Tag Archives: Happiness

It’s easy to miss the colors, food and an all-pervasive ‘chaos’ over an intense fascination for Taj Mahal’. And yet it’s a profound ‘life changing experience’ that you cannot set aside!

Travelling in the land of colors, camels and curries I glimpsed its primal innocence –and it was simply awesome!

21st Feb 2025 soulshop.com Leave a comment

There is always something refreshing about traveling on a train; something traditional, friendly, romantic, and charming. The excitement works up especially when you’re going on an overnight journey. Of course, you’ll have to sleep, but you’d still love to take a peek outside a moving train and let every scene zipping by consume you.

I always prefer to travel by train because it connects the cities well and affords easy commute in-between. Besides every time I look out of the window, there is something new and exciting to see. It’s like watching a movie, where everything’s so real! True, it’s only a glimpse that’s gone forever but not before allowing me a glimpse of life off the tracks zipping by. I love the classic clickety-clack sound of the train hurtling down the rails. Nothing’s more relaxing than the gentle motion, generous comfort, laid-back moments and a whole new world unfolding before you every minute. It’s a full length chill-time adventure that comes with an everlasting thrill!

I dislike a whistle-stop getaway travel. So I planned meticulously before I started on my ten day adventure in New Delhi- the throbbing racy metropolis that dares you at everything. Chaos, commotion, honking –everything is just unstoppable. The tracks were to take me to the end of the line in Thar desert near Pakistan border. Not that I haven’t experienced anything like it before but the temptation of a journey through the sun baked terrain, the sand dunes and the shining night stars was simply irresistible.

*Image source: ’15 Beautiful Train Journeys in India Worth Taking’ in rajasthanindiatourdriver.*
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I could never guess what started as a boring ride to the station and a long tedious train journey would eventually unfold a spectacular peek into the north western part of a hugely outwitting country.

Visiting this land of extremes and mysteries was like being pulled into a myriad of stores in quite half hidden alleys stacked with never-ending shelves all stuffed with bright and elegant saris, exquisite rugs, and a host of exotic antiquities. Lined up next to inexpensive oilcloths and convincing knock off books would be a generous scattering of uninteresting stuff and a menagerie of animals nestling in the clutter by the roadside. At first this would be like an assault on your senses. And yet every disorder somehow stays orderly. This part of the country is vast and cramped, bedraggled and sumptuous but carries promises of nothing less than Seven Wonders of the World if only you know where to look for!

The People

One definite highlight of every trip that I have taken over the years is the people I have met. Like any other place the sheer numbers here too have been overwhelming and there have been moments of intense interactions-sometimes intrusive, but that’s all. A brief encounter to buy a bottle of water, an unassuming buy of a steaming cup of chai and that’s that. People would nevertheless also have strong opinions about where I should visit, eat, pose for photos… and would always be very enthusiastic about sharing their advice. If this is not what you’d been looking for you’d feel exhausted after a while but I guess in most cases this persuasiveness comes from a natural curiosity and an undying intent to help. I didn’t shy away for one I’m a native Indian and for other not-asked-for counseling here usually ends up unnoticed in daily life – and nobody’s offended of course.

There will be people who’d definitely want you to buy their wares. If not them at least from someone they know, a familiar face perhaps. And that’s not freakish either. In this country of surfeit of entrepreneurs, this assertion always help in finding what you’re looking for or at least get help to spend your money without being duped.

Whatever…somehow I found the din around me soothing, restful and quieting. Though enduring at times I didn’t find people behaving rude or pushy. As unforgettable as this journey was I never ran short of warm, helpful and friendly people who did leave a mark on me well after I’d returned home.

The Colors

One of the first things that caught my eye was the colors. This land was simply a flaming mad riot of colors. Not that it’s unmissable anywhere else in India but here in the desert every village flashing by the window was a shocking clash of hues.

Once on the firmer grounds I was overwhelmed by the charm of simple smiles on weather beaten faces peering closely to greet and get along. Every shade of the rainbow was worn in all combinations possible. From bright blue and hot pink kurtis and lahangas, orange and green dhotis and purple and yellow pajamas splashed with throw backs of hand painted Bandhani and Pichwai art forms, everything I’d known about color matching simply paled into oblivion. Clashing hues were just everywhere to electrify anybody with a shock of color in stark contrast to the dusty streets.

As if this wasn’t enough patterns of elephants, flowers and camels in every nook and cranny of dust laden avenues and difficult driveways besides tassels and blingy mirrors on draperies in shops, saris and angrakhas, made me turn around for a second look every time I strolled by. The spectacular array of jewellery from enormous nose rings, heavy anklets, and ostentatious rings would make anyone feel shabby and under-dressed in comparison. And unlike what people think, all this stuff is actually delightfully comfortable. The use of cotton and loose tailoring is snug comfy and cool even in temperatures of 40℃+. And removing slippers or sandals when entering a shop or temple means you get plenty of barefoot time as well!

It wasn’t exactly a muggy day but warm enough. And I felt wonderful!

The Food

I have always known India as a paradise for vegetarians, but I didn’t quite realize how spectacular it could be until now. I know I must have only tried a minute fraction of the amazing food served up across India, but what I ate here simply blew me away. It changed everything I have known so far about the food in this country. For the first time I was taken aback. The food here surprised me with its brazenly fantastic flavor combinations. Where else would you dare add paneer tikka to pizza? Could you imagine broccoli, pineapple and cheese curry creating a divine mix of flavors? Or even Cashew nuts and Sultanas (dried green grapes dried to rich golden brown larger than raisins or currants) perfecting a curry base that dances with mind blowing flavors? There is of course nothing subtle about this fusion food but you could never really add much of anything- salt, spice or sugar as well!

Curries apart, I had heard a lot about the fried desserts from the desert. Although I didn’t get to try much, I indulged into a quintessential Rajasthani sweet Ghevar, a honey combed style deep fried delicacy that is delightfully crispy on the outside and soft on the inside. Although I did try to taste as many different sweets as possible, I got caught by the sweet creamy richness of ‘Mohanthal’. Made from gram flour in a rich fudgy texture, garnished with almonds and pistachios and flavored with cardamom and saffron this sinful desert quickly became my hot favorite; one that I couldn’t resist repeating. I have tried this same dish in a variety of ways across the Country but the boldness of the flavors here remains unrivaled.

Dining experience here was akin to Russian roulette. I wasn’t eating some one-size fits all curry bought from a caterer and hastily heated up. Everything was freshly made, took time and would often force me to slowdown. But I reveled in it; I enjoyed myself and loved the good time in this land of diversity and contrasts.

Days later as I return to my comparatively boring Sunday ‘not so yum’ dinner with only salt and pepper to cheer it up further, I sorely miss my train journey into the wild plains of Thar- the Great Indian Desert. I greatly miss the tumult, the uproar, the crinkly smiles, the humble whisperings and the ever helpful hands.

Guess I couldn’t long more for anything than a rerun of the voyage to this vast mystical arid land that promises nothing less than a rollercoaster trip into a whirlwind of colors, curries and commotion.

I have always believed you should spend your time doing things you genuinely enjoy. So, “Do What You Love, Love What You Do “for happiness is what you seek whenever you step into something new!

When Life Sucks And Happiness Is Hard To Come By, ‘Just Do Something You Enjoy!’

14th Jan 2025 soulshop.com Leave a comment

There is nothing more liberating than not caring about what other people think of us. And yet it’s still so hard not to wonder, or worse worry how people keep us in mind. Sometimes we go a step further and let these perceptions hold us back from doing things we so badly want to do in life.

Does this mean that we’re afraid of embarrassing ourselves in front of those we haven’t met or may never see again? Is there something that stops us from living our lives to an absolute full? Why do we let any of this happen to us and who’s to decide if we’re good enough or not to be happy?

For me, everything that we do sums up to us only and everything else is just somewhat of an excuse. I have always had a passion for self development. And yet I endured months of anxiety and worries wondering about my abilities to do the right stuff. With that spell of unease behind me haven’t I started writing without caring for the end? What if no one reads my piece? Do I care if people think of this as silly of me and a waste of time?

In short, I simply love doing what I do. I’ve put aside the misery and hiccups that follow discovering something anew. If you ask me, if there is something you love doing, then do it. There is so much of ability and confidence that flows thereafter. It would let you truly enjoy your moment- meant only for you and not for anyone else.

I have spent a lot of time thinking about sprucing up and adding value to my life. Sometimes it’s been about correcting my ways to reach a cherished end; sometimes it concerned my well being, getting in better shape or even taking care of relationships. The ultimate purpose was to be happy and fulfilled. So I thought, why not agree to a condition that might come up with a best possible end?

I think an easy way to do that is to ‘Do more of the things you love and less of the things you like’. If you think your life needs a makeover, it’s the only way you can make it happen. Just as much you should cut back on things you like to make room for what you love, you should also cut back on the shoulds.

You Need To Be Kinder To Yourself

I quit jogging at 50 when I found it was hurting my knees and feet and I could no longer keep up. It had occurred to me how important moving outside was to my mental health.

Today I start the day with a half-mile mindful walk, noticing and appreciating my surroundings all the while. It’s hard to tell what difference it has made to my perspective on what really matters in life. I guess I’m now drawn closer to myself. I feel contended and in good mood always since I’m grateful for all that I have. It’s like relishing a cup of hot cappuccino in bed on weekend morning and a good movie to look ahead to later in the day. No caveats and no Monday blues to worry about!

Altogether, briefer and gentler bouts of activity have left a positive impact on my mental health.

Yet, I guess there is even more to this!

For most of us, the first experience of organized physical activity comes at school at an age when we’re too dumb assed to speculate about how any of it helps in our well being.

“Is it something that I’ve chosen to do in my leisure time, or something that I have to do at school?” Woefully, I myself could never find the answer to that. Years later when in College I discovered that strength based exercise was the most clinically meaningful way to experience the uplifting effects of any activity.

It’s so easy to recognize that any form of exercise, physical or intellectual does not “happen” only to our physical self but touches our sensibilities too. There are times when even getting out of bed feels like an achievement. And yet there’s always enough room for redress. All you need is, be self-forgiving and gentler to yourself. Howsoever twisted things have been for you, you’ll always find a way out.

Trust me; you will be back on your feet in no time.

So stop hurting yourself. It won’t be long before you’ll feel driven by a strong reason or desire to do something worthwhile.

All of this sounds mighty obvious. But to be happy, you ought to be doing things that’d make you happy.

Ok, But What If You Are Just Too Worn Out?

What would you do when you want to do something that you think you’ll enjoy but simply can’t because you have little energy left in you? You are unenthused, beaten and just too tired to care. Of course it’s effortless to do the easiest thing like surfing the net or watching videos mindlessly for hours but these thoughtless activities do little or nothing to pep up anything.

Here are two things I guess will work as great fixes for you;

Don’t worry about anything

Worrying about how you spend your time is likely to tire you out even more and make you feel guilty for having missed so much. Sometimes, you may not be left with enough energy to bounce around and might settle to watch videos for awhile.

And that’s Ok. Lying low or sitting tight for a little while is restorative, builds you up and clears the decks for you.

So, set a good intention for yourself and enjoy the time you have.

It’s important to ‘think but not worry’

Whenever I reminded myself that I could be losing ground or falling short, a sense of guilt about how I’ve spend my time, would overwhelm me. It went on like this for years. Perhaps I had tried to turn the things I want to do into things I have to do.

See…if you don’t meet an obligation you’ll feel bad and would probably try to amend. But if you don’t make everything an obligation, you’re less likely to feel bad because you can’t do everything.

Today not everything is an obligation for me. I am reminded of that when I find me saying “I should do this and should do that”.

It’s down to you in the end. You’d rather do well to get down and fill more of your time with the things you enjoy doing. And be mindful of this intent because it is a helpful reminder that your time is often limited by things beyond your control.

Not intrigued yet? Imagine it this way! You’ve never attempted to run a marathon or tried water-skiing without a life jacket. Even mere thought of attempting fails to excite you. You’re as incurious and disinterested like always. And it’s highly likely that you’ll endure unchanged. Even so you can count on this;

*Image source: ‘How to Instantly Lift Your Mood’ by Elizabeth Scott in verywellmind.com*

You are more likely to regret not watching the sunset because you were too busy with your phone or doing things you weren’t passionate about but because you were too busy worrying about unlocking a lot of hidden joys.

You wouldn’t know but ‘Happiness is so much closer than you think‘!

Are you stuck in life and unable to break through? You can change absolutely anything you want to; your situation, your lifestyle and even ‘Who’ you are. You just have to want it enough!

Nothing changes unless you do: Change your ways to unlock your happiness!

16th Nov 2024 soulshop.com Leave a comment

How would you describe your life? Have you achieved everything you have dreamed of? Are you OK with your feats? Do you see yourself as a success? How do you see at your future?

*Image source: ‘Time for change’ by Kimberly McLemore in wsbillc.com*

Baffling and tricky! Yeah…But when it comes to which direction your life is moving, it’s good to spend a day heart-searching looking for answers.

I tried and this is how it went for me.

“If I come to your place and spend just one day with you, I’d be able to tell whether or not you need a change in something you do daily. I’ll be up with you in the morning and walk through the day with you. I will watch you for 24 hours. And I could tell everything about how you’ve steered your life so far and which way it’s headed”;Crowing loud my close friend would often put across his point when in deep conversation about life accomplishments. He would then spend some time zealously searching my face for approval.

Whatever… we never agreed on certain perspectives.

Those were the college days then. Today given a chance I’d readily pitch in. I have understood clearly that if I keep doing what I’ve always done, I’ll keep getting what I’ve always gotten.

Living a full life requires changing myself and that’s not going to happen until I change my ways. In effect, if I want something done, then I’d have to go after it until I make it happen.

By Changing Nothing, Nothing Changes

We all want things to change for good. To live a full life, to be successful, to not let our thoughts get in the way of the things we want for us and lastly-to just be happy.

To grow and gain is everybody’s heartfelt wish. But when you couldn’t manage to get bigger, taller and larger, you feel like you’ve been re-living the same space over and over again. Frustration swallows all sense of ease. Nothing seems to move ahead in the way it should. You earnestly hope if only you just scram out of the box and get moving.

There’s some great news in here though.

It all validates that you do have a yen for making that possible. Right!

Unfortunately it doesn’t work like that. You need to decide, you need to move.

I ruled myself to slow down to regain my lost appetite for a good life. Days were getting dreary and unexciting. All I wanted was to bring in some change in my time by what I was doing every day. From sitcoms and serials to FB to Instagram to best-sellers, I had already used all sorts of things to dismiss feeling of dismay. Still nothing would work for me. I’d start to think more about what was happening as I’d turn on the TV and my mind would turn off. I would plan to watch just one episode, but when I came to the end of it, I’d find myself unable to stop. It was as if I couldn’t take in any other choice. I was watching everything without exactly digesting them.

Was this the time for a change?

*Image source: ‘Guidance to Young Adults’ Individual Journey’ in mentor4me.org*

The sense of reparation and contentment would come only after I resolved to change what I was doing in my everyday life. Progress seemed impossible without that. I won’t deny I was unwilling at first to change because it hurts. It hurts to be on the cutting edge. But it also hurt to be left behind in the times. So, I decided to put things right. I thought I as well get on with the changes that need to be made. It took me some guts to leave the ruts. In turn I was left with enough time to digest my surroundings and live the experiences.

Guess this was the best crossover ever for me. I was finally happy… as a clam!

It All Comes Down to What You do Daily

I honestly think that nothing ever changes in life until you change something you do every day. I strongly believe that every bit of success is determined by your daily plan of things to be done. Success just doesn’t suddenly happen one day in someone’s life and neither does the failure. Every day is merely the prep for the next. What you’ll be tomorrow is what you do today.

My mom would often tell me as I grew up, “You can pay now, and play later, or you can play now and pay later. But either way, you’ll pay.” Her counsel didn’t mean much then. I was too cocky to listen to her advice. It’s only after she was gone that I could make a sense of it all. ‘You can take it easy and do what you want today, but if you do, your life will be harder later’. My bad! My sensibilities had failed me then.

*Image source: ’52 Quotes that will remind you not to settle for less’ by Leigh Weingus in silkandsonder.com on Jan.11-2022.*

Think about it. What means most to you; today or tomorrow? Are you in the habit of paying before playing? Find answer to these questions and you’ll know what tomorrow holds for you.

Sometimes I find it way too easy to watch too much TV but very difficult to watch the right amount. Of course, there is no fixed answer to this; “what’s the correct amount?” because it all depends on my urge to keep watching.

It nonetheless is pretty easy to know when you’ve had enough. If you are in touch with yourself, you can listen to yourself and know when your appetite is sated.

The key to building a better life is no different. All it needs is to be in an intimate contact with yourself; one that’s open to embrace change and different in every way from an unhealthy harmful addiction.

Tossing out my yesterday, I have decided to have a week-end night off from watching TV. I don’t turn it on and it amazes me how much time I am left with. I do the chores willingly and feel satisfied by the ordinary at the end of the day. Everyday experience of contributing something useful to my life rather than escaping it overwhelms me. I feel more wanted on evenings like that and not so many lost to TV.

But does it have to be all or nothing? Can you stay connected to your appetite and find your way to an amount that feels right?

Remember, nothing will change until you do. And you can change absolutely anything you want to; your situation, your lifestyle and even ‘Who’ you are.

You just have to want it enough!

Sometimes we are so focused on our happiness that we forget that to make someone else smile is a beautiful way of empathizing and being kind. You could be the reason someone smiles today!

Be the reason someone smiles today : Your Life Will Never be The Same!

30th Oct 2024 soulshop.com Leave a comment

Yeah! That’s more like me as a kid. Unfortunately, there weren’t too many photo opportunities handy way back in days of late 50’s. I couldn’t treasure my childhood days like others, much less realize the worth of it all then.

I am not that cute anymore. And whatever you think of me from that smile on the face, I wasn’t the happiest kid. Oh! Geez…I was happy in a way. Everything around me was plentiful and life was fun. But from a very young age I was always a serious and focused child. Kids around me meanwhile looked unconcerned, lighthearted and freewheeling. The air around them smelled carefree and easy going. Incurious, I still did well by remaining absorbed, watchful and all wrapped up, in my formative years.

Over the years I have focused on my life’s purpose. People would often judge me as hard headed in thinking and carefully involved in my ways. Yet as I grew up I’ve also become much happier and more positive. I owe this brighter side of me more to a benevolent attitude and a bent for doing good. I think once you embrace this shift it’s easy to find out how uncomplicated that change can be.

*Image source: ‘Keeping Your Mental Health in Bloom This Summer’ by Daisy Coggin in studentnews.manchester.ac.uk on 28 May 2024.*

You Can’t Change Your Life Until You Change it

Life comes in seasons that change and so does everyone. Sometimes this change comes as a big one for many. Marriage or divorce, moving to a new city, committing to a partner, buying house or even starting a family; all are significant choices. Nothing matters more. For obdurates others , change means encountering far reaching experiences. Emotional health, scuttled relationship, retiring, new career, or moving across the country are all unusual events. Even debating with whom to invest your time is just another extraordinary occurrence.

Should I just start my life over? What if I simply move to some place quieter or travel? What should I be doing with my life? Is this really what I want for myself? When you mull over or examine your priorities like this, it’s only natural to question your choices. But if you yearn hard enough, it’s quite possible to make a new start any time. Besides it’s always OK to not know where you’re going next. After all, we all get one life to live. And we are always on the run to find the best version of ourselves.

Sometimes it’s hard to know exactly why you want a change. It’s also difficult to find out how big a change you’re looking for. But if you intend to live a more intentional life, it’ll be awful to miss the possibility. Living the same life tomorrow repeats the life you’ve lived yesterday. This keeps you anchored to the same life you are living today. Even so if you’re looking for a transformative change, something about you need to change.

Living a truly contented life isn’t as tricky as you think. In fact it’s more of an art than some inquisitive instinct. Everybody have their own way to tap into their own happiness. For me happiness is a choice, a lifestyle that I consciously prefer to lead. It’s my way of keeping spirits high and heart content.

And trust me, it’s worth it.

Try to make someone smile and you’ll know what I mean. Once you shed your unease, your day begins to unfold a wee bit better. It gets way easier to endure. It’s winsome for you each time you get involved.

So… when was the last time you made someone smile?

Everyone runs into bad days one time or the other. Sometimes, all that’s needed is a smile from someone else to pep up and turn your day around. Making someone happy not only makes them feel good. It also lifts you from valley lows. And you feel no less good either.

Smile is a pretty contagious attribute. When you see someone happy and wreathed in smiles, it’s hard not to smile back. It’s possible that you’ve had a difficult day. You’ve been tired, grumpy, and feeling awful. You think you’ve an unwilling world around you to fight back. But then someone smiles at you or does something really nice for you. Suddenly your day doesn’t feel so bad anymore.

Now that you’re with me so far, you must be wondering how I went about it. Here are few ideas that worked pretty well for me and I guess so will they for you.

Make someone’s Day. It Just Make Yours

Hard to say when I acquired an intuitive wish to be helpful and strive to bring few upbeat moments in someone’s life. But somehow it did happen along the way. Interestingly, the enormity of what I was trying to live by would not hit me until I read this story. It was to change my life forever.

There was this man who lived a few miles away high in the hilly terrain from the Ganges in Himalayan foothills. One day, embittered by deprivations and denial of people around him he walked those few miles to the bridge, jumped and drowned. As the police investigated the fatality in the ensuing days, they found a note that the man had left on his bed.

It read: “I’m going to walk to the bridge. If one person smiles at me on the way, I will not jump today.”

Nobody smiled. Helplessness and desolation finally pushed him past the breaking point to take his own life.

Months later, only now I fully understand the power of a smile – ‘it can truly change and even save a life’.

So smile, say ‘Hello’; it’s free and infectious. When you smile at someone most likely you’ll get a smile back. It’s one simple beginning to make someone’s day for almost no effort on your part.

Make Your Move and Start Over

This is huge. Committing to make a change is not easy. It comes with its up and downs. But starting over afresh doesn’t mean you’ve lost everything you’ve learned, gained, and experienced. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. Your past has brought you to where you are today. And you’re lucky enough to be wiser than you were just a few months ago.

