Tag Archives: mental-health

Being comfortable in retirement is something everybody aspire to. But what if we can have it backwards? The myth of waiting for retirement for a fulfilling life is more a conned fantasy than reality.

Don’t Put Your Happiness on Hold -You May Miss Out on Many Clever Things to Do Later.

Leave a comment

Retirement isn’t something we talk about often. Those nearing it speak of it with apprehension; those already in it think they finally are free to live their dreams. Whatever…everyone has a soft spot for an enriched ‘pullback’ life. But dwelling over it or over thinking only makes you miss take notice of the potential for joy and fulfillment that exists in the present. Contrarily, disregard it completely and someday you’ll land yourself in a pit full of regrets and missed chances to happiness.

Image source: ‘Don’t Hang Your Happiness On Others’ by Alex Fayle in possibilitychange.com

This might make you wonder. Is ‘Alone time’ really heavenly? Should you be so eagerly looking forward to that “solo downtime”; to have enough of free space and do just what makes you happy? Or would you rather be somewhere more quaint and peaceful to be able to do what you usually don’t do?

There are hundreds of memes doing the rounds on social media with people joking about how they’re coping with their changed lifestyle in a quiet and cloistered surrounding. This I think is an easily forsaken effort more to fill in time, relieve boredom, improve creativity, or sometimes have fun playing around with words and living through the day without being truly happy and contended.

What’s there To Make Your Day?

Have you figured out the things in life that truly make you happy? Have those things changed as you’ve gotten older?

I have not been lucky enough to have a regular remissions to spend more time hanging around with friends and family. I missed awesome zoos, quintessential museums, short ‘buck-up’ breaks, and trips on holidays or even something as simple as a quad pleasure ride. Baring a brisk wave to others, walking the dog or soaking up the beauty in gardens, life boringly oscillated between being work-bound and housebound.  

I think perhaps a character in my story never could turn into the kind of maverick who knows how to reconnect to elements or even learn the skill to ‘be-happy make-happy’. I was in some way one of those few where being restricted is the norm!

Still…

The point was not lost on me. Prioritizing meaningful life over material wealth somehow changes the way you live out your life. Instead of judging things by what I expend on the basis of what I gain, I saw my endeavors as an investment in memories, relationships and personal fulfillment. I was beginning to realize that what I experience is far beyond the moment in value.

Let me put it this way.

If you love dining out, eating out at an upscale restaurant is not merely an expensive deal only. Neither it is an opportunity to explore the uncommon exotic food which it’s possible otherwise wouldn’t have happened to you. It’s incalculable worth gets caught in time. The priceless time spent together with loved ones creates unforgettable moments and wonderful memories to last you a lifetime.

I consider riches as means to enhance the quality of life rather than a treasure to be saved only to be passed down as an inheritance. Think about it; like your ‘Now‘ unused and leftover it adds little or no value to your happiness.

Image source: ‘100 Happiness Quotes To Lift Your Mood’ by Lindsay Lowe in parade.com

Why You Shouldn’t Postpone Your Happiness

I go for my daily walk every day. A short while ago, while ambling along I met several older people out either walking their dogs or sashaying around to stay energetic. They seemed all retired enjoying life indulging in simple things they fancied. In a rare moment of levity it made me think of all the meaningless inanity I had to endure at my work place. Was any of it worth anything? Did it hold any weight? Was it of consequence? Even when I didn’t know why, I could sense a kind of conventional wisdom whispering to me –“Sacrifice a bit of your present today for a little of better future tomorrow”. Was everything convincing enough to keep postponing my happiness and enjoyment indefinitely?

Nothing would make sense then and it all felt like madness. 

I was being reminded of the old ‘I will be happy when…’ approach.

Or was I comforting myself using that phrase too often?

I looked closely. I had an elephant in my life that was not moving in either direction. I was all for the idea of setting a little of me aside for the future but probably had dithered to catch the wave.

“What lights me up. What I ought to do now to live a fulfilling life without waiting to be free. What is it that has played over and over in my life and seems to matter most?” For once I couldn’t forgive myself for being morbid for I had clearly let two seriously badass issues hold out on my happiness.

Will I make it to retirement?

I know it is not a nice thing to think of the inevitable but it is an unmistakable fact. For many making it to a much-promised paradise will end in dreams. See…we are tutored to avoid thinking about it but when I accepted the uncertainty, I quickly began to see the foolishness of putting off my mirth and happiness.

What if health fails me?

Imagine somebody who admires you walks into your home and hands you over a cheque worth all the money you would ever need. How’d you react? Would it be; “It’s Ok but I’d rather work hard to earn that kind of money”. Aren’t you postponing your happiness even when you’ve the chance only because you believe that you have to earn the right to be happy?

