Tag Archives: Relationships

Life is all about discovering yourself. It’s about growing into someone you want to be and following the path that whispers your name. So stop, reflect and keep smiling!

No Matter What Your Day Throws At You, Just Listen To Your Heart!

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Have you ever felt like your life’s been a rollercoaster; one sec you are on the top of the World, the next you’re hurtling down to dumps?

Image credit: ‘-“Overwhelmed by Life? 12 reminders to help you feel better” by Courtney Carver in   bemorewithless.com

For me this oppressive feeling of going up and then down began back in my Junior high school days, in my eighth grade to be precise.

Before then, every moment in life was like a test run. There were exams, extracurricular activities, and the usual social pressures. But as the campus life appeared over the hills, things suddenly began to turn serious.

“These are some of the most important years of your life,” uninvited counsel would leave me rattled. “Make the best use of them if you want to be somebody”.

Every single thing, no matter how big or small, had begun to take a more serious effect. I would be swamped with ‘uncalled’ for suggestions. Clearly people were too eager to put in their two cents. If I didn’t do something right, my life was over. If somehow I did make some headway in the right direction, my future was mapped out and I was all set!

My life as I knew it was kinda white-knuckled ride with clinical rotations-unpredictable, distraught and always in an emotional flux. Reflecting is what I guess I did a hell of a lot then. I was constantly analyzing my decisions and would pounce immediately to judge my following conduct. I was deconstructing every nook and cranny of my hours and poring over my response every time. Was I was attempting hard to be better than I was the day before?

Some days this felt healthy, on others it would reek toxic.

Bit by bit I was beginning to realize that when you analyze every little thing in your life and try to put everyone else’s feelings before your own, it begins to eat you up. Your life then becomes more about correcting ‘mistakes’ rather than learning and growing from them.

May be for this reason alone I came to absolutely abhor the idea. “It is what it is.” I don’t really know why, but I did. Every time it made my skin crawl. I always thought, “Well it might be the way it is, but I think I can change what it is and it can be better”. Of course that turned out to be true in sometimes, but not always.  At times I just needed to accept things the way they were.

I reckon being headstrong or defiant for what you truly cannot control only lead to turmoil.

I fancy that– when things happen unexpectedly and begin to hit like a kick in the stomach, I need to allow myself to feel the feelings that come naturally. But I also keep intentionally reminding myself that I can learn from the experience. It helps and then I move on with the situation rather than struggle against it or try to “swim upstream.”

Image credit: ‘Motivation lyrics: The best songs to stay inspired and get motivated” in betterhelp.com

Keep Smiling-There’s a Friend in You

If you’re someone like me, it’s easy to set the bar unrealistically high. It’s easier to put an unwholesome noxious pressure on yourself every single day. Trust me it’s still simpler to block out feelings that need to be felt, and it’s easy to pretend that everything is Ok when it’s not. It is in this state of mind you’ll then find yourself wondering how or why you are struggling to stay afloat. You will miss the signs until one day you can’t ignore any of your problems any longer. This is when you’ve hit a breaking point. What’s been bottled up for so long will eventually spill over. The feelings will be overwhelming and you’ll be hit right where it hurts most, crushing your gentle and sensitive heart that you had tried so hard to protect. Nothing seems right then and the end doesn’t seem to be anywhere near. What was completely ‘fine’ for you one day turns into a complete mess in a moment.

You may think that once you get hold of your world, life will be a little easy and you’d be able to handle whatever it threw your way. Once settled there “should” be less “on your plate.” Plus, you’ve been around the block and know how to handle things. But, for many of us, newer miseries keep us busy. Aging parents, aging bodies, fragmenting connections; you may have different ways to say endless. But ‘the blues’ are unquestionably there.

Yeah, we may not have the same kinds of stress we had in our 20’s or 30’s, but it’s still unforgiving. It can totally cause emotional exhaustion. Maybe that’s the reason we need to remain calm, handle what life throws at us and be close to our heart.

This might be the story you know all too well. Just a gentle reminder!… even the strongest among us can’t completely protect their hearts for hearts aren’t meant to be protected. They are meant to be opened and shared with others.

