Tag Archives: #Self improvement

You Are An Incredibly Protean Person If You Can Chase A Million Dreams Together!

It’s one way street. You’ll tick for sure! But you being multifaceted is the very reason people will think of you as fake, crazy and more sardonically -unhinged. It’s your duality of being warm and cold when necessary that ruffles the feathers.

Image source: ‘The Top 8 Things People Desperately Desire But Can’t Seem To Attain’ by Kathy Caprino in forbes.com

And yet there are ways to assert that two can exist at once.

I chose the word “unstoppable” not because it easily distracts from more mundane things but because I need to be more focused and prioritize what is most important to me. If I can get in the flow by focusing on one thing at a time without taking my eyes off the unseeable, I think I’m unstoppable.

I chose the word unstoppable” because it lends me the power over my choices and the consequences that follow. The choices that I make are meant to impact others and they can also affect who I become.

Think about it; today is the youngest you’ll ever be. Every moment is precious. Life is ephemeral and right now you are who you are because of the choices you’ve made so far. Tomorrow it may be different or you may keep moving the same way. Everything is about the progress you make all by what you say or do. Nothing is perfect. I accept that it’s okay to make mistakes. But it’s equally important to learn from mistakes and use them as opportunities for growth and self-improvement, rather than be excessively hard on yourself.

As I grew up, I also followed the same unwritten rule that is such a convention everywhere; focus on a niche and become an accomplished person. That of course makes sense. By learning the ropes and acquiring expertise wouldn’t I be able to take on additional responsibility and assume greater roles?

Theatrics apart, it did little to help me out. After working for a couple of years as a corporate executive, my dreams faded and my well laid out plans just went out of the window.  I stopped thinking or worrying much about my position and instead seriously began thinking about shifting roles or rather what felt more authentic to me.

What followed next is history. For some nebulous reason I stayed stuck. I quickly lost heart in doing whatever I was doing. I was engaged in a role that was not aligned with my values and passion. Nothing would help me feel more connected to my sense of purpose.

Until;

I learned that the only way to rid the rut was to ruminate and re-examine my beliefs and motives. Was I curious enough about my purpose? Do I have a habit of thinking only about my own pattern of thought? To be unstoppable don’t I have to be self aware and know myself? It’s like an internal vibe- a big ol’ authentic paw print that you leave on the world around you-like the lingering scent of fresh buttermilk cookies dipped in honey waiting on your kitchen table to be savored with morning tea!

To crank up my desirability I dived into three small but mighty capable things that I thought will most likely help me build a dream boat lifestyle. I wanted to be chased as a confident, kind and ambitious guy and not be out there wobbling through my life like a three legged stool.

Needless to say you shouldn’t expect to attract a 3-star Michelin human experience if you’ve been living and working in a laid-back way I had been doing.

Image source: ‘The trend of solo travel picks up during the pandemic’ in hindustantimes.com

Keep it Short and Real

Verity these days is as rare as a great white shark flailing around to show it loves to cuddle.

I gave up trying to impress people around me with everything I had; money, success, status you name it. It was not a big deal. I simply had to junk the idea to make a splash hurriedly presuming that this move will somehow improve the quality of my life. It’s pretty exhausting and tough. I was letting people see me as an ego-tripping self absorbed smug.

For some reason I found my own foolishness amusing. I was trying to reconfigure and make a fresh start and I was clueless to figure it out!

It made me laugh at myself. I laughed at my mistakes; I laughed thinking how seriously people would take my brief encounters.

Still the mirth was quite elevating. It helped me plan, procure and perform no less than I ever wanted to.

­­So don’t drift if you’re willing to take the plunge. Unwittingly if you forget to chill, remember to recall Steve Jobs’s words on ‘why being worth $10.2 billion doesn’t matter at the end of the rope‘. You’ll get your redemption.

Choose the Right Battle

Do you struggle much while trying to ‘fix your weaknesses? You’re great at marketing, but tech is your worst nightmare. Grappling with problems make you nervous. You get uneasy easily, feel helpless and usually end up procrastinating. Making time and energy sans result messes with your overall confidence levels.

So why not just outsource or delegate it if you think you cannot handle it all by yourself? Sometimes, the key to better confidence is to avoid something, rather than do something silly. Focus on your strengths and your confidence will skyrocket! Your self esteem will turn bold and you’ll feel empowered like never before.

Don’t Let Fear Scare You

Ever heard of ‘Productive Paranoia’? It’s what Jim Collins brought up in his book ‘Great by Choice. It describes a positive and proactive mindset, meaning that if you are afraid you’ll jump to act to address the cause of fear. Bill Gates said he used to worry a lot that unseen an unknown teenager working on somewhere someday might make his existing tech obsolete. He used and directed that fear into working even harder!

Manipulate your fear to take action. Go ahead, Hit the road. You will no longer feel helpless. This is when you’ll be in control and absolutely sure of yourself. You’ll know when and what to take on!

However there’s another hurdle that you simply cannot jump over. Once you’ve accomplished what you think is one thing that would make you successful…What next? Success, happiness, and fulfillment all have an unhealthy way of changing over time. After you’ve found success in one way, try to find it in another.

By overcoming adversity and scaling expansive goals, you create a penchant for personal success in your subconscious mind. You will find yourself being driven impulsively toward repeating that success in your other endeavors. Trust me, when this happens! Pride yourself; you’ve learned to succeed by succeeding. Eventually this synergy will start to toot horn for you and success will rain in from all sides.

Do you know each one of us has the potential and ability to accomplish extraordinary things in our lifetime? Except when you do not know how to get going, there’s nothing to stop you from pursuing success.

Not knowing why I did half the things I did, I had continually struggled until it became absolutely clear to me that complacency is only a restful escape from reality. I need to reach out and embrace productive practices to become unstoppable in life.

Image source:’Positive and Negative Energy : Your concepts of negative may be someone’s positive!’ by Udaylal Pai in udaypai.in

Thirty years later, today I do not fear- often disruptive- life changing choices. I no longer stand meekly in the land of busted and broken insecurity. I am not unadventurous but I choose to steer clear of known failures and move on from an unworkable solution to figure out something howsoever unfamiliar.

Isn’t ‘approbation the only eternal edge everybody aims and hopes for in a genuinely successful life? Is there a better way to rewrite your story than to junk the stereotype to become multifaceted?

Make way for a better tomorrow to be on the ‘right side of history’.

Whenever I look back at history’s horrifying events, particularly those that happened in this part of the world, a twinge of grief overwhelms me. I get sad and sore. And I begin to doubt myself. Would I’ve ever tried to be on the ‘right side of whatever injustice is happening? Had I been in the midst of all the horror would I’ve bravely resisted the abuse and outrage? Were I living in the ‘Greater India’ in the 1900s would I’ve been valiant enough to be allied to the civil rights and freedom movements? Would I’ve joined the rallies and protests in support of rightful rights of oppressed citizens?”

Image source: ‘4 Tips To Help Children Learn Dates From History’ by Asha Thomas in thetutor.me

Honestly I’m not so sure. At least I wouldn’t have sided with unfairness or discrimination. More importantly, I’m in and from 21st century where every cause stems from a moral right though often vilified and comes with factual downsides. And that gives me fair enough reason to make peace with my failings!

I sometimes wonder if somehow I could get to time travel back into 1940s then surely-surely I would’ve tucked myself into the civil disobedience and independence movement against the atrocious colonial rule; one that began in May 1857 and prevailed till Aug 1947.

Is this the obvious truth or am I tricking myself into self deception?

Honestly I’m on the fence…

If I were to assume that I am someone blessed with unmistakable demographic attributes and there’s no way I can be sure how the future would unfold, would I  ever be flanking the brighter side; one that I know as the “Right side of history”? Isn’t it more likely that I’d keep my head down and try to stay out of trouble for all it means?

Hell! Once headed into 40s and obviously more dim-witted than now, it’s highly likely that I’d be less certain of the appropriateness of the freedom struggle in the first place. I wish and hope it wouldn’t happen this way. But if that’s how I’m fated to end up I know for sure I’d be rightly dismissed as a coward.

Clearly that very definitely would‘ve me walled off on the “wrong side of the history”.

Unarguably, to be on the right or wrong’ side of the history is everybody’s rallying cry. So, when we talk about the righteousness of a cause, the weight of history makes for a powerful argument. Who doesn’t want to be part of a great historical narrative, be celebrated and continue to live on as a morally upright person for the future generations to judge with awe?

It actually is a nice way to make an argument both logical and persuasive at the same time. Isn’t it?

For that reason if you are really serious about rewriting the moral crusade of your life time, you need to firmly believe that progress is possible at all times. A better world can always be built and you need not have to accept things as bad as they are.

Image source: ‘4 Tips to Set Yourself Up for a Better Tomorrow Today’ by John C,Maxwell in success.com

Don’t Mind the Small Stuff

Focusing on what you think or feel in the current moment is one easy way to cut through the uncertainty. How you live out your present will rework history for you.

”What am I feeling and contemplating right now? How do I feel about the current state of my life?At one time or the other this is how we all day dream, mull while fidgeting with stress ball and sometimes when we’re disconnected with ourselves. Whenever we trip back to the past or dwell on the probable course of future events, our focus goes off for a toss. A pattern of depression overshadows our judgment and we can hardly discern right from wrong. Fear, shame, guilt, sadness and the fright of the past coming back to haunt, bring us back moments when we did something we weren’t proud of.

Contrarily not everybody would yield to it. “If I don’t feel bad about it then I don’t regret it and then it’s like a “good thing” for me. “I’m sure I shouldn’t suppress things so I must hold on and own my actions”.The rant could continue indeterminably.

How we treat past events that no longer exist is not relevant but events from thePresentlive on. Your unwavering focus today on chosen accomplishments will be one nasty home-stay for your anxieties and fears and yet will decide your place in history.

The resolute ones among us are usually more determined in their judgment when it comes to setting up some remarkable legacy for posterity. Their reasons though are vague and arbitrary. If I don’t worry, who will?”, “I need to think of the future, otherwise I won’t foresee what’s coming next or how am I judged many years later”. “Don’t I need to focus on what I want in order for me to manifest it?”

For future to turn out exactly as you perceive it, is a near impossibility as there are always too many things that cannot be maneuvered. The only one we can manage is how we feel about a situation. We do not get to control how the future comes together. We can only be in charge of our perspective and not worry about what’s going to happen in future.

So, stay in moment and enjoy every second of it.  If you want to get a more complete picture of where you are in life, where you want to go and how you want history to judge you, it’s important you know how and when to zoom in and zoom out of your perspective and recalibrate it properly and fittingly.

Image source: ‘The Courage and Consequences of an Uncompromising Life’ in twojourneys.org

Which Side is the ‘Right One’?

What would I like to accomplish this week? What’s that that will make me happy accomplishing this month? What’s there that I need to strive to accomplish this year?

These are questions everybody has rough answers for. Nothing definite but a wobbly tentative way-out lurks in everybody’s mind. Sadly every foresight is largely underrated and usually sells short. . On the other hand most trailblazers could see a few steps ahead before committing themselves.

Now that you’re seriously weighing your legacy, there is no better time to re-visit your timeline for necessary aligning than when you start digging for answers. I know nobody’s vision of the future is ever crystal clear; it never will be. But like I said it’s always good to following the beaten tracks of bleeding hearts’ from history.

I am willing to adapt. I’ve resolved to be particularly attentive to how my ‘daily routine’ and ‘evolving timeline overlap and work out together. I frequently zoom-in zoom-out’ of my perspectives to be in harmony with my long term fondest hopes. I keep re-evaluating my life on a frequent basis. I know that there is no single perspective that isbetter’ but my ability to shift my vantage point when needed has the real power to reframe my history with certainty.

Still, one should always hedge his or her bets about being headed in the right direction. There is nothing there that’s absolutely certain or right about what course leads you to the right side. Nothing’s verifiable. Even Newton’s theory has been wronged in some respect. So’s Copernicus’. Hasn’t quantum physics completely changed our understanding of the universe?

Image source: ‘How to Use TODAY to Make TOMORROW Better’ in havingtime.com

Whatever…these uncertainties are all simply reminders; that what we think we know we may not know much about.  This world is full of enduring fickleness and is abominably contentious. Both morally and temporally there is a right side to everything-the side that bends more towards justice and fairness.

What you choose today forges your tomorrow and the days after. For you live your places in history everyday!  And remember everything at first works counterintuitive but bends towards uprightness once pitted against real effort.  

Besides it’s just may be that the right side isn’t always in history, it’s in our hearts and bones.

Cracked, Flawed and Frayed I Kept My Life Simple & Happy In A Noisy World!

Here’s how…

It all began with what I saw in the bathroom mirror one dull summer morning. I had gently padded into the bathroom of my small apartment and casually checked my reflection in the mirror. The three-ring-circus in my head was all chaos as I intuitively kept repeating the list of things to be done in the day over and over.

What I saw froze me in my steps. A chill swept through me.

Huh? What?

I couldn’t recognize myself.

I peered saucer-eyed at my image. My blood ran cold. “Oh, is this what I look like? No, that’s not me. Who’s that in the mirror?”

It was early August 2018. I was going to turn 60 in five months time. I would often remind myself; ‘it’s time to get familiar with retirement‘. For quite some time I’d been experiencing a weird sensation of clouds coming over me, mantling thoughts. There have been a few hiccups at the job. But that’s OK. It’s life. Good times do not prevail all the time. What mattered most was that I had climbed the rungs of success the hard way.

It’s been a long haul but a good one.

I had known all along what was coming but wasn’t ready to give up so soon. My mind had begun  to stall like an engine that was becoming increasingly hard to turn over.

I had no issues with mirrors, but there was no ignoring that something important had happened.

But to not recognize my own face!  To me this was the drop-dead moment”; I had to accept the terrible truth. I wasn’t just seeing the twitches of aging but the early fumes of fraying at the edges. Clearly I was losing my mojo.

Fortunately, I was still my boss. I told myself, Enough of that; you’re nuts if you’re seriously thinking of quitting. Tell me what you’re up to.”

So far I was persisting, in control of my life. The silent attack on my spirit had not yet hit in full force. But what about next week ? Next month? Next year? The dread of missing out on euphoria would always be there. And the year after. And forever. There weren’t any easy parts. The unease was nicking away, its progress messy and unpredictable.

“This beginning is purgatory,” I said to myself one day. “It’s kind of a grace period. I need not wait for something to happen. Something I don’t want to. It’ll be like a before-hell purgatory if I let it continue”.

It was at that moment I realized that it’s time to ditch quick fixes I had been relying on. Getting started seemed daunting at first. However, the thought that soon I’ll be energized enough to keep going was encouraging. It’s time to recap and look for a happier, healthier and more productive lifestyle”.

Clearly,I was being stern to myself.

So I did what felt right then. I listened to my heart and pursued…

Image source: ’10 Powerful Prayer Quotes to Strengthen Your Spiritual Journey’ inthefreespiritjournal.com

To do something meaningful each day.

What was that I was passionate about? Do I have something special in me that need to be practiced more often or shared with others? Is there something that I enjoy doing every day, even if it’s something as simple as cooking a meal or listening to my favorite song? I’d often search myself.

Soon enough I realized that it’s way easy to complicate life despite your best intentions. So why not de-clutter it and reduce to essentials only. I needed to simplify my life to thrive.

Not before long it began to make sense. Everything had started falling into place.

All   questions answered I finally figured it out.

Putting effort into the things that matter most will make it easier to use and reserve my energy in ways that will bring out the best in me. I needed to keep and practice a compassionate mindset –something that’s often referred to as kind attention’. Till now I’ve been knocking myself around trying to make eye contact with a stranger and smile, while secretly thinking “I wish you well”. I would choke whenever I tried coming out loud. Unintentionally I was keeping away from judging people and in the process fleeing from placing judgment on myself. Luckily I was saved from the kind of deflating self talk that usually saps away your spirit and weighs you down heavily. 

Once having tweaked self inflicting complacency I began to feel better with each step I took towards a reinvented thoughtfulness. Next I also learned to tend only good thoughts for others. For once I felt unburdened to learn all the things and master everything.

To evolve gently and turn slowly

Rhythms and routines light me up. I always had a penchant for charting my own course and everything else that comes with it. But I’m a messy person in many ways. Emotional, deeply sensitive, with a tendency to be reactive I simply love to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders.

Still, sloppiness is generally untidy and doesn’t blend well with simplicity. Sometimes I would want to run away, hide or ignore everything. It troubled me that I was only contributing to the noise. I felt scattered and unmotivated. Worst of all, I had this feeling that I was trying to walk in a pair of shoes two sizes too big.

Once aware of what was crippling my energy and obstructing my resolve, I chose to follow the lane that felt important and sensible rather than tackling everything at once.

For instance, since my home in disarray was a big source of daily stress, I chose to pick one cabinet, closet or drawer to clear out each week instead of overwhelming myself with doing it all at once. I’d then move on to my next goal when I felt ready.

I was finally taking advantage of my moments by prioritizing important tasks. I was already feeling fresh and jazzed up.

To do something If I Didn’t like What I See

Arguably often systemic barriers make it difficult to make radical change in a person’s lifestyle. Work place regulations, an aggressive litigation environment or social convention –all can create hurdles to a shift. All that and more …even when we see people taking to streets to rubbish them. But being very few and isolated, nothing changes easily. In fact to solve the problem requires another level of effort.

To get out of complacency, you need to be motivated enough to rally in the action. I’m not suggesting anything more except a more reasoned response to injustice around you.

More important Don’t Give Up. Your level of “stick-to-itiveness” is the only yardstick to assess your success, For a long time I also held on to this value doing nothing much about it. But lately I’ve begun using it to dig my heels and stay put where it wins the most for me.

Image source: ‘5 Proven Ways to Create a Happy, Fulfilling Life; by Kulraj Singh in tinybuddha.com

It makes sense to sit on the couch and keep doing what you are doing today. But what does that brings tomorrow? Often I ask myself. Too many years have gone by and too many opportunities have passed. Why did I never spend time traveling the world? Why haven’t I ever read the most celebrated works of all time? Why did I not pursue my passions with fervor? Why did I not stay connected with old relationships?

Was I afraid or did I dare not get out of the bubble?

It’s easy to get cozy and watch Netflix on a weekend instead of going outside and exploring new things. With apps that deliver food, groceries, laundry, entertainment, and everything in between, nobody would take trouble of leaving the house. But by doing so, you miss new experiences, opinions, and interactions that would help shape your perspectives.

So ask yourself what you want.

Plan your unspent life. What you want from it and push yourself to make it happen. Build toward the future you want. Hitches and hurdles will get in the way but set your intentions straight and you will not be the one to miss out on 100% of the opportunities that you never took.

Besides don’t hold back in searching yourself for what you need to stay sparkling and sunny. The worst that can happen is a “No” which is any case better than regret of the unknown.

Above all never think of slowing down to near stop.

Make future happen your way.

Is Luck Real or a Self Fulfilling Prophecy? Can You Change Yours?

Sometimes it happens. Everything in your daily life just goes crazy. Every little thing you try simply drifts off. You’re passed over for an important assignment. Your back aches. Your zipper breaks. Your dog keeps throwing up. You’re freaking out and wonder if your life is always taking a turn for the worse. You aren’t superstitious, but these knock outs push you to troubleshoot—Am I just an unlucky person? Why is it that I can never catch a break?”

I myself have felt this way at one time. While reclaiming my beliefs I learned to  understand why we believe in luck’;how can I rein in my belief and make real changes in my attitude toward life that will help me feel less “unlucky.”

Not everybody would buy this thought though. For many luck is the most useful yet vulnerable idea that makes sense of random chance and the ‘unexplainableacceptable. If you stumble upon a $100 bill on the ground, you will think you have good luck. But if a gust of wind blows away your $ 100 bill just as you pull it out of your wallet, you’ll think of it as you’re having bad luck!

Is Luck chance or happenstance?

Some of us are born lucky; they say. Everything they touch turns to gold. Others are incessantly stalked by misfortune. But it’s not only just the people who get to be lucky or otherwise; it can be an action as well. The ball hits the post in soccer and everybody jump to lament- the striker was unlucky’. Luck or not, I’d say the pool shot was lucky but did not rely on skill. It was unexpected or even improbable and happened possibly due to a series of fortunate bounces!

Does any of this make sense? Is there really such a thing as luck’? Do some have more of it than others?

I guess there is a perfectly reasonable way to draw some sense when we talk about luck. In fact I think there is no such thing as luck. It’s only a matter of cause and effect where the outcome is the result of certain actions and circumstances, not some random chance. So rather to talk about luck isn’t it better to talk about how to make things happen easily?

Does this mean that no-one has luck? Not for sure, but we can’t truly say of someone to be lucky except that they are the kind of person to whom lucky things happen.

Image source: ‘Manifesting Your Reality: Power of Self-Fulfilling Prophecy’ in happyproject.in

It’s complicated but you can do it

In hopes of brightening my perspective on luck’ over time I have uncovered three main characteristics that people who consider themselves lucky have in common. Theylisten to their intuition, ‘create reality through self-belief’ and ‘have a resilient attitude’ that transforms bad luck’ into a good one.

Surprisingly, it is the psychological behavior that determines the luck a person could think of experiencing. People who believe lucky things happen to them all the time, tend to fare better than people who feel unlucky. They know how to bounce back while the unlucky ones are inclined to give up easily to failures.

So if luck is based on psychological behavior, can you change yours?

It’s hard to believe butYou absolutely can!

Make it happen in real life

Start by making small changes in your everyday routine. Trivial pursuits like penning a thank-you note and how you felt lucky at the end of a day is a smart move. You can also change something as simple as taking a different route to work or while running errands. Even the shows you watch on TV, once dropped or changed can create new mindset. To all intents and purposes luck is what happens when arrangement meets opportunity.

Another simple way is to be a flexible thinker and evolve an equally flexible approach to life. Once disposed, you’ll be more open to opportunities when they come along. Simple but impactful, these small things know how to make change happen for the better. Your World will become bigger and larger and you’ll get more breaks. You’ll know where you’re headed and be ready to change the course depending on how the wind blows.

Expect good fortune for you’ll be able to turn an awful experience to a good one. It’s highly unlikely that bad things will come your way. If for some reason you do hit a roadblock, comfort yourself, Okay, this could have been worse,” rather than It could have been better”.

Oddly enough this may affect your future luck as well. If you feel better about an event, then you’re likely to have better expectations about future experiences and maybe your luck will change.

Image source: ‘People who are regularly “lucky in life” usually display these 9 behaviors’ by Mia Zhang in hackspirit.com

Meanwhile you can shift your focus toward the positives. Each night before you hit the sack spend at least 30 seconds writing down a positive thing that’s happened in your  day; a sense of gratitude for friend or family or perhaps a health issue. Even a negative thing that’s no longer happening should not go unnoticed.

You also need to take the long view. Breaking your leg might be a setback for now, but if you happen to meet your prospective beau in the hospital, it could end up as a very fortuitous event.

What’s more, don’t let yourself be stalled by a stereotyped behavior. Take a different route when walking, when watching TV or when talking to different people. Even petty changes have a knack for upturns.

And then keep your eyes open. Stay alive. Be prepared to grab whatever opportunities come your way.

Image source: ‘These 8 Time-Tested Methods Will Boost Your Luck’ by Sandra Grauschopf in liveabout.com

Nonetheless, what you can’t expect is for good fortune to magically come your way without effort. Luck is a very big part of our personality. It isn’t easily influenced and malleable until you do something quite concrete about it.

To be in luck you need to have a broader focus. Following that you’re more likely to encounter chance opportunities before good things start happening.

Despite everything if you still don’t consider yourself lucky enough, ‘You’re in luck because you have it in your power to change‘.

Nothing changes unless you do: Change your ways to unlock your happiness!

How would you describe your life? Have you achieved everything you have dreamed of? Are you OK with your feats? Do you see yourself as a success? How do you see at your future?

Image source: ‘Time for change’ by Kimberly McLemore in wsbillc.com

Baffling and tricky! Yeah…But when it comes to which direction your life is moving, it’s good to spend a day heart-searching looking for answers.

 I tried and this is how it went for me.

“If I come to your place and spend just one day with you, I’d be able to tell  whether or not you need a change in something you do daily. I’ll be up with you in the morning and walk through the day with you. I will watch you for 24 hours. And I could tell everything about how you’ve steered your life so far and which way it’s headed”;Crowing loud my close friend would often put across his point when in deep conversation about life accomplishments. He would then spend some time zealously searching my face for approval. 

Whatever… we never agreed on certain perspectives.

Those were the college days then. Today given a chance I’d readily pitch in. I have understood clearly that if I keep doing what I’ve always done, I’ll keep getting what I’ve always gotten.

Living a full life requires changing myself and that’s not going to happen until I change my ways. In effect, if I want something done, then I’d have to go after it until I make it happen.

By Changing Nothing, Nothing Changes

We all want things to change for good. To live a full life, to be successful, to not let our thoughts get in the way of the things we want for us and lastly-to just be happy.

To grow and gain is everybody’s heartfelt wish. But when you couldn’t manage to get bigger, taller and larger, you feel like you’ve been re-living the same space over and over again. Frustration swallows all sense of ease. Nothing seems to move ahead in the way it should. You earnestly hope if only you just scram out of the box and get moving.

There’s some great news in here though.

It all validates that you do have a yen for making that possible.  Right!

Unfortunately it doesn’t work like that. You need to decide, you need to move.