For many it’s difficult to choose to be happy this way. Downside? Your decision to wait until retirement when you’d have saved enough of ‘your own’ might end on delayed gratification where happiness keeps postponing to “someday”.

Checkmate your hesitation and make time for things that make you happy, because “Now” is the only time you have and none other is there for sure.

‘War’ is over if you want it

How many things you think you have put off for retirement?

Sure, life is busy and there’s never enough time of it for everything. But it’s seriously lame to think, “When I’m retired, I’ll have all the time in the World for myself. I will be free to get more out of life and plenty of time to do whatever pleases me”.

To an extent, you’re right. You will have a lot more time for yourself after you retire. And it’s good if that makes you look forward to a better life. But has it ever occurred to you why it could be in your best interests to make a start right now rather than wait?

Image source: ‘Why You Shouldn’t Delay Your Happiness’ by Diana in thewellnessexplorer.com

Reimagine retirement. Over the years you are in the habit of thinking about life the way you do and it’s unlikely to let go in a flash till you retire. The way to get over this tight spot is to stop being inert now in the belief that life isn’t great for now but will get better once you retire. This sadly is not going to happen. Start living your best right away and not wait for an unseen uncertain future.

Be it a fine dines experience, a spontaneous weekend getaway or a special event; make sure to be alive to the moments that offer emotional rewards. Sometimes you will have to push yourself when nothing else will fall your way. Still there’s nothing tricky or conflicting in trying. Life’s too short to miss out living even a second. The same stuff that makes for a great retirement you can use now to  create a positive and fulfilling life that leads up to it.

It has worked as a wakeup call for me. I’ve learned to seize every opportunity I could to make the best out of my Present into a fulfilling tomorrow.

My take on this!

Someday when I look back I’ll be happy not questioning myself “What did I miss?  Was it Ok to not wait until retirement to live a meaningful, purposeful and rewarding life? Haven’t I succeeded in finding a middle ground living for now versus later and met happiness half way?”

Those having experienced “meant for each other” emotion may say that it’s not about comeliness alone. But why this inherent love parts ways when pants on fire situations in life crumble it.

Together, Forever, Never Apart !- Why Love Stumbles When Life Falls To Pieces?

Leave a comment

Has it ever occurred to you that love is not enough to make everything work all the time? Have you loved somebody where you felt you weren’t happy and yet you kept saying, “But I love you so deeply. Isn’t that enough?”When was the last time you were happy and felt accepted when around them or did you find yourself anxious, fidgeting and largely misunderstood?

Image source: Valeria Miller in pexels.com

Sometimes our relationships mimic our insecurities and reflect how we feel about ourselves. Not before long this self doubt influences our judgment and harshly imposes itself to upset the very core of a loving relationship. It then becomes hard to accept the love that comes our way and not the one we think we deserve.

As a rule some people are just a better match for us than others. They outsmart us in every possible way. Not always of course, not everybody. I’m someone who doesn’t like to talk much but connect on a deep, emotional level. Unfortunately, I’ve a habit of choosing people who are either incapable of keeping a secret or just don’t like to connect or bond deeply. So I always end up feeling alone and misunderstood.

There is nothing wrong with them. It’s just that I am not a good match.

I think everyone has different comfort levels when it comes to vulnerabilities. Some people crave for intense emotional intimacy; some do not. My parents were married for eighteen years till he passed away at 42. For most part and as far as I remember they were happy and content and an adorable couple.

Years later I wonder if there’s a way to live my true self as they did. I have no right to judge them but I guess that’s how they had agreed to go along with in the first place.

For me though, I want more and need more!

You Are Never Too Much

Do you crumble at life’s circumstances easily or do you come out stronger each time you hit a wall? When life brings something painful and seems to come apart, how you bounce back actually determines if you have been brave enough to take all the aches and pains in your stride. You can either react emotionally and escalate your misery or face it resolutely and grow through it.

When in difficult situations I’ve stayed hoping that some miracle of all miracles would somehow happen. I treasured telling myself “Shouldn’t that be enough?” Unfortunately it doesn’t happen that way. It never has and it never will. Just loving somebody is never enough. The drama that life brings is inevitable. Would you want to waste time and effort if it’s going nowhere?

So whether your relationship leaves you unsure when world around you goes bust or asks far too many answers; look for these tell tale signs before you settle down feeling alone and out of sorts. You might just get your answer.

Love’s no longer even handed

When life is not kind, do you tell your beloved something that’s important to you? What you get in return -a comforting response or a hasty retort? “I really need to spend quality time with you because it lessens my worries and calming,” Do these words make them cringe or empathetic? If you are not understood correctly or even don’t want to heard , then love has begun backsliding .You’ve never been right for each other. It was always about the tangible world only.