On my part, I used what I knew best; ‘myself’. I walked over a few slow steps to go back to the beginning and herald a change. I’d rather bet an entire day’s slog to see a wrinkled unhappy face crack a smile in a brief moment of heartsease. I would find delight in seeing a hesitant broken smile wiping away the sullen looks on faces as long as a fiddle. It didn’t matter for how long. For me, one moment is just as good as many.

I honestly meant to start ‘living’.

“I love your shoes!” or “You have a beautiful smile.” Few simple heartfelt words to utter as I walk past someone on the street. And I would know I had stirred someone to cheer up. When in line at a store and I see the person behind me only has a few items, I’d offer to let them get ahead. I ‘d notice see a momentary glint in the eyes and a broad smile on the face. It’s always polite to say please and thank you, but it means much more coming from a stranger. So whenever somebody did something nice for me, I made sure to express my gratitude. I learned to laugh together. I would do whatever it needed to make someone’s life a bit easier. Sometimes when someone’s going through a tough time or just having a bad day, a hug was all that made all the difference. I would even try to help out anyone struggling with something. Every diminutive effort brought a restful moment in lives around me .

These small acts of gratitude and empathy never failed me in communicating a hint of reassurance and comfort to all.

Over the time with a bit of thoughtfulness and effort I have managed to regain sway over values that helped in my transformation. It’s no longer hard to promise myself another field day and make someone smile.

Give yourself a chance for now. Someday you will be grateful for having voted for a change.

Who wants to be a grumpy old coffin dodger? Aging is not a sin. But crumbling and decline brings fading memory and wilting vocabulary in its wake. It’s best to let the words become your voice,

The Insipid Sin Of Growing Old: Words Do The Talking For Me Now!

15th Oct 2024 soulshop.com Leave a comment

Do you know that words have both inimical and obliging powers? I am reminded of this daily when I surf the net or blog or tweet. But even I admit to not always realizing their power outside of my world. Of course I’m constantly aware of this in my own life. Those quarter of a million distinct words are infinite and pretty powerful. Once you put them out there, they stay out “there”.

The other day I was harshly reminded of the power of words in life. I was having a hurried conversation with my junior during the morning brief. “How’re you doing?” a standard morning sun-up brief is customary before the day work starts.”I feel gross; it’s been a hard weekend. I couldn’t manage grocery as I’d been out of town on an errand. I couldn’t manage dinner last night either as I’d little time left for it. I also had to cut short my work out to squeeze in other chores”.

Damn! What a crass way to start a new week!

I had willfully completely given a miss to the fact that I’d actually spent an amazing weekend with friends. But what I had said was a mistake. I had fumbled and screwed up everything; my words sounded anarchic. Nothing I said thereafter would rescue me. Was this a simple misunderstanding or was I thoughtless enough to falsify my reply without thinking twice? I wouldn’t know for sure. Yes, I had been away for the day and had obviously missed the grocery. I was left with little time for dinner and no extra space for a work out.

Whatever…Mon morn’ already felt doomed. What I‘d said was ruinous. The day was done for. I could already imagine him walking away feeling bad for having asked in the first place and worse -for reaching out to me. I faintly hoped that his conduct was mere intuitive and desperately wished it to fade away quickly.

Weeks later I realized one single thing quite clearly; your words speak for themselves. Let them do the talking and you won’t go overboard ever.

Anyone can mess up words when talking

After two uninteresting boring bouts of aging at 44 and 55, we all turn prone to messing up with our memory prowess. It begins to struggle and words start to give us a slip every so often. You may mean blanket, but would actually say pillow; you meant hands, but would say fingers instead. Interestingly you don’t mess up much when you slow down a bit and prefer to pick up a related word or gesture.

I have also noticed people stumbling occasionally when reading out loud; nothing complex-just simple words and sentences. Oddly this isn’t uncommon. I remember also having stumbled so often when speaking out aloud in college seminars and forums. Perhaps I was being mindful of the people around me; perhaps I was averse to yelling. Whatever, I always pray for my memory cache to stay intact.

I did some digging lately though and found out that the right words always have a forceful impact of your legacy on others and the World around you. If you let the words do the talking for you instead of you being in the lead; you’ll become what they say you are.

If You Want Others to Listen, Stop Talking

There are a few of us who just luv to talk about things that they believe others need to hear. It’s not always about the sound of their voice alone. When they talk they typically do not do a whole lot of listening themselves and certainly not a lot of learning either.

This is a good enough reason why you will want to talk less. Let the words do it more and you’ll be looked upon as a cut above conversationalist. Soon people will start to open up more to your point of view when you do speak. And yes! You will get to learn something new as well.

By talking less and listen more, I now refashion my part of the conversation to be more about ‘learning’ than lecturing.’ I have realized that the words that I interact with know something that I don’t.

You’ll know if you’re easy to talk to

If you’re approachable, friendly, warm, open-minded, and empathetic, you can earn the respect and trust of everybody around you for sure. To an unassuming listener, respect and admiration are not hard to come by once they start to encourage others to speak about them.

Think back the last time you went out on a nighttime soiree and came back home all smug and flushed with contentment, “Wow, I did enjoy myself. I had some great conversations and they were really interesting.”

How much did you talk about yourself, and how much did they speak about themselves?

Nice and all that in every way, you’ll find that speaking less but clearly helps in avoiding unhappy upsetting situations. To me it was more than that. A hard won assertiveness had won me the ability to speak up for myself- constructively and positively.

Not doubting any further and absolutely assured, I let the words to become my voice.

The best part about this whole thing was to come later. I can now have more pleasant exchanges, little or no disagreements and definitely no duels.

As I became more mindful of my words I stopped cursing, insulting or damning. For the first time in my life, I found myself committed to using “please” and “thank you”. I even found the softness so necessary for a disarming tone!

For once not only my voice but words had begun to speak kindly.

*Image source: ‘Smart cities for aging societies”’ in 4euplus.eu on 6 Mar. 2019.*

You’re less likely to say anything dumb or regrettable

We’ve all been there.

Not every conversation is casual or comfortable. It will never be. Few can be quite challenging; especially when you’re deeply involved in a chat over something you’re so passionate about and unwittingly go off on a tangent. You wouldn’t realize you haven’t clicked and would continue to brag until some disapproving retort stops you right in your tracks.

Mincing words can often make a bit of a fool out of you. Of course your unsavory opinion does not really represent how you think and feel. But with fewer words and pricked up ears, you tend to evolve better. Once silver tongued, you’ll be adored remarkably, won’t choke on your words or ever be tongue tied.

Besides you’d be less likely to say something that leaves you blushing.

You can keep your cards close to heart

Conversations die pretty quick but their impact stays. At times you will strongly disagree with the view point of others but an argument is the last thing you’d want out of it. Avoid conflict and you can steer clear of any negative impact it will have on your bearings. You will also get to learn more about how and why their view points collide with yours.

Speaking less and listening more is an amazing way to hold your opinions close to your heart and dig deeper into the mindset of others. To few it’s dull and unimaginative and lacks interest but I think sometimes boring and uneventful is good. It helps you to be in sync with every ‘bog standard’ around you. It upholds your influence and makes your presence more impactful.

If you’re still with me and keen to become a masterful persuader, then I guess you’ve come of age and are eagerly looking ahead for self betterment. Not counting the uncanny ability of words to move a roomful of people to your perspective, your redoing and reshaping will be a pretty powerful way to influence your surroundings.

My take on this! I‘ve learned to live beside my words and ain’t spoiled for any choice either. Talking through words hasn’t opened any door to sin for me.

In fact, I have given myself the privilege to live better and bolder.

When things don’t end up working our way we credit them as a raw deal and would break off high and dry. It’ll be easier though to move ahead since everything happens for an explanation.

Don’t quit on your dreams! At Times life moves from zero to hundred pretty quick.

6th Sep 2024 soulshop.com 2 Comments

The mind-bending weirdness of number‘zero’ is best described as ‘the absence of something is a thing, in and of itself”.

Unbelievably the laptop, Mac, microcomputer or any other device you’re reading this on right now runs on a binary. A string of zeros and ones! Without zero there is no calculus, no automation and no electronics. In fact sans zero much of the world around us would literally go belly-up.

Zero’s discovery is considered equivalent to us learning an ‘Alien’ or fictional language. During the night when we look up into the sky we see nothing but ‘oblivion’. From this nihility or zero, a scattering shower of electromagnetic radiation flows down to us right from the deep space. In the darkest emptiness I’d say there is always ‘something’ unspoiled and yet to be mapped out!

A true zero I think is perhaps the first hint of an absolute nothingness.

For most part people usually do not understand any of this. Zero is not innate to us. We invented it and quite wittingly have kept passing it on to the next generation. Above and beyond this incredible breakthrough, there’s something that’d surprise you more. Would you believe that even tiny bee brains can compute zero? Only humans though were capable of seizing zero’s worth and forge it into an impeccable tool for all time.

Just to tickle your fancy, if bumblebees can distinguish between ‘greater than and lesser than‘ quantities including zero, it should be enough to float your boat as well. You have the capabilities to cut the mustard and thrive. But nothing’s more fascinating than the fact that ‘zero’ has amazing the ability to spring surprises. It does so quite quickly when it comes to our choices and decisions affecting our lives.

Here’s how;

The ‘zero effect’: The strength of preference matters.

Like all of you, I also have had my share of problems and difficulties. I had always experienced relentless work-related stress till it was time to ’quit’. I tried meditation to start with – something that I had never thought about before. Maybe I didn’t feel the need or was not motivated enough to do it. I had though read books, blogs, and video shorts on techniques involved there. I was aware of the practice all the time but didn’t know when to do it. Work, personal projects, deadlines, and personal life- everything was taking its toll and weighed heavy. Yep! Grudgingly I had bowed myself to the misery of daily grind.

Working through late nights I had compromised my morning routine. I was practically pushing myself from early hours till late evening. Rushed brunches and bites would hastily find some space in between; no exercises of course! Even so, I felt stranded. I consoled myself that I will be more productive if I focused on my work more. I believed that things would turn for the better if I sacrificed my freedom a wee bit more.

Still…It simply wouldn’t work for me!

*Image source: ‘Tips for a better night’s sleep in fitshop.nl*

I was getting tired easily. I couldn’t focus and had barely any space for relaxation. Sometimes I couldn’t sleep and would keep thinking the whole night.

What’s wrong with me? Why am I failing? Why couldn’t I do well and earn the wings? Why am I not living a full life? How will I satisfy myself?

My brain wouldn’t quit buzzing the whole night until it would just go blank in the wee hours. I would sleep uneasy for couple of hours thereafter and wake up heavy headed and sluggish.

Then one fine morning something extraordinary happened;

It was 5:30 am of a wintry morning. Darkness was fading and the light was taking over. ‘Enough is enough’; I told myself. “I’d have to own everything, take responsibility and be answerable to none else but me”. I went for a jog, came back after 45 mins, took shower and got dressed. Then I sat down in a corner of my house in total silence. I closed my eyes and began to focus on my breath. I tried to trace back the origin of every thought. I wanted to find out why I was thinking the way I was. I will hear my mind spelling out every thought loud and clear- over and over again. I saw what an utter chaos it was. Was I was worried about every damn thing in the world? Isn’t there more to live for than drinks and nibbles? It was like I was in the middle of a battleground.

Distraught I opened my eyes…it was only for 5 minutes but weighed heavy like an hour. I felt good though. I guess I had taken the first step.

It’s been 8 years since. I dare say that meditation didn’t solve any of my problems either then or later. In fact it felt irrelevant to anything I was experiencing. It would though help me to calm down and start afresh to think from quite a few perspectives.

Today, I’m having better sleep and focus my energy on things that matter most. The morning routine fares well and helps me aplenty. At 5 in the morning I wouldn’t find anybody on the roads. I feel free; I feel ahead. When I come back, I take a lazy shower. I ruminate a little over a cup of tea. Later, I stuff myself with a sumptuous breakfast. Then I sit quietly in the backyard and I feel I’ve conquered the world. I’m all pumped up now to butt my head into every challenge that comes my way during the day. I’m relentless to finish whatever I decide to do.

What more is there to ask for?

By mid-day when I think I’ve had enough, I would sit back and take a breather.

It is then I feel like a winner. I feel unstoppable!

*Image source: ‘Women Travelling Tips’ in merisaheli.com*

You can add zero to any number to your successes

Sometimes we can’t get what we need. It‘s very disturbing when things don’t turn out well for us. Something we’ve been so certain of can fall flat very quickly and leave us wounded in the heart.

When in turmoil self-doubt takes over. Instinctively heart searching steps in; ‘Is that it? Have I had enough?’

To take charge of yourself quit worrying about every detail that torments you in your hard moments. Stop pushing yourself to the limit. It’s quite difficult to escape thoughts though. They keep us returning to the equivalent of “whys” and “whats” over and over again.

Start with a simple ‘No’ to any gloom around you if you want to defeat a terrible time. Prep yourself to deal with anything that life tosses at you and endure any success in your stride. By outsmarting the circumstances you’ll start to see everything from an alternate perspective and move ahead. So patch yourself …you’re amazing and life will go in the manner you’ve arranged it to.

Once you’ve arrived this far, stop briefly to adjust and manage your current moment. Your stunners from yesterday do not characterize you. You need to know where you’re coming from. Your incidents are only a faint impression of the life you’ve led so far. You’ve the ability to improve them. Stressing over a little now will not hurt you and even save you from more heart breaks and backslides.

Move the world on your fingertips: Why zero is so damn useful!

If you were to make choices that will affect your future, quit agonizing over every other thing . Steal the spotlight for yourself. Record it and play it over and over. You’ll gain from each slip-up or circumstance you’ve lived. What’s intense for now will make you resilient and strong enough to continue developing and face the unknown stoutly.

It will be easier to move ahead then. Soon it will be plain sailing all the way.

Honestly not everything occurs for an explanation; every ‘put-off’ is meant to end with a more meaningful ‘arrangement’. Moving away from being nearly non-existent to being very obvious, you tend to own endless quantities of ‘get-up’ and ‘go’.

I suppose not many would know exactly how good or bad the zero value is. Few will prefer not to react strongly to the choice with zero compared to a near-zero value. But you can bet your bottom dollar on this. For a number representing nothing, zero surprisingly has a priceless importance in our lives. Without context, it’s of little interest or concern. But given the time, as a cathartic outcome of a decision;

It knows how to knock your socks off!

The life you really want is only a decision away. It’s easy enough to talk about ‘good’ and ‘better’ but difficult to follow when you’re in the middle of it. Great payoffs never sell short

When ‘Good’ Isn’t Home, Is It Ok To Settle For ‘Better’?

23rd Aug 2024 soulshop.com Leave a comment

I am as guilty as anyone of cramming way too much into my life, always trying hard for all that seems ‘Good’. It’s not that I have a problem saying ‘No’ to anything ‘good enough‘; it’s just that I luv to live a full life.

I don’t own a business nor do I imagine myself having one. It’s been five years since I hung my boots. I try to keep the order and peace of my home because I dearly value a lifestyle that has a little bit of room for little exercise, quality sleep and freedom to fill in relationships and expand my inner circle.

I’m sure you will empathize with my ‘curl up in bed and take a nap’ attitude-it’s kinda crazy though, unless you have even more than that on your plate. But I am certain you’d agree that it’s difficult enough to find time to juggle all our different commitments and still spare some space for moments of rest! Intriguingly I’ve found out that when I have not made enough time for rest, I not only see a decline in the quality of what I do but my heart is left utterly depleted of fire to get out of my head and knock around into something ‘Good’.

This is interesting because I think we created ‘rest’ so that we can live with peace and contentment even in the midst of our full lives. Sounds good? But then aren’t we checking ourselves out of reality in the hope that someday we’ll be rid of glass-half-full mentality and can appreciate small improvements.

*Image source: ‘How Not To Settle For “Just Good Enough” When Anything Is Possible by Halle Eavelyn in linkedin.com*

Of course there’s nothing like perfect patience or generosity or empathy or humility. The best that can occur is the consistency of our efforts. A grateful mindset is a great healer. But the problem turns disquieting when it shifts to complacency and the trying stops. This is when “This is good enough “becomes a problem because then we tend to forget how good life can actually be.

While this is justifiably frightening, my greatest fear has always been living a typical ordinary life where you settle for something that isn’t everything. The mere thought would abandon me with a pattern of negativity. At one point I thought I had settled with a career that was rewarding but not too safe and a companionship that was comforting and refreshing but not bursting with excitement.

Not that I didn’t come down to moments of hard choice; to leave the cross roads or to let go and bite the bullet.

Many years later with ‘Salad Days over my resolve also changed . Now, every time I decide to give up on my endeavors, I’d look back and for a strange reason will be happy that I couldn’t. Guess, ‘Good enough’ didn’t feel that boring then.

But I wasn’t happy. Maybe I was afraid of being Too Big in the World!

*Image source: ‘Why We Settle for Less in Relationships—Plus, 9 Signs It’s Happening to You by Stacey Laura Lloyd and Sarah Schreiber in brides.com*

What’s worse and why?

Have you ever wondered what would happen if you acted on a deep impulse to completely change your life? Have you ever really looked up at how you’d show up in the world? Do you really believe that people need your whole truth behind becoming ‘Great’?

At the outset I never wanted people to see what a hot mess I had to wade through to be a cut above the ‘average’ because I thought it wouldn’t work that way. Nobody would want to judge me on perception alone, at least at first. At times I’d even deny my right to anything that only belonged to me. I’d be straining at the very edges of my desires reminding myself the whole time that I didn’t want everything that has been given to me, sure that I wasn’t worthy of ‘good things’ in any way.

I couldn’t trust what was happening around me. Most importantly, I had asked for everything “bigger and better,” around me and declared that was what I wanted- aloud.

But was I really ready?

*Image source: ‘Opt-In: The Key to Success with Push Notifications in signalize.com*

So I dug into all my heart, mindset, inclination and outlook, and chanced upon an amazing insight; what if I took all the explanations I had learned so far- including the biggest and the most powerful ones; piece them together and give ear to everything I was being lead to do.

It felt weird in the beginning but eventually I began to focus more on the positives and also starve the negatives. I learned to appreciate my desired outcomes and would happily let go of my fears.

It was more complicated than I’ve outlined here but gradually everything began to work for my ‘Good’. It was positively a confusing and yet incredibly empowering way ahead, all at once requiring watchful and constant attention. Once I began, I felt being more alive than I had in last forty odd years.

Today it all seems like a lifetime ago, and in a way, it is… Beneath the glass on my writing table, I’ve this penned ; ‘I Will Live My Truth Only’ . I consider this as a reminder to all the grumbles, whines, laments and grief that befell my way. It reminds me of my days in the school of hard knocks, a resolute effort to fit in and a win of inconceivable and the incredible.

Now that I’ve accepted my inner guidance to the point where I don’t make a move without it, I’ve vowed not to settle for ‘better’ anymore than look at it as a momentary rejig in life. I’m aware things will shift seismically again. And this thought makes me grateful and keeps me alive all the time lest I miss a rendezvous with all the ‘good fortune’. If that’s the only lesson I get out of it, I think that’s enough.

But if there’s more beyond the ‘very best’, I can’t wait to see what comes next.

*Image source: ‘Achieving Your Goals in allyoursuccess.com*

What about you? Are you struggling with some part of yourself that’s not Ok with ‘passable? What would you choose? Would you settle for less than the best just because it didn’t come your way or you think you don’t deserve? What are you ready to give up that is not alright with you anymore?

If you want things to be different, TRULY different, start thinking that you’re capable of ‘great exploits’; pin hope on nobody but you and keep telling yourself; ‘It’s finally here. I’m about to experience a strong rebuild of my life’! Just remember your worth. Dig deep to figure out what you really want, what makes you happy and what you want your future to look like.

My take on this !

Nothing stays on other side for long. Reclaim yourself. Once you wake up to the idea that you can stand in your own power, you wouldn’t settle for anything less than you deserve!

To grow up too early too soon is not infallible. Sometime it conspires to put your happiness into the hands of others. But it also leaves you hyper-independent and incredibly self reliant in the end.

8 Signs You Grew Up Way Too Fast!

16th Aug 2024 soulshop.com 2 Comments

Growing up too fast isn’t always a bad thing. You didn’t choose to but you did faster than everyone else. You turned a legit adult at 18, but honestly you’d been one much sooner than that. “You look really mature for your age” or “Wow, are you only __ years old?” Haven’t you faced these reflections all through your early years?

Look around for reasons and you’ll find way too many. An impoverished home, dwindling finances, being the oldest sibling, neglect, or even bullying; just about anything would have cut short your free and careless adolescent years, howsoever you would have wished not to grow up faster than everyone else!

*Image source: ‘An Open Letter To My Son’s Absent Father’ by Jessica Wilson in thoughtcatalog.com*

You’re Quick-witted and excellent at prioritizing.

It’s never been tough for you to choose between going out and partying on a school night or staying back and prepare for your next exam. You always knew what you wanted but more importantly you knew what was needed of you. You always chose to stick to a schedule that would show your priority tasks.

Over the time opportunities got laid out before you to be managed and arranged in order of importance. You were definitely adept in that and would do all that in 0.5 sec flat. It was truly a skill and you bettered others.

You’re one heck of a planner

This is not about “planned my entire wedding on Pinterest” kinda work-out either. Perhaps you had your whole life mapped out all through or maybe at some point of time you had tried to. Arranging and listing were your religion while spontaneity gave you only stings and hives.

Yet your game plan for tomorrow is as firm today as it’s been yesterday and most likely will be a year from tomorrow as well.

From respite to resume’

Do you feel like you’ve missed out so many things in your childhood? Imagine yourself on a moonwalk or swinging on the playground during school interval and then the next moment you find yourself looking for any job that would accept an 18 year old’s CV! In a heartbeat responsibilities have come crashing down on you.

Now you miss what you’ve left behind. You long and thrive for what you didn’t take in. You want to be in the slumber party at your friend’s home, you didn’t get. You want to get drenched by those squeaky sprinklers in your front yard one last time; you missed them dearly. And you’d love if someone yells at you once again, “It’s ok, you’ll understand when you get older.”

If you get what I mean by saying this then perhaps you’ve overstepped and overshot your reach but that‘s ok if this gets you any closer to sense of comfort and well being.

Nobody understood you correctly

Your whole life till now has been mired in failing relationships-friendly or romantic likewise. You’ve been struggling with your fixes for long.

