Tag Archives: #Attraction

Those having experienced “meant for each other” emotion may say that it’s not about comeliness alone. But why this inherent love parts ways when pants on fire situations in life crumble it.

Together, Forever, Never Apart !- Why Love Stumbles When Life Falls To Pieces?

28th Jun 2025 soulshop.com Leave a comment

Has it ever occurred to you that love is not enough to make everything work all the time? Have you loved somebody where you felt you weren’t happy and yet you kept saying, “But I love you so deeply. Isn’t that enough?”When was the last time you were happy and felt accepted when around them or did you find yourself anxious, fidgeting and largely misunderstood?

*Image source: Valeria Miller in pexels.com*

Sometimes our relationships mimic our insecurities and reflect how we feel about ourselves. Not before long this self doubt influences our judgment and harshly imposes itself to upset the very core of a loving relationship. It then becomes hard to accept the love that comes our way and not the one we think we deserve.

As a rule some people are just a better match for us than others. They outsmart us in every possible way. Not always of course, not everybody. I’m someone who doesn’t like to talk much but connect on a deep, emotional level. Unfortunately, I’ve a habit of choosing people who are either incapable of keeping a secret or just don’t like to connect or bond deeply. So I always end up feeling alone and misunderstood.

There is nothing wrong with them. It’s just that I am not a good match.

I think everyone has different comfort levels when it comes to vulnerabilities. Some people crave for intense emotional intimacy; some do not. My parents were married for eighteen years till he passed away at 42. For most part and as far as I remember they were happy and content and an adorable couple.

Years later I wonder if there’s a way to live my true self as they did. I have no right to judge them but I guess that’s how they had agreed to go along with in the first place.

For me though, I want more and need more!

You Are Never Too Much

Do you crumble at life’s circumstances easily or do you come out stronger each time you hit a wall? When life brings something painful and seems to come apart, how you bounce back actually determines if you have been brave enough to take all the aches and pains in your stride. You can either react emotionally and escalate your misery or face it resolutely and grow through it.

When in difficult situations I’ve stayed hoping that some miracle of all miracles would somehow happen. I treasured telling myself “Shouldn’t that be enough?” Unfortunately it doesn’t happen that way. It never has and it never will. Just loving somebody is never enough. The drama that life brings is inevitable. Would you want to waste time and effort if it’s going nowhere?

So whether your relationship leaves you unsure when world around you goes bust or asks far too many answers; look for these tell tale signs before you settle down feeling alone and out of sorts. You might just get your answer.

Love’s no longer even handed

When life is not kind, do you tell your beloved something that’s important to you? What you get in return -a comforting response or a hasty retort? “I really need to spend quality time with you because it lessens my worries and calming,” Do these words make them cringe or empathetic? If you are not understood correctly or even don’t want to heard , then love has begun backsliding .You’ve never been right for each other. It was always about the tangible world only.

Love isn’t about good days only; it’s about staying together when life takes a beating. Otherwise…you’re in a lopsided relationship and you’ll never be fulfilled.

I remember the time I came home from an extremely stressful day and really needed to vent. To this day I couldn’t forget my spouse looking at me in shocked silence. I had never behaved the way I did that day. Eventually she snapped indignantly, ” I am not your girlfriend. If you want to talk like that call somebody else.” What could I have done with that? If she doesn’t want to talk to me or care about how my day went or that I’m stressed, where should I go?

It struck me later; ‘You do win some in love but you lose even more and the rest if any… slips out quietly’.

Do people want to know your real side?

It’s hard to guess when sand would begin slipping through the fingers. Who really wants to see their flip side? If it still happens you’ll be left at your wits end and an air of indifference would suck out whatever shred of love is left there. This is the time when you’re outside the comfort level of your vulnerability and crave for an intense emotional intimacy. You’ll have more of your past to deal with and won’t be able to a comeback from your darkest days.

Do you know why?

Love always goes on a back burner when some midlife crisis begins to burn you out in unsavory bursts. You no longer feel accepted and understood for all your quirkiness and irrationality. Clearly you need ‘more than you think and less than you want.’ If not then you are left perpetually dissatisfied and over the time love will probably erode itself away.

Honestly it’s all about a mindful existence where love alone doesn’t feed all the necessary elements for a positive outcome. You may love someone with everything you have got, be utterly smitten and it wouldn’t still be enough to build a stable relationship or walk you through hard times.

Living less frayed is always a better choice

When life takes a turn for worse it’s not unnatural people trying to put you down and make you feel like you can’t or won’t accomplish anything. Not loved or cherished by others, does your partner supports you or wears you down? For the most part your cheer leader needs to support and encourage you. But it doesn’t always happen the way you want. When drawn out for long, often love puts you down on the bench and make you feel you’re more trouble than it’s worth.

Life is not a whispered promise of sad losses only. It’s too short to be with someone who doesn’t believe in you. Choose ease over anguish. Your days should not be filled with angst, conflict or misery. Fix your side of the street and see if anything changes. If yes; you will get the chance to reinvent yourself. If not; you need to rethink- “Is my love not enough to bring home happiness again?”

Way out?

Rejig your life. Love them. Hate them. But you can’t ignore that you have a life to reshape as well. There are still better ways to do that than you’d have thought.

Truly these questions can the change the world for you. All you need is to keep asking yourself. Not once but over and over. Every month, every six months, every six years . “Is my life better with them in it? Or is being in love as unromantic as it sounds? Am I finally with someone who could knock me off my feet? Have I finally found the one that makes me feel complete?”

In as much as you love them and as much as you think they love you, if they can’t be one in thousand reasons to meet your needs, then you’re throwing away the precious moments you are left with.

There are way too many wonderful people out there, but that doesn’t make them the right ones for you. Just because you love them doesn’t mean you can be happy with them when life collapses.

*Image source: ‘Why it’s Unrealistic to Expect a Forever Relationship’ by Jackie Pilossoph in divorcedgirlsmiling.com*

Loving someone is a choice but living a meaningful life is not an everyday bet. Choose your happiness wisely and while doing so choose love rather than it choosing you.

Sometimes life throws us into a miserable situation. Everything gets pretty dark and terrible. It’s normal to be unhappy then. But cloud nine is still possible only if you know how to get there!

Unhappy, Mood Swings, Frustrated! – 4 easy ways to unpack your unrelenting sorrows.

20th Mar 2025 soulshop.com Leave a comment

Aren’t we all always looking for ways to be happier even when often we only have odd and ends of uncertainty to contend with? Of course, it’s not easy but not impossible either if you know how to get there.

*Image source: ‘How to Cope with Emotional and Psychological Trauma’ by Julia Schwab in juliaschwabtherapy.com*

The biggest misbelief is that happiness comes naturally. Honestly that’s not the whole truth. Our subconscious is ‘built to protect’ and ‘persist strongly’ as far as possible. But strictly speaking, we are not hunters or gatherers in an unpredictable wild World. It’s Ok if our thoughts naturally drift to fear and anxiety in moments of stress. In fact almost every sad and difficult gut feeling that keeps pulling us down arises from our repressed mind. Many a times we struggle to live in the midst of this surreal nightmare unaware that these impulses can be thwarted. All it needs is some conscious effort to refix the brain that has a tendency to go face down if a sore moment hurts badly.

These four easy ways, nonetheless can help you overcome grief and return to delights of happiness.

There is Always another Way to Happiness:

There’s nothing unusual if our unconscious mind triggers knee jerk reactions to downturn situations like sadness and loneliness. It’s Ok if your conscious mind takes longer than usual to ‘make sense of everything coming our way’ perspective. When we become aware of the level of our consciousness, everything far and wide rallies to tell us what’s coming up next and what conscious choices we can make to live in the current moment.

By being aware that you have a conscious and an unconscious mind to reckon with, you can bring a huge difference in your life as it gives you the power to decide which one you’ll choose to listen to.

Deepen Your Insight

It’s nothing short of being aware of oneself and showcasing it.

For instance, if you find yourself constantly shifting to a negative thought over something as trivial as your ability to do well in your job, try to find out when was the first time you were as uncomfortable and felt as incapable. It’s somewhat like being diagnosed with severe dyslexia and then experiencing an intense urge to prove to others that you aren’t lagging behind.

Once you do that it will not be difficult to know where those feelings are stemming from. Let them pass or else don’t resist the flow of things. Just stay on course and pieces will fall into place.

Let me say this differently. On one hand, I can compliment myself, thank my efforts and claim to be the most successful person I know. On the other I couldn’t be more unhappy saying to myself, “I’m not enough”. I can sleep over it and let woes multiply. But once I know exactly where that comes from I can put that in perspective.

I don’t really have to live there!

*Image source: ‘Understanding Mood’ in Understanding Mood in dana.org*

Sometimes it’s Ok to let go and move on

When emotions run high there’s not a whole lot that we can do about it. But ruminating is one easy way to discover where that indifference is flowing from. Once you let it pass, you’ll know what’s coming up next.

Imagine of it like this. You’re at a railroad station for an upcoming journey and there’s a train approaching. It’s the unconscious that keeps pulling you down, “You’re reasons for this trip are not enough. In fact they’re not good enough”. You can either step onto the train, or be stranded at the station for hours, weeks, months, years. Alternately you can say “Not just yet, not now. I’m not stepping on this train today.”

Setting these unconscious thoughts free while being mindful of your actions, will help you slow down and make mindful choice.

Living with your moment is a powerful approach to life as it encourages you to fully embrace your ongoing experiences without distraction or regret.

Trust the outcome

No one ever wants to suffer. Everybody yearns to be happy always. Aren’t these the two most coveted basic desires of all of us? Who wants to wake up and hope for a truckload of suffering? … I don’t think so. In as much we want to be happy, we hate sufferings no less. But sometimes we relentlessly hold onto our upsets and aches.

One reason is that we are often thoughtful without control — frustrated thoughts, lonely thoughts, worried thoughts, jealous thoughts, depressed thoughts. We don’t particularly want to think of them but we can’t help it and that leaves us unhappy. Learn to rid yourself of these unwanted pensive thoughts. If not that, fence yourself off and look the other way.

Once free, you’ll do just fine.

*Image source: ‘When Mom Is Emotionally Unstable. Seven Ways To Heal.’ by Dr. Margaret in drmargaretrutherford.com*

Let yourself be unhappy.

When we’re in grief or hurt, all we want is to get away from it. But that’s as hard to come by. We can’t ignore it, pretend we’re fine, be comfortable with ourselves or lash out in defensiveness. We can’t just distance ourselves. In as much as we know that these are typical human response to challenge our reverses, we hardly do anything to take the edge off.. In fact wanting to get away from the unhappiness doesn’t make it any better. It only prolongs the suffering and sometimes worsens it. Instead, tell yourself it’s Ok to feel wretched and sore sometimes. It’s Ok to be miserable and hurt every so often.

Wind down a little and allow yourself to be overwhelmed by that murky sinking gloominess. Tell yourself it’s Ok to be mortified.

Being curious of it’s A to Z all the while though, is a helpful recourse to tide over your setbacks. You can stay clear of all witch hunting hoping for its end.

Don’t want to buy this? Try at least to be intimate with it. It’s not pleasant but it can’t kill you either. This way the end will be in sight sooner.

In fact, it’s where the healing starts and growth happens.

There are times when search for happiness ends in the harshest conditions. Such individuals amaze and inspire me. When Nina Riggs (of ’Bright Hour’ fame) was diagnosed with an incurable cancer, she knew her end was near and was well aware that she’ll be leaving her two young sons behind. Before she left at age 39, she could tell her husband, “I have to love these days in the same way I love any other.”

When we wait for something to happen naturally so that we could scour for happiness easily, we stay unassertive towards our own well-being. We fail to recognize that it’s our thoughts that make our World and we alone are responsible for our happiness.

…Not the other way round.

It’s easy to miss the colors, food and an all-pervasive ‘chaos’ over an intense fascination for Taj Mahal’. And yet it’s a profound ‘life changing experience’ that you cannot set aside!

Travelling in the land of colors, camels and curries I glimpsed its primal innocence –and it was simply awesome!

21st Feb 2025 soulshop.com Leave a comment

There is always something refreshing about traveling on a train; something traditional, friendly, romantic, and charming. The excitement works up especially when you’re going on an overnight journey. Of course, you’ll have to sleep, but you’d still love to take a peek outside a moving train and let every scene zipping by consume you.

I always prefer to travel by train because it connects the cities well and affords easy commute in-between. Besides every time I look out of the window, there is something new and exciting to see. It’s like watching a movie, where everything’s so real! True, it’s only a glimpse that’s gone forever but not before allowing me a glimpse of life off the tracks zipping by. I love the classic clickety-clack sound of the train hurtling down the rails. Nothing’s more relaxing than the gentle motion, generous comfort, laid-back moments and a whole new world unfolding before you every minute. It’s a full length chill-time adventure that comes with an everlasting thrill!

I dislike a whistle-stop getaway travel. So I planned meticulously before I started on my ten day adventure in New Delhi- the throbbing racy metropolis that dares you at everything. Chaos, commotion, honking –everything is just unstoppable. The tracks were to take me to the end of the line in Thar desert near Pakistan border. Not that I haven’t experienced anything like it before but the temptation of a journey through the sun baked terrain, the sand dunes and the shining night stars was simply irresistible.

*Image source: ’15 Beautiful Train Journeys in India Worth Taking’ in rajasthanindiatourdriver.*
*com*

I could never guess what started as a boring ride to the station and a long tedious train journey would eventually unfold a spectacular peek into the north western part of a hugely outwitting country.

Visiting this land of extremes and mysteries was like being pulled into a myriad of stores in quite half hidden alleys stacked with never-ending shelves all stuffed with bright and elegant saris, exquisite rugs, and a host of exotic antiquities. Lined up next to inexpensive oilcloths and convincing knock off books would be a generous scattering of uninteresting stuff and a menagerie of animals nestling in the clutter by the roadside. At first this would be like an assault on your senses. And yet every disorder somehow stays orderly. This part of the country is vast and cramped, bedraggled and sumptuous but carries promises of nothing less than Seven Wonders of the World if only you know where to look for!

The People

One definite highlight of every trip that I have taken over the years is the people I have met. Like any other place the sheer numbers here too have been overwhelming and there have been moments of intense interactions-sometimes intrusive, but that’s all. A brief encounter to buy a bottle of water, an unassuming buy of a steaming cup of chai and that’s that. People would nevertheless also have strong opinions about where I should visit, eat, pose for photos… and would always be very enthusiastic about sharing their advice. If this is not what you’d been looking for you’d feel exhausted after a while but I guess in most cases this persuasiveness comes from a natural curiosity and an undying intent to help. I didn’t shy away for one I’m a native Indian and for other not-asked-for counseling here usually ends up unnoticed in daily life – and nobody’s offended of course.

There will be people who’d definitely want you to buy their wares. If not them at least from someone they know, a familiar face perhaps. And that’s not freakish either. In this country of surfeit of entrepreneurs, this assertion always help in finding what you’re looking for or at least get help to spend your money without being duped.

Whatever…somehow I found the din around me soothing, restful and quieting. Though enduring at times I didn’t find people behaving rude or pushy. As unforgettable as this journey was I never ran short of warm, helpful and friendly people who did leave a mark on me well after I’d returned home.

The Colors

One of the first things that caught my eye was the colors. This land was simply a flaming mad riot of colors. Not that it’s unmissable anywhere else in India but here in the desert every village flashing by the window was a shocking clash of hues.

Once on the firmer grounds I was overwhelmed by the charm of simple smiles on weather beaten faces peering closely to greet and get along. Every shade of the rainbow was worn in all combinations possible. From bright blue and hot pink kurtis and lahangas, orange and green dhotis and purple and yellow pajamas splashed with throw backs of hand painted Bandhani and Pichwai art forms, everything I’d known about color matching simply paled into oblivion. Clashing hues were just everywhere to electrify anybody with a shock of color in stark contrast to the dusty streets.

As if this wasn’t enough patterns of elephants, flowers and camels in every nook and cranny of dust laden avenues and difficult driveways besides tassels and blingy mirrors on draperies in shops, saris and angrakhas, made me turn around for a second look every time I strolled by. The spectacular array of jewellery from enormous nose rings, heavy anklets, and ostentatious rings would make anyone feel shabby and under-dressed in comparison. And unlike what people think, all this stuff is actually delightfully comfortable. The use of cotton and loose tailoring is snug comfy and cool even in temperatures of 40℃+. And removing slippers or sandals when entering a shop or temple means you get plenty of barefoot time as well!

It wasn’t exactly a muggy day but warm enough. And I felt wonderful!

The Food

I have always known India as a paradise for vegetarians, but I didn’t quite realize how spectacular it could be until now. I know I must have only tried a minute fraction of the amazing food served up across India, but what I ate here simply blew me away. It changed everything I have known so far about the food in this country. For the first time I was taken aback. The food here surprised me with its brazenly fantastic flavor combinations. Where else would you dare add paneer tikka to pizza? Could you imagine broccoli, pineapple and cheese curry creating a divine mix of flavors? Or even Cashew nuts and Sultanas (dried green grapes dried to rich golden brown larger than raisins or currants) perfecting a curry base that dances with mind blowing flavors? There is of course nothing subtle about this fusion food but you could never really add much of anything- salt, spice or sugar as well!

Curries apart, I had heard a lot about the fried desserts from the desert. Although I didn’t get to try much, I indulged into a quintessential Rajasthani sweet Ghevar, a honey combed style deep fried delicacy that is delightfully crispy on the outside and soft on the inside. Although I did try to taste as many different sweets as possible, I got caught by the sweet creamy richness of ‘Mohanthal’. Made from gram flour in a rich fudgy texture, garnished with almonds and pistachios and flavored with cardamom and saffron this sinful desert quickly became my hot favorite; one that I couldn’t resist repeating. I have tried this same dish in a variety of ways across the Country but the boldness of the flavors here remains unrivaled.

Dining experience here was akin to Russian roulette. I wasn’t eating some one-size fits all curry bought from a caterer and hastily heated up. Everything was freshly made, took time and would often force me to slowdown. But I reveled in it; I enjoyed myself and loved the good time in this land of diversity and contrasts.

Days later as I return to my comparatively boring Sunday ‘not so yum’ dinner with only salt and pepper to cheer it up further, I sorely miss my train journey into the wild plains of Thar- the Great Indian Desert. I greatly miss the tumult, the uproar, the crinkly smiles, the humble whisperings and the ever helpful hands.

Guess I couldn’t long more for anything than a rerun of the voyage to this vast mystical arid land that promises nothing less than a rollercoaster trip into a whirlwind of colors, curries and commotion.

Sticks and stones may break the bones but words can inspire to move ahead or conspire to destroy. Biting tongue takes effort yet the end is always well worth it!

Mind Your Tongue: 5 simple ways to tame the small but terrible!