Love isn’t about good days only; it’s about staying together when life takes a beating.  Otherwise…you’re in a lopsided relationship and you’ll never be fulfilled.

I remember the time I came home from an extremely stressful day and really needed to vent. To this day I couldn’t forget my spouse looking at me in shocked silence. I had never behaved the way I did that day. Eventually she snapped indignantly, ” I am not your girlfriend. If you want to talk like that call somebody else.” What could I have done with that? If she doesn’t want to talk to me or care about how my day went or that I’m stressed, where should I go?

It struck me later; ‘You do win some in love but you lose even more and the rest if any… slips out quietly’.

Do people want to know your real side?

It’s hard to guess when sand would begin slipping through the fingers.  Who really wants to see their flip side? If it still happens you’ll be left at your wits end and an air of indifference would suck out whatever shred of love is left there.  This is the time when you’re outside the comfort level of your vulnerability and crave for an intense emotional intimacy. You’ll have more of your past to deal with and won’t be able to a comeback from your darkest days.

Do you know why?

Image source: T. Leish in pexels.com

Love always goes on a back burner when some midlife crisis begins to burn you out in unsavory bursts. You no longer feel accepted and understood for all your quirkiness and irrationality. Clearly you need ‘more than you think and less than you want.’ If not then you are left perpetually dissatisfied and over the time love will probably erode itself away.

Honestly it’s all about a mindful existence where love alone doesn’t feed all the necessary elements for a positive outcome. You may love someone with everything you have got, be utterly smitten and it wouldn’t still be enough to build a stable relationship or walk you through hard times.

Living less frayed is always a better choice

When life takes a turn for worse it’s not unnatural people trying to put you down and make you feel like you can’t or won’t accomplish anything. Not loved or cherished by others, does your partner supports you or wears you down? For the most part your cheer leader needs to support and encourage you. But it doesn’t always happen the way you want. When drawn out for long, often love puts you down on the bench and make you feel you’re more trouble than it’s worth.

Life is not a whispered promise of sad losses only. It’s too short to be with someone who doesn’t believe in you. Choose ease over anguish. Your days should not be filled with angst, conflict or misery. Fix your side of the street and see if anything changes. If yes; you will get the chance to reinvent yourself. If not; you need to rethink- “Is my love not enough to bring home happiness again?”  

Way out?

Rejig your life. Love them. Hate them. But you can’t ignore that you have a life to reshape as well. There are still better ways to do that than you’d have thought.

Truly these questions can the change the world for you. All you need is to keep asking yourself. Not once but over and over. Every month, every six months, every six years . “Is my life better with them in it? Or is being in love as unromantic as it sounds? Am I finally with someone who could knock me off my feet? Have I finally found the one that makes me feel complete?”

In as much as you love them and as much as you think they love you, if they can’t be one in thousand reasons to meet your needs, then you’re throwing away the precious moments you are left with.

There are way too many wonderful people out there, but that doesn’t make them the right ones for you. Just because you love them doesn’t mean you can be happy with them when life collapses.

Image source: ‘Why it’s Unrealistic to Expect a Forever Relationship’ by Jackie Pilossoph in divorcedgirlsmiling.com

Loving someone is a choice but living a meaningful life is not an everyday bet. Choose your happiness wisely and while doing so choose love rather than it choosing you.

The idea of ‘not caring’ may seem unreasonable at first sight but mastering it can become a powerful way to pursuing a happier, more fulfilling life!

Say g’bye to these four self defeating habits if you want to be the best version of yourself!

Leave a comment

Seriously! Are they bad enough to sabotage our level of awareness and destroy our happiness?   

Like everyone else I also have endured conflicts with a boundless rage that lives within us all. Most of the time it would turn the situation I’m in, awkwardly critical and would silently work to destroy my confidence. Yet unwittingly every single time I’d let myself be ravaged by this frenzy and would settle with picking poor choices. Next would follow an overwhelming surge of low self-esteem, hostile self-talk and miserable emotions only to see me going bonkers.

“I can’t do that.”

“I am not good enough to get the job.”

 “I know I should exercise more, but …”

 “It should probably get out more, but …”

Not many would agree but after every “but” sits the excuse for bringing in a bad choice. Unfortunately it sets everything off-course and leaves us looking for what we need most at places where we least ought to. Assumptions, I guess are our worst enemy. Trusting them over and over again is like grasping a straw in the wind. They’d subside only when we retreat into the comfort of disrespect and insolence.

Coping with a self defeating, ambition-killing fire in the head by not allowing it to cripple our sense of right or wrong is what makes life easy to live. Left unchecked these failings would get so ingrained in our lives that we’d start to accept them as normal.

