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Those on the ‘right side of history’ always bet for objective truth. But those who mock the past and refuse to learn are not only on the wrong side of history but the flip side of humanity!

Make way for a better tomorrow to be on the ‘right side of history’.

7th Oct 2025 soulshop.com Leave a comment

Whenever I look back at history’s horrifying events, particularly those that happened in this part of the world, a twinge of grief overwhelms me. I get sad and sore. And I begin to doubt myself. “Would I’ve ever tried to be on the ‘right side of whatever injustice is happening? Had I been in the midst of all the horror would I’ve bravely resisted the abuse and outrage? Were I living in the ‘Greater India’ in the 1900s would I’ve been valiant enough to be allied to the civil rights and freedom movements? Would I’ve joined the rallies and protests in support of rightful rights of oppressed citizens?”

*Image source: ‘4 Tips To Help Children Learn Dates From History’ by Asha Thomas in thetutor.me*

Honestly I’m not so sure. At least I wouldn’t have sided with unfairness or discrimination. More importantly, I’m in and from 21^st century where every cause stems from a moral right though often vilified and comes with factual downsides. And that gives me fair enough reason to make peace with my failings!

I sometimes wonder if somehow I could get to time travel back into 1940s then surely-surely I would’ve tucked myself into the civil disobedience and independence movement against the atrocious colonial rule; one that began in May 1857 and prevailed till Aug 1947.

Is this the obvious truth or am I tricking myself into self deception?

Honestly I’m on the fence…

If I were to assume that I am someone blessed with unmistakable demographic attributes and there’s no way I can be sure how the future would unfold, would I ever be flanking the brighter side; one that I know as the “Right side” of history”? Isn’t it more likely that I’d keep my head down and try to stay out of trouble for all it means?

Hell! Once headed into 40s and obviously more dim-witted than now, it’s highly likely that I’d be less certain of the appropriateness of the freedom struggle in the first place. I wish and hope it wouldn’t happen this way. But if that’s how I’m fated to end up I know for sure I’d be rightly dismissed as a coward.

Clearly that very definitely would‘ve me walled off on the “wrong side of the history”.

Unarguably, to be on the ‘right or wrong’ side of the history is everybody’s rallying cry. So, when we talk about the righteousness of a cause, the weight of history makes for a powerful argument. Who doesn’t want to be part of a great historical narrative, be celebrated and continue to live on as a morally upright person for the future generations to judge with awe?

It actually is a nice way to make an argument both logical and persuasive at the same time. Isn’t it?

For that reason if you are really serious about rewriting the moral crusade of your life time, you need to firmly believe that progress is possible at all times. A better world can always be built and you need not have to accept things as bad as they are.

*Image source: ‘4 Tips to Set Yourself Up for a Better Tomorrow Today’ by John C,Maxwell in success.com*

Don’t Mind the Small Stuff

Focusing on what you think or feel in the current moment is one easy way to cut through the uncertainty. How you live out your present will rework history for you.

”What am I feeling and contemplating right now? How do I feel about the current state of my life?”At one time or the other this is how we all day dream, mull while fidgeting with stress ball and sometimes when we’re disconnected with ourselves. Whenever we trip back to the past or dwell on the probable course of future events, our focus goes off for a toss. A pattern of depression overshadows our judgment and we can hardly discern right from wrong. Fear, shame, guilt, sadness and the fright of the past coming back to haunt, bring us back moments when we did something we weren’t proud of.

Contrarily not everybody would yield to it. “If I don’t feel bad about it then I don’t regret it and then it’s like a “good thing” for me. “I’m sure I shouldn’t suppress things so I must hold on and own my actions”.The rant could continue indeterminably.

How we treat past events that no longer exist is not relevant but events from the “Present” live on. Your unwavering focus today on chosen accomplishments will be one nasty home-stay for your anxieties and fears and yet will decide your place in history.

The resolute ones among us are usually more determined in their judgment when it comes to setting up some remarkable legacy for posterity. Their reasons though are vague and arbitrary. “If I don’t worry, who will?”, “I need to think of the future, otherwise I won’t foresee what’s coming next or how am I judged many years later”. “Don’t I need to focus on what I want in order for me to manifest it?”

For future to turn out exactly as you perceive it, is a near impossibility as there are always too many things that cannot be maneuvered. The only one we can manage is how we feel about a situation. We do not get to control how the future comes together. We can only be in charge of our perspective and not worry about what’s going to happen in future.

So, stay in moment and enjoy every second of it. If you want to get a more “complete picture” of where you are in life, where you want to go and how you want history to judge you, it’s important you know how and when to zoom in and zoom out of your perspective and recalibrate it properly and fittingly.

*Image source: ‘The Courage and Consequences of an Uncompromising Life’ in twojourneys.org*

Which Side is the ‘Right One’?

What would I like to accomplish this week? What’s that that will make me happy accomplishing this month? What’s there that I need to strive to accomplish this year?

These are questions everybody has rough answers for. Nothing definite but a wobbly tentative way-out lurks in everybody’s mind. Sadly every foresight is largely underrated and usually sells short. . On the other hand most trailblazers could see a few steps ahead before committing themselves.

Now that you’re seriously weighing your legacy, there is no better time to re-visit your timeline for necessary aligning than when you start digging for answers. I know nobody’s vision of the future is ever crystal clear; it never will be. But like I said it’s always good to following the beaten tracks of ‘bleeding hearts’ from history.

I am willing to adapt. I’ve resolved to be particularly attentive to how my ‘daily routine’ and ‘evolving timeline’ overlap and work out together. I frequently ‘zoom-in zoom-out’ of my perspectives to be in harmony with my long term fondest hopes. I keep re-evaluating my life on a frequent basis. I know that there is no single perspective that is ‘better’ but my ability to shift my vantage point when needed has the real power to reframe my history with certainty.

Still, one should always hedge his or her bets about being headed in the right direction. There is nothing there that’s absolutely certain or right about what course leads you to the ‘right side”. Nothing’s verifiable. Even Newton’s theory has been wronged in some respect. So’s Copernicus’. Hasn’t quantum physics completely changed our understanding of the universe?

*Image source: ‘How to Use TODAY to Make TOMORROW Better’ in havingtime.com*

Whatever…these uncertainties are all simply reminders; that what we think we know we may not know much about. This world is full of enduring fickleness and is abominably contentious. Both morally and temporally there is a right side to everything-the side that bends more towards justice and fairness.

What you choose today forges your tomorrow and the days after. For you live your places in history everyday! And remember everything at first works counterintuitive but bends towards uprightness once pitted against real effort.

Besides it’s just may be that the right side isn’t always in history, it’s in our hearts and bones.

Grandma is one amazing half parent whose invaluable joy lies in giving away unconditional love and support. Sometimes childlike and alive she is truly the rainbow of life to her grandchildren.

The Joy of Living in the Realm of Childhood with Grandma Where Nobody Dies

10th Sep 2025 soulshop.com Leave a comment

I suppose I’m fortunate to have only happy memories of my childhood left with me. Surrounded by a doting family and a great looking dog, unpleasant ones have over the time somehow faded away. Besides I just don’t wish to look back and relive any.

*Image source: ‘Senior Living: The challenge of being a new grandmother’ by Liane Faulder in nationalpost.com*

Today it’s easy to figure out what made my early years so great. Like a superstar she was everywhere, always there, smiling all pervading. How can I ever forget her withered face and corrugated forehead that shone through folds and creases and a bad dentistry? She was a constant companion –bodily and in other ways till she passed away at a golden age of 84.

My grandma from what I remember belonged to a generation that had lived through two World wars, the tumult of Partition and another couple of Wars-one in the West by an unruly Pakistan and another one in the North across the Himalayas by the belligerent dragon China. The world on this side of the fence had really taken a relentless beating, People were pushed against the wall and had to endure a great deal. Watching over their families was a rough going. Amidst such challenging times she kept her nose clean and minded a conscientious care for her family up to the time her debilities overwhelmed her spirits.

It was a sad and dispiriting gloomy afternoon when the shattering news of the inevitable reached us. Till the end she had never called in a favor and was a proud free-spirited empowered woman her entire life.

The Joy of Being a Grandson

To assume that the ‘cradle to grave’ age difference between us somehow weakened or clouded our perspectives would be unfair, lest think of, to describe how I see my ‘grandma grandson’ bond today. I was a little kid of barely five then and so wet behind the ears to have any definitive frame of mind. I just had a fifth birthday. Unsophisticated, naive and truly green to understand worldly subtleties, I was looked upon as a starry eyed, innocent kid trying to find his foothold in this incredulous world. Clueless and unmindful I guess I understood only tenderness and warmth then.

Despite prolonged separations-my father being a Police Officer and distantly posted- I immensely enjoyed grandma’s company whenever we would visit her on school holidays. Being one of a dozen grandchildren, I could barely have her company except when the adults engaged in serious talks outside and other siblings were too preoccupied to mingle with her.

As ever, grandma would cuddle me, reach out for home made laddoos and would be so excited to tell me all kinds of stories about her childhood. She didn’t seem to care if any of it made any sense to me. I was just there as a generally happy listener to be easy ears to her reminisces when no one else would. I was the reason for her contentment when she would talk about things profound and incomprehensible to me. All silent I’d be a courteous audience to her recounting. She savored these moments and smelled the roses for all I could make out.

Born much before the First World War, she had endured an entirely different childhood that was rife with loss, privation and denial. The country was under the yoke of British raj and basic rights of natives were the distressed lot. Privations and disadvantage rode the wave. Clearly her parents couldn’t have hoped to muster enough means and raise her appropriately.

So, grandma never made to the school.

*Image source: Cottonbro Studio in pexels.com*

My Childhood and Grandma – Nostalgia Live-on

Like in typical households, where boys are pampered and favored much more than girls, my grandma had to stay at home to do chores and learn cooking. The only opportunity she could manage to learn a little was when her cousin brother was having lessons with the family tutor. She would shyly sit quietly on the floor at the far end of the long bleak, dimly lit room, across her brother and tutor and listen intently. Interestingly somehow she learned to read and write, even just a little upside down – an ability that later turned out to be quite practical, especially whenever she would try to read and share my story books. Sometimes on weekends she would together with other siblings go to the Zoo – not a stone’s throw away from home but not too far either. There she would sit down cross-legged underneath a tree and musingly watch all the fun going on around her. The faint amusing smile would never leave her face. Even while walking us around the cages or handing out scrumptious wraps of pooris, with flavorful savory aloo fry stuffed within and sweet- sour mango pickle, she would be happy faced always. Perhaps she knew that life is time sensitive and she didn’t want miss a moment of happiness for nothing.

Her soul was something I guess that had struck a note with everyone . Everybody admired her benevolence and caring compassion. I could never forget her sitting comfortably on grass bed handing out to little greedy hands unmindful of the fuss and squabble around her.

During the Partition often life came to a standstill she would tell us. To protect her kids from marauders in the street who preyed on Hindus she would run children underneath her bed and the whole family would stay stuffed like rag dolls together for hours- joking, giggling and whispering funny quips. Many a times they would miss being discovered by just a few inches which grandma with a great sense of gratitude would fiercely claim was a divine favor.

The time would simply rush out of the window and we wouldn’t miss any of the fun!