10th Dec 2024 soulshop.com Leave a comment

“Words, once spat out, can not be swallowed back.” Your every word has an impact and every bump stirs a reaction. Sometimes when you’re conveying the right thing, the way you speak and the tone you use can hurt others badly. So much so, they will never want to see you let alone talk to you again. The intent may be right, but the tone of your voice makes it unbearable to listen or speak. It simply means you need to watch out for what you speak.

I still remember, as a kid I was constantly reminded to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ at appropriate moment. I was taught to share and care for others. I was schooled to be polite and benevolent, indulgent and well mannered. Unfortunately there were times when this oddity would fail me. Every trick and trait I had picked up would simply go out of the window. Not always, but sometimes, Yes!

All through my formative years it looked like I couldn’t deliver a prompt comeback during arguments or crucial conversations. Moments later, I’d replay everything in my mind hastily trying to craft an elaborate response that would put the other person right in their place.

But at cross roads, harsh words would blow off my steam.

Woefully, the “opportunity” to reclaim the lost comeliness never arrived. I always felt left alone, weak and inferior as if I’d lost a battle I should have won. What I didn’t see was the incredible gift of patience and self-control I was blessed with.

Life had begun challenging me. I had to put in more effort into saying the right things at the right time. I was careful to leave unsaid the wrong things at the most tempting moments.

There are countless reasons why we at times are unmindful of our manners. A bad day perhaps, colleagues, teacher, spouse, siblings, or things did not go the way we wanted them to. For whatever reason, sometimes we are mean and unkind with words and hurt those around us.

So, are you mindful of your words or is tongue lashing Ok with you? Do you think twice before they start betraying you? How do you keep our cheeky tongue in check!

Here are five easy tips to keep in mind when conversing- be it at work, with friends, or with family- to help save your day.

Speak your heart not your mind

As I grew up, I felt I was being counseled befittingly. “If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” I was taught when to hold my tongue and be polite. It made me falter in making a point or create a change. Sometimes when I say nothing at all, I would get walked on.

Today though, “not saying anything at all” fails to influence others.

On the other hand, those who dare to “speak their mind” are looked on with favor. The problem is that sometimes it comes sans any iota of empathy. And that causes more harm than good.

Is there a way to find the balance between saying nothing and getting walked on, and saying something and being a jerk?

The middle ground I guess is where the heart is. Instead of speaking your mind, speak your heart because it’s always able to find the best way. It tells you when to say something and when to hold back. It knows what to say so that you don’t get walked on. It knows whether to say something at all so that you don’t walk on others.

Besides it saves you all the arrogance, haughtiness, aggression, hostility, defensiveness. And it takes you down the highest though not necessarily the easiest road.

*Image source: ‘Feeding your brain with food and beyond’ in healthydigz.com*

Put simply don’t speak your mind. Speak your heart. You’ll prevail.

Sometimes it’s Ok to Step back a li’l

I know “let’s take a step back and think over …” is very colloquial and not many would agree to it. Still backing off a little for a while harms nobody. It only allows you to think over and come out in a calm and reasonable way. Pulling back is only a metaphorical step back. It tells you when to stop. It implores you to think about what you’re about to speak and weigh your options before you say anything.

When you are upset and had a bad day, pause and distance yourself from a situation so as to have a new perspective. Take a step back when you are about to go all guns blazing at anyone or everyone who seems to be irking you for no reason. Trust me you’ll be more unbiased and less emotionally involved. Split-second outburst is notorious for causing more damage than a 2-minute break from tongue wagging.

And yes, the implication is that the other person also gets the chance to view the situation in a new or better way,

*Image source: ‘Order Of Man Podcast’ in orderofman.com*

Stand your ground stoutly but calmly

To be outspoken, insistent and pushy is a simple but less-used trait of many. Assertiveness is all about knowing how to treat others while standing up for your conviction. This means nothing less than giving respect to others they deserve while holding on to your own.

Being persuasive also enables us to stand up for others when needed and when to say ‘No’. But there’s a marked difference between being feisty and behaving offensive. This is the line you need to watch out for. Be aware when to stand your ground and when to apologize if you think you’ve fallen through.

Never put someone down.

As a kid, I would get a buzz out of teasing my pals at school. I’d love to make fun to the point where sometimes I guess it was cruel. Intentional or not, I did hurt my play mates. Not that I was anywhere near then to knowing to what I’d done. But certainly this was not something noble to be endured.

An unkind word or an unruly act can scar for life. A simple reflection on someone’s stature or skin color sounds harmless. But it can damage the identity of the person to whom these comments are aimed.

*Image source: ; Mind Your Tongue’ by Ignatius Deepak Stanley in artofhowto.com*

Replace perverse words with pleasant ones. Hurtful words have long life and verbal insults are like mini slaps. So, you’ll do well if you remember this; It is nice to be important but it is more important to be nice.

Trust me, you won’t ever fall flat.

Don’t judge. Live the moment.

Every so often don’t we forget to take notice and respect the feelings of others especially when upset or in haste? Being mindful helps to mellow the harsh reality of the moment and shows others the respect they deserve.

Stay grounded and respectful and this will be your gentle way to make sure that others don’t get hurt just as quickly as you.

*Image source: ‘6 Essential Problem-Solving Skills You Need’ in online.edhec.edu*

Over the years I’ve learned to stand back from delicate and thorny situations altogether. I’m determined to set aside exposition of my opinion for good. I have made many mistakes but I’ve also understood to change the way I speak and I don’t think I have ever hurt anybody since then. I guess a wrong remark always leaves a horrible mark. It’s better to bite your tongue than to say something that you’ll regret later.

So, be careful to care and save yourself from a reign of rash, rude words and all that that ends in a reckless ruin.

Above all, “Don’t let your tongue lick you”.

Are you stuck in life and unable to break through? You can change absolutely anything you want to; your situation, your lifestyle and even ‘Who’ you are. You just have to want it enough!

Nothing changes unless you do: Change your ways to unlock your happiness!

16th Nov 2024 soulshop.com Leave a comment

How would you describe your life? Have you achieved everything you have dreamed of? Are you OK with your feats? Do you see yourself as a success? How do you see at your future?

*Image source: ‘Time for change’ by Kimberly McLemore in wsbillc.com*

Baffling and tricky! Yeah…But when it comes to which direction your life is moving, it’s good to spend a day heart-searching looking for answers.

I tried and this is how it went for me.

“If I come to your place and spend just one day with you, I’d be able to tell whether or not you need a change in something you do daily. I’ll be up with you in the morning and walk through the day with you. I will watch you for 24 hours. And I could tell everything about how you’ve steered your life so far and which way it’s headed”;Crowing loud my close friend would often put across his point when in deep conversation about life accomplishments. He would then spend some time zealously searching my face for approval.

Whatever… we never agreed on certain perspectives.

Those were the college days then. Today given a chance I’d readily pitch in. I have understood clearly that if I keep doing what I’ve always done, I’ll keep getting what I’ve always gotten.

Living a full life requires changing myself and that’s not going to happen until I change my ways. In effect, if I want something done, then I’d have to go after it until I make it happen.

By Changing Nothing, Nothing Changes

We all want things to change for good. To live a full life, to be successful, to not let our thoughts get in the way of the things we want for us and lastly-to just be happy.

To grow and gain is everybody’s heartfelt wish. But when you couldn’t manage to get bigger, taller and larger, you feel like you’ve been re-living the same space over and over again. Frustration swallows all sense of ease. Nothing seems to move ahead in the way it should. You earnestly hope if only you just scram out of the box and get moving.

There’s some great news in here though.

It all validates that you do have a yen for making that possible. Right!

Unfortunately it doesn’t work like that. You need to decide, you need to move.

I ruled myself to slow down to regain my lost appetite for a good life. Days were getting dreary and unexciting. All I wanted was to bring in some change in my time by what I was doing every day. From sitcoms and serials to FB to Instagram to best-sellers, I had already used all sorts of things to dismiss feeling of dismay. Still nothing would work for me. I’d start to think more about what was happening as I’d turn on the TV and my mind would turn off. I would plan to watch just one episode, but when I came to the end of it, I’d find myself unable to stop. It was as if I couldn’t take in any other choice. I was watching everything without exactly digesting them.

Was this the time for a change?

*Image source: ‘Guidance to Young Adults’ Individual Journey’ in mentor4me.org*

The sense of reparation and contentment would come only after I resolved to change what I was doing in my everyday life. Progress seemed impossible without that. I won’t deny I was unwilling at first to change because it hurts. It hurts to be on the cutting edge. But it also hurt to be left behind in the times. So, I decided to put things right. I thought I as well get on with the changes that need to be made. It took me some guts to leave the ruts. In turn I was left with enough time to digest my surroundings and live the experiences.

Guess this was the best crossover ever for me. I was finally happy… as a clam!

It All Comes Down to What You do Daily

I honestly think that nothing ever changes in life until you change something you do every day. I strongly believe that every bit of success is determined by your daily plan of things to be done. Success just doesn’t suddenly happen one day in someone’s life and neither does the failure. Every day is merely the prep for the next. What you’ll be tomorrow is what you do today.

My mom would often tell me as I grew up, “You can pay now, and play later, or you can play now and pay later. But either way, you’ll pay.” Her counsel didn’t mean much then. I was too cocky to listen to her advice. It’s only after she was gone that I could make a sense of it all. ‘You can take it easy and do what you want today, but if you do, your life will be harder later’. My bad! My sensibilities had failed me then.

*Image source: ’52 Quotes that will remind you not to settle for less’ by Leigh Weingus in silkandsonder.com on Jan.11-2022.*

Think about it. What means most to you; today or tomorrow? Are you in the habit of paying before playing? Find answer to these questions and you’ll know what tomorrow holds for you.

Sometimes I find it way too easy to watch too much TV but very difficult to watch the right amount. Of course, there is no fixed answer to this; “what’s the correct amount?” because it all depends on my urge to keep watching.

It nonetheless is pretty easy to know when you’ve had enough. If you are in touch with yourself, you can listen to yourself and know when your appetite is sated.

The key to building a better life is no different. All it needs is to be in an intimate contact with yourself; one that’s open to embrace change and different in every way from an unhealthy harmful addiction.

Tossing out my yesterday, I have decided to have a week-end night off from watching TV. I don’t turn it on and it amazes me how much time I am left with. I do the chores willingly and feel satisfied by the ordinary at the end of the day. Everyday experience of contributing something useful to my life rather than escaping it overwhelms me. I feel more wanted on evenings like that and not so many lost to TV.

But does it have to be all or nothing? Can you stay connected to your appetite and find your way to an amount that feels right?

Remember, nothing will change until you do. And you can change absolutely anything you want to; your situation, your lifestyle and even ‘Who’ you are.

You just have to want it enough!

Sometimes we are so focused on our happiness that we forget that to make someone else smile is a beautiful way of empathizing and being kind. You could be the reason someone smiles today!

Be the reason someone smiles today : Your Life Will Never be The Same!

30th Oct 2024 soulshop.com Leave a comment

Yeah! That’s more like me as a kid. Unfortunately, there weren’t too many photo opportunities handy way back in days of late 50’s. I couldn’t treasure my childhood days like others, much less realize the worth of it all then.

I am not that cute anymore. And whatever you think of me from that smile on the face, I wasn’t the happiest kid. Oh! Geez…I was happy in a way. Everything around me was plentiful and life was fun. But from a very young age I was always a serious and focused child. Kids around me meanwhile looked unconcerned, lighthearted and freewheeling. The air around them smelled carefree and easy going. Incurious, I still did well by remaining absorbed, watchful and all wrapped up, in my formative years.

Over the years I have focused on my life’s purpose. People would often judge me as hard headed in thinking and carefully involved in my ways. Yet as I grew up I’ve also become much happier and more positive. I owe this brighter side of me more to a benevolent attitude and a bent for doing good. I think once you embrace this shift it’s easy to find out how uncomplicated that change can be.

*Image source: ‘Keeping Your Mental Health in Bloom This Summer’ by Daisy Coggin in studentnews.manchester.ac.uk on 28 May 2024.*

You Can’t Change Your Life Until You Change it

Life comes in seasons that change and so does everyone. Sometimes this change comes as a big one for many. Marriage or divorce, moving to a new city, committing to a partner, buying house or even starting a family; all are significant choices. Nothing matters more. For obdurates others , change means encountering far reaching experiences. Emotional health, scuttled relationship, retiring, new career, or moving across the country are all unusual events. Even debating with whom to invest your time is just another extraordinary occurrence.

Should I just start my life over? What if I simply move to some place quieter or travel? What should I be doing with my life? Is this really what I want for myself? When you mull over or examine your priorities like this, it’s only natural to question your choices. But if you yearn hard enough, it’s quite possible to make a new start any time. Besides it’s always OK to not know where you’re going next. After all, we all get one life to live. And we are always on the run to find the best version of ourselves.

Sometimes it’s hard to know exactly why you want a change. It’s also difficult to find out how big a change you’re looking for. But if you intend to live a more intentional life, it’ll be awful to miss the possibility. Living the same life tomorrow repeats the life you’ve lived yesterday. This keeps you anchored to the same life you are living today. Even so if you’re looking for a transformative change, something about you need to change.

Living a truly contented life isn’t as tricky as you think. In fact it’s more of an art than some inquisitive instinct. Everybody have their own way to tap into their own happiness. For me happiness is a choice, a lifestyle that I consciously prefer to lead. It’s my way of keeping spirits high and heart content.

And trust me, it’s worth it.

Try to make someone smile and you’ll know what I mean. Once you shed your unease, your day begins to unfold a wee bit better. It gets way easier to endure. It’s winsome for you each time you get involved.

So… when was the last time you made someone smile?

Everyone runs into bad days one time or the other. Sometimes, all that’s needed is a smile from someone else to pep up and turn your day around. Making someone happy not only makes them feel good. It also lifts you from valley lows. And you feel no less good either.

Smile is a pretty contagious attribute. When you see someone happy and wreathed in smiles, it’s hard not to smile back. It’s possible that you’ve had a difficult day. You’ve been tired, grumpy, and feeling awful. You think you’ve an unwilling world around you to fight back. But then someone smiles at you or does something really nice for you. Suddenly your day doesn’t feel so bad anymore.

Now that you’re with me so far, you must be wondering how I went about it. Here are few ideas that worked pretty well for me and I guess so will they for you.

Make someone’s Day. It Just Make Yours

Hard to say when I acquired an intuitive wish to be helpful and strive to bring few upbeat moments in someone’s life. But somehow it did happen along the way. Interestingly, the enormity of what I was trying to live by would not hit me until I read this story. It was to change my life forever.

There was this man who lived a few miles away high in the hilly terrain from the Ganges in Himalayan foothills. One day, embittered by deprivations and denial of people around him he walked those few miles to the bridge, jumped and drowned. As the police investigated the fatality in the ensuing days, they found a note that the man had left on his bed.

It read: “I’m going to walk to the bridge. If one person smiles at me on the way, I will not jump today.”

Nobody smiled. Helplessness and desolation finally pushed him past the breaking point to take his own life.

Months later, only now I fully understand the power of a smile – ‘it can truly change and even save a life’.

So smile, say ‘Hello’; it’s free and infectious. When you smile at someone most likely you’ll get a smile back. It’s one simple beginning to make someone’s day for almost no effort on your part.

Make Your Move and Start Over

This is huge. Committing to make a change is not easy. It comes with its up and downs. But starting over afresh doesn’t mean you’ve lost everything you’ve learned, gained, and experienced. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. Your past has brought you to where you are today. And you’re lucky enough to be wiser than you were just a few months ago.

On my part, I used what I knew best; ‘myself’. I walked over a few slow steps to go back to the beginning and herald a change. I’d rather bet an entire day’s slog to see a wrinkled unhappy face crack a smile in a brief moment of heartsease. I would find delight in seeing a hesitant broken smile wiping away the sullen looks on faces as long as a fiddle. It didn’t matter for how long. For me, one moment is just as good as many.

I honestly meant to start ‘living’.

“I love your shoes!” or “You have a beautiful smile.” Few simple heartfelt words to utter as I walk past someone on the street. And I would know I had stirred someone to cheer up. When in line at a store and I see the person behind me only has a few items, I’d offer to let them get ahead. I ‘d notice see a momentary glint in the eyes and a broad smile on the face. It’s always polite to say please and thank you, but it means much more coming from a stranger. So whenever somebody did something nice for me, I made sure to express my gratitude. I learned to laugh together. I would do whatever it needed to make someone’s life a bit easier. Sometimes when someone’s going through a tough time or just having a bad day, a hug was all that made all the difference. I would even try to help out anyone struggling with something. Every diminutive effort brought a restful moment in lives around me .

These small acts of gratitude and empathy never failed me in communicating a hint of reassurance and comfort to all.

Over the time with a bit of thoughtfulness and effort I have managed to regain sway over values that helped in my transformation. It’s no longer hard to promise myself another field day and make someone smile.

Give yourself a chance for now. Someday you will be grateful for having voted for a change.

The life you really want is only a decision away. It’s easy enough to talk about ‘good’ and ‘better’ but difficult to follow when you’re in the middle of it. Great payoffs never sell short

When ‘Good’ Isn’t Home, Is It Ok To Settle For ‘Better’?

23rd Aug 2024 soulshop.com Leave a comment

I am as guilty as anyone of cramming way too much into my life, always trying hard for all that seems ‘Good’. It’s not that I have a problem saying ‘No’ to anything ‘good enough‘; it’s just that I luv to live a full life.

I don’t own a business nor do I imagine myself having one. It’s been five years since I hung my boots. I try to keep the order and peace of my home because I dearly value a lifestyle that has a little bit of room for little exercise, quality sleep and freedom to fill in relationships and expand my inner circle.

I’m sure you will empathize with my ‘curl up in bed and take a nap’ attitude-it’s kinda crazy though, unless you have even more than that on your plate. But I am certain you’d agree that it’s difficult enough to find time to juggle all our different commitments and still spare some space for moments of rest! Intriguingly I’ve found out that when I have not made enough time for rest, I not only see a decline in the quality of what I do but my heart is left utterly depleted of fire to get out of my head and knock around into something ‘Good’.

This is interesting because I think we created ‘rest’ so that we can live with peace and contentment even in the midst of our full lives. Sounds good? But then aren’t we checking ourselves out of reality in the hope that someday we’ll be rid of glass-half-full mentality and can appreciate small improvements.

*Image source: ‘How Not To Settle For “Just Good Enough” When Anything Is Possible by Halle Eavelyn in linkedin.com*

Of course there’s nothing like perfect patience or generosity or empathy or humility. The best that can occur is the consistency of our efforts. A grateful mindset is a great healer. But the problem turns disquieting when it shifts to complacency and the trying stops. This is when “This is good enough “becomes a problem because then we tend to forget how good life can actually be.

While this is justifiably frightening, my greatest fear has always been living a typical ordinary life where you settle for something that isn’t everything. The mere thought would abandon me with a pattern of negativity. At one point I thought I had settled with a career that was rewarding but not too safe and a companionship that was comforting and refreshing but not bursting with excitement.