I ruled myself to slow down to regain my lost appetite for a good life. Days were getting dreary and unexciting. All I wanted was to bring in some change in my time by what I was doing every day. From sitcoms and serials to FB to Instagram to best-sellers, I had already used all sorts of things to dismiss feeling of dismay. Still nothing would work for me. I’d start to think more about what was happening as I’d turn on the TV and my mind would turn off. I would plan to watch just one episode, but when I came to the end of it, I’d find myself unable to stop. It was as if I couldn’t take in any other choice. I was watching everything without exactly digesting them.

Was this the time for a change?

Image source: ‘Guidance to Young Adults’ Individual Journey’ in mentor4me.org

The sense of reparation and contentment would come only after I resolved to change what I was doing in my everyday life. Progress seemed impossible without that. I won’t deny I was unwilling at first to change because it hurts. It hurts to be on the cutting edge. But it also hurt to be left behind in the times. So, I decided to put things right. I thought I as well get on with the changes that need to be made. It took me some guts to leave the ruts.  In turn I was left with enough time to digest my surroundings and live the experiences.

Guess this was the best crossover ever for me. I was finally happy… as a clam!

It All Comes Down to What You do Daily

I honestly think that nothing ever changes in life until you change something you do every day. I strongly believe that every bit of success is determined by your daily plan of things to be done. Success just doesn’t suddenly happen one day in someone’s life and neither does the failure. Every day is merely the prep for the next. What you’ll be tomorrow is what you do today.

My mom would often tell me as I grew up, “You can pay now, and play later, or you can play now and pay later. But either way, you’ll pay.” Her counsel didn’t mean much then. I was too cocky to listen to her advice. It’s only after she was gone that I could make a sense of it all.  ‘You can take it easy and do what you want today, but if you do, your life will be harder later’. My bad! My sensibilities had failed me then.

Image source: ’52 Quotes that will remind you not to settle for less’ by Leigh Weingus in silkandsonder.com on Jan.11-2022.

Think about it. What means most to you; today or tomorrow? Are you in the habit of paying before playing? Find answer to these questions and you’ll know what tomorrow holds for you.

Sometimes I find it way too easy to watch too much TV but very difficult to watch the right amount. Of course, there is no fixed answer to this; what’s the correct amount?” because it all depends on my urge to keep watching.

It nonetheless is pretty easy to know when you’ve had enough. If you are in touch with yourself, you can listen to yourself and know when your appetite is sated.

The key to building a better life is no different. All it needs is to be in an intimate contact with yourself; one that’s open to embrace change and different in every way from an unhealthy harmful addiction.

Tossing out my yesterday, I have decided to have a week-end night off from watching TV. I don’t turn it on and it amazes me how much time I am left with. I do the chores willingly and feel satisfied by the ordinary at the end of the day. Everyday experience of contributing something useful to my life rather than escaping it overwhelms me. I feel more wanted on evenings like that and not so many lost to TV.

But does it have to be all or nothing? Can you stay connected to your appetite and find your way to an amount that feels right?

Remember, nothing will change until you do. And you can change absolutely anything you want to; your situation, your lifestyle and even ‘Who’ you are.

 You just have to want it enough!

Don’t quit on your dreams! At Times life moves from zero to hundred pretty quick.

The mind-bending weirdness of number‘zero’ is best described as the absence of something is a thing, in and of itself”.

Unbelievably the laptop, Mac, microcomputer or any other device you’re reading this on right now runs on a binary. A string of zeros and ones! Without zero there is no calculus, no automation and no electronics. In fact sans zero much of the world around us would literally go belly-up.

Zero’s discovery is considered equivalent to us learning an Alien’ or fictional language. During the night when we look up into the sky we see nothing but ‘oblivion’. From this nihility or zero, a scattering shower of electromagnetic radiation flows down to us right from the deep space. In the darkest emptiness I’d say there is always something unspoiled and yet to be mapped out!

A true zero I think is perhaps the first hint of an absolute nothingness.

For most part people usually do not understand any of this. Zero is not innate to us. We invented it and quite wittingly have kept passing it on to the next generation. Above and beyond this incredible breakthrough, there’s something that’d surprise you more. Would you believe that even tiny bee brains can compute zero? Only humans though were capable of seizing zero’s worth and forge it into an impeccable tool for all time.

Just to tickle your fancy, if bumblebees can distinguish between ‘greater than and lesser thanquantities including zero, it should be enough to float your boat as well. You have the capabilities to cut the mustard and thrive. But nothing’s more fascinating than the fact that zero’ has amazing the ability to spring surprises. It does so quite quickly when it comes to our choices and decisions affecting our lives.

Here’s how;

The ‘zero effect’: The strength of preference matters.

Like all of you, I also have had my share of problems and difficulties. I had always experienced relentless work-related stress till it was time to quit. I tried meditation to start with – something that I had never thought about before. Maybe I didn’t feel the need or was not motivated enough to do it. I had though read books, blogs, and video shorts on techniques involved there. I was aware of the practice all the time but didn’t know when to do it. Work, personal projects, deadlines, and personal life- everything was taking its toll and weighed heavy. Yep! Grudgingly I had bowed myself to the misery of daily grind.

Working through late nights I had compromised my morning routine. I was practically pushing myself from early hours till late evening. Rushed brunches and bites would hastily find some space in between; no exercises of course! Even so, I felt stranded. I consoled myself that I will be more productive if I focused on my work more. I believed that things would turn for the better if I sacrificed my freedom a wee bit more.

Still…It simply wouldn’t work for me!

Image source: ‘Tips for a better night’s sleep in fitshop.nl

I was getting tired easily. I couldn’t focus and had barely any space for relaxation. Sometimes I couldn’t sleep and would keep thinking the whole night.

What’s wrong with me? Why am I failing? Why couldn’t I do well and earn the wings? Why am I not living a full life? How will I satisfy myself?

My brain wouldn’t quit buzzing the whole night until it would just go blank in the wee hours. I would sleep uneasy for couple of hours thereafter and wake up heavy headed and sluggish.

Then one fine morning something extraordinary happened;

It was 5:30 am of a wintry morning. Darkness was fading and the light was taking over. ‘Enough is enough’; I told myself.I’d have to own everything, take responsibility and be answerable to none else but me”. I went for a jog, came back after 45 mins, took shower and got dressed. Then I sat down in a corner of my house in total silence. I closed my eyes and began to focus on my breath. I tried to trace back the origin of every thought. I wanted to find out why I was thinking the way I was. I will hear my mind spelling out every thought loud and clear- over and over again. I saw what an utter chaos it was. Was I was worried about every damn thing in the world? Isn’t there more to live for than drinks and nibbles? It was like I was in the middle of a battleground.

Distraught I opened my eyes…it was only for 5 minutes but weighed heavy like an hour. I felt good though. I guess I had taken the first step.

 It’s been 8 years since. I dare say that meditation didn’t solve any of my problems either then or later. In fact it felt irrelevant to anything I was experiencing. It would though help me to calm down and start afresh to think from quite a few perspectives.

Today, I’m having better sleep and focus my energy on things that matter most. The morning routine fares well and helps me aplenty. At 5 in the morning I wouldn’t find anybody on the roads. I feel free; I feel ahead. When I come back, I take a lazy shower. I ruminate a little over a cup of tea. Later, I stuff myself with a sumptuous breakfast. Then I sit quietly in the backyard and I feel I’ve conquered the world. I’m all pumped up now to butt my head into every challenge that comes my way during the day. I’m relentless to finish whatever I decide to do.

What more is there to ask for?

By mid-day when I think I’ve had enough, I would sit back and take a breather.

It is then I feel like a winner. I feel unstoppable!

Image source: ‘Women Travelling Tips’ in merisaheli.com

You can add zero to any number to your successes

Sometimes we can’t get what we need. It‘s very disturbing when things don’t turn out well for us. Something we’ve been so certain of can fall flat very quickly and leave us wounded in the heart.

When in turmoil self-doubt takes over. Instinctively heart searching steps in; ‘Is that it? Have I had enough?’

To take charge of yourself quit worrying about every detail that torments you in your hard moments. Stop pushing yourself to the limit. It’s quite difficult to escape thoughts though. They keep us returning to the equivalent of whys” and “whats” over and over again.

Start with a simple No’ to any gloom around you if you want to defeat a terrible time. Prep yourself to deal with anything that life tosses at you and endure any success in your stride. By outsmarting the circumstances you’ll start to see everything from an alternate perspective and move ahead. So patch yourself …you’re amazing and life will go in the manner you’ve arranged it to.

Once you’ve arrived this far, stop briefly to adjust and manage your current moment. Your stunners from yesterday do not characterize you. You need to know where you’re coming from. Your incidents are only a faint impression of the life you’ve led so far. You’ve the ability to improve them.  Stressing over a little now will not hurt you and even save you from more heart breaks and backslides. 

Move the world on your fingertips: Why zero is so damn useful!

If you were to make choices that will affect your future, quit agonizing over every other thing . Steal the spotlight for yourself. Record it and play it over and over. You’ll gain from each slip-up or circumstance you’ve lived. What’s intense for now will make you resilient and strong enough to continue developing and face the unknown stoutly.

It will be easier to move ahead then. Soon it will be plain sailing all the way.

Image source: pexel.com

Honestly not everything occurs for an explanation; every ‘put-off’ is meant to end with a more meaningfularrangement. Moving away from being nearly non-existent to being very obvious, you tend to own endless quantities of get-up’ and ‘go’.

I suppose not many would know exactly how good or bad the zero value is. Few will prefer not to react strongly to the choice with zero compared to a near-zero value.  But you can bet your bottom dollar on this. For a number representing nothing, zero surprisingly has a priceless importance in our lives. Without context, it’s of little interest or concern. But given the time, as a cathartic outcome of a decision;

It knows how to knock your socks off!

8 Signs You Grew Up Way Too Fast!

Growing up too fast isn’t always a bad thing. You didn’t choose to but you did faster than everyone else. You turned a legit adult at 18, but honestly you’d been one much sooner than that. “You look really mature for your age or Wow, are you only __ years old?” Haven’t you faced these reflections all through your early years?

Look around for reasons and you’ll find way too many. An impoverished home, dwindling finances, being the oldest sibling, neglect, or even bullying; just about anything would have cut short your free and careless adolescent years, howsoever you would have wished not to grow up faster than everyone else!

Image source: ‘An Open Letter To My Son’s Absent Father’ by Jessica Wilson in thoughtcatalog.com

You’re Quick-witted and excellent at prioritizing.

It’s never been tough for you to choose between going out and partying on a school night or staying back and prepare for your next exam. You always knew what you wanted but more importantly you knew what was needed of you. You always chose to stick to a schedule that would show your priority tasks.

Over the time opportunities got laid out before you to be managed and arranged in order of importance. You were definitely adept in that and would do all that in 0.5 sec flat. It was truly a skill and you bettered others.

You’re one heck of a planner

This is not about planned my entire wedding on Pinterest kinda work-out either. Perhaps you had your whole life mapped out all through or maybe at some point of time you had tried to. Arranging and listing were your religion while spontaneity gave you only stings and hives.

Yet your game plan for tomorrow is as firm today as it’s been yesterday and most likely will be a year from tomorrow as well.

From respite to resume’

Do you feel like you’ve missed out so many things in your childhood? Imagine yourself on a moonwalk or swinging on the playground during school interval and then the next moment you find yourself looking for any job that would accept an 18 year old’s CV! In a heartbeat responsibilities have come crashing down on you.

Now you miss what you’ve left behind. You long and thrive for what you didn’t take in. You want to be in the slumber party at your friend’s home, you didn’t get. You want to get drenched by those squeaky sprinklers in your front yard one last time; you missed them dearly. And you’d love if someone yells at you once again, It’s ok, you’ll understand when you get older.

If you get what I mean by saying this then perhaps you’ve overstepped and overshot your reach but that‘s ok if this gets you any closer to sense of comfort and well being.

Nobody understood you correctly

Your whole life till now has been mired in failing relationships-friendly or romantic likewise. You’ve been struggling with your fixes for long.

If this is you then you’ve matured quite early when most people your age haven’t. Your friends just don’t understand why you can’t go out and join them for partying every single weekend. What’s fun, electrifying and rebellious for them, you view it as unnecessary and would prefer to go your way. For you empathy comes hard and you can do no more than pity them. You have lost a lot many friends because of it.

Image source: ‘Shun foster firms and focus on children at risk, state told’ by Sean O’Driscoll in thetimes.com

But don’t we all lose something and gain somewhere?

No worries. You don’t hold it against anybody

In the beginning you didn’t know how to put yourself ahead and when you did, it felt brutally selfish. Later you knew that you’ll be fine because you’ve learned how to take care of yourself. You’d know how and why you should move mountains for others when they wouldn’t even walk 10 steps for you. And you’d do it. You’d do it today as well because that’s just what you know. When someone would actually dare to invest in you, it’s completely rare territory and would leave you uneasy and cautious.

You can’t help being jealous.

You wouldn’t want to admit this but you’ve always been privy to other people’s accomplishments and would easily get jealous of those who got lucky in fulfilling their youth. You’d be in awe of those who got to be careless and free and yet lived a warm and rewarding life without fearing any backlash. You’d resent those who didn’t always have to be so unfettered and grown up. You’re envious of the kids who got time out as a child because you thought their parents cared more.

You’d wish to be like your mates who got to be just that- a student; not a grown up adult.

You’d think of yourself as “getting old.”

In all seriousness, there’s nothing worse than a 25-year-old unfolding a long winded, candid spiel when in a company– that would often end up with glib excuses about how incredibly “old they’re? Its one thing when you’re being sarcastic— it’s quite another when you actually cheat yourself into believing that you’re truly getting up there in age.

As a kid and then as a teen you’d often feel that way. It’s likely that you were surrounded by young immature people who’d remind you that your sense of restraint was on a rapid decline. 

Instead had you been surrounded by those who were happy in what they do and excited about the future, the thought of getting old’ would have missed your lexicon.

“Too late” to pursue your dreams!

I’ve often come across people in my life who even when in their “twenty something” and “tween” would in all seriousness confide that they can ‘no longer’ pursue their dreams or that they’re ‘too old’ to make a new beginning. From vacationing in Europe to taking night classes towards their Masters, everything seemed remote to them.

Limitations apart, to simply feel like the “crazyperiod of your life where you try new things is magically over the moment you hit mid-20s is absurd. When this happens no matter how hard you have tried to come out of this mindset, you couldn’t convince yourself that there is a better life to live than you had so far. In a way you’ve condemned your life like the reruns of SVU (remember Special Victims Unit- a crime drama television series!) treating yourself to occasional takeouts at best.

Image source: Erick Mclean in pexels.com

Sometimes we’re born with a purpose to fit into a plan and sometimes we’re left disconnected from our ‘Inner Child’ and miss out on critical opportunities to expand. And sometimes tracing the scars that life has left us with, helps draw a better stronger person out of us.

I guess, it also reminds you that at one point of time you did fight for something you believed!

Yes, you were the one who’d dress yourself for school, who made sure to finish the homework, who always remembered to pay for own things  and who would take care of own self when sick. All through you’ve been one heck of a person. One strong-willed relentless striking soul who learned everything the hard way and made it to the real world- real fast.

Image source: ‘7 Ways to Preserve Your Travel Memories and Decorate Your Favourite Places’ in wanderlusters.com

Do you still agonize over your past and expect perfection from yourself? Fast tracking to adulthood always has profound and lasting impacts on one’s life. But as a grown-up there is always a way to slow down and reconnect with the part of yourself that always want to simply be a child.

So thank your childhood- for being cut short. It made you ready for the World in next to no time. And take it from me when I say, life is fun at any age- You just have to make it happen!”

8 Things to Buy to Make You Happier Than You Ever Thought Possible!

“Whoever said money can’t buy happiness isn’t spending it right.” Years ago this Lexus ad had set aside all twists of conventional wisdom while selling a car so fancy that no one would ever dream of affixing even a bumper sticker to it.

What made this ad so intriguing was that it offered a simple but an expensive answer to popular doubts; How would you change the money you’d worked so hard to earn into something that’s so close to a good life?’ There must be some connection between money and happiness. If there weren’t, you’d be less likely to stay late at work or struggle to save every penny you can. Why isn’t a fortunate out-of-turn promotion, 4 bedroom house or a fat pay packet cheering you up enough? If money can buy anything under the sun will it shop an extra bit of happiness for you?

The connection between money and happiness it seems is far more complicated than we ordinarily fancy.

Image source: Five things to buy to be happier’ by Rajendra Dani in linkedin.com

Does this mean that expending for material things brings more happiness or would you rather spend it on some exciting experience instead? Let’s own up…most of us face this dilemma in a wrong way. Buying stuff for an upturn in life is no longer a cliché’; it works as well. With little else to do in free time and with almost any item just a click away, it’s easy to indulge especially when you feel like rewarding yourself for everything you’ve had to endure. Joining the mad rush maxing out the credit cards, we feel an inexplicable pleasure in spending on consumer goods, home improvement and vacations even if it’s for a short while. But thrifty or splurging, every buy is a freaky sell out if it breaks faith with happiness.

 While people are naturally disposed towards happiness, it’s more likely that we simply discover things and use them to our advantage, unaware that quite a few carry the promise to brighten up our day and make us feel happier than ever before.

So, if you’re seriously looking for joy in small things, you can elevate your happiness quotient with these 8boost your mood without breaking the bank’ practical purchases and bring back joy and contentment in your life like never before.

Image source: ‘Money Can Actually Buy You Happiness. Here’s How To Get It’ in deepstash.com

Pets Are Adorable

Money alone can’t buy happiness, but it can always buy you a pet. It can’t buy you friendship, but it can help you bring a new companion into your life and that’s just as good. Dogs, cats, birds, – pets everyone of them can ginger up and add colors to great emotions of happiness. Wake up! For with closeness comes the ability to feel loved.

A Comfy Pillow Is One Delightful Thing You Can’t Miss

It’s arguably a must-have for a good night’s sleep. In turn it would earn you a day full of lightheartedness and overall happiness. When you shop for high-quality pillow it enhances your sleep experience and helps save you from neck and back pain. This means you wake up refreshed rejuvenated in a better mood and a happier mind.

Fragrant Candles Are Great Mood Swingers

Perfumy and sweet smelling candles can lift your mood forthwith and bring a gentle soothing ambience to your home. The ambrosial aroma will rouse all your senses, prod positive emotions and fire up memories linked to that particular scent.

What’s more, the soft, warm glow of the candlelight would set up a calm, comforting and tranquil air encouraging relaxation and serenity. Choose the one you love most and your mood would change in a heartbeat.

Online Communities Are Compelling

Strong social grouping is the key to our happiness and emotional well being. Good relationships always prelude happiness and longevity. I usually pick up items that would help quality time with my loved ones. And so can you! Interactive games, cooking equipment or outdoor gear for group activities are just the kind of things to invest in. In bargain, you’ll get all that’s needed for a life-enhancing experience.

Image source: ’11 Simple Things You Can Do Today That Will Make You Happier, Backed By Science’ by Kirsti Lang in buffer.com

An Objet D’art Is Restful and Quieting

The formal elements of a personalized artwork focuses more on quality and can evoke so many incredible emotions that would show on your unique taste and style.  Flat, abstracted, simplified, or stylized, a beautiful piece of art in your living space would not only portray the theme, it would also speak for you. It has the potential to communicate without using words. I guess, it’s just another way of keeping a personal diary. It will bring joy and happiness by making your space feel more personal and welcoming. Just looking closely at the artwork is reassuring and hypnotic. You’ll find the beauty and character of a masterpiece steadily shaping positive vibes and upbeat atmosphere around you that’ll keep you happy and inspired every day.

Plants Are Unwinding

Giving space to plants into your home can significantly elevate your mood and help relieve exhausted nerves. I absolutely knew that greenery hangs heavy. So, as a beginner I had begun with easy-care plants like pothos or snake plant and fruit plants like dwarf mulberry and Meyer lemon. While adding aesthetic appeal to my surroundings, over the time these plants improved air quality and helped build up a calming environment.

Set the ball rolling. Situate them in areas where you spend most of your time. Greens and foliage have therapeutic effect so don’t shy away from a more involved plant care. Not only that’ll be some fun, soon even small acts like watering plants or watching them grow will become your daily moment of joy.

Like Friends Books Should Be Few And Edifying

Lifelong learning is closely tied to happiness and well being. Diverse content including fiction, non-fiction and self-help titles increase your level of empathy, enhance social perception and boost emotional intelligence. So, acquire books that relate to your interests or dare you to try new ideas. Online platforms are equally helpful if traditional ways aren’t your preferred choice. Choices nevertheless, are wide and it’s important not to plough through everything that comes to hand.

Image source: ’10 Tips on How to Attract and Achieve Happiness’in desiblitz.com

Buy Some Humor For Yourself

Laughter truly is linked to pleasure and is rewarding. The best pill for happiness, it never fails to stir up a thrilling experience. Comedy specials, humorous books, tickets to a comedy show, fun party games, movie nights, watching a funny video during lunch break or starting the day with a comic strip; just about everything  would entitle you with the ability to laugh freely and embrace playfulness with a pinch of funny silliness in your pursuit of happiness.

If Only Riches Can Buy Happiness…

I think it’s never been about how much we can spend; it’s about when and where to shell out money. It’s no rocket science but investing the right amount in the things that make you happy will truly bring joy into your life. By making thoughtful purchases and taking time to choose them makes it an unforgettable experience that will bring a lasting happiness in your life.

Small Things Matter,Money Isn’t Everything!

Buying things isn’t wrong. Every shop has a bit of happiness on offer but it doesn’t work well when you push yourself to be happier and mask other emotions. Getting a package delivered, trying on a new pair of shoes, or adding a fancy gadget to kitchen feels great at first, but sometimes there will be a problem; you wouldn’t know if you’ve really shopped your way to happiness! Rushing out to buy a Rolex doesn’t necessarily cures a bad case of blues; neither does a visit to local spa to cleanse your life’s ills. Unaware your spending spree just ends up being more harmful than helpful.

So, don’t jump into a freezing lake on a dare; choose what you think would make you happy.

Image source: ‘Do You Want a Happy Life or a Memorable Life?’ by Nat Eliason in blog.nateliason.com

Incidentally, who said that you have to work hard to be happier? Try something freak’n different for once. Go for a shopping binge for a start. Sometimes the most innocuous looking buy would give off an air of intelligence and will be the best investment in happiness that you can ever make.

It’ll be your moment to smile more and stress little!

Your Future Needs You, Your Past Doesn’t.

Imagine somebody locks you up in a time-machine and asks you to take a quantum leap to go forward into the future or backward into the past. You’re allowed to travel backwards or forward to any length of time, jumping through different dimensions and timelines a day, a thousand years, a million years… Which one would you choose? Future, that lies ahead or the Past, that’s finished and done with.

Either way I’m sure you’ll never want to come back to Now.

Arguably, choosing between the two can change anybody’s life. But since nobody would want to ruin their lives any more than they have done in the past, future seems like an easy pick.

Personally I’m in more for future than past. Not that I don’t want to fix mistakes or want to ask for an apology to those people whom I had hurt & offended in my life before. But it would be more like going back in time to correct course to make future take a turn for the better than putting things right in there. Of course, this will be the only opportunity to set things right and tell others to do scrub theirs. Still, wouldn’t it be better to travel into the future and witness those aberrations fading away all by themselves?

Yep…I’m at a loss but I’d rather settle for what lies ahead in time for me. I don’t want to see something again that I had neglected to conclude in the first place!

I am though still curious enough to take a flier into the past and sneak a peek at whatever wrong I’d done that I shouldn’t have. Save for dinosaurs, I will get lucky to patch up some of those awkward spots. Not likely but who knows someday something I want to happen -may just happen.

All in all, it’s really a difficult choice…and a risky one as well. You move one on your fingertips and you’ll never get to see life the same way again.

So, what do you need most- the Past that didn’t work out well or a Future that awaits you to go viral?

Image source: 1zoom.me/en

 Your Future Is Bigger Than Your Past

It simply has to be and here’s why.

For all we know, Past is merely the bedrock for Now and Future. Otherwise all that we did in the past would be for nothing if we have come this far only to give up. Some room is always there to continue growing and that’s exactly where we want to be.

I measure success by how many people I have helped out in the past and I want to continue increasing that number. I reckon my future to be my property because by definition, it hasn’t happened yet. It exists only in my mind suggesting that I can choose to make it whatever way I want.

Honestly, I think my every move to make my future bigger and brighter than my past is the very act of growing itself.

For some people great future is mostly about themselves. But for few like me it means contributing to other’s lives and things. And I prefer to keep it simple and clean while pitching in. What’s more, I’m convinced that all I need is to believe that, it’s possible to have a bigger happier future no matter what stage you’re at in life or what your circumstances are.

Often this belief alone has been enough to keep me growing.

Short Steps Help Grow Better

Fancy this- you’ve grown old or are in poor health. You’ve great many memories and dreamy experiences behind you, but don’t know how to pep up your future and reconstruct it to better your past.

Think of it this way…

Growing is as simple as learning to expand your perspective on the world and somewhat contributing to lives of others. A bigger future doesn’t have to be necessarily grand or glitzy; no great leaps ahead either. Most growth happens as a result of many small steps. The key is to keep taking them. Besides a better future is not about how much time you’re left. It’s about what you do in it and use what you’ve learned and done so far.

Check out for yourself. You have taken your first step towards the vastness of what you’re yet to discover and not be aware.

And you’ll keep growing till you last.

Wrong turns won’t let the good times roll

Image source: meaningfulmoney.life

Apparently what has got us here today won’t get us there ‘morrow. If you’ve been lucky in the past, be wary for that success can muffle your future success.  The things that have brought you where you are today will be the very things that will stop you from reaching your next level. Your crush for earlier triumphs and unwavering loyalty to your identity will keep you mired until you’ve learned to let go of your Past. You will gain an insight or two in between but don’t live there. And certainly don’t stay stuck to an obscure identity.

