Humble” is not the word how my colleagues and seniors would have described me, especially early in my career. In fact I suspect quite a few might have literally choked over their coffee when word got around what I was digging into.
This was a stumping mix-up for me as much. I was nonplussed, a little puzzled perhaps but more entertained by the situation.
Yet I was drawn in completely. My curiosity was piqued and oddly riveted to this quirky expression ‘humility’.
Was practicing it really going to help me get ahead? There was not much awareness about it doing the rounds back then. Not much of a reference was available either. It was obvious not to have answers to everything. But I was aware that somehow self awareness will make things better for me.
I have spent over a decade ever since then, exploring and examining the concept, as it stays the most sought after attribute and a practice. It wasn’t until recently that I began to reflect on my own professional and personal challenges and could truly understand how embracing humility helps.
I’m aware my story up to this point is all ho-hum and doesn’t sound interesting. But every narrative is not casual or consequences free action. The blowback it brings is usually evolving and transformative. Still to get down to brass tacks it is important that you must have an accurate and grounded view of yourself. This isn’t about thinking less of yourself; it’s simply thinking of yourself less. Once you’ve figured out how to step outside your ego, your confidence will quietly balance itself with a deep sense of openness for others. You may decide to extol it as a virtue but risk of being misinterpreted never diminishes.
In this manner I’m often mistaken as a sophisticated, unassuming, self deprecating bigmouth who brags crudely but still struggles to talk big. “I really hate talking about myself, but people endlessly keep asking how I manage to pull off a side gig while working full time.” An overused cliché, it’s a running gag that never dies and yet obligingly is so helpful in unmasking the mindset of everyone around you. At times it sadly reminds me of ‘imposter syndrome’. A persistent feeling of self-doubt- despite clear evidence of one’s actual success- is typically so unnerving that every so often you’d feel stranded totally uncertain of your own skills, decisions or value.
For years altogether I have managed to hold on to a fairly accurate view of my abilities and achievements. So much so that to this day I could openly acknowledge my mistakes and limitations and be free to accept new ideas. I could recognize my place within a larger whole and genuinely appreciate the value of others.
Generally speaking humility hasn’t always earned me respect or praise. Sometimes I was dismissed as ‘weak’ and ‘soft’ and my attitude ‘meek, subservient and self-abasing’. But whenever it was understood as grounded self-awareness rather than self-alienating, my perspective became something worth pursuing and practicing.
In a world of Instagram likes and LinkedIn laurels, humility is the virtue everyone seems to admire but few bend to practice it. It’s the one we say we want but hang back to stand out in the crowd – until we confront the part of ourselves that craves affirmation.
Learning to be humble means taming your need to break the mold, stand apart- head and shoulders above- and become more grounded. This however in no way makes humility synonymous to low self esteem. While both involve modesty, humility is rooted in a healthy self-awareness whereaslow self-esteem stems from insecurity and self-doubt.
And yet if confusion persists between the two- since the line between both is too fine and disconcerting- it is best that you begin to overlook it as a trait. This mindset would involve listening actively; avoiding arrogance and showing grace in your interactions. But do not sell yourself short.
Here are five reasons why you should be more self effacing, calmer, graciously unassuming and deeply respectful in your everyday life if you want to grow.
It Lets You Learn More
If you are the one who learns fast from past mistakes to improve yourself then you are pretty close to benefitting and becoming likable by doing things differently. Humility makes you understand your imperfections and allows you the willingness to learn doing things the right way. It keeps you grounded in every situation and lets you improve the bottom line. Without humility, you are kinda blinkered and close minded when it comes to improving and growing.
You’ll Build Strong Relationships
One of the clearest benefits of humility is that it makes you good at flexing and flowing. It ensures you turn more altruistic, likeable and relevant than you could ever think of.
Look at it this way; how many people have you met who consider themselves better than everyone else and never quit bragging about it; sometimes even rub their achievements in other people’s faces? Probably not many; my best guess- very few if any at all. Everybody understands that people would not want to be friends with those who are haughty and pretentious. Being unreceptive and ostentatious is one blind spot that would leave you hidebound.
Modesty, in between is entirely connected to consequences of a relationship. With it satisfaction, forgiveness, admiration and every other relational emotion begins to get warm and alive. It opens the door to enduring relationships, healthier ideas and positive thoughts, making emotional resilience to take root with ease.
You Will Have a Bigger Impact
Do you think people indulge in charity solely out of selfish reasons or do they reach out because of their own kindness? Quite possibly you haven’t met many who are empathetic enough to have goodwill towards others. And that’s not unusual either. There are charitable people who are not humble but being humble doesn’t automatically make them a helpful person. A self absorbed person sees others as beneath them, not worth the time or effort. A humble person meanwhile views those same people as equal and in dire need. This shift in perspective is like opening a fence and finding the doorway to a more generous and noble life essentially relating more to the needs of others.
You’ll learn To See Beyond Yourself
Humility helped me in valuing other possibilities more than just my own ideas– free of shortsightedness and totally outside my ego. I started giving due credit to my colleagues and seniors. When something would go wrong, I’d desist from casting blame. Gradually I began to realize that at long last a new leaf had turned and I could now make a fresh start. I learned to appreciate that I was being acknowledged not for slamming or knocking down but for becoming an upstanding reformed fellow.
You’ll Get a Safe Space to Be Vulnerable
Humility makes people open minded and receptive to the idea of creating a safe and inclusive environment around them. These people do not hesitate to show up to the world as they are. In a judgment-free supportive environment, personal traits might be less than ideal but in the long run always pan out well. Vulnerability in fact urges you to muster strength to learn, create and take care of risks- effortlessly.
Let’s face it; you may see arrogance and imperiousness as your most trusted helpmates in your rise to the top. This may well be so in the beginning but as you move ahead they also become the surest ally to conspire your fall. With humility, on the other hand you’ll simply get more bees with honey. People want to do business with the people they like. Employees work harder for those they admire and respect. And longevity and happiness come more from humility than tyranny.
Are you still eager for a transition into a world of better living? If the answer is ‘Yes!’ just look around you, fix up things you’ve messed up in the past and like I said –“Start working on bettering yourself”.
The Maverick#59: Inspiring and empowering, for the best is possible. 