. Here’s how!

Can’t think straight? No worries…being grumpy is actually good and useful!

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Warren Buffett certainly knows a thing a two about wealth management but his best one is straight out of pure common sense and is a polite reminder to always stay in your lane.

‘Success depends largely on knowing your strengths and weaknesses’.

But what happens when your anger begins to showcase your negative side? What then is there to make you truly happy?

Image source: ‘Five Reasons Being Moody Is Actually Good for You’ by Joseph Paul Forgas in vice.com on May 11, 2018.

Often we spend our entire lives looking for things that bring us happiness. While what brings joy to one person might be different from what brings happiness to another, there are few basic things that we all need to be happy. Amongst them, anger like regret and worries is an influencing emotion and the only key to our happiness in some way.

Look…we all do certain things to survive and a few more to be happy. But we do know that there is no shortcut in between. Sometimes it’s the good positive habit of accepting others unconditionally that does someone’s heart good. At others it’s the emotions involved in taking care of ourselves that lit the spark of joy somewhere in our lives. Incredibly, loving the things we do is what makes for some genuine happiness.

Imagine what would happen if in your sullenness you do things that are not natural of you, only to distract you from everyday challenges? What if you never have had any heart for any of them and yet slog on? Binge-watching, eating mindlessly, going on buying spree even though you don’t truly need things, would only worsen your mood. Pushing ahead without truly enjoying anything would make you feel roasted and bad tempered. And like it or not your dense behavior would flame out your pie-in-the-sky thoughts, if any, in a flash.

One way to get out of this rut truly, is to seize the day and live in the moment. Doing so helps to elude the most nightmarish of emotions; regret anger and worry; the three brassy devils that are at the dead center of our lives and determine our happiness. But is it enough… to stop focusing much on regrets and anger about the past or worries about the future? Is this all we need to build a truly happy peaceful life?

See…our brains are hardwired to live in the past and future at the same time. You just can’t learn your present without living in the past and you can’t plan your tomorrow without living in the future.

Frayed tempers, we all know could tear apart a relationship if go unchecked for long. Minus one little bit of humility and your affinity would go for a toss; everything gets ruined for good! Above all you’re stricken with cold feet, never ready for a difficult task ahead and would remonstrate easily.

Does this mean the end of everything shining bright? Is there a way to make sure that fears of failure never reach you? If only there could be a way to ignore the sob stories surrounding expectations!

The upsides of defensive pessimism are heartening and might just be the right game plan for you to follow. Dismayed! Don’t be… it earns you a chance at managing your future events and lets you ride out the obstacles. I won’t say it’s epic but it allows you to set for yourself reasonably low expectations of success and encourages not going overboard over any potential failure.

Believe me; it doesn’t get any better than this. You’d overcome your fears and obstacles more calmly even if you’re unsure of everything and not feeling good about it. It’s easy to deceive and sell to ourselves that we have full control over our happiness. But bluffing always ends at cross purposes.

Adversity, stress, unfairness, everything shapes how we feel. To believe that you can think yourself better simply by focusing on positive emotions, is at the very least naïve.

Here’s how to stay hopeful and give your best even when you’re uneasy, disquieted and feeling prickly;

Image source: pexels.com

Stick to the things that you’re good at, not what’s cool

Remember Alex cross in 2001 thriller ‘Along Came a Spider’!…

“You do what you are. You’re born with a gift. If not that, then you get good at something along the way. And what you’re good at, you don’t take for granted”.

Many of us waste a lot of time chasing pipe dreams to learn few new things that we think are cool and reckon worthy of learning. It could be anything; from a programming language to new framework or even some difficult topic in deep learning. But before that!…everyone of us want to be good at things we’re passionate about. Not many of us, of course even know what exactly that is.

Trying to figure out it out is hard enough on its own. And it gets even trickier when you’re banging your head on a wall to make sense of what being good at something is all about.

For a start, think of Alex Cross whenever you’re in a cranky mood and feeling miserable. You might be helping yourself to figure out your strengths and what you’re naturally good at. Yet even when in one of your most peevish moods, don’t ever think of chasing waterfalls.

