Tag Archives: #Attraction

Is it a rough patch or are you worn out? It’s time to breathe in some fresh air into your relationship !!

Hard times or weariness in relationships is like a sandpaper being rubbed on a fresh wound and you wouldn’t know whether to plaster it or just let the fresh air heal the wound.

Image source: ‘How I Healed My Strained Relationship with My Mother’ by Jennifer Cochran in tinybuddha.com

At one point or the other we all face a wide range of ups and downs in our relationships. Nothing unusual there if you experience a difficult period, especially when illness or financial worries have pushed you in a catch 22 spot. Marital hiccups are though known to run high and could make a mess of your relationship any time sooner than you could have guessed.

One foremost problem for disconnect is gradually disappearing physical intimacy and whenever that   happens, troubles mushroom. We tend to forget that level of desire wax and wane throughout life for each one of us but despite that most happy couples retain a strong intimate connection throughout their lives.

Another sign is fading communication between partners. Poor communication tends to feeds on itself.  There are couples who have been married for decades and still confide in one another each day. Significant problems begin to rise the moment either of the partner realizes that he or she no longer wants to share anything and everything with his or her partner. Connect simply wanes away if neither sets out to resolve.

If you are in a passionate relationship, it probably is a healthy one and certainly wouldn’t want this to happen to you. But then do you really know what this ‘Healthy relationship is all about, especially when everyone is so different and everything changes with time? No relationship ever remains the same as before. Not even healthy relationships are free of scars. Problems, fights misunderstandings are thick on the ground but getting rid of them and looking after each other’s back is what makes it so pink.

You wouldn’t know when the toxicity crept in?

Given few exceptions we all are wired to be wanted both emotionally and physically. Life seems better shared but like most other things in life worth having, relationships too need efforts to stay intact. After all none of us, not even our parents are perfect and oddly enough neither do they see us as perfect. It’s the mood, faults and quirkiness that tell us when to start learning and when to adapt; just as much we expect others to learn the same for us. And it’s worth it!

Image source: ‘Are you fighting too much with your partner?’ in indiatvnews.com on Jun.30, 2017

Have you sensed of late that your attentiveness has turned somewhat toxic? Your terms of endearment are always ending up in upsetting someone. Unintentionally you are rubbing your partner  the wrong way and you feel that your relationship has become mired in bitterness. Your  connect has mutated into something that has the potential to hurt you both.

This could be emotionally draining and infrequently physically damaging. Look back!! It seems that the truth has evaded both of you for it always takes two to have a toxic relationship.

On the other side, a healthy relationship shares desire for each other’s happiness though there may be brief periods of discontent. After all we humans are not that perfect but not always everything is necessarily lost.

Slandering is how the things first began to turn ugly

This is when you feel that your relationship has become all screwed up. I’m just kidding. Can’t you take a joke?” This is a contemptuous disapproval of your thoughts and actions or at least that’s how you could make out. Gradually this vilification turns public. You are often told that you are lucky to have them as a partner, that no other man or woman would really want you. Your self esteem is on a down slide and you can feel the control of this relationship slipping out of your hands.

Frayed temper takes the center stage

Image source: ‘Would you eavesdrop on an arguing couple?’ by Matthew Smith in yougov.co.uk on Sep.8 , 2017

Controlling by intimidation or ‘hair trigger’ temper is a classic example of how things could worsen and leave you peevish. This “walking on egg shell fear never leaves for you will never know when and what will make your partner explode in rage.

Emotionally abusive partners rarely show the flip side of their selves to the outside world, meaning they revel in being frequently thought of as a pleasant, easy-going person whom almost everyone likes.

These salvos of bad nerves are the first signs that your relationship has turned sour and everything is just not working out fine.

Guilt trips are no longer infrequent

You are lucky to have evaded them so far for these could leave you sad and conscience stricken. It’s good for your relationship if your partner has not encouraged you to feel guilty any time you do something he or she doesn’t like. Feel lucky if he or she hasn’t got someone else to convey their sense of “disappointment” to you so far.

For those who are prone to remorse, anything or anyone who frees you of guilt is most desirable and this very emotion leaves a powerful means of control in the hands of your partner, parent or friend, to get what he or she want.