Not that I didn’t come down to moments of hard choice; to leave the cross roads or to let go and bite the bullet.

Many years later with ‘Salad Days over my resolve also changed . Now, every time I decide to give up on my endeavors, I’d look back and for a strange reason will be happy that I couldn’t. Guess, ‘Good enough’ didn’t feel that boring then.

But I wasn’t happy. Maybe I was afraid of being Too Big in the World!

*Image source: ‘Why We Settle for Less in Relationships—Plus, 9 Signs It’s Happening to You by Stacey Laura Lloyd and Sarah Schreiber in brides.com*

What’s worse and why?

Have you ever wondered what would happen if you acted on a deep impulse to completely change your life? Have you ever really looked up at how you’d show up in the world? Do you really believe that people need your whole truth behind becoming ‘Great’?

At the outset I never wanted people to see what a hot mess I had to wade through to be a cut above the ‘average’ because I thought it wouldn’t work that way. Nobody would want to judge me on perception alone, at least at first. At times I’d even deny my right to anything that only belonged to me. I’d be straining at the very edges of my desires reminding myself the whole time that I didn’t want everything that has been given to me, sure that I wasn’t worthy of ‘good things’ in any way.

I couldn’t trust what was happening around me. Most importantly, I had asked for everything “bigger and better,” around me and declared that was what I wanted- aloud.

But was I really ready?

*Image source: ‘Opt-In: The Key to Success with Push Notifications in signalize.com*

So I dug into all my heart, mindset, inclination and outlook, and chanced upon an amazing insight; what if I took all the explanations I had learned so far- including the biggest and the most powerful ones; piece them together and give ear to everything I was being lead to do.

It felt weird in the beginning but eventually I began to focus more on the positives and also starve the negatives. I learned to appreciate my desired outcomes and would happily let go of my fears.

It was more complicated than I’ve outlined here but gradually everything began to work for my ‘Good’. It was positively a confusing and yet incredibly empowering way ahead, all at once requiring watchful and constant attention. Once I began, I felt being more alive than I had in last forty odd years.

Today it all seems like a lifetime ago, and in a way, it is… Beneath the glass on my writing table, I’ve this penned ; ‘I Will Live My Truth Only’ . I consider this as a reminder to all the grumbles, whines, laments and grief that befell my way. It reminds me of my days in the school of hard knocks, a resolute effort to fit in and a win of inconceivable and the incredible.

Now that I’ve accepted my inner guidance to the point where I don’t make a move without it, I’ve vowed not to settle for ‘better’ anymore than look at it as a momentary rejig in life. I’m aware things will shift seismically again. And this thought makes me grateful and keeps me alive all the time lest I miss a rendezvous with all the ‘good fortune’. If that’s the only lesson I get out of it, I think that’s enough.

But if there’s more beyond the ‘very best’, I can’t wait to see what comes next.

*Image source: ‘Achieving Your Goals in allyoursuccess.com*

What about you? Are you struggling with some part of yourself that’s not Ok with ‘passable? What would you choose? Would you settle for less than the best just because it didn’t come your way or you think you don’t deserve? What are you ready to give up that is not alright with you anymore?

If you want things to be different, TRULY different, start thinking that you’re capable of ‘great exploits’; pin hope on nobody but you and keep telling yourself; ‘It’s finally here. I’m about to experience a strong rebuild of my life’! Just remember your worth. Dig deep to figure out what you really want, what makes you happy and what you want your future to look like.

My take on this !

Nothing stays on other side for long. Reclaim yourself. Once you wake up to the idea that you can stand in your own power, you wouldn’t settle for anything less than you deserve!

To grow up too early too soon is not infallible. Sometime it conspires to put your happiness into the hands of others. But it also leaves you hyper-independent and incredibly self reliant in the end.

8 Signs You Grew Up Way Too Fast!

16th Aug 2024 soulshop.com 2 Comments

Growing up too fast isn’t always a bad thing. You didn’t choose to but you did faster than everyone else. You turned a legit adult at 18, but honestly you’d been one much sooner than that. “You look really mature for your age” or “Wow, are you only __ years old?” Haven’t you faced these reflections all through your early years?

Look around for reasons and you’ll find way too many. An impoverished home, dwindling finances, being the oldest sibling, neglect, or even bullying; just about anything would have cut short your free and careless adolescent years, howsoever you would have wished not to grow up faster than everyone else!

*Image source: ‘An Open Letter To My Son’s Absent Father’ by Jessica Wilson in thoughtcatalog.com*

You’re Quick-witted and excellent at prioritizing.

It’s never been tough for you to choose between going out and partying on a school night or staying back and prepare for your next exam. You always knew what you wanted but more importantly you knew what was needed of you. You always chose to stick to a schedule that would show your priority tasks.

Over the time opportunities got laid out before you to be managed and arranged in order of importance. You were definitely adept in that and would do all that in 0.5 sec flat. It was truly a skill and you bettered others.

You’re one heck of a planner

This is not about “planned my entire wedding on Pinterest” kinda work-out either. Perhaps you had your whole life mapped out all through or maybe at some point of time you had tried to. Arranging and listing were your religion while spontaneity gave you only stings and hives.

Yet your game plan for tomorrow is as firm today as it’s been yesterday and most likely will be a year from tomorrow as well.

From respite to resume’

Do you feel like you’ve missed out so many things in your childhood? Imagine yourself on a moonwalk or swinging on the playground during school interval and then the next moment you find yourself looking for any job that would accept an 18 year old’s CV! In a heartbeat responsibilities have come crashing down on you.

Now you miss what you’ve left behind. You long and thrive for what you didn’t take in. You want to be in the slumber party at your friend’s home, you didn’t get. You want to get drenched by those squeaky sprinklers in your front yard one last time; you missed them dearly. And you’d love if someone yells at you once again, “It’s ok, you’ll understand when you get older.”

If you get what I mean by saying this then perhaps you’ve overstepped and overshot your reach but that‘s ok if this gets you any closer to sense of comfort and well being.

Nobody understood you correctly

Your whole life till now has been mired in failing relationships-friendly or romantic likewise. You’ve been struggling with your fixes for long.

If this is you then you’ve matured quite early when most people your age haven’t. Your friends just don’t understand why you can’t go out and join them for partying every single weekend. What’s fun, electrifying and rebellious for them, you view it as unnecessary and would prefer to go your way. For you empathy comes hard and you can do no more than pity them. You have lost a lot many friends because of it.

*Image source: ‘Shun foster firms and focus on children at risk, state told’ by Sean O’Driscoll in thetimes.com*

But don’t we all lose something and gain somewhere?

No worries. You don’t hold it against anybody

In the beginning you didn’t know how to put yourself ahead and when you did, it felt brutally selfish. Later you knew that you’ll be fine because you’ve learned how to take care of yourself. You’d know how and why you should move mountains for others when they wouldn’t even walk 10 steps for you. And you’d do it. You’d do it today as well because that’s just what you know. When someone would actually dare to invest in you, it’s completely rare territory and would leave you uneasy and cautious.

You can’t help being jealous.

You wouldn’t want to admit this but you’ve always been privy to other people’s accomplishments and would easily get jealous of those who got lucky in fulfilling their youth. You’d be in awe of those who got to be careless and free and yet lived a warm and rewarding life without fearing any backlash. You’d resent those who didn’t always have to be so unfettered and grown up. You’re envious of the kids who got time out as a child because you thought their parents cared more.

You’d wish to be like your mates who got to be just that- a student; not a grown up adult.

You’d think of yourself as “getting old.”

In all seriousness, there’s nothing worse than a 25-year-old unfolding a long winded, candid spiel when in a company– that would often end up with glib excuses about how incredibly “old” they’re? Its one thing when you’re being sarcastic— it’s quite another when you actually cheat yourself into believing that you’re truly getting up there in age.

As a kid and then as a teen you’d often feel that way. It’s likely that you were surrounded by young immature people who’d remind you that your sense of restraint was on a rapid decline.

Instead had you been surrounded by those who were happy in what they do and excited about the future, the thought of “getting old’ would have missed your lexicon.

“Too late” to pursue your dreams!

I’ve often come across people in my life who even when in their “twenty something” and “tween” would in all seriousness confide that they can ‘no longer’ pursue their dreams or that they’re ‘too old’ to make a new beginning. From vacationing in Europe to taking night classes towards their Masters, everything seemed remote to them.

Limitations apart, to simply feel like the “crazy” period of your life where you try new things is magically over the moment you hit mid-20s is absurd. When this happens no matter how hard you have tried to come out of this mindset, you couldn’t convince yourself that there is a better life to live than you had so far. In a way you’ve condemned your life like the reruns of SVU (remember Special Victims Unit- a crime drama television series!) treating yourself to occasional takeouts at best.

*Image source: Erick Mclean in pexels.com*

Sometimes we’re born with a purpose to fit into a plan and sometimes we’re left disconnected from our ‘Inner Child’ and miss out on critical opportunities to expand. And sometimes tracing the scars that life has left us with, helps draw a better stronger person out of us.

I guess, it also reminds you that at one point of time you did fight for something you believed!

Yes, you were the one who’d dress yourself for school, who made sure to finish the homework, who always remembered to pay for own things and who would take care of own self when sick. All through you’ve been one heck of a person. One strong-willed relentless striking soul who learned everything the hard way and made it to the real world- real fast.

*Image source: ‘7 Ways to Preserve Your Travel Memories and Decorate Your Favourite Places’ in wanderlusters.com*

Do you still agonize over your past and expect perfection from yourself? Fast tracking to adulthood always has profound and lasting impacts on one’s life. But as a grown-up there is always a way to slow down and reconnect with the part of yourself that always want to simply be a child.

So thank your childhood- for being cut short. It made you ready for the World in next to no time. And take it from me when I say, “life is fun at any age- You just have to make it happen!”

The idea of ‘not caring’ may seem unreasonable at first sight but mastering it can become a powerful way to pursuing a happier, more fulfilling life!

Say g’bye to these four self defeating habits if you want to be the best version of yourself!

13th Jun 2024 soulshop.com Leave a comment

Seriously! Are they bad enough to sabotage our level of awareness and destroy our happiness?

Like everyone else I also have endured conflicts with a boundless rage that lives within us all. Most of the time it would turn the situation I’m in, awkwardly critical and would silently work to destroy my confidence. Yet unwittingly every single time I’d let myself be ravaged by this frenzy and would settle with picking poor choices. Next would follow an overwhelming surge of low self-esteem, hostile self-talk and miserable emotions only to see me going bonkers.

“I can’t do that.”

“I am not good enough to get the job.”

“I know I should exercise more, but …”

“It should probably get out more, but …”

Not many would agree but after every “but” sits the excuse for bringing in a bad choice. Unfortunately it sets everything off-course and leaves us looking for what we need most at places where we least ought to. Assumptions, I guess are our worst enemy. Trusting them over and over again is like grasping a straw in the wind. They’d subside only when we retreat into the comfort of disrespect and insolence.

Coping with a self defeating, ambition-killing fire in the head by not allowing it to cripple our sense of right or wrong is what makes life easy to live. Left unchecked these failings would get so ingrained in our lives that we’d start to accept them as normal.

Looking for a way to fix this?

It’s only years later I talked me over to relent and stop resisting the change. My call…it was weird but a wonderful fieriness had begun to unroll for me.

I’d still be haunted by anger but I had learned to admit that ‘I am angry’. I had realized that what I needed most when running in circles was to admit that I’ve been running in circles. It was as easy as winking but it took me a while to catch on. Surprisingly very few would’ve the courage to accept their weak spot. For most part they’d rather stay stuck so long as their ‘safe space’ is not intruded on. Funnily enough, it’s kinda painful to admit that you’re stuck!

So, how do we evade thoughts that shut us out from healthy solutions? Can we in some way tear down an attitude that typically ends with something awful we wouldn’t want to happen? What if the intended outcome does more bad than good?

Few and far in between, self cheating behavior works against its own purpose and is normally either unsuccessful or useless. It’s more like being mean to the person you want to befriend. Ordinarily it’s self harming and would hit back soon. One way or the other your actions would forestall your approach from working out. Make no mistake- your every effort would be in vain and everything that you wished for would be lost.

To break free of this self-hurting, happiness derailing attitude, put these four practices on your what-not-to-do list. Once you learn to kick your insipid boring attitude to the curb, you’ll be on fast track to being the best version of you.

*Image source:’Why is changing habits so hard?’by Gill Mckay in gillmckay.com*

You’re adding without subtracting

Scaling up unthinkingly without giving a second thought is natural and unwittingly happens to all of us. Sometimes I fell for it as well. Adding new stuff without doing away with the old one is how my closet would get cluttered. My workload would become unmanageable and my budget would go up in smoke. “Is any of this going to help me go fat or look better?” I’d argue with me then, knowing well that it takes discipline to cut and combine. But that part would always elude me.

I grew up without pruning and that’s bad!

Worse still, I’d always think that I’d get away with it! Whatever “it” was—cheating, hiding, digging deep into my pocket for that extra bit of plum cake, I’d be convinced otherwise. It was quite delusional. I knew lapses do not forgive and slip ups would show up somewhere someday.

Happily, not before long I learned how to get over myself. Long-term consequences and a growing familiarity to my weaknesses showed the potholes ahead. I had found out that humility shakes off self defeat.

Besides, a growing emphasis on purpose and a sense of responsibility pushed me to sidestep the deception. I saw Google enjoying outstanding success, but it didn’t stay stuck to its past. There were moments when it relented to popular expectations just like the antipathy of the bakery union that drove Hostess brands (of Twinkies fame), an 82 year old business into liquidation in Nov. 2012.

*Image source: ‘Good people make mistakes’ in observingleslie.com*

Don’t just sit on the fence

Trying to become something you are not while there’s plenty of value in who you are, can be self-defeating. Google expanded its territory to become a comms network provider, build fiber optics, mobile network and mapped software to driverless cars when most opined that it should stay focused to Googling than opening up and as a consequence fall behind. The rag bag has ever since been a mix of tumble and fumble.

Getting caught in the middle of something while being not good enough to compete in the new terrain, is disastrous and ends in losing sight of the old area as well. Move out of your comfort zone only when you know you can challenge yourself.

I grew because I had learned to side step discomfort and with it all the uncertainty that comes with change.

Going ballistic is bad!

Anger and blame are unproductive emotions that do more harm than good. Both hurt if misplaced. Here’s how. Years after a tragic incident on the Deepwater Horizon, an oil drilling rig operated by BP in the Gulf of Mexico on 20 April 2010 in which 11 people lost their lives, BP struck the headlines facing a record fine and slew of criminal charges. The then CEO Tony Hayward damaged the company more by indignantly giving bitter statements about the unfairness of it all!

Angry words leave a long devastating trail and are capable of overwhelming your accomplishments. Learn to be mindful of your anger. Tame it before it incites bitterness and consumes everything.

Are you afraid of change?

For all that we know- our brain is wired to resist change. An inseparable natural part of our lives, it is programmed to hang on to the status quo and avoid the uncertainty that comes with a shift. It resists because it fears losing a secure space to the unknown. This hostility to change is what harms most as it keeps us stuck into the past not letting the better person in us to grow.

Here’s the thing- growth doesn’t happen in a familiar territory. If your wish is to evolve, improve and be the limit, live the change, not fear it. It scares everyone at first sight but then every sec is a chance to grow and learn. Endure going down with a tough project in Office, be ready to face the flak in a difficult conversation with kins and be a game when pushed against the wall by your wellness trainer; every extra mile is an opportunity to break free and live the better version of you. Soon your mind will learn to shift focus from problems to solutions, acknowledge your thoughts, and won’t let them control you.

Feature source:’This tiny cute bird will inspire you’ by Heart touching films in YouTube.com

So next time you find yourself slipping, step back and look at the big picture. It’s not about having all the answers but moving ahead even when things aren’t perfectly clear.

Reach out and say ‘Hello’ to a mindset of action and solution-oriented thinking if you trust your guts. Even before you’d know, your journey to be the best version of you would have begun.

Once you learn to let go of what doesn’t truly matter you can create a space for what does.

Outside of cupcakes and occasional fun runs, life is stormy. Picking up one grumpy face every time is not very inviting either. So, if you’re up for an Oscar-winning life, better crank it up a notch

Choose your face wisely: it can change your life!

25th Apr 2024 soulshop.com Leave a comment

What is your face saying? Which look would you prefer today? Why it be the most important decision you make? Some have said that the thoughts you carry today create the face of your future – in so many ways. More informed ones say that it can change your life in just 7 days!

Do you believe any of that? I wasn’t so sure but sometime ago a hardened wish to live lighthearted made me curious enough take a shot at it.

I tried and it worked! Outside of few frenzied moments, this was no fun run though. Every so often it would be hard to hold on to my protesting wits while struggling not to shy away from trying.

Want to know how for yourself?

Two years ago on one wintry morning, as I sat in the front porch holding a cup of coffee in one hand and balancing the morning newspaper in my lap, I felt uneasy. Something was whetting up my thoughts since last evening. I could sense it; it was getting me worked up. I had woken early from an annoyingly bad dream of last night. I don’t know if it was a subjective response to a perturbed sleep or a dry sadness of the day- but I got nostalgic. The past flew back to me in a sec when life was all fun and games.

I had found a photo of me smiling big while combing through old family photo album the evening before. For some reason my sensibility had run crazy thereafter. The face that peered out just wouldn’t disappear. Nuts! It was kinda mocking me and wouldn’t let go. Even in bed it continued to spook me. I couldn’t make any sense of what I was dealing with. That pic had roiled up many memories. Whatever, for good or bad, it was distressing reliving those faded moments. And yet I touch a bit of comfort in that flash back. For a moment it felt like a bridge that stretched back over to the good old days; a quite step outside of my comfort zone. It was upsetting though. Funny, remembrance was acting weird here.

I was saddened by how I appeared then. Surprisingly it wasn’t my hair or the cool swanky suit I was wearing that bothered me much; although some of that did make me wonder later what I was thinking then and why everything about me has changed so much now.

It was perhaps the countenance on my face that had knocked me over; a look that mirrored calmness and a glint of happiness in the corners of the eyes. While I did manage to keep my chin up in most snapshots thereafter, there’s been an obvious lack of rejoice. The joy in the heart had given way to melancholy as if I was carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders.

My face mirrors my heart

If you can think of a struggle I have lived through all of it; disappointment, fear, anxiety, rejection, anger, bitterness, sadness and hopelessness. And every time I have mustered enough courage to work my way through. But somewhere along the way my heart ached and I realized that I couldn’t hide behind it any more. This was an uninvited nasty change and would mock me later every time I faced a lens. Every still was a cruel reminder that I will no longer laugh without the fear of the future. My face was beginning to show the brokenness in my heart. I kept praying for a better day and an even better tomorrow. Strength and help is what I quested to remove what did not mirror my countenance. I knew that I would find joy only when I walk lighter, burden free and trust myself.

