Do you know that words have both inimical and obliging powers? I am reminded of this daily when I surf the net or blog or tweet. But even I admit to not always realizing their power outside of my world. Of course I’m constantly aware of this in my own life. Those quarter of a million distinct words are infinite and pretty powerful. Once you put them out there, they stay out “there”.

The other day I was harshly reminded of the power of words in life. I was having a hurried conversation with my junior during the morning brief. “How’re you doing?” a standard morning sun-up brief is customary before the day work starts.”I feel gross; it’s been a hard weekend. I couldn’t manage grocery as I’d been out of town on an errand. I couldn’t manage dinner last night either as I’d little time left for it. I also had to cut short my work out to squeeze in other chores”.

Damn! What a crass way to start a new week!

I had willfully completely given a miss to the fact that I’d actually spent an amazing weekend with friends. But what I had said was a mistake. I had fumbled and screwed up everything; my words sounded anarchic. Nothing I said thereafter would rescue me. Was this a simple misunderstanding or was I thoughtless enough to falsify my reply without thinking twice?  I wouldn’t know for sure. Yes, I had been away for the day and had obviously missed the grocery. I was left with little time for dinner and no extra space for a work out.

Whatever…Mon morn’ already felt doomed. What I‘d said was ruinous. The day was done for. I could already imagine him walking away feeling bad for having asked in the first place and worse -for reaching out to me. I faintly hoped that his conduct was mere intuitive and desperately wished it to fade away quickly.

Weeks later I realized one single thing quite clearly; your words speak for themselves. Let them do the talking and you won’t go overboard ever.

Anyone can mess up words when talking

After two uninteresting boring bouts of aging at 44 and 55, we all turn prone to messing up with our memory prowess. It begins to struggle and words start to give us a slip every so often. You may mean blanket, but would actually say pillow; you meant hands, but would say fingers instead. Interestingly you don’t mess up much when you slow down a bit and prefer to pick up a related word or gesture.

I have also noticed people stumbling occasionally when reading out loud; nothing complex-just simple words and sentences. Oddly this isn’t uncommon.  I remember also having stumbled so often when speaking out aloud in college seminars and forums. Perhaps I was being mindful of the people around me; perhaps I was averse to yelling. Whatever, I always pray for my memory cache to stay intact.

I did some digging lately though and found out that the right words always have a forceful impact of your legacy on others and the World around you. If you let the words do the talking for you instead of you being in the lead; you’ll become what they say you are.

If You Want Others to Listen, Stop Talking

There are a few of us who just luv to talk about things that they believe others need to hear. It’s not always about the sound of their voice alone. When they talk they typically do not do a whole lot of listening themselves and certainly not a lot of learning either.

This is a good enough reason why you will want to talk less. Let the words do it more and you’ll be looked upon as a cut above conversationalist. Soon people will start to open up more to your point of view when you do speak. And yes! You will get to learn something new as well.

By talking less and listen more, I now refashion my part of the conversation to be more about ‘learning’ than lecturing.’ I have realized that the words that I interact with know something that I don’t.

You’ll know if you’re easy to talk to

If you’re approachable, friendly, warm, open-minded, and empathetic, you can earn the respect and trust of everybody around you for sure. To an unassuming listener, respect and admiration are not hard to come by once they start to encourage others to speak about them.

Think back the last time you went out on a nighttime soiree and came back home all smug and flushed with contentment, “Wow, I did enjoy myself. I had some great conversations and they were really interesting.”

How much did you talk about yourself, and how much did they speak about themselves?

Nice and all that in every way, you’ll find that speaking less but clearly helps in avoiding unhappy upsetting situations. To me it was more than that. A hard won assertiveness had won me the ability to speak up for myself- constructively and positively.

Not doubting any further and absolutely assured, I let the words to become my voice.

The best part about this whole thing was to come later. I can now have more pleasant exchanges, little or no disagreements and definitely no duels.

As I became more mindful of my words I stopped cursing, insulting or damning. For the first time in my life, I found myself committed to using “please” and “thank you”. I even found the softness so necessary for a disarming tone! 

For once not only my voice but words had begun to speak kindly.

You’re less likely to say anything dumb or regrettable

We’ve all been there.

Not every conversation is casual or comfortable. It will never be. Few can be quite challenging; especially when you’re deeply involved in a chat over something you’re so passionate about and unwittingly go off on a tangent. You wouldn’t realize you haven’t clicked and would continue to brag until some disapproving retort stops you right in your tracks.

Mincing words can often make a bit of a fool out of you. Of course your unsavory opinion does not really represent how you think and feel. But with fewer words and pricked up ears, you tend to evolve better. Once silver tongued, you’ll be adored remarkably, won’t choke on your words or ever be tongue tied.

Besides you’d be less likely to say something that leaves you blushing.

You can keep your cards close to heart

Conversations die pretty quick but their impact stays. At times you will strongly disagree with the view point of others but an argument is the last thing you’d want out of it. Avoid conflict and you can steer clear of any negative impact it will have on your bearings. You will also get to learn more about how and why their view points collide with yours.

Speaking less and listening more is an amazing way to hold your opinions close to your heart and dig deeper into the mindset of others. To few it’s dull and unimaginative and lacks interest but I think sometimes boring and uneventful is good. It helps you to be in sync with every ‘bog standard’ around you. It upholds your influence and makes your presence more impactful.

If you’re still with me and keen to become a masterful persuader, then I guess you’ve come of age and are eagerly looking ahead for self betterment. Not counting the uncanny ability of words to move a roomful of people to your perspective, your redoing and reshaping will be a pretty powerful way to influence your surroundings.

My take on this! I‘ve learned to live beside my words and ain’t spoiled for any choice either. Talking through words hasn’t opened any door to sin for me.

In fact, I have given myself the privilege to live better and bolder.