Looking for a way to fix this?

It’s only years later I talked me over to relent and stop resisting the change. My call…it was weird but a wonderful fieriness had begun to unroll for me.

I’d still be haunted by anger but I had learned to admit that ‘I am angry’. I had realized that what I needed most when running in circles was to admit that I’ve been running in circles. It was as easy as winking but it took me a while to catch on. Surprisingly very few would’ve the courage to accept their weak spot. For most part they’d rather stay stuck so long as their ‘safe space’ is not intruded on. Funnily enough, it’s kinda painful to admit that you’re stuck!

So, how do we evade thoughts that shut us out from healthy solutions? Can we in some way tear down an attitude that typically ends with something awful we wouldn’t want to happen? What if the intended outcome does more bad than good?

Few and far in between, self cheating behavior works against its own purpose and is normally either unsuccessful or useless. It’s more like being mean to the person you want to befriend. Ordinarily it’s self harming and would hit back soon. One way or the other your actions would forestall your approach from working out. Make no mistake- your every effort would be in vain and everything that you wished for would be lost.

To break free of this self-hurting, happiness derailing attitude, put these four practices on your what-not-to-do list. Once you learn to kick your insipid boring attitude to the curb, you’ll be on fast track to being the best version of you.

Image source:’Why is changing habits so hard?’by Gill Mckay in gillmckay.com

You’re adding without subtracting

Scaling up unthinkingly without giving a second thought is natural and unwittingly happens to all of us. Sometimes I fell for it as well. Adding new stuff without doing away with the old one is how my closet would get cluttered. My workload would become unmanageable and my budget would go up in smoke. “Is any of this going to help me go fat or look better?” I’d argue with me then, knowing well that it takes discipline to cut and combine. But that part would always elude me.

I grew up without pruning and that’s bad!

Worse still, I’d always think that I’d get away with it!  Whatever “it” was—cheating, hiding, digging deep into my pocket for that extra bit of plum cake, I’d be convinced otherwise. It was quite delusional. I knew lapses do not forgive and slip ups would show up somewhere someday.

Happily, not before long I learned how to get over myself. Long-term consequences and a growing familiarity to my weaknesses showed the potholes ahead.  I had found out that humility shakes off self defeat.

Besides, a growing emphasis on purpose and a sense of responsibility pushed me to sidestep the deception. I saw Google enjoying outstanding success, but it didn’t stay stuck to its past. There were moments when it relented to popular expectations just like the antipathy of the bakery union that drove Hostess brands (of Twinkies fame), an 82 year old business into liquidation in Nov. 2012. 

Image source: ‘Good people make mistakes’ in observingleslie.com

Don’t just sit on the fence

Trying to become something you are not while there’s plenty of value in who you are, can be self-defeating. Google expanded its territory to become a comms network provider, build fiber optics, mobile network and mapped software to driverless cars when most opined that it should stay focused to Googling than opening up and as a consequence fall behind. The rag bag has ever since been a mix of tumble and fumble.

Getting caught in the middle of something while being not good enough to compete in the new terrain, is disastrous and ends in losing sight of the old area as well. Move out of your comfort zone only when you know you can challenge yourself.

I grew because I had learned to side step discomfort and with it all the uncertainty that comes with change.

Going ballistic is bad!

Anger and blame are unproductive emotions that do more harm than good. Both hurt if misplaced. Here’s how. Years after a tragic incident on the Deepwater Horizon, an oil drilling rig operated by BP in the Gulf of Mexico on 20 April 2010 in which 11 people lost their lives, BP struck the headlines facing a record fine and slew of criminal charges. The then CEO Tony Hayward damaged the company more by indignantly giving bitter statements about the unfairness of it all!

Angry words leave a long devastating trail and are capable of overwhelming your accomplishments. Learn to be mindful of your anger. Tame it before it incites bitterness and consumes everything.

Are you afraid of change?

For all that we know- our brain is wired to resist change. An inseparable natural part of our lives, it is programmed to hang on to the status quo and avoid the uncertainty that comes with a shift. It resists because it fears losing a secure space to the unknown. This hostility to change is what harms most as it keeps us stuck into the past not letting the better person in us to grow.

Here’s the thing- growth doesn’t happen in a familiar territory. If your wish is to evolve, improve and be the limit, live the change, not fear it. It scares everyone at first sight but then every sec is a chance to grow and learn. Endure going down with a tough project in Office, be ready to face the flak in a difficult conversation with kins and be a game when pushed against the wall by your wellness trainer; every extra mile is an opportunity to break free and live the better version of you. Soon your mind will learn to shift focus from problems to solutions, acknowledge your thoughts, and won’t let them control you.

