Tag Archives: #Love

You Are An Incredibly Protean Person If You Can Chase A Million Dreams Together!

It’s one way street. You’ll tick for sure! But you being multifaceted is the very reason people will think of you as fake, crazy and more sardonically -unhinged. It’s your duality of being warm and cold when necessary that ruffles the feathers.

Image source: ‘The Top 8 Things People Desperately Desire But Can’t Seem To Attain’ by Kathy Caprino in forbes.com

And yet there are ways to assert that two can exist at once.

I chose the word “unstoppable” not because it easily distracts from more mundane things but because I need to be more focused and prioritize what is most important to me. If I can get in the flow by focusing on one thing at a time without taking my eyes off the unseeable, I think I’m unstoppable.

I chose the word unstoppable” because it lends me the power over my choices and the consequences that follow. The choices that I make are meant to impact others and they can also affect who I become.

Think about it; today is the youngest you’ll ever be. Every moment is precious. Life is ephemeral and right now you are who you are because of the choices you’ve made so far. Tomorrow it may be different or you may keep moving the same way. Everything is about the progress you make all by what you say or do. Nothing is perfect. I accept that it’s okay to make mistakes. But it’s equally important to learn from mistakes and use them as opportunities for growth and self-improvement, rather than be excessively hard on yourself.

As I grew up, I also followed the same unwritten rule that is such a convention everywhere; focus on a niche and become an accomplished person. That of course makes sense. By learning the ropes and acquiring expertise wouldn’t I be able to take on additional responsibility and assume greater roles?

Theatrics apart, it did little to help me out. After working for a couple of years as a corporate executive, my dreams faded and my well laid out plans just went out of the window.  I stopped thinking or worrying much about my position and instead seriously began thinking about shifting roles or rather what felt more authentic to me.

What followed next is history. For some nebulous reason I stayed stuck. I quickly lost heart in doing whatever I was doing. I was engaged in a role that was not aligned with my values and passion. Nothing would help me feel more connected to my sense of purpose.

Until;

I learned that the only way to rid the rut was to ruminate and re-examine my beliefs and motives. Was I curious enough about my purpose? Do I have a habit of thinking only about my own pattern of thought? To be unstoppable don’t I have to be self aware and know myself? It’s like an internal vibe- a big ol’ authentic paw print that you leave on the world around you-like the lingering scent of fresh buttermilk cookies dipped in honey waiting on your kitchen table to be savored with morning tea!

To crank up my desirability I dived into three small but mighty capable things that I thought will most likely help me build a dream boat lifestyle. I wanted to be chased as a confident, kind and ambitious guy and not be out there wobbling through my life like a three legged stool.

Needless to say you shouldn’t expect to attract a 3-star Michelin human experience if you’ve been living and working in a laid-back way I had been doing.

Image source: ‘The trend of solo travel picks up during the pandemic’ in hindustantimes.com

Keep it Short and Real

Verity these days is as rare as a great white shark flailing around to show it loves to cuddle.

I gave up trying to impress people around me with everything I had; money, success, status you name it. It was not a big deal. I simply had to junk the idea to make a splash hurriedly presuming that this move will somehow improve the quality of my life. It’s pretty exhausting and tough. I was letting people see me as an ego-tripping self absorbed smug.

For some reason I found my own foolishness amusing. I was trying to reconfigure and make a fresh start and I was clueless to figure it out!

It made me laugh at myself. I laughed at my mistakes; I laughed thinking how seriously people would take my brief encounters.

Still the mirth was quite elevating. It helped me plan, procure and perform no less than I ever wanted to.

­­So don’t drift if you’re willing to take the plunge. Unwittingly if you forget to chill, remember to recall Steve Jobs’s words on ‘why being worth $10.2 billion doesn’t matter at the end of the rope‘. You’ll get your redemption.

Choose the Right Battle

Do you struggle much while trying to ‘fix your weaknesses? You’re great at marketing, but tech is your worst nightmare. Grappling with problems make you nervous. You get uneasy easily, feel helpless and usually end up procrastinating. Making time and energy sans result messes with your overall confidence levels.

So why not just outsource or delegate it if you think you cannot handle it all by yourself? Sometimes, the key to better confidence is to avoid something, rather than do something silly. Focus on your strengths and your confidence will skyrocket! Your self esteem will turn bold and you’ll feel empowered like never before.

Don’t Let Fear Scare You

Ever heard of ‘Productive Paranoia’? It’s what Jim Collins brought up in his book ‘Great by Choice. It describes a positive and proactive mindset, meaning that if you are afraid you’ll jump to act to address the cause of fear. Bill Gates said he used to worry a lot that unseen an unknown teenager working on somewhere someday might make his existing tech obsolete. He used and directed that fear into working even harder!

Manipulate your fear to take action. Go ahead, Hit the road. You will no longer feel helpless. This is when you’ll be in control and absolutely sure of yourself. You’ll know when and what to take on!

However there’s another hurdle that you simply cannot jump over. Once you’ve accomplished what you think is one thing that would make you successful…What next? Success, happiness, and fulfillment all have an unhealthy way of changing over time. After you’ve found success in one way, try to find it in another.

By overcoming adversity and scaling expansive goals, you create a penchant for personal success in your subconscious mind. You will find yourself being driven impulsively toward repeating that success in your other endeavors. Trust me, when this happens! Pride yourself; you’ve learned to succeed by succeeding. Eventually this synergy will start to toot horn for you and success will rain in from all sides.

Do you know each one of us has the potential and ability to accomplish extraordinary things in our lifetime? Except when you do not know how to get going, there’s nothing to stop you from pursuing success.

Not knowing why I did half the things I did, I had continually struggled until it became absolutely clear to me that complacency is only a restful escape from reality. I need to reach out and embrace productive practices to become unstoppable in life.

Image source:’Positive and Negative Energy : Your concepts of negative may be someone’s positive!’ by Udaylal Pai in udaypai.in

Thirty years later, today I do not fear- often disruptive- life changing choices. I no longer stand meekly in the land of busted and broken insecurity. I am not unadventurous but I choose to steer clear of known failures and move on from an unworkable solution to figure out something howsoever unfamiliar.

Isn’t ‘approbation the only eternal edge everybody aims and hopes for in a genuinely successful life? Is there a better way to rewrite your story than to junk the stereotype to become multifaceted?

Make way for a better tomorrow to be on the ‘right side of history’.

Whenever I look back at history’s horrifying events, particularly those that happened in this part of the world, a twinge of grief overwhelms me. I get sad and sore. And I begin to doubt myself. Would I’ve ever tried to be on the ‘right side of whatever injustice is happening? Had I been in the midst of all the horror would I’ve bravely resisted the abuse and outrage? Were I living in the ‘Greater India’ in the 1900s would I’ve been valiant enough to be allied to the civil rights and freedom movements? Would I’ve joined the rallies and protests in support of rightful rights of oppressed citizens?”

Image source: ‘4 Tips To Help Children Learn Dates From History’ by Asha Thomas in thetutor.me

Honestly I’m not so sure. At least I wouldn’t have sided with unfairness or discrimination. More importantly, I’m in and from 21st century where every cause stems from a moral right though often vilified and comes with factual downsides. And that gives me fair enough reason to make peace with my failings!

I sometimes wonder if somehow I could get to time travel back into 1940s then surely-surely I would’ve tucked myself into the civil disobedience and independence movement against the atrocious colonial rule; one that began in May 1857 and prevailed till Aug 1947.

Is this the obvious truth or am I tricking myself into self deception?

Honestly I’m on the fence…

If I were to assume that I am someone blessed with unmistakable demographic attributes and there’s no way I can be sure how the future would unfold, would I  ever be flanking the brighter side; one that I know as the “Right side of history”? Isn’t it more likely that I’d keep my head down and try to stay out of trouble for all it means?

Hell! Once headed into 40s and obviously more dim-witted than now, it’s highly likely that I’d be less certain of the appropriateness of the freedom struggle in the first place. I wish and hope it wouldn’t happen this way. But if that’s how I’m fated to end up I know for sure I’d be rightly dismissed as a coward.

Clearly that very definitely would‘ve me walled off on the “wrong side of the history”.

Unarguably, to be on the right or wrong’ side of the history is everybody’s rallying cry. So, when we talk about the righteousness of a cause, the weight of history makes for a powerful argument. Who doesn’t want to be part of a great historical narrative, be celebrated and continue to live on as a morally upright person for the future generations to judge with awe?

It actually is a nice way to make an argument both logical and persuasive at the same time. Isn’t it?

For that reason if you are really serious about rewriting the moral crusade of your life time, you need to firmly believe that progress is possible at all times. A better world can always be built and you need not have to accept things as bad as they are.

Image source: ‘4 Tips to Set Yourself Up for a Better Tomorrow Today’ by John C,Maxwell in success.com

Don’t Mind the Small Stuff

Focusing on what you think or feel in the current moment is one easy way to cut through the uncertainty. How you live out your present will rework history for you.

”What am I feeling and contemplating right now? How do I feel about the current state of my life?At one time or the other this is how we all day dream, mull while fidgeting with stress ball and sometimes when we’re disconnected with ourselves. Whenever we trip back to the past or dwell on the probable course of future events, our focus goes off for a toss. A pattern of depression overshadows our judgment and we can hardly discern right from wrong. Fear, shame, guilt, sadness and the fright of the past coming back to haunt, bring us back moments when we did something we weren’t proud of.

Contrarily not everybody would yield to it. “If I don’t feel bad about it then I don’t regret it and then it’s like a “good thing” for me. “I’m sure I shouldn’t suppress things so I must hold on and own my actions”.The rant could continue indeterminably.

How we treat past events that no longer exist is not relevant but events from thePresentlive on. Your unwavering focus today on chosen accomplishments will be one nasty home-stay for your anxieties and fears and yet will decide your place in history.

The resolute ones among us are usually more determined in their judgment when it comes to setting up some remarkable legacy for posterity. Their reasons though are vague and arbitrary. If I don’t worry, who will?”, “I need to think of the future, otherwise I won’t foresee what’s coming next or how am I judged many years later”. “Don’t I need to focus on what I want in order for me to manifest it?”

For future to turn out exactly as you perceive it, is a near impossibility as there are always too many things that cannot be maneuvered. The only one we can manage is how we feel about a situation. We do not get to control how the future comes together. We can only be in charge of our perspective and not worry about what’s going to happen in future.

So, stay in moment and enjoy every second of it.  If you want to get a more complete picture of where you are in life, where you want to go and how you want history to judge you, it’s important you know how and when to zoom in and zoom out of your perspective and recalibrate it properly and fittingly.

Image source: ‘The Courage and Consequences of an Uncompromising Life’ in twojourneys.org

Which Side is the ‘Right One’?

What would I like to accomplish this week? What’s that that will make me happy accomplishing this month? What’s there that I need to strive to accomplish this year?

These are questions everybody has rough answers for. Nothing definite but a wobbly tentative way-out lurks in everybody’s mind. Sadly every foresight is largely underrated and usually sells short. . On the other hand most trailblazers could see a few steps ahead before committing themselves.

Now that you’re seriously weighing your legacy, there is no better time to re-visit your timeline for necessary aligning than when you start digging for answers. I know nobody’s vision of the future is ever crystal clear; it never will be. But like I said it’s always good to following the beaten tracks of bleeding hearts’ from history.

I am willing to adapt. I’ve resolved to be particularly attentive to how my ‘daily routine’ and ‘evolving timeline overlap and work out together. I frequently zoom-in zoom-out’ of my perspectives to be in harmony with my long term fondest hopes. I keep re-evaluating my life on a frequent basis. I know that there is no single perspective that isbetter’ but my ability to shift my vantage point when needed has the real power to reframe my history with certainty.

Still, one should always hedge his or her bets about being headed in the right direction. There is nothing there that’s absolutely certain or right about what course leads you to the right side. Nothing’s verifiable. Even Newton’s theory has been wronged in some respect. So’s Copernicus’. Hasn’t quantum physics completely changed our understanding of the universe?

Image source: ‘How to Use TODAY to Make TOMORROW Better’ in havingtime.com

Whatever…these uncertainties are all simply reminders; that what we think we know we may not know much about.  This world is full of enduring fickleness and is abominably contentious. Both morally and temporally there is a right side to everything-the side that bends more towards justice and fairness.

What you choose today forges your tomorrow and the days after. For you live your places in history everyday!  And remember everything at first works counterintuitive but bends towards uprightness once pitted against real effort.  

Besides it’s just may be that the right side isn’t always in history, it’s in our hearts and bones.

The Joy of Living in the Realm of Childhood with Grandma Where Nobody Dies

I suppose I’m fortunate to have only happy memories of my childhood left with me. Surrounded by a doting family and a great looking dog, unpleasant ones have over the time somehow faded away. Besides I just don’t wish to look back and relive any.

Image source: ‘Senior Living: The challenge of being a new grandmother’ by Liane Faulder in nationalpost.com

Today it’s easy to figure out what made my early years so great. Like a superstar she was everywhere, always there, smiling all pervading. How can I ever forget her withered face and corrugated forehead that shone through folds and creases and  a bad dentistry? She was a constant companion –bodily and in other ways till she passed away at a golden age of 84.

My grandma from what I remember belonged to a generation that had lived through two World wars, the tumult of Partition and another couple of Wars-one in the West by an unruly Pakistan and another one in the North across the Himalayas by the belligerent dragon China. The world on this side of the fence had really taken a relentless beating, People were pushed against the wall and had to endure a great deal. Watching over their families was a rough going. Amidst such challenging times she kept her nose clean and minded a conscientious care for her family up to the time her debilities overwhelmed her spirits.

It was a sad and dispiriting gloomy afternoon when the shattering news of the inevitable reached us. Till the end she had never called in a favor and was a proud free-spirited empowered woman her entire life.

 The Joy of Being a Grandson

To assume that the ‘cradle to grave’ age difference between us somehow weakened or clouded our perspectives would be unfair, lest think of, to describe how I see my ‘grandma grandson’ bond today. I was a little kid of barely five then and so wet behind the ears to have any definitive frame of mind. I just had a fifth birthday. Unsophisticated, naive and truly green to understand worldly subtleties, I was looked upon as a starry eyed, innocent kid trying to find his foothold in this incredulous world. Clueless and unmindful I guess I understood only tenderness and warmth then.

Despite prolonged separations-my father being a Police Officer and distantly posted- I immensely enjoyed grandma’s company whenever we would visit her on school holidays. Being one of a dozen grandchildren, I could barely have her company except when the adults engaged in serious talks outside and other siblings were too preoccupied to mingle with her.

As ever, grandma would cuddle me, reach out for home made laddoos and would be so excited to tell me all kinds of stories about her childhood. She didn’t seem to care if any of it made any sense to me. I was just there as a generally happy listener to be easy ears to her reminisces when no one else would. I was the reason for her contentment when she would talk about things profound and incomprehensible to me. All silent I’d be a courteous audience to her recounting. She savored these moments and smelled the roses for all I could make out.  

Born much before the First World War, she had endured an entirely different childhood that was rife with loss, privation and denial. The country was under the yoke of British raj and basic rights of natives were the distressed lot. Privations and disadvantage rode the wave. Clearly her parents couldn’t have hoped to muster enough means and raise her appropriately.

So, grandma never made to the school.

Image source: Cottonbro Studio in pexels.com

 My Childhood and Grandma – Nostalgia Live-on

Like in typical households, where boys are pampered and favored much more than girls, my grandma had to stay at home to do chores and learn cooking. The only opportunity she could manage to learn a little was when her cousin brother was having lessons with the family tutor. She would shyly sit quietly on the floor at the far end of the long bleak, dimly lit room, across her brother and tutor and listen intently. Interestingly somehow she learned to read and write, even just a little upside down – an ability that later turned out to be quite practical, especially whenever she would try to read and share my story books. Sometimes on weekends she would together with other siblings go to the Zoo – not a stone’s throw away from home but not too far either. There she would sit down cross-legged underneath a tree and musingly watch all the fun going on around her. The faint amusing smile would never leave her face. Even while walking us around the cages or handing out scrumptious wraps of pooris, with flavorful savory aloo fry stuffed within and sweet- sour mango pickle, she would be happy faced always. Perhaps she knew that life is time sensitive and she didn’t want miss a moment of happiness for nothing.

Her soul was something I guess that had struck a note with everyone . Everybody admired her benevolence and caring compassion. I could never forget her sitting comfortably on grass bed handing out to little greedy hands unmindful of the fuss and squabble around her.

During the Partition often life came to a standstill she would tell us. To protect her kids from marauders in the street who preyed on Hindus she would run children underneath her bed and the whole family would stay stuffed like rag dolls together for hours- joking, giggling and whispering funny quips. Many a times they would miss being discovered by just a few inches which grandma with a great sense of gratitude would fiercely claim was a divine favor.

The time would simply rush out of the window and we wouldn’t miss any of the fun!

Image source: Ron Lach in pexels.com

This is just one of the many stories she would recount over the years. Now that I think about it, her young adulthood and my childhood were worlds apart. Yet something held us together. My childhood was quite happy and fulfilling. I didn’t need to go through the trauma like she did where uncertainty called the shots and fear was in charge. I never faced educational barriers,  ignorance, illiteracy, un-enlightenment  unlike her because since I was born it’s been part of me. When I was younger, I never really had the chance to be myself, sprawl out on the grass, while away my time doing nothing except stargazing or learn the art of hand knitting. All I remember was staying at home, playing with neighbor’s bit older kids or reading Phantom series, something I’m sure she wouldn’t have dreamed of doing.

I guess our different backgrounds were what made her such an interesting person to listen to. Her stories felt like history books coming alive. She was special in so many ways. Her loss is felt deeply by many, but none more than me. She lived a full life and left a gaping void when she left. For a couple of years before the end I had watched her fight off her frailties. She was a rock to the family but fragility had kept her slipping.

A Lasting Tribute

The love of a grandma is unique. It seems like God gave us grandmothers to liven up our lives, to make it more whole, to make us grow into better human beings. For me she meant a great deal in shaping my childhood. I remember sitting in the kitchen beside her and gleefully relishing the sweets she would share with teasing playfulness. Her companionship taught me a lot about love and the meaning of family. In fact, she never was just ‘grand mother’ to me. More than that, she was my guardian, my friend and my inspiration. I miss her dearly. I guess her spirit and strength, lives on in each one of us and in the lives that she touched. She lives on in me and in all those who have been moved by the love, strength, conviction, wisdom, and beauty of her soul.

Image source: indivstock.com

Love you grandma – You truly were a special, special woman to me! You’re no longer among us but your memories would always live on in me. Thank you for your sacrifices, your care and concern, your love and everything that you did for everybody. I know you are in a much better place. I hope I never forget to be grateful and thankful that I was fated to be your ‘grandson’.

You’re gone but not forgotten grandma! I miss you so much.

Until we see each other again some other time, some other place.

Unaware, unrevealed …in a new way!

Feeling Exhausted? So’s Our ‘Planet’- Still the Story of Saving the World Won’t Sell.

Image source: ‘World Environment Day 2020’ in timesnownews.com

Some of these mornings, as I wake up I sense a strange heaviness hanging around me. It’s unnatural, it’s weird -one that I can’t put into words. I’ve rested well and yet the world seems tired; the air has forgotten to feel fresh and the day loiters listlessly mocking in an unkind way. Maybe it’s just me; or is it the Earth whispering anxiously through the cracks that have ravaged her for a long period of time? What’s worse we have looked the other way for far too long turning a blind eye to her imploring cries.

Even so I find some amazing calming comfort in nature- long walks, sitting by a quaint patch of green watching sky burn itself out from clear sapphire to deep orange at dusk as the sun goes down. In those moments, I feel less alone. I love the descending silence as creepy crawlies gear up for night sojourn.

But lately I’ve noticed something unusual happening to real world outside. Trees are withering too soon. Birds are fewer and hardly twittering around. Bees, beetles and butterflies have all gone into hiding. Rivers are drying or swelling beyond their rhythm and seasons are so confused; one moment it’s roasting sunshine, the other it’s raining hard leaving every living soul squirming in fiery discomfort of sweltering heat. Every now and then the torridity turns soul destroyer; numbing, draining exhausting the familiar nature around us. It’s as if the world has forgotten to follow the script it’s been doing for eons.

And we keep asking more of her!

The Earth is Tired

Pretentious hunger of concrete reality, careless consumption, hostile plastic convenience and spiteful ways of easy travel, all maul the inhabitable air with tones of carbon footprints. Unmindful of her agony, every time we ask her to hold on to our fancies, adjust, absorb remain stay quiet and continue to be calm and serene as always.  And all the while we continue to chase comfort in all the wrong ways for all the wrong reasons. Forests butchered, oceans stifled with trash and waste that we dump and mountains pillaged until they no longer stand proud; we have gotten used to taking what we fancy- without asking without giving back in return.

What’s more unsettling is that this planet still continues to hold space for our reckless mistakes and strangling plunder.

But for how long?

Does this mean that we have somehow missed the mark? Are we merely focusing on some deep science that largely does not make sense but hastily overlooks to connect with daily life? Confused, resisting and gloomy in outlook altogether the blame lies with us for bettering our lives without thinking twice about defacing and vandalizing our Planet.

The reason!

Calls to cut back on carbon footprints by going easy with fossil fuels or invoking stiff emission standards globally are largely unworkable and wild.  Betraying growth this way seems unrealistic and fails to sell. Worse, no doable solutions are brewing and no achievable solution for fixing climate change has gained ground.

Image source: Ron Lach in pexels.com

The Weight of Being the Strong One

For all we know the Earth is getting tired, non renewables are depleting fast and climate change is real. But we don’t think it’s as urgent. It’s no surprise that alarmed cries invariably run aground.  Considered as another out of touch elitist cause with no viable end tied up, this listlessness has not led to anything serious.

Personally my take on this is not that cheeky. I am many things but not a quitter. When it comes to a mindful existence I am inclined towards wind or solar over coal or gas but I’d care more for having a reliable energy source when I need it. The push for change is alright but not everybody can deal with long outages after storms, rough weather or murky no-sunshine days. Reliability outsmarts source when it comes to availability and service.

The real problem!

Our planet has reached its ‘tipping point’. It has exhausted all that it can give sustainably. Besides the climate story has either been told badly or it has fallen on deaf ears.

It’s time to face the reality or forget the ‘Tomorrow land’ of our imagination entirely. Truth may be lost for a while but bigger crises lurk in plain sight. Trillions spent on renewable have barely moved the needle on ‘global emergency’. Cold feet couldn’t cancel the hearty fake shows over ‘geo-engineering’. It’s time the screen writers and story tellers amid the ‘right-wing eco warriors’ figured out how skillfully they can cook a story that people would actually care about. Not the one that would only sell tickets to another “Grand Climate Show”!

Feature credit: ‘Nature Is Speaking’ by Conservation International in youtube.com

I am not saying that shift is easy to come. But it definitely begins with people like us. People who once danced in the rain as kids, who were supercharged in plantation drive at school and who at one time were convinced that this Planet was their only ‘Home’.

Perhaps we have forgotten to grieve the Earth fearing that doing so will make us responsible for all its woes. And in the process we have missed the point-‘Grief is where the healing begins’.

I still remember sitting quietly by the Periyar lake side one balmy winter morning. I was on a vacation to Kerala, down southwest to Thekkady exactly. A charming spice and tea paradise nestled in the foothills of Kannan Devan mountain ranges this is an epic destination unveiling breathtaking rainforests, enchanting spice gardens, wildlife and all that you’d imagine of Hills n’ Hues. All I wanted a little break from all the noises and humdrum of daily rut.

The water mirrored the sky so vividly that I couldn’t tell where one ended and the other began. That moment I wasn’t thinking about the melting glaciers or shrinking rivers or shriveling verdant. I just sat there quietly. It felt good. The soft gentle breeze was tapping my shoulder urging to listen to the silence. In that quietness I think I heard the Earth speaking to me- not in anger but in sadness. “Why do you keep hurting those you love most?”

Image source: Chris G. in pexels.com

I love living on this planet. Do you?  I love the burning gold sunsets, the earthy smell of first rain drops falling, the proud peaks of snow clad mountains wrapped in the clouds and the iridescent opulence of flowers that bloom without waiting to be applauded.

If we have been given with so much by her, then maybe it’s time we love her loudly and clearly. It’s about time we protect her from being destroyed and stand by her side when she is being gagged by profit. It’s time we mourn her losses like we mourn for our loved ones- not in words but in decisive action.

I know there’s no one solution for all her woes. But I know this for sure-Change will come when we begin to see this planet as inseparable, indivisible and unseverable’ part of our existence; her exhaustion as our own and  her collapse not a distant fear but a manifestation of our choices.

Image source: Luise del Rio in pexels.com

As I write this, I don’t have anything new to offer for a dramatic climate change. I just want to be part of the endeavor. I want to feel the change when it comes. I want to be responsible for the grief of what we’ve lost and what we’re losing. I want to believe that if we sit with this reckoning long enough, we might act — not out of fear but…

More out of love !

Together, Forever, Never Apart !- Why Love Stumbles When Life Falls To Pieces?

Has it ever occurred to you that love is not enough to make everything work all the time? Have you loved somebody where you felt you weren’t happy and yet you kept saying, “But I love you so deeply. Isn’t that enough?”When was the last time you were happy and felt accepted when around them or did you find yourself anxious, fidgeting and largely misunderstood?

Image source: Valeria Miller in pexels.com

Sometimes our relationships mimic our insecurities and reflect how we feel about ourselves. Not before long this self doubt influences our judgment and harshly imposes itself to upset the very core of a loving relationship. It then becomes hard to accept the love that comes our way and not the one we think we deserve.

As a rule some people are just a better match for us than others. They outsmart us in every possible way. Not always of course, not everybody. I’m someone who doesn’t like to talk much but connect on a deep, emotional level. Unfortunately, I’ve a habit of choosing people who are either incapable of keeping a secret or just don’t like to connect or bond deeply. So I always end up feeling alone and misunderstood.

There is nothing wrong with them. It’s just that I am not a good match.