If this is you then you’ve matured quite early when most people your age haven’t. Your friends just don’t understand why you can’t go out and join them for partying every single weekend. What’s fun, electrifying and rebellious for them, you view it as unnecessary and would prefer to go your way. For you empathy comes hard and you can do no more than pity them. You have lost a lot many friends because of it.

*Image source: ‘Shun foster firms and focus on children at risk, state told’ by Sean O’Driscoll in thetimes.com*

But don’t we all lose something and gain somewhere?

No worries. You don’t hold it against anybody

In the beginning you didn’t know how to put yourself ahead and when you did, it felt brutally selfish. Later you knew that you’ll be fine because you’ve learned how to take care of yourself. You’d know how and why you should move mountains for others when they wouldn’t even walk 10 steps for you. And you’d do it. You’d do it today as well because that’s just what you know. When someone would actually dare to invest in you, it’s completely rare territory and would leave you uneasy and cautious.

You can’t help being jealous.

You wouldn’t want to admit this but you’ve always been privy to other people’s accomplishments and would easily get jealous of those who got lucky in fulfilling their youth. You’d be in awe of those who got to be careless and free and yet lived a warm and rewarding life without fearing any backlash. You’d resent those who didn’t always have to be so unfettered and grown up. You’re envious of the kids who got time out as a child because you thought their parents cared more.

You’d wish to be like your mates who got to be just that- a student; not a grown up adult.

You’d think of yourself as “getting old.”

In all seriousness, there’s nothing worse than a 25-year-old unfolding a long winded, candid spiel when in a company– that would often end up with glib excuses about how incredibly “old” they’re? Its one thing when you’re being sarcastic— it’s quite another when you actually cheat yourself into believing that you’re truly getting up there in age.

As a kid and then as a teen you’d often feel that way. It’s likely that you were surrounded by young immature people who’d remind you that your sense of restraint was on a rapid decline.

Instead had you been surrounded by those who were happy in what they do and excited about the future, the thought of “getting old’ would have missed your lexicon.

“Too late” to pursue your dreams!

I’ve often come across people in my life who even when in their “twenty something” and “tween” would in all seriousness confide that they can ‘no longer’ pursue their dreams or that they’re ‘too old’ to make a new beginning. From vacationing in Europe to taking night classes towards their Masters, everything seemed remote to them.

Limitations apart, to simply feel like the “crazy” period of your life where you try new things is magically over the moment you hit mid-20s is absurd. When this happens no matter how hard you have tried to come out of this mindset, you couldn’t convince yourself that there is a better life to live than you had so far. In a way you’ve condemned your life like the reruns of SVU (remember Special Victims Unit- a crime drama television series!) treating yourself to occasional takeouts at best.

*Image source: Erick Mclean in pexels.com*

Sometimes we’re born with a purpose to fit into a plan and sometimes we’re left disconnected from our ‘Inner Child’ and miss out on critical opportunities to expand. And sometimes tracing the scars that life has left us with, helps draw a better stronger person out of us.

I guess, it also reminds you that at one point of time you did fight for something you believed!

Yes, you were the one who’d dress yourself for school, who made sure to finish the homework, who always remembered to pay for own things and who would take care of own self when sick. All through you’ve been one heck of a person. One strong-willed relentless striking soul who learned everything the hard way and made it to the real world- real fast.

*Image source: ‘7 Ways to Preserve Your Travel Memories and Decorate Your Favourite Places’ in wanderlusters.com*

Do you still agonize over your past and expect perfection from yourself? Fast tracking to adulthood always has profound and lasting impacts on one’s life. But as a grown-up there is always a way to slow down and reconnect with the part of yourself that always want to simply be a child.

So thank your childhood- for being cut short. It made you ready for the World in next to no time. And take it from me when I say, “life is fun at any age- You just have to make it happen!”

Both the experiential and material value of a purchase has an impact on our well being and the happiness it brings. So, if money can buy it for us what should we purchase to shop our way to happiness?

8 Things to Buy to Make You Happier Than You Ever Thought Possible!

23rd Jul 2024 soulshop.com 2 Comments

“Whoever said money can’t buy happiness isn’t spending it right.” Years ago this Lexus ad had set aside all twists of conventional wisdom while selling a car so fancy that no one would ever dream of affixing even a bumper sticker to it.

What made this ad so intriguing was that it offered a simple but an expensive answer to popular doubts; ‘How would you change the money you’d worked so hard to earn into something that’s so close to a good life?’ There must be some connection between money and happiness. If there weren’t, you’d be less likely to stay late at work or struggle to save every penny you can. Why isn’t a fortunate out-of-turn promotion, 4 bedroom house or a fat pay packet cheering you up enough? If money can buy anything under the sun will it shop an extra bit of happiness for you?

The connection between money and happiness it seems is far more complicated than we ordinarily fancy.

*Image source:* ‘ *Five things to buy to be happier’ by Rajendra Dani in linkedin.com*

Does this mean that expending for material things brings more happiness or would you rather spend it on some exciting experience instead? Let’s own up…most of us face this dilemma in a wrong way. Buying stuff for an upturn in life is no longer a cliché’; it works as well. With little else to do in free time and with almost any item just a click away, it’s easy to indulge especially when you feel like rewarding yourself for everything you’ve had to endure. Joining the mad rush maxing out the credit cards, we feel an inexplicable pleasure in spending on consumer goods, home improvement and vacations even if it’s for a short while. But thrifty or splurging, every buy is a freaky sell out if it breaks faith with happiness.

While people are naturally disposed towards happiness, it’s more likely that we simply discover things and use them to our advantage, unaware that quite a few carry the promise to brighten up our day and make us feel happier than ever before.

So, if you’re seriously looking for joy in small things, you can elevate your happiness quotient with these 8 ‘boost your mood without breaking the bank’ practical purchases and bring back joy and contentment in your life like never before.

*Image source: ‘Money Can Actually Buy You Happiness. Here’s How To Get It’ in deepstash.com*

Pets Are Adorable

Money alone can’t buy happiness, but it can always buy you a pet. It can’t buy you friendship, but it can help you bring a new companion into your life and that’s just as good. Dogs, cats, birds, – pets everyone of them can ginger up and add colors to great emotions of happiness. Wake up! For with closeness comes the ability to feel loved.

A Comfy Pillow Is One Delightful Thing You Can’t Miss

It’s arguably a must-have for a good night’s sleep. In turn it would earn you a day full of lightheartedness and overall happiness. When you shop for high-quality pillow it enhances your sleep experience and helps save you from neck and back pain. This means you wake up refreshed rejuvenated in a better mood and a happier mind.

Fragrant Candles Are Great Mood Swingers

Perfumy and sweet smelling candles can lift your mood forthwith and bring a gentle soothing ambience to your home. The ambrosial aroma will rouse all your senses, prod positive emotions and fire up memories linked to that particular scent.

What’s more, the soft, warm glow of the candlelight would set up a calm, comforting and tranquil air encouraging relaxation and serenity. Choose the one you love most and your mood would change in a heartbeat.

Online Communities Are Compelling

Strong social grouping is the key to our happiness and emotional well being. Good relationships always prelude happiness and longevity. I usually pick up items that would help quality time with my loved ones. And so can you! Interactive games, cooking equipment or outdoor gear for group activities are just the kind of things to invest in. In bargain, you’ll get all that’s needed for a life-enhancing experience.

*Image source: ’11 Simple Things You Can Do Today That Will Make You Happier, Backed By Science’ by Kirsti Lang in buffer.com*

An Objet D’art Is Restful and Quieting

The formal elements of a personalized artwork focuses more on quality and can evoke so many incredible emotions that would show on your unique taste and style. Flat, abstracted, simplified, or stylized, a beautiful piece of art in your living space would not only portray the theme, it would also speak for you. It has the potential to communicate without using words. I guess, it’s just another way of keeping a personal diary. It will bring joy and happiness by making your space feel more personal and welcoming. Just looking closely at the artwork is reassuring and hypnotic. You’ll find the beauty and character of a masterpiece steadily shaping positive vibes and upbeat atmosphere around you that’ll keep you happy and inspired every day.

Plants Are Unwinding

Giving space to plants into your home can significantly elevate your mood and help relieve exhausted nerves. I absolutely knew that greenery hangs heavy. So, as a beginner I had begun with easy-care plants like pothos or snake plant and fruit plants like dwarf mulberry and Meyer lemon. While adding aesthetic appeal to my surroundings, over the time these plants improved air quality and helped build up a calming environment.

Set the ball rolling. Situate them in areas where you spend most of your time. Greens and foliage have therapeutic effect so don’t shy away from a more involved plant care. Not only that’ll be some fun, soon even small acts like watering plants or watching them grow will become your daily moment of joy.

Like Friends Books Should Be Few And Edifying

Lifelong learning is closely tied to happiness and well being. Diverse content including fiction, non-fiction and self-help titles increase your level of empathy, enhance social perception and boost emotional intelligence. So, acquire books that relate to your interests or dare you to try new ideas. Online platforms are equally helpful if traditional ways aren’t your preferred choice. Choices nevertheless, are wide and it’s important not to plough through everything that comes to hand.

*Image source: ’10 Tips on How to Attract and Achieve Happiness’in desiblitz.com*

Buy Some Humor For Yourself

Laughter truly is linked to pleasure and is rewarding. The best pill for happiness, it never fails to stir up a thrilling experience. Comedy specials, humorous books, tickets to a comedy show, fun party games, movie nights, watching a funny video during lunch break or starting the day with a comic strip; just about everything would entitle you with the ability to laugh freely and embrace playfulness with a pinch of funny silliness in your pursuit of happiness.

If Only Riches Can Buy Happiness…

I think it’s never been about how much we can spend; it’s about when and where to shell out money. It’s no rocket science but investing the right amount in the things that make you happy will truly bring joy into your life. By making thoughtful purchases and taking time to choose them makes it an unforgettable experience that will bring a lasting happiness in your life.

Small Things Matter,Money Isn’t Everything!

Buying things isn’t wrong. Every shop has a bit of happiness on offer but it doesn’t work well when you push yourself to be happier and mask other emotions. Getting a package delivered, trying on a new pair of shoes, or adding a fancy gadget to kitchen feels great at first, but sometimes there will be a problem; you wouldn’t know if you’ve really shopped your way to happiness! Rushing out to buy a Rolex doesn’t necessarily cures a bad case of blues; neither does a visit to local spa to cleanse your life’s ills. Unaware your spending spree just ends up being more harmful than helpful.

So, don’t jump into a freezing lake on a dare; choose what you think would make you happy.

*Image source: ‘Do You Want a Happy Life or a Memorable Life?’ by Nat Eliason in blog.nateliason.com*

Incidentally, who said that you have to work hard to be happier? Try something freak’n different for once. Go for a shopping binge for a start. Sometimes the most innocuous looking buy would give off an air of intelligence and will be the best investment in happiness that you can ever make.

It’ll be your moment to smile more and stress little!

Most people don’t take time to imagine a brighter future. For few others dreaming stops short of being pulled off. But every next level of your life calls for a better version of you. Here’s how!

Your Future Needs You, Your Past Doesn’t.

8th Jul 2024 soulshop.com Leave a comment

Imagine somebody locks you up in a time-machine and asks you to take a quantum leap to go forward into the future or backward into the past. You’re allowed to travel backwards or forward to any length of time, jumping through different dimensions and timelines a day, a thousand years, a million years… Which one would you choose? Future, that lies ahead or the Past, that’s finished and done with.

Either way I’m sure you’ll never want to come back to “Now”.

Arguably, choosing between the two can change anybody’s life. But since nobody would want to ruin their lives any more than they have done in the past, future seems like an easy pick.

Personally I’m in more for future than past. Not that I don’t want to fix mistakes or want to ask for an apology to those people whom I had hurt & offended in my life before. But it would be more like going back in time to correct course to make future take a turn for the better than putting things right in there. Of course, this will be the only opportunity to set things right and tell others to do scrub theirs. Still, wouldn’t it be better to travel into the future and witness those aberrations fading away all by themselves?

Yep…I’m at a loss but I’d rather settle for what lies ahead in time for me. I don’t want to see something again that I had neglected to conclude in the first place!

I am though still curious enough to take a flier into the past and sneak a peek at whatever wrong I’d done that I shouldn’t have. Save for dinosaurs, I will get lucky to patch up some of those awkward spots. Not likely but who knows someday something I want to happen -may just happen.

All in all, it’s really a difficult choice…and a risky one as well. You move one on your fingertips and you’ll never get to see life the same way again.

So, what do you need most- the Past that didn’t work out well or a Future that awaits you to go viral?

Your Future Is Bigger Than Your Past

It simply has to be and here’s why.

For all we know, Past is merely the bedrock for Now and Future. Otherwise all that we did in the past would be for nothing if we have come this far only to give up. Some room is always there to continue growing and that’s exactly where we want to be.

I measure success by how many people I have helped out in the past and I want to continue increasing that number. I reckon my future to be my property because by definition, it hasn’t happened yet. It exists only in my mind suggesting that I can choose to make it whatever way I want.

Honestly, I think my every move to make my future bigger and brighter than my past is the very act of growing itself.

For some people great future is mostly about themselves. But for few like me it means contributing to other’s lives and things. And I prefer to keep it simple and clean while pitching in. What’s more, I’m convinced that all I need is to believe that, it’s possible to have a bigger happier future no matter what stage you’re at in life or what your circumstances are.

Often this belief alone has been enough to keep me growing.

Short Steps Help Grow Better

Fancy this- you’ve grown old or are in poor health. You’ve great many memories and dreamy experiences behind you, but don’t know how to pep up your future and reconstruct it to better your past.

Think of it this way…

Growing is as simple as learning to expand your perspective on the world and somewhat contributing to lives of others. A bigger future doesn’t have to be necessarily grand or glitzy; no great leaps ahead either. Most growth happens as a result of many small steps. The key is to keep taking them. Besides a better future is not about how much time you’re left. It’s about what you do in it and use what you’ve learned and done so far.

Check out for yourself. You have taken your first step towards the vastness of what you’re yet to discover and not be aware.

And you’ll keep growing till you last.

Wrong turns won’t let the good times roll

Apparently what has got us here today won’t get us there ‘morrow. If you’ve been lucky in the past, be wary for that success can muffle your future success. The things that have brought you where you are today will be the very things that will stop you from reaching your next level. Your crush for earlier triumphs and unwavering loyalty to your identity will keep you mired until you’ve learned to let go of your Past. You will gain an insight or two in between but don’t live there. And certainly don’t stay stuck to an obscure identity.

Don’t look back n’ pull yourself together

Becoming organized and mindful of everything taking place around you, places you better to build toward the future you wish for. The quickest way to do this is by not doing more but quit doing whatever is holding you back. Consider dumping those out of line behavior for a start and welcome good ones. It’s a hard start but unless you learn to cull the damage, you’ll always be taking one step forward and two backward. It’s akin to getting rid of junk food from your meal before going for a work out.

Look…unless you cut back on your spending, there’s no point in focusing on making more money.

You won’t need more once you’ve freed yourself from needing more and will be content with what you have. Think of your life as your garden. What good will be planting if you don’t remove the weeds and prep the soil?

Your Best Song Is Inside You

“You have to believe your best work is ahead of you. If I believed my best song was already written, I wouldn’t keep writing.”

It’s no hard guess what Alice Cooper -the rock star meant when he had voiced his mind like this. Richard Paul Evans, the 38-times New York Times bestselling author also aired his thoughts somewhat similarly. Interestingly, both never gave up trying to create something better than they had done before.

https://videopress.com/v/QbEWTut2?resizeToParent=true&cover=true&autoPlay=true&loop=true&playsinline=true&preloadContent=none&useAverageColor=true

Feature credits: ‘Your Future Needs You – Your Past Doesn’t’ by MotivationDon in YouTube.com

What’s my take on this? I think there’s always a better way to live a good life. The world’s not going to shrink any sooner and I must keep pushing for a better morrow. So, every time I start something new, I work like a Trojan and sometimes do not hesitate to lean over backwards. I guess it’s the only way to innovate and break my boundaries.

I wish someday you too will get to find the right choice. All you need is to persuade yourself to believe that boundaries and limitations are mere illusions and lie only in imagination. Besides, your personality doesn’t define you. It only mirrors a relationship with yourself and what’s happening around you. If you wish, you can change it completely. You can even change how you show up in the world. And that’s exactly what you need to do if your future is going to be bigger than your past. Your past in any case won’t buy you much.

See…It’s between Ash or Phoenix– so choose wisely!

Above all keep this alive for you; ‘My best work is ahead of me’.

The idea of ‘not caring’ may seem unreasonable at first sight but mastering it can become a powerful way to pursuing a happier, more fulfilling life!

Say g’bye to these four self defeating habits if you want to be the best version of yourself!

13th Jun 2024 soulshop.com Leave a comment

Seriously! Are they bad enough to sabotage our level of awareness and destroy our happiness?

Like everyone else I also have endured conflicts with a boundless rage that lives within us all. Most of the time it would turn the situation I’m in, awkwardly critical and would silently work to destroy my confidence. Yet unwittingly every single time I’d let myself be ravaged by this frenzy and would settle with picking poor choices. Next would follow an overwhelming surge of low self-esteem, hostile self-talk and miserable emotions only to see me going bonkers.

“I can’t do that.”

“I am not good enough to get the job.”

“I know I should exercise more, but …”

“It should probably get out more, but …”

Not many would agree but after every “but” sits the excuse for bringing in a bad choice. Unfortunately it sets everything off-course and leaves us looking for what we need most at places where we least ought to. Assumptions, I guess are our worst enemy. Trusting them over and over again is like grasping a straw in the wind. They’d subside only when we retreat into the comfort of disrespect and insolence.

Coping with a self defeating, ambition-killing fire in the head by not allowing it to cripple our sense of right or wrong is what makes life easy to live. Left unchecked these failings would get so ingrained in our lives that we’d start to accept them as normal.

Looking for a way to fix this?

It’s only years later I talked me over to relent and stop resisting the change. My call…it was weird but a wonderful fieriness had begun to unroll for me.

I’d still be haunted by anger but I had learned to admit that ‘I am angry’. I had realized that what I needed most when running in circles was to admit that I’ve been running in circles. It was as easy as winking but it took me a while to catch on. Surprisingly very few would’ve the courage to accept their weak spot. For most part they’d rather stay stuck so long as their ‘safe space’ is not intruded on. Funnily enough, it’s kinda painful to admit that you’re stuck!

So, how do we evade thoughts that shut us out from healthy solutions? Can we in some way tear down an attitude that typically ends with something awful we wouldn’t want to happen? What if the intended outcome does more bad than good?

Few and far in between, self cheating behavior works against its own purpose and is normally either unsuccessful or useless. It’s more like being mean to the person you want to befriend. Ordinarily it’s self harming and would hit back soon. One way or the other your actions would forestall your approach from working out. Make no mistake- your every effort would be in vain and everything that you wished for would be lost.

To break free of this self-hurting, happiness derailing attitude, put these four practices on your what-not-to-do list. Once you learn to kick your insipid boring attitude to the curb, you’ll be on fast track to being the best version of you.

*Image source:’Why is changing habits so hard?’by Gill Mckay in gillmckay.com*

You’re adding without subtracting

Scaling up unthinkingly without giving a second thought is natural and unwittingly happens to all of us. Sometimes I fell for it as well. Adding new stuff without doing away with the old one is how my closet would get cluttered. My workload would become unmanageable and my budget would go up in smoke. “Is any of this going to help me go fat or look better?” I’d argue with me then, knowing well that it takes discipline to cut and combine. But that part would always elude me.

I grew up without pruning and that’s bad!

Worse still, I’d always think that I’d get away with it! Whatever “it” was—cheating, hiding, digging deep into my pocket for that extra bit of plum cake, I’d be convinced otherwise. It was quite delusional. I knew lapses do not forgive and slip ups would show up somewhere someday.

Happily, not before long I learned how to get over myself. Long-term consequences and a growing familiarity to my weaknesses showed the potholes ahead. I had found out that humility shakes off self defeat.

Besides, a growing emphasis on purpose and a sense of responsibility pushed me to sidestep the deception. I saw Google enjoying outstanding success, but it didn’t stay stuck to its past. There were moments when it relented to popular expectations just like the antipathy of the bakery union that drove Hostess brands (of Twinkies fame), an 82 year old business into liquidation in Nov. 2012.

*Image source: ‘Good people make mistakes’ in observingleslie.com*

Don’t just sit on the fence

Trying to become something you are not while there’s plenty of value in who you are, can be self-defeating. Google expanded its territory to become a comms network provider, build fiber optics, mobile network and mapped software to driverless cars when most opined that it should stay focused to Googling than opening up and as a consequence fall behind. The rag bag has ever since been a mix of tumble and fumble.

Getting caught in the middle of something while being not good enough to compete in the new terrain, is disastrous and ends in losing sight of the old area as well. Move out of your comfort zone only when you know you can challenge yourself.

I grew because I had learned to side step discomfort and with it all the uncertainty that comes with change.

Going ballistic is bad!

Anger and blame are unproductive emotions that do more harm than good. Both hurt if misplaced. Here’s how. Years after a tragic incident on the Deepwater Horizon, an oil drilling rig operated by BP in the Gulf of Mexico on 20 April 2010 in which 11 people lost their lives, BP struck the headlines facing a record fine and slew of criminal charges. The then CEO Tony Hayward damaged the company more by indignantly giving bitter statements about the unfairness of it all!

Angry words leave a long devastating trail and are capable of overwhelming your accomplishments. Learn to be mindful of your anger. Tame it before it incites bitterness and consumes everything.

Are you afraid of change?

For all that we know- our brain is wired to resist change. An inseparable natural part of our lives, it is programmed to hang on to the status quo and avoid the uncertainty that comes with a shift. It resists because it fears losing a secure space to the unknown. This hostility to change is what harms most as it keeps us stuck into the past not letting the better person in us to grow.

Here’s the thing- growth doesn’t happen in a familiar territory. If your wish is to evolve, improve and be the limit, live the change, not fear it. It scares everyone at first sight but then every sec is a chance to grow and learn. Endure going down with a tough project in Office, be ready to face the flak in a difficult conversation with kins and be a game when pushed against the wall by your wellness trainer; every extra mile is an opportunity to break free and live the better version of you. Soon your mind will learn to shift focus from problems to solutions, acknowledge your thoughts, and won’t let them control you.

