Aren’t we all always looking for ways to be happier even when often we only have odd and ends of uncertainty to contend with? Of course, it’s not easy but not impossible either if you know how to get there.

The biggest misbelief is that happiness comes naturally. Honestly that’s not the whole truth. Our subconscious is ‘built to protect’ and ‘persist strongly’ as far as possible. But strictly speaking, we are not hunters or gatherers in an unpredictable wild World. It’s Ok if our thoughts naturally drift to fear and anxiety in moments of stress. In fact almost every sad and difficult gut feeling that keeps pulling us down arises from our repressed mind. Many a times we struggle to live in the midst of this surreal nightmare unaware that these impulses can be thwarted. All it needs is some conscious effort to refix the brain that has a tendency to go face down if a sore moment hurts badly.

These four easy ways, nonetheless can help you overcome grief and return to delights of happiness.

There is Always another Way to Happiness:

There’s nothing unusual if our unconscious mind triggers knee jerk reactions to downturn situations like sadness and loneliness. It’s Ok if your conscious mind takes longer than usual to ‘make sense of everything coming our way’ perspective. When we become aware of the level of our consciousness, everything far and wide rallies to tell us what’s coming up next and what conscious choices we can make to live in the current moment.

By being aware that you have a conscious and an unconscious mind to reckon with, you can bring a huge difference in your life as it gives you the power to decide which one you’ll choose to listen to.

Deepen Your Insight

It’s nothing short of being aware of oneself and showcasing it.

For instance, if you find yourself constantly shifting to a negative thought over something as trivial as your ability to do well in your job, try to find out when was the first time you were as uncomfortable and felt as incapable. It’s somewhat like being diagnosed with severe dyslexia and then experiencing an intense urge to prove to others that you aren’t lagging behind.

Once you do that it will not be difficult to know where those feelings are stemming from. Let them pass or else don’t resist the flow of things. Just stay on course and pieces will fall into place.

Let me say this differently. On one hand, I can compliment myself, thank my efforts and claim to be the most successful person I know. On the other I couldn’t be more unhappy saying to myself, “I’m not enough”. I can sleep over it and let woes multiply. But once I know exactly where that comes from I can put that in perspective.

I don’t really have to live there!

Sometimes it’s Ok to let go and move on  

When emotions run high there’s not a whole lot that we can do about it. But ruminating is one easy way to discover where that indifference is flowing from. Once you let it pass, you’ll know what’s coming up next.

Imagine of it like this. You’re at a railroad station for an upcoming journey and there’s a train approaching. It’s the unconscious that keeps pulling you down, “You’re reasons for this trip are not enough. In fact they’re not good enough”. You can either step onto the train, or be stranded at the station for hours, weeks, months, years. Alternately you can say “Not just yet, not now. I’m not stepping on this train today.”

Setting these unconscious thoughts free while being mindful of your actions, will help you slow down and make mindful choice.

Living with your moment is a powerful approach to life as it encourages you to fully embrace your ongoing experiences without distraction or regret.

Trust the outcome

No one ever wants to suffer. Everybody yearns to be happy always. Aren’t these the two most coveted basic desires of all of us? Who wants to wake up and hope for a truckload of suffering? … I don’t think so. In as much we want to be happy, we hate sufferings no less. But sometimes we relentlessly hold onto our upsets and aches.

One reason is that we are often thoughtful without control — frustrated thoughts, lonely thoughts, worried thoughts, jealous thoughts, depressed thoughts. We don’t particularly want to think of them but we can’t help it and that leaves us unhappy. Learn to rid yourself of these unwanted pensive thoughts. If not that, fence yourself off and look the other way.

Once free, you’ll do just fine.

Let yourself be unhappy.

When we’re in grief or hurt, all we want is to get away from it. But that’s as hard to come by. We can’t ignore it, pretend we’re fine, be comfortable with ourselves or lash out in defensiveness. We can’t just distance ourselves. In as much as we know that these are typical human response to challenge our reverses, we hardly do anything to take the edge off.. In fact wanting to get away from the unhappiness doesn’t make it any better. It only prolongs the suffering and sometimes worsens it. Instead, tell yourself it’s Ok to feel wretched and sore sometimes. It’s Ok to be miserable and hurt every so often.

Wind down a little and allow yourself to be overwhelmed by that murky sinking gloominess. Tell yourself it’s Ok to be mortified.

Being curious of it’s A to Z all the while though, is a helpful recourse to tide over your setbacks. You can stay clear of all witch hunting hoping for its end.

Don’t want to buy this? Try at least to be intimate with it. It’s not pleasant but it can’t kill you either. This way the end will be in sight sooner.

In fact, it’s where the healing starts and growth happens.

There are times when search for happiness ends in the harshest conditions. Such individuals  amaze and inspire me. When Nina Riggs (of ’Bright Hour’ fame) was diagnosed with an incurable cancer, she knew her end was near and was well aware that she’ll be leaving her two young sons behind. Before she left at age 39, she could tell her husband, “I have to love these days in the same way I love any other.”

When we wait for something to happen naturally so that we could scour for happiness easily, we stay unassertive towards our own well-being.  We fail to recognize that it’s our thoughts that make our World and we alone are responsible for our happiness.

…Not the other way round.