This is just one of the many stories she would recount over the years. Now that I think about it, her young adulthood and my childhood were worlds apart. Yet something held us together. My childhood was quite happy and fulfilling. I didn’t need to go through the trauma like she did where uncertainty called the shots and fear was in charge. I never faced educational barriers, ignorance, illiteracy, un-enlightenment unlike her because since I was born it’s been part of me. When I was younger, I never really had the chance to be myself, sprawl out on the grass, while away my time doing nothing except stargazing or learn the art of hand knitting. All I remember was staying at home, playing with neighbor’s bit older kids or reading Phantom series, something I’m sure she wouldn’t have dreamed of doing.

I guess our different backgrounds were what made her such an interesting person to listen to. Her stories felt like history books coming alive. She was special in so many ways. Her loss is felt deeply by many, but none more than me. She lived a full life and left a gaping void when she left. For a couple of years before the end I had watched her fight off her frailties. She was a rock to the family but fragility had kept her slipping.

A Lasting Tribute

The love of a grandma is unique. It seems like God gave us grandmothers to liven up our lives, to make it more whole, to make us grow into better human beings. For me she meant a great deal in shaping my childhood. I remember sitting in the kitchen beside her and gleefully relishing the sweets she would share with teasing playfulness. Her companionship taught me a lot about love and the meaning of family. In fact, she never was just ‘grand mother’ to me. More than that, she was my guardian, my friend and my inspiration. I miss her dearly. I guess her spirit and strength, lives on in each one of us and in the lives that she touched. She lives on in me and in all those who have been moved by the love, strength, conviction, wisdom, and beauty of her soul.

Love you grandma – You truly were a special, special woman to me! You’re no longer among us but your memories would always live on in me. Thank you for your sacrifices, your care and concern, your love and everything that you did for everybody. I know you are in a much better place. I hope I never forget to be grateful and thankful that I was fated to be your ‘grandson’.

You’re gone but not forgotten grandma! I miss you so much.

Until we see each other again some other time, some other place.

Unaware, unrevealed …in a new way!

Nobody wants to be reminded of the hurt that our planet quietly carries in her heart. Forgetting is a soft release but she’s just as easy to break. Lonely and afraid she wants to be remembered.

Feeling Exhausted? So’s Our ‘Planet’- Still the Story of Saving the World Won’t Sell.

14th Jul 2025 soulshop.com Leave a comment

*Image source: ‘World Environment Day 2020’ in timesnownews.com*

Some of these mornings, as I wake up I sense a strange heaviness hanging around me. It’s unnatural, it’s weird -one that I can’t put into words. I’ve rested well and yet the world seems tired; the air has forgotten to feel fresh and the day loiters listlessly mocking in an unkind way. Maybe it’s just me; or is it the Earth whispering anxiously through the cracks that have ravaged her for a long period of time? What’s worse we have looked the other way for far too long turning a blind eye to her imploring cries.

Even so I find some amazing calming comfort in nature- long walks, sitting by a quaint patch of green watching sky burn itself out from clear sapphire to deep orange at dusk as the sun goes down. In those moments, I feel less alone. I love the descending silence as creepy crawlies gear up for night sojourn.

But lately I’ve noticed something unusual happening to real world outside. Trees are withering too soon. Birds are fewer and hardly twittering around. Bees, beetles and butterflies have all gone into hiding. Rivers are drying or swelling beyond their rhythm and seasons are so confused; one moment it’s roasting sunshine, the other it’s raining hard leaving every living soul squirming in fiery discomfort of sweltering heat. Every now and then the torridity turns soul destroyer; numbing, draining exhausting the familiar nature around us. It’s as if the world has forgotten to follow the script it’s been doing for eons.

And we keep asking more of her!

The Earth is Tired

Pretentious hunger of concrete reality, careless consumption, hostile plastic convenience and spiteful ways of easy travel, all maul the inhabitable air with tones of carbon footprints. Unmindful of her agony, every time we ask her to hold on to our fancies, adjust, absorb remain stay quiet and continue to be calm and serene as always. And all the while we continue to chase comfort in all the wrong ways for all the wrong reasons. Forests butchered, oceans stifled with trash and waste that we dump and mountains pillaged until they no longer stand proud; we have gotten used to taking what we fancy- without asking without giving back in return.

What’s more unsettling is that this planet still continues to hold space for our reckless mistakes and strangling plunder.

But for how long?

Does this mean that we have somehow missed the mark? Are we merely focusing on some deep science that largely does not make sense but hastily overlooks to connect with daily life? Confused, resisting and gloomy in outlook altogether the blame lies with us for bettering our lives without thinking twice about defacing and vandalizing our Planet.

The reason!

Calls to cut back on carbon footprints by going easy with fossil fuels or invoking stiff emission standards globally are largely unworkable and wild. Betraying growth this way seems unrealistic and fails to sell. Worse, no doable solutions are brewing and no achievable solution for fixing climate change has gained ground.

The Weight of Being the Strong One

For all we know the Earth is getting tired, non renewables are depleting fast and climate change is real. But we don’t think it’s as urgent. It’s no surprise that alarmed cries invariably run aground. Considered as another out of touch elitist cause with no viable end tied up, this listlessness has not led to anything serious.

Personally my take on this is not that cheeky. I am many things but not a quitter. When it comes to a mindful existence I am inclined towards wind or solar over coal or gas but I’d care more for having a reliable energy source when I need it. The push for change is alright but not everybody can deal with long outages after storms, rough weather or murky no-sunshine days. Reliability outsmarts source when it comes to availability and service.

The real problem!

Our planet has reached its ‘tipping point’. It has exhausted all that it can give sustainably. Besides the climate story has either been told badly or it has fallen on deaf ears.

It’s time to face the reality or forget the ‘Tomorrow land’ of our imagination entirely. Truth may be lost for a while but bigger crises lurk in plain sight. Trillions spent on renewable have barely moved the needle on ‘global emergency’. Cold feet couldn’t cancel the hearty fake shows over ‘geo-engineering’. It’s time the screen writers and story tellers amid the ‘right-wing eco warriors’ figured out how skillfully they can cook a story that people would actually care about. Not the one that would only sell tickets to another “Grand Climate Show”!

Feature credit: ‘Nature Is Speaking’ by Conservation International in youtube.com

I am not saying that shift is easy to come. But it definitely begins with people like us. People who once danced in the rain as kids, who were supercharged in plantation drive at school and who at one time were convinced that this Planet was their only ‘Home’.

Perhaps we have forgotten to grieve ’the Earth’ fearing that doing so will make us responsible for all its woes. And in the process we have missed the point-‘Grief is where the healing begins’.

I still remember sitting quietly by the Periyar lake side one balmy winter morning. I was on a vacation to Kerala, down southwest to Thekkady exactly. A charming spice and tea paradise nestled in the foothills of Kannan Devan mountain ranges this is an epic destination unveiling breathtaking rainforests, enchanting spice gardens, wildlife and all that you’d imagine of Hills n’ Hues. All I wanted a little break from all the noises and humdrum of daily rut.

The water mirrored the sky so vividly that I couldn’t tell where one ended and the other began. That moment I wasn’t thinking about the melting glaciers or shrinking rivers or shriveling verdant. I just sat there quietly. It felt good. The soft gentle breeze was tapping my shoulder urging to listen to the silence. In that quietness I think I heard the Earth speaking to me- not in anger but in sadness. “Why do you keep hurting those you love most?”

I love living on this planet. Do you? I love the burning gold sunsets, the earthy smell of first rain drops falling, the proud peaks of snow clad mountains wrapped in the clouds and the iridescent opulence of flowers that bloom without waiting to be applauded.

If we have been given with so much by her, then maybe it’s time we love her loudly and clearly. It’s about time we protect her from being destroyed and stand by her side when she is being gagged by profit. It’s time we mourn her losses like we mourn for our loved ones- not in words but in decisive action.

I know there’s no one solution for all her woes. But I know this for sure-Change will come when we begin to see this planet as ‘inseparable, indivisible and unseverable’ part of our existence; her exhaustion as our own and her collapse not a distant fear but a manifestation of our choices.

*Image source: Luise del Rio in pexels.com*

As I write this, I don’t have anything new to offer for a dramatic climate change. I just want to be part of the endeavor. I want to feel the change when it comes. I want to be responsible for the grief of what we’ve lost and what we’re losing. I want to believe that if we sit with this reckoning long enough, we might act — not out of fear but…

More out of love !

If there’s anything magical or superstitious about luck it doesn’t help or hurt you. Considering yourself lucky or unlucky is a way of seeing yourself which then impacts your thoughts and behavior

Is Luck Real or a Self Fulfilling Prophecy? Can You Change Yours?

9th Apr 2025 soulshop.com 2 Comments

Sometimes it happens. Everything in your daily life just goes crazy. Every little thing you try simply drifts off. You’re passed over for an important assignment. Your back aches. Your zipper breaks. Your dog keeps throwing up. You’re freaking out and wonder if your life is always taking a turn for the worse. You aren’t superstitious, but these knock outs push you to troubleshoot—“Am I just an unlucky person? Why is it that I can never catch a break?”

I myself have felt this way at one time. While reclaiming my beliefs I learned to understand ‘why we believe in luck’; ‘how can I rein in my belief and make real changes in my attitude toward life that will help me feel less “unlucky.”

Not everybody would buy this thought though. For many luck is the most useful yet vulnerable idea that makes sense of random chance and the ‘unexplainable’ acceptable. If you stumble upon a $100 bill on the ground, you will think you have good luck. But if a gust of wind blows away your $ 100 bill just as you pull it out of your wallet, you’ll think of it as you’re having bad luck!

Is Luck chance or happenstance?

Some of us are born lucky; they say. Everything they touch turns to gold. Others are incessantly stalked by misfortune. But it’s not only just the people who get to be lucky or otherwise; it can be an action as well. The ball hits the post in soccer and everybody jump to lament- ‘the striker was unlucky’. Luck or not, I’d say the pool shot was lucky but did not rely on skill. It was unexpected or even improbable and happened possibly due to a series of fortunate bounces!

Does any of this make sense? Is there really such a thing as ‘luck’? Do some have more of it than others?

I guess there is a perfectly reasonable way to draw some sense when we talk about luck. In fact I think there is no such thing as luck. It’s only a matter of cause and effect where the outcome is the result of certain actions and circumstances, not some random chance. So rather to talk about luck isn’t it better to talk about how to make things happen easily?

Does this mean that no-one has luck? Not for sure, but we can’t truly say of someone to be lucky except that they are the kind of person to whom lucky things happen.

*Image source: ‘Manifesting Your Reality: Power of Self-Fulfilling Prophecy’ in happyproject.in*

It’s complicated but you can do it

In hopes of brightening my perspective on ‘luck’ over time I have uncovered three main characteristics that people who consider themselves lucky have in common. They ‘listen to their intuition, ‘create reality through self-belief’ and ‘have a resilient attitude’ that transforms ‘bad luck’ into a good one.

Surprisingly, it is the psychological behavior that determines the luck a person could think of experiencing. People who believe lucky things happen to them all the time, tend to fare better than people who feel unlucky. They know how to bounce back while the unlucky ones are inclined to give up easily to failures.

So if luck is based on psychological behavior, can you change yours?

It’s hard to believe but ‘You absolutely can!’

