Tag Archives: Happiness

Outside of cupcakes and occasional fun runs, life is stormy. Picking up one grumpy face every time is not very inviting either. So, if you’re up for an Oscar-winning life, better crank it up a notch

Choose your face wisely: it can change your life!

25th Apr 2024 soulshop.com Leave a comment

What is your face saying? Which look would you prefer today? Why it might be the most important decision you make? Some have said that the thoughts you carry today create the face of your future – in so many ways. More informed ones say that it can change your life in just 7 days!

Do you believe any of that? I wasn’t so sure but sometime ago a hardened wish to live lighthearted made me curious enough take a shot at it.

I tried and it worked! Outside of few frenzied moments, this was no fun run though. Every so often it would be hard to hold on to my protesting wits while struggling not to shy away from trying.

Want to know how for yourself?

Two years ago on one wintry morning, as I sat in the front porch holding a cup of coffee in one hand and balancing the morning newspaper in my lap, I felt uneasy. Something was whetting up my thoughts since last evening. I could sense it; it was getting me worked up. I had woken early from an annoyingly bad dream of last night. I don’t know if it was a subjective response to a perturbed sleep or a dry sadness of the day- but I got nostalgic. The past flew back to me in a sec when life was all fun and games.

I had found a photo of me smiling big while combing through old family photo album the evening before. For some reason my sensibility had run crazy thereafter. The face that peered out just wouldn’t disappear. Nuts! It was kinda mocking me and wouldn’t let go. Even in bed it continued to spook me. I couldn’t make any sense of what I was dealing with. That pic had roiled up many memories. Whatever, for good or bad, it was distressing reliving those faded moments. And yet I could touch a bit of comfort in that flash back. For a moment it felt like a bridge that stretched back over to the good old days; a quite step outside of my comfort zone. It was upsetting though. Funny, remembrance was acting weird here.

I was saddened by how I appeared then. Surprisingly it wasn’t my hair or the cool swanky suit I was wearing that bothered me much; although some of that did make me wonder later what I was thinking then and why everything about me has changed so much now.

It was perhaps the countenance on my face that had knocked me over; a look that mirrored calmness and a glint of happiness in the corners of the eyes. While I did manage to keep my chin up in most snapshots thereafter, there’s been an evident lack of rejoice. The joy in the heart had given way to melancholy as if I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders.

My face mirrors my heart

If you can think of a struggle I have lived through all of it; disappointment, fear, anxiety, rejection, anger, bitterness, sadness and hopelessness. And every time I have mustered enough courage to work my way through. But somewhere along the way my heart ached and I realized that I couldn’t hide behind it any more. This was an uninvited nasty change and would mock me later every time I faced a lens. Every still was a cruel reminder that I could no longer laugh without the fear of the future. My face was beginning to reflect the brokenness in my heart. I kept praying for a better day and an even better tomorrow. Strength and help is what I quested to remove what did not reflect my countenance. I knew that I would find joy only when I could walk lighter, burden free and trust myself.

People have their own way of thinking and processing emotions but if you are not motivated heart-to-heart you’ll set yourself back full time! To me it was like somebody telling me to let go of a relationship for which I was not ready and doing anything upfront to save it would be a useless exercise. I was distressed, knowing that I hadn’t quite “reached” myself. May be I felt that way because I was usually looking stressed. I’d often have a negative expression on my face…you may call it a “No” face; one that has resigned to the fact that “you can’t win them all.” I just kept on doing what I was doing.

Feature credits: ‘The Tree’ by Hot Shot in YouTube.com

Until… one day I decided to confront myself. I said to me; “it’s time to move on joyfully”. Next, over the time I persuaded myself to act like I was in a good mood even if I woke up in a bad one. I practically attempted to let my body actually ‘fake-out’ my brains. Imperceptibly, the slow moving ice began to thaw. Guess, ‘Fake it till you make it’ was indeed beginning to work for my rescue! I had finally learned to live with my failings. When my TV broke down I’d no longer hit it in exasperation or breakdown in anger. Everything would suck but I’d still resist shouting. I would twirl and tell everybody that the TV’s working fine but something’s gone wrong with the power socket. Trust me; whenever I reacted like this, it’s impossible to feel stressed.

By substituting playful gestures for angry ones, my brain was short-circuiting my own stress!

I didn’t always think that all of it was true. Still the older I got, the more I believed that my choosing has a lot to do with it. This was a simple truth but took me pretty long time to own it.

*Image source: ‘The importance of anonymous feedback’ by Rosanna Bull in the happinessindex.com*

Which face would you choose today?

Which kind of face would you rather have? The one that is furrowed with worry lines and frown grooves? Or the one with crow’s feet and laughter lines? Whatever’s your choice, scarily it’d determine how you have chosen your day to be like; a buoyed one or the one that sees you sullen and cross at all times.

Urgent things do pop up every day to demand our time and frenzied back-to-back work often means setting aside our conviviality. But prioritizing doesn’t mean reordering and letting our sullen old self ruin our day. You need to figure out what can be knocked off and how to say ‘no’ sometimes. Ask yourself; “What’s the worst that could happen if I don’t do this; is there any other way to get this done or is there some way for me to half-do this and move on from it?”

I’m not sure if I ever again saw myself twirling around TV, but in reality this principle seemed to be at the heart of the way my body and mind worked together. The power that I see today in my hands feels amazing. For once I know how to look for the greatest way to perk up my day. Its okay if some days are bad but I guess without the tough ones it’s hard to appreciate the special ones.

*Image source: ‘4 movements that really relieve’ by Magali Quent in notretemps.com*

So, look around you next time you’re out and about in a busy street. Even when people are lost in their own thoughts, not talking to anyone else, their face would tell you the story of their thoughts. You’ll know which thought and emotion you need to learn and practice more often if you’re to take your day beyond ordinary. Check it out – our emotional state is unshakable and hangs tough all over our faces for all to see. Changing your bearings and ‘wearing a different face’ would jump start your body chemistry to work in 60 secs flat to shift your emotions on a brighter note and make you feel different. Top it up with a cheery smile and you’ve just run into an amazing day!

What’s my favorite one!

A glint in the eye and a broad smile one that starts at the eyes and then fills the room. It’s contagious. It can change your world as it has mine!

Do you feel hopeless about yourself because of your failures and easily think of giving up on everything? Truth is, every time that happens you can still hold onto you in those dire moments!

Feeling Stuck in life? Say ‘hello’ to these 4 easy ways to climb out of a slump!

29th Dec 2023 soulshop.com 1 Comment

Life has a mysterious way of throwing curve balls our way and challenging us even when it fulfilling. Middle-aged parents, people deep into retirement or somewhere in between-it doesn’t matter; there are times when we could hear ourselves saying “I’m stuck.” This is the time when we feel like giving up on everything. We begin to lose hope on our relationships at home, office, business, college or friends at some point.

I know it sucks… but it’s just that we feel hopeless about ourselves mostly because of low energy levels and lack of motivation to the point where getting out of bed becomes a struggle each morning. On some days we are tired and wish if we didn’t have to push us anymore. On others we simply yearn for a day off. I have felt this countless times and still do sometimes. Every time whenever I feel like giving up, I remind myself; “I’m not alone in this”.

I have had a strong familiarity with this feeling for long. In fact, I think my emotions are just as dramatic as my life. People all over the world may have felt the same way but strangely every time whatever I experience, it passes and better days always come back. Geez… guess I‘ve had learned to hold onto myself whenever things go haywire and I’d want to give up.

A few years back, I was abysmally stuck in life’s rut, struggling and feeling like I was going nowhere. It was as if I was living the same day on auto replay, a unending loop of dreariness and loss. It was maddening. I longed for a change but was scared of the risk and uncertainty. I was stuck in my old habit patterns and badly needed to break free and bring some good changes in my life. I’d though end up each day doing the same thing without trying anything corrective. All I knew that I needed to do something but just knowing that wasn’t enough.

Dying for a change, I looked around for ways to slip away from this standstill. Somehow, I desperately wanted to add reassurance to my life where someday I might find myself telling me; “I’ve done a lot better than last time and I’ll do better next time”.

That’s my side of the story, but…

If you think you too are missing on something in life, capable of doing great things but don’t know how to break loose of the rut and fear that you’re not living your best then you’re as badly stuck as I once was.

In my journey, I had checked on people who’d experienced nothing less and had eventually walked out of their miseries. It was my call and I’m glad that I didn’t hang back! Over the time their insights have truly brought a difference to my life; pushing it from slow decay to a smart shape up. So, if somehow you’re enduring a rundown life, crumbling and feel deserted, this is the time to make promises to you. And knowing how would surely inspire you to find an easy way to climb out of your why.

These 4 life-changing ways might just be your fire ladder for a way out.

*Image source: ‘Happiness at work: Stop climbing the ladder’ by Eric Stutzman in achievecentre.com*

Take a break- You need it

Giving yourself a break- when life feels jinxed, is one good way to sit back, mull, weigh and iron out some of your sorrows. Besides haven’t you been working so hard recently that you almost forgot to take a break? Burnout is for real if you push yourself around too hard for long. Taking a break and starting afresh will give you the new energy you need. It is then you’ll get to appreciate what it means to come back with a new spark. This would also afford you some spare time to learn, listen, connect and win support. You might be stuck only because you don’t know enough about what you’ve been dealing with and the kinda change you need.

Going back to the drawing board for a fresh start makes learning easy. Books, YouTube, Play station, Nintendo, Social media – almost any pleasure preference is a good start to begin with; for all that that’s worked for others, might work for you just as well!

Be sure to stay with your ‘Why’

“It all starts with why”. Even Simon Sinek an unshakable optimist had double checked the adaptability issue in his global bestseller. My guess is that whenever you could manage a close peek at ‘Why’, it helps you to keep going. So, when the thread begins to slip out, go back to the very reason for starting what you want to give up now. If you find that you’re still passionate about it, you’ll get enough courage to continue.

For me, thinking about the reason alone was enough to turn back from giving up. Even when I didn’t make any progress, I didn’t regret anything for I knew that I had kept going despite towering odds. And that was enough to cheer me up! My favorite line when I waded through something deep was no less persuasive! … “Somehow this one too shall pass”. This way I could stay afloat and strong and wait for signs of improvement. It helped me calm down and stay put when everything else felt coming apart. Telling myself this affirmation over and over again would never fail me.

Even to this day, I keep telling myself…hold and carry-on like always!

*Image source: ‘Why do I feel so negative all the time?’ in greatmindsclinic.co.uk*

Thinking of whole staircase? No way…

It is easy to feel overwhelmed when we think about the mountain of leftover things to do that lie before us. Sometimes we don’t feel like moving even a finger and would rather give up believing that we may not get the results. Whenever this happened, I wouldn’t think of the whole staircase I had to climb; just kept an eye open for the next step. Breaking the whole process into simple steps and picking up on one only each day would spare me a bunch of rollercoaster rides ahead.

After all the future doesn’t lie with you and you don’t have the past either to dwell upon. It’s only ‘now and here’. Doing what you do today will eventually make everything work for you.

Be curious-It’s your best antidote

When we have our backs to the wall don’t we all get easily snared into despair and sadness? This often is the result of lack of new experiences. You’re zapped of the desire to try something new and would feel cornered unable to get out.

What’s the antidote? Try out new things even if you are not the curious type. Let those sparks of interest- no matter how small, handhold you for a while. A movie, theatre, Ted talks, interviews, book…if anything piques your interest, dive headlong into it. Nothing will appear different immediately, but slowly fresh ideas will begin to excite mind and you’ll be alive again, ready to explore anything new. But don’t just stop at these small curiosities. Few things as simple as playing tennis, even when you’ve never held a racket- or jogging through a different neighborhood are just as good to change your perspective. Your each step big or small is one stride towards a better tomorrow.

I live in a world where food is delivered to my door step, cab comes to my home for a scheduled pick up and Amazon takes care of all my household needs – everything just a few clicks away! The World seems not be in a hurry but on some days I’m more stirred than ever. Have I done enough? What else could I have done to make life a little more meaningful? I then, look back and count my achievements. Of course, it’s not easy to think how far you have come and others have gone far ahead. But I guess it was only about opening doors that I didn’t know even existed before and let myself be surprised by what lay beyond them. Like I said before I never forget about the journey I took.

Image source: ‘Feeling stuck – 5 tips to escape life rut’ in barelytherebeauty.com

Today I weigh myself with me only with what I was yesterday- and happiness returns!

The past can be glorious and able to bring clarity. But upheavals even when dead and buried are counterintuitive and sometimes shocking. Few continue to threaten our peace of mind till today!

15 extremely disquieting events of 20th century that I wish I hadn’t heard of!

16th Sep 2023 soulshop.com Leave a comment

When radium was first discovered in 20’s, people knew little of its toxicity. Its impressive glow-in-the-dark properties made this stunning heaviest alkaline earth metal a popular additive in products like paints, toothpaste, hair cream, and even food items, until years later the entire factory crew of the United States Radium Corp. fell to radiation-related sickness with decaying teeth, crumbling bones and spines that crushed under their own weight. Tragically most of them were to succumb to this lethal discovery not very long after.

