Everyone has vampires in their lives and like every relationship, marriage too is a ridiculously complicated one. It’s simple and easy to believe… that if only both individuals could get to know each other, understand each other’s needs and get comfortable with their surroundings, living a life with all its dark pleasures and experiences- healthy or unhealthy; would work epic.
Like sweet lies before the bed it would get under your skin and drive you nuts like some lemon bae!…all tangy and exciting.
It’s equally simple to say that people marry for love, but I believe it’s more about the joy of sharing things and experiences that makes for the most suitable material for wedding vows. When two individuals decide to live together, life is fated to turn upside down. Sometimes it’s not an easy one. An uncomfortable, bumpy road faces you. Understanding, likes and dislikes, need to know…challenges weigh heavy!
And it’s gets stormy and uncomfortable for those who couldn’t manage to keep moods high. Loss is inevitable if you don’t know how to cross stitch the canvas of life, needles going in and out, adhering to a pattern you cannot foresee or comprehend.
If you ask me, loss works just fine for weights and investments, but when it comes to living with a companion, you wouldn’t know a thing till countless panic attacks and anguish ransack you. Worry swallows you whole!
Over the past, the soreness of losses has grown. Some of us fume against the God, others find comfort in imagining multiple lives. Very few would look for solace elsewhere…
Haven’t we heard infinite times that a successful and everlasting marriage is forged with peace, love, and trust as primary choices. But what if it starts to lose it’s sheen? What if those snaky pencil scrawls, coffee chats, salty fried crumbly banana chips and clover leaves dried between the pages, begin to lose their craziness. What if all that pep talk about love and aftermath falls flat?
With just about everything else happening under the sun, wouldn’t it be fine to ignore the trite and build an elegant restraint for a successful loving relationship?
Here’s few simple ways to help you keep your togetherness blissfully alive and stoked!!
Choose to be attractive
Attraction is a decision that you need to make through out your marriage. You get to decide if your partner is hot and sultry!..if you are saucy enough to be exciting to your mate; if you are tasteful and zesty enough to be the zippy sparkling person she always wanted you to be! Who wouldn’t want to feel the excitement of being with a flirtatious, incredibly sexy and attractive partner?
Evolution has wired us to be drawn to anything and everything that appeals to senses. ‘Attraction thoughts’ likewise push you to focus on attributes that are exciting and drawing most. Like your beau’s great legs or the way she dresses or parents your kids? If this is freaking awkward; to you , it’s good news indeed!.… none of you have to be a cover model to feel attractive!!
Your happiness is only about feeling connected to each other. After all physical attraction runs far deeper than looks!
Giggle, chuckle, cackle or guffaw together
Life at times hurts, so if you can find some mirth even when you are in the thick of it, it helps. A laugh is what decides if you are being perspective. Finding hilarity in both good and bad times make partners find ease around each other. Be it some little inside joke, a silly irrelevant text or even watching a boring comedy together, connecting with your mate strengthens your bond even better.
Celebrate every small good moment for there will be none like it
Tough is a bad word, It’s dismissive and cruel. We all get our fair share of moments when our wits get thrown to wilds. It hurts, but to have someone in the weeds together, helps you shake off the despair easily.
And it’s just as important to acknowledge good times as well…together!
If you ask me, good things happen more often than the bad ones, but we miss those opportune moments to connect.
So, next time your mate shares anything positive like some admiration from office colleagues or compliment from the boss, drop everything you are doing and lend an earful! Help each other savor the moment by sharing and celebrating. Promise yourself to open doors to your heart. Your fleeting moments together with few precious grains of happiness will never fail to outweigh darkness.
Don’t let the thought of a probable breakup haunt you
‘I was hanging around with my friends, I just couldn’t get to call back’. ‘I am over my ex’. ‘You’re just overreacting, there’s nothing to hide’.
Any such thought, big or small, is a big ‘No’ for a healthy and trustworthy relationship. So, if you find this tormenting and hurting, it’s not mere reflection of your anxiety but a red flag of a non-serious relationship.
Justified or not, chances are that you might be thinking of moving out!
But who wouldn’t prefer a few joyous moments over all that gloom and darkness?
And it’s easy too!!
Simply, don’t hold grudges for too long in your heart. Forget the mistakes of the past and reach out for some happy moments of the future. No jumbo patience… and be forgetful of the past bitterness for the real joy comes by chance. Feel it in the peals of laughter at a passing joke that leaves you gasping for breath; when you cross your legs so you don’t pee on yourself for you couldn’t make it to loo. It’s snuggled in the movement of hands painting, knitting, cooking or even rhythm of your legs on long rambling walks. It’s both the feeling of rapids thundering inside you and in the soft humming overwhelming your heart.
Funnily, happiness collides with you only when you are looking the other way.
Even happy couples argue
With all that dancing and laughter and revelry- marriages are fun but being married isn’t always a piece of cake. There’s actually a lot that goes into living “happily ever after,” Not every marriage is happiness all the time. Like other relationships, sometimes marriages too hit a rough patch. But when in fight; happy marriages do listen to every view point, recognize them and if it threatens to go off the rail; try to mend them together!
Hinges crusted with past scabs, all that the door to your heart needs is a hard push. Ignore the screeching hinges and push firmly. Loving with all your heart, generously and fearlessly, will come back to you in dollops not dribs.
Accepting the inadequate rewards you with ever lasting bliss. In fact, being in argument means you’re normal and mad and hopelessly in love with each other!!
Age doesn’t matter
Been in wedlock for more than three decades and I have never considered age anything more than a numerical inaccuracy; some numbers that needs to be tackled all the time. The only thing that worries me is that it works more as a multiplier than as a division sum. We all get reduced to a fraction of what we once were!
But what the heck…!
At 40 you could still be the pig tailed gal or some jaunty good looking knock-out beau! Both of you could still climb the trees, jump the wall and beat up all the boys. Young and raunchy, fiercely ambitious with disdain for conventions, you both have had your share of one heartbreak, one breakdown, one true love, one success, one moment of despair and gloom – you have had mountains of them.
Yet looking into each other’s cringing eyes, creaking knees and despairingly loosening skin, things are not so crest fallen. Now that you have learned to love your lines and folds, aches and pains lose ground.
Besides there is no shame in growing old and struggling a bit. It never felt better for me to have equivalent of a general’s medal, pinned to my frame; and a reminder of all the battles I have survived and the ones I won!
Reality check? Well… “You do complete each other”. Age is a fabled minion that’s romantic and lets you flies high in the real world.
#It matters no more!!
One thought on “My secret to a blithesome married life: Love, loss and few grains of happiness!!”
This was an interesting post – I have failed miserably at marriages – yes plural – and am quality happy just reading about others’ successes