Make it happen in real life

Start by making small changes in your everyday routine. Trivial pursuits like penning a thank-you note and how you felt lucky at the end of a day is a smart move. You can also change something as simple as taking a different route to work or while running errands. Even the shows you watch on TV, once dropped or changed can create new mindset. To all intents and purposes luck is what happens when arrangement meets opportunity.

Another simple way is to be a flexible thinker and evolve an equally flexible approach to life. Once disposed, you’ll be more open to opportunities when they come along. Simple but impactful, these small things know how to make change happen for the better. Your World will become bigger and larger and you’ll get more breaks. You’ll know where you’re headed and be ready to change the course depending on how the wind blows.

Expect good fortune for you’ll be able to turn an awful experience to a good one. It’s highly unlikely that bad things will come your way. If for some reason you do hit a roadblock, comfort yourself, “Okay, this could have been worse,” rather than “It could have been better”.

Oddly enough this may affect your future luck as well. If you feel better about an event, then you’re likely to have better expectations about future experiences and maybe your luck will change.

*Image source: ‘People who are regularly “lucky in life” usually display these 9 behaviors’ by Mia Zhang in hackspirit.com*

Meanwhile you can shift your focus toward the positives. Each night before you hit the sack spend at least 30 seconds writing down a positive thing that’s happened in your day; a sense of gratitude for friend or family or perhaps a health issue. Even a negative thing that’s no longer happening should not go unnoticed.

You also need to take the long view. Breaking your leg might be a setback for now, but if you happen to meet your prospective beau in the hospital, it could end up as a very fortuitous event.

What’s more, don’t let yourself be stalled by a stereotyped behavior. Take a different route when walking, when watching TV or when talking to different people. Even petty changes have a knack for upturns.

And then keep your eyes open. Stay alive. Be prepared to grab whatever opportunities come your way.

Image source: ‘*These 8 Time-Tested Methods Will Boost Your Luck’ by Sandra Grauschopf in liveabout.com*

Nonetheless, what you can’t expect is for good fortune to magically come your way without effort. Luck is a very big part of our personality. It isn’t easily influenced and malleable until you do something quite concrete about it.

To be “in luck” you need to have a broader focus. Following that you’re more likely to encounter chance opportunities before good things start happening.

Despite everything if you still don’t consider yourself lucky enough, ‘You’re in luck because you have it in your power to change‘.

Sometimes life throws us into a miserable situation. Everything gets pretty dark and terrible. It’s normal to be unhappy then. But cloud nine is still possible only if you know how to get there!

Unhappy, Mood Swings, Frustrated! – 4 easy ways to unpack your unrelenting sorrows.

20th Mar 2025 soulshop.com Leave a comment

Aren’t we all always looking for ways to be happier even when often we only have odd and ends of uncertainty to contend with? Of course, it’s not easy but not impossible either if you know how to get there.

*Image source: ‘How to Cope with Emotional and Psychological Trauma’ by Julia Schwab in juliaschwabtherapy.com*

The biggest misbelief is that happiness comes naturally. Honestly that’s not the whole truth. Our subconscious is ‘built to protect’ and ‘persist strongly’ as far as possible. But strictly speaking, we are not hunters or gatherers in an unpredictable wild World. It’s Ok if our thoughts naturally drift to fear and anxiety in moments of stress. In fact almost every sad and difficult gut feeling that keeps pulling us down arises from our repressed mind. Many a times we struggle to live in the midst of this surreal nightmare unaware that these impulses can be thwarted. All it needs is some conscious effort to refix the brain that has a tendency to go face down if a sore moment hurts badly.

These four easy ways, nonetheless can help you overcome grief and return to delights of happiness.

There is Always another Way to Happiness:

There’s nothing unusual if our unconscious mind triggers knee jerk reactions to downturn situations like sadness and loneliness. It’s Ok if your conscious mind takes longer than usual to ‘make sense of everything coming our way’ perspective. When we become aware of the level of our consciousness, everything far and wide rallies to tell us what’s coming up next and what conscious choices we can make to live in the current moment.

By being aware that you have a conscious and an unconscious mind to reckon with, you can bring a huge difference in your life as it gives you the power to decide which one you’ll choose to listen to.

Deepen Your Insight

It’s nothing short of being aware of oneself and showcasing it.

For instance, if you find yourself constantly shifting to a negative thought over something as trivial as your ability to do well in your job, try to find out when was the first time you were as uncomfortable and felt as incapable. It’s somewhat like being diagnosed with severe dyslexia and then experiencing an intense urge to prove to others that you aren’t lagging behind.

Once you do that it will not be difficult to know where those feelings are stemming from. Let them pass or else don’t resist the flow of things. Just stay on course and pieces will fall into place.

Let me say this differently. On one hand, I can compliment myself, thank my efforts and claim to be the most successful person I know. On the other I couldn’t be more unhappy saying to myself, “I’m not enough”. I can sleep over it and let woes multiply. But once I know exactly where that comes from I can put that in perspective.

I don’t really have to live there!

*Image source: ‘Understanding Mood’ in Understanding Mood in dana.org*

Sometimes it’s Ok to let go and move on

When emotions run high there’s not a whole lot that we can do about it. But ruminating is one easy way to discover where that indifference is flowing from. Once you let it pass, you’ll know what’s coming up next.

Imagine of it like this. You’re at a railroad station for an upcoming journey and there’s a train approaching. It’s the unconscious that keeps pulling you down, “You’re reasons for this trip are not enough. In fact they’re not good enough”. You can either step onto the train, or be stranded at the station for hours, weeks, months, years. Alternately you can say “Not just yet, not now. I’m not stepping on this train today.”

Setting these unconscious thoughts free while being mindful of your actions, will help you slow down and make mindful choice.

Living with your moment is a powerful approach to life as it encourages you to fully embrace your ongoing experiences without distraction or regret.

Trust the outcome

No one ever wants to suffer. Everybody yearns to be happy always. Aren’t these the two most coveted basic desires of all of us? Who wants to wake up and hope for a truckload of suffering? … I don’t think so. In as much we want to be happy, we hate sufferings no less. But sometimes we relentlessly hold onto our upsets and aches.

One reason is that we are often thoughtful without control — frustrated thoughts, lonely thoughts, worried thoughts, jealous thoughts, depressed thoughts. We don’t particularly want to think of them but we can’t help it and that leaves us unhappy. Learn to rid yourself of these unwanted pensive thoughts. If not that, fence yourself off and look the other way.

Once free, you’ll do just fine.

*Image source: ‘When Mom Is Emotionally Unstable. Seven Ways To Heal.’ by Dr. Margaret in drmargaretrutherford.com*

Let yourself be unhappy.

When we’re in grief or hurt, all we want is to get away from it. But that’s as hard to come by. We can’t ignore it, pretend we’re fine, be comfortable with ourselves or lash out in defensiveness. We can’t just distance ourselves. In as much as we know that these are typical human response to challenge our reverses, we hardly do anything to take the edge off.. In fact wanting to get away from the unhappiness doesn’t make it any better. It only prolongs the suffering and sometimes worsens it. Instead, tell yourself it’s Ok to feel wretched and sore sometimes. It’s Ok to be miserable and hurt every so often.

Wind down a little and allow yourself to be overwhelmed by that murky sinking gloominess. Tell yourself it’s Ok to be mortified.

Being curious of it’s A to Z all the while though, is a helpful recourse to tide over your setbacks. You can stay clear of all witch hunting hoping for its end.

Don’t want to buy this? Try at least to be intimate with it. It’s not pleasant but it can’t kill you either. This way the end will be in sight sooner.

In fact, it’s where the healing starts and growth happens.

There are times when search for happiness ends in the harshest conditions. Such individuals amaze and inspire me. When Nina Riggs (of ’Bright Hour’ fame) was diagnosed with an incurable cancer, she knew her end was near and was well aware that she’ll be leaving her two young sons behind. Before she left at age 39, she could tell her husband, “I have to love these days in the same way I love any other.”

When we wait for something to happen naturally so that we could scour for happiness easily, we stay unassertive towards our own well-being. We fail to recognize that it’s our thoughts that make our World and we alone are responsible for our happiness.

…Not the other way round.

Sometimes we are so focused on our happiness that we forget that to make someone else smile is a beautiful way of empathizing and being kind. You could be the reason someone smiles today!

Be the reason someone smiles today : Your Life Will Never be The Same!

30th Oct 2024 soulshop.com Leave a comment

Yeah! That’s more like me as a kid. Unfortunately, there weren’t too many photo opportunities handy way back in days of late 50’s. I couldn’t treasure my childhood days like others, much less realize the worth of it all then.

I am not that cute anymore. And whatever you think of me from that smile on the face, I wasn’t the happiest kid. Oh! Geez…I was happy in a way. Everything around me was plentiful and life was fun. But from a very young age I was always a serious and focused child. Kids around me meanwhile looked unconcerned, lighthearted and freewheeling. The air around them smelled carefree and easy going. Incurious, I still did well by remaining absorbed, watchful and all wrapped up, in my formative years.

Over the years I have focused on my life’s purpose. People would often judge me as hard headed in thinking and carefully involved in my ways. Yet as I grew up I’ve also become much happier and more positive. I owe this brighter side of me more to a benevolent attitude and a bent for doing good. I think once you embrace this shift it’s easy to find out how uncomplicated that change can be.

*Image source: ‘Keeping Your Mental Health in Bloom This Summer’ by Daisy Coggin in studentnews.manchester.ac.uk on 28 May 2024.*

You Can’t Change Your Life Until You Change it

Life comes in seasons that change and so does everyone. Sometimes this change comes as a big one for many. Marriage or divorce, moving to a new city, committing to a partner, buying house or even starting a family; all are significant choices. Nothing matters more. For obdurates others , change means encountering far reaching experiences. Emotional health, scuttled relationship, retiring, new career, or moving across the country are all unusual events. Even debating with whom to invest your time is just another extraordinary occurrence.

Should I just start my life over? What if I simply move to some place quieter or travel? What should I be doing with my life? Is this really what I want for myself? When you mull over or examine your priorities like this, it’s only natural to question your choices. But if you yearn hard enough, it’s quite possible to make a new start any time. Besides it’s always OK to not know where you’re going next. After all, we all get one life to live. And we are always on the run to find the best version of ourselves.

Sometimes it’s hard to know exactly why you want a change. It’s also difficult to find out how big a change you’re looking for. But if you intend to live a more intentional life, it’ll be awful to miss the possibility. Living the same life tomorrow repeats the life you’ve lived yesterday. This keeps you anchored to the same life you are living today. Even so if you’re looking for a transformative change, something about you need to change.

Living a truly contented life isn’t as tricky as you think. In fact it’s more of an art than some inquisitive instinct. Everybody have their own way to tap into their own happiness. For me happiness is a choice, a lifestyle that I consciously prefer to lead. It’s my way of keeping spirits high and heart content.

And trust me, it’s worth it.

Try to make someone smile and you’ll know what I mean. Once you shed your unease, your day begins to unfold a wee bit better. It gets way easier to endure. It’s winsome for you each time you get involved.

So… when was the last time you made someone smile?

Everyone runs into bad days one time or the other. Sometimes, all that’s needed is a smile from someone else to pep up and turn your day around. Making someone happy not only makes them feel good. It also lifts you from valley lows. And you feel no less good either.

