Tag Archives: #Smile

The sun brings promises of new life, hope and freshness each day. But keeping your face to it and believing you’ll never see shadows denies you the true freedom, bit of flame and a little flower!

Sometimes You Need More Than Just Sunshine to Brighten Up Your Day!

21st Dec 2025 soulshop.com Leave a comment

Is there anything more promising than a day full of sunshine, mirth and laughter? Yes…It’s absolutely thrilling. It’s a great feeling to watch the sunshine break through the clouds on a sunny day. Haven’t those sun-soaked vacations resulted in lots of photos? If there’s a sunset won’t you love to own a frame of your family basking in the rays? Frame it or set it as your desktop background, it gives you hopes of happy promising days ahead.

This exultation nonetheless is usually short lived unless you have the ability to top up and fortify this beatitude. Clearly we could all use a little more light in our lives.

Has it ever crossed your mind that our ability to wake up every morning to a new day – one with new reckonings to teach and transform us – is the gift of life and is hard to come by? Being grateful to a thriving day is even harder.

Over the time I have realized that this gratefulness does not let go of my happiness for the value of hard work and persistence. I need not look away from the strife around me just because I prefer optimism. I also need not be grateful to everything. In fact gratefulness suggests that everything in life warrants our greatest presence. And this is precisely what constructs our perspective and a sense of possibility.

So, the big picture here is – that sun shine is ideal and may be all right to make you feel comfortable, but between busy schedules and cloud covered winter days you need more than the sun to surround yourself with mirth and brighten up your life.

All You’d Ever Wanted In Life Is To Shine Like The Sun!

Tired of sitting round your computer or huddled in the library absolutely muted and dulled staring blankly at the grim weather outside? Why not turn your space into a happier one? Of course you’re tired of putting up photos, drawings or whatever else you thought was needed to keep you smiling. Thinking of good times with friends and family is absolutely lame and would do hardly perk you up.

A positive working environment is the real difference-maker, especially when you can’t see the sun in a dreary gray day. You feel listless and completely blah; no energy for anything.

It’s not been any different for me either. When my days in the corporate world wrapped up and the din of everyday grind subsided, the harshness of life returned with a thud. Memories of a first-rate life at work were washed away in a tsunami of questions as the future stared back bleakly. I felt unsettled and aimless. The thought of enduring rocky years ahead that would spin around endless worries was simply overwhelming. All I wanted was a laid back life, little to care about and all the leisure time in the World to do whatever pleased me – no strings attached.

Was this too much to ask for?

*Image source: Vitaliy Mitrofanenko in pexels.xom*

Some part of me must have recognized that my idea of happiness was in any case unsustainable as I couldn’t forthwith drag myself into proving naysayers wrong. There weren’t too many brighter days and nights that I could simply enshrine as the most pleasant of my life. But they no less did solidify my opinion about ‘What happiness is’. To me ‘ Happiness resembled an uncomplicated euphoria that could be prolonged only by constant reinforcement’. Another day, another challenge, another adventure, another win!

If any idea that would cook up some sparkle of happiness for me, I guess this was it.

Instead, it made me anxious. When I wasn’t fretting from self doubt, I felt adrift and valley low. Why even stress was making my empathy go limp, my cholesterol to skyrocket and my waistline to inch away unashamedly! Back of my mind something was nagging. Have I taken the wrong turn? Is it because I’ve landed in a wrong life that I can’t stop living my fears? Should I simply step back and let life happen?

It was all slowly curdling into something oppressive and ugly. All I would think about was getting out.

What the hell was wrong with me?

Digging a little deeper I discovered that happiness is not drawn out of my fickle emotions or fleeting moments of pleasure. Rather it’s founded on ‘life evaluations’ that reflect the larger perspective of my existence. From feeling free to making life choices and having someone to count on, I guess I finally found my way to “Harvey moments”.

Years later, today I realize my days weren’t spent for nothing after all. Reaching out to a happy life wasn’t so elusive after all!

So do yourself a favor …and,

*Image source: ‘101 Sunshine Quotes to Brighten Your Day and Help You Shine Like the Sun’ by Henrik Edberg in positivityblog.com*

Wake up Each Day To What It Is

No matter what you are interested in or whatever excites you, make sure you watch over for more of these things even if it’s a bigger effort. By organizing your interests you’ll have plenty to look ahead even if something weighs you down.

I’d awaken to each new dawn expectantly but was always unsure of the unknown in the day ahead. A heaviness would then descend and make rising into the day even more difficult. Each day asked me to wrestle and reckon …but it was also the one unpromised gift that taught and transformed me bit by bit.

I even tried keeping a calendar of what I was looking forward to so I can see things coming. It helped me pass off the worst of the days without noticing -more likely in sleep. And when my eyes fill with wonder and my heart with joy, I could not betray my gratitude — I would nourish my capacity to attend the disquiet around me.

Small Victories Do Matter

“Panamanians tend to think of happiness in a more goal-oriented framework” says Allan Sellers of the Rotary Club Panama City. To me it sounds like a possibility given the fact that these people were inclined more to enjoy specific immediate objectives. I would say this was a sign of something larger; perhaps a general sense of inner peace!

Still it felt very personal to me. I was overwhelmed. For years, I had believed that “to-do” lists were a big waste of time but having learned otherwise I found the act of crossing off tasks immensely satisfying. It was a proof of progress. I was finally allowing myself a chance to celebrate easy successes and small wins. Happiness then came to me in many small insignificant ways. When added together a serene sense of satisfaction and well being would let me fit in my day completely.

One day, I sat down and listed things that made me proud and full of myself; everything from self indulgence to heartening and profoundly affecting. Not a bad way to spend an hour- I guess! In the days since I have frequently pulled out that list and have made additions to it. Looking it over regularly eases me into peace and happiness. Every time, it feels good.

*Image source: ‘The beatitude that transforms the meaning of blessedness’ in aleteia.org*

Today I’m attentive to usual chores but don’t overlook the emotional side of it- my family, friends and most importantly myself. I’ve learned to channel Sellers by “checking in” on myself at odd times. ”Am I being as kind to myself as I am to the people around me? Why am I feeling so empathetic?”

Not every day though feels as bright. But I guess…that’s okay. Life is full of moments when the clouds roll in and it becomes hard to see the light.

It’s just on those days, I need to be my own sunshine!

Grandma is one amazing half parent whose invaluable joy lies in giving away unconditional love and support. Sometimes childlike and alive she is truly the rainbow of life to her grandchildren.

The Joy of Living in the Realm of Childhood with Grandma Where Nobody Dies

10th Sep 2025 soulshop.com Leave a comment

I suppose I’m fortunate to have only happy memories of my childhood left with me. Surrounded by a doting family and a great looking dog, unpleasant ones have over the time somehow faded away. Besides I just don’t wish to look back and relive any.

*Image source: ‘Senior Living: The challenge of being a new grandmother’ by Liane Faulder in nationalpost.com*

Today it’s easy to figure out what made my early years so great. Like a superstar she was everywhere, always there, smiling all pervading. How can I ever forget her withered face and corrugated forehead that shone through folds and creases and a bad dentistry? She was a constant companion –bodily and in other ways till she passed away at a golden age of 84.

My grandma from what I remember belonged to a generation that had lived through two World wars, the tumult of Partition and another couple of Wars-one in the West by an unruly Pakistan and another one in the North across the Himalayas by the belligerent dragon China. The world on this side of the fence had really taken a relentless beating, People were pushed against the wall and had to endure a great deal. Watching over their families was a rough going. Amidst such challenging times she kept her nose clean and minded a conscientious care for her family up to the time her debilities overwhelmed her spirits.

It was a sad and dispiriting gloomy afternoon when the shattering news of the inevitable reached us. Till the end she had never called in a favor and was a proud free-spirited empowered woman her entire life.

The Joy of Being a Grandson

To assume that the ‘cradle to grave’ age difference between us somehow weakened or clouded our perspectives would be unfair, lest think of, to describe how I see my ‘grandma grandson’ bond today. I was a little kid of barely five then and so wet behind the ears to have any definitive frame of mind. I just had a fifth birthday. Unsophisticated, naive and truly green to understand worldly subtleties, I was looked upon as a starry eyed, innocent kid trying to find his foothold in this incredulous world. Clueless and unmindful I guess I understood only tenderness and warmth then.

Despite prolonged separations-my father being a Police Officer and distantly posted- I immensely enjoyed grandma’s company whenever we would visit her on school holidays. Being one of a dozen grandchildren, I could barely have her company except when the adults engaged in serious talks outside and other siblings were too preoccupied to mingle with her.

As ever, grandma would cuddle me, reach out for home made laddoos and would be so excited to tell me all kinds of stories about her childhood. She didn’t seem to care if any of it made any sense to me. I was just there as a generally happy listener to be easy ears to her reminisces when no one else would. I was the reason for her contentment when she would talk about things profound and incomprehensible to me. All silent I’d be a courteous audience to her recounting. She savored these moments and smelled the roses for all I could make out.

Born much before the First World War, she had endured an entirely different childhood that was rife with loss, privation and denial. The country was under the yoke of British raj and basic rights of natives were the distressed lot. Privations and disadvantage rode the wave. Clearly her parents couldn’t have hoped to muster enough means and raise her appropriately.

So, grandma never made to the school.

*Image source: Cottonbro Studio in pexels.com*

My Childhood and Grandma – Nostalgia Live-on

Like in typical households, where boys are pampered and favored much more than girls, my grandma had to stay at home to do chores and learn cooking. The only opportunity she could manage to learn a little was when her cousin brother was having lessons with the family tutor. She would shyly sit quietly on the floor at the far end of the long bleak, dimly lit room, across her brother and tutor and listen intently. Interestingly somehow she learned to read and write, even just a little upside down – an ability that later turned out to be quite practical, especially whenever she would try to read and share my story books. Sometimes on weekends she would together with other siblings go to the Zoo – not a stone’s throw away from home but not too far either. There she would sit down cross-legged underneath a tree and musingly watch all the fun going on around her. The faint amusing smile would never leave her face. Even while walking us around the cages or handing out scrumptious wraps of pooris, with flavorful savory aloo fry stuffed within and sweet- sour mango pickle, she would be happy faced always. Perhaps she knew that life is time sensitive and she didn’t want miss a moment of happiness for nothing.

Her soul was something I guess that had struck a note with everyone . Everybody admired her benevolence and caring compassion. I could never forget her sitting comfortably on grass bed handing out to little greedy hands unmindful of the fuss and squabble around her.

During the Partition often life came to a standstill she would tell us. To protect her kids from marauders in the street who preyed on Hindus she would run children underneath her bed and the whole family would stay stuffed like rag dolls together for hours- joking, giggling and whispering funny quips. Many a times they would miss being discovered by just a few inches which grandma with a great sense of gratitude would fiercely claim was a divine favor.

The time would simply rush out of the window and we wouldn’t miss any of the fun!

This is just one of the many stories she would recount over the years. Now that I think about it, her young adulthood and my childhood were worlds apart. Yet something held us together. My childhood was quite happy and fulfilling. I didn’t need to go through the trauma like she did where uncertainty called the shots and fear was in charge. I never faced educational barriers, ignorance, illiteracy, un-enlightenment unlike her because since I was born it’s been part of me. When I was younger, I never really had the chance to be myself, sprawl out on the grass, while away my time doing nothing except stargazing or learn the art of hand knitting. All I remember was staying at home, playing with neighbor’s bit older kids or reading Phantom series, something I’m sure she wouldn’t have dreamed of doing.

I guess our different backgrounds were what made her such an interesting person to listen to. Her stories felt like history books coming alive. She was special in so many ways. Her loss is felt deeply by many, but none more than me. She lived a full life and left a gaping void when she left. For a couple of years before the end I had watched her fight off her frailties. She was a rock to the family but fragility had kept her slipping.

A Lasting Tribute

The love of a grandma is unique. It seems like God gave us grandmothers to liven up our lives, to make it more whole, to make us grow into better human beings. For me she meant a great deal in shaping my childhood. I remember sitting in the kitchen beside her and gleefully relishing the sweets she would share with teasing playfulness. Her companionship taught me a lot about love and the meaning of family. In fact, she never was just ‘grand mother’ to me. More than that, she was my guardian, my friend and my inspiration. I miss her dearly. I guess her spirit and strength, lives on in each one of us and in the lives that she touched. She lives on in me and in all those who have been moved by the love, strength, conviction, wisdom, and beauty of her soul.

Love you grandma – You truly were a special, special woman to me! You’re no longer among us but your memories would always live on in me. Thank you for your sacrifices, your care and concern, your love and everything that you did for everybody. I know you are in a much better place. I hope I never forget to be grateful and thankful that I was fated to be your ‘grandson’.

You’re gone but not forgotten grandma! I miss you so much.

Until we see each other again some other time, some other place.

Unaware, unrevealed …in a new way!

Life is a procession of ordinary pleasures where things are less veiled and every scrap of it is special. So ditch the noises around you and listen to your life speaking to be worthwhile!

Cracked, Flawed and Frayed I Kept My Life Simple & Happy In A Noisy World!

8th Jun 2025 soulshop.com Leave a comment

Here’s how…

It all began with what I saw in the bathroom mirror one dull summer morning. I had gently padded into the bathroom of my small apartment and casually checked my reflection in the mirror. The ‘three-ring-circus’ in my head was all chaos as I intuitively kept repeating the list of things to be done in the day over and over.

What I saw froze me in my steps. A chill swept through me.

Huh? What?

I couldn’t recognize myself.

I peered saucer-eyed at my image. My blood ran cold. “Oh, is this what I look like? No, that’s not me. Who’s that in the mirror?”

It was early August 2018. I was going to turn 60 in five months time. I would often remind myself; ‘it’s time to get familiar with retirement‘. For quite some time I’d been experiencing a weird sensation of clouds coming over me, mantling thoughts. There have been a few hiccups at the job. But that’s OK. It’s life. Good times do not prevail all the time. What mattered most was that I had climbed the rungs of success the hard way.

It’s been a long haul but a good one.

I had known all along what was coming but wasn’t ready to give up so soon. My mind had begun to stall like an engine that was becoming increasingly hard to turn over.

I had no issues with mirrors, but there was no ignoring that something important had happened.

But to not recognize my own face! To me this was the “drop-dead moment”; I had to accept the terrible truth. I wasn’t just seeing the twitches of aging but the early fumes of fraying at the edges. Clearly I was losing my mojo.

Fortunately, I was still my boss. I told myself, “Enough of that; you’re nuts if you’re seriously thinking of quitting. Tell me what you’re up to.”

So far I was persisting, in control of my life. The silent attack on my spirit had not yet hit in full force. But what about next week ? Next month? Next year? The dread of missing out on euphoria would always be there. And the year after. And forever. There weren’t any easy parts. The unease was nicking away, its progress messy and unpredictable.

“This beginning is purgatory,” I said to myself one day. “It’s kind of a grace period. I need not wait for something to happen. Something I don’t want to. It’ll be like a before-hell purgatory if I let it continue”.

It was at that moment I realized that it’s time to ditch quick fixes I had been relying on. Getting started seemed daunting at first. However, the thought that soon I’ll be energized enough to keep going was encouraging. “It’s time to recap and look for a happier, healthier and more productive lifestyle”.

Clearly,I was being stern to myself.

So I did what felt right then. I listened to my heart and pursued…

*Image source: ’10 Powerful Prayer Quotes to Strengthen Your Spiritual Journey’ inthefreespiritjournal.com*

To do something meaningful each day.

“What was that I was passionate about? Do I have something special in me that need to be practiced more often or shared with others? Is there something that I enjoy doing every day, even if it’s something as simple as cooking a meal or listening to my favorite song?“ I’d often search myself.

Soon enough I realized that it’s way easy to complicate life despite your best intentions. So why not de-clutter it and reduce to essentials only. I needed to simplify my life to thrive.

Not before long it began to make sense. Everything had started falling into place.

All questions answered I finally figured it out.

Putting effort into the things that matter most will make it easier to use and reserve my energy in ways that will bring out the best in me. I needed to keep and practice a compassionate mindset –something that’s often referred to as ‘kind attention’. Till now I’ve been knocking myself around trying to make eye contact with a stranger and smile, while secretly thinking “I wish you well”. I would choke whenever I tried coming out loud. Unintentionally I was keeping away from judging people and in the process fleeing from placing judgment on myself. Luckily I was saved from the kind of deflating self talk that usually saps away your spirit and weighs you down heavily.

Once having tweaked self inflicting complacency I began to feel better with each step I took towards a reinvented thoughtfulness. Next I also learned to tend only good thoughts for others. For once I felt unburdened to learn all the things and master everything.

To evolve gently and turn slowly

Rhythms and routines light me up. I always had a penchant for charting my own course and everything else that comes with it. But I’m a messy person in many ways. Emotional, deeply sensitive, with a tendency to be reactive I simply love to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders.

Still, sloppiness is generally untidy and doesn’t blend well with simplicity. Sometimes I would want to run away, hide or ignore everything. It troubled me that I was only contributing to the noise. I felt scattered and unmotivated. Worst of all, I had this feeling that I was trying to walk in a pair of shoes two sizes too big.

Once aware of what was crippling my energy and obstructing my resolve, I chose to follow the lane that felt important and sensible rather than tackling everything at once.

For instance, since my home in disarray was a big source of daily stress, I chose to pick one cabinet, closet or drawer to clear out each week instead of overwhelming myself with doing it all at once. I’d then move on to my next goal when I felt ready.

I was finally taking advantage of my moments by prioritizing important tasks. I was already feeling fresh and jazzed up.

To do something If I Didn’t like What I See

Arguably often systemic barriers make it difficult to make radical change in a person’s lifestyle. Work place regulations, an aggressive litigation environment or social convention –all can create hurdles to a shift. All that and more …even when we see people taking to streets to rubbish them. But being very few and isolated, nothing changes easily. In fact to solve the problem requires another level of effort.

To get out of complacency, you need to be motivated enough to rally in the action. I’m not suggesting anything more except a more reasoned response to injustice around you.

More important Don’t Give Up. Your level of “stick-to-itiveness” is the only yardstick to assess your success, For a long time I also held on to this value doing nothing much about it. But lately I’ve begun using it to dig my heels and stay put where it wins the most for me.

*Image source: ‘5 Proven Ways to Create a Happy, Fulfilling Life; by Kulraj Singh in tinybuddha.com*

It makes sense to sit on the couch and keep doing what you are doing today. But what does that brings tomorrow? Often I ask myself. Too many years have gone by and too many opportunities have passed. Why did I never spend time traveling the world? Why haven’t I ever read the most celebrated works of all time? Why did I not pursue my passions with fervor? Why did I not stay connected with old relationships?

Was I afraid or did I dare not get out of the bubble?

It’s easy to get cozy and watch Netflix on a weekend instead of going outside and exploring new things. With apps that deliver food, groceries, laundry, entertainment, and everything in between, nobody would take trouble of leaving the house. But by doing so, you miss new experiences, opinions, and interactions that would help shape your perspectives.

So ask yourself what you want.

Plan your unspent life. What you want from it and push yourself to make it happen. Build toward the future you want. Hitches and hurdles will get in the way but set your intentions straight and you will not be the one to miss out on 100% of the opportunities that you never took.

Besides don’t hold back in searching yourself for what you need to stay sparkling and sunny. The worst that can happen is a “No” which is any case better than regret of the unknown.

Above all never think of slowing down to near stop.

Make future happen your way.

Simple pleasures, small joys and the magic of childhood days pass by in a blink of an eye but last a lifetime when we reach out to them with a sense of nostalgia. Time then seems to stretch on forever

A tiffin full of Joy that came when less was enough

14th May 2025 soulshop.com Leave a comment

*Image source: ‘RI Leaders React To Texas Shooting: McKee Calls For Assault Weapon Ban’ in patch.com*

As I dig into the past, simple sweet smell of savory snacks tiffin box from school days is the first thing that comes flooding back. It has the air of a long forgotten shaggy-dog story about days gone forever. I look back and they are still there –clear as open sky, unmissable and hankering to be relived one more time. For some reason my recollection would grow into lengthy stories and that’s the time I love having partnered them. “Amma, would you please put more food in my tiffin?”… the sweet chirpy imploring plea of a 5 year old echoes back clearly with many faces.

I still have it in my mind so vividly.

Come January and it would be all about small toys and tiny anchors to keep my days steady. Birthday’s coming! I’d prance around joyfully. Life then, I think was about being slow and simple. The kinda days that ask us to take our time. It’d be dark by 6.00 PM and I’d be in bed by 8.00, if I manage to get away with it. Everything was uncomplicated and elementary. The world felt uncluttered, quiet and naive. It would though pick up soon enough but I disliked having to rush. Not grown up enough to think straight, I believe I had made up my mind even then.

I’d let the time do the work.

Life was shaping up simple and steady- much like an overnight rising dough, a long roast, a slow simmer. I was inching towards brighter days!

Today what I see in my mind’s eye as I sit quietly under a tree in the park is a little kid of 5 indulging life so dearly that I fervently long to reach out and relive my salad days one more time before I die. The thought endures but I know time is absolute and irreversible.

I’m still hoping to find a few things that I didn’t know I needed as I grope around in my memories.

The Joy of Learning

It was so enlivening to spend time together with classmates. We would laugh together. We would play together and would enjoy tiffin together. Our hearts were on small things and moments that would bring immeasurable thrill and boundless happiness. Maybe life was leading us to a deeper appreciation of our everyday lives and the ways in which we would someday find everlasting happiness. It’s another story that we understood little or nothing of those complex subtleties and finer points of a buoyant life. Then, it was simple and easy- ‘freak out and live a carefree day’. It was as though “you’re being given a lovely warm hug each day without knowing why”.