Woefully, these weren’t Carl Sagan moments; not until 1995 when his Big Think 1995 stunner “The Demon-Haunted World: Science as a Candle in the Dark” swayed the media with a passionate version of a better world that was all set to debunk a dystopian future. Contrarily, the world had just begun to morph into kinda eerie sink hole that many would today find disturbingly similar to ours. Who would have then thought that an unpleasant legacy of utterly devastating events from 20^th century was cursed to follow down to us!

We have heard of appalling stories of Black plague and the dreadful plight of poor in Victorian England, but all seem a distant reality when we imagine the outrageousness of the shattering events of last century that would pale even the Spanish flu of 1920; more than 2 million lives were lost then. Yep…sadly the blemish stays very real to this day!

I wish I could travel through time and do something to fix things right. Nah! I know that’s not going to happen. Maybe I’d step back and try to dig in the past. That’s little shade but I could be ready and waiting for more tumult in time ahead!

So, I hunker down and imagine what if I am born 100 years ago-that would be some horse and buggy days of 1923! At the age of 14, I would be seeing dark clouds of War gathering strength. Hindenburg disaster with 36 dead is already a fading infamy that has finished off the much touted commercial airship program finally. On the other side of the globe, six weeks of brutal Nipponese massacre has left thousands dead in the Chinese city of Nanjing and wrecked any chance of clarity in a chaotic World; it’s more jumpy now than ever.

Incredibly all this is happening when with 22 million dead, the planet is still struggling to recover from the dark days of WW-I! Looks like lessons from the past are gone to wind!

*Image source: ‘Defence of the Realm Act of 1914 – History Learning Site’ in humix.com*

Eight years later Print screamers are everywhere-‘Little Boy’ has just flattened Hiroshima claiming more than 140,000 lives. I have turned 22 this January. A little later, the enormity of Holocaust would plunge the world into despair and remorse would prevails over every other catastrophe in telling history. Genocide of six million Jews across German-occupied Europe has shaken even the most hostile cynic.

At 29, I am a young adult now and have survived the upheaval this far. It’s 1952; Polio epidemic has killed 3300 in the US, the Great London smog has smothered another 4000; Mau-mau rebellion has begun to maim Kenya; the 9.0 magnitude Kamchatka quake toll has risen to 4000; misery pipe for a Korean War across the 38^th parallel between North and South Korea is shrieking harshly. Tragically, this war will end with millions of casualties on both side and more than 100,000 dead for the UN forces involved.

Come 1956 and I’m 33 years old, the Hungarian Revolution– a countrywide uprising is lifting head. Damned to last for mere 12 days it would leave thousands killed or wounded and nearly quarter–million fleeing the country in its wake.

A year earlier Vietnam War had polarized the world. The second Indochina war that began in the fall of 1955 would end in 1975 when I would be 52.

Fast forward. It’s 1962 and I am 39 years old. Cuban missile crisis is here to bring the World to the brink of nuclear annihilation. As if that wasn’t bad enough, peace totters in South Asia as Sino Indian war turns into an awful reality.

And sadly we’ve just lost Marilyn Monroe this August.

I am 52 years old and its 1975. Together typhoon Nina and Banqiao dam breach in China – the worst in living history -have decimated 230000 lives.

Double time! Its 1983 and I’ve turned 60. El Niño– the strongest and the most devastating destruction of the century is here. Trade winds have collapsed and reversed. In just 24 hours, sea-surface temps along the coastal Peru have shot up to 7.2degrees F.

Another bite in the arse- the Little Boy lives on! Twelve years later a wave of warm water would trigger weather related disasters in almost every continent. Australia, Africa and Indonesia will be ravaged by droughts, dust storms, and brush fires. Peru will be hit with the heaviest rainfall-11 feet in recorded history. Some rivers would carry 1000 times the normal flow and would cause $13billion+ in damages and untold number of lives.

*Image source; ‘Is Climate Migration Already Happening?’ by Annie Gray in emagazine.com on July 19, 2023*

Then there will be secondary problems as well. Warm, wet spring would mean an explosion in mosquito stocks; frighteningly high incidence of snake bites will fall out as the hot, dry weather drive mice from high elevations downward for food and water; rattle snake nips would rally next; there will be exponential rise in bubonic plague incidence as wet Spring would favor flea-ridden rodents; shark attacks will spiral due to unreasonably warm sea temperatures; above-normal temperatures would maul Alaskan resources with a noticeable decline in the salmon harvest; and the weather altered phenomena will drive the warmest winter in American subcontinent in 25 years.

Wait! There is something more dreadful here. Earth has begun shifting its angular movement as a result of changing jet stream patterns. The day length has stretched by 0.2 milliseconds.

I wake up with a jolt-badly shaken and drenched in sweat. I could hear my heart pounding hard and blood thumping in my veins; a sinking gut feeling makes me very nauseated. What was that any way? See more see less type of warning about Judgment day perhaps? Shucks! Whatever that nightmare was about, mercifully it’s bubble only- for now. I sigh in relief and slump back. Its half past midnight and I’m all alive and kicking. I thank my lucky stars…Yeah! good times are still rolling for me.

So, what’s the takeaway? Few would think this freak’n’ throwback is no more than hard felt imagination. But if the heat this summer’s been bad enough for you, think of this backslide as your savior. It might just help set you up for more savage times ahead.

See… it took us more than 400 years to get used to the idea that the Earth is not the center of the universe, but it’s still unnerving. Antibiotics and vaccines have saved millions of lives, but aren’t some microbes evolving faster than we can find ways to fight them?

I‘ve survived SARS-CoV-2,two agonizing years of lockdowns, vaccinations, protocols, confinements and cutbacks and all the stuff. And honestly, I could no longer think that my grandparents had no idea how difficult life is; not really after knowing that they pulled through several wars and catastrophes.

Today, I live happily tired and anxious for what’s to come next. It’s been two years and we are living with the virus. Like many, I too have lost friends and relatives. It was a rough patch alright, but we’ve held on and pulled through.

You may come up with thousand and one reasons in argument but wouldn’t it be better to have a heart and save a little breath in a World that lives totally off-the-cuff? I think it’s the best we can do to endure and stop living our fears; it hurts nobody. Besides no time machine or a crystal ball is ever gonna tell you this; ‘Better days await us’.

And if this isn’t reassuring enough…Yep! there’s no way I could tell if you’d sleep easy tonight and thereafter.

Ever hated someone you used to madly love? It’s shocking to detest each other’s living guts. But love lost is not always the beginning of a war. Checkout on this strange mix of hate and love!

“I hate you, but I love you”- Why those you hate most are often the ones you love most!

19th Aug 2023 soulshop.com Leave a comment

Love is mysterious …and perhaps the most lasting one. One most shocking truth about this ‘see more see less’ passion is how quickly you can go from loving someone to absolutely hating their living guts? The person for whom you’d have died for nothing suddenly becomes the ‘Most Abhorred Person’ in the World. Failed love somehow begins to look like the beginning of war!

Curiously unpleasant? Yes…but surprises don’t end here! For all we understand or our brain can decipher, hate is no FL less profound than love! The network here essentially works similar to a two part wet floppy and often is all the reason behind a ‘monkey mind’; one that distracts, disorganizes and builds up chaos when you’re indignant, pumped up and unhappy but…quiet. One part of this inflexible intellect called Putamen boots on rejection and end only in contempt and disgust; the other one insula makes you plan and bleed. It shores up responses when you’re distressed and in anguish. Yet, the two sides -loyal to passion, romance, love and hatred- are the reason it takes time to burn out a relationship.

The idea of like and dislike is likewise interesting. I doubt if I am alone in saying that I don’t like most people I come across and I’m fairly certain that most people don’t like most people either.

Interestingly, love and hate are not some kind of a defying experience. Ending up hating the person you loved for so long and not knowing why, is profoundly jarring and sometimes difficult to handle experience. Knowing that you could ever hate someone you used to madly love, is absolutely heartbreaking and would have you gutted.

So, what would you do when you find yourself crossing lines in awful ways with someone you love? ‘Not much’-most of you’d grouse, I guess. For all its sheer doggedness, hatred won’t ever let you end a relationship in a peaceful way and love will keep returning to be disappointed. For all I understand, it’s normal to hate but so’s loving someone. When you’re in a flux, implicit rationality fails to rebalance anything. Unwittingly you’ll keep resizing the image of that person. Another fumble here is the more you let the bad blood build up to glean your love, the bigger the hate gets until it destroys the connect completely.

It’s a thin line but there are ways to keep that bad feeling from getting out of hand! Love is complicated but how the hell could anyone find hate in the midst of love? Of course there is no such thing as too much hate and too much of love. But the dynamics- of- duo is a normal part of getting closer. Feeling hurt and negative towards the other person does not necessarily mean that you’ve been conned into a wrong relationship or some creep has stolen your love unfairly. Hating your mate in the moment does not mean that you don’t also love them. It’s just that the good isn’t as good as it seems if you aren’t occasionally contrasting it with something bad. See…We all need emotional potpourri sometimes to make a relationship tick. And it doesn’t have to be positive all the time to make everything happy and healthy; feeling good all the time might just get boring!

I hate you, then I love you . . . I hate you still more, only to love you more

While emotional encounters are compelling; personal situations sometimes pull together and affect the change of hearts. On the other hand when you think you’ve been understood correctly it makes you feel like your connect is strong and worth fighting for. Contrasting opinions apart, it’s an all good, plain and simple cloud none for you. And what more! it gets all the easier once you know how to keep that love-hate mix useful!

*Image source: ‘My life at home- I hate how life goes for me’ by h2micsam in wattpad.com.*

As opposed to suppressing bad feelings that may evolve into bigger weep later, begin by looking at your mate’s perspective before asserting your POV. This way it’s easier to understand why they feel the way they do. Odds are that you may still end up with strong arguments over the fall out; but I guess it’s always better to struggle a bit and survive than die driving each other crazy.

This is a bit apocalyptic to those who grown cold feet easily and would resist an eye-to eye; reach. Still, there are ways to set things right in a scarred relationship.

Should you or you shouldn’t? What the heck! Dump debating yourself even if you’re hurt bad. After all, there’s no harm trying and who knows someday you might hit the happy lyrics again.

Stonewalling! Nah…never

Even if everything so far has been upsetting and nasty, you need to avoid the three horsemen of an impending disaster; blaming and repeatedly slamming your partner with disapproval, you’re prickly to the extent of being offensive and most disastrous of all you’re rubbing the salt hard by bad mouthing. Break off and you’ll stop the slow burn.

Presume innocence-It works incredibly well.

How many of us have done dumb, stupid or hurtful things that have tormented our relationship? Intentionally or unintentionally we often hurt someone we love, though the choice to believe in something good about somebody rather than something bad-when we have the possibility of doing either- lies with us.

You may not know whether their story is true or not, but once you decide to believe in them, a refreshing sense of caring and understanding will prop up in your relationship. Nothing could strengthen your connect more than conveying trust and appreciation.

*Image source: ‘Why are love and belonging needs important?’ in demystifyinglife.com*

Take a moment off to appreciate your mate’s forte

Changing the way that you think about your mate actually trades the way that you feel about them and affects the ways you act with and react to them.

Find ways to slow down your thinking and act until you are calm and can think it through. Believe in your mate and their willingness to do things in the best interests of the relationship. Err on the side of the positive and you’ll be touched and tipped-off when needed most.

Imagine you are part of the same side

It’s not about who wins the fight and who decimates whom. When you could not think as one, it’s time to figure out a solution. Killing time in locking horns only worsens everything. Besides it’s not an easy way forward, when your mate is not playing by the same rules.

So, in the heat of the moment when your anger begins to get better of you; allow yourself some space, reflect over your mate’s oddity and remind yourself of the happy times together. If you really believe that not all bad that happens is meant to be bad, remind yourself over and over again of something as simple as “I must understand and not dwell on ill will”. This would let you to “agree to disagree” when no amount of fighting is going to change your minds.

*Image source: ‘An open letter to long-distance loved ones in the midst of COVID-19’ by Haley Stern in thriveglobal.com*

Still with me? Great, because someday you may also say ‘thank you dear Nat’ for showing you the way to not let anything fall apart!

Sometimes I’m happy,
Sometimes I’m blue.
My disposition
Depends on you.

Sometimes I love you,
Sometimes I hate you.
But when I hate you,
It’s ’cause I love you!!

This summer change the course of your life. No more yelling, screaming, being selfish, stupid or flawed. Just make it more happy, meaningful and liberating. And in time you won’t regret a thing!

There’s more to life than you think -3 mindful ways to live your best!

6th Jun 2023 soulshop.com 1 Comment

I deeply admire Warren Buffet. He knows how to make smart decisions and like he said lessons learned just about anything firsthand are often the most painful but the best ones. One way to get to the point he made I guess, is to say ‘no’ to everything you come across. Or to move, take decisions and make way for a smart living. Both ways it’s your call and the difference that you experience makes your life easy and worth living!

Everybody wants what feels good and like what comes easy –strings free! If I were to ask you, “What do you want most out of your life?” and you’d most likely say something like, “I want to be happy, have a great family, a job I like, a car I’d love to own, a house of my dreams and a job I like”.

But the truth is that life doesn’t work that way always and even far less interesting is the fact that very few choose their struggles wisely to succeed and be happy. Guess, we all have circumstances that are not ideal most of the times.

There have been a few of mine as well. I had never imagined that one day I’d find myself living through my own personal hell. Things at times were happening real bad and I was struggling life curveballs. What hurt most was not to be able to do things that I knew I was able to do or want to be able to do, but can’t.

