“Words, once spat out, can not be swallowed back.” Your every word has an impact and every bump stirs a reaction. Sometimes when you’re conveying the right thing, the way you speak and the tone you use can hurt others badly. So much so, they will never want to see you let alone talk to you again. The intent may be right, but the tone of your voice makes it unbearable to listen or speak. It simply means you need to watch out for what you speak.

I still remember, as a kid I was constantly reminded to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ at appropriate moment. I was taught to share and care for others. I was schooled to be polite and benevolent, indulgent and well mannered. Unfortunately there were times when this oddity would fail me. Every trick and trait I had picked up would simply go out of the window. Not always, but sometimes, Yes!

All through my formative years it looked like I couldn’t deliver a prompt comeback during arguments or crucial conversations. Moments later, I’d replay everything in my mind hastily trying to craft an elaborate response that would put the other person right in their place.

But at cross roads, harsh words would blow off my steam.

Woefully, the “opportunity” to reclaim the lost comeliness never arrived. I always felt left alone, weak and inferior as if I’d lost a battle I should have won. What I didn’t see was the incredible gift of patience and self-control I was blessed with.

Life had begun challenging me. I had to put in more effort into saying the right things at the right time. I was careful to leave unsaid the wrong things at the most tempting moments.

There are countless reasons why we at times are unmindful of our manners. A bad day perhaps, colleagues, teacher, spouse, siblings, or things did not go the way we wanted them to. For whatever reason, sometimes we are mean and unkind with words and hurt those around us.

So, are you mindful of your words or is tongue lashing Ok with you? Do you think twice before they start betraying you? How do you keep our cheeky tongue in check!

Here are five easy tips to keep in mind when conversing- be it at work, with friends, or with family- to help save your day.

Speak your heart not your mind

As I grew up, I felt I was being counseled befittingly. “If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” I was taught when to hold my tongue and be polite. It made me falter in making a point or create a change. Sometimes when I say nothing at all, I would get walked on.

Today though, “not saying anything at all” fails to influence others.

On the other hand, those who dare to “speak their mind” are looked on with favor. The problem is that sometimes it comes sans any iota of empathy. And that causes more harm than good.

Is there a way to find the balance between saying nothing and getting walked on, and saying something and being a jerk?

The middle ground I guess is where the heart is. Instead of speaking your mind, speak your heart because it’s always able to find the best way. It tells you when to say something and when to hold back. It knows what to say so that you don’t get walked on. It knows whether to say something at all so that you don’t walk on others.

Besides it saves you all the arrogance, haughtiness, aggression, hostility, defensiveness. And it takes you down the highest though not necessarily the easiest road.

Put simply don’t speak your mind. Speak your heart. You’ll prevail.

Sometimes it’s Ok to Step back a li’l

I know “let’s take a step back and think over …” is very colloquial and not many would agree to it. Still backing off a little for a while harms nobody. It only allows you to think over and come out in a calm and reasonable way. Pulling back is only a metaphorical step back. It tells you when to stop. It implores you to think about what you’re about to speak and weigh your options before you say anything.

When you are upset and had a bad day, pause and distance yourself from a situation so as to have a new perspective. Take a step back when you are about to go all guns blazing at anyone or everyone who seems to be irking you for no reason. Trust me you’ll be more unbiased and less emotionally involved. Split-second outburst is notorious for causing more damage than a 2-minute break from tongue wagging.

And yes, the implication is that the other person also gets the chance to view the situation in a new or better way, 

Stand your ground stoutly but calmly

To be outspoken, insistent and pushy is a simple but less-used trait of many. Assertiveness is all about knowing how to treat others while standing up for your conviction. This means nothing less than giving respect to others they deserve while holding on to your own.

Being persuasive also enables us to stand up for others when needed and when to say ‘No’.  But there’s a marked difference between being feisty and behaving offensive. This is the line you need to watch out for. Be aware when to stand your ground and when to apologize if you think you’ve fallen through.

Never put someone down.

As a kid, I would get a buzz out of teasing my pals at school. I’d love to make fun to the point where sometimes I guess it was cruel. Intentional or not, I did hurt my play mates. Not that I was anywhere near then to knowing to what I’d done. But certainly this was not something noble to be endured.

An unkind word or an unruly act can scar for life. A simple reflection on someone’s stature or skin color sounds harmless. But it can damage the identity of the person to whom these comments are aimed.

Replace perverse words with pleasant ones. Hurtful words have long life and verbal insults are like mini slaps. So, you’ll do well if you remember this; It is nice to be important but it is more important to be nice.

Trust me, you won’t ever fall flat.

Don’t judge.  Live the moment.

Every so often don’t we forget to take notice and respect the feelings of others especially when upset or in haste? Being mindful helps to mellow the harsh reality of the moment and shows others the respect they deserve.

Stay grounded and respectful and this will be your gentle way to make sure that others don’t get hurt just as quickly as you.

Over the years I’ve learned to stand back from delicate and thorny situations altogether. I’m determined to set aside exposition of my opinion for good. I have made many mistakes but I’ve also understood to change the way I speak and I don’t think I have ever hurt anybody since then. I guess a wrong remark always leaves a horrible mark. It’s better to bite your tongue than to say something that you’ll regret later.

So, be careful to care and save yourself from a reign of rash, rude words and all that that ends in a reckless ruin.

Above all, “Don’t let your tongue lick you”.