Don’t look back n’ pull yourself together

Becoming organized and mindful of everything taking place around you, places you better to build toward the future you wish for. The quickest way to do this is by not doing more but quit doing whatever is holding you back. Consider dumping those out of line behavior for a start and welcome good ones. It’s a hard start but unless you learn to cull the damage, you’ll always be taking one step forward and two backward. It’s akin to getting rid of junk food from your meal before going for a work out.

Look…unless you cut back on your spending, there’s no point in focusing on making more money.

You won’t need more once you’ve freed yourself from needing more and will be content with what you have. Think of your life as your garden. What good will be planting if you don’t remove the weeds and prep the soil?

Your Best Song Is Inside You

You have to believe your best work is ahead of you. If I believed my best song was already written, I wouldn’t keep writing.”

It’s no hard guess what Alice Cooper -the rock star meant when he had voiced his mind like this. Richard Paul Evans, the 38-times New York Times bestselling author also aired his thoughts somewhat similarly. Interestingly, both never gave up trying to create something better than they had done before.

Feature credits: ‘Your Future Needs You – Your Past Doesn’t’ by MotivationDon in YouTube.com
 

What’s my take on this? I think there’s always a better way to live a good life. The world’s not going to shrink any sooner and I must keep pushing for a better morrow. So, every time I start something new, I work like a Trojan and sometimes do not hesitate to lean over backwards. I guess it’s the only way to innovate and break my boundaries.

I wish someday you too will get to find the right choice. All you need is to persuade yourself to believe that boundaries and limitations are mere illusions and lie only in imagination. Besides, your personality doesn’t define you. It only mirrors a relationship with yourself and what’s happening around you. If you wish, you can change it completely. You can even change how you show up in the world. And that’s exactly what you need to do if your future is going to be bigger than your past. Your past in any case won’t buy you much.

See…It’s between Ash or Phoenixso choose wisely!

Above all keep this alive for you; ‘My best work is ahead of me’.

Say g’bye to these four self defeating habits if you want to be the best version of yourself!

Seriously! Are they bad enough to sabotage our level of awareness and destroy our happiness?   

Like everyone else I also have endured conflicts with a boundless rage that lives within us all. Most of the time it would turn the situation I’m in, awkwardly critical and would silently work to destroy my confidence. Yet unwittingly every single time I’d let myself be ravaged by this frenzy and would settle with picking poor choices. Next would follow an overwhelming surge of low self-esteem, hostile self-talk and miserable emotions only to see me going bonkers.

“I can’t do that.”

“I am not good enough to get the job.”

 “I know I should exercise more, but …”

 “It should probably get out more, but …”

Not many would agree but after every “but” sits the excuse for bringing in a bad choice. Unfortunately it sets everything off-course and leaves us looking for what we need most at places where we least ought to. Assumptions, I guess are our worst enemy. Trusting them over and over again is like grasping a straw in the wind. They’d subside only when we retreat into the comfort of disrespect and insolence.

Coping with a self defeating, ambition-killing fire in the head by not allowing it to cripple our sense of right or wrong is what makes life easy to live. Left unchecked these failings would get so ingrained in our lives that we’d start to accept them as normal.

Looking for a way to fix this?

It’s only years later I talked me over to relent and stop resisting the change. My call…it was weird but a wonderful fieriness had begun to unroll for me.

I’d still be haunted by anger but I had learned to admit that ‘I am angry’. I had realized that what I needed most when running in circles was to admit that I’ve been running in circles. It was as easy as winking but it took me a while to catch on. Surprisingly very few would’ve the courage to accept their weak spot. For most part they’d rather stay stuck so long as their ‘safe space’ is not intruded on. Funnily enough, it’s kinda painful to admit that you’re stuck!

So, how do we evade thoughts that shut us out from healthy solutions? Can we in some way tear down an attitude that typically ends with something awful we wouldn’t want to happen? What if the intended outcome does more bad than good?

Few and far in between, self cheating behavior works against its own purpose and is normally either unsuccessful or useless. It’s more like being mean to the person you want to befriend. Ordinarily it’s self harming and would hit back soon. One way or the other your actions would forestall your approach from working out. Make no mistake- your every effort would be in vain and everything that you wished for would be lost.

To break free of this self-hurting, happiness derailing attitude, put these four practices on your what-not-to-do list. Once you learn to kick your insipid boring attitude to the curb, you’ll be on fast track to being the best version of you.

Image source:’Why is changing habits so hard?’by Gill Mckay in gillmckay.com

You’re adding without subtracting

Scaling up unthinkingly without giving a second thought is natural and unwittingly happens to all of us. Sometimes I fell for it as well. Adding new stuff without doing away with the old one is how my closet would get cluttered. My workload would become unmanageable and my budget would go up in smoke.Is any of this going to help me go fat or look better?I’d argue with me then, knowing well that it takes discipline to cut and combine. But that part would always elude me.

I grew up without pruning and that’s bad!

Worse still, I’d always think that I’d get away with it!  Whatever “it” was—cheating, hiding, digging deep into my pocket for that extra bit of plum cake, I’d be convinced otherwise. It was quite delusional. I knew lapses do not forgive and slip ups would show up somewhere someday.

Happily, not before long I learned how to get over myself. Long-term consequences and a growing familiarity to my weaknesses showed the potholes ahead.  I had found out that humility shakes off self defeat.

Besides, a growing emphasis on purpose and a sense of responsibility pushed me to sidestep the deception. I saw Google enjoying outstanding success, but it didn’t stay stuck to its past. There were moments when it relented to popular expectations just like the antipathy of the bakery union that drove Hostess brands (of Twinkies fame), an 82 year old business into liquidation in Nov. 2012. 

Image source: ‘Good people make mistakes’ in observingleslie.com

Don’t just sit on the fence

Trying to become something you are not while there’s plenty of value in who you are, can be self-defeating. Google expanded its territory to become a comms network provider, build fiber optics, mobile network and mapped software to driverless cars when most opined that it should stay focused to Googling than opening up and as a consequence fall behind. The rag bag has ever since been a mix of tumble and fumble.

Getting caught in the middle of something while being not good enough to compete in the new terrain, is disastrous and ends in losing sight of the old area as well. Move out of your comfort zone only when you know you can challenge yourself.

I grew because I had learned to side step discomfort and with it all the uncertainty that comes with change.

Going ballistic is bad!

Anger and blame are unproductive emotions that do more harm than good. Both hurt if misplaced. Here’s how. Years after a tragic incident on the Deepwater Horizon, an oil drilling rig operated by BP in the Gulf of Mexico on 20 April 2010 in which 11 people lost their lives, BP struck the headlines facing a record fine and slew of criminal charges. The then CEO Tony Hayward damaged the company more by indignantly giving bitter statements about the unfairness of it all!

Angry words leave a long devastating trail and are capable of overwhelming your accomplishments. Learn to be mindful of your anger. Tame it before it incites bitterness and consumes everything.

Are you afraid of change?

For all that we know- our brain is wired to resist change. An inseparable natural part of our lives, it is programmed to hang on to the status quo and avoid the uncertainty that comes with a shift. It resists because it fears losing a secure space to the unknown. This hostility to change is what harms most as it keeps us stuck into the past not letting the better person in us to grow.

Here’s the thing- growth doesn’t happen in a familiar territory. If your wish is to evolve, improve and be the limit, live the change, not fear it. It scares everyone at first sight but then every sec is a chance to grow and learn. Endure going down with a tough project in Office, be ready to face the flak in a difficult conversation with kins and be a game when pushed against the wall by your wellness trainer; every extra mile is an opportunity to break free and live the better version of you. Soon your mind will learn to shift focus from problems to solutions, acknowledge your thoughts, and won’t let them control you.

Feature source:’This tiny cute bird will inspire you’ by Heart touching films in YouTube.com

So next time you find yourself slipping, step back and look at the big picture. It’s not about having all the answers but moving ahead even when things aren’t perfectly clear.

Reach out and say Hello’ to a mindset of action and solution-oriented thinking if you trust your guts. Even before you’d know, your journey to be the best version of you would have begun.

Once you learn to let go of what doesn’t truly matter you can create a space for what does.

Owning less is great but wanting less is a better way to shape your happiness!

I have little and I love that!

­­­­Like everybody else fiery billboard promotions and zealous hype had left me chasing dreams of possessing car and clothes, all the while working in a job I hated so that I can buy stuff I really didn’t need in the first place! It was not long before eventually the things I owned ended up owing me instead. It wasn’t as good as I’d hoped! Sometimes it was overwhelming and would leave me feeling gutted.

Image source: goodmorningpics.com

It’s hard to remember when I first took the decision to intentionally live with fewer possessions. I suppose it was born quite a few years back mainly out of growing discontent with my screwy conception about life’s purpose. Everything sulked and felt like slipping away. And all the while I was all kinda busy woefully wishing for a better and happier life. As the size of my home grew so did the number of things stuffed into closets. I was spending more and more time caring for everything I possessed.

While cleaning stowage one Sunday morning, it struck me hard; how much of my life was being stolen by things that I own? Wasn’t I neglecting things that meant the most to me as a result? It was touchy, perhaps a bit nasty too but from that moment I decided to break free. Next I began to get rid of the non essentials.

I had decided to own less!

Ever since I figured it out and chose to settle with less, I’ve been experiencing countless benefits; more time for me, more money, more freedom, more energy; all with less stress and distraction. Fewer possessions and a careful use of resources have provided me with the opportunity to follow my greatest passions.  It’s great! And I’ve figured it out; I’ll never go back to the way I’ve lived so far. For me that lifestyle is bootless now. Interestingly, along the way I’ve discovered something even better than owning less; wanting less is not foolish and is definitely a better way to make a fresh start.

You may ask; if all that was so unnecessary what pushed me to catch up withsimple is more’ idea. All I had known so far was thatmore than, less than or equal to’ are the inequalities meant to represent the relation between two numbers or two expressions. No more!

This is how it all began to happen one fine morning.

The other day, I was visiting my neighbor at his home just across the street. We were childhood buddies and it’s been awhile since we had last met; so the warmth flew free. Fireside chat soon changed to heart- to- heart gab. I was taken aback for a moment when he confided how anxious he was about the upcoming weekend.Why?” I asked. Well, I’m having some new friends coming over for dinner and I’m embarrassed about the size of my house. The last time I went to one of theirs, it was huge and beautiful and gorgeously decorated. Probably one of nicest I ‘d ever laid my eyes on”. Now I knew why he looked so edgy and sounded hollow. Obviously, he was sizing himself up and feeling awkward in his own house!

I felt a bit sad for him. Graciously I said what I needed to say; that he had nothing to worry about, that things will be just fine, that his house was big enough and that what matters above all is the feeling you get when you enter a home which is far more important than square footage or the marquee furniture.

It’s hard to tell if that was any relief to him. I guess, that’s the least comfort I have offered to someone who’s disappointed or miserable over something as unimportant as the bigness of his house!

Image source: pexels.com

Later as I left his place I felt downhearted. What a crummy way to live; always eyeing the possessions of others and equating them to your own! There’s no joy here; this way of living sucks and outlook on life is disparaging. Discontent and envy only make matters worse. Both my friend and the spite that haunted him, were a weak match to wish for a full life. Still, I couldn’t fully disassociate myself from what I had experienced during his telling of the story. I had lived in smaller home years ago as well and couldn’t be happier with my life then. I had never wished for a bigger one. I’d often walk past a lot many in the neighborhood all the time and coyly say to myself, “I’m sure glad I don’t have it else I’d be spending so much time and energy taking care of that big pile!” The benefits of being in a smaller home were just great!

Soon thereafter, we moved into our ancestral house. It was a big deal; open space, room for everybody, patio, small patch of green – just about everything in it appeared larger and much bigger. Life was perhaps hinting at better. But this is when I began to think about how much everything else has changed and wondered how unattractive the constant pursuit of material possessions means to me. Somehow not only I wanted to own less, I wanted less. Perhaps then this would be a wonderful place to be in, I’d confide in me. I would feel comforted and reassured.

Today because I don’t want to own more than I already have, I am finally free from the constant collating of my stuff to others. I am no longer tormented by an incessant pursuit for more money and more stuff. I have found contentment in the things that I own. And above all I have discovered more room for generosity.

Image source: ‘Ready To Change Your Life and Take The “Less Is More” Approach?’ by Theresa in simpleismore.com

Because I don’t want to own anymore than I already have, I am free from constant contemplation. I am no longer bound to the incessant pursuit of more money and more belongings. I have found peace, contentment and happiness in the things that I have. It has also served me with extra space to indulge and be openhearted in giving. I have finally found my stride and begun to bend my pursuits towards things that matter. It’s no more a race to have it all. Things no longer define me as an individual. I’ve stopped buying stuff knowing that they will only burden me and add to my worries. I’m content with whatever I’ve now for I know that more doesn’t guarantee joy or happiness.

To me it’s a great feeling living with less and… wanting less even better!

Life couldn’t be more beautiful: Four simple ways to live a happier one!

It gets complicated sometimes, right? Honestly aren’t we the ones who allow it snowball into a clutter in no time. We hang on to stuff that makes our lives more complex than it need to be. It’s a pity that we couldn’t resist making mountain out of mole hills and it’s only a matter of time before everything starts withering on the vine.

Living a happy life is not only about doing away with the physical clutter or spiteful thoughts; it’s more about learning how not to let them rob you of your joy.

The other day I asked my neighbors how they would like to improve their lives. As expected, they said they’d want to become happier. I felt fine. Same old, same old”! Who wouldn’t want to? Many though wouldn’t know exactly how to go about it.

Becoming a happier person is a personal journey but it can be influenced and steered to a plus size life with a little care. Wanting a little more of it is beguiling and there is nothing wrong to fancy a slice of it. Fair enough if you too are driven plentifully to go after it than stay buried in the weeds!

Sounds not possible? But trust me; it’s easier to quieten that inner critic than you think and jazzing up your dear life’ even more.

So, let’s get into this.

My woes my ‘worry time’

I know, it sounds freaky and unreasonable. Why would you need to set aside some time for your worries when you should actually be doing just the opposite; ignoring all that upsets you or over-thinking?

A few years back, I was in a constant state of worry. My mind was being constantly rapped by a whirlpool of what ifs”. It was exhausting!

This is when I bumped into this idea of setting aside some worry time’ to deal with everything and anything that bothers me. It was as simple and unsophisticated. Instead of letting my worries keep raking my mind the entire day; I’d choose ‘my time’ to deal with it. Unsure of any other fix, I jumped for it. For half an hour each morning between 6:00 and 6:30 I’d take time off to do nothing else but worry. And…It worked!

By containing my worries to a specific half-hour window to deal with them, I’d set my mind free for the rest of the day. The nagging was there and didn’t vanish completely but felt less intrusive. For once again, I was in control of my thoughts than being controlled by them,

If you feel that your worries keep crippling your day and pull down your happiness, take a shot at it. You may find it just as liberating in the end!

You’d luv to stay connected

Like they say we humans are sociable and thrive on connection and interaction with others. But once off the track and reclusive, it’s easy to get scatterbrained. Staying connected with friends and family gives us a chance to express our thoughts and feelings and gain insights about things that we may have overlooked earlier.

Do I mean to say that you need to be surrounded by people 24/7? Nope! No way. A simple phone call, text message, or a casual stroll with an acquaintance is good enough to break you free from deep thinking.

I never thought it lame to ask for help or share what I was going through. ‘Not Ok’ at first sight and I’d remind myself, “I’m not alone in this”. I’d then find me gutsy enough to reach out to others.  

Trying this might just as well help you get the comfort and clarity you’ve been looking for… without losing control of yourself!

It’s Ok to mess up sometimes

Sometimes I wish for a wishbone. Perhaps life wouldn’t be so imperfect and flawed then. I wouldn’t let it! I would have it cracked evenly in half and my quest for happiness would end there and then. But that’s not going to happen. Like everybody else I too have my moments of doubts and fears. I just couldn’t turn off my inner critic, smile and laugh.

Life hurts!

Lately I guess, I had been rather harsh on myself; only to add to my stress level. Unable  to pull out and move ahead, I decided to let myself feel what I feel, learn to accept myself wholeheartedly and allow myself not to be the best that’s humanly possible but rather to do the best that I can.

And guess what! It worked out well. I could now talk to my inner child, forgive myself for past mistakes, laugh to my heart, knowing that I am enough for me. For once, I could try some intuitive eating and wear comfortable shoes. Geez…my feet ached so badly!

So, next time you find yourself in a tough spot with zero options, don’t be hard on you; find your ‘yes’. It will help you build in some margin as you go ahead. Stop pushing by slowing down. You’re not sitting on a powder keg! It’s all right to have moments like this.

Besides you deserve kindness…especially from yourself.

Image source: pexels.com

Drop it; It doesn’t matter

A few years back I had found myself stuck up with a past mistake that I’d made while at work. It wasn’t much but I just couldn’t move past it. I was mortified and scared of the consequences. It kept ballooning in my judgment till it was colossal! At one point it was like a nasty screenplay on auto run. I was busy all through the day dissecting every detail, every reaction. I was worked up and in a perpetual state of nerves!

All I needed was to somehow loosen my hold on me and let it go as a bad dream. Overselling the same thought was not going to alter what had already happened. I needed was to learn and grow from my experience of the past.

Clutching at my heart I braced myself to take a plunge hoping that this is how I could put an end to my anxiety and perhaps fix my self-censoring mind. Trust me, it turned out well! My doggedness was back, my wits were free and I was finally …de-stressed.

When we hold on to past mistakes or worry about what comes next, we let ourselves be robbed of the joy in the present moment.

Today, I could forgive myself for all the fumbles and stumbles and use them as a learning experience rather than a source of constant stress making my world a whole lot steady and calm. I consider my misses’ as a chance to grow and not as an anchor holding me back. I tag them as a sweet but powerful way to stop beating a dead horse and being happy.

I know it’s hard to learn to distance yourself from ‘cold and creepy miseries but with a little practice it gets easier to reach out, connect and stay in touch with your present moment.

Personally I think that the secret to a happy life isn’t in having all the answers or avoiding mistakes. It’s in cherishing the course of life with all its ups and downs, twists and turns. It’s about learning, growing, and finding joy in smaller things.

Image source: ‘How to improve your personal growth’ by Ali in sharetoinspireblog.com

So, if you think you’re unsure of yourself, drifting and tired of wishing for more; take a break, catch your breath and sell this to yourself – “it’s human to churn out imperfect outcomes. And I’ll be Ok with that”.

You’ll live well and grow old happier!

Seven shades of joy to help you get the most out of your life!

Reset and start again. Smile one more time!

I wish life had a rewind button. This world then would’ve been a lot happier place to live in and I could tell somebody that the best thing that has happened to me…I’m finally smiling for me again and mean it.

Sure life is difficult. It’s not easy either to make it enjoyable. Very often happiness is eyed as something curious that doesn’t always makes one happy. Pleasure, joy, contentment, satisfaction- not all of these coincide with happiness. These are merely experiences that overlap feeling of being happy and are not the kind that arises from within.

Lately I’ve been reading a lot about happiness and what people do to be happy”. I think I’m a generally happy person but I’m also genuinely curious to know if there is some key to happiness. Honestly, not many of us even know what to do to inspire happiness from within. Many would say that people generally put in little effort into trying to be happy.  But I guess there are definitely ways that could help anyone to be a little happier. It’s already inside you and to find it would simply mean figuring a way in.  

You’ve no doubt read a lot of hype around the concept of happiness: where to find it, how to feel it, how to keep it. But if you ever feel like you need a little more of it in your life, dive in here and see if these 7 ways resonate with your quest.

Change is inevitable

One of the most notable traits to grow happier is our intrinsic ability to accept and adapt to change. Children leaving the nest, careers evolving, uncertain health, maturing relationships; every transition calls for a similar shift in our disposition. Just how much we are ready to accept decides the size of footprints of happiness for us.  

I had never wanted to be badgered by the most common regret people often rue about; “I didn’t allow myself to be happier. Maybe I could’ve done something about it. It just didn’t end up my way”.Since I chose not to be self-denying, I’ve found happiness in my control. I didn’t resist or feared change but embraced it gracefully. Guess, I needed to know when my life shifts.

Today, I find myself doing things that make me happy.

Don’t fake it.

Happiness has never been about being happy all the time. Life is full of uncertainty and faking beatitude would mean emotional upheaval at one time or another. Sure, it would buy you short term gains but at the price of long term pains. Fake it ‘til you make it is not real life.  Being alive means having the privilege to feel everything –good or bad and live through it.

When you try to block feelings that are meant to be felt as a human, you don’t get to experience life to the fullest. Happiness is after all just one piece of the puzzle. So don’t fake it. Let it happen of its own.

Before long you’ll know it’s been worth waiting for.

Image source: pexels.com

Be alive

In the busy haste of everyday life it’s not uncommon that physical activity slips out of our priorities. To be alive and active everyday practice of going for a brisk walk, yoga, gardening or even dancing around the living room would lead to the release of endorphins, the ‘feel-good’ hormones. This induces positive sensations in the body and would result in mitigation of stress besides elevating the mood.

I swore to get out of a deadpan life and stay active the moment I realized that being that peppy and sharp isn’t just about staying fit; it’s like giving your body and mind a big shot of happiness and gratification. It’s like me telling myself, “Hey, I’m taking care of you, it feels pretty darn good and you should be grateful for that!”

Gee…Thirty years down the road, I no longer feel stuck, unfulfilled or lost!

Forget the past

Life is never short of its share of regrets, mistakes, and missed opportunities. Yet, it appears happy people would always found a way to stay clear of a whole lot of aches and pains. I guess they learn quickly; that forgiveness is the only way out. Holding onto past hurts and disappointment only serves to rob you of your joy.

Rather than clinging to past wrongs or dwelling on what better I could have done, I chose to forgive – not necessarily because others deserved it but because peace seemed legit to me. I wonder how better I could’ve served myself.

Once freed from the past, I imagine I have saved myself from the chains of regret and bitterness and maybe saved some room for greater happiness and peace as well.

Be kind to yourself.

It’s so easy to beat ourselves up and proclaim that nothing is good enough. But as they say gratitude is strongly and consistently associated with greater happiness.” It helps good times roll again, make you feel more positive, improve and deal with adversity and build strong relationships.

Walking through it allowed me to see that there are lots many things in life that are more worthy of my attention. I needed to work to bring happiness in my life and in those around me. No bubble baths or partying around for me but I’ve been nice to myself thereafter. That stuff would have made me feel good but I suppose it’s more about giving yourself the space to figure things out without flirting with those hippy-dippy things that people do to be cool.

So, if you are working on being happier, just let go of the unpleasant in life; your gratitude will help you get there fast.

What happiness looks like to you?

Regardless of where you are on the happiness scale, each one of us has their own way of defining happiness. The hard part is that many a times we chase other people’s definition. We often succumb to popular version of happiness and end up with a great deal of unhappiness.

So, to be smiling and happy again, you need to determine what it should look like to you. Be brave enough to step into your life and figure out for yourself what makes you happy.

You need to know what you want your life to look like.

Image source: ‘July notes from Dr Klug’ in healthspankc.com

Never rush through life.

It’s a miserable choice and robs you of all chances of being happier.  Being rushed is quirky and would make you sad and out of sorts. True there is not much you can do about it but the balance is just right when you live out a comfortable productive life.

I think setting up goals is great but you need not be in a hurry to get things done. It leaves so much wasted time not soaking in life fully. So, ‘stop and smell the roses before pushing on. Let the good and the bad wriggle their way into your life. It will be a real experience and help you to understand what happiness is all about.

While everyone is different, there are definitely ways that are easy for everyone. All you need is to come forward, figure out what brings joy to you and stay focused without throwing up your hands when it comes to your well being. And if you find yourself nodding along, stay on course; don’t give up.

Image source: ’21 Hilarious Things to Do For a Phenomenal Time’ by susanwhited0 in joyamongchaos.com

You bet! You’ll live well and age happier.

Feeling Stuck in life? Say ‘hello’ to these 4 easy ways to climb out of a slump!

Life has a mysterious way of throwing curve balls our way and challenging us even when it fulfilling. Middle-aged parents, people deep into retirement or somewhere in between-it doesn’t matter; there are times when we could hear ourselves saying “I’m stuck.” This is the time when we feel like giving up on everything. We begin to lose hope on our relationships at home, office, business, college or friends at some point.

I know it sucks… but it’s just that we feel hopeless about ourselves mostly because of low energy levels and lack of motivation to the point where getting out of bed becomes a struggle each morning. On some days we are tired and wish if we didn’t have to push us anymore. On others we simply yearn for a day off. I have felt this countless times and still do sometimes. Every time whenever I feel like giving up, I remind myself; I’m not alone in this”.

I have had a strong familiarity with this feeling for long. In fact, I think my emotions are just as dramatic as my life. People all over the world may have felt the same way but strangely every time whatever I experience, it passes and better days always come back. Geez… guess I‘ve had learned to hold onto myself whenever things go haywire and I’d want to give up.

A few years back, I was abysmally stuck in life’s rut, struggling and feeling like I was going nowhere. It was as if I was living the same day on auto replay, a unending loop of dreariness and loss. It was maddening. I longed for a change but was scared of the risk and uncertainty. I was stuck in my old habit patterns and badly needed to break free and bring some good changes in my life. I’d though end up each day doing the same thing without trying anything corrective. All I knew that I needed to do something but just knowing that wasn’t enough.

Dying for a change, I looked around for ways to slip away from this standstill. Somehow, I desperately wanted to add reassurance to my life where someday I might find myself telling me; “I’ve done a lot better than last time and I’ll do better next time”.