You’re already the greatest of what you could be.

Do what you love, not what you like

Knowing your strengths, doing exactly what you’re good at and putting all your heart into it, rewards you with all the fun and happiness you desire- otherwise what’s the point of getting rid of that ratty mood? What Tim Cook meant when he said “Do what you love, and put your whole heart into it, and then just have fun” isn’t hard to guess.

I had spent a lot of time thinking over how to evolve a pursuit that I love most when my work and career means something that I can’t help but keep going. The thoughts often left me grumpy and fuming. Deep down I knew that somehow I needed to optimize my life… but how? Wasn’t that something that I always want to do in the first place?

And then I decided to do more of the things I loved and less of the things I liked. It felt cleaner, fulfilling and helped me get in better shape.

Image source: istockphoto.com.

So, before you decide to shock yourself to shake off that low mood, take a deep breath and tell yourself that this is a question that everyone asks themselves at some point in their lives. Everyone wants to be good at things they’re passionate about. It’s just as you must cut back on things you like, to make room for what you love, you should also cut back on the your shoulds.

Still all fret and fumes trying to figure out if this is the answer to what you want to do for the rest of your life?

As I said, figuring out what it is that you’re good at, is a great place to begin with!

Life is never short of choices. Wouldn’t you want to wake up each morning to a fresh start? It doesn’t take nerves of steel to live your tomorrow the way you ever wanted to!

Looking for second chance at happiness? Living a better tomorrow is only a step away!

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Pursuing an old dream or chasing a new passion and yet disappointed in you for feeling left out? If you believe in tweaks that could change your life, go after every second chance that comes your way. Someday it will reward you with a pearl beyond price !!

And a reason to smile!

Image source: pexels.com.

Life yields a second chance to every one of us. It’s called tomorrow. And it doesn’t happen by chance. We begin to live our second life the moment we realize that we’ve got only one and fancy a new morning with a fresh chance to make of it whatever we want!

I think that’s great!! Life is just too short to leave things at odds.

The only creepy thing about it though is that these breaks rarely happen by chance and for the most part are scary. What if everything ends with the same outcome? How’d I know that I ain’t cloning the same mistakes and nothing is actually going to change?

That’s funny! While we anxiously hope and look forward for some kind of rescue, fear of unlikely payoffs is hurting!

Angst aside, I believe everyone deserves a new start even when we cannot control how it is going to end. Making bad choices is normal but regretting them is what makes us free to choose again.

Like Qusay Hussein, a wounded Iraqi teen who met a new life in the US, when I think of my childhood, I think of colors; the dull brick red walls and the deep rich greens of the lush front gardens on either side of our beautiful home. More like him, I gave myself a second chance to learn and grow along others after an early exit of my dad left behind shattered dreams and hard times. I didn’t do anything real until I was 25. Not only after a few impromptu accomplishments in post grad and doctor’s, that I could gather enough courage to test the unknown! And all the time I was sharply aware that it was really a shot at becoming who I wanted. It all had stretched out like one long dazzling promise to break out and shine! Sure I wasn’t hungry for a huge career but something that I’d enjoy.

I held on to all the chances that came my way…

I’m not sure when the wakeup call tipped off but it did saw me a lot wiser … I’d come to realize that it’s never too late to do what you love most!

Just a few years ago, I thought everything was over, and now …I’ve discovered my happy self!

Image source: pexels.com.

Everybody has a story to tell

I don’t think that happiness is big or infinite or that you’d meet it only when you get your second break. People make mistakes all the time. No one’s perfect but you cannot rewind the movie of your life to the point you thought was Ok and play it again. I gave myself chances upon chances until I realized that I can only change the movie from this point forward.

Giving yourself a second chance doesn’t make you stupid; it means that you believe that you can change for the better. It’s an opportunity for you to learn and grow and be a finer person.

Look… I’m not the first or the only person who’s made bad choices in life. And neither are you. So why stay pissed off over something that can be won back!