So, be a little kinder to yourself and understand that nothing’s going to hurt you unless you want it to. We all are worthy of all the amazing things that life has to offer. We deserve to feel connected through heart, regardless of what our mind is telling us. All we need to do is keep reminding ourselves that we are entitled to feel happy, intelligent, loved, appreciated, undeniably beautiful and everything in between.

Image credit: “No matter where you are in your life” by Lindsey Rose in theodysseyonline.com

It knows all things!

Give yourself the advice you would give to your best friend, because you sure wouldn’t let them settle for anything less. Don’t wait for something to break the cycle of your life; show up for yourself. Find yourself, share your voice and be proud to be heard.

It is okay to feel things. I know it may be scary to let someone in but you know well you can light up the world with your heart and soul. So dance in your colors, move away from the dark. And never forget that you have everything you need right within your heart. If you fall, catch yourself and if you succeed, celebrate with a clinking glass of champagne.

It always feels good when you look up to your biggest cheerleader!

Those having experienced “meant for each other” emotion may say that it’s not about comeliness alone. But why this inherent love parts ways when pants on fire situations in life crumble it.

Together, Forever, Never Apart !- Why Love Stumbles When Life Falls To Pieces?

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Has it ever occurred to you that love is not enough to make everything work all the time? Have you loved somebody where you felt you weren’t happy and yet you kept saying, “But I love you so deeply. Isn’t that enough?”When was the last time you were happy and felt accepted when around them or did you find yourself anxious, fidgeting and largely misunderstood?

Image source: Valeria Miller in pexels.com

Sometimes our relationships mimic our insecurities and reflect how we feel about ourselves. Not before long this self doubt influences our judgment and harshly imposes itself to upset the very core of a loving relationship. It then becomes hard to accept the love that comes our way and not the one we think we deserve.

As a rule some people are just a better match for us than others. They outsmart us in every possible way. Not always of course, not everybody. I’m someone who doesn’t like to talk much but connect on a deep, emotional level. Unfortunately, I’ve a habit of choosing people who are either incapable of keeping a secret or just don’t like to connect or bond deeply. So I always end up feeling alone and misunderstood.

There is nothing wrong with them. It’s just that I am not a good match.

I think everyone has different comfort levels when it comes to vulnerabilities. Some people crave for intense emotional intimacy; some do not. My parents were married for eighteen years till he passed away at 42. For most part and as far as I remember they were happy and content and an adorable couple.

Years later I wonder if there’s a way to live my true self as they did. I have no right to judge them but I guess that’s how they had agreed to go along with in the first place.

For me though, I want more and need more!

You Are Never Too Much

Do you crumble at life’s circumstances easily or do you come out stronger each time you hit a wall? When life brings something painful and seems to come apart, how you bounce back actually determines if you have been brave enough to take all the aches and pains in your stride. You can either react emotionally and escalate your misery or face it resolutely and grow through it.

When in difficult situations I’ve stayed hoping that some miracle of all miracles would somehow happen. I treasured telling myself “Shouldn’t that be enough?” Unfortunately it doesn’t happen that way. It never has and it never will. Just loving somebody is never enough. The drama that life brings is inevitable. Would you want to waste time and effort if it’s going nowhere?

So whether your relationship leaves you unsure when world around you goes bust or asks far too many answers; look for these tell tale signs before you settle down feeling alone and out of sorts. You might just get your answer.

Love’s no longer even handed

When life is not kind, do you tell your beloved something that’s important to you? What you get in return -a comforting response or a hasty retort? “I really need to spend quality time with you because it lessens my worries and calming,” Do these words make them cringe or empathetic? If you are not understood correctly or even don’t want to heard , then love has begun backsliding .You’ve never been right for each other. It was always about the tangible world only.

Love isn’t about good days only; it’s about staying together when life takes a beating.  Otherwise…you’re in a lopsided relationship and you’ll never be fulfilled.

I remember the time I came home from an extremely stressful day and really needed to vent. To this day I couldn’t forget my spouse looking at me in shocked silence. I had never behaved the way I did that day. Eventually she snapped indignantly, ” I am not your girlfriend. If you want to talk like that call somebody else.” What could I have done with that? If she doesn’t want to talk to me or care about how my day went or that I’m stressed, where should I go?

