My phone buzzed and a notification popped in. A big grin crossed my face. It was an invitation for lunch-an easy-going one and… I jumped for it. It wasn’t from an old time school friend or a long standing college mate or some long forgotten face from Office days. Incredibly, it was from a new pal-one that I had struck friends a year ago before I undocked and stepped down from the Office.

And all the while I was thinking my friend circle was a final thing; all wrapped up! Months after breaking free and with not much to share around, I was finding it so difficult to sit tight amid all that was happening around. I tried to live up to each moment but would often stifle. Aging to me then appeared like a heresy that I would never want any part of. In short going was getting tougher each day. It frightened to remind myself that not long before I also might be faced with short wheezing breaths, limping fatigue and wilting fortitude that would wreck me to the end.  As with everything springtime friendship also suffered as frailty gained.

Was time really running short to live life to the fullest and thrive or was I merely imagining worse?

If my oldest friendships were home then my friendship in mid-50s with Pete is a whole nine-yard company that thrives to this day. He’s someone who would acknowledge my weird innate weakness for Viking sequels or sci-fi thrillers of the kind of Interstellar. He understands the funny part of me; that I prefer my tea sugar free; that I wouldn’t want to stay out after sunset and that I hate darkness for I fear it would it hound me with gloom and obscurity.

Sometime in early 2012- I had just turned 53 then, things began to get coarse; career calling was crushing; work relations were plummeting; woes burned high and whenever I’d try bring around my straggling inner-circle, I would drift-off and be easily overwhelmed. Social media updates seemed illusory. I abhorred and could never give–in to the idea of a reality where you could somehow catch-up with people flesh-out. The unending streams of lead-ins were scarier. Wasn’t this unreal intrusion close enough to another baptism of web community? It felt crass and unwitting.

Three years after I had hung gloves I needed reminding myself that I ought to double time efforts to stay connected; not just online but in person as well. I guess this was about time to run free and reveal who I truly was; or at worse hide all my twitching inhibitions and annoying worries. Search me…I would have loved to die for a freedom that didn’t need any approval.

Here and now was the time to connect with people in all honesty and openness.

Making friends as an oldster was the best thing that I ever did!

I still remember, at my 20^th birthday bash I had anxiously looked around for the people who’d make effort to come and celebrate my day. In many ways it was no different than other birthdays that had come and gone before; the ensemble that day was no bigger than six or seven people; no more. I could recall that a handful of them went an extra mile to try and make it worthwhile for me.

Curiously, by my late thirties I was barely left with anyone whom I had befriended as a grad. And it showed. As lovely a person as they were, we no longer had much left in common.

So, couple of years before I was to bid adieu to my Office and fade out into obscurity-I was 58 now-I deliberately set out to make new friends. Honestly, I would get lost whenever I began counting ones that I had left. Most of them were by now settled for good.  I was worried that I might get forlorn and unhappy. I needed to meet new people who would think and talk the same way about life as I did. I think I was trying to reach out and grab some more possible alternatives for future happiness!

It didn’t matter much earlier but it does now…

I had never expected of me to make friends like this. I would fear that my experiment would end up lamely and I’ll be left with only a few fun evenings with strangers to talk about; no more. It wasn’t easy– nerves, awkwardness, insecurities just about everything were fired up in me. Yet I was pretty sure of one thing-‘ it’s never too late to try and open up to a new pact’.

Admittedly not all of them worked out well for me either. As charming and enchanting encounters as they were, few just didn’t click and then there were those who couldn’t handle my candid chat.

No matter what, it ended up being the best year I’ve ever had.

The sweetest thing to happen though was that I learned to open up and share my insecurities with those who chose to come near and share. It paid off and now I have mates who wouldn’t wink for anything and I hate to call them sidekicks. We‘re bosom friends and for once the bedrock is much stronger. The after–rush feels wonderful and I simply can’t wait to make more new ones every time I go out.

You probably need more friends if you feel empty and alone  

There are many ways to feel less lonely but there is no substitute for the company of real friends. When life takes a turn for worse and you get lonely and naively couldn’t keep your inner-circle intact; it’s time to fraternize and pal-around!

As we grow older it gets hard to stay in pace with our surroundings. Time and people move ahead in their usual celerity. With creaking bones, sagging skin and advancing frailty it’s harder to go out, catch up with old friends or make new ones. Add to that the uncertainty of how and your inclination to make friends; every attempt would appear unnavigable.

Yet, I took to staying alive; sat tight in pervert times and held on to my horses. And in turn I got hold of some new good friends in the end. Surprisingly I knocked up some stronger ties overtime than I’d imagined I ever could.

Here’s how;

Boomer or Gen-X; you can draw people closer

It is natural to tend to be closer to people who are at similar life stage. When you’re busy raising family you’ve always have had a lot to talk about with others. But when it’s   time to hang gloves, suddenly you find you’re more interested in spending time with those who are considering their own off-ramps. Life actually begins to change when you’re off tethers and there’s not much left to share around.

It was not long, before it occurred to me that reaching out to a person of very different age would make it less likely that I’ll be friends anytime sooner.

But what the heck; Do I need to stop at 60?  I thought otherwise and so I reached out and invited an easily-forgettable face of an ex-fellow worker over a cuppa Joe. I also accepted when I was invited out in return. To make it sound conclusive, we later decided to turn it around again by inviting each other out to lunch or coffee.

If it ain’t broke, I was beginning to have much fun. Perhaps this was close to living life as richly as possible. Whatever… it’s not long before I was quickly finding my schedule filled with good people hanging around me.

Filling-in and hanging around helps

Opening up to a complete stranger was awkward and sometimes felt intrusive, but hobnobbing with everyday ordinary questions did help break the ice in an unfamiliar way. ‘What’s that coffee drink you’re ordering? How’s that book you’re reading?’ Of course it was a long haul before I could hear the bells ringing. It was comforting to share and listen anyway. It’s only now I could understand why it took me close to 3 days of hanging around, going Dutch and some deep conversation before I could strike a friendship.

Bonus…! Beyond a few virtual happy hours, I simply adored the split and enjoyed a meaningful connection.

I observe, recognize and appreciate as we stay hooked to pursuits together to this day.

Count on this for your first crinkly smile

Bet your bottom dollar if you know how to build upon the trust on others. I guess it’s reciprocal and usually begins with sharing. Revealing to others and watching them to open up in turn was how I would take to building trust with an acquaintance. It’s quite a refreshing flattery but I was never upbeat about stepping forward and letting things happen in the first place. I knew that the deeper is my level of trust the more likely I’ll strike a lasting friendship. Nothing will go south if I don’t screw anything right down the road; and I must try fitting in.

Soon I stopped living my fears and could finally shrug off that riling unease. I took to sharing and opened up.. Good times had finally rolled-in. It was time to live life plus-size with some new mates around.

I guess I never outgrew the person I was when I first made friends. Years later, no matter how changed I’m today, my friends still think of me as a more broken version of the person they had known. If I am sitting in the patio sipping my morning mud, they aren’t wondering what has happened to the rollicking, impudent, Cafe hopping fellow of decades ago.

 And I find it easier to be who I am right now.