That’s my side of the story, but…

If you think you too are missing on something in life, capable of doing great things but don’t know how to break loose of the rut and fear that you’re not living your best then you’re as badly stuck as I once was.

In my journey, I had checked on people who’d experienced nothing less and had eventually walked out of their miseries. It was my call and I’m glad that I didn’t hang back! Over the time their insights have truly brought a difference to my life; pushing it from slow decay to a smart shape up. So, if somehow you’re enduring a rundown life, crumbling and feel deserted, this is the time to make promises to you. And knowing how would surely inspire you to find an easy way to climb out of your why.

These 4 life-changing ways might just be your fire ladder for a way out.

Image source: ‘Happiness at work: Stop climbing the ladder’ by Eric Stutzman in achievecentre.com

Take a break- You need it

Giving yourself a break- when life feels jinxed, is one good way to sit back, mull, weigh and iron out some of your sorrows. Besides haven’t you been working so hard recently that you almost forgot to take a break? Burnout is for real if you push yourself around too hard for long. Taking a break and starting afresh will give you the new energy you need. It is then you’ll get to appreciate what it means to come back with a new spark. This would also afford you some spare time to learn, listen, connect and win support. You might be stuck only because you don’t know enough about what you’ve been dealing with and the kinda change you need.

Going back to the drawing board for a fresh start makes learning easy. Books, YouTube, Play station, Nintendo, Social media – almost any pleasure preference is a good start to begin with; for all that that’s worked for others, might work for you just as well!

Be sure to stay with your ‘Why’

“It all starts with why”. Even Simon Sinek an unshakable optimist had double checked the adaptability issue in his global bestseller. My guess is that whenever you could manage a close peek at Why’, it helps you to keep going. So, when the thread begins to slip out, go back to the very reason for starting what you want to give up now. If you find that you’re still passionate about it, you’ll get enough courage to continue.

For me, thinking about the reason alone was enough to turn back from giving up. Even when I didn’t make any progress, I didn’t regret anything for I knew that I had kept going despite towering odds. And that was enough to cheer me up! My favorite line when I waded through something deep was no less persuasive! … “Somehow this one too shall pass. This way I could stay afloat and strong and wait for signs of improvement. It helped me calm down and stay put when everything else felt coming apart. Telling myself this affirmation over and over again would never fail me.

Even to this day, I keep telling myself…hold and carry-on like always!

Image source: ‘Why do I feel so negative all the time?’ in greatmindsclinic.co.uk

Thinking of whole staircase? No way…

It is easy to feel overwhelmed when we think about the mountain of leftover things to do that lie before us. Sometimes we don’t feel like moving even a finger and would rather give up believing that we may not get the results. Whenever this happened, I wouldn’t think of the whole staircase I had to climb; just kept an eye open for the next step. Breaking the whole process into simple steps and picking up on one only each day would spare me a bunch of rollercoaster rides ahead.

After all the future doesn’t lie with you and you don’t have the past either to dwell upon. It’s only now and here’. Doing what you do today will eventually make everything work for you.

Be curious-It’s your best antidote

When we have our backs to the wall don’t we all get easily snared into despair and sadness? This often is the result of lack of new experiences. You’re zapped of the desire to try something new and would feel cornered unable to get out.

What’s the antidote? Try out new things even if you are not the curious type. Let those sparks of interest- no matter how small, handhold you for a while. A movie, theatre, Ted talks, interviews, book…if anything piques your interest, dive headlong into it. Nothing will appear different immediately, but slowly fresh ideas will begin to excite mind and you’ll be alive again, ready to explore anything new. But don’t just stop at these small curiosities. Few things as simple as playing tennis, even when you’ve never held a racket- or jogging through a different neighborhood are just as good to change your perspective. Your each step big or small is one stride towards a better tomorrow.

I live in a world where food is delivered to my door step, cab comes to my home for a scheduled pick up and Amazon takes care of all my household needs – everything just a few clicks away! The World seems not be in a hurry but on some days I’m more stirred than ever. Have I done enough? What else could I have done to make life a little more meaningful? I then, look back and count my achievements. Of course, it’s not easy to think how far you have come and others have gone far ahead. But I guess it was only about opening doors that I didn’t know even existed before and let myself be surprised by what lay beyond them. Like I said before I never forget about the journey I took.

Image source: ‘Feeling stuck – 5 tips to escape life rut’ in barelytherebeauty.com

Today I weigh myself with me only with what I was yesterday- and happiness returns!

I tried waking up at 4.00 every morn to be more inventive but it just didn’t work out for me!

I ended up catching Cold instead!

For couple of weeks I wore myself out to have a taste of intense feracity and it was miserable! I busted my guts falling to the foxy idea of 4.00 am head start to boost my mood, focus and outlook. Everybody had said so!

But it didn’t work for me. It’s doesn’t for most people either. I knew that…still I counted on a bit of luck and a lot of meaningful success. I had imagined Tim Cook, Reid Hoffman or Lady Michelle Obama patting me back for attempting to start crafting an ideal life! The thought was simply overawing! Yet it sounded daunting to me. What was I looking at; the secret chilly way to success or chills in return?

I guess there’s some truth to it when people say that 4.00 am scramble would let you seize open hours for some thoughtful work and self improvement; else why would Tim Cook (CEO-Apple) start his mornings so early or Sallie Krawcheck (CEO-Ellevest) would come alive at 4.00am. An early start allows you to tackle tasks and have a leg up on emails before distractions hit, they say– and I agree; it’s arguably the most prolific time of the day!

So, all ramped up I decided to join the 4.00 am club to see if I could truly catch an early worm.

I had plan for two weeks but I barely lasted one!

It sucked…literally!

While I’d no longer be aiming to follow Cook or Krawcheck’s morning drill anymore, it did buy me some valuable insights. It was great trial. I got closer to picking up an ideal morning groove for me.

Image source: ‘The benefits of sleeping outside’ by Jenny Sansouci in healthycrush.com

To save you some savagery, here’s what my morning routine looked like in a dry run:

4 a.m.: Alarm sounds. It’s a 50-50 chance that I’d hear it right away and won’t hit the snooze button.

4:20 a.m.: I am out of bed. I managed to get out of bed at 4 a.m. on the dot only once. Most mornings, I didn’t even hear it until 4:20. The one positive gain of consistently oversleeping for another 20!…I’d shoot out of bed feeling left behind with a sense of urgency in the same way you feel when you think your alarm didn’t sound and the day has gotten away.

4:30 a.m.: I make my bed in 2 mins flat. I found it immensely helpful to immediately start and finish something, no matter how small. What more, it required me to stand up and do something active with my hands. It would take me another couple of minutes to tidy up thereafter.

Then, I’d have my morning tea, I’d skim through the headlines, work out, shower and by then it will be 6.00 am. This is when I would typically wake up and get down to being ready to hit the day.

But as I said my “4 a.m. week was in fact miserable. It felt as if I had slept for 2 mins and woken up right in the middle of the night. I would feel Offright from the get-go. It was so early that my body couldn’t even register the alarm! Frazzled and hung-over for most part of the day, I would be ready to hit the wall around by 3.00 in the afternoon.

I couldn’t figure out at all how to fix this and cope with fatigue; instead I ended up front- loading my mornings- making sure that I finish most of my work in early part of the day and leave little or nothing downstream.

I thought that by doing so, I’d have more freedom for myself. But I’d be too exhausted by night fall and couldn’t do much more than watch Netflix and hit the pillow early. I found myself cancelling most late night plans which were not possible if I were to hit the sack by 10.00 p.m. I felt drained and found myself counting down the days to the weekend, not because I was unhappy with my arrangement and desperate for time off, but because I ached to sleep in. My eating schedule was next thrown off. Ravenous in the morning I’d finish lunch before noon which made it ticklish to time dinner.

Hoping that some magic of day-larking would rub off on me, I had traded in my usual 6 a.m. rise time for 4 a.m. Pity…I got stuck up with a sly schedule that was no fun.

Image source: ‘World Sleep day 2023: Do you have problems falling asleep?’ in business-standard.com

 Is 4.00 am the magical time —or just pure misery?

Would you still face these issues if you sleep for eight hours and wake up in wee hours? The answer is ‘Yes’. No matter how much sleep you catch- if you’re not wired to come alive at the wolf hour, you might be messing with your normal beat- and that’s sheer torture. It hurts and works to break you down eventually. Even if you think that missing out on just a few minutes would spoil nothing; think again. Losing out on even 15 minutes of sleep could seriously plough your day. Hold back or speed up your bio clock for a while and you can expect to have the same consequences as not getting enough sleep.

Since my body clock wasn’t set for predawn exploits, my first attempt was a fail. I just couldn’t outsmart my chronotype. After trying and failing for a week I realized that resetting body clock inside me, wasn’t easy. I switched back not sad or sorry! It wasn’t my thing.

Upset? …certainly not.

Even with my usual 6 a.m. wake up, the to-do list would still turn on me as soon as I’d open my eyes, and for the rest of the day I’d be playing catch up.  For me to wake up so early at 4.00 was in fact a struggle to rise and shine.

It turned out that 4.00 am was truly the magical time; only I couldn’t make anything positive out of it for myself; except that a crash feeling of letting me down would weight heavy into the rest of the say.

Maybe I was being kinder to myself, less reactive and in a forgiving mood!

 I couldn’t write a novel but I got more creative!

The only time I remember waking up this early was to catch a flight. I was too dopey then to notice or care about anything around me. And that’s that. With nothing pressing to do, nowhere to be and no sense of urgency, I couldn’t ask for a simpler way to escape the madness of everyday rut. The bonus time of 2.00 hours had actually brought me some brighter perspectives.

Yet, everyday right out of the gate at 9.00 am, it feels like I’m missing out on something. Surprisingly, it had actually felt good to wake up early. I miss being a cockcrow person. I could have got a lot done before everyone else!

Image source: pexels.com

Looking back I still remember the best part of being the first on the day break…I had tried rolling out at 4.00 am every day for a week! My distractions will be way down and my creativity way up. A calm start would better equip me to handle whatever storms lay ahead. Cheekily I had sort of thought once to hammer out a genius novel- just like that. But the mornings didn’t magically turn me into a novelist. Instead getting my to-do list done early did mean more creative match-strikes for me throughout the day.

Today, I’m more likely to binge watch, binge eat, and even binge buy! I drop off with a book and its lights out by 10 p.m. Sleep stays as my best secret weapon. My days are no less bright and my life sticks around just as amazingly!

Geez…did I miss out something on 4.00 am stir?

Five easy ways to work smarter not longer and stay ahead of the curve!

You don’t have to think big to be outfoxing. Even small changes can bring a slew of difference.

It’s been a year since wall-to-wall news around generative AI caught the winds and raked up imaginations extensively, picking up on ideas and opinions and offering startling solutions- all free and easy! What more with so much flustering doing the rounds, one thing’s absolutely clear. It’s here and not going to go anywhere anytime soon. Soon it will get fully integrated into productivity suites and solutions. That would mean a truly easy access to gen-AI in most places. Anywhere from composing e-mails, cleaning up code, brainstorming ideas to performing data analysis; it will have the clue and solution to everything of value.

So where’s all this going? What’s AI got to do with our way of doing things? I’d say not much right away but Chat GPT might pull the rug from beneath us sometime sooner for it’s got cutting edge tech in its arsenal and promises finer results.

Touché! Nah…not really. But ain’t all that soft power a bit off-the cuff? It’s breezy, folksy alright, but I guess it misses completely on the need to get the inside scoop and understand what you’re actually looking for. It’s revolutionary but with an air of indifference. Lack of academic integrity, limited knowledge, biased responses and inability to multitask… it sucks! Gen-AI or not; your Monday mornings still won’t bring you the first smile of the day. Everything will be thin as always and easily roll by.

Unless…

George Soros might have had the answer to this. He had figured it out helpfully; “The outcome of this book (’Soros on Soros’) is a summing up of my life’s work. . . As I finish the book, I feel I have succeeded.” Not much of a gen-AI here but who is better equipped to tell what he really thinks and how he thinks and translates everything into a remarkable personal success?

Fortunately, there are just as better ways to evolve and deliver on a better understanding of our future needs. Of course you’ll need to open-up to self-discovery and become a curious enthusiast who wouldn’t hesitate to meet a lot of quirky people and is always be looking for fixes to ‘Whys’.

These five ways might be the end of your comfort but at the end of the day I’m sure you will find your Wonderland!

Image source: ‘How to handle a toxic work environment’ in wemeancareer.com

Work out what you stink at

It sounds more of a bluff than some novel fresh career progression stuff, but it sways as you move ahead in your métier. It lets you find your weak points that need to be fixed and works best when you consider them as gaps in your skill set. What more it makes you stay on your toes all the times to keep tweaking your dexterity and clout.

See…it’s important to stay passionate about succeeding for you know that someone else knows better. Dump your shakiness, lest frailty swells to billboard size and crushes your chance of a win in your line of work!

Desires fire: Pick the right ones

You don’t want to turn into one of those dreadful swellheads; the kinds who love to be in control of the party. Nobody does. So, decide what’s important; would regulation jeans and white shirt work just fine for you or would you sulk over your clothes and be unpleasantly worried about your appearance. I for one never cared if my wardrobe was good enough to make me friends with vivacious hot finds. It didn’t matter. I chose to stay ahead in areas I thought I was passionate about. So I reached out and cherry-picked what I loved to do most.

From films and music to technology and food; your choice could make the difference. Follow it with respect and intensity and watch everything fall in place. And, don’t forget to share your eagerness to learn. Like-minds evolve easy and better. Besides, it’s more fun doing together than striking out on your own.

Find Filters: ‘cos they’re your best bet!

Look around and find people who are smarter than you in the swamps you wish to wade through. Filter info that flows your way while pulling together. Of course this would mean trusting somebody’s judgment you barely know. Yet be insightful, perceptive and awake; it’s highly likely that someday you may hit upon a brilliant idea or insight that has evaded you this far. Exciting as it is you will be shepherding your ideas to success once you climb down and relent to somebody wits.

Don’t believe in everything far and wide

The world generally lends more eyeballs to the bigger, better and bustling. But unimportant and inconsequential too sometimes have new funky and futuristic moments. A small book released quietly will easily hold its own against all those next-big-things unveiled at splashy champagne and celebrity dos. Then there’s a strange shaky contrast of feedbacks and reviews to cope with. Everybody’s ever rushing to make a brutal stab as a critic on the internet. Honestly nothing’s dependable 100 percent!

However so many things escape unsullied. With a positive spin invent your own inner assessment system. It will let you have a new way of looking at the world.

Image source: ‘5 best practices of performance analyzer in Power BI’ in journeyteam.com

Reinventing the wheel could be disastrous

So what if someone got there first? You can find a different way to discover. You’ll at least have the opportunity to flirt with information for a while! Interpret it in a way it hasn’t already been. Nothing is beyond the pale; connect the dots your way and someday you’ll hit the brilliance on speed dial. It doesn’t matter if you don’t know the answer to everything right now. Your context and perspective are enough to save you from the shrill din of ;“Shut up, you stupid!”

To keep your value and position intact be mindful that when you can do things that others can’t- like anything from optimizing content or coding for the web, you earn an undeniable advantage for yourself. Dredge up! Staying ahead has never been easy. But gradually you’ll learn to adapt and improve continually!

Still not with me!

Let Alice inspire you. If I may fill you in; not everything in ‘Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland’ was conjured from Lewis Carroll’s imagination. Stubborn, precocious and curious, she had to crawl down a rabbit hole, encounter obstacles and get lost again and again but didn’t she finally woke up armed with new experiences to navigate real life better?

Taking risks is scary but standing still is even more. You wouldn’t grow without challenging yourself. Use your weekends and aft-work hours to “do” something beyond drinking beer and dusting your house.

And come to think of it… most people who are at the top end of the curve sleep not more than 5 hours a day.

Image source: ‘Where did I go wrong? Why prospects respond negatively, and what to do about it.’ by Peter Bouvier in linkdin.com

After all life is no fun on the bleachers. You need to engage to be on the fast lane to success.

Who cares if we’re getting older and crumbling? We still rock!

What a shock! Am I Old!

You’d know this when you can’t walk past a bathroom without thinkingI may as well pee while I’m here! Or may be let others come out loud and clear for you. Want to know how?; Simply fall down- if people around you laugh you’re not an old salad yet and there’s some zing still left in you; if people panic you’re a bummer and burning out fast.

Five years ago I was whisked into the emergency room followed by a stay in a hospital for a good three weeks. Well…the diagnosis said I had a mutinous pancreas that’s on a wayward run. That’s incredulous! I was aghast. It was difficult to imagine that something unbelievable had happened to me. The ceiling had felt like crashing down on me.

Later with initial stupor over, countless IV syringes and saline and heaps of hastily drawn scratch book pills were lined up to smother my senses in days to come. I was sternly advised to press on with infinite medication and an endless string of consultations without skipping any one of them if I wished to live. The downslide didn’t end there; periodic visits to a cardiologist, an urologist and a physician in that order were meant to be equally upsetting. There was no way out; nothing rough-and-tumble to have a crack at. Besides, I didn’t know how exactly any of that was going to help me cope with an inflamed pancreas; except that I had evaded regression and had stopped slipping. Still it felt like I was a piece of cardboard taped over the broken window in a car, all the while hanging tight –bottom- side-up!

But in the process of being in and out of critical cares, I had an epiphany; a moment when it hit me hard-I am old!  Is that for real or am I hallucinating?

Weeks later I recall; the poker faced doctor had begun by asking me questions about my medical history. I shared that I lost my father early to a stroke and my mother had some hypertension related issue. But there was nothing that would clearly indicate that I had any genetic tendency to an endocrine disorder. I was pretty sure; that this mixed gland in me was as bouncy as ever and wouldn’t ditch me. I trusted my anatomy firmly so much so that I could feel the islets of Langerhans pumping happily down my guts.  Nothing seemed upended and not for a moment it occurred to me that someday somehow it will capsize- not at least till the end of time. Insulin, Glucagon, Somatostatin, Pancreatic polypeptide, just about each one of them was piping up…until one day for no reason everything flaked out.

Clearly I was failing when I tried to assure him that – my father’s passing away was merely due to importunate  lifestyle and my mother simply was just old’. At that point, he asked their age when they had problems- heart related and otherwise.

After telling him their age when they began having issues, he smiled and asked,How old are you?” And that’s that!

His smile said it all.I felt old’

It probably sounds silly – but until that moment I had never considered myselfold.”

Ironically-I am and that’s the truth. The unreasonably snickering doctor was apparently enjoying cannoning this bombshell. So, I did something insanely fortifying – I decided to have a good laugh at myself! I am no doctor but I thought of it as the best way to cast aside my worries and calm my frayed nerves. Maybe that would blow away the butterflies for good.

At no time I was given to the idea that there was a magic pill somewhere waiting to be found some day and uncovering it would allow me a spin with Peter Pan syndrome- a timeless life. For me, it never was the silver bullet but the silver buckshot that curate a healthy happy living.

Was that good enough a consolation for this new found awareness? Jeez…It’s shaky but I did find some acuity in what many had shared about growing old before me. Oliver Wendell Holmes was a great help-Old age is always fifteen years older than I am.”; and so was Bob Hope; “I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap.” Eleanor Roosevelt’s one-liner was no less reassuring; “‘Today is the oldest you’ve ever been and the youngest you shall ever be again”.

So what the heck! …I accepted.

It’s only a graveyard shift; no more. And I saw myself more as a twilight trooper than a nocturnal nutcase. It was funny, cool and powerful and it worked for me fine- the thought I mean!  I wouldn’t think of me a midnight misfit anymore. A long life is a gift  and getting old is never so devastating that all my friends in heaven would miss me and think- “I didn’t make it’?

My old lady can vouch for as it has happened to me. Not long ago whenever we would walk out together, she’d know that a trip to restroom was not an option. Before leaving when I’d tell her that I’d better use the bathroom, she’d be acerbic,Obviously; but the concern in her voice will be unmistakable.

Image source: pexels.com

Today, I hope that life will fare out as good and happy I imagine it to and everything will work out just as fine for us. Together we will go on enjoying being oldas one.

I am already feeling better as I say this!

As for you, I want you to laugh out loud if you feel you’re clairvoyance is backsliding and ebbing with age; What was that guy’s name again?”and don’t forget to tell yourself the truth about aging.

Look…At just about any age we are always mindful about just how happy we want to be. There are childhood days when we grumble to grow up fast so that we can do whatever we want to. In college we want to graduate in a hurry so we can find work and make money. And when working we dream of the day we‘ll finally retire. Wouldn’t it be cool and well-spent if we sit down and think about what it is we like about the every stage of life we’ve been in? It’s never too hard to uncover some jewel moments and doing that will make you relive them.

Just fill the bill and someday soon you’ll forget the commercials telling us ways to fight getting older.

Image source: ‘Why should we renew our minds?’ in mountbm.org

Put up with your life and love to live the way as it is right now. To that end; slow down for a while, debark and list the things you like most about getting older. With notebook in hand and pen clicked and ready, it’s not long before the ideas would begin to flow. Trust me it’ll be difficult to stop even if writer’s cramp hurts after 15 minutes of furious scribbling. I couldn’t.  I had though kept on writing until my thoughts were exhausted. Honestly, It was one easy way to find my perfect happiness.

Having entered my sixties, I don’t care that I may not have much to contribute after I’m seventy. And I’m not sure I’ll have had much left to chip-in before turning seventy-five.

What the dickens! At 60 ain’t I still the bolting roost? And I don’t think I’m going to fade away that quickly or quietly. There’s so much to look and live for!

Image source: pexels.com

Geez…now that we’re living longer, don’t we have the time to write books about living longer?

Think about that…

Smile! don’t let yourself be billed a ‘Waster’ anymore; A ‘tomato timer’ could save your back and brain!

25:00: time to focus! 24:53: short break for reset; enable notification alerts;

You may ‘Start’ now…

20:15: it’s time for a longer break;

Stop kicking the can down the road and find ways to be gainful. You might just get away from being looked upon as a messy, couch potato creep who’s crawling lazy and always falls behind others! Here’s how…

As the clock strikes midnight, your run-up for the day begins. It will keep ticking for another 86400 times before packing for the day to pick-up a new one!  Aren’t you tardy and a little behind time? You’ve already splurged close to 25000 secs lying fast asleep in bed. There’s so much to do and not enough time to finish.

Now, you’re all worked up and worry if you could somehow find help to wrap up the stint you’ve been working on; study, writing, or coding- it feels like you’re living on borrowed time.I thought I’d finish work in time. That might have helpedbut “!

Nothing to get peevish over except that you’ll stand guilty as charged of procrastinating and hamming it up. Your claim that you could easily finish the task will be sounded out as utterly unreal and way off being realistic. As if that isn’t enough, you’ll be flagged as a reckless destructive crass who always falls short in managing his time. And all the while you’ve been thinking you’ve done enough to fix that damn fritteringsyndrome and dealt with your jinx!  Still you keep crashing out miserably each time you stretch out.

It’s gross and exasperating!

Still I think it’s Ok to fail trying than to die away doing nothing. And I guess… trying yet one more time doesn’t hurt anybody.

It’s intriguing in content…I mean this issue of prioritization and productivity. So I decided to dig back into the history a little. A fascinating ‘inverting time’ concept where time changes from a negative something; apparently lost— to a possible positive representation of an event, caught my attention and I travelled back to a 130 page revelation aboutWorking smarter, not harder’ by Francesco Cirillo who like most of us was a complete spoilsport when it came to studies and completing assignments. He knew little of little of anything let alone find a way to manage time. So when the idea of using of a kitchen timer shaped like a tomato (pomodoro in Italian)- that so nonchalantly hit him one day while prepping meal in galley-it was more accidental than a serious shot at innovating something. But what followed next was to change his life and of countless others forever!

It all started as a feather-brained hack where he’d set a two-minute timer and challenge himself to stay focused for that duration. Curiously this was set to be later used to channel time and train the brain to stay focused by chipping off some extra length of time that’s otherwise taken to stay tuned. It didn’t end here; short breaks meant to switch off after-efforts, gave him precious minutes to realign and adjust if things didn’t go well in the first instance!

Cirillo had then moved on to five… 10 and later 25 minutes followed by a five-minute break; which he thought was fair enough optimal time interval. This meant that ‘anything less than this was too short a time to get anything done, while an hour-long was way too long’.

And this is when the ‘tomato timer’ birthed.

Gif source: ‘Tips and tricks. Unofficial guides and fixes. User edition.’ in forum.zidoo.tv

This is something that you too can do to wriggle out of your daily struggle to be productive. Jeez…haven’t you had enough off being badly road-rolled and knocked around with a ton of tasks to finish and do not know how to complete them?  As a matter of fact you run a serious risk of an early burn-out and a steep backslide. So, try your hand on this fancy hourglass for some dramatic results. Doing so would eliminate procrastination from your life and ensure that you stay focused on one task at a time allowing you to work in short bursts of time with short breaks in between.

Pen a draft, knock out a proposal, complete a graphic design project, or dash-off a complex code; breaking your work into 25-minute chunks is hugely beneficial and the pause in between would let you review the progress you’ve made so far with fresh eyes to make adjustments where necessary.

What’s even better is how easy it is to begin! Simply find a timer (the one on your phone will work fine), and get going. If you’re looking for something more legit, explore the likes of Focus booster, Pomello, Toggl, Clockwork Tomato, Focus to-do. Using a Pomodoro tracker feels edgy at first but after several days your variables will make you wonder why you didn’t pick it up earlier; you may have saved yourself a lot of troubles!  Getting something done on time and ticking it off your to-do list can be extremely satisfying.