Reaction goes overboard

Did you ever tried telling your partner that you are unhappy, annoyed or even hurt with something that they did and somehow it is you who is taking care of their anger?

If it is so, then you are comforting them instead of getting it for yourself. Unknowingly you have readied yourself to ‘cover the trench’. Perhaps you are being too sensitive. Or perhaps you have faced a more calculated apology; “Do you love me?” and have decided to relent because suddenly the criticism is replaced with comforting admiration.

Trust me, staying in a relationship this way is no better than like paying $1,000 for a candy bar without getting much for your investment. Its one-way nature and you usually end up feeling like you have never done enough for either of you.

Overdependence is now infuriating

Oddly your partner has turned passive and you are taking most of the decisions for the family, from where to go to dinner to what car to buy. Not making a decision has the advantage of not being responsible for the outcome, especially if turns out to be a ‘wrong one’. You chose a movie or restaurant they didn’t enjoy. You chose to spend the weekend with your parents and your partner goes along but doesn’t speak to anyone for two days. The distress is inching in and you are unaware of it.

If you feel your relationship is slowly wearing in, you have given away the control to passivity.

Possessiveness is endearing

This certainly is bad news. Jealousy steers suspicion and comes to play the first fiddle in no time. Your partner is checking the odometer in the car to make sure you haven’t gone somewhere you “shouldn’t,” You are faced with awkward interrogations if you stayed late at work. In short life feels miserly while your partner sees herself or himself as possessing you.

We all love the sweetness of certain words. Good times and challenges ring bells differently for different people. Even if you find yourself in a tough spot, take heart for great things do not happen by chance.

Here’s how you can fit in your connect and breathe some fresh air to ease your sourness!!

Be together more often

Your relationship is jinxed because none of you chose to spend enough time together. May be conflicting work schedules or long distance relationships have made it more of a struggle to stay patched up. It’s time to make time for each other as much as possible. Plan a date or may be a Netflix night once a week. It could do wonders to your kinship!!

Figure out who raises the storm more often and fix the grudge

A relationship can either bring out the best or the worst in us. Are you in a crappy mood when you are with your partner? Have you noticed that your partner is gradually becoming more and more depressed? It’s time to reflect back on you and your partner’s behavior and find ways to mend it.

Hang on to your conviction

Trust is anything and everything. Trust means you know for sure that all your problems will work out soon and your partner will always watch your back in tough times. Even when you know that the spark is fading, trust is what will bring you two back together.

Take a trip down the memory lane

Once riding the storm, it’s always easy to feel indignation for your partner. If you want things to straighten out, it’s time to start feeling more positive. And the easiest way to do this is by remembering the good times you had spent together. The good times can mean anything. Even choosing what you love about your partner can also bring positivity. It would do some good to remember that you always get what you put out.

Never quit loving

Image source: ‘A Music-Loving Couple Planned the Ultimate Cyclorama Celebration’ by Andrea Timpano in bostonmagazine.com on March 9, 2020

This is easier said than done. You could be mad at your partner or feeling awful. But it isn’t easy to let go of the flame even if you are going through a rough patch. Small gestures like “good morning” and “goodnight” text messages could keep love alive. Recall the time when you felt mad in love. It’s time to relive it . Go out on little dates or do things you did back then.

Let ears do the talking

You have a lot many things on your mind and you hasten to spill it all out on your partner. But this may not be a good idea as you think. Instead stay open with your ears. Let the other person talk first. Who knows, maybe your partner already knows the solutions to your problems. Surprises are not so hard to come by.

Keep the attraction alive

These are bad grumpy times and the last thing you may think about is sex. But you’ll be shocked at how many problems it can solve. Intimacy and attraction is what could truly help you to re connect and re-ignite that spark.

Pull together and make it work

Even if you love each other, things won’t work unless you both want them to. Each of you will have to agree that you’ll do what you can to improve and help this relationship to work. Pull the plug yourself if you think your partner is too discouraged or work-shy.

Let bygones be bygones

man in black long sleeved shirt and woman in black dress
Image source: ‘Pexel free media library’ in wordpress.com

Don’t misunderstand indulgence! Forgiveness does not free you to mistreat or misbehave with someone. It makes you accept what we all are doing the best we can. When we disappoint or hurt each other it’s not because we want to. Surely if we knew better, we would do better. So let go of all that that has hurt you in the past and begin creating memories that will last you a lifetime.