It struck me later; ‘You do win some in love but you lose even more and the rest if any… slips out quietly’.

Do people want to know your real side?

It’s hard to guess when sand would begin slipping through the fingers.  Who really wants to see their flip side? If it still happens you’ll be left at your wits end and an air of indifference would suck out whatever shred of love is left there.  This is the time when you’re outside the comfort level of your vulnerability and crave for an intense emotional intimacy. You’ll have more of your past to deal with and won’t be able to a comeback from your darkest days.

Do you know why?

Image source: T. Leish in pexels.com

Love always goes on a back burner when some midlife crisis begins to burn you out in unsavory bursts. You no longer feel accepted and understood for all your quirkiness and irrationality. Clearly you need ‘more than you think and less than you want.’ If not then you are left perpetually dissatisfied and over the time love will probably erode itself away.

Honestly it’s all about a mindful existence where love alone doesn’t feed all the necessary elements for a positive outcome. You may love someone with everything you have got, be utterly smitten and it wouldn’t still be enough to build a stable relationship or walk you through hard times.

Living less frayed is always a better choice

When life takes a turn for worse it’s not unnatural people trying to put you down and make you feel like you can’t or won’t accomplish anything. Not loved or cherished by others, does your partner supports you or wears you down? For the most part your cheer leader needs to support and encourage you. But it doesn’t always happen the way you want. When drawn out for long, often love puts you down on the bench and make you feel you’re more trouble than it’s worth.

Life is not a whispered promise of sad losses only. It’s too short to be with someone who doesn’t believe in you. Choose ease over anguish. Your days should not be filled with angst, conflict or misery. Fix your side of the street and see if anything changes. If yes; you will get the chance to reinvent yourself. If not; you need to rethink- “Is my love not enough to bring home happiness again?”  

Way out?

Rejig your life. Love them. Hate them. But you can’t ignore that you have a life to reshape as well. There are still better ways to do that than you’d have thought.

Truly these questions can the change the world for you. All you need is to keep asking yourself. Not once but over and over. Every month, every six months, every six years . “Is my life better with them in it? Or is being in love as unromantic as it sounds? Am I finally with someone who could knock me off my feet? Have I finally found the one that makes me feel complete?”

In as much as you love them and as much as you think they love you, if they can’t be one in thousand reasons to meet your needs, then you’re throwing away the precious moments you are left with.

There are way too many wonderful people out there, but that doesn’t make them the right ones for you. Just because you love them doesn’t mean you can be happy with them when life collapses.

Image source: ‘Why it’s Unrealistic to Expect a Forever Relationship’ by Jackie Pilossoph in divorcedgirlsmiling.com

Loving someone is a choice but living a meaningful life is not an everyday bet. Choose your happiness wisely and while doing so choose love rather than it choosing you.

Happiness is a warm friend

Hanging out with friends could actually make you happier than nesting with your family : Here’s why

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If you believe that spending time with your kids and spouse is the key to your happiness, you could be in for a surprise! People actually experience higher level of wellness being while chilling around with friends than they do when spending time with their family!!

It’s shocking but true!

For quite a few, happiness does not mean spending time with family and finding relevance in unpleasant tasks like chores or caretaking duties. People admit that they usually feel higher sense of well being once they find themselves surrounded by friends and laze around, rather they do when in comforting nearness of their romantic companion or kids. Strangely, happiness marker falls sharply being around with romantic partners!!

It’s so hard to believe but our brains are wired like this. We prefer to spend more time doing enjoyable activities with friends than with our family members. What more, the bond between friends gets stronger with age and eventually could outweigh the connect with the family. These relationships ‘make a world of difference’ and even explain why and how often people feel sick, and happy.

Does this has anything to do with the kith-kin relationship? Why ‘mere presence’ of kids, romantic partners on one side and friends on the other do not promise similar level of happiness?

Most frequent things that people do when in company of their romantic partners include socializing, relaxing and dining out. These are no different from what they do when in the company of their friends; but there is a catch here. They just do a lot more of these fun activities while hanging with their friends and virtually no housework in the bargain. What’s more surprising is that people feel similar level of wholesomeness while in presence of friends, partners and children, once the household chores and commuting activity is taken out of their daily lives.

There definitely is a lesson here!!