Smile is a pretty contagious attribute. When you see someone happy and wreathed in smiles, it’s hard not to smile back. It’s possible that you’ve had a difficult day. You’ve been tired, grumpy, and feeling awful. You think you’ve an unwilling world around you to fight back. But then someone smiles at you or does something really nice for you. Suddenly your day doesn’t feel so bad anymore.

Now that you’re with me so far, you must be wondering how I went about it. Here are few ideas that worked pretty well for me and I guess so will they for you.

Make someone’s Day. It Just Make Yours

Hard to say when I acquired an intuitive wish to be helpful and strive to bring few upbeat moments in someone’s life. But somehow it did happen along the way. Interestingly, the enormity of what I was trying to live by would not hit me until I read this story. It was to change my life forever.

There was this man who lived a few miles away high in the hilly terrain from the Ganges in Himalayan foothills. One day, embittered by deprivations and denial of people around him he walked those few miles to the bridge, jumped and drowned. As the police investigated the fatality in the ensuing days, they found a note that the man had left on his bed.

It read: “I’m going to walk to the bridge. If one person smiles at me on the way, I will not jump today.”

Nobody smiled. Helplessness and desolation finally pushed him past the breaking point to take his own life.

Months later, only now I fully understand the power of a smile – ‘it can truly change and even save a life’.

So smile, say ‘Hello’; it’s free and infectious. When you smile at someone most likely you’ll get a smile back. It’s one simple beginning to make someone’s day for almost no effort on your part.

Make Your Move and Start Over

This is huge. Committing to make a change is not easy. It comes with its up and downs. But starting over afresh doesn’t mean you’ve lost everything you’ve learned, gained, and experienced. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. Your past has brought you to where you are today. And you’re lucky enough to be wiser than you were just a few months ago.

On my part, I used what I knew best; ‘myself’. I walked over a few slow steps to go back to the beginning and herald a change. I’d rather bet an entire day’s slog to see a wrinkled unhappy face crack a smile in a brief moment of heartsease. I would find delight in seeing a hesitant broken smile wiping away the sullen looks on faces as long as a fiddle. It didn’t matter for how long. For me, one moment is just as good as many.

I honestly meant to start ‘living’.

“I love your shoes!” or “You have a beautiful smile.” Few simple heartfelt words to utter as I walk past someone on the street. And I would know I had stirred someone to cheer up. When in line at a store and I see the person behind me only has a few items, I’d offer to let them get ahead. I ‘d notice see a momentary glint in the eyes and a broad smile on the face. It’s always polite to say please and thank you, but it means much more coming from a stranger. So whenever somebody did something nice for me, I made sure to express my gratitude. I learned to laugh together. I would do whatever it needed to make someone’s life a bit easier. Sometimes when someone’s going through a tough time or just having a bad day, a hug was all that made all the difference. I would even try to help out anyone struggling with something. Every diminutive effort brought a restful moment in lives around me .

These small acts of gratitude and empathy never failed me in communicating a hint of reassurance and comfort to all.

Over the time with a bit of thoughtfulness and effort I have managed to regain sway over values that helped in my transformation. It’s no longer hard to promise myself another field day and make someone smile.

Give yourself a chance for now. Someday you will be grateful for having voted for a change.

Who wants to be a grumpy old coffin dodger? Aging is not a sin. But crumbling and decline brings fading memory and wilting vocabulary in its wake. It’s best to let the words become your voice,

The Insipid Sin Of Growing Old: Words Do The Talking For Me Now!

15th Oct 2024 soulshop.com Leave a comment

Do you know that words have both inimical and obliging powers? I am reminded of this daily when I surf the net or blog or tweet. But even I admit to not always realizing their power outside of my world. Of course I’m constantly aware of this in my own life. Those quarter of a million distinct words are infinite and pretty powerful. Once you put them out there, they stay out “there”.

The other day I was harshly reminded of the power of words in life. I was having a hurried conversation with my junior during the morning brief. “How’re you doing?” a standard morning sun-up brief is customary before the day work starts.”I feel gross; it’s been a hard weekend. I couldn’t manage grocery as I’d been out of town on an errand. I couldn’t manage dinner last night either as I’d little time left for it. I also had to cut short my work out to squeeze in other chores”.

Damn! What a crass way to start a new week!

I had willfully completely given a miss to the fact that I’d actually spent an amazing weekend with friends. But what I had said was a mistake. I had fumbled and screwed up everything; my words sounded anarchic. Nothing I said thereafter would rescue me. Was this a simple misunderstanding or was I thoughtless enough to falsify my reply without thinking twice? I wouldn’t know for sure. Yes, I had been away for the day and had obviously missed the grocery. I was left with little time for dinner and no extra space for a work out.

Whatever…Mon morn’ already felt doomed. What I‘d said was ruinous. The day was done for. I could already imagine him walking away feeling bad for having asked in the first place and worse -for reaching out to me. I faintly hoped that his conduct was mere intuitive and desperately wished it to fade away quickly.

Weeks later I realized one single thing quite clearly; your words speak for themselves. Let them do the talking and you won’t go overboard ever.

Anyone can mess up words when talking

After two uninteresting boring bouts of aging at 44 and 55, we all turn prone to messing up with our memory prowess. It begins to struggle and words start to give us a slip every so often. You may mean blanket, but would actually say pillow; you meant hands, but would say fingers instead. Interestingly you don’t mess up much when you slow down a bit and prefer to pick up a related word or gesture.

I have also noticed people stumbling occasionally when reading out loud; nothing complex-just simple words and sentences. Oddly this isn’t uncommon. I remember also having stumbled so often when speaking out aloud in college seminars and forums. Perhaps I was being mindful of the people around me; perhaps I was averse to yelling. Whatever, I always pray for my memory cache to stay intact.

I did some digging lately though and found out that the right words always have a forceful impact of your legacy on others and the World around you. If you let the words do the talking for you instead of you being in the lead; you’ll become what they say you are.

If You Want Others to Listen, Stop Talking

There are a few of us who just luv to talk about things that they believe others need to hear. It’s not always about the sound of their voice alone. When they talk they typically do not do a whole lot of listening themselves and certainly not a lot of learning either.

This is a good enough reason why you will want to talk less. Let the words do it more and you’ll be looked upon as a cut above conversationalist. Soon people will start to open up more to your point of view when you do speak. And yes! You will get to learn something new as well.

By talking less and listen more, I now refashion my part of the conversation to be more about ‘learning’ than lecturing.’ I have realized that the words that I interact with know something that I don’t.

You’ll know if you’re easy to talk to

If you’re approachable, friendly, warm, open-minded, and empathetic, you can earn the respect and trust of everybody around you for sure. To an unassuming listener, respect and admiration are not hard to come by once they start to encourage others to speak about them.

Think back the last time you went out on a nighttime soiree and came back home all smug and flushed with contentment, “Wow, I did enjoy myself. I had some great conversations and they were really interesting.”

How much did you talk about yourself, and how much did they speak about themselves?

Nice and all that in every way, you’ll find that speaking less but clearly helps in avoiding unhappy upsetting situations. To me it was more than that. A hard won assertiveness had won me the ability to speak up for myself- constructively and positively.

Not doubting any further and absolutely assured, I let the words to become my voice.

The best part about this whole thing was to come later. I can now have more pleasant exchanges, little or no disagreements and definitely no duels.

As I became more mindful of my words I stopped cursing, insulting or damning. For the first time in my life, I found myself committed to using “please” and “thank you”. I even found the softness so necessary for a disarming tone!

For once not only my voice but words had begun to speak kindly.

*Image source: ‘Smart cities for aging societies”’ in 4euplus.eu on 6 Mar. 2019.*

You’re less likely to say anything dumb or regrettable

We’ve all been there.

Not every conversation is casual or comfortable. It will never be. Few can be quite challenging; especially when you’re deeply involved in a chat over something you’re so passionate about and unwittingly go off on a tangent. You wouldn’t realize you haven’t clicked and would continue to brag until some disapproving retort stops you right in your tracks.

Mincing words can often make a bit of a fool out of you. Of course your unsavory opinion does not really represent how you think and feel. But with fewer words and pricked up ears, you tend to evolve better. Once silver tongued, you’ll be adored remarkably, won’t choke on your words or ever be tongue tied.

Besides you’d be less likely to say something that leaves you blushing.

You can keep your cards close to heart

Conversations die pretty quick but their impact stays. At times you will strongly disagree with the view point of others but an argument is the last thing you’d want out of it. Avoid conflict and you can steer clear of any negative impact it will have on your bearings. You will also get to learn more about how and why their view points collide with yours.

Speaking less and listening more is an amazing way to hold your opinions close to your heart and dig deeper into the mindset of others. To few it’s dull and unimaginative and lacks interest but I think sometimes boring and uneventful is good. It helps you to be in sync with every ‘bog standard’ around you. It upholds your influence and makes your presence more impactful.

If you’re still with me and keen to become a masterful persuader, then I guess you’ve come of age and are eagerly looking ahead for self betterment. Not counting the uncanny ability of words to move a roomful of people to your perspective, your redoing and reshaping will be a pretty powerful way to influence your surroundings.

My take on this! I‘ve learned to live beside my words and ain’t spoiled for any choice either. Talking through words hasn’t opened any door to sin for me.

In fact, I have given myself the privilege to live better and bolder.

Most people don’t take time to imagine a brighter future. For few others dreaming stops short of being pulled off. But every next level of your life calls for a better version of you. Here’s how!

Your Future Needs You, Your Past Doesn’t.

8th Jul 2024 soulshop.com Leave a comment

Imagine somebody locks you up in a time-machine and asks you to take a quantum leap to go forward into the future or backward into the past. You’re allowed to travel backwards or forward to any length of time, jumping through different dimensions and timelines a day, a thousand years, a million years… Which one would you choose? Future, that lies ahead or the Past, that’s finished and done with.

Either way I’m sure you’ll never want to come back to “Now”.

Arguably, choosing between the two can change anybody’s life. But since nobody would want to ruin their lives any more than they have done in the past, future seems like an easy pick.

Personally I’m in more for future than past. Not that I don’t want to fix mistakes or want to ask for an apology to those people whom I had hurt & offended in my life before. But it would be more like going back in time to correct course to make future take a turn for the better than putting things right in there. Of course, this will be the only opportunity to set things right and tell others to do scrub theirs. Still, wouldn’t it be better to travel into the future and witness those aberrations fading away all by themselves?

Yep…I’m at a loss but I’d rather settle for what lies ahead in time for me. I don’t want to see something again that I had neglected to conclude in the first place!

I am though still curious enough to take a flier into the past and sneak a peek at whatever wrong I’d done that I shouldn’t have. Save for dinosaurs, I will get lucky to patch up some of those awkward spots. Not likely but who knows someday something I want to happen -may just happen.

All in all, it’s really a difficult choice…and a risky one as well. You move one on your fingertips and you’ll never get to see life the same way again.

So, what do you need most- the Past that didn’t work out well or a Future that awaits you to go viral?

Your Future Is Bigger Than Your Past

It simply has to be and here’s why.

For all we know, Past is merely the bedrock for Now and Future. Otherwise all that we did in the past would be for nothing if we have come this far only to give up. Some room is always there to continue growing and that’s exactly where we want to be.