I was restless and looking for ways to live well in spite of bad breaks; to expand my life, to find a purpose and to live the joy everybody is so crazy about. It came down to the choices I needed to make to help me see beyond the fretful circumstances that so easily limit who I was and all that I could be.

To move forward in the best way I can, I decided to let go all that that I was holding onto that in turn was holding me back. What joy I could possibly be missing out on while bleeding for things that are not ever going to happen? Shouldn’t I be enjoying my today? What if somehow I accepted everything the way it was and learned to make the best of it?

Living in the moment is one of the most difficult things to master. Yet I decided to take one positive step each day hoping to walk into the sunshine one day- happy and contented. So, loving life for what it’s worth then – warts and all, I took my shot and ran hell with it.

These three smart moves helped me uncover what all I had to let go that I had always fought so hard to keep, to be happy and alive.

It’s your turn now!

*Image source: ‘Mindfulness- 10 tips on how to live a more mindful life’ in tabularasaretreat.com*

Live a life you don’t need to escape

I have always hated being stuck inside. Some days I wouldn’t want to go to Office. At others I’d feel exhausted, unhappy and simply disgusted for doing the same thing again and again. It doesn’t seem like me, but the job paid well and people known to me were a constant reminder to just how great it was. Somehow, I was committed to doing things that I disliked most or didn’t matter to me at all. I was practically selling out on my values and purpose. I had a flush bank account but was unhappy. It felt like I had two heads; one that saw my life as fulfilling and the other always jumpy, looking for greener grass lost in the race for wanting more!

It was intriguing; was I missing on something?

‘There must be more to life than that‘; the thought would often leave me white-knuckled and restless. I could no longer stave off the urge to take the plunge.

I knew very well that taking a step into the unknown is scary but then that’s how a journey of thousand miles begins! The ugly fear of walking the dark was frightening. This is when Einstein’s brilliance bailed me out; “Insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results.”

To cut things short,I pulled up myself and took to helping and inspiring people although it was not butterflies and rainbows all the times. I took to traveling a lot and would love to meet like minded people. Even though I earn fewer today- I had hung my boots four years ago, I still get up early though there’s hardly anything important to do. Sometimes I don’t know when and what next I’d do. But I have learned to be part of my life. Hassles are inconvenient interruptions of course, yet for the first time I have found a reason and purpose to what I do. I’ve learned to love what I’ve and dream of what I would leave behind tomorrow.

Today, I live a wholesome life and I’d never ever think of escaping it.

Don’t let a bad day make you feel like you have a bad life

Let’s face this. Bad days exist and are full of frustrations. An argument over breakfast, a missed Office bus or even a spilled coffee can make you wish if you could crawl back into the bed and let everything fall into place before you would kick start the day! If this is you then your day has started on the wrong foot and you do not know how to stop little annoyances from dragging you down. You fret and wonder if there’s a way to turn a bad day into a good one!

But trying to change them would only take your energy away. Things gone awry are upsetting but I guess, it’s not always about changing your days. It’s about selling yourself few inspirations!

“I’m not going to change anything. This day is all about good times and sadness, excitement and boredom and I’ll not pretend that mood swings are not shaking me up or something is overwhelmingly turning my day upside down. I’ll not let myself be buried under bad things happening today.”

Without getting miserable about everything imperfect, I gave up thinking about ‘crawling back into the bed and to be a little more in there.’ It helped me to stay focused and get unstuck. I picked-up amidst the scattered what I thought mattered most. I marveled about everything else I was grateful for…job, kid and the clothes on my back!

I gave up on anything fierce and stifling.

Nowadays I don’t hunker down for the rest of the day if something upsets me. I would take a walk down the street, listen to music or a podcast or catch up on news or simply drive around. A change in surroundings hints that the current mood doesn’t need to be carried any longer.

Somehow, I had learned to take note of what goes wrong-and then right. I am no longer sad if I’m having a bad day because something stalled or expectations failed me. I let the things happen as they do and I do what I do.

Of course, it’s hard to find much to smile about when you fail, but how else would you find your laughter if you let a bad day overawe you?

Stop worrying! You can never be perfect

It sounds like a cliché but definitely makes sense when we struggle to make everything done and yet can’t end up finishing perfectly. Perfection is a myth that creates more pain than joy, more confusion than calm and more resentment than creativity. Of course, doing things that seem hopeless doesn’t mean you won’t fail. In all seriousness, that really is the inevitability of doing things. But by staying centered rather than trying to be perfect makes the likelihood of success more real. Who wouldn’t want to build an imperfect billion dollar empire than a perfect bankrupt one!

I think we all know the answer to this; perfection merely distracts from the present and is probably a waste of time. It has at times made me place value on wrong things and not listen to myself fearing that I’d somehow fail!

You wouldn’t want any of that …would you?

So stop thinking about whom or what you can be and move on. In the beginning it may feel like those things will never get better but each morning will usher in new ray of hope and another chance to improve.

Just stay put until you win!

*Image source:* *‘Living in the present isn’t always easy’ by Nicole Pajer in parade.com on Dec*.03, 2022.

Even the hardest days have lessons to help you to be a better person. If you’re having a bad day, like me simply pick what you think you need most. Turn a blind eye to whatever terrible is happening around you. Stressing out has never made anyone feel better. Live in the moment and you’ll find small shifts appearing in your life that will help you ride over similar situations tomorrow.

Looking for credible goodness in your soul food? Commonly misperceived as generally unhealthy, its more nutritious options with delightful flavors and impressive food value have hit the road!

Are you cooking a lot these days for warm homey food? – It’s about time you cooked for your life!

25th May 2023 soulshop.com Leave a comment

If you’re thinking of ham and hush puppies, you’re way off the track! Your classic plate of down-home food may have been made over with heart in mind but has it ever occurred to you that from brunch to dessert, from your favorite chicken and waffles to best tasting sweet potato pie, all rank fairly high in fat and salt, low in fruits, vegetables and whole grains- and may not be your best option for a hearty, filling and guilt free way to eat!

Even if nothing is more satisfying for you than a plate of home spun food!

Mouthwatering and easy-to-make home spun soul foods surely have the zing to fill and warm your soul but also have some major influences over your health and wellness… and a piece of history as well!

A bizarre fusion of cuisines from across the globe had begun to take shape as early as 1960, more because people had begun to resent the food of late 50’s and thought of it only as fill belly-sustain energy staple…no more. Casting aside these borderline bland and undesirable foods; soul foods began to delight the gourmet senses more as a pursuit of savoriness and creativity than an attempt at healthy lifestyle or wellness. This culinary heritage of foods and traditions however couldn’t become common until the early 1960s. Dreamed up by the civil rights activist Amiri Baraka as early as 1962, soul foods found their first space on a foodie’s platter only when Sylvia Woods “the queen of soul food” opened her first Harlem restaurant the same year. Delightfully savory and scrumptious, soul foods then began to freely storm the kitchens and cookbooks and would continue to stay popular all through the 70’s.

Today fresh and healthful revisions have been reworked over and over again into some very intense, well prep guilt free eats, all meant to warm your heart without adding a hairbreadth to your belly or annoying your health sensibilities!

Don’t miss! Eight surprising reasons for not losing out

Soul food is essentially a basic down-home cooking of staples like beans, greens, cornmeal, fried chicken, macaroni and cheese, slow cooked collard greens and rice etc. Sweet cold drinks are always a favorite side. Today a more subtle version of this cuisine no longer favors capsicum pepper heat, a heavier hand with salt and pepper or a greater use of offal protein! Healthy soul food classics like Okra-Tomato stew, creamy potato salad, roasted chicken, sautéed kale -sweet potato, maple glazed salmon, banana pudding are regaling the diners now. From lazy weekend dinners to crazy everyday rush hour eats, baked or fried chicken, greens, corn bread slathered with macaroni and cheese grain-based sides such as black-eyed peas, rice and stewed cabbage…well, you have so much on call to pick! But I guess… choices have traded winds to a healthier genre and now have become a great way to tap into the power of Soul Foods.

Here are a few luscious mouthwatering healthier delights all built upon family favorites that might tempt you enough to give them a try;

Smoky kale sauté

Image source: ‘Smoky Braised Kale With Tomato’ by Sam Sifton in cooking.nytimes.com

A quick vegan version of traditional soul food that uses kale instead of collards, this wholesome food makes for a great side of your main protein source- roasted chicken or grilled tofu. Steamed and then shocked with cold water, kale retains its lustrous inviting green color. Add a pinch of smoked paprika and you wouldn’t miss the smoky taste of the your usual ham hock!

Maple glazed salmon

Image source: ‘Orange Maple Glazed Salmon’ by Liz Rueven in myjewishlearning.com on Jan. 05, 2015.

Low in fat and high in protein, this incredibly simple and healthy food is a perfect choice for one of those nights when you don’t have much time to get dinner on the table. Deliciously sweet and savory, the salmon combines wonderfully with fresh garlic, ground ginger and a touch of soy sauce as marinade. Giving a perfect balance to an easy flavorful dish, the sweet maple syrup adds a unique complexity that cannot be replicated. Also a good source of omega-3 fatty acids, this lean protein comes packed with healthy fats that have anti-inflammatory effects and help improve heart health.

Chicken meatloaf

Made with lean meat, this easy to prep soul food is fantastically cheesy and healthy! Low in carbs this guilt free food is definitely not boring, bland or traditional. Moist and loaded with tons of flavors, it will change the way you feel about meatloaf! Honestly experiencing the burst of flavors in each bite from the melted parmesan cheese, deliciously tender onions and all the seasonings in between is simply divine!

BBQ chicken sandwich with broccoli slaw

Low in calories and fat and having a high nutritional value, BBQ chicken is a great source of protein. Enough of this nutrient helps to maintain muscle mass and support a healthy metabolism. No wonder why chicken follows us from infancy to adulthood!

Tangy barbecue sauce, shredded chicken, and toasty bun piled high and all crunchy with veggie seasoning, these sandwiches carry a nice tang and unforgettable flavors. Pair this good source of niacin, vitamin B6 and phosphorus with your favorite pickle slaw and you might spin-off a family dinner win!

Curried green beans

Image source:’Fine beans and potato curry; by Alfred Prasad in greatbritishchefs.com

Simple, delicious and filling, this green bean curry served on its own or over steamed rice or coconut roti or warm naan bread, tastes divine and goes very well as a vegetarian entrée or alone as a side dish. Using green beans, peas, carrots and potatoes and sautéed with a precooked curry paste, this faintly spiced, roasted cashew garnished dish is one happy healthy food that you just cannot have enough of to satisfy your soul.

Corn bread

Image source: ‘Triple Cornbread Loaf’ by Charlotte Rutledge in kindarrthurbaking.com

Easy, crispy, tender and moist with added flavor of buttermilk and brown sugar, this dough-based corn bread boasts of tight crumb grains, golden crumb color and a unique aroma and sweetness that remind me of the texture and flavors of a muffin. Free of preservatives and synthetic stabilizers this flexible and delightful food comes packed with 20 amino acids; nine of them-histidine, isoleucine, leucine, lysine, methionine, phenylalanine, threonine, tryptophan, and valine being the most essential ones, those which the body cannot synthesize and must be obtained from food. Essentially looked upon as ‘quick bread’ it can be made into pancakes, casseroles and much more!

Vegan Cheese Grits

Image source:’Vegan cheesy grits breakfast bowl with crispy chickpeas” by Liz in zardyplants.com

Vegan cheese grits with creamy beans and collards make for a perfect comforting hardy meal to fill you up. Grits are super versatile, vegan and there are so many unique ways you can have them. Eat them on their own, make polenta cakes and chips and casseroles or into mini pancakes, faintly resembling tacos! You could try serving with BBQ tofu and greens for an amazing food experience. Apart from adding protein and healthy vegan goodness to your food, what is even greater about this eat is that you can spice it up by adding pico, avocado and fresh cabbage slaw for a Mexican twist. What with succulent sautéed greens enriched with garlic and smoky flavors, lying atop a bed of thick, creamy grits…well the possibilities are endless, so get creative!

Banana pudding

Image source: ‘The Best Banana Pudding’ by Kenneth Strother in allrecipes.com

If you’re looking for a dessert that tastes delicious and delivers brain-nourishing vitamins, this one is just the right choice for you.

With tantalizing layers of pudding, ripe bananas, whipped cream, wafer cookies and of course-a dollop of whipped cream that never hurts much, this food makes for a classic dessert that you can never get enough of. Making for a perfect dessert it makes even the most die-hard fitness freaks going back for more. With easy to get ingredients, you can whip up nutritionally a ‘lot-to-offer’ treat that literally helps your nerves function properly, regulate water levels in your body and offset the effects of sodium.

In case you didn’t know bananas are bursting with B vitamins and electrolytes like potassium and a single serve of this pudding carries about 122 mg of potassium!

The one great thing about these healthier options that always amuses me is that nobody ever walks away from their plate unsatisfied. From braised collard greens to stewed black-eyed peas and other protein sources all generally involve healthier cooking techniques like braising, steaming, grilling, and boiling and are considered healthful. So the next time you host Sunday dinner, try creating a menu around more nutrient dense soul food dishes or maybe you could attempt getting creative with some healthy swaps.