Tiffin featured large in my own world of joy in small things then. My small irresistible ‘bento box‘ would easily accommodate two decent size parathas a small helping of fried potatoes and occasionally a piece of homespun sweet to brighten up my spread. The fragrant aroma of fried cumin seeds and fresh coriander would invade my nostrils even before I’d unboxed it and stoke my hunger as I greedily reach out for a morsel. First two bites would help me wake up straight and get me restarted for the rest of the day. Nothing would now put off the glee and the joy that would stay with me past noon. Belly full, I’ll be lighthearted and playful.

In my mind I rather waited anxiously for the recess bell.

This ‘feast‘ though doesn’t have to be everyday thing. Anything from sumptuous sandwiches to bread pancakes and veg biryani to veg rajma wrap, ma never ceased to surprise me. I guess the only way she wanted to be there with her child in school was through the lunch box. She would make different things each day and also leave small note inside the tiffin saying how much she loved me.

Today I can fully understand this sentiment of every mother who wishes to connect with her child and brighten their day while they are away at school.

Sometimes it vaguely felt as though I was going to bed in a bed with newly changed sheets and pillowcases smelling clean and fresh and well tucked in. Waking up next morning and realizing that here is another day, and I can still get out of bed under my own steam.

What would have been more joyful? Life was treating me well.

*Image source: ‘Out of the box: Healthy eating is now part of school lunchrooms’ by Rhythma Kaul and Alifiya Poonawala in hindustantimes.com.*

It was lovely to explore new day every time and be fed easily with another bounty of magical joy.

No, she never was a chef-mommy. I think she hardly knew what it meant. Except that she had sensed that she needed to be creative. She would invest her ideas in a small compartmentalized tiffin box, where in one box you pack various things like fruits, dry fruits and savory items in another making your child feel tempted to eat. The advantage was that since she couldn’t pack too much of one thing in the box, she tried small share of everything. She wanted her child to feel satiated with small portion and get to eat a little of everything with variety of stuff. My regular fill in the different spaces were fruits, dry fruits, veggies while the bigger one was for the main meal like parathas sabzi or idli chutney.

The Lasting Impact of my 4th Grade life

When life gets small and time rushes past, often our pleasures dry up. But it is in the smallness of things we get the chance to compress our thoughts, to discover the true happiness that make a life well-lived.

Yeah…simple pleasures and small joys of magical childhood days are not there to last a lifetime. Time then seems to stretch on forever but is never meant to keep company all the time. In a whisper it disappears but lives on in our memories.

It is lovely to go out and meet new experiences and what a joy it is to come back to your own home with everything in its right place in bathroom, kitchen and bedroom. You know where everything is without having to think about it. Yeah…it’s commonplace. From slow sweet mornings, dawdling afternoons or noisy evenings where you don’t know how things will end, you try to keep things pretty buttoned up. This has to be done. That needs to be finished. Life is small and tight. People have to be cared for. Work has to be accomplished. And the rest…

In between do you get to reach out to the child in you, reconnect with your playful side, embrace or tap into your childlike wonders? Have you tried to lay a hand on the most delightful time of your life and may be help it grow and thrive?

Life’s been alright to me. It hangs around like Okay only to not be Okay. On return each day I look around but couldn’t find my ‘Bento’ to hitch me a ride back to simple good o’l joys of childhood and a glimpse into my 4^th grade days.

It’s nowhere to be found.

I guess…Happiness is still trying to give me a slip!

I have always believed you should spend your time doing things you genuinely enjoy. So, “Do What You Love, Love What You Do “for happiness is what you seek whenever you step into something new!

When Life Sucks And Happiness Is Hard To Come By, ‘Just Do Something You Enjoy!’

14th Jan 2025 soulshop.com Leave a comment

There is nothing more liberating than not caring about what other people think of us. And yet it’s still so hard not to wonder, or worse worry how people keep us in mind. Sometimes we go a step further and let these perceptions hold us back from doing things we so badly want to do in life.

Does this mean that we’re afraid of embarrassing ourselves in front of those we haven’t met or may never see again? Is there something that stops us from living our lives to an absolute full? Why do we let any of this happen to us and who’s to decide if we’re good enough or not to be happy?

For me, everything that we do sums up to us only and everything else is just somewhat of an excuse. I have always had a passion for self development. And yet I endured months of anxiety and worries wondering about my abilities to do the right stuff. With that spell of unease behind me haven’t I started writing without caring for the end? What if no one reads my piece? Do I care if people think of this as silly of me and a waste of time?

In short, I simply love doing what I do. I’ve put aside the misery and hiccups that follow discovering something anew. If you ask me, if there is something you love doing, then do it. There is so much of ability and confidence that flows thereafter. It would let you truly enjoy your moment- meant only for you and not for anyone else.

I have spent a lot of time thinking about sprucing up and adding value to my life. Sometimes it’s been about correcting my ways to reach a cherished end; sometimes it concerned my well being, getting in better shape or even taking care of relationships. The ultimate purpose was to be happy and fulfilled. So I thought, why not agree to a condition that might come up with a best possible end?

I think an easy way to do that is to ‘Do more of the things you love and less of the things you like’. If you think your life needs a makeover, it’s the only way you can make it happen. Just as much you should cut back on things you like to make room for what you love, you should also cut back on the shoulds.

You Need To Be Kinder To Yourself

I quit jogging at 50 when I found it was hurting my knees and feet and I could no longer keep up. It had occurred to me how important moving outside was to my mental health.

Today I start the day with a half-mile mindful walk, noticing and appreciating my surroundings all the while. It’s hard to tell what difference it has made to my perspective on what really matters in life. I guess I’m now drawn closer to myself. I feel contended and in good mood always since I’m grateful for all that I have. It’s like relishing a cup of hot cappuccino in bed on weekend morning and a good movie to look ahead to later in the day. No caveats and no Monday blues to worry about!

Altogether, briefer and gentler bouts of activity have left a positive impact on my mental health.

Yet, I guess there is even more to this!

For most of us, the first experience of organized physical activity comes at school at an age when we’re too dumb assed to speculate about how any of it helps in our well being.

“Is it something that I’ve chosen to do in my leisure time, or something that I have to do at school?” Woefully, I myself could never find the answer to that. Years later when in College I discovered that strength based exercise was the most clinically meaningful way to experience the uplifting effects of any activity.

It’s so easy to recognize that any form of exercise, physical or intellectual does not “happen” only to our physical self but touches our sensibilities too. There are times when even getting out of bed feels like an achievement. And yet there’s always enough room for redress. All you need is, be self-forgiving and gentler to yourself. Howsoever twisted things have been for you, you’ll always find a way out.

Trust me; you will be back on your feet in no time.

So stop hurting yourself. It won’t be long before you’ll feel driven by a strong reason or desire to do something worthwhile.

All of this sounds mighty obvious. But to be happy, you ought to be doing things that’d make you happy.

Ok, But What If You Are Just Too Worn Out?

What would you do when you want to do something that you think you’ll enjoy but simply can’t because you have little energy left in you? You are unenthused, beaten and just too tired to care. Of course it’s effortless to do the easiest thing like surfing the net or watching videos mindlessly for hours but these thoughtless activities do little or nothing to pep up anything.

Here are two things I guess will work as great fixes for you;

Don’t worry about anything

Worrying about how you spend your time is likely to tire you out even more and make you feel guilty for having missed so much. Sometimes, you may not be left with enough energy to bounce around and might settle to watch videos for awhile.

And that’s Ok. Lying low or sitting tight for a little while is restorative, builds you up and clears the decks for you.

So, set a good intention for yourself and enjoy the time you have.

It’s important to ‘think but not worry’

Whenever I reminded myself that I could be losing ground or falling short, a sense of guilt about how I’ve spend my time, would overwhelm me. It went on like this for years. Perhaps I had tried to turn the things I want to do into things I have to do.

See…if you don’t meet an obligation you’ll feel bad and would probably try to amend. But if you don’t make everything an obligation, you’re less likely to feel bad because you can’t do everything.

Today not everything is an obligation for me. I am reminded of that when I find me saying “I should do this and should do that”.

It’s down to you in the end. You’d rather do well to get down and fill more of your time with the things you enjoy doing. And be mindful of this intent because it is a helpful reminder that your time is often limited by things beyond your control.

Not intrigued yet? Imagine it this way! You’ve never attempted to run a marathon or tried water-skiing without a life jacket. Even mere thought of attempting fails to excite you. You’re as incurious and disinterested like always. And it’s highly likely that you’ll endure unchanged. Even so you can count on this;

*Image source: ‘How to Instantly Lift Your Mood’ by Elizabeth Scott in verywellmind.com*

You are more likely to regret not watching the sunset because you were too busy with your phone or doing things you weren’t passionate about but because you were too busy worrying about unlocking a lot of hidden joys.

You wouldn’t know but ‘Happiness is so much closer than you think‘!

Sometimes we are so focused on our happiness that we forget that to make someone else smile is a beautiful way of empathizing and being kind. You could be the reason someone smiles today!

Be the reason someone smiles today : Your Life Will Never be The Same!

30th Oct 2024 soulshop.com Leave a comment

Yeah! That’s more like me as a kid. Unfortunately, there weren’t too many photo opportunities handy way back in days of late 50’s. I couldn’t treasure my childhood days like others, much less realize the worth of it all then.

I am not that cute anymore. And whatever you think of me from that smile on the face, I wasn’t the happiest kid. Oh! Geez…I was happy in a way. Everything around me was plentiful and life was fun. But from a very young age I was always a serious and focused child. Kids around me meanwhile looked unconcerned, lighthearted and freewheeling. The air around them smelled carefree and easy going. Incurious, I still did well by remaining absorbed, watchful and all wrapped up, in my formative years.

Over the years I have focused on my life’s purpose. People would often judge me as hard headed in thinking and carefully involved in my ways. Yet as I grew up I’ve also become much happier and more positive. I owe this brighter side of me more to a benevolent attitude and a bent for doing good. I think once you embrace this shift it’s easy to find out how uncomplicated that change can be.

*Image source: ‘Keeping Your Mental Health in Bloom This Summer’ by Daisy Coggin in studentnews.manchester.ac.uk on 28 May 2024.*

You Can’t Change Your Life Until You Change it

Life comes in seasons that change and so does everyone. Sometimes this change comes as a big one for many. Marriage or divorce, moving to a new city, committing to a partner, buying house or even starting a family; all are significant choices. Nothing matters more. For obdurates others , change means encountering far reaching experiences. Emotional health, scuttled relationship, retiring, new career, or moving across the country are all unusual events. Even debating with whom to invest your time is just another extraordinary occurrence.

Should I just start my life over? What if I simply move to some place quieter or travel? What should I be doing with my life? Is this really what I want for myself? When you mull over or examine your priorities like this, it’s only natural to question your choices. But if you yearn hard enough, it’s quite possible to make a new start any time. Besides it’s always OK to not know where you’re going next. After all, we all get one life to live. And we are always on the run to find the best version of ourselves.

Sometimes it’s hard to know exactly why you want a change. It’s also difficult to find out how big a change you’re looking for. But if you intend to live a more intentional life, it’ll be awful to miss the possibility. Living the same life tomorrow repeats the life you’ve lived yesterday. This keeps you anchored to the same life you are living today. Even so if you’re looking for a transformative change, something about you need to change.

Living a truly contented life isn’t as tricky as you think. In fact it’s more of an art than some inquisitive instinct. Everybody have their own way to tap into their own happiness. For me happiness is a choice, a lifestyle that I consciously prefer to lead. It’s my way of keeping spirits high and heart content.

And trust me, it’s worth it.

Try to make someone smile and you’ll know what I mean. Once you shed your unease, your day begins to unfold a wee bit better. It gets way easier to endure. It’s winsome for you each time you get involved.

So… when was the last time you made someone smile?

Everyone runs into bad days one time or the other. Sometimes, all that’s needed is a smile from someone else to pep up and turn your day around. Making someone happy not only makes them feel good. It also lifts you from valley lows. And you feel no less good either.

Smile is a pretty contagious attribute. When you see someone happy and wreathed in smiles, it’s hard not to smile back. It’s possible that you’ve had a difficult day. You’ve been tired, grumpy, and feeling awful. You think you’ve an unwilling world around you to fight back. But then someone smiles at you or does something really nice for you. Suddenly your day doesn’t feel so bad anymore.

Now that you’re with me so far, you must be wondering how I went about it. Here are few ideas that worked pretty well for me and I guess so will they for you.

Make someone’s Day. It Just Make Yours

Hard to say when I acquired an intuitive wish to be helpful and strive to bring few upbeat moments in someone’s life. But somehow it did happen along the way. Interestingly, the enormity of what I was trying to live by would not hit me until I read this story. It was to change my life forever.

There was this man who lived a few miles away high in the hilly terrain from the Ganges in Himalayan foothills. One day, embittered by deprivations and denial of people around him he walked those few miles to the bridge, jumped and drowned. As the police investigated the fatality in the ensuing days, they found a note that the man had left on his bed.

It read: “I’m going to walk to the bridge. If one person smiles at me on the way, I will not jump today.”

Nobody smiled. Helplessness and desolation finally pushed him past the breaking point to take his own life.

Months later, only now I fully understand the power of a smile – ‘it can truly change and even save a life’.

So smile, say ‘Hello’; it’s free and infectious. When you smile at someone most likely you’ll get a smile back. It’s one simple beginning to make someone’s day for almost no effort on your part.

Make Your Move and Start Over

This is huge. Committing to make a change is not easy. It comes with its up and downs. But starting over afresh doesn’t mean you’ve lost everything you’ve learned, gained, and experienced. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. Your past has brought you to where you are today. And you’re lucky enough to be wiser than you were just a few months ago.

On my part, I used what I knew best; ‘myself’. I walked over a few slow steps to go back to the beginning and herald a change. I’d rather bet an entire day’s slog to see a wrinkled unhappy face crack a smile in a brief moment of heartsease. I would find delight in seeing a hesitant broken smile wiping away the sullen looks on faces as long as a fiddle. It didn’t matter for how long. For me, one moment is just as good as many.

I honestly meant to start ‘living’.

“I love your shoes!” or “You have a beautiful smile.” Few simple heartfelt words to utter as I walk past someone on the street. And I would know I had stirred someone to cheer up. When in line at a store and I see the person behind me only has a few items, I’d offer to let them get ahead. I ‘d notice see a momentary glint in the eyes and a broad smile on the face. It’s always polite to say please and thank you, but it means much more coming from a stranger. So whenever somebody did something nice for me, I made sure to express my gratitude. I learned to laugh together. I would do whatever it needed to make someone’s life a bit easier. Sometimes when someone’s going through a tough time or just having a bad day, a hug was all that made all the difference. I would even try to help out anyone struggling with something. Every diminutive effort brought a restful moment in lives around me .

These small acts of gratitude and empathy never failed me in communicating a hint of reassurance and comfort to all.

Over the time with a bit of thoughtfulness and effort I have managed to regain sway over values that helped in my transformation. It’s no longer hard to promise myself another field day and make someone smile.

Give yourself a chance for now. Someday you will be grateful for having voted for a change.

Who wants to be a grumpy old coffin dodger? Aging is not a sin. But crumbling and decline brings fading memory and wilting vocabulary in its wake. It’s best to let the words become your voice,

The Insipid Sin Of Growing Old: Words Do The Talking For Me Now!

15th Oct 2024 soulshop.com Leave a comment

Do you know that words have both inimical and obliging powers? I am reminded of this daily when I surf the net or blog or tweet. But even I admit to not always realizing their power outside of my world. Of course I’m constantly aware of this in my own life. Those quarter of a million distinct words are infinite and pretty powerful. Once you put them out there, they stay out “there”.

The other day I was harshly reminded of the power of words in life. I was having a hurried conversation with my junior during the morning brief. “How’re you doing?” a standard morning sun-up brief is customary before the day work starts.”I feel gross; it’s been a hard weekend. I couldn’t manage grocery as I’d been out of town on an errand. I couldn’t manage dinner last night either as I’d little time left for it. I also had to cut short my work out to squeeze in other chores”.

Damn! What a crass way to start a new week!

I had willfully completely given a miss to the fact that I’d actually spent an amazing weekend with friends. But what I had said was a mistake. I had fumbled and screwed up everything; my words sounded anarchic. Nothing I said thereafter would rescue me. Was this a simple misunderstanding or was I thoughtless enough to falsify my reply without thinking twice? I wouldn’t know for sure. Yes, I had been away for the day and had obviously missed the grocery. I was left with little time for dinner and no extra space for a work out.

Whatever…Mon morn’ already felt doomed. What I‘d said was ruinous. The day was done for. I could already imagine him walking away feeling bad for having asked in the first place and worse -for reaching out to me. I faintly hoped that his conduct was mere intuitive and desperately wished it to fade away quickly.

Weeks later I realized one single thing quite clearly; your words speak for themselves. Let them do the talking and you won’t go overboard ever.

Anyone can mess up words when talking

After two uninteresting boring bouts of aging at 44 and 55, we all turn prone to messing up with our memory prowess. It begins to struggle and words start to give us a slip every so often. You may mean blanket, but would actually say pillow; you meant hands, but would say fingers instead. Interestingly you don’t mess up much when you slow down a bit and prefer to pick up a related word or gesture.

I have also noticed people stumbling occasionally when reading out loud; nothing complex-just simple words and sentences. Oddly this isn’t uncommon. I remember also having stumbled so often when speaking out aloud in college seminars and forums. Perhaps I was being mindful of the people around me; perhaps I was averse to yelling. Whatever, I always pray for my memory cache to stay intact.

I did some digging lately though and found out that the right words always have a forceful impact of your legacy on others and the World around you. If you let the words do the talking for you instead of you being in the lead; you’ll become what they say you are.

If You Want Others to Listen, Stop Talking

There are a few of us who just luv to talk about things that they believe others need to hear. It’s not always about the sound of their voice alone. When they talk they typically do not do a whole lot of listening themselves and certainly not a lot of learning either.

This is a good enough reason why you will want to talk less. Let the words do it more and you’ll be looked upon as a cut above conversationalist. Soon people will start to open up more to your point of view when you do speak. And yes! You will get to learn something new as well.

By talking less and listen more, I now refashion my part of the conversation to be more about ‘learning’ than lecturing.’ I have realized that the words that I interact with know something that I don’t.

You’ll know if you’re easy to talk to

If you’re approachable, friendly, warm, open-minded, and empathetic, you can earn the respect and trust of everybody around you for sure. To an unassuming listener, respect and admiration are not hard to come by once they start to encourage others to speak about them.

Think back the last time you went out on a nighttime soiree and came back home all smug and flushed with contentment, “Wow, I did enjoy myself. I had some great conversations and they were really interesting.”

How much did you talk about yourself, and how much did they speak about themselves?

Nice and all that in every way, you’ll find that speaking less but clearly helps in avoiding unhappy upsetting situations. To me it was more than that. A hard won assertiveness had won me the ability to speak up for myself- constructively and positively.

Not doubting any further and absolutely assured, I let the words to become my voice.

The best part about this whole thing was to come later. I can now have more pleasant exchanges, little or no disagreements and definitely no duels.

As I became more mindful of my words I stopped cursing, insulting or damning. For the first time in my life, I found myself committed to using “please” and “thank you”. I even found the softness so necessary for a disarming tone!

For once not only my voice but words had begun to speak kindly.

*Image source: ‘Smart cities for aging societies”’ in 4euplus.eu on 6 Mar. 2019.*

You’re less likely to say anything dumb or regrettable

We’ve all been there.

Not every conversation is casual or comfortable. It will never be. Few can be quite challenging; especially when you’re deeply involved in a chat over something you’re so passionate about and unwittingly go off on a tangent. You wouldn’t realize you haven’t clicked and would continue to brag until some disapproving retort stops you right in your tracks.

Mincing words can often make a bit of a fool out of you. Of course your unsavory opinion does not really represent how you think and feel. But with fewer words and pricked up ears, you tend to evolve better. Once silver tongued, you’ll be adored remarkably, won’t choke on your words or ever be tongue tied.

Besides you’d be less likely to say something that leaves you blushing.

You can keep your cards close to heart

Conversations die pretty quick but their impact stays. At times you will strongly disagree with the view point of others but an argument is the last thing you’d want out of it. Avoid conflict and you can steer clear of any negative impact it will have on your bearings. You will also get to learn more about how and why their view points collide with yours.

Speaking less and listening more is an amazing way to hold your opinions close to your heart and dig deeper into the mindset of others. To few it’s dull and unimaginative and lacks interest but I think sometimes boring and uneventful is good. It helps you to be in sync with every ‘bog standard’ around you. It upholds your influence and makes your presence more impactful.

If you’re still with me and keen to become a masterful persuader, then I guess you’ve come of age and are eagerly looking ahead for self betterment. Not counting the uncanny ability of words to move a roomful of people to your perspective, your redoing and reshaping will be a pretty powerful way to influence your surroundings.

My take on this! I‘ve learned to live beside my words and ain’t spoiled for any choice either. Talking through words hasn’t opened any door to sin for me.

In fact, I have given myself the privilege to live better and bolder.

The life you really want is only a decision away. It’s easy enough to talk about ‘good’ and ‘better’ but difficult to follow when you’re in the middle of it. Great payoffs never sell short

When ‘Good’ Isn’t Home, Is It Ok To Settle For ‘Better’?

23rd Aug 2024 soulshop.com Leave a comment

I am as guilty as anyone of cramming way too much into my life, always trying hard for all that seems ‘Good’. It’s not that I have a problem saying ‘No’ to anything ‘good enough‘; it’s just that I luv to live a full life.

I don’t own a business nor do I imagine myself having one. It’s been five years since I hung my boots. I try to keep the order and peace of my home because I dearly value a lifestyle that has a little bit of room for little exercise, quality sleep and freedom to fill in relationships and expand my inner circle.