Feature source:’This tiny cute bird will inspire you’ by Heart touching films in YouTube.com

So next time you find yourself slipping, step back and look at the big picture. It’s not about having all the answers but moving ahead even when things aren’t perfectly clear.

Reach out and say ‘Hello’ to a mindset of action and solution-oriented thinking if you trust your guts. Even before you’d know, your journey to be the best version of you would have begun.

Once you learn to let go of what doesn’t truly matter you can create a space for what does.

When mindful, you do not replay past mistakes or live future worries. Tune into what’s happening around you -right here, right now! And guess what? It’s generally a pretty happy way to live!

Life couldn’t be more beautiful: Four simple ways to live a happier one!

Leave a comment

It gets complicated sometimes, right? Honestly aren’t we the ones who allow it snowball into a clutter in no time. We hang on to stuff that makes our lives more complex than it need to be. It’s a pity that we couldn’t resist making mountain out of mole hills and it’s only a matter of time before everything starts withering on the vine.

Living a happy life is not only about doing away with the physical clutter or spiteful thoughts; it’s more about learning how not to let them rob you of your joy.

The other day I asked my neighbors how they would like to improve their lives. As expected, they said they’d want to become happier. I felt fine. “Same old, same old”! Who wouldn’t want to? Many though wouldn’t know exactly how to go about it.

Becoming a happier person is a personal journey but it can be influenced and steered to a plus size life with a little care. Wanting a little more of it is beguiling and there is nothing wrong to fancy a slice of it. Fair enough if you too are driven plentifully to go after it than stay buried in the weeds!

Sounds not possible? But trust me; it’s easier to quieten that inner critic than you think and jazzing up your ‘dear life’ even more.

So, let’s get into this.

My woes my ‘worry time’

I know, it sounds freaky and unreasonable. Why would you need to set aside some time for your worries when you should actually be doing just the opposite; ignoring all that upsets you or over-thinking?

A few years back, I was in a constant state of worry. My mind was being constantly rapped by a whirlpool of “what ifs”. It was exhausting!

This is when I bumped into this idea of setting aside some ‘worry time’ to deal with everything and anything that bothers me. It was as simple and unsophisticated. Instead of letting my worries keep raking my mind the entire day; I’d choose ‘my time’ to deal with it. Unsure of any other fix, I jumped for it. For half an hour each morning between 6:00 and 6:30 I’d take time off to do nothing else but worry. And…It worked!

By containing my worries to a specific half-hour window to deal with them, I’d set my mind free for the rest of the day. The nagging was there and didn’t vanish completely but felt less intrusive. For once again, I was in control of my thoughts than being controlled by them,

If you feel that your worries keep crippling your day and pull down your happiness, take a shot at it. You may find it just as liberating in the end!

You’d luv to stay connected

Like they say we humans are sociable and thrive on connection and interaction with others. But once off the track and reclusive, it’s easy to get scatterbrained. Staying connected with friends and family gives us a chance to express our thoughts and feelings and gain insights about things that we may have overlooked earlier.

Do I mean to say that you need to be surrounded by people 24/7? Nope! No way. A simple phone call, text message, or a casual stroll with an acquaintance is good enough to break you free from deep thinking.

I never thought it lame to ask for help or share what I was going through. ‘Not Ok’ at first sight and I’d remind myself, “I’m not alone in this”. I’d then find me gutsy enough to reach out to others.  

Trying this might just as well help you get the comfort and clarity you’ve been looking for… without losing control of yourself!

It’s Ok to mess up sometimes

Sometimes I wish for a wishbone. Perhaps life wouldn’t be so imperfect and flawed then. I wouldn’t let it! I would have it cracked evenly in half and my quest for happiness would end there and then. But that’s not going to happen. Like everybody else I too have my moments of doubts and fears. I just couldn’t turn off my inner critic, smile and laugh.

Life hurts!

Lately I guess, I had been rather harsh on myself; only to add to my stress level. Unable  to pull out and move ahead, I decided to let myself feel what I feel, learn to accept myself wholeheartedly and allow myself not to be the best that’s humanly possible but rather to do the best that I can.

And guess what! It worked out well. I could now talk to my inner child, forgive myself for past mistakes, laugh to my heart, knowing that I am enough for me. For once, I could try some intuitive eating and wear comfortable shoes. Geez…my feet ached so badly!

So, next time you find yourself in a tough spot with zero options, don’t be hard on you; find your ‘yes’. It will help you build in some margin as you go ahead. Stop pushing by slowing down. You’re not sitting on a powder keg! It’s all right to have moments like this.

Besides you deserve kindness…especially from yourself.