I measure success by how many people I have helped out in the past and I want to continue increasing that number. I reckon my future to be my property because by definition, it hasn’t happened yet. It exists only in my mind suggesting that I can choose to make it whatever way I want.

Honestly, I think my every move to make my future bigger and brighter than my past is the very act of growing itself.

For some people great future is mostly about themselves. But for few like me it means contributing to other’s lives and things. And I prefer to keep it simple and clean while pitching in. What’s more, I’m convinced that all I need is to believe that, it’s possible to have a bigger happier future no matter what stage you’re at in life or what your circumstances are.

Often this belief alone has been enough to keep me growing.

Short Steps Help Grow Better

Fancy this- you’ve grown old or are in poor health. You’ve great many memories and dreamy experiences behind you, but don’t know how to pep up your future and reconstruct it to better your past.

Think of it this way…

Growing is as simple as learning to expand your perspective on the world and somewhat contributing to lives of others. A bigger future doesn’t have to be necessarily grand or glitzy; no great leaps ahead either. Most growth happens as a result of many small steps. The key is to keep taking them. Besides a better future is not about how much time you’re left. It’s about what you do in it and use what you’ve learned and done so far.

Check out for yourself. You have taken your first step towards the vastness of what you’re yet to discover and not be aware.

And you’ll keep growing till you last.

Wrong turns won’t let the good times roll

Apparently what has got us here today won’t get us there ‘morrow. If you’ve been lucky in the past, be wary for that success can muffle your future success. The things that have brought you where you are today will be the very things that will stop you from reaching your next level. Your crush for earlier triumphs and unwavering loyalty to your identity will keep you mired until you’ve learned to let go of your Past. You will gain an insight or two in between but don’t live there. And certainly don’t stay stuck to an obscure identity.

Don’t look back n’ pull yourself together

Becoming organized and mindful of everything taking place around you, places you better to build toward the future you wish for. The quickest way to do this is by not doing more but quit doing whatever is holding you back. Consider dumping those out of line behavior for a start and welcome good ones. It’s a hard start but unless you learn to cull the damage, you’ll always be taking one step forward and two backward. It’s akin to getting rid of junk food from your meal before going for a work out.

Look…unless you cut back on your spending, there’s no point in focusing on making more money.

You won’t need more once you’ve freed yourself from needing more and will be content with what you have. Think of your life as your garden. What good will be planting if you don’t remove the weeds and prep the soil?

Your Best Song Is Inside You

“You have to believe your best work is ahead of you. If I believed my best song was already written, I wouldn’t keep writing.”

It’s no hard guess what Alice Cooper -the rock star meant when he had voiced his mind like this. Richard Paul Evans, the 38-times New York Times bestselling author also aired his thoughts somewhat similarly. Interestingly, both never gave up trying to create something better than they had done before.

https://videopress.com/v/QbEWTut2?resizeToParent=true&cover=true&autoPlay=true&loop=true&playsinline=true&preloadContent=none&useAverageColor=true

Feature credits: ‘Your Future Needs You – Your Past Doesn’t’ by MotivationDon in YouTube.com

What’s my take on this? I think there’s always a better way to live a good life. The world’s not going to shrink any sooner and I must keep pushing for a better morrow. So, every time I start something new, I work like a Trojan and sometimes do not hesitate to lean over backwards. I guess it’s the only way to innovate and break my boundaries.

I wish someday you too will get to find the right choice. All you need is to persuade yourself to believe that boundaries and limitations are mere illusions and lie only in imagination. Besides, your personality doesn’t define you. It only mirrors a relationship with yourself and what’s happening around you. If you wish, you can change it completely. You can even change how you show up in the world. And that’s exactly what you need to do if your future is going to be bigger than your past. Your past in any case won’t buy you much.

See…It’s between Ash or Phoenix– so choose wisely!

Above all keep this alive for you; ‘My best work is ahead of me’.

The idea of ‘not caring’ may seem unreasonable at first sight but mastering it can become a powerful way to pursuing a happier, more fulfilling life!

Say g’bye to these four self defeating habits if you want to be the best version of yourself!

13th Jun 2024 soulshop.com Leave a comment

Seriously! Are they bad enough to sabotage our level of awareness and destroy our happiness?

Like everyone else I also have endured conflicts with a boundless rage that lives within us all. Most of the time it would turn the situation I’m in, awkwardly critical and would silently work to destroy my confidence. Yet unwittingly every single time I’d let myself be ravaged by this frenzy and would settle with picking poor choices. Next would follow an overwhelming surge of low self-esteem, hostile self-talk and miserable emotions only to see me going bonkers.

“I can’t do that.”

“I am not good enough to get the job.”

“I know I should exercise more, but …”

“It should probably get out more, but …”

Not many would agree but after every “but” sits the excuse for bringing in a bad choice. Unfortunately it sets everything off-course and leaves us looking for what we need most at places where we least ought to. Assumptions, I guess are our worst enemy. Trusting them over and over again is like grasping a straw in the wind. They’d subside only when we retreat into the comfort of disrespect and insolence.

Coping with a self defeating, ambition-killing fire in the head by not allowing it to cripple our sense of right or wrong is what makes life easy to live. Left unchecked these failings would get so ingrained in our lives that we’d start to accept them as normal.

Looking for a way to fix this?

It’s only years later I talked me over to relent and stop resisting the change. My call…it was weird but a wonderful fieriness had begun to unroll for me.

I’d still be haunted by anger but I had learned to admit that ‘I am angry’. I had realized that what I needed most when running in circles was to admit that I’ve been running in circles. It was as easy as winking but it took me a while to catch on. Surprisingly very few would’ve the courage to accept their weak spot. For most part they’d rather stay stuck so long as their ‘safe space’ is not intruded on. Funnily enough, it’s kinda painful to admit that you’re stuck!

So, how do we evade thoughts that shut us out from healthy solutions? Can we in some way tear down an attitude that typically ends with something awful we wouldn’t want to happen? What if the intended outcome does more bad than good?

Few and far in between, self cheating behavior works against its own purpose and is normally either unsuccessful or useless. It’s more like being mean to the person you want to befriend. Ordinarily it’s self harming and would hit back soon. One way or the other your actions would forestall your approach from working out. Make no mistake- your every effort would be in vain and everything that you wished for would be lost.

To break free of this self-hurting, happiness derailing attitude, put these four practices on your what-not-to-do list. Once you learn to kick your insipid boring attitude to the curb, you’ll be on fast track to being the best version of you.

*Image source:’Why is changing habits so hard?’by Gill Mckay in gillmckay.com*

You’re adding without subtracting

Scaling up unthinkingly without giving a second thought is natural and unwittingly happens to all of us. Sometimes I fell for it as well. Adding new stuff without doing away with the old one is how my closet would get cluttered. My workload would become unmanageable and my budget would go up in smoke. “Is any of this going to help me go fat or look better?” I’d argue with me then, knowing well that it takes discipline to cut and combine. But that part would always elude me.

I grew up without pruning and that’s bad!

Worse still, I’d always think that I’d get away with it! Whatever “it” was—cheating, hiding, digging deep into my pocket for that extra bit of plum cake, I’d be convinced otherwise. It was quite delusional. I knew lapses do not forgive and slip ups would show up somewhere someday.

Happily, not before long I learned how to get over myself. Long-term consequences and a growing familiarity to my weaknesses showed the potholes ahead. I had found out that humility shakes off self defeat.

Besides, a growing emphasis on purpose and a sense of responsibility pushed me to sidestep the deception. I saw Google enjoying outstanding success, but it didn’t stay stuck to its past. There were moments when it relented to popular expectations just like the antipathy of the bakery union that drove Hostess brands (of Twinkies fame), an 82 year old business into liquidation in Nov. 2012.

*Image source: ‘Good people make mistakes’ in observingleslie.com*

Don’t just sit on the fence

Trying to become something you are not while there’s plenty of value in who you are, can be self-defeating. Google expanded its territory to become a comms network provider, build fiber optics, mobile network and mapped software to driverless cars when most opined that it should stay focused to Googling than opening up and as a consequence fall behind. The rag bag has ever since been a mix of tumble and fumble.

Getting caught in the middle of something while being not good enough to compete in the new terrain, is disastrous and ends in losing sight of the old area as well. Move out of your comfort zone only when you know you can challenge yourself.

I grew because I had learned to side step discomfort and with it all the uncertainty that comes with change.

Going ballistic is bad!

Anger and blame are unproductive emotions that do more harm than good. Both hurt if misplaced. Here’s how. Years after a tragic incident on the Deepwater Horizon, an oil drilling rig operated by BP in the Gulf of Mexico on 20 April 2010 in which 11 people lost their lives, BP struck the headlines facing a record fine and slew of criminal charges. The then CEO Tony Hayward damaged the company more by indignantly giving bitter statements about the unfairness of it all!

Angry words leave a long devastating trail and are capable of overwhelming your accomplishments. Learn to be mindful of your anger. Tame it before it incites bitterness and consumes everything.

Are you afraid of change?

For all that we know- our brain is wired to resist change. An inseparable natural part of our lives, it is programmed to hang on to the status quo and avoid the uncertainty that comes with a shift. It resists because it fears losing a secure space to the unknown. This hostility to change is what harms most as it keeps us stuck into the past not letting the better person in us to grow.

Here’s the thing- growth doesn’t happen in a familiar territory. If your wish is to evolve, improve and be the limit, live the change, not fear it. It scares everyone at first sight but then every sec is a chance to grow and learn. Endure going down with a tough project in Office, be ready to face the flak in a difficult conversation with kins and be a game when pushed against the wall by your wellness trainer; every extra mile is an opportunity to break free and live the better version of you. Soon your mind will learn to shift focus from problems to solutions, acknowledge your thoughts, and won’t let them control you.

Feature source:’This tiny cute bird will inspire you’ by Heart touching films in YouTube.com

So next time you find yourself slipping, step back and look at the big picture. It’s not about having all the answers but moving ahead even when things aren’t perfectly clear.

Reach out and say ‘Hello’ to a mindset of action and solution-oriented thinking if you trust your guts. Even before you’d know, your journey to be the best version of you would have begun.

Once you learn to let go of what doesn’t truly matter you can create a space for what does.

Looking for a simple happy living? Always wanting more means owing too much, only to beget more stress, less money and unhappiness. Open up to the POV that ‘Twice as much ain’t twice as good'!

Owning less is great but wanting less is a better way to shape your happiness!

4th Apr 2024 soulshop.com Leave a comment

I have little and I love that!

Like everybody else fiery billboard promotions and zealous hype had left me chasing dreams of possessing car and clothes, all the while working in a job I hated so that I can buy stuff I really didn’t need in the first place! It was not long before eventually the things I owned ended up owing me instead. It wasn’t as good as I’d hoped! Sometimes it was overwhelming and would leave me feeling gutted.

It’s hard to remember when I first took the decision to intentionally live with fewer possessions. I suppose it was born quite a few years back mainly out of growing discontent with my screwy conception about life’s purpose. Everything sulked and felt like slipping away. And all the while I was all kinda busy woefully wishing for a better and happier life. As the size of my home grew so did the number of things stuffed into closets. I was spending more and more time caring for everything I possessed.