Let go of the ache to fix or change  

The key to reviving a gasping relationship is to fully accept the cardinal truth that ‘you cannot change anyone except yourself’. The sooner you realize this as an inseparable verity, the earlier you will begin to heal and grow together.

Be good as your word.

Relationships struggle, when trust weakens. When you say you will do something or share everything, your partner will trust that as a truth. It’s fine if you decide to turn around but let your partner to catch up with you. Take your time and your partner will change and grow with you.

Daydream together

Relationships weave lives together but life’s logistics always catches you up for a grind. Take a day off and have blonde moments. Explore, plan and reach out to each other to live out your dreams. Be grateful to each other for having made your life easier and better. This could be your moment to turn a corner in a struggling alliance.

We all long to be loved and accepted for who we are and how we are. It’s only when we feel that we are not ashamed or disappointed in each other and choose to change, life begins to come out of disuse gradually.

After all no relationship is perfect. It’s no big deal to overcome your sorrows so long as there is love and the desire to make it work. You just need to step out of the box.

And above all, stay curious, celebrate each other and never choose to let go.

“I could never make heads turn” and I never rued for not being the object of desire.

People around me could never gather enough courage to say that they never found anything attractive in me, but somehow I knew. I was no freak and I had no great looks… at least not good enough to be an object of desire. I just couldn’t make heads turn..! I was the one who desired rather than be the one who was desired.

Still, it’s taken some getting used to.

I would be lying if I were to say that I didn’t miss the thrill of being wanted. The subtle pleasure of acquiescence to somebody’s needs, the opportunity to say ‘yes’ instead of being asked,  ‘would you’?

The other day, a man -friend of a friend, distantly acquainted sat next to me in a local coffee shop. I could never figure out this day why he said what he said a little while later in a low voice leaning across. I can never make out, if it’s the academics that make everything desirable or if it takes sensuality out of everything”. He held my gaze after he’s done. It occurred to me that he was mocking me. Not giving up…so I smile and say, “It’s probably a little bit of both” and lean in for just a moment. The brazen ugly sparkle in his eye bemused me… the way he took a jibe at me. Then I lean away again and say, “But it’s’ probably more of the former, because I am married, happily so and gotten everything I want from this happenstance.”

I felt uncomfortable for quite some time … It scared me. Are we so free to say about things that are so unshakeable part of how we are to ourselves?

Today, though it’s a relief. I have seen people hide the truth of aging over their lives, chasing the desires and fantasies that I have neither had the time nor the inclination for. This is my body and I live in it more happily than I would endure the awful things I’d need to do to make it appear young again!

That the years weigh heavily on me, is because they were good years lived well and I have no intention to bid farewell to good things that lit up my sky today… everyday.

I wonder what makes us yearn so fervently to be desired, to wear a charm mesmerizing enough to change moods and make heads turn. What stokes the fear of being left behind’ that would otherwise carve an emotional wreck out of us ? Is there a way out?

Slight Smiles, Head Tilts, Tousled Hair: what this ‘allure’ is all about!

When it comes to beguiling, your looks could make you incredibly appealing even if for a short while. But deep down, we all are attracted more to carriage than other elements.

Humans are not as mysterious as they think. We have fairly expressive facial and body language cues to reveal our inner thoughts. Smile amongst them serve best in igniting the attraction even though it is not a definite facial cue.

The truth behind attraction rings differently for different persons.  I have always regarded it as a kind of invention. I think of it as an irresistible force to which we usually are in so thrall that we ignore its power to limit our choices. When we desire for someone, this all-consuming feeling turns overwhelming.  And when we become icons of attraction, we begin to fulfill all the slush fantasies.

Maybe… this is how it is meant to be. An overwhelming desire for another person stemming from a good deal of good looks!.

“If you knew the secret of Life, you too would choose, no other companion but Love”.- Rumi

It’s hard to believe in crush at first sight,  but I do believe in desire at first sight and I also believe that the knowledge of how to look attractive “has the highest regard and selling price tagged to it these days.

