Life is full of possibilities and personal choices. An unwritten journey of free volition, it bears the probability of bringing deep changes in our lives and shapes our future. The most obvious ones are those that we make as we age. Then there are subtle ones that we do not care to take notice even if we keep going with them –‘for better or worse’. Are they the rogue ones by default or do we take the wrong turn unwittingly even when there is a way to do better?
Surprisingly we habitually turn to accepting the default option willingly and fall shy of judging a deliberate and better choice altogether. Is it only because we find it difficult to choose that we take whatever is left- hastily?
When I was younger, I did this often. I would procrastinate. I would stall participating in any kind of decision-making process. Guess, I did this because I preferred fast tracking. I’d make short work of opting out ‘wisely’. Mostly I didn’t like any of the options that were presented.
In a state of indecisiveness and uncertainty I wouldn’t make up my mind or conclude. Besides I thought this would save me from any responsibility in the choice. Conversely the reality was different. It turned out the flip side would always pan out as true. I still held accountability.
Clearly the outcomes always fell short of expectations. I’d not be happy with how things would turn out. It felt as if life was being unfair to me. At times I suspected of being trapped, punished and victimized. And yet I couldn’t relate to the distress entirely. It wasn’t the absolute reality for me. Perhaps I wasn’t being mindful enough. Or had I let myself drift along on autopilot? My mind was miles away. Perhaps I had zoned out completely.
And like I said when we avoid making the tough decisions in life, we are left with default option only- value neutral and beyond judgment!
Unwittingly I was trying to climb the mountain wrong side!
But then it was the easy one and the only option left over. It also meant that I had to run out of room each time, sit on the fence and fine judge the possible outcome. Living in a bubble, I would dismiss the very thought alone -that those willing to strive for something worthwhile always get the first choice. Those unwilling or hesitant are left moving in whatever direction remains.
Unfortunately, the way I saw it -outcome remains inconclusive in both occurrences. None would guarantee the intended result. In my book -when we limit ourselves to mere two options, we put a limit to the possibilities. The best decisions would come out not by choosing the lesser of the two evils –float or fall back– but by uncovering a better-third option.
The opportunity of this third option in contrast, is much more than a compromise. It gives up something and accepts another to fix and settle things quickly. In fact it’s an elegant option to a problem. It is the discovery of a solution that’s way better than the first two dissenting options –the incompatible way forward and the incomparably dreadful way out. I’d still back though what I’ve said: “Making a bad move doesn’t make you a bad person; it is part of being human. It proves you bleed”.
But the worst thing to do after making a bad decision is nothing!
With blind leading the blind in reciprocal deficiency and the two sides disagreeing in unison, is there a way to at least ease the consequences? Is there a way to soften the blow?
Whichever way you look at it, it’s highly likely that at one time or the other you’ll find yourself at similar crossroads. You’ll be asked to make a choice between the two things you absolutely despise.
So, what if you looked both ways and saw only a chilling confrontation coming your way no matter what you do?
“Wait! Did I say there were only two choices (bad and worse)? So, where’s this Door #3?”
Don’t worry! Pulling chestnuts out of the fire may not be that tricky. You may still save the day.
Often times we view our choices as two place function that tries to combine two inputs to create a single output– here or there, this or that, now or later. But the truth is we miss a lot of options in between these extremes. Whether or not you find them worthwhile is your thing. But once you go for an option that either way stops your plummet; you also open up other possibilities that don’t feel awful any more.
Here are four handy ideas that will help you in inquisition- quick and easy:
Change Your Lens to See the Other Side
Are you still down to preferences that you dislike most and are done looking for more options? Try reframing. There’s always more than one way to look at each alternative. Instead of viewing them as “bad” and “worse,” what if you start looking at the positive side of each?
Of course neither is perfect, but what if one can actually get you a tad closer to your end game? Reviewing your choices in the context of an ultimate objective will help you feel easy about your decision. Just ensure what long-term result you’re looking at and which choice comes closer to getting at it?
Check in with your guts. Your intuition will pick up the better one among those you’re considering.
Let Go and Do something
What if you’ve done all you could to create more options for yourself and wouldn’t know how the ones presented could help you to your desired outcome? You most certainly are still afflicted with analysis paralysis. When it comes to that;
Get moving. You’ve got to do something!
You’ve come this far and wouldn’t want to give up that easy. Stand tall and count on yourself Trust in your abilities that whatever happens once you’ve made the move, you’ll figure it out.
You’ll learn and grow with each tough decision and might surprise yourself as well along the way.
As I always argue, it’s the progress and not perfection that matters. There can never be a perfect choice. So, it’s best to trust yourself and press on with the knowledge available. Nobody ever knows where it leads to or guarantee how it will end.
So, no more fingers crossing-just a deep breath before you bite the bullet.
Take Your Time
When debating the pluses and minuses, it’s highly likely that the intensity of the moment may influence your opinion. Don’t relent right away! Sleep on it. You don’t have to discover the answer all at once. Give yourself enough time to re examine and re-evaluate the choice you are trying to make. Above all digest the arguments before trimming the selection.
The third option may not be immediately obvious.
A mistake is a lesson, not a loss
You know it well; the other side of good is better but it rots to bad fast. At some point making the best decision and then carrying it out without holding back for long, is always the best bet. This might not be the best scenic route for you but it’s better to attempt and bid than to keep looking for a hard to spot the third option- eternally.
Oftentimes you’ll find better solutions to a problem once you’ve put them into practice.
For long we have been accustomed to thinking in terms of two options only. Mac versus PC, Yin versus Yang, Left versus Right Wingers. We also know that the two sides are interminably fated to disagree and both are probably right in their perspective. Both have a valid defensible outlook and both represent possible solutions. Some are bad, others still worse.
And if you ask me both might be wrong as well. All at the same time!
You can always take the bull by the horns with a stranger dark horse option!
So, if you can find a way to combine the best elements of the seemingly two difficult solutions into one remedy, instead of hanging on to the default option and go all the way to where the wind blows most, then ;
You need to blow your horn. You are looking at your Plan-C!
The Maverick#59: Inspiring and empowering, for the best is possible. 