Image source: pexels.com

Drop it; It doesn’t matter

A few years back I had found myself stuck up with a past mistake that I’d made while at work. It wasn’t much but I just couldn’t move past it. I was mortified and scared of the consequences. It kept ballooning in my judgment till it was colossal! At one point it was like a nasty screenplay on auto run. I was busy all through the day dissecting every detail, every reaction. I was worked up and in a perpetual state of nerves!

All I needed was to somehow loosen my hold on me and let it go as a bad dream. Overselling the same thought was not going to alter what had already happened. I needed was to learn and grow from my experience of the past.

Clutching at my heart I braced myself to take a plunge hoping that this is how I could put an end to my anxiety and perhaps fix my self-censoring mind. Trust me, it turned out well! My doggedness was back, my wits were free and I was finally …de-stressed.

When we hold on to past mistakes or worry about what comes next, we let ourselves be robbed of the joy in the present moment.

Today, I could forgive myself for all the fumbles and stumbles and use them as a learning experience rather than a source of constant stress making my world a whole lot steady and calm. I consider my ‘misses’ as a chance to grow and not as an anchor holding me back. I tag them as a sweet but powerful way to stop beating a dead horse and being happy.

I know it’s hard to learn to distance yourself from ‘cold and creepy’ miseries but with a little practice it gets easier to reach out, connect and stay in touch with your present moment.

Personally I think that the secret to a happy life isn’t in having all the answers or avoiding mistakes. It’s in cherishing the course of life with all its ups and downs, twists and turns. It’s about learning, growing, and finding joy in smaller things.

Image source: ‘How to improve your personal growth’ by Ali in sharetoinspireblog.com

So, if you think you’re unsure of yourself, drifting and tired of wishing for more; take a break, catch your breath and sell this to yourself – “it’s human to churn out imperfect outcomes. And I’ll be Ok with that”.

You’ll live well and grow old happier!

Regardless of the reason you’re unhappy, all you really want is to be cheery again, right? So, if you feel you’re heartbroken, grief stricken and sad, this is how you can turn things around!

Seven shades of joy to help you get the most out of your life!

3 Comments

Reset and start again. Smile one more time!

I wish life had a rewind button. This world then would’ve been a lot happier place to live in and I could tell somebody that the best thing that has happened to me…I’m finally smiling for me again and mean it.

Sure life is difficult. It’s not easy either to make it enjoyable. Very often happiness is eyed as something curious that doesn’t always makes one happy. Pleasure, joy, contentment, satisfaction- not all of these coincide with happiness. These are merely experiences that overlap feeling of being happy and are not the kind that arises from within.

Lately I’ve been reading a lot about happiness and what people do to be “happy”. I think I’m a generally happy person but I’m also genuinely curious to know if there is some key to happiness. Honestly, not many of us even know what to do to inspire happiness from within. Many would say that people generally put in little effort into trying to be happy.  But I guess there are definitely ways that could help anyone to be a little happier. It’s already inside you and to find it would simply mean figuring a way in.  

You’ve no doubt read a lot of hype around the concept of happiness: where to find it, how to feel it, how to keep it. But if you ever feel like you need a little more of it in your life, dive in here and see if these 7 ways resonate with your quest.

Change is inevitable

One of the most notable traits to grow happier is our intrinsic ability to accept and adapt to change. Children leaving the nest, careers evolving, uncertain health, maturing relationships; every transition calls for a similar shift in our disposition. Just how much we are ready to accept decides the size of footprints of happiness for us.  

I had never wanted to be badgered by the most common regret people often rue about; “I didn’t allow myself to be happier. Maybe I could’ve done something about it. It just didn’t end up my way”.Since I chose not to be self-denying, I’ve found happiness in my control. I didn’t resist or feared change but embraced it gracefully. Guess, I needed to know when my life shifts.

Today, I find myself doing things that make me happy.

Don’t fake it.

Happiness has never been about being happy all the time. Life is full of uncertainty and faking beatitude would mean emotional upheaval at one time or another. Sure, it would buy you short term gains but at the price of long term pains. Fake it ‘til you make it is not real life.  Being alive means having the privilege to feel everything –good or bad and live through it.

When you try to block feelings that are meant to be felt as a human, you don’t get to experience life to the fullest. Happiness is after all just one piece of the puzzle. So don’t fake it. Let it happen of its own.

Before long you’ll know it’s been worth waiting for.

Image source: pexels.com

Be alive

In the busy haste of everyday life it’s not uncommon that physical activity slips out of our priorities. To be alive and active everyday practice of going for a brisk walk, yoga, gardening or even dancing around the living room would lead to the release of endorphins, the ‘feel-good’ hormones. This induces positive sensations in the body and would result in mitigation of stress besides elevating the mood.

