If the sense of happiness is all about being satisfied with what you have, what’d make you happy? A bigger house or better car perhaps, a more understanding mate, wealth and fame surely? Or maybe just finishing everything on your to-do list would do the wonders!

Well!… you may stop fooling yourself if you believe that any one of these would  increase your happiness remarkably. It’s a myth that anyone would feel happiness all the time. Buy that unreality and you’ve got it all wrong. This is because we grow up with the belief that life is meant to make us feel good when this optimism is exactly what stops us in our tracks. We lose the capacity to see what we do have and what is going right for us! Our pursuit ends with anything but joy and wellness.

Most of us get happiness all wrong or don’t understand it at all. We crumble at the first signs of stress because we begin to feel bitter and turn hostile; something what we are not meant to. The fear of change makes misery more frightening. Negative emotions overshadow everything and this is when we begin to misinterpret happiness. In fact we go about it in reverse unwittingly. The good news is that while the roadblocks to happiness do exist, they are largely within our control!

So, does happiness seem to get out of your reach every time no matter how hard you try? Are you the only person you know who isn’t peaceful and happy at will? Count on yourself to corner these common thieves of happiness and change them so you could be as happy as a sand boy again!

When you live in the past

It saddens me to see people being stuck in an endless replay of their good old days. And it’s hurtful. Regretting what you did or couldn’t do is in vain because you were a different person then and there is nothing you could do to change the unsavory parts of your past now.

What’s the antidote then?

Healthy boundaries are the key to happiness. Without a blue print of whom and what you want to be in life, you cannot muster enough emotional courage for your well being.  Like everything else we humans evolve constantly and are just as fallible as the next person. So, you cannot allow your past to screw up your life on account of some wretched person who turned your life upside down for you and made you go nuts try cleaning up the mess!

It’s true that fires from the past hurt our intrinsic self worth and would hang on with us lifelong. But flawed or fine you shouldn’t let that ’our lives are pretty good’ idea be taken away just because you didn’t get the chance to do things your way!

Cynicism is bitter

When you’re in limbo and couldn’t resist reevaluating yourself, isn’t this what crosses your mind so often; ‘‘Here we go again…someone telling me I’m crazy, and I need to get fixed!” You just couldn’t get rid of undying unpleasant thoughts of your pushy stubborn connections and would react to the same people and situations in an irresponsible manner. Your thoughts are jaded and would block your way.

But there’s a way out!

It is our thoughts that always manifest our emotions and for that reason we can’t help and stay stuck with our feelings. Yet that’s not entirely true!  Since we are hard wired with a penchant for negative thoughts, anything flawed instinctively makes us look for the darker side.

One way to combat this incredulity is to uncover your thoughts instead of living them. Deal with your blunted rationale and pull down the cynicism. It’s always a great help since it’s the quality of our thoughts that means everything to experience happiness.

So …stop sneering and smile your blues away!

Every feat is a fresh start

As a quite unsmiling kid, I always looked forward to crossing over the milestones. Passing the college, finding a job, independent living, marriage, parenthood, travel; I just about weighed everything as a milestone. Then one day in my 30’s I woke up and asked myself, “Am I not living the future”? Nothing would quell my quest then but later I was to realize that there are barriers in everybody’s life and I was just overcoming one challenge after another only to find next one knocking on my door.

This is an imperfect reality. ’Here-and-now’ is as difficult to others as it is to me. I was all caught up in the ‘tomorrow game’; something that I was to choreograph my future life upon. And all the while today’s precious moments kept passing me by.

There is nothing like ‘perfect time’ in life. If you wait for future for something good to happen, an anxious world will slip you by. You cannot afford to postpone your happiness until the time ripens in future when everything is ‘just right’. Only that time never comes for anybody.

Imperfect happiness is what must be earned today for a shining tomorrow. So stop being defensive and do not take emotional wellness for granted. The pursuit of happiness drives much of what we do, but accomplishing it always appears out of reach.

After all, happiness is not mystic or faded and worrying for it will only be a waste of time.

Comparison would hurt

Do you ever wonder while scrolling through Instagram or surfing Meta, “I’d be really happy if only my life was like so-and-so”? forgetting that our best is waiting in the wings to happen. “What if I could never become part of this edited reality”?

Being unhappy 24/7 doesn’t mean that you’re flawed; it’s only something inside you that needs dealing with- something that’s there right with you all the time. Unfortunately, if it tows you incessantly, you unknowingly would begin focusing on what isn’t working for you all the time. This is when the slump strikes. Your bad chemistry wriggles out free and drives you to make some awful choices that could worsen your life. So stop struggling with your comparison mania and check on your jinxed self- awareness. Trust me you’d get busier mapping and cloning the happiness quotient of your peers in no time and will be all smiles and value to your life.

See…it’s only this sneaky disparity that burgles all attempts to be in paradise!

Being grateful for the good, solid relationships, positive experiences and loving memories rescues us from disappointments. Chasing more likes, more hearts and more approval is an unproductive way to be happy; it’s more of a recipe for misery and discontentment. Feel-good emotions and meaning wouldn’t betray you if you stayed good with your personal set-point of contentment!

Happiness for all we know is an inside job. Sure buying a shiny new car, sleek digs and a leisurely vacation are exciting. But these are temporary fixes and sometimes influence how we feel in the short run.  Even a most cynical person could experience a sudden spike in happiness on winning a lottery.

This reminds me of my grandpa. He never missed to quip when in high spirits; “See… happiness doesn’t always roar. Sometimes it is the little voice in your head at the end of the day that says I’ll be around with you for a while!”

Like everything else happiness too is as elusive, messy, chaotic but pleasant possibility. Understanding the intrinsic ways you could work to win it over will definitely earn you ever-lasting moments of true happiness.

Yes…People around you are great but so is self –help. Just break free for once and I’m sure you’ll start loving yourself!!