All in all, a run for a ‘go-to’ healthy soul food meal; all extremely tender, flavorful and without a ton of work on your part, could just be the right kind of inspiration for a healthy lifestyle and wellbeing. Best part is that you can still honor tradition by pitching-in ingredients for most of them shelve our kitchens even today. All you’d need to do is swap butter for heart-healthy oils like olive, peanut, or canola oils; replace high sodium, high-fat meats with smoked, skinless ones or even expand your food by trading meat for legumes, nuts or seeds as your protein source. Believe me, creating healthy soul foods would be a lot easier than it seems.

Just be mindful of intake of things for at the heart of a soul food lie rich flavors, nutrition and piece of legacy!

Why do we think having fun isn’t an option and let years of not experiencing it reinforce this belief? If you’re struggling to find your stride, stay tuned to discover the key to having more of it

5 simple lifestyle changes to make your life 10X happier and fun filled!

19th Aug 2022 soulshop.com 1 Comment

Are you someone who feels like having denied enough fun? That for some reason you never have had a happier more fulfilling successful life? Even a boat load of playfulness wouldn’t help to shake off a pretty boring life and you’re always looking for fun outside of you!

*Image source: ’10 simple habits for a successful and happy life’ by Jeff Bell in moneyinc.com on Sep.27, 2018*.

If that’s you, then in all probability fun is like the exact opposite of work to you; the party is no longer living within you and you couldn’t have fun anywhere.

Simply put you’re not a fun person anymore!

Fun isn’t frivolous but it can actually help you to be not only happier but more successful at work as well. In short it isn’t just a pleasant distraction from the serious business of living. In an uncertain world where stress rides piggy back all the time, holding on to a sense of playfulness can be hard.

Keeping on top of all serious responsibilities of adulthood and still hoping to make room for fun moments in life?…well, not everyone has the “fun mindset” or the ability to negotiate conflict, build empathy and let off a crazy LOL. With no fun around to motivate, you might never outlive a poker faced person! But if you could manage it the Einstein way… I mean learn faster, work furiously and be successful like never before, may be you could manage few more moments of it.

And yet, we think having fun isn’t an option and let years of not having it reinforce this belief.

So, if you’re wondering where to begin and how to become a fun person to bring out all the mirth and gaiety that has lived inside you holed up, but hasn’t seen the light of the day for a while, here’re a few tips to beat the blues off.

I begin my day by remembering what I’m grateful for

Being thankful and appreciative is perhaps the easiest way to change tracks from despair and hopelessness to cheerfulness and some great expectations. Each morning I set aside a few wakeful moments to feel obligated for all the goodness that has happened to me. It reminds me of all that is exciting in life and encourages me to build on them.

Believe me, it’s a phenomenal way to start the day!

Instead of scrolling on Insta or surfing the net mindlessly while having my morning cup of tea, I pull out my old crinky journal and write down 10 good things that have happened to me and make me feel thankful for; being precise or detailed…it doesn’t matter.

It works as a reminder of what happy times I’ve experienced. Everything else fades into background. Best…I keep a spitting image of this note at the back of my mind throughout the day.

And trust me, it works!…it helps to relieve stress. It helps to forget the struggles that I lost. But it also helps to relive the ones that I won!

*Image source: ‘How to be happy: 27 habits to add to your routine’ in healthline.com.*

Being easy with fun is exciting!

How many times have you felt like you life has run out of control? Despair and gloom overshadows everything else.

Mastering it though is what would let you back in control of yourself and make the most of every opportunity!

But …how to go about it?

I think we all are open to making changes in our lives if that could make us happier and more successful. A few of us follow the humor route though. The easiest way to have more of it … I think is not to try to be funny but look for good moments to laugh.

Laughter comes at a price but has more a benefit unto itself. The more open you are to laughter the more attractive you’ll be both to other people and to yourself.

Sometimes saying “yes” works- best!

You may have heard of this … it could make a fun magnet out of you and turn you into a charming, fanciful and amusing person. All it amounts to is greeting new ideas with enthusiasm and building a few of your own.

You don’t need to be a slapstick jester to be good at this. Instead begin by choosing not to shoot down other people’s ideas but to build on them and make them feel inclusive.

Being adaptive and open would mean you’ve become less of a wet blanket.

*Image source: ‘This One Thing Can Help You Live A Longer And Happier Life, Science Says’ by Alexa Mellardo in eatthis.com on Jan.20, 2022.*

Nothing betters loving yourself

If you want to a happier fun filled life, don’t chase anything- not even happiness. It doesn’t come nearly as easily to those either who constantly pursue it!

There is another more simple easier way to unlock true happiness…

Making time each day to do things just for you, has an euphoric effect on the way you feel about yourself and the world happening around you. Morning or night…doing things dear to you will make you more relaxed and will leave you with something to look forward to. These things don’t have to be over the top or grand or glorious; anything as simple as taking half an hour each morning to read your favorite story book or going for a stroll or a short nimble walk…can you think of anything to better this shot at self care!

Allowing yourself to experience your best emotions-whatever they may be-is your best bet to enhance your happiness.

Gestures speak better than badass words!

You do know how a dog when it wants to play raises its butt, prances around and wags its tail. No words uttered and yet it lets you know what it wants!

I think we should all master the human equivalent of this amazing canine act. A brief eye contact, a wry smile or perhaps an unintentional comment never intended to strike a conversation, might lit the spark. Not much I’d say when it comes to sending out play signals but even a sarcasm sometimes works. “Nice weather here!” even when you’re experiencing one of the worst snowstorm in recent times, might just be the right shot to make a hit.

See… finding a way to look up from your phone and making a point, howsoever irrelevant, is surely a wonderful way to invite perky conversations –and finally more fun in your life! Even if you’re shy, introverted or a person with more on serious side, discovering the secret to having more fun is never any less exciting!

Feature credits: ‘When Nobody’s Watching’ by Klick in YouTube.com on Dec.08, 2020.

Nobody is perfect at this and life’s not always rainbows and ice creams for everybody, but whatever we choose to think and how we decide to view them…the stories we tell ourselves; just about everything becomes a part of our longing to build up a more joyous and happier life.

And it’s never been about just sitting back and letting life happen to you…

It’s you who need to happen to life!

Change is inevitable and happens all the time. A calm mind reclaims happiness when it’s intentional in all it does. Accept what you can’t change and be at ease within yourself. Here’s how;

Don’t let yourself be robbed of happiness when you’re sad and down in the dumps!

23rd Jul 2022 soulshop.com Leave a comment

Life is chaotic and sometimes awful things happen out of blue. And when that occurs, it feels like we’ve been thrown for a loop. Pushing to edge, it infects all our waking hours with endless worries and mellows our happiness.

*Image source: ‘7 Steps to Embracing Mind-Body Wholeness in the New Year’ by Deepak Chopra in chopra.com on Dec.19,2018.*

Yet, instinctively we keep driving through, often surviving on adrenaline. We over schedule ourselves; we drink umpteen cups of coffee; we respond to one more e-mail; we stay amped all day believing that we’ll eventually be able to set things straight and done. And in the way, we let ourselves burn recklessly.

It’s rude and shocking…for all that burning doesn’t do any good. Except that it overwhelms us and drowns all our happiness amidst the entire struggle. Misplaced trust, broken promises, blatant lies; just about everything stokes our sufferings.

Looking forward!

In this frantic world, happiness is like a friend you rarely have the chance to catch up with. But finding a moment of reassurance is never impossible. You may presume that you can find happiness when you’re finally completely free of troubles; but that’s not how it works.

In fact it runs the other way around and isn’t as challenging as it seems.

Terrible things do happen to each one us at some point in life. When you are caught in the thick of things-whether it’s about a snappy senior or a brassy relative who don’t believe in boundaries or yet another viral video of a violent racist incident– you’re left stranded with mounting fears and have no clue how to handle it. Worse, rather than hoping for a better end, you come up with a snappy retort and a quick fix to quell your unease.

But would an irrational assumption and aggression be of any good? Like climate change wouldn’t that mean hurtling down a worm hole of offensive ends and no-win arguments?

So, if you feel you have no space for peace left with you, are terribly hurt or perhaps angry and looking for a smarter way-a calmer way to bring to you greater attention and ingenuity without shedding one bit of happiness…these three simple ways might just let you find your Zen in a world that seems anything but peaceful.

*Image source: ‘Seven ways to rest’ by Sherryl Garratt in the creativelife.net on Dec.06, 2021.*

Forgiveness is good

Feeling hurt, even angry is a forgivable response when you are wronged or treated unfairly. But holding on to slights doesn’t help in reclaiming happiness. They take up so much of your emotional energy and push your emotional wellness to the wall.

Forgiveness on the other hand, isn’t something that helps the person alone you forgive. It does even more for you in the end. Of course, it’s a long demanding emotion and goes beyond a simple, “I forgive you”. Worse, sans compassion, it misses acceptance and would leave you mired in self blame and regret.

Regretting and trying to clean up the wrong on the other hand, is one good amend to begin with. Over the time, real good changes will happen to your behavior and I’m sure you won’t have to lie to your worrisome waking hours any more.

Find time for yourself

I find loneliness a mere normal state of mind that builds around relationships but desperately yens for sociability when abandoned.

While spending just the right amount of time with yourself is good for your emotional well being, excess of solitude can badly hurt your happiness over the time. Let it turn intense and it will become all consuming and wreck your everyday life. Your creative side will erode; you won’t be able to re-evaluate your boundaries and above all you wouldn’t be able to connect with your needs.

When something terrible happens and stress overwhelms, we speculate about what wrong we’ve done to cause bad luck. “I must have been wrong in standing up to myself. I created this mess for someone else and now it has double backed to me.” It’s natural for you to think and regress then.

Correct this distortion if that’s what is hurting you. Don’t wait to use your supports. They might help you see the problem differently, but deserting your nemesis and rebooting your mind to do away with ill thoughts is your personal need.

Catch them young and you could reclaim your happiness even while busy in your daily grind.

Get back to nature

Don’t we all head back to the trees (or the seas) when stress goes for a spin and begin to take its toll? Doesn’t the feel of the breeze, the smell of the grass, the sound of water running, feel at home in the outdoors?

Setting better boundaries starts here!…

Getting back to nature is one step to ease your emotional distress. It’s amazing how you could find great friends in elements around you whenever disquiet turns exhausting. As extravagant or as simple as you want it to be, there is no need for a footslog far away to some mountain top. Start with few smaller hauls and as you get closer and closer to nature, you’ll find you’re rid of your excessive worries and your innate self is back in gear. You’re no longer bedeviled! Trust me, your best bet to escape from 100 or 1000 worries lies right beyond your garden fence.

And don’t forget to leave your phone at home. A constant stream of notifications and e-mails or the urge to refresh your social media frequently can quickly chip away at your newly found zing!

Most meltdowns, I think are rarely catastrophic. They are fixable and never meant to be a 24/7 experience. Yet being constantly surrounded by them feels more like being hunted in a savanna by some wild animal where your stress response is all spooked up to save your life. Your attention is mobilized and riveted, your muscles are strained for a quick sprint and your immune system is racy enough to get you quickly out of danger.

This edginess though is usually short lived. In fact you’re stressed in real sense only for five minutes….more like before you die! But even in those few anxious moments it burns into your body, slams your emotional well being and crashes your decision making. It is then that you get tightly wound up and are more likely to react harshly than to respond with reason.

No matter what you choose to purge your guilt or how you decide to go about it, repossessing happiness never happens overnight. It’s only your patience that would make all the difference between a beaten sod and a wishful Pollyanna.

Your takeaway!…

Next whenever you hit a bad trip and are clueless about how to cope with it, find a ray of hope in my playbook; without pre judging anything try your hand for once… something might just work right for you!

Living an enviable, extremely driven and difficult to pin life, Capricorns are the sign everybody else wants to be. The harsh truth about the hardest zodiac sign though, is more intriguing!

Living with the heart of a Sea Goat! Discerning compatibility revealed stranger truths.

18th Jun 2022 soulshop.com 1 Comment

Serious and extremely driven, it’s hard to argue with how good these ‘half goat-half fish’ Capricorns are at heart.

Here’s all the brutal truth and secrets about loving the hardest zodiac sign.

Only if you are born between December 22 and January 20, you’d agree that people of this theatrical zodiac sign, are usually spoiled for choices and love to scoff at astrology. They are generally so deeply rooted in this deafening world that they wouldn’t understand one damn thing about the mystique surrounding the stars.

What amuses me all the more is people’s ability to label you as a zodiac sign, which probably you’re not. I’ve so often been tagged as a Virgo, Taurus, and Leo etc. If you should know my true sign is Capricorn and I don’t believe any of those signs are any far from one another or completely different.

I‘ve come up with an alternate theory though. Call me a zodiac skeptic but the goat in me sometimes feels so misrepresented, and maligned that she’s no fun to be living with! Who wouldn’t like to zero in on parts that resonate most and conveniently ignore the rest?

It’s kinda groping around for some comfort. What am I? Who I want to be and who I’m afraid I might be. Aren’t you frequently mistaken simply because people read into you as “who they want you to be”.

No wonder countless people flaunt their sign as a point of pride, but never forget to evade the stereotypical geeks like Patrick Bateman from American Psycho, unless they are really into some freak who’s boring, enraging, workaholic. Worse even Jeff Bezos – a Capricorn couldn’t manage to get rid of this sick cosmic joke. Somehow the entire world seems to be on the anti Cap and the tale that follows, is all too powerful to be snubbed easily.

