What do you do when something doesn’t work out the way you’d planned? Historically I would annoyed and upset or even angry. The child in me would want to scream “it’s not fair!” and even pout for a while.

But, I do nothing of the sort.

I look deep at the part I played in the outcome and figure out what I could have done better. I keep an open mind and keep the emotions aside from the problem to see it more clearly. If I find that it’s still important to me to do and my heart is in the right place, I try again and address what I need to improve. This way I don’t get upset with failure. For me, failure is like I didn’t do it well enough in the first place to succeed or it needs redirection. I’m aware failure doesn’t mean I cannot get it right. It’s just that I need to learn more and try again.

I’m not surprised if this makes you think of me as a control freak. But I’d rather prefer to be looked upon as an intimidating hardliner. It isn’t that I panic when things turn messy and chaotic. It’s just that when things start to get sloppy and confusing, my first instinct is to find the control I can muster within all the craziness.

Honestly I am not concerned with every single detail of the madness when things fall apart or plans go belly-up. I simply need to know what I can influence to quieten things down. And this points me to the things I can do something about. Of course there are things I know I don’t control and find no sense in worrying about them. But I know for certain that in the end it’ll be my actions and choices that I seriously own, will set out to make the difference in most situations.

Sometimes the whole ball game feels like a slow motion screenplay in Cap Cut-fading in, fading out, sometimes blurring to smoothen out the pace. You know that there’s not much you can do to control most of what’s happening. But even in those trying moments a few slivers of control here and a bit of forbearance there will put you back in saddle. There have been situations where I had felt I was getting tossed into the class five waters. Panic would ensue and a sense of drowning would overwhelm.

One infallible way I chanced upon lately is to resist the urge to panic. I would instead look for things that I still had control over and shift the focus to those elements.

In your personal life, when everything gets turned upside down, do you turn pale in panic? Do you feign helplessness, sport ‘poor me’ attitude and wait for a knight in shining armor to rescue you? Or do you take control of the situation and figure it out? 

Years ago, Angus Campbell had found the same happiness in life tied to this control thing. “Having a strong sense of controlling one’s life is a more dependable foreteller of positive feelings of well-being than any of the objective conditions of life we consider.”

I’d say there is truly some sense of truth when they say that ‘having control over your life is the right way to guarantee your happiness‘. But what if the need to have absolute unquestioned influence becomes obsessive? Wouldn’t anxiety and stress then take the upper hand- not happiness?

To cut things short I have never felt like life happening to me rather than for me. Have you faced anything like it? 

Being in control doesn’t necessarily mean we need to make the right choices always. It’s rather the freedom to make choices at will that earns you a happier more positive life experience.

It’s much easier to focus on things that are outside our control. But this means literally side stepping a change. In fact it’s more like you’re abandoning yourself even though you’re aware that you’ve not done enough to deserve it.

Nothing better puts a smile on a face than knowing that there is always a silhouette of silver lining when life gets to play rough ; a tad of good in a puddle of bad situation. All you need to do is steer in the right direction and make the right choice.  

So stop feeling stuck when you’re in a tight spot and start looking for a life that aligns with the person you want to be.If you’re ready to reclaim the lost control of your life, this one’s for you.

Inquiring Mind Learns Faster

If you are someone who’s highly proactive, readily takes initiative and drives hard for decisive results then you’re generally a more open person with resilience for everything in life. At heart you’re good at nursing your curiosity and love to explore your world kinetically.

I had learned from people around me only by staying curious, listening more to understand more and avoided jumping to quick judgments. This though hasn’t been easy at all.

At first it was like hanging out my shingle with practically not much to hold on to. It was more like a work-in-progress, learning, changing while consistently combating the fear of failure. Lucky for me I sailed into the sunset gracefully-happy and thankful.

If you fancy meticulousness, are overly concerned with small details and tend to be very specific, conscious introspection will help you reduce self-judgment. Your inherent ability to be fully present, aware of where you are and what you’re doing while not being overly reactive or overwhelmed, works like a charm. Gradually you will learn to put your past mistakes in perspective.

When Adrift Recenter and Recover  

It’s not uncommon to give in to so many deep seated often unnoticed convictions.

“I’m too old to learn anything new. I’m past my prime or “No one will ever want to have a place in heart for me”.

Lately I had become aware how these assumptions thwart us from even trying newer things. When we yield to cold senseless emotions like fear, sadness, or worry, we lay down our resolve without resisting, only to make us feel doomed or overwhelmed. Increasing awareness of how emotions influence actions and affect judgment will help us navigate through rough weather with greater ease.

I went about it otherwise and tried somewhat differently. I tried doing new things disparately. I would try to catch myself every time I felt angry with myself. I wouldn’t readily accept that spiteful emotion or worse –dwell on it pang. Instead I’d pause and question it. “Why am I feeling this way? Am I being too hard on myself? Maybe I need to temper my mindset and my expectations need some accommodation”.

If you’re someone like me start by slowing down your thought process. Take yourself to a quiet place. Consciously let go of pent up tension in you. Reveal and readdress your inner emotions and thoughts; name them and let them pass through. Once done you’ll find yourself more relaxed and more self aware. In short you’ll put yourself more in charge of what you feel and think.

Your Insight Is Your Loyal Ally

Aren’t we all familiar with those visceral, gut feelings about people or things? When you get to meet a new boss you could sense right away if he’s bad news. When you’re in messy situations involving unclear social demands with very few clues to navigate through, doesn’t your intuition come handy?

I think of intuition as a deep seated sweeping circuitry that comprises of millions of data points that my brain will keep registering over the course of my life. When used wisely, it’s a tremendous boost to my creativity and helps me make the right choice.

Still I’m careful enough not to confuse intuition with bias or prejudice. When emotions run high, I find it best to slow down. I take a breather, check in with others and get more information before proceeding than rely on quick, impulsive impressions.

So, learn to quieten your mind, refresh what you’re thinking and feeling and listen to your body. You’ll have your inquiry addressed.

When standing at crossroads, it’s important to stop and deliberate first about where and how to move. It’s good if you can come up with lot of options. But you need to make sure that any strong emotions or biases are not pulling your thoughts before you make any headway.

Taking action doesn’t mean you ought to be 100 percent sure. I’d begin if I was even 80 percent sure. Also I don’t over-deliberate while weighing options. I know I always have the choice to reassess later.

And so have you;

Another day another time if you feel unmoored and sense something unfamiliar is bothering you that doesn’t feel quite right, don’t ignore it. Restrain yourself, listen closely and work on finding a smarter way to get over it yourself.  

Soon you’ll sense a far reaching influence relieving your life while profoundly impacting that of others.