I think everyone has different comfort levels when it comes to vulnerabilities. Some people crave for intense emotional intimacy; some do not. My parents were married for eighteen years till he passed away at 42. For most part and as far as I remember they were happy and content and an adorable couple.

Years later I wonder if there’s a way to live my true self as they did. I have no right to judge them but I guess that’s how they had agreed to go along with in the first place.

For me though, I want more and need more!

You Are Never Too Much

Do you crumble at life’s circumstances easily or do you come out stronger each time you hit a wall? When life brings something painful and seems to come apart, how you bounce back actually determines if you have been brave enough to take all the aches and pains in your stride. You can either react emotionally and escalate your misery or face it resolutely and grow through it.

When in difficult situations I’ve stayed hoping that some miracle of all miracles would somehow happen. I treasured telling myself Shouldn’t that be enough?” Unfortunately it doesn’t happen that way. It never has and it never will. Just loving somebody is never enough. The drama that life brings is inevitable. Would you want to waste time and effort if it’s going nowhere?

So whether your relationship leaves you unsure when world around you goes bust or asks far too many answers; look for these tell tale signs before you settle down feeling alone and out of sorts. You might just get your answer.

Love’s no longer even handed

When life is not kind, do you tell your beloved something that’s important to you? What you get in return -a comforting response or a hasty retort? I really need to spend quality time with you because it lessens my worries and calming,” Do these words make them cringe or empathetic? If you are not understood correctly or even don’t want to heard , then love has begun backsliding .You’ve never been right for each other. It was always about the tangible world only.

Love isn’t about good days only; it’s about staying together when life takes a beating.  Otherwise…you’re in a lopsided relationship and you’ll never be fulfilled.

I remember the time I came home from an extremely stressful day and really needed to vent. To this day I couldn’t forget my spouse looking at me in shocked silence. I had never behaved the way I did that day. Eventually she snapped indignantly, I am not your girlfriend. If you want to talk like that call somebody else.” What could I have done with that? If she doesn’t want to talk to me or care about how my day went or that I’m stressed, where should I go?

It struck me later; ‘You do win some in love but you lose even more and the rest if any… slips out quietly’.

Do people want to know your real side?

It’s hard to guess when sand would begin slipping through the fingers.  Who really wants to see their flip side? If it still happens you’ll be left at your wits end and an air of indifference would suck out whatever shred of love is left there.  This is the time when you’re outside the comfort level of your vulnerability and crave for an intense emotional intimacy. You’ll have more of your past to deal with and won’t be able to a comeback from your darkest days.

Do you know why?

Image source: T. Leish in pexels.com

Love always goes on a back burner when some midlife crisis begins to burn you out in unsavory bursts. You no longer feel accepted and understood for all your quirkiness and irrationality. Clearly you need more than you think and less than you want.’ If not then you are left perpetually dissatisfied and over the time love will probably erode itself away.

Honestly it’s all about a mindful existence where love alone doesn’t feed all the necessary elements for a positive outcome. You may love someone with everything you have got, be utterly smitten and it wouldn’t still be enough to build a stable relationship or walk you through hard times.

Living less frayed is always a better choice

When life takes a turn for worse it’s not unnatural people trying to put you down and make you feel like you can’t or won’t accomplish anything. Not loved or cherished by others, does your partner supports you or wears you down? For the most part your cheer leader needs to support and encourage you. But it doesn’t always happen the way you want. When drawn out for long, often love puts you down on the bench and make you feel you’re more trouble than it’s worth.

Life is not a whispered promise of sad losses only. It’s too short to be with someone who doesn’t believe in you. Choose ease over anguish. Your days should not be filled with angst, conflict or misery. Fix your side of the street and see if anything changes. If yes; you will get the chance to reinvent yourself. If not; you need to rethink- “Is my love not enough to bring home happiness again?”  

Way out?

Rejig your life. Love them. Hate them. But you can’t ignore that you have a life to reshape as well. There are still better ways to do that than you’d have thought.

Truly these questions can the change the world for you. All you need is to keep asking yourself. Not once but over and over. Every month, every six months, every six years . “Is my life better with them in it? Or is being in love as unromantic as it sounds? Am I finally with someone who could knock me off my feet? Have I finally found the one that makes me feel complete?”

In as much as you love them and as much as you think they love you, if they can’t be one in thousand reasons to meet your needs, then you’re throwing away the precious moments you are left with.

There are way too many wonderful people out there, but that doesn’t make them the right ones for you. Just because you love them doesn’t mean you can be happy with them when life collapses.

Image source: ‘Why it’s Unrealistic to Expect a Forever Relationship’ by Jackie Pilossoph in divorcedgirlsmiling.com

Loving someone is a choice but living a meaningful life is not an everyday bet. Choose your happiness wisely and while doing so choose love rather than it choosing you.

Cracked, Flawed and Frayed I Kept My Life Simple & Happy In A Noisy World!

Here’s how…

It all began with what I saw in the bathroom mirror one dull summer morning. I had gently padded into the bathroom of my small apartment and casually checked my reflection in the mirror. The three-ring-circus in my head was all chaos as I intuitively kept repeating the list of things to be done in the day over and over.

What I saw froze me in my steps. A chill swept through me.

Huh? What?

I couldn’t recognize myself.

I peered saucer-eyed at my image. My blood ran cold. “Oh, is this what I look like? No, that’s not me. Who’s that in the mirror?”

It was early August 2018. I was going to turn 60 in five months time. I would often remind myself; ‘it’s time to get familiar with retirement‘. For quite some time I’d been experiencing a weird sensation of clouds coming over me, mantling thoughts. There have been a few hiccups at the job. But that’s OK. It’s life. Good times do not prevail all the time. What mattered most was that I had climbed the rungs of success the hard way.

It’s been a long haul but a good one.

I had known all along what was coming but wasn’t ready to give up so soon. My mind had begun  to stall like an engine that was becoming increasingly hard to turn over.

I had no issues with mirrors, but there was no ignoring that something important had happened.

But to not recognize my own face!  To me this was the drop-dead moment”; I had to accept the terrible truth. I wasn’t just seeing the twitches of aging but the early fumes of fraying at the edges. Clearly I was losing my mojo.

Fortunately, I was still my boss. I told myself, Enough of that; you’re nuts if you’re seriously thinking of quitting. Tell me what you’re up to.”

So far I was persisting, in control of my life. The silent attack on my spirit had not yet hit in full force. But what about next week ? Next month? Next year? The dread of missing out on euphoria would always be there. And the year after. And forever. There weren’t any easy parts. The unease was nicking away, its progress messy and unpredictable.

“This beginning is purgatory,” I said to myself one day. “It’s kind of a grace period. I need not wait for something to happen. Something I don’t want to. It’ll be like a before-hell purgatory if I let it continue”.

It was at that moment I realized that it’s time to ditch quick fixes I had been relying on. Getting started seemed daunting at first. However, the thought that soon I’ll be energized enough to keep going was encouraging. It’s time to recap and look for a happier, healthier and more productive lifestyle”.

Clearly,I was being stern to myself.

So I did what felt right then. I listened to my heart and pursued…

Image source: ’10 Powerful Prayer Quotes to Strengthen Your Spiritual Journey’ inthefreespiritjournal.com

To do something meaningful each day.

What was that I was passionate about? Do I have something special in me that need to be practiced more often or shared with others? Is there something that I enjoy doing every day, even if it’s something as simple as cooking a meal or listening to my favorite song? I’d often search myself.

Soon enough I realized that it’s way easy to complicate life despite your best intentions. So why not de-clutter it and reduce to essentials only. I needed to simplify my life to thrive.

Not before long it began to make sense. Everything had started falling into place.

All   questions answered I finally figured it out.

Putting effort into the things that matter most will make it easier to use and reserve my energy in ways that will bring out the best in me. I needed to keep and practice a compassionate mindset –something that’s often referred to as kind attention’. Till now I’ve been knocking myself around trying to make eye contact with a stranger and smile, while secretly thinking “I wish you well”. I would choke whenever I tried coming out loud. Unintentionally I was keeping away from judging people and in the process fleeing from placing judgment on myself. Luckily I was saved from the kind of deflating self talk that usually saps away your spirit and weighs you down heavily. 

Once having tweaked self inflicting complacency I began to feel better with each step I took towards a reinvented thoughtfulness. Next I also learned to tend only good thoughts for others. For once I felt unburdened to learn all the things and master everything.

To evolve gently and turn slowly

Rhythms and routines light me up. I always had a penchant for charting my own course and everything else that comes with it. But I’m a messy person in many ways. Emotional, deeply sensitive, with a tendency to be reactive I simply love to carry the weight of the world on my shoulders.

Still, sloppiness is generally untidy and doesn’t blend well with simplicity. Sometimes I would want to run away, hide or ignore everything. It troubled me that I was only contributing to the noise. I felt scattered and unmotivated. Worst of all, I had this feeling that I was trying to walk in a pair of shoes two sizes too big.

Once aware of what was crippling my energy and obstructing my resolve, I chose to follow the lane that felt important and sensible rather than tackling everything at once.

For instance, since my home in disarray was a big source of daily stress, I chose to pick one cabinet, closet or drawer to clear out each week instead of overwhelming myself with doing it all at once. I’d then move on to my next goal when I felt ready.

I was finally taking advantage of my moments by prioritizing important tasks. I was already feeling fresh and jazzed up.

To do something If I Didn’t like What I See

Arguably often systemic barriers make it difficult to make radical change in a person’s lifestyle. Work place regulations, an aggressive litigation environment or social convention –all can create hurdles to a shift. All that and more …even when we see people taking to streets to rubbish them. But being very few and isolated, nothing changes easily. In fact to solve the problem requires another level of effort.

To get out of complacency, you need to be motivated enough to rally in the action. I’m not suggesting anything more except a more reasoned response to injustice around you.

More important Don’t Give Up. Your level of “stick-to-itiveness” is the only yardstick to assess your success, For a long time I also held on to this value doing nothing much about it. But lately I’ve begun using it to dig my heels and stay put where it wins the most for me.

Image source: ‘5 Proven Ways to Create a Happy, Fulfilling Life; by Kulraj Singh in tinybuddha.com

It makes sense to sit on the couch and keep doing what you are doing today. But what does that brings tomorrow? Often I ask myself. Too many years have gone by and too many opportunities have passed. Why did I never spend time traveling the world? Why haven’t I ever read the most celebrated works of all time? Why did I not pursue my passions with fervor? Why did I not stay connected with old relationships?

Was I afraid or did I dare not get out of the bubble?

It’s easy to get cozy and watch Netflix on a weekend instead of going outside and exploring new things. With apps that deliver food, groceries, laundry, entertainment, and everything in between, nobody would take trouble of leaving the house. But by doing so, you miss new experiences, opinions, and interactions that would help shape your perspectives.

So ask yourself what you want.

Plan your unspent life. What you want from it and push yourself to make it happen. Build toward the future you want. Hitches and hurdles will get in the way but set your intentions straight and you will not be the one to miss out on 100% of the opportunities that you never took.

Besides don’t hold back in searching yourself for what you need to stay sparkling and sunny. The worst that can happen is a “No” which is any case better than regret of the unknown.

Above all never think of slowing down to near stop.

Make future happen your way.

A tiffin full of Joy that came when less was enough

Image source: ‘RI Leaders React To Texas Shooting: McKee Calls For Assault Weapon Ban’ in patch.com

As I dig into the past, simple sweet smell of savory snacks tiffin box from school days is the first thing that comes flooding back. It has the air of a long forgotten shaggy-dog story about days gone forever. I look back and they are still there –clear as open sky, unmissable and hankering to be relived one more time. For some reason my recollection would grow into lengthy stories and that’s the time I love having partnered them. “Amma, would you please put more food in my tiffin?”the sweet chirpy imploring plea of a 5 year old echoes back clearly with many faces.

I still have it in my mind so vividly.

Come January and it would be all about small toys and tiny anchors to keep my days steady. Birthday’s coming! I’d prance around joyfully. Life then, I think was about being slow and simple. The kinda days that ask us to take our time. It’d be dark by 6.00 PM and I’d be in bed by 8.00, if I manage to get away with it. Everything was uncomplicated and elementary.  The world felt uncluttered, quiet and naive. It would though pick up soon enough but I disliked having to rush. Not grown up enough to think straight, I believe I had made up my mind even then.

I’d let the time do the work.

Life was shaping up simple and steady- much like an overnight rising dough, a long roast, a slow simmer. I was inching towards brighter days!

Today what I see in my mind’s eye as I sit quietly under a tree in the park is a little kid of 5 indulging life so dearly that I fervently long to reach out and relive my salad days one more time before I die. The thought endures but I know time is absolute and irreversible.

I’m still hoping to find a few things that I didn’t know I needed as I grope around in my memories.

The Joy of Learning

It was so enlivening to spend time together with classmates. We would laugh together. We would play together and would enjoy tiffin together. Our hearts were on small things and moments that would bring immeasurable thrill and boundless happiness. Maybe life was leading us to a deeper appreciation of our everyday lives and the ways in which we would someday find everlasting happiness. It’s another story that we understood little or nothing of those complex subtleties and finer points of a buoyant life. Then, it was simple and easy- ‘freak out and live a carefree day’. It was as though “you’re being given a lovely warm hug each day without knowing why”.

Tiffin featured large in my own world of joy in small things then. My small irresistible ‘bento box‘ would easily accommodate two decent size parathas a small helping of fried potatoes and occasionally a piece of homespun sweet to brighten up my spread. The fragrant aroma of fried cumin seeds and fresh coriander would invade my nostrils even before I’d unboxed it and stoke my hunger as I greedily reach out for a morsel. First two bites would help me wake up straight and get me restarted for the rest of the day. Nothing would now put off the glee and the joy that would stay with me past noon. Belly full, I’ll be lighthearted and playful.

In my mind I rather waited anxiously for the recess bell.

This ‘feast‘ though doesn’t have to be everyday thing. Anything from sumptuous sandwiches to bread pancakes and veg biryani to veg rajma wrap, ma never ceased to surprise me. I guess the only way she wanted to be there with her child in school was through the lunch box. She would make different things each day and also leave small note inside the tiffin saying how much she loved me.

Today I can fully understand this sentiment of every mother who wishes to connect with her child and brighten their day while they are away at school. 

Sometimes it vaguely felt as though I was going to bed in a bed with newly changed sheets and pillowcases smelling clean and fresh and well tucked in. Waking up next morning and realizing that here is another day, and I can still get out of bed under my own steam.

What would have been more joyful?  Life was treating me well.

Image source: ‘Out of the box: Healthy eating is now part of school lunchrooms’ by Rhythma Kaul and Alifiya Poonawala in hindustantimes.com.

It was lovely to explore new day every time and be fed easily with another bounty of magical joy.

No, she never was a chef-mommy. I think she hardly knew what it meant. Except that she had sensed that she needed to be creative. She would invest her ideas in a small compartmentalized tiffin box, where in one box you pack various things like fruits, dry fruits and savory items in another making your child feel tempted to eat. The advantage was that since she couldn’t pack too much of one thing in the box, she tried small share of everything. She wanted her child to feel satiated with small portion and get to eat a little of everything with variety of stuff. My regular fill in the different spaces were fruits, dry fruits, veggies while the bigger one was for the main meal like parathas sabzi or idli chutney.

The Lasting Impact of my 4th Grade life

When life gets small and time rushes past, often our pleasures dry up. But it is in the smallness of things we get the chance to compress our thoughts, to discover the true happiness that make a life well-lived.

Yeah…simple pleasures and small joys of magical childhood days are not there to last a lifetime. Time then seems to stretch on forever but is never meant to keep company all the time. In a whisper it disappears but lives on in our memories.

It is lovely to go out and meet new experiences and what a joy it is to come back to your own home with everything in its right place in bathroom, kitchen and bedroom. You know where everything is without having to think about it. Yeah…it’s commonplace. From slow sweet mornings, dawdling afternoons or noisy evenings where you don’t know how things will end, you try to keep things pretty buttoned up. This has to be done. That needs to be finished. Life is small and tight. People have to be cared for. Work has to be accomplished. And the rest…

In between do you get to reach out to the child in you, reconnect with your playful side, embrace or tap into your childlike wonders? Have you tried to lay a hand on the most delightful time of your life and may be help it grow and thrive?

Image source: healthline.com

Life’s been alright to me. It hangs around like Okay only to not be Okay. On return each day I look around but couldn’t find my ‘Bento’ to hitch me a ride back to simple good o’l joys of childhood and a glimpse into my 4th grade days.

It’s nowhere to be found.

I guess…Happiness is still trying to give me a slip!

Be the reason someone smiles today : Your Life Will Never be The Same!

Yeah! That’s more like me as a kid. Unfortunately, there weren’t too many photo opportunities handy way back in days of late 50’s. I couldn’t treasure my childhood days like others, much less realize the worth of it all then.

I am not that cute anymore. And whatever you think of me from that smile on the face, I wasn’t the happiest kid. Oh! Geez…I was happy in a way. Everything around me was plentiful and life was fun. But from a very young age I was always a serious and focused child. Kids around me meanwhile looked unconcerned, lighthearted and freewheeling. The air around them smelled carefree and easy going. Incurious, I still did well by remaining absorbed, watchful and all wrapped up, in my formative years.

Over the years I have focused on my life’s purpose. People would often judge me as hard headed in thinking and carefully involved in my ways. Yet as I grew up I’ve also become much happier and more positive. I owe this brighter side of me more to a benevolent attitude and a bent for doing good. I think once you embrace this shift it’s easy to find out how uncomplicated that change can be.

Image source: ‘Keeping Your Mental Health in Bloom This Summer’ by Daisy Coggin in studentnews.manchester.ac.uk on 28 May 2024.

You Can’t Change Your Life Until You Change it

Life comes in seasons that change and so does everyone. Sometimes this change comes as a big one for many. Marriage or divorce, moving to a new city, committing to a partner, buying house or even starting a family; all are significant choices. Nothing matters more. For obdurates others , change means encountering far reaching experiences. Emotional health, scuttled relationship, retiring, new career, or moving across the country are all unusual events. Even debating with whom to invest your time is just another extraordinary occurrence.

Should I just start my life over? What if I simply move to some place quieter or travel? What should I be doing with my life? Is this really what I want for myself? When you mull over or examine your priorities like this, it’s only natural to question your choices. But if you yearn hard enough, it’s quite possible to make a new start any time. Besides it’s always OK to not know where you’re going next. After all, we all get one life to live. And we are always on the run to find the best version of ourselves. 

Image source: stock.adobe.com

Sometimes it’s hard to know exactly why you want a change. It’s also difficult to find out how big a change you’re looking for. But if you intend to live a more intentional life, it’ll be awful to miss the possibility. Living the same life tomorrow repeats the life you’ve lived yesterday. This keeps you anchored to the same life you are living today. Even so if you’re looking for a transformative change, something about you need to change.

Living a truly contented life isn’t as tricky as you think. In fact it’s more of an art than some inquisitive instinct. Everybody have their own way to tap into their own happiness. For me happiness is a choice, a lifestyle that I consciously prefer to lead. It’s my way of keeping spirits high and heart content.

And trust me, it’s worth it.

Try to make someone smile and you’ll know what I mean. Once you shed your unease, your day begins to unfold a wee bit better. It gets way easier to endure. It’s winsome for you each time you get involved.

So… when was the last time you made someone smile?

Image source: stock.adobe.com

Everyone runs into bad days one time or the other. Sometimes, all that’s needed is a smile from someone else to pep up and turn your day around. Making someone happy not only makes them feel good. It also lifts you from valley lows. And you feel no less good either.

Smile is a pretty contagious attribute. When you see someone happy and wreathed in smiles, it’s hard not to smile back. It’s possible that you’ve had a difficult day. You’ve been tired, grumpy, and feeling awful. You think you’ve an unwilling world around you to fight back. But then someone smiles at you or does something really nice for you. Suddenly your day doesn’t feel so bad anymore.

Now that you’re with me so far, you must be wondering how I went about it. Here are few ideas that worked pretty well for me and I guess so will they for you.

Make someone’s Day. It Just Make Yours

Hard to say when I acquired an intuitive wish to be helpful and strive to bring few upbeat moments in someone’s life. But somehow it did happen along the way. Interestingly, the enormity of what I was trying to live by would not hit me until I read this story. It was to change my life forever.

There was this man who lived a few miles away high in the hilly terrain from the Ganges in Himalayan foothills. One day, embittered by deprivations and denial of people around him he walked those few miles to the bridge, jumped and drowned. As the police investigated the fatality in the ensuing days, they found a note that the man had left on his bed.

It read: I’m going to walk to the bridge. If one person smiles at me on the way, I will not jump today.”

Nobody smiled. Helplessness and desolation finally pushed him past the breaking point to take his own life.

Months later, only now I fully understand the power of a smile – it can truly change and even save a life’.

So smile, say ‘Hello’; it’s free and infectious. When you smile at someone most likely you’ll get a smile back. It’s one simple beginning to make someone’s day for almost no effort on your part.

Make Your Move and Start Over

This is huge. Committing to make a change is not easy. It comes with its up and downs. But starting over afresh doesn’t mean you’ve lost everything you’ve learned, gained, and experienced. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. Your past has brought you to where you are today. And you’re lucky enough to be wiser than you were just a few months ago. 

On my part, I used what I knew best; myself’. I walked over a few slow steps to go back to the beginning and herald a change. I’d rather bet an entire day’s slog to see a wrinkled unhappy face crack a smile in a brief moment of heartsease. I would find delight in seeing a hesitant broken smile wiping away the sullen looks on faces as long as a fiddle. It didn’t matter for how long. For me, one moment is just as good as many.

I honestly meant to start living’.

“I love your shoes!” or “You have a beautiful smile.” Few simple heartfelt words to utter as I walk past someone on the street. And I would know I had stirred someone to cheer up. When in line at a store and I see the person behind me only has a few items, I’d offer to let them get ahead. I ‘d notice see a momentary glint in the eyes and a broad smile on the face. It’s always polite to say please and thank you, but it means much more coming from a stranger. So whenever somebody did something nice for me, I made sure to express my gratitude. I learned to laugh together. I would do whatever it needed to make someone’s life a bit easier. Sometimes when someone’s going through a tough time or just having a bad day, a hug was all that made all the difference. I would even try to help out anyone struggling with something.  Every diminutive effort brought a restful moment in lives around me .  

These small acts of gratitude and empathy never failed me in communicating a hint of reassurance and comfort to all.

Image source: stock.adobe.com

Over the time with a bit of thoughtfulness and effort I have managed to regain sway over values that helped in my transformation.  It’s no longer hard to promise myself another field day and make someone smile.

Give yourself a chance for now. Someday you will be grateful for having voted for a change.

Don’t quit on your dreams! At Times life moves from zero to hundred pretty quick.

The mind-bending weirdness of number‘zero’ is best described as the absence of something is a thing, in and of itself”.

Unbelievably the laptop, Mac, microcomputer or any other device you’re reading this on right now runs on a binary. A string of zeros and ones! Without zero there is no calculus, no automation and no electronics. In fact sans zero much of the world around us would literally go belly-up.

Zero’s discovery is considered equivalent to us learning an Alien’ or fictional language. During the night when we look up into the sky we see nothing but ‘oblivion’. From this nihility or zero, a scattering shower of electromagnetic radiation flows down to us right from the deep space. In the darkest emptiness I’d say there is always something unspoiled and yet to be mapped out!

A true zero I think is perhaps the first hint of an absolute nothingness.

For most part people usually do not understand any of this. Zero is not innate to us. We invented it and quite wittingly have kept passing it on to the next generation. Above and beyond this incredible breakthrough, there’s something that’d surprise you more. Would you believe that even tiny bee brains can compute zero? Only humans though were capable of seizing zero’s worth and forge it into an impeccable tool for all time.

Just to tickle your fancy, if bumblebees can distinguish between ‘greater than and lesser thanquantities including zero, it should be enough to float your boat as well. You have the capabilities to cut the mustard and thrive. But nothing’s more fascinating than the fact that zero’ has amazing the ability to spring surprises. It does so quite quickly when it comes to our choices and decisions affecting our lives.

Here’s how;

The ‘zero effect’: The strength of preference matters.

Like all of you, I also have had my share of problems and difficulties. I had always experienced relentless work-related stress till it was time to quit. I tried meditation to start with – something that I had never thought about before. Maybe I didn’t feel the need or was not motivated enough to do it. I had though read books, blogs, and video shorts on techniques involved there. I was aware of the practice all the time but didn’t know when to do it. Work, personal projects, deadlines, and personal life- everything was taking its toll and weighed heavy. Yep! Grudgingly I had bowed myself to the misery of daily grind.

Working through late nights I had compromised my morning routine. I was practically pushing myself from early hours till late evening. Rushed brunches and bites would hastily find some space in between; no exercises of course! Even so, I felt stranded. I consoled myself that I will be more productive if I focused on my work more. I believed that things would turn for the better if I sacrificed my freedom a wee bit more.

Still…It simply wouldn’t work for me!

Image source: ‘Tips for a better night’s sleep in fitshop.nl

I was getting tired easily. I couldn’t focus and had barely any space for relaxation. Sometimes I couldn’t sleep and would keep thinking the whole night.

What’s wrong with me? Why am I failing? Why couldn’t I do well and earn the wings? Why am I not living a full life? How will I satisfy myself?

My brain wouldn’t quit buzzing the whole night until it would just go blank in the wee hours. I would sleep uneasy for couple of hours thereafter and wake up heavy headed and sluggish.

Then one fine morning something extraordinary happened;

It was 5:30 am of a wintry morning. Darkness was fading and the light was taking over. ‘Enough is enough’; I told myself.I’d have to own everything, take responsibility and be answerable to none else but me”. I went for a jog, came back after 45 mins, took shower and got dressed. Then I sat down in a corner of my house in total silence. I closed my eyes and began to focus on my breath. I tried to trace back the origin of every thought. I wanted to find out why I was thinking the way I was. I will hear my mind spelling out every thought loud and clear- over and over again. I saw what an utter chaos it was. Was I was worried about every damn thing in the world? Isn’t there more to live for than drinks and nibbles? It was like I was in the middle of a battleground.