When I was young and first learned about zodiac signs, I felt it was all creepy and uncomfortable. I had begun to have my doubts.

Like everybody’s my family too had several birth dates. My dad was born in the sixth sign of zodiac Virgo which meant balance everywhere; social justice, friendships, family; industrious, everything felt so gentle, unflustered and above the board! You couldn’t have witnessed a more distinctive person; high energy, authoritative and sometimes incredibly entertaining! He had a commanding presence that you’d either love or hate; nowhere in between.

Growing up in the shadow of someone like him made me wish our signs could somehow switch. Yet I knew I wouldn’t fit in if miraculously that were to happen somehow. I was shy, uncomfortable in social situations and felt awkward for most of the time. I cared too much about other’s opinions. My dad’s confidence to “not care” what others’ thought could do little to pull me up. I couldn’t help fear everybody’s judgment. I couldn’t get myself being involved and upright. I could never thrive at being the center of attention the way he did.

I was introverted, sensitive and feeble for the shock and awe that went with it. I loved roosting in my shell and was Ok for not being the live wire that my dad was in every situation. I preferred to stay intimate to myself and a small group of people that I knew closely.

It’s funny how we perceive things and are so myopic on just a few parts of people around us. We get fixated on part of the statement and miss the rest of the paragraph so conveniently.

Nobody could ever imagine that the shy, awkward geeky person that I was, could transform into someone who would dwarf everything else in a way so contrary to a Capricornian. Maybe I was underestimated; misunderstood rather, but I loved it. I was probably picking up on the prized bling of this zodiac sign by now. Alternating between silly, sweet, and serious, I was now natural allies to finer flings of life.

This meant that if I could get to be anything close to what a firebrand my dad was then his zodiac sign was entirely wrong. Maybe the stars had taken a day off, the year he was born. He was a Virgo born with a million ideas per second and a clean freak in its truest form.

Sure I was peevish and insecure on many issues. For a diehard introvert that I was, stars did count and conspired against me in the astrological world. Yet I loved to be the top bill, like everybody else. I longed to be admired and would feel gutted if I couldn’t get to steal the show. Plus , God knows…how much I would have loved to wow the people around me.

It’s only now that I could imagine well why I couldn’t stand tall in that 96 sheet space; I was probably falsely selling myself short. “Darn!” why it took me so long to realize that no story gets any better without an interesting villain?

I am still not sure if there is enough to say that there is a strong possibility that my personality matched my zodiac sign or came any close to my dad’s.

“You walk and talk just like your dad”;

One of dad’s old pal who would later become one of my true inspiration and a good educator told me once.

Aw shucks.!..

I had to laugh. He was right!

*Image source: Volker Meyer in pexels.com.*

It’s not that Caps are truly as cold as the season in which they enter this world; it’s just that that for them the World is a big messy affair where only everything relevant stays and thrives.

Today not feeling disconnected or as evil and dangerous as vilified, I see life as a treasure and not a sob story. All it needs is some unique rebranding before you’d sell it to yourself. Not everybody approves of that, ofcourse. Wisecrack and gigs that follow, are pitiful but plentiful;

“They always say that we’re assholes, or we’re emotionless. So savage. And that’s the complete opposite of who I am,” Sara Tan, Refinery29’s beauty director rues.

Perhaps Caps do need to take a step back and fix the conflicts surrounding their image. Most of them would jump at that. But beware! If Laura Dern’s character in Big Little Lies wasn’t only about ball busting or money spinning then not all Caps are cold and crazily reserved. It’s just that pop astrology blankets them as ‘success fiends’.

Remember …Caps are ruled by Saturn! Oh yes! I almost forgot. Saturn is more of an old man now. So if you still choose to give them this rigid label-‘stop’. You could be busting their fiddle foot growth over some ill conceived generational conflict.

*Image source: Snow white in pexels.com.*

Actually this sounds pretty weird but I think caps are more about “moving ahead with uprightness.”

Is getting comfortable with each other enough in a successful and everlasting marriage? Will hanging around together do the trick? It’s time to look for some honest and truthful revelations!

My secret to a blithesome married life: Love, loss and few grains of happiness!!

22nd Jan 2022 soulshop.com 1 Comment

*Image source: ‘Couples all over Instagram are “doing life together.” Here’s where it came from.’ by Laura Turner in vox.com on Aug. 02, 2019.*

Everyone has vampires in their lives and like every relationship, marriage too is a ridiculously complicated one. It’s simple and easy to believe… that if only both individuals could get to know each other, understand each other’s needs and get comfortable with their surroundings, living a life with all its dark pleasures and experiences- healthy or unhealthy; would work epic.

Like sweet lies before the bed it would get under your skin and drive you nuts like some lemon bae!…all tangy and exciting.

It’s equally simple to say that people marry for love, but I believe it’s more about the joy of sharing things and experiences that makes for the most suitable material for wedding vows. When two individuals decide to live together, life is fated to turn upside down. Sometimes it’s not an easy one. An uncomfortable, bumpy road faces you. Understanding, likes and dislikes, need to know…challenges weigh heavy!

And it’s gets stormy and uncomfortable for those who couldn’t manage to keep moods high. Loss is inevitable if you don’t know how to cross stitch the canvas of life, needles going in and out, adhering to a pattern you cannot foresee or comprehend.

If you ask me, loss works just fine for weights and investments, but when it comes to living with a companion, you wouldn’t know a thing till countless panic attacks and anguish ransack you. Worry swallows you whole!

Over the past, the soreness of losses has grown. Some of us fume against the God, others find comfort in imagining multiple lives. Very few would look for solace elsewhere…

Haven’t we heard infinite times that a successful and everlasting marriage is forged with peace, love, and trust as primary choices. But what if it starts to lose it’s sheen? What if those snaky pencil scrawls, coffee chats, salty fried crumbly banana chips and clover leaves dried between the pages, begin to lose their craziness. What if all that pep talk about love and aftermath falls flat?

With just about everything else happening under the sun, wouldn’t it be fine to ignore the trite and build an elegant restraint for a successful loving relationship?

Here’s few simple ways to help you keep your togetherness blissfully alive and stoked!!

Choose to be attractive

Attraction is a decision that you need to make through out your marriage. You get to decide if your partner is hot and sultry!..if you are saucy enough to be exciting to your mate; if you are tasteful and zesty enough to be the zippy sparkling person she always wanted you to be! Who wouldn’t want to feel the excitement of being with a flirtatious, incredibly sexy and attractive partner?

Evolution has wired us to be drawn to anything and everything that appeals to senses. ‘Attraction thoughts’ likewise push you to focus on attributes that are exciting and drawing most. Like your beau’s great legs or the way she dresses or parents your kids? If this is freaking awkward; to you , it’s good news indeed!.… none of you have to be a cover model to feel attractive!!

Your happiness is only about feeling connected to each other. After all physical attraction runs far deeper than looks!

Giggle, chuckle, cackle or guffaw together

Life at times hurts, so if you can find some mirth even when you are in the thick of it, it helps. A laugh is what decides if you are being perspective. Finding hilarity in both good and bad times make partners find ease around each other. Be it some little inside joke, a silly irrelevant text or even watching a boring comedy together, connecting with your mate strengthens your bond even better.

Celebrate every small good moment for there will be none like it

Tough is a bad word, It’s dismissive and cruel. We all get our fair share of moments when our wits get thrown to wilds. It hurts, but to have someone in the weeds together, helps you shake off the despair easily.

And it’s just as important to acknowledge good times as well…together!

*Image source: ‘Elderly couple resting on a bench’ in dreamstime.com.*

If you ask me, good things happen more often than the bad ones, but we miss those opportune moments to connect.

So, next time your mate shares anything positive like some admiration from office colleagues or compliment from the boss, drop everything you are doing and lend an earful! Help each other savor the moment by sharing and celebrating. Promise yourself to open doors to your heart. Your fleeting moments together with few precious grains of happiness will never fail to outweigh darkness.

Don’t let the thought of a probable breakup haunt you

‘I was hanging around with my friends, I just couldn’t get to call back’. ‘I am over my ex’. ‘You’re just overreacting, there’s nothing to hide’.

Any such thought, big or small, is a big ‘No’ for a healthy and trustworthy relationship. So, if you find this tormenting and hurting, it’s not mere reflection of your anxiety but a red flag of a non-serious relationship.

Justified or not, chances are that you might be thinking of moving out!

But who wouldn’t prefer a few joyous moments over all that gloom and darkness?

And it’s easy too!!

Simply, don’t hold grudges for too long in your heart. Forget the mistakes of the past and reach out for some happy moments of the future. No jumbo patience… and be forgetful of the past bitterness for the real joy comes by chance. Feel it in the peals of laughter at a passing joke that leaves you gasping for breath; when you cross your legs so you don’t pee on yourself for you couldn’t make it to loo. It’s snuggled in the movement of hands painting, knitting, cooking or even rhythm of your legs on long rambling walks. It’s both the feeling of rapids thundering inside you and in the soft humming overwhelming your heart.

Funnily, happiness collides with you only when you are looking the other way.

*Image credits: ‘Oldest Living Couple Reveals The Secret To Marital Success’ by Brittany Wong in huffpost.com on No, 22, 2019.*

Even happy couples argue

With all that dancing and laughter and revelry- marriages are fun but being married isn’t always a piece of cake. There’s actually a lot that goes into living “happily ever after,” Not every marriage is happiness all the time. Like other relationships, sometimes marriages too hit a rough patch. But when in fight; happy marriages do listen to every view point, recognize them and if it threatens to go off the rail; try to mend them together!

Hinges crusted with past scabs, all that the door to your heart needs is a hard push. Ignore the screeching hinges and push firmly. Loving with all your heart, generously and fearlessly, will come back to you in dollops not dribs.

Accepting the inadequate rewards you with ever lasting bliss. In fact, being in argument means you’re normal and mad and hopelessly in love with each other!!

Age doesn’t matter

Been in wedlock for more than three decades and I have never considered age anything more than a numerical inaccuracy; some numbers that needs to be tackled all the time. The only thing that worries me is that it works more as a multiplier than as a division sum. We all get reduced to a fraction of what we once were!

But what the heck…!

At 40 you could still be the pig tailed gal or some jaunty good looking knock-out beau! Both of you could still climb the trees, jump the wall and beat up all the boys. Young and raunchy, fiercely ambitious with disdain for conventions, you both have had your share of one heartbreak, one breakdown, one true love, one success, one moment of despair and gloom – you have had mountains of them.

Yet looking into each other’s cringing eyes, creaking knees and despairingly loosening skin, things are not so crest fallen. Now that you have learned to love your lines and folds, aches and pains lose ground.

Besides there is no shame in growing old and struggling a bit. It never felt better for me to have equivalent of a general’s medal, pinned to my frame; and a reminder of all the battles I have survived and the ones I won!

Feature credits: ’10 Secrets for Happy Relationship and Tips for long lasting happy marriage life’ by Kennis World in Youtube.com on Sep 20, 2019.

Reality check? Well… “You do complete each other”. Age is a fabled minion that’s romantic and lets you flies high in the real world.

#It matters no more!!

Zillions of forum taglines, messages and Improv classes insist that optimism is the magic pill of mental health. Is it really true? What if you are a pessimist and always in a bad mood before an exam!

Want to be eternally happy? Being miserable and thinking of negative thoughts helps!!

14th Jan 2022 soulshop.com 1 Comment

Seeing the glass as half empty might inspire you to fill it up!

*Image source: ‘Skinny dancer jumping over sand’ by Andrew in pexels.com.*

Happiness for me is an elusive virtue and for the most part ‘think positive’ belief fails me as a miracle fizz for mental wellness; one that you could pop in and instantly make half empty glass turn half full and everything around is suddenly bright and sunny. But just because I generally don’t eye the world from behind those rose tinted glasses, doesn’t mean that something’s wrong with me!

Sounds weird…doesn’t it? if this rings freaking odd to you, then you could actually be the one who is ecstatic and all pumped up about happiness, but is more miserable within!

How many times have you been told that great things happen so long as you believe them possible to happen and think positive? From pop psychology to improv classes to self improvement blogs; hype surrounding the advantages of positive thinking never leaves the din.

Sure, it’s good to be positive. It reduces stress and probably tweaks health. And it makes me vote for one profound statement that usually proves naysayers wrong; optimism bags you rewards most of the times including your well being!

But what about those who tend to see glass as half empty rather than half full? Does that mean that they cannot keep your sunny side up all the time? Is being a pessimist that bad?

I would say that only a handful recognize that our unhappiness lies in overly high expectations and too little struggle to overcome snags early on. Damned!…the millennials always get shamed as a ‘burnout generation’ that’s left with few choices to make.

Because we couldn’t make time for happiness; we are busy, confused and sad.

Fortunately a grim outlook doesn’t need to be a permanent one. You may get scattered from mildly pessimistic to relentlessly optimistic. But if you get hunkered down at the perilous end, you could still reap some benefits of being downbeat without burning yourself out.

And it takes only a few changes. Small and gradual; they are nothing like what you’d expect;

To begin with here’s a few of them;

You’ve been pushing yourself too hard to be happy.