On the other hand little distractions have the distinction of derailing whole work day in a flash. This would have lots of open ended work left unfinished and would seemingly drag on endlessly. But if you’re keen to work past the point of optimal order and timing, you’d better build up an appetite for ‘tomatoes’. Like so, it would save the day for you and set plans for you with gamified objectives and gumptious ends!

Begin by breaking down complex projects in smaller actionable steps. Stay close to this rule and some clear progress is sure to happen since small tasks go together to a bigger end. So combine simpler ones together and ace it. But before that ….

Image source: ‘Why do I procrastinate?’ by Nancy in sweet planit.com

Set the timer to ring at all times since pomodoro’ is an indivisible unit of time and cannot be broken; certainly not for checking incoming mails, team chats or text messaging.  In the moment, it might seem easy for you to justify these internal pulls; “This email is too important to wait,” or “It’ll take only less than a minute to check my Twitter; that not a real distraction…Ok!”

Of course, anything that comes up in between needs to be returned to later. A digital to-do-list to keep track is fine but a pen and paper will do as well. Perish the thought but these small interruptions would lie low and be messy later! You have to take note of them.

But it’s not just the time lost; it’s also the time and energy you’ll need before your lost attention settles down and goes live again. After switching gears, our minds stay absorbed with the previous calling for well over 20 minutes before it gathers wits fully. Indulging the impulse to check Face book even for a minute is like blowing away some 20 minutes of trying before you could get back on rails.

Make it a 5 minute break if the disruption is imminent; keep track of the time lost and reflect how best to avoid them next time. See… each break is a chance to reset and bring your attention back to what you should be working on. It makes you become more aware of where and how you’re spending your time.

Nevertheless, if you get to finish before the timer goes off, reach out for some over learning or spend this extra time reading up on professional knowledge to improve on your skill set.

Image source: ‘6 ways to improve work-life balance when working remotely’ in calmsage.com

Guess what…at the end of the day you’ll be too ready to believe that good things do happen to you too and how much you can get done in a day!

All you need to do is …jumpstart your day by thinking in ‘tomatoes’ rather than hours!

Dear HR, can we please say ‘no!’ to ‘forced’ fun in the Workplace?

Post-work dinners, ringing laughter and upbeat colleagues; this is not the kind of work place that you’d think of as toxic. In fact you’d be disappointed if some cold jerk were to tell you how they party in the Office without getting beached! Dreaming of working there! No way…there would be no excitement or joy for you.

But honestly it’s still way better than the ‘forced fun’ that’s on offer for some jobs. From yearly bash- where drunken seniors swagger around with pesky conversations and raucously push the shaky juniors to twirl a leg, to deadwood birthday celebrations around some sleazy old cake and canned juice, to a nerve-wracking night out of mandatory fun’ where instead of bringing levity, you feel dumped. Your uncaring Drop it. That doesn’t bother me. I would rather not get involvedunmindful attitude won’t be of  much help either. The mundane horrors are many!  

I’m not saying that all Office fun sucks. It’s just that most HRs wouldn’t know how not to put together some crappy, wasted accidental drill’ that no one wants to go to.

Meant to be popular as an inspiration to beleaguered drop dead work mule, it loses steam the moment it’s the boss who gets to decide what and when to share. Should you begin to feel like you’re being punished, you can safely assume that it’s your employer’s prerogative! Yeah…it’s perfectly legal and there’s nothing terrible about it.

Think of it like this; you’re to take part in a team building trip to say, an amusement park or an overnight leisure retreat, for neither of which you have any heart and have decided to decline to go. Don’t expect to get those days off!  You’ll be looked upon to continue to show up at work. You may find that punishing but isn’t that pretty reasonable? You being asked to carry on with the work if you’ve decided to miss the fun’. Totally normal I’d say; no one is going to let you an extra three days of vacation out of kindness of their heart. You won’t get to bail on that; fears rage others too might join the chorus. Yeah, I’d rather be snowboarding in some slinky ski town or watching Paul Feig movies at home or hopping around Cafés and glitzy plazas”; many would count on baring their hearts out than pitch for some eerie partying.

Image source: ‘Yes, you really do have to attend your office holiday party—here’s why’ by Kerri Anne Renzulli in cnbc.com on Dec. 13, 2018.

Sometimes the fun’ part isn’t quite so organized and stays messy all throughout. Gone are the days when annual bash was the only breather in the calendars. Today, you may find yourself climbing ropes or running a three legged race, all the time cursing and damning your ‘forced’ choice. Post work holiday partying, drinks, pepping up, work place mixers and retreats; in fact just about everything is a cinematic parody stuff now. You’re meant to behave like a kid rollicking away at a summer camp.

Of course vacations and days-off are a time for fun, but getting ‘in the spirit’ works differently for everyone. Beyond the general insensibility of such activities, the attempt to revitalize mutual ties often stalls, all because of failed respect for work-life boundaries!

Now that I think about it, isn’t it strange that person like Linda Yaccarino would pick up the wildest job in tech, aware that she was pitted against one of the toughest jobs and a dyspathetic employer ? Gutted workforce, dwindling advertising, Twitter was an utter chaos and on the edge of collapse with little to fence off copy cat alternatives. Guess…what she was contemplating was a measured pushback’ to put an end to all the woes. But hard firing the people is cold with no explanation that would make sense. “I’m going to get fired for this.  I work at Twitter right now, but … is just better. Here’s to a new World”; every farewell would end on a teary note each time an employee was shown the doors. Twitter was acting like a product and not a service.

Disgruntled andat odds’ employee is like buying a Rolls Royce stripped of half the bodywork with a lift kit put on it. My guess is, Twitters reaction to a pretty harmless esprit de corps was intense and at best unnecessary and unprofessional. Making work a little light, less serious and with even lesser ‘mandatory strings stirs up people enough to take a second look before turning away from work.

Still there is always a time when you simply want to finish work and go home. You have little or no interest to go for an offsite thing. There’ve been parties that you didn’t attend because of that reason only. You’d always find a graceful way to stay away from the group picture’. But isn’t it also worth asking why you are so opposed to posing? Is it the cruel kindness of a jumpy jittery HR that you despise or have you lost interest inold news’ and ‘organized chaos‘? Ask around…and nobody will have the answer.

What’s wrong anyways in being humorously contradictory at times?

Don’t get me wrong. It’s totally Ok if you’re happy at your workplace; you’d tend to work harder than those who are fed up with the grind. But managedjoy isn’t always a perfect hit. What’s important is not a beady-eyed push to mend loose ties; that’s at best noble but dismissive act. It puts people behind on work and denies what they really want. Besides forced fun is often seen as an attempt to stave off likability for better pay, better benefits, parental leave and better work/life balance or work flexibility. In fact, it only worsens everything, making burn-out levels rise fast while separating work from identities. What’s more influencing is that you’d rather finish work ASAP and head home to your actual life where it’s reassuring and satisfying and takes the edge-off uninterrupted.

It though is complicated in what it means to your HR now that he’s doing what he can to hold onto you before you run amok and decide to quit. He’s always busy trying balancing what he thinks is right for everyone. What then is the fix? …if only somehow it can be managed without actually being enforced.

Image source: ‘Job satisfaction won’t buy you engagement’ by Charles Rogel in tlnt.com. on May 10, 2018.

Put your money where the mouth is

Small time ingenuity might just do the trick. Building actionable perceptions ranging from ‘smart’ library to virtual book clubs, movie clubs and ‘little freedoms‘ similar to slack channels for fandom, make for a good start. Without the pressure of a formal workplace event, affinity becomes intense and more flexible. Petty props like suggestion box or anonymous online questionnaire are the best way to sass out what people are really interested in and why they often feel nervous about voicing their concerns.  Sometimes gifts and vouchers work even better instead of a deliberate slinging physical soiree.

Of course small changes make a heap of difference but when wrapped up in work, nobody wants to leave the desk for a pickle ball match only to come back to a heapful of work load. Social events or fun activities after hours are equally restrictive and not many would attend. Even when everything is optional, it doesn’t feel great to miss out or to be singled out as one who never joins in.

On the contrary bated enthusiasm lets off the steam when the buzz happens within the Office hours. It’s a win-win for everybody; generally speaking you’d exploit and enjoy and stand in good stead while the HR would sigh in relief and be alive again looking for dips in productivity.

At the end of the day, I guess there is hardly anything wrong in seeing work as what you do for a living. It’s nice to get a pat on the back when the work is taxing and you deliver, but would you takeflatteryover clean passable work conditions? Nah… nobody would. You’re worth more than some feeble voice in a karaoke duette.

Image source: ‘You’re ready to take the HiSET’ in hiset.org.

So, if your company offers you random groovy pizza parties, free Friday beer over reasonable hours, flexible work and a sassy compensation…

I’d say you better look a little closer.

I’d only have one wrinkle and gladly sit on it, if some day happiness becomes my wish bone!

Did you know that even spicy foods can make you happy! They say it’s because the body cannot distinguish between spiciness and the peppery pain, and pain releases endorphins in the brain which register as pure happiness. For quite a few it wouldn’t mean anything except tears and sweat. But wait till the “Pepper High Effect” burns you enough to feel Hot, Happy, and Healthy! You just need to build up your tolerance to ’scoville ferocity’.

Like many, I couldn’t do it either; perhaps I didn’t need it after all (whatever lies I tell myself!).

Two or more years ago, I jinxed myself;

I had been telling around that I know how to carry-off happiness for me out of a wet paper bag if needed (whatever that was supposed to mean), had no problem with changing choices and felt I was on my way (wherever that might be, I was certain it was a good place).

And then…unprepared for;

I realized I had never actually made any headway with my flight of fancy. I had conned myself with some fake beliefs. The deceit was blinding!

What does that mean? Where I went wrong with the Happy question”? I needed to find out.

I knew the answer wasn’t quite that simple. It’s a rare bird that nests distantly or distinctly from person to person, moment to moment, and breath to breath. What’s exciting today might hurt tomorrow. So, I tried mimicking facial exercises to pick up the mood; “Rest your face five seconds, now let’s do it again five times… smile, smile, Smile, smile, smile!” Geez…It was miserable. I just couldn’t do it.

Image source: ‘My life sucks – Bounce back guide’ by David in meaningfulpaths.com

Hang in there a moment. I wasn’t ready to give up on me.

I didn’t know if it was Ok to believe happiness to be a choice. What if I were to change my ways? Would that leave me content for the rest of my life?Truth is, like everybody I didn’t have the slightest idea about the whole thing. Not altogether. Not 100 %.

Yet there are people who are happy and others aren’t. What brings the difference? Is happiness actually a lifetime option? What’s there to be like Jeanne Louise Calment, a perky, jaunty happy soul who fiercely loved chocolate and ate nearly 2 lbs of it every week? Active as she ever was, she had taken up fencing at 85 and was riding bicycles at 100! She even went on to star in Vincent and Me’ in 1990 when she was 104! She smoked until 120 and quit smoking only when she could no longer find her cigarette box. “Until next year perhaps?” She would say goodbye to the people who frequented her. “I don’t see why not! You don’t look so bad to me.”; a fond response would never fail to enthuse her. A twinkle in the eye and a subtle grin would momentarily give away her contentment. She stayed witty right until the end came in 1977. She was 122 then!

What was then that kept her going so strongly even at such a ripe age?

Nothing would make us happy unless we choose to

Whenever I fell into the rut of sadness, each time I would hear one single ideathree ways; that we have the option to choose happiness, that it would lead me straight back to my natural state of daily joy and that I’d be out of my jinx box in no time! It was difficult to face a crazy argument that wasn’t real but felt revolutionary. I didn’t need to let my story of unhappiness hold power over me.

Weeks later, I chanced to hit a thread on Reddit. It went like this;

“Think of your thoughts like the weather; as if they were passing clouds. Weather doesn’t have meaning; sometimes you get storm clouds and sometimes clear skies.”

I guess what did it do to me was happily shocking and surprising!

It shattered the pall of gloom around me and helped me rise into happiness. In a simpler way- the melancholy was not serving or doing me any good. It needed to be junked. And for once “I didn’t need an excuse to be happy!”

Image source: ’10 habits to be happy’ by Julianna Summers in newtraderu.com

Don’t wait to simplify life!

For years altogether I have tried to break free of my individual unhappiness. Not much of a success there. I would still be angry about my deprived childhood and resent 30 odd years of surviving a deadwood career. In any case, it always reeked of some kind of heresy as I’d often find arguing with myself; “What!—how could I to just ‘snap out of’ this straight jacket numbness that is stuck with me since forever?”

I don’t believe miracles happen, at least not that quickly but yes- I did get it right finally. It had occurred to me that few roads to happiness just do not lead through Oxytocin or Endorphin. The one and only truth that matters is that ‘If you’re not happy, you can choose to be’. Pick up an enduring will, wake up some rugged determination and you’ll get better and feel lofty.

Neither do you have to be any good at DIY to get going. Happiness does not demand some external event, an accomplishment, a win, a pat on the head, a struggle or any reason at all. For all I know, you can simply choose to be happy from this moment onwards; for no reason other than that you’re the most knotty life form, have confusingly interrelated parts- that‘ve somehow come together- live in most exciting times and are going around an ever exploding ball of hydrogen at 107000 kmph all the while sitting on an enormous chunk of rock and lava.

Take that in. Don’t wait and…for once keep biology out of it!Nothing is more dispiriting than the burden of unhappiness due to air and appearance you carry. 

So start loving somebody; get mushy and if you’re in love, take time right now to reveal. Open your heart before it stops. Even a small touch, massage, hug, hand holding or a handshake works well.  

It’s a hard one on you if you have ‘no love’ or little something to hang on to, but self-love is just as good a fill-in. It shuts out everyone else except YOU to care for. Eventually fondness, generosity and a warm heart would fill your day. Give an unexpected gift, buy a stranger Coffee, rummage your pocket and throw change in that ‘unfortunate’ hat, or laud and pay a compliment. When you do small favors, fuzzy feelings begin to flood your veins and Oxytocin will flow.

Besides, who would want to live asJanitor of a Mountain of BS(quoting Tim Ferriss) for 50 straight years only to resign to a couch in the corner and drag through the idyllic Golden Years? I would rather not wait for mermaids to spoon-feed me bran flakes and let each day bring me a new jumper! Should I? Nope …no way, the idea has run out of gas for me. The fantasy that I do X to be happy has fallen behind.

Image source: ‘Why you should strive to be content, not happy’ in healthwellbeing.com

Honestly, I believe that you don’t need to hang on to outcomes for your happiness. If you do, it will be Ok for a minute, a month or perhaps longer but sooner than later you’ll be haunted by the next unreal emptiness in your life.

Don’t hold back; the world has not shrunk yet. You need to choose NOW!

Four signs that you’re truly at peace with yourself but don’t know it yet!

I close my eyes for a moment when alone and try seeing the highlight reel of my life. A strange sense of serenity descends and fills me with contentment. Hard to say…is this for real? Have I found it at last? How am I to know that I ain’t at war with myself any longer and it’s the same happiness that everybody hopelessly stalks?

It’s a shame I couldn’t find honest answers then; but euphoria prevails to this day!

Some say it’s the peace of mind when you’re sheltered. For few it’s about decluttering and repairing to quickly find a new purpose. Others argue that it’s about accepting and letting go what’s baggy. My guess!… It’s what we do to stay normal in different moods to bring a desirable change; some squeaky clean happiness and peace of mind.

We all own a panic stricken mind even at the best of times. Not to say it’s a twisted temperament, but it makes people do pretty crazy things in life. I spent my early thirties clambering out of one catastrophe into another, behaving gross at times- chiding, berating and hurting others; often bad smelling with unnecessary lies! It was miserable but I wasn’t sorry for me or anybody. What the heck! This was my roost- my hallway of destruction and I loved being in it.

But there is another side to this story.

Behind all this carnage, I was a genuinely good hearted person. I always tried to be a nice somebody. Guess… it’s because I had nobody around to help me drop my snags and sorrows at dark times.

With crazy thoughts buzzing and booming in my head, I was sledged over and again by a creepy feeling- that of all the people I had hurt, it was no one more than me. I was aware that I had done enough awful things to regret later. It was like being in a kitchen with everything but no sink. I had no way to rinse off all the felony and cheating that was drowning me. More than anything, I was worried stiff that no one had the right answers that would help.

Incredibly, in the thick of all the alarms and chills unwittingly I had missed it altogether…!

It was so simple, I mean the fix! All I needed was to rearrange my headspace around few mindful things, be wary of what I decide to do every day, behave around them with integrity and try to keep my nose clean.

Not left with much choice, I went about securing my life telling myself-If I’d manage myself with restraint, I would surely find a low-key-life free of conflicts and strife one day!”  

Today, I remember thinking how excited I was- to have chosen a way out.

Know your heartsease

For many things, peace is slippery and difficult to catch. Clock keeps ticking 24×7 and so does everyday life but peace stays distant, unless we’ve chosen to be upright in actions and follow for a turnaround.

No matter how tough things were yesterday, today I hit the sack every night with a clear conscience and a wonderful sense of calmness crooning in my ears. I have learned to live and endure. It sure did take me time and trials before I could win. It wasn’t impassable for me. Laugh, swoon, cringe or sob, it won’t be any more difficult to you trying than it was to me.

Begin by evolving a habit of sticking to “next right thing” all the time. It may be difficult at first but some legwork is way better than to drift-off not attempting anything. There’s nothing to lose and everything to gain. Still…

If you think you may fail and couldn’t help slipping back to your old ways; don’t fret! Check for these oddities to know if you haven’t wandered far off and could rally back. See which one has added to your life that you aren’t aware of.

Count on me; you’d no longer need trying if you’ve made a hit!

Image source: pexels.com

You endure what you can’t change

Often events change course abruptly without forewarning that we wish hadn’t. It’s like conjuring things we’ve done in the past and wish we hadn’t. And there’s little we can do to fix them except hope that some good will turn out of it. It’s only a ‘Zen mindset that doesn’t worry much over the past or future or to make amends.

Of course not many of us are exalted like that but if you’re busy living peacefully then most likely you’ve learned not to over think; you’re done with the past and hardly worry about the future. Bills, work, health, anything and everything, do not torment you and you think there’s hardly anything you need to change.

Great! You’re free of worries and know well that stress and worry would only disparage your wellbeing. You are clever enough to know that thoughts aren’t for real and would hate sitting on them. You prefer to move on.

You’re inclined to take things as they come

Ask anyone who’s happy and content and you’ll know why it’s Ok not to resist what persists. Unexpected happens all the time in our lives. Fireballs keep falling in our lap every so often -its life.

But not you; you’re all set and face heartbreaks head on. You are aware that inevitable is fated to happen.  So instead of struggling to fix things the way you want, you accept the way they happen knowing that this would turn out to be lot better than you’ve thought.

In all honesty, resisting change only makes it harder on us. My guess is …you’re flexible enough and would rather give way to changes.

And that’s your key to happiness.

Image source: ‘If you do these 10 things, you’re truly at peace with yourself’ by Wendy Kaur in ideapod.com

You choose to slow down

I’d say that most of us do not enjoy our present. With wandering minds, fleeting eyes we’d reach out to our phone every few minutes in the hope of  momentary relief in busted situations. Besides with only an eye and half an ear to surroundings, it’s mostly boring and unexciting.

But you’re not a geek. You’d gladly take up pursuits that seek to slow you down, yet you’re alive to your surroundings. You’re fond of reading a book, tending front garden leaves you happy and you adore gleeful escapades in the kitchen. You revel in your mindfulness and admire arresting experiences. You enjoy talking to your friends, love long morning strolls and savor to interact around.  

Slowing down sometimes wins us a heightened awareness of the present. You’ve set clear sights on the Circle of life!

You love yourself

You’re truly at peace if you love being YOU. Not full of yourself, smug or snooty, you don’t need many heads to have a good time or to reveal your best version. You’re genuinely contented and love your company. You’re perfectly happy and fulfilled when you go to sleep. In quieter moments you long to hang around with an old friend and yearn for one-on one chat.

Still not with me? If you’re not happy with what you have and what you’d love to do to make others happy, then it’s as much of a different journey as it is for others. There’s no single right way of doing things and experiencing happiness. But if you see smile on your partners’ face each morning; yearn for a cruise to Caribbeans with Fam and every night you cuddle in the bed clean handed; honestly deep down you’re fortunate to rest in peace and rejoice at heart.

Image source: sohib.indonesiabaik.id

Did you catch my drift? For all I know you could be on a couch stuffing your face with potato chips, pulling apart my bag of tricks and waiting for it to happen; but if  it’s not your work, house, car, or everyday stuff that worries you- then you’ve bumped into it , unaware of your fortune.

Just stick together and … In time you’ll stand out big!

4 finger lickin’ good potluck dessert ideas that are actually healthy and never go off-limits!

Imagine this; you haven’t been sprinkling maca powder into your smoothie every morning and most likely haven’t heard of trendy super foods. You’ve somehow missed the fancies of living a clean life. So, does this gets you worked up? Forget it, if somehow you feel hammered. You can still roll out your sandwich and steak with salad greens and quell the sugary demons without being robbed of taste, texture or flavor. These aphrodisiacs that are sometimes known as super foods, always call the shots when there is a sinful longing for a mouth watering sweet indulgence.

And all the while your ‘mini mart mindset’ for ‘cheat food’ stays intact!  

All that between a luxurious cake, a refreshing sorbet and yum dessert I guess, probably you have never thought of using health nuts, berries, beans, strawberries or red and green apples in your dessert plans for a potluck party. Quite so…normally we set aside health concerns when it comes to partying around and would readily pitch-in for scrumptious warped foods. We would never even glance over to the stuff that infallibly packs in a guaranteed delight of vitamins, minerals, antioxidants and healthy fats. 

Café, grill, pit stop or beanery; each one of them is a delicious way to treat ourselves to some of the most flavorsome food. But when health is a top concern and we’re faced with making more nutritious choices—the fabled pick of an ambrosial platter stays off-limits.

There are though several ways to usher in the delightful luxury of a bonne bouche dessert to the table if you’re thinking of partaking next Jacob’s Join. Both trendy and easy to make, these desserts vow not to trade off anything hurtful. And you don’t always need butter, eggs or cream to invent something that’s both sweet and rich but not sinful. Once you’ve stocked your pantry with few simple ingredients, kicking-off few knockout desserts is not difficult. Simply swap coconut oil with butter, set aside ground flaxseed in place of eggs and find some space for a bottle of pure maple syrup in your kitchen shelf. You’ll be surprised to find what you don’t miss one bit!

If and when you’re seriously thinking of working over an incredibly flavorful dessert fix for your next potluck rendezvous, be sure to keep in mind that what constitutes healthy would mean differently for everybody; so much so that gluten’ may not have as many diggers as sugar’ and someone watching for carbs might be pro-dairy!

Of all the frozen treats and crisps and cakes and croissants and many more twisty decadent desserts, none though guarantees never-like-before confetti flavors as these classic plant-based lust-after delights do. Every bite is simply a heaven sent experience!

Chocolate Bundt Cake

This could turn out to your favorite potluck pick not only because you can slice it small enough for everybody to get a piece but also because this show-stopping dessert is an absolute party runner. Soft, moist, fudgy and topped with a decadent chocolate ganache, this rich chocolate cake is no less than an old wine for chocolate connoisseurs. The moist crumb melts straightaway in the mouth!

Crammed with cocoa powder, butter, oil and sour cream, this cake is one helluva luxurious crowd-pleaser. The bundt pan makes it all the more inviting though in reality it’s incredibly simple to make! A total grandstander, this cake is meant for a perfect after meal celebration. Ultimate in chocolate dessert, there is no stopping you to fall in love with this cream cheese frosting laden cake. If you want more amplified levels here then try a moister, crumbly and irresistibly delicious red velvet one?

Avocado Cake with Orange-Ginger Icing

Image source: ‘Easy ginger avocado cake with lemon drizzle’ in fabfood4all.co.uk

Avocado tops my chart of super foods for a good reason. Packed with vitamins and minerals, this pear-shaped tropical butter fruit with green or blackish skin and rich yellowish nutty flavor pulp, promises loads of healthy monounsaturated fatty acids. Its smooth creamy texture with a neutral flavor, blends well with pies and pastries and makes for an easy substitute for butter.

Utterly moist and delicious this super food hipster cake is an unmatched, gluten free exotic blend of whole-meal spelt flour, olive oil, Greek yogurt, ginger and oranges and tots up as a health food in kitchen bibles and cookery books.        

Gorgeously textured and yum flavors, this frosted cake is any time anywhere winner and is a top pick in Café’s and Diners amongst the list of some of the highly acclaimed hot off the fire desserts. If you’re by any chance a pâtisserie buff with a fluky love for ginger, spices and tangy oranges, a bite of this flavor-burst would surely be a lasting experience for you.

So, now if you’ve chosen this as an impressive dessert choice for your upcoming potluck soirée; you may breathe easy.  And don’t forget to stow away a slice of this delight for you might be tempted to celebrate solo later!

Chocolate Greek Yogurt Mousse

Image source: ‘Greek Yoghurt Chocolate Mousse’ by Raquel Neofit in stayathomemum.com.au

Mousse is commonly made with whipped egg whites and heavy cream; but not in here. If you’re looking for a healthier, easy to spin-off version in place of some traditional clone- this is where your quest ends. This rich, velvety easy to whip-up divine dessert makes use of bittersweet chocolate chips, Greek yogurt, cinnamon, ginger, turmeric, raspberries and  a splash of almond extract. Packed with probiotic and calcium, Greek yogurt is the primary component in this super food dessert. Chocolate with around 70% cacao turns this sweet-course richer in antioxidants. And the added honey and spices lend it a unique flavor to rack up few more health benefits!