Distraught I opened my eyes…it was only for 5 minutes but weighed heavy like an hour. I felt good though. I guess I had taken the first step.

 It’s been 8 years since. I dare say that meditation didn’t solve any of my problems either then or later. In fact it felt irrelevant to anything I was experiencing. It would though help me to calm down and start afresh to think from quite a few perspectives.

Today, I’m having better sleep and focus my energy on things that matter most. The morning routine fares well and helps me aplenty. At 5 in the morning I wouldn’t find anybody on the roads. I feel free; I feel ahead. When I come back, I take a lazy shower. I ruminate a little over a cup of tea. Later, I stuff myself with a sumptuous breakfast. Then I sit quietly in the backyard and I feel I’ve conquered the world. I’m all pumped up now to butt my head into every challenge that comes my way during the day. I’m relentless to finish whatever I decide to do.

What more is there to ask for?

By mid-day when I think I’ve had enough, I would sit back and take a breather.

It is then I feel like a winner. I feel unstoppable!

Image source: ‘Women Travelling Tips’ in merisaheli.com

You can add zero to any number to your successes

Sometimes we can’t get what we need. It‘s very disturbing when things don’t turn out well for us. Something we’ve been so certain of can fall flat very quickly and leave us wounded in the heart.

When in turmoil self-doubt takes over. Instinctively heart searching steps in; ‘Is that it? Have I had enough?’

To take charge of yourself quit worrying about every detail that torments you in your hard moments. Stop pushing yourself to the limit. It’s quite difficult to escape thoughts though. They keep us returning to the equivalent of whys” and “whats” over and over again.

Start with a simple No’ to any gloom around you if you want to defeat a terrible time. Prep yourself to deal with anything that life tosses at you and endure any success in your stride. By outsmarting the circumstances you’ll start to see everything from an alternate perspective and move ahead. So patch yourself …you’re amazing and life will go in the manner you’ve arranged it to.

Once you’ve arrived this far, stop briefly to adjust and manage your current moment. Your stunners from yesterday do not characterize you. You need to know where you’re coming from. Your incidents are only a faint impression of the life you’ve led so far. You’ve the ability to improve them.  Stressing over a little now will not hurt you and even save you from more heart breaks and backslides. 

Move the world on your fingertips: Why zero is so damn useful!

If you were to make choices that will affect your future, quit agonizing over every other thing . Steal the spotlight for yourself. Record it and play it over and over. You’ll gain from each slip-up or circumstance you’ve lived. What’s intense for now will make you resilient and strong enough to continue developing and face the unknown stoutly.

It will be easier to move ahead then. Soon it will be plain sailing all the way.

Image source: pexel.com

Honestly not everything occurs for an explanation; every ‘put-off’ is meant to end with a more meaningfularrangement. Moving away from being nearly non-existent to being very obvious, you tend to own endless quantities of get-up’ and ‘go’.

I suppose not many would know exactly how good or bad the zero value is. Few will prefer not to react strongly to the choice with zero compared to a near-zero value.  But you can bet your bottom dollar on this. For a number representing nothing, zero surprisingly has a priceless importance in our lives. Without context, it’s of little interest or concern. But given the time, as a cathartic outcome of a decision;

It knows how to knock your socks off!

8 Signs You Grew Up Way Too Fast!

Growing up too fast isn’t always a bad thing. You didn’t choose to but you did faster than everyone else. You turned a legit adult at 18, but honestly you’d been one much sooner than that. “You look really mature for your age or Wow, are you only __ years old?” Haven’t you faced these reflections all through your early years?

Look around for reasons and you’ll find way too many. An impoverished home, dwindling finances, being the oldest sibling, neglect, or even bullying; just about anything would have cut short your free and careless adolescent years, howsoever you would have wished not to grow up faster than everyone else!

Image source: ‘An Open Letter To My Son’s Absent Father’ by Jessica Wilson in thoughtcatalog.com

You’re Quick-witted and excellent at prioritizing.

It’s never been tough for you to choose between going out and partying on a school night or staying back and prepare for your next exam. You always knew what you wanted but more importantly you knew what was needed of you. You always chose to stick to a schedule that would show your priority tasks.

Over the time opportunities got laid out before you to be managed and arranged in order of importance. You were definitely adept in that and would do all that in 0.5 sec flat. It was truly a skill and you bettered others.

You’re one heck of a planner

This is not about planned my entire wedding on Pinterest kinda work-out either. Perhaps you had your whole life mapped out all through or maybe at some point of time you had tried to. Arranging and listing were your religion while spontaneity gave you only stings and hives.

Yet your game plan for tomorrow is as firm today as it’s been yesterday and most likely will be a year from tomorrow as well.

From respite to resume’

Do you feel like you’ve missed out so many things in your childhood? Imagine yourself on a moonwalk or swinging on the playground during school interval and then the next moment you find yourself looking for any job that would accept an 18 year old’s CV! In a heartbeat responsibilities have come crashing down on you.

Now you miss what you’ve left behind. You long and thrive for what you didn’t take in. You want to be in the slumber party at your friend’s home, you didn’t get. You want to get drenched by those squeaky sprinklers in your front yard one last time; you missed them dearly. And you’d love if someone yells at you once again, It’s ok, you’ll understand when you get older.

If you get what I mean by saying this then perhaps you’ve overstepped and overshot your reach but that‘s ok if this gets you any closer to sense of comfort and well being.

Nobody understood you correctly

Your whole life till now has been mired in failing relationships-friendly or romantic likewise. You’ve been struggling with your fixes for long.

If this is you then you’ve matured quite early when most people your age haven’t. Your friends just don’t understand why you can’t go out and join them for partying every single weekend. What’s fun, electrifying and rebellious for them, you view it as unnecessary and would prefer to go your way. For you empathy comes hard and you can do no more than pity them. You have lost a lot many friends because of it.

Image source: ‘Shun foster firms and focus on children at risk, state told’ by Sean O’Driscoll in thetimes.com

But don’t we all lose something and gain somewhere?

No worries. You don’t hold it against anybody

In the beginning you didn’t know how to put yourself ahead and when you did, it felt brutally selfish. Later you knew that you’ll be fine because you’ve learned how to take care of yourself. You’d know how and why you should move mountains for others when they wouldn’t even walk 10 steps for you. And you’d do it. You’d do it today as well because that’s just what you know. When someone would actually dare to invest in you, it’s completely rare territory and would leave you uneasy and cautious.

You can’t help being jealous.

You wouldn’t want to admit this but you’ve always been privy to other people’s accomplishments and would easily get jealous of those who got lucky in fulfilling their youth. You’d be in awe of those who got to be careless and free and yet lived a warm and rewarding life without fearing any backlash. You’d resent those who didn’t always have to be so unfettered and grown up. You’re envious of the kids who got time out as a child because you thought their parents cared more.

You’d wish to be like your mates who got to be just that- a student; not a grown up adult.

You’d think of yourself as “getting old.”

In all seriousness, there’s nothing worse than a 25-year-old unfolding a long winded, candid spiel when in a company– that would often end up with glib excuses about how incredibly “old they’re? Its one thing when you’re being sarcastic— it’s quite another when you actually cheat yourself into believing that you’re truly getting up there in age.

As a kid and then as a teen you’d often feel that way. It’s likely that you were surrounded by young immature people who’d remind you that your sense of restraint was on a rapid decline. 

Instead had you been surrounded by those who were happy in what they do and excited about the future, the thought of getting old’ would have missed your lexicon.

“Too late” to pursue your dreams!

I’ve often come across people in my life who even when in their “twenty something” and “tween” would in all seriousness confide that they can ‘no longer’ pursue their dreams or that they’re ‘too old’ to make a new beginning. From vacationing in Europe to taking night classes towards their Masters, everything seemed remote to them.

Limitations apart, to simply feel like the “crazyperiod of your life where you try new things is magically over the moment you hit mid-20s is absurd. When this happens no matter how hard you have tried to come out of this mindset, you couldn’t convince yourself that there is a better life to live than you had so far. In a way you’ve condemned your life like the reruns of SVU (remember Special Victims Unit- a crime drama television series!) treating yourself to occasional takeouts at best.

Image source: Erick Mclean in pexels.com

Sometimes we’re born with a purpose to fit into a plan and sometimes we’re left disconnected from our ‘Inner Child’ and miss out on critical opportunities to expand. And sometimes tracing the scars that life has left us with, helps draw a better stronger person out of us.

I guess, it also reminds you that at one point of time you did fight for something you believed!

Yes, you were the one who’d dress yourself for school, who made sure to finish the homework, who always remembered to pay for own things  and who would take care of own self when sick. All through you’ve been one heck of a person. One strong-willed relentless striking soul who learned everything the hard way and made it to the real world- real fast.

Image source: ‘7 Ways to Preserve Your Travel Memories and Decorate Your Favourite Places’ in wanderlusters.com

Do you still agonize over your past and expect perfection from yourself? Fast tracking to adulthood always has profound and lasting impacts on one’s life. But as a grown-up there is always a way to slow down and reconnect with the part of yourself that always want to simply be a child.

So thank your childhood- for being cut short. It made you ready for the World in next to no time. And take it from me when I say, life is fun at any age- You just have to make it happen!”

Your Future Needs You, Your Past Doesn’t.

Imagine somebody locks you up in a time-machine and asks you to take a quantum leap to go forward into the future or backward into the past. You’re allowed to travel backwards or forward to any length of time, jumping through different dimensions and timelines a day, a thousand years, a million years… Which one would you choose? Future, that lies ahead or the Past, that’s finished and done with.

Either way I’m sure you’ll never want to come back to Now.

Arguably, choosing between the two can change anybody’s life. But since nobody would want to ruin their lives any more than they have done in the past, future seems like an easy pick.

Personally I’m in more for future than past. Not that I don’t want to fix mistakes or want to ask for an apology to those people whom I had hurt & offended in my life before. But it would be more like going back in time to correct course to make future take a turn for the better than putting things right in there. Of course, this will be the only opportunity to set things right and tell others to do scrub theirs. Still, wouldn’t it be better to travel into the future and witness those aberrations fading away all by themselves?

Yep…I’m at a loss but I’d rather settle for what lies ahead in time for me. I don’t want to see something again that I had neglected to conclude in the first place!

I am though still curious enough to take a flier into the past and sneak a peek at whatever wrong I’d done that I shouldn’t have. Save for dinosaurs, I will get lucky to patch up some of those awkward spots. Not likely but who knows someday something I want to happen -may just happen.

All in all, it’s really a difficult choice…and a risky one as well. You move one on your fingertips and you’ll never get to see life the same way again.

So, what do you need most- the Past that didn’t work out well or a Future that awaits you to go viral?

Image source: 1zoom.me/en

 Your Future Is Bigger Than Your Past

It simply has to be and here’s why.

For all we know, Past is merely the bedrock for Now and Future. Otherwise all that we did in the past would be for nothing if we have come this far only to give up. Some room is always there to continue growing and that’s exactly where we want to be.

I measure success by how many people I have helped out in the past and I want to continue increasing that number. I reckon my future to be my property because by definition, it hasn’t happened yet. It exists only in my mind suggesting that I can choose to make it whatever way I want.

Honestly, I think my every move to make my future bigger and brighter than my past is the very act of growing itself.

For some people great future is mostly about themselves. But for few like me it means contributing to other’s lives and things. And I prefer to keep it simple and clean while pitching in. What’s more, I’m convinced that all I need is to believe that, it’s possible to have a bigger happier future no matter what stage you’re at in life or what your circumstances are.

Often this belief alone has been enough to keep me growing.

Short Steps Help Grow Better

Fancy this- you’ve grown old or are in poor health. You’ve great many memories and dreamy experiences behind you, but don’t know how to pep up your future and reconstruct it to better your past.

Think of it this way…

Growing is as simple as learning to expand your perspective on the world and somewhat contributing to lives of others. A bigger future doesn’t have to be necessarily grand or glitzy; no great leaps ahead either. Most growth happens as a result of many small steps. The key is to keep taking them. Besides a better future is not about how much time you’re left. It’s about what you do in it and use what you’ve learned and done so far.

Check out for yourself. You have taken your first step towards the vastness of what you’re yet to discover and not be aware.

And you’ll keep growing till you last.

Wrong turns won’t let the good times roll

Image source: meaningfulmoney.life

Apparently what has got us here today won’t get us there ‘morrow. If you’ve been lucky in the past, be wary for that success can muffle your future success.  The things that have brought you where you are today will be the very things that will stop you from reaching your next level. Your crush for earlier triumphs and unwavering loyalty to your identity will keep you mired until you’ve learned to let go of your Past. You will gain an insight or two in between but don’t live there. And certainly don’t stay stuck to an obscure identity.

Don’t look back n’ pull yourself together

Becoming organized and mindful of everything taking place around you, places you better to build toward the future you wish for. The quickest way to do this is by not doing more but quit doing whatever is holding you back. Consider dumping those out of line behavior for a start and welcome good ones. It’s a hard start but unless you learn to cull the damage, you’ll always be taking one step forward and two backward. It’s akin to getting rid of junk food from your meal before going for a work out.

Look…unless you cut back on your spending, there’s no point in focusing on making more money.

You won’t need more once you’ve freed yourself from needing more and will be content with what you have. Think of your life as your garden. What good will be planting if you don’t remove the weeds and prep the soil?

Your Best Song Is Inside You

You have to believe your best work is ahead of you. If I believed my best song was already written, I wouldn’t keep writing.”

It’s no hard guess what Alice Cooper -the rock star meant when he had voiced his mind like this. Richard Paul Evans, the 38-times New York Times bestselling author also aired his thoughts somewhat similarly. Interestingly, both never gave up trying to create something better than they had done before.

Feature credits: ‘Your Future Needs You – Your Past Doesn’t’ by MotivationDon in YouTube.com
 

What’s my take on this? I think there’s always a better way to live a good life. The world’s not going to shrink any sooner and I must keep pushing for a better morrow. So, every time I start something new, I work like a Trojan and sometimes do not hesitate to lean over backwards. I guess it’s the only way to innovate and break my boundaries.

I wish someday you too will get to find the right choice. All you need is to persuade yourself to believe that boundaries and limitations are mere illusions and lie only in imagination. Besides, your personality doesn’t define you. It only mirrors a relationship with yourself and what’s happening around you. If you wish, you can change it completely. You can even change how you show up in the world. And that’s exactly what you need to do if your future is going to be bigger than your past. Your past in any case won’t buy you much.

See…It’s between Ash or Phoenixso choose wisely!

Above all keep this alive for you; ‘My best work is ahead of me’.

Owning less is great but wanting less is a better way to shape your happiness!

I have little and I love that!

­­­­Like everybody else fiery billboard promotions and zealous hype had left me chasing dreams of possessing car and clothes, all the while working in a job I hated so that I can buy stuff I really didn’t need in the first place! It was not long before eventually the things I owned ended up owing me instead. It wasn’t as good as I’d hoped! Sometimes it was overwhelming and would leave me feeling gutted.

Image source: goodmorningpics.com

It’s hard to remember when I first took the decision to intentionally live with fewer possessions. I suppose it was born quite a few years back mainly out of growing discontent with my screwy conception about life’s purpose. Everything sulked and felt like slipping away. And all the while I was all kinda busy woefully wishing for a better and happier life. As the size of my home grew so did the number of things stuffed into closets. I was spending more and more time caring for everything I possessed.

While cleaning stowage one Sunday morning, it struck me hard; how much of my life was being stolen by things that I own? Wasn’t I neglecting things that meant the most to me as a result? It was touchy, perhaps a bit nasty too but from that moment I decided to break free. Next I began to get rid of the non essentials.

I had decided to own less!

Ever since I figured it out and chose to settle with less, I’ve been experiencing countless benefits; more time for me, more money, more freedom, more energy; all with less stress and distraction. Fewer possessions and a careful use of resources have provided me with the opportunity to follow my greatest passions.  It’s great! And I’ve figured it out; I’ll never go back to the way I’ve lived so far. For me that lifestyle is bootless now. Interestingly, along the way I’ve discovered something even better than owning less; wanting less is not foolish and is definitely a better way to make a fresh start.

You may ask; if all that was so unnecessary what pushed me to catch up withsimple is more’ idea. All I had known so far was thatmore than, less than or equal to’ are the inequalities meant to represent the relation between two numbers or two expressions. No more!

This is how it all began to happen one fine morning.

The other day, I was visiting my neighbor at his home just across the street. We were childhood buddies and it’s been awhile since we had last met; so the warmth flew free. Fireside chat soon changed to heart- to- heart gab. I was taken aback for a moment when he confided how anxious he was about the upcoming weekend.Why?” I asked. Well, I’m having some new friends coming over for dinner and I’m embarrassed about the size of my house. The last time I went to one of theirs, it was huge and beautiful and gorgeously decorated. Probably one of nicest I ‘d ever laid my eyes on”. Now I knew why he looked so edgy and sounded hollow. Obviously, he was sizing himself up and feeling awkward in his own house!

I felt a bit sad for him. Graciously I said what I needed to say; that he had nothing to worry about, that things will be just fine, that his house was big enough and that what matters above all is the feeling you get when you enter a home which is far more important than square footage or the marquee furniture.

It’s hard to tell if that was any relief to him. I guess, that’s the least comfort I have offered to someone who’s disappointed or miserable over something as unimportant as the bigness of his house!

Image source: pexels.com

Later as I left his place I felt downhearted. What a crummy way to live; always eyeing the possessions of others and equating them to your own! There’s no joy here; this way of living sucks and outlook on life is disparaging. Discontent and envy only make matters worse. Both my friend and the spite that haunted him, were a weak match to wish for a full life. Still, I couldn’t fully disassociate myself from what I had experienced during his telling of the story. I had lived in smaller home years ago as well and couldn’t be happier with my life then. I had never wished for a bigger one. I’d often walk past a lot many in the neighborhood all the time and coyly say to myself, “I’m sure glad I don’t have it else I’d be spending so much time and energy taking care of that big pile!” The benefits of being in a smaller home were just great!

Soon thereafter, we moved into our ancestral house. It was a big deal; open space, room for everybody, patio, small patch of green – just about everything in it appeared larger and much bigger. Life was perhaps hinting at better. But this is when I began to think about how much everything else has changed and wondered how unattractive the constant pursuit of material possessions means to me. Somehow not only I wanted to own less, I wanted less. Perhaps then this would be a wonderful place to be in, I’d confide in me. I would feel comforted and reassured.

Today because I don’t want to own more than I already have, I am finally free from the constant collating of my stuff to others. I am no longer tormented by an incessant pursuit for more money and more stuff. I have found contentment in the things that I own. And above all I have discovered more room for generosity.

Image source: ‘Ready To Change Your Life and Take The “Less Is More” Approach?’ by Theresa in simpleismore.com

Because I don’t want to own anymore than I already have, I am free from constant contemplation. I am no longer bound to the incessant pursuit of more money and more belongings. I have found peace, contentment and happiness in the things that I have. It has also served me with extra space to indulge and be openhearted in giving. I have finally found my stride and begun to bend my pursuits towards things that matter. It’s no more a race to have it all. Things no longer define me as an individual. I’ve stopped buying stuff knowing that they will only burden me and add to my worries. I’m content with whatever I’ve now for I know that more doesn’t guarantee joy or happiness.

To me it’s a great feeling living with less and… wanting less even better!

The promise and peril of living with the bliss of uncertainty!

 “Everyone makes mistakes, so no one person is better than the other.”

No hard guesswork; this assertion would certainly raise eyebrows. While you may get on with it, there are few who would rather mock it straightaway. And understandably so; if Abraham Lincoln or Joseph Stalin could stumble and screw up sometimes in life, clearly not all slip ups are equal.

This sounds intuitive on the surface since there is no rust colored fire escape ladder or wrought iron curly cues to help. But surprisingly there is multitude of instances where we simply miss the actual picture. Eliezer Yudkowsky- best remembered for popularizing ideas related to friendly artificial intelligence, is just as cautious when elaborating; Everything is shades of gray, but there are shades of gray so light as to be nearly white and shades of gray so dark as to be very nearly black. Or even if not, we can still compare shades and say “it’s darker or it’s lighter”.

To me it measures the same way; like all imperfections are not equal and all uncertainties are different. While it’s not easy to embrace uncertainty, the important thing is what we choose to do with it. Who wouldn’t want to go all out to ease it, knowing that it will never be entirely gone?  Except that this would determine what shade of gray you really are in as nothing is as black, white or evenly gray as you’d want it to be.

Asserting that “I don’t know a shit” or “I don’t give a damn” is something that everybody readily accepts and would easily dismiss your imperfections. But there’s a difference between someone who fails to prove why Earth is flat and someone who falls through in proving the string theory that describes the universe as made up of tiny vibrating threads. Smaller than atoms, electrons, or quarks when these strands vibrate, twist and fold, they create matter, energy, and other phenomena like electromagnetism and gravity.

In any case both would throw up their hands in uncertainty though may secretly hand on to a cocky certainty.

Image source: ‘Your silence will not protect you’ by Audre Lorde in the feministbookshop.com

For the most part we live in a world where nothing is certain; we cannot hope to be more correct –only less wrong. It’s kinda default setting where nothing is fully comprehensible. Nonetheless if you could comprehend why nothing is ever black or white, then that’s a great start. But the real shift happens only when you begin to view the world through infinite shades of color.

It’s a difficult road but promises a beautiful destination!

How strange is life, isn’t it? The darkness of the night always relents and makes way for the light of the day time after time. Likewise our endurance never fails to end our labor into fruition. It’s a blissful absurdity but is conclusive to co existing with Nature. I do not freak out easily but I know one thing for sure –there is no perfect way to live your life in a well laid down manner. Our lives are not novels that need to confine to a well defined sequence of chapters. Rather it’s a collection of stories that behold different plots unfettered- in a single you.

I have always felt fragile yet confident in my dealings. My heart could feel the pain of loss and my soul would flourish with happiness when excited. And my mind would eagerly build on rhythms of life that stir and influence my actions. Sometimes things won’t turn out the way I‘d want them to but would often end up in something more beautiful than I could have imagined.

Don’t we all shed every ounce of ourselves to grow into the kind of person that we think we are meant to be? I have always believed in all the versions of me that I’m fated to co-exist with. The most vivid part is that it has helped me to live a happy life even when wading in unknown. I have learned to live in harmony in a world that continues to evolve around me. I guess there is no single identity that I need to hang onto to be sufficient for everybody around me.

Image source: pexels.com

When I was younger I wouldn’t stop dreaming of the day when I’d be recognized as a successful writer and my stories being read somewhere one day. Years later today as I look back, I face the younger version of me that had dreamed of his work being recognized and featured. I feel warm and grateful and treasure this vision dearly. It gives me the hope and the strength to continue to desire and work hard and softly breathe my wishes to the world around me.

I am the story that has run into unfinished streams of failure, courage, hope and strength. I’m the eye that beholds infinite dreams. I’m the ambition that yearns for more and has set its heart on living on cloud nine. 

Five simple things that make my World a genuinely happy place to live in!

What is it that makes this World one truly happy place? Are there really no shortcuts to happiness? Do we need to get some kind of foothold for a peaceful life first?

Seriously, I am intrigued when I find people binge-watching, eating mindlessly, going on buying spree even when perhaps they don’t truly need things, and half expecting these as the only things that will make them happy in long run. Of course we all do certain things for survival but very few to feel happiness. Sometimes it’s the combination of positive habits that is enough to make us happy. But isn’t that somewhat similar to finding distractions in life; pushing your boundaries to be happy even when you’re not enjoying them?

This World is definitely a wonderful place to live and be genuinely happy about but we need to create one wonderland of our own worth living in. For now we live in a deeply imperfect one.

It’s not what we say that matters. It’s what we do that counts

A person being told that he or she has lost weight, climbing into bed with freshly washed sheets and seeing an old couple hold hands, might help brighten the day briefly. But unlike others I am not Ok with a laid back living. It gets too bland when life goes topsy-turvy. A quick thank you from the boss after a terrible day at work, your favorite song on the radio when you’re fuming stuck in traffic; does any of this is enough to make you utterly, ridiculously, jumping-up-and-down happy?

Well, it never worked out for me. I tried fervently, but…

All I could think of was how to come up with a running list in my head- things that I could refer back later. A bad boring day was like a tartar sauce that tasted indescribably bland, insipid, warm and like some gooey cardboard. Hard as it was to crawl out of the day, putting everything in one place under my bonnet would somehow make me feel smug and comfortable; and it was some fun too! Nothing’s too big or small to add, I would remind myself.

Guess, I was catching on but would unwittingly condemn every single lesson to my fridge only!  

Image source: ‘How to stay fit forever: 25 tips to keep moving when the life gets in the way’ by Emine Saner in The Guardian

I would still get stressed and flip out over stupid stuff. I had stopped calling the people who mattered. I was ignoring those closest to me. I was neglecting my own needs though I would still rush around and check off things on my never ending mental to-do-list. And yet… it sucked. Waking up early, making coffee and sitting down alone for a quiet time on the couch, afternoon naps on days off; nothing would work for me until one fine morning it occurred to me;

I was eating away on my time.  I badly need a mental shift more than making a list of what would make me happy.

Here’s what I did to turn the World around me and become a better place to live… and be happy about it!  A fleeting happiness, a whole afternoon happiness, or warms my heart from the inside kind of happiness; I would never know but they’re all wonderful.

So, when life goes for a spin and you’re in a tizzy, take a moment to notice the things I did to sway happiness my way.

I learned to love and accept myself

Oh dear! Why it took me so long to learn to love myself inside out. It was so much more about letting go of the things I couldn’t change and appreciating what made me unique.

Being comfortable in your own skin isn’t always easy but it’s a good start to begin with things that make you special. I would let go of the things I cannot change and focus on celebrating my accomplishments. I was planning ahead, thinking positively, getting involved in my surroundings; and being kind to myself.