Feature source:’This tiny cute bird will inspire you’ by Heart touching films in YouTube.com

So next time you find yourself slipping, step back and look at the big picture. It’s not about having all the answers but moving ahead even when things aren’t perfectly clear.

Reach out and say ‘Hello’ to a mindset of action and solution-oriented thinking if you trust your guts. Even before you’d know, your journey to be the best version of you would have begun.

Once you learn to let go of what doesn’t truly matter you can create a space for what does.

Outside of cupcakes and occasional fun runs, life is stormy. Picking up one grumpy face every time is not very inviting either. So, if you’re up for an Oscar-winning life, better crank it up a notch

Choose your face wisely: it can change your life!

25th Apr 2024 soulshop.com Leave a comment

What is your face saying? Which look would you prefer today? Why it be the most important decision you make? Some have said that the thoughts you carry today create the face of your future – in so many ways. More informed ones say that it can change your life in just 7 days!

Do you believe any of that? I wasn’t so sure but sometime ago a hardened wish to live lighthearted made me curious enough take a shot at it.

I tried and it worked! Outside of few frenzied moments, this was no fun run though. Every so often it would be hard to hold on to my protesting wits while struggling not to shy away from trying.

Want to know how for yourself?

Two years ago on one wintry morning, as I sat in the front porch holding a cup of coffee in one hand and balancing the morning newspaper in my lap, I felt uneasy. Something was whetting up my thoughts since last evening. I could sense it; it was getting me worked up. I had woken early from an annoyingly bad dream of last night. I don’t know if it was a subjective response to a perturbed sleep or a dry sadness of the day- but I got nostalgic. The past flew back to me in a sec when life was all fun and games.

I had found a photo of me smiling big while combing through old family photo album the evening before. For some reason my sensibility had run crazy thereafter. The face that peered out just wouldn’t disappear. Nuts! It was kinda mocking me and wouldn’t let go. Even in bed it continued to spook me. I couldn’t make any sense of what I was dealing with. That pic had roiled up many memories. Whatever, for good or bad, it was distressing reliving those faded moments. And yet I touch a bit of comfort in that flash back. For a moment it felt like a bridge that stretched back over to the good old days; a quite step outside of my comfort zone. It was upsetting though. Funny, remembrance was acting weird here.

I was saddened by how I appeared then. Surprisingly it wasn’t my hair or the cool swanky suit I was wearing that bothered me much; although some of that did make me wonder later what I was thinking then and why everything about me has changed so much now.

It was perhaps the countenance on my face that had knocked me over; a look that mirrored calmness and a glint of happiness in the corners of the eyes. While I did manage to keep my chin up in most snapshots thereafter, there’s been an obvious lack of rejoice. The joy in the heart had given way to melancholy as if I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders.

My face mirrors my heart

If you can think of a struggle I have lived through all of it; disappointment, fear, anxiety, rejection, anger, bitterness, sadness and hopelessness. And every time I have mustered enough courage to work my way through. But somewhere along the way my heart ached and I realized that I couldn’t hide behind it any more. This was an uninvited nasty change and would mock me later every time I faced a lens. Every still was a cruel reminder that I will no longer laugh without the fear of the future. My face was beginning to show the brokenness in my heart. I kept praying for a better day and an even better tomorrow. Strength and help is what I quested to remove what did not mirror my countenance. I knew that I would find joy only when I walk lighter, burden free and trust myself.

People have their own way of thinking and processing emotions but if you are not motivated heart-to-heart you’ll set yourself back full time! To me it was like somebody telling me to let go of a relationship for which I was not ready and doing anything upfront to save it would be a useless exercise. I was distressed, knowing that I hadn’t quite “reached” myself. Perhaps I felt that way because I was usually looking stressed. I’d often have a negative expression on my face…you will call it a “No” face; one that has resigned to the fact that “you can’t win them all.” I just kept on doing what I was doing.

https://videopress.com/v/YTL9ZDtY?resizeToParent=true&cover=true&autoPlay=true&loop=true&playsinline=true&preloadContent=none&useAverageColor=true

Feature credits: ‘The Tree’ by Hot Shot in YouTube.com

Until… one day I decided to confront myself. I said to me; “it’s time to move on joyfully”. Next, over the time I persuaded myself to act like I was in a good mood even if I woke up in a bad one. I practically attempted to let my body actually ‘fake-out’ my brains. Imperceptibly, the slow moving ice began to thaw. Guess, ‘Fake it till you make it’ was indeed beginning to work for my rescue! I had finally learned to live with my failings. When my TV broke down I’d no longer hit it in exasperation or breakdown in anger. Everything would suck but I’d still resist shouting. I would twirl and tell everybody that the TV’s working fine but something’s gone wrong with the power socket. Trust me; whenever I reacted like this, it’s impossible to feel stressed.

By substituting playful gestures for angry ones, my brain was short-circuiting my own stress!

I didn’t always think that all of it was true. Still the older I got, the more I believed that my choosing has a lot to do with it. This was a simple truth but took me pretty long time to own it.

*Image source: ‘The importance of anonymous feedback’ by Rosanna Bull in the happinessindex.com*

Which face would you choose today?

Which kind of face would you rather have? The one that is furrowed with worry lines and frown grooves? Or the one with crow’s feet and laughter lines? Whatever’s your choice, scarily it’d decide how you have chosen your day to be like; a buoyed one or the one that sees you sullen and cross at all times.

Urgent things do pop up every day to demand our time and frenzied back-to-back work often means setting aside our conviviality. But prioritizing doesn’t mean reordering and letting our sullen old self ruin our day. You need to figure out what can be knocked off and how to say ‘no’ sometimes. Ask yourself; “What’s the worst that will happen if I don’t do this; is there any other way to get this done or is there some way for me to half-do this and move on from it?”

I’m not sure if I ever again saw myself twirling around TV, but in reality this principle seemed to be at the heart of the way my body and mind worked together. The power that I see today in my hands feels amazing. For once I know how to look for the greatest way to perk up my day. Its okay if some days are bad but I guess without the tough ones it’s hard to appreciate the special ones.

*Image source: ‘4 movements that really relieve’ by Magali Quent in notretemps.com*

So, look around you next time you’re out and about in a busy street. Even when people are lost in their own thoughts, not talking to anyone else, their face would tell you the story of their thoughts. You’ll know which thought and emotion you need to learn and practice more often if you’re to take your day beyond ordinary. Check it out – our emotional state is unshakable and hangs tough all over our faces for all to see. Changing your bearings and ‘wearing a different face’ would jump start your body chemistry to work in 60 secs flat to shift your emotions on a brighter note and make you feel different. Top it up with a cheery smile and you’ve just run into an amazing day!

What’s my favorite one!

A glint in the eye and a broad smile one that starts at the eyes and then fills the room. It’s contagious. It can change your world as it has mine!

Looking for a simple happy living? Always wanting more means owing too much, only to beget more stress, less money and unhappiness. Open up to the POV that ‘Twice as much ain’t twice as good'!

Owning less is great but wanting less is a better way to shape your happiness!

4th Apr 2024 soulshop.com Leave a comment

I have little and I love that!

Like everybody else fiery billboard promotions and zealous hype had left me chasing dreams of possessing car and clothes, all the while working in a job I hated so that I can buy stuff I really didn’t need in the first place! It was not long before eventually the things I owned ended up owing me instead. It wasn’t as good as I’d hoped! Sometimes it was overwhelming and would leave me feeling gutted.

It’s hard to remember when I first took the decision to intentionally live with fewer possessions. I suppose it was born quite a few years back mainly out of growing discontent with my screwy conception about life’s purpose. Everything sulked and felt like slipping away. And all the while I was all kinda busy woefully wishing for a better and happier life. As the size of my home grew so did the number of things stuffed into closets. I was spending more and more time caring for everything I possessed.

While cleaning stowage one Sunday morning, it struck me hard; how much of my life was being stolen by things that I own? Wasn’t I neglecting things that meant the most to me as a result? It was touchy, perhaps a bit nasty too but from that moment I decided to break free. Next I began to get rid of the non essentials.

I had decided to own less!

Ever since I figured it out and chose to settle with less, I’ve been experiencing countless benefits; more time for me, more money, more freedom, more energy; all with less stress and distraction. Fewer possessions and a careful use of resources have provided me with the opportunity to follow my greatest passions. It’s great! And I’ve figured it out; I’ll never go back to the way I’ve lived so far. For me that lifestyle is bootless now. Interestingly, along the way I’ve discovered something even better than owning less; wanting less is not foolish and is definitely a better way to make a fresh start.

You may ask; if all that was so unnecessary what pushed me to catch up with ‘simple is more’ idea. All I had known so far was that ‘more than, less than or equal to’ are the inequalities meant to represent the relation between two numbers or two expressions. No more!

This is how it all began to happen one fine morning.

The other day, I was visiting my neighbor at his home just across the street. We were childhood buddies and it’s been awhile since we had last met; so the warmth flew free. Fireside chat soon changed to heart- to- heart gab. I was taken aback for a moment when he confided how anxious he was about the upcoming weekend. “Why?” I asked. “Well, I’m having some new friends coming over for dinner and I’m embarrassed about the size of my house. The last time I went to one of theirs, it was huge and beautiful and gorgeously decorated. Probably one of nicest I ‘d ever laid my eyes on”. Now I knew why he looked so edgy and sounded hollow. Obviously, he was sizing himself up and feeling awkward in his own house!

I felt a bit sad for him. Graciously I said what I needed to say; that he had nothing to worry about, that things will be just fine, that his house was big enough and that what matters above all is the feeling you get when you enter a home which is far more important than square footage or the marquee furniture.

It’s hard to tell if that was any relief to him. I guess, that’s the least comfort I have offered to someone who’s disappointed or miserable over something as unimportant as the bigness of his house!

Later as I left his place I felt downhearted. What a crummy way to live; always eyeing the possessions of others and equating them to your own! There’s no joy here; this way of living sucks and outlook on life is disparaging. Discontent and envy only make matters worse. Both my friend and the spite that haunted him, were a weak match to wish for a full life. Still, I couldn’t fully disassociate myself from what I had experienced during his telling of the story. I had lived in smaller home years ago as well and couldn’t be happier with my life then. I had never wished for a bigger one. I’d often walk past a lot many in the neighborhood all the time and coyly say to myself, “I’m sure glad I don’t have it else I’d be spending so much time and energy taking care of that big pile!” The benefits of being in a smaller home were just great!

Soon thereafter, we moved into our ancestral house. It was a big deal; open space, room for everybody, patio, small patch of green – just about everything in it appeared larger and much bigger. Life was perhaps hinting at better. But this is when I began to think about how much everything else has changed and wondered how unattractive the constant pursuit of material possessions means to me. Somehow not only I wanted to own less, I wanted less. Perhaps then this would be a wonderful place to be in, I’d confide in me. I would feel comforted and reassured.

Today because I don’t want to own more than I already have, I am finally free from the constant collating of my stuff to others. I am no longer tormented by an incessant pursuit for more money and more stuff. I have found contentment in the things that I own. And above all I have discovered more room for generosity.

*Image source: ‘Ready To Change Your Life and Take The “Less Is More” Approach?’ by Theresa in simpleismore.com*

Because I don’t want to own anymore than I already have, I am free from constant contemplation. I am no longer bound to the incessant pursuit of more money and more belongings. I have found peace, contentment and happiness in the things that I have. It has also served me with extra space to indulge and be openhearted in giving. I have finally found my stride and begun to bend my pursuits towards things that matter. It’s no more a race to have it all. Things no longer define me as an individual. I’ve stopped buying stuff knowing that they will only burden me and add to my worries. I’m content with whatever I’ve now for I know that more doesn’t guarantee joy or happiness.

To me it’s a great feeling living with less and… wanting less even better!

Do you feel hopeless about yourself because of your failures and easily think of giving up on everything? Truth is, every time that happens you can still hold onto you in those dire moments!

Feeling Stuck in life? Say ‘hello’ to these 4 easy ways to climb out of a slump!

29th Dec 2023 soulshop.com 1 Comment

Life has a mysterious way of throwing curve balls our way and challenging us even when it fulfilling. Middle-aged parents, people deep into retirement or somewhere in between-it doesn’t matter; there are times when we could hear ourselves saying “I’m stuck.” This is the time when we feel like giving up on everything. We begin to lose hope on our relationships at home, office, business, college or friends at some point.

I know it sucks… but it’s just that we feel hopeless about ourselves mostly because of low energy levels and lack of motivation to the point where getting out of bed becomes a struggle each morning. On some days we are tired and wish if we didn’t have to push us anymore. On others we simply yearn for a day off. I have felt this countless times and still do sometimes. Every time whenever I feel like giving up, I remind myself; “I’m not alone in this”.

I have had a strong familiarity with this feeling for long. In fact, I think my emotions are just as dramatic as my life. People all over the world may have felt the same way but strangely every time whatever I experience, it passes and better days always come back. Geez… guess I‘ve had learned to hold onto myself whenever things go haywire and I’d want to give up.

A few years back, I was abysmally stuck in life’s rut, struggling and feeling like I was going nowhere. It was as if I was living the same day on auto replay, a unending loop of dreariness and loss. It was maddening. I longed for a change but was scared of the risk and uncertainty. I was stuck in my old habit patterns and badly needed to break free and bring some good changes in my life. I’d though end up each day doing the same thing without trying anything corrective. All I knew that I needed to do something but just knowing that wasn’t enough.

Dying for a change, I looked around for ways to slip away from this standstill. Somehow, I desperately wanted to add reassurance to my life where someday I might find myself telling me; “I’ve done a lot better than last time and I’ll do better next time”.

That’s my side of the story, but…

If you think you too are missing on something in life, capable of doing great things but don’t know how to break loose of the rut and fear that you’re not living your best then you’re as badly stuck as I once was.

In my journey, I had checked on people who’d experienced nothing less and had eventually walked out of their miseries. It was my call and I’m glad that I didn’t hang back! Over the time their insights have truly brought a difference to my life; pushing it from slow decay to a smart shape up. So, if somehow you’re enduring a rundown life, crumbling and feel deserted, this is the time to make promises to you. And knowing how would surely inspire you to find an easy way to climb out of your why.

These 4 life-changing ways might just be your fire ladder for a way out.

*Image source: ‘Happiness at work: Stop climbing the ladder’ by Eric Stutzman in achievecentre.com*

Take a break- You need it

Giving yourself a break- when life feels jinxed, is one good way to sit back, mull, weigh and iron out some of your sorrows. Besides haven’t you been working so hard recently that you almost forgot to take a break? Burnout is for real if you push yourself around too hard for long. Taking a break and starting afresh will give you the new energy you need. It is then you’ll get to appreciate what it means to come back with a new spark. This would also afford you some spare time to learn, listen, connect and win support. You might be stuck only because you don’t know enough about what you’ve been dealing with and the kinda change you need.

Going back to the drawing board for a fresh start makes learning easy. Books, YouTube, Play station, Nintendo, Social media – almost any pleasure preference is a good start to begin with; for all that that’s worked for others, might work for you just as well!

Be sure to stay with your ‘Why’

“It all starts with why”. Even Simon Sinek an unshakable optimist had double checked the adaptability issue in his global bestseller. My guess is that whenever you could manage a close peek at ‘Why’, it helps you to keep going. So, when the thread begins to slip out, go back to the very reason for starting what you want to give up now. If you find that you’re still passionate about it, you’ll get enough courage to continue.

For me, thinking about the reason alone was enough to turn back from giving up. Even when I didn’t make any progress, I didn’t regret anything for I knew that I had kept going despite towering odds. And that was enough to cheer me up! My favorite line when I waded through something deep was no less persuasive! … “Somehow this one too shall pass”. This way I could stay afloat and strong and wait for signs of improvement. It helped me calm down and stay put when everything else felt coming apart. Telling myself this affirmation over and over again would never fail me.

Even to this day, I keep telling myself…hold and carry-on like always!

*Image source: ‘Why do I feel so negative all the time?’ in greatmindsclinic.co.uk*

Thinking of whole staircase? No way…

It is easy to feel overwhelmed when we think about the mountain of leftover things to do that lie before us. Sometimes we don’t feel like moving even a finger and would rather give up believing that we may not get the results. Whenever this happened, I wouldn’t think of the whole staircase I had to climb; just kept an eye open for the next step. Breaking the whole process into simple steps and picking up on one only each day would spare me a bunch of rollercoaster rides ahead.

After all the future doesn’t lie with you and you don’t have the past either to dwell upon. It’s only ‘now and here’. Doing what you do today will eventually make everything work for you.

Be curious-It’s your best antidote

When we have our backs to the wall don’t we all get easily snared into despair and sadness? This often is the result of lack of new experiences. You’re zapped of the desire to try something new and would feel cornered unable to get out.

What’s the antidote? Try out new things even if you are not the curious type. Let those sparks of interest- no matter how small, handhold you for a while. A movie, theatre, Ted talks, interviews, book…if anything piques your interest, dive headlong into it. Nothing will appear different immediately, but slowly fresh ideas will begin to excite mind and you’ll be alive again, ready to explore anything new. But don’t just stop at these small curiosities. Few things as simple as playing tennis, even when you’ve never held a racket- or jogging through a different neighborhood are just as good to change your perspective. Your each step big or small is one stride towards a better tomorrow.

I live in a world where food is delivered to my door step, cab comes to my home for a scheduled pick up and Amazon takes care of all my household needs – everything just a few clicks away! The World seems not be in a hurry but on some days I’m more stirred than ever. Have I done enough? What else could I have done to make life a little more meaningful? I then, look back and count my achievements. Of course, it’s not easy to think how far you have come and others have gone far ahead. But I guess it was only about opening doors that I didn’t know even existed before and let myself be surprised by what lay beyond them. Like I said before I never forget about the journey I took.

Image source: ‘Feeling stuck – 5 tips to escape life rut’ in barelytherebeauty.com

Today I weigh myself with me only with what I was yesterday- and happiness returns!

The past can be glorious and able to bring clarity. But upheavals even when dead and buried are counterintuitive and sometimes shocking. Few continue to threaten our peace of mind till today!

15 extremely disquieting events of 20th century that I wish I hadn’t heard of!

16th Sep 2023 soulshop.com Leave a comment

When radium was first discovered in 20’s, people knew little of its toxicity. Its impressive glow-in-the-dark properties made this stunning heaviest alkaline earth metal a popular additive in products like paints, toothpaste, hair cream, and even food items, until years later the entire factory crew of the United States Radium Corp. fell to radiation-related sickness with decaying teeth, crumbling bones and spines that crushed under their own weight. Tragically most of them were to succumb to this lethal discovery not very long after.

Woefully, these weren’t Carl Sagan moments; not until 1995 when his Big Think 1995 stunner “The Demon-Haunted World: Science as a Candle in the Dark” swayed the media with a passionate version of a better world that was all set to debunk a dystopian future. Contrarily, the world had just begun to morph into kinda eerie sink hole that many would today find disturbingly similar to ours. Who would have then thought that an unpleasant legacy of utterly devastating events from 20^th century was cursed to follow down to us!

We have heard of appalling stories of Black plague and the dreadful plight of poor in Victorian England, but all seem a distant reality when we imagine the outrageousness of the shattering events of last century that would pale even the Spanish flu of 1920; more than 2 million lives were lost then. Yep…sadly the blemish stays very real to this day!

I wish I could travel through time and do something to fix things right. Nah! I know that’s not going to happen. Maybe I’d step back and try to dig in the past. That’s little shade but I could be ready and waiting for more tumult in time ahead!

So, I hunker down and imagine what if I am born 100 years ago-that would be some horse and buggy days of 1923! At the age of 14, I would be seeing dark clouds of War gathering strength. Hindenburg disaster with 36 dead is already a fading infamy that has finished off the much touted commercial airship program finally. On the other side of the globe, six weeks of brutal Nipponese massacre has left thousands dead in the Chinese city of Nanjing and wrecked any chance of clarity in a chaotic World; it’s more jumpy now than ever.

Incredibly all this is happening when with 22 million dead, the planet is still struggling to recover from the dark days of WW-I! Looks like lessons from the past are gone to wind!

*Image source: ‘Defence of the Realm Act of 1914 – History Learning Site’ in humix.com*

Eight years later Print screamers are everywhere-‘Little Boy’ has just flattened Hiroshima claiming more than 140,000 lives. I have turned 22 this January. A little later, the enormity of Holocaust would plunge the world into despair and remorse would prevails over every other catastrophe in telling history. Genocide of six million Jews across German-occupied Europe has shaken even the most hostile cynic.

At 29, I am a young adult now and have survived the upheaval this far. It’s 1952; Polio epidemic has killed 3300 in the US, the Great London smog has smothered another 4000; Mau-mau rebellion has begun to maim Kenya; the 9.0 magnitude Kamchatka quake toll has risen to 4000; misery pipe for a Korean War across the 38^th parallel between North and South Korea is shrieking harshly. Tragically, this war will end with millions of casualties on both side and more than 100,000 dead for the UN forces involved.

Come 1956 and I’m 33 years old, the Hungarian Revolution– a countrywide uprising is lifting head. Damned to last for mere 12 days it would leave thousands killed or wounded and nearly quarter–million fleeing the country in its wake.

A year earlier Vietnam War had polarized the world. The second Indochina war that began in the fall of 1955 would end in 1975 when I would be 52.

Fast forward. It’s 1962 and I am 39 years old. Cuban missile crisis is here to bring the World to the brink of nuclear annihilation. As if that wasn’t bad enough, peace totters in South Asia as Sino Indian war turns into an awful reality.

And sadly we’ve just lost Marilyn Monroe this August.

I am 52 years old and its 1975. Together typhoon Nina and Banqiao dam breach in China – the worst in living history -have decimated 230000 lives.

Double time! Its 1983 and I’ve turned 60. El Niño– the strongest and the most devastating destruction of the century is here. Trade winds have collapsed and reversed. In just 24 hours, sea-surface temps along the coastal Peru have shot up to 7.2degrees F.

Another bite in the arse- the Little Boy lives on! Twelve years later a wave of warm water would trigger weather related disasters in almost every continent. Australia, Africa and Indonesia will be ravaged by droughts, dust storms, and brush fires. Peru will be hit with the heaviest rainfall-11 feet in recorded history. Some rivers would carry 1000 times the normal flow and would cause $13billion+ in damages and untold number of lives.