Açaí & Blueberry Tart

Feature credits” Açaí & Blueberry Tart’in SAnjeev Kapoor Khazana in YouTube.com

With a buttery flaky cinnamon spelt crust- pulled together from grain spelt, cinnamon, vanilla bean custard filling, and juicy berries – just about every ingredient rallies around to turn this berry tart into an ultimate super food dessert! A sumptuous and delicious way to showcase a classic luxuriant last course, this dessert is all warm and inviting with trimming of blueberries on top and a lush blend of heavy cream, sugar and vanilla for garnish. The sweet insides crow of a silky smooth mix of açaí puree, sugar and egg yolk, all gorgeously coming together in butter.

Prepping here though calls for a lot of patience with the process. Simply cooking low and slow does the trick and ensures that you don’t end up with sweet, scrambled eggs! Once done, this sweet indulgence guarantees your friends an ecstatic raving experience.

Like I said earlier …you’d never get short of awesome culinary ideas only if you are eager to rummage a little and ready to combine food with fettle. With unique flavors and added nutritional punch, you can always put together a triple whammy super-food dessert anytime. So, set out…and your upcoming potluck soiree would have something for everybody to talk about later!

Dessert is typically not the first thing that would cross your mind when you’re weighing  options for a sweet course and would even hardly consider a mindful use of super foods. But if somehow you can pack nutrient rich ingredients in here without compromising on texture and flavors and come out with some incredible unsullied sweet indulgence, then why not? 

Cafés, cappuccino and croissants- what is not to love!-Give your life some unmatched flavors this summer.

If you love something, you need to let go of yourself head-first into it and then only you’d feel what love really is!

Like most people, I too have a bucket list of inspired foodie things that make my life happier. Pie crusts, breads, foam cakes, real and rough puff pastry, custards, meringues, pâte à choux to name a few; I am not madly in love with all of them, but if I can find them turned out the way they are meant to, well…that makes my day! I tend to enjoy them and the satisfaction that I get is intense and enough for me. Sometime I wish I should have had a chance at some good patisserie learning. For now…the little wooden table at the charming little tuck-away Café in my residential neighborhood, is my sole bake house, my school and my galley for bench tests. Some of my first hand aha-moments happened there!

Of course, I’m in no race at judging food. I am no food critic except that I count on differentiating good food from bad. In the process, sometimes I stumble; at times it’s my bad when I conclude poorly over taste and smell. At others I simply throw my hands up in despair for having indulged and yet remarking appallingly. But I bounce back sooner or later. I have succeeded often and now know how to make my day. I guess this is my journey and I have myself only to count upon. These little triumphs are my big highs and fair enough to make me a little better than yesterday. If you ask me I’d say most things are easy once you get the hang of them. Yet few little things are always left behind that you could try your hands anytime.

Image source: ‘New restaurant coming to West Palm Beach: An all-day café with Australian inspirations’ by Liz Balmaseda in palmbeachpost.com

Bringing about a difference to the day without fuss, is one decent success that none of us chronicles! And what better way to attempt it than with a simple but skilled plate of no fuss-all flavors food to turn around. Swipe right: this might be love I was talking about!

Baked, brewed and beautiful, there are certain foods that go a step further in enhancing your enjoyment leaving you marveling at the intense sweetness of the moment! From Mango Chili macaroon and Pesto Chili Cheese to Croissants with a crunch, all over a sip of warm cappuccino freshly made from premium coffee beans-every bit of them are cranked up to make your bite an ambrosial spree of sweet and savory. Endeavor… and it sure would quite hit the spot for you.

Wine and cheese or donuts or cookies, paired with coffee is so familiar in bistros nowadays that these comely combos are lovingly accepted everywhere. You are good to go anytime except that you’d still miss the upper crust if you don’t get to savor the exquisiteness!

Freshly baked buttery and flaky, croissants are the ultimate coffee companion. A buttery one filled with vanilla or chocolate pastry cream or apricot jams and paired with a foamy warm cappuccino never fails to put the smile on any face. And what better way to pair your sides or goodies than with an all-stirring, delicately aromatic and heartwarming cup of coffee!

Image source:’Tatte Bakery & Cafe’ by Amy Fukuizumi in thefoodlens.com

Come to think of it…coffee never ceases to amaze me. It tastes a little like blackberry but it so good; it’s my happiness. This caramelly, chocolaty dark brew with bitter earthy notes of roasted almond is what makes my day start right. Blessed and obsessed I love my cup of morning mud to be strong, fragrant and deeply rich in taste. It helps me feel motivated. It sponsors good mood and keeps my sunny side up all day long. I am no Coffee Sommelier but …sometimes I wish my Mondays to be a wee bit short! Somehow it helps wither my blues.

Brewing a coffee doesn’t sound like a great kitchen fix or baking inspiration but this is one fiddle that goes particularly so well with bite-size croissant at tea time that I would rather call it coffee time instead. The one bad thing though about it is that you’ll probably want more of mini croissants after you wash down your first bite with that indulgent frothy, silky smooth cup of thrill. So, watch out for the inches that would rush to your front porch.

Gut and belly aside, I simply love indulging it. My creaky wooden table at the Café appears delightfully inviting when the aroma from the pot of freshly brewed coffee brings together all the comforting flavors and aromatic notes of cappuccino to it. Next what arrives would make anybody go weak at knees. My beaut would get ever more tantalizing! An indulgent coffee pastry cream topped with whipped cream would unmistakably fetch sensuous notes of cappuccino together and make my heart skip for a beat.

Image source: “Cappuccino croissant stock photos’ in depositphotos.com

So much so for me…but whichever version you get at your local bistro, once you take a bite of mini-all-butter-flaky croissants dipped well into the silky cream, the exotic flavors will have you rooted to this all time seriously good combo!   

To many this probably wouldn’t sound original but the thing is that when your coffee is paired properly, you’re able to taste enhanced flavors of both the coffee and the food. Seriously, this duo is your best bet for a delightful treat if you’re in a hurry and crave for something sweet…and savory to wash down with a cup of hot invigorating and refreshing cappuccino. The bitterness of the coffee unmistakably complements the sweetness of buttery flaky croissant when you actually dunk it into your coffee. This long time unique flavor combination stands tall amongst any-time-swell-standouts and never disappoints.

So, why not do what I believe we all are freak’n good at? Dive-in your bagel or tart or phyllo into a cup of steaming hot smooth Joe and experience the joy of intense flavors swoon your palate and rush down your senses like never before. I’m sure as hell…!!

You’d be smitten!

There’s more to life than you think -3 mindful ways to live your best!

I deeply admire Warren Buffet. He knows how to make smart decisions and like he said lessons learned just about anything firsthand are often the most painful but the best ones. One way to get to the point he made I guess, is to say no to everything you come across. Or to move, take decisions and make way for a smart living. Both ways it’s your call and the difference that you experience makes your life easy and worth living!

Everybody wants what feels good and like what comes easy –strings free! If I were to ask you, “What do you want most out of your life?” and you’d most likely say something like, “I want to be happy, have a great family, a job I like, a car I’d love to own, a house of my dreams and a job I like”.

But the truth is that life doesn’t work that way always and even far less interesting is the fact that very few choose their struggles wisely to succeed and be happy. Guess, we all have circumstances that are not ideal most of the times.

There have been a few of mine as well. I had never imagined that one day I’d find myself living through my own personal hell. Things at times were happening real bad and I was struggling life curveballs. What hurt most was not to be able to do things that I knew I was able to do or want to be able to do, but can’t.

I was restless and looking for ways to live well in spite of bad breaks; to expand my life, to find a purpose and to live the joy everybody is so crazy about. It came down to the choices I needed to make to help me see beyond the fretful circumstances that so easily limit who I was and all that I could be.

To move forward in the best way I can, I decided to let go all that that I was holding onto that in turn was holding me back. What joy I could possibly be missing out on while bleeding for things that are not ever going to happen? Shouldn’t I be enjoying my today? What if somehow I accepted everything the way it was and learned to make the best of it?

Living in the moment is one of the most difficult things to master. Yet I decided to take one positive step each day hoping to walk into the sunshine one day- happy and contented. So, loving life for what it’s worth then – warts and all, I took my shot and ran hell with it.

These three smart moves helped me uncover what all I had to let go that I had always fought so hard to keep, to be happy and alive.

It’s your turn now!

Image source: ‘Mindfulness- 10 tips on how to live a more mindful life’ in tabularasaretreat.com

Live a life you don’t need to escape

I have always hated being stuck inside. Some days I wouldn’t want to go to Office. At others I’d feel exhausted, unhappy and simply disgusted for doing the same thing again and again. It doesn’t seem like me, but the job paid well and people known to me were a constant reminder to just how great it was. Somehow, I was committed to doing things that I disliked most or didn’t matter to me at all. I was practically selling out on my values and purpose. I had a flush bank account but was unhappy. It felt like I had two heads; one that saw my life as fulfilling and the other always jumpy, looking for greener grass lost in the race for wanting more!

It was intriguing; was I missing on something?

There must be more to life than that‘; the thought would often leave me white-knuckled and restless. I could no longer stave off the urge to take the plunge.

I knew very well that taking a step into the unknown is scary but then that’s how a journey of thousand miles begins! The ugly fear of walking the dark was frightening. This is when Einstein’s brilliance bailed me out; Insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results.”

To cut things short,I pulled up myself and took to helping and inspiring people although it was not butterflies and rainbows all the times. I took to traveling a lot and would love to meet like minded people. Even though I earn fewer today- I had hung my boots four years ago, I still get up early though there’s hardly anything important to do. Sometimes I don’t know when and what next I’d do. But I have learned to be part of my life. Hassles are inconvenient interruptions of course, yet for the first time I have found a reason and purpose to what I do. I’ve learned to love what I’ve and dream of what I would leave behind tomorrow.

Today, I live a wholesome life and I’d never ever think of escaping it.

Don’t let a bad day make you feel like you have a bad life

Let’s face this. Bad days exist and are full of frustrations. An argument over breakfast, a missed Office bus or even a spilled coffee can make you wish if you could crawl back into the bed and let everything fall into place before you would kick start the day! If this is you then your day has started on the wrong foot and you do not know how to stop little annoyances from dragging you down. You fret and wonder if there’s a way to turn a bad day into a good one!

But trying to change them would only take your energy away. Things gone awry are upsetting but I guess, it’s not always about changing your days. It’s about selling yourself few inspirations!

“I’m not going to change anything. This day is all about good times and sadness, excitement and boredom and I’ll not pretend that mood swings are not shaking me up or something is overwhelmingly turning my day upside down. I’ll not let myself be buried under bad things happening today.”

Without getting miserable about everything imperfect, I gave up thinking about crawling back into the bed and to be a little more in there.’ It helped me to stay focused and get unstuck. I picked-up amidst the scattered what I thought mattered most. I marveled about everything else I was grateful for…job, kid and the clothes on my back!

I gave up on anything fierce and stifling.

Nowadays I don’t hunker down for the rest of the day if something upsets me. I would take a walk down the street, listen to music or a podcast or catch up on news or simply drive around. A change in surroundings hints that the current mood doesn’t need to be carried any longer.

Somehow, I had learned to take note of what goes wrong-and then right. I am no longer sad if I’m having a bad day because something stalled or expectations failed me. I let the things happen as they do and I do what I do.

Of course, it’s hard to find much to smile about when you fail, but how else would you find your laughter if you let a bad day overawe you?

Stop worrying! You can never be perfect

It sounds like a cliché but definitely makes sense when we struggle to make everything done and yet can’t end up finishing perfectly. Perfection is a myth that creates more pain than joy, more confusion than calm and more resentment than creativity. Of course, doing things that seem hopeless doesn’t mean you won’t fail. In all seriousness, that really is the inevitability of doing things. But by staying centered rather than trying to be perfect makes the likelihood of success more real. Who wouldn’t want to build an imperfect billion dollar empire than a perfect bankrupt one!

I think we all know the answer to this; perfection merely distracts from the present and is probably a waste of time. It has at times made me place value on wrong things and not listen to myself fearing that I’d somehow fail!

You wouldn’t want any of that …would you?

So stop thinking about whom or what you can be and move on. In the beginning it may feel like those things will never get better but each morning will usher in new ray of hope and another chance to improve.

Just stay put until you win!

Image source: ‘Living in the present isn’t always easy’ by Nicole Pajer in parade.com on Dec.03, 2022.

Even the hardest days have lessons to help you to be a better person. If you’re having a bad day, like me simply pick what you think you need most. Turn a blind eye to whatever terrible is happening around you. Stressing out has never made anyone feel better. Live in the moment and you’ll find small shifts appearing in your life that will help you ride over similar situations tomorrow.

“Mirror Mirror on the Wall, Ain’t I the fairest of all?”- 5 ways to know your way around attractiveness!

 “I know when I compliment her, she won’t believe me / And it’s so, it’s so sad to think that she doesn’t see what I see / But every time she asks me do I look okay? I say / When I see your face there’s not a thing that I would change / ‘Cause you’re amazing just the way you are.”

Bruno Mars in Just the way you are’. Isn’t he trying hard to make someone feel better about her imperfect attraction?

When we sometimes underrate our own attractiveness even whilst people around would find us perfect and amazing, is it that somehow we have underestimated our appeal? Or do we rate ourselves more engaging only when viewed from a third-person perspective?

Surprisingly there’s no absolute and true numbers when it comes to checking out one’s desirability. There are no real threes, fives or eights. Just because there is so much confusion and inaccuracy about the magic of appeal and attraction, doesn’t mean that this embarrassment is meant to happen to everybody. Understanding what darlingness is about, calls for some explicit insight about people’s psyche. So, by some chance even if you happen to be the one who can act, sing and dance well, just so wouldn’t make you any more attractive than the person standing next to you!

Oddly, whenever you go wrong in realistically assessing your physical appearance and attraction, you underestimate your self-worth and appeal. You rate yourself dimly and so differently from those around you and keep wondering what others might think of you. This can be maddening till you figure out everything dismissive and cruel and psyche yourself out.

Here are a few signs that would let you see your true beauty and be sure that; ‘You’re not unpretty and actually are more attractive than you think!’

Image source: ‘How to know if you are attractive: 18 signs to look for’ in aconciousrethink.com

Everybody moves around you confused and awkward? – It’s a sign you’re most entrancing.

It’s a subtle sign that you are good looking, attractive and standing out from the crowd! Be it sharing a bench in the park, stranger asking directions, or a new intern looking up for tips, people feel comfortable approaching somebody who’s alluring. Strangers would find you easy on the eyes’ and would readily assume that you’d be polite and they could be themselves when around you.

When somebody reaches out to you, it usually cuts through all the unease and none of you would realize why you’ve picked each other. Could it be anything but an irresistible attraction in you that has drawn a stranger irresistibly?

Signs that you are gorgeous and charming are sometimes so faint to notice that they are usually ignored and get buried quickly. Queerly when others find you attractive, a lot many of them might become jumpy and feel anxious to be around you even when there’s little opportunity for it.  As it happens, you can expect to be stalked on social media or followed discreetly around places where you tend to hang around and all this is for a slim possibility of winning your acquaintance!

Attraction is by far very intimidating. It’s almost impossible not to get flustered when someone fancies you. So, if you notice people acting strange around you it’s very likely that they find you attractive despite not knowing how to tell you that or what to say!

Hot or cold, people feel strongly for you- It’s a sign you’re winsome and a delight to engage.

What somebody having feelings for you really means to you? Doesn’t everything sound promising in the beginning? It though is unlikely that everything would really end up the way you’d think it should? 

When you’re attractive, those around you may tend to flaunt extreme feelings towards you. Malice or warmth, it could be anything from overtly friendly to heartlessly cold and harsh. Whichever… it’s most likely that when people find you attractive they’d really want to get to know you. Some may act petty towards you as well. They feel gross and may find you intimidating or are simply jealous of your looks and appearance. Others might try to come up to you on any excuse just to have a way to talk to you and be around you.

More often than not, when someone seems drawn to you and want to say, “You’re gorgeous!” or I have feelings for you but can’t; it is only because they don’t know how to voice their feelings or the thoughts. And all the while without you knowing, for them you’re mesmerizing and irresistible!

Image source: ‘7 little signs that you’re more attractive than you believe’ in relrules.com

You don’t get complimented often- It’s a sign you’re a stunner!

Has it ever happened to you; you’re all dressed-up to kill for a party but nobody has complimented you? Ok, that’s rough. It could actually make you feel disappointed and withdrawn. You have prided yourself as hot or hypnotic yet somehow couldn’t find an admiring eye. Even that prized Charlotte Tilbury lipstick or Ralph Lauren tie, couldn’t help much to let others take notice of you on a party night!

You may not believe this but it works otherwise. It actually is a definite sign that you are extremely attractive and arresting. It’s just that you look so good all the time even when you haven’t tried at all to be that, that it really doesn’t make much of a difference to those around you.

When people don’t compliment you it’s only because you’re amazing as always and not noticing you is very normal. It sounds twisted but not getting enough cheers even when you’re looking and feeling your best is actually one of the best signs that you’re ‘darlinglyattractive.

You are annoyed by the attention that keeps coming backIt’s a sign you’re obsessively attractive!

Are you uncomfortable with people’s attention that so often seems to zero-in on you? Do people answer with a pleasant; Oh, I know who you are” whenever you decide to make yourself known? Are you thrilled to know that they remembered something about you that you had so casually talked about earlier? If your answer is ‘yes’ then …you’ve absolutely smashed it! It’s not simply a piece of luck or trick of the moment; people do take notice of you and pay attention to every little thing about you when they find you attractive and exciting.

Attraction is a catchy word that is obsessive, engrossing and always sets in motion the expected; it surefire draws attention in an infallible way!

There is yet another side to this. It’s pretty hard to believe that all this admiration about physical appearance is after all momentary. People we admire could be just as insecure as we are.  It’s only because how amazing they look, that we readily give in to thinking that they have nothing to worry about. Truth is that we all have our moments of low self-worth. Many would be surprised if you dare say; “I’m not happy with myself and wish I could change the way I look!”

By far you can safely sell this to yourself. Any flaw that you spot in yourself in the mirror is unimportant most of the time and people adore you the way you are.

Double takes are unnerving – But they are a sign that you’re ravishing!

You might be tempted to glower back but this is not about an angry staring contest. You’re not going to throttle someone! Gawking in fact is fair and agreeable if it’s only about your attractiveness? Aren’t you thrilled when people subtly try to catch your gaze? Doesn’t it excites you when they look away, embarrassed at having been caught staring at you?

On days when you feel uneasy on becoming aware that strange eyes are boring down your person, it’s natural to get intimidated. The happy part though is that it’s a sure sign that you’re a lot more attractive than you realize! Your presence has created attention and if heads turn easily with all eyes on you, it might just be that you tempting and inviting!

Whatever…don’t let all that attention and curiosity make you self-conscious. When people around you stare, it’s one of the most obvious signs in public that you are definitely a stunner even when you’ve rated yourself six out of ten in terms of attractiveness. You’re probably more alluring than you think you are!

Image source: ‘The science of confidence and attraction’ in cmp.smu.edu.sg

I guess popular emphasis on beauty is a revered obsession for most. And understandably so since being physically attractive is more pivotal and valuable to people’s perception than meets the eye. Besides there is no point in killing the joy of being appreciated!

It’s like meeting your heartthrob all pumped up, even if it’s for a little while!

I wanted to be an insanely likeable person. These four powerful ways helped me charm my way in!

If you’ve heard this; “You can’t please all of the people all of the time” then you’d know that there will always be people in life who don’t like you. This hurts, but on the flip side it feels wonderful when someone does like you. It’s exciting and perks up your confidence. Besides appreciation is one powerful way to build up strong relations and success at work.

Image source: istockphoto.com.

It’s an uncomfortable truth but don’t we all want to be likeable? Who wouldn’t want to charm his or her way into someone’s life at the blink of an eye?

Being hyper-likable is one easy way to make life significantly spicy and intoxicating but it  come easier to some than others. Fortunately this is one trait that nobody is innately born with. True, charismatic people are born charming, but likability is something that can be learned and sharpened just like the way you learn at the bourses.

I was not born lucky with natural charisma; one of the likes who’re the masters of the working room with mere handshakes and wide grins. I couldn’t manage to be one in my late teens and early twenties. Unlucky for me it didn’t happen till well into my late thirties!

I’ve always been a shy introvert but I did know what it was like to connect with others. May be because of this reason I’d always admire people who would make people like me feel at ease in their presence and would readily connect to virtually anyone like myself. These were the people whom I could hardly forget. I observed them and appreciated them for understanding my vulnerable side. It was like the more someone opened to me, the closer I felt drawn to them. It made things easier for me and I felt something good happening around me. I was finally being myself.

Like I said earlier instant likeability doesn’t come easy for everyone. For those more on the introverted side, things do get raw at times. Yet I felt drawn to the ways these people made me feel. Surprisingly it never hit me as awkward. All I wanted was to learn the secrets of likeability; behavior, traits and everything and then accept them as my own.

Image source: ‘Why being likable can be a remarkable life skill’ by LaRay Quy in theladders.com on Oct. 05,2018.

Starting in 1992, something positive began panning out for me. I was all piped up to learn to be a super likable person that everyone feels comfortable around and wants to get to know better. I was getting to understand how I could endear myself from the get-go. I was beginning to know the importance of presenting myself as a genuine person who is willing to connect.

It felt like being on cloud nine!

Here’s four most compelling ideas that then helped me make people finally see me as someone they would want to have a conversation and hang out with!

Pick up a lively, lighthearted friendly demeanor

Over the time I have seen people losing their likability because of their fake optimism and dumb likeness. May be it’s all because they don’t mean to sound negative and distant but are uncomfortable in crowd or perhaps they’re get more self contained in masses.

Intriguing as it was, all the while I kept in mind that before opening up people do try to get a read on you. Nothing turns off them more than trying to communicate with somebody closed-off and uncommunicative. Nobody gets excited about getting to know you when that happens.

So, I decided to let my guard down and asked myself not to be afraid to be me. I became aware of how I was expected to present myself to others. I did my best to stay open and send friendly vibes around. Incredibly, my personality began to shine through as I kept unplugging. I learned to smile true; no plastic ones. I also picked up how to make genuine eye contacts and nods to show that I was listening. I got the hang of what leaning when listening to someone can do to your acceptability.

For once I was beginning to feel comfortable in my own skin! My body language was finally doing works for me drawing others naturally to me.

Getting past the small talk is winsome

A boring nerd to start with, I was looking for positives in every situation. I knew that pessimist talk doesn’t win friends and neither does the small talk.  It’s Ok to talk about weather or your local sports team but these conversations don’t win long term favors. Besides it’s a sure way to alienate togetherness and bring the entire mood to dumps.

To make things brighten up and make a great impression, I moved past it. I took to discussing genuine, down to earth issues whenever I had the opportunity to chat. I asked about other person’s family, their hobbies and passions.

You’ll be surprised how much close you could get to people learning about them and they’ll like you better for having learned it.

Image source: istockphoto.com.

Assume everybody has something better for you

One great way to pitch for your likability is to assume that every single person has something of importance that you don’t. Everything that’s happening around you is born out of mind of another person and you’ve missed it.

When hanging around with friends or in some serious company, I was making sure that focus was not only on me, my problems, my life and my opinions. In fact, I approached every conversation thinking that it’s not an opportunity for me to unload myself on another person, but rather a chance for me to get to know someone better, learn something different and extra and to connect in a way I haven’t before!

I realized I didn’t need to make others envy and awe over who I am and what I’ve achieved. Instead I learned to share with them what I care about and what I hope for. This one time I was not trying to impress; I was being honest with my needs and boundaries.

Pep talk and shared interests always lit the spark

Likable people are approachable and personable because they’re good at listening and equally willing to talk; no preconceived notions or passing judgment on others. This is how I found them to be setting up a common ground of mutual interest. A little bit of homework and I was surprised to know that all the diverse interests and backgrounds usually did the rest!

At some point I was viewing each person I met as an opportunity to learn something. Of course I did meet people whom I disagreed with but kept myself in check. The idea was to allow others to have their say and make them feel heard. A bit of pep talk was meant to be a sweetener and pushed for deeper conversation.  Was I being open minded? Perhaps! … when someone smiled I felt inclined to smile back. May be social sync was doing favors at last. Unwittingly I was mimicking other person’s body postures and speech patterns to get connected easily!

Believe me it felt good to go to Old school and spend some time having small pep talk with those around me. At long last I had begun to rake up some real good relationships by sharing thoughts and having fun together.

Feature credits:’Kindness and Joy” by Inspiration Quest in Youtube.com.

Likability is something that is virtually within everybody’s reach. All you need to do is to make others feel good around you. I did just that by avoiding being judgmental, letting others open up, giving my undivided attention, enthusing others, putting my phone away and memorizing names.

Strangely, contrary to what I thought earlier most of the times it’s something that was under my control and I couldn’t see that before.

Gee!…This time I could open the door from the inside!!

Fat and Sassy! Five things you need to know to live a plus size spicy & satisfying life!!

“Fat and Sassy!”…….

That’s what I’d hear every time I asked my mother how she was doing. Cringing eyes, creaking knees and despairingly loosening skin, all were a painful reminder of her advancing age. Yet I could never see any shame in her eyes in growing old or struggling with her body. At 70 you wouldn’t hope to be the same adorable pig tailed raunchy gal who would climb the trees, jump the wall or beat up all the boys.

For years I couldn’t understand why she would react like that when she could only walk gingerly and mostly not without support. She must’ve been weighing just 40 kg soaking wet at that time!