As it turns out, self-acceptance is not an automatic or default state. Many of us have trouble accepting ourselves exactly as we are. But it’s not so hard to accept the good parts of ourselves.

Doing just that did would help you climb out of the slump!

Hanging around with loved ones rejuvenates  

There are moments in everybody’s life when we find ourselves alone, either by choice or circumstance. It then becomes essential to find comfort in presence of people we love most. It would encourage us to cherish our own company, find joy in our own thoughts and recognize that being alone doesn’t necessarily mean being lonely. Having someone you can rely on, someone you can share your high and lows with, is a beautiful feeling. Your soul mate, friends or even your pet–their company could surely make you happy.

So, hang around with someone you adore. It’s exciting and would help lift your world.

The joy of giving is a heart winner

Receiving is a great feeling but short-lived. Our lives are fulfilling when we give and share. The truest joy is felt when we share and help others to better their lives. A kind gesture howsoever small, is sure to brighten your day, kindle self-esteem and bring happiness and that to the other person as well.

Giving in fact takes you out of yourself and expands beyond your limitations. It results in an experience of love, joy, peace, charity, caring, and self-worth. You could get a glimpse of ecstasy once you open a conduit for the kind of happiness that no one can ever steal from you. It is an intrinsic reward -far more valuable than what you receive.

Image source: ’19 personality development tips that will make you unique’ in timesofindia.indiatimes.com

Have something to look forward to:

It’s totally a normal reaction to your present if you experience disappointment or some sense of grief around the loss of future plans. Something as small as your wedding being postponed, random health issues or the loss of a loved one, may leave you sad and wistful- but you shouldn’t. When in a rut imagine of a new potential future- one with good times. It rekindles.

I had learned to believe in making the right choice and to strive to live a purposeful life. It was kinda pleasant distraction and would make me optimistic of the future. It motivated me to keep going when I’d otherwise want to give up. So, watch out for small pleasures; you’ll end up with something to look forward to in an otherwise average life. Loosen up a little and you’ll run into more opportunities to be happier.

Keep moving even if life gets in the way

Can you carry on with exercising when you’re not motivated enough, weather has turned for worse or your schedule has become overwhelming?  It’s not hard to guess whose call that would be. When it’d come to exercising your options I wouldn’t think twice think about how to “get” fit. But often, starting out was not the problem; maintaining it was though I knew that it provides more gratification and the cost of not doing it were higher. Of course, it’s helpful not to try to make yourself do things you actively dislike; but then you don’t have to love it to do it if stakes are so high.  I learned to like what I liked as a child. I didn’t really enjoy exercising but I felt better whenever I did it.

So, keep your shape and lifestyle in check; it would work wonders to your emotions.  Look for holes in your daily schedule that you can fill with exciting activities and let the rest happen of its own.

Image source: ‘How to plan and benefit from a successful digital detox’ by Layla Todd in mohamadkarbi.com

If you’re still wondering if any of this holds the key to your happiness, believe me it’s the only way to be genuinely happy and to see you through the end. It would mean you have done your bit to bring a real and lasting difference to your life. It would mean you’re ready to roll up your sleeves and face the life with a smile and won’t hesitate to push your boundaries.

And above all it would mean shaping a better tomorrow for your self – starting now!

Who cares if we’re getting older and crumbling? We still rock!

What a shock! Am I Old!

You’d know this when you can’t walk past a bathroom without thinkingI may as well pee while I’m here! Or may be let others come out loud and clear for you. Want to know how?; Simply fall down- if people around you laugh you’re not an old salad yet and there’s some zing still left in you; if people panic you’re a bummer and burning out fast.

Five years ago I was whisked into the emergency room followed by a stay in a hospital for a good three weeks. Well…the diagnosis said I had a mutinous pancreas that’s on a wayward run. That’s incredulous! I was aghast. It was difficult to imagine that something unbelievable had happened to me. The ceiling had felt like crashing down on me.

Later with initial stupor over, countless IV syringes and saline and heaps of hastily drawn scratch book pills were lined up to smother my senses in days to come. I was sternly advised to press on with infinite medication and an endless string of consultations without skipping any one of them if I wished to live. The downslide didn’t end there; periodic visits to a cardiologist, an urologist and a physician in that order were meant to be equally upsetting. There was no way out; nothing rough-and-tumble to have a crack at. Besides, I didn’t know how exactly any of that was going to help me cope with an inflamed pancreas; except that I had evaded regression and had stopped slipping. Still it felt like I was a piece of cardboard taped over the broken window in a car, all the while hanging tight –bottom- side-up!

But in the process of being in and out of critical cares, I had an epiphany; a moment when it hit me hard-I am old!  Is that for real or am I hallucinating?

Weeks later I recall; the poker faced doctor had begun by asking me questions about my medical history. I shared that I lost my father early to a stroke and my mother had some hypertension related issue. But there was nothing that would clearly indicate that I had any genetic tendency to an endocrine disorder. I was pretty sure; that this mixed gland in me was as bouncy as ever and wouldn’t ditch me. I trusted my anatomy firmly so much so that I could feel the islets of Langerhans pumping happily down my guts.  Nothing seemed upended and not for a moment it occurred to me that someday somehow it will capsize- not at least till the end of time. Insulin, Glucagon, Somatostatin, Pancreatic polypeptide, just about each one of them was piping up…until one day for no reason everything flaked out.

Clearly I was failing when I tried to assure him that – my father’s passing away was merely due to importunate  lifestyle and my mother simply was just old’. At that point, he asked their age when they had problems- heart related and otherwise.

After telling him their age when they began having issues, he smiled and asked,How old are you?” And that’s that!

His smile said it all.I felt old’

It probably sounds silly – but until that moment I had never considered myselfold.”

Ironically-I am and that’s the truth. The unreasonably snickering doctor was apparently enjoying cannoning this bombshell. So, I did something insanely fortifying – I decided to have a good laugh at myself! I am no doctor but I thought of it as the best way to cast aside my worries and calm my frayed nerves. Maybe that would blow away the butterflies for good.

At no time I was given to the idea that there was a magic pill somewhere waiting to be found some day and uncovering it would allow me a spin with Peter Pan syndrome- a timeless life. For me, it never was the silver bullet but the silver buckshot that curate a healthy happy living.

Was that good enough a consolation for this new found awareness? Jeez…It’s shaky but I did find some acuity in what many had shared about growing old before me. Oliver Wendell Holmes was a great help-Old age is always fifteen years older than I am.”; and so was Bob Hope; “I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap.” Eleanor Roosevelt’s one-liner was no less reassuring; “‘Today is the oldest you’ve ever been and the youngest you shall ever be again”.

So what the heck! …I accepted.

It’s only a graveyard shift; no more. And I saw myself more as a twilight trooper than a nocturnal nutcase. It was funny, cool and powerful and it worked for me fine- the thought I mean!  I wouldn’t think of me a midnight misfit anymore. A long life is a gift  and getting old is never so devastating that all my friends in heaven would miss me and think- “I didn’t make it’?

My old lady can vouch for as it has happened to me. Not long ago whenever we would walk out together, she’d know that a trip to restroom was not an option. Before leaving when I’d tell her that I’d better use the bathroom, she’d be acerbic,Obviously; but the concern in her voice will be unmistakable.

Image source: pexels.com

Today, I hope that life will fare out as good and happy I imagine it to and everything will work out just as fine for us. Together we will go on enjoying being oldas one.

I am already feeling better as I say this!

As for you, I want you to laugh out loud if you feel you’re clairvoyance is backsliding and ebbing with age; What was that guy’s name again?”and don’t forget to tell yourself the truth about aging.

Look…At just about any age we are always mindful about just how happy we want to be. There are childhood days when we grumble to grow up fast so that we can do whatever we want to. In college we want to graduate in a hurry so we can find work and make money. And when working we dream of the day we‘ll finally retire. Wouldn’t it be cool and well-spent if we sit down and think about what it is we like about the every stage of life we’ve been in? It’s never too hard to uncover some jewel moments and doing that will make you relive them.

Just fill the bill and someday soon you’ll forget the commercials telling us ways to fight getting older.

Image source: ‘Why should we renew our minds?’ in mountbm.org

Put up with your life and love to live the way as it is right now. To that end; slow down for a while, debark and list the things you like most about getting older. With notebook in hand and pen clicked and ready, it’s not long before the ideas would begin to flow. Trust me it’ll be difficult to stop even if writer’s cramp hurts after 15 minutes of furious scribbling. I couldn’t.  I had though kept on writing until my thoughts were exhausted. Honestly, It was one easy way to find my perfect happiness.

Having entered my sixties, I don’t care that I may not have much to contribute after I’m seventy. And I’m not sure I’ll have had much left to chip-in before turning seventy-five.

What the dickens! At 60 ain’t I still the bolting roost? And I don’t think I’m going to fade away that quickly or quietly. There’s so much to look and live for!

Image source: pexels.com

Geez…now that we’re living longer, don’t we have the time to write books about living longer?

Think about that…

Dear HR, can we please say ‘no!’ to ‘forced’ fun in the Workplace?

Post-work dinners, ringing laughter and upbeat colleagues; this is not the kind of work place that you’d think of as toxic. In fact you’d be disappointed if some cold jerk were to tell you how they party in the Office without getting beached! Dreaming of working there! No way…there would be no excitement or joy for you.

But honestly it’s still way better than the ‘forced fun’ that’s on offer for some jobs. From yearly bash- where drunken seniors swagger around with pesky conversations and raucously push the shaky juniors to twirl a leg, to deadwood birthday celebrations around some sleazy old cake and canned juice, to a nerve-wracking night out of mandatory fun’ where instead of bringing levity, you feel dumped. Your uncaring Drop it. That doesn’t bother me. I would rather not get involvedunmindful attitude won’t be of  much help either. The mundane horrors are many!  

I’m not saying that all Office fun sucks. It’s just that most HRs wouldn’t know how not to put together some crappy, wasted accidental drill’ that no one wants to go to.

Meant to be popular as an inspiration to beleaguered drop dead work mule, it loses steam the moment it’s the boss who gets to decide what and when to share. Should you begin to feel like you’re being punished, you can safely assume that it’s your employer’s prerogative! Yeah…it’s perfectly legal and there’s nothing terrible about it.

Think of it like this; you’re to take part in a team building trip to say, an amusement park or an overnight leisure retreat, for neither of which you have any heart and have decided to decline to go. Don’t expect to get those days off!  You’ll be looked upon to continue to show up at work. You may find that punishing but isn’t that pretty reasonable? You being asked to carry on with the work if you’ve decided to miss the fun’. Totally normal I’d say; no one is going to let you an extra three days of vacation out of kindness of their heart. You won’t get to bail on that; fears rage others too might join the chorus. Yeah, I’d rather be snowboarding in some slinky ski town or watching Paul Feig movies at home or hopping around Cafés and glitzy plazas”; many would count on baring their hearts out than pitch for some eerie partying.

Image source: ‘Yes, you really do have to attend your office holiday party—here’s why’ by Kerri Anne Renzulli in cnbc.com on Dec. 13, 2018.

Sometimes the fun’ part isn’t quite so organized and stays messy all throughout. Gone are the days when annual bash was the only breather in the calendars. Today, you may find yourself climbing ropes or running a three legged race, all the time cursing and damning your ‘forced’ choice. Post work holiday partying, drinks, pepping up, work place mixers and retreats; in fact just about everything is a cinematic parody stuff now. You’re meant to behave like a kid rollicking away at a summer camp.

Of course vacations and days-off are a time for fun, but getting ‘in the spirit’ works differently for everyone. Beyond the general insensibility of such activities, the attempt to revitalize mutual ties often stalls, all because of failed respect for work-life boundaries!

Now that I think about it, isn’t it strange that person like Linda Yaccarino would pick up the wildest job in tech, aware that she was pitted against one of the toughest jobs and a dyspathetic employer ? Gutted workforce, dwindling advertising, Twitter was an utter chaos and on the edge of collapse with little to fence off copy cat alternatives. Guess…what she was contemplating was a measured pushback’ to put an end to all the woes. But hard firing the people is cold with no explanation that would make sense. “I’m going to get fired for this.  I work at Twitter right now, but … is just better. Here’s to a new World”; every farewell would end on a teary note each time an employee was shown the doors. Twitter was acting like a product and not a service.

Disgruntled andat odds’ employee is like buying a Rolls Royce stripped of half the bodywork with a lift kit put on it. My guess is, Twitters reaction to a pretty harmless esprit de corps was intense and at best unnecessary and unprofessional. Making work a little light, less serious and with even lesser ‘mandatory strings stirs up people enough to take a second look before turning away from work.

Still there is always a time when you simply want to finish work and go home. You have little or no interest to go for an offsite thing. There’ve been parties that you didn’t attend because of that reason only. You’d always find a graceful way to stay away from the group picture’. But isn’t it also worth asking why you are so opposed to posing? Is it the cruel kindness of a jumpy jittery HR that you despise or have you lost interest inold news’ and ‘organized chaos‘? Ask around…and nobody will have the answer.

What’s wrong anyways in being humorously contradictory at times?

Don’t get me wrong. It’s totally Ok if you’re happy at your workplace; you’d tend to work harder than those who are fed up with the grind. But managedjoy isn’t always a perfect hit. What’s important is not a beady-eyed push to mend loose ties; that’s at best noble but dismissive act. It puts people behind on work and denies what they really want. Besides forced fun is often seen as an attempt to stave off likability for better pay, better benefits, parental leave and better work/life balance or work flexibility. In fact, it only worsens everything, making burn-out levels rise fast while separating work from identities. What’s more influencing is that you’d rather finish work ASAP and head home to your actual life where it’s reassuring and satisfying and takes the edge-off uninterrupted.

It though is complicated in what it means to your HR now that he’s doing what he can to hold onto you before you run amok and decide to quit. He’s always busy trying balancing what he thinks is right for everyone. What then is the fix? …if only somehow it can be managed without actually being enforced.

Image source: ‘Job satisfaction won’t buy you engagement’ by Charles Rogel in tlnt.com. on May 10, 2018.

Put your money where the mouth is

Small time ingenuity might just do the trick. Building actionable perceptions ranging from ‘smart’ library to virtual book clubs, movie clubs and ‘little freedoms‘ similar to slack channels for fandom, make for a good start. Without the pressure of a formal workplace event, affinity becomes intense and more flexible. Petty props like suggestion box or anonymous online questionnaire are the best way to sass out what people are really interested in and why they often feel nervous about voicing their concerns.  Sometimes gifts and vouchers work even better instead of a deliberate slinging physical soiree.

Of course small changes make a heap of difference but when wrapped up in work, nobody wants to leave the desk for a pickle ball match only to come back to a heapful of work load. Social events or fun activities after hours are equally restrictive and not many would attend. Even when everything is optional, it doesn’t feel great to miss out or to be singled out as one who never joins in.

On the contrary bated enthusiasm lets off the steam when the buzz happens within the Office hours. It’s a win-win for everybody; generally speaking you’d exploit and enjoy and stand in good stead while the HR would sigh in relief and be alive again looking for dips in productivity.

At the end of the day, I guess there is hardly anything wrong in seeing work as what you do for a living. It’s nice to get a pat on the back when the work is taxing and you deliver, but would you takeflatteryover clean passable work conditions? Nah… nobody would. You’re worth more than some feeble voice in a karaoke duette.

Image source: ‘You’re ready to take the HiSET’ in hiset.org.

So, if your company offers you random groovy pizza parties, free Friday beer over reasonable hours, flexible work and a sassy compensation…

I’d say you better look a little closer.

I’d only have one wrinkle and gladly sit on it, if some day happiness becomes my wish bone!

Did you know that even spicy foods can make you happy! They say it’s because the body cannot distinguish between spiciness and the peppery pain, and pain releases endorphins in the brain which register as pure happiness. For quite a few it wouldn’t mean anything except tears and sweat. But wait till the “Pepper High Effect” burns you enough to feel Hot, Happy, and Healthy! You just need to build up your tolerance to ’scoville ferocity’.

Like many, I couldn’t do it either; perhaps I didn’t need it after all (whatever lies I tell myself!).

Two or more years ago, I jinxed myself;

I had been telling around that I know how to carry-off happiness for me out of a wet paper bag if needed (whatever that was supposed to mean), had no problem with changing choices and felt I was on my way (wherever that might be, I was certain it was a good place).

And then…unprepared for;

I realized I had never actually made any headway with my flight of fancy. I had conned myself with some fake beliefs. The deceit was blinding!

What does that mean? Where I went wrong with the Happy question”? I needed to find out.

I knew the answer wasn’t quite that simple. It’s a rare bird that nests distantly or distinctly from person to person, moment to moment, and breath to breath. What’s exciting today might hurt tomorrow. So, I tried mimicking facial exercises to pick up the mood; “Rest your face five seconds, now let’s do it again five times… smile, smile, Smile, smile, smile!” Geez…It was miserable. I just couldn’t do it.

Image source: ‘My life sucks – Bounce back guide’ by David in meaningfulpaths.com

Hang in there a moment. I wasn’t ready to give up on me.

I didn’t know if it was Ok to believe happiness to be a choice. What if I were to change my ways? Would that leave me content for the rest of my life?Truth is, like everybody I didn’t have the slightest idea about the whole thing. Not altogether. Not 100 %.

Yet there are people who are happy and others aren’t. What brings the difference? Is happiness actually a lifetime option? What’s there to be like Jeanne Louise Calment, a perky, jaunty happy soul who fiercely loved chocolate and ate nearly 2 lbs of it every week? Active as she ever was, she had taken up fencing at 85 and was riding bicycles at 100! She even went on to star in Vincent and Me’ in 1990 when she was 104! She smoked until 120 and quit smoking only when she could no longer find her cigarette box. “Until next year perhaps?” She would say goodbye to the people who frequented her. “I don’t see why not! You don’t look so bad to me.”; a fond response would never fail to enthuse her. A twinkle in the eye and a subtle grin would momentarily give away her contentment. She stayed witty right until the end came in 1977. She was 122 then!

What was then that kept her going so strongly even at such a ripe age?

Nothing would make us happy unless we choose to

Whenever I fell into the rut of sadness, each time I would hear one single ideathree ways; that we have the option to choose happiness, that it would lead me straight back to my natural state of daily joy and that I’d be out of my jinx box in no time! It was difficult to face a crazy argument that wasn’t real but felt revolutionary. I didn’t need to let my story of unhappiness hold power over me.

Weeks later, I chanced to hit a thread on Reddit. It went like this;

“Think of your thoughts like the weather; as if they were passing clouds. Weather doesn’t have meaning; sometimes you get storm clouds and sometimes clear skies.”

I guess what did it do to me was happily shocking and surprising!

It shattered the pall of gloom around me and helped me rise into happiness. In a simpler way- the melancholy was not serving or doing me any good. It needed to be junked. And for once “I didn’t need an excuse to be happy!”

Image source: ’10 habits to be happy’ by Julianna Summers in newtraderu.com

Don’t wait to simplify life!

For years altogether I have tried to break free of my individual unhappiness. Not much of a success there. I would still be angry about my deprived childhood and resent 30 odd years of surviving a deadwood career. In any case, it always reeked of some kind of heresy as I’d often find arguing with myself; “What!—how could I to just ‘snap out of’ this straight jacket numbness that is stuck with me since forever?”

I don’t believe miracles happen, at least not that quickly but yes- I did get it right finally. It had occurred to me that few roads to happiness just do not lead through Oxytocin or Endorphin. The one and only truth that matters is that ‘If you’re not happy, you can choose to be’. Pick up an enduring will, wake up some rugged determination and you’ll get better and feel lofty.

Neither do you have to be any good at DIY to get going. Happiness does not demand some external event, an accomplishment, a win, a pat on the head, a struggle or any reason at all. For all I know, you can simply choose to be happy from this moment onwards; for no reason other than that you’re the most knotty life form, have confusingly interrelated parts- that‘ve somehow come together- live in most exciting times and are going around an ever exploding ball of hydrogen at 107000 kmph all the while sitting on an enormous chunk of rock and lava.

Take that in. Don’t wait and…for once keep biology out of it!Nothing is more dispiriting than the burden of unhappiness due to air and appearance you carry. 

So start loving somebody; get mushy and if you’re in love, take time right now to reveal. Open your heart before it stops. Even a small touch, massage, hug, hand holding or a handshake works well.  

It’s a hard one on you if you have ‘no love’ or little something to hang on to, but self-love is just as good a fill-in. It shuts out everyone else except YOU to care for. Eventually fondness, generosity and a warm heart would fill your day. Give an unexpected gift, buy a stranger Coffee, rummage your pocket and throw change in that ‘unfortunate’ hat, or laud and pay a compliment. When you do small favors, fuzzy feelings begin to flood your veins and Oxytocin will flow.

Besides, who would want to live asJanitor of a Mountain of BS(quoting Tim Ferriss) for 50 straight years only to resign to a couch in the corner and drag through the idyllic Golden Years? I would rather not wait for mermaids to spoon-feed me bran flakes and let each day bring me a new jumper! Should I? Nope …no way, the idea has run out of gas for me. The fantasy that I do X to be happy has fallen behind.

Image source: ‘Why you should strive to be content, not happy’ in healthwellbeing.com

Honestly, I believe that you don’t need to hang on to outcomes for your happiness. If you do, it will be Ok for a minute, a month or perhaps longer but sooner than later you’ll be haunted by the next unreal emptiness in your life.

Don’t hold back; the world has not shrunk yet. You need to choose NOW!

15 extremely disquieting events of 20th century that I wish I hadn’t heard of!

When radium was first discovered in 20’s, people knew little of its toxicity. Its impressive glow-in-the-dark properties made this stunning heaviest alkaline earth metal a popular additive in products like paints, toothpaste, hair cream, and even food items, until years later the entire factory crew of the United States Radium Corp. fell to radiation-related sickness with decaying teeth, crumbling bones and spines that crushed under their own weight. Tragically most of them were to succumb to this lethal discovery not very long after.

Woefully, these weren’t Carl Sagan moments; not until 1995 when his Big Think 1995 stunner “The Demon-Haunted World: Science as a Candle in the Dark” swayed the media with a passionate version of a better world that was all set to debunk a dystopian future. Contrarily, the world had just begun to morph into kinda eerie sink hole that many would today find disturbingly similar to ours. Who would have then thought that an unpleasant legacy of utterly devastating events from 20th century was cursed to follow down to us!

We have heard of appalling stories of Black plague and the dreadful plight of poor in Victorian England, but all seem a distant reality when we imagine the outrageousness of the shattering events of last century that would pale even the Spanish flu of 1920; more than 2 million lives were lost then. Yep…sadly the blemish stays very real to this day!

I wish I could travel through time and do something to fix things right. Nah! I know that’s not going to happen. Maybe I’d step back and try to dig in the past. That’s little shade but I could be ready and waiting for more tumult in time ahead!

So, I hunker down and imagine what if I am born 100 years ago-that would be some horse and buggy days of 1923! At the age of 14, I would be seeing dark clouds of War gathering strength. Hindenburg disaster with 36 dead is already a fading infamy that has finished off the much touted commercial airship program finally. On the other side of the globe, six weeks of brutal Nipponese massacre has left thousands dead in the Chinese city of Nanjing and wrecked any chance of clarity in a chaotic World; it’s more jumpy now than ever.

Incredibly all this is happening when with 22 million dead, the planet is still struggling to recover from the dark days of WW-I! Looks like lessons from the past are gone to wind!

Image source: ‘Defence of the Realm Act of 1914 – History Learning Site’ in humix.com

Eight years later Print screamers are everywhere-Little Boy’ has just flattened Hiroshima claiming more than 140,000 lives. I have turned 22 this January. A little later, the enormity of Holocaust would plunge the world into despair and remorse would prevails over every other catastrophe in telling history.  Genocide of six million Jews across German-occupied Europe has shaken even the most hostile cynic.

At 29, I am a young adult now and have survived the upheaval this far. It’s 1952; Polio epidemic has killed 3300 in the US, the Great London smog has smothered another 4000; Mau-mau rebellion has begun to maim Kenya; the 9.0 magnitude Kamchatka quake toll has risen to 4000; misery pipe for a Korean War across the 38th parallel between North and South Korea is shrieking harshly. Tragically, this war will end with millions of casualties on both side and more than 100,000 dead for the UN forces involved.

Come 1956 and I’m 33 years old, the Hungarian Revolution– a countrywide uprising is lifting head. Damned to last for mere 12 days it would leave thousands killed or wounded and nearly quarter–million fleeing the country in its wake.

A year earlier Vietnam War had polarized the world. The second Indochina war that began in the fall of 1955 would end in 1975 when I would be 52.

Image source: pexels.com

Fast forward. It’s 1962 and I am 39 years old. Cuban missile crisis is here to bring the World to the brink of nuclear annihilation. As if that wasn’t bad enough, peace totters in South Asia as Sino Indian war turns into an awful reality.

And sadly we’ve just lost Marilyn Monroe this August.

I am 52 years old and its 1975. Together typhoon Nina and Banqiao dam breach in China – the worst in living history -have decimated 230000 lives.

Double time! Its 1983 and I’ve turned 60. El Niño the strongest and the most devastating destruction of the century is here. Trade winds have collapsed and reversed. In just 24 hours, sea-surface temps along the coastal Peru have shot up to 7.2degrees F.

Another bite in the arse- the Little Boy lives on! Twelve years later a wave of warm water would trigger weather related disasters in almost every continent. Australia, Africa and Indonesia will be ravaged by droughts, dust storms, and brush fires. Peru will be hit with the heaviest rainfall-11 feet in recorded history. Some rivers would carry 1000 times the normal flow and would cause $13billion+ in damages and untold number of lives. 

Image source; ‘Is Climate Migration Already Happening?’ by Annie Gray in emagazine.com on July 19, 2023

Then there will be secondary problems as well. Warm, wet spring would mean an explosion in  mosquito stocks; frighteningly high incidence of snake bites will fall out as the hot, dry weather drive mice from high elevations downward for food and water; rattle snake nips would rally next; there will be exponential rise in bubonic plague incidence as wet Spring would favor flea-ridden rodents; shark attacks will spiral due to unreasonably warm sea temperatures; above-normal temperatures would maul Alaskan resources with a noticeable decline in the salmon harvest; and the weather altered phenomena will drive the warmest winter in American subcontinent in 25 years.