I’m sure you will empathize with my ‘curl up in bed and take a nap’ attitude-it’s kinda crazy though, unless you have even more than that on your plate. But I am certain you’d agree that it’s difficult enough to find time to juggle all our different commitments and still spare some space for moments of rest! Intriguingly I’ve found out that when I have not made enough time for rest, I not only see a decline in the quality of what I do but my heart is left utterly depleted of fire to get out of my head and knock around into something ‘Good’.

This is interesting because I think we created ‘rest’ so that we can live with peace and contentment even in the midst of our full lives. Sounds good? But then aren’t we checking ourselves out of reality in the hope that someday we’ll be rid of glass-half-full mentality and can appreciate small improvements.

*Image source: ‘How Not To Settle For “Just Good Enough” When Anything Is Possible by Halle Eavelyn in linkedin.com*

Of course there’s nothing like perfect patience or generosity or empathy or humility. The best that can occur is the consistency of our efforts. A grateful mindset is a great healer. But the problem turns disquieting when it shifts to complacency and the trying stops. This is when “This is good enough “becomes a problem because then we tend to forget how good life can actually be.

While this is justifiably frightening, my greatest fear has always been living a typical ordinary life where you settle for something that isn’t everything. The mere thought would abandon me with a pattern of negativity. At one point I thought I had settled with a career that was rewarding but not too safe and a companionship that was comforting and refreshing but not bursting with excitement.

Not that I didn’t come down to moments of hard choice; to leave the cross roads or to let go and bite the bullet.

Many years later with ‘Salad Days over my resolve also changed . Now, every time I decide to give up on my endeavors, I’d look back and for a strange reason will be happy that I couldn’t. Guess, ‘Good enough’ didn’t feel that boring then.

But I wasn’t happy. Maybe I was afraid of being Too Big in the World!

*Image source: ‘Why We Settle for Less in Relationships—Plus, 9 Signs It’s Happening to You by Stacey Laura Lloyd and Sarah Schreiber in brides.com*

What’s worse and why?

Have you ever wondered what would happen if you acted on a deep impulse to completely change your life? Have you ever really looked up at how you’d show up in the world? Do you really believe that people need your whole truth behind becoming ‘Great’?

At the outset I never wanted people to see what a hot mess I had to wade through to be a cut above the ‘average’ because I thought it wouldn’t work that way. Nobody would want to judge me on perception alone, at least at first. At times I’d even deny my right to anything that only belonged to me. I’d be straining at the very edges of my desires reminding myself the whole time that I didn’t want everything that has been given to me, sure that I wasn’t worthy of ‘good things’ in any way.

I couldn’t trust what was happening around me. Most importantly, I had asked for everything “bigger and better,” around me and declared that was what I wanted- aloud.

But was I really ready?

*Image source: ‘Opt-In: The Key to Success with Push Notifications in signalize.com*

So I dug into all my heart, mindset, inclination and outlook, and chanced upon an amazing insight; what if I took all the explanations I had learned so far- including the biggest and the most powerful ones; piece them together and give ear to everything I was being lead to do.

It felt weird in the beginning but eventually I began to focus more on the positives and also starve the negatives. I learned to appreciate my desired outcomes and would happily let go of my fears.

It was more complicated than I’ve outlined here but gradually everything began to work for my ‘Good’. It was positively a confusing and yet incredibly empowering way ahead, all at once requiring watchful and constant attention. Once I began, I felt being more alive than I had in last forty odd years.

Today it all seems like a lifetime ago, and in a way, it is… Beneath the glass on my writing table, I’ve this penned ; ‘I Will Live My Truth Only’ . I consider this as a reminder to all the grumbles, whines, laments and grief that befell my way. It reminds me of my days in the school of hard knocks, a resolute effort to fit in and a win of inconceivable and the incredible.

Now that I’ve accepted my inner guidance to the point where I don’t make a move without it, I’ve vowed not to settle for ‘better’ anymore than look at it as a momentary rejig in life. I’m aware things will shift seismically again. And this thought makes me grateful and keeps me alive all the time lest I miss a rendezvous with all the ‘good fortune’. If that’s the only lesson I get out of it, I think that’s enough.

But if there’s more beyond the ‘very best’, I can’t wait to see what comes next.

*Image source: ‘Achieving Your Goals in allyoursuccess.com*

What about you? Are you struggling with some part of yourself that’s not Ok with ‘passable? What would you choose? Would you settle for less than the best just because it didn’t come your way or you think you don’t deserve? What are you ready to give up that is not alright with you anymore?

If you want things to be different, TRULY different, start thinking that you’re capable of ‘great exploits’; pin hope on nobody but you and keep telling yourself; ‘It’s finally here. I’m about to experience a strong rebuild of my life’! Just remember your worth. Dig deep to figure out what you really want, what makes you happy and what you want your future to look like.

My take on this !

Nothing stays on other side for long. Reclaim yourself. Once you wake up to the idea that you can stand in your own power, you wouldn’t settle for anything less than you deserve!

Both the experiential and material value of a purchase has an impact on our well being and the happiness it brings. So, if money can buy it for us what should we purchase to shop our way to happiness?

8 Things to Buy to Make You Happier Than You Ever Thought Possible!

23rd Jul 2024 soulshop.com 2 Comments

“Whoever said money can’t buy happiness isn’t spending it right.” Years ago this Lexus ad had set aside all twists of conventional wisdom while selling a car so fancy that no one would ever dream of affixing even a bumper sticker to it.

What made this ad so intriguing was that it offered a simple but an expensive answer to popular doubts; ‘How would you change the money you’d worked so hard to earn into something that’s so close to a good life?’ There must be some connection between money and happiness. If there weren’t, you’d be less likely to stay late at work or struggle to save every penny you can. Why isn’t a fortunate out-of-turn promotion, 4 bedroom house or a fat pay packet cheering you up enough? If money can buy anything under the sun will it shop an extra bit of happiness for you?

The connection between money and happiness it seems is far more complicated than we ordinarily fancy.

*Image source:* ‘ *Five things to buy to be happier’ by Rajendra Dani in linkedin.com*

Does this mean that expending for material things brings more happiness or would you rather spend it on some exciting experience instead? Let’s own up…most of us face this dilemma in a wrong way. Buying stuff for an upturn in life is no longer a cliché’; it works as well. With little else to do in free time and with almost any item just a click away, it’s easy to indulge especially when you feel like rewarding yourself for everything you’ve had to endure. Joining the mad rush maxing out the credit cards, we feel an inexplicable pleasure in spending on consumer goods, home improvement and vacations even if it’s for a short while. But thrifty or splurging, every buy is a freaky sell out if it breaks faith with happiness.

While people are naturally disposed towards happiness, it’s more likely that we simply discover things and use them to our advantage, unaware that quite a few carry the promise to brighten up our day and make us feel happier than ever before.

So, if you’re seriously looking for joy in small things, you can elevate your happiness quotient with these 8 ‘boost your mood without breaking the bank’ practical purchases and bring back joy and contentment in your life like never before.

*Image source: ‘Money Can Actually Buy You Happiness. Here’s How To Get It’ in deepstash.com*

Pets Are Adorable

Money alone can’t buy happiness, but it can always buy you a pet. It can’t buy you friendship, but it can help you bring a new companion into your life and that’s just as good. Dogs, cats, birds, – pets everyone of them can ginger up and add colors to great emotions of happiness. Wake up! For with closeness comes the ability to feel loved.

A Comfy Pillow Is One Delightful Thing You Can’t Miss

It’s arguably a must-have for a good night’s sleep. In turn it would earn you a day full of lightheartedness and overall happiness. When you shop for high-quality pillow it enhances your sleep experience and helps save you from neck and back pain. This means you wake up refreshed rejuvenated in a better mood and a happier mind.

Fragrant Candles Are Great Mood Swingers

Perfumy and sweet smelling candles can lift your mood forthwith and bring a gentle soothing ambience to your home. The ambrosial aroma will rouse all your senses, prod positive emotions and fire up memories linked to that particular scent.

What’s more, the soft, warm glow of the candlelight would set up a calm, comforting and tranquil air encouraging relaxation and serenity. Choose the one you love most and your mood would change in a heartbeat.

Online Communities Are Compelling

Strong social grouping is the key to our happiness and emotional well being. Good relationships always prelude happiness and longevity. I usually pick up items that would help quality time with my loved ones. And so can you! Interactive games, cooking equipment or outdoor gear for group activities are just the kind of things to invest in. In bargain, you’ll get all that’s needed for a life-enhancing experience.

*Image source: ’11 Simple Things You Can Do Today That Will Make You Happier, Backed By Science’ by Kirsti Lang in buffer.com*

An Objet D’art Is Restful and Quieting

The formal elements of a personalized artwork focuses more on quality and can evoke so many incredible emotions that would show on your unique taste and style. Flat, abstracted, simplified, or stylized, a beautiful piece of art in your living space would not only portray the theme, it would also speak for you. It has the potential to communicate without using words. I guess, it’s just another way of keeping a personal diary. It will bring joy and happiness by making your space feel more personal and welcoming. Just looking closely at the artwork is reassuring and hypnotic. You’ll find the beauty and character of a masterpiece steadily shaping positive vibes and upbeat atmosphere around you that’ll keep you happy and inspired every day.

Plants Are Unwinding

Giving space to plants into your home can significantly elevate your mood and help relieve exhausted nerves. I absolutely knew that greenery hangs heavy. So, as a beginner I had begun with easy-care plants like pothos or snake plant and fruit plants like dwarf mulberry and Meyer lemon. While adding aesthetic appeal to my surroundings, over the time these plants improved air quality and helped build up a calming environment.

Set the ball rolling. Situate them in areas where you spend most of your time. Greens and foliage have therapeutic effect so don’t shy away from a more involved plant care. Not only that’ll be some fun, soon even small acts like watering plants or watching them grow will become your daily moment of joy.

Like Friends Books Should Be Few And Edifying

Lifelong learning is closely tied to happiness and well being. Diverse content including fiction, non-fiction and self-help titles increase your level of empathy, enhance social perception and boost emotional intelligence. So, acquire books that relate to your interests or dare you to try new ideas. Online platforms are equally helpful if traditional ways aren’t your preferred choice. Choices nevertheless, are wide and it’s important not to plough through everything that comes to hand.

*Image source: ’10 Tips on How to Attract and Achieve Happiness’in desiblitz.com*

Buy Some Humor For Yourself

Laughter truly is linked to pleasure and is rewarding. The best pill for happiness, it never fails to stir up a thrilling experience. Comedy specials, humorous books, tickets to a comedy show, fun party games, movie nights, watching a funny video during lunch break or starting the day with a comic strip; just about everything would entitle you with the ability to laugh freely and embrace playfulness with a pinch of funny silliness in your pursuit of happiness.

If Only Riches Can Buy Happiness…

I think it’s never been about how much we can spend; it’s about when and where to shell out money. It’s no rocket science but investing the right amount in the things that make you happy will truly bring joy into your life. By making thoughtful purchases and taking time to choose them makes it an unforgettable experience that will bring a lasting happiness in your life.

Small Things Matter,Money Isn’t Everything!

Buying things isn’t wrong. Every shop has a bit of happiness on offer but it doesn’t work well when you push yourself to be happier and mask other emotions. Getting a package delivered, trying on a new pair of shoes, or adding a fancy gadget to kitchen feels great at first, but sometimes there will be a problem; you wouldn’t know if you’ve really shopped your way to happiness! Rushing out to buy a Rolex doesn’t necessarily cures a bad case of blues; neither does a visit to local spa to cleanse your life’s ills. Unaware your spending spree just ends up being more harmful than helpful.

So, don’t jump into a freezing lake on a dare; choose what you think would make you happy.

*Image source: ‘Do You Want a Happy Life or a Memorable Life?’ by Nat Eliason in blog.nateliason.com*

Incidentally, who said that you have to work hard to be happier? Try something freak’n different for once. Go for a shopping binge for a start. Sometimes the most innocuous looking buy would give off an air of intelligence and will be the best investment in happiness that you can ever make.

It’ll be your moment to smile more and stress little!

Regardless of the reason you’re unhappy, all you really want is to be cheery again, right? So, if you feel you’re heartbroken, grief stricken and sad, this is how you can turn things around!

Seven shades of joy to help you get the most out of your life!

16th Feb 2024 soulshop.com 3 Comments

Reset and start again. Smile one more time!

I wish life had a rewind button. This world then would’ve been a lot happier place to live in and I could tell somebody that the best thing that has happened to me…I’m finally smiling for me again and mean it.

Sure life is difficult. It’s not easy either to make it enjoyable. Very often happiness is eyed as something curious that doesn’t always makes one happy. Pleasure, joy, contentment, satisfaction- not all of these coincide with happiness. These are merely experiences that overlap feeling of being happy and are not the kind that arises from within.

Lately I’ve been reading a lot about happiness and what people do to be “happy”. I think I’m a generally happy person but I’m also genuinely curious to know if there is some key to happiness. Honestly, not many of us even know what to do to inspire happiness from within. Many would say that people generally put in little effort into trying to be happy. But I guess there are definitely ways that could help anyone to be a little happier. It’s already inside you and to find it would simply mean figuring a way in.

You’ve no doubt read a lot of hype around the concept of happiness: where to find it, how to feel it, how to keep it. But if you ever feel like you need a little more of it in your life, dive in here and see if these 7 ways resonate with your quest.

Change is inevitable

One of the most notable traits to grow happier is our intrinsic ability to accept and adapt to change. Children leaving the nest, careers evolving, uncertain health, maturing relationships; every transition calls for a similar shift in our disposition. Just how much we are ready to accept decides the size of footprints of happiness for us.

I had never wanted to be badgered by the most common regret people often rue about; “I didn’t allow myself to be happier. Maybe I could’ve done something about it. It just didn’t end up my way”.Since I chose not to be self-denying, I’ve found happiness in my control. I didn’t resist or feared change but embraced it gracefully. Guess, I needed to know when my life shifts.

Today, I find myself doing things that make me happy.

Don’t fake it.

Happiness has never been about being happy all the time. Life is full of uncertainty and faking beatitude would mean emotional upheaval at one time or another. Sure, it would buy you short term gains but at the price of long term pains. Fake it ‘til you make it is not real life. Being alive means having the privilege to feel everything –good or bad and live through it.

When you try to block feelings that are meant to be felt as a human, you don’t get to experience life to the fullest. Happiness is after all just one piece of the puzzle. So don’t fake it. Let it happen of its own.

Before long you’ll know it’s been worth waiting for.

Be alive

In the busy haste of everyday life it’s not uncommon that physical activity slips out of our priorities. To be alive and active everyday practice of going for a brisk walk, yoga, gardening or even dancing around the living room would lead to the release of endorphins, the ‘feel-good’ hormones. This induces positive sensations in the body and would result in mitigation of stress besides elevating the mood.

I swore to get out of a deadpan life and stay active the moment I realized that being that peppy and sharp isn’t just about staying fit; it’s like giving your body and mind a big shot of happiness and gratification. It’s like me telling myself, “Hey, I’m taking care of you, it feels pretty darn good and you should be grateful for that!”

Gee…Thirty years down the road, I no longer feel stuck, unfulfilled or lost!

Forget the past

Life is never short of its share of regrets, mistakes, and missed opportunities. Yet, it appears happy people would always found a way to stay clear of a whole lot of aches and pains. I guess they learn quickly; that forgiveness is the only way out. Holding onto past hurts and disappointment only serves to rob you of your joy.

Rather than clinging to past wrongs or dwelling on what better I could have done, I chose to forgive – not necessarily because others deserved it but because peace seemed legit to me. I wonder how better I could’ve served myself.

Once freed from the past, I imagine I have saved myself from the chains of regret and bitterness and maybe saved some room for greater happiness and peace as well.

Be kind to yourself.

It’s so easy to beat ourselves up and proclaim that nothing is good enough. But as they say “gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness.” It helps good times roll again, make you feel more positive, improve and deal with adversity and build strong relationships.

Walking through it allowed me to see that there are lots many things in life that are more worthy of my attention. I needed to work to bring happiness in my life and in those around me. No bubble baths or partying around for me but I’ve been nice to myself thereafter. That stuff would have made me feel good but I suppose it’s more about giving yourself the space to figure things out without flirting with those hippy-dippy things that people do to be cool.

So, if you are working on being happier, just let go of the unpleasant in life; your gratitude will help you get there fast.

What happiness looks like to you?

Regardless of where you are on the happiness scale, each one of us has their own way of defining happiness. The hard part is that many a times we chase other people’s definition. We often succumb to popular version of happiness and end up with a great deal of unhappiness.

So, to be smiling and happy again, you need to determine what it should look like to you. Be brave enough to step into your life and figure out for yourself what makes you happy.

You need to know what you want your life to look like.

*Image source: ‘July notes from Dr Klug’ in healthspankc.com*

Never rush through life.

It’s a miserable choice and robs you of all chances of being happier. Being “rushed” is quirky and would make you sad and out of sorts. True there is not much you can do about it but the balance is just right when you live out a comfortable productive life.

I think setting up goals is great but you need not be in a hurry to get things done. It leaves so much wasted time not soaking in life fully. So, ‘stop and smell the roses’ before pushing on. Let the good and the bad wriggle their way into your life. It will be a real experience and help you to understand what happiness is all about.

While everyone is different, there are definitely ways that are easy for everyone. All you need is to come forward, figure out what brings joy to you and stay focused without throwing up your hands when it comes to your well being. And if you find yourself nodding along, stay on course; don’t give up.

*Image source: ’21 Hilarious Things to Do For a Phenomenal Time’ by susanwhited0 in joyamongchaos.com*

You bet! You’ll live well and age happier.

It seems silly at first, but millions swear by the life-changing power of time management techniques that consistently focus on work and are overly optimistic about how much can be get done in a day!

Smile! don’t let yourself be billed a ‘Waster’ anymore; A ‘tomato timer’ could save your back and brain!

17th Oct 2023 soulshop.com Leave a comment

25:00: time to focus! 24:53: short break for reset; enable notification alerts;

You may ‘Start’ now…

20:15: it’s time for a longer break;

Stop kicking the can down the road and find ways to be gainful. You might just get away from being looked upon as a messy, couch potato creep who’s crawling lazy and always falls behind others! Here’s how…

As the clock strikes midnight, your run-up for the day begins. It will keep ticking for another 86400 times before packing for the day to pick-up a new one! Aren’t you tardy and a little behind time? You’ve already splurged close to 25000 secs lying fast asleep in bed. There’s so much to do and not enough time to finish.

Now, you’re all worked up and worry if you could somehow find help to wrap up the stint you’ve been working on; study, writing, or coding- it feels like you’re living on borrowed time. “I thought I’d finish work in time. That might have helped…but “!

Nothing to get peevish over except that you’ll stand guilty as charged of procrastinating and hamming it up. Your claim that you could easily finish the task will be sounded out as utterly unreal and way off being realistic. As if that isn’t enough, you’ll be flagged as a reckless destructive crass who always falls short in managing his time. And all the while you’ve been thinking you’ve done enough to fix that damn ‘frittering’ syndrome and dealt with your jinx! Still you keep crashing out miserably each time you stretch out.

It’s gross and exasperating!

Still I think it’s Ok to fail trying than to die away doing nothing. And I guess… trying yet one more time doesn’t hurt anybody.

It’s intriguing in content…I mean this issue of prioritization and productivity. So I decided to dig back into the history a little. A fascinating ‘inverting time’ concept where time changes from a negative something; apparently lost— to a possible positive representation of an event, caught my attention and I travelled back to a 130 page revelation about ‘Working smarter, not harder’ by Francesco Cirillo who like most of us was a complete spoilsport when it came to studies and completing assignments. He knew little of little of anything let alone find a way to manage time. So when the idea of using of a kitchen timer shaped like a tomato (pomodoro in Italian)- that so nonchalantly hit him one day while prepping meal in galley-it was more accidental than a serious shot at innovating something. But what followed next was to change his life and of countless others forever!

It all started as a feather-brained hack where he’d set a two-minute timer and challenge himself to stay focused for that duration. Curiously this was set to be later used to channel time and train the brain to stay focused by chipping off some extra length of time that’s otherwise taken to stay tuned. It didn’t end here; short breaks meant to switch off after-efforts, gave him precious minutes to realign and adjust if things didn’t go well in the first instance!

Cirillo had then moved on to five… 10 and later 25 minutes followed by a five-minute break; which he thought was fair enough optimal time interval. This meant that ‘anything less than this was too short a time to get anything done, while an hour-long was way too long’.

And this is when the ‘tomato timer’ birthed.

*Gif source: ‘Tips and tricks. Unofficial guides and fixes. User edition.’ in forum.zidoo.tv*

This is something that you too can do to wriggle out of your daily struggle to be productive. Jeez…haven’t you had enough off being badly road-rolled and knocked around with a ton of tasks to finish and do not know how to complete them? As a matter of fact you run a serious risk of an early burn-out and a steep backslide. So, try your hand on this fancy hourglass for some dramatic results. Doing so would eliminate procrastination from your life and ensure that you stay focused on one task at a time allowing you to work in short bursts of time with short breaks in between.

Pen a draft, knock out a proposal, complete a graphic design project, or dash-off a complex code; breaking your work into 25-minute chunks is hugely beneficial and the pause in between would let you review the progress you’ve made so far with fresh eyes to make adjustments where necessary.

What’s even better is how easy it is to begin! Simply find a timer (the one on your phone will work fine), and get going. If you’re looking for something more legit, explore the likes of Focus booster, Pomello, Toggl, Clockwork Tomato, Focus to-do. Using a Pomodoro tracker feels edgy at first but after several days your variables will make you wonder why you didn’t pick it up earlier; you may have saved yourself a lot of troubles! Getting something done on time and ticking it off your to-do list can be extremely satisfying.