People often make bad ones only to regret later. Everybody does, but that doesn’t mean that they have to pay for them for the rest of their lives. Sometimes even good people make bad choices; it doesn’t make them any more severe! Like everybody else they too get hurt but they learn and they move on.

Life is short lived to hold on to the past. Can you imagine yourself not giving someone a second chance? I can’t. Things never go the way we all want most of the time, but that doesn’t mean you’d  hang on to hard feelings  and not allow yourself a free happy life! If you don’t forgive someone and give him or her another shot, you too will be drawn into a dirty ‘negative edge pool’. Worse, you’ll drain yourself emotionally completely.

Not only that if it weren’t for the second chances, we all would have lost good friends, warm relations and perhaps missed a snug hug back home. Trust me, it’s human to make choices we think were right but so often turn up wrong and end hurting others.

We’re not perfect and we would never be. So forgive, forget and buzz off.

Giving somebody another try is your one more chance to thrive and be happy.

May be on that day, you could finally let go and move on.

Feature credits: ‘Piper- A story of true happiness.’ by Movie Mania 3000 on Mar.15, 2019.

For Colin Thackery, the Chelsea pensioner who won BGT at the age of 89 or for Jan Jacob, who at the age 50 realized she was a gay- it wasn’t the first time that future had looked uncertain or the life felt painfully strung to a distant North Pole. But both were certain about one thing, giving themselves as many chances as came their way; second, third, fourth; they seized each one never knowing when they’ll get one again. They knew that someday they would find a way through to smile again.

Today their phones are all filled up with texts and calls and I’m sure they have umpteen exciting stories to tell.

Whatever…I’m glad their lives could help show others how to live their best lives too.

Curiously, their tales remind me of a somewhat sweet and noble virtue…

“It’s never too late to become everything you want to become. It’s never too late to try again”.

That’s how life is!

Livid and running mad!! Learn how to douse your rage without burning down the house.

13 foods to try when you are pissed off and want to set something on fire!!

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Anger is a nightmare and not without consequences. Many a times we reach out for stuff that does nothing to relieve our hideous mood while we endure. But one thing is certain… anger is something that few of us can control and the rest can count on having major issues dealing with it. To calm down all you’d do is either count till 100 –this does not work for me- or sip on some green tea to save yourself from going back to those peevish emotions.

But yup! … There’s another way out too.

If you are in a snappy mood, yelling and overreacting to anything and everything, then you definitely need to work on your cranky attitude. It’s hard to rationalize but you really aren’t yourself if you are angry and without realizing it neither are your well controlled self.

Hopping mad and hormones in you upping the ante! Between snapping at everyone in sight and angry at the entire world, your stomach rumbles and you get more irritable. Maybe you are hit by Hanger- the ugly-romantic expression for mash up of anger and hunger. Shaking, feeling weak and fatigued, you continue to boil while the fight-and-flight hormone (adrenaline) continues to race through your veins, pushing your mood to limits and making you behave ugly.

This is when even small things feel like the end of the world!

If there is nothing happening outside your body for your irrational behavior, then probably you are not getting enough glucose to your brain and it’s struggling with energy intensive tasks. Your blood sugar has dropped and you are fighting yourself not to flambé your surroundings.

But you are not alone…

As much I hate to admit, I love to think of myself as calm, level headed fellow but deny me food for a few hours and the going gets tough for just about  everything! I have had my fair share of anger management but crying for food? ….everything would fly off the handle. And I ain’t sorry for what I say or do.

This I believe, is the point when extra snacking helps even if the next eat was a while away.

There is a lot in the world that could make you angry, stressed or worried all the time. So, when times get tough and moods tougher, navigate yourself to some squeaky clean food to calm yourself down. A box of donuts or a bag of chips is what you’d jump for, but be wary…they will also quickly push you back into throes of anger.

So, here are a few eats that may not exactly relieve you of incendiary emotions but would help you channel that fuming energy into something blessedly trivial. Besides no matter how cross you are, you still have to eat! Why not something that would ease off your thumping pulse?

Chickpea and pomegranate Greek salad

Fifteen minute prep time and this salad is a go-for meal after a ‘not-so-healthy’ day, when you’re looking for few good things that you couldn’t find in 4 champagne cocktails, cheesy dip or a late night pizza.