Wait! There is something more dreadful here. Earth has begun shifting its angular movement as a result of changing jet stream patterns. The day length has stretched by 0.2 milliseconds.

I wake up with a jolt-badly shaken and drenched in sweat. I could hear my heart pounding hard and blood thumping in my veins; a sinking gut feeling makes me very nauseated. What was that any way? See more see less type of warning about Judgment day perhaps? Shucks! Whatever that nightmare was about, mercifully it’s bubble only- for now. I sigh in relief and slump back. Its half past midnight and I’m all alive and kicking. I thank my lucky stars…Yeah! good times are still rolling for me.

So, what’s the takeaway? Few would think this freak’n’ throwback is no more than hard felt imagination. But if the heat this summer’s been bad enough for you, think of this backslide as your savior. It might just help set you up for more savage times ahead.

See… it took us more than 400 years to get used to the idea that the Earth is not the center of the universe, but it’s still unnerving. Antibiotics and vaccines have saved millions of lives, but aren’t some microbes evolving faster than we can find ways to fight them?

I‘ve survived SARS-CoV-2,two agonizing years of lockdowns, vaccinations, protocols, confinements and cutbacks and all the stuff. And honestly, I could no longer think that my grandparents had no idea how difficult life is; not really after knowing that they pulled through several wars and catastrophes.

Image source: pexels.com

Today, I live happily tired and anxious for what’s to come next. It’s been two years and we are living with the virus. Like many, I too have lost friends and relatives. It was a rough patch alright, but we’ve held on and pulled through.

You may come up with thousand and one reasons in argument but wouldn’t it be better to have a heart and save a little breath in a World that lives totally off-the-cuff? I think it’s the best we can do to endure and stop living our fears; it hurts nobody. Besides no time machine or a crystal ball is ever gonna tell you this; Better days await us’.

And if this isn’t reassuring enough…Yep! there’s no way I could tell if you’d sleep easy tonight and thereafter.

Four signs that you’re truly at peace with yourself but don’t know it yet!

I close my eyes for a moment when alone and try seeing the highlight reel of my life. A strange sense of serenity descends and fills me with contentment. Hard to say…is this for real? Have I found it at last? How am I to know that I ain’t at war with myself any longer and it’s the same happiness that everybody hopelessly stalks?

It’s a shame I couldn’t find honest answers then; but euphoria prevails to this day!

Some say it’s the peace of mind when you’re sheltered. For few it’s about decluttering and repairing to quickly find a new purpose. Others argue that it’s about accepting and letting go what’s baggy. My guess!… It’s what we do to stay normal in different moods to bring a desirable change; some squeaky clean happiness and peace of mind.

We all own a panic stricken mind even at the best of times. Not to say it’s a twisted temperament, but it makes people do pretty crazy things in life. I spent my early thirties clambering out of one catastrophe into another, behaving gross at times- chiding, berating and hurting others; often bad smelling with unnecessary lies! It was miserable but I wasn’t sorry for me or anybody. What the heck! This was my roost- my hallway of destruction and I loved being in it.

But there is another side to this story.

Behind all this carnage, I was a genuinely good hearted person. I always tried to be a nice somebody. Guess… it’s because I had nobody around to help me drop my snags and sorrows at dark times.

With crazy thoughts buzzing and booming in my head, I was sledged over and again by a creepy feeling- that of all the people I had hurt, it was no one more than me. I was aware that I had done enough awful things to regret later. It was like being in a kitchen with everything but no sink. I had no way to rinse off all the felony and cheating that was drowning me. More than anything, I was worried stiff that no one had the right answers that would help.

Incredibly, in the thick of all the alarms and chills unwittingly I had missed it altogether…!

It was so simple, I mean the fix! All I needed was to rearrange my headspace around few mindful things, be wary of what I decide to do every day, behave around them with integrity and try to keep my nose clean.

Not left with much choice, I went about securing my life telling myself-If I’d manage myself with restraint, I would surely find a low-key-life free of conflicts and strife one day!”  

Today, I remember thinking how excited I was- to have chosen a way out.

Know your heartsease

For many things, peace is slippery and difficult to catch. Clock keeps ticking 24×7 and so does everyday life but peace stays distant, unless we’ve chosen to be upright in actions and follow for a turnaround.

No matter how tough things were yesterday, today I hit the sack every night with a clear conscience and a wonderful sense of calmness crooning in my ears. I have learned to live and endure. It sure did take me time and trials before I could win. It wasn’t impassable for me. Laugh, swoon, cringe or sob, it won’t be any more difficult to you trying than it was to me.

Begin by evolving a habit of sticking to “next right thing” all the time. It may be difficult at first but some legwork is way better than to drift-off not attempting anything. There’s nothing to lose and everything to gain. Still…

If you think you may fail and couldn’t help slipping back to your old ways; don’t fret! Check for these oddities to know if you haven’t wandered far off and could rally back. See which one has added to your life that you aren’t aware of.

Count on me; you’d no longer need trying if you’ve made a hit!

Image source: pexels.com

You endure what you can’t change

Often events change course abruptly without forewarning that we wish hadn’t. It’s like conjuring things we’ve done in the past and wish we hadn’t. And there’s little we can do to fix them except hope that some good will turn out of it. It’s only a ‘Zen mindset that doesn’t worry much over the past or future or to make amends.

Of course not many of us are exalted like that but if you’re busy living peacefully then most likely you’ve learned not to over think; you’re done with the past and hardly worry about the future. Bills, work, health, anything and everything, do not torment you and you think there’s hardly anything you need to change.

Great! You’re free of worries and know well that stress and worry would only disparage your wellbeing. You are clever enough to know that thoughts aren’t for real and would hate sitting on them. You prefer to move on.

You’re inclined to take things as they come

Ask anyone who’s happy and content and you’ll know why it’s Ok not to resist what persists. Unexpected happens all the time in our lives. Fireballs keep falling in our lap every so often -its life.

But not you; you’re all set and face heartbreaks head on. You are aware that inevitable is fated to happen.  So instead of struggling to fix things the way you want, you accept the way they happen knowing that this would turn out to be lot better than you’ve thought.

In all honesty, resisting change only makes it harder on us. My guess is …you’re flexible enough and would rather give way to changes.

And that’s your key to happiness.

Image source: ‘If you do these 10 things, you’re truly at peace with yourself’ by Wendy Kaur in ideapod.com

You choose to slow down

I’d say that most of us do not enjoy our present. With wandering minds, fleeting eyes we’d reach out to our phone every few minutes in the hope of  momentary relief in busted situations. Besides with only an eye and half an ear to surroundings, it’s mostly boring and unexciting.

But you’re not a geek. You’d gladly take up pursuits that seek to slow you down, yet you’re alive to your surroundings. You’re fond of reading a book, tending front garden leaves you happy and you adore gleeful escapades in the kitchen. You revel in your mindfulness and admire arresting experiences. You enjoy talking to your friends, love long morning strolls and savor to interact around.  

Slowing down sometimes wins us a heightened awareness of the present. You’ve set clear sights on the Circle of life!

You love yourself

You’re truly at peace if you love being YOU. Not full of yourself, smug or snooty, you don’t need many heads to have a good time or to reveal your best version. You’re genuinely contented and love your company. You’re perfectly happy and fulfilled when you go to sleep. In quieter moments you long to hang around with an old friend and yearn for one-on one chat.

Still not with me? If you’re not happy with what you have and what you’d love to do to make others happy, then it’s as much of a different journey as it is for others. There’s no single right way of doing things and experiencing happiness. But if you see smile on your partners’ face each morning; yearn for a cruise to Caribbeans with Fam and every night you cuddle in the bed clean handed; honestly deep down you’re fortunate to rest in peace and rejoice at heart.

Image source: sohib.indonesiabaik.id

Did you catch my drift? For all I know you could be on a couch stuffing your face with potato chips, pulling apart my bag of tricks and waiting for it to happen; but if  it’s not your work, house, car, or everyday stuff that worries you- then you’ve bumped into it , unaware of your fortune.

Just stick together and … In time you’ll stand out big!

Are you weary, snappy and feel like falling apart? You could easily use some time to yourself!

Your mind and body are clearly overwhelmed and you’re in serious need of ‘Alone time’.

It’s like any other typical evening; dinner is fixed but plenty is still happening in kitchen while you slouch in your favorite love seat in the living room and thoughtlessly surf net over your phone. Else, you could be on your day bed skimming through some run-down nonnews daily or folding linen in the bedroom. This is when your old lady drops in and asks you something that’s faint and inaudible. You couldn’t get anything as your neighbor’s canine has all at once decided to howl raucously outside.

Suddenly, your inner-voice crashes into a long uuuggghhh and you can feel adrenaline rising.

What’s that…what’s happening to you? You couldn’t fathom this right-away but if you’re any good in judging yourself; this is your body and brain begging for some “Alone” time.

Broadly said, it’s time to unplug’.

It’s not only about spending time on your own!

Are you the one who often gets so busy that you’re not left with enough bandwidth to think about your own needs, let alone do anything about them? An eager beaver, you’re incessantly thinking about your work and worried that you might miss the chance to prove yourself, if you aren’t available 24×7. Childcare, eldercare, regular messy errands like paying bills, keeping the house clean; just about anything would jump to throttle your faintest desire to make time for yourself and your needs; all because you’re always on and would do little to change the way things happen to you.

On the face of, it’s looks repressive; like everything just gets thrown in your day. But not every messy moment is sign of sickness. Easy as it is you get caught up in this web of constantly doing things, most of the times you are drawn into the maelstrom-one way or the other. At best nothing hurts but it’s important to occasionally step away from it all, to ward off a complete collapse. That, of course would mean spending some time on your own with yourself. On the contrary by not allowing yourself the comfort of #me-time, you run the risk of a faster burn-out, both emotional and physical.

Fortunately, it’s not so hard to recognize the warning signs that you’ve pushed yourself far enough and it’s time to look after yourself well. By doing so you could top-off with some zip, calm your frayed nerves and enjoy the much-needed happiness. Your mind and body will thank you for properly looking after them!

Image source: ‘Atasi stres dengan 8 kegiatan Me Time ini, praktikkan, yuk!’ in sohib.indonesiabaik.id

Sometimes it’s better to take a step back!

Me time is all about being present with yourself; mind and body. It’s a conscious effort to revive and restore you. Even doing something as simple as having a bath, reading a book, going for a walk, performing yoga, getting your hair or nails done and so many more, can course-correct you put you back on rails when you’re alone with your thoughts and inattentive of your surroundings. Pep talk! Nah…believe this, our mind and body are entwined and hooked together and to work side by side, they need to be in sync. When they aren’t, stress and tension manifests as aches and pains in our body and throws everything out of gear.

I guess this explains why #me time is so important and how attempting it every so often would let you figure out the needs of your mind and body and answer likewise. You’d have successfully spent some quality ‘me time’ once you’ve set about a mid-course correction allowing yourself downtime to heal and recover.  

Lucky for me, I recognized the early warning signs that I had pushed myself a bit too far  just in the nick of time. I noticed that I hadn’t taken a break for long and was long overdue for some time on my own. I needed to make sure that I was pampering myself properly and not being tricked into believing that all’s well with me- one hundred percent!

So, what EXACTLY did I do to live out a better version of me?

It’s a buzzing world around us that makes it nearly impossible to line up some time for ourselves. There is always this revolving door of reasons that pushes ‘me time’ for tomorrow and when tomorrow turns today, everything stays unchanged.

Knowing why, how and when to schedule alone time’ was what charted new bearings for me; a scrupulous good self care trail and an attempt to live out the best version of me.

Image source: ‘Making a lasting difference’ in jbjgroups.com on Feb.27, 2023

Again, this could be different for every one of us. We take time-off for ourselves in many different ways. We choose to wake up twenty minutes earlier than the rest of the family and spend a little bit of #me time with ourselves; many prefer a quick morning stroll and few more would love to take a day-off and be left unto themselves in peace.

To cut things short, following pursuits like deep breathing allowed my body to burn off stress induced Fight or Flight mode and reset it to Rest and Recap mode. Once reconnected with mind and body I became aware of every single part of me. And then I knew I was safe.

Contradictions for the most part are irrefutable but if you happen to have mind or body concerns, niggle and stabs and all the gross irascibility that goes with it, you need to delve into them first. Talking to your bosom silently brings comfort and helps quieting your insides.

Ask yourself what has gone wrong to cause the disquiet and look for antidotes to help heal. If there’s something that you cannot repair, that’s okay. Now you know for sure what’s hurting you that you cannot diminish of your own. Corner it and take help if you think that’s the cure or else box it up in the corner of your psyche. It will eventually wane and die down. Once done, it’s a quick note that you’re out of harm’s way.

I never knew all the answers, but accepting this unfamiliarity was in fact wonderfully informing. I was in tune with my mind and body at last. It was kinda hard, took a lot of efforts but ended well for me.

What are you waiting for? Don’t miss your window

Have you ever felt sorry for yourself for taking time off to be ‘Alone’? Do you wait anxiously for guilt pangs to drown you in an emotional grave all because you’ve set aside important work for some apparently thoughtless past time’? I guess shaming yourself like this is gross and inundating. Caring for yourself is the only way to stay a cut above the rest in your life.

 If you ask me, to be YOU in your ‘Alone time’ is your magic reset button.

So, go ahead; pamper yourself, take a nap, unplug social media, watch a movie, fete yourself, indulge in a hobby or simply sit idle -do nothing. Take life at your own pace. Go and relax in that comfortable chair in the verandah, chew over your thoughts, do some heart searching and I’m sure you’ll be fired up like never before. Start by giving yourself as little as 5 minutes of “me time”; it’s restorative and reviving  but something like a day or more of quietness will change the way you live remarkably.

Image source: ‘ Reasons alone time is important in a relationship’ by Lilian Osigwe in 1stnews.com

Of course, nothing promises that you could ever be really “off.” But by watching over, you can be utterly sure that you have begun attending and taking care of yourself. “Always on” doesn’t have to be an end of your personal needs.

It’s just that spending few quieter moments to slacken would ensure that your life scales are not going to tip off center anytime soon.

“I hate you, but I love you”- Why those you hate most are often the ones you love most!

Love is mysterious …and perhaps the most lasting one. One most shocking truth about this ‘see more see less passion is how quickly you can go from loving someone to absolutely hating their living guts?  The person for whom you’d have died for nothing suddenly becomes the ‘Most Abhorred Person’ in the World. Failed love somehow begins to look like the beginning of war!

Curiously unpleasant? Yes…but surprises don’t end here! For all we understand or our brain can decipher, hate is no FL less profound than love! The network here essentially works similar to a two part wet floppy and often is all the reason behind a ‘monkey mind’; one that distracts, disorganizes and builds up chaos when you’re indignant, pumped up and unhappy but…quiet. One part of this inflexible intellect called Putamen boots on rejection and end only in contempt and disgust; the other one insula makes you plan and bleed. It shores up responses when you’re distressed and in anguish. Yet, the two sides -loyal to passion, romance, love and hatred- are the reason it takes time to burn out a relationship.

The idea of like and dislike is likewise interesting. I doubt if I am alone in saying that I don’t like most people I come across and I’m fairly certain that most people don’t  like most people either.

Interestingly, love and hate are not some kind of a defying experience. Ending up hating the person you loved for so long and not knowing why, is profoundly jarring and sometimes difficult to handle experience. Knowing that you could ever hate someone you used to madly love, is absolutely heartbreaking and would have you gutted.

So, what would you do when you find yourself crossing lines in awful ways with someone you love? ‘Not much’-most of you’d grouse, I guess. For all its sheer doggedness, hatred won’t ever let you end a relationship in a peaceful way and love will keep returning to be disappointed. For all I understand, it’s normal to hate but so’s loving someone. When you’re in a flux, implicit rationality fails to rebalance anything. Unwittingly you’ll keep resizing the image of that person. Another fumble here is the more you let the bad blood build up to glean your love, the bigger the hate gets until it destroys the connect completely.

It’s a thin line but there are ways to keep that bad feeling from getting out of hand! Love is complicated but how the hell could anyone find hate in the midst of love? Of course there is no such thing as too much hate and too much of love. But the dynamics- of- duo is a normal part of getting closer. Feeling hurt and negative towards the other person does not necessarily mean that you’ve been conned into a wrong relationship or some creep has stolen your love unfairly. Hating your mate in the moment does not mean that you don’t also love them. It’s just that the good isn’t as good as it seems if you aren’t occasionally contrasting it with something bad. See…We all need emotional potpourri sometimes to make a relationship tick. And it doesn’t have to be positive all the time to make everything happy and healthy; feeling good all the time might just get boring!

I hate you, then I love you . . . I hate you still more, only to love you more

While emotional encounters are compelling; personal situations sometimes pull together and affect the change of hearts. On the other hand when you think you’ve been understood correctly it makes you feel like your connect is strong and worth fighting for. Contrasting opinions apart, it’s an all good, plain and simple cloud none for you. And what more! it gets all the easier once you know how to keep that love-hate mix useful!

Image source: ‘My life at home- I hate how life goes for me’ by h2micsam in wattpad.com.

As opposed to suppressing bad feelings that may evolve into bigger weep later, begin by looking at your mate’s perspective before asserting your POV. This way it’s easier to understand why they feel the way they do. Odds are that you may still end up with strong arguments over the fall out; but I guess it’s always better to struggle a bit and survive than die driving each other crazy.

This is a bit apocalyptic to those who grown cold feet easily and would resist an eye-to eye; reach. Still, there are ways to set things right in a scarred relationship.

Should you or you shouldn’t?  What the heck! Dump debating yourself even if you’re hurt bad. After all, there’s no harm trying and who knows someday you might hit the happy lyrics again.

Stonewalling! Nah…never

Even if everything so far has been upsetting and nasty, you need to avoid the three horsemen of an impending disaster; blaming and repeatedly slamming your partner with disapproval, you’re prickly to the extent of being offensive and most disastrous of all you’re rubbing the salt hard by bad mouthing. Break off and you’ll stop the slow burn.

Presume innocence-It works incredibly well.

How many of us have done dumb, stupid or hurtful things that have tormented our relationship? Intentionally or unintentionally we often hurt someone we love, though the choice to believe in something good about somebody rather than something bad-when we have the possibility of doing either- lies with us.

You may not know whether their story is true or not, but once you decide to believe in them, a refreshing sense of caring and understanding will prop up in your relationship. Nothing could strengthen your connect more than conveying trust and appreciation.

Image source: ‘Why are love and belonging needs important?’ in demystifyinglife.com

Take a moment off to appreciate your mate’s forte

Changing the way that you think about your mate actually trades the way that you feel about them and affects the ways you act with and react to them.

Find ways to slow down your thinking and act until you are calm and can think it through. Believe in your mate and their willingness to do things in the best interests of the relationship. Err on the side of the positive and you’ll be touched and tipped-off when needed most.

Imagine you are part of the same side

It’s not about who wins the fight and who decimates whom. When you could not think as one, it’s time to figure out a solution. Killing time in locking horns only worsens everything. Besides it’s not an easy way forward, when your mate is not playing by the same rules.

So, in the heat of the moment when your anger begins to get better of you; allow yourself some space, reflect over your mate’s oddity and remind yourself of the happy times together.  If you really believe that not all bad that happens is meant to be bad, remind yourself over and over again of something as simple as I must understand and not dwell on ill will”. This would let you to “agree to disagree when no amount of fighting is going to change your minds.

Image source: ‘An open letter to long-distance loved ones in the midst of COVID-19’ by Haley Stern in thriveglobal.com

Still with me? Great, because someday you may also say thank you dear Nat for showing you the way to not let anything fall apart!

Sometimes I’m happy,
Sometimes I’m blue.
My disposition
Depends on you.

Sometimes I love you,
Sometimes I hate you.
But when I hate you,
It’s ’cause I love you
!!

4 finger lickin’ good potluck dessert ideas that are actually healthy and never go off-limits!

Imagine this; you haven’t been sprinkling maca powder into your smoothie every morning and most likely haven’t heard of trendy super foods. You’ve somehow missed the fancies of living a clean life. So, does this gets you worked up? Forget it, if somehow you feel hammered. You can still roll out your sandwich and steak with salad greens and quell the sugary demons without being robbed of taste, texture or flavor. These aphrodisiacs that are sometimes known as super foods, always call the shots when there is a sinful longing for a mouth watering sweet indulgence.

And all the while your ‘mini mart mindset’ for ‘cheat food’ stays intact!  

All that between a luxurious cake, a refreshing sorbet and yum dessert I guess, probably you have never thought of using health nuts, berries, beans, strawberries or red and green apples in your dessert plans for a potluck party. Quite so…normally we set aside health concerns when it comes to partying around and would readily pitch-in for scrumptious warped foods. We would never even glance over to the stuff that infallibly packs in a guaranteed delight of vitamins, minerals, antioxidants and healthy fats. 

Café, grill, pit stop or beanery; each one of them is a delicious way to treat ourselves to some of the most flavorsome food. But when health is a top concern and we’re faced with making more nutritious choices—the fabled pick of an ambrosial platter stays off-limits.

There are though several ways to usher in the delightful luxury of a bonne bouche dessert to the table if you’re thinking of partaking next Jacob’s Join. Both trendy and easy to make, these desserts vow not to trade off anything hurtful. And you don’t always need butter, eggs or cream to invent something that’s both sweet and rich but not sinful. Once you’ve stocked your pantry with few simple ingredients, kicking-off few knockout desserts is not difficult. Simply swap coconut oil with butter, set aside ground flaxseed in place of eggs and find some space for a bottle of pure maple syrup in your kitchen shelf. You’ll be surprised to find what you don’t miss one bit!

If and when you’re seriously thinking of working over an incredibly flavorful dessert fix for your next potluck rendezvous, be sure to keep in mind that what constitutes healthy would mean differently for everybody; so much so that gluten’ may not have as many diggers as sugar’ and someone watching for carbs might be pro-dairy!

Of all the frozen treats and crisps and cakes and croissants and many more twisty decadent desserts, none though guarantees never-like-before confetti flavors as these classic plant-based lust-after delights do. Every bite is simply a heaven sent experience!

Chocolate Bundt Cake

This could turn out to your favorite potluck pick not only because you can slice it small enough for everybody to get a piece but also because this show-stopping dessert is an absolute party runner. Soft, moist, fudgy and topped with a decadent chocolate ganache, this rich chocolate cake is no less than an old wine for chocolate connoisseurs. The moist crumb melts straightaway in the mouth!

Crammed with cocoa powder, butter, oil and sour cream, this cake is one helluva luxurious crowd-pleaser. The bundt pan makes it all the more inviting though in reality it’s incredibly simple to make! A total grandstander, this cake is meant for a perfect after meal celebration. Ultimate in chocolate dessert, there is no stopping you to fall in love with this cream cheese frosting laden cake. If you want more amplified levels here then try a moister, crumbly and irresistibly delicious red velvet one?

Avocado Cake with Orange-Ginger Icing

Image source: ‘Easy ginger avocado cake with lemon drizzle’ in fabfood4all.co.uk

Avocado tops my chart of super foods for a good reason. Packed with vitamins and minerals, this pear-shaped tropical butter fruit with green or blackish skin and rich yellowish nutty flavor pulp, promises loads of healthy monounsaturated fatty acids. Its smooth creamy texture with a neutral flavor, blends well with pies and pastries and makes for an easy substitute for butter.

Utterly moist and delicious this super food hipster cake is an unmatched, gluten free exotic blend of whole-meal spelt flour, olive oil, Greek yogurt, ginger and oranges and tots up as a health food in kitchen bibles and cookery books.        

Gorgeously textured and yum flavors, this frosted cake is any time anywhere winner and is a top pick in Café’s and Diners amongst the list of some of the highly acclaimed hot off the fire desserts. If you’re by any chance a pâtisserie buff with a fluky love for ginger, spices and tangy oranges, a bite of this flavor-burst would surely be a lasting experience for you.

So, now if you’ve chosen this as an impressive dessert choice for your upcoming potluck soirée; you may breathe easy.  And don’t forget to stow away a slice of this delight for you might be tempted to celebrate solo later!

Chocolate Greek Yogurt Mousse

Image source: ‘Greek Yoghurt Chocolate Mousse’ by Raquel Neofit in stayathomemum.com.au

Mousse is commonly made with whipped egg whites and heavy cream; but not in here. If you’re looking for a healthier, easy to spin-off version in place of some traditional clone- this is where your quest ends. This rich, velvety easy to whip-up divine dessert makes use of bittersweet chocolate chips, Greek yogurt, cinnamon, ginger, turmeric, raspberries and  a splash of almond extract. Packed with probiotic and calcium, Greek yogurt is the primary component in this super food dessert. Chocolate with around 70% cacao turns this sweet-course richer in antioxidants. And the added honey and spices lend it a unique flavor to rack up few more health benefits!

Açaí & Blueberry Tart

Feature credits” Açaí & Blueberry Tart’in SAnjeev Kapoor Khazana in YouTube.com

With a buttery flaky cinnamon spelt crust- pulled together from grain spelt, cinnamon, vanilla bean custard filling, and juicy berries – just about every ingredient rallies around to turn this berry tart into an ultimate super food dessert! A sumptuous and delicious way to showcase a classic luxuriant last course, this dessert is all warm and inviting with trimming of blueberries on top and a lush blend of heavy cream, sugar and vanilla for garnish. The sweet insides crow of a silky smooth mix of açaí puree, sugar and egg yolk, all gorgeously coming together in butter.

Prepping here though calls for a lot of patience with the process. Simply cooking low and slow does the trick and ensures that you don’t end up with sweet, scrambled eggs! Once done, this sweet indulgence guarantees your friends an ecstatic raving experience.