People have their own way of thinking and processing emotions but if you are not motivated heart-to-heart you’ll set yourself back full time! To me it was like somebody telling me to let go of a relationship for which I was not ready and doing anything upfront to save it would be a useless exercise. I was distressed, knowing that I hadn’t quite “reached” myself. Perhaps I felt that way because I was usually looking stressed. I’d often have a negative expression on my face…you will call it a “No” face; one that has resigned to the fact that “you can’t win them all.” I just kept on doing what I was doing.

https://videopress.com/v/YTL9ZDtY?resizeToParent=true&cover=true&autoPlay=true&loop=true&playsinline=true&preloadContent=none&useAverageColor=true

Feature credits: ‘The Tree’ by Hot Shot in YouTube.com

Until… one day I decided to confront myself. I said to me; “it’s time to move on joyfully”. Next, over the time I persuaded myself to act like I was in a good mood even if I woke up in a bad one. I practically attempted to let my body actually ‘fake-out’ my brains. Imperceptibly, the slow moving ice began to thaw. Guess, ‘Fake it till you make it’ was indeed beginning to work for my rescue! I had finally learned to live with my failings. When my TV broke down I’d no longer hit it in exasperation or breakdown in anger. Everything would suck but I’d still resist shouting. I would twirl and tell everybody that the TV’s working fine but something’s gone wrong with the power socket. Trust me; whenever I reacted like this, it’s impossible to feel stressed.

By substituting playful gestures for angry ones, my brain was short-circuiting my own stress!

I didn’t always think that all of it was true. Still the older I got, the more I believed that my choosing has a lot to do with it. This was a simple truth but took me pretty long time to own it.

*Image source: ‘The importance of anonymous feedback’ by Rosanna Bull in the happinessindex.com*

Which face would you choose today?

Which kind of face would you rather have? The one that is furrowed with worry lines and frown grooves? Or the one with crow’s feet and laughter lines? Whatever’s your choice, scarily it’d decide how you have chosen your day to be like; a buoyed one or the one that sees you sullen and cross at all times.

Urgent things do pop up every day to demand our time and frenzied back-to-back work often means setting aside our conviviality. But prioritizing doesn’t mean reordering and letting our sullen old self ruin our day. You need to figure out what can be knocked off and how to say ‘no’ sometimes. Ask yourself; “What’s the worst that will happen if I don’t do this; is there any other way to get this done or is there some way for me to half-do this and move on from it?”

I’m not sure if I ever again saw myself twirling around TV, but in reality this principle seemed to be at the heart of the way my body and mind worked together. The power that I see today in my hands feels amazing. For once I know how to look for the greatest way to perk up my day. Its okay if some days are bad but I guess without the tough ones it’s hard to appreciate the special ones.

*Image source: ‘4 movements that really relieve’ by Magali Quent in notretemps.com*

So, look around you next time you’re out and about in a busy street. Even when people are lost in their own thoughts, not talking to anyone else, their face would tell you the story of their thoughts. You’ll know which thought and emotion you need to learn and practice more often if you’re to take your day beyond ordinary. Check it out – our emotional state is unshakable and hangs tough all over our faces for all to see. Changing your bearings and ‘wearing a different face’ would jump start your body chemistry to work in 60 secs flat to shift your emotions on a brighter note and make you feel different. Top it up with a cheery smile and you’ve just run into an amazing day!

What’s my favorite one!

A glint in the eye and a broad smile one that starts at the eyes and then fills the room. It’s contagious. It can change your world as it has mine!

Uncertainty sucks! It’s funny how we try to escape it, only to get deeply mired. If you’re missing the bliss of blur, know how to decode life, deal with it and still remain in bliss!

The promise and peril of living with the bliss of uncertainty!

14th Mar 2024 soulshop.com 2 Comments

“Everyone makes mistakes, so no one person is better than the other.”

No hard guesswork; this assertion would certainly raise eyebrows. While you may get on with it, there are few who would rather mock it straightaway. And understandably so; if Abraham Lincoln or Joseph Stalin could stumble and screw up sometimes in life, clearly not all slip ups are equal.

This sounds intuitive on the surface since there is no rust colored fire escape ladder or wrought iron curly cues to help. But surprisingly there is multitude of instances where we simply miss the actual picture. Eliezer Yudkowsky- best remembered for popularizing ideas related to friendly artificial intelligence, is just as cautious when elaborating; “Everything is shades of gray, but there are shades of gray so light as to be nearly white and shades of gray so dark as to be very nearly black. Or even if not, we can still compare shades and say “it’s darker or it’s lighter”.

To me it measures the same way; like all imperfections are not equal and all uncertainties are different. While it’s not easy to embrace uncertainty, the important thing is what we choose to do with it. Who wouldn’t want to go all out to ease it, knowing that it will never be entirely gone? Except that this would determine what shade of gray you really are in as nothing is as black, white or evenly gray as you’d want it to be.

Asserting that “I don’t know a shit” or “I don’t give a damn” is something that everybody readily accepts and would easily dismiss your imperfections. But there’s a difference between someone who fails to prove why Earth is flat and someone who falls through in proving the string theory that describes the universe as made up of tiny vibrating threads. Smaller than atoms, electrons, or quarks when these strands vibrate, twist and fold, they create matter, energy, and other phenomena like electromagnetism and gravity.

In any case both would throw up their hands in uncertainty though may secretly hand on to a cocky certainty.

*Image source: ‘Your silence will not protect you’ by Audre Lorde in the feministbookshop.com*

For the most part we live in a world where nothing is certain; we cannot hope to be more correct –only less wrong. It’s kinda default setting where nothing is fully comprehensible. Nonetheless if you could comprehend why nothing is ever black or white, then that’s a great start. But the real shift happens only when you begin to view the world through infinite shades of color.

It’s a difficult road but promises a beautiful destination!

How strange is life, isn’t it? The darkness of the night always relents and makes way for the light of the day time after time. Likewise our endurance never fails to end our labor into fruition. It’s a blissful absurdity but is conclusive to co existing with Nature. I do not freak out easily but I know one thing for sure –there is no perfect way to live your life in a well laid down manner. Our lives are not novels that need to confine to a well defined sequence of chapters. Rather it’s a collection of stories that behold different plots unfettered- in a single you.

I have always felt fragile yet confident in my dealings. My heart could feel the pain of loss and my soul would flourish with happiness when excited. And my mind would eagerly build on rhythms of life that stir and influence my actions. Sometimes things won’t turn out the way I‘d want them to but would often end up in something more beautiful than I could have imagined.

Don’t we all shed every ounce of ourselves to grow into the kind of person that we think we are meant to be? I have always believed in all the versions of me that I’m fated to co-exist with. The most vivid part is that it has helped me to live a happy life even when wading in unknown. I have learned to live in harmony in a world that continues to evolve around me. I guess there is no single identity that I need to hang onto to be sufficient for everybody around me.

When I was younger I wouldn’t stop dreaming of the day when I’d be recognized as a successful writer and my stories being read somewhere one day. Years later today as I look back, I face the younger version of me that had dreamed of his work being recognized and featured. I feel warm and grateful and treasure this vision dearly. It gives me the hope and the strength to continue to desire and work hard and softly breathe my wishes to the world around me.

I am the story that has run into unfinished streams of failure, courage, hope and strength. I’m the eye that beholds infinite dreams. I’m the ambition that yearns for more and has set its heart on living on cloud nine.

Regardless of the reason you’re unhappy, all you really want is to be cheery again, right? So, if you feel you’re heartbroken, grief stricken and sad, this is how you can turn things around!

Seven shades of joy to help you get the most out of your life!

16th Feb 2024 soulshop.com 3 Comments

Reset and start again. Smile one more time!

I wish life had a rewind button. This world then would’ve been a lot happier place to live in and I could tell somebody that the best thing that has happened to me…I’m finally smiling for me again and mean it.

Sure life is difficult. It’s not easy either to make it enjoyable. Very often happiness is eyed as something curious that doesn’t always makes one happy. Pleasure, joy, contentment, satisfaction- not all of these coincide with happiness. These are merely experiences that overlap feeling of being happy and are not the kind that arises from within.

Lately I’ve been reading a lot about happiness and what people do to be “happy”. I think I’m a generally happy person but I’m also genuinely curious to know if there is some key to happiness. Honestly, not many of us even know what to do to inspire happiness from within. Many would say that people generally put in little effort into trying to be happy. But I guess there are definitely ways that could help anyone to be a little happier. It’s already inside you and to find it would simply mean figuring a way in.

You’ve no doubt read a lot of hype around the concept of happiness: where to find it, how to feel it, how to keep it. But if you ever feel like you need a little more of it in your life, dive in here and see if these 7 ways resonate with your quest.

Change is inevitable

One of the most notable traits to grow happier is our intrinsic ability to accept and adapt to change. Children leaving the nest, careers evolving, uncertain health, maturing relationships; every transition calls for a similar shift in our disposition. Just how much we are ready to accept decides the size of footprints of happiness for us.

I had never wanted to be badgered by the most common regret people often rue about; “I didn’t allow myself to be happier. Maybe I could’ve done something about it. It just didn’t end up my way”.Since I chose not to be self-denying, I’ve found happiness in my control. I didn’t resist or feared change but embraced it gracefully. Guess, I needed to know when my life shifts.

Today, I find myself doing things that make me happy.

Don’t fake it.

Happiness has never been about being happy all the time. Life is full of uncertainty and faking beatitude would mean emotional upheaval at one time or another. Sure, it would buy you short term gains but at the price of long term pains. Fake it ‘til you make it is not real life. Being alive means having the privilege to feel everything –good or bad and live through it.

When you try to block feelings that are meant to be felt as a human, you don’t get to experience life to the fullest. Happiness is after all just one piece of the puzzle. So don’t fake it. Let it happen of its own.

Before long you’ll know it’s been worth waiting for.

Be alive

In the busy haste of everyday life it’s not uncommon that physical activity slips out of our priorities. To be alive and active everyday practice of going for a brisk walk, yoga, gardening or even dancing around the living room would lead to the release of endorphins, the ‘feel-good’ hormones. This induces positive sensations in the body and would result in mitigation of stress besides elevating the mood.

I swore to get out of a deadpan life and stay active the moment I realized that being that peppy and sharp isn’t just about staying fit; it’s like giving your body and mind a big shot of happiness and gratification. It’s like me telling myself, “Hey, I’m taking care of you, it feels pretty darn good and you should be grateful for that!”

Gee…Thirty years down the road, I no longer feel stuck, unfulfilled or lost!

Forget the past

Life is never short of its share of regrets, mistakes, and missed opportunities. Yet, it appears happy people would always found a way to stay clear of a whole lot of aches and pains. I guess they learn quickly; that forgiveness is the only way out. Holding onto past hurts and disappointment only serves to rob you of your joy.

Rather than clinging to past wrongs or dwelling on what better I could have done, I chose to forgive – not necessarily because others deserved it but because peace seemed legit to me. I wonder how better I could’ve served myself.

Once freed from the past, I imagine I have saved myself from the chains of regret and bitterness and maybe saved some room for greater happiness and peace as well.

Be kind to yourself.

It’s so easy to beat ourselves up and proclaim that nothing is good enough. But as they say “gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness.” It helps good times roll again, make you feel more positive, improve and deal with adversity and build strong relationships.

Walking through it allowed me to see that there are lots many things in life that are more worthy of my attention. I needed to work to bring happiness in my life and in those around me. No bubble baths or partying around for me but I’ve been nice to myself thereafter. That stuff would have made me feel good but I suppose it’s more about giving yourself the space to figure things out without flirting with those hippy-dippy things that people do to be cool.

So, if you are working on being happier, just let go of the unpleasant in life; your gratitude will help you get there fast.

What happiness looks like to you?

Regardless of where you are on the happiness scale, each one of us has their own way of defining happiness. The hard part is that many a times we chase other people’s definition. We often succumb to popular version of happiness and end up with a great deal of unhappiness.

So, to be smiling and happy again, you need to determine what it should look like to you. Be brave enough to step into your life and figure out for yourself what makes you happy.

You need to know what you want your life to look like.

*Image source: ‘July notes from Dr Klug’ in healthspankc.com*

Never rush through life.

It’s a miserable choice and robs you of all chances of being happier. Being “rushed” is quirky and would make you sad and out of sorts. True there is not much you can do about it but the balance is just right when you live out a comfortable productive life.

I think setting up goals is great but you need not be in a hurry to get things done. It leaves so much wasted time not soaking in life fully. So, ‘stop and smell the roses’ before pushing on. Let the good and the bad wriggle their way into your life. It will be a real experience and help you to understand what happiness is all about.

While everyone is different, there are definitely ways that are easy for everyone. All you need is to come forward, figure out what brings joy to you and stay focused without throwing up your hands when it comes to your well being. And if you find yourself nodding along, stay on course; don’t give up.

*Image source: ’21 Hilarious Things to Do For a Phenomenal Time’ by susanwhited0 in joyamongchaos.com*

You bet! You’ll live well and age happier.

Being old and surviving isn’t a period of quiet despair, desolation and muted rage. Think of it as a lovely full of life achievement and it won’t line up like an absurd parody of your former self!

Who cares if we’re getting older and crumbling? We still rock!

31st Oct 2023 soulshop.com Leave a comment

What a shock! Am I Old!

You’d know this when you can’t walk past a bathroom without thinking ‘I may as well pee while I’m here! Or may be let others come out loud and clear for you. Want to know how?; Simply fall down- if people around you laugh you’re not an old salad yet and there’s some zing still left in you; if people panic you’re a bummer and burning out fast.

Five years ago I was whisked into the emergency room followed by a stay in a hospital for a good three weeks. Well…the diagnosis said I had a mutinous pancreas that’s on a wayward run. That’s incredulous! I was aghast. It was difficult to imagine that something unbelievable had happened to me. The ceiling had felt like crashing down on me.

Later with initial stupor over, countless IV syringes and saline and heaps of hastily drawn scratch book pills were lined up to smother my senses in days to come. I was sternly advised to press on with infinite medication and an endless string of consultations without skipping any one of them if I wished to live. The downslide didn’t end there; periodic visits to a cardiologist, an urologist and a physician in that order were meant to be equally upsetting. There was no way out; nothing rough-and-tumble to have a crack at. Besides, I didn’t know how exactly any of that was going to help me cope with an inflamed pancreas; except that I had evaded regression and had stopped slipping. Still it felt like I was a piece of cardboard taped over the broken window in a car, all the while hanging tight –bottom- side-up!

But in the process of being in and out of critical cares, I had an epiphany; a moment when it hit me hard-I am old! Is that for real or am I hallucinating?

Weeks later I recall; the poker faced doctor had begun by asking me questions about my medical history. I shared that I lost my father early to a stroke and my mother had some hypertension related issue. But there was nothing that would clearly indicate that I had any genetic tendency to an endocrine disorder. I was pretty sure; that this mixed gland in me was as bouncy as ever and wouldn’t ditch me. I trusted my anatomy firmly so much so that I could feel the islets of Langerhans pumping happily down my guts. Nothing seemed upended and not for a moment it occurred to me that someday somehow it will capsize- not at least till the end of time. Insulin, Glucagon, Somatostatin, Pancreatic polypeptide, just about each one of them was piping up…until one day for no reason everything flaked out.

Clearly I was failing when I tried to assure him that – my father’s passing away was merely due to importunate lifestyle and my mother simply was ‘just old’. At that point, he asked their age when they had problems- heart related and otherwise.

After telling him their age when they began having issues, he smiled and asked, “How old are you?” And that’s that!

His smile said it all. ‘I felt old’

It probably sounds silly – but until that moment I had never considered myself “old.”

Ironically-I am and that’s the truth. The unreasonably snickering doctor was apparently enjoying cannoning this bombshell. So, I did something insanely fortifying – I decided to have a good laugh at myself! I am no doctor but I thought of it as the best way to cast aside my worries and calm my frayed nerves. Maybe that would blow away the butterflies for good.

At no time I was given to the idea that there was a magic pill somewhere waiting to be found some day and uncovering it would allow me a spin with Peter Pan syndrome- a timeless life. For me, it never was the silver bullet but the silver buckshot that curate a healthy happy living.

Was that good enough a consolation for this new found awareness? Jeez…It’s shaky but I did find some acuity in what many had shared about growing old before me. Oliver Wendell Holmes was a great help-“Old age is always fifteen years older than I am.”; and so was Bob Hope; “I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap.” Eleanor Roosevelt’s one-liner was no less reassuring; “‘Today is the oldest you’ve ever been and the youngest you shall ever be again”.

So what the heck! …I accepted.

It’s only a graveyard shift; no more. And I saw myself more as a twilight trooper than a nocturnal nutcase. It was funny, cool and powerful and it worked for me fine- the thought I mean! I wouldn’t think of me a midnight misfit anymore. A long life is a gift and getting old is never so devastating that all my friends in heaven would miss me and think- “I didn’t make it’?

My old lady can vouch for as it has happened to me. Not long ago whenever we would walk out together, she’d know that a trip to restroom was not an option. Before leaving when I’d tell her that I’d better use the bathroom, she’d be acerbic, “Obviously”; but the concern in her voice will be unmistakable.

Today, I hope that life will fare out as good and happy I imagine it to and everything will work out just as fine for us. Together we will go on enjoying being “old “as one.

I am already feeling better as I say this!

As for you, I want you to laugh out loud if you feel you’re clairvoyance is backsliding and ebbing with age; “What was that guy’s name again?”—and don’t forget to tell yourself the truth about aging.

Look…At just about any age we are always mindful about just how happy we want to be. There are childhood days when we grumble to grow up fast so that we can do whatever we want to. In college we want to graduate in a hurry so we can find work and make money. And when working we dream of the day we‘ll finally retire. Wouldn’t it be cool and well-spent if we sit down and think about what it is we like about the every stage of life we’ve been in? It’s never too hard to uncover some jewel moments and doing that will make you relive them.

Just fill the bill and someday soon you’ll forget the commercials telling us ways to fight getting older.

*Image source: ‘Why should we renew our minds?’ in mountbm.org*

Put up with your life and love to live the way as it is right now. To that end; slow down for a while, debark and list the things you like most about getting older. With notebook in hand and pen clicked and ready, it’s not long before the ideas would begin to flow. Trust me it’ll be difficult to stop even if writer’s cramp hurts after 15 minutes of furious scribbling. I couldn’t. I had though kept on writing until my thoughts were exhausted. Honestly, It was one easy way to find my perfect happiness.

Having entered my sixties, I don’t care that I may not have much to contribute after I’m seventy. And I’m not sure I’ll have had much left to chip-in before turning seventy-five.

What the dickens! At 60 ain’t I still the bolting roost? And I don’t think I’m going to fade away that quickly or quietly. There’s so much to look and live for!

Geez…now that we’re living longer, don’t we have the time to write books about living longer?

Think about that…

For many the idea of peace and conceit conjures images of tree-hugging freaks or cheesy self help books, but there is little to contradict them as forerunners of peace and key to our wellbeing!

Four signs that you’re truly at peace with yourself but don’t know it yet!