While cleaning stowage one Sunday morning, it struck me hard; how much of my life was being stolen by things that I own? Wasn’t I neglecting things that meant the most to me as a result? It was touchy, perhaps a bit nasty too but from that moment I decided to break free. Next I began to get rid of the non essentials.

I had decided to own less!

Ever since I figured it out and chose to settle with less, I’ve been experiencing countless benefits; more time for me, more money, more freedom, more energy; all with less stress and distraction. Fewer possessions and a careful use of resources have provided me with the opportunity to follow my greatest passions. It’s great! And I’ve figured it out; I’ll never go back to the way I’ve lived so far. For me that lifestyle is bootless now. Interestingly, along the way I’ve discovered something even better than owning less; wanting less is not foolish and is definitely a better way to make a fresh start.

You may ask; if all that was so unnecessary what pushed me to catch up with ‘simple is more’ idea. All I had known so far was that ‘more than, less than or equal to’ are the inequalities meant to represent the relation between two numbers or two expressions. No more!

This is how it all began to happen one fine morning.

The other day, I was visiting my neighbor at his home just across the street. We were childhood buddies and it’s been awhile since we had last met; so the warmth flew free. Fireside chat soon changed to heart- to- heart gab. I was taken aback for a moment when he confided how anxious he was about the upcoming weekend. “Why?” I asked. “Well, I’m having some new friends coming over for dinner and I’m embarrassed about the size of my house. The last time I went to one of theirs, it was huge and beautiful and gorgeously decorated. Probably one of nicest I ‘d ever laid my eyes on”. Now I knew why he looked so edgy and sounded hollow. Obviously, he was sizing himself up and feeling awkward in his own house!

I felt a bit sad for him. Graciously I said what I needed to say; that he had nothing to worry about, that things will be just fine, that his house was big enough and that what matters above all is the feeling you get when you enter a home which is far more important than square footage or the marquee furniture.

It’s hard to tell if that was any relief to him. I guess, that’s the least comfort I have offered to someone who’s disappointed or miserable over something as unimportant as the bigness of his house!

Later as I left his place I felt downhearted. What a crummy way to live; always eyeing the possessions of others and equating them to your own! There’s no joy here; this way of living sucks and outlook on life is disparaging. Discontent and envy only make matters worse. Both my friend and the spite that haunted him, were a weak match to wish for a full life. Still, I couldn’t fully disassociate myself from what I had experienced during his telling of the story. I had lived in smaller home years ago as well and couldn’t be happier with my life then. I had never wished for a bigger one. I’d often walk past a lot many in the neighborhood all the time and coyly say to myself, “I’m sure glad I don’t have it else I’d be spending so much time and energy taking care of that big pile!” The benefits of being in a smaller home were just great!

Soon thereafter, we moved into our ancestral house. It was a big deal; open space, room for everybody, patio, small patch of green – just about everything in it appeared larger and much bigger. Life was perhaps hinting at better. But this is when I began to think about how much everything else has changed and wondered how unattractive the constant pursuit of material possessions means to me. Somehow not only I wanted to own less, I wanted less. Perhaps then this would be a wonderful place to be in, I’d confide in me. I would feel comforted and reassured.

Today because I don’t want to own more than I already have, I am finally free from the constant collating of my stuff to others. I am no longer tormented by an incessant pursuit for more money and more stuff. I have found contentment in the things that I own. And above all I have discovered more room for generosity.

*Image source: ‘Ready To Change Your Life and Take The “Less Is More” Approach?’ by Theresa in simpleismore.com*

Because I don’t want to own anymore than I already have, I am free from constant contemplation. I am no longer bound to the incessant pursuit of more money and more belongings. I have found peace, contentment and happiness in the things that I have. It has also served me with extra space to indulge and be openhearted in giving. I have finally found my stride and begun to bend my pursuits towards things that matter. It’s no more a race to have it all. Things no longer define me as an individual. I’ve stopped buying stuff knowing that they will only burden me and add to my worries. I’m content with whatever I’ve now for I know that more doesn’t guarantee joy or happiness.

To me it’s a great feeling living with less and… wanting less even better!

Uncertainty sucks! It’s funny how we try to escape it, only to get deeply mired. If you’re missing the bliss of blur, know how to decode life, deal with it and still remain in bliss!

The promise and peril of living with the bliss of uncertainty!

14th Mar 2024 soulshop.com 2 Comments

“Everyone makes mistakes, so no one person is better than the other.”

No hard guesswork; this assertion would certainly raise eyebrows. While you may get on with it, there are few who would rather mock it straightaway. And understandably so; if Abraham Lincoln or Joseph Stalin could stumble and screw up sometimes in life, clearly not all slip ups are equal.

This sounds intuitive on the surface since there is no rust colored fire escape ladder or wrought iron curly cues to help. But surprisingly there is multitude of instances where we simply miss the actual picture. Eliezer Yudkowsky- best remembered for popularizing ideas related to friendly artificial intelligence, is just as cautious when elaborating; “Everything is shades of gray, but there are shades of gray so light as to be nearly white and shades of gray so dark as to be very nearly black. Or even if not, we can still compare shades and say “it’s darker or it’s lighter”.

To me it measures the same way; like all imperfections are not equal and all uncertainties are different. While it’s not easy to embrace uncertainty, the important thing is what we choose to do with it. Who wouldn’t want to go all out to ease it, knowing that it will never be entirely gone? Except that this would determine what shade of gray you really are in as nothing is as black, white or evenly gray as you’d want it to be.

Asserting that “I don’t know a shit” or “I don’t give a damn” is something that everybody readily accepts and would easily dismiss your imperfections. But there’s a difference between someone who fails to prove why Earth is flat and someone who falls through in proving the string theory that describes the universe as made up of tiny vibrating threads. Smaller than atoms, electrons, or quarks when these strands vibrate, twist and fold, they create matter, energy, and other phenomena like electromagnetism and gravity.

In any case both would throw up their hands in uncertainty though may secretly hand on to a cocky certainty.

*Image source: ‘Your silence will not protect you’ by Audre Lorde in the feministbookshop.com*

For the most part we live in a world where nothing is certain; we cannot hope to be more correct –only less wrong. It’s kinda default setting where nothing is fully comprehensible. Nonetheless if you could comprehend why nothing is ever black or white, then that’s a great start. But the real shift happens only when you begin to view the world through infinite shades of color.

It’s a difficult road but promises a beautiful destination!

How strange is life, isn’t it? The darkness of the night always relents and makes way for the light of the day time after time. Likewise our endurance never fails to end our labor into fruition. It’s a blissful absurdity but is conclusive to co existing with Nature. I do not freak out easily but I know one thing for sure –there is no perfect way to live your life in a well laid down manner. Our lives are not novels that need to confine to a well defined sequence of chapters. Rather it’s a collection of stories that behold different plots unfettered- in a single you.

I have always felt fragile yet confident in my dealings. My heart could feel the pain of loss and my soul would flourish with happiness when excited. And my mind would eagerly build on rhythms of life that stir and influence my actions. Sometimes things won’t turn out the way I‘d want them to but would often end up in something more beautiful than I could have imagined.

Don’t we all shed every ounce of ourselves to grow into the kind of person that we think we are meant to be? I have always believed in all the versions of me that I’m fated to co-exist with. The most vivid part is that it has helped me to live a happy life even when wading in unknown. I have learned to live in harmony in a world that continues to evolve around me. I guess there is no single identity that I need to hang onto to be sufficient for everybody around me.

When I was younger I wouldn’t stop dreaming of the day when I’d be recognized as a successful writer and my stories being read somewhere one day. Years later today as I look back, I face the younger version of me that had dreamed of his work being recognized and featured. I feel warm and grateful and treasure this vision dearly. It gives me the hope and the strength to continue to desire and work hard and softly breathe my wishes to the world around me.

I am the story that has run into unfinished streams of failure, courage, hope and strength. I’m the eye that beholds infinite dreams. I’m the ambition that yearns for more and has set its heart on living on cloud nine.

When mindful, you do not replay past mistakes or live future worries. Tune into what’s happening around you -right here, right now! And guess what? It’s generally a pretty happy way to live!

Life couldn’t be more beautiful: Four simple ways to live a happier one!

28th Feb 2024 soulshop.com Leave a comment

It gets complicated sometimes, right? Honestly aren’t we the ones who allow it snowball into a clutter in no time. We hang on to stuff that makes our lives more complex than it need to be. It’s a pity that we couldn’t resist making mountain out of mole hills and it’s only a matter of time before everything starts withering on the vine.

Living a happy life is not only about doing away with the physical clutter or spiteful thoughts; it’s more about learning how not to let them rob you of your joy.

The other day I asked my neighbors how they would like to improve their lives. As expected, they said they’d want to become happier. I felt fine. “Same old, same old”! Who wouldn’t want to? Many though wouldn’t know exactly how to go about it.

Becoming a happier person is a personal journey but it can be influenced and steered to a plus size life with a little care. Wanting a little more of it is beguiling and there is nothing wrong to fancy a slice of it. Fair enough if you too are driven plentifully to go after it than stay buried in the weeds!

Sounds not possible? But trust me; it’s easier to quieten that inner critic than you think and jazzing up your ‘dear life’ even more.

So, let’s get into this.

My woes my ‘worry time’

I know, it sounds freaky and unreasonable. Why would you need to set aside some time for your worries when you should actually be doing just the opposite; ignoring all that upsets you or over-thinking?

A few years back, I was in a constant state of worry. My mind was being constantly rapped by a whirlpool of “what ifs”. It was exhausting!

This is when I bumped into this idea of setting aside some ‘worry time’ to deal with everything and anything that bothers me. It was as simple and unsophisticated. Instead of letting my worries keep raking my mind the entire day; I’d choose ‘my time’ to deal with it. Unsure of any other fix, I jumped for it. For half an hour each morning between 6:00 and 6:30 I’d take time off to do nothing else but worry. And…It worked!

By containing my worries to a specific half-hour window to deal with them, I’d set my mind free for the rest of the day. The nagging was there and didn’t vanish completely but felt less intrusive. For once again, I was in control of my thoughts than being controlled by them,

If you feel that your worries keep crippling your day and pull down your happiness, take a shot at it. You may find it just as liberating in the end!

You’d luv to stay connected

Like they say we humans are sociable and thrive on connection and interaction with others. But once off the track and reclusive, it’s easy to get scatterbrained. Staying connected with friends and family gives us a chance to express our thoughts and feelings and gain insights about things that we may have overlooked earlier.

Do I mean to say that you need to be surrounded by people 24/7? Nope! No way. A simple phone call, text message, or a casual stroll with an acquaintance is good enough to break you free from deep thinking.

I never thought it lame to ask for help or share what I was going through. ‘Not Ok’ at first sight and I’d remind myself, “I’m not alone in this”. I’d then find me gutsy enough to reach out to others.

Trying this might just as well help you get the comfort and clarity you’ve been looking for… without losing control of yourself!

It’s Ok to mess up sometimes

Sometimes I wish for a wishbone. Perhaps life wouldn’t be so imperfect and flawed then. I wouldn’t let it! I would have it cracked evenly in half and my quest for happiness would end there and then. But that’s not going to happen. Like everybody else I too have my moments of doubts and fears. I just couldn’t turn off my inner critic, smile and laugh.

Life hurts!