On the other hand little distractions have the distinction of derailing whole work day in a flash. This would have lots of open ended work left unfinished and would seemingly drag on endlessly. But if you’re keen to work past the point of optimal order and timing, you’d better build up an appetite for ‘tomatoes’. Like so, it would save the day for you and set plans for you with gamified objectives and gumptious ends!

Begin by breaking down complex projects in smaller actionable steps. Stay close to this rule and some clear progress is sure to happen since small tasks go together to a bigger end. So combine simpler ones together and ace it. But before that ….

*Image source: ‘Why do I procrastinate?’ by Nancy in sweet planit.com*

Set the timer to ring at all times since ‘pomodoro’ is an indivisible unit of time and cannot be broken; certainly not for checking incoming mails, team chats or text messaging. In the moment, it might seem easy for you to justify these internal pulls; “This email is too important to wait,” or “It’ll take only less than a minute to check my Twitter; that not a real distraction…Ok!”

Of course, anything that comes up in between needs to be returned to later. A digital to-do-list to keep track is fine but a pen and paper will do as well. Perish the thought but these small interruptions would lie low and be messy later! You have to take note of them.

But it’s not just the time lost; it’s also the time and energy you’ll need before your lost attention settles down and goes live again. After switching gears, our minds stay absorbed with the previous calling for well over 20 minutes before it gathers wits fully. Indulging the impulse to check Face book “even for a minute“ is like blowing away some 20 minutes of trying before you could get back on rails.

Make it a 5 minute break if the disruption is imminent; keep track of the time lost and reflect how best to avoid them next time. See… each break is a chance to reset and bring your attention back to what you should be working on. It makes you become more aware of where and how you’re spending your time.

Nevertheless, if you get to finish before the timer goes off, reach out for some over learning or spend this extra time reading up on professional knowledge to improve on your skill set.

*Image source: ‘6 ways to improve work-life balance when working remotely’ in calmsage.com*

Guess what…at the end of the day you’ll be too ready to believe that good things do happen to you too and how much you can get done in a day!

All you need to do is …jumpstart your day by thinking in ‘tomatoes’ rather than hours!

Finding happiness for the most part is a choice and there’re thousand and one ways to go about it but a simple smile, a kind word, or a listening ear is enough to bring the world to you!

I’d only have one wrinkle and gladly sit on it, if some day happiness becomes my wish bone!

25th Sep 2023 soulshop.com Leave a comment

Did you know that even spicy foods can make you happy! They say it’s because the body cannot distinguish between spiciness and the peppery pain, and pain releases endorphins in the brain which register as pure happiness. For quite a few it wouldn’t mean anything except tears and sweat. But wait till the “Pepper High Effect” burns you enough to feel Hot, Happy, and Healthy! You just need to build up your tolerance to ’scoville ferocity’.

Like many, I couldn’t do it either; perhaps I didn’t need it after all (whatever lies I tell myself!).

Two or more years ago, I jinxed myself;

I had been telling around that I know how to carry-off happiness for me out of a wet paper bag if needed (whatever that was supposed to mean), had no problem with changing choices and felt I was on my way (wherever that might be, I was certain it was a good place).

And then…unprepared for;

I realized I had never actually made any headway with my flight of fancy. I had conned myself with some fake beliefs. The deceit was blinding!

What does that mean? Where I went wrong with the “Happy question”? I needed to find out.

I knew the answer wasn’t quite that simple. It’s a rare bird that nests distantly or distinctly from person to person, moment to moment, and breath to breath. What’s exciting today might hurt tomorrow. So, I tried mimicking facial exercises to pick up the mood; “Rest your face five seconds, now let’s do it again five times… smile, smile, Smile, smile, smile!” Geez…It was miserable. I just couldn’t do it.

*Image source: ‘My life sucks – Bounce back guide’ by David in meaningfulpaths.com*

Hang in there a moment. I wasn’t ready to give up on me.

I didn’t know if it was Ok to believe happiness to be a choice. What if I were to change my ways? Would that leave me content for the rest of my life?Truth is, like everybody I didn’t have the slightest idea about the whole thing. Not altogether. Not 100 %.

Yet there are people who are happy and others aren’t. What brings the difference? Is happiness actually a lifetime option? What’s there to be like Jeanne Louise Calment, a perky, jaunty happy soul who fiercely loved chocolate and ate nearly 2 lbs of it every week? Active as she ever was, she had taken up fencing at 85 and was riding bicycles at 100! She even went on to star in ‘Vincent and Me’ in 1990 when she was 104! She smoked until 120 and quit smoking only when she could no longer find her cigarette box. “Until next year perhaps?” She would say goodbye to the people who frequented her. “I don’t see why not! You don’t look so bad to me.”; a fond response would never fail to enthuse her. A twinkle in the eye and a subtle grin would momentarily give away her contentment. She stayed witty right until the end came in 1977. She was 122 then!

What was then that kept her going so strongly even at such a ripe age?

Nothing would make us happy unless we choose to

Whenever I fell into the rut of sadness, each time I would hear one single idea– three ways; that we have the option to choose happiness, that it would lead me straight back to my natural state of daily joy and that I’d be out of my jinx box in no time! It was difficult to face a crazy argument that wasn’t real but felt revolutionary. I didn’t need to let my story of unhappiness hold power over me.

Weeks later, I chanced to hit a thread on Reddit. It went like this;

“Think of your thoughts like the weather; as if they were passing clouds. Weather doesn’t have meaning; sometimes you get storm clouds and sometimes clear skies.”

I guess what did it do to me was happily shocking and surprising!

It shattered the pall of gloom around me and helped me rise into happiness. In a simpler way- the melancholy was not serving or doing me any good. It needed to be junked. And for once “I didn’t need an excuse to be happy!”

*Image source: ’10 habits to be happy’ by Julianna Summers in newtraderu.com*

Don’t wait to simplify life!

For years altogether I have tried to break free of my individual unhappiness. Not much of a success there. I would still be angry about my deprived childhood and resent 30 odd years of surviving a deadwood career. In any case, it always reeked of some kind of heresy as I’d often find arguing with myself; “What!—how could I to just ‘snap out of’ this straight jacket numbness that is stuck with me since forever?”

I don’t believe miracles happen, at least not that quickly but yes- I did get it right finally. It had occurred to me that few roads to happiness just do not lead through Oxytocin or Endorphin. The one and only truth that matters is that ‘If you’re not happy, you can choose to be’. Pick up an enduring will, wake up some rugged determination and you’ll get better and feel lofty.

Neither do you have to be any good at DIY to get going. Happiness does not demand some external event, an accomplishment, a win, a pat on the head, a struggle or any reason at all. For all I know, you can simply choose to be happy from this moment onwards; for no reason other than that you’re the most knotty life form, have confusingly interrelated parts- that‘ve somehow come together- live in most exciting times and are going around an ever exploding ball of hydrogen at 107000 kmph all the while sitting on an enormous chunk of rock and lava.

Take that in. Don’t wait and…for once keep biology out of it!Nothing is more dispiriting than the burden of unhappiness due to air and appearance you carry.

So start loving somebody; get mushy and if you’re in love, take time right now to reveal. Open your heart before it stops. Even a small touch, massage, hug, hand holding or a handshake works well.

It’s a hard one on you if you have ‘no love’ or ‘little something’ to hang on to, but self-love is just as good a fill-in. It shuts out everyone else except YOU to care for. Eventually fondness, generosity and a warm heart would fill your day. Give an unexpected gift, buy a stranger Coffee, rummage your pocket and throw change in that ‘unfortunate’ hat, or laud and pay a compliment. When you do small favors, fuzzy feelings begin to flood your veins and Oxytocin will flow.

Besides, who would want to live as “Janitor of a Mountain of BS” (quoting Tim Ferriss) for 50 straight years only to resign to a couch in the corner and drag through the idyllic Golden Years? I would rather not wait for mermaids to spoon-feed me bran flakes and let each day bring me a new jumper! Should I? Nope …no way, the idea has run out of gas for me. The fantasy that I do X to be happy has fallen behind.

*Image source: ‘Why you should strive to be content, not happy’ in healthwellbeing.com*

Honestly, I believe that you don’t need to hang on to outcomes for your happiness. If you do, it will be Ok for a minute, a month or perhaps longer but sooner than later you’ll be haunted by the next unreal emptiness in your life.

Don’t hold back; the world has not shrunk yet. You need to choose NOW!

Nothing seems funny, you’re sapped, easily irritable and think your spirits need to recharge before you can take on anything. It’s a sign you desperately need an early date with ‘Alone time’.

Are you weary, snappy and feel like falling apart? You could easily use some time to yourself!

28th Aug 2023 soulshop.com Leave a comment

Your mind and body are clearly overwhelmed and you’re in serious need of ‘Alone time’.

It’s like any other typical evening; dinner is fixed but plenty is still happening in kitchen while you slouch in your favorite love seat in the living room and thoughtlessly surf net over your phone. Else, you could be on your day bed skimming through some run-down nonnews daily or folding linen in the bedroom. This is when your old lady drops in and asks you something that’s faint and inaudible. You couldn’t get anything as your neighbor’s canine has all at once decided to howl raucously outside.

Suddenly, your inner-voice crashes into a long uuuggghhh and you can feel adrenaline rising.

What’s that…what’s happening to you? You couldn’t fathom this right-away but if you’re any good in judging yourself; this is your body and brain begging for some “Alone” time.

Broadly said, it’s time to ‘unplug’.

It’s not only about spending time on your own!

Are you the one who often gets so busy that you’re not left with enough bandwidth to think about your own needs, let alone do anything about them? An eager beaver, you’re incessantly thinking about your work and worried that you might miss the chance to prove yourself, if you aren’t available 24×7. Childcare, eldercare, regular messy errands like paying bills, keeping the house clean; just about anything would jump to throttle your faintest desire to make time for yourself and your needs; all because you’re always on and would do little to change the way things happen to you.

On the face of, it’s looks repressive; like everything just gets thrown in your day. But not every messy moment is sign of sickness. Easy as it is you get caught up in this web of constantly doing things, most of the times you are drawn into the maelstrom-one way or the other. At best nothing hurts but it’s important to occasionally step away from it all, to ward off a complete collapse. That, of course would mean spending some time on your own with yourself. On the contrary by not allowing yourself the comfort of #me-time, you run the risk of a faster burn-out, both emotional and physical.

Fortunately, it’s not so hard to recognize the warning signs that you’ve pushed yourself far enough and it’s time to look after yourself well. By doing so you could top-off with some zip, calm your frayed nerves and enjoy the much-needed happiness. Your mind and body will thank you for properly looking after them!

*Image source: ‘Atasi stres dengan 8 kegiatan Me Time ini, praktikkan, yuk!’ in sohib.indonesiabaik.id*

Sometimes it’s better to take a step back!

Me time is all about being present with yourself; mind and body. It’s a conscious effort to revive and restore you. Even doing something as simple as having a bath, reading a book, going for a walk, performing yoga, getting your hair or nails done and so many more, can course-correct you put you back on rails when you’re alone with your thoughts and inattentive of your surroundings. Pep talk! Nah…believe this, our mind and body are entwined and hooked together and to work side by side, they need to be in sync. When they aren’t, stress and tension manifests as aches and pains in our body and throws everything out of gear.

I guess this explains why #me time is so important and how attempting it every so often would let you figure out the needs of your mind and body and answer likewise. You’d have successfully spent some quality ‘me time’ once you’ve set about a mid-course correction allowing yourself downtime to heal and recover.

Lucky for me, I recognized the early warning signs that I had pushed myself a bit too far just in the nick of time. I noticed that I hadn’t taken a break for long and was long overdue for some time on my own. I needed to make sure that I was pampering myself properly and not being tricked into believing that all’s well with me- one hundred percent!

So, what EXACTLY did I do to live out a better version of me?

It’s a buzzing world around us that makes it nearly impossible to line up some time for ourselves. There is always this revolving door of reasons that pushes ‘me time’ for tomorrow and when tomorrow turns today, everything stays unchanged.

Knowing why, how and when to schedule ‘alone time’ was what charted new bearings for me; a scrupulous good self care trail and an attempt to live out the best version of me.

*Image source: ‘Making a lasting difference’ in jbjgroups.com on Feb.27, 2023*

Again, this could be different for every one of us. We take time-off for ourselves in many different ways. We choose to wake up twenty minutes earlier than the rest of the family and spend a little bit of #me time with ourselves; many prefer a quick morning stroll and few more would love to take a day-off and be left unto themselves in peace.

To cut things short, following pursuits like deep breathing allowed my body to burn off stress induced Fight or Flight mode and reset it to Rest and Recap mode. Once reconnected with mind and body I became aware of every single part of me. And then I knew I was safe.

Contradictions for the most part are irrefutable but if you happen to have mind or body concerns, niggle and stabs and all the gross irascibility that goes with it, you need to delve into them first. Talking to your bosom silently brings comfort and helps quieting your insides.

Ask yourself what has gone wrong to cause the disquiet and look for antidotes to help heal. If there’s something that you cannot repair, that’s okay. Now you know for sure what’s hurting you that you cannot diminish of your own. Corner it and take help if you think that’s the cure or else box it up in the corner of your psyche. It will eventually wane and die down. Once done, it’s a quick note that you’re out of harm’s way.

I never knew all the answers, but accepting this unfamiliarity was in fact wonderfully informing. I was in tune with my mind and body at last. It was kinda hard, took a lot of efforts but ended well for me.

What are you waiting for? Don’t miss your window

Have you ever felt sorry for yourself for taking time off to be ‘Alone’? Do you wait anxiously for guilt pangs to drown you in an emotional grave all because you’ve set aside important work for some apparently thoughtless ‘past time’? I guess shaming yourself like this is gross and inundating. Caring for yourself is the only way to stay a cut above the rest in your life.

If you ask me, to be YOU in your ‘Alone time’ is your magic reset button.

So, go ahead; pamper yourself, take a nap, unplug social media, watch a movie, fete yourself, indulge in a hobby or simply sit idle -do nothing. Take life at your own pace. Go and relax in that comfortable chair in the verandah, chew over your thoughts, do some heart searching and I’m sure you’ll be fired up like never before. Start by giving yourself as little as 5 minutes of “me time”; it’s restorative and reviving but something like a day or more of quietness will change the way you live remarkably.

*Image source: ‘ Reasons alone time is important in a relationship’ by Lilian Osigwe in 1stnews.com*

Of course, nothing promises that you could ever be really “off.” But by watching over, you can be utterly sure that you have begun attending and taking care of yourself. “Always on” doesn’t have to be an end of your personal needs.

It’s just that spending few quieter moments to slacken would ensure that your life scales are not going to tip off center anytime soon.

Potlucks are fun and the best loved way to be together. They’re all about new connections and fixing ties. So, choose the right food for your next soiree and you’ll be ready when the time comes!

4 finger lickin’ good potluck dessert ideas that are actually healthy and never go off-limits!

12th Aug 2023 soulshop.com Leave a comment

Imagine this; you haven’t been sprinkling maca powder into your smoothie every morning and most likely haven’t heard of trendy super foods. You’ve somehow missed the fancies of living a clean life. So, does this gets you worked up? Forget it, if somehow you feel hammered. You can still roll out your sandwich and steak with salad greens and quell the sugary demons without being robbed of taste, texture or flavor. These aphrodisiacs that are sometimes known as super foods, always call the shots when there is a sinful longing for a mouth watering sweet indulgence.

And all the while your ‘mini mart mindset’ for ‘cheat food’ stays intact!

All that between a luxurious cake, a refreshing sorbet and yum dessert I guess, probably you have never thought of using health nuts, berries, beans, strawberries or red and green apples in your dessert plans for a potluck party. Quite so…normally we set aside health concerns when it comes to partying around and would readily pitch-in for scrumptious warped foods. We would never even glance over to the stuff that infallibly packs in a guaranteed delight of vitamins, minerals, antioxidants and healthy fats.

Café, grill, pit stop or beanery; each one of them is a delicious way to treat ourselves to some of the most flavorsome food. But when health is a top concern and we’re faced with making more nutritious choices—the fabled pick of an ambrosial platter stays off-limits.

There are though several ways to usher in the delightful luxury of a bonne bouche dessert to the table if you’re thinking of partaking next Jacob’s Join. Both trendy and easy to make, these desserts vow not to trade off anything hurtful. And you don’t always need butter, eggs or cream to invent something that’s both sweet and rich but not sinful. Once you’ve stocked your pantry with few simple ingredients, kicking-off few knockout desserts is not difficult. Simply swap coconut oil with butter, set aside ground flaxseed in place of eggs and find some space for a bottle of pure maple syrup in your kitchen shelf. You’ll be surprised to find what you don’t miss one bit!

If and when you’re seriously thinking of working over an incredibly flavorful dessert fix for your next potluck rendezvous, be sure to keep in mind that what constitutes ‘healthy’ would mean differently for everybody; so much so that ‘gluten’ may not have as many diggers as ‘sugar’ and someone watching for carbs might be pro-dairy!

Of all the frozen treats and crisps and cakes and croissants and many more twisty decadent desserts, none though guarantees never-like-before confetti flavors as these classic plant-based lust-after delights do. Every bite is simply a heaven sent experience!

Chocolate Bundt Cake

This could turn out to your favorite potluck pick not only because you can slice it small enough for everybody to get a piece but also because this show-stopping dessert is an absolute party runner. Soft, moist, fudgy and topped with a decadent chocolate ganache, this rich chocolate cake is no less than an old wine for chocolate connoisseurs. The moist crumb melts straightaway in the mouth!

Crammed with cocoa powder, butter, oil and sour cream, this cake is one helluva luxurious crowd-pleaser. The bundt pan makes it all the more inviting though in reality it’s incredibly simple to make! A total grandstander, this cake is meant for a perfect after meal celebration. Ultimate in chocolate dessert, there is no stopping you to fall in love with this cream cheese frosting laden cake. If you want more amplified levels here then try a moister, crumbly and irresistibly delicious red velvet one?

Avocado Cake with Orange-Ginger Icing

*Image source: ‘Easy ginger avocado cake with lemon drizzle’ in fabfood4all.co.uk*

Avocado tops my chart of super foods for a good reason. Packed with vitamins and minerals, this pear-shaped tropical butter fruit with green or blackish skin and rich yellowish nutty flavor pulp, promises loads of healthy monounsaturated fatty acids. Its smooth creamy texture with a neutral flavor, blends well with pies and pastries and makes for an easy substitute for butter.

Utterly moist and delicious this super food hipster cake is an unmatched, gluten free exotic blend of whole-meal spelt flour, olive oil, Greek yogurt, ginger and oranges and tots up as a health food in kitchen bibles and cookery books.

Gorgeously textured and yum flavors, this frosted cake is any time anywhere winner and is a top pick in Café’s and Diners amongst the list of some of the highly acclaimed hot off the fire desserts. If you’re by any chance a pâtisserie buff with a fluky love for ginger, spices and tangy oranges, a bite of this flavor-burst would surely be a lasting experience for you.

So, now if you’ve chosen this as an impressive dessert choice for your upcoming potluck soirée; you may breathe easy. And don’t forget to stow away a slice of this delight for you might be tempted to celebrate solo later!

Chocolate Greek Yogurt Mousse

Image source: ‘Greek Yoghurt Chocolate Mousse’ by Raquel Neofit in stayathomemum.com.au

Mousse is commonly made with whipped egg whites and heavy cream; but not in here. If you’re looking for a healthier, easy to spin-off version in place of some traditional clone- this is where your quest ends. This rich, velvety easy to whip-up divine dessert makes use of bittersweet chocolate chips, Greek yogurt, cinnamon, ginger, turmeric, raspberries and a splash of almond extract. Packed with probiotic and calcium, Greek yogurt is the primary component in this super food dessert. Chocolate with around 70% cacao turns this sweet-course richer in antioxidants. And the added honey and spices lend it a unique flavor to rack up few more health benefits!

Açaí & Blueberry Tart

Feature credits” Açaí & Blueberry Tart’in SAnjeev Kapoor Khazana in YouTube.com

With a buttery flaky cinnamon spelt crust- pulled together from grain spelt, cinnamon, vanilla bean custard filling, and juicy berries – just about every ingredient rallies around to turn this berry tart into an ultimate super food dessert! A sumptuous and delicious way to showcase a classic luxuriant last course, this dessert is all warm and inviting with trimming of blueberries on top and a lush blend of heavy cream, sugar and vanilla for garnish. The sweet insides crow of a silky smooth mix of açaí puree, sugar and egg yolk, all gorgeously coming together in butter.

Prepping here though calls for a lot of patience with the process. Simply cooking low and slow does the trick and ensures that you don’t end up with sweet, scrambled eggs! Once done, this sweet indulgence guarantees your friends an ecstatic raving experience.

Like I said earlier …you’d never get short of awesome culinary ideas only if you are eager to rummage a little and ready to combine food with fettle. With unique flavors and added nutritional punch, you can always put together a triple whammy super-food dessert anytime. So, set out…and your upcoming potluck soiree would have something for everybody to talk about later!

Dessert is typically not the first thing that would cross your mind when you’re weighing options for a sweet course and would even hardly consider a mindful use of super foods. But if somehow you can pack nutrient rich ingredients in here without compromising on texture and flavors and come out with some incredible unsullied sweet indulgence, then why not?

As a child making new friends is easy but reluctance to connect prevails as we grow old. Senior years are not easy but 60 is certainly not the time to stop hobnobbing; the best is yet to come!

When I turned 60 I thought I was done making friends until…!

4th Aug 2023 soulshop.com Leave a comment

My phone buzzed and a notification popped in. A big grin crossed my face. It was an invitation for lunch-an easy-going one and… I jumped for it. It wasn’t from an old time school friend or a long standing college mate or some long forgotten face from Office days. Incredibly, it was from a new pal-one that I had struck friends a year ago before I undocked and stepped down from the Office.