Negativity sometimes works as a great defense ammo. You don’t get always crushed when things don’t work out your way. It never distracts you from a pessimist’s favorite past time; brainstorming.

But it’s not always good to beat a dead horse! When you are ruminating; it’s not just another bad day, it’s always a bad day in a bad life of a bad person!

Besides, pessimism loves to blow even a minor problem to a billboard size one.

I couldn’t easily overcome that valley low feeling whenever I get stormed loud and messy. It’s overwhelming. I get screwed up fast because I couldn’t burn the bridges behind my back! Maybe my octopus teachings are not profound as it goes.

Do you think you would be left with any room to focus, if it soaks up so much of bandwidth? It’s no surprise why dreamers never fail to outsmart the pessimist in you on happiness index.

So, find yourself some quick distraction you can use whenever you realize that you’ve been stuck up with same negative thought for long. Pitch yourself into activities that ask for your full attention. Yoga, aerobics, calling a friend or even absorb some music. It might help you to avoid falling flat on your face.

And don’t be some eternal jaded jerk; it never feels epic. It’s perfectly alright to get depressed. Just stop trying to be happy. Stay in your lane and you may end up making more money and win over a happier marriage!!

It feels so good to blame someone else for your woes

“I’m lousy at tennis”; “My opponent has a killer serve.”

If you are the one whose way of interpreting life’s ups and down is dismissive and begins as an inane story with petty perspectives, then you could be failing in giving some basis respect to your self. When good things happen to you, you dismiss it as a fluke; when bad things happen you jump to blame yourself and brace yourself for a long spell of silent sufferings!

But you are not like some textbook dingbat who would wake up each morning wondering which and what went wrong. Are you?…

Bad events are like one time problems and disappear quickly. And optimists too get their dark afternoons. Cancer patients among them are just as badly depressed as their pessimistic counterparts.

So, when you catch yourself being dark, glum and all that, re-frame the problem so that it doesn’t sound like yours alone. Instead of standing all by yourself and thinking “No one is interested in me — I am pathetic!”, try something more bright; “Where’s the hostess? How could she let a newcomer fend for herself without making introductions? I most certainly wouldn’t allow that to happen”!

No scapegoats of course! But it helps to recognize that you’re not the problem, even if your behavior could use some pinch.

Besides, it feels good to keep practicing your tennis serve even if you’re not sure how would you rally against someone at your level. It’s always promising and worthwhile to throw a bad serve than drop the racket.

Feature credits: ‘The Optimist’s Creed -‘Denzil Washington’ by The Motiv8 in YouTube.com on Dec.18, 2015.

If only you’d imagine the world is coming to end.

Another thing that darkens your prospects to be happy is your penchant to make a mountains out of a molehill. You are always hyperlinked to yourself, rewriting grim possibilities until they blow off and turn into something of a doomsday screenplay. A simple cough turns into pneumonia; not the kind that would let you recover from ever! One missed deadline and it’s fast forward into permanent unemployment!

“Am I really to live beneath an underpass in a freeze box because I’m a day late on a project?”

Worst case scenarios are usually absurd but rewinding and playing them over and over again, makes illogical appear inevitable!

And it sucks!

So… just think of the outcomes that’s most likely. Chances are you are gonna miss the executive suit, but it won’t be under the freeway either!

The stunner of all this messing around is, that you do get to feel a bit of power over your thoughts and situation. The sense of nursing pessimism each morning works fine, for the world is not going to get shrunk in one day.

Keep trying and you’ll get what’s coming to you!

Do you know why your opponent at tennis court ends up with so much to feel good about at the end of the day? Long after you have given up and gone home still thinking suckers!… he keeps trying to unscramble impossible- to-solve mind benders!

There’s a lot of payoffs in this. Persistence is the cutting edge and it means what !…success at school,fatter paychecks at work and wider social acceptability. Who wouldn’t want to make some brilliant win sometimes?

If you are looking for the quickest way to get yourself in the loop, then act like the person you want to be; It’s only about changing the way you feel and the way you think that would define you.

When recognition is the only inspiration, act like you have triumphed some crazy big match battling it out with confidence and hard work. ‘Fake it till you make it’ for this can have surprisingly strong and immediate impact on your emotions. But then, it works only when you correctly identify something within yourself that’s holding you back.

Get surrounded with upbeat people

Yawns like smile are contagious. Positive vibes work the same way. Hanging around with people who aren’t so grouchy about anything and everything, could be your one-way ticket out of an unrelenting pessimism. And if you are not feeling particular chatty, you don’t have to talk about what’s troubling you or put around the word that your mind is in a negative tizz. No need for anybody to know exactly what’s bothering you.

But simply being surrounded with positive minded people is usually enough to trigger a grin all around and shift your mood.

*Image source: Vlada Karpovich in pexels.com*

So, keep your frown right where it is, for some form of pessimism actually heals when not taken too far. Ignored and unforgiving;it in fact is protective and sometimes rewarding!

Whatever…

Someone’s telling you ‘no’, is always a problem.

Small choices! Yup…but encourage yourself to smile, smile…and smile for this world is only about solutions; not problems.

And happiness is a journey where so many things make you happier, #guaranteed.

Like all good things, great friends are scarce. Each one of us need at least one that we can trust and rely on. Here’s to what a fine friendship is all about and how do we get it to last a lifetime?

I took time off to help myself make friends :Here’s how it went!

10th Dec 2021 soulshop.com Leave a comment

If Paul Simon or David Crosby had their way and ruled the world forever; all we’d need is to make a call and a BFF would show up right on our doorsteps!

Reality however, is like some dark afternoon and friendship is the stormiest of all the ties. As hard it is to find ethereal love, arguably it is even more difficult to pick up a new pal whom we can really connect to.

*Image source: Sudip Paul in Pexels.com.*

Free time is scarce- For everybody! And so are friends.

Making one, particularly in this day and age, isn’t easy either!

They just don’t appear. You have to intentionally reach out to someone who doesn’t bore you, is not a hypocrite and never stalls to share.

And I was running scarce on friends!!

So, I set up certain tricky standards before I could touch elbows. I looked around for adjacent friends; the types you sometimes get to see at the Gung-ho parties that usually share mutual friends, but never get to have one-to-one conversations.

Still I didn’t know how to get past that awkward small talk and double time the “Hi! would you care to be friends” business. I had always thought of making friends but dreaded going to the drawing board.

I tried to fit in with the people I already knew…well it just didn’t happen…maybe it was way deeper than I thought it ought to!

The year I turned fifty was the year I realized I didn’t have friends. I was moving into a new decade of my life and felt strongly about my career, accomplishments and relationships.

Yet when somebody would ask me whom I will send a ‘red heart’ on friendship day; my mouth will open, I would gulp and nothing would come out but a long trail of “ummms”…

Like everybody else I loved to hang around with friends. I was wary and timid but would always manage to survive the cutting edge. I would often step out of the box and was friends to many. I was spending very few hours of any day alone!

When I moved out to my job after University, I could still manage to get people to hang around with and never fell short of full social calendar. Real or not…those guys never left me off the hook. I was a footloose and always raring to fight fire with fire at the drop of a hat!

But then something changed!

A lot many of them got married and drifted off; a few shifted to bigger cities and I felt flat. For once I was robbed-off togetherness.

Crank calls grew stale and scarce. We would rarely see each other and whenever that happened, it felt empty. It were as if everybody had burnt the bridges behind their backs! No hang outs, no pep talks…no happy hours to attend; it sensed like I was laid-off from my full time job.

As if this was not enough of a complete shocker, an old timer buddy also left behind, declared abruptly that he no longer wanted to be friends anymore and wouldn’t care less if I felt the same way!

The last straw was blown to winds…. Everybody had hung me out to dry.

I felt sad and lonely. I was nearing retreat and struggling to be mates!

For the mess, I placed a lot of blame on myself. I was canceling weekend plans. I was forgetting to respond to text messages for days. It felt like I hadn’t invested time in fueling friendship. It was like I usurped everything to run it dry. I could have shown more interest in my friends and their families. Instead I chose to spend a lot of my free time sulking and arguing myself.

Why I couldn’t have someone to call a best friend ?

Why wouldn’t I have a guest list nice and long enough to reserve more than a table for two on my Anniv blast?

With so many screaming lives running at full speed and in different directions, it’s hard to slow down long enough to find and develop new friends. People are hooked more than ever onto devices; so finding someone who would care more for a real life connect is a challenge.

Did I get to make new friends?…

I realized that I needed a few things before I could rake up quick rapport with someone. Little did I know then that I was prepping myself for a new decade; both in age and life!

And this is how I saved myself hours of tepid, dead-end banter…

It was my call…so;

Feature credits:’ Value of Friends”by manu7 production in Youtube.com on Nov. 13. 2017.

I hustled to bore people!

Aren’t we all aware of the things to talk about when we meet somebody for the first time? Sports, weather, work… trivia only; and we worry that anything close to our heart might scare people away. This drift of playing safe, stonewalls everything we build to know about a person- if he or she is the right one to be a friend in the making!

Daring outcomes, I decided to let go of the slipshod gossip and went straight for what moved me.

“What do you think is the best television finale of all time?” “Have you heard about the Pentagon’s recent UFO report?”

I would find these to be a great starter so long as they could stir up some interest for me. I would back away if it worked otherwise and that would save me some rancid moments!

Whatever…I thought either way I would end up happy all the same.

If I could strike a chord; I have won, If I didn’t…

Well! I never liked the idea of going public and make myself speak out to strangers in the first place.

Besides I abhorred the idea of putting down my phone whenever I went public!

I pushed myself to get curious about people

“What’s a belief you have that has changed over the course of your life?” “What has been challenging for you the last year?”

Asking something like this helps to strengthen the fetters, or so I thought. Knowing each other’s opinion over things trivial without judging them might just about crush the challenge.

It felt good;I thought I have finally found a way to make the kill!

But It didn’t work out that way for me …

May be I was asking them to reveal so early about who they were or trying to be. I realized that there is no substitute for time when we think of bonding strongly to somebody.

So I pulled off those superficial stunts to avoid rejection and…

I didn’t have to wait for long to feel connected.

My take on this?...

Next time you’re partying, or hanging around with some one you might want to befriend, ask yourself what’s worth sharing and what’s worth knowing.

Get right to it only thereafter.

I decided to give it a try and said “cheese!”

Seriously! I tagged in ‘smile‘ on my list, for I think it is a powerful way to pickup connections. For one thing, smile takes you out of your head and defines you as profound as it goes. For another, you are no longer being dismissive or cruel.

Besides, who would want to be friends to some grumpy, irritable or crestfallen face?

So, I thought if I could connect to someone by showing off those pearly whites; why not?

I could afford to burn a little, if that helps!

I stepped out of the box

Am I limiting myself? I could easily hit it off with people some 10 years older than me. The only glitch was that I wasn’t sure if I would find somebody brave enough, to hero a dingbat like me…

And it felt like a half baked whiz kid idea fated to end miserably.

A fabled friend to many in the past, I couldn’t dare to stick my neck out and get along with 25-something people either!

I find no shame in struggling a bit; yet I couldn’t find that one soul, I was looking for.

I know this happen sometimes; but to me it happened one time too many. I did come across people who would share mutual respect for Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings and Jumanji. Next thing we know, we would be meeting for weekly brunches and all that pep talk!

But like always…it’s harder. I would end all screwed up. I can’t get past the feeling that I was the only person in the party without a partner in crime.

It just wouldn’t work for me.

Whatever the reason, I decided to stay put and not get discouraged. I knew that with enough self confidence, flexibility and patience, some day I will find friends – and get to keep them for life.

I wouldn’t queue up though!

Today, down the line with 10 years of craziness behind me, it doesn’t feel valley low. I remember to laugh, listen and be kind. I wouldn’t ever let no one who comes to me, leave without feeling better and happier.

I did though find someone freaking awesome with a beautiful mind!!

Life has since taken a coin flip for good. I hum with joy and stay stoked all day long. I wake up each morning wondering if my Octopus teachings did score a point!

“What are you saying”? she would quip; “Friends are a choice to make and don’t come with a tag”; if I were to tell her what it all means to me.

“Why would you say that you get lonely when both of us know that we are not desperate to find each other every day of our lives? “

“Isn’t being together and sharing, the same thing as friendship?”

And she would lit up the world for me.

Both of us would agree and smile but she would still chide softly.

A shy person’s quick guide to help you discover the right kinda friend! Let’s get you grow and change. Face up, and heads will turn as you walk into the room!

To be or not to be…Friends surprisingly make you a happier person, only if you could be with the real ones!!

23rd Oct 2021 soulshop.com 5 Comments

If you think that you are done with friends in life, it’s time you tell yourself a different story.

Like love, friendship is a thick soupy word and a messy business. It’s hard to be friends with someone who couldn’t hold your hands, or cut loose your heart strings. It’s harder to look for companionship if it comes with the shroud of secrecy surrounding it. Friendship is rather a stretchy word. It’s more of a life choice that you hesitate to fully buy into, fearing darker truth may come out later.

Friendship means something different every time we say it. It’s what a relationship isn’t. You may find good mature acquaintances but they don’t really get you good lasting friendship. At times hopelessly vague; ‘calling them a friend’ doesn’t help. “Let’s just be friends” is a no less confusing either because it could mean anything. From bosom friend to pink of a crush, all it does is communicate what you never meant in the first place.