Like I said earlier …you’d never get short of awesome culinary ideas only if you are eager to rummage a little and ready to combine food with fettle. With unique flavors and added nutritional punch, you can always put together a triple whammy super-food dessert anytime. So, set out…and your upcoming potluck soiree would have something for everybody to talk about later!

Dessert is typically not the first thing that would cross your mind when you’re weighing  options for a sweet course and would even hardly consider a mindful use of super foods. But if somehow you can pack nutrient rich ingredients in here without compromising on texture and flavors and come out with some incredible unsullied sweet indulgence, then why not? 

Want to walk away from Father Time? Two health choices to make it happen and keep you super fit even at 70!

I am always on the hunt for lifestyle choices that can decelerate aging for me; or at least make me appear seemingly ageless. If Christie Brinkley –the American model, actress, and entrepreneur could pass for 49 at 69 then why couldn’t I? Brinkley born on 2nd Feb.1954 and mother of three had caught worldwide attention and fame when she appeared in Sports Illustrated Swimsuit’ on an unprecedented three consecutive covers in 1979, 1980, and 1981.

Some of this awe is owed to genetics of course; you just don’t get to be a pin-up gal without being generously endowed in that area. But when I looked closer at her way of life, I’m like; Ok, this might be for me.” I’m no Bruce Springsteen who stays cut at 70 but what the heck! What’s there to stop me to stay fit as a fiddle when over the hill?

At 64, I think I’ve learned this out the hard way.

For all of us, the clock ticks and with each tick comes the change. For few who manage to stay shy of major health problems, the change is slow and gradual but they do add up; that is  at some stage in life you do give up and let Father Time take its toll.

Hard to swallow but the decline for each one of us sets in as early as in our 30s. The max attainable heart rate mellows by one beat per minute per year and heart’s peak capacity begins its downward slide by 5-10 percent per decade; that is if you have managed to stay unspoiled and undiminished of illnesses by now. Even so, a healthy heart that can pump 2.5 quarts a minute at 25 cannot get above 1.5 quarts as you reach 65 and drifts down further to only a quart if you could still kick-well at 80. In everyday life this means slow and imperceptible fatigue that drains you out even with modest activity. Not conspicuous or noticeable in early years but it endures and progresses as you age.

I’m on a bit of a low right now coming off some enormous obligations that have unwittingly compelled me to always keep my worries of nine-to-five slog over health. Endless travels, wing meals and little time for everything else has taken its toll and has left me feeling and looking as crappy as I have since before I let myself be harried by that insane Office rush.

To this day I think I’ve had enough of my busy repetitive life. It feels bizarre nowadays and it has left an indelible telling effect on how things would work out for me henceforth. It’s not so much that I care how it makes me look. Skinny guy genetics have somewhat kept things under control. It’s what outer slump was signaling about what was going inside that made me pitch for a way to turn around. It made me worry about what would eventually happen were I to look around and say “Ah screw it, I’m too busy to eat right and work out.”

So, I borrowed burrowed and browsed neck deep to get a little artsy and to think more clearly how to have a better quality of life. I hitched my pants up to brush, floss and rinse and outsmart Father Time. I didn’t chose to do less for I knew “resting meant rusting”.

Consequently I went about removing the rust of aging. And in the process I think I have taken back some of my time!

Feature credit: pexels.com.

The Brinkley way is fascinating!

It’s easy to blame low mood or fatigue on aging, but sometimes aging is not that woeful. Feeling constantly exhausted or depressed is not normal at any age in any case.

And it’s not just diet as well.

In reality living a meaningful life is not as hard as it sounds; you just need to practice few of the health choices that kept Brinkley fit and allowed her to live a very active outdoorsy life. Of course, as with Springsteen you need to adjust your activity to compensate for your age. If Brinkley’s boss had to quit running for the stress was tearing him apart, so should you, if it hurts! That sounds somewhat limiting but it would not stop you from staying outside and be active. See…Brinkley spends a lot of time on her bike tooling around the island where she lives per se!

Pushing yourself a bit when you feel the need to get more done, walking daily, gardening more often, taking your pet dog out for a quick stroll regularly and keep yourself moving through the day; just about everything bodes well to help you stay focused, appreciate small things, and connect with yourself and others.

I sometimes allow myself to cheat a wee bit when my body tries to tell to be otherwise but I never forget, There is something to this for sure!”; and that only I can make my life more sprightly and meaningful.

Today, I live it out by myself and witness how life has changed for better.

Getting older is “the next normal”

No one really tells you the hardest part of getting older; that growing old is inevitable and that it bears a fearsome reputation. Plainly, nobody can stop the clock. Most you can do is to slow its tick and endure life with grace and vigor. Like I said, everybody desires to live long but no one wants to be old.

Does any of this makes you curious about what sets older people apart from the rest when it comes to them living a happy purposeful life? What is there in it for you other than an upbeat outlook about getting older?

Aging involves changes in every element of life- from physical and social to mental and emotional and sometimes more. For boon or bane it’s your choice if you would maximize the good parts of you getting older without betraying health and happiness and help reverse the age related physical loss.

So, don’t snooze your life away.

Image source: depositphotos.com

Knowing what changes with age is probably our first step towards finding ways to stay active and help us take consistent control of our choices rather than be at the mercy of what is simply convenient.

Right from waking up, freshening up, shaping up, eating and studying up; just about everything you do, decides for you how you’ve chosen to power your day. Even somewhat inconsequential everyday actions like changing clothes, brushing teeth, reviewing to-do-list, writing a few notes in diary, reading or meditating or going to sleep, fates how you’ve picked-up things to shape your life, you’re yet to live.

It didn’t go exactly as planned every day for me sometimes. But when unexpected interrupted, I chose what portion to cut that day. It worked as kinda default plan for me to endeavor and surprisingly, it endured. It helped me move quicker each morning than I otherwise would have. I would no longer simply wake up befuddled and struggle trying to think of what to do next to be ready.

Assay, and try setting a few personal routines to filter out your options. In time, you’ll be able to unscramble insights to uphold you and turn time your servant from a stingy demanding taskmaster. If you’re to sincerely believe that power lies in each of us to make good things happen-if we choose to do so, then it’s not long before you’ll get to take a slice of your time back.

Image source: depositphotos.com

True, time is plentiful that vanishes in the end. But it’s certainly not happening today or tomorrow or day after, once you’ve decided to get busy gathering yourself.  For all I know, only you’re the best steward of your time and choices.

Jedi or not, trust me you can walk away from Father Time if you settle down not to squander your hours doing nothing to change it.

Persevere and you know well- Time will tell!

Half of 2023 is over- Wake up! you’re left with unfinished dreams to catch up with.

Looking back if you happen to see incomplete dreams and a scattered life and want to level up and become unstoppable in 2023, you really have to set yourself up and get clear on what you’ve done so far and what you’re really going for. I’m guess… perhaps you need to rewrite your normal space! The BHAG (Big Hairy Audacious Goal) that you had so solemnly vowed to on New Year’s Eve, needs to be reset to keep away the same garbage that has so far spoiled all that you have coveted.

Starting something new is simple and sometimes easier than you presume but enduring it is a whole other ball game. There is no set timeline for embracing change. It’s solely your call to begin and accept that it may take some effort and commitment. Whatever… it’s never late to slug your failings at any point of time!

If ongoing uncertainties make you cautious enough not to plan ahead, you may very well understand that your struggle is just the right kinda motivation to realize your dreams. Refocusing, changing and making a new start on something left half way- no matter how small, is a big deal! Like many, you may have started out great in January but somehow lost the urge partway and now have trouble building up the same excitement again.

Like I say…it’s not entirely impossible to happen and definitely not to a single person. You’re never alone. With the right kind of stick-to-it attitude it can be done. Still if you slip-up, don’t let go. Acquit yourself and pick up from where you had stumbled. You’ll walk the whole nine yards unbeaten.

Seriously how would you know what’s worth pursuing? Honestly I didn’t but in heart I knew there’s always a way to help. Little did I realize then that a big uptick was slated to happen to my half-baked wishes!

This is how it went for me;

Starry-eyed, I fell for the means and not the end.

Six months down the line, I was getting sick of setting goals at the beginning of the years and then not strangely not meeting them! Like everybody else I too would prep my holy grail at the onset of a new year and get aimed to get there. I knew it was going be infinitely hard to follow through, should I falter mid way. But excitement of trying hand on unknown is always pushy. Besides I wasn’t feeling bullied!

Just like anybody else my daily grind had become an annoying drudgery. I suspected I had become a slave to it. For once all I wanted was to know if I can turn around my slog into something specific, measurable, achievable, relevant, and time-bound. And the last thing I wanted to do was to work backwards. Yet it happened. Half year down I had done little and pulled-off little.

So I went granular and broke one year plan into three and one month plans. I had already lost much time. By planning to check-in with myself throughout the remaining half, I was making sure not to derail again. This way I could make adjustments instead of waiting till next January. It made my nightmare appear accessible. I was beginning to believe in what’s possible and what I could do. For once, my hazelnut had turned on its bough!

I quit dreaming outside my normal space

It didn’t take me long to take a hard look at what was really driving me especially when reality was messy and whole lot of half-done wishes were staring at me squarely. I remember, I was at half way mark! I somehow felt compensating for the unmet wishes? Was I dreaming badly when I fancied myself being on stage in front of scores of people cheering me for following my choices to the end? For not fantasizing weirdly I was working outside my ordinary everyday space. I hadn’t tried firsthand podcasting a new series or writing a song that would sound raucous over beat box!! Vaguely, everything sucked but it was telling!

So what was that that I needed to keep pushing me?

I guess following dreams isn’t always the best answer. Of course, we are beaten all over our heads that we should follow and pursue them passionately and turn reality into something that will make us happy. Be it a new career, you hoping to be the best-dressed person at a party, or dating a woman halfway around the planet; my guess is that we owe it to ourselves to go out and get it. Achieve that and they will finally make you happy once and for all.

Image source: ‘Why you keep having recurring dreams and what it means’ by Kristen Rogers in kake.com

Then there is another side to this. When you follow your dreams and they somehow don’t work out for you, your disappointment turns into anger- not necessarily at somebody but at reality. In no time everything becomes “immature and unappreciative.” Hard to admit but sometimes your dreams too become those things. But just as you have always been, don’t be the last one to find out that your desires have outwitted you. As is, its one heck of a job to deliver half baked desires once you’ve hit the half way mark. It could be a mile high to climb the top but it need not be next January for you to check out. Simply pick up the lost threads and the end will be far more interesting than you’d have thought.

It took me a long time to discover that I stumbled because didn’t want to climb. I just wanted to imagine the top. I’ve since then discovered that rock star fantasy has less to do with actual rocking.  It implies a period of mental indulgence- not a driving need.

Image source: ’11 habits of ridiculously likeable people’ by Travis bradberry in theladders.com

This is why you need to be open in mindset before you hitch your pants for the rough ride ahead; what of that heck if June mocks you? Sometimes it’s better to deal with your shit right away and not wait for that extra moment for things to fall in place.

Just don’t stretch yourself much lest you may waste all away. Someday it’ll be sunshine again!

There’s more to life than you think -3 mindful ways to live your best!

I deeply admire Warren Buffet. He knows how to make smart decisions and like he said lessons learned just about anything firsthand are often the most painful but the best ones. One way to get to the point he made I guess, is to say no to everything you come across. Or to move, take decisions and make way for a smart living. Both ways it’s your call and the difference that you experience makes your life easy and worth living!

Everybody wants what feels good and like what comes easy –strings free! If I were to ask you, “What do you want most out of your life?” and you’d most likely say something like, “I want to be happy, have a great family, a job I like, a car I’d love to own, a house of my dreams and a job I like”.

But the truth is that life doesn’t work that way always and even far less interesting is the fact that very few choose their struggles wisely to succeed and be happy. Guess, we all have circumstances that are not ideal most of the times.

There have been a few of mine as well. I had never imagined that one day I’d find myself living through my own personal hell. Things at times were happening real bad and I was struggling life curveballs. What hurt most was not to be able to do things that I knew I was able to do or want to be able to do, but can’t.

I was restless and looking for ways to live well in spite of bad breaks; to expand my life, to find a purpose and to live the joy everybody is so crazy about. It came down to the choices I needed to make to help me see beyond the fretful circumstances that so easily limit who I was and all that I could be.

To move forward in the best way I can, I decided to let go all that that I was holding onto that in turn was holding me back. What joy I could possibly be missing out on while bleeding for things that are not ever going to happen? Shouldn’t I be enjoying my today? What if somehow I accepted everything the way it was and learned to make the best of it?

Living in the moment is one of the most difficult things to master. Yet I decided to take one positive step each day hoping to walk into the sunshine one day- happy and contented. So, loving life for what it’s worth then – warts and all, I took my shot and ran hell with it.

These three smart moves helped me uncover what all I had to let go that I had always fought so hard to keep, to be happy and alive.

It’s your turn now!

Image source: ‘Mindfulness- 10 tips on how to live a more mindful life’ in tabularasaretreat.com

Live a life you don’t need to escape

I have always hated being stuck inside. Some days I wouldn’t want to go to Office. At others I’d feel exhausted, unhappy and simply disgusted for doing the same thing again and again. It doesn’t seem like me, but the job paid well and people known to me were a constant reminder to just how great it was. Somehow, I was committed to doing things that I disliked most or didn’t matter to me at all. I was practically selling out on my values and purpose. I had a flush bank account but was unhappy. It felt like I had two heads; one that saw my life as fulfilling and the other always jumpy, looking for greener grass lost in the race for wanting more!

It was intriguing; was I missing on something?

There must be more to life than that‘; the thought would often leave me white-knuckled and restless. I could no longer stave off the urge to take the plunge.

I knew very well that taking a step into the unknown is scary but then that’s how a journey of thousand miles begins! The ugly fear of walking the dark was frightening. This is when Einstein’s brilliance bailed me out; Insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results.”

To cut things short,I pulled up myself and took to helping and inspiring people although it was not butterflies and rainbows all the times. I took to traveling a lot and would love to meet like minded people. Even though I earn fewer today- I had hung my boots four years ago, I still get up early though there’s hardly anything important to do. Sometimes I don’t know when and what next I’d do. But I have learned to be part of my life. Hassles are inconvenient interruptions of course, yet for the first time I have found a reason and purpose to what I do. I’ve learned to love what I’ve and dream of what I would leave behind tomorrow.

Today, I live a wholesome life and I’d never ever think of escaping it.

Don’t let a bad day make you feel like you have a bad life

Let’s face this. Bad days exist and are full of frustrations. An argument over breakfast, a missed Office bus or even a spilled coffee can make you wish if you could crawl back into the bed and let everything fall into place before you would kick start the day! If this is you then your day has started on the wrong foot and you do not know how to stop little annoyances from dragging you down. You fret and wonder if there’s a way to turn a bad day into a good one!

But trying to change them would only take your energy away. Things gone awry are upsetting but I guess, it’s not always about changing your days. It’s about selling yourself few inspirations!

“I’m not going to change anything. This day is all about good times and sadness, excitement and boredom and I’ll not pretend that mood swings are not shaking me up or something is overwhelmingly turning my day upside down. I’ll not let myself be buried under bad things happening today.”

Without getting miserable about everything imperfect, I gave up thinking about crawling back into the bed and to be a little more in there.’ It helped me to stay focused and get unstuck. I picked-up amidst the scattered what I thought mattered most. I marveled about everything else I was grateful for…job, kid and the clothes on my back!

I gave up on anything fierce and stifling.

Nowadays I don’t hunker down for the rest of the day if something upsets me. I would take a walk down the street, listen to music or a podcast or catch up on news or simply drive around. A change in surroundings hints that the current mood doesn’t need to be carried any longer.

Somehow, I had learned to take note of what goes wrong-and then right. I am no longer sad if I’m having a bad day because something stalled or expectations failed me. I let the things happen as they do and I do what I do.

Of course, it’s hard to find much to smile about when you fail, but how else would you find your laughter if you let a bad day overawe you?

Stop worrying! You can never be perfect

It sounds like a cliché but definitely makes sense when we struggle to make everything done and yet can’t end up finishing perfectly. Perfection is a myth that creates more pain than joy, more confusion than calm and more resentment than creativity. Of course, doing things that seem hopeless doesn’t mean you won’t fail. In all seriousness, that really is the inevitability of doing things. But by staying centered rather than trying to be perfect makes the likelihood of success more real. Who wouldn’t want to build an imperfect billion dollar empire than a perfect bankrupt one!

I think we all know the answer to this; perfection merely distracts from the present and is probably a waste of time. It has at times made me place value on wrong things and not listen to myself fearing that I’d somehow fail!

You wouldn’t want any of that …would you?

So stop thinking about whom or what you can be and move on. In the beginning it may feel like those things will never get better but each morning will usher in new ray of hope and another chance to improve.

Just stay put until you win!

Image source: ‘Living in the present isn’t always easy’ by Nicole Pajer in parade.com on Dec.03, 2022.

Even the hardest days have lessons to help you to be a better person. If you’re having a bad day, like me simply pick what you think you need most. Turn a blind eye to whatever terrible is happening around you. Stressing out has never made anyone feel better. Live in the moment and you’ll find small shifts appearing in your life that will help you ride over similar situations tomorrow.

Five simple things that you can do today for a happier tomorrow !

Did somebody ever tell you to cheer up and smile?… that you look so forlorn and miserable and are unhappy most of the time. It’s probably not the most welcome advice especially when you are feeling sick, tired or down in dumps. It sounds pretty backward… kinda corny if somebody asks you to turn that frown upside down.

But there is actually a good reason behind it!

Happiness is what makes us smile and all kind of things start to fall in place when we feel positive and cheerful. But our brain refuses to believe that we’re happy till it gets to see humor actually happening. It’s crazy; the brain is a sucker for a grin. It doesn’t bother to sort out whether you’re smiling because you’re happy or just pretending. For it, happiness is an elusive experience and is influenced by positive actions, relationships and change in attitude.

This is where all it takes is a small step to let happiness in and dupe it.

So, if you find yourself wading through rut of “different day, same storybored to bones and utterly unhappy; then this is the time to start changing your story. Your sufferings need to be eased and wrongs to be righted to make your world a wee bit brighter and happier to live tomorrow!

Fortunately, there are quick, simple and no-cost ways to get just that.  But if you read the daily headlines and wish somebody would step in and make things better for, you sorely mistaken and all wet.  Unmistakably it’s your call.

Inside all of us there is always a mighty ‘Malcolm Little’ raring to act. You can be a force for good whether it’s about helping your neighbor, raising your voice to be heard or calling attention to a problem in need of a solution. Only you can help yourself repair your world.

Jeez!…This is not about more work. It’s about changing your mindset, seeing things in a new way, making new habit or adding an action every week for the next year.

Here are a few that might just about do the trick for you.

Breathe fresh

I know what you’re thinking,That sounds a lot of work! Aren’t you the one who’s always telling others to stop being so busy?”– Calm down! I definitely don’t mean that you cram thousand and one things in your day. Who wants more work? All I insist that if a thirty minutes walk could help restore your nervous system, reduce anger and quell some of your hostile attitude; heck!…why not? Still if it sounds too much, simply take small actions to increase your steps. Parking your car at the farthest spot in the parking lot or reaching out to water fountain more frequently will have a million benefits in and of itself.

So… stop, breathe some fresh air and look around. You’ll be amazed how easy it becomes to get your steps in!

Tune out of social media for a while

My grand dad used to say, “Don’t soak and sour, boy. Get up”. Of course those were not the days of interactive platforms; and what he probably meant was, “I don’t care what you do so long as you find something that you love but don’t run too much with it”.

It’s easy to stay hooked to Instagram and Snapchat for long hours, but trust me, social media overkill could seriously put a damper on your mental health. Simply said it switches off all levels of comprehension not only for the time you’re engaged but your brain gets miffed with all the strange inputs and might stay cold for a while.

Instead, use at least 15 minutes of that inane insanity in reading the news, playing a brain-boosting game or listening to a fun or some thought-provoking podcast. You’ll get true joy from this new pursuit and may find a better version of yourself without changing a thing.

Count the best in others

Did you know that a four-leaf clover is mere mutation of sorts and never perfect? Yet when we get across one, we believe we have found something special. Is there a better way to notice the perfect even in the imperfect!

Look…One way to be happier in life is to assume that people around you are no less good, well intentioned and usually set sail to their conversations to the best of their ability. Whether they hit the road or block, they mean no harm to you or anybody. It’s just that that’s the way they are. So, when we err on the side of assuming others have good motives, we shelter ourselves from reality and live with a negative mindset.

If Jim Rohn was any good in his assertions then each one of us is the average of top five percent of the people with whom we spend the most time. And if you could somehow find the most positive happy and engaging people with whom to interact, you would easily find your level of happiness and sense of achievement soaring.

When we intentionally choose to spend some sweet time with those who are not critical, are supportive, positive and encouraging, we can’t miss’ to win a positive mindset and more of happiness.

After all, world is a happier place when we connect with those around us and eyeing the perfect even in the imperfect is the key to celebrating the good things in our lives.

Image source: getty images.ie

Spend more time with your loved one  

When was the last time you told somebody that you loved them? Have you ever thought how’d you feel if you could grab even a hasty lunch with an old friend, have a home cooked meal with your partner or go hiking with your kids?

Whatever your answer, do it.  It’s never late to make a beginning. Your tendency to self sabotage gets laid to rest and celebrations begins to happen when you let happy surprises fill your day.  

I know that for many of us, it’s kinda emotional black hole. Expressing feelings to somebody has never been easy, But then it’s your call. You need to overcome those barriers. Start by hanging out with your family or treasured friends. Talk to them. Listen to them. Understand them. Spending a little time with someone shows that you care and how important enough they are in your life that you’ve chosen to be by their side.

Joy of a being truly connected says even more. Your actions not your words spell out what your heart feels. Whatever…probably Emma Watson was right in bringing ‘nesting’ back to fashion. Today clubbing is no longer an overwhelming idea, when you’re looking for real happiness.

So… go ahead. Tell jokes, crack each other up, do something funny and spontaneous. Having a blast of a time instantly and easily connects you with people. Your life would slow down a little but would give you a chance to come into your own.

The contentment won’t be an excited kind of happiness. It’ll be more like being satisfied with what you have, whatever that is.

Let your belief drive your choices

There have been times through the years when I had cracked different assessments and was offered to be hired. But I simply couldn’t make peace with what was being offered or the services I was being asked to sell. Yes, the money was great, but money alone doesn’t make one happy. Saying no at that time felt like the best choice for my own personal happiness.

I couldn’t say much for everybody but making a choice that does not align to your core values will always leave you frustrated. At one point of time I was even thinking of getting healthier; pretty soon I was also filled with ideas to grow my own veggies in the backyard, hunt around for non GMP wheat and bake my own pizza bread! Of course I had to reel myself back in and focus on one single choice that brought about an actual change for me. I resolved never to trade anything on whims but weigh in my beliefs before picking.

Living life in a way that lined up with my values and beliefs was my choice to happiness. Today I feel more accomplished and more excited to set and reach other purposes.

Image source: ‘Watch and Pray’ by Tyrone Yarde in lifehopeandtruth.com

Too often we are not focused on our surroundings and unwittingly miss all the fun and joy which is right there. We wish the week away in anticipation of weekend partying, only to spend it preoccupied with thoughts of Monday blues not knowing that happiness is to be found here and now, not yesterday, not tomorrow!

When we wish our real life to be perfectly planned, propped and prepared like Pinterest images, we let our happiness slip our hands. Don’t let that happen to you and remember real life is awesome.

Make your move and trust me in New Year you’ll be happier and enjoy life more!  

Are You Working to Live Or Living To Work?

Why making a Life is more important than making a living!

Are you someone who absolutely loves heading to the Office every day? Or even if you don’t maybe you’re connected enough that you simply cannot resist showing up. You keep giving your all unceasingly; sometimes murdering yourself, all the time hoping that this turns out to be your best bet at acing everybody’s attention and getting taller professionally.

I guess, people who fit in this category are unwittingly married to their jobs and often are set out as living to work’.

If you’re a Zoomer, you know what it’s like; the excitement of being resourceful, independent and liberal is overwhelming, way better than the dudes from Gen-X might have experienced. You’re the perfect portrayal of a deep seated personal connection to the work that you do for a fat pay-check. Perhaps you believe that success happens only to those who have an all–round desire and true commitment to work.  You’re not unaware as well that this runs the risk of compromising health and quality of life outside work place.

Yet on the flip side, many choose to separate the idea of ‘doing what I love from “I’ll do what I must to make a living”. For them it like ‘discovering a long lost passion’; so foreign and yet entirely removed from reality where work is what you do and not who you are!

Speaking of which, do you take on more work than you must? Are you putting in more hours than you ought to? When is the time to quietly start doing less to the extent that it appears not quitting after all?

How bad is too much of a good thing?

Living to work for most of us is like crossing the fine line between being occupied and being eaten-up by work. Your work life balance is at risk when you let disproportionate amount of your time and energy spent on your career.

People, who live to work count heavily on work for thrills and kicks and shut out other sources of joy and happiness. What’s worse, addicted to the adrenaline that comes from solving a crisis or tying self-worth to work, these people would often find themselves on the fast track to burnout.

See…over engagement is never free of its perils. With time, distraught work-life balance takes its toll. Your ability to handle stress is impaired and your overall well being gets affected. And more often than not, you won’t be to see it because you’re moving so fast, completely absorbed in the reality that you’ve created — knowingly or not.

So what’s the point?

Image source: ‘7 ways to reduce work-related stress’ by Neil Spooner in resetmindbodysoul.co.uk on Oct. 08, 2020.

When you fail to find the ‘just right’ level of engagement, you live your life on one extreme or the other always struggling to find the right kind of work-life balance.

But the grass is not greener for those either who consider doing little less at work, re prioritize work versus life or refuse to take a bigger chew than the one’s mandated or must.

Hell yes of course!…When you work to live, you miss out on that rich sense of fulfillment that only a meaningful pursuit brings forth.

Did I miss something?