There are many smart ways to a pomegranate only if you knew how. Help yourself to a quick, simple almost vegetarian stuff. Of course you’d have preferred something more elaborate, but now with a nasty busy day staring you in the face, you’d better settle for something inane.

Feature credits: ‘Greek Marinated Chickpea Salad’ by Recipe Tin Eats in You tube .com on Jun.03, 2020.

This salad is straightforward enough but the appeal lies in texture. Chickpeas as always are dense and mushy but meaty crunchy cucumbers and pomegranate seeds, creamy salty feta cheese and bright herbs, all woven together in a simple tangy dressing of olive oil and tart red wine vinegar, come to your rescue in fighting off your misery.

Smacked cucumber salad

Image source: ‘Smacked Cucumber in Garlicky Sauce (Suan Mi Pau Huang Gua)’ in blog,seasonwithspice.com.

Wake up your therapeutic feelings by smacking a cucumber into bite-size treat. It’s a delightful salad, right down to its salty, slightly spicy sauce and a perfect food for short outbursts or when you suddenly find yourself about to explode right in the middle of something important.

Lentil and macaroni soup

Image source:’Lentil Soup with Macaroni’ in eatsmarter.com.

Isn’t it exciting and euphoric to clench something tightly in your fists and crush it into tiny bits? One perfect fix for your pent up irritability and you let off some steam in a jiffy! Crushed canned whole tomato soup with tantalizing fresh macaroni pasta with a dash of olive oil is your best spin of the day. Believe me; nothing would better a bowl of this refreshing nourishment. Leftovers would keep well for a few days. Leave out the pasta and you can freeze dry it for quite some time.

Banana-almond-flax smoothie

Image source: ‘Banana almond flaxseed smoothie’ in footprintstofitness.com on Aug.7, 2016.

Is your boss giving you some tempers off late? Somebody close getting onto your nerves? Slurp down some of the hostility on the go with a banana-almond-flax smoothie that works great both to your mental health and your taste buds. Ward off anger and depression with nuts and flax seeds that are good sources of omega-3s.

Greek yogurt with honey and granola

Image source: ‘Greek Yogurt With Honey, Fruit And Granola’ in recipebook.io.

Packing-in a few happy ingredients, this positivity parfait is one easy way to curl up your spooky madness on the go. Friendly probiotics slackening your depression and easing off those buzzing sounds in your head make full fat Greek yogurt a tasty way to fight the blues.  Add a spoonful of honeyed sweetness and you get a punch-up to fight off irritability; in part by reducing inflammation in your brain. Pitch in some berries to score one extra health point!

Quinoa, spinach, and shiitake salad

Image source:’Shiitake Quinoa Salad Recipe’ by Stephanie in iamafoodbog.com.

This super-food-packed salad’s has all the awesome goodness of vegan protein. A complex carbohydrate, it reins in depression and anger by pushing up levels of neuro transmitter serotonin in your brain. Besides the mood-boosting spinach comes loaded with B vitamins. Pair it with mushrooms- a good source of selenium and give a tough fight to anger and depression.

Poached eggs and asparagus

Image source: ‘Poached Eggs With Asparagus And Tomatoes’ in incredibleegg.org.

These stellar protein orbs are any time epic food even for jaded gourmands. A good source of vitamin D, eggs provide mood-boosting vitamin B. Paired with asparagus that contains tryptophan, the combination is an ultimate bite on a cold wintry morning. Frayed tempers, godforsaken tantrums!… increased levels of feel-good serotonin in your brain would do the trick and sizzling arguments would never get past your  plate.

Brown rice and black beans

Image source: ‘Black Beans with Brown Rice’ in tasteofhome.com.

Eating when you’re angry or riding low is usually not recommended. But certain foods have the power to ease anxiety and fight anger. Beans aren’t just good enough for your heart— they work wonders to your brain too. Selenium in them picks you back up when you’re feeling low. Plus, brown rice helps to lift your mood by regulating serotonin levels.

