If you’ve heard this; “You can’t please all of the people all of the time” then you’d know that there will always be people in life who don’t like you. This hurts, but on the flip side it feels wonderful when someone does like you. It’s exciting and perks up your confidence. Besides appreciation is one powerful way to build up strong relations and success at work.
It’s an uncomfortable truth but don’t we all want to be likeable? Who wouldn’t want to charm his or her way into someone’s life at the blink of an eye?
Being hyper-likable is one easy way to make life significantly spicy and intoxicating but it come easier to some than others. Fortunately this is one trait that nobody is innately born with. True, charismatic people are born charming, but likability is something that can be learned and sharpened just like the way you learn at the bourses.
I was not born lucky with natural charisma; one of the likes who’re the masters of the working room with mere handshakes and wide grins. I couldn’t manage to be one in my late teens and early twenties. Unlucky for me it didn’t happen till well into my late thirties!
I’ve always been a shy introvert but I did know what it was like to connect with others. May be because of this reason I’d always admire people who would make people like me feel at ease in their presence and would readily connect to virtually anyone like myself. These were the people whom I could hardly forget. I observed them and appreciated them for understanding my vulnerable side. It was like the more someone opened to me, the closer I felt drawn to them. It made things easier for me and I felt something good happening around me. I was finally being myself.
Like I said earlier instant likeability doesn’t come easy for everyone. For those more on the introverted side, things do get raw at times. Yet I felt drawn to the ways these people made me feel. Surprisingly it never hit me as awkward. All I wanted was to learn the secrets of likeability; behavior, traits and everything and then accept them as my own.
Starting in 1992, something positive began panning out for me. I was all piped up to learn to be a super likable person that everyone feels comfortable around and wants to get to know better. I was getting to understand how I could endear myself from the get-go. I was beginning to know the importance of presenting myself as a genuine person who is willing to connect.
It felt like being on cloud nine!
Here’s four most compelling ideas that then helped me make people finally see me as someone they would want to have a conversation and hang out with!
Pick up a lively, lighthearted friendly demeanor
Over the time I have seen people losing their likability because of their fake optimism and dumb likeness. May be it’s all because they don’t mean to sound negative and distant but are uncomfortable in crowd or perhaps they’re get more self contained in masses.
Intriguing as it was, all the while I kept in mind that before opening up people do try to get a read on you. Nothing turns off them more than trying to communicate with somebody closed-off and uncommunicative. Nobody gets excited about getting to know you when that happens.
So, I decided to let my guard down and asked myself not to be afraid to be me. I became aware of how I was expected to present myself to others. I did my best to stay open and send friendly vibes around. Incredibly, my personality began to shine through as I kept unplugging. I learned to smile true; no plastic ones. I also picked up how to make genuine eye contacts and nods to show that I was listening. I got the hang of what leaning when listening to someone can do to your acceptability.
For once I was beginning to feel comfortable in my own skin! My body language was finally doing works for me drawing others naturally to me.
Getting past the small talk is winsome
A boring nerd to start with, I was looking for positives in every situation. I knew that pessimist talk doesn’t win friends and neither does the small talk. It’s Ok to talk about weather or your local sports team but these conversations don’t win long term favors. Besides it’s a sure way to alienate togetherness and bring the entire mood to dumps.
To make things brighten up and make a great impression, I moved past it. I took to discussing genuine, down to earth issues whenever I had the opportunity to chat. I asked about other person’s family, their hobbies and passions.
You’ll be surprised how much close you could get to people learning about them and they’ll like you better for having learned it.
Assume everybody has something better for you
One great way to pitch for your likability is to assume that every single person has something of importance that you don’t. Everything that’s happening around you is born out of mind of another person and you’ve missed it.
When hanging around with friends or in some serious company, I was making sure that focus was not only on me, my problems, my life and my opinions. In fact, I approached every conversation thinking that it’s not an opportunity for me to unload myself on another person, but rather a chance for me to get to know someone better, learn something different and extra and to connect in a way I haven’t before!
I realized I didn’t need to make others envy and awe over who I am and what I’ve achieved. Instead I learned to share with them what I care about and what I hope for. This one time I was not trying to impress; I was being honest with my needs and boundaries.
Pep talk and shared interests always lit the spark
Likable people are approachable and personable because they’re good at listening and equally willing to talk; no preconceived notions or passing judgment on others. This is how I found them to be setting up a common ground of mutual interest. A little bit of homework and I was surprised to know that all the diverse interests and backgrounds usually did the rest!
At some point I was viewing each person I met as an opportunity to learn something. Of course I did meet people whom I disagreed with but kept myself in check. The idea was to allow others to have their say and make them feel heard. A bit of pep talk was meant to be a sweetener and pushed for deeper conversation. Was I being open minded? Perhaps! … when someone smiled I felt inclined to smile back. May be social sync was doing favors at last. Unwittingly I was mimicking other person’s body postures and speech patterns to get connected easily!
Believe me it felt good to go to Old school and spend some time having small pep talk with those around me. At long last I had begun to rake up some real good relationships by sharing thoughts and having fun together.
Likability is something that is virtually within everybody’s reach. All you need to do is to make others feel good around you. I did just that by avoiding being judgmental, letting others open up, giving my undivided attention, enthusing others, putting my phone away and memorizing names.
Strangely, contrary to what I thought earlier most of the times it’s something that was under my control and I couldn’t see that before.
Gee!…This time I could open the door from the inside!!