I swore to get out of a deadpan life and stay active the moment I realized that being that peppy and sharp isn’t just about staying fit; it’s like giving your body and mind a big shot of happiness and gratification. It’s like me telling myself, “Hey, I’m taking care of you, it feels pretty darn good and you should be grateful for that!”

Gee…Thirty years down the road, I no longer feel stuck, unfulfilled or lost!

Forget the past

Life is never short of its share of regrets, mistakes, and missed opportunities. Yet, it appears happy people would always found a way to stay clear of a whole lot of aches and pains. I guess they learn quickly; that forgiveness is the only way out. Holding onto past hurts and disappointment only serves to rob you of your joy.

Rather than clinging to past wrongs or dwelling on what better I could have done, I chose to forgive – not necessarily because others deserved it but because peace seemed legit to me. I wonder how better I could’ve served myself.

Once freed from the past, I imagine I have saved myself from the chains of regret and bitterness and maybe saved some room for greater happiness and peace as well.

Be kind to yourself.

It’s so easy to beat ourselves up and proclaim that nothing is good enough. But as they say “gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness.” It helps good times roll again, make you feel more positive, improve and deal with adversity and build strong relationships.

Walking through it allowed me to see that there are lots many things in life that are more worthy of my attention. I needed to work to bring happiness in my life and in those around me. No bubble baths or partying around for me but I’ve been nice to myself thereafter. That stuff would have made me feel good but I suppose it’s more about giving yourself the space to figure things out without flirting with those hippy-dippy things that people do to be cool.

So, if you are working on being happier, just let go of the unpleasant in life; your gratitude will help you get there fast.

What happiness looks like to you?

Regardless of where you are on the happiness scale, each one of us has their own way of defining happiness. The hard part is that many a times we chase other people’s definition. We often succumb to popular version of happiness and end up with a great deal of unhappiness.

So, to be smiling and happy again, you need to determine what it should look like to you. Be brave enough to step into your life and figure out for yourself what makes you happy.

You need to know what you want your life to look like.

Image source: ‘July notes from Dr Klug’ in healthspankc.com

Never rush through life.

It’s a miserable choice and robs you of all chances of being happier.  Being “rushed” is quirky and would make you sad and out of sorts. True there is not much you can do about it but the balance is just right when you live out a comfortable productive life.

I think setting up goals is great but you need not be in a hurry to get things done. It leaves so much wasted time not soaking in life fully. So, ‘stop and smell the roses’ before pushing on. Let the good and the bad wriggle their way into your life. It will be a real experience and help you to understand what happiness is all about.

While everyone is different, there are definitely ways that are easy for everyone. All you need is to come forward, figure out what brings joy to you and stay focused without throwing up your hands when it comes to your well being. And if you find yourself nodding along, stay on course; don’t give up.

Image source: ’21 Hilarious Things to Do For a Phenomenal Time’ by susanwhited0 in joyamongchaos.com

You bet! You’ll live well and age happier.

Do you feel hopeless about yourself because of your failures and easily think of giving up on everything? Truth is, every time that happens you can still hold onto you in those dire moments!

Feeling Stuck in life? Say ‘hello’ to these 4 easy ways to climb out of a slump!

1 Comment

Life has a mysterious way of throwing curve balls our way and challenging us even when it fulfilling. Middle-aged parents, people deep into retirement or somewhere in between-it doesn’t matter; there are times when we could hear ourselves saying “I’m stuck.” This is the time when we feel like giving up on everything. We begin to lose hope on our relationships at home, office, business, college or friends at some point.

I know it sucks… but it’s just that we feel hopeless about ourselves mostly because of low energy levels and lack of motivation to the point where getting out of bed becomes a struggle each morning. On some days we are tired and wish if we didn’t have to push us anymore. On others we simply yearn for a day off. I have felt this countless times and still do sometimes. Every time whenever I feel like giving up, I remind myself; “I’m not alone in this”.

I have had a strong familiarity with this feeling for long. In fact, I think my emotions are just as dramatic as my life. People all over the world may have felt the same way but strangely every time whatever I experience, it passes and better days always come back. Geez… guess I‘ve had learned to hold onto myself whenever things go haywire and I’d want to give up.

A few years back, I was abysmally stuck in life’s rut, struggling and feeling like I was going nowhere. It was as if I was living the same day on auto replay, a unending loop of dreariness and loss. It was maddening. I longed for a change but was scared of the risk and uncertainty. I was stuck in my old habit patterns and badly needed to break free and bring some good changes in my life. I’d though end up each day doing the same thing without trying anything corrective. All I knew that I needed to do something but just knowing that wasn’t enough.