It was only long after she was gone that I could understand what she meant by saying fat and sassy! She lived and proved it in the way she carried herself, the way she spoke, the way she did everything. Hard to guess if she ever knew that she was my first truly trusted cheeky mentor. And I’m sure she never meant that being sassy a lot of time would mean being rude to people or having a nasty attitude for no reason. Of course it implied that I could do whatever I wanted but it’s not cute if I did hurt somebody.

So, instead of blending in with the crowd, I so badly wanted to stand out, much  like my Maa and instead of going with the flow, I wanted to create one and be that spicy unstoppable person in any situation.

Here are five things that have helped me shape out a long-craved oomph life for myself!

Charming and saucy! It’s a good start

There’s an abundance of info doing the rounds in blogs, podcasts, books and websites and Ted talks… still you want to be confident not cocky; honest but not hurtful and certainly cheeky but not rude. You’re always upbeat about yourself, yet know very well that you couldn’t squeeze the most out of your life in one go.

Here’s what you could do for a start!

Audacity is not disrespectful when you say something a little brash but with a smile and don’t actually mean anything by it. It’s kinda spice of attitude thrown in the mix! So next time your friend texts you, “Hey, can I come over to your place so that we could just hang around?” be wise about the man thing before responding and ask your heart, mind and soul before you reply. To say ‘No’ if that’s how it’s meant to be, need not sound impolite or rude.

It’s time to start living your best

If there is one thing that’s true for all sassy people, it’s that they come packed with exuberance, wisdom for handling real-life situations and are full of insights about living life to the fullest.

Look…It does take some confidence and gusto to do your things the way you like them, to love yourself and to speak up your mind. Because you’re freaking cool, being confident isn’t much of a challenge to you. However, if you couldn’t handle and allow your inner sass out, make it easy by starting from the outside in. True, confidence comes from within, but a little can seep in from the outside as well.

So, get dressed up, start feeling good on the outside and behave and act like a confident you would. Shoulders back, head held high as you walk, a little flirt, an eye roll, a small touch perhaps or a faint smile and you’ll find your body language channeling your sass in no time. But keep it to a minimum since that stuff gets negative pretty easily. There will always be people who are easily offended and will think of you as rude.

Fun doesn’t hurt anybody

If being brassy, bold and adorable is a lot about having fun, why shouldn’t you have some? Once your confidence turns high and races heavenwards it’s highly unlikely that you would slink out of the fun and romp that comes your way. Simply try being the person who loves being bouncy and peppy. If you’re listless, uninterested in people around you or hard to enthuse, your charming cockiness could easily be mistaken for cynicism.

Seriously, be the person who can have fun with anything, anywhere. A pep in your step would keep your sassiness (with a smile of course) upright and would make others find you funny and enviable.

So stop slouching over the phone and no more day dreaming or glazed-over cold looks. Get in the moment. Look around you. Respond with a smile or a nod when people talk to you. Ask, inquire, crack jokes or flirt a little for all I care.  But live the moment for every time it’s a show time!

Your X-factor will help you smile!

Living fat and sassy never cheats you of following your passions and loving your family. Being alive purposefully and genuinely instead earns you some kindness and urges you to stay connected.

Do you know of people who mystically stay invisible? They would walk into the room and nobody would notice, hang around and will barely make a sound. And that’s that. Nobody checks out on them; nobody sits up for them. In fact, there is something about their unwillingness to try that makes them cower or cringe among people who are dynamic and metallic. Instead of challenging their fears, they find comfort in shutting out than shine brighter.

Believe me, slinking would never let you speak up your mind or zero-in and build up on your confidence.

Image source: ‘Feelings, emotions and moods: How to say what you are experiencing’ by Jody Michael in jodymichael.com

But that’s not you. You’d die doing anything to live large. Won’t you? You love to crack jokes, tell stories and wouldn’t hesitate to showcase that spilled coffee stained shirt, modeling it and thumping around;stains are the rocking rage’! For you being sassy is something about making everybody take notice.

And that’s Ok! No need to shy away if all eyes are on you. The best part is that your bouncy breeziness will keep the party going. See…not everybody can do that. Just be the person that can have fun with anyone, anything… anywhere.

You could be a surprise trendsetter

Don’t be surprised if everybody around you starts doing Muay Thai or sashay around like BoyWithUke that smashing net influencer. Sassies are effervescent and would find humor in just about anything. There’s nothing they are unwilling to try.

So let your personality run riot. Public speaking, heights or slugs, even challenging yourself will be just as fine in surprising others as your kinky yoga postures! Simply tame your hardwired wits to listen to you. It’s the willingness to jump outside the box and do what others are often afraid to do, will make you bolder and shine brighter.

Besides, can you imagine of yourself as wise and sassy in a walrus outfit?

Image source: istockphoto.com

Interestingly, aware or not most people experience sweeping range of emotions each day and unfortunately most of these are unpleasant and sometimes awfully harsh. Irksome as they are, each one of us easily gets tired of sulking in a bad mood all day long and want the physical sensation to be exciting and stirring. Besides what’s the fun in being nice and shy all the time?  Saucy, vivacious and bold wouldn’t we all want to have these enviable qualities and not just tow the lamb’s tail?

And just for the record, don’t worry what others would think. Living life your way comes free!!

Five simple things that you can do today for a happier tomorrow !

Did somebody ever tell you to cheer up and smile?… that you look so forlorn and miserable and are unhappy most of the time. It’s probably not the most welcome advice especially when you are feeling sick, tired or down in dumps. It sounds pretty backward… kinda corny if somebody asks you to turn that frown upside down.

But there is actually a good reason behind it!

Happiness is what makes us smile and all kind of things start to fall in place when we feel positive and cheerful. But our brain refuses to believe that we’re happy till it gets to see humor actually happening. It’s crazy; the brain is a sucker for a grin. It doesn’t bother to sort out whether you’re smiling because you’re happy or just pretending. For it, happiness is an elusive experience and is influenced by positive actions, relationships and change in attitude.

This is where all it takes is a small step to let happiness in and dupe it.

So, if you find yourself wading through rut of “different day, same storybored to bones and utterly unhappy; then this is the time to start changing your story. Your sufferings need to be eased and wrongs to be righted to make your world a wee bit brighter and happier to live tomorrow!

Fortunately, there are quick, simple and no-cost ways to get just that.  But if you read the daily headlines and wish somebody would step in and make things better for, you sorely mistaken and all wet.  Unmistakably it’s your call.

Inside all of us there is always a mighty ‘Malcolm Little’ raring to act. You can be a force for good whether it’s about helping your neighbor, raising your voice to be heard or calling attention to a problem in need of a solution. Only you can help yourself repair your world.

Jeez!…This is not about more work. It’s about changing your mindset, seeing things in a new way, making new habit or adding an action every week for the next year.

Here are a few that might just about do the trick for you.

Breathe fresh

I know what you’re thinking,That sounds a lot of work! Aren’t you the one who’s always telling others to stop being so busy?”– Calm down! I definitely don’t mean that you cram thousand and one things in your day. Who wants more work? All I insist that if a thirty minutes walk could help restore your nervous system, reduce anger and quell some of your hostile attitude; heck!…why not? Still if it sounds too much, simply take small actions to increase your steps. Parking your car at the farthest spot in the parking lot or reaching out to water fountain more frequently will have a million benefits in and of itself.

So… stop, breathe some fresh air and look around. You’ll be amazed how easy it becomes to get your steps in!

Tune out of social media for a while

My grand dad used to say, “Don’t soak and sour, boy. Get up”. Of course those were not the days of interactive platforms; and what he probably meant was, “I don’t care what you do so long as you find something that you love but don’t run too much with it”.

It’s easy to stay hooked to Instagram and Snapchat for long hours, but trust me, social media overkill could seriously put a damper on your mental health. Simply said it switches off all levels of comprehension not only for the time you’re engaged but your brain gets miffed with all the strange inputs and might stay cold for a while.

Instead, use at least 15 minutes of that inane insanity in reading the news, playing a brain-boosting game or listening to a fun or some thought-provoking podcast. You’ll get true joy from this new pursuit and may find a better version of yourself without changing a thing.

Count the best in others

Did you know that a four-leaf clover is mere mutation of sorts and never perfect? Yet when we get across one, we believe we have found something special. Is there a better way to notice the perfect even in the imperfect!

Look…One way to be happier in life is to assume that people around you are no less good, well intentioned and usually set sail to their conversations to the best of their ability. Whether they hit the road or block, they mean no harm to you or anybody. It’s just that that’s the way they are. So, when we err on the side of assuming others have good motives, we shelter ourselves from reality and live with a negative mindset.

If Jim Rohn was any good in his assertions then each one of us is the average of top five percent of the people with whom we spend the most time. And if you could somehow find the most positive happy and engaging people with whom to interact, you would easily find your level of happiness and sense of achievement soaring.

When we intentionally choose to spend some sweet time with those who are not critical, are supportive, positive and encouraging, we can’t miss’ to win a positive mindset and more of happiness.

After all, world is a happier place when we connect with those around us and eyeing the perfect even in the imperfect is the key to celebrating the good things in our lives.

Image source: getty images.ie

Spend more time with your loved one  

When was the last time you told somebody that you loved them? Have you ever thought how’d you feel if you could grab even a hasty lunch with an old friend, have a home cooked meal with your partner or go hiking with your kids?

Whatever your answer, do it.  It’s never late to make a beginning. Your tendency to self sabotage gets laid to rest and celebrations begins to happen when you let happy surprises fill your day.  

I know that for many of us, it’s kinda emotional black hole. Expressing feelings to somebody has never been easy, But then it’s your call. You need to overcome those barriers. Start by hanging out with your family or treasured friends. Talk to them. Listen to them. Understand them. Spending a little time with someone shows that you care and how important enough they are in your life that you’ve chosen to be by their side.

Joy of a being truly connected says even more. Your actions not your words spell out what your heart feels. Whatever…probably Emma Watson was right in bringing ‘nesting’ back to fashion. Today clubbing is no longer an overwhelming idea, when you’re looking for real happiness.

So… go ahead. Tell jokes, crack each other up, do something funny and spontaneous. Having a blast of a time instantly and easily connects you with people. Your life would slow down a little but would give you a chance to come into your own.

The contentment won’t be an excited kind of happiness. It’ll be more like being satisfied with what you have, whatever that is.

Let your belief drive your choices

There have been times through the years when I had cracked different assessments and was offered to be hired. But I simply couldn’t make peace with what was being offered or the services I was being asked to sell. Yes, the money was great, but money alone doesn’t make one happy. Saying no at that time felt like the best choice for my own personal happiness.

I couldn’t say much for everybody but making a choice that does not align to your core values will always leave you frustrated. At one point of time I was even thinking of getting healthier; pretty soon I was also filled with ideas to grow my own veggies in the backyard, hunt around for non GMP wheat and bake my own pizza bread! Of course I had to reel myself back in and focus on one single choice that brought about an actual change for me. I resolved never to trade anything on whims but weigh in my beliefs before picking.

Living life in a way that lined up with my values and beliefs was my choice to happiness. Today I feel more accomplished and more excited to set and reach other purposes.

Image source: ‘Watch and Pray’ by Tyrone Yarde in lifehopeandtruth.com

Too often we are not focused on our surroundings and unwittingly miss all the fun and joy which is right there. We wish the week away in anticipation of weekend partying, only to spend it preoccupied with thoughts of Monday blues not knowing that happiness is to be found here and now, not yesterday, not tomorrow!

When we wish our real life to be perfectly planned, propped and prepared like Pinterest images, we let our happiness slip our hands. Don’t let that happen to you and remember real life is awesome.

Make your move and trust me in New Year you’ll be happier and enjoy life more!  

Don’t know how to be yourself at work? 3 easy ways to use your charm offensive to win over!

Ever since Tom Peters lured his way into the workspace of millions of career workers and professionals by reimagining the waypersonal branding’ works; business speaks, love to hate pep talks at lunch breaks and crazy hashtags swarming the inter-web; all have buckled topersonal image’ as something to be reckoned with. It’s no longer about the lettering or labeling alone; it’s our own sense of worth that has come to matter. ‘The Brand Called you in 1997’, ‘The Start-Up of You’; why else would bookshelves today brandish neatly stacked up advices on how to maximize your personal branding, become an influencer and above all stand tall in the crowd? However, they need not perplex you if you are mindful enough of gulf between an advice and a warning …

So…are you really your own self at work? Have you been good at balancing your different Worlds? Are you the one for whom there is always a sharp divide between work and home lives? …and interestingly, don’t you want to keep it that way knowing well that you’d never ever  be free of hiatuses?

It’ Ok to be yourself. Each one of us is way different in how we cope with our experiences. Some of us manage well and grow; others struggle and often sink. But either way there are moments of downside in between for all of us and it’s not impossible to become too risk-averse about the same time. It’s as difficult to hide a part of you and hesitate to rub shoulders freely. Because doing so would mean masking a part of you all the time and …that can be gross and very tiring. Cloak yourself at work, and you prevent others to reach out to you fully!

My understanding of this ball game is rather plain sailing; it’s a simple confection of three infamous anomies- frequent gut wrenching feeling of being overworked, underpaid and usually underrated! And, if you couldn’t belt-tighten forever, it sure is a tough call for you to constantly climb uphill.

This is when, I guess you fall prey to the harsh side of plutocracy and obviously won’t do well at achieving high value ‘ends’. And when that happens…

Nothing beats that creepy cold dislike for everything around you and awful urge to bite the hand that feeds you; especially when you know that you’ve been good at work and yourself all the time.  The ambush doesn’t stop here! You get tired and sick of being asked to do extra tasks outside your normal position because you’re eyed as theexpertor ‘best’ but have little or no heart for it?

Seriously….it’s time to put an end to this everyday insanity and do something to feel highly valued than taken advantage of. Nothing earth shattering of course! But if you wish to try your hand at something worthwhile to bring in a positive change in your life, check out with these three life altering choices. Heaven knows, you might ease your way into the castle without being loud or messy and without being hung out to dry!

The habit of acceptance unclogs

Image source: ’10 side gigs you can do from home’ by Alison Doyle in thebalancecareers.com on Aug.10, 2022.

If you are a stickler to rules with a bent to fight the things you can’t change, then I guess you’re to blame for all your sorrows that keep hurting you all the time. It’s simple…the more time you spend trying to change uncontrollable situations in your life, the more you get scammed by anger and stress and you’re never future ready.

It sucks! but this is how it works. Stay trussed up with a fiery mix of emotions, everything anywhere would feel schmuck. Nothing would seem to happen quick and easy.

All screwed up? Not to worry…there’s always a way to fit-in! Just remind yourself that the world never backs off whenever things go south for you. And at the end of the day, it’s your share of scares that brings you cold feet!

Yet, I think it’s Ok to be mindful …you taking all the responsibility for everything happening around you. Awesome!… you might be an instant hit in a population minority. Still, if you feel gutted and dismay tugs at your heart, then in all probability you’ve missed out one final chapter in your work book; acceptance.

Rancid and unsavory sometimes, one good thing about it is that it really changes your life.  And one bad thing is its works differently for each one of us. But one thing about it is conclusive. If you could figure out how to weigh-in your choices, it would get you one step closer to being warm and alive again!

Simply learn to unlearn the habit of non-acceptance. Stop identifying with the things you aren’t accepting. Stay close to reality. It would bail you out of most uncertainties. Your willingness to experience things as they are, instead of insisting that they be as you want them to be, is what will bring the change. And knowing thateverything is or can be temporary” would help in becoming special.

No need to die a thousand deaths

Image source: ‘Prioritise yourself, set boundaries: Effective ways to deal with burnout at work’in economictimes.indiatimes.com on Jul.18, 2022.

Sometimes when you’re wading through tough times, you get so distracted and lost that you can’t see straight. Emotions overwhelm and perspectives cloud.  You get vulnerable all the more when the fight between ‘old school style brass’ and your attempts at building ‘personal branding turns intense. It hurts…literally everybody!

This is when you need to step back and look deeper at your situation subtly from outside; somewhat more like a “a fly on the wall or a lone passerby on the street. You will get the much needed objectivity to overcome your negative thoughts. A long list of problems might have left you jittery, but few moments of emotional distancing will make you feel better and outshine the crowd in the right way at the right time.

Just be willing to let go of all that once was!

Genuine connections are comforting

Image source: ‘ What does it mean to “be yourself” at work?’ by Tim Eisenhauer in axerosolutions.com

No matter what we’re doing, we always feel better when we do it with others. Our brains are wired like that. Social bonding is irrefutably the most crucial shot in the arm for determining our happiness. It helps in taking care of ourselves and builds trust.

In work life, it happens rather differently. The din, the outcry, the backlash just about everything becomes a natural barrier to trusting each other. It simply wouldn’t let you connect with others.

When that happens it becomes difficult to forge a meaningful association with a person who is in fact someone different than the personality you’re seeing? And to rake up some trust over that? Well! that’s some raw asking!

Feature credits: ‘’How to succeed’ by Mr Monk in YouTube.com on Dec.20, 2013.

Incredibly! …legit or otherwise, bosses and managers think differently and are cold eyed about how to lead and manage without being vulnerable or revealing their more authentic self. Maybe this is what Robert Reich’s ‘harsh form of capitalism’ is all about.

All the same, if you feel trapped, vilified and find yourself struggling with too many things at the same time, you might be injuring yourself thinking ill all the time. Bail yourself out by creating your own brand; one that is truly personal. Of course you’re in charge of how much you reveal, but let people around you have enough of a glimpse to let them truly connect, understand and engage with the real you. Surely we grow by building for scale and not by aggregating it to someone else’s advantage.

Honestly, it’s your turn now to bone up your take on a struggle that in fact is not real.

Consider everything else non-negotiable when it comes to taking care of yourself.

Can’t think straight? No worries…being grumpy is actually good and useful!

Warren Buffett certainly knows a thing a two about wealth management but his best one is straight out of pure common sense and is a polite reminder to always stay in your lane.

Success depends largely on knowing your strengths and weaknesses’.

But what happens when your anger begins to showcase your negative side? What then is there to make you truly happy?

Image source: ‘Five Reasons Being Moody Is Actually Good for You’ by Joseph Paul Forgas in vice.com on May 11, 2018.

Often we spend our entire lives looking for things that bring us happiness. While what brings joy to one person might be different from what brings happiness to another, there are few basic things that we all need to be happy. Amongst them, anger like regret and worries is an influencing emotion and the only key to our happiness in some way.

Look…we all do certain things to survive and a few more to be happy. But we do know that there is no shortcut in between. Sometimes it’s the good positive habit of accepting others unconditionally that does someone’s heart good. At others it’s the emotions involved in taking care of ourselves that lit the spark of joy somewhere in our lives. Incredibly, loving the things we do is what makes for some genuine happiness.

Imagine what would happen if in your sullenness you do things that are not natural of you, only to distract you from everyday challenges? What if you never have had any heart for any of them and yet slog on? Binge-watching, eating mindlessly, going on buying spree even though you don’t truly need things, would only worsen your mood. Pushing ahead without truly enjoying anything would make you feel roasted and bad tempered. And like it or not your dense behavior would flame out your pie-in-the-sky thoughts, if any, in a flash.

One way to get out of this rut truly, is to seize the day and live in the moment. Doing so helps to elude the most nightmarish of emotions; regret anger and worry; the three brassy devils that are at the dead center of our lives and determine our happiness. But is it enough… to stop focusing much on regrets and anger about the past or worries about the future? Is this all we need to build a truly happy peaceful life?

See…our brains are hardwired to live in the past and future at the same time. You just can’t learn your present without living in the past and you can’t plan your tomorrow without living in the future.

Frayed tempers, we all know could tear apart a relationship if go unchecked for long. Minus one little bit of humility and your affinity would go for a toss; everything gets ruined for good! Above all you’re stricken with cold feet, never ready for a difficult task ahead and would remonstrate easily.

Does this mean the end of everything shining bright? Is there a way to make sure that fears of failure never reach you? If only there could be a way to ignore the sob stories surrounding expectations!

The upsides of defensive pessimism are heartening and might just be the right game plan for you to follow. Dismayed! Don’t be… it earns you a chance at managing your future events and lets you ride out the obstacles. I won’t say it’s epic but it allows you to set for yourself reasonably low expectations of success and encourages not going overboard over any potential failure.

Believe me; it doesn’t get any better than this. You’d overcome your fears and obstacles more calmly even if you’re unsure of everything and not feeling good about it. It’s easy to deceive and sell to ourselves that we have full control over our happiness. But bluffing always ends at cross purposes.

Adversity, stress, unfairness, everything shapes how we feel. To believe that you can think yourself better simply by focusing on positive emotions, is at the very least naïve.

Here’s how to stay hopeful and give your best even when you’re uneasy, disquieted and feeling prickly;

Image source: pexels.com

Stick to the things that you’re good at, not what’s cool

Remember Alex cross in 2001 thriller ‘Along Came a Spider’!…

You do what you are. You’re born with a gift. If not that, then you get good at something along the way. And what you’re good at, you don’t take for granted”.

Many of us waste a lot of time chasing pipe dreams to learn few new things that we think are cool and reckon worthy of learning. It could be anything; from a programming language to new framework or even some difficult topic in deep learning. But before that!…everyone of us want to be good at things we’re passionate about. Not many of us, of course even know what exactly that is.

Trying to figure out it out is hard enough on its own. And it gets even trickier when you’re banging your head on a wall to make sense of what being good at something is all about.

For a start, think of Alex Cross whenever you’re in a cranky mood and feeling miserable. You might be helping yourself to figure out your strengths and what you’re naturally good at. Yet even when in one of your most peevish moods, don’t ever think of chasing waterfalls.

You’re already the greatest of what you could be.

Do what you love, not what you like

Knowing your strengths, doing exactly what you’re good at and putting all your heart into it, rewards you with all the fun and happiness you desire- otherwise what’s the point of getting rid of that ratty mood? What Tim Cook meant when he said “Do what you love, and put your whole heart into it, and then just have fun” isn’t hard to guess.

I had spent a lot of time thinking over how to evolve a pursuit that I love most when my work and career means something that I can’t help but keep going. The thoughts often left me grumpy and fuming. Deep down I knew that somehow I needed to optimize my life… but how? Wasn’t that something that I always want to do in the first place?

And then I decided to do more of the things I loved and less of the things I liked. It felt cleaner, fulfilling and helped me get in better shape.

Image source: istockphoto.com.

So, before you decide to shock yourself to shake off that low mood, take a deep breath and tell yourself that this is a question that everyone asks themselves at some point in their lives. Everyone wants to be good at things they’re passionate about. It’s just as you must cut back on things you like, to make room for what you love, you should also cut back on the your shoulds.

Still all fret and fumes trying to figure out if this is the answer to what you want to do for the rest of your life?

As I said, figuring out what it is that you’re good at, is a great place to begin with!

Feeling stuck and lost in life? Five reasons why it’s a great place to be in!

If you’re reading this with some indifference and don’t feel inclined to hear what’s about to come next, then odds are that your life has lost sparkle and you don’t think of yourself as good enough to thrive or at least start from timidly flat to something more exciting!!

Does this mean no “sweet spotsfor you ?

Yup! You certainly are stuck somewhere in life or at work.

That’s nothing strange; to find asking yourself if this is how you’d imagined your life; if this was the kinda job you really wanted. You are feeling low, restless with nothing to wink at; all sad and alone in your world. But then it’s Ok to be like that! This is your moment to gather your wits and push forward. Besides it’s nearly an universal experience . We all get our share of anguish of being alone and glued to the past once in a while. Career, relationship or even what’s coming next! – most people do get frozen at some point or the other!

Image source: Getty images.

So, what being stuck looks like! How’d you know life‘s been mugging you? Wouldn’t something new – a new job, relationship or tweaked health for instance, put you in the stride and shine up your life?

For me being stuck and feeling peevish means really wanting something and then losing the motivation to get it! It’s like you put your finger onto something that looks exciting and then you talk yourself out of it. It would also mean endlessly thinking about what could be better or different; if it could be done in a more gainful way .

If you’re mired in any of these; it seems indecision, worry and over thinking has robbed you of everything terrific and likable in life. In fact life has lost all sheen for you.

The truth about being stuck

Being stuck is like quicksand. The more you try to get out, the deeper you sink. Your insecurity is on overdrive and asking your mind to push, control and manipulate. You just want to feel secure, loved, appear remarkable and admired everywhere. You think that if you could control everything, all would be swell. But it’s not until the reality hits you right in the face that misadventure happens for you. You get stuck because you think you should be something you are not and when you think life ought to be different than it is.

What of me! At times when I feel truly stuck, I write.

As I write this, I find myself in a stuck period as well since the last few months. But I don’t cry foul!  I struggle less because I’ve learned to let it be. I try not to do something silly when words like “should,” ”have to,” or ”must” fluster me. When I relax and surrender to the quietness of life, things seem okay. Restless!…I see I can’t control life. I can only notice things what life brings to me.

Feature credits: ‘ 10 Things To Remember When You’re Feeling Stuck In Life’ by The Law Of Attraction in youtube,com on Jul.28, 2016.

Being stuck sometimes is all about growing naturally. It’s the time when not much happens when you think it should. These are the moments when you begin to grind yourself to come up with ideas to make things happen.

And when you couldn’t get anywhere, I call it being stuck!

Let’s find you a happy place

Remembering good ol’ days is harmless but becoming stuck there completely? That’s an entirely different story. This means you don’t feel inspired and find it difficult to get excited about things that used to earlier!

Maybe you’re ghosting a failed relationship; maybe you haven’t forgiven yourself for something awful of your past. You’re continually going over that and wondering if you could have done things differently. Maybe you’re holding onto something terrible from your childhood that doesn’t serve you.