7th Sep 2023 soulshop.com 7 Comments

I close my eyes for a moment when alone and try seeing the highlight reel of my life. A strange sense of serenity descends and fills me with contentment. Hard to say…is this for real? Have I found it at last? How am I to know that I ain’t at war with myself any longer and it’s the same happiness that everybody hopelessly stalks?

It’s a shame I couldn’t find honest answers then; but euphoria prevails to this day!

Some say it’s the peace of mind when you’re sheltered. For few it’s about decluttering and repairing to quickly find a new purpose. Others argue that it’s about accepting and letting go what’s baggy. My guess!… It’s what we do to stay normal in different moods to bring a desirable change; some squeaky clean happiness and peace of mind.

We all own a panic stricken mind even at the best of times. Not to say it’s a twisted temperament, but it makes people do pretty crazy things in life. I spent my early thirties clambering out of one catastrophe into another, behaving gross at times- chiding, berating and hurting others; often bad smelling with unnecessary lies! It was miserable but I wasn’t sorry for me or anybody. What the heck! This was my roost- my hallway of destruction and I loved being in it.

But there is another side to this story.

Behind all this carnage, I was a genuinely good hearted person. I always tried to be a nice somebody. Guess… it’s because I had nobody around to help me drop my snags and sorrows at dark times.

With crazy thoughts buzzing and booming in my head, I was sledged over and again by a creepy feeling- that of all the people I had hurt, it was no one more than me. I was aware that I had done enough awful things to regret later. It was like being in a kitchen with everything but no sink. I had no way to rinse off all the felony and cheating that was drowning me. More than anything, I was worried stiff that no one had the right answers that would help.

Incredibly, in the thick of all the alarms and chills unwittingly I had missed it altogether…!

It was so simple, I mean the fix! All I needed was to rearrange my headspace around few mindful things, be wary of what I decide to do every day, behave around them with integrity and try to keep my nose clean.

Not left with much choice, I went about securing my life telling myself- “If I’d manage myself with restraint, I would surely find a low-key-life free of conflicts and strife one day!”

Today, I remember thinking how excited I was- to have chosen a way out.

Know your heartsease

For many things, peace is slippery and difficult to catch. Clock keeps ticking 24×7 and so does everyday life but peace stays distant, unless we’ve chosen to be upright in actions and follow for a turnaround.

No matter how tough things were yesterday, today I hit the sack every night with a clear conscience and a wonderful sense of calmness crooning in my ears. I have learned to live and endure. It sure did take me time and trials before I could win. It wasn’t impassable for me. Laugh, swoon, cringe or sob, it won’t be any more difficult to you trying than it was to me.

Begin by evolving a habit of sticking to “next right thing” all the time. It may be difficult at first but some legwork is way better than to drift-off not attempting anything. There’s nothing to lose and everything to gain. Still…

If you think you may fail and couldn’t help slipping back to your old ways; don’t fret! Check for these oddities to know if you haven’t wandered far off and could rally back. See which one has added to your life that you aren’t aware of.

Count on me; you’d no longer need trying if you’ve made a hit!

You endure what you can’t change

Often events change course abruptly without forewarning that we wish hadn’t. It’s like conjuring things we’ve done in the past and wish we hadn’t. And there’s little we can do to fix them except hope that some good will turn out of it. It’s only a ‘Zen’ mindset that doesn’t worry much over the past or future or to make amends.

Of course not many of us are exalted like that but if you’re busy living peacefully then most likely you’ve learned not to over think; you’re done with the past and hardly worry about the future. Bills, work, health, anything and everything, do not torment you and you think there’s hardly anything you need to change.

Great! You’re free of worries and know well that stress and worry would only disparage your wellbeing. You are clever enough to know that thoughts aren’t for real and would hate sitting on them. You prefer to move on.

You’re inclined to take things as they come

Ask anyone who’s happy and content and you’ll know why it’s Ok not to resist what persists. Unexpected happens all the time in our lives. Fireballs keep falling in our lap every so often -its life.

But not you; you’re all set and face heartbreaks head on. You are aware that inevitable is fated to happen. So instead of struggling to fix things the way you want, you accept the way they happen knowing that this would turn out to be lot better than you’ve thought.

In all honesty, resisting change only makes it harder on us. My guess is …you’re flexible enough and would rather give way to changes.

And that’s your key to happiness.

*Image source: ‘If you do these 10 things, you’re truly at peace with yourself’ by Wendy Kaur in ideapod.com*

You choose to slow down

I’d say that most of us do not enjoy our present. With wandering minds, fleeting eyes we’d reach out to our phone every few minutes in the hope of momentary relief in busted situations. Besides with only an eye and half an ear to surroundings, it’s mostly boring and unexciting.

But you’re not a geek. You’d gladly take up pursuits that seek to slow you down, yet you’re alive to your surroundings. You’re fond of reading a book, tending front garden leaves you happy and you adore gleeful escapades in the kitchen. You revel in your mindfulness and admire arresting experiences. You enjoy talking to your friends, love long morning strolls and savor to interact around.

Slowing down sometimes wins us a heightened awareness of the present. You’ve set clear sights on the Circle of life!

You love yourself

You’re truly at peace if you love being YOU. Not full of yourself, smug or snooty, you don’t need many heads to have a good time or to reveal your best version. You’re genuinely contented and love your company. You’re perfectly happy and fulfilled when you go to sleep. In quieter moments you long to hang around with an old friend and yearn for one-on one chat.

Still not with me? If you’re not happy with what you have and what you’d love to do to make others happy, then it’s as much of a different journey as it is for others. There’s no single right way of doing things and experiencing happiness. But if you see smile on your partners’ face each morning; yearn for a cruise to Caribbeans with Fam and every night you cuddle in the bed clean handed; honestly deep down you’re fortunate to rest in peace and rejoice at heart.

Did you catch my drift? For all I know you could be on a couch stuffing your face with potato chips, pulling apart my bag of tricks and waiting for it to happen; but if it’s not your work, house, car, or everyday stuff that worries you- then you’ve bumped into it , unaware of your fortune.

Just stick together and … In time you’ll stand out big!

Ever hated someone you used to madly love? It’s shocking to detest each other’s living guts. But love lost is not always the beginning of a war. Checkout on this strange mix of hate and love!

“I hate you, but I love you”- Why those you hate most are often the ones you love most!

19th Aug 2023 soulshop.com Leave a comment

Love is mysterious …and perhaps the most lasting one. One most shocking truth about this ‘see more see less’ passion is how quickly you can go from loving someone to absolutely hating their living guts? The person for whom you’d have died for nothing suddenly becomes the ‘Most Abhorred Person’ in the World. Failed love somehow begins to look like the beginning of war!

Curiously unpleasant? Yes…but surprises don’t end here! For all we understand or our brain can decipher, hate is no FL less profound than love! The network here essentially works similar to a two part wet floppy and often is all the reason behind a ‘monkey mind’; one that distracts, disorganizes and builds up chaos when you’re indignant, pumped up and unhappy but…quiet. One part of this inflexible intellect called Putamen boots on rejection and end only in contempt and disgust; the other one insula makes you plan and bleed. It shores up responses when you’re distressed and in anguish. Yet, the two sides -loyal to passion, romance, love and hatred- are the reason it takes time to burn out a relationship.

The idea of like and dislike is likewise interesting. I doubt if I am alone in saying that I don’t like most people I come across and I’m fairly certain that most people don’t like most people either.

Interestingly, love and hate are not some kind of a defying experience. Ending up hating the person you loved for so long and not knowing why, is profoundly jarring and sometimes difficult to handle experience. Knowing that you could ever hate someone you used to madly love, is absolutely heartbreaking and would have you gutted.

So, what would you do when you find yourself crossing lines in awful ways with someone you love? ‘Not much’-most of you’d grouse, I guess. For all its sheer doggedness, hatred won’t ever let you end a relationship in a peaceful way and love will keep returning to be disappointed. For all I understand, it’s normal to hate but so’s loving someone. When you’re in a flux, implicit rationality fails to rebalance anything. Unwittingly you’ll keep resizing the image of that person. Another fumble here is the more you let the bad blood build up to glean your love, the bigger the hate gets until it destroys the connect completely.

It’s a thin line but there are ways to keep that bad feeling from getting out of hand! Love is complicated but how the hell could anyone find hate in the midst of love? Of course there is no such thing as too much hate and too much of love. But the dynamics- of- duo is a normal part of getting closer. Feeling hurt and negative towards the other person does not necessarily mean that you’ve been conned into a wrong relationship or some creep has stolen your love unfairly. Hating your mate in the moment does not mean that you don’t also love them. It’s just that the good isn’t as good as it seems if you aren’t occasionally contrasting it with something bad. See…We all need emotional potpourri sometimes to make a relationship tick. And it doesn’t have to be positive all the time to make everything happy and healthy; feeling good all the time might just get boring!

I hate you, then I love you . . . I hate you still more, only to love you more

While emotional encounters are compelling; personal situations sometimes pull together and affect the change of hearts. On the other hand when you think you’ve been understood correctly it makes you feel like your connect is strong and worth fighting for. Contrasting opinions apart, it’s an all good, plain and simple cloud none for you. And what more! it gets all the easier once you know how to keep that love-hate mix useful!

*Image source: ‘My life at home- I hate how life goes for me’ by h2micsam in wattpad.com.*

As opposed to suppressing bad feelings that may evolve into bigger weep later, begin by looking at your mate’s perspective before asserting your POV. This way it’s easier to understand why they feel the way they do. Odds are that you may still end up with strong arguments over the fall out; but I guess it’s always better to struggle a bit and survive than die driving each other crazy.

This is a bit apocalyptic to those who grown cold feet easily and would resist an eye-to eye; reach. Still, there are ways to set things right in a scarred relationship.

Should you or you shouldn’t? What the heck! Dump debating yourself even if you’re hurt bad. After all, there’s no harm trying and who knows someday you might hit the happy lyrics again.

Stonewalling! Nah…never

Even if everything so far has been upsetting and nasty, you need to avoid the three horsemen of an impending disaster; blaming and repeatedly slamming your partner with disapproval, you’re prickly to the extent of being offensive and most disastrous of all you’re rubbing the salt hard by bad mouthing. Break off and you’ll stop the slow burn.

Presume innocence-It works incredibly well.

How many of us have done dumb, stupid or hurtful things that have tormented our relationship? Intentionally or unintentionally we often hurt someone we love, though the choice to believe in something good about somebody rather than something bad-when we have the possibility of doing either- lies with us.

You may not know whether their story is true or not, but once you decide to believe in them, a refreshing sense of caring and understanding will prop up in your relationship. Nothing could strengthen your connect more than conveying trust and appreciation.

*Image source: ‘Why are love and belonging needs important?’ in demystifyinglife.com*

Take a moment off to appreciate your mate’s forte

Changing the way that you think about your mate actually trades the way that you feel about them and affects the ways you act with and react to them.

Find ways to slow down your thinking and act until you are calm and can think it through. Believe in your mate and their willingness to do things in the best interests of the relationship. Err on the side of the positive and you’ll be touched and tipped-off when needed most.

Imagine you are part of the same side

It’s not about who wins the fight and who decimates whom. When you could not think as one, it’s time to figure out a solution. Killing time in locking horns only worsens everything. Besides it’s not an easy way forward, when your mate is not playing by the same rules.

So, in the heat of the moment when your anger begins to get better of you; allow yourself some space, reflect over your mate’s oddity and remind yourself of the happy times together. If you really believe that not all bad that happens is meant to be bad, remind yourself over and over again of something as simple as “I must understand and not dwell on ill will”. This would let you to “agree to disagree” when no amount of fighting is going to change your minds.

*Image source: ‘An open letter to long-distance loved ones in the midst of COVID-19’ by Haley Stern in thriveglobal.com*

Still with me? Great, because someday you may also say ‘thank you dear Nat’ for showing you the way to not let anything fall apart!

Sometimes I’m happy,
Sometimes I’m blue.
My disposition
Depends on you.

Sometimes I love you,
Sometimes I hate you.
But when I hate you,
It’s ’cause I love you!!

It’s too easy to sleep than go to gym. Likewise, it’s likely that you let your dreams fall sideways when things turn hot. Be clear on what you seek and why before everything gets incredible again!

Half of 2023 is over- Wake up! you’re left with unfinished dreams to catch up with.

4th Jul 2023 soulshop.com Leave a comment

Looking back if you happen to see incomplete dreams and a scattered life and want to level up and become unstoppable in 2023, you really have to set yourself up and get clear on what you’ve done so far and what you’re really going for. I’m guess… perhaps you need to rewrite your normal space! The BHAG (Big Hairy Audacious Goal) that you had so solemnly vowed to on New Year’s Eve, needs to be reset to keep away the same garbage that has so far spoiled all that you have coveted.

Starting something new is simple and sometimes easier than you presume but enduring it is a whole other ball game. There is no set timeline for embracing change. It’s solely your call to begin and accept that it may take some effort and commitment. Whatever… it’s never late to slug your failings at any point of time!

If ongoing uncertainties make you cautious enough not to plan ahead, you may very well understand that your struggle is just the right kinda motivation to realize your dreams. Refocusing, changing and making a new start on something left half way- no matter how small, is a big deal! Like many, you may have started out great in January but somehow lost the urge partway and now have trouble building up the same excitement again.

Like I say…it’s not entirely impossible to happen and definitely not to a single person. You’re never alone. With the right kind of stick-to-it attitude it can be done. Still if you slip-up, don’t let go. Acquit yourself and pick up from where you had stumbled. You’ll walk the whole nine yards unbeaten.

Seriously how would you know what’s worth pursuing? Honestly I didn’t but in heart I knew there’s always a way to help. Little did I realize then that a big uptick was slated to happen to my half-baked wishes!

This is how it went for me;

Starry-eyed, I fell for the means and not the end.

Six months down the line, I was getting sick of setting goals at the beginning of the years and then not strangely not meeting them! Like everybody else I too would prep my holy grail at the onset of a new year and get aimed to get there. I knew it was going be infinitely hard to follow through, should I falter mid way. But excitement of trying hand on unknown is always pushy. Besides I wasn’t feeling bullied!

Just like anybody else my daily grind had become an annoying drudgery. I suspected I had become a slave to it. For once all I wanted was to know if I can turn around my slog into something specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound. And the last thing I wanted to do was to work backwards. Yet it happened. Half year down I had done little and pulled-off little.

So I went granular and broke one year plan into three and one month plans. I had already lost much time. By planning to check-in with myself throughout the remaining half, I was making sure not to derail again. This way I could make adjustments instead of waiting till next January. It made my nightmare appear accessible. I was beginning to believe in what’s possible and what I could do. For once, my hazelnut had turned on its bough!

I quit dreaming outside my normal space

It didn’t take me long to take a hard look at what was really driving me especially when reality was messy and whole lot of half-done wishes were staring at me squarely. I remember, I was at half way mark! I somehow felt compensating for the unmet wishes? Was I dreaming badly when I fancied myself being on stage in front of scores of people cheering me for following my choices to the end? For not fantasizing weirdly I was working outside my ordinary everyday space. I hadn’t tried firsthand podcasting a new series or writing a song that would sound raucous over beat box!! Vaguely, everything sucked but it was telling!

So what was that that I needed to keep pushing me?

I guess following dreams isn’t always the best answer. Of course, we are beaten all over our heads that we should follow and pursue them passionately and turn reality into something that will make us happy. Be it a new career, you hoping to be the best-dressed person at a party, or dating a woman halfway around the planet; my guess is that we owe it to ourselves to go out and get it. Achieve that and they will finally make you happy once and for all.

*Image source: ‘Why you keep having recurring dreams and what it means’ by Kristen Rogers in kake.com*

Then there is another side to this. When you follow your dreams and they somehow don’t work out for you, your disappointment turns into anger- not necessarily at somebody but at reality. In no time everything becomes “immature and unappreciative.” Hard to admit but sometimes your dreams too become those things. But just as you have always been, don’t be the last one to find out that your desires have outwitted you. As is, its one heck of a job to deliver half baked desires once you’ve hit the half way mark. It could be a mile high to climb the top but it need not be next January for you to check out. Simply pick up the lost threads and the end will be far more interesting than you’d have thought.

It took me a long time to discover that I stumbled because didn’t want to climb. I just wanted to imagine the top. I’ve since then discovered that rock star fantasy has less to do with actual rocking. It implies a period of mental indulgence- not a driving need.

*Image source: ’11 habits of ridiculously likeable people’ by Travis bradberry in theladders.com*

This is why you need to be open in mindset before you hitch your pants for the rough ride ahead; what of that heck if June mocks you? Sometimes it’s better to deal with your shit right away and not wait for that extra moment for things to fall in place.

Just don’t stretch yourself much lest you may waste all away. Someday it’ll be sunshine again!

Hate freckles on the face and badly want to hide cut on the eyebrow? Your jaw line is never sharp enough and toes resemble a tree stump. Worried stiff but don’t know if you’re attractive or not!

“Mirror Mirror on the Wall, Ain’t I the fairest of all?”- 5 ways to know your way around attractiveness!

22nd Apr 2023 soulshop.com Leave a comment

“I know when I compliment her, she won’t believe me / And it’s so, it’s so sad to think that she doesn’t see what I see / But every time she asks me do I look okay? I say / When I see your face there’s not a thing that I would change / ‘Cause you’re amazing just the way you are.”

Bruno Mars in ‘Just the way you are’. Isn’t he trying hard to make someone feel better about her imperfect attraction?

When we sometimes underrate our own attractiveness even whilst people around would find us perfect and amazing, is it that somehow we have underestimated our appeal? Or do we rate ourselves more engaging only when viewed from a third-person perspective?

Surprisingly there’s no absolute and true numbers when it comes to checking out one’s desirability. There are no real threes, fives or eights. Just because there is so much confusion and inaccuracy about the magic of appeal and attraction, doesn’t mean that this embarrassment is meant to happen to everybody. Understanding what darlingness is about, calls for some explicit insight about people’s psyche. So, by some chance even if you happen to be the one who can act, sing and dance well, just so wouldn’t make you any more attractive than the person standing next to you!

Oddly, whenever you go wrong in realistically assessing your physical appearance and attraction, you underestimate your self-worth and appeal. You rate yourself dimly and so differently from those around you and keep wondering what others might think of you. This can be maddening till you figure out everything dismissive and cruel and psyche yourself out.

Here are a few signs that would let you see your true beauty and be sure that; ‘You’re not unpretty and actually are more attractive than you think!’

*Image source: ‘How to know if you are attractive: 18 signs to look for’ in aconciousrethink.com*

Everybody moves around you confused and awkward? – It’s a sign you’re most entrancing.

It’s a subtle sign that you are good looking, attractive and standing out from the crowd! Be it sharing a bench in the park, stranger asking directions, or a new intern looking up for tips, people feel comfortable approaching somebody who’s alluring. Strangers would find you ‘easy on the eyes’ and would readily assume that you’d be polite and they could be themselves when around you.