In fact, there is not one single great word for the kind of relationship that you have with the ones you love or loved. Give the requited attention a miss and the other person won’t find you awesome enough to hit it off.

Yet you shrug and say, “Sure.” And try again. But it’s weird and gets murkier.

When you think about it, you have no idea what it means to be with real friends.

Think about them and you will still touch yourself.

Perhaps ‘friend’ is a catch-all high sign that helps in ignoring bittersweet emotions.

Get into the Act

I grew up a shy introvert with terrible socializing barriers and was often shelled with embarrassing suggestions by those around me. Honestly, I did muster enough courage to try them all and overcome my fears. But soon I realized that it’s lot easier and more effective to be kind than to try to act confident.

I never tried to compete with the extroverts. I let them win at their game. Instead, I decided to invent my own circle—went all-in on being as thoughtful as possible and this is what I found out.

Everyone loves to hang out one time or the other, with the person who won’t say or do anything to hurt your feelings. But not wanting to hurt someone’s beliefs and opinions isn’t friendship. Real friends never coddle egos. They always tell the truth, love spending time together and never get awkward in each other’s company. Good news, bad news and secrets, they share everything. Gossip and late night wakes; it’s all part of lives in bonhomie.

Like everybody else, I too wanted to be friends with every single person on this planet. Probably more so, but not with someone who wants kinda attention that I’d prefer not to give. I had learned that coming out with the truth was way better off than using words that are so vulnerable to misinterpretation. When you tell somebody you want to be friends, but you really don’t, you are not letting them down gently. Mocking hits like a harsh acquittal. It hurts no matter how gently you have hurled the bomb.

Perhaps sometimes we get to learn about friends the hard way.

Are true friends hard to get by!

In university one of my buddies fell hard for a gal who wasn’t into him. She had a crush for a guy Robin who looked smarter and was perhaps wealthier. Of course, Robin wasn’t into her.

It confused and hurt everybody, especially my mate.

But it was kinda different too. Both heand the girl were doing fine and everything a couple would, except touch. Dates, long walks, deep conversations, partying ; it seemed fascination was blossoming. One day he asked her if she thought friendship could turn into romance. He would muse how his mom couldn’t stand his dad before they got married. A day later she uninvited him to a party.(Robin was going to be there.). What followed was enough to shake up things badly. Sullen moods and peppery behaviour crept in slowly. Finally he couldn’t take it anymore, and stopped returning her calls.

A year went by, and then one day both ran into each other. She came up and regretted. “Can we be friends?”

“What do you mean…?” he asked.

“If I see you, I’d like to come up and say hi.” It sounded more like she wanted him to acquit her of all guilt. Both agreed to smile and wave if their paths ever crossed. Fears of misplaced trust, broken promises and brazen lies, all fell apart in that one moment of regret.

Fortunately, he never saw her again.

That story tells what lot many people mean when they say they want to be friends, yet prefer kind of stealth friendship where deeper feelings never grow. If you are honest you usually wouldn’t want to be “just friends”. It’s hard but being “real friends” means you don’t hold onto your emotions and actually make yourself available to someone who might requite your feelings.

Real life stories like this one grow on trees but payoffs are important!

Contemplating a relationship as a sack of rotten tomatoes when things turn sour, is like eyeing everything with serious skepticism. Crush aside, you should expect no one to be your real friend until you stop wanting romance to creep in your emotions. Before then, being around them will only rip your heart apart.

Funny! There is a simple fix for this

Nobody is hard wired to spend time crying out for someone who cheats under the cloak of stealth friendship, forever. And you need not hate somebody to realize that they are not good for you either. It’s nobody ‘s fault. The chemistry simply hasn’t struck. The slyness has prevailed!

So, gift yourself the truth! Firstly to be friends you need to ease off being sheep eyed. And in the second place, if you think of someone as your friend each time you look for favors; then honestly you are not ready for friendship.

Ease off till you could show some respect to your affinity. Pull up your head, put aside your phones and the world around you will no longer be clueless. Smiling, holding doors and saying hello to strangers; those powerful gestures will make you stand out. Seeing people, acknowledging them, showing some respect might mean you are charming and perhaps charismatic too. Trust me, the frenzy of warm hands reaching out to you, in turn, would leave you overwhelmed.

But is it enough to get you good friends; the real ones?

Countless times I have met people who didn’t click right away, only to be heard of later with a friendly gesture of sorts; sometimes through a mutual friend on social networking, at others maybe for a book exchange or casual film recommendation. These interactions spoke little but emotionally measured high. I guess, it’s kinda hard for me now to dislike someone who was thoughtful enough to have gone to lengths and make an effort to reach out!

Some people couldn’t make easy initial connections. If you are one of them, give yourself some time to dazzle. Once you think you have made the right choice and want to make a connect, reach out with whatever little beans you could muster to make their lives a bit brighter, even if in a small way.

Today, I gather I was right about my insights in the first place. Aches and pains not withstanding, I had aced the key to finding a soul buddy!! You may find my suggestions a tad basic, but that’s the point! If I have learned anything during my journey from a shy, floundering kid to a quiet thoughtful, self inventing, all smiles person who takes stock of the world in HD, I believe I did my basics well enough to have led myself so well.

If you are an introvert, don’t curse yourself for this innate skill. Hang on to it, for the one who listens, is rare and precious. Only a handful of us actually has this gift that sets us apart. Don’t chide yourself either, if you couldn’t hold onto to your lead. “You only get one chance to make a first impression”; every Tom, Dick and Sally would love to tear into you. Sure! But a lot has changed and this cliche’ is your buried past now. Chance to strike a conversation is just a click away!

How would you feel if you open your phone and a message is waiting from someone you just met, wishing you well for your upcoming interview? Or how about you sending a one-of-a-kind get-well-soon message to your ailing elderly neighbor?

Uh oh! No this isn’t about copywriting beauty and the beast. Privy characteristics such as kindness turn emotions toasty, takes the chill off and outwits brains and air when it comes to accepting connections! So do a little jig, get yourself out of the weeds. You will have fun and find joy reaching out to real friends.

Feature credits: ‘A Real Friendship’ by manu7 production in youtube.com on Dec.19, 2017.

Happiness needs a warm hand

A real friendship never sucks! It stems from mutual understanding and respect. It’s not meant to serve pleasure or purpose all the times. Rather a good friend is for friendship sake; the gold equivalent of human relationship. A lucky few of us might get a handful of real friends in our lives and it shouldn’t matter if they are relatively new. It’s their uniqueness that makes them amazing and priceless.

I have always found the intriguing connection between friends, happiness and longevity a bit weird but promising. The cutting edge made me feel zesty. I found myself surrounded by good people- people who never failed to remind me if I needed a haircut; people who complimented me and hauled me over in crises. Life never fell short of league of gentle folks. Listen, watch, notice and praise…these were small actions, but they helped me feel good for everything about me, admire myself and have strong ties with others.

If you are anything like me, rub some dirt on your fears, sell yourself a lot of quality friendship and trust me, you will ripe through a ‘golden-over-the-hill’ life. Try not to forget that real friends are meant to share concerns and confidences, build trust and not always be a sham listener or a crazy admirer.

Sometimes you cannot push a special connection between friends. It just happens. Two people come together, who find ease between them instantly and are comfortable in their skins. Laughing away at silly jokes for hours or talking the night away; a lasting relationship begins to fall into place between two people who understood each other well by simply being themselves. The spark wouldn’t douse even if the two “thieve” enormous pint or two of bourbon and celebrate!

So! where would you find the kindred-spirit that accommodates your mood, occasionally mimics intimacy and excites you in ways different than those you would otherwise face when spending time alone; quietly. Could you think up of an egghead who has all the signs of a true friend? Where should you look for one and know if that somebody is the big Daddy you were hunting for?

Taverns, bars, coffee shops, clubs, and even rec rooms are the usual joints that foster inner circles among people. Yeah! This is the tribe of savvy thinkers who will get you to realize that all that sweating, lifting and walking is not absolutely necessary for finding happiness. It is here that sharp contrast of unselfish indulgences change hands. It is here that your voice could finally get to grow some teeth. And, it is here that a good Johnny-on-the-spot could hammer some sense out of your successes, failures, opportunities and help you choose differently.

Someday you will make the naysayers jealous

I never realized that rushing lifestyles could reduce relationships into commodities so fast. It has left every relationship hanging by thread and every affinity slain of excitement. In all our complexities, we have shrunk to titles and net worth and eye each other as a means to an end. It is difficult to know who is legit and who pretends.

It all feels so punishing and fiendishly difficult…isn’t so?

Putting on a smiley face or saying right things and turning their back when the going gets tough, makes a difficult choice between deceit and uprightness. Props in hard times alone do not matter. A friend is someone who genuinely wants to see you succeed and is happy to see things go well for you in life; each time, every time. A true mate loves the person you are, with all the flaws and quirks and imperfections.

That doesn’t mean friends agree all the times. Rattling opinions help expand horizons! If your choice has been the right one, you will find yourself surrounded with people who share your values but warn you the moment you start falling off the track.

Worse luck! if your buddy wouldn’t help you to make the right choice even if that means saying something that you never wanted to hear in the first place.

“Don’t walk behind me, I may not lead. Don’t walk in front of me, I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.” ~ Albert Camus.

Close affinities like good friends just don’t pop out of nowhere and mature fast. So, if you happen to have more than a handful of real good ones, you are indeed blessed. Making and keeping real friends smells of a rare experience. Each lasting friendship represents a world within us, a world that is not born until they arrive. And it is only when we bump into each other, a new world is born for us.

So, get busy being an amazing human being. Be a good one and knight hearted. If you haven’t reached out in a while to the people in your life who love and support you; learn to do so. The awe of discovering a BFF will smitten you for good. Perhaps then you could make out what Mary Tilley (94) of two children, four grandchildren and two great-grandchildren, meant of Evelyn Hodge as friend- they had lived next door to each other for over 72 years in Britain– when she mused;“Evelyn is great company”.

Someday you too might as well get to get a real good friend who celebrates life with you.

Till then, keep smiling and face up…

It’s never too late to walk off into the sunset!!

Just when you thought the words vegan, dairy-free cream cheese and caramel slice didn’t belong in the same sentence, the fanciest of desert recipe of sweet toothed heaven begins to take shape.

SWEET, NATURAL AND SINFULLY DELICIOUS – TRY THESE 12 SUPERFOOD DESSERTS FOR YOUR PEEPS THIS SUMMER!!

9th May 2021 soulshop.com Leave a comment

Creamy, gooey, sticky and sweet desserts with little or no milk, cream, butter or eggs? Sounds nightmarish for dessert lovers, right? But you couldn’t be more deceived! Decadent and simply delicious, these super food delights could be made without a hint of an animal product. Sparse in calories and dense in antioxidants, vitamins and minerals, these foods have the punch to lift your mood besides lowering your cholesterol and reducing the risk of cardiac diseases and a host of health hazards.

New and improved lifestyle and eating habits have seen traditional desert favorites change into more appropriate versions. It is now possible for you to “have your cake and eat it too”. These healthy desserts are here not only to satisfy a sweet tooth, but also be a energy packed fuel source to help you ride through the day.

Here are 12 top of the chart super food desserts that you can indulge in guilt-free.

Coconut Aquafaba Macaroons

*Image source: ‘Simple Coconut Macaroons’ by Joyce Gan in onegreenplanet.org.*

When you can’t throw-in some aged Parmesan or thick creamy burrata on any old traditional desert for an instant flavor enhancement, it’s time to get creative and think differently.

Of course, when it comes to decadent desserts, egg, cream and butter seem to make appearances all too often but would you believe that even a vegan dessert like cute looking coconut aquafaba macaroons, completely plant based, healthy, and high in protein could be just as flavorful and healthy? Aquafaba is the viscous water in which legume seeds such as chickpeas have been cooked. Due to its ability to mimic functional properties of egg whites, aquafaba is used as an egg substitute in this vegan dish. To make these vegan macaroons, you need unsweetened, finely shredded coconut. You want to reign in the sugar rememeber !! and finely shredded coconut to hold together in whipped aquafaba. which works best with no more than two and a half minutes of beating when it starts to get foamy with stiff peaks.

Made without eggs, condensed milk, or any type of dairy, macaroons are a tasty treats and a visual delight. All the coconut provides healthy fats, which is good for hormone balance, skin, and energy levels. With base made of unsweetened shredded coconut, almond flour, Himalayan sea salt and pure maple syrup or coconut nectar, coconut oil and vanilla extract pitch in to take your bagel game to next level of flavors.

Strawberry & lime cheesecake

One of the most luxurious and delicious cheesecake, this cheesecake is packed with berries and super foods that are a warehouse of nutritional benefits.

Made with fresh strawberries in the summer when they’re in season, and frozen strawberries in the winter, this dessert is light, fruity not too sweet either. You can pair it with strawberry sauce, chocolate, coconut, or pretty much any other fruit. A chocolate drizzle could be just as perfect for any occasion. A fruity, dense creamy delight, you could indulge in this tangy lime accent dessert, where its weird sourness won’t let you turn away.

Shortly before serving, spread a little bit of whipped cheese cream on top if you couldn’t do without that silky delicate smoothness and decorate with the strawberries. Sprinkle a bit of grounded cinnamon on top and serve with the raspberry coulis and you will stop frowning! It’s so light and refreshing.

