Tag Archives: personal-growth

You Are An Incredibly Protean Person If You Can Chase A Million Dreams Together!

It’s one way street. You’ll tick for sure! But you being multifaceted is the very reason people will think of you as fake, crazy and more sardonically -unhinged. It’s your duality of being warm and cold when necessary that ruffles the feathers.

Image source: ‘The Top 8 Things People Desperately Desire But Can’t Seem To Attain’ by Kathy Caprino in forbes.com

And yet there are ways to assert that two can exist at once.

I chose the word “unstoppable” not because it easily distracts from more mundane things but because I need to be more focused and prioritize what is most important to me. If I can get in the flow by focusing on one thing at a time without taking my eyes off the unseeable, I think I’m unstoppable.

I chose the word unstoppable” because it lends me the power over my choices and the consequences that follow. The choices that I make are meant to impact others and they can also affect who I become.

Think about it; today is the youngest you’ll ever be. Every moment is precious. Life is ephemeral and right now you are who you are because of the choices you’ve made so far. Tomorrow it may be different or you may keep moving the same way. Everything is about the progress you make all by what you say or do. Nothing is perfect. I accept that it’s okay to make mistakes. But it’s equally important to learn from mistakes and use them as opportunities for growth and self-improvement, rather than be excessively hard on yourself.

As I grew up, I also followed the same unwritten rule that is such a convention everywhere; focus on a niche and become an accomplished person. That of course makes sense. By learning the ropes and acquiring expertise wouldn’t I be able to take on additional responsibility and assume greater roles?

Theatrics apart, it did little to help me out. After working for a couple of years as a corporate executive, my dreams faded and my well laid out plans just went out of the window.  I stopped thinking or worrying much about my position and instead seriously began thinking about shifting roles or rather what felt more authentic to me.

What followed next is history. For some nebulous reason I stayed stuck. I quickly lost heart in doing whatever I was doing. I was engaged in a role that was not aligned with my values and passion. Nothing would help me feel more connected to my sense of purpose.

Until;

I learned that the only way to rid the rut was to ruminate and re-examine my beliefs and motives. Was I curious enough about my purpose? Do I have a habit of thinking only about my own pattern of thought? To be unstoppable don’t I have to be self aware and know myself? It’s like an internal vibe- a big ol’ authentic paw print that you leave on the world around you-like the lingering scent of fresh buttermilk cookies dipped in honey waiting on your kitchen table to be savored with morning tea!

To crank up my desirability I dived into three small but mighty capable things that I thought will most likely help me build a dream boat lifestyle. I wanted to be chased as a confident, kind and ambitious guy and not be out there wobbling through my life like a three legged stool.

Needless to say you shouldn’t expect to attract a 3-star Michelin human experience if you’ve been living and working in a laid-back way I had been doing.

Image source: ‘The trend of solo travel picks up during the pandemic’ in hindustantimes.com

Keep it Short and Real

Verity these days is as rare as a great white shark flailing around to show it loves to cuddle.

I gave up trying to impress people around me with everything I had; money, success, status you name it. It was not a big deal. I simply had to junk the idea to make a splash hurriedly presuming that this move will somehow improve the quality of my life. It’s pretty exhausting and tough. I was letting people see me as an ego-tripping self absorbed smug.

For some reason I found my own foolishness amusing. I was trying to reconfigure and make a fresh start and I was clueless to figure it out!

It made me laugh at myself. I laughed at my mistakes; I laughed thinking how seriously people would take my brief encounters.

Still the mirth was quite elevating. It helped me plan, procure and perform no less than I ever wanted to.

­­So don’t drift if you’re willing to take the plunge. Unwittingly if you forget to chill, remember to recall Steve Jobs’s words on ‘why being worth $10.2 billion doesn’t matter at the end of the rope‘. You’ll get your redemption.

Choose the Right Battle

Do you struggle much while trying to ‘fix your weaknesses? You’re great at marketing, but tech is your worst nightmare. Grappling with problems make you nervous. You get uneasy easily, feel helpless and usually end up procrastinating. Making time and energy sans result messes with your overall confidence levels.

So why not just outsource or delegate it if you think you cannot handle it all by yourself? Sometimes, the key to better confidence is to avoid something, rather than do something silly. Focus on your strengths and your confidence will skyrocket! Your self esteem will turn bold and you’ll feel empowered like never before.