And all the while I was thinking my friend circle was a final thing; all wrapped up! Months after breaking free and with not much to share around, I was finding it so difficult to sit tight amid all that was happening around. I tried to live up to each moment but would often stifle. Aging to me then appeared like a heresy that I would never want any part of. In short going was getting tougher each day. It frightened to remind myself that not long before I also might be faced with short wheezing breaths, limping fatigue and wilting fortitude that would wreck me to the end. As with everything springtime friendship also suffered as frailty gained.

Was time really running short to live life to the fullest and thrive or was I merely imagining worse?

If my oldest friendships were home then my friendship in mid-50s with Pete is a whole nine-yard company that thrives to this day. He’s someone who would acknowledge my weird innate weakness for Viking sequels or sci-fi thrillers of the kind of Interstellar. He understands the funny part of me; that I prefer my tea sugar free; that I wouldn’t want to stay out after sunset and that I hate darkness for I fear it would it hound me with gloom and obscurity.

Sometime in early 2012- I had just turned 53 then, things began to get coarse; career calling was crushing; work relations were plummeting; woes burned high and whenever I’d try bring around my straggling inner-circle, I would drift-off and be easily overwhelmed. Social media updates seemed illusory. I abhorred and could never give–in to the idea of a reality where you could somehow catch-up with people flesh-out. The unending streams of lead-ins were scarier. Wasn’t this unreal intrusion close enough to another baptism of web community? It felt crass and unwitting.

Three years after I had hung gloves I needed reminding myself that I ought to double time efforts to stay connected; not just online but in person as well. I guess this was about time to run free and reveal who I truly was; or at worse hide all my twitching inhibitions and annoying worries. Search me…I would have loved to die for a freedom that didn’t need any approval.

Here and now was the time to connect with people in all honesty and openness.

*Image source: ‘It’s not just you: Making friends after 60 is really hard’ by Kelsey Borresen in huffpost.com*

Making friends as an oldster was the best thing that I ever did!

I still remember, at my 20^thbirthday bash I had anxiously looked around for the people who’d make effort to come and celebrate my day. In many ways it was no different than other birthdays that had come and gone before; the ensemble that day was no bigger than six or seven people; no more. I could recall that a handful of them went an extra mile to try and make it worthwhile for me.

Curiously, by my late thirties I was barely left with anyone whom I had befriended as a grad. And it showed. As lovely a person as they were, we no longer had much left in common.

So, couple of years before I was to bid adieu to my Office and fade out into obscurity-I was 58 now-I deliberately set out to make new friends. Honestly, I would get lost whenever I began counting ones that I had left. Most of them were by now settled for good. I was worried that I might get forlorn and unhappy. I needed to meet new people who would think and talk the same way about life as I did. I think I was trying to reach out and grab some more possible alternatives for future happiness!

It didn’t matter much earlier but it does now…

I had never expected of me to make friends like this. I would fear that my experiment would end up lamely and I’ll be left with only a few fun evenings with strangers to talk about; no more. It wasn’t easy– nerves, awkwardness, insecurities just about everything were fired up in me. Yet I was pretty sure of one thing-‘ it’s never too late to try and open up to a new pact’.

Admittedly not all of them worked out well for me either. As charming and enchanting encounters as they were, few just didn’t click and then there were those who couldn’t handle my candid chat.

No matter what, it ended up being the best year I’ve ever had.

The sweetest thing to happen though was that I learned to open up and share my insecurities with those who chose to come near and share. It paid off and now I have mates who wouldn’t wink for anything and I hate to call them sidekicks. We‘re bosom friends and for once the bedrock is much stronger. The after–rush feels wonderful and I simply can’t wait to make more new ones every time I go out.

You probably need more friends if you feel empty and alone

There are many ways to feel less lonely but there is no substitute for the company of real friends. When life takes a turn for worse and you get lonely and naively couldn’t keep your inner-circle intact; it’s time to fraternize and pal-around!

As we grow older it gets hard to stay in pace with our surroundings. Time and people move ahead in their usual celerity. With creaking bones, sagging skin and advancing frailty it’s harder to go out, catch up with old friends or make new ones. Add to that the uncertainty of how and your inclination to make friends; every attempt would appear unnavigable.

Yet, I took to staying alive; sat tight in pervert times and held on to my horses. And in turn I got hold of some new good friends in the end. Surprisingly I knocked up some stronger ties overtime than I’d imagined I ever could.

Here’s how;

Boomer or Gen-X; you can draw people closer

It is natural to tend to be closer to people who are at similar life stage. When you’re busy raising family you’ve always have had a lot to talk about with others. But when it’s time to hang gloves, suddenly you find you’re more interested in spending time with those who are considering their own off-ramps. Life actually begins to change when you’re off tethers and there’s not much left to share around.

It was not long, before it occurred to me that reaching out to a person of very different age would make it less likely that I’ll be friends anytime sooner.

But what the heck; Do I need to stop at 60? I thought otherwise and so I reached out and invited an easily-forgettable face of an ex-fellow worker over a cuppa Joe. I also accepted when I was invited out in return. To make it sound conclusive, we later decided to turn it around again by inviting each other out to lunch or coffee.

If it ain’t broke, I was beginning to have much fun. Perhaps this was close to living life as richly as possible. Whatever… it’s not long before I was quickly finding my schedule filled with good people hanging around me.

Filling-in and hanging around helps

Opening up to a complete stranger was awkward and sometimes felt intrusive, but hobnobbing with everyday ordinary questions did help break the ice in an unfamiliar way. ‘What’s that coffee drink you’re ordering? How’s that book you’re reading?’ Of course it was a long haul before I could hear the bells ringing. It was comforting to share and listen anyway. It’s only now I could understand why it took me close to 3 days of hanging around, going Dutch and some deep conversation before I could strike a friendship.

Bonus…! Beyond a few virtual happy hours, I simply adored the split and enjoyed a meaningful connection.

I observe, recognize and appreciate as we stay hooked to pursuits together to this day.

Count on this for your first crinkly smile

Bet your bottom dollar if you know how to build upon the trust on others. I guess it’s reciprocal and usually begins with sharing. Revealing to others and watching them to open up in turn was how I would take to building trust with an acquaintance. It’s quite a refreshing flattery but I was never upbeat about stepping forward and letting things happen in the first place. I knew that the deeper is my level of trust the more likely I’ll strike a lasting friendship. Nothing will go south if I don’t screw anything right down the road; and I must try fitting in.

Soon I stopped living my fears and could finally shrug off that riling unease. I took to sharing and opened up.. Good times had finally rolled-in. It was time to live life plus-size with some new mates around.

I guess I never outgrew the person I was when I first made friends. Years later, no matter how changed I’m today, my friends still think of me as a more broken version of the person they had known. If I am sitting in the patio sipping my morning mud, they aren’t wondering what has happened to the rollicking, impudent, Cafe hopping fellow of decades ago.

And I find it easier to be who I am right now.

Time is the measure of choices we make and there’s plenty of it but in the end it always escapes us. The funny part is that we desperately want more of it but do little or nothing to change it!

Want to walk away from Father Time? Two health choices to make it happen and keep you super fit even at 70!

26th Jul 2023 soulshop.com 5 Comments

I am always on the hunt for lifestyle choices that can decelerate aging for me; or at least make me appear seemingly ageless. If Christie Brinkley –the American model, actress, and entrepreneur could pass for 49 at 69 then why couldn’t I? Brinkley born on 2^nd Feb.1954 and mother of three had caught worldwide attention and fame when she appeared in ‘Sports Illustrated Swimsuit’ on an unprecedented three consecutive covers in 1979, 1980, and 1981.

Some of this awe is owed to genetics of course; you just don’t get to be a pin-up gal without being generously endowed in that area. But when I looked closer at her way of life, I’m like; “Ok, this might be for me.” I’m no Bruce Springsteen who stays cut at 70 but what the heck! What’s there to stop me to stay fit as a fiddle when over the hill?

At 64, I think I’ve learned this out the hard way.

For all of us, the clock ticks and with each tick comes the change. For few who manage to stay shy of major health problems, the change is slow and gradual but they do add up; that is at some stage in life you do give up and let Father Time take its toll.

Hard to swallow but the decline for each one of us sets in as early as in our 30s. The max attainable heart rate mellows by one beat per minute per year and heart’s peak capacity begins its downward slide by 5-10 percent per decade; that is if you have managed to stay unspoiled and undiminished of illnesses by now. Even so, a healthy heart that can pump 2.5 quarts a minute at 25 cannot get above 1.5 quarts as you reach 65 and drifts down further to only a quart if you could still kick-well at 80. In everyday life this means slow and imperceptible fatigue that drains you out even with modest activity. Not conspicuous or noticeable in early years but it endures and progresses as you age.

I’m on a bit of a low right now coming off some enormous obligations that have unwittingly compelled me to always keep my worries of nine-to-five slog over health. Endless travels, wing meals and little time for everything else has taken its toll and has left me feeling and looking as crappy as I have since before I let myself be harried by that insane Office rush.

To this day I think I’ve had enough of my busy repetitive life. It feels bizarre nowadays and it has left an indelible telling effect on how things would work out for me henceforth. It’s not so much that I care how it makes me look. Skinny guy genetics have somewhat kept things under control. It’s what outer slump was signaling about what was going inside that made me pitch for a way to turn around. It made me worry about what would eventually happen were I to look around and say “Ah screw it, I’m too busy to eat right and work out.”

So, I borrowed burrowed and browsed neck deep to get a little artsy and to think more clearly how to have a better quality of life. I hitched my pants up to brush, floss and rinse and outsmart Father Time. I didn’t chose to do less for I knew “resting meant rusting”.

Consequently I went about removing the rust of aging. And in the process I think I have taken back some of my time!

Feature credit: pexels.com.

The Brinkley way is fascinating!

It’s easy to blame low mood or fatigue on aging, but sometimes aging is not that woeful. Feeling constantly exhausted or depressed is not normal at any age in any case.

And it’s not just diet as well.

In reality living a meaningful life is not as hard as it sounds; you just need to practice few of the health choices that kept Brinkley fit and allowed her to live a very active outdoorsy life. Of course, as with Springsteen you need to adjust your activity to compensate for your age. If Brinkley’s boss had to quit running for the stress was tearing him apart, so should you, if it hurts! That sounds somewhat limiting but it would not stop you from staying outside and be active. See…Brinkley spends a lot of time on her bike tooling around the island where she lives per se!

Pushing yourself a bit when you feel the need to get more done, walking daily, gardening more often, taking your pet dog out for a quick stroll regularly and keep yourself moving through the day; just about everything bodes well to help you stay focused, appreciate small things, and connect with yourself and others.

I sometimes allow myself to cheat a wee bit when my body tries to tell to be otherwise but I never forget, “There is something to this for sure!”; and that only I can make my life more sprightly and meaningful.

Today, I live it out by myself and witness how life has changed for better.

Getting older is “the next normal”

No one really tells you the hardest part of getting older; that growing old is inevitable and that it bears a fearsome reputation. Plainly, nobody can stop the clock. Most you can do is to slow its tick and endure life with grace and vigor. Like I said, everybody desires to live long but no one wants to be old.

Does any of this makes you curious about what sets older people apart from the rest when it comes to them living a happy purposeful life? What is there in it for you other than an upbeat outlook about getting older?

Aging involves changes in every element of life- from physical and social to mental and emotional and sometimes more. For boon or bane it’s your choice if you would maximize the good parts of you getting older without betraying health and happiness and help reverse the age related physical loss.

So, don’t snooze your life away.

Knowing what changes with age is probably our first step towards finding ways to stay active and help us take consistent control of our choices rather than be at the mercy of what is simply convenient.

Right from waking up, freshening up, shaping up, eating and studying up; just about everything you do, decides for you how you’ve chosen to power your day. Even somewhat inconsequential everyday actions like changing clothes, brushing teeth, reviewing to-do-list, writing a few notes in diary, reading or meditating or going to sleep, fates how you’ve picked-up things to shape your life, you’re yet to live.

It didn’t go exactly as planned every day for me sometimes. But when unexpected interrupted, I chose what portion to cut that day. It worked as kinda default plan for me to endeavor and surprisingly, it endured. It helped me move quicker each morning than I otherwise would have. I would no longer simply wake up befuddled and struggle trying to think of what to do next to be ready.

Assay, and try setting a few personal routines to filter out your options. In time, you’ll be able to unscramble insights to uphold you and turn time your servant from a stingy demanding taskmaster. If you’re to sincerely believe that power lies in each of us to make good things happen-if we choose to do so, then it’s not long before you’ll get to take a slice of your time back.

True, time is plentiful that vanishes in the end. But it’s certainly not happening today or tomorrow or day after, once you’ve decided to get busy gathering yourself. For all I know, only you’re the best steward of your time and choices.

Jedi or not, trust me you can walk away from Father Time if you settle down not to squander your hours doing nothing to change it.

Persevere and you know well- Time will tell!

Have you tried sipping your favorite coffee over a freshly baked croissant? How on earth could you live without trying for so long, if you haven’t? Here’s to why you need to do it now!

Cafés, cappuccino and croissants- what is not to love!-Give your life some unmatched flavors this summer.

13th Jun 2023 soulshop.com 2 Comments

If you love something, you need to let go of yourself head-first into it and then only you’d feel what love really is!

Like most people, I too have a bucket list of inspired foodie things that make my life happier. Pie crusts, breads, foam cakes, real and rough puff pastry, custards, meringues, pâte à choux to name a few; I am not madly in love with all of them, but if I can find them turned out the way they are meant to, well…that makes my day! I tend to enjoy them and the satisfaction that I get is intense and enough for me. Sometime I wish I should have had a chance at some good patisserie learning. For now…the little wooden table at the charming little tuck-away Café in my residential neighborhood, is my sole bake house, my school and my galley for bench tests. Some of my first hand aha-moments happened there!

Of course, I’m in no race at judging food. I am no food critic except that I count on differentiating good food from bad. In the process, sometimes I stumble; at times it’s my bad when I conclude poorly over taste and smell. At others I simply throw my hands up in despair for having indulged and yet remarking appallingly. But I bounce back sooner or later. I have succeeded often and now know how to make my day. I guess this is my journey and I have myself only to count upon. These little triumphs are my big highs and fair enough to make me a little better than yesterday. If you ask me I’d say most things are easy once you get the hang of them. Yet few little things are always left behind that you could try your hands anytime.

*Image source: ‘New restaurant coming to West Palm Beach: An all-day café with Australian inspirations’ by Liz Balmaseda in palmbeachpost.com*

Bringing about a difference to the day without fuss, is one decent success that none of us chronicles! And what better way to attempt it than with a simple but skilled plate of no fuss-all flavors food to turn around. Swipe right: this might be love I was talking about!

Baked, brewed and beautiful, there are certain foods that go a step further in enhancing your enjoyment leaving you marveling at the intense sweetness of the moment! From Mango Chili macaroon and Pesto Chili Cheese to Croissants with a crunch, all over a sip of warm cappuccino freshly made from premium coffee beans-every bit of them are cranked up to make your bite an ambrosial spree of sweet and savory. Endeavor… and it sure would quite hit the spot for you.

Wine and cheese or donuts or cookies, paired with coffee is so familiar in bistros nowadays that these comely combos are lovingly accepted everywhere. You are good to go anytime except that you’d still miss the upper crust if you don’t get to savor the exquisiteness!

Freshly baked buttery and flaky, croissants are the ultimate coffee companion. A buttery one filled with vanilla or chocolate pastry cream or apricot jams and paired with a foamy warm cappuccino never fails to put the smile on any face. And what better way to pair your sides or goodies than with an all-stirring, delicately aromatic and heartwarming cup of coffee!

*Image source:’Tatte Bakery & Cafe’ by Amy Fukuizumi in thefoodlens.com*

Come to think of it…coffee never ceases to amaze me. It tastes a little like blackberry but it so good; it’s my happiness. This caramelly, chocolaty dark brew with bitter earthy notes of roasted almond is what makes my day start right. Blessed and obsessed I love my cup of morning mud to be strong, fragrant and deeply rich in taste. It helps me feel motivated. It sponsors good mood and keeps my sunny side up all day long. I am no Coffee Sommelier but …sometimes I wish my Mondays to be a wee bit short! Somehow it helps wither my blues.

Brewing a coffee doesn’t sound like a great kitchen fix or baking inspiration but this is one fiddle that goes particularly so well with bite-size croissant at tea time that I would rather call it coffee time instead. The one bad thing though about it is that you’ll probably want more of mini croissants after you wash down your first bite with that indulgent frothy, silky smooth cup of thrill. So, watch out for the inches that would rush to your front porch.

Gut and belly aside, I simply love indulging it. My creaky wooden table at the Café appears delightfully inviting when the aroma from the pot of freshly brewed coffee brings together all the comforting flavors and aromatic notes of cappuccino to it. Next what arrives would make anybody go weak at knees. My beaut would get ever more tantalizing! An indulgent coffee pastry cream topped with whipped cream would unmistakably fetch sensuous notes of cappuccino together and make my heart skip for a beat.

*Image source: “Cappuccino croissant stock photos’ in depositphotos.com*

So much so for me…but whichever version you get at your local bistro, once you take a bite of mini-all-butter-flaky croissants dipped well into the silky cream, the exotic flavors will have you rooted to this all time seriously good combo!

To many this probably wouldn’t sound original but the thing is that when your coffee is paired properly, you’re able to taste enhanced flavors of both the coffee and the food. Seriously, this duo is your best bet for a delightful treat if you’re in a hurry and crave for something sweet…and savory to wash down with a cup of hot invigorating and refreshing cappuccino. The bitterness of the coffee unmistakably complements the sweetness of buttery flaky croissant when you actually dunk it into your coffee. This long time unique flavor combination stands tall amongst any-time-swell-standouts and never disappoints.

So, why not do what I believe we all are freak’n good at? Dive-in your bagel or tart or phyllo into a cup of steaming hot smooth Joe and experience the joy of intense flavors swoon your palate and rush down your senses like never before. I’m sure as hell…!!

You’d be smitten!

This summer change the course of your life. No more yelling, screaming, being selfish, stupid or flawed. Just make it more happy, meaningful and liberating. And in time you won’t regret a thing!

There’s more to life than you think -3 mindful ways to live your best!

6th Jun 2023 soulshop.com 1 Comment

I deeply admire Warren Buffet. He knows how to make smart decisions and like he said lessons learned just about anything firsthand are often the most painful but the best ones. One way to get to the point he made I guess, is to say ‘no’ to everything you come across. Or to move, take decisions and make way for a smart living. Both ways it’s your call and the difference that you experience makes your life easy and worth living!

Everybody wants what feels good and like what comes easy –strings free! If I were to ask you, “What do you want most out of your life?” and you’d most likely say something like, “I want to be happy, have a great family, a job I like, a car I’d love to own, a house of my dreams and a job I like”.

But the truth is that life doesn’t work that way always and even far less interesting is the fact that very few choose their struggles wisely to succeed and be happy. Guess, we all have circumstances that are not ideal most of the times.

There have been a few of mine as well. I had never imagined that one day I’d find myself living through my own personal hell. Things at times were happening real bad and I was struggling life curveballs. What hurt most was not to be able to do things that I knew I was able to do or want to be able to do, but can’t.

I was restless and looking for ways to live well in spite of bad breaks; to expand my life, to find a purpose and to live the joy everybody is so crazy about. It came down to the choices I needed to make to help me see beyond the fretful circumstances that so easily limit who I was and all that I could be.

To move forward in the best way I can, I decided to let go all that that I was holding onto that in turn was holding me back. What joy I could possibly be missing out on while bleeding for things that are not ever going to happen? Shouldn’t I be enjoying my today? What if somehow I accepted everything the way it was and learned to make the best of it?

Living in the moment is one of the most difficult things to master. Yet I decided to take one positive step each day hoping to walk into the sunshine one day- happy and contented. So, loving life for what it’s worth then – warts and all, I took my shot and ran hell with it.

These three smart moves helped me uncover what all I had to let go that I had always fought so hard to keep, to be happy and alive.

It’s your turn now!

*Image source: ‘Mindfulness- 10 tips on how to live a more mindful life’ in tabularasaretreat.com*

Live a life you don’t need to escape

I have always hated being stuck inside. Some days I wouldn’t want to go to Office. At others I’d feel exhausted, unhappy and simply disgusted for doing the same thing again and again. It doesn’t seem like me, but the job paid well and people known to me were a constant reminder to just how great it was. Somehow, I was committed to doing things that I disliked most or didn’t matter to me at all. I was practically selling out on my values and purpose. I had a flush bank account but was unhappy. It felt like I had two heads; one that saw my life as fulfilling and the other always jumpy, looking for greener grass lost in the race for wanting more!

It was intriguing; was I missing on something?

‘There must be more to life than that‘; the thought would often leave me white-knuckled and restless. I could no longer stave off the urge to take the plunge.

I knew very well that taking a step into the unknown is scary but then that’s how a journey of thousand miles begins! The ugly fear of walking the dark was frightening. This is when Einstein’s brilliance bailed me out; “Insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results.”

To cut things short,I pulled up myself and took to helping and inspiring people although it was not butterflies and rainbows all the times. I took to traveling a lot and would love to meet like minded people. Even though I earn fewer today- I had hung my boots four years ago, I still get up early though there’s hardly anything important to do. Sometimes I don’t know when and what next I’d do. But I have learned to be part of my life. Hassles are inconvenient interruptions of course, yet for the first time I have found a reason and purpose to what I do. I’ve learned to love what I’ve and dream of what I would leave behind tomorrow.

Today, I live a wholesome life and I’d never ever think of escaping it.

Don’t let a bad day make you feel like you have a bad life

Let’s face this. Bad days exist and are full of frustrations. An argument over breakfast, a missed Office bus or even a spilled coffee can make you wish if you could crawl back into the bed and let everything fall into place before you would kick start the day! If this is you then your day has started on the wrong foot and you do not know how to stop little annoyances from dragging you down. You fret and wonder if there’s a way to turn a bad day into a good one!