Or maybe something else….

Regardless of how you are stuck, you at least earn yourself the agony of not enjoying your present! And that’s awful and sad!

So, why does this happens in the first place?

Missing amour proper, sinking self worth, clueless and FOMO; all are the core reasons why people feel stuck. Unhappy with present life, nerves raw and taught over some issue or perhaps fearful of future…any or all may stand in your way to be more comfortable, safe and predictable!

If you suspect that you’ve cronied your past long enough to be anything but comfortable, these five mindful tips could help you to climb out of the slump and start moving forward again!

Image source: Getty images.

Dismiss the noise

You can hardly miss this one. It’s silent; its impact powerful and it’s savage enough to keep you stuck in the same place. I often see people who have surrendered to this dear emotion willingly; the voices that they allow in and let them collide with their judgment. It could be your mom’s who loves you dearly but won’t want you to risk anything for something; it might be a dear friend who with all good intents steers you away from a great opportunity because he doesn’t want to see you fail.

Sometimes we let the voices of the people we love and care about, impact our choices. And it’s Ok!…so long as you can decide which one matters most in the situation before you let it sink in; what voices are going to help you get unstuck and which one would make you go bust. Ignoring those who love you most and could help you get you unstuck fast, though is the worst mistake you could ever make.

It’s a weird world out there and they are your best options to ride through safely.

So, simply choose carefully how much you should weigh their thoughts and opinion. Filter out what doesn’t serve right away and hang on to the voice that does!

Change your mind about anything and everything

Standing at the base of the mountain you’re about to climb and looking upwards…that looks formidable but only until you’re half way up. Looking down then doesn’t seem that disastrous. Your perspective changes and suddenly you’re excited about having won half the battle.

When feeling stuck, something close to this happens; your perspective gets stuck. You may be assessing and trying to salvage something from your past experiences, but sometimes you just couldn’t do much to give it a new look; the fear of failing the heights is frightening! You’re easily scared to hell to experiment!

But what if you chose to dig in instead of being a dead meat and try to learn of something new? The moment you begin to think differently, the stuck feeling begins to fade. It doesn’t melt altogether, but it starts to feel soft and yielding.

And now you can figure out what to do next!

Those nightmares are dreadful!

Unease and the shakes are all part of growing up normally. But being buried in them for long, isn’t. So when you’re uncertain and fear the unknown- take a moment off, breathe in long and sift through the snag. Search, what’s causing the sulk? Is it real or some phantom playing in your head? Is it actually trying to tell you something?

Fear, for most of us works like a catalyst. It startles our intuition awake when it’s time to take action; when we need to do something we haven’t done before or in a long time and we sense that something better lies out there. All we need is to go to the other side and find it.

So, what if instead of stepping back from fear, you walk towards it and push through? Take control of your worst nightmares for they are the one who have held you back. Once you do that all those moments of screwed up craziness –so dismissive or cruel– wouldn’t dare mock you. Suddenly you won’t be feeling valley low any longer!

And when that happens; you are all prepped to define yourself once again.

Isn’t that what you were looking for in the first place?

Talking to someone you love, helps

At one time or the other, we all get stuck and it doesn’t help either to know that this will not be the last time. So whenever your present freezes in your past and everything sucks…try talking to someone who loves you; not just anyone, but someone who’s close to heart. No one else would give an earful or could provide a safe space for you.

Being seen, heard and understood is something we all would die for; only an adoring admirer could remind you of your strengths and dreams.

We are tempted to change tracks in our stuck today when someone we love, looks us in the eye and shares and celebrates our dreams. It’s then the haze lifts and the picture of what lies ahead begins to take shape.

Hold tight and think easy

That will give you some more room to grow!

We all want good times, sunny successes and happy relationships to come easy even when we all know that that’s not entirely true. Dismay and chagrin usually fluster our attempts to be happy all the times. So, instead of wondering why things happen with difficulty, learning how to overcome them, matters! Nothing worthwhile comes without a struggle and you can gain so much wisdom in trying times than in ease!

See…It is the edge of our discomfort zone that lets us find our greatness.

And don’t forget… every failure is a lesson and every mistake a moment to learn!! 

Image source: Getty images.

Like I said, we look to others to help us get unstuck, but search yourself!…isn’t that a complete waste of time? The only person who can liberate you –is you. Even when the empathy and generosity of others feels like a gift, the action for the win – all starts with us. No one else but you have to do the works to light up your life.

So, sit back, take a hard look at what’s making you feel grounded and promise to push yourself no matter what!

Believe me –stuck is a good place to be in, for it gets you to know that there is something better on the other side!!

It’s monstrosity! More than half my body is not human and I’m a walking Zoo!!

Image source: ‘Bacteria: The miracle microbes that could fix planet’ by Collin Barras in sciencefocus.com on Sep.02,2020,

This is freakin’ crazy!…Am I more microbe than human and never alone?  Is it really freak’n true? Sounds nuts!…. but I think I did read somewhat on these lines in my graduation; like human cells make up only 43 percent of body’s total cell count and the rest are microscopic colonists; our cells are outnumbered by 10 to one…blah-blah-blah whatever. It’s creepy, but understanding the other half of our selves might be the key to even stranger mysteries!

“Why, our body isn’t just us and never alone? Why genetically we are more outgunned than believed? What it means to be “human” if we are only half of what we really are?

From simple allergies to spooky Parkinson’s, every nook and cranny of our lives is hostage to these teeny-weeny nano-sized creatures. And we just couldn’t get rid of them, no matter how well we wash ourselves. Every crevice, every fissure and every chink on our bodies is swarming with these intrepid life forms.

We live by and stay surrounded by these tiny suckers even when we cannot see them with naked eyes. And….they are everywhere; on our keyboard, on our pillows on our favorite chair,stuff and above all, inside us!

The smallest living organisms ever known, some live on us and some within us. And know what, it’s considered Ok! So long as these critters are inclined and obliging, we could stay healthy, but once tables turn and a microbiome shift happens, our bodies become a battleground of sorts.

Do you have any idea why these bugs live in our body? Are there any hostile micro biomes too? What are those 20 odd million microbial genes doing in our body? In fact who lives most on our bodies?

A ghost safari to the battleground!

Our body is an enormous ecosystem hosting different biomes swarming with microbes and helps them flourish. Many of these invisible warriors are good for our health. Not only that; this army from microbial mecca abets droves of viruses, fungi and archaea (a kind of single cell organism) living within us as well. Together, they uphold the key to a longer flourishing life for us!

So if you thought you were some kind of epitome of sterility, think again. Your gut is home to some of the smuttiest of pathogens and your skin, mouth, lungs and even genitals shelter their diverse communities. The biggest of these rhyme zones lies deep in murky depths of your colon where trillions inhabit in union with their surroundings. Here they break down dietary fiber, produce crucial nutrients like butyrate and keep your gut up, clean and healthy 24/7.

Always in a curiously creepy relationship, these teeming pathogens have peacefully evolved over the time and have been our most lovable companion ever since, executing all important role in rallying digestion and shoring up our immune system.

Feature credits: ‘ Nearly half of you is not human, it’s made of microbes’ by Hashim Al-Ghaili in youtube.com on Jul.04, 2020.

Living with an attitude!

There are lots of places on our body for them to live. It’s like a jungle to them. Right from skin and tooth, nostrils and tongue, tonsils and lungs and belly button to dark corners of your gut and genitalia; it’s a home to every one of them!

Many species live in harmony live with us and within us and promote health. For instance our gastrointestinal health is right in their hands. Any dysbiosis or slightest shift in the gut microbiome and all hell breaks loose.

And guess what? …this is true for other areas of your body as well.

This is where it gets confusing

An over indulgence into burgers and chocolates in all likelihood affects your risk of obesity and the type of microbes that grow in your gut. So how would you know if it is a bad mix of bugs breaking down and soaking up your food and wouldn’t add inches to your belly?

Seriously; nobody has the right answers to this. “Bugs for Drugsmight take some time to happen. Till then if you’re really interested in finding out what haunts your belly and bowels, a microbiome test (Ohmygut®) test might get an overview of who you’re living with. If you could follow personalized food recommendations, this might of some help in enhancing your microbial well being!

 But then there are lots of places in you for bugs to live and thrive in….

Image source: ‘Bacteria on green background. Prokaryotic microorganisms. Bacillus. Illustration’ in unsplash.com.

And I thought I was pristine and clean!

The bugs on my skin

Good ol’ skin or the integument is home to some meaningful bugs that protect us from invaders and marauders amongst them and support our immune system. Some produce molecules to drive off potentially harmful microbes from colonizing the skin making it a physical barrier. A few others like Staphylococcus epidermis produce anti microbial compounds to stave off something serious like skin cancer. Acne linked bacteria however don’t help much.

My eyes don’t shine alone

Like skin, eyes do not fare any better when it comes trading benefits. An ideal habitat, microbes find comfort in my cornea and the tissue on the inside of the eyelid. Relatively small, any imbalance in this microbiome results in dry eye disease and endophthalmitis or bacterial conjunctivitis.

I could smell them!

Dark warm and damp,my nose is just the perfect place for microbes and is very sensitive to faltering microbial homestead. Shaped by different factors just like gut bugs, nose microbiome is re-engineered by changing environment of the host and is affected by medical conditions. Dysbiosis here could be the reason why asthma, chronic rhinosinusitis, influenza, and bronchiolitis happen headlong and yet are curable with certitude.

Keepers to my tonsils

Tonsils, when invaded by stray bugs-fight infection by trapping assaulting microbes that enter through mouth or nasal passage and producing antibodies to kill them. A diverse ecosystem of microbes at their disposal helps them do this job. Adenotonsilla microbiome may have different contagions for children and adults; but why it couldn’t ward off bacterial tonsillitis, is yet to be discovered.

Wax, bugs and infections- my ear is home to each one of them

The middle ear is a safe haven to a diverse community of thriving microbes which when out of buggy could wreak havoc in ear; infections, inflammations and other hard pushed complaints. Both genetics and microbiome could add considerably to the risk of middle ear infections and consequential painful days.

But what happens inside me is more bewildering!…

Lots happening here!

Right from my school days, I’ve been stuck up with some good dental hygiene regimen. I brush twice a day…no smells, not hooked to any addictions and I check scrupulously if it smells bad in my mouth before going to bed! Yet at times my belly too groans, sharp pain pangs from toothache would send me into an overdrive and sometimes I get laid with fever from tonsillitis! I’m not spared…And I thought I knew everything about sterility.

But certainly not this!

My mouth is a den to plenty of microbes, some good, some not so good and could explain things like inflammation and tooth decay.

The oral cavity or the muzzle- as geeks call it, is a perfect  territory for microbes to thrive; all warm, moist with an endless source of nutrients pouring in, plus plenty of structures and hiding places to stick to; the tongue, pockets between the gums and teeth and of course the teeth themselves. Let them have fun and Streptococcus mutans would run amok and devastate your ivory while Porphyromonasgingivalis could have your gums bleeding and crying foul!

Sometimes these bugs travel down elsewhere in the body like gut and lungs and when that happens dysbiosis strikes hard.

When it comes to bugs, my breath is no different

Once thought of as a sterile environment, lungs are now known to have their own small microbiome; much smaller than the one that the gut holds because the lungs do not have the same kind of hem or sheathing to adhere to. Rather they ease oxygenation through a surfactant that is designed to facilitate the transfer.

Red flags! It’s time to see an urologist

Like the lungs, bladder too is not as sterile and bacteria-free as I believed it to be. While little is known about the mysteries surrounding microbiome here in urine pouch, there is still no evidence if bugs here could rig out a protective barrier for my health. Visible haematuria, spinal cord compression or progressive neurologic dysfunction, well… these are of particular concern since I wouldn’t know what I’m fighting with; rampaging bugs or some cross purpose therapeutic condition!

Image source: ‘Your body is mostly microbes’ by Tina Hesman Saey in sciencenews.org on Dec.20,2013.

So, next time you get anxious about your well being and have an urge to inspect yourself, start with your belly button; the soft spot. Though there a number of places you could begin with,the center of your stomach could reveal much offhand.

Remember…! “The Incas believed that Cuzco was the navel of the universe”.

For instance, if it smells a bit ripe, it’s the umbilical microbiome –passed on to you with your first breath, that has found itself a  cozy homestead and is likely to stay with you till you live. Weirdly, it could be any or many of the 2368 different species that inhabit your navel, reacting and interacting with your body and not always in battle with it.

It’s incredible to think that the DNA of these superbugs carries more information than it would take literally a ton of DVDs to store for medical accomplishments.

See… didn’t I say, you are never alone in an eerie world of microbes!!...

Three ways to know if the time is right for a good bye; burning slow doesn’t help!!

From moments of pure bliss to “badass togetherness”, relationships sometimes flinch. Between valleys and peaks, you are never certain whether or not it’s meant to be what it is. Sure you could work around to fix the rough patch somehow. But will that hold? Will everything be the same as before? At what point should you draw the line between rough times and simply giving up?

Or is it time to say enough is enough?

Like everybody else, I could realize the spoil only when it was too late. But  I spared myself the anguish, for I knew it’s never too easy to see it from the inside. Sometimes it’s blindingly true, yet we couldn’t see the red flag or smell the rot.

And surprisingly you couldn’t get to start over again…

Bad things do happen in relationships and the rot might ruin the romance, friendship or just about anything familial. Sometimes it hurts and in your  anger or inconsolable grief you feel like lashing out, cursing or yelling to let the world know how bad the hurt is. You may even get to the state where you want everybody to be hurt no less; to make everybody feel the misery no less.

The edge happens only when you find there’s no time left to reveal your love; to let others  know that over the last few months they made your days a bit brighter and helped you heal better from the hurt that others left behind; that they sank into your heart and stayed put. In the midst of impossible, somehow they became your favorite.

But like good and bad times, there are moments when things begin to get out of control. You are clueless; not sure whether to go with it or away from it. You just can’t hug harder any longer.

If any of these signs are persistently a part of your relationship, you have a serious problem to consider. It might have reached a dead-end and this could be the time to let it go peacefully.

Remember though, every tragic of something is the beginning to a fresh start.

Image source: ‘Sad in railway stock photos and images’in 123rf.com.

When enough is enough

Criticism is good; it gives you an opportunity to find your misplaced positives. But even that has a quota. Negative comments feel cruel and so does one nasty word that can silence a million applause. See…even the SoNet community works the same way; your fans may have cheered you a thousand times but you’d only remember one single message that tried to run you down.

However, if someone in your life always jumps in to say something about your wins all the time, you have a red flag there too!

I say… life sucks! but that’s how it is.

If criticism and negative comments begin to corner your attention… you need a deeper look into what’s happening around. Is getting out of a messy relationship worth the anguish of parting ways? Sometimes it gets dismissive but severing ties peacefully is more impactful than inflicting emotional damage on yourself.

See…there is a pattern of narcissism specific to each one of us. But even that doesn’t work right all the time. If somebody keeps pushing you constantly and tells you that it’s for your own good so that you may improve; don’t jump for it. If you fall for it you’ll always be looking for doses of approval from others which will never come even if you gave your 100%. Some may even pin for your attention and time!

Criticism and negative comments lower your energy and distract your attention. If you do not want to turn yourself into a junkie looking only for approval and adoration, allow yourself a course correction. Simply let go of a relationship that has  constrained you all these years.

And remind yourself…you deserve to live free! So, just let go of the decay.

Feature credits: ‘Letter to a Friend’ by Eddie Pinero in youtube.com on Jul.02, 2019.

No crooning or cocktails!

There is never any dearth of time to change your ideas about the future. It’s Ok if you are not where you thought you’d be today- you have many tomorrows ahead of you. But the journey is never straight; you’d sometimes outgrow what you once wanted in your connections. It’d feel  good if you could realize the extent of your responsibility in the context of relationship, today.

This is your journey and yours alone. So, be wary of the people close to you who would not hesitate to throw in your face the things they did for you. They may have lend you a thousand bucks and say that they saved you from penury; more to make you feel wretched than to value kinship.

I know it’s a profound statement and maybe incorrect for some of you; but that’s the truth. If the other person needs to hang the medals for having helped you, it’s time to start over afresh. You can’t turn back the clock or delete memories, but you can choose to live quietly  in present.

So, it’s time you bid adieu!

Image source: ‘Here Is How You Say Goodbye To Your Forever Person’ by Ariel Quinn in herway.net on Mar.01, 2022.

In the hustle and bustle, trust walks off

When the bad outweighs the good, it usually means hard times have arrived and are likely to stay for a while. If you can’t remember the last time you were happy…surely the problem is deeper than meets the eye!

Arguments in a relationship come with a territory. You are sad and neglected and could sense that something is seriously off, yet couldn’t pin point why. You find a pair of hoop earrings that definitely don’t belong to your mate or wake up each morning staring vacantly at the ceiling fan and think, How the hell did I get here?” He’s off to another business trip or you come home to an eerie silence everyday; your phone used to ring off the hook and now all you hear is crickets! You hang in there hoping things to turn around somehow. But with explosive fights, mascara running down the cheeks duels, you know something terrible is waiting to happen.

Essentially, you both have morphed into nasty dinosaurs for each other. You may try to convince yourself that what matters is to live in here and now; but the truth is more savage- you just cannot hide from it.

So, when at the end of the day as you lie down and pat yourself, “Wow! We made it a day without fighting,”, it’s time to get out of the fracas.

Don’t be blind to the obvious and wait to get your heart pummeled. It’s time to dump those dingy rose colored glasses and get yourself a terrific new pair.

Believe me…if you can’t stay civil on vacation in a gorgeous hotel with gorgeous spreads and cocktails and room service…it’s time to say quits.

Image source: ‘Why is it so hard to say goodbye?’ by Richard in richardcollison.net on Oct.22, 2017.

Many times you’d be tempted to make excuses and stay put in a relationship that has reached its expiration. You keep on hitting the reboot button, frantically hoping that everything will be Ok again. This continues to happen until the next time when the not so funny emotional roller coaster starts all over again. Eventually it’s a Joe No-Show and you could feel the cold feet. This means that both of you have flaked out and lost each other for good.

You may not be ready to face it…but that’s fear talking. Don’t let it rule your life. So listen to your instincts, trust your guts and stop working for a relationship that has jumped the fence. It’s time to admit that your future with the other person isn’t on the radar.

Should this happen, start taking care of you and break into a happier life. Value your needs, wants, and most importantly, yourself. Without depleting yourself, step out into a life that you truly deserve. Think of yourself twenty or thirty years from now and merit yourself by doing the right thing.

Above all stay away from people who will sooner or later leave you stranded.

Trust me, your future will thank you!!

Three simple life hacks that helped me find my Atlas of happiness!

Everybody loves a happy ending, especially when it’s the story of their own life. I have begun writing that ending today. After roughly couple of months in it, lots of scratchy notes and 2000 odd words later I have finally researched my way to be happy forever!!

Image source: ‘7 Simple Ways To Be Happier’ by Seth Symond in lifehack.org.

If you are someone who believes that one doesn’t always need to stay happy and hopeful through difficult times and seriously think that recluse in vulnerable spaces is enough to ease off your discomfort, then it’s time you come out of your therapeutic feel good irrationality!

Imagine yourself 10 years ago. Were you happier or less happy than you are today? It’s not inappropriate if you think that you were happier. But 10 years hence, things are likely to be a lot less rosy. And it’s no fun to rake your brains over it now.

Happiness tends to decline as we walk through our lives and bottoms out at around 50. Then something strange happens; it races uphill again till people get split into two groups; those who get a lot happier and those who couldn’t be any less unhappy.

Right around the“I’m so hype!”age, most of us would rush to make few good financial decisions, plan ahead and are more likely to be able to support themselves in comfort and be alive always; rest who wouldn’t, just couldn’t.

Something similar happens with happiness. As we grow old, we begin to see things differently. The excitement and fun of adolescence gives way to brutally negative jibes of adulthood. By now most of us have experienced bittersweet pleasures of life; but little do we realize that these tiny time specks can make us appreciate more and encourage us to be on cloud nine, when the going gets tough.

Tough!!… is it a bad word? It certainly sounds dismissive and cruel. We all have had our fair share of moments when wits got thrown to wilds. It hurt… but prepped us for some plucky life moments ahead!

­­­If you ask me good things happen more often than the bad ones, but often we miss opportunity to stay connected to happiness. We easily forget that age is like some fabled sycophancy that allows us to fly high in the real World. At 50 you could still be the same adorable pig tailed gal or some jaunty good looking knock-out beau. Both of you could still climb the trees, jump the wall and beat up all the boys. Young and raunchy, fiercely ambitious you both have had your share of one heart break, one breakdown, one true love, one success, one moment of despair and gloom – you have had mountains of them.

Cringing eyes, creaking knees and despairingly loosening skin, need not make you falter now. There is no shame in growing old and struggling a bit; it’s a reminder of all the battles that you have survived and the ones you won!

Once you have learned how to love your lines and folds and aches and pains, begin looking for some honest happy moments, few of which you could save for grey years.

Here’s what I did to make my life stay as full and happy as possible when I reach my later years;

Does age equals happiness?

Image source: ‘This is how to find joy: 4 simple secrets to the good life’ by Eric Barker in theladders.com on Mar.17, 2018.

Like everybody else I too will grow old. But I don’t see myself climbing mountains every day to be happy or live in a landscape where that’s an option. I would rather go for a walk or sit in a stretch of green watching the birds feeding. Doing so would give me something to look forward to each day.

For me the sweetness of doing little or nothing’ is all about savoring the moment , having joy in the present and saving a bit for declining years.

When I was young, the happy–well person in me learned well to accumulate resources and habits in pursuit of happiness. Few of these, like generational wealthso difficult to control, happy childhood-that descended from long lived ancestors and sometimes spots of depression-again a formidable enemy; all have been there to teach me about late-life happiness.  

Elders would mock, “Only handfuls heed; rest count on being lucky!”

I picked that up rather seriously!

I thought that being passionate about something that I could pride later on, won’t hurt anybody. So, I chose the best way of maximizing my chances of being happy in my autumn years.

I have made some big investments in my disposition-smoking, drinking, body weight, exercise, emotional resilience, education, and relationships ranked high in my judgment. I have dug deep, chosen the hackneyed lane and I believe that I’ve done the right thing! To some varying degrees, I have kept all of them under my fold since then.

Surprisingly simple, it’s perhaps the most reliable way to see yourself smiling forever!!

Love doing what makes you happiest

Image source: ‘Being Creative Can Make Your Golden Years More Enjoyable’ by Jim Pietrangelo in healthline.com on Oct. 19, 2017.

It didn’t take me long to realize that the best way I could tweak my chances of happiness, is to pursue that one thing that could make my heart race in high octane. Not that I would let any of dopamine, adrenaline or norepinephrine run out of control.

So, I chose…

One small deed; one overwhelming gesture that when I lock my eyes onto, would make me feel all pumped up; one simple action that would make  me smile every time I looked back.

I strongly willed to improve upon my ability to weather stressful and unexpected turn of events in life. And I chose to pour my heart into it, letting it to be the last! 

Ever since, I have realized that one single most important thing for wellness in life is to raise and foster warm relationships; one that would make you quit small sins; one that you’d have to hold on to if things go south; one that would let you fit the bar pretty well even in a squeaky wrinkled frame.

I’m no die hard biophile. It’s a mean old world and we all have scars but for me happiness is no longer a matter of the heart. I know that I won’t necessarily be doomed to misery if I could work my way to few good, warm relationships.

I just want to be happy and successful. To look back on my life when I’m all old and grey, and think to myself;

“See! I totally nailed it. I have zero regrets.”

Life is surprisingly simple

We hear about success and happiness everywhere we look. We get all sorts of tips and advices about life and about things we should and shouldn’t do.

But it never really works that way every time!

Like most of us, I wasn’t sure what these words actually meant or how to get there. I might already be there and wouldn’t know it yet!

So, I looked around… What could I do to make sure I’m not getting waylaid in my pursuit of happiness? How would I know for sure that I am working towards joy and happiness that right now doesn’t feel tangible?

It’s hard to reconcile everything. Wish for an everlasting happiness and it would usually contradict ways to a successful life. The hard part is that there is no clear answer to this and all those wisdom bombs are only part truth, part value.

I needed to find the right balance for myself.

I took an inventory of all my habits and behavior and judged myself where I needed to invest a little more time, a little more energy and a little more silver to start moving in the right direction. I worked ‘smarter not harder’ so I’d still have some fun left to myself and not be exhausted or miserable when I turn 70s.

I’m no goofball; I’m hopeful and see opportunities differently. I’m sure I’ll find my  perfect grin soon.

Feature credits: ‘The Seed’ by Andy Matthews in youtube.com on Aug. 24, 2017.

As I sit quietly, I reminisce one premier episode of Grey’s Anatomy; normally a few laughs, sometimes some tears; one dialogue in particular that really hit home for me. Somewhere a patient had said something along the lines of;

“Well of course you are happy, but is there really a cap on happiness?

Lately I think I’ve been very happy; maybe I’ve maxed out. But then I remind myself; there is always room for more of happiness… there’s so many miles to go.

I also know that not everyone feels the same way. I see people battling with misery and anxiety every day and this touches me to appreciate my happiness all the more.

All this has drawn an empath in me and I know that everyone deserves to be as happy as I am.

I wish, if only you’d do just one small close to your heart thing, to bring a difference in your World and empower yourself to be happy always.

It’s unlikely that you’ll follow everything that matters and that’s Ok. Just pick and choose the one that sounds easy and worthwhile and take your first step slowly!!

Someday you’ll find yourself lucky… blessed if you may!!