It’s a mean old world and we all have our share of scars. Yet we all talk about how great things will happen in future. But happiness isn’t something that we wait to happen later. It is something that we strive for each moment every single day; work deadlines pushed up, coffee spilled over new shoes or failing that midterm, annoyances and hard habits pulled under the rug; everything and everybody works to be just happy. Even the most pessimistic could do with a little bit of sweetness in life.
Unfortunately not everyone has fewer problems or lesser troubles in life. Things do sometimes turn topsy-turvy. And you could be in trouble if nagging emotions like guilt and shame overshadow your resolve even for something as simple as losing weight or cutting back on booze. You are absolutely the kinda person who succumbs to his worst habits pretty fast.
But it doesn’t have to be this way all the time.
What if we could somehow influence our worst traits enough to serve us better? Skeptical! … It’s not my kinda stuff either but if you ask me, things don’t turn south every time you push for redemption. By being intelligently and purposely lazy, less mindful, messy, slow, cluttered and bad tempered, you could actually get rid of years of craziness and be more successful and happier on your own terms.
Building a good relationship with yourself is always a worthy investment…isn’t it? After all, we all spend quite a bit of time with ourselves; so might as well learn to enjoy it!
Here are a few life hacks that made even the lazy and wrathful person in me a little bit more happier.
Love your anger
Do you get to explode at a work meeting? Or do you think, ‘What that person says, is upsetting. I’m going to address it, but not now.
Whatever, you simply can’t wish anger to go away. It’s strong – it’s high energy, it’s not comfortable and it takes some time to ease off. There are times when you are in-the-moment but don’t know how to handle it to your advantage. But what if you could plan using that anger at some other time?
Everybody gets angry when a situation changes disruptively but very few realize that we can use that intense energy only if and when we know what we’re angry about.
I learned to draw on that anger- not to match the intensity or reactionary blow-ups – but to harness it for good. Rather than wading in or stepping up the conflict, I found it helpful in managing overwhelming situations. All I pushed for was not to let it get out of hand.
After all anger is not rage. It’s not the hardest thing to handle; but if you could, it would sharpen your focus, ping you with lots of emotional information and get you some surprising outcomes.
It’s neither good nor bad-it’s what you do with it that matters.
Stop being ‘ busy’
I guess I love being lazy now!…. but I do not let my mind be occupied with squeaky distractions. I am talking of proper idleness- choosing to do nothing!
For most part of the day we stay focused on checking things off our to-do-list which is otherwise Ok. It helps in developing a productive mindset but en route it turns our personal lives into kinda running checklist, rather than something enjoyable.
Allowing myself to be lazy was just the perfect antidote I was looking for. For once I could stop checking G-news and Face book and WhatsApp every 10 minutes or hang on to some freaky e-mail that ought to have left me worried some three weeks ago.
Stuck with laziness! …maybe a little but for once I could waylay those scary to-do-lists at home and embrace slower healthier activities like taking a walk or reading a good book. Wonder, why I couldn’t guess earlier; I was so close to being happier, simply by being brilliantly lazy!
Of course, the tricky part isn’t finding the way but having the reason to fulfill it.
Negative emotions sometimes do fix things
I never like the idea to settle things in part because being with difficult emotions leaves me feeling wasted. Maybe my understanding of ‘toxic positivity’ touches the darker side of psyche each time I land in a limbo. It’s like ‘I am trying to cheer up someone who actually just wants to be heard’.
The positivity falls flat.
Haven’t we all have experienced it; when as a parent or as a partner all we wanted was our problem solved instead of simply talking about it?
But I find million good things about negative emotions. Fear, rejection, jealousy, guilt, sadness; all help me to navigate well in the social world. Like everybody else, I don’t spend much time tolerating negative emotions. I turn on Netflix or would grab a good book, sip through a cuppa good coffee or rush out to the porch to do some good to myself. I prefer to stay out of touch with intolerance.
I am no longer parenting misery or sadness!
Try to be less mindful: It works!
Mindfulness isn’t something that creates a moment of calm if you are in the middle of a crisis. Anxiety, panic attacks or physical dissociation – these disruptive emotions with generally negative results and potential side effects leave you with nothing to fall back if things go awry. I won’t say mindfulness is bad but it doesn’t make life any better. I realized that being mindful made me feel unlovable, unworthy and if I allowed-it would consume me. I wouldn’t feel cared for and insecure with no sense of belonging.
Contrarily, I got better at recognizing that worrying less- helps, for there is no cure for it. It simply arouses feeling of fear and anxiety and gloom.
Besides who wouldn’t love to feel safe, secure and free of any fear?
Things have since gotten nicer and better as I dwell on it and gently guide myself back to everything that matters.
So, you too could make this personal for whatever your needs are and see things brighten up!
I jumped making resolutions
I despise getting bogged down by those silly New Year’s vows. I am not the kind who put his feet down firmly and stays put. I get shy fast and would quit in no time.
So, this year I decided to stay clear of resolutions. I tried approaching myself with as much kindness and love as possible. And…it felt good!
Think of it like this;
“If you hate your guts enough to lose 20 pounds, do you really think you would end up 20 pound lighter?
Hmm!… maybe, maybe not. But what you will certainly have practiced is hating your guts.
As far as I can see, self dislike is what drives most of us to resolutions. Dreams to dazzle push you to make epic promises that usually never get past the idea.
It would sound infamy to say this, but to be at large has been a brilliant win for me. It’s also the most loving, beautiful and exciting fun to keep all those barren promises out of my hair.
I feel free and I tell myself… life’s not so bad!
I think I now love myself deeply, no matter what!!