*Image source; ‘Is Climate Migration Already Happening?’ by Annie Gray in emagazine.com on July 19, 2023*

Then there will be secondary problems as well. Warm, wet spring would mean an explosion in mosquito stocks; frighteningly high incidence of snake bites will fall out as the hot, dry weather drive mice from high elevations downward for food and water; rattle snake nips would rally next; there will be exponential rise in bubonic plague incidence as wet Spring would favor flea-ridden rodents; shark attacks will spiral due to unreasonably warm sea temperatures; above-normal temperatures would maul Alaskan resources with a noticeable decline in the salmon harvest; and the weather altered phenomena will drive the warmest winter in American subcontinent in 25 years.

Wait! There is something more dreadful here. Earth has begun shifting its angular movement as a result of changing jet stream patterns. The day length has stretched by 0.2 milliseconds.

I wake up with a jolt-badly shaken and drenched in sweat. I could hear my heart pounding hard and blood thumping in my veins; a sinking gut feeling makes me very nauseated. What was that any way? See more see less type of warning about Judgment day perhaps? Shucks! Whatever that nightmare was about, mercifully it’s bubble only- for now. I sigh in relief and slump back. Its half past midnight and I’m all alive and kicking. I thank my lucky stars…Yeah! good times are still rolling for me.

So, what’s the takeaway? Few would think this freak’n’ throwback is no more than hard felt imagination. But if the heat this summer’s been bad enough for you, think of this backslide as your savior. It might just help set you up for more savage times ahead.

See… it took us more than 400 years to get used to the idea that the Earth is not the center of the universe, but it’s still unnerving. Antibiotics and vaccines have saved millions of lives, but aren’t some microbes evolving faster than we can find ways to fight them?

I‘ve survived SARS-CoV-2,two agonizing years of lockdowns, vaccinations, protocols, confinements and cutbacks and all the stuff. And honestly, I could no longer think that my grandparents had no idea how difficult life is; not really after knowing that they pulled through several wars and catastrophes.

Today, I live happily tired and anxious for what’s to come next. It’s been two years and we are living with the virus. Like many, I too have lost friends and relatives. It was a rough patch alright, but we’ve held on and pulled through.

You may come up with thousand and one reasons in argument but wouldn’t it be better to have a heart and save a little breath in a World that lives totally off-the-cuff? I think it’s the best we can do to endure and stop living our fears; it hurts nobody. Besides no time machine or a crystal ball is ever gonna tell you this; ‘Better days await us’.

And if this isn’t reassuring enough…Yep! there’s no way I could tell if you’d sleep easy tonight and thereafter.

Ever hated someone you used to madly love? It’s shocking to detest each other’s living guts. But love lost is not always the beginning of a war. Checkout on this strange mix of hate and love!

“I hate you, but I love you”- Why those you hate most are often the ones you love most!

19th Aug 2023 soulshop.com Leave a comment

Love is mysterious …and perhaps the most lasting one. One most shocking truth about this ‘see more see less’ passion is how quickly you can go from loving someone to absolutely hating their living guts? The person for whom you’d have died for nothing suddenly becomes the ‘Most Abhorred Person’ in the World. Failed love somehow begins to look like the beginning of war!

Curiously unpleasant? Yes…but surprises don’t end here! For all we understand or our brain can decipher, hate is no FL less profound than love! The network here essentially works similar to a two part wet floppy and often is all the reason behind a ‘monkey mind’; one that distracts, disorganizes and builds up chaos when you’re indignant, pumped up and unhappy but…quiet. One part of this inflexible intellect called Putamen boots on rejection and end only in contempt and disgust; the other one insula makes you plan and bleed. It shores up responses when you’re distressed and in anguish. Yet, the two sides -loyal to passion, romance, love and hatred- are the reason it takes time to burn out a relationship.

The idea of like and dislike is likewise interesting. I doubt if I am alone in saying that I don’t like most people I come across and I’m fairly certain that most people don’t like most people either.

Interestingly, love and hate are not some kind of a defying experience. Ending up hating the person you loved for so long and not knowing why, is profoundly jarring and sometimes difficult to handle experience. Knowing that you could ever hate someone you used to madly love, is absolutely heartbreaking and would have you gutted.

So, what would you do when you find yourself crossing lines in awful ways with someone you love? ‘Not much’-most of you’d grouse, I guess. For all its sheer doggedness, hatred won’t ever let you end a relationship in a peaceful way and love will keep returning to be disappointed. For all I understand, it’s normal to hate but so’s loving someone. When you’re in a flux, implicit rationality fails to rebalance anything. Unwittingly you’ll keep resizing the image of that person. Another fumble here is the more you let the bad blood build up to glean your love, the bigger the hate gets until it destroys the connect completely.

It’s a thin line but there are ways to keep that bad feeling from getting out of hand! Love is complicated but how the hell could anyone find hate in the midst of love? Of course there is no such thing as too much hate and too much of love. But the dynamics- of- duo is a normal part of getting closer. Feeling hurt and negative towards the other person does not necessarily mean that you’ve been conned into a wrong relationship or some creep has stolen your love unfairly. Hating your mate in the moment does not mean that you don’t also love them. It’s just that the good isn’t as good as it seems if you aren’t occasionally contrasting it with something bad. See…We all need emotional potpourri sometimes to make a relationship tick. And it doesn’t have to be positive all the time to make everything happy and healthy; feeling good all the time might just get boring!

I hate you, then I love you . . . I hate you still more, only to love you more

While emotional encounters are compelling; personal situations sometimes pull together and affect the change of hearts. On the other hand when you think you’ve been understood correctly it makes you feel like your connect is strong and worth fighting for. Contrasting opinions apart, it’s an all good, plain and simple cloud none for you. And what more! it gets all the easier once you know how to keep that love-hate mix useful!

*Image source: ‘My life at home- I hate how life goes for me’ by h2micsam in wattpad.com.*

As opposed to suppressing bad feelings that may evolve into bigger weep later, begin by looking at your mate’s perspective before asserting your POV. This way it’s easier to understand why they feel the way they do. Odds are that you may still end up with strong arguments over the fall out; but I guess it’s always better to struggle a bit and survive than die driving each other crazy.

This is a bit apocalyptic to those who grown cold feet easily and would resist an eye-to eye; reach. Still, there are ways to set things right in a scarred relationship.

Should you or you shouldn’t? What the heck! Dump debating yourself even if you’re hurt bad. After all, there’s no harm trying and who knows someday you might hit the happy lyrics again.

Stonewalling! Nah…never

Even if everything so far has been upsetting and nasty, you need to avoid the three horsemen of an impending disaster; blaming and repeatedly slamming your partner with disapproval, you’re prickly to the extent of being offensive and most disastrous of all you’re rubbing the salt hard by bad mouthing. Break off and you’ll stop the slow burn.

Presume innocence-It works incredibly well.

How many of us have done dumb, stupid or hurtful things that have tormented our relationship? Intentionally or unintentionally we often hurt someone we love, though the choice to believe in something good about somebody rather than something bad-when we have the possibility of doing either- lies with us.

You may not know whether their story is true or not, but once you decide to believe in them, a refreshing sense of caring and understanding will prop up in your relationship. Nothing could strengthen your connect more than conveying trust and appreciation.

*Image source: ‘Why are love and belonging needs important?’ in demystifyinglife.com*

Take a moment off to appreciate your mate’s forte

Changing the way that you think about your mate actually trades the way that you feel about them and affects the ways you act with and react to them.

Find ways to slow down your thinking and act until you are calm and can think it through. Believe in your mate and their willingness to do things in the best interests of the relationship. Err on the side of the positive and you’ll be touched and tipped-off when needed most.

Imagine you are part of the same side

It’s not about who wins the fight and who decimates whom. When you could not think as one, it’s time to figure out a solution. Killing time in locking horns only worsens everything. Besides it’s not an easy way forward, when your mate is not playing by the same rules.

So, in the heat of the moment when your anger begins to get better of you; allow yourself some space, reflect over your mate’s oddity and remind yourself of the happy times together. If you really believe that not all bad that happens is meant to be bad, remind yourself over and over again of something as simple as “I must understand and not dwell on ill will”. This would let you to “agree to disagree” when no amount of fighting is going to change your minds.

*Image source: ‘An open letter to long-distance loved ones in the midst of COVID-19’ by Haley Stern in thriveglobal.com*

Still with me? Great, because someday you may also say ‘thank you dear Nat’ for showing you the way to not let anything fall apart!

Sometimes I’m happy,
Sometimes I’m blue.
My disposition
Depends on you.

Sometimes I love you,
Sometimes I hate you.
But when I hate you,
It’s ’cause I love you!!

This summer change the course of your life. No more yelling, screaming, being selfish, stupid or flawed. Just make it more happy, meaningful and liberating. And in time you won’t regret a thing!

There’s more to life than you think -3 mindful ways to live your best!

6th Jun 2023 soulshop.com 1 Comment

I deeply admire Warren Buffet. He knows how to make smart decisions and like he said lessons learned just about anything firsthand are often the most painful but the best ones. One way to get to the point he made I guess, is to say ‘no’ to everything you come across. Or to move, take decisions and make way for a smart living. Both ways it’s your call and the difference that you experience makes your life easy and worth living!

Everybody wants what feels good and like what comes easy –strings free! If I were to ask you, “What do you want most out of your life?” and you’d most likely say something like, “I want to be happy, have a great family, a job I like, a car I’d love to own, a house of my dreams and a job I like”.

But the truth is that life doesn’t work that way always and even far less interesting is the fact that very few choose their struggles wisely to succeed and be happy. Guess, we all have circumstances that are not ideal most of the times.

There have been a few of mine as well. I had never imagined that one day I’d find myself living through my own personal hell. Things at times were happening real bad and I was struggling life curveballs. What hurt most was not to be able to do things that I knew I was able to do or want to be able to do, but can’t.

I was restless and looking for ways to live well in spite of bad breaks; to expand my life, to find a purpose and to live the joy everybody is so crazy about. It came down to the choices I needed to make to help me see beyond the fretful circumstances that so easily limit who I was and all that I could be.

To move forward in the best way I can, I decided to let go all that that I was holding onto that in turn was holding me back. What joy I could possibly be missing out on while bleeding for things that are not ever going to happen? Shouldn’t I be enjoying my today? What if somehow I accepted everything the way it was and learned to make the best of it?

Living in the moment is one of the most difficult things to master. Yet I decided to take one positive step each day hoping to walk into the sunshine one day- happy and contented. So, loving life for what it’s worth then – warts and all, I took my shot and ran hell with it.

These three smart moves helped me uncover what all I had to let go that I had always fought so hard to keep, to be happy and alive.

It’s your turn now!

*Image source: ‘Mindfulness- 10 tips on how to live a more mindful life’ in tabularasaretreat.com*

Live a life you don’t need to escape

I have always hated being stuck inside. Some days I wouldn’t want to go to Office. At others I’d feel exhausted, unhappy and simply disgusted for doing the same thing again and again. It doesn’t seem like me, but the job paid well and people known to me were a constant reminder to just how great it was. Somehow, I was committed to doing things that I disliked most or didn’t matter to me at all. I was practically selling out on my values and purpose. I had a flush bank account but was unhappy. It felt like I had two heads; one that saw my life as fulfilling and the other always jumpy, looking for greener grass lost in the race for wanting more!

It was intriguing; was I missing on something?

‘There must be more to life than that‘; the thought would often leave me white-knuckled and restless. I could no longer stave off the urge to take the plunge.

I knew very well that taking a step into the unknown is scary but then that’s how a journey of thousand miles begins! The ugly fear of walking the dark was frightening. This is when Einstein’s brilliance bailed me out; “Insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results.”

To cut things short,I pulled up myself and took to helping and inspiring people although it was not butterflies and rainbows all the times. I took to traveling a lot and would love to meet like minded people. Even though I earn fewer today- I had hung my boots four years ago, I still get up early though there’s hardly anything important to do. Sometimes I don’t know when and what next I’d do. But I have learned to be part of my life. Hassles are inconvenient interruptions of course, yet for the first time I have found a reason and purpose to what I do. I’ve learned to love what I’ve and dream of what I would leave behind tomorrow.

Today, I live a wholesome life and I’d never ever think of escaping it.

Don’t let a bad day make you feel like you have a bad life

Let’s face this. Bad days exist and are full of frustrations. An argument over breakfast, a missed Office bus or even a spilled coffee can make you wish if you could crawl back into the bed and let everything fall into place before you would kick start the day! If this is you then your day has started on the wrong foot and you do not know how to stop little annoyances from dragging you down. You fret and wonder if there’s a way to turn a bad day into a good one!

But trying to change them would only take your energy away. Things gone awry are upsetting but I guess, it’s not always about changing your days. It’s about selling yourself few inspirations!

“I’m not going to change anything. This day is all about good times and sadness, excitement and boredom and I’ll not pretend that mood swings are not shaking me up or something is overwhelmingly turning my day upside down. I’ll not let myself be buried under bad things happening today.”

Without getting miserable about everything imperfect, I gave up thinking about ‘crawling back into the bed and to be a little more in there.’ It helped me to stay focused and get unstuck. I picked-up amidst the scattered what I thought mattered most. I marveled about everything else I was grateful for…job, kid and the clothes on my back!

I gave up on anything fierce and stifling.

Nowadays I don’t hunker down for the rest of the day if something upsets me. I would take a walk down the street, listen to music or a podcast or catch up on news or simply drive around. A change in surroundings hints that the current mood doesn’t need to be carried any longer.

Somehow, I had learned to take note of what goes wrong-and then right. I am no longer sad if I’m having a bad day because something stalled or expectations failed me. I let the things happen as they do and I do what I do.

Of course, it’s hard to find much to smile about when you fail, but how else would you find your laughter if you let a bad day overawe you?

Stop worrying! You can never be perfect

It sounds like a cliché but definitely makes sense when we struggle to make everything done and yet can’t end up finishing perfectly. Perfection is a myth that creates more pain than joy, more confusion than calm and more resentment than creativity. Of course, doing things that seem hopeless doesn’t mean you won’t fail. In all seriousness, that really is the inevitability of doing things. But by staying centered rather than trying to be perfect makes the likelihood of success more real. Who wouldn’t want to build an imperfect billion dollar empire than a perfect bankrupt one!

I think we all know the answer to this; perfection merely distracts from the present and is probably a waste of time. It has at times made me place value on wrong things and not listen to myself fearing that I’d somehow fail!

You wouldn’t want any of that …would you?

So stop thinking about whom or what you can be and move on. In the beginning it may feel like those things will never get better but each morning will usher in new ray of hope and another chance to improve.

Just stay put until you win!

*Image source:* *‘Living in the present isn’t always easy’ by Nicole Pajer in parade.com on Dec*.03, 2022.

Even the hardest days have lessons to help you to be a better person. If you’re having a bad day, like me simply pick what you think you need most. Turn a blind eye to whatever terrible is happening around you. Stressing out has never made anyone feel better. Live in the moment and you’ll find small shifts appearing in your life that will help you ride over similar situations tomorrow.

Looking for credible goodness in your soul food? Commonly misperceived as generally unhealthy, its more nutritious options with delightful flavors and impressive food value have hit the road!

Are you cooking a lot these days for warm homey food? – It’s about time you cooked for your life!

25th May 2023 soulshop.com Leave a comment

If you’re thinking of ham and hush puppies, you’re way off the track! Your classic plate of down-home food may have been made over with heart in mind but has it ever occurred to you that from brunch to dessert, from your favorite chicken and waffles to best tasting sweet potato pie, all rank fairly high in fat and salt, low in fruits, vegetables and whole grains- and may not be your best option for a hearty, filling and guilt free way to eat!

Even if nothing is more satisfying for you than a plate of home spun food!

Mouthwatering and easy-to-make home spun soul foods surely have the zing to fill and warm your soul but also have some major influences over your health and wellness… and a piece of history as well!

A bizarre fusion of cuisines from across the globe had begun to take shape as early as 1960, more because people had begun to resent the food of late 50’s and thought of it only as fill belly-sustain energy staple…no more. Casting aside these borderline bland and undesirable foods; soul foods began to delight the gourmet senses more as a pursuit of savoriness and creativity than an attempt at healthy lifestyle or wellness. This culinary heritage of foods and traditions however couldn’t become common until the early 1960s. Dreamed up by the civil rights activist Amiri Baraka as early as 1962, soul foods found their first space on a foodie’s platter only when Sylvia Woods “the queen of soul food” opened her first Harlem restaurant the same year. Delightfully savory and scrumptious, soul foods then began to freely storm the kitchens and cookbooks and would continue to stay popular all through the 70’s.

Today fresh and healthful revisions have been reworked over and over again into some very intense, well prep guilt free eats, all meant to warm your heart without adding a hairbreadth to your belly or annoying your health sensibilities!

Don’t miss! Eight surprising reasons for not losing out

Soul food is essentially a basic down-home cooking of staples like beans, greens, cornmeal, fried chicken, macaroni and cheese, slow cooked collard greens and rice etc. Sweet cold drinks are always a favorite side. Today a more subtle version of this cuisine no longer favors capsicum pepper heat, a heavier hand with salt and pepper or a greater use of offal protein! Healthy soul food classics like Okra-Tomato stew, creamy potato salad, roasted chicken, sautéed kale -sweet potato, maple glazed salmon, banana pudding are regaling the diners now. From lazy weekend dinners to crazy everyday rush hour eats, baked or fried chicken, greens, corn bread slathered with macaroni and cheese grain-based sides such as black-eyed peas, rice and stewed cabbage…well, you have so much on call to pick! But I guess… choices have traded winds to a healthier genre and now have become a great way to tap into the power of Soul Foods.

Here are a few luscious mouthwatering healthier delights all built upon family favorites that might tempt you enough to give them a try;

Smoky kale sauté

Image source: ‘Smoky Braised Kale With Tomato’ by Sam Sifton in cooking.nytimes.com

A quick vegan version of traditional soul food that uses kale instead of collards, this wholesome food makes for a great side of your main protein source- roasted chicken or grilled tofu. Steamed and then shocked with cold water, kale retains its lustrous inviting green color. Add a pinch of smoked paprika and you wouldn’t miss the smoky taste of the your usual ham hock!

Maple glazed salmon

Image source: ‘Orange Maple Glazed Salmon’ by Liz Rueven in myjewishlearning.com on Jan. 05, 2015.

Low in fat and high in protein, this incredibly simple and healthy food is a perfect choice for one of those nights when you don’t have much time to get dinner on the table. Deliciously sweet and savory, the salmon combines wonderfully with fresh garlic, ground ginger and a touch of soy sauce as marinade. Giving a perfect balance to an easy flavorful dish, the sweet maple syrup adds a unique complexity that cannot be replicated. Also a good source of omega-3 fatty acids, this lean protein comes packed with healthy fats that have anti-inflammatory effects and help improve heart health.

Chicken meatloaf

Made with lean meat, this easy to prep soul food is fantastically cheesy and healthy! Low in carbs this guilt free food is definitely not boring, bland or traditional. Moist and loaded with tons of flavors, it will change the way you feel about meatloaf! Honestly experiencing the burst of flavors in each bite from the melted parmesan cheese, deliciously tender onions and all the seasonings in between is simply divine!

BBQ chicken sandwich with broccoli slaw

Low in calories and fat and having a high nutritional value, BBQ chicken is a great source of protein. Enough of this nutrient helps to maintain muscle mass and support a healthy metabolism. No wonder why chicken follows us from infancy to adulthood!

Tangy barbecue sauce, shredded chicken, and toasty bun piled high and all crunchy with veggie seasoning, these sandwiches carry a nice tang and unforgettable flavors. Pair this good source of niacin, vitamin B6 and phosphorus with your favorite pickle slaw and you might spin-off a family dinner win!

Curried green beans

Image source:’Fine beans and potato curry; by Alfred Prasad in greatbritishchefs.com

Simple, delicious and filling, this green bean curry served on its own or over steamed rice or coconut roti or warm naan bread, tastes divine and goes very well as a vegetarian entrée or alone as a side dish. Using green beans, peas, carrots and potatoes and sautéed with a precooked curry paste, this faintly spiced, roasted cashew garnished dish is one happy healthy food that you just cannot have enough of to satisfy your soul.

Corn bread

Image source: ‘Triple Cornbread Loaf’ by Charlotte Rutledge in kindarrthurbaking.com

Easy, crispy, tender and moist with added flavor of buttermilk and brown sugar, this dough-based corn bread boasts of tight crumb grains, golden crumb color and a unique aroma and sweetness that remind me of the texture and flavors of a muffin. Free of preservatives and synthetic stabilizers this flexible and delightful food comes packed with 20 amino acids; nine of them-histidine, isoleucine, leucine, lysine, methionine, phenylalanine, threonine, tryptophan, and valine being the most essential ones, those which the body cannot synthesize and must be obtained from food. Essentially looked upon as ‘quick bread’ it can be made into pancakes, casseroles and much more!

Vegan Cheese Grits

Image source:’Vegan cheesy grits breakfast bowl with crispy chickpeas” by Liz in zardyplants.com

Vegan cheese grits with creamy beans and collards make for a perfect comforting hardy meal to fill you up. Grits are super versatile, vegan and there are so many unique ways you can have them. Eat them on their own, make polenta cakes and chips and casseroles or into mini pancakes, faintly resembling tacos! You could try serving with BBQ tofu and greens for an amazing food experience. Apart from adding protein and healthy vegan goodness to your food, what is even greater about this eat is that you can spice it up by adding pico, avocado and fresh cabbage slaw for a Mexican twist. What with succulent sautéed greens enriched with garlic and smoky flavors, lying atop a bed of thick, creamy grits…well the possibilities are endless, so get creative!

Banana pudding

Image source: ‘The Best Banana Pudding’ by Kenneth Strother in allrecipes.com

If you’re looking for a dessert that tastes delicious and delivers brain-nourishing vitamins, this one is just the right choice for you.

With tantalizing layers of pudding, ripe bananas, whipped cream, wafer cookies and of course-a dollop of whipped cream that never hurts much, this food makes for a classic dessert that you can never get enough of. Making for a perfect dessert it makes even the most die-hard fitness freaks going back for more. With easy to get ingredients, you can whip up nutritionally a ‘lot-to-offer’ treat that literally helps your nerves function properly, regulate water levels in your body and offset the effects of sodium.