The 10 hour work day -like so many people I braced for 30 long years, -never ever for once went out of fashion. It stood firm then and it’s as stoic today except that nowadays it’s your call how to balance everything in the new age. The strings were as tight then as they are now.

Jinxed and marred with bad breaks, I spent an entire lifetime slogging to build a career and in the process woefully destroyed part of me.  I kept judging whether it was of any worth at all, despite knowing all the while that in reality I couldn’t undoor reboot’ anything. I had no widget, no push button…none other than a blue sky above and some wishful thinking. I yearned for one. So many things I would’ve loved to rescript for a better tomorrow! Of course, there was always another tactical choice at hand; Do it the new way. This certainly was a flattering option and like everybody else my age, I was gullible. I fell for it and chose to use it.

The thought of shaping a better life and a taller me never felt fictional then.

Image source: ‘New Signs You’re Stressed at Work’ by Christine Bernier Lienke in flexjobs.com

I know I’ve never been great at work and I have struggled long enough trying to figure out why I wasn’t fine and famous at it. I would usually end up comparing myself to friends and rivals who have been fervently neck deep in work and have made some great careers and good living out of it.

It’s only after so many years of imperfections and wanting, I could discover that I was  in fact truly happy, living my life doing what I wanted to do- endeavoring, indulging and battling! Sometimes winning at others loosing, yet never letting myself forget the battles that I survived.

 I had chosen to work what I “could do” and not what I “wanted to do”.

If only I had known then what I know now, maybe I could have had both of them a lot sooner- living a great life and making a living the way I love most’.

I would let the life happen!

Life is short and full of shifts and ebbs and flows. You just can’t exist to make a living. It’s more than about living decently… ordinarily! We all deserve more and entitled to a life full of joy and happiness.

And who said it’s too late to flatter yourself?

I know how important is to earn for a good living. But you can make a living and still make a life! It’s all about perspective; about whom you love most; you as a person or as a pen pusher. With pliable mindset and a bit of allowance for wise adjustments you could let the real troubleshooter in you make life deep and smiling.

Image source: ‘Live to work or work to live? 72 per cent of Brits go to work just to get by’ by Owen Gough in smallbusiness.co.uk on Dec.08, 2017.

Of course, ‘working to liveor ‘living to work’ aren’t the only choices available. It’s absolutely possible to put the two shoes together and yet walk on sunshine. Breaking away from either of the two could though actually help you find a breezy life-work balance in a hurry.

Seriously, sometimes taking a few steps back — or a few steps forward — breaks the barrier standing between you and the life you have painted for yourself!

5 simple lifestyle changes to make your life 10X happier and fun filled!

Are you someone who feels like having denied enough fun? That for some reason you never have had a happier more fulfilling successful life? Even a boat load of playfulness wouldn’t help to shake off a pretty boring life and you’re always looking for fun outside of you!

Image source: ’10 simple habits for a successful and happy life’ by Jeff Bell in moneyinc.com on Sep.27, 2018.

If that’s you, then in all probability fun is like the exact opposite of work to you; the party is no longer living within you and you couldn’t have fun anywhere.

Simply put you’re not a fun person anymore!

Fun isn’t frivolous but it can actually help you to be not only happier but more successful at work as well. In short it isn’t just a pleasant distraction from the serious business of living. In an uncertain world where stress rides piggy back all the time, holding on to a sense of playfulness can be hard.

Keeping on top of all serious responsibilities of adulthood and still hoping to make room for fun moments in life?…well, not everyone has the “fun mindset” or the ability to negotiate conflict, build empathy and  let off a crazy LOL. With no fun around to motivate, you might never outlive a poker faced person! But if you could manage it the Einstein way… I mean learn faster, work furiously and be successful like never before, may be you could manage few more moments of it.

And yet, we think having fun isn’t an option and let years of not having it reinforce this belief.

So, if you’re wondering where to begin and how to become a fun person to bring out all the mirth and gaiety that has lived inside you holed up, but hasn’t seen the light of the day for a while, here’re a few tips to beat the blues off.

I begin my day by remembering what I’m grateful for

Being thankful and appreciative is perhaps the easiest way to change tracks from despair and hopelessness to cheerfulness and some great expectations. Each morning I set aside a few wakeful moments to feel obligated for all the goodness that has happened to me. It reminds me of all that is exciting in life and encourages me to build on them.

Believe me, it’s a phenomenal way to start the day!

Instead of scrolling on Insta or surfing the net mindlessly while having my morning cup of tea, I pull out my old crinky journal and write down 10 good things that have happened to me and make me feel thankful for; being precise or detailed…it doesn’t matter.

It works as a reminder of what happy times I’ve experienced. Everything else fades into background. Best…I keep a spitting image of this note at the back of my mind throughout the day.

And trust me, it works!…it helps to relieve stress. It helps to forget the struggles that I lost. But it also helps to relive the ones that I won!

Image source: ‘How to be happy: 27 habits to add to your routine’ in healthline.com.

Being easy with fun is exciting!

How many times have you felt like you life has run out of control? Despair and gloom overshadows everything else.

Mastering it though is what would let you back in control of yourself and make the most of every opportunity!

But …how to go about it?

I think we all are open to making changes in our lives if that could make us happier and more successful. A few of us follow the humor route though. The easiest way to have more of it … I think is not to try to be funny but look for good moments to laugh.

Laughter comes at a price but has more a benefit unto itself. The more open you are to laughter the more attractive you’ll be both to other people and to yourself.

Sometimes saying “yes” works- best!

You may have heard of this … it could make a fun magnet out of you and turn you into a charming, fanciful and amusing person. All it amounts to is greeting new ideas with enthusiasm and building a few of your own.

You don’t need to be a slapstick jester to be good at this. Instead begin by choosing not to shoot down other people’s ideas but to build on them and make them feel inclusive.

Being adaptive and open would mean you’ve become less of a wet blanket.

Image source: ‘This One Thing Can Help You Live A Longer And Happier Life, Science Says’ by Alexa Mellardo in eatthis.com on Jan.20, 2022.

Nothing betters loving yourself

If you want to a happier fun filled life, don’t chase anything- not even happiness. It doesn’t come nearly as easily to those either who constantly pursue it!

There is another more simple easier way to unlock true happiness…

Making time each day to do things just for you, has an euphoric effect on the way you feel about yourself and the world happening around you. Morning or night…doing things dear to you will make you more relaxed and will leave you with something to look forward to. These things don’t have to be over the top or grand or glorious; anything as simple as taking half an hour each morning to read your favorite story book or going for a stroll or a short nimble walk…can you think of anything to better this shot at self care!

Allowing yourself to experience your best emotions-whatever they may be-is your best bet to enhance your happiness.

 Gestures speak better than badass words!

You do know how a dog when it wants to play raises its butt, prances around and wags its tail. No words uttered and yet it lets you know what it wants!

I think we should all master the human equivalent of this amazing canine act. A brief eye contact, a wry smile or perhaps an unintentional comment never intended to strike a conversation, might lit the spark. Not  much I’d say when it comes to sending out play signals but even a sarcasm sometimes works.Nice weather here! even when you’re experiencing one of the worst snowstorm in recent times, might just be the right shot to make a hit.

See… finding a way to look up from your phone and making a point, howsoever irrelevant, is surely a wonderful way to invite perky conversations –and finally more fun in your life! Even if you’re shy, introverted or a person with more on serious side, discovering the secret to having more fun is never any less exciting!

Feature credits: ‘When Nobody’s Watching’ by Klick in YouTube.com on Dec.08, 2020.

Nobody is perfect at this and life’s not always rainbows and ice creams for everybody, but whatever we choose to think and how we decide to view them…the stories we tell ourselves; just about everything becomes a part of our longing to build up a more joyous and happier life.

And it’s never been about just sitting back and letting life happen to you…

It’s you who need to happen to life!

Three ways to know if the time is right for a good bye; burning slow doesn’t help!!

From moments of pure bliss to “badass togetherness”, relationships sometimes flinch. Between valleys and peaks, you are never certain whether or not it’s meant to be what it is. Sure you could work around to fix the rough patch somehow. But will that hold? Will everything be the same as before? At what point should you draw the line between rough times and simply giving up?

Or is it time to say enough is enough?

Like everybody else, I could realize the spoil only when it was too late. But  I spared myself the anguish, for I knew it’s never too easy to see it from the inside. Sometimes it’s blindingly true, yet we couldn’t see the red flag or smell the rot.

And surprisingly you couldn’t get to start over again…

Bad things do happen in relationships and the rot might ruin the romance, friendship or just about anything familial. Sometimes it hurts and in your  anger or inconsolable grief you feel like lashing out, cursing or yelling to let the world know how bad the hurt is. You may even get to the state where you want everybody to be hurt no less; to make everybody feel the misery no less.

The edge happens only when you find there’s no time left to reveal your love; to let others  know that over the last few months they made your days a bit brighter and helped you heal better from the hurt that others left behind; that they sank into your heart and stayed put. In the midst of impossible, somehow they became your favorite.

But like good and bad times, there are moments when things begin to get out of control. You are clueless; not sure whether to go with it or away from it. You just can’t hug harder any longer.

If any of these signs are persistently a part of your relationship, you have a serious problem to consider. It might have reached a dead-end and this could be the time to let it go peacefully.

Remember though, every tragic of something is the beginning to a fresh start.

Image source: ‘Sad in railway stock photos and images’in 123rf.com.

When enough is enough

Criticism is good; it gives you an opportunity to find your misplaced positives. But even that has a quota. Negative comments feel cruel and so does one nasty word that can silence a million applause. See…even the SoNet community works the same way; your fans may have cheered you a thousand times but you’d only remember one single message that tried to run you down.

However, if someone in your life always jumps in to say something about your wins all the time, you have a red flag there too!

I say… life sucks! but that’s how it is.

If criticism and negative comments begin to corner your attention… you need a deeper look into what’s happening around. Is getting out of a messy relationship worth the anguish of parting ways? Sometimes it gets dismissive but severing ties peacefully is more impactful than inflicting emotional damage on yourself.

See…there is a pattern of narcissism specific to each one of us. But even that doesn’t work right all the time. If somebody keeps pushing you constantly and tells you that it’s for your own good so that you may improve; don’t jump for it. If you fall for it you’ll always be looking for doses of approval from others which will never come even if you gave your 100%. Some may even pin for your attention and time!

Criticism and negative comments lower your energy and distract your attention. If you do not want to turn yourself into a junkie looking only for approval and adoration, allow yourself a course correction. Simply let go of a relationship that has  constrained you all these years.

And remind yourself…you deserve to live free! So, just let go of the decay.

Feature credits: ‘Letter to a Friend’ by Eddie Pinero in youtube.com on Jul.02, 2019.

No crooning or cocktails!

There is never any dearth of time to change your ideas about the future. It’s Ok if you are not where you thought you’d be today- you have many tomorrows ahead of you. But the journey is never straight; you’d sometimes outgrow what you once wanted in your connections. It’d feel  good if you could realize the extent of your responsibility in the context of relationship, today.

This is your journey and yours alone. So, be wary of the people close to you who would not hesitate to throw in your face the things they did for you. They may have lend you a thousand bucks and say that they saved you from penury; more to make you feel wretched than to value kinship.

I know it’s a profound statement and maybe incorrect for some of you; but that’s the truth. If the other person needs to hang the medals for having helped you, it’s time to start over afresh. You can’t turn back the clock or delete memories, but you can choose to live quietly  in present.

So, it’s time you bid adieu!

Image source: ‘Here Is How You Say Goodbye To Your Forever Person’ by Ariel Quinn in herway.net on Mar.01, 2022.

In the hustle and bustle, trust walks off

When the bad outweighs the good, it usually means hard times have arrived and are likely to stay for a while. If you can’t remember the last time you were happy…surely the problem is deeper than meets the eye!

Arguments in a relationship come with a territory. You are sad and neglected and could sense that something is seriously off, yet couldn’t pin point why. You find a pair of hoop earrings that definitely don’t belong to your mate or wake up each morning staring vacantly at the ceiling fan and think, How the hell did I get here?” He’s off to another business trip or you come home to an eerie silence everyday; your phone used to ring off the hook and now all you hear is crickets! You hang in there hoping things to turn around somehow. But with explosive fights, mascara running down the cheeks duels, you know something terrible is waiting to happen.

Essentially, you both have morphed into nasty dinosaurs for each other. You may try to convince yourself that what matters is to live in here and now; but the truth is more savage- you just cannot hide from it.

So, when at the end of the day as you lie down and pat yourself, “Wow! We made it a day without fighting,”, it’s time to get out of the fracas.

Don’t be blind to the obvious and wait to get your heart pummeled. It’s time to dump those dingy rose colored glasses and get yourself a terrific new pair.

Believe me…if you can’t stay civil on vacation in a gorgeous hotel with gorgeous spreads and cocktails and room service…it’s time to say quits.

Image source: ‘Why is it so hard to say goodbye?’ by Richard in richardcollison.net on Oct.22, 2017.

Many times you’d be tempted to make excuses and stay put in a relationship that has reached its expiration. You keep on hitting the reboot button, frantically hoping that everything will be Ok again. This continues to happen until the next time when the not so funny emotional roller coaster starts all over again. Eventually it’s a Joe No-Show and you could feel the cold feet. This means that both of you have flaked out and lost each other for good.

You may not be ready to face it…but that’s fear talking. Don’t let it rule your life. So listen to your instincts, trust your guts and stop working for a relationship that has jumped the fence. It’s time to admit that your future with the other person isn’t on the radar.

Should this happen, start taking care of you and break into a happier life. Value your needs, wants, and most importantly, yourself. Without depleting yourself, step out into a life that you truly deserve. Think of yourself twenty or thirty years from now and merit yourself by doing the right thing.

Above all stay away from people who will sooner or later leave you stranded.

Trust me, your future will thank you!!

From Anger to laziness: This is how I put my two worst enemies to good use!!

Image source:’ Woman sitting on black chair’ by Anthony Tran in Unsplash.com.

It’s a mean old world and we all have our share of scars. Yet we all talk about how great things will happen in future. But happiness isn’t something that we wait to happen later. It is something that we strive for each moment every single day; work deadlines pushed up, coffee spilled over new shoes or failing that midterm, annoyances and hard habits pulled under the rug; everything and everybody works to be just happy.  Even the most pessimistic could do with a little bit of sweetness in life.

Unfortunately not everyone has fewer problems or lesser troubles in life. Things do sometimes turn topsy-turvy. And you could be in trouble if nagging emotions like guilt and shame  overshadow your resolve even for something as simple as losing weight or cutting back on booze. You are absolutely the kinda person who succumbs to his worst habits pretty fast.

But it doesn’t have to be this way all the time.

What if we could somehow influence our worst traits enough to serve us better? Skeptical! … It’s not my kinda stuff either but if you ask me, things don’t turn south every time you push for redemption. By being intelligently and purposely lazy, less mindful, messy, slow, cluttered and bad tempered, you could actually get rid of years of craziness and be more successful and happier on your own terms.

Building a good relationship with yourself is always a worthy investment…isn’t it? After all, we all spend quite a bit of time with ourselves; so might as well learn to enjoy it!

Here are a few life hacks that made even the lazy and wrathful person in me a little bit more happier.

Love your anger

Do you get to explode at a work meeting? Or do you think, ‘What that person says, is upsetting. I’m going to address it, but not now.

Whatever, you simply can’t wish anger to go away. It’s strong – it’s high energy, it’s not comfortable and it takes some time to ease off. There are times when you are in-the-moment but don’t know how to handle it to your advantage. But what if you could plan using that anger at some other time?

Everybody gets angry when a situation changes disruptively but very few realize that we can use that intense energy only if and when we know what we’re angry about.

Image source: ‘ Smiling Asian woman in apron’ by Amina filkins in pexels.com.

I learned to draw on that anger- not to match the intensity or reactionary blow-ups – but to harness it for good. Rather than wading in or stepping up the conflict, I found it helpful in managing overwhelming situations. All I pushed for was not to let it get out of hand.

After all anger is not rage. It’s not the hardest thing to handle; but if you could, it would sharpen your focus, ping you with lots of emotional information and get you some surprising outcomes.

It’s neither good nor bad-it’s what you do with it that matters.

Stop being ‘ busy’

I guess I love being lazy now!…. but I do not let my mind be occupied with squeaky distractions. I am talking of proper idleness- choosing to do nothing!

For most part of the day we stay focused on checking things off our to-do-list which is otherwise Ok. It helps in developing a productive mindset but en route it turns our personal lives into kinda running checklist, rather than something enjoyable.

Allowing myself to be lazy was just the perfect antidote I was looking for. For once I could stop checking G-news and Face book and WhatsApp every 10 minutes or hang on to some freaky e-mail that ought to have left me worried some three weeks ago.

Stuck with laziness! …maybe a little but for once I could waylay those scary to-do-lists at home and  embrace slower healthier activities like taking a walk or reading a good book. Wonder, why I couldn’t guess earlier; I was so close to being happier, simply by being brilliantly lazy!

Of course, the tricky part isn’t finding the way but having the reason to fulfill it.

Negative emotions sometimes do fix things

I never like the idea to settle things in part because being with difficult emotions leaves me feeling wasted. Maybe my understanding of toxic positivity’ touches the darker side of psyche each time I land in a limbo. It’s like ‘I am trying to cheer up someone who actually just wants to be heard’.

The positivity falls flat.

Haven’t we all have experienced it; when as a parent or as a partner all we wanted was our problem solved instead of simply talking about it?

But I find million good things about negative emotions. Fear, rejection, jealousy, guilt, sadness; all help me to navigate well in the social world. Like everybody else, I don’t spend much time tolerating negative emotions. I turn on Netflix or would grab a good book, sip through a cuppa good coffee or rush out to the porch to do some good to myself. I prefer to stay out of touch with intolerance.

I am no longer parenting misery or sadness!

Feature credits: ‘8 Ways to Overcome Anger’ by Mind Tools Videos in YouTube.com on Aug.06, 2018.

Try to be less mindful: It works!

Mindfulness isn’t something that creates a moment of calm if you are in the middle of a crisis. Anxiety, panic attacks or physical dissociation – these disruptive emotions with generally negative results and potential side effects leave you with nothing to fall back if things go awry. I won’t say mindfulness is bad but it doesn’t make life any better. I realized that being mindful made me feel unlovable, unworthy and if I allowed-it would consume me. I wouldn’t feel cared for and insecure with no sense of belonging.

Contrarily, I got better at recognizing that worrying less- helps, for there is no cure for it. It simply arouses feeling of fear and anxiety and gloom.

Besides who wouldn’t love to feel safe, secure and free of any fear?

Things have since gotten nicer and better as I dwell on it and gently guide myself back to everything that matters.

So, you too could make this personal for whatever your needs are and see things brighten up!

I jumped making resolutions

I despise getting bogged down by those silly New Year’s vows. I am not the kind who put his feet down firmly and stays put. I get shy fast and would quit in no time.

So, this year I decided to stay clear of resolutions. I tried approaching myself with as much kindness and love as possible. And…it felt good!

Think of it like this;

“If you hate your guts enough to lose 20 pounds, do you really think you would end up 20 pound lighter?

Hmm!… maybe, maybe not. But what you will certainly have practiced is hating your guts.

Image source: ‘Happy young woman in apron’ by Tim Douglas in pexels.com.

As far as I can see, self dislike is what drives most of us to resolutions. Dreams to dazzle push you to make epic promises that usually never get past the idea.

It would sound infamy to say this, but to be at large has been a brilliant win for me. It’s also the most loving, beautiful and exciting fun to keep all those barren promises out of my hair.

I feel free and I tell myself… life’s not so bad!

I think I now love myself deeply, no matter what!!

Want to be eternally happy? Being miserable and thinking of negative thoughts helps!!

Seeing the glass as half empty might inspire you to fill it up!

Image source: ‘Skinny dancer jumping over sand’ by Andrew in pexels.com.

Happiness for me is an elusive virtue and for the most part ‘think positive’ belief fails me as a miracle fizz for mental wellness; one that you could pop in and instantly make half empty glass turn half full and everything around is suddenly bright and sunny. But just because I generally don’t eye the world from behind those rose tinted glasses, doesn’t mean that something’s wrong with me!

Sounds weird…doesn’t it? if this rings freaking odd to you, then you could actually be the one who is ecstatic and all pumped up about happiness, but is more miserable within!

How many times have you been told that great things happen so long as you believe them possible to happen and think positive? From pop psychology to improv classes to self improvement blogs; hype surrounding the advantages of positive thinking never leaves the din.

Sure, it’s good to be positive. It reduces stress and probably tweaks health. And it makes me vote for one profound statement that usually proves naysayers wrong; optimism bags you rewards most of the times including your well being!

But what about those who tend to see glass as half empty rather than half full? Does that mean that they cannot keep your sunny side up all the time? Is being a pessimist that bad?

I would say that only a handful recognize that our unhappiness lies in overly high expectations and too little struggle to overcome snags early on. Damned!…the millennials always get shamed as a ‘burnout generation’ that’s left with few choices to make.

Because we couldn’t make time for happiness; we are busy, confused and sad.

Fortunately a grim outlook doesn’t need to be a permanent one. You may get scattered from mildly pessimistic to relentlessly optimistic. But if you get hunkered down at the perilous end, you could still reap some benefits of being downbeat without burning yourself out.

And it takes only a few changes. Small and gradual; they are nothing like what you’d expect;

To begin with here’s a few of them;

You’ve been pushing yourself too hard to be happy.

Negativity sometimes works as a great defense ammo. You don’t get always crushed when things don’t work out your way. It never distracts you from a pessimist’s favorite past time; brainstorming. 

But it’s not always good to beat a dead horse! When you are ruminating; it’s not just another bad day, it’s always a bad day in a bad life of a bad person!

Besides, pessimism loves to blow even a minor problem to a billboard size one.

I couldn’t easily overcome that valley low feeling whenever I get stormed loud and messy. It’s overwhelming. I get screwed up fast because I couldn’t burn the bridges behind my back! Maybe my octopus teachings are not profound as it goes.

Do you think you would be left with any room to focus, if it soaks up so much of bandwidth? It’s no surprise why dreamers never fail to outsmart the pessimist in you on happiness index.

So, find yourself some quick distraction you can use whenever you realize that you’ve been stuck up with same negative thought for long. Pitch yourself into activities that ask for your full attention. Yoga, aerobics, calling a friend or even absorb some music. It might help you to avoid falling flat on your face.

And don’t be some eternal jaded jerk; it never feels epic. It’s perfectly alright to get depressed. Just stop trying to be happy. Stay in your lane and you may end up making more money and win over a happier marriage!!

It feels so good to blame someone else for your woes

“I’m lousy at tennis”; “My opponent has a killer serve.”

If you are the one whose way of interpreting life’s ups and down is dismissive and begins as an inane story with petty perspectives, then you could be failing in giving some basis respect to your self. When good things happen to you, you dismiss it as a fluke; when bad things happen you jump to blame yourself and brace yourself for a long spell of silent sufferings!

But you are not like some textbook dingbat who would wake up each morning wondering which and what went wrong. Are you?…

Bad events are like one time problems and disappear quickly. And optimists too get their dark afternoons. Cancer patients among them are just as badly depressed as their pessimistic counterparts.

So, when you catch yourself being dark, glum and all that, re-frame the problem so that it doesn’t sound like yours alone. Instead of standing all by yourself and thinking “No one is interested in me — I am pathetic!”, try something more bright; “Where’s the hostess? How could she let a newcomer fend for herself without making introductions? I most certainly wouldn’t allow that to happen”!

No scapegoats of course! But it helps to recognize that you’re not the problem, even if your behavior could use some pinch.

Besides, it feels good to keep practicing your tennis serve even if you’re not sure how would you rally against someone at your level. It’s always promising and worthwhile to throw a bad serve than drop the racket.

Feature credits: ‘The Optimist’s Creed -‘Denzil Washington’ by The Motiv8 in YouTube.com on Dec.18, 2015.

If only you’d imagine the world is coming to end.

Another thing that darkens your prospects to be happy is your penchant to make a mountains out of a molehill. You are always hyperlinked to yourself, rewriting grim possibilities until they blow off and turn into something of a doomsday screenplay. A simple cough turns into pneumonia; not the kind that would let you recover from ever! One missed deadline and it’s fast forward into permanent unemployment!

“Am I really to live beneath an underpass in a freeze box because I’m a day late on a project?”

Worst case scenarios are usually absurd but rewinding and playing them over and over again, makes illogical appear inevitable!

And it sucks!

So… just think of the outcomes that’s most likely. Chances are you are gonna miss the executive suit, but it won’t be under the freeway either!

The stunner of all this messing around is, that you do get to feel a bit of power over your thoughts and situation. The sense of nursing pessimism each morning works fine, for the world is not going to get shrunk in one day.

Keep trying and you’ll get what’s coming to you!

Do you know why your opponent at tennis court ends up with so much to feel good about at the end of the day? Long after you have given up and gone home still thinking suckers!… he keeps trying to unscramble impossible- to-solve mind benders!

There’s a lot of payoffs in this. Persistence is the cutting edge and it means what !…success at school,fatter paychecks at work and wider social acceptability. Who wouldn’t want to make some brilliant win sometimes?

If you are looking for the quickest way to get yourself in the loop, then act like the person you want to be; It’s only about changing the way you feel and the way you think that would define you.

When recognition is the only inspiration, act like you have triumphed some crazy big match battling it out with confidence and hard work.Fake it till you make it’ for this can have surprisingly strong and immediate impact on your emotions. But then, it works only when you correctly identify something within yourself that’s holding you back.

Get surrounded with upbeat people

Yawns like smile are contagious. Positive vibes work the same way. Hanging around with people who aren’t so grouchy about anything and everything, could be your one-way ticket out of an unrelenting pessimism. And if you are not feeling particular chatty, you don’t have to talk about what’s troubling you or put around the word that your mind is in a negative tizz. No need for anybody to know exactly what’s bothering you.

But simply being surrounded with positive minded people is usually enough to trigger a grin all around and shift your mood.