The inevitable business of finding happiness begins right here, something that is so hard to come by that we just couldn’t find it once for all and keep it safe in our pockets! Weirdly, as we chase it in seemingly brighter spots outside of us, describing happiness has turned complicated and experiencing it even more expensive.

The world is changing and so are we…looking for honest answers to how to be a head turner.

Searching for Answers in happiness sales!!

I am not getting into details of the trillions spent in selling happiness, but isn’t it true that every year with an increase in happiness sales (beauty products, luxury possessions, marquee outfits), the incidences of mental health concerns are only rising?

I find that our biggest mistake is that we have come to commercialize the path to happiness. From buying confidence swelling beauty products to selling vacuum cleaners to a happy family, all are there with the sole purpose to catch an eye and externalize happiness.

The joke is on us. It exists for free and not far, within each one of us. Haven’t we overrated our sense of happiness? Aren’t there so many other emotions to embrace besides this blind hunt to look great?

It could be the very cause of unhappiness!

I looked beyond grudges

My woes would have had lived on if I were to keep raking myself with this one single thought. What could possibly be wrong with me? Why people do not find me attractive enough to be desirable? Instead I chose not to shoot myself in the feet and  went about living a life aging gracefully and chasing desires and pursuits I never would have thought to be such a joy…the thrill of wanting myself…the joy of yielding to somebody’s needs.

Beyond the man made myth of finding joys in unseen lands, I realize that I am actually happier today for having struck fascination to myself.

It all adds up. Being okay with both the troughs and crests and not demanding highs alone, is all about growing subtly in life. I withdrew from this mindless chase to be wanted’ one out of a hundreds of emotions, glamorized and boldly coveted. I probably saved myself from pitching into dark depths of depression, anxiety and other inconsolable personal and social challenges.

Believe me, we cannot be happy “at all times”. That would be a manic behavior. But once you realize that it’s not inlooksbut in the meaningwe put to it that we find or miss this amazing emotion. The more we see it in what we have” and appreciate “what is”, the easier it is to find it.

After all I could succeed in hoodwinking my identity crisis!!

FIVE SIMPLE LIFE LESSONS THAT COULD MAKE PEOPLE FIND YOU MORE #ATTRACTIVE- BESIDES LOOKS!

Not everything’s always about looks.!!

Being attractive to other people is not always dependent on how we look. How many times have we seen the attraction go flying out of the window, the moment he or she opens his or her mouth? Truth is…the key to everything that fascinates others lies within us.

Find out what could make people find you awesome and more attractive- beyond the physical.

Sometimes even science can’t convince me. The most important characteristic is also the most basic. If I were to ask you what quality would you prefer most in a person, wouldn’t it be … kindness? Predictably, this is one positive sentiment that is shared right across the board and perhaps one benevolent choice that could make heads turn in appreciation.

This is kind of baffling!!.. because no where would you find advice on how to be niceexcept that we’d all be so much better off simply by being kind rather than spending hours in front of the mirror. And it doesn’t take a lot to reveal this. Being on time, letting the other order first and choose where to sit and being polite to the waitress… these small acts of kindness are clear ways to show that you are concerned…. and in all probability kind too.

But isn’t it true that when it comes to make a choice, it’s what the other person represents and symbolizes is more compelling and attractive? None of us would miss the opportunity to be rather the one that others look upon us to be, than judge ourselves the way we truly are.

Believe me, we all would readily gift ourselves this much of concession whenever the need arise.

The ultimate hunt : It’s ‘nice’ and ‘sensible’ that finish first

When men think of a companion they imagine a woman who is open for adventure, sensual and cares little or nothing for what others think of her. These are the women who prefer to play by their own rules and live by their share of ikigai.

Women also have their share of stumbling when it comes to being hearty in their priorities. Sensible choices manifest in laboratories only. It’s a bit different in real life. Slave to habits, women usually have a hard time breaking cycles of poor choices and keep falling for the wrong kind of guy. Even after they get burned they would go out and do it again.

Sadly, expectations do sometimes turn into ruined intentions. In a world where we endure a monotonous life with an overwhelming number of rules and regulations, we find allure of even bad mates as incredibly appealing. Sometimes the temporary excitement that this fascination represents is too much to just let go..