In case you didn’t know bananas are bursting with B vitamins and electrolytes like potassium and a single serve of this pudding carries about 122 mg of potassium!

The one great thing about these healthier options that always amuses me is that nobody ever walks away from their plate unsatisfied. From braised collard greens to stewed black-eyed peas and other protein sources all generally involve healthier cooking techniques like braising, steaming, grilling, and boiling and are considered healthful. So the next time you host Sunday dinner, try creating a menu around more nutrient dense soul food dishes or maybe you could attempt getting creative with some healthy swaps.

All in all, a run for a ‘go-to’ healthy soul food meal; all extremely tender, flavorful and without a ton of work on your part, could just be the right kind of inspiration for a healthy lifestyle and wellbeing. Best part is that you can still honor tradition by pitching-in ingredients for most of them shelve our kitchens even today. All you’d need to do is swap butter for heart-healthy oils like olive, peanut, or canola oils; replace high sodium, high-fat meats with smoked, skinless ones or even expand your food by trading meat for legumes, nuts or seeds as your protein source. Believe me, creating healthy soul foods would be a lot easier than it seems.

Just be mindful of intake of things for at the heart of a soul food lie rich flavors, nutrition and piece of legacy!

Why do we think having fun isn’t an option and let years of not experiencing it reinforce this belief? If you’re struggling to find your stride, stay tuned to discover the key to having more of it

5 simple lifestyle changes to make your life 10X happier and fun filled!

19th Aug 2022 soulshop.com 1 Comment

Are you someone who feels like having denied enough fun? That for some reason you never have had a happier more fulfilling successful life? Even a boat load of playfulness wouldn’t help to shake off a pretty boring life and you’re always looking for fun outside of you!

*Image source: ’10 simple habits for a successful and happy life’ by Jeff Bell in moneyinc.com on Sep.27, 2018*.

If that’s you, then in all probability fun is like the exact opposite of work to you; the party is no longer living within you and you couldn’t have fun anywhere.

Simply put you’re not a fun person anymore!

Fun isn’t frivolous but it can actually help you to be not only happier but more successful at work as well. In short it isn’t just a pleasant distraction from the serious business of living. In an uncertain world where stress rides piggy back all the time, holding on to a sense of playfulness can be hard.

Keeping on top of all serious responsibilities of adulthood and still hoping to make room for fun moments in life?…well, not everyone has the “fun mindset” or the ability to negotiate conflict, build empathy and let off a crazy LOL. With no fun around to motivate, you might never outlive a poker faced person! But if you could manage it the Einstein way… I mean learn faster, work furiously and be successful like never before, may be you could manage few more moments of it.

And yet, we think having fun isn’t an option and let years of not having it reinforce this belief.

So, if you’re wondering where to begin and how to become a fun person to bring out all the mirth and gaiety that has lived inside you holed up, but hasn’t seen the light of the day for a while, here’re a few tips to beat the blues off.

I begin my day by remembering what I’m grateful for

Being thankful and appreciative is perhaps the easiest way to change tracks from despair and hopelessness to cheerfulness and some great expectations. Each morning I set aside a few wakeful moments to feel obligated for all the goodness that has happened to me. It reminds me of all that is exciting in life and encourages me to build on them.

Believe me, it’s a phenomenal way to start the day!

Instead of scrolling on Insta or surfing the net mindlessly while having my morning cup of tea, I pull out my old crinky journal and write down 10 good things that have happened to me and make me feel thankful for; being precise or detailed…it doesn’t matter.

It works as a reminder of what happy times I’ve experienced. Everything else fades into background. Best…I keep a spitting image of this note at the back of my mind throughout the day.

And trust me, it works!…it helps to relieve stress. It helps to forget the struggles that I lost. But it also helps to relive the ones that I won!

*Image source: ‘How to be happy: 27 habits to add to your routine’ in healthline.com.*

Being easy with fun is exciting!

How many times have you felt like you life has run out of control? Despair and gloom overshadows everything else.

Mastering it though is what would let you back in control of yourself and make the most of every opportunity!

But …how to go about it?

I think we all are open to making changes in our lives if that could make us happier and more successful. A few of us follow the humor route though. The easiest way to have more of it … I think is not to try to be funny but look for good moments to laugh.

Laughter comes at a price but has more a benefit unto itself. The more open you are to laughter the more attractive you’ll be both to other people and to yourself.

Sometimes saying “yes” works- best!

You may have heard of this … it could make a fun magnet out of you and turn you into a charming, fanciful and amusing person. All it amounts to is greeting new ideas with enthusiasm and building a few of your own.

You don’t need to be a slapstick jester to be good at this. Instead begin by choosing not to shoot down other people’s ideas but to build on them and make them feel inclusive.

Being adaptive and open would mean you’ve become less of a wet blanket.

*Image source: ‘This One Thing Can Help You Live A Longer And Happier Life, Science Says’ by Alexa Mellardo in eatthis.com on Jan.20, 2022.*

Nothing betters loving yourself

If you want to a happier fun filled life, don’t chase anything- not even happiness. It doesn’t come nearly as easily to those either who constantly pursue it!

There is another more simple easier way to unlock true happiness…

Making time each day to do things just for you, has an euphoric effect on the way you feel about yourself and the world happening around you. Morning or night…doing things dear to you will make you more relaxed and will leave you with something to look forward to. These things don’t have to be over the top or grand or glorious; anything as simple as taking half an hour each morning to read your favorite story book or going for a stroll or a short nimble walk…can you think of anything to better this shot at self care!

Allowing yourself to experience your best emotions-whatever they may be-is your best bet to enhance your happiness.

Gestures speak better than badass words!

You do know how a dog when it wants to play raises its butt, prances around and wags its tail. No words uttered and yet it lets you know what it wants!

I think we should all master the human equivalent of this amazing canine act. A brief eye contact, a wry smile or perhaps an unintentional comment never intended to strike a conversation, might lit the spark. Not much I’d say when it comes to sending out play signals but even a sarcasm sometimes works. “Nice weather here!” even when you’re experiencing one of the worst snowstorm in recent times, might just be the right shot to make a hit.

See… finding a way to look up from your phone and making a point, howsoever irrelevant, is surely a wonderful way to invite perky conversations –and finally more fun in your life! Even if you’re shy, introverted or a person with more on serious side, discovering the secret to having more fun is never any less exciting!

Feature credits: ‘When Nobody’s Watching’ by Klick in YouTube.com on Dec.08, 2020.

Nobody is perfect at this and life’s not always rainbows and ice creams for everybody, but whatever we choose to think and how we decide to view them…the stories we tell ourselves; just about everything becomes a part of our longing to build up a more joyous and happier life.

And it’s never been about just sitting back and letting life happen to you…

It’s you who need to happen to life!

Change is inevitable and happens all the time. A calm mind reclaims happiness when it’s intentional in all it does. Accept what you can’t change and be at ease within yourself. Here’s how;

Don’t let yourself be robbed of happiness when you’re sad and down in the dumps!

23rd Jul 2022 soulshop.com Leave a comment

Life is chaotic and sometimes awful things happen out of blue. And when that occurs, it feels like we’ve been thrown for a loop. Pushing to edge, it infects all our waking hours with endless worries and mellows our happiness.

*Image source: ‘7 Steps to Embracing Mind-Body Wholeness in the New Year’ by Deepak Chopra in chopra.com on Dec.19,2018.*

Yet, instinctively we keep driving through, often surviving on adrenaline. We over schedule ourselves; we drink umpteen cups of coffee; we respond to one more e-mail; we stay amped all day believing that we’ll eventually be able to set things straight and done. And in the way, we let ourselves burn recklessly.

It’s rude and shocking…for all that burning doesn’t do any good. Except that it overwhelms us and drowns all our happiness amidst the entire struggle. Misplaced trust, broken promises, blatant lies; just about everything stokes our sufferings.

Looking forward!

In this frantic world, happiness is like a friend you rarely have the chance to catch up with. But finding a moment of reassurance is never impossible. You may presume that you can find happiness when you’re finally completely free of troubles; but that’s not how it works.

In fact it runs the other way around and isn’t as challenging as it seems.

Terrible things do happen to each one us at some point in life. When you are caught in the thick of things-whether it’s about a snappy senior or a brassy relative who don’t believe in boundaries or yet another viral video of a violent racist incident– you’re left stranded with mounting fears and have no clue how to handle it. Worse, rather than hoping for a better end, you come up with a snappy retort and a quick fix to quell your unease.

But would an irrational assumption and aggression be of any good? Like climate change wouldn’t that mean hurtling down a worm hole of offensive ends and no-win arguments?

So, if you feel you have no space for peace left with you, are terribly hurt or perhaps angry and looking for a smarter way-a calmer way to bring to you greater attention and ingenuity without shedding one bit of happiness…these three simple ways might just let you find your Zen in a world that seems anything but peaceful.

*Image source: ‘Seven ways to rest’ by Sherryl Garratt in the creativelife.net on Dec.06, 2021.*

Forgiveness is good

Feeling hurt, even angry is a forgivable response when you are wronged or treated unfairly. But holding on to slights doesn’t help in reclaiming happiness. They take up so much of your emotional energy and push your emotional wellness to the wall.

Forgiveness on the other hand, isn’t something that helps the person alone you forgive. It does even more for you in the end. Of course, it’s a long demanding emotion and goes beyond a simple, “I forgive you”. Worse, sans compassion, it misses acceptance and would leave you mired in self blame and regret.

Regretting and trying to clean up the wrong on the other hand, is one good amend to begin with. Over the time, real good changes will happen to your behavior and I’m sure you won’t have to lie to your worrisome waking hours any more.

Find time for yourself

I find loneliness a mere normal state of mind that builds around relationships but desperately yens for sociability when abandoned.

While spending just the right amount of time with yourself is good for your emotional well being, excess of solitude can badly hurt your happiness over the time. Let it turn intense and it will become all consuming and wreck your everyday life. Your creative side will erode; you won’t be able to re-evaluate your boundaries and above all you wouldn’t be able to connect with your needs.

When something terrible happens and stress overwhelms, we speculate about what wrong we’ve done to cause bad luck. “I must have been wrong in standing up to myself. I created this mess for someone else and now it has double backed to me.” It’s natural for you to think and regress then.

Correct this distortion if that’s what is hurting you. Don’t wait to use your supports. They might help you see the problem differently, but deserting your nemesis and rebooting your mind to do away with ill thoughts is your personal need.

Catch them young and you could reclaim your happiness even while busy in your daily grind.

Get back to nature

Don’t we all head back to the trees (or the seas) when stress goes for a spin and begin to take its toll? Doesn’t the feel of the breeze, the smell of the grass, the sound of water running, feel at home in the outdoors?

Setting better boundaries starts here!…

Getting back to nature is one step to ease your emotional distress. It’s amazing how you could find great friends in elements around you whenever disquiet turns exhausting. As extravagant or as simple as you want it to be, there is no need for a footslog far away to some mountain top. Start with few smaller hauls and as you get closer and closer to nature, you’ll find you’re rid of your excessive worries and your innate self is back in gear. You’re no longer bedeviled! Trust me, your best bet to escape from 100 or 1000 worries lies right beyond your garden fence.

And don’t forget to leave your phone at home. A constant stream of notifications and e-mails or the urge to refresh your social media frequently can quickly chip away at your newly found zing!

Most meltdowns, I think are rarely catastrophic. They are fixable and never meant to be a 24/7 experience. Yet being constantly surrounded by them feels more like being hunted in a savanna by some wild animal where your stress response is all spooked up to save your life. Your attention is mobilized and riveted, your muscles are strained for a quick sprint and your immune system is racy enough to get you quickly out of danger.

This edginess though is usually short lived. In fact you’re stressed in real sense only for five minutes….more like before you die! But even in those few anxious moments it burns into your body, slams your emotional well being and crashes your decision making. It is then that you get tightly wound up and are more likely to react harshly than to respond with reason.

No matter what you choose to purge your guilt or how you decide to go about it, repossessing happiness never happens overnight. It’s only your patience that would make all the difference between a beaten sod and a wishful Pollyanna.

Your takeaway!…

Next whenever you hit a bad trip and are clueless about how to cope with it, find a ray of hope in my playbook; without pre judging anything try your hand for once… something might just work right for you!

Living an enviable, extremely driven and difficult to pin life, Capricorns are the sign everybody else wants to be. The harsh truth about the hardest zodiac sign though, is more intriguing!

Living with the heart of a Sea Goat! Discerning compatibility revealed stranger truths.

18th Jun 2022 soulshop.com 1 Comment

Serious and extremely driven, it’s hard to argue with how good these ‘half goat-half fish’ Capricorns are at heart.

Here’s all the brutal truth and secrets about loving the hardest zodiac sign.

Only if you are born between December 22 and January 20, you’d agree that people of this theatrical zodiac sign, are usually spoiled for choices and love to scoff at astrology. They are generally so deeply rooted in this deafening world that they wouldn’t understand one damn thing about the mystique surrounding the stars.

What amuses me all the more is people’s ability to label you as a zodiac sign, which probably you’re not. I’ve so often been tagged as a Virgo, Taurus, and Leo etc. If you should know my true sign is Capricorn and I don’t believe any of those signs are any far from one another or completely different.

I‘ve come up with an alternate theory though. Call me a zodiac skeptic but the goat in me sometimes feels so misrepresented, and maligned that she’s no fun to be living with! Who wouldn’t like to zero in on parts that resonate most and conveniently ignore the rest?

It’s kinda groping around for some comfort. What am I? Who I want to be and who I’m afraid I might be. Aren’t you frequently mistaken simply because people read into you as “who they want you to be”.

No wonder countless people flaunt their sign as a point of pride, but never forget to evade the stereotypical geeks like Patrick Bateman from American Psycho, unless they are really into some freak who’s boring, enraging, workaholic. Worse even Jeff Bezos – a Capricorn couldn’t manage to get rid of this sick cosmic joke. Somehow the entire world seems to be on the anti Cap and the tale that follows, is all too powerful to be snubbed easily.

When I was young and first learned about zodiac signs, I felt it was all creepy and uncomfortable. I had begun to have my doubts.

Like everybody’s my family too had several birth dates. My dad was born in the sixth sign of zodiac Virgo which meant balance everywhere; social justice, friendships, family; industrious, everything felt so gentle, unflustered and above the board! You couldn’t have witnessed a more distinctive person; high energy, authoritative and sometimes incredibly entertaining! He had a commanding presence that you’d either love or hate; nowhere in between.

Growing up in the shadow of someone like him made me wish our signs could somehow switch. Yet I knew I wouldn’t fit in if miraculously that were to happen somehow. I was shy, uncomfortable in social situations and felt awkward for most of the time. I cared too much about other’s opinions. My dad’s confidence to “not care” what others’ thought could do little to pull me up. I couldn’t help fear everybody’s judgment. I couldn’t get myself being involved and upright. I could never thrive at being the center of attention the way he did.

I was introverted, sensitive and feeble for the shock and awe that went with it. I loved roosting in my shell and was Ok for not being the live wire that my dad was in every situation. I preferred to stay intimate to myself and a small group of people that I knew closely.

It’s funny how we perceive things and are so myopic on just a few parts of people around us. We get fixated on part of the statement and miss the rest of the paragraph so conveniently.

Nobody could ever imagine that the shy, awkward geeky person that I was, could transform into someone who would dwarf everything else in a way so contrary to a Capricornian. Maybe I was underestimated; misunderstood rather, but I loved it. I was probably picking up on the prized bling of this zodiac sign by now. Alternating between silly, sweet, and serious, I was now natural allies to finer flings of life.

This meant that if I could get to be anything close to what a firebrand my dad was then his zodiac sign was entirely wrong. Maybe the stars had taken a day off, the year he was born. He was a Virgo born with a million ideas per second and a clean freak in its truest form.

Sure I was peevish and insecure on many issues. For a diehard introvert that I was, stars did count and conspired against me in the astrological world. Yet I loved to be the top bill, like everybody else. I longed to be admired and would feel gutted if I couldn’t get to steal the show. Plus , God knows…how much I would have loved to wow the people around me.

It’s only now that I could imagine well why I couldn’t stand tall in that 96 sheet space; I was probably falsely selling myself short. “Darn!” why it took me so long to realize that no story gets any better without an interesting villain?

I am still not sure if there is enough to say that there is a strong possibility that my personality matched my zodiac sign or came any close to my dad’s.

“You walk and talk just like your dad”;

One of dad’s old pal who would later become one of my true inspiration and a good educator told me once.

Aw shucks.!..

I had to laugh. He was right!

*Image source: Volker Meyer in pexels.com.*

It’s not that Caps are truly as cold as the season in which they enter this world; it’s just that that for them the World is a big messy affair where only everything relevant stays and thrives.

Today not feeling disconnected or as evil and dangerous as vilified, I see life as a treasure and not a sob story. All it needs is some unique rebranding before you’d sell it to yourself. Not everybody approves of that, ofcourse. Wisecrack and gigs that follow, are pitiful but plentiful;

“They always say that we’re assholes, or we’re emotionless. So savage. And that’s the complete opposite of who I am,” Sara Tan, Refinery29’s beauty director rues.

Perhaps Caps do need to take a step back and fix the conflicts surrounding their image. Most of them would jump at that. But beware! If Laura Dern’s character in Big Little Lies wasn’t only about ball busting or money spinning then not all Caps are cold and crazily reserved. It’s just that pop astrology blankets them as ‘success fiends’.

Remember …Caps are ruled by Saturn! Oh yes! I almost forgot. Saturn is more of an old man now. So if you still choose to give them this rigid label-‘stop’. You could be busting their fiddle foot growth over some ill conceived generational conflict.

*Image source: Snow white in pexels.com.*

Actually this sounds pretty weird but I think caps are more about “moving ahead with uprightness.”

Is getting comfortable with each other enough in a successful and everlasting marriage? Will hanging around together do the trick? It’s time to look for some honest and truthful revelations!

My secret to a blithesome married life: Love, loss and few grains of happiness!!

22nd Jan 2022 soulshop.com 1 Comment

*Image source: ‘Couples all over Instagram are “doing life together.” Here’s where it came from.’ by Laura Turner in vox.com on Aug. 02, 2019.*

Everyone has vampires in their lives and like every relationship, marriage too is a ridiculously complicated one. It’s simple and easy to believe… that if only both individuals could get to know each other, understand each other’s needs and get comfortable with their surroundings, living a life with all its dark pleasures and experiences- healthy or unhealthy; would work epic.

Like sweet lies before the bed it would get under your skin and drive you nuts like some lemon bae!…all tangy and exciting.

It’s equally simple to say that people marry for love, but I believe it’s more about the joy of sharing things and experiences that makes for the most suitable material for wedding vows. When two individuals decide to live together, life is fated to turn upside down. Sometimes it’s not an easy one. An uncomfortable, bumpy road faces you. Understanding, likes and dislikes, need to know…challenges weigh heavy!

And it’s gets stormy and uncomfortable for those who couldn’t manage to keep moods high. Loss is inevitable if you don’t know how to cross stitch the canvas of life, needles going in and out, adhering to a pattern you cannot foresee or comprehend.

If you ask me, loss works just fine for weights and investments, but when it comes to living with a companion, you wouldn’t know a thing till countless panic attacks and anguish ransack you. Worry swallows you whole!

Over the past, the soreness of losses has grown. Some of us fume against the God, others find comfort in imagining multiple lives. Very few would look for solace elsewhere…

Haven’t we heard infinite times that a successful and everlasting marriage is forged with peace, love, and trust as primary choices. But what if it starts to lose it’s sheen? What if those snaky pencil scrawls, coffee chats, salty fried crumbly banana chips and clover leaves dried between the pages, begin to lose their craziness. What if all that pep talk about love and aftermath falls flat?

With just about everything else happening under the sun, wouldn’t it be fine to ignore the trite and build an elegant restraint for a successful loving relationship?

Here’s few simple ways to help you keep your togetherness blissfully alive and stoked!!

Choose to be attractive

Attraction is a decision that you need to make through out your marriage. You get to decide if your partner is hot and sultry!..if you are saucy enough to be exciting to your mate; if you are tasteful and zesty enough to be the zippy sparkling person she always wanted you to be! Who wouldn’t want to feel the excitement of being with a flirtatious, incredibly sexy and attractive partner?

Evolution has wired us to be drawn to anything and everything that appeals to senses. ‘Attraction thoughts’ likewise push you to focus on attributes that are exciting and drawing most. Like your beau’s great legs or the way she dresses or parents your kids? If this is freaking awkward; to you , it’s good news indeed!.… none of you have to be a cover model to feel attractive!!

Your happiness is only about feeling connected to each other. After all physical attraction runs far deeper than looks!

Giggle, chuckle, cackle or guffaw together

Life at times hurts, so if you can find some mirth even when you are in the thick of it, it helps. A laugh is what decides if you are being perspective. Finding hilarity in both good and bad times make partners find ease around each other. Be it some little inside joke, a silly irrelevant text or even watching a boring comedy together, connecting with your mate strengthens your bond even better.

Celebrate every small good moment for there will be none like it

Tough is a bad word, It’s dismissive and cruel. We all get our fair share of moments when our wits get thrown to wilds. It hurts, but to have someone in the weeds together, helps you shake off the despair easily.

And it’s just as important to acknowledge good times as well…together!

*Image source: ‘Elderly couple resting on a bench’ in dreamstime.com.*

If you ask me, good things happen more often than the bad ones, but we miss those opportune moments to connect.

So, next time your mate shares anything positive like some admiration from office colleagues or compliment from the boss, drop everything you are doing and lend an earful! Help each other savor the moment by sharing and celebrating. Promise yourself to open doors to your heart. Your fleeting moments together with few precious grains of happiness will never fail to outweigh darkness.

Don’t let the thought of a probable breakup haunt you

‘I was hanging around with my friends, I just couldn’t get to call back’. ‘I am over my ex’. ‘You’re just overreacting, there’s nothing to hide’.

Any such thought, big or small, is a big ‘No’ for a healthy and trustworthy relationship. So, if you find this tormenting and hurting, it’s not mere reflection of your anxiety but a red flag of a non-serious relationship.

Justified or not, chances are that you might be thinking of moving out!

But who wouldn’t prefer a few joyous moments over all that gloom and darkness?

And it’s easy too!!