Family relationships that rally around housework and childcare tend to lose sheen fast and most likely will shed a lot of happiness quickly. On the contrary, when we create opportunities for positive experience and spend exciting times with our family, we get to appreciate those moments inwardly.

Surround yourself with people who make you happy

Who makes us happy? Highly likely, it is someone that we had spent a significant amount of time with. And how does it matter to our happiness and well being? Those of us who associate themselves with cheerful people have a happier attitude and consequently a better sense of well being. It’s one person’s happiness that influences moods of those around him. It’s a chain reaction. The closer you are to such people, the longer their disposition affects your mood. The longer you live close to such a person, the stronger the effect is.

Life is too short to live miserably. Get surrounded by people who could make you happy. Find ways to turnoff anyone and everyone who breathes down your neck. Remember, heightened happiness always relieves you of stress and the rush of optimism that follows could be overwhelming.

For once let go of things. Stand true to your habits and just push over that first domino; the fear of making a worthy choice- between family and friend.

Happiness needs a warm friend

A good friendship is one that stems from mutual respect and rejoinder. It may not make us feel good but then it’s not meant to serve either pleasure or utility. Rather its friendship for friendship sake- the gold equivalent of human relationship. A lucky few amongst us may have a handful of good friends at any given time in our lives and it does not matter if they are lifelong or relatively new. It’s their uniqueness that makes them irreplaceable.

Then there is a generally accepted connection between friendship, happiness and longevity. Trust me you are more likely to ripe through a golden ‘over-the hill’ life if you savor good health and contentment.

So, go ahead… sell yourself a lot of quality friendship and try not to forget that friends are important to us not only as a person who gives an earful but because a great many  interactions– largely unplanned-help build trust amid shared concerns and confidences.

Times spent in taverns, bars, coffee shops, clubs, usual haunts are the obvious examples that create inner circles among friends. They largely accommodate your mood, frequently mimic intimacy and excite you way different than you would otherwise experience when spending time quietly within a staid family.

It is here that sharp contrast of accommodating  changes come to blows. The post WW-II ‘baby boomers’ who rejected and shelved the traditional values, today prefer to hold family in esteem much above the friends. Gen-Xers see family and friend as a distinction with less of a difference. And millennials live in a world where friends equate if not truly trump the family.

It’s not hard to accept that one thing that characterizes this generation. The amount of weight and heft it lends to friendship. For once the voice of ‘we’ has grown more teeth and ‘we’ is now not always traditional family, a home, a child or a romantic partner. Sometimes it is good friends hammering sense out of success, failure, opportunities and …choosing differently. While family relationships are ‘often enjoyable too,’ these  involve serious and negative interactions too.

This does not mean that a typical family rupture is inevitable as turning points assault family togetherness. It’s just that the millennial generation does not fancy family as a ‘go-to’ frame of reference any longer. Maybe because  friendship has turned intuitive. May be making & keeping friends whiffs of a rare experience; one that ignores and pushes the family connect right under the carpet.

Close affinities like family just don’t pop out of nowhere and mature fast. Some would argue that at times it protects from negative association of friends too. Probably yes! but it’s a whole different kind of ‘we,’ completely separate from the friendship, that I am referring to.

Staving off monotony is not enough to score over family!

“If we don’t unpack our experiences, we’re right on to the next thing and never really think, ‘What does this mean for me?’ or ‘How did this influence where I’m going next?’” Kelly Guilbeau (Center for Careers, Life, and Service )

Comfortably said, friendship is no more than a navigation tool to happiness but it’s uncertain continuity tends to shift priorities. Preferring people who give an earful to our voices doesn’t mean that we can be friends only with those who never challenge our thoughts. Holding hands and striking friendship even with a romantic companion  and kids could be a better deal to save the day.

At the end of the day search yourself. “Is this friendship right for me at this point in life? How good is to have so many turning points in my life that aren’t about kids or taking care of parents…but about friendship!! …You win the game, if you have answers to these nagging sores.

In any case you need a good deal of emotional intelligence to handle this. You have to know what you are biting into, what’s a deal breaker and what you are willing to let go. You have to know what matters to you most and when it’s time to prove naysayers wrong…for the choice is all yours!

To me, it’s as simple as that.