But trying to change them would only take your energy away. Things gone awry are upsetting but I guess, it’s not always about changing your days. It’s about selling yourself few inspirations!

“I’m not going to change anything. This day is all about good times and sadness, excitement and boredom and I’ll not pretend that mood swings are not shaking me up or something is overwhelmingly turning my day upside down. I’ll not let myself be buried under bad things happening today.”

Without getting miserable about everything imperfect, I gave up thinking about ‘crawling back into the bed and to be a little more in there.’ It helped me to stay focused and get unstuck. I picked-up amidst the scattered what I thought mattered most. I marveled about everything else I was grateful for…job, kid and the clothes on my back!

I gave up on anything fierce and stifling.

Nowadays I don’t hunker down for the rest of the day if something upsets me. I would take a walk down the street, listen to music or a podcast or catch up on news or simply drive around. A change in surroundings hints that the current mood doesn’t need to be carried any longer.

Somehow, I had learned to take note of what goes wrong-and then right. I am no longer sad if I’m having a bad day because something stalled or expectations failed me. I let the things happen as they do and I do what I do.

Of course, it’s hard to find much to smile about when you fail, but how else would you find your laughter if you let a bad day overawe you?

Stop worrying! You can never be perfect

It sounds like a cliché but definitely makes sense when we struggle to make everything done and yet can’t end up finishing perfectly. Perfection is a myth that creates more pain than joy, more confusion than calm and more resentment than creativity. Of course, doing things that seem hopeless doesn’t mean you won’t fail. In all seriousness, that really is the inevitability of doing things. But by staying centered rather than trying to be perfect makes the likelihood of success more real. Who wouldn’t want to build an imperfect billion dollar empire than a perfect bankrupt one!

I think we all know the answer to this; perfection merely distracts from the present and is probably a waste of time. It has at times made me place value on wrong things and not listen to myself fearing that I’d somehow fail!

You wouldn’t want any of that …would you?

So stop thinking about whom or what you can be and move on. In the beginning it may feel like those things will never get better but each morning will usher in new ray of hope and another chance to improve.

Just stay put until you win!

*Image source:* *‘Living in the present isn’t always easy’ by Nicole Pajer in parade.com on Dec*.03, 2022.

Even the hardest days have lessons to help you to be a better person. If you’re having a bad day, like me simply pick what you think you need most. Turn a blind eye to whatever terrible is happening around you. Stressing out has never made anyone feel better. Live in the moment and you’ll find small shifts appearing in your life that will help you ride over similar situations tomorrow.

In a throwback to the spirit in which it was originally consumed as a medicine, there are few things in this world more comforting than a cup of steaming hot tea and crispy brown buttery toasts!

Tea, the toast, the yellow teapots, cupcakes and the great tea-time fun- I’m lovin’ them all!

3rd May 2023 soulshop.com 1 Comment

Tea as they say isn’t just a beverage. It’s the stuff that sets the ball rolling for celebrations across the world. It’s a morning habit of countless people to kick start their day. It’s an excuse to get out of the Office, hang around with friends and let go for a while. It’s an after-dinner warm succor to help unwind after a long day. It’s the brew that blends companionship, calmness and ceremony, all in equal measures.

Depending on what kind of tea you drink, when and with whom, there are very few things in this World to beat the comfort of a piping hot cup of tea, especially when the freshly brewed, hot, mildly sweet cuppa chai accompanies a plateful of freshly baked toasts slathered with peanut butter and honey or come with delectable toast toppings!

I adore toast. I love it hot and brown and crisp with butter or topped with a slice of cheese melted to perfection. My knees weaken at the thought of a toast spattered with peanut butter and honey and if it’s doable …brown sugar!

*Image source: ‘Toast & Milk Tea’ in foodnetworks.org*

Toast and tea at five-o’clock teatime has an old hand tradition and dates back to as early as 1840s. Anna, the seventh Duchess of Bedford, and her coterie of ladies of the court would sit together for an afternoon treat of tea, sandwiches, scones, and cakes. What began as a preferred pick-me-up tea time by the duchess then, was fated to set the stage for a ‘big time –great guns’ experience for every tea enthusiast in years to come.

It’s hard to tell whether it’s a fascination for things that carried a hint of nobility or people looking for an out-of-the-ordinary-way to entertain or just an undying love for dainty sandwiches and scrumptious muffins. But one thing is unmistakably true. There is something very homey about the smell of freshly brewed tea and bread baking. The faint whiff is so inviting and equally hard to ignore!

As always, a perfect toast made from whole grain bread is a big time temptation and tastes delish with tea…pub tea or your grand hotel tea, it doesn’t matter.

All the while, the skill of preparing a perfect toast was developing greatly and had been quickly changing hands till today it is a commonplace item of interest in every kitchen. Maybe the ease of preparing this simple treat for tea time is another reason why it has gathered so much favor. Bread on the other hand, contains carbohydrates and gives you a quick energy shot without too much of a rush. A little butter or margarine on crispy brown toast is a visual delight that supplies you with some fat content in moderation and leaves you feeling satisfied. Some jams, preserves or marmalades on that toast perhaps! … and you could add a fruity touch to your tea time. Kitchen geeks could get creative with the toast by using different types of breads. Rye, whole-wheat, sourdough…sliced and toasted are great alternatives to plain while one. Diverse tastes abound. You can even try those really long french loaves that when sliced thin, yield enough for tea belters to munch on with their cuppa.

Speaking of tea, there are few kinds of this magical leaf that could bless you with a heavenly flavor reminiscent of a toast!

“This story is one of empires and espionage, smuggling and addiction, rampage and passion and the protagonist of this remarkable tryst with history is none other than the humble leaf of tea”; Actor Virginia Wood was perhaps reminiscing her little dalliance with tea time frolics when she had remarked this. With origin shrouded in mystery it is said that the tea leaves made their way into the boiling water by sheer accident. What followed next may not interest many but to me it’s hearty befitting in one way; so long as the sight of a buttery, sweet piece of cinnamon toast paired with a steaming mug of freshly brewed tea could make my heart jump a beat and bring smile to my face, I’m fine with it!

Still not thrilled or tickled? Honestly!…a cup of tea holds a million possibilities. It calms your nerves. It invigorates and perhaps is the best recipe for instant comfort. The reassuring sound of a kettle coming to a boil and hot water being poured onto the tea is no less exciting than a freaking dream job landing at your door step unannounced! The aroma escaping the pot is simply distinctive, tempting and nostalgic. When it’s winter, calls for a hot cup of tea any time anywhere would sound gratifying ; lazy monsoon evenings beckon a celebratory cup and a cuppa tea in hot summer days earnestly cool you down. Come brief autumn spell, a steaming cup provides you with few quiet wistful moments.

So, next time when you sip or slurp your favorite brew, think of all that has gone into its making…countless moments of history, untold efforts spent on coming up with some divine flavors, meticulous blending… just about everything that somehow blooms life on your tongue every time you savor it. Besides everything seems easy and doable once you pick up your cuppa chai. The miracle of the tea is that it knows how to create a storm in your cup every time you reach out for one!

*Image source: ‘London Pottery Farmhouse’ in fishpond.com.au*

And don’t forget that all pervasive warm whiff drifting down the hallway from the bread basket full of crispy brown toasts all hot and fresh and splattered to edges with butter and jam.

Could there be a better trimming to accompany your nice yellow pot of freshly steeped tea?

Does the thought of waking up to a dreary Monday morning kills the joy out of your weekend? Does your mood crash as you think of your upcoming workweek? Here’s how to bid good bye to your blues!

Hate Mondays? You can still beat your Monday blues and let the good times roll again!

10th Apr 2023 soulshop.com Leave a comment

“It’s back again!””Monster day is here!””Bless me, it’s Friday only!” “Let’s get this 9-5 out of the way!” or “Still stuck with your 24/7 passion at work?”

How often we hear telling this insanity to ourselves or to others. Sometimes we say with conviction, at others with little wit or a meme but most often with restrained disdain. “Monday blues” are in fact best described as the barb that many people experience at the beginning of the workweek, largely because they are not happy at work. Depression, tiredness, hopelessness and an inkling that work is unpleasant but unavoidable is what triggers pangs of anxiety, sadness and stress as you grudgingly move towards your desk after a restful weekend.

But why Mondays are such a drag? Why do you have to put up with a terribly freakish downhearted choice that has no escape?

Many would easily laugh it off as “just the way things are!”, but this is more than just a passing weariness; a warning sign that not everything is right at work.

So, do you start your workweek all overwhelmed and bored, stressed and unhappy? Are you sluggish, drag your feet and not fired up? If you’re unwilling to get down to business or don’t want to but have to keep smiling then you sure have lost out to ‘Lunaediesophobia’ or simply put ‘The Monday bug‘!

Let’s put it the other way; if you love your job and are passionate about it, Monday morning ought to be reckoned as an opportunity to do what you love most. On the contrary, if the idea of starting yet another seemingly endless workweek cracks you up and gets you all worked up, it’s only because you’re feeling down and not hungry anymore to be productive.

Monday blues! Mundane Mondays! Scary Monday! It’s isn’t only about sadness in your head. Your dislike for 9-5 job isn’t a pop psychology invention, but hints of a more serious condition characterized by feelings of helplessness and crash. We’ve all been there and like everybody else I too have sensed that clammy dread as the weekend draws near leaving us with a sinking sense of downturn.

Often finding myself sluggish and tense and overwhelmed on a new week start, I desperately dug around and found these six incredibly powerful yet easy ways to offload my wicked feelings letting me stay 2 steps ahead of my oddity.

Give it a shot if you do not wish to unhinge, have set your heart to fix the jinx and would love some good times to roll in once again!

Unplug for now- It’s fun time!

Give your mail box a miss, if possible over the weekend especially since you’re not going to respond till Monday anyways. Handing out yourself something to feel unsettled and scattered, only adds to your exhaustion. True, it’s tempting to know what’s waiting for you, but drawing line between personal and work times does keep things in check. When you leave Office on Friday eve, cast aside your work issues for a while. Don’t let anything creep into your off-time. It’s time to have fun and rejuvenate!

Don’t let the candle burn at both ends

You have slogged all through the work week just to be free for weekend partying. In truth you have actually earned yourself some space and time to relax. But don’t forget that coming Monday can be extra stressful from work that has potentially piled up from the week gone by and for many it could challenging to jump right back in!

To ride over the Monday morning anxiety, get rid of uncomfortable and awful tasks as far as possible by Friday afternoon itself. By taking care of things you least want to handle at the end of one workweek, you simply make the start of next one much easier.

Come Monday morning and get all unpleasant assignments done as early as possible so that you don’t spend rest of the day feeling as if a black cloud is hanging over your head! Clean up the mess fast and you’ll feel a lot better once it’s over. No reason why you should axe your off-time or peace even on as dreadful a day as Monday.

‘Forty winks’ will make you fine and full of beans!

It’s probable that you have spent the entire weekend and Sunday eve partying around, but overdoing that could be overwhelming! If you’re running only a couple of hours sleep, it’s highly likely that you’re not going to feel good on next daybreak. Jittery and all scattered you won’t feel good about going anywhere when the alarm goes off on Monday morning.

To make things work out smoothly, it’s good to go to bed a little early on Sunday night and get enough of sleep. You’ll wake up well rested on Monday morning, all revved up to face the World with a zing. An extra 15-30 minutes early rise could make your Monday morning actually a lot easier. Having a little more of “me time” makes the shift from crazy clubbing and wild bashes to work place setting a bit more comfortable. Simply stay unstrapped of ‘time crunch’. This way you could spare yourself some time to enjoy breakfast, do exercise or even take your dog for a short walk. In fact, you’ll feel more centered for the rest of the day.

If that’s not enough at least sell this idea to yourself; “I’m not a robot that just sleeps and works. I’ll do nicer things to me for I deserve a better deal”. You’ll be amazed to see how things fall into place all by themselves.

Bring smile to someone

Getting smile on someone’s face or doing something nice for somebody actually helps lift your spirits. Remind yourself to do some good as soon as you get to work on Monday. This will also work around to shift the overall mood around you at work!

See… the best way to cheer yourself up is to make someone else go happy. Compliment a colleague, be nice to your client, help out a stranger on the street or find a way to make someone else’s day a little better and see how miraculously you ride through your work day all free and easy and lively!

Have heart for fun at work place

Things and actions as small as bringing donuts to your colleague, taking a quick break to catch up with a friend in the Office, sharing weekend escapades with co workers, are great fun and a big way to strengthen connects within the four walls where nothing is a reason good enough to cut loose and doodle. A weekly Monday coffee break or lunch time with friends would be just as great. Unknowingly in turn you create an event that you love most. You’ll look forward to all the Mondays as a way to break up the day with moments of good times. At least you’ll have a chance to take a deep breath, hang around and talk, pull-up and gather your wits again for the rest of the day.

Line up post-work bustle

Once you start your work week with an “attitude of gratitude”, you will begin to appreciate things that you enjoy most about work. Surprisingly without you realizing, it kicks off even before you get to work! You use Monday as the day to wear your favorite outfit to look good, feel good and be complimented. Half the battle for Monday morning is already won when you begin to feel good about yourself. It makes you all jazzed up to face work with confidence than be deflated by it.

But is that all you’ve planned for the day? Shouldn’t you be looking forward to something after you’ve slogged through the day desperately trying to get over with the pile of things?

The day doesn’t have to be all about getting up to the go to the Office and trudging deep. Make your Monday a special day where you go out with friends post-work, fix-up your favorite dinner or catch up on your favorite Netflix soap you’ve missed so dearly with a bowl of popcorn, bucking up the rest of your evening.

It’s always good to take a little more of downtime. Things will always perk up like never before!

*Image source:’How to deal with Monday blues for your employees’ in fibe.in.*

On Sunday afternoons or early Sunday evenings, the thought of waking up on Monday morning and the slog lying ahead all through the work week, would zap the joy out of my rest of the day. As the weekend would near it’s end, my mood also would plummet. The dread of a monstrous upcoming workweek would take the wind out of my sails.

This is when I clearly began to see the warning signs of a downturn and resolved for a turn around that I had endured so far. Things changed quickly thereafter and became encouraging. I was getting excited and energized even on monstrous Monday mornings, not just tired and depressed any longer.

Guess, I had hit the ‘gold dust’ for good!

If you follow the millennial trends and wish to be the most likable person in the room then you need to be charismatic, charming and genuinely interested in EVERYONE among other things!

I wanted to be an insanely likeable person. These four powerful ways helped me charm my way in!

31st Mar 2023 soulshop.com Leave a comment

If you’ve heard this; “You can’t please all of the people all of the time” then you’d know that there will always be people in life who don’t like you. This hurts, but on the flip side it feels wonderful when someone does like you. It’s exciting and perks up your confidence. Besides appreciation is one powerful way to build up strong relations and success at work.

It’s an uncomfortable truth but don’t we all want to be likeable? Who wouldn’t want to charm his or her way into someone’s life at the blink of an eye?

Being hyper-likable is one easy way to make life significantly spicy and intoxicating but it come easier to some than others. Fortunately this is one trait that nobody is innately born with. True, charismatic people are born charming, but likability is something that can be learned and sharpened just like the way you learn at the bourses.

I was not born lucky with natural charisma; one of the likes who’re the masters of the working room with mere handshakes and wide grins. I couldn’t manage to be one in my late teens and early twenties. Unlucky for me it didn’t happen till well into my late thirties!

I’ve always been a shy introvert but I did know what it was like to connect with others. May be because of this reason I’d always admire people who would make people like me feel at ease in their presence and would readily connect to virtually anyone like myself. These were the people whom I could hardly forget. I observed them and appreciated them for understanding my vulnerable side. It was like the more someone opened to me, the closer I felt drawn to them. It made things easier for me and I felt something good happening around me. I was finally being myself.

Like I said earlier instant likeability doesn’t come easy for everyone. For those more on the introverted side, things do get raw at times. Yet I felt drawn to the ways these people made me feel. Surprisingly it never hit me as awkward. All I wanted was to learn the secrets of likeability; behavior, traits and everything and then accept them as my own.

*Image source: ‘Why being likable can be a remarkable life skill’ by LaRay Quy in theladders.com on Oct. 05,2018.*

Starting in 1992, something positive began panning out for me. I was all piped up to learn to be a super likable person that everyone feels comfortable around and wants to get to know better. I was getting to understand how I could endear myself from the get-go. I was beginning to know the importance of presenting myself as a genuine person who is willing to connect.

It felt like being on cloud nine!

Here’s four most compelling ideas that then helped me make people finally see me as someone they would want to have a conversation and hang out with!

Pick up a lively, lighthearted friendly demeanor

Over the time I have seen people losing their likability because of their fake optimism and dumb likeness. May be it’s all because they don’t mean to sound negative and distant but are uncomfortable in crowd or perhaps they’re get more self contained in masses.

Intriguing as it was, all the while I kept in mind that before opening up people do try to get a read on you. Nothing turns off them more than trying to communicate with somebody closed-off and uncommunicative. Nobody gets excited about getting to know you when that happens.

So, I decided to let my guard down and asked myself not to be afraid to be me. I became aware of how I was expected to present myself to others. I did my best to stay open and send friendly vibes around. Incredibly, my personality began to shine through as I kept unplugging. I learned to smile true; no plastic ones. I also picked up how to make genuine eye contacts and nods to show that I was listening. I got the hang of what leaning when listening to someone can do to your acceptability.

For once I was beginning to feel comfortable in my own skin! My body language was finally doing works for me drawing others naturally to me.

Getting past the small talk is winsome

A boring nerd to start with, I was looking for positives in every situation. I knew that pessimist talk doesn’t win friends and neither does the small talk. It’s Ok to talk about weather or your local sports team but these conversations don’t win long term favors. Besides it’s a sure way to alienate togetherness and bring the entire mood to dumps.

To make things brighten up and make a great impression, I moved past it. I took to discussing genuine, down to earth issues whenever I had the opportunity to chat. I asked about other person’s family, their hobbies and passions.

You’ll be surprised how much close you could get to people learning about them and they’ll like you better for having learned it.

Assume everybody has something better for you

One great way to pitch for your likability is to assume that every single person has something of importance that you don’t. Everything that’s happening around you is born out of mind of another person and you’ve missed it.

When hanging around with friends or in some serious company, I was making sure that focus was not only on me, my problems, my life and my opinions. In fact, I approached every conversation thinking that it’s not an opportunity for me to unload myself on another person, but rather a chance for me to get to know someone better, learn something different and extra and to connect in a way I haven’t before!

I realized I didn’t need to make others envy and awe over who I am and what I’ve achieved. Instead I learned to share with them what I care about and what I hope for. This one time I was not trying to impress; I was being honest with my needs and boundaries.

Pep talk and shared interests always lit the spark

Likable people are approachable and personable because they’re good at listening and equally willing to talk; no preconceived notions or passing judgment on others. This is how I found them to be setting up a common ground of mutual interest. A little bit of homework and I was surprised to know that all the diverse interests and backgrounds usually did the rest!

At some point I was viewing each person I met as an opportunity to learn something. Of course I did meet people whom I disagreed with but kept myself in check. The idea was to allow others to have their say and make them feel heard. A bit of pep talk was meant to be a sweetener and pushed for deeper conversation. Was I being open minded? Perhaps! … when someone smiled I felt inclined to smile back. May be social sync was doing favors at last. Unwittingly I was mimicking other person’s body postures and speech patterns to get connected easily!

Believe me it felt good to go to Old school and spend some time having small pep talk with those around me. At long last I had begun to rake up some real good relationships by sharing thoughts and having fun together.

Feature credits:’Kindness and Joy” by Inspiration Quest in Youtube.com.

Likability is something that is virtually within everybody’s reach. All you need to do is to make others feel good around you. I did just that by avoiding being judgmental, letting others open up, giving my undivided attention, enthusing others, putting my phone away and memorizing names.

Strangely, contrary to what I thought earlier most of the times it’s something that was under my control and I couldn’t see that before.

Gee!…This time I could open the door from the inside!!

Happiness is harder than to be happy. Because it’s an emotion, a way of thinking and life itself, it needs to be discovered by ourselves, and experienced to understand more and be ourselves.

Happiness is sheer ecstasy! Unlock its secrets and let your ‘This or That’ challenge become easier!!

17th Feb 2023 soulshop.com Leave a comment

If the sense of happiness is all about being satisfied with what you have, what’d make you happy? A bigger house or better car perhaps, a more understanding mate, wealth and fame surely? Or maybe just finishing everything on your to-do list would do the wonders!

Well!… you may stop fooling yourself if you believe that any one of these would increase your happiness remarkably. It’s a myth that anyone would feel happiness all the time. Buy that unreality and you’ve got it all wrong. This is because we grow up with the belief that life is meant to make us feel good when this optimism is exactly what stops us in our tracks. We lose the capacity to see what we do have and what is going right for us! Our pursuit ends with anything but joy and wellness.

Most of us get happiness all wrong or don’t understand it at all. We crumble at the first signs of stress because we begin to feel bitter and turn hostile; something what we are not meant to. The fear of change makes misery more frightening. Negative emotions overshadow everything and this is when we begin to misinterpret happiness. In fact we go about it in reverse unwittingly. The good news is that while the roadblocks to happiness do exist, they are largely within our control!

So, does happiness seem to get out of your reach every time no matter how hard you try? Are you the only person you know who isn’t peaceful and happy at will? Count on yourself to corner these common thieves of happiness and change them so you could be as happy as a sand boy again!

When you live in the past

It saddens me to see people being stuck in an endless replay of their good old days. And it’s hurtful. Regretting what you did or couldn’t do is in vain because you were a different person then and there is nothing you could do to change the unsavory parts of your past now.