Don’t Let Fear Scare You

Ever heard of ‘Productive Paranoia’? It’s what Jim Collins brought up in his book ‘Great by Choice. It describes a positive and proactive mindset, meaning that if you are afraid you’ll jump to act to address the cause of fear. Bill Gates said he used to worry a lot that unseen an unknown teenager working on somewhere someday might make his existing tech obsolete. He used and directed that fear into working even harder!

Manipulate your fear to take action. Go ahead, Hit the road. You will no longer feel helpless. This is when you’ll be in control and absolutely sure of yourself. You’ll know when and what to take on!

However there’s another hurdle that you simply cannot jump over. Once you’ve accomplished what you think is one thing that would make you successful…What next? Success, happiness, and fulfillment all have an unhealthy way of changing over time. After you’ve found success in one way, try to find it in another.

By overcoming adversity and scaling expansive goals, you create a penchant for personal success in your subconscious mind. You will find yourself being driven impulsively toward repeating that success in your other endeavors. Trust me, when this happens! Pride yourself; you’ve learned to succeed by succeeding. Eventually this synergy will start to toot horn for you and success will rain in from all sides.

Do you know each one of us has the potential and ability to accomplish extraordinary things in our lifetime? Except when you do not know how to get going, there’s nothing to stop you from pursuing success.

Not knowing why I did half the things I did, I had continually struggled until it became absolutely clear to me that complacency is only a restful escape from reality. I need to reach out and embrace productive practices to become unstoppable in life.

Image source:’Positive and Negative Energy : Your concepts of negative may be someone’s positive!’ by Udaylal Pai in udaypai.in

Thirty years later, today I do not fear- often disruptive- life changing choices. I no longer stand meekly in the land of busted and broken insecurity. I am not unadventurous but I choose to steer clear of known failures and move on from an unworkable solution to figure out something howsoever unfamiliar.

Isn’t ‘approbation the only eternal edge everybody aims and hopes for in a genuinely successful life? Is there a better way to rewrite your story than to junk the stereotype to become multifaceted?

Is Luck Real or a Self Fulfilling Prophecy? Can You Change Yours?

Sometimes it happens. Everything in your daily life just goes crazy. Every little thing you try simply drifts off. You’re passed over for an important assignment. Your back aches. Your zipper breaks. Your dog keeps throwing up. You’re freaking out and wonder if your life is always taking a turn for the worse. You aren’t superstitious, but these knock outs push you to troubleshoot—Am I just an unlucky person? Why is it that I can never catch a break?”

I myself have felt this way at one time. While reclaiming my beliefs I learned to  understand why we believe in luck’;how can I rein in my belief and make real changes in my attitude toward life that will help me feel less “unlucky.”

Not everybody would buy this thought though. For many luck is the most useful yet vulnerable idea that makes sense of random chance and the ‘unexplainableacceptable. If you stumble upon a $100 bill on the ground, you will think you have good luck. But if a gust of wind blows away your $ 100 bill just as you pull it out of your wallet, you’ll think of it as you’re having bad luck!

Is Luck chance or happenstance?

Some of us are born lucky; they say. Everything they touch turns to gold. Others are incessantly stalked by misfortune. But it’s not only just the people who get to be lucky or otherwise; it can be an action as well. The ball hits the post in soccer and everybody jump to lament- the striker was unlucky’. Luck or not, I’d say the pool shot was lucky but did not rely on skill. It was unexpected or even improbable and happened possibly due to a series of fortunate bounces!

Does any of this make sense? Is there really such a thing as luck’? Do some have more of it than others?

I guess there is a perfectly reasonable way to draw some sense when we talk about luck. In fact I think there is no such thing as luck. It’s only a matter of cause and effect where the outcome is the result of certain actions and circumstances, not some random chance. So rather to talk about luck isn’t it better to talk about how to make things happen easily?

Does this mean that no-one has luck? Not for sure, but we can’t truly say of someone to be lucky except that they are the kind of person to whom lucky things happen.

Image source: ‘Manifesting Your Reality: Power of Self-Fulfilling Prophecy’ in happyproject.in

It’s complicated but you can do it

In hopes of brightening my perspective on luck’ over time I have uncovered three main characteristics that people who consider themselves lucky have in common. Theylisten to their intuition, ‘create reality through self-belief’ and ‘have a resilient attitude’ that transforms bad luck’ into a good one.