Walnut-miso noodles

Image source : ‘Walnut Miso Noodles Recipe’ by Heidi in 101cookbooks.com.

If you feel like a raging bull, all seething, stormy and blustering; this food is your best bet to keep your frenzy in check. Everything about this dish yells health, happiness and moreish. The whole wheat pasta is a complex carb to nurse your serotonin levels while walnuts come with the punch of Omega-3s to help grapple with your anger and grouchiness.

Whole-wheat pasta with cauliflower and collards

Image source: ‘Sicilian-Style Cauliflower with Whole Wheat Pasta’ in foodnetwork.com.

If you are reeling with anger and frustration, chances are your brain is not getting enough fuel to manage normal cognitive functions. Don’t beat yourself up over some stale cracker or lint covered protein bar. You may have come across touted versions of this dish elsewhere but the one with cauliflower and collard greens is your best cinch.

Generous portions of cauliflower not only make it taste gorgeous but also provide vitamin B-6 and folate.

Chocolate Chia seed pudding

Image source: ‘Chocolate chia pudding’ by Lisa Bryan in downshiftology.com on May 09, 2019.

If you notice people around you are slowly backing up and turning indignant to your mood, it’s likely that your hanger’s ugly head has turned menacing. Not only you are frightening to people around you but also you are vulnerable to mistakes you wouldn’t otherwise!

So, cool off a little with classic scoops of Chia and Chocolate pudding! A more sustaining alternative to standard tapioca, this one is a double whammy food to fix your mood swings.

Chia seeds have all the goodness of depression and anger fighting omega-3s, and dark cocoa powder helps keep bad moods in check.

Coffee with cinnamon

Image source: ’10 reasons you need to add cinnamon to your coffee’ by Heather Fishel in food-hacks.wonderhowto.com on 14 Mar.2016.

No Red Bull for you if you have the urge for a war cry in the thick of a long afternoon. Coffee is a natural stimulant, boosts your energy and perks up the metabolism so you can face the day without berating much. A hot one kicks you alive by raising levels of neurotransmitters like dopamine and serotonin. And a sprinkle of cinnamon is all it takes to pep up your slurp.

Green tea and honey

Image source: ‘Lemon Honey Green Tea’ in godrej.com.

Angry and hungry!… you’re more likely to pick up  an argument with your sweetheart for no particular reason. Since you may in all likelihood act awkward or be aggressive towards the people you’re closest to, it’s not uncommon that both of you will share the ignominy together.

Green tea is one great source of L-thiamine to relax your mind and sharpen your wits. Sip through a cup of the green stuff at breakfast, before bedtime or… during a brawl break.

Does this all mean that food is the cheeky stuff that could alter your mood and probably back-off your pyromaniac blues? Is it something that we should depend on for our mood swings and anger control? Aren’t we happy enough when we go for pizza or head straight to ice cream buckets and cakes and cheese induced snacks? 

Not to place judgment, I just wish more people would see how detrimental it is to their well being to be hamstrung by anger and not doing enough to let it go.

Not that I’d know anything about them!

 

Business of finding happiness

“I could never make heads turn” and I never rued for not being the object of desire.

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People around me could never gather enough courage to say that they never found anything attractive in me, but somehow I knew. I was no freak and I had no great looks… at least not good enough to be an object of desire. I just couldn’t make heads turn..! I was the one who desired rather than be the one who was desired.

Still, it’s taken some getting used to.

I would be lying if I were to say that I didn’t miss the thrill of being wanted. The subtle pleasure of acquiescence to somebody’s needs, the opportunity to say ‘yes’ instead of being asked,  ‘would you’?

The other day, a man -friend of a friend, distantly acquainted sat next to me in a local coffee shop. I could never figure out this day why he said what he said a little while later in a low voice leaning across. “I can never make out, if it’s the academics that make everything desirable or if it takes sensuality out of everything”. He held my gaze after he’s done. It occurred to me that he was mocking me. Not giving up…so I smile and say, “It’s probably a little bit of both” and lean in for just a moment. The brazen ugly sparkle in his eye bemused me… the way he took a jibe at me. Then I lean away again and say, “But it’s’ probably more of the former, because I am married, happily so and gotten everything I want from this happenstance.”