Simply, don’t hold grudges for too long in your heart. Forget the mistakes of the past and reach out for some happy moments of the future. No jumbo patience… and be forgetful of the past bitterness for the real joy comes by chance. Feel it in the peals of laughter at a passing joke that leaves you gasping for breath; when you cross your legs so you don’t pee on yourself for you couldn’t make it to loo. It’s snuggled in the movement of hands painting, knitting, cooking or even rhythm of your legs on long rambling walks. It’s both the feeling of rapids thundering inside you and in the soft humming overwhelming your heart.

Funnily, happiness collides with you only when you are looking the other way.

*Image credits: ‘Oldest Living Couple Reveals The Secret To Marital Success’ by Brittany Wong in huffpost.com on No, 22, 2019.*

Even happy couples argue

With all that dancing and laughter and revelry- marriages are fun but being married isn’t always a piece of cake. There’s actually a lot that goes into living “happily ever after,” Not every marriage is happiness all the time. Like other relationships, sometimes marriages too hit a rough patch. But when in fight; happy marriages do listen to every view point, recognize them and if it threatens to go off the rail; try to mend them together!

Hinges crusted with past scabs, all that the door to your heart needs is a hard push. Ignore the screeching hinges and push firmly. Loving with all your heart, generously and fearlessly, will come back to you in dollops not dribs.

Accepting the inadequate rewards you with ever lasting bliss. In fact, being in argument means you’re normal and mad and hopelessly in love with each other!!

Age doesn’t matter

Been in wedlock for more than three decades and I have never considered age anything more than a numerical inaccuracy; some numbers that needs to be tackled all the time. The only thing that worries me is that it works more as a multiplier than as a division sum. We all get reduced to a fraction of what we once were!

But what the heck…!

At 40 you could still be the pig tailed gal or some jaunty good looking knock-out beau! Both of you could still climb the trees, jump the wall and beat up all the boys. Young and raunchy, fiercely ambitious with disdain for conventions, you both have had your share of one heartbreak, one breakdown, one true love, one success, one moment of despair and gloom – you have had mountains of them.

Yet looking into each other’s cringing eyes, creaking knees and despairingly loosening skin, things are not so crest fallen. Now that you have learned to love your lines and folds, aches and pains lose ground.

Besides there is no shame in growing old and struggling a bit. It never felt better for me to have equivalent of a general’s medal, pinned to my frame; and a reminder of all the battles I have survived and the ones I won!

Feature credits: ’10 Secrets for Happy Relationship and Tips for long lasting happy marriage life’ by Kennis World in Youtube.com on Sep 20, 2019.

Reality check? Well… “You do complete each other”. Age is a fabled minion that’s romantic and lets you flies high in the real world.

#It matters no more!!

Zillions of forum taglines, messages and Improv classes insist that optimism is the magic pill of mental health. Is it really true? What if you are a pessimist and always in a bad mood before an exam!

Want to be eternally happy? Being miserable and thinking of negative thoughts helps!!

14th Jan 2022 soulshop.com 1 Comment

Seeing the glass as half empty might inspire you to fill it up!

*Image source: ‘Skinny dancer jumping over sand’ by Andrew in pexels.com.*

Happiness for me is an elusive virtue and for the most part ‘think positive’ belief fails me as a miracle fizz for mental wellness; one that you could pop in and instantly make half empty glass turn half full and everything around is suddenly bright and sunny. But just because I generally don’t eye the world from behind those rose tinted glasses, doesn’t mean that something’s wrong with me!

Sounds weird…doesn’t it? if this rings freaking odd to you, then you could actually be the one who is ecstatic and all pumped up about happiness, but is more miserable within!

How many times have you been told that great things happen so long as you believe them possible to happen and think positive? From pop psychology to improv classes to self improvement blogs; hype surrounding the advantages of positive thinking never leaves the din.

Sure, it’s good to be positive. It reduces stress and probably tweaks health. And it makes me vote for one profound statement that usually proves naysayers wrong; optimism bags you rewards most of the times including your well being!

But what about those who tend to see glass as half empty rather than half full? Does that mean that they cannot keep your sunny side up all the time? Is being a pessimist that bad?

I would say that only a handful recognize that our unhappiness lies in overly high expectations and too little struggle to overcome snags early on. Damned!…the millennials always get shamed as a ‘burnout generation’ that’s left with few choices to make.

Because we couldn’t make time for happiness; we are busy, confused and sad.

Fortunately a grim outlook doesn’t need to be a permanent one. You may get scattered from mildly pessimistic to relentlessly optimistic. But if you get hunkered down at the perilous end, you could still reap some benefits of being downbeat without burning yourself out.

And it takes only a few changes. Small and gradual; they are nothing like what you’d expect;

To begin with here’s a few of them;

You’ve been pushing yourself too hard to be happy.

Negativity sometimes works as a great defense ammo. You don’t get always crushed when things don’t work out your way. It never distracts you from a pessimist’s favorite past time; brainstorming.

But it’s not always good to beat a dead horse! When you are ruminating; it’s not just another bad day, it’s always a bad day in a bad life of a bad person!

Besides, pessimism loves to blow even a minor problem to a billboard size one.

I couldn’t easily overcome that valley low feeling whenever I get stormed loud and messy. It’s overwhelming. I get screwed up fast because I couldn’t burn the bridges behind my back! Maybe my octopus teachings are not profound as it goes.

Do you think you would be left with any room to focus, if it soaks up so much of bandwidth? It’s no surprise why dreamers never fail to outsmart the pessimist in you on happiness index.

So, find yourself some quick distraction you can use whenever you realize that you’ve been stuck up with same negative thought for long. Pitch yourself into activities that ask for your full attention. Yoga, aerobics, calling a friend or even absorb some music. It might help you to avoid falling flat on your face.

And don’t be some eternal jaded jerk; it never feels epic. It’s perfectly alright to get depressed. Just stop trying to be happy. Stay in your lane and you may end up making more money and win over a happier marriage!!

It feels so good to blame someone else for your woes

“I’m lousy at tennis”; “My opponent has a killer serve.”

If you are the one whose way of interpreting life’s ups and down is dismissive and begins as an inane story with petty perspectives, then you could be failing in giving some basis respect to your self. When good things happen to you, you dismiss it as a fluke; when bad things happen you jump to blame yourself and brace yourself for a long spell of silent sufferings!

But you are not like some textbook dingbat who would wake up each morning wondering which and what went wrong. Are you?…

Bad events are like one time problems and disappear quickly. And optimists too get their dark afternoons. Cancer patients among them are just as badly depressed as their pessimistic counterparts.

So, when you catch yourself being dark, glum and all that, re-frame the problem so that it doesn’t sound like yours alone. Instead of standing all by yourself and thinking “No one is interested in me — I am pathetic!”, try something more bright; “Where’s the hostess? How could she let a newcomer fend for herself without making introductions? I most certainly wouldn’t allow that to happen”!

No scapegoats of course! But it helps to recognize that you’re not the problem, even if your behavior could use some pinch.

Besides, it feels good to keep practicing your tennis serve even if you’re not sure how would you rally against someone at your level. It’s always promising and worthwhile to throw a bad serve than drop the racket.

Feature credits: ‘The Optimist’s Creed -‘Denzil Washington’ by The Motiv8 in YouTube.com on Dec.18, 2015.

If only you’d imagine the world is coming to end.

Another thing that darkens your prospects to be happy is your penchant to make a mountains out of a molehill. You are always hyperlinked to yourself, rewriting grim possibilities until they blow off and turn into something of a doomsday screenplay. A simple cough turns into pneumonia; not the kind that would let you recover from ever! One missed deadline and it’s fast forward into permanent unemployment!

“Am I really to live beneath an underpass in a freeze box because I’m a day late on a project?”

Worst case scenarios are usually absurd but rewinding and playing them over and over again, makes illogical appear inevitable!

And it sucks!

So… just think of the outcomes that’s most likely. Chances are you are gonna miss the executive suit, but it won’t be under the freeway either!

The stunner of all this messing around is, that you do get to feel a bit of power over your thoughts and situation. The sense of nursing pessimism each morning works fine, for the world is not going to get shrunk in one day.

Keep trying and you’ll get what’s coming to you!

Do you know why your opponent at tennis court ends up with so much to feel good about at the end of the day? Long after you have given up and gone home still thinking suckers!… he keeps trying to unscramble impossible- to-solve mind benders!

There’s a lot of payoffs in this. Persistence is the cutting edge and it means what !…success at school,fatter paychecks at work and wider social acceptability. Who wouldn’t want to make some brilliant win sometimes?

If you are looking for the quickest way to get yourself in the loop, then act like the person you want to be; It’s only about changing the way you feel and the way you think that would define you.

When recognition is the only inspiration, act like you have triumphed some crazy big match battling it out with confidence and hard work. ‘Fake it till you make it’ for this can have surprisingly strong and immediate impact on your emotions. But then, it works only when you correctly identify something within yourself that’s holding you back.

Get surrounded with upbeat people

Yawns like smile are contagious. Positive vibes work the same way. Hanging around with people who aren’t so grouchy about anything and everything, could be your one-way ticket out of an unrelenting pessimism. And if you are not feeling particular chatty, you don’t have to talk about what’s troubling you or put around the word that your mind is in a negative tizz. No need for anybody to know exactly what’s bothering you.

But simply being surrounded with positive minded people is usually enough to trigger a grin all around and shift your mood.

*Image source: Vlada Karpovich in pexels.com*

So, keep your frown right where it is, for some form of pessimism actually heals when not taken too far. Ignored and unforgiving;it in fact is protective and sometimes rewarding!

Whatever…

Someone’s telling you ‘no’, is always a problem.

Small choices! Yup…but encourage yourself to smile, smile…and smile for this world is only about solutions; not problems.

And happiness is a journey where so many things make you happier, #guaranteed.

Like all good things, great friends are scarce. Each one of us need at least one that we can trust and rely on. Here’s to what a fine friendship is all about and how do we get it to last a lifetime?

I took time off to help myself make friends :Here’s how it went!

10th Dec 2021 soulshop.com Leave a comment

If Paul Simon or David Crosby had their way and ruled the world forever; all we’d need is to make a call and a BFF would show up right on our doorsteps!

Reality however, is like some dark afternoon and friendship is the stormiest of all the ties. As hard it is to find ethereal love, arguably it is even more difficult to pick up a new pal whom we can really connect to.

*Image source: Sudip Paul in Pexels.com.*

Free time is scarce- For everybody! And so are friends.

Making one, particularly in this day and age, isn’t easy either!

They just don’t appear. You have to intentionally reach out to someone who doesn’t bore you, is not a hypocrite and never stalls to share.

And I was running scarce on friends!!

So, I set up certain tricky standards before I could touch elbows. I looked around for adjacent friends; the types you sometimes get to see at the Gung-ho parties that usually share mutual friends, but never get to have one-to-one conversations.

Still I didn’t know how to get past that awkward small talk and double time the “Hi! would you care to be friends” business. I had always thought of making friends but dreaded going to the drawing board.

I tried to fit in with the people I already knew…well it just didn’t happen…maybe it was way deeper than I thought it ought to!

The year I turned fifty was the year I realized I didn’t have friends. I was moving into a new decade of my life and felt strongly about my career, accomplishments and relationships.

Yet when somebody would ask me whom I will send a ‘red heart’ on friendship day; my mouth will open, I would gulp and nothing would come out but a long trail of “ummms”…

Like everybody else I loved to hang around with friends. I was wary and timid but would always manage to survive the cutting edge. I would often step out of the box and was friends to many. I was spending very few hours of any day alone!

When I moved out to my job after University, I could still manage to get people to hang around with and never fell short of full social calendar. Real or not…those guys never left me off the hook. I was a footloose and always raring to fight fire with fire at the drop of a hat!

But then something changed!

A lot many of them got married and drifted off; a few shifted to bigger cities and I felt flat. For once I was robbed-off togetherness.

Crank calls grew stale and scarce. We would rarely see each other and whenever that happened, it felt empty. It were as if everybody had burnt the bridges behind their backs! No hang outs, no pep talks…no happy hours to attend; it sensed like I was laid-off from my full time job.

As if this was not enough of a complete shocker, an old timer buddy also left behind, declared abruptly that he no longer wanted to be friends anymore and wouldn’t care less if I felt the same way!

The last straw was blown to winds…. Everybody had hung me out to dry.

I felt sad and lonely. I was nearing retreat and struggling to be mates!

For the mess, I placed a lot of blame on myself. I was canceling weekend plans. I was forgetting to respond to text messages for days. It felt like I hadn’t invested time in fueling friendship. It was like I usurped everything to run it dry. I could have shown more interest in my friends and their families. Instead I chose to spend a lot of my free time sulking and arguing myself.

Why I couldn’t have someone to call a best friend ?

Why wouldn’t I have a guest list nice and long enough to reserve more than a table for two on my Anniv blast?

With so many screaming lives running at full speed and in different directions, it’s hard to slow down long enough to find and develop new friends. People are hooked more than ever onto devices; so finding someone who would care more for a real life connect is a challenge.

Did I get to make new friends?…

I realized that I needed a few things before I could rake up quick rapport with someone. Little did I know then that I was prepping myself for a new decade; both in age and life!

And this is how I saved myself hours of tepid, dead-end banter…

It was my call…so;

Feature credits:’ Value of Friends”by manu7 production in Youtube.com on Nov. 13. 2017.

I hustled to bore people!

Aren’t we all aware of the things to talk about when we meet somebody for the first time? Sports, weather, work… trivia only; and we worry that anything close to our heart might scare people away. This drift of playing safe, stonewalls everything we build to know about a person- if he or she is the right one to be a friend in the making!

Daring outcomes, I decided to let go of the slipshod gossip and went straight for what moved me.

“What do you think is the best television finale of all time?” “Have you heard about the Pentagon’s recent UFO report?”

I would find these to be a great starter so long as they could stir up some interest for me. I would back away if it worked otherwise and that would save me some rancid moments!

Whatever…I thought either way I would end up happy all the same.

If I could strike a chord; I have won, If I didn’t…

Well! I never liked the idea of going public and make myself speak out to strangers in the first place.

Besides I abhorred the idea of putting down my phone whenever I went public!

I pushed myself to get curious about people

“What’s a belief you have that has changed over the course of your life?” “What has been challenging for you the last year?”

Asking something like this helps to strengthen the fetters, or so I thought. Knowing each other’s opinion over things trivial without judging them might just about crush the challenge.

It felt good;I thought I have finally found a way to make the kill!

But It didn’t work out that way for me …

May be I was asking them to reveal so early about who they were or trying to be. I realized that there is no substitute for time when we think of bonding strongly to somebody.

So I pulled off those superficial stunts to avoid rejection and…

I didn’t have to wait for long to feel connected.

My take on this?...

Next time you’re partying, or hanging around with some one you might want to befriend, ask yourself what’s worth sharing and what’s worth knowing.

Get right to it only thereafter.

I decided to give it a try and said “cheese!”

Seriously! I tagged in ‘smile‘ on my list, for I think it is a powerful way to pickup connections. For one thing, smile takes you out of your head and defines you as profound as it goes. For another, you are no longer being dismissive or cruel.

Besides, who would want to be friends to some grumpy, irritable or crestfallen face?

So, I thought if I could connect to someone by showing off those pearly whites; why not?

I could afford to burn a little, if that helps!

I stepped out of the box

Am I limiting myself? I could easily hit it off with people some 10 years older than me. The only glitch was that I wasn’t sure if I would find somebody brave enough, to hero a dingbat like me…

And it felt like a half baked whiz kid idea fated to end miserably.

A fabled friend to many in the past, I couldn’t dare to stick my neck out and get along with 25-something people either!

I find no shame in struggling a bit; yet I couldn’t find that one soul, I was looking for.

I know this happen sometimes; but to me it happened one time too many. I did come across people who would share mutual respect for Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings and Jumanji. Next thing we know, we would be meeting for weekly brunches and all that pep talk!

But like always…it’s harder. I would end all screwed up. I can’t get past the feeling that I was the only person in the party without a partner in crime.

It just wouldn’t work for me.

Whatever the reason, I decided to stay put and not get discouraged. I knew that with enough self confidence, flexibility and patience, some day I will find friends – and get to keep them for life.

I wouldn’t queue up though!

Today, down the line with 10 years of craziness behind me, it doesn’t feel valley low. I remember to laugh, listen and be kind. I wouldn’t ever let no one who comes to me, leave without feeling better and happier.

I did though find someone freaking awesome with a beautiful mind!!

Life has since taken a coin flip for good. I hum with joy and stay stoked all day long. I wake up each morning wondering if my Octopus teachings did score a point!

“What are you saying”? she would quip; “Friends are a choice to make and don’t come with a tag”; if I were to tell her what it all means to me.

“Why would you say that you get lonely when both of us know that we are not desperate to find each other every day of our lives? “

“Isn’t being together and sharing, the same thing as friendship?”

And she would lit up the world for me.

Both of us would agree and smile but she would still chide softly.

A shy person’s quick guide to help you discover the right kinda friend! Let’s get you grow and change. Face up, and heads will turn as you walk into the room!

To be or not to be…Friends surprisingly make you a happier person, only if you could be with the real ones!!

23rd Oct 2021 soulshop.com 5 Comments

If you think that you are done with friends in life, it’s time you tell yourself a different story.

Like love, friendship is a thick soupy word and a messy business. It’s hard to be friends with someone who couldn’t hold your hands, or cut loose your heart strings. It’s harder to look for companionship if it comes with the shroud of secrecy surrounding it. Friendship is rather a stretchy word. It’s more of a life choice that you hesitate to fully buy into, fearing darker truth may come out later.

Friendship means something different every time we say it. It’s what a relationship isn’t. You may find good mature acquaintances but they don’t really get you good lasting friendship. At times hopelessly vague; ‘calling them a friend’ doesn’t help. “Let’s just be friends” is a no less confusing either because it could mean anything. From bosom friend to pink of a crush, all it does is communicate what you never meant in the first place.

In fact, there is not one single great word for the kind of relationship that you have with the ones you love or loved. Give the requited attention a miss and the other person won’t find you awesome enough to hit it off.

Yet you shrug and say, “Sure.” And try again. But it’s weird and gets murkier.

When you think about it, you have no idea what it means to be with real friends.

Think about them and you will still touch yourself.

Perhaps ‘friend’ is a catch-all high sign that helps in ignoring bittersweet emotions.

Get into the Act

I grew up a shy introvert with terrible socializing barriers and was often shelled with embarrassing suggestions by those around me. Honestly, I did muster enough courage to try them all and overcome my fears. But soon I realized that it’s lot easier and more effective to be kind than to try to act confident.

I never tried to compete with the extroverts. I let them win at their game. Instead, I decided to invent my own circle—went all-in on being as thoughtful as possible and this is what I found out.

Everyone loves to hang out one time or the other, with the person who won’t say or do anything to hurt your feelings. But not wanting to hurt someone’s beliefs and opinions isn’t friendship. Real friends never coddle egos. They always tell the truth, love spending time together and never get awkward in each other’s company. Good news, bad news and secrets, they share everything. Gossip and late night wakes; it’s all part of lives in bonhomie.

Like everybody else, I too wanted to be friends with every single person on this planet. Probably more so, but not with someone who wants kinda attention that I’d prefer not to give. I had learned that coming out with the truth was way better off than using words that are so vulnerable to misinterpretation. When you tell somebody you want to be friends, but you really don’t, you are not letting them down gently. Mocking hits like a harsh acquittal. It hurts no matter how gently you have hurled the bomb.

Perhaps sometimes we get to learn about friends the hard way.

Are true friends hard to get by!

In university one of my buddies fell hard for a gal who wasn’t into him. She had a crush for a guy Robin who looked smarter and was perhaps wealthier. Of course, Robin wasn’t into her.

It confused and hurt everybody, especially my mate.

But it was kinda different too. Both heand the girl were doing fine and everything a couple would, except touch. Dates, long walks, deep conversations, partying ; it seemed fascination was blossoming. One day he asked her if she thought friendship could turn into romance. He would muse how his mom couldn’t stand his dad before they got married. A day later she uninvited him to a party.(Robin was going to be there.). What followed was enough to shake up things badly. Sullen moods and peppery behaviour crept in slowly. Finally he couldn’t take it anymore, and stopped returning her calls.

A year went by, and then one day both ran into each other. She came up and regretted. “Can we be friends?”

“What do you mean…?” he asked.

“If I see you, I’d like to come up and say hi.” It sounded more like she wanted him to acquit her of all guilt. Both agreed to smile and wave if their paths ever crossed. Fears of misplaced trust, broken promises and brazen lies, all fell apart in that one moment of regret.

Fortunately, he never saw her again.

That story tells what lot many people mean when they say they want to be friends, yet prefer kind of stealth friendship where deeper feelings never grow. If you are honest you usually wouldn’t want to be “just friends”. It’s hard but being “real friends” means you don’t hold onto your emotions and actually make yourself available to someone who might requite your feelings.

Real life stories like this one grow on trees but payoffs are important!

Contemplating a relationship as a sack of rotten tomatoes when things turn sour, is like eyeing everything with serious skepticism. Crush aside, you should expect no one to be your real friend until you stop wanting romance to creep in your emotions. Before then, being around them will only rip your heart apart.

Funny! There is a simple fix for this

Nobody is hard wired to spend time crying out for someone who cheats under the cloak of stealth friendship, forever. And you need not hate somebody to realize that they are not good for you either. It’s nobody ‘s fault. The chemistry simply hasn’t struck. The slyness has prevailed!

So, gift yourself the truth! Firstly to be friends you need to ease off being sheep eyed. And in the second place, if you think of someone as your friend each time you look for favors; then honestly you are not ready for friendship.

Ease off till you could show some respect to your affinity. Pull up your head, put aside your phones and the world around you will no longer be clueless. Smiling, holding doors and saying hello to strangers; those powerful gestures will make you stand out. Seeing people, acknowledging them, showing some respect might mean you are charming and perhaps charismatic too. Trust me, the frenzy of warm hands reaching out to you, in turn, would leave you overwhelmed.

But is it enough to get you good friends; the real ones?

Countless times I have met people who didn’t click right away, only to be heard of later with a friendly gesture of sorts; sometimes through a mutual friend on social networking, at others maybe for a book exchange or casual film recommendation. These interactions spoke little but emotionally measured high. I guess, it’s kinda hard for me now to dislike someone who was thoughtful enough to have gone to lengths and make an effort to reach out!