When somebody reaches out to you, it usually cuts through all the unease and none of you would realize why you’ve picked each other. Could it be anything but an irresistible attraction in you that has drawn a stranger irresistibly?

Signs that you are gorgeous and charming are sometimes so faint to notice that they are usually ignored and get buried quickly. Queerly when others find you attractive, a lot many of them might become jumpy and feel anxious to be around you even when there’s little opportunity for it. As it happens, you can expect to be stalked on social media or followed discreetly around places where you tend to hang around and all this is for a slim possibility of winning your acquaintance!

Attraction is by far very intimidating. It’s almost impossible not to get flustered when someone fancies you. So, if you notice people acting strange around you it’s very likely that they find you attractive despite not knowing how to tell you that or what to say!

Hot or cold, people feel strongly for you- It’s a sign you’re winsome and a delight to engage.

What somebody having feelings for you really means to you? Doesn’t everything sound promising in the beginning? It though is unlikely that everything would really end up the way you’d think it should?

When you’re attractive, those around you may tend to flaunt extreme feelings towards you. Malice or warmth, it could be anything from overtly friendly to heartlessly cold and harsh. Whichever… it’s most likely that when people find you attractive they’d really want to get to know you. Some may act petty towards you as well. They feel gross and may find you intimidating or are simply jealous of your looks and appearance. Others might try to come up to you on any excuse just to have a way to talk to you and be around you.

More often than not, when someone seems drawn to you and want to say, “You’re gorgeous!” or “I have feelings for you” but can’t; it is only because they don’t know how to voice their feelings or the thoughts. And all the while without you knowing, for them you’re mesmerizing and irresistible!

*Image source: ‘7 little signs that you’re more attractive than you believe’ in relrules.com*

You don’t get complimented often- It’s a sign you’re a stunner!

Has it ever happened to you; you’re all dressed-up to kill for a party but nobody has complimented you? Ok, that’s rough. It could actually make you feel disappointed and withdrawn. You have prided yourself as hot or hypnotic yet somehow couldn’t find an admiring eye. Even that prized Charlotte Tilbury lipstick or Ralph Lauren tie, couldn’t help much to let others take notice of you on a party night!

You may not believe this but it works otherwise. It actually is a definite sign that you are extremely attractive and arresting. It’s just that you look so good all the time even when you haven’t tried at all to be that, that it really doesn’t make much of a difference to those around you.

When people don’t compliment you it’s only because you’re amazing as always and not noticing you is very normal. It sounds twisted but not getting enough cheers even when you’re looking and feeling your best is actually one of the best signs that you’re ‘darlingly‘ attractive.

You are annoyed by the attention that keeps coming back–It’s a sign you’re obsessively attractive!

Are you uncomfortable with people’s attention that so often seems to zero-in on you? Do people answer with a pleasant; “Oh, I know who you are” whenever you decide to make yourself known? Are you thrilled to know that they remembered something about you that you had so casually talked about earlier? If your answer is ‘yes’ then …you’ve absolutely smashed it! It’s not simply a piece of luck or trick of the moment; people do take notice of you and pay attention to every little thing about you when they find you attractive and exciting.

Attraction is a catchy word that is obsessive, engrossing and always sets in motion the expected; it surefire draws attention in an infallible way!

There is yet another side to this. It’s pretty hard to believe that all this admiration about physical appearance is after all momentary. People we admire could be just as insecure as we are. It’s only because how amazing they look, that we readily give in to thinking that they have nothing to worry about. Truth is that we all have our moments of low self-worth. Many would be surprised if you dare say; “I’m not happy with myself and wish I could change the way I look!”

By far you can safely sell this to yourself. Any flaw that you spot in yourself in the mirror is unimportant most of the time and people adore you the way you are.

Double takes are unnerving – But they are a sign that you’re ravishing!

You might be tempted to glower back but this is not about an angry staring contest. You’re not going to throttle someone! Gawking in fact is fair and agreeable if it’s only about your attractiveness? Aren’t you thrilled when people subtly try to catch your gaze? Doesn’t it excites you when they look away, embarrassed at having been caught staring at you?

On days when you feel uneasy on becoming aware that strange eyes are boring down your person, it’s natural to get intimidated. The happy part though is that it’s a sure sign that you’re a lot more attractive than you realize! Your presence has created attention and if heads turn easily with all eyes on you, it might just be that you tempting and inviting!

Whatever…don’t let all that attention and curiosity make you self-conscious. When people around you stare, it’s one of the most obvious signs in public that you are definitely a stunner even when you’ve rated yourself six out of ten in terms of attractiveness. You’re probably more alluring than you think you are!

*Image source: ‘The science of confidence and attraction’ in cmp.smu.edu.sg*

I guess popular emphasis on beauty is a revered obsession for most. And understandably so since being physically attractive is more pivotal and valuable to people’s perception than meets the eye. Besides there is no point in killing the joy of being appreciated!

It’s like meeting your heartthrob all pumped up, even if it’s for a little while!

All of us would love to be happy but many of us seem to have forgotten how amazingly easy it is to make the constant choice of being happy!

Happiness is what happens next when you get busy living dearly!

5th Nov 2022 soulshop.com 3 Comments

If you think that life is meant to make us feel good all the time then you’ve got happiness all wrong.

Sure we have been raised to avoid emotions that make us uncomfortable and fight shy of feelings that are painful and meant not to be felt. But don’t we crumble at the first signs of stress only because we have learnt to be pain averse all the time?

Why is it so hard to be happy when it is what we all want?

Sometimes we think of happiness as something that happens to us naturally. Yet it’s often jinxed! There is always something to be disappointed about our past that would make us struggle. Unable to shrug off, we let our worst fears overtake our will to be happy. This is when we jump at blaming the situation we’re in. “If only things were different, then I’d be happy.”

Only that’s not how happiness really works! Worse! if you’re born with a grumpy side and bad temper, it’s highly likely that you will never get past living frayed tempers, some bad blood and frequent blow ups.

I wasn’t born an upbeat person either!

I never took myself to be a sprightly bouncy person; I never was and nothing helped me either to tell myself; ”Ain’t I borne happy”? As I grew up, gloom darkened. “Where does most of the happiness that everybody is talking about come from?” I’d often go nuts. “If I’d ever want to be happier, is it possible to get there?”

For me happiness meant more than a yellow smiley mocking weirdly. I wanted it to be my ‘secret sauce’ to help me to be and do my best. It meant living and enjoying the goose bump moments; it meant luxuriating and indulging life to the very best. It meant letting positive vibes do good things to me and perk up my brain and body.

Like most of us, I too was struck with the idea of being happy. I had so many different ideas about what it is and how to get it, though none seemed hands-on then. Naive and unmindful and left with little choices, I looked for ways to a more positive outlook before everything grew stale and miserable and unhappy!

Here are five of the best ones I found helpful.

*Image source: ’10 best inspirational videos’ by Joe Mechlinski in shiftthework.com on Mar.01, 2021.*

Faking smile worsen everything-let go of it!

When everything was going downhill and nothing seemed doing well for me, strangely I felt little or no pity for myself for the rut I was in. Nothing would seem right to take the edge off my despair. Since I couldn’t do much, I simply endured self doubts and slogged.

It took me some time to figure out that a smile that happens all because of positive thoughts, has the ability to rekindle moods and would make me withdraw less.

I gave it a try!…

A bright cheerful one actually made me feel good. It lifted my spirits, raised my attentional flexibility and I would no longer worry much in upsetting situations.

Suddenly I was seeing the whole forest rather than just the trees.

Today, forcing a smile even when I don’t want to is enough to lift my mood and that surprisingly feels fine!

Go outside – Fresh air would brighten your day!

I guess Shawn Achor in ‘Happiness advantage‘ did share some pretty good news for those of us who worry so much about fitting new habits into already-busy schedules to make their lives easier and happier. Betting on better life experiences, his recommendation of 20 minutes is never short enough time to spend outside; something that you could fit into your commute or even lunch break!

I make time to go outside every day and spend 20 odd minutes in good weather. It elevates my mood, broadens thinking and cheers up my working memory. I am substantially happier when outdoors in all natural environments than when slugging around in urban territory.

And there’s more to it!

Did you know that ‘Happiness maximizes outdoors at 13.9 Celsius‘? That’s awesome! But then you simply have to live it to believe that. It’s fascinating what a small change in temperature and 20 minutes of fresh air can do to our well being.

For now I‘ve stopped living my fears. I flatter myself with brief pep moments when I go outside with crisp fresh air gently hugging me. I always find it happier outside. Early summer morning or a warm sunny wintry afternoon works just as fine for me.

Hang around with friends and family & fix your woes!

Togetherness and reaching out to family and friends is perhaps one of the top five regrets that most people take to their deathbeds. I never wanted to perish with a wish so gross. So I looked around for a lifeline and oddly was awestruck by the way Daniel Gilberts-a happiness expert– had spelled it out.

” We are happy when we have family, we are happy when we have friends and almost all the other things we think make us happy are actually just ways of getting more family and friends”.

Like love affinity means something different every time we say it. It’s what a acquaintance isn’t. You may find good mature ones but they don’t really last long or get you good deep rooted connections.

The cue worked darn well for me! I’m no whizz person but opening up to family and friends was enough to light up a smile in my life.

See… spending time in social circles becomes highly valuable when it comes to improving our happiness! It makes a big difference to how we perceive happiness. Nothing else could actually buy us those pearly moments of happiness.

Plan trips but don’t take one!

This sounds crazy but as opposed to actually taking a holiday, planning for one or just a small break from work, tweaks our happiness. In fact the latter spikes during the planning stage of a vacation as the sense of anticipation simply turns exhilarating.

Not many of us may have the luxury of long holidays. Worse, scuttled weekends are grumpier. So, if you cannot take the time for a vacation or even a night out with friends, put something on calendar- even if it’s a month or a year down the road.

Then … whenever you’re feeling miserable and lost and need a boost of happiness to get over your woes, remind yourself of all the good things that are going to happen to you in a short while.

Even a small push that could light up your mood is worth a try! I’m sure you’ll feel stoked and happier afterwards.

Rewire your brain to stir up a lasting sense of happiness

When Ani Tenzin Palmo-an English woman who spent 12 years in a cave in Tibet quipped; “We do not know what a thought is, yet we’re thinking them all the time”; perhaps she had not fully understood the neural bases of states like happiness, gratitude, resilience, love, compassion and so forth. Donald Hebb- a Canadian scientist, put this in a better way; “Neurons that fire together, wire together”. What this literally means that with proper practice we can trick our neural machinery to build up a positive state of mind!

The fact that we can actually alter the way our brain works through meditation was a big surprise to me. It somewhat reassured me of what I already knew but could hold on to; “We feel and think today isn’t permanent”. Every thought of attempting to raise levels of happiness thereafter would be just as overwhelming.

Geez…today, in the minutes following meditation, what I experience is epic. Calmness and heightened awareness is what comes after this dazzling cytokine storm of positivity.

I certainly love to be happier, as I’m sure most of you too. But much as it is interesting, it is no surprise that different people have different ideas about how to get it. The truth is that happiness doesn’t occur by chance; it’s a constant choice, we have to make every second of every day.

I’m sure someday you too will just as well find peace and happiness at will and celebrate life as you ever wanted to.

Till then, keep smiling and face up…

If you think you’re unattractive just because you’re not foxy, smart, crisp and all that-stop. You’re truly beautiful,even so. It’s just that attraction sometimes gets beyond our will or ideas

Wishing for a brighter side? Five promising ways to make yourself irresistibly attractive !!

11th Jun 2022 soulshop.com Leave a comment

‘Everything has attraction but not everyone sees it’.

*Image source: ‘What makes someone naturally beautiful?’ in naturaluniversalsecrets.com*

I wonder how good is that when people’s preference for faces changes remarkably every time they run into one?

For most part we could do little to change how we look but isn’t smelling good, being funny or not talking about your ex strongly influences your uniqueness?

I’m no Dale Carnegie or a big thumping philanthrop like Oprah. But I’ve learned a thing or two about how to draw the world around me; how to work with it than around it.

Having wrinkles or two is not a sign of horror; it’s a sign of experience, of weariness and above all your love for life. It means you’re trying to be the best person you can be; you’re trying to keep the twinkle in your eyes because you want to be happy. And you smile brightly because you know that makes you overwhelmingly attractive!!

Still, if you think that attraction is just a word and couldn’t define who you are; here’re some ways to make people love the freckles on your face.

Smile to win over!

Smile is one big way stir up things. It’s one damn good way to make others find you appealing and attractive. It hints at friendliness and receptivity. Smiling and laughing is cool; it not only makes you more attractive but it makes you feel more attractive. And doing so you, lets you experience joy and happiness even when things don’t seem to be going well.

A smile speaks of its own and works like some rustic aphrodisiac that could pull even the ever-serious counterparts towards you. Sad wry faces feel dismissive and cruel.

Imagine if you could pair a face with something positive and beautiful; that face would then begin to look more attractive. A beaming mug is way different from sad sullen ones that crowd around you every day and is the obvious choice to be judged as more attractive!

Look…

Who you find attractive is less about where you grew up or where you ran around in life. Your choice is more influenced by experiencing the pull that is so unique when you look at a simple, coy and pleasantly bright face.

Air of excitement around you!

Let it happen! Sometimes it helps build ridiculous amount of attraction!!

People generally love being accepted and feel comfortable when that happens but not unless you make their interests important to you just as much you want them to as well. If you want others to like you, let your gestures build up some comfort.

Your friends may know who you are but others judge you only by your looks and how you connect with them. More than anything your body stance, attitude and the eagerness to open up when you bump into some stranger; that’s what make people find you attractive.

I am flattered when somebody I happen to meet first time, gets curious about my life or my hobbies. I’m sure, that someone also expects to be enquired. And that’s Ok…I think that if you could find the right stuff to make a heart flutter, the allure will rake up a warm companionship all by itself.

Truth is that every one of us on this planet believes that we know something that the other doesn’t. And we would rather die trying to learn something new. If you believe that everything happens for a reason; create your own style and share the excitement of togetherness. No matter what, how you feel is more important than how you look! Heads will turn, once you begin to get comfortable in your skin.

It’s not long before people will recognize you as an attractive and fantastic person.

Monday blues are bad!

Negative side of everything is unpleasant. People with a peppy attitude, on the other hand bring encouraging changes in everybody’s lives, help avoid worries, see the brighter side of everything and expect the best to happen. Just living their lives and doing things they love most is what makes them attractive.

Could you think of the times when someone has been unexpectedly friendly and nice to you? Is it the person who smiled at you while you went strolling in the park? Maybe it’s only a cheerful ‘good morning’; nothing was said at first. Maybe it’s the person who picked up a conversation with you first time and bowled you over with an unexpected compliment. Believe me, these are the kind of thoughts that never leave us. Whenever roused, they make our day feel a little better.

These small positive actions get people innately attracted to and want that someone to be around when everything goes gross.

Geez…do we need to be happy all the times? Surely that’s not possible. We all have our moments of sadness, loss, anger and hardships. And yet we know how to combat loneliness and stay snug in life.

So, just stay cool, keep telling yourself that you can do whatever it takes to be happy and let the life happen. You’ll wake up each morning knowing that you deserve the awesome life you’re living.

Trust me…

People get attracted to you, feel connected to and remember you as a fair deal only when you don’t act silly goose, are unassuming and not always cooked up to look unmistakably attractive.

Learning is wonderful

Going back to University, sweating out over some online course or catching up a seminar? If you are looking to fit into at least one of them, then learning is your one way ticket to stay relevant everywhere you go. It helps you understand how the world works. It helps you to realize your passion, boost creativity and live a better life. The benefits are simply enormous.

Sometimes we find ourselves troubled in an intense impassioned life circles where perceptions keep changing. And so do our imperfections. The painful truth is that knowing backwards sometimes feels far less important and we usually junk the very idea of learning something new!

This is where the pit gets deeper… Feeling gutted makes it worse.

For people whom we find attractive, learning is something that’s endless. They take the time to be savvy and admit when they don’t have an answer, but work around to find one. Wary and unsure, not many of us have the heart to rise and take the same first step.

For times when you couldn’t see the whole staircase and burn yourself too much over ‘I think I can or think I can’t’; it’s best to take a step back and sell yourself this story…

“Attraction is a funny thing. It never resists change. And it never lets you go dark either.”

Learning and knowing better would nudge more and more people towards you.

You’re never too good!

It’s a mean old world where life follows one single rule. If you want to succeed and be a happy attraction to others, don’t take yourself too seriously. Stop believing that everything revolves around you. In fact, there’s a good chance that when you’re gone, you’ll be completely forgotten in no time. There’s always somebody to take your place.

I find perfectionism as the enemy of change. It never lets us rest or to have fun and be happy wanting to do everything our way. We fear that one single mistake would ruin everything we’ve build for so long. It’s a delusion that wouldn’t let us be a messy imperfect and perhaps a happy person!

Sometimes I also get comfortable being uncomfortable. I love my perfectly imperfect moments. But that’s my burden and I’ve learned to take it seriously, not myself. I think being attractive is just a matter of being confident in your skin and loving the way you look like.

So, stop being a perfect student, perfect employee, perfect son, perfect sister, perfect…??.

Do your stuff with an abandon and people with a sense of light heartedness will find you attractive for sure!!

Is getting comfortable with each other enough in a successful and everlasting marriage? Will hanging around together do the trick? It’s time to look for some honest and truthful revelations!

My secret to a blithesome married life: Love, loss and few grains of happiness!!

22nd Jan 2022 soulshop.com 1 Comment

*Image source: ‘Couples all over Instagram are “doing life together.” Here’s where it came from.’ by Laura Turner in vox.com on Aug. 02, 2019.*

Everyone has vampires in their lives and like every relationship, marriage too is a ridiculously complicated one. It’s simple and easy to believe… that if only both individuals could get to know each other, understand each other’s needs and get comfortable with their surroundings, living a life with all its dark pleasures and experiences- healthy or unhealthy; would work epic.

Like sweet lies before the bed it would get under your skin and drive you nuts like some lemon bae!…all tangy and exciting.

It’s equally simple to say that people marry for love, but I believe it’s more about the joy of sharing things and experiences that makes for the most suitable material for wedding vows. When two individuals decide to live together, life is fated to turn upside down. Sometimes it’s not an easy one. An uncomfortable, bumpy road faces you. Understanding, likes and dislikes, need to know…challenges weigh heavy!

And it’s gets stormy and uncomfortable for those who couldn’t manage to keep moods high. Loss is inevitable if you don’t know how to cross stitch the canvas of life, needles going in and out, adhering to a pattern you cannot foresee or comprehend.

If you ask me, loss works just fine for weights and investments, but when it comes to living with a companion, you wouldn’t know a thing till countless panic attacks and anguish ransack you. Worry swallows you whole!