Berry & Cashew Cream Dessert “Pizza”

Pizza for dessert? Weird but you heard it correctly. Indulge your sweet tooth with this delicious, healthy dessert “pizza”. The fresh berries, hearty whole grains, and savory coconut make it a unique vegan dessert option that is full of so many nutrients to fuel your body. Layers of maple-cashew cream, toasted nuts and fruits make it the ultimate health dessert that has tones of awesome textures and sweet berry flavor full of frozen goodness. Try it for one of those summer barbecue parties and its sure will be a hot favorite to spice up the bash.

Yep! This tasty, healthy food packed with berry goodness, also happens to be vegan and packs in plenty of proteins from cashews, almond butter, and hemp hearts.

Grasshopper Pie

This incredibly easy no bake dessert is packed with nutrition and is an indulgent treat that tastes more like a thin mint cookie in frozen pie form!

It’s super easy to make and boasts of a fudgy crust with a light-as-air minty cream filling which is fluffy with a super fresh minty taste that’s not so overwhelming either!! Pair it with chocolate if you find the flavors too subtle and want that extra tartness to bring a zing of flavors- like in those addictive cookies.

And that gorgeous pastel green color is no food coloring but pops out of that super food protein medley! The protein powder is all organic, non-gmo, vegan and gluten free. It contains all the essential amino acids,18 grams of complete protein in every serving to be exact! Not to mention all the fiber, vitamins, minerals, omega-3 fatty acids and antioxidants each serving carries.

Try a few spoonful of the mint cream straight to your mouth before you even get around to pouring it on the crust. You could be practically drinking the stuff!!

Blackberry Poppy Seed Crumb Cake

If you love crumbles, try this healthy version of a classic crumb cake with a wholegrain shortbread made from spelt (hulled wheat), nut butter, poppy-seed filling, fresh and sweet blackberries and laced with cinnamon. You’d love this because it’s forgiving and you could use a mixed bag of fruits to add zest to the dessert your way; even summer stone fruits like sliced peaches, plums or cherries could perk it up.

With a buttery crunchy topping, juicy veneer of strawberries, blueberries and blackberries and a soft airy inside, this crumb cake looks stunning and it’s super easy to make!

Chocolate Brownie Dessert Hummus

Dessert hummus is a blissful way to muzzle your sweet tooth. Loaded with nutrients, naturally sweetened and totally guilt-free, this healthy chocolate hummus tastes surprisingly like actual brownie batter.

The recipe works great as a dessert hummus platter with fresh fruit like strawberries, bananas, sliced apples, and raspberries. You can also spread it on pancakes, use it as a frosting for cake or vegan brownies, mix it into overnight oats or chia pudding or eat it straight from the bowl. The main ingredient in this brownie batter hummus is beans, and you could even try black beans, cannellini beans, hummus chickpeas or garbanzo beans. This is one of those deserts that could bowl you over with its tang of flavors.

Petha

*Image source: ‘Delicious food of Raipur’ by Aarushi S. in budgetindianvacations.wordpress.com.*

Petha is made by cooking winter melon (also known by the less appetizing name of “ash gourd”) in sugary syrup. Eaten as is or dipped in yet more sugar syrup, this delectable treat is made with winter melon and comes in different flavors and with unique add-ons, too. Discover the delicate flavors and natural freshness that comes packed in this confection flavored with pistachio, coconut, mango, or even laced with silky saffron. Winter melon is slated to have several health benefits, including easing off acidity and digestion issues. This soft fruity desert looks like dollop of crystal and is as pretty as it is sumptuous.

Ela Ada

This is a snack that originated in the Indian state of Kerala and is quite popular as an authentic traditional delicacy made with rice flour, jaggery and coconut. It can be served for morning breakfast or even for evening snack with a cup of tea or coffee if you are an avid foodie and love sugary treats .Grated coconut and jaggery are nestled inside rice flour dough before being steamed inside a banana leaf wrap. It looks deceptively simple, but the banana leaf wrap adds another dash of taste to the little dumpling. Lightly sweet with a distinct fragrance, this is one perfect vegan dessert to cap off a rich nosh.

Banana & Chocolate Bread

*Image source: ‘Eggless Banana Walnut Chocolate Chip Loaf . Simple & delicious ‘ by Deba @PAB in passionateaboutbaking.com on Ap.29, 2019.*

For those days when you crave for desserts but pull back for you are watching your weight as well, this all-time favourite cake made with ripe bananas & chocolate is your best bet. This dessert is an ideal eat on a day when all is not well or on a day you’re craving for comfort dessert! And, above all, it’s vegan and tastes just as good as a regular dessert. Combining the sweet flavor of ripe bananas with chocolate or cocoa powder, this dessert is very similar to walnut flavored banana bread. You could serve this dessert with a choice of frosting, but could also share it as a snack over a cup of tea or coffee.

Cinnamon Roll

These pillowy soft and luscious homemade cinnamon rolls topped with a perfect cream cheese glaze are the quintessential deserts treat and so easy to make! A delicious tasting cinnamon roll pairs in raw nut and seed flours with cinnamon spiced puréed figs and raisins- all pitched in. Roll up a batch or two and store them as a premade dessert in your freezer. They are so easy to slice when frozen and can then be dehydrated for a warmed “baked-like” texture.

Feature credits: kitchenstories.com

Always making for a perfect hit, this delight of a dish can lift a bleh day and carry it to a delicious end. So fragrant and not at all dry or crumby these cream cheese glazed rolls are simply delicious and make for an unforgettable flavor punch.

Coconut Cream Pie

A super food dessert version of the conventional coconut cream pie, this vegan recipe skips the cooking process and leaves out the eggs, milk, butter and cream too. Instead of dairy, rich almond milk and young coconut meat lend the dessert a cream pie-like consistency and is a perfect delight for those with big eyes for sugary treats when used with chia, coconut oil, cacao butter and Irish moss. In fact, this classic dessert is a hot favorite among those who love the earthy flavors. Coconut in the pastry cream filling gives it a refreshing burst of flavors. If you love treats with flaky crusts, thick and creamy fillings and a fluffy whipped cream topping then this pie is just for you!

Banana Cream Pie Parfaits

This vegan banana cream pie parfait is made with a buttery cracker and sweet coconut “crust”, layered with fresh bananas, homemade coconut pudding, and a dollop of whipped cream. Scrumptious, natural and low on sugar, this is one creamy dessert that you’d want to miss! You could top up your parfait with plenty of chocolate shavings for truly delicious afters. Simple and easy to make, this sweet, goodness loaded treat is any time delight especially during the spring and summer, when you’re looking for a yummy chilled dessert.

Feature credits: kitchenstories.com.

It’s never enough!!

The taste of sweetness is a completely natural inclination and reminiscent of our innate longing for gooiest, soppiest, mushiest and above all sugariest! While juicy ripe fruits could be our first choice when reaching to quench this desire, there is no need to starve ourselves of sweetie delights that can spring a moment of happiness in our life. But then… there is always bias to abuse too much of a good thing. It would do some good if you could find a healthy balance between simple pleasures and excess, no matter how good sinking your teeth in a delicious dessert feels. All you need to remember; ‘too much of anything is bad and nothing works well if taken in excessive’. Going to extremes risks neck or nothing.

So, sit back after a hearty dinner, laze off and relish the magical sweetness of these delightful desserts – guilt free!!.

Happiness is a warm friend

Hanging out with friends could actually make you happier than nesting with your family : Here’s why

7th Oct 2020 soulshop.com Leave a comment

If you believe that spending time with your kids and spouse is the key to your happiness, you could be in for a surprise! People actually experience higher level of wellness being while chilling around with friends than they do when spending time with their family!!

It’s shocking but true!

For quite a few, happiness does not mean spending time with family and finding relevance in unpleasant tasks like chores or caretaking duties. People admit that they usually feel higher sense of well being once they find themselves surrounded by friends and laze around, rather they do when in comforting nearness of their romantic companion or kids. Strangely, happiness marker falls sharply being around with romantic partners!!

It’s so hard to believe but our brains are wired like this. We prefer to spend more time doing enjoyable activities with friends than with our family members. What more, the bond between friends gets stronger with age and eventually could outweigh the connect with the family. These relationships ‘make a world of difference’ and even explain why and how often people feel sick, and happy.

Does this has anything to do with the kith-kin relationship? Why ‘mere presence’ of kids, romantic partners on one side and friends on the other do not promise similar level of happiness?

Most frequent things that people do when in company of their romantic partners include socializing, relaxing and dining out. These are no different from what they do when in the company of their friends; but there is a catch here. They just do a lot more of these fun activities while hanging with their friends and virtually no housework in the bargain. What’s more surprising is that people feel similar level of wholesomeness while in presence of friends, partners and children, once the household chores and commuting activity is taken out of their daily lives.

There definitely is a lesson here!!

Family relationships that rally around housework and childcare tend to lose sheen fast and most likely will shed a lot of happiness quickly. On the contrary, when we create opportunities for positive experience and spend exciting times with our family, we get to appreciate those moments inwardly.

Surround yourself with people who make you happy

Who makes us happy? Highly likely, it is someone that we had spent a significant amount of time with. And how does it matter to our happiness and well being? Those of us who associate themselves with cheerful people have a happier attitude and consequently a better sense of well being. It’s one person’s happiness that influences moods of those around him. It’s a chain reaction. The closer you are to such people, the longer their disposition affects your mood. The longer you live close to such a person, the stronger the effect is.

Life is too short to live miserably. Get surrounded by people who could make you happy. Find ways to turnoff anyone and everyone who breathes down your neck. Remember, heightened happiness always relieves you of stress and the rush of optimism that follows could be overwhelming.

For once let go of things. Stand true to your habits and just push over that first domino; the fear of making a worthy choice- between family and friend.

Happiness needs a warm friend

A good friendship is one that stems from mutual respect and rejoinder. It may not make us feel good but then it’s not meant to serve either pleasure or utility. Rather its friendship for friendship sake- the gold equivalent of human relationship. A lucky few amongst us may have a handful of good friends at any given time in our lives and it does not matter if they are lifelong or relatively new. It’s their uniqueness that makes them irreplaceable.

Then there is a generally accepted connection between friendship, happiness and longevity. Trust me you are more likely to ripe through a golden ‘over-the hill’ life if you savor good health and contentment.

So, go ahead… sell yourself a lot of quality friendship and try not to forget that friends are important to us not only as a person who gives an earful but because a great many interactions– largely unplanned-help build trust amid shared concerns and confidences.

Times spent in taverns, bars, coffee shops, clubs, usual haunts are the obvious examples that create inner circles among friends. They largely accommodate your mood, frequently mimic intimacy and excite you way different than you would otherwise experience when spending time quietly within a staid family.

It is here that sharp contrast of accommodating changes come to blows. The post WW-II ‘baby boomers’ who rejected and shelved the traditional values, today prefer to hold family in esteem much above the friends. Gen-Xers see family and friend as a distinction with less of a difference. And millennials live in a world where friends equate if not truly trump the family.

It’s not hard to accept that one thing that characterizes this generation. The amount of weight and heft it lends to friendship. For once the voice of ‘we’ has grown more teeth and ‘we’ is now not always traditional family, a home, a child or a romantic partner. Sometimes it is good friends hammering sense out of success, failure, opportunities and …choosing differently. While family relationships are ‘often enjoyable too,’ these involve serious and negative interactions too.

This does not mean that a typical family rupture is inevitable as turning points assault family togetherness. It’s just that the millennial generation does not fancy family as a ‘go-to’ frame of reference any longer. Maybe because friendship has turned intuitive. May be making & keeping friends whiffs of a rare experience; one that ignores and pushes the family connect right under the carpet.

Close affinities like family just don’t pop out of nowhere and mature fast. Some would argue that at times it protects from negative association of friends too. Probably yes! but it’s a whole different kind of ‘we,’ completely separate from the friendship, that I am referring to.

Staving off monotony is not enough to score over family!

“If we don’t unpack our experiences, we’re right on to the next thing and never really think, ‘What does this mean for me?’ or ‘How did this influence where I’m going next?’” Kelly Guilbeau (Center for Careers, Life, and Service )

Comfortably said, friendship is no more than a navigation tool to happiness but it’s uncertain continuity tends to shift priorities. Preferring people who give an earful to our voices doesn’t mean that we can be friends only with those who never challenge our thoughts. Holding hands and striking friendship even with a romantic companion and kids could be a better deal to save the day.

At the end of the day search yourself. “Is this friendship right for me at this point in life? How good is to have so many turning points in my life that aren’t about kids or taking care of parents…but about friendship!! …You win the game, if you have answers to these nagging sores.

In any case you need a good deal of emotional intelligence to handle this. You have to know what you are biting into, what’s a deal breaker and what you are willing to let go. You have to know what matters to you most and when it’s time to prove naysayers wrong…for the choice is all yours!

To me, it’s as simple as that.

Don't hold expectations for what happens tomorrow . Just live the change.

Thank you so much for your like and subscribe. . Hope you'll have a great time sharing my space!!

Nice post.I subscribed. Have a nice day🍀☘️⭐️💝

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Hey awesome 👌 👏 Love your content ✨ 💕 Thanks for sharing

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Don't hold expectations for what happens tomorrow . Just live the change.