What’s the antidote then?

Healthy boundaries are the key to happiness. Without a blue print of whom and what you want to be in life, you cannot muster enough emotional courage for your well being. Like everything else we humans evolve constantly and are just as fallible as the next person. So, you cannot allow your past to screw up your life on account of some wretched person who turned your life upside down for you and made you go nuts try cleaning up the mess!

It’s true that fires from the past hurt our intrinsic self worth and would hang on with us lifelong. But flawed or fine you shouldn’t let that ’our lives are pretty good’ idea be taken away just because you didn’t get the chance to do things your way!

*Image source: ‘Fun winter activities for fostering teens’ in orchardfostering.ie* *on Nov. 04, 2022.*

Cynicism is bitter

When you’re in limbo and couldn’t resist reevaluating yourself, isn’t this what crosses your mind so often; ‘‘Here we go again…someone telling me I’m crazy, and I need to get fixed!” You just couldn’t get rid of undying unpleasant thoughts of your pushy stubborn connections and would react to the same people and situations in an irresponsible manner. Your thoughts are jaded and would block your way.

But there’s a way out!

It is our thoughts that always manifest our emotions and for that reason we can’t help and stay stuck with our feelings. Yet that’s not entirely true! Since we are hard wired with a penchant for negative thoughts, anything flawed instinctively makes us look for the darker side.

One way to combat this incredulity is to uncover your thoughts instead of living them. Deal with your blunted rationale and pull down the cynicism. It’s always a great help since it’s the quality of our thoughts that means everything to experience happiness.

So …stop sneering and smile your blues away!

Every feat is a fresh start

As a quite unsmiling kid, I always looked forward to crossing over the milestones. Passing the college, finding a job, independent living, marriage, parenthood, travel; I just about weighed everything as a milestone. Then one day in my 30’s I woke up and asked myself, “Am I not living the future”? Nothing would quell my quest then but later I was to realize that there are barriers in everybody’s life and I was just overcoming one challenge after another only to find next one knocking on my door.

This is an imperfect reality. ’Here-and-now’ is as difficult to others as it is to me. I was all caught up in the ‘tomorrow game’; something that I was to choreograph my future life upon. And all the while today’s precious moments kept passing me by.

There is nothing like ‘perfect time’ in life. If you wait for future for something good to happen, an anxious world will slip you by. You cannot afford to postpone your happiness until the time ripens in future when everything is ‘just right’. Only that time never comes for anybody.

Imperfect happiness is what must be earned today for a shining tomorrow. So stop being defensive and do not take emotional wellness for granted. The pursuit of happiness drives much of what we do, but accomplishing it always appears out of reach.

After all, happiness is not mystic or faded and worrying for it will only be a waste of time.

*Image source: ‘How to let go of expectations and find what makes you happy’ by Justine Carino in carinocounseling.com*

Comparison would hurt

Do you ever wonder while scrolling through Instagram or surfing Meta, “I’d be really happy if only my life was like so-and-so”? forgetting that our best is waiting in the wings to happen. “What if I could never become part of this edited reality”?

Being unhappy 24/7 doesn’t mean that you’re flawed; it’s only something inside you that needs dealing with- something that’s there right with you all the time. Unfortunately, if it tows you incessantly, you unknowingly would begin focusing on what isn’t working for you all the time. This is when the slump strikes. Your bad chemistry wriggles out free and drives you to make some awful choices that could worsen your life. So stop struggling with your comparison mania and check on your jinxed self- awareness. Trust me you’d get busier mapping and cloning the happiness quotient of your peers in no time and will be all smiles and value to your life.

See…it’s only this sneaky disparity that burgles all attempts to be in paradise!

Being grateful for the good, solid relationships, positive experiences and loving memories rescues us from disappointments. Chasing more likes, more hearts and more approval is an unproductive way to be happy; it’s more of a recipe for misery and discontentment. Feel-good emotions and meaning wouldn’t betray you if you stayed good with your personal set-point of contentment!

*Image source: ‘The key to lasting happiness’ in theohmstore.co on Jan.15, 2019.*

Happiness for all we know is an inside job. Sure buying a shiny new car, sleek digs and a leisurely vacation are exciting. But these are temporary fixes and sometimes influence how we feel in the short run. Even a most cynical person could experience a sudden spike in happiness on winning a lottery.

This reminds me of my grandpa. He never missed to quip when in high spirits; “See… happiness doesn’t always roar. Sometimes it is the little voice in your head at the end of the day that says I’ll be around with you for a while!”

Like everything else happiness too is as elusive, messy, chaotic but pleasant possibility. Understanding the intrinsic ways you could work to win it over will definitely earn you ever-lasting moments of true happiness.

Yes…People around you are great but so is self –help. Just break free for once and I’m sure you’ll start loving yourself!!

If you think you’re unattractive just because you’re not foxy, smart, crisp and all that-stop. You’re truly beautiful,even so. It’s just that attraction sometimes gets beyond our will or ideas

Wishing for a brighter side? Five promising ways to make yourself irresistibly attractive !!

11th Jun 2022 soulshop.com Leave a comment

‘Everything has attraction but not everyone sees it’.

*Image source: ‘What makes someone naturally beautiful?’ in naturaluniversalsecrets.com*

I wonder how good is that when people’s preference for faces changes remarkably every time they run into one?

For most part we could do little to change how we look but isn’t smelling good, being funny or not talking about your ex strongly influences your uniqueness?

I’m no Dale Carnegie or a big thumping philanthrop like Oprah. But I’ve learned a thing or two about how to draw the world around me; how to work with it than around it.

Having wrinkles or two is not a sign of horror; it’s a sign of experience, of weariness and above all your love for life. It means you’re trying to be the best person you can be; you’re trying to keep the twinkle in your eyes because you want to be happy. And you smile brightly because you know that makes you overwhelmingly attractive!!

Still, if you think that attraction is just a word and couldn’t define who you are; here’re some ways to make people love the freckles on your face.

Smile to win over!

Smile is one big way stir up things. It’s one damn good way to make others find you appealing and attractive. It hints at friendliness and receptivity. Smiling and laughing is cool; it not only makes you more attractive but it makes you feel more attractive. And doing so you, lets you experience joy and happiness even when things don’t seem to be going well.

A smile speaks of its own and works like some rustic aphrodisiac that could pull even the ever-serious counterparts towards you. Sad wry faces feel dismissive and cruel.

Imagine if you could pair a face with something positive and beautiful; that face would then begin to look more attractive. A beaming mug is way different from sad sullen ones that crowd around you every day and is the obvious choice to be judged as more attractive!

Look…

Who you find attractive is less about where you grew up or where you ran around in life. Your choice is more influenced by experiencing the pull that is so unique when you look at a simple, coy and pleasantly bright face.

Air of excitement around you!

Let it happen! Sometimes it helps build ridiculous amount of attraction!!

People generally love being accepted and feel comfortable when that happens but not unless you make their interests important to you just as much you want them to as well. If you want others to like you, let your gestures build up some comfort.

Your friends may know who you are but others judge you only by your looks and how you connect with them. More than anything your body stance, attitude and the eagerness to open up when you bump into some stranger; that’s what make people find you attractive.

I am flattered when somebody I happen to meet first time, gets curious about my life or my hobbies. I’m sure, that someone also expects to be enquired. And that’s Ok…I think that if you could find the right stuff to make a heart flutter, the allure will rake up a warm companionship all by itself.

Truth is that every one of us on this planet believes that we know something that the other doesn’t. And we would rather die trying to learn something new. If you believe that everything happens for a reason; create your own style and share the excitement of togetherness. No matter what, how you feel is more important than how you look! Heads will turn, once you begin to get comfortable in your skin.

It’s not long before people will recognize you as an attractive and fantastic person.

Monday blues are bad!

Negative side of everything is unpleasant. People with a peppy attitude, on the other hand bring encouraging changes in everybody’s lives, help avoid worries, see the brighter side of everything and expect the best to happen. Just living their lives and doing things they love most is what makes them attractive.

Could you think of the times when someone has been unexpectedly friendly and nice to you? Is it the person who smiled at you while you went strolling in the park? Maybe it’s only a cheerful ‘good morning’; nothing was said at first. Maybe it’s the person who picked up a conversation with you first time and bowled you over with an unexpected compliment. Believe me, these are the kind of thoughts that never leave us. Whenever roused, they make our day feel a little better.

These small positive actions get people innately attracted to and want that someone to be around when everything goes gross.

Geez…do we need to be happy all the times? Surely that’s not possible. We all have our moments of sadness, loss, anger and hardships. And yet we know how to combat loneliness and stay snug in life.

So, just stay cool, keep telling yourself that you can do whatever it takes to be happy and let the life happen. You’ll wake up each morning knowing that you deserve the awesome life you’re living.

Trust me…

People get attracted to you, feel connected to and remember you as a fair deal only when you don’t act silly goose, are unassuming and not always cooked up to look unmistakably attractive.

Learning is wonderful

Going back to University, sweating out over some online course or catching up a seminar? If you are looking to fit into at least one of them, then learning is your one way ticket to stay relevant everywhere you go. It helps you understand how the world works. It helps you to realize your passion, boost creativity and live a better life. The benefits are simply enormous.

Sometimes we find ourselves troubled in an intense impassioned life circles where perceptions keep changing. And so do our imperfections. The painful truth is that knowing backwards sometimes feels far less important and we usually junk the very idea of learning something new!

This is where the pit gets deeper… Feeling gutted makes it worse.

For people whom we find attractive, learning is something that’s endless. They take the time to be savvy and admit when they don’t have an answer, but work around to find one. Wary and unsure, not many of us have the heart to rise and take the same first step.

For times when you couldn’t see the whole staircase and burn yourself too much over ‘I think I can or think I can’t’; it’s best to take a step back and sell yourself this story…

“Attraction is a funny thing. It never resists change. And it never lets you go dark either.”

Learning and knowing better would nudge more and more people towards you.

You’re never too good!

It’s a mean old world where life follows one single rule. If you want to succeed and be a happy attraction to others, don’t take yourself too seriously. Stop believing that everything revolves around you. In fact, there’s a good chance that when you’re gone, you’ll be completely forgotten in no time. There’s always somebody to take your place.

I find perfectionism as the enemy of change. It never lets us rest or to have fun and be happy wanting to do everything our way. We fear that one single mistake would ruin everything we’ve build for so long. It’s a delusion that wouldn’t let us be a messy imperfect and perhaps a happy person!

Sometimes I also get comfortable being uncomfortable. I love my perfectly imperfect moments. But that’s my burden and I’ve learned to take it seriously, not myself. I think being attractive is just a matter of being confident in your skin and loving the way you look like.

So, stop being a perfect student, perfect employee, perfect son, perfect sister, perfect…??.

Do your stuff with an abandon and people with a sense of light heartedness will find you attractive for sure!!

Life is never short of choices. Wouldn’t you want to wake up each morning to a fresh start? It doesn’t take nerves of steel to live your tomorrow the way you ever wanted to!

Looking for second chance at happiness? Living a better tomorrow is only a step away!

4th Jun 2022 soulshop.com 2 Comments

Pursuing an old dream or chasing a new passion and yet disappointed in you for feeling left out? If you believe in tweaks that could change your life, go after every second chance that comes your way. Someday it will reward you with a pearl beyond price !!

And a reason to smile!

Life yields a second chance to every one of us. It’s called tomorrow. And it doesn’t happen by chance. We begin to live our second life the moment we realize that we’ve got only one and fancy a new morning with a fresh chance to make of it whatever we want!

I think that’s great!! Life is just too short to leave things at odds.

The only creepy thing about it though is that these breaks rarely happen by chance and for the most part are scary. What if everything ends with the same outcome? How’d I know that I ain’t cloning the same mistakes and nothing is actually going to change?

That’s funny! While we anxiously hope and look forward for some kind of rescue, fear of unlikely payoffs is hurting!

Angst aside, I believe everyone deserves a new start even when we cannot control how it is going to end. Making bad choices is normal but regretting them is what makes us free to choose again.

Like Qusay Hussein, a wounded Iraqi teen who met a new life in the US, when I think of my childhood, I think of colors; the dull brick red walls and the deep rich greens of the lush front gardens on either side of our beautiful home. More like him, I gave myself a second chance to learn and grow along others after an early exit of my dad left behind shattered dreams and hard times. I didn’t do anything real until I was 25. Not only after a few impromptu accomplishments in post grad and doctor’s, that I could gather enough courage to test the unknown! And all the time I was sharply aware that it was really a shot at becoming who I wanted. It all had stretched out like one long dazzling promise to break out and shine! Sure I wasn’t hungry for a huge career but something that I’d enjoy.

I held on to all the chances that came my way…

I’m not sure when the wakeup call tipped off but it did saw me a lot wiser … I’d come to realize that it’s never too late to do what you love most!

Just a few years ago, I thought everything was over, and now …I’ve discovered my happy self!

Everybody has a story to tell

I don’t think that happiness is big or infinite or that you’d meet it only when you get your second break. People make mistakes all the time. No one’s perfect but you cannot rewind the movie of your life to the point you thought was Ok and play it again. I gave myself chances upon chances until I realized that I can only change the movie from this point forward.

Giving yourself a second chance doesn’t make you stupid; it means that you believe that you can change for the better. It’s an opportunity for you to learn and grow and be a finer person.

Look… I’m not the first or the only person who’s made bad choices in life. And neither are you. So why stay pissed off over something that can be won back!

People often make bad ones only to regret later. Everybody does, but that doesn’t mean that they have to pay for them for the rest of their lives. Sometimes even good people make bad choices; it doesn’t make them any more severe! Like everybody else they too get hurt but they learn and they move on.

Life is short lived to hold on to the past. Can you imagine yourself not giving someone a second chance? I can’t. Things never go the way we all want most of the time, but that doesn’t mean you’d hang on to hard feelings and not allow yourself a free happy life! If you don’t forgive someone and give him or her another shot, you too will be drawn into a dirty ‘negative edge pool’. Worse, you’ll drain yourself emotionally completely.

Not only that if it weren’t for the second chances, we all would have lost good friends, warm relations and perhaps missed a snug hug back home. Trust me, it’s human to make choices we think were right but so often turn up wrong and end hurting others.

We’re not perfect and we would never be. So forgive, forget and buzz off.

Giving somebody another try is your one more chance to thrive and be happy.

May be on that day, you could finally let go and move on.

Feature credits: ‘Piper- A story of true happiness.’ by Movie Mania 3000 on Mar.15, 2019.

For Colin Thackery, the Chelsea pensioner who won BGT at the age of 89 or for Jan Jacob, who at the age 50 realized she was a gay- it wasn’t the first time that future had looked uncertain or the life felt painfully strung to a distant North Pole. But both were certain about one thing, giving themselves as many chances as came their way; second, third, fourth; they seized each one never knowing when they’ll get one again. They knew that someday they would find a way through to smile again.

Today their phones are all filled up with texts and calls and I’m sure they have umpteen exciting stories to tell.

Whatever…I’m glad their lives could help show others how to live their best lives too.

Curiously, their tales remind me of a somewhat sweet and noble virtue…

“It’s never too late to become everything you want to become. It’s never too late to try again”.

That’s how life is!

Fifty years after his first mouthful in 1972, Gorske's status as a super fan is official now. But how good is that? Are the side effects of eating a Big Mac regularly as injurious as sworn to be?

I’m lovin’ it! Is a love of ‘Big Mac’ the secret to a long life?

28th May 2022 soulshop.com Leave a comment

“Who do you want to see go first, you or them?”

Eighteen years ago, Morgan Spurlock in his 2004 award winning documentary “Super Size Me” set out to put things straight about what regular fast food consumption at massive levels could do to a human body. Clearly Spurlock’s glut had “supersized” his meals nine times along the way. As calorie and fat counts failed to add up, disappointing results pushed McDonald’s to remove its “super size” menu options.

Image source: ‘FAO: meat burger, better protein quality’ in carnisostenibili.it on May,12, 2022.

What followed next was even more bizarre!

McDonald’s signature hamburger ‘Big Mac’ blew off the knockers in the years to come and became one definitive Dollar Menu item that defied all Burgernomics. Five hundred and fifty million plus each year, it’s clearly impossible for any sandwich with that much involved to be sold for $3!

How and why is all history now. The frenzy is here to stay. People throng to outlets, ignore the fitness goals if only for a while and throw to winds anything and everything else ‘decadent’.

But what would you say of eating junk food regularly? What if you ate say, Big Mac everyday for next 20 years? How good would that do to you? Two 1.6 ounce all beef patties, secret sauce, shredded iceberg lettuce, cheese, re-hydrated dehydrated onions, two pickle chips, sesame seed buns; even if you’ve never eaten one, it’s hard to miss. McDonald’s Big Mac sandwich; the iconic hamburger that famed as $1 Poor Man’s Big Mac back in 1967 gradually turned significantly taller.

Today, served in a ‘clamshell’ box, this ‘two all beef patty’ burger has overwhelmed the hoi polloi everywhere.

Filling, inexpensive and quick, if you find yourself left with only a couple of bucks in your pocket, would you have anywhere else to go but the McDonald’s? I guess you’d stick to this 540 calorie 29 gram fat 29 grams protein, bundled bite of pure joy!

As a child, I loved the Phantom Sweet Cigarettes and Orange candies that somehow made me feel tall and rebellious! Golden Arches in 60’s! it meant little or nothing to me. It’s only in the year 1996 that I got introduced to a piquant racy Mcveggie Happy Meals. I loved the cardboard box, the hamburger, the fries and of course the delightful apple slices inside. My tune changed thereafter. I grew an appetite for the food that a kid’s stuff could no longer whet. I graduated to bigger Big Mac fast; I could find little or no time for cooked meals. On Sundays, I and my mates would gorge on Big Mac, often two or three at a time!

*Image source: ’50 years on, McDonald’s isn’t messing with its Big Mac’ in economictimes.indiatimes.com on Jul.30, 2018.*

Fast forward twenty-six years.

It’s May 17^th 2022; something peculiar in the daily tabloid has caught my eye.

It’s about a man who’s been eating at least one Big Mac per day, since 1972. Dan Gorske has made it big! He has broken his own world record of eating at least one Big Mac daily for over the last half century consuming more than thirty two thousand of them.

And he gushes on;

“I’ll probably be eating Big Macs everyday for the rest of my life.”

Truly, everything else has paled to his favorite hamburger. He might continue the run so long as he sees no reason to jump to other options; he has found one that gives him so much delight.

And I’m so curious for many things about him, particularly about the man’s health!

I googled him on online and easily found a picture of a man who appears to be relatively healthy. For all that crass indulgence, he appears to be blessed with some extraordinary guts and seems not weighed down with obesity or broken build.

For the kind of poster boy he’s become, does “I am lovin’ it“ come any close to describing his burger obsession? Most of us love fast foods as indulgence, but is the poor man’s Big Mac worth it in the end?

Certainly there’s more to it than just a $3 much evolved sandwich! Although tasty and inexpensive, is the Big Mac really a healthy option?

The savory trail of Big Mac doesn’t end here!

A a day to keep your worries at bay?

Dorothy Nedd turned 106 this January 2022 and she shared the secret of her incredibly long life; she went to Church every Sunday and ate a Big Mac on the way home.

All that for her love for Jesus and Big Macs!

Born in 1914, she’s lived through both the World Wars, the moon landing and now counts herself to be one of the oldest persons alive today.

Hard to reason, but is this the fluoride that has done the trick for her?

Is the Big Mac so crippling and nasty as the nutritionists sound?

Gorske has eaten more than 33000 of them since 1972 and if you’re wondering how he could put up with all this eat-up, it’s some relief to know that his eating and exercising habits are pretty rock hard. 10 mile or more walks, plenty of veggies and generally no fries; Gorske also does something that he loves- the never dying practice of moderation.

But what would you say of Dorothy’s trick. 106 and still living her best life!

Morgan Spurlock’s infamous 2004 documentary with all those extra 24 pounds, skyrocketing cholesterol and sustained liver damage hullabaloo, might scare you to a spin, but even this one laments.

It reminds me only as a cautionary tale; results aren’t the same for everyone.

The dirty secret that that Spurlock didn’t reveal and escaped everybody is that what was staged at McDonald’s over a month, back in 2004 could have just as easily been replicated with many supposedly healthier alternatives then ! Pret a Manger (an international sandwich shop franchise chain from UK), Chop’t (an all American creative Salad fast food chain) and Au Bon Pain (a fast casual restaurant, bakery, and café chain from Texas)– all raunchy and wholesome, could have added inches to your belly just as well for being far more generous with calories than the Big Mac!

Then everybody was so conveniently forgetting the other wellness offenders; sugar and sodium; two good enough reasons for the beginning and end of everything.

So, what’s there to eat if not this?

Health foods, natural foods and even vegan foods do not always mean they are the best healthilicious option for you. Where ever you are, there is always a better choice and always a worst choice. And you know what?…there’s a whole lot of terrifying foods out there that could tip the scales in wrong direction for you. Nobody not even Ronald McDonald himself could have recommended something to keep you in good shape; what with the Big Mac being the original offender here!

Feature credits: ‘ MacDonald’s ‘ in facebook.com.

Moderation might be the key to everything fine and happy and smiling. Even Gorske claims it has kept him in good shape since. But if you fancy a certain food, it’s not long before you would turn forgiving for anything ‘self restraining’!

Don’t take my word for it. If you have a weak stomach for anything limiting then it’s just an everyday life kind of thing for you. Even Dorothy Nedd’s trick to a long life with one savory burger each day might fail you of your big story.

Gorske’s streak meanwhile stays strong and if that guy is any inspiration then ‘You won’t be dead before you reach 50 years of eating Big Mac like him!’

Christ! If that is any truth– no “Face Time” as you grow old and a little more of “sweet living” for you!