Over the past, the soreness of losses has grown. Some of us fume against the God, others find comfort in imagining multiple lives. Very few would look for solace elsewhere…

Haven’t we heard infinite times that a successful and everlasting marriage is forged with peace, love, and trust as primary choices. But what if it starts to lose it’s sheen? What if those snaky pencil scrawls, coffee chats, salty fried crumbly banana chips and clover leaves dried between the pages, begin to lose their craziness. What if all that pep talk about love and aftermath falls flat?

With just about everything else happening under the sun, wouldn’t it be fine to ignore the trite and build an elegant restraint for a successful loving relationship?

Here’s few simple ways to help you keep your togetherness blissfully alive and stoked!!

Choose to be attractive

Attraction is a decision that you need to make through out your marriage. You get to decide if your partner is hot and sultry!..if you are saucy enough to be exciting to your mate; if you are tasteful and zesty enough to be the zippy sparkling person she always wanted you to be! Who wouldn’t want to feel the excitement of being with a flirtatious, incredibly sexy and attractive partner?

Evolution has wired us to be drawn to anything and everything that appeals to senses. ‘Attraction thoughts’ likewise push you to focus on attributes that are exciting and drawing most. Like your beau’s great legs or the way she dresses or parents your kids? If this is freaking awkward; to you , it’s good news indeed!.… none of you have to be a cover model to feel attractive!!

Your happiness is only about feeling connected to each other. After all physical attraction runs far deeper than looks!

Giggle, chuckle, cackle or guffaw together

Life at times hurts, so if you can find some mirth even when you are in the thick of it, it helps. A laugh is what decides if you are being perspective. Finding hilarity in both good and bad times make partners find ease around each other. Be it some little inside joke, a silly irrelevant text or even watching a boring comedy together, connecting with your mate strengthens your bond even better.

Celebrate every small good moment for there will be none like it

Tough is a bad word, It’s dismissive and cruel. We all get our fair share of moments when our wits get thrown to wilds. It hurts, but to have someone in the weeds together, helps you shake off the despair easily.

And it’s just as important to acknowledge good times as well…together!

*Image source: ‘Elderly couple resting on a bench’ in dreamstime.com.*

If you ask me, good things happen more often than the bad ones, but we miss those opportune moments to connect.

So, next time your mate shares anything positive like some admiration from office colleagues or compliment from the boss, drop everything you are doing and lend an earful! Help each other savor the moment by sharing and celebrating. Promise yourself to open doors to your heart. Your fleeting moments together with few precious grains of happiness will never fail to outweigh darkness.

Don’t let the thought of a probable breakup haunt you

‘I was hanging around with my friends, I just couldn’t get to call back’. ‘I am over my ex’. ‘You’re just overreacting, there’s nothing to hide’.

Any such thought, big or small, is a big ‘No’ for a healthy and trustworthy relationship. So, if you find this tormenting and hurting, it’s not mere reflection of your anxiety but a red flag of a non-serious relationship.

Justified or not, chances are that you might be thinking of moving out!

But who wouldn’t prefer a few joyous moments over all that gloom and darkness?

And it’s easy too!!

Simply, don’t hold grudges for too long in your heart. Forget the mistakes of the past and reach out for some happy moments of the future. No jumbo patience… and be forgetful of the past bitterness for the real joy comes by chance. Feel it in the peals of laughter at a passing joke that leaves you gasping for breath; when you cross your legs so you don’t pee on yourself for you couldn’t make it to loo. It’s snuggled in the movement of hands painting, knitting, cooking or even rhythm of your legs on long rambling walks. It’s both the feeling of rapids thundering inside you and in the soft humming overwhelming your heart.

Funnily, happiness collides with you only when you are looking the other way.

*Image credits: ‘Oldest Living Couple Reveals The Secret To Marital Success’ by Brittany Wong in huffpost.com on No, 22, 2019.*

Even happy couples argue

With all that dancing and laughter and revelry- marriages are fun but being married isn’t always a piece of cake. There’s actually a lot that goes into living “happily ever after,” Not every marriage is happiness all the time. Like other relationships, sometimes marriages too hit a rough patch. But when in fight; happy marriages do listen to every view point, recognize them and if it threatens to go off the rail; try to mend them together!

Hinges crusted with past scabs, all that the door to your heart needs is a hard push. Ignore the screeching hinges and push firmly. Loving with all your heart, generously and fearlessly, will come back to you in dollops not dribs.

Accepting the inadequate rewards you with ever lasting bliss. In fact, being in argument means you’re normal and mad and hopelessly in love with each other!!

Age doesn’t matter

Been in wedlock for more than three decades and I have never considered age anything more than a numerical inaccuracy; some numbers that needs to be tackled all the time. The only thing that worries me is that it works more as a multiplier than as a division sum. We all get reduced to a fraction of what we once were!

But what the heck…!

At 40 you could still be the pig tailed gal or some jaunty good looking knock-out beau! Both of you could still climb the trees, jump the wall and beat up all the boys. Young and raunchy, fiercely ambitious with disdain for conventions, you both have had your share of one heartbreak, one breakdown, one true love, one success, one moment of despair and gloom – you have had mountains of them.

Yet looking into each other’s cringing eyes, creaking knees and despairingly loosening skin, things are not so crest fallen. Now that you have learned to love your lines and folds, aches and pains lose ground.

Besides there is no shame in growing old and struggling a bit. It never felt better for me to have equivalent of a general’s medal, pinned to my frame; and a reminder of all the battles I have survived and the ones I won!

Feature credits: ’10 Secrets for Happy Relationship and Tips for long lasting happy marriage life’ by Kennis World in Youtube.com on Sep 20, 2019.

Reality check? Well… “You do complete each other”. Age is a fabled minion that’s romantic and lets you flies high in the real world.

#It matters no more!!

A shy person’s quick guide to help you discover the right kinda friend! Let’s get you grow and change. Face up, and heads will turn as you walk into the room!

To be or not to be…Friends surprisingly make you a happier person, only if you could be with the real ones!!

23rd Oct 2021 soulshop.com 5 Comments

If you think that you are done with friends in life, it’s time you tell yourself a different story.

Like love, friendship is a thick soupy word and a messy business. It’s hard to be friends with someone who couldn’t hold your hands, or cut loose your heart strings. It’s harder to look for companionship if it comes with the shroud of secrecy surrounding it. Friendship is rather a stretchy word. It’s more of a life choice that you hesitate to fully buy into, fearing darker truth may come out later.

Friendship means something different every time we say it. It’s what a relationship isn’t. You may find good mature acquaintances but they don’t really get you good lasting friendship. At times hopelessly vague; ‘calling them a friend’ doesn’t help. “Let’s just be friends” is a no less confusing either because it could mean anything. From bosom friend to pink of a crush, all it does is communicate what you never meant in the first place.

In fact, there is not one single great word for the kind of relationship that you have with the ones you love or loved. Give the requited attention a miss and the other person won’t find you awesome enough to hit it off.

Yet you shrug and say, “Sure.” And try again. But it’s weird and gets murkier.

When you think about it, you have no idea what it means to be with real friends.

Think about them and you will still touch yourself.

Perhaps ‘friend’ is a catch-all high sign that helps in ignoring bittersweet emotions.

Get into the Act

I grew up a shy introvert with terrible socializing barriers and was often shelled with embarrassing suggestions by those around me. Honestly, I did muster enough courage to try them all and overcome my fears. But soon I realized that it’s lot easier and more effective to be kind than to try to act confident.

I never tried to compete with the extroverts. I let them win at their game. Instead, I decided to invent my own circle—went all-in on being as thoughtful as possible and this is what I found out.

Everyone loves to hang out one time or the other, with the person who won’t say or do anything to hurt your feelings. But not wanting to hurt someone’s beliefs and opinions isn’t friendship. Real friends never coddle egos. They always tell the truth, love spending time together and never get awkward in each other’s company. Good news, bad news and secrets, they share everything. Gossip and late night wakes; it’s all part of lives in bonhomie.

Like everybody else, I too wanted to be friends with every single person on this planet. Probably more so, but not with someone who wants kinda attention that I’d prefer not to give. I had learned that coming out with the truth was way better off than using words that are so vulnerable to misinterpretation. When you tell somebody you want to be friends, but you really don’t, you are not letting them down gently. Mocking hits like a harsh acquittal. It hurts no matter how gently you have hurled the bomb.

Perhaps sometimes we get to learn about friends the hard way.

Are true friends hard to get by!

In university one of my buddies fell hard for a gal who wasn’t into him. She had a crush for a guy Robin who looked smarter and was perhaps wealthier. Of course, Robin wasn’t into her.

It confused and hurt everybody, especially my mate.

But it was kinda different too. Both heand the girl were doing fine and everything a couple would, except touch. Dates, long walks, deep conversations, partying ; it seemed fascination was blossoming. One day he asked her if she thought friendship could turn into romance. He would muse how his mom couldn’t stand his dad before they got married. A day later she uninvited him to a party.(Robin was going to be there.). What followed was enough to shake up things badly. Sullen moods and peppery behaviour crept in slowly. Finally he couldn’t take it anymore, and stopped returning her calls.

A year went by, and then one day both ran into each other. She came up and regretted. “Can we be friends?”

“What do you mean…?” he asked.

“If I see you, I’d like to come up and say hi.” It sounded more like she wanted him to acquit her of all guilt. Both agreed to smile and wave if their paths ever crossed. Fears of misplaced trust, broken promises and brazen lies, all fell apart in that one moment of regret.

Fortunately, he never saw her again.

That story tells what lot many people mean when they say they want to be friends, yet prefer kind of stealth friendship where deeper feelings never grow. If you are honest you usually wouldn’t want to be “just friends”. It’s hard but being “real friends” means you don’t hold onto your emotions and actually make yourself available to someone who might requite your feelings.

Real life stories like this one grow on trees but payoffs are important!

Contemplating a relationship as a sack of rotten tomatoes when things turn sour, is like eyeing everything with serious skepticism. Crush aside, you should expect no one to be your real friend until you stop wanting romance to creep in your emotions. Before then, being around them will only rip your heart apart.

Funny! There is a simple fix for this

Nobody is hard wired to spend time crying out for someone who cheats under the cloak of stealth friendship, forever. And you need not hate somebody to realize that they are not good for you either. It’s nobody ‘s fault. The chemistry simply hasn’t struck. The slyness has prevailed!

So, gift yourself the truth! Firstly to be friends you need to ease off being sheep eyed. And in the second place, if you think of someone as your friend each time you look for favors; then honestly you are not ready for friendship.

Ease off till you could show some respect to your affinity. Pull up your head, put aside your phones and the world around you will no longer be clueless. Smiling, holding doors and saying hello to strangers; those powerful gestures will make you stand out. Seeing people, acknowledging them, showing some respect might mean you are charming and perhaps charismatic too. Trust me, the frenzy of warm hands reaching out to you, in turn, would leave you overwhelmed.

But is it enough to get you good friends; the real ones?

Countless times I have met people who didn’t click right away, only to be heard of later with a friendly gesture of sorts; sometimes through a mutual friend on social networking, at others maybe for a book exchange or casual film recommendation. These interactions spoke little but emotionally measured high. I guess, it’s kinda hard for me now to dislike someone who was thoughtful enough to have gone to lengths and make an effort to reach out!

Some people couldn’t make easy initial connections. If you are one of them, give yourself some time to dazzle. Once you think you have made the right choice and want to make a connect, reach out with whatever little beans you could muster to make their lives a bit brighter, even if in a small way.

Today, I gather I was right about my insights in the first place. Aches and pains not withstanding, I had aced the key to finding a soul buddy!! You may find my suggestions a tad basic, but that’s the point! If I have learned anything during my journey from a shy, floundering kid to a quiet thoughtful, self inventing, all smiles person who takes stock of the world in HD, I believe I did my basics well enough to have led myself so well.

If you are an introvert, don’t curse yourself for this innate skill. Hang on to it, for the one who listens, is rare and precious. Only a handful of us actually has this gift that sets us apart. Don’t chide yourself either, if you couldn’t hold onto to your lead. “You only get one chance to make a first impression”; every Tom, Dick and Sally would love to tear into you. Sure! But a lot has changed and this cliche’ is your buried past now. Chance to strike a conversation is just a click away!

How would you feel if you open your phone and a message is waiting from someone you just met, wishing you well for your upcoming interview? Or how about you sending a one-of-a-kind get-well-soon message to your ailing elderly neighbor?

Uh oh! No this isn’t about copywriting beauty and the beast. Privy characteristics such as kindness turn emotions toasty, takes the chill off and outwits brains and air when it comes to accepting connections! So do a little jig, get yourself out of the weeds. You will have fun and find joy reaching out to real friends.

Feature credits: ‘A Real Friendship’ by manu7 production in youtube.com on Dec.19, 2017.

Happiness needs a warm hand

A real friendship never sucks! It stems from mutual understanding and respect. It’s not meant to serve pleasure or purpose all the times. Rather a good friend is for friendship sake; the gold equivalent of human relationship. A lucky few of us might get a handful of real friends in our lives and it shouldn’t matter if they are relatively new. It’s their uniqueness that makes them amazing and priceless.

I have always found the intriguing connection between friends, happiness and longevity a bit weird but promising. The cutting edge made me feel zesty. I found myself surrounded by good people- people who never failed to remind me if I needed a haircut; people who complimented me and hauled me over in crises. Life never fell short of league of gentle folks. Listen, watch, notice and praise…these were small actions, but they helped me feel good for everything about me, admire myself and have strong ties with others.

If you are anything like me, rub some dirt on your fears, sell yourself a lot of quality friendship and trust me, you will ripe through a ‘golden-over-the-hill’ life. Try not to forget that real friends are meant to share concerns and confidences, build trust and not always be a sham listener or a crazy admirer.

Sometimes you cannot push a special connection between friends. It just happens. Two people come together, who find ease between them instantly and are comfortable in their skins. Laughing away at silly jokes for hours or talking the night away; a lasting relationship begins to fall into place between two people who understood each other well by simply being themselves. The spark wouldn’t douse even if the two “thieve” enormous pint or two of bourbon and celebrate!

So! where would you find the kindred-spirit that accommodates your mood, occasionally mimics intimacy and excites you in ways different than those you would otherwise face when spending time alone; quietly. Could you think up of an egghead who has all the signs of a true friend? Where should you look for one and know if that somebody is the big Daddy you were hunting for?

Taverns, bars, coffee shops, clubs, and even rec rooms are the usual joints that foster inner circles among people. Yeah! This is the tribe of savvy thinkers who will get you to realize that all that sweating, lifting and walking is not absolutely necessary for finding happiness. It is here that sharp contrast of unselfish indulgences change hands. It is here that your voice could finally get to grow some teeth. And, it is here that a good Johnny-on-the-spot could hammer some sense out of your successes, failures, opportunities and help you choose differently.

Someday you will make the naysayers jealous

I never realized that rushing lifestyles could reduce relationships into commodities so fast. It has left every relationship hanging by thread and every affinity slain of excitement. In all our complexities, we have shrunk to titles and net worth and eye each other as a means to an end. It is difficult to know who is legit and who pretends.

It all feels so punishing and fiendishly difficult…isn’t so?

Putting on a smiley face or saying right things and turning their back when the going gets tough, makes a difficult choice between deceit and uprightness. Props in hard times alone do not matter. A friend is someone who genuinely wants to see you succeed and is happy to see things go well for you in life; each time, every time. A true mate loves the person you are, with all the flaws and quirks and imperfections.

That doesn’t mean friends agree all the times. Rattling opinions help expand horizons! If your choice has been the right one, you will find yourself surrounded with people who share your values but warn you the moment you start falling off the track.

Worse luck! if your buddy wouldn’t help you to make the right choice even if that means saying something that you never wanted to hear in the first place.

“Don’t walk behind me, I may not lead. Don’t walk in front of me, I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.” ~ Albert Camus.

Close affinities like good friends just don’t pop out of nowhere and mature fast. So, if you happen to have more than a handful of real good ones, you are indeed blessed. Making and keeping real friends smells of a rare experience. Each lasting friendship represents a world within us, a world that is not born until they arrive. And it is only when we bump into each other, a new world is born for us.

So, get busy being an amazing human being. Be a good one and knight hearted. If you haven’t reached out in a while to the people in your life who love and support you; learn to do so. The awe of discovering a BFF will smitten you for good. Perhaps then you could make out what Mary Tilley (94) of two children, four grandchildren and two great-grandchildren, meant of Evelyn Hodge as friend- they had lived next door to each other for over 72 years in Britain– when she mused;“Evelyn is great company”.

Someday you too might as well get to get a real good friend who celebrates life with you.

Till then, keep smiling and face up…

It’s never too late to walk off into the sunset!!

Living through a rough patch or weariness in a relationship is difficult. But sometimes these could help you inch closer. So bend and save yourselves from butting your heads the rest of your lives!!

Is it a rough patch or are you worn out? It’s time to breathe in some fresh air into your relationship !!

31st Dec 2020 soulshop.com Leave a comment

Hard times or weariness in relationships is like a sandpaper being rubbed on a fresh wound and you wouldn’t know whether to plaster it or just let the fresh air heal the wound.

Image source: ‘How I Healed My Strained Relationship with My Mother’ by Jennifer Cochran in tinybuddha.com

At one point or the other we all face a wide range of ups and downs in our relationships. Nothing unusual there if you experience a difficult period, especially when illness or financial worries have pushed you in a catch 22 spot. Marital hiccups are though known to run high and could make a mess of your relationship any time sooner than you could have guessed.

One foremost problem for disconnect is gradually disappearing physical intimacy and whenever that happens, troubles mushroom. We tend to forget that level of desire wax and wane throughout life for each one of us but despite that most happy couples retain a strong intimate connection throughout their lives.

Another sign is fading communication between partners. Poor communication tends to feeds on itself. There are couples who have been married for decades and still confide in one another each day. Significant problems begin to rise the moment either of the partner realizes that he or she no longer wants to share anything and everything with his or her partner. Connect simply wanes away if neither sets out to resolve.

If you are in a passionate relationship, it probably is a healthy one and certainly wouldn’t want this to happen to you. But then do you really know what this ‘Healthy relationship’ is all about, especially when everyone is so different and everything changes with time? No relationship ever remains the same as before. Not even healthy relationships are free of scars. Problems, fights misunderstandings are thick on the ground but getting rid of them and looking after each other’s back is what makes it so pink.

You wouldn’t know when the toxicity crept in?

Given few exceptions we all are wired to be wanted both emotionally and physically. Life seems better shared but like most other things in life worth having, relationships too need efforts to stay intact. After all none of us, not even our parents are perfect and oddly enough neither do they see us as perfect. It’s the mood, faults and quirkiness that tell us when to start learning and when to adapt; just as much we expect others to learn the same for us. And it’s worth it!

Image source: ‘Are you fighting too much with your partner?’ in indiatvnews.com on Jun.30, 2017

Have you sensed of late that your attentiveness has turned somewhat toxic? Your terms of endearment are always ending up in upsetting someone. Unintentionally you are rubbing your partner the wrong way and you feel that your relationship has become mired in bitterness. Your connect has mutated into something that has the potential to hurt you both.