Lately I guess, I had been rather harsh on myself; only to add to my stress level. Unable to pull out and move ahead, I decided to let myself feel what I feel, learn to accept myself wholeheartedly and allow myself not to be the best that’s humanly possible but rather to do the best that I can.

And guess what! It worked out well. I could now talk to my inner child, forgive myself for past mistakes, laugh to my heart, knowing that I am enough for me. For once, I could try some intuitive eating and wear comfortable shoes. Geez…my feet ached so badly!

So, next time you find yourself in a tough spot with zero options, don’t be hard on you; find your ‘yes’. It will help you build in some margin as you go ahead. Stop pushing by slowing down. You’re not sitting on a powder keg! It’s all right to have moments like this.

Besides you deserve kindness…especially from yourself.

Drop it; It doesn’t matter

A few years back I had found myself stuck up with a past mistake that I’d made while at work. It wasn’t much but I just couldn’t move past it. I was mortified and scared of the consequences. It kept ballooning in my judgment till it was colossal! At one point it was like a nasty screenplay on auto run. I was busy all through the day dissecting every detail, every reaction. I was worked up and in a perpetual state of nerves!

All I needed was to somehow loosen my hold on me and let it go as a bad dream. Overselling the same thought was not going to alter what had already happened. I needed was to learn and grow from my experience of the past.

Clutching at my heart I braced myself to take a plunge hoping that this is how I could put an end to my anxiety and perhaps fix my self-censoring mind. Trust me, it turned out well! My doggedness was back, my wits were free and I was finally …de-stressed.

When we hold on to past mistakes or worry about what comes next, we let ourselves be robbed of the joy in the present moment.

Today, I could forgive myself for all the fumbles and stumbles and use them as a learning experience rather than a source of constant stress making my world a whole lot steady and calm. I consider my ‘misses’ as a chance to grow and not as an anchor holding me back. I tag them as a sweet but powerful way to stop beating a dead horse and being happy.

I know it’s hard to learn to distance yourself from ‘cold and creepy’ miseries but with a little practice it gets easier to reach out, connect and stay in touch with your present moment.

Personally I think that the secret to a happy life isn’t in having all the answers or avoiding mistakes. It’s in cherishing the course of life with all its ups and downs, twists and turns. It’s about learning, growing, and finding joy in smaller things.

*Image source: ‘How to improve your personal growth’ by Ali in sharetoinspireblog.com*

So, if you think you’re unsure of yourself, drifting and tired of wishing for more; take a break, catch your breath and sell this to yourself – “it’s human to churn out imperfect outcomes. And I’ll be Ok with that”.

You’ll live well and grow old happier!

Do you feel hopeless about yourself because of your failures and easily think of giving up on everything? Truth is, every time that happens you can still hold onto you in those dire moments!

Feeling Stuck in life? Say ‘hello’ to these 4 easy ways to climb out of a slump!

29th Dec 2023 soulshop.com 1 Comment

Life has a mysterious way of throwing curve balls our way and challenging us even when it fulfilling. Middle-aged parents, people deep into retirement or somewhere in between-it doesn’t matter; there are times when we could hear ourselves saying “I’m stuck.” This is the time when we feel like giving up on everything. We begin to lose hope on our relationships at home, office, business, college or friends at some point.

I know it sucks… but it’s just that we feel hopeless about ourselves mostly because of low energy levels and lack of motivation to the point where getting out of bed becomes a struggle each morning. On some days we are tired and wish if we didn’t have to push us anymore. On others we simply yearn for a day off. I have felt this countless times and still do sometimes. Every time whenever I feel like giving up, I remind myself; “I’m not alone in this”.

I have had a strong familiarity with this feeling for long. In fact, I think my emotions are just as dramatic as my life. People all over the world may have felt the same way but strangely every time whatever I experience, it passes and better days always come back. Geez… guess I‘ve had learned to hold onto myself whenever things go haywire and I’d want to give up.

A few years back, I was abysmally stuck in life’s rut, struggling and feeling like I was going nowhere. It was as if I was living the same day on auto replay, a unending loop of dreariness and loss. It was maddening. I longed for a change but was scared of the risk and uncertainty. I was stuck in my old habit patterns and badly needed to break free and bring some good changes in my life. I’d though end up each day doing the same thing without trying anything corrective. All I knew that I needed to do something but just knowing that wasn’t enough.

Dying for a change, I looked around for ways to slip away from this standstill. Somehow, I desperately wanted to add reassurance to my life where someday I might find myself telling me; “I’ve done a lot better than last time and I’ll do better next time”.

That’s my side of the story, but…

If you think you too are missing on something in life, capable of doing great things but don’t know how to break loose of the rut and fear that you’re not living your best then you’re as badly stuck as I once was.

In my journey, I had checked on people who’d experienced nothing less and had eventually walked out of their miseries. It was my call and I’m glad that I didn’t hang back! Over the time their insights have truly brought a difference to my life; pushing it from slow decay to a smart shape up. So, if somehow you’re enduring a rundown life, crumbling and feel deserted, this is the time to make promises to you. And knowing how would surely inspire you to find an easy way to climb out of your why.

These 4 life-changing ways might just be your fire ladder for a way out.

*Image source: ‘Happiness at work: Stop climbing the ladder’ by Eric Stutzman in achievecentre.com*

Take a break- You need it

Giving yourself a break- when life feels jinxed, is one good way to sit back, mull, weigh and iron out some of your sorrows. Besides haven’t you been working so hard recently that you almost forgot to take a break? Burnout is for real if you push yourself around too hard for long. Taking a break and starting afresh will give you the new energy you need. It is then you’ll get to appreciate what it means to come back with a new spark. This would also afford you some spare time to learn, listen, connect and win support. You might be stuck only because you don’t know enough about what you’ve been dealing with and the kinda change you need.

Going back to the drawing board for a fresh start makes learning easy. Books, YouTube, Play station, Nintendo, Social media – almost any pleasure preference is a good start to begin with; for all that that’s worked for others, might work for you just as well!

Be sure to stay with your ‘Why’

“It all starts with why”. Even Simon Sinek an unshakable optimist had double checked the adaptability issue in his global bestseller. My guess is that whenever you could manage a close peek at ‘Why’, it helps you to keep going. So, when the thread begins to slip out, go back to the very reason for starting what you want to give up now. If you find that you’re still passionate about it, you’ll get enough courage to continue.

For me, thinking about the reason alone was enough to turn back from giving up. Even when I didn’t make any progress, I didn’t regret anything for I knew that I had kept going despite towering odds. And that was enough to cheer me up! My favorite line when I waded through something deep was no less persuasive! … “Somehow this one too shall pass”. This way I could stay afloat and strong and wait for signs of improvement. It helped me calm down and stay put when everything else felt coming apart. Telling myself this affirmation over and over again would never fail me.

Even to this day, I keep telling myself…hold and carry-on like always!

*Image source: ‘Why do I feel so negative all the time?’ in greatmindsclinic.co.uk*

Thinking of whole staircase? No way…

It is easy to feel overwhelmed when we think about the mountain of leftover things to do that lie before us. Sometimes we don’t feel like moving even a finger and would rather give up believing that we may not get the results. Whenever this happened, I wouldn’t think of the whole staircase I had to climb; just kept an eye open for the next step. Breaking the whole process into simple steps and picking up on one only each day would spare me a bunch of rollercoaster rides ahead.

After all the future doesn’t lie with you and you don’t have the past either to dwell upon. It’s only ‘now and here’. Doing what you do today will eventually make everything work for you.

Be curious-It’s your best antidote

When we have our backs to the wall don’t we all get easily snared into despair and sadness? This often is the result of lack of new experiences. You’re zapped of the desire to try something new and would feel cornered unable to get out.

What’s the antidote? Try out new things even if you are not the curious type. Let those sparks of interest- no matter how small, handhold you for a while. A movie, theatre, Ted talks, interviews, book…if anything piques your interest, dive headlong into it. Nothing will appear different immediately, but slowly fresh ideas will begin to excite mind and you’ll be alive again, ready to explore anything new. But don’t just stop at these small curiosities. Few things as simple as playing tennis, even when you’ve never held a racket- or jogging through a different neighborhood are just as good to change your perspective. Your each step big or small is one stride towards a better tomorrow.

I live in a world where food is delivered to my door step, cab comes to my home for a scheduled pick up and Amazon takes care of all my household needs – everything just a few clicks away! The World seems not be in a hurry but on some days I’m more stirred than ever. Have I done enough? What else could I have done to make life a little more meaningful? I then, look back and count my achievements. Of course, it’s not easy to think how far you have come and others have gone far ahead. But I guess it was only about opening doors that I didn’t know even existed before and let myself be surprised by what lay beyond them. Like I said before I never forget about the journey I took.

Image source: ‘Feeling stuck – 5 tips to escape life rut’ in barelytherebeauty.com

Today I weigh myself with me only with what I was yesterday- and happiness returns!

Why do we think having fun isn’t an option and let years of not experiencing it reinforce this belief? If you’re struggling to find your stride, stay tuned to discover the key to having more of it

5 simple lifestyle changes to make your life 10X happier and fun filled!

19th Aug 2022 soulshop.com 1 Comment

Are you someone who feels like having denied enough fun? That for some reason you never have had a happier more fulfilling successful life? Even a boat load of playfulness wouldn’t help to shake off a pretty boring life and you’re always looking for fun outside of you!

*Image source: ’10 simple habits for a successful and happy life’ by Jeff Bell in moneyinc.com on Sep.27, 2018*.

If that’s you, then in all probability fun is like the exact opposite of work to you; the party is no longer living within you and you couldn’t have fun anywhere.

Simply put you’re not a fun person anymore!

Fun isn’t frivolous but it can actually help you to be not only happier but more successful at work as well. In short it isn’t just a pleasant distraction from the serious business of living. In an uncertain world where stress rides piggy back all the time, holding on to a sense of playfulness can be hard.

Keeping on top of all serious responsibilities of adulthood and still hoping to make room for fun moments in life?…well, not everyone has the “fun mindset” or the ability to negotiate conflict, build empathy and let off a crazy LOL. With no fun around to motivate, you might never outlive a poker faced person! But if you could manage it the Einstein way… I mean learn faster, work furiously and be successful like never before, may be you could manage few more moments of it.

And yet, we think having fun isn’t an option and let years of not having it reinforce this belief.

So, if you’re wondering where to begin and how to become a fun person to bring out all the mirth and gaiety that has lived inside you holed up, but hasn’t seen the light of the day for a while, here’re a few tips to beat the blues off.

I begin my day by remembering what I’m grateful for

Being thankful and appreciative is perhaps the easiest way to change tracks from despair and hopelessness to cheerfulness and some great expectations. Each morning I set aside a few wakeful moments to feel obligated for all the goodness that has happened to me. It reminds me of all that is exciting in life and encourages me to build on them.

Believe me, it’s a phenomenal way to start the day!

Instead of scrolling on Insta or surfing the net mindlessly while having my morning cup of tea, I pull out my old crinky journal and write down 10 good things that have happened to me and make me feel thankful for; being precise or detailed…it doesn’t matter.

It works as a reminder of what happy times I’ve experienced. Everything else fades into background. Best…I keep a spitting image of this note at the back of my mind throughout the day.

And trust me, it works!…it helps to relieve stress. It helps to forget the struggles that I lost. But it also helps to relive the ones that I won!