Surprisingly, it is the psychological behavior that determines the luck a person could think of experiencing. People who believe lucky things happen to them all the time, tend to fare better than people who feel unlucky. They know how to bounce back while the unlucky ones are inclined to give up easily to failures.

So if luck is based on psychological behavior, can you change yours?

It’s hard to believe butYou absolutely can!

Make it happen in real life

Start by making small changes in your everyday routine. Trivial pursuits like penning a thank-you note and how you felt lucky at the end of a day is a smart move. You can also change something as simple as taking a different route to work or while running errands. Even the shows you watch on TV, once dropped or changed can create new mindset. To all intents and purposes luck is what happens when arrangement meets opportunity.

Another simple way is to be a flexible thinker and evolve an equally flexible approach to life. Once disposed, you’ll be more open to opportunities when they come along. Simple but impactful, these small things know how to make change happen for the better. Your World will become bigger and larger and you’ll get more breaks. You’ll know where you’re headed and be ready to change the course depending on how the wind blows.

Expect good fortune for you’ll be able to turn an awful experience to a good one. It’s highly unlikely that bad things will come your way. If for some reason you do hit a roadblock, comfort yourself, Okay, this could have been worse,” rather than It could have been better”.

Oddly enough this may affect your future luck as well. If you feel better about an event, then you’re likely to have better expectations about future experiences and maybe your luck will change.

Image source: ‘People who are regularly “lucky in life” usually display these 9 behaviors’ by Mia Zhang in hackspirit.com

Meanwhile you can shift your focus toward the positives. Each night before you hit the sack spend at least 30 seconds writing down a positive thing that’s happened in your  day; a sense of gratitude for friend or family or perhaps a health issue. Even a negative thing that’s no longer happening should not go unnoticed.

You also need to take the long view. Breaking your leg might be a setback for now, but if you happen to meet your prospective beau in the hospital, it could end up as a very fortuitous event.

What’s more, don’t let yourself be stalled by a stereotyped behavior. Take a different route when walking, when watching TV or when talking to different people. Even petty changes have a knack for upturns.

And then keep your eyes open. Stay alive. Be prepared to grab whatever opportunities come your way.

Image source: ‘These 8 Time-Tested Methods Will Boost Your Luck’ by Sandra Grauschopf in liveabout.com

Nonetheless, what you can’t expect is for good fortune to magically come your way without effort. Luck is a very big part of our personality. It isn’t easily influenced and malleable until you do something quite concrete about it.

To be in luck you need to have a broader focus. Following that you’re more likely to encounter chance opportunities before good things start happening.

Despite everything if you still don’t consider yourself lucky enough, ‘You’re in luck because you have it in your power to change‘.

Unhappy, Mood Swings, Frustrated! – 4 easy ways to unpack your unrelenting sorrows.

Aren’t we all always looking for ways to be happier even when often we only have odd and ends of uncertainty to contend with? Of course, it’s not easy but not impossible either if you know how to get there.

Image source: ‘How to Cope with Emotional and Psychological Trauma’ by Julia Schwab in juliaschwabtherapy.com

The biggest misbelief is that happiness comes naturally. Honestly that’s not the whole truth. Our subconscious is built to protect’ and persist strongly’ as far as possible. But strictly speaking, we are not hunters or gatherers in an unpredictable wild World. It’s Ok if our thoughts naturally drift to fear and anxiety in moments of stress. In fact almost every sad and difficult gut feeling that keeps pulling us down arises from our repressed mind. Many a times we struggle to live in the midst of this surreal nightmare unaware that these impulses can be thwarted. All it needs is some conscious effort to refix the brain that has a tendency to go face down if a sore moment hurts badly.

These four easy ways, nonetheless can help you overcome grief and return to delights of happiness.

There is Always another Way to Happiness:

There’s nothing unusual if our unconscious mind triggers knee jerk reactions to downturn situations like sadness and loneliness. It’s Ok if your conscious mind takes longer than usual to make sense of everything coming our way’ perspective. When we become aware of the level of our consciousness, everything far and wide rallies to tell us what’s coming up next and what conscious choices we can make to live in the current moment.