So, how do you find preference over others, when you know that people may doubt what they see in you but will believe what you do?

The fastest way to do this happens only if you turn yourself into a bundle of curiosity and start learning a few simple but rewarding tricks.

These three simple actions are the recipe to quick and amazing results. Follow them and you could actually redefine yourself as more attractive a person besides your looks, to be the right choice for those who prefer a healthy and everlasting relationship.

Forget playing it cool.

Even speed dating events – where decisions are made in mere matter of minutes- simple interest builds up attraction. So how to make heads turn and others take notice of you? Listen closely, inquire moderately, hold your tongue so that you appear more polite and less inquisitive and ask questions that are witty but not frivolous. Believe me, these are known to work like an aphrodisiac!!.. could kindle a flame in your companion and in all probability make the other person find you more attractive than ever before.

Consider body movements.

These simple muscle flexing activities are controlled by the limbic part of the brain, the one that is responsible for our feeling of fascination, attraction and eventually love. Leaning towards the other person, smiling, keeping eye contact, are the three positive body actions that needs no words to build a connect to your advantage.

A smile is worth more than a thousand words.

“The things  I found most beautiful about a person are almost never physical”. # Slickwords

A positive personality always bridge emotions and physical attractiveness. It’s not groundbreaking of course but men are indeed attracted to pleasant, cheerful and positive women. These personality attributes blend easily not only because of their intense physical appeal but because they carry social attraction as well- a key issue when it comes to choosing a soul mate.

Of course, a lot depends on the context of the man in question, his age, maturity level, relationship status, and current needs in life— just a few of the many factors that are key to his attraction toward women.

This isn’t to say that you need to put on a happy face 24/7, but if you focus on being friendly and are open to meeting new people, it’s a win-win. Wisely put it’s all about having a open mind, warm heart and longing soul behind a smiling face that makes the day for those who are in the fray to win.

The truth holds something more respectful for a woman. It’s her unique hobbies, skills and interests that make her more attractive as a relationship partner. There certainly is no need for her to be the same as everyone else to be attractive. Being herself is always a much better choice. The more she could demonstrate her true self, the more she could make a man feel as if he has met the most wonderful person of his lifetime.

Happiness is actually is one most attractive emotion expression and a smiling face draws admiration all round. A scowling one definitely isn’t the right choice for anybody to draw attention let alone win over appreciation. When you smile and generally look happy, you look more open and less intimidating.

Remember…a smile could move mountains!!

Down to basics of attraction

Deep down, do guys really prefer nice women?

Yes, but men strongly associate nice woman as one who is not twice as funny, exciting and open as they fantasize.  Of course this is not meant to be a blanket statement and often not true, but then perception is everything.

And how could a girl attract a nice guy?

The best she could do is to demonstrate alluring qualities of a bad girl as imagined to have, without actually being bad. Its not a hard guess to know what guys want. She could show that she is open to trying new things, love being funny, adventurous, exciting, and has a sensual side too, without staging all the drama that a typical male fantasy brings to the table. The more she could portray these while still being the one elusive nice girl, the more she could make a man feel weak at knees.

For men, the excitement of an adrenaline rush would not be easy to pass by.

Don’t let go of people who could make you smile, laugh and feel loved

Being and remaining attractive to other person could be hard when you are looking for a long term relationship. Even in a new one, finding ways to spruce up your attraction don’t come easy. But, lesser attraction doesn’t mean that your relationship is doomed. If you run out of luck to look attractive to your partner despite having tried different techniques, its time to revisit your relationship.

Sometimes attraction thins away when we ignore what we have faltered in.

It’s all about priorities and deciding what one truly wants in life. Once we come to terms with the poor choices that we make while trying to look amazing to other and what we truly want in the other person instead, we can help ourselves and make the right decisions. Could there ever be a better emotional reward for us than to turn compelling and truthful in our choices?

Being attractive and building upon a soulful relationship has its own share of sins and doesn’t come easy. You need to take time off to get to know the other person, change from strangers to friends and see them in every single light you ever wanted in the first place.

So, learn to revel in your true self and the better side of you will find ways to reveal itself… beyond physical of course.

With any luck you might find the mysterious connection of being attractive –inside out more rewarding than you would have ever thought!!