I felt uncomfortable for quite some time … It scared me. Are we so free to say about things that are so unshakeable part of how we are to ourselves?

Today, though it’s a relief. I have seen people hide the truth of aging over their lives, chasing the desires and fantasies that I have neither had the time nor the inclination for. This is my body and I live in it more happily than I would endure the awful things I’d need to do to make it appear young again!

That the years weigh heavily on me, is because they were good years lived well and I have no intention to bid farewell to good things that lit up my sky today… everyday.

I wonder what makes us yearn so fervently to be desired, to wear a charm mesmerizing enough to change moods and make heads turn. What stokes the fear of ‘being left behind’ that would otherwise carve an emotional wreck out of us ? Is there a way out?

Slight Smiles, Head Tilts, Tousled Hair: what this ‘allure’ is all about!

When it comes to beguiling, your looks could make you incredibly appealing even if for a short while. But deep down, we all are attracted more to carriage than other elements.

Humans are not as mysterious as they think. We have fairly expressive facial and body language cues to reveal our inner thoughts. Smile amongst them serve best in igniting the attraction even though it is not a definite facial cue.

The truth behind attraction rings differently for different persons.  I have always regarded it as a kind of invention. I think of it as an irresistible force to which we usually are in so thrall that we ignore its power to limit our choices. When we desire for someone, this all-consuming feeling turns overwhelming.  And when we become icons of attraction, we begin to fulfill all the slush fantasies.

Maybe… this is how it is meant to be. An overwhelming desire for another person stemming from a good deal of good looks!.
“If you knew the secret of Life, you too would choose, no other companion but Love”.- Rumi

It’s hard to believe in crush at first sight,  but I do believe in desire at first sight and I also believe that the knowledge of “how to look attractive “has the highest regard and selling price tagged to it these days.

The inevitable business of finding happiness begins right here, something that is so hard to come by that we just couldn’t find it once for all and keep it safe in our pockets! Weirdly, as we chase it in seemingly brighter spots outside of us, describing happiness has turned complicated and experiencing it even more expensive.

The world is changing and so are we…looking for honest answers to how to be a head turner.

Searching for Answers in happiness sales!!

I am not getting into details of the trillions spent in selling happiness, but isn’t it true that every year with an increase in happiness sales (beauty products, luxury possessions, marquee outfits), the incidences of mental health concerns are only rising?

I find that our biggest mistake is that we have come to commercialize the path to happiness. From buying confidence swelling beauty products to selling vacuum cleaners to a happy family, all are there with the sole purpose to catch an eye and externalize happiness.

The joke is on us. It exists for free and not far, within each one of us. Haven’t we overrated our sense of happiness? Aren’t there so many other emotions to embrace besides this blind hunt to look great?

It could be the very cause of unhappiness!

I looked beyond grudges

My woes would have had lived on if I were to keep raking myself with this one single thought. What could possibly be wrong with me? Why people do not find me attractive enough to be desirable? Instead I chose not to shoot myself in the feet and  went about living a life aging gracefully and chasing desires and pursuits I never would have thought to be such a joy…the thrill of wanting myself…the joy of yielding to somebody’s needs.

Beyond the man made myth of finding joys in unseen lands, I realize that I am actually happier today for having struck fascination to myself.

It all adds up. Being okay with both the troughs and crests and not demanding highs alone, is all about growing subtly in life. I withdrew from this mindless chase ‘to be wanted’– one out of a hundreds of emotions, glamorized and boldly coveted. I probably saved myself from pitching into dark depths of depression, anxiety and other inconsolable personal and social challenges.

Believe me, we cannot be happy “at all times”. That would be a manic behavior. But once you realize that it’s not in ‘looks‘ but in the ‘meaning‘ we put to it that we find or miss this amazing emotion. The more we see it in “what we have” and appreciate “what is”, the easier it is to find it.

After all I could succeed in hoodwinking my identity crisis!!