Dying for a change, I looked around for ways to slip away from this standstill. Somehow, I desperately wanted to add reassurance to my life where someday I might find myself telling me; “I’ve done a lot better than last time and I’ll do better next time”.

That’s my side of the story, but…

If you think you too are missing on something in life, capable of doing great things but don’t know how to break loose of the rut and fear that you’re not living your best then you’re as badly stuck as I once was.

In my journey, I had checked on people who’d experienced nothing less and had eventually walked out of their miseries. It was my call and I’m glad that I didn’t hang back! Over the time their insights have truly brought a difference to my life; pushing it from slow decay to a smart shape up. So, if somehow you’re enduring a rundown life, crumbling and feel deserted, this is the time to make promises to you. And knowing how would surely inspire you to find an easy way to climb out of your why.

These 4 life-changing ways might just be your fire ladder for a way out.

Image source: ‘Happiness at work: Stop climbing the ladder’ by Eric Stutzman in achievecentre.com

Take a break- You need it

Giving yourself a break- when life feels jinxed, is one good way to sit back, mull, weigh and iron out some of your sorrows. Besides haven’t you been working so hard recently that you almost forgot to take a break? Burnout is for real if you push yourself around too hard for long. Taking a break and starting afresh will give you the new energy you need. It is then you’ll get to appreciate what it means to come back with a new spark. This would also afford you some spare time to learn, listen, connect and win support. You might be stuck only because you don’t know enough about what you’ve been dealing with and the kinda change you need.

Going back to the drawing board for a fresh start makes learning easy. Books, YouTube, Play station, Nintendo, Social media – almost any pleasure preference is a good start to begin with; for all that that’s worked for others, might work for you just as well!

Be sure to stay with your ‘Why’

“It all starts with why”. Even Simon Sinek an unshakable optimist had double checked the adaptability issue in his global bestseller. My guess is that whenever you could manage a close peek at ‘Why’, it helps you to keep going. So, when the thread begins to slip out, go back to the very reason for starting what you want to give up now. If you find that you’re still passionate about it, you’ll get enough courage to continue.

For me, thinking about the reason alone was enough to turn back from giving up. Even when I didn’t make any progress, I didn’t regret anything for I knew that I had kept going despite towering odds. And that was enough to cheer me up! My favorite line when I waded through something deep was no less persuasive! … “Somehow this one too shall pass”. This way I could stay afloat and strong and wait for signs of improvement. It helped me calm down and stay put when everything else felt coming apart. Telling myself this affirmation over and over again would never fail me.

Even to this day, I keep telling myself…hold and carry-on like always!

Image source: ‘Why do I feel so negative all the time?’ in greatmindsclinic.co.uk

Thinking of whole staircase? No way…

It is easy to feel overwhelmed when we think about the mountain of leftover things to do that lie before us. Sometimes we don’t feel like moving even a finger and would rather give up believing that we may not get the results. Whenever this happened, I wouldn’t think of the whole staircase I had to climb; just kept an eye open for the next step. Breaking the whole process into simple steps and picking up on one only each day would spare me a bunch of rollercoaster rides ahead.

After all the future doesn’t lie with you and you don’t have the past either to dwell upon. It’s only ‘now and here’. Doing what you do today will eventually make everything work for you.

Be curious-It’s your best antidote

When we have our backs to the wall don’t we all get easily snared into despair and sadness? This often is the result of lack of new experiences. You’re zapped of the desire to try something new and would feel cornered unable to get out.

What’s the antidote? Try out new things even if you are not the curious type. Let those sparks of interest- no matter how small, handhold you for a while. A movie, theatre, Ted talks, interviews, book…if anything piques your interest, dive headlong into it. Nothing will appear different immediately, but slowly fresh ideas will begin to excite mind and you’ll be alive again, ready to explore anything new. But don’t just stop at these small curiosities. Few things as simple as playing tennis, even when you’ve never held a racket- or jogging through a different neighborhood are just as good to change your perspective. Your each step big or small is one stride towards a better tomorrow.

I live in a world where food is delivered to my door step, cab comes to my home for a scheduled pick up and Amazon takes care of all my household needs – everything just a few clicks away! The World seems not be in a hurry but on some days I’m more stirred than ever. Have I done enough? What else could I have done to make life a little more meaningful? I then, look back and count my achievements. Of course, it’s not easy to think how far you have come and others have gone far ahead. But I guess it was only about opening doors that I didn’t know even existed before and let myself be surprised by what lay beyond them. Like I said before I never forget about the journey I took.

Image source: ‘Feeling stuck – 5 tips to escape life rut’ in barelytherebeauty.com

Today I weigh myself with me only with what I was yesterday- and happiness returns!