Zillions of forum taglines, messages and Improv classes insist that optimism is the magic pill of mental health. Is it really true? What if you are a pessimist and always in a bad mood before an exam!

Want to be eternally happy? Being miserable and thinking of negative thoughts helps!!

14th Jan 2022 soulshop.com 1 Comment

Seeing the glass as half empty might inspire you to fill it up!

*Image source: ‘Skinny dancer jumping over sand’ by Andrew in pexels.com.*

Happiness for me is an elusive virtue and for the most part ‘think positive’ belief fails me as a miracle fizz for mental wellness; one that you could pop in and instantly make half empty glass turn half full and everything around is suddenly bright and sunny. But just because I generally don’t eye the world from behind those rose tinted glasses, doesn’t mean that something’s wrong with me!

Sounds weird…doesn’t it? if this rings freaking odd to you, then you could actually be the one who is ecstatic and all pumped up about happiness, but is more miserable within!

How many times have you been told that great things happen so long as you believe them possible to happen and think positive? From pop psychology to improv classes to self improvement blogs; hype surrounding the advantages of positive thinking never leaves the din.

Sure, it’s good to be positive. It reduces stress and probably tweaks health. And it makes me vote for one profound statement that usually proves naysayers wrong; optimism bags you rewards most of the times including your well being!

But what about those who tend to see glass as half empty rather than half full? Does that mean that they cannot keep your sunny side up all the time? Is being a pessimist that bad?

I would say that only a handful recognize that our unhappiness lies in overly high expectations and too little struggle to overcome snags early on. Damned!…the millennials always get shamed as a ‘burnout generation’ that’s left with few choices to make.

Because we couldn’t make time for happiness; we are busy, confused and sad.

Fortunately a grim outlook doesn’t need to be a permanent one. You may get scattered from mildly pessimistic to relentlessly optimistic. But if you get hunkered down at the perilous end, you could still reap some benefits of being downbeat without burning yourself out.

And it takes only a few changes. Small and gradual; they are nothing like what you’d expect;

To begin with here’s a few of them;

You’ve been pushing yourself too hard to be happy.

Negativity sometimes works as a great defense ammo. You don’t get always crushed when things don’t work out your way. It never distracts you from a pessimist’s favorite past time; brainstorming.

But it’s not always good to beat a dead horse! When you are ruminating; it’s not just another bad day, it’s always a bad day in a bad life of a bad person!

Besides, pessimism loves to blow even a minor problem to a billboard size one.

I couldn’t easily overcome that valley low feeling whenever I get stormed loud and messy. It’s overwhelming. I get screwed up fast because I couldn’t burn the bridges behind my back! Maybe my octopus teachings are not profound as it goes.

Do you think you would be left with any room to focus, if it soaks up so much of bandwidth? It’s no surprise why dreamers never fail to outsmart the pessimist in you on happiness index.

So, find yourself some quick distraction you can use whenever you realize that you’ve been stuck up with same negative thought for long. Pitch yourself into activities that ask for your full attention. Yoga, aerobics, calling a friend or even absorb some music. It might help you to avoid falling flat on your face.

And don’t be some eternal jaded jerk; it never feels epic. It’s perfectly alright to get depressed. Just stop trying to be happy. Stay in your lane and you may end up making more money and win over a happier marriage!!

It feels so good to blame someone else for your woes

“I’m lousy at tennis”; “My opponent has a killer serve.”

If you are the one whose way of interpreting life’s ups and down is dismissive and begins as an inane story with petty perspectives, then you could be failing in giving some basis respect to your self. When good things happen to you, you dismiss it as a fluke; when bad things happen you jump to blame yourself and brace yourself for a long spell of silent sufferings!

But you are not like some textbook dingbat who would wake up each morning wondering which and what went wrong. Are you?…

Bad events are like one time problems and disappear quickly. And optimists too get their dark afternoons. Cancer patients among them are just as badly depressed as their pessimistic counterparts.

So, when you catch yourself being dark, glum and all that, re-frame the problem so that it doesn’t sound like yours alone. Instead of standing all by yourself and thinking “No one is interested in me — I am pathetic!”, try something more bright; “Where’s the hostess? How could she let a newcomer fend for herself without making introductions? I most certainly wouldn’t allow that to happen”!

No scapegoats of course! But it helps to recognize that you’re not the problem, even if your behavior could use some pinch.

Besides, it feels good to keep practicing your tennis serve even if you’re not sure how would you rally against someone at your level. It’s always promising and worthwhile to throw a bad serve than drop the racket.

Feature credits: ‘The Optimist’s Creed -‘Denzil Washington’ by The Motiv8 in YouTube.com on Dec.18, 2015.

If only you’d imagine the world is coming to end.

Another thing that darkens your prospects to be happy is your penchant to make a mountains out of a molehill. You are always hyperlinked to yourself, rewriting grim possibilities until they blow off and turn into something of a doomsday screenplay. A simple cough turns into pneumonia; not the kind that would let you recover from ever! One missed deadline and it’s fast forward into permanent unemployment!

“Am I really to live beneath an underpass in a freeze box because I’m a day late on a project?”

Worst case scenarios are usually absurd but rewinding and playing them over and over again, makes illogical appear inevitable!

And it sucks!

So… just think of the outcomes that’s most likely. Chances are you are gonna miss the executive suit, but it won’t be under the freeway either!

The stunner of all this messing around is, that you do get to feel a bit of power over your thoughts and situation. The sense of nursing pessimism each morning works fine, for the world is not going to get shrunk in one day.

Keep trying and you’ll get what’s coming to you!

Do you know why your opponent at tennis court ends up with so much to feel good about at the end of the day? Long after you have given up and gone home still thinking suckers!… he keeps trying to unscramble impossible- to-solve mind benders!

There’s a lot of payoffs in this. Persistence is the cutting edge and it means what !…success at school,fatter paychecks at work and wider social acceptability. Who wouldn’t want to make some brilliant win sometimes?

If you are looking for the quickest way to get yourself in the loop, then act like the person you want to be; It’s only about changing the way you feel and the way you think that would define you.

When recognition is the only inspiration, act like you have triumphed some crazy big match battling it out with confidence and hard work. ‘Fake it till you make it’ for this can have surprisingly strong and immediate impact on your emotions. But then, it works only when you correctly identify something within yourself that’s holding you back.

Get surrounded with upbeat people

Yawns like smile are contagious. Positive vibes work the same way. Hanging around with people who aren’t so grouchy about anything and everything, could be your one-way ticket out of an unrelenting pessimism. And if you are not feeling particular chatty, you don’t have to talk about what’s troubling you or put around the word that your mind is in a negative tizz. No need for anybody to know exactly what’s bothering you.

But simply being surrounded with positive minded people is usually enough to trigger a grin all around and shift your mood.

*Image source: Vlada Karpovich in pexels.com*

So, keep your frown right where it is, for some form of pessimism actually heals when not taken too far. Ignored and unforgiving;it in fact is protective and sometimes rewarding!

Whatever…

Someone’s telling you ‘no’, is always a problem.

Small choices! Yup…but encourage yourself to smile, smile…and smile for this world is only about solutions; not problems.

And happiness is a journey where so many things make you happier, #guaranteed.

Let the chase for happiness distract you from deeply ordinary things and grieve relationships that make life meaningful and yours could well be the story of a never ending quest for happiness.

Five reasons why your pursuit of happiness may be flawed and elusive!!

21st Jun 2021 soulshop.com Leave a comment

Find out what bedevils your quest and learn how to get that twinkle-toed happiness back in your life.

We humans are complex life forms in a beautiful way. Put us in an intimate, passionate relationship and that seductive crush gets all hyped-up. We reckon awareness and acceptance as thumb prints and adore the quest for happiness, better still; most desirable. Perhaps spending more time with our kinds, getting a more fulfilling and secure job, or even improving our health is the reason we consider happiness a worthy pursuit. After all, being happy feels good. But do we build our lives on that reasoning alone?

Feature credits:’ Happiness with nature’ by Vigorswitch in youtube.com on Aug. 26, 2020.

Deep inside, we all treasure a fascinating tale of lifestyle and feelings, raring to be heard and appreciated. In fact, looking for an opportunity to engage and be recognized for that distinct wharf of ours, nourishes and strengthens us or at times weakens breaks or crushes us. Perhaps maximizing happiness is the only reason, we chase it. Still perceptions bump and make it so easy for us to get sad or depressed.

You think of yourself as a frightful and appalling person

We all have our insecurities. Nobody is perfect. You may wish for a better life; maybe much better of it. But it is not always perfect for you. Sufferings turn ugly once you mentally label them as a bad situation. The emotional trauma that follows cuts you off from the vigour of life. So, once you get mired neck deep in a miserly spot that sucks, your downhill spiral begins, howsoever much you shout to the World that you are perfect and the best.

This however, doesn’t mean that you throw your hands in the air and let that moment pass by when you could reach out and grab happiness. You can still be contented and happy. Just let go of that dreary thought of “If only I was richer… if only I was thinner” and so on. Accept yourself with utmost honesty the way you are and you will give others 10 reasons to envy you. Once the clouds of denial are gone, the magic of acceptance and contentment will unfold in your life. Just be the true rendition of self improvement and learn to love yourself.

You have sucked your soul out for long

I have a friend who never tires of talking and in most conversations he is the only one who seems to be interested in things he has to say. So, people tend to avoid his company and maybe he knows how uncomfortable sometimes it becomes. But I find him one happy person who has shaken himself awake and enthused his perspective from negative to positive outlook. Next day he could be found talking nineteen to the dozen in another gathering! I think he see the things in his life as a glass that is half full rather than half empty, and never miss out on moments that tend to make him happy.

Happy or otherwise, we all have choice as to how we spend our live. It’s our perspective that does the picking. Nothing changes for us unless we decide to take pleasure from life and live every moment as a blessing. We all know that our moods are fleeting and their causes uncertain but we also appreciate that a life spent experiencing happiness, is in some ways a good life. The concern though, is not what happiness means to you, but instead why it eluded you and how to get it.

We tend to see happiness as inconsistent to sadness or depression, suggesting that being happy means few woes and fewer regrets. If we remain contented to see the things in our life as a glass that is half empty, rather than half full, we tend to miss out on the opportunities that may be present around us. Not accepting challenges and considering them as bad consequences would never let you grow out of your miseries.

“Unhappy is he who depends on success to be happy,” Alex Dias Ribeiro.

As successful as you are or hope to be in your life and work, be sure that you will find happiness only in things that are deeply ordinary; enjoying a walk or a conversation with a loved one or plucking turnips and tomatoes from kitchen garden. For few who worship hard work or strive to outperform, this may sound like an admission of defeat. But accepting things as they happen and facing challenges head on makes you find meaning in them and move forward. So, get interested; it’s time you started living with gusto and made the most of today.

“Today is life– the only life you are sure of”.-Dale Carnegie.

You are yet to open up your mind and heart to life

Lately you have been torn up in your mind and heart. You have been questioning yourself quite uncomfortably. “Am I ill-mannered?”, “Do I always sound argumentative?”, “Do I talk too loud?”, “Does my breath smell?”, “Do I ever bore others when in company?”

Lending ears to comments and criticisms and not treating them with rejoinders like, “Don’t exaggerate! That’s just the way I am!” opens up our minds and hearts for good. It’s not how much we have in us but how much we appreciate for having it with us, rules our general state of happiness. After all life is made up of some great experiences and is a gift in our hands to nimble-toe through. Trust me; it makes the best out of inevitable for us. Each day shapes us and helps us to grow and change. So, get along, chose to be happy and live through every moment of life with grace and gratitude.

You are evasive to your ‘present’

The desire to be happy is instinctive to human nature, though it flirts and fleets. Naturally evasive, happiness is not a bad thing any more than a wine is. Both bring fun and sweetness to life when positive events like winning a lottery, promotions or even something as little as a gift from someone close to your heart, ring sweet bells in your heart or goose bumps all over.

Like it or not, being “present” for every moment shapes happiness for you. Your present is the moment where all reality is. The past is gone, the future is yet to arrive and the present is passing by. So, focus on living in and celebrating the present to the full. Live every moment of life as a blessing and you will have the greatest opportunity to experience happiness.

“When we are present and still and our minds are open, we will find that happiness is our natural state.”-Dr. Robert Puff.

The world doesn’t fall apart, every time you get hit!!

While many for us would be relieved and happy to have survived the pandemic in 2021, for others the global scourge may have caused stress meltdown and severe sufferings. The world for them would have felt like it’s upside down—literally.

We all know that anguish is an inevitable consequence of being alive. But if minimizing distress can bring happiness, it gets important to get hold of your emotional health. At least, if you can’t control it, you will always have the control over how to guard it!

Everyone experiences situations gone wrong one time or the other, but not everyone treats it in the same way. Of course, feeling stressed out sucks. It leaves you with two choices—let it suffocate you or bring the change and rewrite a new story. Remember life is a rollercoaster ride and stress will happen. So, master your sanity and good sense to ride through it. Feeling overwhelmed already? It’s time you did some soul searching and refashioned your perspective. Here are five ways to know if you do overreact to all that happens around you and wouldn’t allow yourself to manage a happy disposition.

Happiness has many faces

Our past uncannily keeps us tied down in turmoil and sadness; we are wired like that. Negativity rules over us and at times it hurts, even when you get moments of happiness in between. No denying; if you experience it, you are hanging on to the grudges and resentment of the past and could not get rid of them. Or maybe you have come up against different kinds of happiness, which do not always go together. Having too much of happiness of one sort could spoil your ability to have enough space for other. For instance, you could be butting heads how to balance career and family all together and in turn could be equally unhappy in both lives. This could be significantly damaging to yourself and those around you.

Empathy is one buzzword though, that could help. As Sadhguru puts it, “walk away from your past wiser, not wounded”. A dire need for approval in the past has left you vulnerable and your fragile self esteem is weighed down. Your chances of experiencing happiness have vanished. So, declutter your past conflicts. Stay motivated and enjoy the life to the fullest; no matter what happens-good or bad. Help yourself to grow and change and chose to be happy. Of course, you cannot forget or wipe out your gloomy past but those very crises best increase your chances of success in pursuit to happiness.

‘Happiness addict’ prefer being special over being successful

In short, keep moving with life and see it as a blessing than be damned. Enjoy it and have a whale of a time while you can. Unfortunate things happen sometimes, but so do some great things. Try not to react much to whatever is happening around you. Don’t grind yourself and be serious about how others sleep on it. You are just not being authentic or legit. Even to put on a show could ruin your chances to be happy. Live life like an adventure, Explore and plan it the way you want to. Sometimes you may even need to laugh at yourself.

Feature credits: ‘Relax with the beauty of nature’ by the Whole Happy Life in youtube.com on Mar.21,2020.

So smile as much as you can, laugh often, hang out with mates and above all just try not to be fussy or play ducks and drakes. Make the best of what you have and keep growing.

“Don’t take life too seriously. You’ll never get out of it alive”-Elbert Hubbard

The essentials to attraction lie beyond awesome looks.

FIVE SIMPLE LIFE LESSONS THAT COULD MAKE PEOPLE FIND YOU MORE #ATTRACTIVE- BESIDES LOOKS!

11th Sep 2020 soulshop.com 2 Comments

Not everything’s always about looks.!!

Being attractive to other people is not always dependent on how we look. How many times have we seen the attraction go flying out of the window, the moment he or she opens his or her mouth? Truth is…the key to everything that fascinates others lies within us.

Find out what could make people find you awesome and more attractive- beyond the physical.

Sometimes even science can’t convince me. The most important characteristic is also the most basic. If I were to ask you what quality would you prefer most in a person, wouldn’t it be … kindness? Predictably, this is one positive sentiment that is shared right across the board and perhaps one benevolent choice that could make heads turn in appreciation.

This is kind of baffling!!.. because no where would you find advice on how to be ‘nice’ except that we’d all be so much better off simply by being kind rather than spending hours in front of the mirror. And it doesn’t take a lot to reveal this. Being on time, letting the other order first and choose where to sit and being polite to the waitress… these small acts of kindness are clear ways to show that you are concerned…. and in all probability kind too.

But isn’t it true that when it comes to make a choice, it’s what the other person represents and symbolizes is more compelling and attractive? None of us would miss the opportunity to be rather the one that others look upon us to be, than judge ourselves the way we truly are.

Believe me, we all would readily gift ourselves this much of concession whenever the need arise.

The ultimate hunt : It’s ‘nice’ and ‘sensible’ that finish first

When men think of a companion they imagine a woman who is open for adventure, sensual and cares little or nothing for what others think of her. These are the women who prefer to play by their own rules and live by their share of ikigai.

Women also have their share of stumbling when it comes to being hearty in their priorities. Sensible choices manifest in laboratories only. It’s a bit different in real life. Slave to habits, women usually have a hard time breaking cycles of poor choices and keep falling for the wrong kind of guy. Even after they get burned they would go out and do it again.

Sadly, expectations do sometimes turn into ruined intentions. In a world where we endure a monotonous life with an overwhelming number of rules and regulations, we find allure of even bad mates as incredibly appealing. Sometimes the temporary excitement that this fascination represents is too much to just let go..

So, how do you find preference over others, when you know that people may doubt what they see in you but will believe what you do?

The fastest way to do this happens only if you turn yourself into a bundle of curiosity and start learning a few simple but rewarding tricks.

These three simple actions are the recipe to quick and amazing results. Follow them and you could actually redefine yourself as more attractive a person besides your looks, to be the right choice for those who prefer a healthy and everlasting relationship.

Forget playing it cool.

Even speed dating events – where decisions are made in mere matter of minutes- simple interest builds up attraction. So how to make heads turn and others take notice of you? Listen closely, inquire moderately, hold your tongue so that you appear more polite and less inquisitive and ask questions that are witty but not frivolous. Believe me, these are known to work like an aphrodisiac!!.. could kindle a flame in your companion and in all probability make the other person find you more attractive than ever before.

Consider body movements.

These simple muscle flexing activities are controlled by the limbic part of the brain, the one that is responsible for our feeling of fascination, attraction and eventually love. Leaning towards the other person, smiling, keeping eye contact, are the three positive body actions that needs no words to build a connect to your advantage.

A smile is worth more than a thousand words.

“The things I found most beautiful about a person are almost never physical”. # Slickwords

A positive personality always bridge emotions and physical attractiveness. It’s not groundbreaking of course but men are indeed attracted to pleasant, cheerful and positive women. These personality attributes blend easily not only because of their intense physical appeal but because they carry social attraction as well- a key issue when it comes to choosing a soul mate.

Of course, a lot depends on the context of the man in question, his age, maturity level, relationship status, and current needs in life— just a few of the many factors that are key to his attraction toward women.

This isn’t to say that you need to put on a happy face 24/7, but if you focus on being friendly and are open to meeting new people, it’s a win-win. Wisely put it’s all about having a open mind, warm heart and longing soul behind a smiling face that makes the day for those who are in the fray to win.

The truth holds something more respectful for a woman. It’s her unique hobbies, skills and interests that make her more attractive as a relationship partner. There certainly is no need for her to be the same as everyone else to be attractive. Being herself is always a much better choice. The more she could demonstrate her true self, the more she could make a man feel as if he has met the most wonderful person of his lifetime.

Happiness is actually is one most attractive emotion expression and a smiling face draws admiration all round. A scowling one definitely isn’t the right choice for anybody to draw attention let alone win over appreciation. When you smile and generally look happy, you look more open and less intimidating.

Remember…a smile could move mountains!!

Down to basics of attraction

Deep down, do guys really prefer nice women?

Yes, but men strongly associate nice woman as one who is not twice as funny, exciting and open as they fantasize. Of course this is not meant to be a blanket statement and often not true, but then perception is everything.

And how could a girl attract a nice guy?

The best she could do is to demonstrate alluring qualities of a bad girl as imagined to have, without actually being bad. Its not a hard guess to know what guys want. She could show that she is open to trying new things, love being funny, adventurous, exciting, and has a sensual side too, without staging all the drama that a typical male fantasy brings to the table. The more she could portray these while still being the one elusive nice girl, the more she could make a man feel weak at knees.

For men, the excitement of an adrenaline rush would not be easy to pass by.

Don’t let go of people who could make you smile, laugh and feel loved

Being and remaining attractive to other person could be hard when you are looking for a long term relationship. Even in a new one, finding ways to spruce up your attraction don’t come easy. But, lesser attraction doesn’t mean that your relationship is doomed. If you run out of luck to look attractive to your partner despite having tried different techniques, its time to revisit your relationship.

Sometimes attraction thins away when we ignore what we have faltered in.

It’s all about priorities and deciding what one truly wants in life. Once we come to terms with the poor choices that we make while trying to look amazing to other and what we truly want in the other person instead, we can help ourselves and make the right decisions. Could there ever be a better emotional reward for us than to turn compelling and truthful in our choices?

Being attractive and building upon a soulful relationship has its own share of sins and doesn’t come easy. You need to take time off to get to know the other person, change from strangers to friends and see them in every single light you ever wanted in the first place.

So, learn to revel in your true self and the better side of you will find ways to reveal itself… beyond physical of course.

With any luck you might find the mysterious connection of being attractive –inside out more rewarding than you would have ever thought!!

Don't hold expectations for what happens tomorrow . Just live the change.

Hi Emma!! Thank you for yr comments. Yes, it's true luck is there for real. Good or bad-it's our perspective…

🥲I just know luck is real but a few people are privileged to be charmed with good luck

Thank you so much for yr appreciation! Sharing vibes and thoughts is a wonderful act and helps to evolve more.…

You are right 😊thanks for sharing

❤❤ thank you so much!! 🌹🌹

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Anyone can mess up words when talking

If You Want Others to Listen, Stop Talking

You’ll know if you’re easy to talk to

You’re less likely to say anything dumb or regrettable

You can keep your cards close to heart

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Don't hold expectations for what happens tomorrow . Just live the change.