Image source: Vlada Karpovich in pexels.com

So, keep your frown right where it is, for some form of pessimism actually heals when not taken too far. Ignored and unforgiving;it in fact is protective and sometimes rewarding!

Whatever…

Someone’s telling you ‘no, is always a problem.

Small choices! Yup…but encourage yourself to smile, smile…and smile for this world is only about solutions; not problems.

And happiness is a journey where so many things make you happier, #guaranteed.

I took time off to help myself make friends :Here’s how it went!

If Paul Simon or David Crosby had their way and ruled the world forever; all we’d need is to make a call and a BFF would show up right on our doorsteps!

Reality however, is like some dark afternoon and friendship is the stormiest of all the ties. As hard it is to find ethereal love, arguably it is even more difficult to pick up a new pal whom we can really connect to.

Image source: Sudip Paul in Pexels.com.

Free time is scarce- For everybody! And so are friends.

Making one, particularly in this day and age, isn’t easy either!

They just don’t appear. You have to intentionally reach out to someone who doesn’t bore you, is not a hypocrite and never stalls to share.

And I was running scarce on friends!!

So, I set up certain tricky standards before I could touch elbows. I looked around for adjacent friends; the types you sometimes get to see at the Gung-ho parties that usually share mutual friends, but never get to have one-to-one conversations.

Still I didn’t know how to get past that awkward small talk and double time the “Hi! would you care to be friends” business. I had always thought of making friends but dreaded going to the drawing board.

I tried to fit in with the people I already knew…well it just didn’t happen…maybe it was way deeper than I thought it ought to!

The year I turned fifty was the year I realized I didn’t have friends. I was moving into a new decade of my life and felt strongly about my career, accomplishments and relationships.

Yet when somebody would ask me whom I will send a ‘red heart’ on friendship day; my mouth will open, I would gulp and nothing would come out but a long trail of “ummms”…

Like everybody else I loved to hang around with friends. I was wary and timid but would always manage to survive the cutting edge. I would often step out of the box and was friends to many. I was spending very few hours of any day alone!

When I moved out to my job after University, I could still manage to get people to hang around with and never fell short of full social calendar. Real or not…those guys never left me off the hook. I was a footloose and always raring to fight fire with fire at the drop of a hat!

But then something changed!

A lot many of them got married and drifted off; a few shifted to bigger cities and I felt flat. For once I was robbed-off togetherness.

Crank calls grew stale and scarce. We would rarely see each other and whenever that happened, it felt empty. It were as if everybody had burnt the bridges behind their backs! No hang outs, no pep talks…no happy hours to attend; it sensed like I was laid-off from my full time job.

As if this was not enough of a complete shocker, an old timer buddy also left behind, declared abruptly that he no longer wanted to be friends anymore and wouldn’t care less if I felt the same way!

The last straw was blown to winds…. Everybody had hung me out to dry.

I felt sad and lonely. I was nearing retreat and struggling to be mates!

For the mess, I placed a lot of blame on myself. I was canceling weekend plans. I was forgetting to respond to text messages for days. It felt like I hadn’t invested time in fueling friendship. It was like I usurped everything to run it dry. I could have shown more interest in my friends and their families. Instead I chose to spend a lot of my free time sulking and arguing myself.

Why I couldn’t have someone to call a best friend ?

Why wouldn’t I have a guest list nice and long enough to reserve more than a table for two on my Anniv blast?

With so many screaming lives running at full speed and in different directions, it’s hard to slow down long enough to find and develop new friends. People are hooked more than ever onto devices; so finding someone who would care more for a real life connect is a challenge.

Did I get to make new friends?…

I realized that I needed a few things before I could rake up quick rapport with someone. Little did I know then that I was prepping myself for a new decade; both in age and life!

And this is how I saved myself hours of tepid, dead-end banter…

It was my call…so;

Feature credits:’ Value of Friends”by manu7 production in Youtube.com on Nov. 13. 2017.

I hustled to bore people!

Aren’t we all aware of the things to talk about when we meet somebody for the first time? Sports, weather, work… trivia only; and we worry that anything close to our heart might scare people away. This drift of playing safe, stonewalls everything we build to know about a person- if he or she is the right one to be a friend in the making!

Daring outcomes, I decided to let go of the slipshod gossip and went straight for what moved me.

What do you think is the best television finale of all time?” “Have you heard about the Pentagon’s recent UFO report?”

I would find these to be a great starter so long as they could stir up some interest for me. I would back away if it worked otherwise and that would save me some rancid moments!

Whatever…I thought either way I would end up happy all the same.

If I could strike a chord; I have won, If I didn’t…

Well! I never liked the idea of going public and make myself speak out to strangers in the first place.

Besides I abhorred the idea of putting down my phone whenever I went public!

I pushed myself to get curious about people

What’s a belief you have that has changed over the course of your life?” “What has been challenging for you the last year?”

Asking something like this helps to strengthen the fetters, or so I thought. Knowing each other’s opinion over things trivial without judging them might just about crush the challenge.

It felt good;I thought I have finally found a way to make the kill!

But It didn’t work out that way for me …

May be I was asking them to reveal so early about who they were or trying to be. I realized that there is no substitute for time when we think of bonding strongly to somebody.

So I pulled off those superficial stunts to avoid rejection and…

I didn’t have to wait for long to feel connected.

My take on this?...

Next time you’re partying, or hanging around with some one you might want to befriend, ask yourself what’s worth sharing and what’s worth knowing.

Get right to it only thereafter.

I decided to give it a try and said “cheese!”

Seriously! I tagged in smile on my list, for I think it is a powerful way to pickup connections. For one thing, smile takes you out of your head and defines you as profound as it goes. For another, you are no longer being dismissive or cruel.

Besides, who would want to be friends to some grumpy, irritable or crestfallen face?

So, I thought if I could connect to someone by showing off those pearly whites; why not?

I could afford to burn a little, if that helps!

I stepped out of the box

Am I limiting myself? I could easily hit it off with people some 10 years older than me. The only glitch was that I wasn’t sure if I would find somebody brave enough, to hero a dingbat like me…

And it felt like a half baked whiz kid idea fated to end miserably.

A fabled friend to many in the past, I couldn’t dare to stick my neck out and get along with 25-something people either!

I find no shame in struggling a bit; yet I couldn’t find that one soul, I was looking for.

I know this happen sometimes; but to me it happened one time too many. I did come across people who would share mutual respect for Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings and Jumanji. Next thing we know, we would be meeting for weekly brunches and all that pep talk!

But like always…it’s harder. I would end all screwed up. I can’t get past the feeling that I was the only person in the party without a partner in crime.

It just wouldn’t work for me.

Whatever the reason, I decided to stay put and not get discouraged. I knew that with enough self confidence, flexibility and patience, some day I will find friends – and get to keep them for life.

I wouldn’t queue up though!

Image source: Eren Li in pexels.com

Today, down the line with 10 years of craziness behind me, it doesn’t feel valley low. I remember to laugh, listen and be kind. I wouldn’t ever let no one who comes to me, leave without feeling better and happier.

I did though find someone freaking awesome with a beautiful mind!!

Life has since taken a coin flip for good. I hum with joy and stay stoked all day long. I wake up each morning wondering if my Octopus teachings did score a point!

What are you saying”? she would quip; “Friends are a choice to make and don’t come with a tag”; if I were to tell her what it all means to me.

“Why would you say that you get lonely when both of us know that we are not desperate to find each other every day of our lives?

“Isn’t being together and sharing, the same thing as friendship?”

And she would lit up the world for me.

Both of us would agree and smile but she would still chide softly.

And I thought saying ‘I love you to the Moon and back’ was pretty cool!!

For all that I know about it, it sounds picklish! It’s kinda box full of darkness.. You imagine being so close to your beau and you wouldn’t know if saying it would change your life for any good. You feel you mean to talk about love. But before saying things cliche’ about the moon!…think about what it really means. Isn’t it any better if said it in your own way!!

Image credit: ‘I Get That You’re Busy, But That’s Not An Excuse To Leave ANY Relationship Unnurtured’ by Dallas Jordan in theodesseyonline.com on Nov. 26, 2018.

# “The sun rises, and a bear and cub begin their day together. They splash in the water, climb mountains, and watch the shimmering sky. They show their love by touching noses, playing chase, and of course, hugging

I Love You to the Moon and Back’ is a sweet heart-tugging emotional gentle tale of a bear and her cub; an adorable read by Amelia Hepworth; a sweet gentle rhyme…

And it never fails to touch the strings…

Today, I am miles away from the person I was at fourteen; far away from those bittersweet mushy feelings that were a torment sometimes. I couldn’t win myself over to tell others what love is all about.

It always ended drearily;

Like everybody else, I too wanted to party on special days especially if it was a birthday or prom party!

Is it really not any easy thing to measure? I would wonder.

It’s always been a meh for me.Will you be my friend? And it will end abruptly.

Guess I couldn’t ever fake things over!

Feature credits: ‘Love You To The Moon and Back’ by Betsy Benn in Youtube.com on Feb.03, 2019.

Love- I hear everybody say, is a beautiful feeling and finds many ways to manifest itself. So, saying to someoneI Love You to the Moon and Back’; Is it a perfect way to treat somebody perfect? I have heard this countless times from those in serious relationships. It sounds just like a mother who loves her baby and tries to make her sleep.

It even sounds hoarse some times.

Perhaps they find it the best way to moonshine their love for someone more than anything or anyone else.

Maybe I toy with half baked ideas for long. May be I wasn’t a whiz kid after all.

I just didn’t know why! But I did figure out how.

It is the easiest thing to say I love you. Yet you are in for a rough time if you couldn’t voice your passion. Because love sets out for utter loyalty and you can’t fathom it; the best you can do is feel it and make your partner feel that he or she is the whole world for you.

I read it somewhere that our heart draws energy enough to drive a truck some 20 miles each day! Whoa!…reckon it’s equivalent to driving to moon and back in an average lifetime! So when you are as happy as a clam in your relationship and fired up enough to belter outI Love You to the Moon and Back’, you are essentially saying that you love them with all the blood your heart will pump in your entire life time.

That’s sweet… and great… and equally meaningful!

I however, find it gross and extremely cliché. Just too many people on too many occasions air their emotions the same way. It’s kinda wising off love to stay connected.

And why the moon? Why not the sun? Why not some other planets like Mars or Pluto? Have we unseated them because of the distance or that they are now considered dwarf planets?

The moon is about 238855 miles away. So when we blurt out our love this way, do we mean to say that we guarantee love only for 477710 miles only?

That’ some mathematics… Your guarantee to stay in love expires by the time you turn 60 assuming you are twenty now. Even a car could get you to travel approx 12000 kms every year.

So, that doesn’t tag you to a very strong way to promise love to eternity…

My take on this? Well…. It’s tad different than what you might think!

I believe that if I was twenty years old and have posted on InstagramI love you to the moon and back, to someone I assume I would be expected not to love that person when I got 60.

That’s real Cool! A simple’ I love youdoesn’t work these days. People need that extra frill to express themselves. An extra pizza that everyone else has- would do just fine.

But if this is what everybody is hollering for, should it mean the same to everybody?

#‘What is Real?’ asked the rabbit.” “Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. ‘It’s a thing that happens to you.” Margery Williams in The Velveteen Rabbit.

Image credit: ‘Powerful Full Moon Love Spells’ by Emma Waston in love-spells-that-really-work.com on JUn.17, 2016.

I have been in blissful wedlock for over thirty years with a coy, broad vision gal who never heard of this quote anytime earlier in her life and finds it rather amusing.

What are you saying”? she would quip; You can say it better in your own words”, if I were to tell her what it all means to everybody else.

“Why would you say that when both of us know that we are not desperate to find each other every time each day of our lives? “Isn’t being together and sharing and caring is same thing as love?”

Both of us know that but still she would admonish.

I assume you are wondering if I have gotten into something too philosophical. What’ s all this musing is about, if revelation is not worth it?

That’ some food for everyone of us to think about.

Besides she might take more than a minute to figure out what this phrase is really all about?

But that is the point…!

Over the moon?… not yet, but I’m Ok with that. Together we have won over many of those cytokine kinda storm of chemicals that leaves us blinded with screaming rage for a while. There are moments of frayed tempers, bad arguments, and godforsaken sizzlers tearing us apart! We might as well be driving each other crazy.

But we manage to get that mess out of our hairs – each time. There is no shame in struggling a bit.

Oh shoot…! Ask no questions and hear no lies!! No..click bait story that I know you wouldn’t buy.

It’s just that finding happiness in your life begins with not wanting to be happy all the time. It’s fine to have bad days. Even when everything in our lives is going well, still there are days when one of us is in bad mood. Life sucks.. everything feels and works awful sometimes.

When it gets this bad, we slow down for three minutes… no more and let our thoughts simmer down. We use those moments to let what is happening around us, sink in.

After those three minutes are up, that seething anger runs out of steam and simmers down to a slower pace.

Crisis staved off, I smile and in turn… she smiles!!

We truly take it in with all our senses. After all a joyful life is the best existence we can hope to achieve. To have someone to love and to be able to accept that love in return feels wonderful!

So, hiccups and hookups aside, who would want to ride to the moon to be happy?

It’s epic anyways!!

Image credit: ‘9 Cute and Crazy Promposal Stories that Will Make You Miss Your High School Prom’ by Kiana Palacios in wheninmanila.com on Feb. 20, 2019.

Next time, if you plan to take your partner for a ride to moon and back fearing that you might just fall shy of the trust and promises you have made and the whole episode will get trumped, if you didn’t…

Think twice about what it really means. You could do just about everything under the sun and be over the moon without riding up to it. You will come up with a brilliant win…always, all the times!!

So, stay stoked and be a gift to your partner and yourself !

You’ll feel better and so shall your partner.

Five reasons why your pursuit of happiness may be flawed and elusive!!

Find out what bedevils your quest and learn how to get that twinkle-toed happiness back in your life.

We humans are complex life forms in a beautiful way. Put us in an intimate, passionate relationship and that seductive crush gets all hyped-up. We reckon awareness and acceptance as thumb prints and adore the quest for happiness, better still; most desirable. Perhaps spending more time with our kinds, getting a more fulfilling and secure job, or even improving our health is the reason we consider happiness a worthy pursuit. After all, being happy feels good. But do we build our lives on that reasoning alone?

Feature credits:’ Happiness with nature’ by Vigorswitch in youtube.com on Aug. 26, 2020.

Deep inside, we all treasure a fascinating tale of lifestyle and feelings, raring to be heard and appreciated. In fact, looking for an opportunity to engage and be recognized for that distinct wharf of ours, nourishes and strengthens us or at times weakens breaks or crushes us. Perhaps maximizing happiness is the only reason, we chase it. Still perceptions bump and make it so easy for us to get sad or depressed.

You think of yourself as a frightful and appalling person

We all have our insecurities. Nobody is perfect. You may wish for a better life; maybe much better of it. But it is not always perfect for you. Sufferings turn ugly once you mentally label them as a bad situation. The emotional trauma that follows cuts you off from the vigour of life. So, once you get mired neck deep in a miserly spot that sucks, your downhill spiral begins, howsoever much you shout to the World that you are perfect and the best.

This however, doesn’t mean that you throw your hands in the air and let that moment pass by when you could reach out and grab happiness. You can still be contented and happy. Just let go of that dreary thought of “If only I was richer… if only I was thinner” and so on. Accept yourself with utmost honesty the way you are and you will give others 10 reasons to envy you. Once the clouds of denial are gone, the magic of acceptance and contentment will unfold in your life. Just be the true rendition of self improvement and learn to love yourself.

You have sucked your soul out for long

I have a friend who never tires of talking and in most conversations he is the only one who seems to be interested in things he has to say. So, people tend to avoid his company and maybe he knows how uncomfortable sometimes it becomes. But I find him one happy person who has shaken himself awake and enthused his perspective from negative to positive outlook. Next day he could be found talking nineteen to the dozen in another gathering! I think he see the things in his life as a glass that is half full  rather than half empty, and never miss out on moments that tend to make him happy.

Happy or otherwise, we all have choice as to how we spend our live. It’s our perspective that does the picking. Nothing changes for us unless we decide to take pleasure from life and live every moment as a blessing. We all know that our moods are fleeting and their causes uncertain but we also appreciate that a life spent experiencing happiness, is in some ways a good life. The concern though, is not what happiness means to you, but instead why it eluded you and how to get it.

We tend to see happiness as inconsistent to sadness or depression, suggesting that being happy means few woes and fewer regrets. If we remain contented to see the things in our life as a glass that is half empty, rather than half full, we tend to miss out on the opportunities that may be present around us. Not accepting challenges and considering them as bad consequences would never let you grow out of your miseries.

 “Unhappy is he who depends on success to be happy,” Alex Dias Ribeiro.

As successful as you are or hope to be in your life and work, be sure that you will find happiness only in things that are deeply ordinary; enjoying a walk or a conversation with a loved one or plucking turnips and tomatoes from kitchen garden. For few who worship hard work or strive to outperform, this may sound like an admission of defeat. But accepting things as they happen and facing challenges head on makes you find meaning in them and move forward. So, get interested; it’s time you started living with gusto and made the most of today.

“Today is life– the only life you are sure of”.-Dale Carnegie.

You are yet to open up your mind and heart to life

Lately you have been torn up in your mind and heart. You have been questioning yourself quite uncomfortably. “Am I ill-mannered?”, “Do I always sound argumentative?”, “Do I talk too loud?”, “Does my breath smell?”, “Do I ever bore others when in company?”

Lending ears to comments and criticisms and not treating them with rejoinders like, “Don’t exaggerate! That’s just the way I am!” opens up our minds and hearts for good. It’s not how much we have in us but how much we appreciate for having it with us, rules our general state of happiness. After all life is made up of some great experiences and is a gift in our hands to nimble-toe through. Trust me; it makes the best out of inevitable for us. Each day shapes us and helps us to grow and change. So, get along, chose to be happy and live through every moment of life with grace and gratitude.

You are evasive to your ‘present’

The desire to be happy is instinctive to human nature, though it flirts and fleets. Naturally evasive, happiness is not a bad thing any more than a wine is. Both bring fun and sweetness to life when positive events like winning a lottery, promotions or even something as little as a gift from someone close to your heart, ring sweet bells in your heart or goose bumps all over.

Like it or not, being “present” for every moment shapes happiness for you. Your present is the moment where all reality is. The past is gone, the future is yet to arrive and the present is passing by. So, focus on living in and celebrating the present to the full. Live every moment of life as a blessing and you will have the greatest opportunity to experience happiness.

“When we are present and still and our minds are open, we will find that happiness is our natural state.”-Dr. Robert Puff.

The world doesn’t fall apart, every time you get hit!!

While many for us would be relieved and happy to have survived the pandemic in 2021, for others the global scourge may have caused stress meltdown and severe sufferings. The world for them would have felt like it’s upside down—literally.

We all know that anguish is an inevitable consequence of being alive. But if minimizing distress can bring happiness, it gets important to get hold of your emotional health. At least, if you can’t control it, you will always have the control over how to guard it!

Everyone experiences situations gone wrong one time or the other, but not everyone treats it in the same way. Of course, feeling stressed out sucks. It leaves you with two choices—let it suffocate you or bring the change and rewrite a new story. Remember life is a rollercoaster ride and stress will happen. So, master your sanity and good sense to ride through it. Feeling overwhelmed already? It’s time you did some soul searching and refashioned your perspective. Here are five ways to know if you do overreact to all that happens around you and wouldn’t allow yourself to manage a happy disposition.

Happiness has many faces

Our past uncannily keeps us tied down in turmoil and sadness; we are wired like that. Negativity rules over us and at times it hurts, even when you get moments of happiness in between. No denying; if you experience it, you are hanging on to the grudges and resentment of the past and could not get rid of them. Or maybe you have come up against different kinds of happiness, which do not always go together. Having too much of happiness of one sort could spoil your ability to have enough space for other. For instance, you could be butting heads how to balance career and family all together and in turn could be equally unhappy in both lives. This could be significantly damaging to yourself and those around you.

Empathy is one buzzword though, that could help. As Sadhguru puts it, walk away from your past wiser, not wounded”. A dire need for approval in the past has left you vulnerable and your fragile self esteem is weighed down.  Your chances of experiencing happiness have vanished.  So, declutter your past conflicts. Stay motivated and enjoy the life to the fullest; no matter what happens-good or bad. Help yourself to grow and change and chose to be happy. Of course, you cannot forget or wipe out your gloomy past but those very crises best increase your chances of success in pursuit to happiness.

Happiness addict’ prefer being special over being successful

In short, keep moving with life and see it as a blessing than be damned. Enjoy it and have a whale of a time while you can. Unfortunate things happen sometimes, but so do some great things. Try not to react much to whatever is happening around you. Don’t grind yourself and be serious about how others sleep on it. You are just not being authentic or legit. Even to put on a show could ruin your chances to be happy. Live life like an adventure, Explore and plan it the way you want to. Sometimes you may even need to laugh at yourself.

Feature credits: ‘Relax with the beauty of nature’ by the Whole Happy Life in youtube.com on Mar.21,2020.

So smile as much as you can, laugh often, hang out with mates and above all just try not to be fussy or play ducks and drakes. Make the best of what you have and keep growing.

“Don’t take life too seriously. You’ll never get out of it alive”-Elbert Hubbard

“I could never make heads turn” and I never rued for not being the object of desire.

People around me could never gather enough courage to say that they never found anything attractive in me, but somehow I knew. I was no freak and I had no great looks… at least not good enough to be an object of desire. I just couldn’t make heads turn..! I was the one who desired rather than be the one who was desired.

Still, it’s taken some getting used to.

I would be lying if I were to say that I didn’t miss the thrill of being wanted. The subtle pleasure of acquiescence to somebody’s needs, the opportunity to say ‘yes’ instead of being asked,  ‘would you’?

The other day, a man -friend of a friend, distantly acquainted sat next to me in a local coffee shop. I could never figure out this day why he said what he said a little while later in a low voice leaning across. I can never make out, if it’s the academics that make everything desirable or if it takes sensuality out of everything”. He held my gaze after he’s done. It occurred to me that he was mocking me. Not giving up…so I smile and say, “It’s probably a little bit of both” and lean in for just a moment. The brazen ugly sparkle in his eye bemused me… the way he took a jibe at me. Then I lean away again and say, “But it’s’ probably more of the former, because I am married, happily so and gotten everything I want from this happenstance.”

I felt uncomfortable for quite some time … It scared me. Are we so free to say about things that are so unshakeable part of how we are to ourselves?

Today, though it’s a relief. I have seen people hide the truth of aging over their lives, chasing the desires and fantasies that I have neither had the time nor the inclination for. This is my body and I live in it more happily than I would endure the awful things I’d need to do to make it appear young again!

That the years weigh heavily on me, is because they were good years lived well and I have no intention to bid farewell to good things that lit up my sky today… everyday.

I wonder what makes us yearn so fervently to be desired, to wear a charm mesmerizing enough to change moods and make heads turn. What stokes the fear of being left behind’ that would otherwise carve an emotional wreck out of us ? Is there a way out?

Slight Smiles, Head Tilts, Tousled Hair: what this ‘allure’ is all about!

When it comes to beguiling, your looks could make you incredibly appealing even if for a short while. But deep down, we all are attracted more to carriage than other elements.

Humans are not as mysterious as they think. We have fairly expressive facial and body language cues to reveal our inner thoughts. Smile amongst them serve best in igniting the attraction even though it is not a definite facial cue.

The truth behind attraction rings differently for different persons.  I have always regarded it as a kind of invention. I think of it as an irresistible force to which we usually are in so thrall that we ignore its power to limit our choices. When we desire for someone, this all-consuming feeling turns overwhelming.  And when we become icons of attraction, we begin to fulfill all the slush fantasies.

Maybe… this is how it is meant to be. An overwhelming desire for another person stemming from a good deal of good looks!.

“If you knew the secret of Life, you too would choose, no other companion but Love”.- Rumi

It’s hard to believe in crush at first sight,  but I do believe in desire at first sight and I also believe that the knowledge of how to look attractive “has the highest regard and selling price tagged to it these days.

The inevitable business of finding happiness begins right here, something that is so hard to come by that we just couldn’t find it once for all and keep it safe in our pockets! Weirdly, as we chase it in seemingly brighter spots outside of us, describing happiness has turned complicated and experiencing it even more expensive.

The world is changing and so are we…looking for honest answers to how to be a head turner.

Searching for Answers in happiness sales!!

I am not getting into details of the trillions spent in selling happiness, but isn’t it true that every year with an increase in happiness sales (beauty products, luxury possessions, marquee outfits), the incidences of mental health concerns are only rising?

I find that our biggest mistake is that we have come to commercialize the path to happiness. From buying confidence swelling beauty products to selling vacuum cleaners to a happy family, all are there with the sole purpose to catch an eye and externalize happiness.

The joke is on us. It exists for free and not far, within each one of us. Haven’t we overrated our sense of happiness? Aren’t there so many other emotions to embrace besides this blind hunt to look great?

It could be the very cause of unhappiness!

I looked beyond grudges

My woes would have had lived on if I were to keep raking myself with this one single thought. What could possibly be wrong with me? Why people do not find me attractive enough to be desirable? Instead I chose not to shoot myself in the feet and  went about living a life aging gracefully and chasing desires and pursuits I never would have thought to be such a joy…the thrill of wanting myself…the joy of yielding to somebody’s needs.

Beyond the man made myth of finding joys in unseen lands, I realize that I am actually happier today for having struck fascination to myself.

It all adds up. Being okay with both the troughs and crests and not demanding highs alone, is all about growing subtly in life. I withdrew from this mindless chase to be wanted’ one out of a hundreds of emotions, glamorized and boldly coveted. I probably saved myself from pitching into dark depths of depression, anxiety and other inconsolable personal and social challenges.

Believe me, we cannot be happy “at all times”. That would be a manic behavior. But once you realize that it’s not inlooksbut in the meaningwe put to it that we find or miss this amazing emotion. The more we see it in what we have” and appreciate “what is”, the easier it is to find it.

After all I could succeed in hoodwinking my identity crisis!!