Some people couldn’t make easy initial connections. If you are one of them, give yourself some time to dazzle. Once you think you have made the right choice and want to make a connect, reach out with whatever little beans you could muster to make their lives a bit brighter, even if in a small way.

Today, I gather I was right about my insights in the first place. Aches and pains not withstanding, I had aced the key to finding a soul buddy!! You may find my suggestions a tad basic, but that’s the point! If I have learned anything during my journey from a shy, floundering kid to a quiet thoughtful, self inventing, all smiles person who takes stock of the world in HD, I believe I did my basics well enough to have led myself so well.

If you are an introvert, don’t curse yourself for this innate skill. Hang on to it, for the one who listens, is rare and precious. Only a handful of us actually has this gift that sets us apart. Don’t chide yourself either, if you couldn’t hold onto to your lead. “You only get one chance to make a first impression”; every Tom, Dick and Sally would love to tear into you. Sure! But a lot has changed and this cliche’ is your buried past now. Chance to strike a conversation is just a click away!

How would you feel if you open your phone and a message is waiting from someone you just met, wishing you well for your upcoming interview? Or how about you sending a one-of-a-kind get-well-soon message to your ailing elderly neighbor?

Uh oh! No this isn’t about copywriting beauty and the beast. Privy characteristics such as kindness turn emotions toasty, takes the chill off and outwits brains and air when it comes to accepting connections! So do a little jig, get yourself out of the weeds. You will have fun and find joy reaching out to real friends.

Feature credits: ‘A Real Friendship’ by manu7 production in youtube.com on Dec.19, 2017.

Happiness needs a warm hand

A real friendship never sucks! It stems from mutual understanding and respect. It’s not meant to serve pleasure or purpose all the times. Rather a good friend is for friendship sake; the gold equivalent of human relationship. A lucky few of us might get a handful of real friends in our lives and it shouldn’t matter if they are relatively new. It’s their uniqueness that makes them amazing and priceless.

I have always found the intriguing connection between friends, happiness and longevity a bit weird but promising. The cutting edge made me feel zesty. I found myself surrounded by good people- people who never failed to remind me if I needed a haircut; people who complimented me and hauled me over in crises. Life never fell short of league of gentle folks. Listen, watch, notice and praise…these were small actions, but they helped me feel good for everything about me, admire myself and have strong ties with others.

If you are anything like me, rub some dirt on your fears, sell yourself a lot of quality friendship and trust me, you will ripe through a ‘golden-over-the-hill’ life. Try not to forget that real friends are meant to share concerns and confidences, build trust and not always be a sham listener or a crazy admirer.

Sometimes you cannot push a special connection between friends. It just happens. Two people come together, who find ease between them instantly and are comfortable in their skins. Laughing away at silly jokes for hours or talking the night away; a lasting relationship begins to fall into place between two people who understood each other well by simply being themselves. The spark wouldn’t douse even if the two “thieve” enormous pint or two of bourbon and celebrate!

So! where would you find the kindred-spirit that accommodates your mood, occasionally mimics intimacy and excites you in ways different than those you would otherwise face when spending time alone; quietly. Could you think up of an egghead who has all the signs of a true friend? Where should you look for one and know if that somebody is the big Daddy you were hunting for?

Taverns, bars, coffee shops, clubs, and even rec rooms are the usual joints that foster inner circles among people. Yeah! This is the tribe of savvy thinkers who will get you to realize that all that sweating, lifting and walking is not absolutely necessary for finding happiness. It is here that sharp contrast of unselfish indulgences change hands. It is here that your voice could finally get to grow some teeth. And, it is here that a good Johnny-on-the-spot could hammer some sense out of your successes, failures, opportunities and help you choose differently.

Someday you will make the naysayers jealous

I never realized that rushing lifestyles could reduce relationships into commodities so fast. It has left every relationship hanging by thread and every affinity slain of excitement. In all our complexities, we have shrunk to titles and net worth and eye each other as a means to an end. It is difficult to know who is legit and who pretends.

It all feels so punishing and fiendishly difficult…isn’t so?

Putting on a smiley face or saying right things and turning their back when the going gets tough, makes a difficult choice between deceit and uprightness. Props in hard times alone do not matter. A friend is someone who genuinely wants to see you succeed and is happy to see things go well for you in life; each time, every time. A true mate loves the person you are, with all the flaws and quirks and imperfections.

That doesn’t mean friends agree all the times. Rattling opinions help expand horizons! If your choice has been the right one, you will find yourself surrounded with people who share your values but warn you the moment you start falling off the track.

Worse luck! if your buddy wouldn’t help you to make the right choice even if that means saying something that you never wanted to hear in the first place.

“Don’t walk behind me, I may not lead. Don’t walk in front of me, I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.” ~ Albert Camus.

Close affinities like good friends just don’t pop out of nowhere and mature fast. So, if you happen to have more than a handful of real good ones, you are indeed blessed. Making and keeping real friends smells of a rare experience. Each lasting friendship represents a world within us, a world that is not born until they arrive. And it is only when we bump into each other, a new world is born for us.

So, get busy being an amazing human being. Be a good one and knight hearted. If you haven’t reached out in a while to the people in your life who love and support you; learn to do so. The awe of discovering a BFF will smitten you for good. Perhaps then you could make out what Mary Tilley (94) of two children, four grandchildren and two great-grandchildren, meant of Evelyn Hodge as friend- they had lived next door to each other for over 72 years in Britain– when she mused;“Evelyn is great company”.

Someday you too might as well get to get a real good friend who celebrates life with you.

Till then, keep smiling and face up…

It’s never too late to walk off into the sunset!!

Just when you thought the words vegan, dairy-free cream cheese and caramel slice didn’t belong in the same sentence, the fanciest of desert recipe of sweet toothed heaven begins to take shape.

SWEET, NATURAL AND SINFULLY DELICIOUS – TRY THESE 12 SUPERFOOD DESSERTS FOR YOUR PEEPS THIS SUMMER!!

9th May 2021 soulshop.com Leave a comment

Creamy, gooey, sticky and sweet desserts with little or no milk, cream, butter or eggs? Sounds nightmarish for dessert lovers, right? But you couldn’t be more deceived! Decadent and simply delicious, these super food delights could be made without a hint of an animal product. Sparse in calories and dense in antioxidants, vitamins and minerals, these foods have the punch to lift your mood besides lowering your cholesterol and reducing the risk of cardiac diseases and a host of health hazards.

New and improved lifestyle and eating habits have seen traditional desert favorites change into more appropriate versions. It is now possible for you to “have your cake and eat it too”. These healthy desserts are here not only to satisfy a sweet tooth, but also be a energy packed fuel source to help you ride through the day.

Here are 12 top of the chart super food desserts that you can indulge in guilt-free.

Coconut Aquafaba Macaroons

*Image source: ‘Simple Coconut Macaroons’ by Joyce Gan in onegreenplanet.org.*

When you can’t throw-in some aged Parmesan or thick creamy burrata on any old traditional desert for an instant flavor enhancement, it’s time to get creative and think differently.

Of course, when it comes to decadent desserts, egg, cream and butter seem to make appearances all too often but would you believe that even a vegan dessert like cute looking coconut aquafaba macaroons, completely plant based, healthy, and high in protein could be just as flavorful and healthy? Aquafaba is the viscous water in which legume seeds such as chickpeas have been cooked. Due to its ability to mimic functional properties of egg whites, aquafaba is used as an egg substitute in this vegan dish. To make these vegan macaroons, you need unsweetened, finely shredded coconut. You want to reign in the sugar rememeber !! and finely shredded coconut to hold together in whipped aquafaba. which works best with no more than two and a half minutes of beating when it starts to get foamy with stiff peaks.

Made without eggs, condensed milk, or any type of dairy, macaroons are a tasty treats and a visual delight. All the coconut provides healthy fats, which is good for hormone balance, skin, and energy levels. With base made of unsweetened shredded coconut, almond flour, Himalayan sea salt and pure maple syrup or coconut nectar, coconut oil and vanilla extract pitch in to take your bagel game to next level of flavors.

Strawberry & lime cheesecake

One of the most luxurious and delicious cheesecake, this cheesecake is packed with berries and super foods that are a warehouse of nutritional benefits.

Made with fresh strawberries in the summer when they’re in season, and frozen strawberries in the winter, this dessert is light, fruity not too sweet either. You can pair it with strawberry sauce, chocolate, coconut, or pretty much any other fruit. A chocolate drizzle could be just as perfect for any occasion. A fruity, dense creamy delight, you could indulge in this tangy lime accent dessert, where its weird sourness won’t let you turn away.

Shortly before serving, spread a little bit of whipped cheese cream on top if you couldn’t do without that silky delicate smoothness and decorate with the strawberries. Sprinkle a bit of grounded cinnamon on top and serve with the raspberry coulis and you will stop frowning! It’s so light and refreshing.

Berry & Cashew Cream Dessert “Pizza”

Pizza for dessert? Weird but you heard it correctly. Indulge your sweet tooth with this delicious, healthy dessert “pizza”. The fresh berries, hearty whole grains, and savory coconut make it a unique vegan dessert option that is full of so many nutrients to fuel your body. Layers of maple-cashew cream, toasted nuts and fruits make it the ultimate health dessert that has tones of awesome textures and sweet berry flavor full of frozen goodness. Try it for one of those summer barbecue parties and its sure will be a hot favorite to spice up the bash.

Yep! This tasty, healthy food packed with berry goodness, also happens to be vegan and packs in plenty of proteins from cashews, almond butter, and hemp hearts.

Grasshopper Pie

This incredibly easy no bake dessert is packed with nutrition and is an indulgent treat that tastes more like a thin mint cookie in frozen pie form!

It’s super easy to make and boasts of a fudgy crust with a light-as-air minty cream filling which is fluffy with a super fresh minty taste that’s not so overwhelming either!! Pair it with chocolate if you find the flavors too subtle and want that extra tartness to bring a zing of flavors- like in those addictive cookies.

And that gorgeous pastel green color is no food coloring but pops out of that super food protein medley! The protein powder is all organic, non-gmo, vegan and gluten free. It contains all the essential amino acids,18 grams of complete protein in every serving to be exact! Not to mention all the fiber, vitamins, minerals, omega-3 fatty acids and antioxidants each serving carries.

Try a few spoonful of the mint cream straight to your mouth before you even get around to pouring it on the crust. You could be practically drinking the stuff!!

Blackberry Poppy Seed Crumb Cake

If you love crumbles, try this healthy version of a classic crumb cake with a wholegrain shortbread made from spelt (hulled wheat), nut butter, poppy-seed filling, fresh and sweet blackberries and laced with cinnamon. You’d love this because it’s forgiving and you could use a mixed bag of fruits to add zest to the dessert your way; even summer stone fruits like sliced peaches, plums or cherries could perk it up.

With a buttery crunchy topping, juicy veneer of strawberries, blueberries and blackberries and a soft airy inside, this crumb cake looks stunning and it’s super easy to make!

Chocolate Brownie Dessert Hummus

Dessert hummus is a blissful way to muzzle your sweet tooth. Loaded with nutrients, naturally sweetened and totally guilt-free, this healthy chocolate hummus tastes surprisingly like actual brownie batter.

The recipe works great as a dessert hummus platter with fresh fruit like strawberries, bananas, sliced apples, and raspberries. You can also spread it on pancakes, use it as a frosting for cake or vegan brownies, mix it into overnight oats or chia pudding or eat it straight from the bowl. The main ingredient in this brownie batter hummus is beans, and you could even try black beans, cannellini beans, hummus chickpeas or garbanzo beans. This is one of those deserts that could bowl you over with its tang of flavors.

Petha

*Image source: ‘Delicious food of Raipur’ by Aarushi S. in budgetindianvacations.wordpress.com.*

Petha is made by cooking winter melon (also known by the less appetizing name of “ash gourd”) in sugary syrup. Eaten as is or dipped in yet more sugar syrup, this delectable treat is made with winter melon and comes in different flavors and with unique add-ons, too. Discover the delicate flavors and natural freshness that comes packed in this confection flavored with pistachio, coconut, mango, or even laced with silky saffron. Winter melon is slated to have several health benefits, including easing off acidity and digestion issues. This soft fruity desert looks like dollop of crystal and is as pretty as it is sumptuous.

Ela Ada

This is a snack that originated in the Indian state of Kerala and is quite popular as an authentic traditional delicacy made with rice flour, jaggery and coconut. It can be served for morning breakfast or even for evening snack with a cup of tea or coffee if you are an avid foodie and love sugary treats .Grated coconut and jaggery are nestled inside rice flour dough before being steamed inside a banana leaf wrap. It looks deceptively simple, but the banana leaf wrap adds another dash of taste to the little dumpling. Lightly sweet with a distinct fragrance, this is one perfect vegan dessert to cap off a rich nosh.

Banana & Chocolate Bread

*Image source: ‘Eggless Banana Walnut Chocolate Chip Loaf . Simple & delicious ‘ by Deba @PAB in passionateaboutbaking.com on Ap.29, 2019.*

For those days when you crave for desserts but pull back for you are watching your weight as well, this all-time favourite cake made with ripe bananas & chocolate is your best bet. This dessert is an ideal eat on a day when all is not well or on a day you’re craving for comfort dessert! And, above all, it’s vegan and tastes just as good as a regular dessert. Combining the sweet flavor of ripe bananas with chocolate or cocoa powder, this dessert is very similar to walnut flavored banana bread. You could serve this dessert with a choice of frosting, but could also share it as a snack over a cup of tea or coffee.

Cinnamon Roll

These pillowy soft and luscious homemade cinnamon rolls topped with a perfect cream cheese glaze are the quintessential deserts treat and so easy to make! A delicious tasting cinnamon roll pairs in raw nut and seed flours with cinnamon spiced puréed figs and raisins- all pitched in. Roll up a batch or two and store them as a premade dessert in your freezer. They are so easy to slice when frozen and can then be dehydrated for a warmed “baked-like” texture.

Feature credits: kitchenstories.com

Always making for a perfect hit, this delight of a dish can lift a bleh day and carry it to a delicious end. So fragrant and not at all dry or crumby these cream cheese glazed rolls are simply delicious and make for an unforgettable flavor punch.

Coconut Cream Pie

A super food dessert version of the conventional coconut cream pie, this vegan recipe skips the cooking process and leaves out the eggs, milk, butter and cream too. Instead of dairy, rich almond milk and young coconut meat lend the dessert a cream pie-like consistency and is a perfect delight for those with big eyes for sugary treats when used with chia, coconut oil, cacao butter and Irish moss. In fact, this classic dessert is a hot favorite among those who love the earthy flavors. Coconut in the pastry cream filling gives it a refreshing burst of flavors. If you love treats with flaky crusts, thick and creamy fillings and a fluffy whipped cream topping then this pie is just for you!

Banana Cream Pie Parfaits

This vegan banana cream pie parfait is made with a buttery cracker and sweet coconut “crust”, layered with fresh bananas, homemade coconut pudding, and a dollop of whipped cream. Scrumptious, natural and low on sugar, this is one creamy dessert that you’d want to miss! You could top up your parfait with plenty of chocolate shavings for truly delicious afters. Simple and easy to make, this sweet, goodness loaded treat is any time delight especially during the spring and summer, when you’re looking for a yummy chilled dessert.

Feature credits: kitchenstories.com.

It’s never enough!!

The taste of sweetness is a completely natural inclination and reminiscent of our innate longing for gooiest, soppiest, mushiest and above all sugariest! While juicy ripe fruits could be our first choice when reaching to quench this desire, there is no need to starve ourselves of sweetie delights that can spring a moment of happiness in our life. But then… there is always bias to abuse too much of a good thing. It would do some good if you could find a healthy balance between simple pleasures and excess, no matter how good sinking your teeth in a delicious dessert feels. All you need to remember; ‘too much of anything is bad and nothing works well if taken in excessive’. Going to extremes risks neck or nothing.

So, sit back after a hearty dinner, laze off and relish the magical sweetness of these delightful desserts – guilt free!!.

Happiness is a warm friend

Hanging out with friends could actually make you happier than nesting with your family : Here’s why

7th Oct 2020 soulshop.com Leave a comment

If you believe that spending time with your kids and spouse is the key to your happiness, you could be in for a surprise! People actually experience higher level of wellness being while chilling around with friends than they do when spending time with their family!!

It’s shocking but true!

For quite a few, happiness does not mean spending time with family and finding relevance in unpleasant tasks like chores or caretaking duties. People admit that they usually feel higher sense of well being once they find themselves surrounded by friends and laze around, rather they do when in comforting nearness of their romantic companion or kids. Strangely, happiness marker falls sharply being around with romantic partners!!

It’s so hard to believe but our brains are wired like this. We prefer to spend more time doing enjoyable activities with friends than with our family members. What more, the bond between friends gets stronger with age and eventually could outweigh the connect with the family. These relationships ‘make a world of difference’ and even explain why and how often people feel sick, and happy.

Does this has anything to do with the kith-kin relationship? Why ‘mere presence’ of kids, romantic partners on one side and friends on the other do not promise similar level of happiness?

Most frequent things that people do when in company of their romantic partners include socializing, relaxing and dining out. These are no different from what they do when in the company of their friends; but there is a catch here. They just do a lot more of these fun activities while hanging with their friends and virtually no housework in the bargain. What’s more surprising is that people feel similar level of wholesomeness while in presence of friends, partners and children, once the household chores and commuting activity is taken out of their daily lives.

There definitely is a lesson here!!

Family relationships that rally around housework and childcare tend to lose sheen fast and most likely will shed a lot of happiness quickly. On the contrary, when we create opportunities for positive experience and spend exciting times with our family, we get to appreciate those moments inwardly.

Surround yourself with people who make you happy

Who makes us happy? Highly likely, it is someone that we had spent a significant amount of time with. And how does it matter to our happiness and well being? Those of us who associate themselves with cheerful people have a happier attitude and consequently a better sense of well being. It’s one person’s happiness that influences moods of those around him. It’s a chain reaction. The closer you are to such people, the longer their disposition affects your mood. The longer you live close to such a person, the stronger the effect is.

Life is too short to live miserably. Get surrounded by people who could make you happy. Find ways to turnoff anyone and everyone who breathes down your neck. Remember, heightened happiness always relieves you of stress and the rush of optimism that follows could be overwhelming.

For once let go of things. Stand true to your habits and just push over that first domino; the fear of making a worthy choice- between family and friend.

Happiness needs a warm friend

A good friendship is one that stems from mutual respect and rejoinder. It may not make us feel good but then it’s not meant to serve either pleasure or utility. Rather its friendship for friendship sake- the gold equivalent of human relationship. A lucky few amongst us may have a handful of good friends at any given time in our lives and it does not matter if they are lifelong or relatively new. It’s their uniqueness that makes them irreplaceable.

Then there is a generally accepted connection between friendship, happiness and longevity. Trust me you are more likely to ripe through a golden ‘over-the hill’ life if you savor good health and contentment.

So, go ahead… sell yourself a lot of quality friendship and try not to forget that friends are important to us not only as a person who gives an earful but because a great many interactions– largely unplanned-help build trust amid shared concerns and confidences.

Times spent in taverns, bars, coffee shops, clubs, usual haunts are the obvious examples that create inner circles among friends. They largely accommodate your mood, frequently mimic intimacy and excite you way different than you would otherwise experience when spending time quietly within a staid family.

It is here that sharp contrast of accommodating changes come to blows. The post WW-II ‘baby boomers’ who rejected and shelved the traditional values, today prefer to hold family in esteem much above the friends. Gen-Xers see family and friend as a distinction with less of a difference. And millennials live in a world where friends equate if not truly trump the family.

It’s not hard to accept that one thing that characterizes this generation. The amount of weight and heft it lends to friendship. For once the voice of ‘we’ has grown more teeth and ‘we’ is now not always traditional family, a home, a child or a romantic partner. Sometimes it is good friends hammering sense out of success, failure, opportunities and …choosing differently. While family relationships are ‘often enjoyable too,’ these involve serious and negative interactions too.

This does not mean that a typical family rupture is inevitable as turning points assault family togetherness. It’s just that the millennial generation does not fancy family as a ‘go-to’ frame of reference any longer. Maybe because friendship has turned intuitive. May be making & keeping friends whiffs of a rare experience; one that ignores and pushes the family connect right under the carpet.

Close affinities like family just don’t pop out of nowhere and mature fast. Some would argue that at times it protects from negative association of friends too. Probably yes! but it’s a whole different kind of ‘we,’ completely separate from the friendship, that I am referring to.

Staving off monotony is not enough to score over family!

“If we don’t unpack our experiences, we’re right on to the next thing and never really think, ‘What does this mean for me?’ or ‘How did this influence where I’m going next?’” Kelly Guilbeau (Center for Careers, Life, and Service )

Comfortably said, friendship is no more than a navigation tool to happiness but it’s uncertain continuity tends to shift priorities. Preferring people who give an earful to our voices doesn’t mean that we can be friends only with those who never challenge our thoughts. Holding hands and striking friendship even with a romantic companion and kids could be a better deal to save the day.

At the end of the day search yourself. “Is this friendship right for me at this point in life? How good is to have so many turning points in my life that aren’t about kids or taking care of parents…but about friendship!! …You win the game, if you have answers to these nagging sores.

In any case you need a good deal of emotional intelligence to handle this. You have to know what you are biting into, what’s a deal breaker and what you are willing to let go. You have to know what matters to you most and when it’s time to prove naysayers wrong…for the choice is all yours!

To me, it’s as simple as that.

Don't hold expectations for what happens tomorrow . Just live the change.

Hi Emma!! Thank you for yr comments. Yes, it's true luck is there for real. Good or bad-it's our perspective…

🥲I just know luck is real but a few people are privileged to be charmed with good luck

Thank you so much for yr appreciation! Sharing vibes and thoughts is a wonderful act and helps to evolve more.…

You are right 😊thanks for sharing

❤❤ thank you so much!! 🌹🌹

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Anyone can mess up words when talking

If You Want Others to Listen, Stop Talking

You’ll know if you’re easy to talk to

You’re less likely to say anything dumb or regrettable

You can keep your cards close to heart

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Don't hold expectations for what happens tomorrow . Just live the change.