*Image source: ‘How to be happy: 27 habits to add to your routine’ in healthline.com.*

Being easy with fun is exciting!

How many times have you felt like you life has run out of control? Despair and gloom overshadows everything else.

Mastering it though is what would let you back in control of yourself and make the most of every opportunity!

But …how to go about it?

I think we all are open to making changes in our lives if that could make us happier and more successful. A few of us follow the humor route though. The easiest way to have more of it … I think is not to try to be funny but look for good moments to laugh.

Laughter comes at a price but has more a benefit unto itself. The more open you are to laughter the more attractive you’ll be both to other people and to yourself.

Sometimes saying “yes” works- best!

You may have heard of this … it could make a fun magnet out of you and turn you into a charming, fanciful and amusing person. All it amounts to is greeting new ideas with enthusiasm and building a few of your own.

You don’t need to be a slapstick jester to be good at this. Instead begin by choosing not to shoot down other people’s ideas but to build on them and make them feel inclusive.

Being adaptive and open would mean you’ve become less of a wet blanket.

*Image source: ‘This One Thing Can Help You Live A Longer And Happier Life, Science Says’ by Alexa Mellardo in eatthis.com on Jan.20, 2022.*

Nothing betters loving yourself

If you want to a happier fun filled life, don’t chase anything- not even happiness. It doesn’t come nearly as easily to those either who constantly pursue it!

There is another more simple easier way to unlock true happiness…

Making time each day to do things just for you, has an euphoric effect on the way you feel about yourself and the world happening around you. Morning or night…doing things dear to you will make you more relaxed and will leave you with something to look forward to. These things don’t have to be over the top or grand or glorious; anything as simple as taking half an hour each morning to read your favorite story book or going for a stroll or a short nimble walk…can you think of anything to better this shot at self care!

Allowing yourself to experience your best emotions-whatever they may be-is your best bet to enhance your happiness.

Gestures speak better than badass words!

You do know how a dog when it wants to play raises its butt, prances around and wags its tail. No words uttered and yet it lets you know what it wants!

I think we should all master the human equivalent of this amazing canine act. A brief eye contact, a wry smile or perhaps an unintentional comment never intended to strike a conversation, might lit the spark. Not much I’d say when it comes to sending out play signals but even a sarcasm sometimes works. “Nice weather here!” even when you’re experiencing one of the worst snowstorm in recent times, might just be the right shot to make a hit.

See… finding a way to look up from your phone and making a point, howsoever irrelevant, is surely a wonderful way to invite perky conversations –and finally more fun in your life! Even if you’re shy, introverted or a person with more on serious side, discovering the secret to having more fun is never any less exciting!

Feature credits: ‘When Nobody’s Watching’ by Klick in YouTube.com on Dec.08, 2020.

Nobody is perfect at this and life’s not always rainbows and ice creams for everybody, but whatever we choose to think and how we decide to view them…the stories we tell ourselves; just about everything becomes a part of our longing to build up a more joyous and happier life.

And it’s never been about just sitting back and letting life happen to you…

It’s you who need to happen to life!

When we resist the change, we suffer and poison our lives inside out. It’s best to see defiance as the time to relax and let go. Life will live itself through every one of us, for we are the Life!

Feeling stuck and lost in life? Five reasons why it’s a great place to be in!

6th May 2022 soulshop.com 1 Comment

If you’re reading this with some indifference and don’t feel inclined to hear what’s about to come next, then odds are that your life has lost sparkle and you don’t think of yourself as good enough to thrive or at least start from timidly flat to something more exciting!!

Does this mean no “sweet spots “for you ?

Yup! You certainly are stuck somewhere in life or at work.

That’s nothing strange; to find asking yourself if this is how you’d imagined your life; if this was the kinda job you really wanted. You are feeling low, restless with nothing to wink at; all sad and alone in your world. But then it’s Ok to be like that! This is your moment to gather your wits and push forward. Besides it’s nearly an universal experience . We all get our share of anguish of being alone and glued to the past once in a while. Career, relationship or even what’s coming next! – most people do get frozen at some point or the other!

So, what being stuck looks like! How’d you know life‘s been mugging you? Wouldn’t something new – a new job, relationship or tweaked health for instance, put you in the stride and shine up your life?

For me being stuck and feeling peevish means really wanting something and then losing the motivation to get it! It’s like you put your finger onto something that looks exciting and then you talk yourself out of it. It would also mean endlessly thinking about what could be better or different; if it could be done in a more gainful way .

If you’re mired in any of these; it seems indecision, worry and over thinking has robbed you of everything terrific and likable in life. In fact life has lost all sheen for you.

The truth about being stuck

Being stuck is like quicksand. The more you try to get out, the deeper you sink. Your insecurity is on overdrive and asking your mind to push, control and manipulate. You just want to feel secure, loved, appear remarkable and admired everywhere. You think that if you could control everything, all would be swell. But it’s not until the reality hits you right in the face that misadventure happens for you. You get stuck because you think you should be something you are not and when you think life ought to be different than it is.

What of me! At times when I feel truly stuck, I write.

As I write this, I find myself in a stuck period as well since the last few months. But I don’t cry foul! I struggle less because I’ve learned to let it be. I try not to do something silly when words like “should,” ”have to,” or ”must” fluster me. When I relax and surrender to the quietness of life, things seem okay. Restless!…I see I can’t control life. I can only notice things what life brings to me.

Feature credits: ‘ 10 Things To Remember When You’re Feeling Stuck In Life’ by The Law Of Attraction in youtube,com on Jul.28, 2016.

Being stuck sometimes is all about growing naturally. It’s the time when not much happens when you think it should. These are the moments when you begin to grind yourself to come up with ideas to make things happen.

And when you couldn’t get anywhere, I call it being stuck!

Let’s find you a happy place

Remembering good ol’ days is harmless but becoming stuck there completely? That’s an entirely different story. This means you don’t feel inspired and find it difficult to get excited about things that used to earlier!

Maybe you’re ghosting a failed relationship; maybe you haven’t forgiven yourself for something awful of your past. You’re continually going over that and wondering if you could have done things differently. Maybe you’re holding onto something terrible from your childhood that doesn’t serve you.

Or maybe something else….

Regardless of how you are stuck, you at least earn yourself the agony of not enjoying your present! And that’s awful and sad!

So, why does this happens in the first place?

Missing amour proper, sinking self worth, clueless and FOMO; all are the core reasons why people feel stuck. Unhappy with present life, nerves raw and taught over some issue or perhaps fearful of future…any or all may stand in your way to be more comfortable, safe and predictable!

If you suspect that you’ve cronied your past long enough to be anything but comfortable, these five mindful tips could help you to climb out of the slump and start moving forward again!

Dismiss the noise

You can hardly miss this one. It’s silent; its impact powerful and it’s savage enough to keep you stuck in the same place. I often see people who have surrendered to this dear emotion willingly; the voices that they allow in and let them collide with their judgment. It could be your mom’s who loves you dearly but won’t want you to risk anything for something; it might be a dear friend who with all good intents steers you away from a great opportunity because he doesn’t want to see you fail.

Sometimes we let the voices of the people we love and care about, impact our choices. And it’s Ok!…so long as you can decide which one matters most in the situation before you let it sink in; what voices are going to help you get unstuck and which one would make you go bust. Ignoring those who love you most and could help you get you unstuck fast, though is the worst mistake you could ever make.

It’s a weird world out there and they are your best options to ride through safely.

So, simply choose carefully how much you should weigh their thoughts and opinion. Filter out what doesn’t serve right away and hang on to the voice that does!

Change your mind about anything and everything

Standing at the base of the mountain you’re about to climb and looking upwards…that looks formidable but only until you’re half way up. Looking down then doesn’t seem that disastrous. Your perspective changes and suddenly you’re excited about having won half the battle.

When feeling stuck, something close to this happens; your perspective gets stuck. You may be assessing and trying to salvage something from your past experiences, but sometimes you just couldn’t do much to give it a new look; the fear of failing the heights is frightening! You’re easily scared to hell to experiment!

But what if you chose to dig in instead of being a dead meat and try to learn of something new? The moment you begin to think differently, the stuck feeling begins to fade. It doesn’t melt altogether, but it starts to feel soft and yielding.

And now you can figure out what to do next!

Those nightmares are dreadful!

Unease and the shakes are all part of growing up normally. But being buried in them for long, isn’t. So when you’re uncertain and fear the unknown- take a moment off, breathe in long and sift through the snag. Search, what’s causing the sulk? Is it real or some phantom playing in your head? Is it actually trying to tell you something?

Fear, for most of us works like a catalyst. It startles our intuition awake when it’s time to take action; when we need to do something we haven’t done before or in a long time and we sense that something better lies out there. All we need is to go to the other side and find it.

So, what if instead of stepping back from fear, you walk towards it and push through? Take control of your worst nightmares for they are the one who have held you back. Once you do that all those moments of screwed up craziness –so dismissive or cruel– wouldn’t dare mock you. Suddenly you won’t be feeling valley low any longer!

And when that happens; you are all prepped to define yourself once again.

Isn’t that what you were looking for in the first place?

Talking to someone you love, helps

At one time or the other, we all get stuck and it doesn’t help either to know that this will not be the last time. So whenever your present freezes in your past and everything sucks…try talking to someone who loves you; not just anyone, but someone who’s close to heart. No one else would give an earful or could provide a safe space for you.

Being seen, heard and understood is something we all would die for; only an adoring admirer could remind you of your strengths and dreams.

We are tempted to change tracks in our stuck today when someone we love, looks us in the eye and shares and celebrates our dreams. It’s then the haze lifts and the picture of what lies ahead begins to take shape.

Hold tight and think easy

That will give you some more room to grow!

We all want good times, sunny successes and happy relationships to come easy even when we all know that that’s not entirely true. Dismay and chagrin usually fluster our attempts to be happy all the times. So, instead of wondering why things happen with difficulty, learning how to overcome them, matters! Nothing worthwhile comes without a struggle and you can gain so much wisdom in trying times than in ease!

See…It is the edge of our discomfort zone that lets us find our greatness.

And don’t forget… every failure is a lesson and every mistake a moment to learn!!

Like I said, we look to others to help us get unstuck, but search yourself!…isn’t that a complete waste of time? The only person who can liberate you –is you. Even when the empathy and generosity of others feels like a gift, the action for the win – all starts with us. No one else but you have to do the works to light up your life.

So, sit back, take a hard look at what’s making you feel grounded and promise to push yourself no matter what!

Believe me –stuck is a good place to be in, for it gets you to know that there is something better on the other side!!

Don't hold expectations for what happens tomorrow . Just live the change.

Hi Emma!! Thank you for yr comments. Yes, it's true luck is there for real. Good or bad-it's our perspective…

🥲I just know luck is real but a few people are privileged to be charmed with good luck

Thank you so much for yr appreciation! Sharing vibes and thoughts is a wonderful act and helps to evolve more.…

You are right 😊thanks for sharing

❤❤ thank you so much!! 🌹🌹

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Anyone can mess up words when talking

If You Want Others to Listen, Stop Talking

You’ll know if you’re easy to talk to

You’re less likely to say anything dumb or regrettable

You can keep your cards close to heart

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Don't hold expectations for what happens tomorrow . Just live the change.