This could be emotionally draining and infrequently physically damaging. Look back!! It seems that the truth has evaded both of you for it always takes two to have a toxic relationship.

On the other side, a healthy relationship shares desire for each other’s happiness though there may be brief periods of discontent. After all we humans are not that perfect but not always everything is necessarily lost.

Slandering is how the things first began to turn ugly

This is when you feel that your relationship has become all screwed up. “I’m just kidding. Can’t you take a joke?” This is a contemptuous disapproval of your thoughts and actions or at least that’s how you could make out. Gradually this vilification turns public. You are often told that you are lucky to have them as a partner, that no other man or woman would really want you. Your self esteem is on a down slide and you can feel the control of this relationship slipping out of your hands.

Frayed temper takes the center stage

Image source: ‘Would you eavesdrop on an arguing couple?’ by Matthew Smith in yougov.co.uk on Sep.8 , 2017

Controlling by intimidation or ‘hair trigger’ temper is a classic example of how things could worsen and leave you peevish. This “walking on egg shell” fear never leaves for you will never know when and what will make your partner explode in rage.

Emotionally abusive partners rarely show the flip side of their selves to the outside world, meaning they revel in being frequently thought of as a pleasant, easy-going person whom almost everyone likes.

These salvos of bad nerves are the first signs that your relationship has turned sour and everything is just not working out fine.

Guilt trips are no longer infrequent

You are lucky to have evaded them so far for these could leave you sad and conscience stricken. It’s good for your relationship if your partner has not encouraged you to feel guilty any time you do something he or she doesn’t like. Feel lucky if he or she hasn’t got someone else to convey their sense of “disappointment” to you so far.

For those who are prone to remorse, anything or anyone who frees you of guilt is most desirable and this very emotion leaves a powerful means of control in the hands of your partner, parent or friend, to get what he or she want.

Reaction goes overboard

Did you ever tried telling your partner that you are unhappy, annoyed or even hurt with something that they did and somehow it is you who is taking care of their anger?

If it is so, then you are comforting them instead of getting it for yourself. Unknowingly you have readied yourself to ‘cover the trench’. Perhaps you are being too sensitive. Or perhaps you have faced a more calculated apology; “Do you love me?” and have decided to relent because suddenly the criticism is replaced with comforting admiration.

Trust me, staying in a relationship this way is no better than like paying $1,000 for a candy bar without getting much for your investment. Its one-way nature and you usually end up feeling like you have never done enough for either of you.

Overdependence is now infuriating

Oddly your partner has turned passive and you are taking most of the decisions for the family, from where to go to dinner to what car to buy. Not making a decision has the advantage of not being responsible for the outcome, especially if turns out to be a ‘wrong one’. You chose a movie or restaurant they didn’t enjoy. You chose to spend the weekend with your parents and your partner goes along but doesn’t speak to anyone for two days. The distress is inching in and you are unaware of it.

If you feel your relationship is slowly wearing in, you have given away the control to passivity.

Possessiveness is endearing

This certainly is bad news. Jealousy steers suspicion and comes to play the first fiddle in no time. Your partner is checking the odometer in the car to make sure you haven’t gone somewhere you “shouldn’t,” You are faced with awkward interrogations if you stayed late at work. In short life feels miserly while your partner sees herself or himself as possessing you.

We all love the sweetness of certain words. Good times and challenges ring bells differently for different people. Even if you find yourself in a tough spot, take heart for great things do not happen by chance.

Here’s how you can fit in your connect and breathe some fresh air to ease your sourness!!

Be together more often

Your relationship is jinxed because none of you chose to spend enough time together. May be conflicting work schedules or long distance relationships have made it more of a struggle to stay patched up. It’s time to make time for each other as much as possible. Plan a date or may be a Netflix night once a week. It could do wonders to your kinship!!

Figure out who raises the storm more often and fix the grudge

A relationship can either bring out the best or the worst in us. Are you in a crappy mood when you are with your partner? Have you noticed that your partner is gradually becoming more and more depressed? It’s time to reflect back on you and your partner’s behavior and find ways to mend it.

Hang on to your conviction

Trust is anything and everything. Trust means you know for sure that all your problems will work out soon and your partner will always watch your back in tough times. Even when you know that the spark is fading, trust is what will bring you two back together.

Take a trip down the memory lane

Once riding the storm, it’s always easy to feel indignation for your partner. If you want things to straighten out, it’s time to start feeling more positive. And the easiest way to do this is by remembering the good times you had spent together. The good times can mean anything. Even choosing what you love about your partner can also bring positivity. It would do some good to remember that you always get what you put out.

Never quit loving

Image source: ‘A Music-Loving Couple Planned the Ultimate Cyclorama Celebration’ by Andrea Timpano in bostonmagazine.com on March 9, 2020

This is easier said than done. You could be mad at your partner or feeling awful. But it isn’t easy to let go of the flame even if you are going through a rough patch. Small gestures like “good morning” and “goodnight” text messages could keep love alive. Recall the time when you felt mad in love. It’s time to relive it . Go out on little dates or do things you did back then.

Let ears do the talking

You have a lot many things on your mind and you hasten to spill it all out on your partner. But this may not be a good idea as you think. Instead stay open with your ears. Let the other person talk first. Who knows, maybe your partner already knows the solutions to your problems. Surprises are not so hard to come by.

Keep the attraction alive

These are bad grumpy times and the last thing you may think about is sex. But you’ll be shocked at how many problems it can solve. Intimacy and attraction is what could truly help you to re connect and re-ignite that spark.

Pull together and make it work

Even if you love each other, things won’t work unless you both want them to. Each of you will have to agree that you’ll do what you can to improve and help this relationship to work. Pull the plug yourself if you think your partner is too discouraged or work-shy.

Let bygones be bygones

man in black long sleeved shirt and woman in black dress — Image source: ‘Pexel free media library’ in wordpress.com

Don’t misunderstand indulgence! Forgiveness does not free you to mistreat or misbehave with someone. It makes you accept what we all are doing the best we can. When we disappoint or hurt each other it’s not because we want to. Surely if we knew better, we would do better. So let go of all that that has hurt you in the past and begin creating memories that will last you a lifetime.

Let go of the ache to fix or change

The key to reviving a gasping relationship is to fully accept the cardinal truth that ‘you cannot change anyone except yourself’. The sooner you realize this as an inseparable verity, the earlier you will begin to heal and grow together.

Be good as your word.

Relationships struggle, when trust weakens. When you say you will do something or share everything, your partner will trust that as a truth. It’s fine if you decide to turn around but let your partner to catch up with you. Take your time and your partner will change and grow with you.

Daydream together

Relationships weave lives together but life’s logistics always catches you up for a grind. Take a day off and have blonde moments. Explore, plan and reach out to each other to live out your dreams. Be grateful to each other for having made your life easier and better. This could be your moment to turn a corner in a struggling alliance.

We all long to be loved and accepted for who we are and how we are. It’s only when we feel that we are not ashamed or disappointed in each other and choose to change, life begins to come out of disuse gradually.

After all no relationship is perfect. It’s no big deal to overcome your sorrows so long as there is love and the desire to make it work. You just need to step out of the box.

And above all, stay curious, celebrate each other and never choose to let go.

Business of finding happiness

“I could never make heads turn” and I never rued for not being the object of desire.

27th Sep 2020 soulshop.com Leave a comment

People around me could never gather enough courage to say that they never found anything attractive in me, but somehow I knew. I was no freak and I had no great looks… at least not good enough to be an object of desire. I just couldn’t make heads turn..! I was the one who desired rather than be the one who was desired.

Still, it’s taken some getting used to.

I would be lying if I were to say that I didn’t miss the thrill of being wanted. The subtle pleasure of acquiescence to somebody’s needs, the opportunity to say ‘yes’ instead of being asked, ‘would you’?

The other day, a man -friend of a friend, distantly acquainted sat next to me in a local coffee shop. I could never figure out this day why he said what he said a little while later in a low voice leaning across. “I can never make out, if it’s the academics that make everything desirable or if it takes sensuality out of everything”. He held my gaze after he’s done. It occurred to me that he was mocking me. Not giving up…so I smile and say, “It’s probably a little bit of both” and lean in for just a moment. The brazen ugly sparkle in his eye bemused me… the way he took a jibe at me. Then I lean away again and say, “But it’s’ probably more of the former, because I am married, happily so and gotten everything I want from this happenstance.”

I felt uncomfortable for quite some time … It scared me. Are we so free to say about things that are so unshakeable part of how we are to ourselves?

Today, though it’s a relief. I have seen people hide the truth of aging over their lives, chasing the desires and fantasies that I have neither had the time nor the inclination for. This is my body and I live in it more happily than I would endure the awful things I’d need to do to make it appear young again!

That the years weigh heavily on me, is because they were good years lived well and I have no intention to bid farewell to good things that lit up my sky today… everyday.

I wonder what makes us yearn so fervently to be desired, to wear a charm mesmerizing enough to change moods and make heads turn. What stokes the fear of ‘being left behind’ that would otherwise carve an emotional wreck out of us ? Is there a way out?

Slight Smiles, Head Tilts, Tousled Hair: what this ‘allure’ is all about!

When it comes to beguiling, your looks could make you incredibly appealing even if for a short while. But deep down, we all are attracted more to carriage than other elements.

Humans are not as mysterious as they think. We have fairly expressive facial and body language cues to reveal our inner thoughts. Smile amongst them serve best in igniting the attraction even though it is not a definite facial cue.

The truth behind attraction rings differently for different persons. I have always regarded it as a kind of invention. I think of it as an irresistible force to which we usually are in so thrall that we ignore its power to limit our choices. When we desire for someone, this all-consuming feeling turns overwhelming. And when we become icons of attraction, we begin to fulfill all the slush fantasies.

Maybe… this is how it is meant to be. An overwhelming desire for another person stemming from a good deal of good looks!.

**“If you knew the secret of Life, you too would choose, no other companion but Love”.- Rumi**

It’s hard to believe in crush at first sight, but I do believe in desire at first sight and I also believe that the knowledge of “how to look attractive “has the highest regard and selling price tagged to it these days.

The inevitable business of finding happiness begins right here, something that is so hard to come by that we just couldn’t find it once for all and keep it safe in our pockets! Weirdly, as we chase it in seemingly brighter spots outside of us, describing happiness has turned complicated and experiencing it even more expensive.

The world is changing and so are we…looking for honest answers to how to be a head turner.

Searching for Answers in happiness sales!!

I am not getting into details of the trillions spent in selling happiness, but isn’t it true that every year with an increase in happiness sales (beauty products, luxury possessions, marquee outfits), the incidences of mental health concerns are only rising?

I find that our biggest mistake is that we have come to commercialize the path to happiness. From buying confidence swelling beauty products to selling vacuum cleaners to a happy family, all are there with the sole purpose to catch an eye and externalize happiness.

The joke is on us. It exists for free and not far, within each one of us. Haven’t we overrated our sense of happiness? Aren’t there so many other emotions to embrace besides this blind hunt to look great?

It could be the very cause of unhappiness!

I looked beyond grudges

My woes would have had lived on if I were to keep raking myself with this one single thought. What could possibly be wrong with me? Why people do not find me attractive enough to be desirable? Instead I chose not to shoot myself in the feet and went about living a life aging gracefully and chasing desires and pursuits I never would have thought to be such a joy…the thrill of wanting myself…the joy of yielding to somebody’s needs.

Beyond the man made myth of finding joys in unseen lands, I realize that I am actually happier today for having struck fascination to myself.

It all adds up. Being okay with both the troughs and crests and not demanding highs alone, is all about growing subtly in life. I withdrew from this mindless chase ‘to be wanted’– one out of a hundreds of emotions, glamorized and boldly coveted. I probably saved myself from pitching into dark depths of depression, anxiety and other inconsolable personal and social challenges.

Believe me, we cannot be happy “at all times”. That would be a manic behavior. But once you realize that it’s not in ‘looks‘ but in the ‘meaning‘ we put to it that we find or miss this amazing emotion. The more we see it in “what we have” and appreciate “what is”, the easier it is to find it.

After all I could succeed in hoodwinking my identity crisis!!

The essentials to attraction lie beyond awesome looks.

FIVE SIMPLE LIFE LESSONS THAT COULD MAKE PEOPLE FIND YOU MORE #ATTRACTIVE- BESIDES LOOKS!

11th Sep 2020 soulshop.com 2 Comments

Not everything’s always about looks.!!

Being attractive to other people is not always dependent on how we look. How many times have we seen the attraction go flying out of the window, the moment he or she opens his or her mouth? Truth is…the key to everything that fascinates others lies within us.

Find out what could make people find you awesome and more attractive- beyond the physical.

Sometimes even science can’t convince me. The most important characteristic is also the most basic. If I were to ask you what quality would you prefer most in a person, wouldn’t it be … kindness? Predictably, this is one positive sentiment that is shared right across the board and perhaps one benevolent choice that could make heads turn in appreciation.

This is kind of baffling!!.. because no where would you find advice on how to be ‘nice’ except that we’d all be so much better off simply by being kind rather than spending hours in front of the mirror. And it doesn’t take a lot to reveal this. Being on time, letting the other order first and choose where to sit and being polite to the waitress… these small acts of kindness are clear ways to show that you are concerned…. and in all probability kind too.

But isn’t it true that when it comes to make a choice, it’s what the other person represents and symbolizes is more compelling and attractive? None of us would miss the opportunity to be rather the one that others look upon us to be, than judge ourselves the way we truly are.

Believe me, we all would readily gift ourselves this much of concession whenever the need arise.

The ultimate hunt : It’s ‘nice’ and ‘sensible’ that finish first

When men think of a companion they imagine a woman who is open for adventure, sensual and cares little or nothing for what others think of her. These are the women who prefer to play by their own rules and live by their share of ikigai.

Women also have their share of stumbling when it comes to being hearty in their priorities. Sensible choices manifest in laboratories only. It’s a bit different in real life. Slave to habits, women usually have a hard time breaking cycles of poor choices and keep falling for the wrong kind of guy. Even after they get burned they would go out and do it again.

Sadly, expectations do sometimes turn into ruined intentions. In a world where we endure a monotonous life with an overwhelming number of rules and regulations, we find allure of even bad mates as incredibly appealing. Sometimes the temporary excitement that this fascination represents is too much to just let go..

So, how do you find preference over others, when you know that people may doubt what they see in you but will believe what you do?

The fastest way to do this happens only if you turn yourself into a bundle of curiosity and start learning a few simple but rewarding tricks.

These three simple actions are the recipe to quick and amazing results. Follow them and you could actually redefine yourself as more attractive a person besides your looks, to be the right choice for those who prefer a healthy and everlasting relationship.

Forget playing it cool.

Even speed dating events – where decisions are made in mere matter of minutes- simple interest builds up attraction. So how to make heads turn and others take notice of you? Listen closely, inquire moderately, hold your tongue so that you appear more polite and less inquisitive and ask questions that are witty but not frivolous. Believe me, these are known to work like an aphrodisiac!!.. could kindle a flame in your companion and in all probability make the other person find you more attractive than ever before.

Consider body movements.

These simple muscle flexing activities are controlled by the limbic part of the brain, the one that is responsible for our feeling of fascination, attraction and eventually love. Leaning towards the other person, smiling, keeping eye contact, are the three positive body actions that needs no words to build a connect to your advantage.

A smile is worth more than a thousand words.

“The things I found most beautiful about a person are almost never physical”. # Slickwords

A positive personality always bridge emotions and physical attractiveness. It’s not groundbreaking of course but men are indeed attracted to pleasant, cheerful and positive women. These personality attributes blend easily not only because of their intense physical appeal but because they carry social attraction as well- a key issue when it comes to choosing a soul mate.

Of course, a lot depends on the context of the man in question, his age, maturity level, relationship status, and current needs in life— just a few of the many factors that are key to his attraction toward women.

This isn’t to say that you need to put on a happy face 24/7, but if you focus on being friendly and are open to meeting new people, it’s a win-win. Wisely put it’s all about having a open mind, warm heart and longing soul behind a smiling face that makes the day for those who are in the fray to win.

The truth holds something more respectful for a woman. It’s her unique hobbies, skills and interests that make her more attractive as a relationship partner. There certainly is no need for her to be the same as everyone else to be attractive. Being herself is always a much better choice. The more she could demonstrate her true self, the more she could make a man feel as if he has met the most wonderful person of his lifetime.

Happiness is actually is one most attractive emotion expression and a smiling face draws admiration all round. A scowling one definitely isn’t the right choice for anybody to draw attention let alone win over appreciation. When you smile and generally look happy, you look more open and less intimidating.

Remember…a smile could move mountains!!

Down to basics of attraction

Deep down, do guys really prefer nice women?

Yes, but men strongly associate nice woman as one who is not twice as funny, exciting and open as they fantasize. Of course this is not meant to be a blanket statement and often not true, but then perception is everything.

And how could a girl attract a nice guy?

The best she could do is to demonstrate alluring qualities of a bad girl as imagined to have, without actually being bad. Its not a hard guess to know what guys want. She could show that she is open to trying new things, love being funny, adventurous, exciting, and has a sensual side too, without staging all the drama that a typical male fantasy brings to the table. The more she could portray these while still being the one elusive nice girl, the more she could make a man feel weak at knees.

For men, the excitement of an adrenaline rush would not be easy to pass by.

Don’t let go of people who could make you smile, laugh and feel loved

Being and remaining attractive to other person could be hard when you are looking for a long term relationship. Even in a new one, finding ways to spruce up your attraction don’t come easy. But, lesser attraction doesn’t mean that your relationship is doomed. If you run out of luck to look attractive to your partner despite having tried different techniques, its time to revisit your relationship.

Sometimes attraction thins away when we ignore what we have faltered in.

It’s all about priorities and deciding what one truly wants in life. Once we come to terms with the poor choices that we make while trying to look amazing to other and what we truly want in the other person instead, we can help ourselves and make the right decisions. Could there ever be a better emotional reward for us than to turn compelling and truthful in our choices?

Being attractive and building upon a soulful relationship has its own share of sins and doesn’t come easy. You need to take time off to get to know the other person, change from strangers to friends and see them in every single light you ever wanted in the first place.

So, learn to revel in your true self and the better side of you will find ways to reveal itself… beyond physical of course.

With any luck you might find the mysterious connection of being attractive –inside out more rewarding than you would have ever thought!!

Don't hold expectations for what happens tomorrow . Just live the change.

Hi Emma!! Thank you for yr comments. Yes, it's true luck is there for real. Good or bad-it's our perspective…

🥲I just know luck is real but a few people are privileged to be charmed with good luck

Thank you so much for yr appreciation! Sharing vibes and thoughts is a wonderful act and helps to evolve more.…

You are right 😊thanks for sharing

❤❤ thank you so much!! 🌹🌹

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Don't hold expectations for what happens tomorrow . Just live the change.