By being aware that you have a conscious and an unconscious mind to reckon with, you can bring a huge difference in your life as it gives you the power to decide which one you’ll choose to listen to.

Deepen Your Insight

It’s nothing short of being aware of oneself and showcasing it.

For instance, if you find yourself constantly shifting to a negative thought over something as trivial as your ability to do well in your job, try to find out when was the first time you were as uncomfortable and felt as incapable. It’s somewhat like being diagnosed with severe dyslexia and then experiencing an intense urge to prove to others that you aren’t lagging behind.

Once you do that it will not be difficult to know where those feelings are stemming from. Let them pass or else don’t resist the flow of things. Just stay on course and pieces will fall into place.

Let me say this differently. On one hand, I can compliment myself, thank my efforts and claim to be the most successful person I know. On the other I couldn’t be more unhappy saying to myself, I’m not enough”. I can sleep over it and let woes multiply. But once I know exactly where that comes from I can put that in perspective.

I don’t really have to live there!

Image source: ‘Understanding Mood’ in Understanding Mood in dana.org

Sometimes it’s Ok to let go and move on  

When emotions run high there’s not a whole lot that we can do about it. But ruminating is one easy way to discover where that indifference is flowing from. Once you let it pass, you’ll know what’s coming up next.

Imagine of it like this. You’re at a railroad station for an upcoming journey and there’s a train approaching. It’s the unconscious that keeps pulling you down, You’re reasons for this trip are not enough. In fact they’re not good enough”. You can either step onto the train, or be stranded at the station for hours, weeks, months, years. Alternately you can say “Not just yet, not now. I’m not stepping on this train today.”

Setting these unconscious thoughts free while being mindful of your actions, will help you slow down and make mindful choice.

Living with your moment is a powerful approach to life as it encourages you to fully embrace your ongoing experiences without distraction or regret.

Trust the outcome

No one ever wants to suffer. Everybody yearns to be happy always. Aren’t these the two most coveted basic desires of all of us? Who wants to wake up and hope for a truckload of suffering? … I don’t think so. In as much we want to be happy, we hate sufferings no less. But sometimes we relentlessly hold onto our upsets and aches.

One reason is that we are often thoughtful without control — frustrated thoughts, lonely thoughts, worried thoughts, jealous thoughts, depressed thoughts. We don’t particularly want to think of them but we can’t help it and that leaves us unhappy. Learn to rid yourself of these unwanted pensive thoughts. If not that, fence yourself off and look the other way.

Once free, you’ll do just fine.

Image source: ‘When Mom Is Emotionally Unstable. Seven Ways To Heal.’ by Dr. Margaret in drmargaretrutherford.com

Let yourself be unhappy.

When we’re in grief or hurt, all we want is to get away from it. But that’s as hard to come by. We can’t ignore it, pretend we’re fine, be comfortable with ourselves or lash out in defensiveness. We can’t just distance ourselves. In as much as we know that these are typical human response to challenge our reverses, we hardly do anything to take the edge off.. In fact wanting to get away from the unhappiness doesn’t make it any better. It only prolongs the suffering and sometimes worsens it. Instead, tell yourself it’s Ok to feel wretched and sore sometimes. It’s Ok to be miserable and hurt every so often.

Wind down a little and allow yourself to be overwhelmed by that murky sinking gloominess. Tell yourself it’s Ok to be mortified.

Being curious of it’s A to Z all the while though, is a helpful recourse to tide over your setbacks. You can stay clear of all witch hunting hoping for its end.

Don’t want to buy this? Try at least to be intimate with it. It’s not pleasant but it can’t kill you either. This way the end will be in sight sooner.

In fact, it’s where the healing starts and growth happens.

Image source: peakpx.com

There are times when search for happiness ends in the harshest conditions. Such individuals  amaze and inspire me. When Nina Riggs (of Bright Hour’ fame) was diagnosed with an incurable cancer, she knew her end was near and was well aware that she’ll be leaving her two young sons behind. Before she left at age 39, she could tell her husband, I have to love these days in the same way I love any other.”

When we wait for something to happen naturally so that we could scour for happiness easily, we stay unassertive towards our own well-being.  We fail to recognize that it’s our thoughts that make our World and we alone are responsible for our happiness.

Not the other way round.